00:00:00.05
Sami
That's good. then Well, can you hear me if I speak at this?
00:00:02.68
alexei sayle
Yeah, this is fine.
00:00:03.48
Talal K
yeah You sound really good now.
00:00:05.08
Sami
Oh, I love that.
00:00:05.30
alexei sayle
What episode?
00:00:05.84
Sami
I love that. Okay.
00:00:07.00
Talal K
and let It was episode 108.
00:00:09.77
alexei sayle
On Jeanette.
00:00:10.39
Talal K
We have begun recording my Habibis.
00:00:13.65
Sami
Let's go.
00:00:14.55
alexei sayle
right, let's go. Let's do this.
00:00:16.38
Talal K
Fucking hell.
00:00:18.52
alexei sayle
OK. Everybody good? Okay, welcome to episode 100 of the Alexi Cell Podcast. And we've got a special guest to join in with the banter with the Alexi Cell Morning Crew, Afternoon, Evening Crew.
00:00:36.18
alexei sayle
as It's Sami Abuwade.
00:00:39.19
Sami
Hello, how are we doing guys?
00:00:41.37
Talal K
Hello.
00:00:41.78
alexei sayle
but Thank you. It's Arabs 2, Jews 1 on the Alexi Cell Podcast.
00:00:46.78
Sami
In the league tables.
00:00:47.96
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah. Welcome, Sami. What... What? What? Just that. What?
00:00:54.46
Sami
No, Abu Wardah, that's my surname.
00:00:56.09
alexei sayle
Have a weather. Somebody have a weather. That's what I said, wasn't it? ah Somebody have a what? well No, what?
00:01:01.74
Sami
I've had ah had Abu Ward round.
00:01:02.34
alexei sayle
What's... Right.
00:01:05.37
Sami
um I've had it misspelt as Ab's Warden. I've i've had ah about everything.
00:01:10.17
Talal K
Wow. have a wardrobe.
00:01:10.84
alexei sayle
Well.
00:01:12.24
Sami
Wardrobe, that's a good one.
00:01:13.74
Talal K
have a wardrobe.
00:01:13.72
alexei sayle
Yeah. So what's...
00:01:15.54
Talal K
i used to get, because I'm Talal Karkuti, they used to say Karputi, Halal a lot.
00:01:15.78
alexei sayle
good
00:01:20.24
Talal K
And then one guy really cleverly went Talal and he kept saying my name. He went Talal. Talal. Talal. Towel head. Towel head.
00:01:30.46
Talal K
Looking me dead in the eye in the school playground, to just slowly transforming my name.
00:01:34.17
Sami
That's creative. I like that.
00:01:37.11
Talal K
to tell I had to give him credit. It was really funny.
00:01:40.15
alexei sayle
Yeah, this was on The World at One.
00:01:44.98
Talal K
yeah
00:01:45.11
alexei sayle
I'm ready for it.
00:01:46.04
Sami
yeah
00:01:48.35
alexei sayle
It's a bit but controversial. Sammy, so what's going on with you, brother?
00:01:54.36
Sami
um been very busy um i watched the diddy doc a couple of days ago that was a pretty big event that's the one that's the one you've seen it too um
00:02:00.22
alexei sayle
Ken Dodd and his Diddy men. interesting examples in the jam butty minds it's a it's a it's a example of uh yeah sexual shenanigans in naughty ash i was yes i probably i'm forgetting that you're younger than me yeah so this this yeah you remember yeah
00:02:07.67
Sami
you know
00:02:14.46
Sami
so what ken dodd had had something called the diddy men
00:02:20.22
Sami
I know Ken Dodd. I love Ken Dodd. I don't know about the Diddy men. Tell me about the Diddy men.
00:02:23.86
alexei sayle
Yes, he had, well, his his kind of posse were called the Diddy Men. I think they lived in with him in Naughty Ash and worked down the Jambotti Mines.
00:02:28.49
Talal K
Oh my God.
00:02:32.92
alexei sayle
I don't know whether they came on...
00:02:33.44
Sami
Yeah,
00:02:34.04
Talal K
They were a little buck tooth puppets with big top hats.
00:02:37.50
alexei sayle
Yeah. So essentially Diddy or Small in Liverpool vernacular versions of of him, really.
00:02:41.14
Sami
yeah. yeah
00:02:44.91
alexei sayle
They were puppets, were they?
00:02:47.19
Talal K
They are like clownish minstrel like puppets.
00:02:50.90
alexei sayle
Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:51.86
Talal K
Short and squat.
00:02:53.37
alexei sayle
yeah
00:02:53.85
Talal K
with big pot bellies.
00:02:55.48
alexei sayle
Yeah, but obviously that that wasn't really, I was just making a joke.
00:02:56.41
Talal K
um
00:03:00.09
Talal K
No, that's to what the new Netflix documentary is, yes.
00:03:01.46
Sami
Did you?
00:03:03.26
alexei sayle
About Ken Dodd and his Diddy Men.
00:03:04.54
Sami
Ken Dodd and his Diddy Man. Have you ever seen Ken Dodd, Sean Puffy Coombs?
00:03:05.96
alexei sayle
About Sean Coombs. ah No, I never saw him, I never really fancied it that, just that people say, you know, he'd go on for three hours and you'd help us with laughter.
00:03:16.62
alexei sayle
I can't imagine it, really.
00:03:19.71
Sami
You never saw him live?
00:03:21.18
alexei sayle
No. No.
00:03:22.55
Sami
Have you ever seen like ah an extended recorded set of his? Have you ever watched him?
00:03:27.45
alexei sayle
I don't think so, Now,
00:03:28.95
Sami
it's It's pretty good.
00:03:29.14
Talal K
He's just like a shit... What? He's like a shit um Dr Dre.
00:03:31.86
Sami
Oh, are you kidding me?
00:03:33.59
alexei sayle
a lot of people do speak highly of him.
00:03:33.82
Sami
There's no, no, no. He's really good.
00:03:37.72
alexei sayle
i liked He had a Radio 4 when it was still... i don't know whether it was called Radio 4 or the Home Service. He had sort Sunday lunchtime was the big time for really popular comedies on them on on Radio 4, you know, in the 50s and 60s, and he had his own show.
00:03:54.17
Talal K
Oh, I thought...
00:03:54.50
alexei sayle
And he'd say, ooh, what a lovely day to
00:04:00.22
alexei sayle
stuff a blancmange through somebody's door and shout, the Martians are coming. Something like that. And he also had a catchphrase, which was, where's me shit? Where's me shit?
00:04:11.32
alexei sayle
Which you've got to, you know, it's a good catchphrase.
00:04:13.74
Sami
That's a good catchphrase.
00:04:13.72
Talal K
it
00:04:13.82
alexei sayle
Where's me shit?
00:04:15.75
Sami
What's your catchphrase, Alexei?
00:04:17.28
alexei sayle
Well, catchphrase death to the Zionist entity.
00:04:20.57
Sami
here
00:04:21.24
alexei sayle
fri
00:04:23.19
Sami
how How does that go down when you when you do a tight 10?
00:04:23.52
alexei sayle
Snapping.
00:04:24.69
Talal K
No, but he does it with a wig and a silly voice.
00:04:25.05
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:04:25.85
Sami
Yeah. What about Ken Dodd? it's Yeah.
00:04:29.33
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:04:29.98
Sami
what about what about ken donddt
00:04:32.38
alexei sayle
Well, Ken Dodds, of course, was How You Diddle In as well, which I appropriated for How You Sean Coombs Diddle In, he used to say.
00:04:43.86
alexei sayle
um
00:04:44.24
Talal K
See, I thought we'd switched to P Diddy, that's why I said he was shit. I was thought we talking about P Diddy there.
00:04:48.09
alexei sayle
right, no, we're still talking about Ken Dodds.
00:04:50.10
Talal K
ah Was there a bit of ah Ken Dodd in, you know, your geezer, Bobby Chariot?
00:04:55.57
alexei sayle
Bobby Chariot, yeah yeah.
00:04:57.08
Talal K
Yeah.
00:04:56.99
alexei sayle
How You Diddle Him was its stolen from Kenton.
00:04:58.90
Talal K
Yeah, you said how you did, Lin. I thought I recognized that.
00:05:00.28
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was stolen from Kenton.
00:05:01.26
Talal K
yeah Do you want to know the names of the Diddy men?
00:05:04.89
alexei sayle
Oh, they had names, yeah.
00:05:05.78
Talal K
Yeah. Dickie Mint.
00:05:08.57
alexei sayle
All right.
00:05:10.58
Talal K
Mick the Marmalizer.
00:05:12.57
alexei sayle
Okay.
00:05:13.37
Talal K
Stephen.
00:05:14.18
alexei sayle
Marmalised is a Liverpool expression for sort of beating up, really.
00:05:16.25
Talal K
What does it mean to get marmalized?
00:05:20.79
Talal K
So Mick goes around. Okay, he's the tough one, I guess. Stephen Titch Doyle. Little Evan. Hamish McDiddy.
00:05:30.66
Sami
mcdiy
00:05:32.35
Talal K
McDiddy. Nigel Ponson B. be Small Piece. Nicky Nugget.
00:05:37.91
alexei sayle
Oh, God.
00:05:40.70
Talal K
This one's very rude.
00:05:40.73
alexei sayle
who it
00:05:41.94
Talal K
Ben. Tiny Ween. Winston.
00:05:45.53
alexei sayle
How many of them were... How many of the fuckers were there?
00:05:46.81
Talal K
Two more.
00:05:47.48
alexei sayle
All right.
00:05:48.85
Sami
Just about 20 or 30 more.
00:05:48.88
Talal K
Sid Short. And smarty arty.
00:05:54.17
Sami
um And so that's Sean Coombs' crew, is it?
00:05:56.50
alexei sayle
Yes, posse.
00:05:57.24
Talal K
is Entourage.
00:05:57.34
Sami
let's that's That's Puff Daddy's entourage, is it?
00:05:57.62
alexei sayle
Yeah, let's...
00:05:59.17
Talal K
Are
00:05:59.41
alexei sayle
that's Let's drop the um See, I'm not really... yeah I'm more familiar with Ken Dodd than I am with P Diddy, really, because he was after I think he was after my time as a somebody who was interested in music. And he was... Whose big name was he?
00:06:18.20
Sami
ah Yeah, well, i was i was, you know, i followed I followed the sort of late 90s, early 2000s hip hop and gangster rap um somewhat casually, but I was aware of what was going on.
00:06:20.60
Talal K
we...
00:06:30.02
Sami
And um And Sean Coombs just kind of appeared as as an artist, sort of puff daddy. And you don't really question these things. You just go, oh, he's a rapper, you know, because I wasn't that in on the gossip.
00:06:42.68
Talal K
Yeah.
00:06:43.45
Sami
And so this documentary has has sort of, it's told me what's what in many ways. And it's it's kind of, it's revealed him for being extremely untalented.
00:06:54.94
Sami
um
00:06:55.16
alexei sayle
Really? all right.
00:06:55.86
Sami
in quite quite a quite a funny way, but nothing else that he does is funny, unfortunately.
00:06:56.60
alexei sayle
what's that so
00:07:00.55
Sami
It's it's pretty awful.
00:07:01.94
alexei sayle
how did he get to How did he get to musical notoriety then if he was untalented?
00:07:07.42
Sami
Well, apparently he started as a producer and and then started inserting himself into people's songs and music videos.
00:07:09.37
Talal K
Yeah, he was a good producer.
00:07:09.50
alexei sayle
All right.
00:07:14.46
Sami
um And the the documentary heavily implies that on more than one occasion, he used the deaths of other people to um to escalate his his own career.
00:07:27.81
Sami
And that's not that's not a good thing.
00:07:30.58
alexei sayle
That's not a nice thing to do, is it really?
00:07:32.44
Sami
no
00:07:33.78
Talal K
He sampled your best mate when when Notorious B.I.G. g died. He used that Sting sample.
00:07:39.77
alexei sayle
My best mate, which of my best mates?
00:07:44.44
Talal K
Every breath you take.
00:07:44.36
alexei sayle
Oh, right. Oh, right.
00:07:48.25
Talal K
And that was a big hit for him. Was that R.I.P.
00:07:53.21
Sami
i once I once got stranded in...
00:07:53.28
alexei sayle
Oh, right.
00:07:53.90
Talal K
B.I.G. hit.
00:07:59.44
Sami
My plane had to land in bad weather in the south east of England. um Sorry, south west of England. And we had to all go to a hotel and there was a woman claiming to be Sting's sister-in-law there.
00:08:11.46
Sami
She got very drunk and then told us very inappropriately intimate details about her personal life, which was strange.
00:08:19.19
Talal K
Oh, wow.
00:08:19.26
alexei sayle
Really?
00:08:20.82
Sami
So do you you know Sting then, Alexi?
00:08:23.26
alexei sayle
i Well, I know I'm friendly with his wife his first wife more than anything. I did i did briefly no sting.
00:08:27.77
Talal K
He used to be Sting's um court jester.
00:08:29.91
alexei sayle
I was just caught jester for a brief period.
00:08:33.17
Sami
what does that What does that mean? You go around his house and...
00:08:34.55
alexei sayle
Just to hang around his house and be funny.
00:08:37.00
Sami
That's nice.
00:08:37.98
alexei sayle
Didn't, yeah, didn't last very long. But I'm still friendly with his his wife, Frances, the mother of his first two children.
00:08:41.22
Sami
Did he play?
00:08:43.58
Sami
um nice, nice.
00:08:45.51
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:08:48.20
Talal K
P Diddy also, like he he made some really fucking catchy beats as a producer, like some of the biggest hip hop tunes, but it was really basic producing.
00:08:48.15
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:08:59.77
Talal K
like He would just take a really popular, a well-known funk song and just loop like the best bit of that song.
00:09:07.13
alexei sayle
Right.
00:09:07.96
Talal K
And that's how he made his name, really. So it wasn't very creative. But he wasn't a bad lyricist. He had some good lyricists lyrics. um Like, um we are the Diddy men, Doddy's Dottie Diddy men.
00:09:19.93
Talal K
We are the Diddy men who come from naughty ash. Tonight's the night the Diddy men paint the town. We'll lose our blues and let our Diddy hair down. So it's some pretty good fucking lyrics.
00:09:30.52
Sami
that's good that's to be honest if if a competent rapper rap that i think it would sound sick
00:09:30.42
alexei sayle
Yeah, pretty good. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think we we're onto something here.
00:09:39.80
Talal K
He just did.
00:09:40.05
Sami
um do you want to give it a go alexi
00:09:40.73
Talal K
He just did.
00:09:40.86
alexei sayle
we have to you have to, you know, that's that thing, you know, ask, you know, to act first and ask permission later because i did I did my song, Play That Funky Music, Jewish Boy.
00:09:41.54
Talal K
Mm-hmm.
00:09:47.92
Sami
Yeah.
00:09:54.94
alexei sayle
did it first and asked for permission later and so I have to give all the royalties for that to the band Wild Chippy who did the song, Play That Funky Music, White Boy.
00:10:05.78
Talal K
What's interesting is when, and also your theme song was a rip off of the Mickey Mouse Club theme song.
00:10:05.95
alexei sayle
like,
00:10:11.10
alexei sayle
Yeah, we got away with that for some reason.
00:10:12.28
Talal K
And the BBC lawyers said to you, don't worry about fucking Disney, we're the BBC.
00:10:16.63
alexei sayle
And i said, fuck Disney, we're the BBC. Yeah, wasn't over that.
00:10:18.65
Talal K
And they're pretty much doing that to Trump now, aren't they?
00:10:22.46
alexei sayle
Well, yeah he seems not...
00:10:23.61
Talal K
With Trump's lawsuit, they're basically saying, we're not going to entertain it.
00:10:28.09
alexei sayle
Yeah, they should have done that more frequently. Yes, ah well, as I understand it. um You know, he hasn't really got a case. You know, there's not not really anything. I don't know why he's doing it, really.
00:10:41.13
alexei sayle
I mean, one the odd things about that is people say the BBC did this and the BBC did that about that Panorama documentary, but it was actually made by an independent company. It wasn't the BBC that did it.
00:10:50.97
Sami
Right.
00:10:51.26
alexei sayle
It was, I think, October Films, I think. um Nobody ever seems to say that for some reason. I don't know why. Yeah.
00:11:00.28
Talal K
Interesting. Yeah, nobody seems to say that Israel's committing war crimes on the telly either.
00:11:07.69
alexei sayle
They tell very often on the BBC now.
00:11:10.10
Talal K
And it's very...
00:11:10.11
alexei sayle
It was very good. Actually, The World at One couple of days ago, I think Sarah Montague is in that is in is Israel and the West Bank. and a And there was a very good, most of The World at One on, like Tuesday, there seemed to be a report from the West Bank about settler violence. It wasn't bad for once.
00:11:30.07
Talal K
noise.
00:11:30.95
Sami
That's good. ah they It's harder for them to to to escape it now, isn't it?
00:11:32.25
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:11:35.39
Sami
to To try and pretend it's not happening for a lot the...
00:11:38.14
alexei sayle
Well, the West Bank, yeah, mean, yeah, the West Bank is such an obvious example of ethnic cleansing.
00:11:38.63
Sami
Yeah.
00:11:42.05
Sami
Yeah.
00:11:44.47
alexei sayle
But at least it was, you know, the BBC, because then they re kind of reverted to... They led yesterday with, the you know, the Metropolitan Police and the Greater Manchester Police saying that they were going to... Anybody who says the word intifada is going to... Ow! Ooh, ow! Get out! That was quick. Yeah.
00:12:03.83
alexei sayle
ah if the Metropolitan Police just stormed into my house and said the word intifada, ow, ooh, ow, get off, ow.
00:12:09.91
Talal K
Yeah.
00:12:15.10
alexei sayle
and so If you anybody on the demonstration says the word intifada, will be hauled out and arrested, you which apparently is is legally completely baseless, and but it's just kind of soft to the Israel lobby, isn't it, really?
00:12:29.37
alexei sayle
Obviously trying to make a link between anti-Zionism and...
00:12:32.06
Sami
Yeah.
00:12:35.57
alexei sayle
protesting against the genocide and the murders in Sydney. An illegitimate link thereof.
00:12:44.25
Talal K
Yeah, those Bondi bastards did provide a bit of a setback to the whole cause really.
00:12:48.66
alexei sayle
Yeah, well, you know, yeah, you do, you know, but yes, is it did.
00:12:50.22
Talal K
It's very annoying, but it was also confusing. You know how many times I've seen, I've actually fantasized about like if I was ever present at,
00:13:03.00
Talal K
some sort of terrorist attack perpetrated by a Muslim. I want to I will go running in and tackle the person because I want the news to see an Arab person taking down, know, I've fantasized about, honestly, because this is such a big part of,
00:13:09.46
alexei sayle
yeah
00:13:19.00
Talal K
an Arab person's life is seeing these fucking things happen and being, and and just waiting for the news of who did it, who did, ah ah, shit, it's an Arab.
00:13:22.30
alexei sayle
yeah yeah
00:13:26.44
Talal K
And I've fantasized so many times of, of taking out that person so that the news had a opposite. And now it's actually happened. Um, and, uh, it's the most Arab name and he's got it twice, Ahmed Al Ahmed.
00:13:33.94
alexei sayle
yeah
00:13:41.34
alexei sayle
yeah
00:13:41.78
Talal K
Um, and it's still didn't, it's still depressing to see, but, um,
00:13:47.58
alexei sayle
yeah they tried well i mean they have you know that's yeah yeah
00:13:49.31
Talal K
It's a weird feeling. It's a very unique and weird feeling.
00:13:50.57
Sami
Well, they pushed it and a fake news source said that his name was Edward Crabtree.
00:13:55.80
Talal K
Yes.
00:13:56.22
Sami
ah Yeah, yeah, there was a fake a fake news site. They got picked up, obviously, by all the social media retweeters. And they they said his real name is Edward Crabtree.
00:14:08.36
Sami
It's a very specific, strangely specific name to choose.
00:14:08.77
Talal K
Mm-hmm.
00:14:09.75
alexei sayle
yeah It lends it more veracity by being so specific, doesn't it?
00:14:11.92
Sami
It's a... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:14:15.13
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:14:16.57
Sami
um I found that quite funny. They just have to have to pick a name.
00:14:18.62
alexei sayle
Yeah. Yeah, and then Netanyahu said at first he was Jewish, didn't he, trying to...
00:14:21.01
Sami
pick
00:14:24.02
Sami
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:14:23.94
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:14:26.80
Sami
it's It's all up for grabs now. You can just say and believe whatever you want.
00:14:29.98
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:14:30.20
Sami
um This is something I'm trying to find a way.
00:14:31.22
Talal K
Basically, yeah.
00:14:33.12
Sami
It's hard. It's hard to write comedy about this, but you know yeah There is a truth, there is this sort of objective truth out there and and we are departing from it every day.
00:14:44.74
Sami
We stray further from the truth and it's and it's there's something quite interesting and juicy there to to sort of think about.
00:14:46.36
alexei sayle
Yeah, no yeah, yeah.
00:14:47.26
Talal K
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:14:54.60
alexei sayle
Well, so what how's your year how's your year in comedy been? You were at Edinburgh?
00:15:01.18
Sami
Yeah, my year in comedy was was very eventful. um I had my show, you came to see an early version of it back in May. And then I developed it further, went to Edinburgh, we got a very late late confirmation for Edinburgh, we had about four weeks notice and we got confirmation for a 115 seater.
00:15:19.22
Sami
um And ah we so we were terrified because it's hard to hard enough to sell at Edinburgh, even if you have a good run up. We sold out over half the run. We sold over 2,000 tickets. um And i won two awards, some great broadsheet reviews, a few different interviews, which was nice. um A ah ah very funny attempted takedown by The Spectator, which was was pretty pretty pretty...
00:15:52.18
Sami
It was funny. It was funny. It was in a...
00:15:54.18
alexei sayle
Deliberately funny or...
00:15:55.61
Sami
No, no, no, no, no. It was a very small man whose name I forget. um who was who was who was it was His name was Sean Puffy Coons.
00:16:00.98
Talal K
It was Diddy.
00:16:04.09
Sami
And he um he he was right he had this compilation and the head the the title of the article was like, 10 disgruntled woke comedians or some shit.
00:16:04.34
alexei sayle
yeah
00:16:13.67
alexei sayle
All right.
00:16:14.42
Sami
um and And I had a paragraph, a whole paragraph to myself and my show where he consistently, every other sentence is something that's factually incorrect about me.
00:16:20.85
Talal K
Aw.
00:16:25.58
Sami
And what's funny is my PR reached out to them saying, hey, say what you can have your opinions, that's fine.
00:16:27.35
Talal K
oh
00:16:31.77
Sami
just You have to fix the factually incorrect things about Sammy's childhood and where he was born and all this kind of stuff. And and ah the the editor then replied to her,
00:16:43.64
Sami
within 24 hours, a very long email describing exactly why they were not going to put factually correct information in the article.
00:16:55.99
Sami
So we clearly, um no, I wish it was Michael Gove.
00:16:56.03
alexei sayle
there's a michael gov oh no wasn't he yeah i'd read crabtree yeah
00:17:00.49
Sami
It was some genuinely very forgettable name, very forgettable man. But um yeah, it was Ahmed El Ahmed actually. And um t he, so we've we clearly rattled them.
00:17:09.50
Talal K
hu
00:17:15.87
Sami
It was quite it was quite a good feeling because his this guy's boss took the time, the time out of his day to write a lengthy email in response as to why they weren't going to publish facts about me, which was, well, I counted it as a bit of a win, to be honest, because, i mean, spectator readers, you know, they
00:17:16.90
alexei sayle
yeah
00:17:28.66
Talal K
Jesus Christ.
00:17:34.42
Talal K
It's sad though.
00:17:36.85
Sami
when when they gather the single brain cell they have between them, you know, they can just about muster muster up enough sort of thought to to to finish an article in that publication.
00:17:48.41
Sami
But so I'm not too bothered about, you know, the people who read The Spectator and what their opinion is.
00:17:48.61
Talal K
Yeah. yeah
00:17:54.09
Sami
ah So it was just, it it was nice. It was a nice feeling to rattle to rattle them because they have nothing else to go on. it was It was a good feeling because it's like all you have now are your lies.
00:18:04.61
Sami
So that was that was nice
00:18:06.42
alexei sayle
Good, I should publicise that. i Actually, think the um Spectator headquarters used to be in my street for years, and they used to invite me every year to the Spectator Christmas party.
00:18:21.43
alexei sayle
um I think it was a Christmas... No, summer party it was. Summer party, which I used to go to, really. um and i think this was... It's an inconceivable time. It was kind of like a bit like you know the Christmas...
00:18:34.17
alexei sayle
you know It didn't seem to matter whether you were left or right in those days, really.
00:18:37.08
Sami
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:18:38.05
alexei sayle
We mixed freely. It was a bit like the Armistice of Christmas in the First World a War when the men from the British and the German champions played football and danced with each other.
00:18:43.61
Sami
You had a football match, did you?
00:18:48.22
alexei sayle
um but it was And it was the most... Cars used to pull up and disgorge. I think it was sure it must have been during Thatcher era. mean, she was never there, but a lot of her ministers were. It was the most extraordinary drunken um party I've ever been to. Just spirits were saved in massive measures, really. So you would see various Tory grandees.
00:19:18.42
alexei sayle
And there were there was also the sort of comedy establishment back then, people like Miles Kington. It was actually quite nice. And Geoffrey Bernard, i remember Miles Kington got coming back from the bars and all action-faced.
00:19:33.11
alexei sayle
And he said, Geoffrey Bernard has said, I just saw you calling me a cunt on the television. ah ah and then let Jeffrey Bernard would be there every year gradually missing a limb as H1 was chopped off with his alcoholism really hopping about on one leg and on no leg yes no no no no literally he would be
00:19:53.29
Sami
Oh, literally. I thought you meant metaphorically that he would have his appendages removed.
00:19:57.81
alexei sayle
He'd be missing various limbs because of his smoking and his and is drinking over the years.
00:20:01.15
Sami
Right, yeah.
00:20:04.25
alexei sayle
So, yeah, i went for a few years, and then I went one year and just thought, this isn't this isn't funny anymore.
00:20:11.03
Sami
would you have gone on do Would you have gone on TV and called him a cunt after he had his limbs removed or am I getting guys mixed up?
00:20:11.24
alexei sayle
Stop.
00:20:14.82
alexei sayle
Geoffrey Bernard.
00:20:18.46
alexei sayle
I think that would be... that no i would never. I mean... I did, you know, there was a play in the West in End for a while with Peter O'Toole and, what ah what was her name? a I can't remember her name now. um About being locked in.
00:20:38.23
alexei sayle
it was called Jeffrey Bernard is Unwell and it was about, it was written by Keith Warshouse, I think, and it was about, The set was The Coaching Horses, on which is just off route which is on Old Compton Street.
00:20:50.93
alexei sayle
It's in the corner of Old Compton Street and Dean Street. the set was to come And then you could go for a drink in The Coaching Horses afterwards. But it was about Geoffrey Bernard being locked in The Coaching Horses overnight.
00:20:59.61
Talal K
Oh.
00:21:04.50
alexei sayle
And it was a play which was just having a laugh about alcoholism, really. I remember a lot of American tourists being... um ah un amused about it but i remember we went to see it and sitting in front of us was Keanu Reeves and I remember Keanu Reeves saying I whether he was with Alex Winter I don't know if it was Bill and Ted it may have been Keanu Reeves went back at at the interval you know went to see and he said dude we're gonna meet Lawrence of Arabia laughter laughter laughter
00:21:20.56
Talal K
Wow.
00:21:20.92
Sami
Wow.
00:21:40.08
Sami
That's funny. Is this pre or post Matrix Keanu Reeves?
00:21:40.95
alexei sayle
and ah Pre, pre, yeah.
00:21:44.80
Talal K
must be pre.
00:21:45.83
Sami
Pre Matrix, but he was a big deal.
00:21:47.09
Talal K
This 99.
00:21:47.22
Sami
He did point break.
00:21:47.99
alexei sayle
Still a big deal, yeah.
00:21:49.25
Talal K
The TV movie was made in 99. So i imagine the play was running before that.
00:21:53.78
alexei sayle
Geoffrey Bernard, yeah, it was made in the...
00:21:55.46
Talal K
Matrix is from 1999 as well. but
00:21:57.91
alexei sayle
It was pre-Matrix, I think, but it was still a pretty big star.
00:21:59.80
Talal K
Sarah Berger and Annabelle Leventon were in it.
00:22:02.78
alexei sayle
They went in the play, who was the play? It was...
00:22:08.48
alexei sayle
I can't remember now. But, yeah, that was the spectator party. anyway and then Then they stopped inviting me. And then they moved, or vice versa.
00:22:18.81
Sami
why Why do you think they stopped inviting you?
00:22:21.75
alexei sayle
um I don't think they thought it was funny anymore, either, really. The joke of me being there had kind of worn off for all of us, I think. And then they they moved from Doughty Street. They moved to Victoria or somewhere. But it's also, you know, where I...
00:22:36.86
alexei sayle
I would stop and sometimes... Boris Johnson was the um was the editor and i would stop and chat to him.
00:22:43.56
Sami
Oh, right. What was he like back then? Exactly the same.
00:22:47.20
alexei sayle
It was hard to... Well, no, I did it. I got a bit out of it, really, which was... He was he was all right. I mean, he I got a bit... I did a bit... i'm ah I think my first stand-up show when I came back to doing stand-up about just being seduced by his kind of upper-class charm.
00:23:05.57
Sami
Yeah.
00:23:06.14
alexei sayle
And sort of go, oh, Mr. Johnson, oh, you golden hair, Mr. Johnson. Oh, insult me in Latin, Mr. Johnson. And then developing this fantasy of being in the First World War and Boris being my my officer.
00:23:22.04
alexei sayle
um He was, well, he didn't seem, you know, again, he seemed like, again, it was partly, it seemed a bit of a joke, really. i didnt met cook with the re The first time I met him, I had a, I had a,
00:23:35.22
alexei sayle
a blue, Nivola blue Alfa Romeo 166, which was a very distinctive looking car. Absolute nightmare to drive. Anyway, i was it was parked on the square, and as I was going up the square, I saw Boris Johnson, because he wrote about cars for Esquire, and I saw him, he was sitting on the roof of a, I think, a Mercedes S-Class with his feet sticking through the sunroof, as it were, so he was His feet were in the car and the rest of him was on the roof.
00:24:06.76
alexei sayle
So I pulled up in my Alfa Romeo and said, oh, hello. and He said, oh, that's yours. is it he directly to He'd noticed it. Then we had a chat. And then I met him on the street. one And then i i thought he would said he was reviewing. I don't know if anybody is interested in this. But yeah I remember he said he was reviewing a Saab convertible.
00:24:24.98
alexei sayle
And I said, you know, that's just a Vauxhall Vectra underneath, Sarbza basically. And he said, oh, no, really? And he got out a leaky fountain pen and made some notes to that effect on a piece of paper.
00:24:36.71
Talal K
Hmm.
00:24:39.16
alexei sayle
And so I helped him write his motoring column.
00:24:42.97
Talal K
Nothing wrong with the
00:24:44.97
alexei sayle
Vauxhall Vectra. No, no, it was fine for its time. fine for its time
00:24:49.17
Sami
Alfa Romeo's, my ah my sister's fiance back in the 90s had an Alfa Romeo. And all I remember about it was he had to wake up extra early in the morning in the winter to to warm it up.
00:25:04.44
Sami
That was a thing back in the, you had to warm your car up.
00:25:06.62
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:25:06.84
Sami
You you don't have to do that anymore.
00:25:07.35
Talal K
Well,
00:25:08.66
alexei sayle
No, you have to warm it up fors for it to start kind of thing. no
00:25:13.21
Sami
Yeah.
00:25:13.94
Talal K
but I have to.
00:25:14.14
Sami
Well, and as in, I remember him trying to trying to start it
00:25:14.36
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:25:14.82
Talal K
My air con doesn't work, so I have to warm my car up. No, it's, yeah.
00:25:18.81
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:25:19.69
Talal K
Or if your windows are like frosted over as well, it's like to get the heat, to get the air hot.
00:25:20.15
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:25:25.11
Talal K
Takes off a while.
00:25:26.68
alexei sayle
My 166, it would drain it. of If I left it for a week, the battery would be flat.
00:25:31.61
Sami
Yeah.
00:25:31.70
alexei sayle
It just drained about. So in the end, I had an isolation. Switch fitted. And seeing as we've come, we're on this tack. I drove, I also drove, well, the movie I made called Thief Lord in Luxembourg, I drove there in an Alfa Romeo coupe, red coupe, to Luxembourg.
00:25:49.21
Talal K
What, you drove all the way, you drove to Luxembourg?
00:25:51.78
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah.
00:25:53.50
Talal K
What, they couldn't afford a bloody ticket? Well, yeah. Yeah.
00:25:56.34
alexei sayle
No, because obviously I wrote about it and then a photographer flew out and took photos of me.
00:26:02.22
Sami
It's called Thief Lord Herder Diber.
00:26:02.41
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:26:06.62
Sami
Is a German-British family drama film?
00:26:06.81
alexei sayle
and I was caught. Yes. It was written by Cornelia Funk, the German J.K. Rowling.
00:26:16.57
Talal K
And this is where you became like a father figure to Aaron Taylor Johnson in real life.
00:26:17.75
alexei sayle
And I played the character. Yes. and de joe And the guy, for the kid from 1917. What's he called? George.
00:26:28.54
Talal K
George McKay.
00:26:28.76
Sami
Yeah.
00:26:28.66
alexei sayle
George. George McKay. Yeah. Also, he was in it as well. And Aaron Taylor Johnson. Yeah, they were both.
00:26:34.26
Talal K
And you played Barbarossa.
00:26:35.93
alexei sayle
Barbarossa.
00:26:37.47
Sami
Wow.
00:26:39.81
Talal K
The Thief Lord.
00:26:40.76
alexei sayle
I was also, I actually think, as soon as but I also, there's an awful, there's a tremendous number of programs now, this is on um the television, where people buy cars and do them up and then sell them at tremendous loss.
00:26:56.73
alexei sayle
And I don't understand. The first one was Mike Brewer who did Wheeler Dealers. He should be very annoyed because there's hundreds of them now. But one of the things also that the people in them,
00:27:07.89
alexei sayle
who are selling cars or buying cars, all have to indulge in banter, self-deprecating banter, which don't know whether that's a very British thing, really.
00:27:14.58
Sami
yeah
00:27:19.52
alexei sayle
They've all got, and then laugh kind of falsely about their deficiencies.
00:27:23.70
Sami
it started with with the with top gear and the clerks and sort of too all right
00:27:29.75
alexei sayle
Yeah, that was slightly slightly different. These are real yeah these are real real-ish people, really, buying cars at auction or selling cars.
00:27:37.56
Talal K
Is it like masculine macho banter?
00:27:37.78
alexei sayle
But they just... No, I think it's some kind of... what They feel compelled to do it. I don't know what it is, really. i I'm throwing this out there. I'm trying to think of a bit, really, if I'm honest. But um I don't know. They just kind of have to go... her he's Look at him. He's stupid. He's...
00:27:59.28
alexei sayle
he's drinking his tea upside down. They say things like that, you know, and then they sort say, you know, mechanics and, u could look at this, it's a, oh, look at his car, it's a,
00:28:11.42
Sami
He needs to wake up ah early in the morning to warm it up in the winter.
00:28:13.62
alexei sayle
Yeah, it needs to wake up, yeah, or his battery drains, or he's got Boris Johnson on his roof.
00:28:14.81
Sami
Yeah.
00:28:17.02
Talal K
Yeah.
00:28:17.08
Sami
Yeah.
00:28:19.60
alexei sayle
Look at him. I don't know. I think don't know whether it's, don't know whether it's, if anybody, whether it's required, it seems to be some kind of requirement of British people in these lightweight documentaries to make fun of themselves or their workmates.
00:28:34.61
alexei sayle
They feel compelled. Nobody's telling them to do it. They feel compelled to do it. I don't know why, really. Nobody's serious. You know what mean?
00:28:40.73
Talal K
Yeah.
00:28:40.92
alexei sayle
Nobody, nobody says, I believe, you
00:28:42.74
Talal K
It could just be a case of just filling that runtime. You know, don't edit it out. We need to fill 60 minutes.
00:28:48.41
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:28:49.22
Talal K
Like, just keep it in. Fuck's sake.
00:28:50.84
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:28:53.50
Talal K
Or they just they just really want to have some sort of personality when, in fact, they are incapable.
00:28:58.78
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:29:02.68
Talal K
I do miss pimp my ride as well.
00:29:06.63
alexei sayle
Oh, right. That was a different thing. Again, that was what I think that was when I was out all the time. I never really saw it. That was like MTV. It was that MTV.
00:29:13.92
Talal K
MTV, yeah, and then ah they would like you know refurbish someone's car, but in like a very inappropriate and kind of impractical way.
00:29:13.98
Sami
Yeah.
00:29:24.06
alexei sayle
Right.
00:29:24.90
Talal K
They'd like take someone's beaten up old Ford Galaxy and then they'd put some make it look really flashy, new chairs, new paint job and everything, but then they'd always put something in the boot, like a fucking aquarium in the boot,
00:29:38.70
Sami
Yeah.
00:29:39.26
Talal K
Or like a ping pong table that comes out of the boot. And is this they'd always put some novelty oversized thing that just renders the boots unusable for its intended purpose.
00:29:49.40
alexei sayle
Right.
00:29:52.42
Talal K
They'd be like, oh, we've put a complete three bedroom bungalow in your boots. All you have to do is press this button and you wait half an hour for the mechanism to unfurl this bungalow.
00:30:05.35
Talal K
you'd sit there.
00:30:05.88
Sami
and And a family of four comes out.
00:30:07.35
Talal K
Yeah. um
00:30:09.24
alexei sayle
And that was popular, was it?
00:30:09.42
Talal K
It was extremely popular.
00:30:11.93
Sami
Yeah, yeah.
00:30:11.94
Talal K
Yeah, a Exhibit hosted the American one.
00:30:12.20
alexei sayle
Amongst you kids?
00:30:14.34
Talal K
And then this really popular guy, Tim Westwood, hosted the British one.
00:30:17.85
Sami
ah
00:30:19.58
alexei sayle
ah Tim Westwood, there's some fertile shit. um but I mean, I always thought, even before the allegations, that... yeah the the i mean it was the I mean, that's also typical. Like the self-deprecating banter, that is also...
00:30:32.82
alexei sayle
Typical of Britain, isn't it? That Britain, obviously, the BBC felt that they needed to respond to the wave of hip-hop and gangster rap and so on.
00:30:42.90
alexei sayle
So they appointed as the the kind of arbiter of taste in his late actor, the son of a fucking bishop he'd been to public school. I mean, Tim Westwood, with his fake American accent.
00:30:53.21
Talal K
and spoke like a yeah
00:30:55.04
alexei sayle
I mean, he's like fake, you know.
00:30:58.94
Talal K
my brother's had some interactions with him and he's not a pleasant person and he could tell ah long before any of the accusations um
00:31:04.70
alexei sayle
Really?
00:31:07.99
alexei sayle
Somebody shot him, didn't they, while back?
00:31:08.12
Sami
Was there gonna be a, someone shot Tim Westwood?
00:31:12.34
alexei sayle
Yeah, before he became... Before all the stuff came out about him, yeah, somebody shot him.
00:31:18.81
Talal K
which probably just gave him more street cred.
00:31:18.97
alexei sayle
It was so enough.
00:31:19.13
Sami
Wow.
00:31:21.66
alexei sayle
I guess, yeah, maybe he had himself shot. But um I just think that's typical of fucking Britain, yeah.
00:31:27.35
Talal K
Yeah, he was shot fucking out again in 1999 in the gangland style hit.
00:31:31.45
alexei sayle
That was a busy year, wasn't it?
00:31:32.73
Sami
You think it was if he he was Puff Daddy arranged his shooting?
00:31:36.44
alexei sayle
possible or or puff did or ken puff did he yeah he was strapped the doddy was often bbc like entertainment christmas party doddy was always strapped and always had like always had a nine underneath yeah tickling tickling stick and a in cold python
00:31:40.17
Sami
It's Ken Diddy. yeah
00:31:53.82
Sami
Ooh! Have a tickle! Bam!
00:31:59.67
Sami
ah
00:32:02.97
Talal K
Oh my God.
00:32:06.33
Talal K
Two men on a motorbike pulled alongside Tim Westwood's Range Rover.
00:32:06.68
alexei sayle
Yes.
00:32:10.01
Talal K
Certainly got a Fiat Pinto underneath that Range Rover. As he drove through Kennington, South London on Sunday evening, shortly after he performed at Lambeth count Country Festival at Brockwell Park, which we've spoken about.
00:32:17.21
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:32:22.94
Talal K
It's at the end of my road there. um Yeah. And he he was, they would try to assassinate him. Yardies. Probably for faking their accents.
00:32:32.68
alexei sayle
All right. Yeah, geez.
00:32:34.46
Talal K
it's for
00:32:34.81
Sami
Well, there's there's been ah there's been a spate of ah white English guys who have made a career out of um basically putting on a Jamaican patois and performing music.
00:32:34.84
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:32:45.85
Talal K
Yeah, who's that ginger guy who speaks to Jamaican?
00:32:48.54
Sami
there's Well, there's a couple. There's M.R who's done very well out of it.
00:32:51.70
Talal K
Yeah.
00:32:52.12
Sami
um And there's another one, a guy online who's...
00:32:54.33
Talal K
your Blood clap pussy hole.
00:32:56.12
Sami
Yeah.
00:32:56.13
Talal K
You're not Jamaican. I'm Jamaican. I saw him debating a Jamaican on this YouTube and he just kept calling him a pussy hole.
00:32:59.86
Sami
Yeah.
00:33:02.57
Talal K
It's like, dude, you're the white guy who's speaking like ah like a Jamaican.
00:33:08.70
alexei sayle
This isn't a joke, they're just...
00:33:11.77
Talal K
No, he's like, I had Jamaican friends all my life. So I just speak like that.
00:33:17.27
Sami
I think it's, it's yeah, it's it's interesting. It's not so much that he's doing it for me. It's that it's the amount of success that they get. It says a lot about what the industry is like.
00:33:25.08
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:33:25.45
Talal K
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
00:33:28.17
Sami
you know It's like, yeah, it's it's everything around it.
00:33:28.44
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:33:31.22
Sami
Often with these things, you get, you know someone will do something, it's you know not great. But the question that's never asked is not like, you know oh, you know why did this person...
00:33:41.94
Sami
do this. it's The question is never asked is, you know, what about everyone around them who facilitated this?
00:33:47.16
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:33:47.64
Sami
um and they They never, they they those people, that group always get away with it, don't they? They never, people people people want something to sacrifice. People want, to you know, people.
00:33:56.41
alexei sayle
Yeah. No, it's They go from project to project. Strengthened. But it's unusual a shooting in, I mean, relatively unusual shooting in Britain, isn't it, really? Yeah.
00:34:09.43
Sami
Yeah. Yeah.
00:34:11.45
Talal K
Yes.
00:34:12.28
alexei sayle
Yardies, can I do my... I don't know if I did... I think I did it on Sandwich Bar. i do you know yeah There was a moral panic about Yardies, wasn't there, in the 80s and 90s? And they're actually the film Predator 2.
00:34:25.30
Talal K
Oh, yeah.
00:34:25.85
alexei sayle
which stars Danny Glover, but he goes and sees the the the head of the yard. He's in Los Angeles, King Willie, who is aware that the predator is amongst them, and King Willie says, there ain't no killing what can't be killed.
00:34:35.36
Talal K
Yeah.
00:34:40.78
alexei sayle
There ain't no stopping what ki can't be stopped. This is dread man, truly dread.
00:34:48.73
Sami
This was set in, where was the ah RD, where where was that in London?
00:34:53.18
alexei sayle
Los Angeles, et cetera, and a heat wave in Los Angeles.
00:34:53.91
Sami
In LA, in LA.
00:34:56.36
Talal K
It's such a good film.
00:34:56.41
Sami
Wow.
00:34:57.48
Talal K
And then they do there there's a voodoo element to it as well, isn't there?
00:35:01.59
alexei sayle
Yeah, well, yes. oh I think Keanu Welles is kind of, yeah, also voodoo-ish as well.
00:35:05.20
Talal K
With the Yardies.
00:35:05.99
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:35:06.99
Talal K
Isn't that mixing up Yardies, Jamaica and New Orleans by throwing voodoo in there?
00:35:07.29
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:35:10.15
alexei sayle
On Haiti. Probably. Well, Hollywood is not, you know, no respecter of.
00:35:13.34
Talal K
Yeah.
00:35:17.35
Sami
They're well known for deeply researching the cultures that they represent.
00:35:19.19
alexei sayle
yeah
00:35:20.41
Talal K
yeah
00:35:20.76
alexei sayle
I do like that.
00:35:20.98
Sami
a
00:35:21.68
alexei sayle
I do often think, though, you know, when when the co-op has run out of peter bread, I think, you know, there ain't no killing. what this is This is dread, man, truly dread.
00:35:32.02
Sami
yeah
00:35:36.65
Talal K
I'll never approve co-op pita bread. saying as
00:35:40.09
alexei sayle
He won't ever approve of it, no.
00:35:42.21
Talal K
Supermarket pita bread.
00:35:42.36
Sami
You can make it work if you if you just put a little bit of water on it put it under the grill. You can make it work.
00:35:49.49
Talal K
Hmm.
00:35:49.76
alexei sayle
That's a good tip. Thank you for that. so
00:35:51.32
Sami
Tiny bit of water, hot grill, couple of minutes, and it it gets moist and it sometimes it expands.
00:35:55.54
Talal K
Just go to your Turkish or Arabic supermarket. Go to the bread section.
00:35:59.26
Sami
Yeah.
00:35:59.82
Talal K
You'll get three three packets for a pound.
00:35:59.99
alexei sayle
Not everybody
00:36:00.22
Sami
Yeah.
00:36:02.20
Talal K
Put two in the freezer. You're fucking sorted for pita bread for the next few weeks, mate.
00:36:07.35
Sami
Yeah.
00:36:07.33
Talal K
Chuck it straight on the hob. Toast it on the hob. Over a real flame.
00:36:10.51
Sami
That's good. That's good.
00:36:12.28
Talal K
Splash water on it first.
00:36:15.35
alexei sayle
Not everybody has that, you know, that, um,
00:36:16.35
Talal K
This upsets me. Favourite supermarket hummus. Go.
00:36:23.81
Sami
Delphi.
00:36:25.34
Talal K
No, ah no, own brand supermarket. Which supermarket makes the best tasting hummus?
00:36:28.47
Sami
Oh, probably Waitrose.
00:36:32.00
alexei sayle
Waitrose.
00:36:32.41
Talal K
Oh, really?
00:36:33.46
Sami
Yeah.
00:36:34.61
alexei sayle
I don't, yeah, I don't really like supermarket homes very much.
00:36:38.29
Sami
It's generally not yeah not that good. but um i'm going to i'm gonna and i need to go ah and speak to all the um Algerian shops in Frinsbury Park in a couple of weeks because I've got my my show at Frinsbury Park Theatre, at the Park Theatre.
00:36:39.73
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:36:54.90
alexei sayle
A nice little theatre at the park.
00:36:55.38
Sami
at end end of jan yeah i've got 11 nights at the park theater so uh there's a really big algerian ah community around there and a big part of my show is talking about algeria and the algerian resistance and um so i'm gonna go and have a chat with those guys and see if they're they'd be up for spreading the word uh
00:36:58.58
alexei sayle
Oh, cool.
00:37:04.12
alexei sayle
Yes.
00:37:16.12
alexei sayle
How are you going to go to how are you going to get them all together? Is there like and is there a meeting of the Algerian Grocers Association though that you will address?
00:37:23.86
Sami
um ah Yeah, it's...
00:37:25.95
alexei sayle
Or you we would do that thing where you tell them, send them a thing saying they've all won a boat.
00:37:26.94
Sami
i
00:37:30.94
Sami
yeah
00:37:31.35
alexei sayle
And then when they turn up to pick it up, it's just you.
00:37:34.14
Sami
It's me. um I have gathered you here today too.
00:37:36.34
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:37:37.30
Sami
um i think I think I'm just going to go door to door. and But that's not a bad shout.
00:37:42.84
alexei sayle
Oh, I see. Okay.
00:37:45.74
Sami
I should i should i should advertise an event, maybe put on event an event to get them in the same place.
00:37:50.07
Talal K
Do a live screen, an outdoor screening of Battle of Algiers.
00:37:52.24
alexei sayle
Yeah, get them.
00:37:55.80
Sami
Yeah, that's not a bad shout.
00:37:55.90
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:37:58.01
Sami
ah So,
00:37:58.74
Talal K
Or just put put some posters up in the shops, in their shops as well.
00:38:01.94
Sami
yeah, that's that's that's probably what I'm going to do and buy some of the amazing food and and say hi.
00:38:07.75
Talal K
Pita bread.
00:38:08.89
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:38:10.26
Sami
So, yeah, I'm going to be buying a lot of pita bread.
00:38:13.19
Talal K
Let's have fun day out.
00:38:13.34
Sami
Let's just put it that way. Yeah, I think it'll be nice.
00:38:16.12
Talal K
Tell me when you go. I'll come with you. Maybe we'll film some content of you chatting with chatting with the Algerians.
00:38:19.31
Sami
I love that.
00:38:20.82
alexei sayle
Is your Arabic and their Arabic compatible?
00:38:24.54
Sami
They understand my Arabic. I don't, I understand Algerians.
00:38:27.21
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:38:29.18
Sami
Algerians for me are the, in terms of not including Egyptians, North Africans, ah just because i I understand Egyptian Arabic broadly, but um when you go west of Egypt, it changes.
00:38:42.50
Sami
the Arabic and yeah, it does change quite radically.
00:38:42.80
Talal K
Mm-hmm. Quite dramatically, yeah.
00:38:46.34
Sami
I think Algerians are the ones, as is the is the dialect I understand most easily, I'd say. ah And I think Moroccan is the most difficult because yeah, it's really, really hard.
00:38:56.68
alexei sayle
Ready?
00:38:56.81
Talal K
Mm-hmm.
00:38:59.46
Sami
It's it's almost, you know, it's called Darija, it's almost like a different language, there's a different vocabulary as well, but it's the same grammatical structure.
00:39:04.45
Talal K
Mm-hmm.
00:39:07.35
Sami
And so they they understand a lot of sort of Palestinian and Lebanese Syrian sort of Bila de Shem languages, and but we don't always understand them.
00:39:21.83
Sami
It's like a little mini form of colonialism, basically.
00:39:22.13
alexei sayle
Right.
00:39:24.87
Sami
It's the Arab colonialism, which which Arabs don't like talking about.
00:39:24.85
alexei sayle
Right. All right. it' so Really?
00:39:29.82
Sami
Yeah.
00:39:30.74
Talal K
Yeah.
00:39:30.97
alexei sayle
but it's also a bit of a, mind you know, I'm ah a terrible serial, you know, i if I know a couple of words of any language, I will use them really. But then with Arabic, they don't know that I'm not from some, like somewhere like Yemen or
00:39:45.56
Sami
Oh, yeah.
00:39:45.88
alexei sayle
Yeah, Nigeria or somewhere i didn't know somewhere where these people speak out. So they, so they always think I am Arabic. If I just say shoe clown, you know, half one and you know, they they they say, but you actually want to be or whatever it is a you Arabic?
00:39:54.07
Sami
Yeah.
00:40:00.16
Talal K
It's too Arabi.
00:40:00.86
Sami
I too...
00:40:01.27
alexei sayle
And I assume I don't know what is
00:40:04.56
Talal K
It's too Arabi. I suppose it's quite similar, actually.
00:40:05.85
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah.
00:40:07.35
Sami
i was at I was at a wedding last night of a friend of mine who's, who's has she has an Algerian mother. And um there were relatives there. i I couldn't, I was looking at a couple of guys and I was like, you could be an Algerian sort of uncle or you could be a geezer from Essex.
00:40:25.42
Sami
I couldn't tell. I absolutely, it was impossible to tell until I went and spoke to them. Because Algeria is medi I mean, it's all Mediterranean culture really. So it's, you know, everyone around the Mediterranean kind of looks the same.
00:40:34.10
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:40:38.01
Sami
um Yeah, it was it was it was really interesting.
00:40:40.34
Talal K
mm, mm.
00:40:42.52
Sami
Yeah, it was my it was my first... I went to my first lesbian wedding last night. It was really fun.
00:40:47.66
alexei sayle
Oh, man, I went... Really?
00:40:49.82
Sami
Yeah.
00:40:49.96
alexei sayle
Actually, I was going to say I've been to... I've been I went to a lesbian wedding in the 90s, I think, in Bournemouth. Actually, no, it wasn't. No, actually, the couple getting mad weren't lesbians. Maybe it's later.
00:41:05.21
Sami
It was just...
00:41:05.12
alexei sayle
just forget out about that.
00:41:08.18
Sami
was
00:41:08.38
alexei sayle
um Really, well, congratulations.
00:41:09.69
Talal K
Well, congrats.
00:41:10.58
alexei sayle
How was it?
00:41:10.88
Talal K
Yeah, congrats.
00:41:11.64
Sami
Thank you. It was...
00:41:12.24
alexei sayle
To get off with anybody.
00:41:13.32
Sami
they No, just I couldn't.
00:41:14.42
alexei sayle
Good place to pick up women.
00:41:15.64
Sami
I couldn't. um it was It was so...
00:41:17.08
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:41:20.44
Sami
Because I think, you know, once once people are sort of openly expressing who they are in that way, there's no room for...
00:41:27.92
alexei sayle
Hmm.
00:41:29.62
Sami
for for the tension or uppityness or stress of a lot of other kinds of weddings I've been to.
00:41:37.88
alexei sayle
No, right. Yeah.
00:41:39.68
Sami
I've definitely been to weddings that have had an unspoken tension in the air for for an unknown reason. and And it was the opposite of that.
00:41:46.54
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:41:49.32
Sami
it was It was one of the best weddings I've ever been to. It was very loving and friendly and relaxed and everyone just got on. um and then we danced and uh a friend of mine brought dirbeka a tabla the arabic drum he played you know him kareem samara uh you know him dalal kareem you know kareem no okay fine uh and he he brought and then i had to go on the drum as well and it was it was really fun and everyone was dancing and it was it was fantastic really really beautiful
00:42:10.81
Talal K
No.
00:42:21.69
alexei sayle
good I think josh i've been i went to it have been to a lesbian wedding. It was about five years ago. I think it was in Hampshire somewhere.
00:42:30.26
Sami
you
00:42:30.97
Talal K
Yeah?
00:42:31.77
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:42:32.66
Talal K
Pioneer, Alexei. You're a pioneer.
00:42:34.49
alexei sayle
Yeah, it's not that. Not that. Not that sort of innovative, really.
00:42:42.30
Talal K
um Respect, shout out to all our lesbian listeners out there.
00:42:45.11
alexei sayle
Yeah, all the lesbian listeners...
00:42:47.19
Talal K
Big ups and big ups and and enjoy have good weddings.
00:42:48.15
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:42:52.53
Talal K
Enjoy your weddings.
00:42:53.40
alexei sayle
Yeah, it was a, yeah.
00:42:55.06
Talal K
Where are they going on honeymoon?
00:42:57.57
Sami
Oh, I didn't ask her that actually i need to I should have I didn't even think to ask. um
00:43:01.62
Talal K
where Where did you go on your honeymoon, Alexi?
00:43:04.63
alexei sayle
We didn't really have a honeymoon. We went to Greece, I think, the year after. We didn't really have a honeymoon.
00:43:10.33
Talal K
Which part Greece?
00:43:12.96
alexei sayle
We flew into Athens and then went to an island beside was whose name I can't remember.
00:43:21.10
Sami
Lesbos.
00:43:22.07
Talal K
00:43:22.36
alexei sayle
No, wasn't. No.
00:43:27.04
Talal K
D-I-D-D-Y, we are the Diddy men, Dotties Dottie Diddy men, we are the Diddy men who always have a bash, we're full of Diddy joys, we make gay and Diddy noise, we are the Diddy men who come from naughty ash.
00:43:39.86
alexei sayle
No. Yeah, I thought, thank you. Yeah, the the energy was definitely slipping there, wasn't it? I'm glad you injected it.
00:43:47.00
Sami
ah i
00:43:48.03
Talal K
Is one of them a bit racist? is that It looks like one of them's wearing in a turban. One of the Diddy men's wearing like a turban style thing.
00:43:55.29
Sami
It was a different time, Talal.
00:43:56.89
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:43:57.65
Sami
You can't judge Ken Dodd on the values of today.
00:43:59.32
alexei sayle
No.
00:44:02.33
Sami
okay he's ah He's a national treasure.
00:44:04.46
Talal K
That's fair.
00:44:05.78
alexei sayle
No.
00:44:06.07
Sami
um Yeah, fine.
00:44:06.20
alexei sayle
That's...
00:44:07.52
Sami
He might have made a few racist puppets, but you got to look at his work as ah as a whole.
00:44:12.98
alexei sayle
That's what to say as well. that Of course, this is a little known fact, but the Top of the Pops was actually produced, came out of the light entertainment department.
00:44:18.49
Talal K
Yeah. Yes. yeah
00:44:26.18
alexei sayle
So if you were a comic, you had a novelty song out, you were always guaranteed... a slot on the pops, which of course was very powerful in those days. And I, i for example, was on the pops twice in my novel to hit, or my hit, A Load Jungle at New Motor.
00:44:36.76
Talal K
yes
00:44:43.90
alexei sayle
So Ken Dodd also, a lot of a lot Ken Dodd had a string of hits, really, because you know you could always get on, if you could always get on the top of the pops if you were ah a light entertainment star of the BBC.
00:44:50.20
Talal K
Oh, yeah.
00:44:54.09
Sami
Well, he did music. He would do a song. He did a song.
00:44:58.03
alexei sayle
His biggest one was happiness. Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess. I thank the Lord that I possess more than my share of happiness.
00:45:06.20
Talal K
Thank the Lord, because I've been blessed with more of my share.
00:45:13.45
Sami
That's beautiful.
00:45:14.33
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:45:14.52
Sami
what was what What songs did you have on the top of the pops?
00:45:17.30
alexei sayle
Well, just allowed junk got new motor already a motor, Gottineum motor.
00:45:19.42
Sami
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:45:20.95
Talal K
Oh, you went on twice with that same song.
00:45:23.10
alexei sayle
I was on live once and then they played the video once.
00:45:24.64
Sami
Thank you.
00:45:26.36
Talal K
Okay.
00:45:27.35
alexei sayle
Radio 1 wouldn't play it at all.
00:45:29.21
Talal K
That doesn't count.
00:45:30.07
alexei sayle
Radio 1 only played it a maximum of nine times, just had to play it because it was in the charts. Radio 1 hated it. But it didn't matter because I was a star of BBC Light Entertainment, so I was on top of the box. So fuck you, Radio 1.
00:45:44.37
Sami
That's right, fuck you, Radio One.
00:45:44.76
alexei sayle
Jim Westwood wouldn't have it on his shunt. Yeah.
00:45:46.97
Talal K
yeah Yep, yep, yep.
00:45:47.42
Sami
um Tim Westwood should try and do some standup comedy.
00:45:48.18
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:45:50.31
Sami
That's what he should do.
00:45:50.36
alexei sayle
Yeah, maybe get back in his fake...
00:45:51.83
Sami
See if he can. I think it was a simpler time back then, wasn't it? The the comedy, I've spoken to you about this before, Alexi, but ah I feel like I've been out of the comedy scene for a couple of years, sort of, but I've still been doing comedy. I've just not been paying attention.
00:46:08.24
alexei sayle
Right.
00:46:08.54
Sami
And even even in the last two or three years, things have changed drastically. and i'm sort of having to sort of learn how how it all works now in terms of the industry and what what people are what people are watching what people are listening to and and and
00:46:23.09
alexei sayle
What's changed? Tell me what's changed.
00:46:24.57
Sami
i think I think it's just gone, it's its started in 2020, but it's it's gone fully online now.
00:46:24.63
alexei sayle
How long to know?
00:46:29.89
Sami
if you're If you're not an online comedian, you're not a comedian.
00:46:31.93
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:46:33.91
Sami
And i resisted I resisted online for so long.
00:46:34.39
alexei sayle
Really?
00:46:36.63
Sami
I didn't have an Instagram account until 2020. I didn't know what Instagram was when everyone, and it was blissful. It was it was it was amazing. it was It was peaceful, not having to engage with that crap.
00:46:46.33
Talal K
Mmm.
00:46:48.76
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:46:48.95
Sami
And now um and now you you have to you have to engage. you we are all We have all become the unpaid labor force of Mark Zuckerberg.
00:46:57.56
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:46:58.18
Sami
We all work for Zuckerberg now, even if, you know, no matter what you do, if if you're if you're a professional content uploader. You're uploading content for free and Meta is making money off the ads.
00:47:08.57
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:47:10.66
Sami
And it's it's and we're all just happy.
00:47:10.81
alexei sayle
yeah
00:47:13.22
Sami
We're all just happy to do it. It's it's a bit depressing, but it is what it is.
00:47:16.13
Talal K
Mm-hmm.
00:47:16.22
alexei sayle
yeah
00:47:16.34
Talal K
is
00:47:16.98
Sami
It's it's hard to talk about it without sounding like ah an embittered embittered comedian. um But it's it's changed so much. And I think another thing you're seeing is You're seeing comedians with really large followings who then will will book either ah a spot or will have a full show and sell out a tour and make a lot of money.
00:47:39.51
Sami
But they they haven't done their time. And they're they're just not they're not there.
00:47:41.91
alexei sayle
Yeah, well, that criticism, yeah.
00:47:44.02
Sami
They're not there, are they? and And that's kind of...
00:47:47.00
alexei sayle
Well, that's what we felt very much about, Sammy Obey, didn't we?
00:47:49.53
Sami
Yeah, yeah. And I've i've i've still not seen his stuff live, but... some
00:47:55.58
Talal K
Oh, it was depressing.
00:47:55.76
Sami
It's kind of, it's kind of, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's getting, it's getting depressing.
00:47:55.66
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:48:00.14
Sami
That's what it is. It's not even about individual comedians.
00:48:01.11
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:48:03.18
Sami
It's getting really depressing. You know, it's like, Oh, well, you know how, what do we have to do now? You know, you have to, you have to film your your standup and then put it online for free. And then everyone gets to see it.
00:48:11.61
alexei sayle
Yeah, well, I know, I mean, people I know, producers and stuff, they say these, a lot of these online people, which does sound like old geezers, but they don't have the, they don't have the craft to do it live, really.
00:48:12.50
Sami
And,
00:48:24.16
alexei sayle
They can't do it live, you know, because it's a very, it's a very specific skill, stand-up comedy, and doing it, yeah, yeah.
00:48:29.69
Sami
It takes years to hone as well. You can't just step on a stage.
00:48:32.31
alexei sayle
yeah No, no, it's true, you have to, you have to learn that craft.
00:48:36.63
Talal K
It came pretty naturally for me, actually.
00:48:37.26
alexei sayle
LAUGHTER
00:48:39.64
Talal K
Kind of did it straight away.
00:48:43.64
alexei sayle
Yeah, right.
00:48:44.63
Talal K
yeah it did.
00:48:44.70
alexei sayle
um
00:48:44.82
Sami
Yeah.
00:48:45.19
Talal K
well
00:48:46.10
Sami
But it's it's changed. Yeah, it's it's it's drastically changed. And it's a different game now.
00:48:48.92
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:48:51.13
Talal K
It is weird. And like back in the day, you wouldn't have to prolifically write material.
00:48:52.83
Sami
It's weird.
00:48:56.14
Talal K
every Like you wouldn't have to change your set every month, you know.
00:48:57.51
alexei sayle
That's also, yeah. Well, the old-time comics used the same material of their old life, didn't they? They had one hour or 20 minutes, which they'd tour forever, i mean literally forever.
00:49:07.70
Talal K
Yeah. It's kind of my.
00:49:10.23
alexei sayle
noticed, yeah, Red Richardson, son of Peter Richardson, the comic strip is doing adverts for gambling for Red Casino. I so i don't know whether he got extra for selling his name.
00:49:21.75
alexei sayle
He has a big online presence.
00:49:23.22
Talal K
yeah.
00:49:23.77
Sami
Yeah, I didn't know he was Peter Richardson's
00:49:26.85
alexei sayle
Yeah, she keeps it quiet, really.
00:49:28.66
Sami
Yeah, a lot of them.
00:49:28.86
alexei sayle
Which good for him, really, buddy.
00:49:30.10
Sami
Yeah, asked yeah, um yeah.
00:49:34.10
alexei sayle
Also, I had to recommend her daughter.
00:49:34.42
Sami
Yeah. Yeah. Really?
00:49:36.90
Talal K
Oh, wow.
00:49:37.85
Sami
Did you know Rick Mayall?
00:49:37.98
Talal K
oh
00:49:39.10
alexei sayle
Yes, yes, yes.
00:49:40.09
Sami
Yeah. i I wish I got to meet him.
00:49:40.86
Talal K
Fucking hell, Sammy. What kind of question? You come on the Alexi podcast and you ask Alexi, famously come out
00:49:43.80
Sami
I don't know. I don't know who knows who.
00:49:44.82
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:45.84
Sami
I don't know who knows who. Well, he... He doesn't, he didn't know, he didn't know ah Dodd.
00:49:49.75
Talal K
he in the same truth as Rick Mayall.
00:49:50.94
alexei sayle
We started...
00:49:53.36
Sami
He didn't know Diddly Dodd.
00:49:55.79
alexei sayle
Rick didn't know that.
00:49:56.05
Sami
I shouldn't call it. I don't want to, I don't want to.
00:49:57.88
alexei sayle
Yeah, no, when me and Rick started at the same time together.
00:49:58.36
Talal K
Diddly dodd.
00:50:00.87
alexei sayle
And, you know, did the awards together.
00:50:01.18
Sami
Yeah. um And yeah, I really, i really wish I got to meet Rick Mayall. He seemed, he seemed like a lot of fun.
00:50:07.92
alexei sayle
Yes, well, actually, I did a, I did a, a Giles of Benefit few weeks ago with Mitch Benn. And Mitch Benn is organizing the, or has several venues at the, I can announce this, the,
00:50:21.87
alexei sayle
Rick Mayall Festival in Droitwich, Rick Mayall's hometown. I'm going to do some stuff there in the summer next year.
00:50:28.45
Sami
Oh, very nice.
00:50:28.51
Talal K
Oh,
00:50:31.10
alexei sayle
Me and Nigel, I think. Or you me and, I mean, separately all together.
00:50:33.69
Talal K
Oh, that's nice.
00:50:36.09
alexei sayle
Yeah, I thought, why not, you know, Droitwich.
00:50:39.58
Talal K
If you want to do a live podcast there, let me know.
00:50:39.60
alexei sayle
Home of Kevin Turvey. Yeah, we could do yeah, yeah.
00:50:44.38
Talal K
allla
00:50:45.02
alexei sayle
I'm just, yeah.
00:50:45.82
Talal K
We can just talk Rick Mel's anecdotes all evening. um
00:50:54.58
Talal K
Right.
00:50:54.97
alexei sayle
Kevin Trevay.
00:50:56.25
Sami
How's your cat, Dalal? How's Claude?
00:51:00.12
Talal K
So I've had to re-adopt my old cat. He's 14 years old. I've had him since he was a baby. um i moved out of my mum's house few years back and couldn't take the cat with because landlords don't really like that sort of thing.
00:51:06.26
alexei sayle
but believe can you
00:51:15.62
Talal K
But my mum recently threatened to to break his neck if I don't come and take the cat. And so we now in my one-bedroom flat have a ah her
00:51:27.92
alexei sayle
What a happy cat. Well.
00:51:28.76
Talal K
ah it almost incontinent aged cat um and he's he's beautiful and he's ah he's we've we've we've trained him up he's not pooing on the floor every day anymore he's meowing at me all throughout this recording he's been meowing at me he's very hungry but he's doing very well
00:51:48.63
Sami
um no I can't hear it. that's ah Can you you show him to us?
00:51:50.60
alexei sayle
No, I can't hear it.
00:51:51.67
Sami
Can you bring him up? Can I say hello?
00:51:53.83
Talal K
come here boy come here good boy
00:51:56.60
Sami
Have you met Claude, Alexei?
00:51:58.46
alexei sayle
Not in person now, only over the internet.
00:52:00.25
Sami
He's a very good cat.
00:52:01.94
Talal K
Hello.
00:52:03.45
Sami
Hello.
00:52:03.51
Talal K
Oh God.
00:52:03.86
alexei sayle
Looks like my cat, Tiger.
00:52:05.87
Sami
Yeah, he's great. There he is.
00:52:08.09
Talal K
but your po po Oh, a good boy. Say hello to the podcast.
00:52:12.49
Sami
There he Hello, Claude.
00:52:13.75
Talal K
Um, so you can't just put the headphones on it.
00:52:16.01
Sami
Claude.
00:52:20.06
Talal K
Okay. Say hello.
00:52:24.78
alexei sayle
Hello, Claude.
00:52:27.11
Sami
He needs the monitors on, otherwise he's not he's a professional sound guy. Yeah.
00:52:32.18
Talal K
Poor guy. He's very tolerant of all that bullshit.
00:52:33.13
alexei sayle
That was your...
00:52:35.02
Talal K
Look, he's still right here next to He hasn't run away.
00:52:34.94
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah. So they also related to that conversation, and it was also something I was listening to on the radio this morning, which I knew about anyway, is these micro-dramas.
00:52:37.85
Talal K
um
00:52:45.76
alexei sayle
You know, they started out in China, and they they've film yeah they filmed in the phone form, vertical, yeah, and they're two many two minutes long.
00:52:51.13
Talal K
The verticals.
00:52:52.57
Sami
yeah
00:52:53.57
Talal K
I've not seen any of these, but i keep hearing this fucking word. Yes, carry on.
00:52:58.20
alexei sayle
So we could do micro-podcasts. I thought two-minute podcasts. So it would just sort of consist of me going, yeah, I used to have an Alpha Romeo, and then that'd be it. really ah Even more, but even less satisfying than normal podcasts, which people seem to have been enjoying recently for some reason.
00:53:08.23
Sami
Yeah.
00:53:15.82
alexei sayle
Yeah. Yeah.
00:53:16.41
Sami
um The micro dramas, I saw one when they first started coming out um and because they have to keep your attention, there's ah there's an enormous there's a massive plot twist every, it feels like it's every 10 seconds because you just have to keep, they have to keep you watching.
00:53:23.22
alexei sayle
yeah
00:53:29.35
alexei sayle
Right.
00:53:32.17
Sami
And it's it's um it's like the end it's the end stage of of the internet.
00:53:32.25
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:53:37.05
Sami
it's it's Because there are so many plot twists, it becomes meaningless, but you can't stop watching.
00:53:41.50
alexei sayle
Right.
00:53:43.99
Talal K
Where do you watch them?
00:53:45.53
Sami
I can't, it just got fed to me on Instagram about a year ago.
00:53:48.75
Talal K
Are they on Insta? I've never seen one, ever.
00:53:51.00
Sami
um And yeah, it was it it was intriguing, but it's part of this thing of, you know, everything's a bit shit now where it's like, and you can't sit down and just absorb well-constructed, masterful piece of art over, you know, an hour.
00:53:58.39
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:54:05.53
alexei sayle
No.
00:54:08.55
Sami
It's everything's trying to keep your attention.
00:54:10.94
Talal K
Well, I've just finished my... ah third term, second term of ah of an acting class i've been I've been taking part in just to kind of, you know, keep it fresh.
00:54:22.84
Talal K
ah And all my castmates are like 20, 21. They're all like drama school doing this extracurricular thing. And they're all like talking as if verticals.
00:54:35.34
Talal K
They're like a they they're like a big thing. They're getting paid well to do them.
00:54:40.21
alexei sayle
No, they're doing them because they' i mean they've come out of China, but they're sort spreading now around there.
00:54:41.02
Talal K
Yeah, and one them
00:54:43.96
Talal K
No, yeah. While I was there, one of them was like, I want to tell everyone something. I got i got a role. I got a role in a vertical. And everyone like, congrats. Nice one. Patting him on the back.
00:54:54.17
Talal K
And I'm like sitting there with my 38 year old ass going, what the fuck is a vertical? I still have yet to see one.
00:55:01.38
alexei sayle
No, I knew. would have known.
00:55:03.67
Talal K
And I have to say, I'm sorry, I don't bring up, I don't i feel guilty when when Claude comes up. I want to give a shout out to our fallen comrade Wilf. He is the podcast cat and he will always be the podcast cat.
00:55:13.08
alexei sayle
ah Thank you. wow
00:55:16.06
Talal K
So oh I love and miss Wilf dearly and I'm not trying to steal his valor with my Claude.
00:55:16.70
alexei sayle
Thank you.
00:55:20.22
alexei sayle
We all do.
00:55:23.16
alexei sayle
No, it's okay. That's all right. That's okay.
00:55:25.46
Talal K
ah Look, we have to wrap up. I have a question to ask both of you, but maybe Sammy can provide some inspiration here.
00:55:29.40
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:55:32.60
Talal K
um i have an important thing we need to discuss before we wrap up the podcast. But before that, I just want to quickly promote the Patreon, please.
00:55:36.93
alexei sayle
Yes.
00:55:40.96
Talal K
Dear listeners, comrades and friends and and lovers, please go to patreon.com forward slash Alexi sale podcast. What was that, Sammy? What website?
00:55:52.07
Sami
Patreon.com forward slash Alexis Sale Podcast. Give them all...
00:55:54.58
Talal K
I didn't hear it. Alexi, what was it? What was the website?
00:56:00.20
alexei sayle
access our podcast forward slash Patreon Patreon
00:56:04.92
Talal K
Exactly. If you head over there, you can support the show for like three quid a month, five quid a month, 10, 20. And you get access to full video episodes.
00:56:14.96
Talal K
You get to see Sami Wardez, Sami Abu Wardrobe's mustache in in the flesh on your screen. You get full video episodes.
00:56:21.98
Sami
in four k
00:56:23.28
Talal K
You get to watch Alexi, Lisa, Nigel watching The Young Ones, which starred Rick Mayle and Alexi Sale, which they both made their break from, Sami. And you get to see Alexei shooting guns, all sorts of cool stuff.
00:56:38.58
Talal K
I'll put a picture of my cat up there and ah and you'll just be supporting this Marxist podcast, which will never have an advert on it.
00:56:48.66
Talal K
If I ever put an advert on this fucking podcast, I'll eat my cat. And ah I love you. Please support the show. It means a lot. Pays the bills, pays my rent.
00:56:59.18
Talal K
Love you. Thank you. Bye bye, Tati. Bye bye.
00:57:01.05
alexei sayle
Thank you.
00:57:01.42
Talal K
Now the question I have, pay yeah that was patreon.com forward slash Alexia Sale podcast.
00:57:01.43
alexei sayle
Thank you so much.
00:57:04.73
alexei sayle
that
00:57:06.10
Talal K
Question I have is ah Christmas coming up. Normally on Christmas day, we put out a podcast. For all our listeners and for anyone who doesn't do Christmas, like a lot of people I'm very close to, um like people who don't have people to hang out with on Christmas, we put out a little pod.
00:57:26.97
Talal K
What should we do this year? We're gonna record probably tomorrow for like half an hour, 15 minutes. Any ideas what we can do, what kind of novelty
00:57:35.22
alexei sayle
What do we usually do? I've got a complete...
00:57:37.94
Talal K
We've done one where you read out, ah you did a Christmas message kind of, it was like a hallmark.
00:57:44.02
alexei sayle
ah Has Amherstee been in touch with you? Because I did that Christmas, alternative Christmas message for Amherstee.
00:57:49.66
Talal K
No, they haven't been in touch with me.
00:57:50.60
alexei sayle
They still haven't been... I don't know what the hell is. Never mind.
00:57:53.79
Talal K
Um...
00:57:54.04
Sami
ah You could sing some carols.
00:57:56.15
alexei sayle
Yeah?
00:57:56.34
Sami
um You could... You're giving away. You need
00:57:59.54
alexei sayle
Hark there, old angel, sing, glory to the newborn king.
00:58:05.88
Sami
to wait. a
00:58:07.42
alexei sayle
Peace on earth and mercy.
00:58:07.61
Talal K
Should we do... Save it.
00:58:10.07
alexei sayle
Okay.
00:58:10.89
Sami
you're giving it away you need to you need to wait
00:58:13.72
Talal K
You have a beautiful singing voice, Alexei.
00:58:15.35
alexei sayle
I told you didn't. I don't. i But I am one of the few Jews who knows, like, lots of, because my mother, you know, I was going into school, like, in my fifth year or something. saw all these kids hanging about in a classroom, and I was late.
00:58:29.82
alexei sayle
And I said, who were those kids? And they said, those are the Jews. And they they were excused excuse um assembly and could come in late because they were Jewish.
00:58:38.10
Talal K
Oh. Oh, right.
00:58:40.93
alexei sayle
And I said to my mum, why didn't you tell them I'm Jewish? She said, didn't want you to be feel left out.
00:58:49.86
Sami
I have a story about that. I went to school very briefly in London for a year or so when I was ah a young boy. I was about six or seven years old. And um first of all, i i found it very strange.
00:59:02.86
Sami
I had to strange that in in the UK, in the state schools, you you go to school in the morning, then you sing Christian hymns in the morning.
00:59:10.40
Talal K
Mm-hmm.
00:59:11.00
Sami
That was odd. It was fine. I was very happy to to get involved. um But there were these meatballs in the school lunch. There were these meatballs that had, they were so, so tasty.
00:59:25.21
Sami
They had ketchup injected into the core and they had a ah crust and they were my favorite meal for lunch.
00:59:28.29
alexei sayle
Wow.
00:59:34.19
Sami
And then one day queue up and I say, can I have the meatballs please?
00:59:34.16
Talal K
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:59:38.30
Sami
And the dinner dinner lady says, what's your name? And I say, my name's Sammy. Is it Sammy? Abu Wardrobe. I say, yes. She says, you're not allowed.
00:59:49.48
Sami
You're not allowed this. And I say, why? She says, because you're Muslim. And I said, well, I've been eating them this whole time. Like, what's like, you know, like if I'm going to hell, I'm going to hell.
00:59:57.14
alexei sayle
Yeah.
00:59:59.99
Talal K
Shit.
01:00:00.09
alexei sayle
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:00:00.26
Sami
If if you're going to hell, you're going to hell. Let's just carry on.
01:00:02.81
alexei sayle
Yeah.
01:00:03.58
Sami
you know, let's just pretend nobody ever said anything and continue.
01:00:06.46
alexei sayle
Yeah.
01:00:07.10
Sami
But she she refused. She refused to to feed me the
01:00:09.49
alexei sayle
Was there a haram?
01:00:10.58
Sami
really, really tasty pork meatballs, because they they had pork in them.
01:00:10.59
alexei sayle
were poor, presumably.
01:00:12.94
Talal K
Fuck.
01:00:13.57
alexei sayle
Fuck.
01:00:15.02
Sami
Maybe the ketchup as well, who knows? um But no, no, I think she got let she got a notification somehow that I'm a Muslim, so I'm not allowed my favorite meatballs.
01:00:18.46
Talal K
She was just assuming.
01:00:18.55
alexei sayle
Do you...
01:00:24.27
Talal K
Shit. That's fucked. I would have fucking kicked off, mate.
01:00:29.12
Sami
So the thing is if she had just said nothing, i would have been I would have remained innocent, right?
01:00:35.06
Talal K
And you would have gone to heaven.
01:00:35.12
Sami
Because I would have been ignorant. I would have been ignorant of what I was eating.
01:00:36.70
Talal K
Yeah. But instead, you're pignorant.
01:00:40.54
Sami
And yeah, right. um It is what it is. i um Yeah, no, I know...
01:00:44.38
alexei sayle
you know Do you know lots of Christian hymns? and i You weren't there long enough to...
01:00:50.86
Sami
um or just Shepherds wash their socks by night.
01:00:51.48
alexei sayle
All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small.
01:00:58.51
Sami
What is it?
01:00:58.90
alexei sayle
Oh, yeah. That's ah that's a gut's a carol, really, yeah I think.
01:01:01.66
Sami
Yeah, ah the shepherds and the the with their flocks.
01:01:03.68
alexei sayle
Watch their flocks by night. It's all seated round the...
01:01:06.23
Sami
um there was I just remember Christ a lot.
01:01:07.29
alexei sayle
Yeah.
01:01:09.38
Sami
but
01:01:10.04
alexei sayle
Yeah, well, you know, there will be really easy things.
01:01:12.47
Talal K
We three kings of Oriental, trying to smoke a rubber cigar.
01:01:15.77
Sami
That's a good one
01:01:17.98
Talal K
It was loaded and exploded. And then we did ah we did a Jewish one at school. Shalom, my friend, shalom, shalom. Shalom, my friend, shalom.
01:01:29.53
Sami
one. That doesn't sound like a traditional Jewish. That that doesn't that sounds like a modern writing.
01:01:34.94
alexei sayle
yeah We had a bit in the 60s in Liverpool. We had a Beatles one. We three Beatles from Liverpool are. John and on a bicycle.
01:01:46.92
Talal K
In the car.
01:01:46.83
alexei sayle
George in a car. Something on a thing. George on a bicycle. I can't remember now. Following...
01:01:55.29
Sami
My mum...
01:01:55.31
alexei sayle
I'm sorry! George on a bicycle, following Ringo Starr.
01:02:00.02
Talal K
Ah, good one.
01:02:00.14
alexei sayle
There you go.
01:02:01.49
Sami
Was that as a religious hymn from Liverpool?
01:02:02.32
alexei sayle
We four Beatles from Liverpool. Is that really just... Yeah. John in...
01:02:07.22
Sami
Yeah, my mum babysat Paul McCartney's little sister, I think.
01:02:09.34
alexei sayle
John on motorbike.
01:02:11.69
Sami
that was Yeah, yeah she would she saw him a couple of times, but then he got famous very quickly, so she stopped seeing him and she left she left the country.
01:02:11.90
alexei sayle
Really?
01:02:21.40
Talal K
Guys, we don't time for this.
01:02:23.29
alexei sayle
right.
01:02:23.61
Sami
okay um Okay, fine.
01:02:24.15
alexei sayle
All right.
01:02:24.26
Talal K
what' What should we do for our Christmas episode?
01:02:24.89
alexei sayle
All right. right. Bye, everybody.
01:02:26.50
Talal K
Are we going to sing hymns?
01:02:26.71
Sami
Plug my show.
01:02:27.33
alexei sayle
don't know.
01:02:27.99
Sami
let me plug Let me just plug my show just for a second.
01:02:28.53
alexei sayle
I'll... Yeah. All right.
01:02:30.91
Sami
My show is on. Peace the Resistance. It's sold out ah for six nights in London. Sold over 2,000 tickets in the Edinburgh Fringe. And has had rave reviews, won two awards.
01:02:41.34
Sami
It's your chance to see it at the Park Theatre in Finsbury Park. January 29th to February 7th. Get your tickets before it sells out.
01:02:49.27
Talal K
Please. It's such a good fucking show.
01:02:51.03
Sami
Please. Please.
01:02:52.01
Talal K
Sami is a master.
01:02:52.95
alexei sayle
Yeah.
01:02:53.67
Talal K
It's such a good fucking show.
01:02:55.67
alexei sayle
Indeed.
01:02:57.94
Talal K
Thank you.
01:02:57.94
alexei sayle
Well, why don't we just do the Christmas... we We record the Christmas show and see what happens tomorrow or something.
01:03:05.24
Talal K
Okay.
01:03:05.85
Sami
Just see what happens.
01:03:06.87
Talal K
Yes, we'll see what happens.
01:03:07.80
Sami
Put a Santa hat on and open open a stocking.
01:03:09.90
alexei sayle
It's fairly close Christmas. It's like Jules.
01:03:11.93
Sami
Why don't you each fill a stocking for each other, send it to each other's houses, and then open it and ah talk through the gifts you've given each other.
01:03:20.66
alexei sayle
Okay.
01:03:21.59
Talal K
Shit, if only I had that kind of planning. That's such a good one. um Good idea.
01:03:26.58
Sami
You can...
01:03:26.86
Talal K
Next year, we'll do that. we'd have time to do that.
01:03:29.21
Sami
Yeah.
01:03:29.88
Talal K
um All right.
01:03:30.26
Sami
Okay. You're itching itching to stop this, so...
01:03:31.32
Talal K
All right. um
01:03:33.22
Sami
ah
01:03:34.49
Talal K
We have to.
01:03:35.77
Sami
Yeah.
01:03:36.31
Talal K
Okay. I've got to feed my little Diddy.
01:03:37.76
alexei sayle
Well, because David Diddy Hamilton's coming on next. We've got a we' got to hand over to the the the lunchtime guys, the lunchtime crew on Podcast FM.
01:03:50.80
Sami
Featuring Sean Coombs, Sean Puffy Coombs.
01:03:52.22
alexei sayle
Marky Mark. and Yeah.
01:03:53.37
Talal K
Tim Westwood and Ken Dodd.
01:03:54.24
alexei sayle
Mark Wahlberg.
01:03:54.81
Sami
a
01:03:56.76
Talal K
And Aaron Taylor Johnson.
01:03:56.82
alexei sayle
Yeah.
01:03:58.44
Talal K
The Afternoon Zoo crew.
01:03:59.13
alexei sayle
George Mackay. Yeah. All right. Bye-bye, everybody. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
01:04:03.52
Sami
Goodbye.
01:04:05.55
Talal K
Don't leave, Sammy.
01:04:06.86
Sami
I'm here. Don't worry.
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