Hello and welcome to revolutionise your love life.

Do you want to know more about love relationships, what makes them work?

How to create the one of your best dreams?

Do you want to be in a really healthy, juicy love relationship?

In these podcasts, we will give ideas and practical advice to light your way.

Whether you're looking for a love partner, already in a relationship.

You wish could be better, or leaving one that has run its course, there will be something to inspire, empower and support you.

revolutionise your Love Life is a fortnightly podcast where you will access the knowledge and wisdom of love experts and relationship coaches from across the world to help you find true fulfilment in love.

I am your host, Heather Garbutt.

Welcome.

Hello, and I want to talk to you today about intentional dating at Christmas.

It's really easy to get hooked up in all of the, excuse the pun, in all of the pressure to be with somebody at Christmas.

You don't want to be the person at the table that Auntie Susan is asking.

Where's your love?

When are you gonna start dating?

When are you gonna get married?

Your mum would love to have grandchildren.

And you don't want to be the only person at the party without somebody to dance with.

Or even worse, on New Year's Eve, nobody to kiss at midnight.

And worse still, kissing the person that nobody wants to kiss, just for having somebody.

Once you're in that game.

All of the Hormones start to come into play, and you can easily get hooked, and the emotional entanglement is just not worth it.

So I want you to be your own dating arranger.

And you only date people that you would want to spend the rest of your life with.

Or at the very least, they make you feel safe and comfortable.

And that they're attractive enough.

They don't have to be 10 out of 10, they're probably more dangerous.

But a good 67 out of 10, somebody that makes you feel at home and relaxed, that's who you want to be spending time with.

It might not be that they're the supercharged Marlon Brando of this era.

It's better if they're not.

You need somebody much calmer, more like the George Clooney.

That's who you need somebody who's warmer and steady.

Cos if you get hooked up in those old patterns, you have to undo it all in January.

But if you are intentional, you may have something to build on in January.

So think, what is the kind of person you want to be with that makes you feel good and safe, desirable and loved.

What are their values?

Are they trustworthy?

Are they respectful?

Do they do what they say they're going to do?

Do they walk their talk?

Are they kind to the waiters?

Are they loving and sweet to their family?

Do they speak well of their previous partners?

If you want children, are they good with children?

Do they want children?

Do they want the same kind of lifestyle that you want, same kind of home life that you want?

Do they enjoy similar things?

Are there love languages similar?

These are all the things that you need to be looking for.

Dating intentionally at Christmas.

Now let's move on to being with your family.

We don't always get on well with our families.

Sometimes it's a joyous time of love and connection, but sometimes it makes us feel like we're 5 again, or 8 again, or 11 or 13.

When we go back into our families, particularly if we go back into our childhood home and sleep in our childhood bedroom.

It's like we leave our adult at the door.

This year, don't do that.

Stay as adult as you can.

Bring your capable self to the party.

Be very intentional about what you're going to allow yourself to be triggered by.

Let things go.

Don't take it personally.

And I wear that smooth shark skin coat that everything just rolls off effortlessly.

Don't get into your petulant child.

Don't get into the one feeling left out, or that something's been taken away from you or somebody else is getting better attention.

Just don't engage with it.

If you can do that, you will stay peaceful in yourself.

And maybe even enjoy yourself.

But my hope for you is that you have a happy Christmas.

With lots of loving friends and family around you that cherish you.

And if you're a parent.

Have a think about intentional Christmas with your youngsters and your partner.

Have a family meeting.

And show them what intentional living can be like.

Ask them all if they could have it all their own way.

What would they choose?

And if there's one thing they want from Christmas.

What would it be?

You don't have to promise they'll get it, but you can try and make it happen.

At least they'll feel considered, and at least if there's an opportunity for those things to happen, you can make them happen.

So much sweeter if everybody feels considered.

Rather than left out and passive like a passenger on the train going through Christmas.

They can get off at the stops that they like.

They can stay home for 2 extra hours and play with their new toys.

Or they can go and see their favourite friend on Boxing Day afternoon, whatever it is, maybe they want to go skating or to see a film.

Or go a walk together or see somebody else's dog, I don't know.

Whatever it is Keep that in your focus.

It's my heartfelt wish that each and every one of us has a joyful Christmas.

In which we take care of ourselves.

Hold to our adult energy.

Look after ourselves, body and mind, spirit and soul.

So that we come out the other end.

Rested and joyful, and feeling more connected with those that we love and who love us.

I ask this for the good of all concerned.

And I'm grateful.

That this can happen.

Sending you love.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of revolutionise Your Love Life.

I'd like to know what has been your biggest takeaway from this conversation.

Do take a minute and share this with us and visit us on our Facebook page.

You can connect with me personally on my email at Heather@heathergarbert.com.

If you can think of someone who will benefit from listening to this podcast, please do share it with them.

If you have any feedback on how I can improve it, please do reach out to me as I'm always keen to learn more.

Thank you so much again for listening, and we'll meet again on the next episode of revolutionise Your Love Life.