Nandi K
Welcome to Right Quick.

00:08.53
Vance 😈
A bite-sized pop culture conversation with your favorite queer unfriendly niggers? Niggers?

00:14.77
Nandi K
Niggers. We're unfriendly today because incels are trying to make being lonely cool again. Ew! I'm Nandi K

00:24.22
Vance 😈
And I am Vance Gowe. Today's episode, speaking of incels, speaking of incels, of today's episode, um I wanted slash we wanted to just talk about the um friendship, the power of it.

00:38.60
Vance 😈
um What are your thoughts about it?

00:38.61
Nandi K
Yes, the power of friendship. No, I love friendship, as you well know.

00:41.59
Vance 😈
yeah

00:43.13
Nandi K
It's keeping me alive.

00:43.42
Vance 😈
Yes.

00:44.53
Nandi K
Amen.

00:44.95
Vance 😈
Same. Yeah, so very important topic. in the um and I know we always, every other episode is a very important episode, but I think that ah friendship is like, I mean, obviously that's why we know each other because we're friends.

00:58.68
Nandi K
Well, yes.

00:58.78
Vance 😈
So there's that. But I think like bigger picture, we're always, we love anime. So we're always talking about the power of friendship and like, just like in passing when we're talking about why we like stuff.

01:09.31
Vance 😈
So I just wanted to have this conversation with you, um you know, publicly, I suppose about friendship and what it means.

01:09.50
Nandi K
Yeah. Yeah.

01:15.26
Nandi K
Yeah.

01:17.10
Vance 😈
So yeah, let's just,

01:17.53
Nandi K
I mean, friendship is powering this podcast. So just like you said, friendship powering this podcast, Aaron is also our good friend.

01:25.40
Vance 😈
Yep.

01:25.78
Nandi K
So the power of friendship right there, making this podcast happen. it’s powering my life for sure. Maybe one day powering our livelihoods all together.

01:39.61
Vance 😈
um I mean, I think Aaron says it, we are all passing around the same $20. Is that the, is that the, but well, yeah, yeah.

01:46.20
Nandi K
No, we've moved it up. It's like $500 now we've been passing around. Inflation, because of inflation, we've had to pass around way more.

01:50.97
Vance 😈
Right. Because $20 ain't doing shit.

01:52.21
Nandi K
Mm-mm.

01:53.09
Vance 😈
Like if you need $20, bitch, come live with me. um

01:55.70
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

01:56.92
Vance 😈
But yeah, $500. Absolutely. We just passing that bitch around like, hey, let me hold something.

01:58.90
Nandi K
Yeah.

02:02.04
Vance 😈
um But yeah, let's let's just get started.

02:02.20
Nandi K
Yeah. Yeah.

02:05.16
Vance 😈
So um you you talked about how friendship could keep us alive. Let's talk about that. Like how important are friends to you in your life?

02:12.31
Nandi K
Friends are the most important. I mean, we're some queer people. So obviously found family for me, I can't speak for everybody.

02:22.89
Nandi K
Some people have great supportive families that they were given, you know, but I don't.

02:25.25
Vance 😈
Yep.

02:28.45
Vance 😈
Yep.

02:30.84
Nandi K
And so *laughs* my, my as as y'all know, if y'all have listened to the

02:32.89
Vance 😈
okay

02:32.96
Aaron Freeman
Thank you.

02:34.17
Vance 😈
what is What is that?

02:36.38
Nandi K
yeah

02:36.85
Vance 😈
Yeah.

02:37.34
Nandi K
Any episode of the podcast, y'all know I don't have that. But the family that I've built for myself, oh my gosh, what a beautiful reflection on. Mostly because on the days that I feel like bad about myself, I can look out at my friends and be like, well, these people like me and they're pretty fucking cool. And that's a really, that does keep me going a lot of days.

03:03.83
Vance 😈
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I couldn't say that better. I agree with all of that. i also feel like um my friends have saved my life like, um, I, you know, uh, Vance is a, is an enigma, but Vance may or may not have joined the army at a very early age.

03:19.15
Vance 😈
And, and I recognize myself as someone who is what I like to call an in-betweener, which is like, uh, as a young person, most of us are that way.

03:19.17
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

03:28.36
Vance 😈
We're like, it depends on who you're around. It's probably how the outcome or who you're going to be is.

03:33.59
Nandi K
Yeah.

03:33.98
Vance 😈
And being in an army, that's, you know, I could have been someone else. Right. And, um, because I'm not full-time army, I may or may not be a guard person. um I surrounded myself with...
Nandi K
*plays sound of Andrew Caldwell saying “I’m not gay no more. I am DELIVERT”*

03:49.56
Vance 😈
Fuck off. But but facts... But facts in the opposite direction, right?

03:55.50
Nandi K
Yeah.

03:55.84
Vance 😈
Where it's like, yeah, I surrounded myself with a bunch of rad, queer, like radical people that just kind of like put me on and just like, just show me like, you don't have to be a piece of shit.

04:07.48
Vance 😈
You don't gotta be like bro'd out, you know, all of that. Right. And I mean, I look at and I'm just grateful because I'm like, I could have been someone else and like, we wouldn't know each other.

04:10.78
Nandi K
yeah

04:17.28
Vance 😈
Like, that would be crazy.

04:17.43
Nandi K
Oh my God, that makes me think of when we first met. You were just coming out. That is so, that literally just like really made me think about when we first met. And I say met, I came to an event you was at.

04:34.20
Vance 😈
Yes.

04:34.33
Nandi K
We did meet at the event, but like, I don't know if we met before this story was told.

04:35.36
Vance 😈
Yeah, yes.

04:40.22
Nandi K
but you had just come out and um i forgot who you had told maybe you had told someone who was in the army with you i don't remember who it was who you told maybe it was your best friend i can't remember but

04:53.27
Vance 😈
Yeah, that sounds right. Wait, what was the event?

04:56.25
Nandi K
it was mo betta blues of course

04:58.33
Vance 😈
Oh, okay. was it Was it the one I was facilitating about ah imagination? Because that's what I remember.

05:03.50
Nandi K
No, it was one before that.

05:05.72
Vance 😈
Okay.

05:06.14
Nandi K
No, it was one before that. Because that one was the second one I went to.

05:10.20
Vance 😈
Okay, that's what I remember, remember.

05:10.74
Nandi K
Because this one was the year before I moved there. So I moved there like six months after that.

05:14.30
Vance 😈
You showed up.

05:17.56
Vance 😈
Got you.

05:17.66
Nandi K
After this one.

05:19.13
Vance 😈
Got you.

05:19.19
Nandi K
Yeah.

05:20.15
Vance 😈
Yeah, well, I will say Mo' Betta Blues, LA, Black Healing Space. That was just a space that one of our friends put together, one of our mutuals put together.

05:25.24
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

05:28.31
Vance 😈
And like, yeah, that that group really did change my life. I met people from that group and um we started, well, we didn't start family dinner dinner, but we joined the Black Family Dinner group in LA and like,

05:38.60
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

05:40.28
Vance 😈
that that was just like magic happened the two groups kind of merged and i've been rolling with them people for 10 years plus you know and that is yeah so again back to just answer the question uh uh transformative like my i would be someone else if i did not have the friends of people that i have in my life which is again why i wanted to like why it's nice that we're having this conversation ah so i know i feel it a little

05:49.16
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

05:53.29
Nandi K
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

06:03.05
Nandi K
I'm to definitely get emotional. I'm already like thinking about it because I'm just like, yeah. I'm like, okay, so what's your friendship criteria? Because like talking about like how we met, we met through like a mutual grouping thing.

06:17.97
Nandi K
That's also how I met someone who I won't actually name on this podcast because, but yeah, so I won't, I'm not going to be naming them, but another mutual group.

06:22.78
Vance 😈
I think they listen to think they.

06:30.52
Nandi K
former mutual anyways um of ours like we yeah um definitely a big like part of who i know in Los Angeles and every time i'm in LA those are the people that i want to connect with for sure but what does it take to be your friend like what is your criteria

06:32.15
Vance 😈
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.

06:47.51
Vance 😈
So.

06:51.38
Nandi K
like

06:51.64
Vance 😈
so I think I'm pretty easy initially, right? If you meet me and you're cool and we vibe, you know, that's like the, the that's just how you get in there initially.

07:04.33
Nandi K
Sure.

07:04.42
Vance 😈
But um I do realize from, because I engage with a lot of people, I will say that. Not that I'm friends with everybody, but you know, I got a big, ah but what,

07:12.25
Nandi K
You used to be considered what people would call a friend hoe.

07:16.70
Vance 😈
yeah, I've been, I've been called a friend.

07:17.40
Nandi K
You actually called it that.

07:19.60
Vance 😈
I've been called a friend hoe several times. um And yeah, I mean, I still identify, but I'm i'm a little more selective nowadays because I'm getting older and my time is just...

07:27.19
Nandi K
Oh my God. that You know what I realized? You were mixxy. a friend hoe is being mixxy wow

07:36.31
Vance 😈
Nigga, first of all, we friends because of a mutual friend that was like, oh!

07:40.73
Nandi K
yes but then we met in person though yes but we were laughing together we were like let us Niggle more

07:42.26
Vance 😈
through Right, but it was through friend ho shenanigans why we got so close.

Nigtionary Moment

Vance:
Niggles: verb or noun that means boisterous nigga laughter. example: Lil Black student to teacher: *points at loafers * What are those?! *class erupts into niggles*

07:50.97
Vance 😈
but See, but that's it. that's how That's how you get me and that's how I get you. It's like, are we Niggle too much? Then it's like, okay. And then we'll start messaging on the side and then we might say, hey, let's let's hang out.

07:58.68
Nandi K
yeah

08:02.36
Vance 😈
And I remember the taunt turning point for you and I. You came to LA and you said you needed a ride.

08:09.91
Nandi K
Oh my God. i I was trying not to even like think about like what was like going on in my life.

08:10.62
Vance 😈
And I was like,

08:17.11
Nandi K
That trip to LA was a nightmare. It was such a bad, it that literally is the worst year of my life, 2015.

08:21.75
Vance 😈
Wait.

08:24.76
Vance 😈
Oh, no.

08:25.58
Nandi K
That was the calendar worst year of my life, 2015.

08:28.54
Vance 😈
No.

08:30.65
Nandi K
But yes, I needed a ride because the person that I came to LA with abandoned me as soon as we finished like the trip we were on.

08:36.79
Vance 😈
Wait. Okay. Wait, but that the year you were with your your partner, y'all came together. That's what we're talking about, right?

08:43.96
Nandi K
We went to the Black Lesbians United thing, BLU.

08:46.81
Vance 😈
BLU. Yeah.

08:49.08
Nandi K
When we got back to stay with like their family members, we were staying with she started acting insane.

08:55.89
Vance 😈
funny okay okay what

08:56.76
Nandi K
Immediately, we got back. like We left to get some food on the walk down. Started acting crazy. I came back. i was like She was like, you can't stay at my family's house. I called Heem. Heem came and picked me up.

09:10.71
Nandi K
It was, oh my God. I also had just realized I was in an abusive relationship because I didn't know how to name like abuse.

09:17.53
Vance 😈
wait no Nandi what what Shaun

09:18.68
Nandi K
This was also insane. No, this is that same. You didn't know, but this is, no.

09:25.24
Vance 😈
No, that's not what I'm talking about.

09:25.61
Nandi K
thank God. Oh, in 2019.

09:27.44
Vance 😈
I'm talking about when you and Shaun came down, it had to be 18, 19, okay.

09:27.53
Nandi K
2019, oh, okay, yeah. sure, yeah. twenty nineteen okay yeah

09:33.50
Vance 😈
I was like, that's the turning point for me you in that you asked for a ride from the airport online and I was like, I got you.

09:35.80
Nandi K
oh sure yeah

09:41.50
Vance 😈
And then you bought me some Popeyes.

09:41.70
Nandi K
So sweet.

09:44.36
Vance 😈
And back to answer your question criteria, buy me some Popeye’s draws us off. Like they, they gone.

09:53.17
Nandi K
I can't even start going deep on Popeye's, but Popeye's is a really big deal for me.

09:53.56
Vance 😈
Like,

10:00.01
Nandi K
It is my favorite fast food restaurant. It's the most reliable fast food fried chicken in my personal opinion, because it's accessible. And because every place ain't got a Jollibee, right?

10:09.46
Vance 😈
number one yeah right no everybody popeye's is number one for like commercial chicken

10:11.96
Nandi K
But everybody got a Popeye's. So that's so funny that Popeye's was like,

10:18.68
Vance 😈
It was. So I took, I, we went to Popeye’s, we ate. And then I think you and I had this discussion about chicken. That was essentially, what is your process for eating pie pies? And you broke down your process for eating chicken. And I broke down mine. And I just remember it was so loving and intimate.

10:37.83
Nandi K
How niggerish.

10:38.10
Vance 😈
And it was, it was, it was so niggerish, but it was on brand for both of us.

10:38.75
Nandi K
Wow. I love you.

10:42.03
Vance 😈
And I just remember I was like, yeah, I drizzle honey on mine and I drizzle hot sauce.

10:42.36
Nandi K
yeah

10:45.99
Vance 😈
and you were like, huh? And then, like, we you told me yours. And, like, we just was vibing.

10:49.88
Nandi K
ah Wow.

10:50.59
Vance 😈
And then we we were on that raggedy-ass game show thing.

10:55.69
Nandi K
I'm sure none of those people listen to this. Mm-hmm.

10:58.59
Vance 😈
Fuck them niggas. Yeah, so then that was a turning point for you and I. But anyway, to answer your question, um buy me some chicken.

11:08.50
Vance 😈
um I really value one-on-one, close, like intimate space. um I like people that can have conversations.

11:13.24
Nandi K
I mean

11:15.34
Vance 😈
So if you can have a good conversation, obviously, you're not a bigot. like I think that's obvious. But it needs to be said in 2000, whatever year we're in.

11:20.44
Nandi K
i mean

11:23.42
Vance 😈
and like yeah And then like just the intimacy and just being able to be present and all that, like I think that is really good for me, that's really important. And like, if we can do that together, and obviously, most importantly, laugh.

11:36.89
Nandi K
Yeah. Oh, that's a big one for me.

11:37.69
Vance 😈
The

11:38.97
Nandi K
I would say that's the first one for me. Like we need to be able to laugh together because the stuff I laugh at you know, like I will say like we got some comments on like our Fune episode, right?

11:52.83
Nandi K
And about a how about it was dark, but I did not think it was dark at all.

11:55.48
Vance 😈
Yeah.

11:58.55
Vance 😈
Right. Because, I mean, some...

11:59.42
Nandi K
Right? So, like, it just depends. So, if you don't think that kind of stuff can be funny, that's, like, we're not going to be friends. um I also don't like people who like me too much.

12:11.45
Nandi K
People who are, like, too eager to attach themselves to me.

12:14.42
Vance 😈
Yes. Try hards. Try hard.

12:16.70
Nandi K
Yeah, not something that's natural.

12:16.95
Aaron Freeman
Eight minutes.

12:19.02
Nandi K
Like, I'm doing my thing and you're, like, really trying hard to connect with me. I don't like that. Because if I'm trying to connect with you, why it should be mutual.

12:32.54
Vance 😈
Mm hmm. But it's because you're a cat, but I am similarly a cat.

12:35.96
Nandi K
Sure.Yes.

12:36.98
Vance 😈
Like, like you want affection and attention when you want it and on your terms.

12:37.32
Nandi K
Yes.

12:42.26
Vance 😈
And like somebody doesn't understand that and they're trying to pet you when you're not trying to be pet.

12:42.42
Nandi K
yes

12:46.46
Vance 😈
It's like you got to go. like.

12:47.70
Nandi K
And people be wanting to pet me and I don't like that. Like people do kind of treat me like that sometimes.

12:51.10
Vance 😈
Right. You're going to get scratched.

12:53.74
Nandi K
And then when I'm like, then they're like, oh, you're mean. Or then I see them again. I don't remember them. And they're like, we've met, which I hate.

13:04.06
Nandi K
And the last thing is it also takes two years to become my friend.

13:08.34
Vance 😈
That's fair.

13:09.18
Nandi K
Yeah.

13:09.58
Vance 😈
That's fair.

13:09.58
Nandi K
Like we need to like go through some things. I need to see a few cycles in your life. You need to like actually be someone I can rely on because if I can't rely on you, I don't think you're my friend.

13:21.53
Vance 😈
Agreed.

13:21.66
Nandi K
You can be something lower, which we can talk a little bit about the tiers of friendship. I guess we can like make a segue there. But like something for me, friend and family are like synonymous for me.

13:34.30
Vance 😈
Agreed.

13:34.84
Nandi K
Everybody does not have that definition.

13:35.17
Vance 😈
Agreed.

13:37.08
Nandi K
That's totally fine. For me, friend means something very deep. And so like if I cannot rely on you, And that doesn't mean you need to show up in the ways I think you should show up. I mean, rely on you to be who you say you are, right?

13:55.16
Nandi K
And rely on you to do what you say you're going to do and communicate whenever you cannot. And things happen. It's not always going to be perfect, but those are the kind of things. If you can't do that, or I feel you can't do that, right? Because I get to determine if you're meeting that bar for me.

14:11.48
Nandi K
We cannot be friends. We can be something else like an acquaintance. I'm trying to learn the hierarchies of friendships these days because I'm autistic and it's hard for me. I'd be like, you can't be in my life.

14:25.53
Vance 😈
Well, yeah no, I do think that's important discernment, right? So like close friends inner circle.

14:28.79
Nandi K
Yeah.

14:30.37
Vance 😈
You just said it, like people that you could rely on.

14:32.70
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

14:33.59
Vance 😈
Like if you got it, obviously I don't want $500 from you if you don't have $500. But bitch, if you got $500 and I need $500, like my expectation is that like my close friends got me.

14:45.95
Vance 😈
And like the thing about it is like I know most of my close friends do got me because when I need a $500 before y'all got me, y'all gave it to me.

14:46.68
Nandi K
Yes.

14:52.63
Nandi K
And do whatever you need.

14:55.22
Vance 😈
And I'm right.

14:55.22
Nandi K
If we got it, you got it

14:57.42
Vance 😈
And I live the same way. Like, I'm like, if I got it, if you are my people and I've assigned you as my people, if I got it, you got it. And and the other thing here has to be, it's unsaid maybe, but like, I have to be able to expect that from you.

15:10.68
Nandi K
yeah

15:10.74
Vance 😈
If I cannot, you are not in that group. You are automatically out of that group.

15:14.42
Nandi K
And especially right now, like we're literally in like the end times, as the elders like to say, but we are really in like ah at another type of apocalypse, right?

15:14.46
Vance 😈
Right. Because.

15:20.31
Vance 😈
Yeah. I mean, my, my, right.

15:26.98
Nandi K
Like obviously Black people have experienced apocalypse and genocide, many Black indigenous people.

15:32.34
Vance 😈
ends ends of our worlds

15:34.36
Nandi K
many times over but like the u.s itself is going through a type of apocalypse that it hasn't really seen before and so i don't really now i feel and also as i get older i have less of a tolerance for people who can't be like and you have like community members here which we should just say every community member ain't your friend but your friend should be your community member

15:57.18
Vance 😈
period well that's a literally Absolutely. So yeah, all of your friends are community members, but not all the community members are your friends. Yeah. So like I have community members slash associates slash coworkers here because that's it, right?

16:11.04
Vance 😈
Like these are people you share community with. You may share space, common space. You might have mutual friends. That doesn't mean that they're your friend and that's okay. But I think that's part of maturing is like knowing who your people are.

16:20.73
Nandi K
okay.

16:24.54
Vance 😈
I can meet someone and know they're my people without identifying them as a friend or a close friend even.

16:28.76
Nandi K
Absolutely.

16:29.69
Vance 😈
Right. But I think the work that it takes to make them your close friend is like in the middle, which is what I have. We cool. I like them and I want to know them better. Like I have people like that where like and I think as an adult is really hard to make close friends because you already got your people.

16:40.25
Nandi K
Sure, yeah.

16:46.36
Nandi K
Yeah, and you really got to like go out of your way. I know for me these days, all the friends I make are on the internet because I hate going outside because y'all don't wear masks and y'all have COVID and your frontal lobes are damaged.

16:49.50
Vance 😈
Mm hmm.

16:54.82
Vance 😈
hmm. Mm hmm.

17:01.11
Nandi K
And so I meet all my new friends online.

17:05.74
Vance 😈
Mm-hmm.

17:05.91
Nandi K
Now, I do as much as I can translate those into IRL, whether it's through moving it off the internet to texting

17:12.22
Vance 😈
Mm-hmm.

17:15.14
Vance 😈
Yep.

17:15.93
Nandi K
To actually meeting in person. i have a friend that I've been playing D&D with for like a year.

17:18.24
Vance 😈
Mm-hmm. That's the best version.

17:21.66
Nandi K
um and we finally met in person like this year for the first time. And then we were talking about meeting up at the Zora Neale Hurston Festival because they also love Zora.

17:31.69
Vance 😈
Ooh.

17:32.66
Nandi K
And they never even heard of it It's in January, the end of January.

17:33.04
Vance 😈
Bitch, where is that?

17:36.57
Vance 😈
And in Jackson, oh, that's where she was from, right?

17:38.36
Nandi K
in Eatonville. Eatonville is like, yeah, where she was from. Yeah. So like, it does take work, the kind of work it takes when you're a busy adult with, you know, a job and capitalism constrains us all It's tough.

17:55.88
Nandi K
But when you feel like you want to do that, it's nice to be like, oh, I actually would like to put in the effort for this person.

18:02.01
Vance 😈
Right. Right, yeah, so intentions is a big one, where it's like, yeah, you just gotta to be intentional, and like, obviously, it take two people to do a thing, so like, if you are super eager, a circle here, if you're super eager, and they're not, hey, y'all might not, that thing may not happen, but

18:17.43
Nandi K
Exactly. Yes.

18:19.78
Aaron Freeman
Thank you.

18:19.93
Vance 😈
If there's mutual or there's mutual interest and and the intention that needs to go into it, goes into it, then you might have a new friend. But like not to sound like a ah golden retriever on this podcast, but like I love making new friends.

18:32.38
Vance 😈
Because it's like a whole world that is unexplored. And like it's just it's just a lot of possibility in making new friends.

18:36.41
Nandi K
Yeah.

18:40.62
Vance 😈
I really i really value collaboration. i love that like our brains don't work the same.

18:43.49
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

18:46.14
Vance 😈
Because, bitch, we can make better stuff.

18:47.32
Nandi K
God, yes. Oh my God. Imagine if all our brains worked exactly.

18:50.38
Aaron Freeman
Um,

18:51.96
Nandi K
It's so boring.

18:53.49
Vance 😈
trash and the energy that goes into stuff is lessened when you have collaboration and like partnership and people help you so again i think i think i maybe brought it up before the podcast started but like the idea of like even like what we're talking about i think is a threat to the status quo because like the individualism of it all the like oh you need to be you need to get your partner and just your family unit and worry about them i'm like well that's how you die that's how you

19:08.42
Nandi K
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

19:19.64
Nandi K
Yes, exactly.

19:20.60
Vance 😈
ah burn out into oblivion. Like, if you don't have, like, people around you, um I value, I think your success is related to who you have around you. If you got a bunch of loser bitches around you, might be a loser bitch. You know? Like, if you got a bunch of, like...

19:36.41
Nandi K
Your alliance to losers is unnatural.

19:39.64
Vance 😈
Yeah. Right. Right. cat right

19:43.70
Nandi K
we have a time check, Soundman? Audio Adonis?

19:47.02
Aaron Freeman
Respectfully, respectfully, the difficulty in keeping time with this beautiful conversation is that we are like four over, but I cannot interrupt anything. So

19:56.92
Nandi K
Okay, we're gonna speed it up. We only have a little bit left anyway.

19:58.52
Vance 😈
Okay. Okay.

19:59.80
Aaron Freeman
this is spectacular.

20:00.36
Nandi K
But yeah, we do. it We love each other. Yeah. Wow. What did I do? What was I just quoting? You're alliance to losers, Katt Williams.

20:10.68
Vance 😈
Oh, oh, Cat Williams.

20:11.59
Nandi K
Yeah, if, yeah, you know, I heard that a really long time ago, like, show me your friends, I'll show you my future. and I've lived by that for a really long time.

20:17.08
Vance 😈
Right, right.

20:19.63
Nandi K
And I've always been very proud of the people I had around me every time i had to like, look at that.

20:26.84
Vance 😈
hu

20:26.90
Nandi K
And to like, oh, do you, are you still non-monogamous, Vance? You still identify as non-monogamous?

20:33.49
Vance 😈
I

20:34.92
Nandi K
Where are you at these days with that?

20:37.85
Vance 😈
don't know. i mean, like, yes.

20:38.46
Nandi K
Okay, that's fine. No need to, no pressure.

20:40.73
Vance 😈
Yeah. I mean, yes. Right. Like, I think I think I absolutely live under that umbrella.

20:42.42
Nandi K
Okay.

20:45.29
Vance 😈
But, um. yeah Yes, yes. And I think it's been helpful for me to have um maybe poly poly friends that are in healthy dynamics that kind of ah model that, right?

20:48.18
Nandi K
Okay.

20:57.11
Vance 😈
Because not even that ah not even that I'm Mr.

20:57.08
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

20:59.93
Vance 😈
Poly and I'm out here, but like just in general, I think my framework around relationships is really based on polyamory, right?

21:06.33
Nandi K
Literally what I was going to say.

21:06.43
Vance 😈
Where it's just like... There's no hierarchy for me. Like, it's just like, well, there is obviously we tiered it, but you know what I mean? Like, it's not like, like I don't have a best friend.

21:13.53
Nandi K
Yep.

21:15.70
Vance 😈
Like um I think you and I may be right.

21:17.59
Nandi K
I call so many people my best friend.

21:19.67
Vance 😈
Right. Cause I have like four or five people that are like my best friends. And like, I, yeah, I have like three or four.

21:22.87
Nandi K
i would say I have five best friends usually at a time. Like, yeah.

21:27.66
Vance 😈
And then like, there are some people I just like, no, that's family, but that's the same thing to me. Like, it's just like, oh, this person's so close.

21:32.25
Nandi K
Yeah. Yeah.

21:33.90
Vance 😈
They're like a sibling, AKA best friend. But there is not one best friend because bitch what?

21:36.28
Nandi K
Yeah.

21:38.86
Vance 😈
Like I love you bitches differently. Y'all all do different things.

21:42.49
Nandi K
Yeah, I would say my...

21:42.81
Vance 😈
And that's

21:44.09
Nandi K
Yeah, exactly. My whole, like, when i started, like, I had a terrible intro to non-monogamy. Man, I have a slew of bad partners behind me. However...

21:55.70
Nandi K
When I started learning more about non-monogamy and polyamory, I was like, oh, yeah, like with my friends, when they get new friends, I don't get jealous or feel possessive over that.

22:10.71
Nandi K
That really clicked for me. And then when I started getting into like relationship anarchy, speaking of like not having hierarchies for relationships, Which is not not having hierarchies.

22:22.78
Nandi K
It's about, i mean, it is, but it's saying that no behaviors are reserved for certain relationships. So you can have sex with your friends and you cannot have sex with your romantic partner.

22:28.89
Vance 😈
Right.

22:34.23
Nandi K
And there's all kinds of ways, right, to be in relationship and no type of relationship determines what that framework is for you. But that kind of view helped me be like, oh,

22:48.06
Nandi K
I should have multiple partners because one, one person can't be all. And really what it's given me is like way more space to have deeper relationships with my friends, like people who I consider like more platonic partners.

23:05.68
Nandi K
Like we're we're like a little bit more than friends because we're doing life together in like a different way, but we're not necessarily like sexually intertwined or, you

23:06.54
Vance 😈
Mm

23:10.26
Vance 😈
hmm.

23:16.21
Vance 😈
Right. Right.

23:17.56
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

23:17.75
Vance 😈
So it's like life partners, but like, yeah, it might not be

23:17.90
Nandi K
Right.

23:21.18
Vance 😈
ah But, like, no, I mean, i i feel I feel that a lot because a lot of the time, like, hey, you know the the radical idea that, like, romance is maybe be not for everybody. and And I don't mean, like, “romance”, but I mean, like, romantic partnership, right?

23:31.85
Nandi K
Mm-hmm. right

23:34.91
Vance 😈
Like, there are some people that are going to die with, like, being single or something, right? And that means nothing. Like, that just means, like, that... that doesn't mean they didn't fulfill something in their life, especially if they weren't looking for it.

23:47.13
Nandi K
No.

23:48.80
Vance 😈
Right. So like, I think everyone should get what they want.

23:48.97
Nandi K
Mm hmm.

23:51.20
Vance 😈
Like if you want a partner, you want a wife, a husband, whatever, go get one.

23:51.85
Nandi K
Yep.

23:55.24
Vance 😈
Right. But like for the people that don't have it, I think there's so much message in that.

23:55.99
Nandi K
Yeah.

23:59.01
Vance 😈
It's like, Oh, you're worthless.

23:59.54
Nandi K
I agree.

24:00.69
Vance 😈
So you failed or you're alone. And I'm like, how could, how could you be alone if you're surrounded with people that care about you and take care of you?

24:06.39
Nandi K
Yes, and also if you love your own company, also, I'm like, I have to say, you you fucking bitch, I was about to call y'all some nasty names.

24:07.68
Vance 😈
And right.

24:18.48
Nandi K
You're fucking frontal. Anyways, your brains aren't there from the fucking COVID melt. I like being by myself.

24:27.12
Vance 😈
Yep.

24:27.93
Nandi K
you get Let me tell you something. When no one is home, oh when I don't have to speak for hours,

24:36.31
Vance 😈
Mm hmm. Right.

24:37.72
Nandi K
I love it.

24:39.54
Vance 😈
I mean, that that.

24:39.74
Nandi K
And I know too many people who care about me who I also care about. So if I was feeling like, oh, I feel a little alone, I would just hit somebody on up and be like, hey.

24:49.06
Vance 😈
Right. Right. Right. My.

24:53.02
Nandi K
Well, yeah.

24:54.46
Vance 😈
ah Yeah, dang, we we we've been past time. um

24:57.82
Nandi K
Well, let's get into the last little pieces about the power of friendship in and media and some of our favorite displays of friendship.

25:00.57
Vance 😈
Okay.

25:07.53
Nandi K
I named some that we have like talked about this year. So She-Ra, of course, that was on our fandom episode that we talked about.

25:15.08
Vance 😈
Yep. thank

25:17.83
Nandi K
Love She-Ra. And then Zora and Langston, which I just love because...

25:21.11
Vance 😈
Yeah, the seasonal friendship.

25:23.42
Nandi K
Yeah, a seasonal, a human friendship showing that everybody is messy, nobody is perfect, and sometimes friendships end, you know?

25:26.49
Vance 😈
Yeah, human. Very human.

25:34.74
Vance 😈
My favorite Color Purple, like how friendship, what specific type of people, right?

25:36.47
Nandi K
Of course.

25:38.74
Aaron Freeman
Bye.

25:41.24
Vance 😈
Like black women saved that lady's life, but like friendship with people just could actually save your life and like change your life for the better as we talked about.

25:42.10
Nandi K
Yes. Yes.

25:49.59
Nandi K
Yeah, and then we got some music on here. For me, R.I.P. D'Angelo, I Found My Smile Again, which is like my first D'Angelo song that I loved on my own, which is on the Space Jam soundtrack. um So good.

26:05.14
Nandi K
Just about like, yeah, when I think about like friendship and like when I really was like, friendship is so special to me. It was like life was like worth living again.

26:15.22
Nandi K
Like I'm happy again, which I remember when I used to be like, I didn't even think I,

26:15.87
Vance 😈
Of

26:19.74
Nandi K
needed to be happy and now because people love me i realize i deserve that more than than anything so it's so nice and i also said the makings of you by curtis mayfield which is such a fucking banger from claudine so so good

26:25.43
Vance 😈
the

26:29.27
Vance 😈
course, a banger is really beautiful. added Be Real Black for me. and like it's just ah It's a beautiful sentiment.

26:36.18
Nandi K
so good

26:39.38
Vance 😈
like just I love you so much.

26:39.93
Nandi K
yeah

26:41.34
Vance 😈
i want your ass to be real Black for me.

26:43.64
Nandi K
I love all our examples were like really Black.

26:46.97
Vance 😈
Yes, naturally.

26:47.16
Nandi K
Except for She-Ra. She-Ra was the only thing that wasn't that ah wasn't Black. ah So good. Well, I'm so grateful for you, Vance. You're one of my favorite people in the whole world.

27:00.45
Vance 😈
Same.

27:00.62
Nandi K
I'm so glad we're doing this. I hope that people listening, love on your friends while they're here.

27:07.90
Vance 😈
Yes.

27:07.90
Nandi K
Don't forget to resolve your conflict. Stop letting conflict be the end of your relationships because it's an opportunity for, yeah and it's an opportunity to get closer, actually.

27:15.12
Vance 😈
It's going to happen.

27:19.11
Nandi K
When you have conflict, it's a way to get closer.

27:21.98
Vance 😈
Right. It's definitely ah a pathway to intimacy, right? Because like if you have a thing and you just don't talk about it, that becomes your culture. And if you actually have a conversation and push through it, you feel closer to the person eventually, ultimately.

27:33.72
Nandi K
yeah yeah don't let these fucking influencers make you think it's cool that it's cool to not have friends that it's cool to like cut everybody off who makes you upset it's not maybe you're the problem me and *beep* are not the prop

27:35.61
Vance 😈
ah Unless...

27:53.98
Nandi K
Me and Vance are not the problem. I was doing so well today. i was doing so well today.

27:58.01
Vance 😈
You did great. You did great.

27:59.42
Nandi K
i worked so I've been working so hard. But it's just I love you so much, I just start getting loosey-goosey with it

28:09.35
Vance 😈
good. But, uh, yeah, i mean, with that, today's episode is sponsored by what, what is the best embodiment of friendship? I'm trying to think. Let's, I'm gonna say the sailor scouts, uh, them bitches love friendship that, that keeps them together.

28:21.95
Nandi K
Okay, yes.

28:25.06
Vance 😈
ah

28:25.14
Nandi K
I was one of the Sailor Scouts for Halloween.

28:27.22
Vance 😈
I saw. I was hella jealous.

28:28.22
Nandi K
I looked really cute.

28:29.02
Vance 😈
I was like, what? Would you get the whatever? we We'll talk.

28:33.21
Nandi K
That was my own personal wig.

28:33.43
Vance 😈
ah

28:34.81
Nandi K
The wig I had actually bought to wear with it did not work out, but I had a i have an extensive wig collection, as you can imagine.

28:39.53
Vance 😈
Nah. a blondie.

28:44.76
Nandi K
but

28:45.65
Vance 😈
All right. Well, I'll take us out. a Big thanks to our producer on audio Adonis, Aaron Brand Freeman. I have been Vance Gowe, and you can find me on the Gram.

28:57.94
Vance 😈
and TikTok of Vance Gowe. What is it? Reed is alive.

29:01.62
Nandi K
And VanceVowefasho.

29:03.96
Vance 😈
VanceVowefasho. That's better than what I just said. Yes.

29:06.28
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

29:06.68
Vance 😈
And where can you be found, Boo?

29:08.80
Nandi K
And I'm Nandi Kay. Y'all can find me, as always, on Instagram and threads at Nandi Kay-A-Y-Y-Y. And don't forget to check out A They Agenda Christmas on Spotify.

29:25.33
Nandi K
See y'all later.

29:25.57
Vance 😈
Hey, goodbye. Love y'all.

Nandi K
Yeah. Do you want to do it

29:38.84
Vance 😈
Sure. Do we have the definition of niggle?

29:39.83
Nandi K
Okay. Let me pull up.

29:41.56
Vance 😈
I know we did. I've sent it somewhere.