1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:09,110 Buddha says ‘An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a 2 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:15,589 wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.’ 3 00:00:15,589 --> 00:00:21,100 An age-old -problem that contributes to our daily suffering is the presence of negative 4 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:24,670 or toxic people in one’s life. 5 00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:30,529 Anyone who has experienced such a presence knows how draining it can be; how it can render 6 00:00:30,529 --> 00:00:35,260 you completely unable to enjoy the things you used to. 7 00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:42,399 These kinds of people can make you feel pessimistic, insecure, down, or even afraid. 8 00:00:42,399 --> 00:00:45,360 But everybody has to deal with them. 9 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,560 How? 10 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:52,110 Keep watching to see how the lessons of Buddhism can help you deal with the difficult people 11 00:00:52,110 --> 00:00:53,449 in your life. 12 00:00:53,449 --> 00:00:57,829 Acknowledge There Are difficult People Around You 13 00:00:57,829 --> 00:01:04,330 Budddha says “Life is suffering.” 14 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:10,880 According to Buddhism, life has three main aspects, often called 'marks of existence': 15 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,430 Aniccā, Anattā, and Dukkha. 16 00:01:14,430 --> 00:01:20,250 Aniccā, meaning Impermanence, highlights that everything in life is temporary. 17 00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:27,220 Anattā emphasizes the absence of a permanent 'self'; that we are constantly changing. 18 00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:32,590 And Dukkha, often translated as 'suffering' or 'dissatisfaction,’ is the feeling of 19 00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:37,229 discomfort or unease that comes with just being alive." 20 00:01:37,229 --> 00:01:42,360 However, Buddhism doesn’t say that there is nothing you can do about your suffering. 21 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:50,480 In contrast, Buddhist teachings focus on showing one how to and what one can then do about 22 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,480 it. 23 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:57,369 You can only escape suffering when you accept its existence and analyze the reality of your 24 00:01:57,369 --> 00:02:01,100 situation and the options you have. 25 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:06,490 Similarly accepting that some people can be negative or toxic is an important part of 26 00:02:06,490 --> 00:02:07,850 Buddhist teachings. 27 00:02:07,850 --> 00:02:13,580 Buddha recognized various types of negative people, each posing unique challenges to personal 28 00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:15,090 well-being. 29 00:02:15,090 --> 00:02:20,090 There are those who engage in harmful speech, spreading negativity through gossip, criticism, 30 00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:21,569 or deceit. 31 00:02:21,569 --> 00:02:27,349 Others may exhibit behaviors driven by jealousy, envy, or resentment, leading to toxic and 32 00:02:27,349 --> 00:02:29,390 draining interactions. 33 00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:34,790 Additionally, individuals who constantly focus on material pursuits or self-centered desires 34 00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:40,150 without regard for others can also contribute to a negative environment. 35 00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:45,739 Buddha tells us that life is always changing, and relationships aren’t permanent so instead 36 00:02:45,739 --> 00:02:51,320 of fighting against or getting angry about toxic people, Buddhism suggests accepting 37 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,000 the reality to keep our inner calm. 38 00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:01,240 Buddha teaches us that accepting doesn't mean we have to agree or tolerate negativity. 39 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:06,549 It's about realizing tough times with difficult people are temporary, and finding strength 40 00:03:06,549 --> 00:03:08,580 within ourselves. 41 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:12,660 By not letting toxic people affect our inner peace, we stay balanced. 42 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:18,989 In short, Buddha's teachings help us see toxic people as a temporary part of life, and that 43 00:03:18,989 --> 00:03:24,680 understanding can bring us peace. 44 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:29,739 Practice Restraint According to Buddha “A disciplined mind 45 00:03:29,739 --> 00:03:31,799 brings happiness.” 46 00:03:31,799 --> 00:03:37,360 One day, when Buddha was walking through the village, one man who’d heard of him and 47 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:41,120 his teachings came up to him and started yelling at him. 48 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,900 ‘You’re a fake,’ he shouted at Buddha. 49 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:47,879 ‘You have no right to impose your teachings on others.’ 50 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:50,680 He went on like that for a while. 51 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:57,650 And meanwhile, Buddha just let him - listening patiently until the man was done and silent. 52 00:03:57,650 --> 00:04:01,150 ‘Do you ever give other people gifts?’ 53 00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:02,819 Buddha asked him. 54 00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:06,069 The man was taken aback by the question. 55 00:04:06,069 --> 00:04:08,340 ‘Yes,’ he said. 56 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:11,390 ‘But what if they refuse to take it? 57 00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:12,840 What would happen to the gift?’ 58 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,790 ‘Well, I’d keep it,’ said the man. 59 00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:18,190 ‘And who would it belong to?’ 60 00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,950 Buddha asked. 61 00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:21,699 ‘Me,’ the man said. 62 00:04:21,699 --> 00:04:23,540 ’It would be mine.’ 63 00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:29,820 Buddha smiled and then told the man: ‘The same goes for this situation. 64 00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:35,639 You gave me anger and insults, but I don’t accept them, so they stay with you. 65 00:04:35,639 --> 00:04:39,410 They belong to you, not to me.’ 66 00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:45,120 This beautiful story is a perfect example of how to deal with negativity in your life. 67 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,080 In short: don’t accept it. 68 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:52,090 Don’t let it infiltrate your thoughts and emotions. 69 00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:57,130 If you manage to refrain from taking over someone else’s anger or negativity, then 70 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,220 you won’t be affected. 71 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:04,950 If you, however, react in anger or frustration, you won’t just feel more negative yourself 72 00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:08,229 - you’ll feed off each other’s negativity. 73 00:05:08,229 --> 00:05:14,419 It’s the unwanted gift that keeps on giving - if both of you keep accepting and reacting 74 00:05:14,419 --> 00:05:20,580 to each other’s negativity, that negativity will only get worse. 75 00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:24,220 So how does one stay so detached and peaceful? 76 00:05:24,220 --> 00:05:31,610 It’s all about self-control: when confronted with insults or critique, we usually get a 77 00:05:31,610 --> 00:05:35,710 strong urge to defend ourselves and prove our attackers wrong. 78 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:41,010 But if you start to do any of this, you’re engaging with their negativity. 79 00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:43,220 You accept their insults. 80 00:05:43,220 --> 00:05:46,310 It will cost energy and affect your mood. 81 00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:52,450 But most importantly, you probably won’t change their mind anyway: in heated moments, 82 00:05:52,450 --> 00:05:58,010 people often can’t see through their own anger, and your energy will be wasted. 83 00:05:58,010 --> 00:06:01,419 You won’t achieve anything worth the trouble. 84 00:06:01,419 --> 00:06:07,949 Furthermore, these difficult people with their negative outlook may actually value your patience 85 00:06:07,949 --> 00:06:12,919 and attentive listening, and they might even develop a liking for you as their negativity 86 00:06:12,919 --> 00:06:14,509 lessens. 87 00:06:14,509 --> 00:06:19,940 By staying patient, listening actively, and not letting negativity affect you, you not 88 00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:25,400 only shield yourself but may also help ease the other person's negativity. 89 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:30,870 So, practice patience, kindness, and understanding. 90 00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:35,270 It may seem challenging, but it's more achievable than you think. 91 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:40,380 Think of your words as a limited resource that you need to save up for when it matters 92 00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:45,030 and think of your anger and discomfort as tests of endurance. 93 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:50,560 This will help you in resisting the temptation to defend yourself impulsively, as it drains 94 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,349 your energy. 95 00:06:52,349 --> 00:06:57,310 However it’s important to remember that patience isn’t a weakness. 96 00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:59,610 It shouldn’t emerge from fear. 97 00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:03,470 You should be patient because you believe in what it can achieve. 98 00:07:03,470 --> 00:07:08,849 In short, when someone gives you negativity, don’t accept it and simply leave it with 99 00:07:08,849 --> 00:07:09,849 them. 100 00:07:09,849 --> 00:07:15,949 Don’t engage and don’t react - just listen patiently until they’re done. 101 00:07:15,949 --> 00:07:22,819 You’ll find what wonders your silence can do. 102 00:07:22,819 --> 00:07:28,660 Practice Clearing Your Mind In the words of Buddha “It is a man’s 103 00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:35,199 own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.” 104 00:07:35,199 --> 00:07:40,470 Criticism can be a good thing - and even if others direct anger at you, this might be 105 00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:43,550 deserved and could help you in your growth. 106 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:47,879 So where does one find the balance between taking other people’s opinions to heart 107 00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:50,490 and not doing so? 108 00:07:50,490 --> 00:07:54,220 You should listen to them in a way that doesn’t affect you. 109 00:07:54,220 --> 00:08:00,100 Don’t blindly accept the things thrown or yelled at you at first - but do think about 110 00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,349 them. 111 00:08:01,349 --> 00:08:05,560 Clear your head before you evaluate someone’s insults and anger. 112 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:10,550 You might find that someone’s anger is based on a misunderstanding - and you can calmly 113 00:08:10,550 --> 00:08:12,599 try to correct them. 114 00:08:12,599 --> 00:08:17,569 Or perhaps their anger is justified, and you realize this by examining the reasoning without 115 00:08:17,569 --> 00:08:21,430 letting the negative emotions attached to it in. 116 00:08:21,430 --> 00:08:25,860 If this is the case, and you are thinking calmly and objectively, you’ll see this 117 00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:31,400 as an opportunity for growth and think of an apology and how to be better in the future. 118 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:36,610 It won’t feel negative - in fact it may actually feel good. 119 00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:39,979 So how does one clear their head? 120 00:08:39,979 --> 00:08:45,580 Buddha had a great tip that might help you to do so in the moment itself: don’t try 121 00:08:45,580 --> 00:08:51,140 to get distracted by a person’s tone, expressions, or attitude. 122 00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:54,779 Instead, try to listen to the words only. 123 00:08:54,779 --> 00:08:58,269 If you cannot do this at that moment, you can also wait until you’re in a peaceful 124 00:08:58,269 --> 00:09:01,080 situation to think about it. 125 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:06,920 One famous type of Buddhist meditation is Shamatha, also known as mindfulness. 126 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:13,660 It is a style of meditation that focuses on developing clarity and calmness in the mind 127 00:09:13,660 --> 00:09:16,730 with the ultimate goal of inner peace. 128 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:24,300 The basis of the practice of shamatha, is as follows: Sit comfortably - you can look 129 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:30,510 up recommended positions for Buddhist meditations - observe the way you breathe without changing 130 00:09:30,510 --> 00:09:36,660 it, and practice ‘touch and go’ on your thoughts, which means that you should acknowledge 131 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:41,610 every single thought that pops into your head, without engaging with them. 132 00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:46,240 This means that you shouldn’t evaluate the thought, shouldn’t form an opinion on it, 133 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:52,480 shouldn’t try to argue for or against it, or even try and see what caused it… just 134 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:56,470 acknowledge its existence and let it go. 135 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:59,430 Touch and go. 136 00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:03,660 Dealing with your thoughts this way is an incredibly helpful practice for controlling 137 00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:09,790 anger, negative thoughts or emotions other people might arise in you - during an argument, 138 00:10:09,790 --> 00:10:11,060 for example. 139 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:15,620 Moreover, by doing so, you’ll find that at the end of it, when you’ve acknowledged 140 00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:20,570 all your thoughts without engaging, you’ll feel nothing but calmness and clarity when 141 00:10:20,570 --> 00:10:23,019 you do eventually engage. 142 00:10:23,019 --> 00:10:28,209 The mediation has helped you let go of any anger, frustration, annoyance, et cetera, 143 00:10:28,209 --> 00:10:36,329 and as a result you can now evaluate what made you feel that way without feeling compromised. 144 00:10:36,329 --> 00:10:42,139 So if a difficult person makes you feel negative, make sure to take some time for yourself and 145 00:10:42,139 --> 00:10:43,589 meditate. 146 00:10:43,589 --> 00:10:48,720 When you clear your mind and only react to challenging situations and people with clarity, 147 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:56,700 you’ll find that someone else’s negativity will never affect you. 148 00:10:56,700 --> 00:11:02,779 Practice Compassion Buddha teaches us to “Forgive others not 149 00:11:02,779 --> 00:11:07,389 because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” 150 00:11:07,389 --> 00:11:16,540 If there is one thing Buddhism always stresses, it’s the importance of empathy and compassion. 151 00:11:16,540 --> 00:11:21,230 Some people in your life can make you feel bad or have a negative effect on you. 152 00:11:21,230 --> 00:11:26,850 But sometimes, you can't or don't want to stop being around them. 153 00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:30,750 Dealing with these people can be extremely tough. 154 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:37,190 Think of bosses, coworkers, parents, siblings, et cetera. 155 00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:40,480 Often people are negative even without realizing it. 156 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:46,870 They complain for hours without even realizing that the root cause is their own behavior! 157 00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:52,579 This means that some of the people who complain or criticize really don’t realize that they’re 158 00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:57,350 being negative or that there could be another way of looking at things. 159 00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:01,190 Think back to the story of Buddha and the angry man. 160 00:12:01,190 --> 00:12:06,889 By not accepting the anger, Buddha saved himself from being influenced by the man’s negativity. 161 00:12:06,889 --> 00:12:12,670 But by not walking away and listening, he was able to calm the man down enough to learn 162 00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:14,500 this valuable lesson. 163 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:19,720 Buddha’s patience and compassion were as important as his resistance and rejection 164 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:24,230 - both make up a powerful side of the story. 165 00:12:24,230 --> 00:12:28,730 When people in your life - especially those close to you - have negative energy and you 166 00:12:28,730 --> 00:12:33,630 respond with negativity back, the two of you will only increase each other’s misery more 167 00:12:33,630 --> 00:12:34,630 and more. 168 00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:40,350 Ignoring them completely, though, will result in them feeling unheard and frustrated, which 169 00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:45,490 might also cultivate their negativity more - and moreover, you’ll be confronted with 170 00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:48,410 worse the next time you interact with them. 171 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:56,400 So instead, try to show them patience, empathy, compassion, and indeed forgiveness, if necessary. 172 00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:01,190 Empathy and compassion don’t mean that you have to agree with others - not at all! 173 00:13:01,190 --> 00:13:06,360 But it does mean that you should take the time and energy to try and see things from 174 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:11,779 their perspective: why do these people in your life see things the way they do? 175 00:13:11,779 --> 00:13:14,350 What makes them feel this way? 176 00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:18,899 Think of someone who’s yelling at you because of an innocent mistake you made. 177 00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:23,980 You might feel frustrated, hurt, or angry at them - but if you let those emotions get 178 00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:30,300 the better of you, the other person will only feel and therefore grow more negativity themselves. 179 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:34,800 You might want to walk away, but that won’t resolve anything. 180 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,459 Instead, try to listen. 181 00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:41,040 What if they’re behaving the way they are because they didn’t sleep at all last night 182 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,430 and are incredibly stressed. 183 00:13:43,430 --> 00:13:47,279 Maybe they are yelling because they grew up with parents who yelled at them, making them 184 00:13:47,279 --> 00:13:48,790 think it’s normal. 185 00:13:48,790 --> 00:13:52,420 Maybe they are yelling because there’s something else going on in their life that makes them 186 00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:53,589 extra emotional… 187 00:13:53,589 --> 00:13:58,380 And let’s be real - Can you honestly say that you’ve never yelled at someone and 188 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,139 regretted it? 189 00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:05,560 The beauty of this technique is that you’ll find the logic behind their behavior, understand 190 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:10,210 it, and thus feel any emotion you had about it ebb away. 191 00:14:10,210 --> 00:14:15,030 This act of empathy can then help you to de-escalate the situation. 192 00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:19,111 If you know, for example, the person’s been going through a rough time lately, you can 193 00:14:19,111 --> 00:14:22,130 acknowledge that and offer to talk to them about it. 194 00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:27,870 A kind response to a fit of negativity can throw people off guard, and temporarily take 195 00:14:27,870 --> 00:14:30,050 them out of their destructive mindset. 196 00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:36,380 By not engaging with a negative attitude, and by showing kindness instead, you can drag 197 00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:38,670 people out of their mental rut. 198 00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:43,220 And then they might be able to think clearly and more reasonably, too. 199 00:14:43,220 --> 00:14:47,570 Beyond this, learn to forgive everyone. 200 00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:52,421 Buddha says that we should ‘Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but 201 00:14:52,421 --> 00:14:53,970 because we deserve peace.’ 202 00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:57,149 And that’s precisely it. 203 00:14:57,149 --> 00:15:01,180 Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you now think what happened to you was okay, 204 00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:04,920 but rather that you are ready to move on. 205 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:09,540 If you’ve forgiven s omething, you no longer hold onto resentment, and it will gradually 206 00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:13,519 leave your mind. 207 00:15:13,519 --> 00:15:18,829 Practice Right Speech In our final quote from Buddha for this video, 208 00:15:18,829 --> 00:15:26,740 he says “‘Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.” 209 00:15:26,740 --> 00:15:31,639 Buddhism defines ‘right speech’ as the speech that will make you and the other person 210 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,069 the happiest. 211 00:15:33,069 --> 00:15:38,449 This doesn’t mean that you have to say the right or morally correct things all the time, 212 00:15:38,449 --> 00:15:41,740 or that you have to overthink what you’re going to say. 213 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:47,930 The focus lies on the intention behind the words and their potential impact on the well-being 214 00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:51,529 of individuals and the wider community. 215 00:15:51,529 --> 00:15:56,880 When dealing with difficult people, right speech is the perfect tool to use to keep 216 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:01,579 yourself calm and happy - and possibly help the other person too. 217 00:16:01,579 --> 00:16:06,630 Here are the rules to follow in order to use right speech: 218 00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:09,779 First, refrain from lying. 219 00:16:09,779 --> 00:16:14,209 The motivations for lying are often not very respectable. 220 00:16:14,209 --> 00:16:18,630 Many people lie because of greed or laziness, for example. 221 00:16:18,630 --> 00:16:23,149 Someone who lies will feel the need to lie more often - either because it was so easy 222 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:27,210 or because they need to lie more to uphold their original lie. 223 00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:31,540 By allowing yourself to lie, you allow those bad habits to fester. 224 00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:35,940 If you’re lying to save face, this will only end up with you avoiding responsibility 225 00:16:35,940 --> 00:16:38,340 and not growing as a person. 226 00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:42,110 If you’re lying to spare someone’s feelings, you’ll hurt them more if they eventually 227 00:16:42,110 --> 00:16:43,550 find out. 228 00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:48,450 Honesty is the best way to ensure happiness and growth. 229 00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:54,410 Secondly, right speech requires you to abstain from speaking slander. 230 00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:58,680 When someone in your life bothers you, you might find temporary relief in slandering 231 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:03,769 them behind their back - however, not only will this not achieve any helpful results 232 00:17:03,769 --> 00:17:09,179 in the long term, but this might even have a negative impact on your life. 233 00:17:09,179 --> 00:17:12,980 Speaking slander might alienate the person you’re slandering from other people in their 234 00:17:12,980 --> 00:17:16,970 life, fostering their negative feelings and toxicity. 235 00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:21,410 On the opposite end, people might disagree with you and start to dislike you for your 236 00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:25,910 tendency to gossip, which could alienate you further. 237 00:17:25,910 --> 00:17:31,100 Slander is a negative action that will only bring about negative results. 238 00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:36,919 Buddhism instead encourages you to do the opposite whenever you can: promote friendship 239 00:17:36,919 --> 00:17:38,450 and harmony. 240 00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:42,580 When speaking about another person, try to understand where they’re coming from or 241 00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:47,830 discuss with others what you could do to make interactions with them more pleasant for everyone 242 00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:48,980 around. 243 00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:53,180 Thirdly, speak gently and avoid harsh words. 244 00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:58,789 Harsh words are only meant to cause pain or shock to the recipient - causing more negativity 245 00:17:58,789 --> 00:18:00,809 all around. 246 00:18:00,809 --> 00:18:05,390 When you try to remove the harsh words from a sentence and replace them with gentler synonyms 247 00:18:05,390 --> 00:18:10,549 or phrasings, you’ll see if your sentence still actually means something, or if its 248 00:18:10,549 --> 00:18:14,400 point completely depends on insults or anger. 249 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:18,080 If that happens, then you’re probably not saying much. 250 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:23,640 Harsh words are an easy and cheap way to make your listeners feel something - but only if 251 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:28,640 you can make them feel similar using calm and kind words, does your speech actually 252 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,679 have a profound point. 253 00:18:30,679 --> 00:18:36,630 So if you use harsh words towards a toxic person, you’ll probably only foster their 254 00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:42,960 negativity and fail to bring about any positive change to their or your situation. 255 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:47,890 If however, you can convince them of something using gentle words, you might have actually 256 00:18:47,890 --> 00:18:50,920 changed their ways. 257 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:55,120 And lastly, try to refrain from idle chatter. 258 00:18:55,120 --> 00:19:00,750 Buddhism defines idle chatter as pointless talk without any purpose or depth. 259 00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:04,960 When engaging in mindless chatter, you might utter things that you don’t mean, haven’t 260 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,280 thought through, or can cause unnecessary harm. 261 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,600 Or to put it another way: think before you speak! 262 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,659 An important note about idle chatter is that this doesn’t mean that you should never 263 00:19:16,659 --> 00:19:22,520 make small talk - small talk has great purpose in making friends, fostering familiarity, 264 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:26,960 a positive atmosphere, and making others feel at ease. 265 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:31,610 Just make sure that when you speak, it’s with a positive outcome in mind. 266 00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:36,470 For example, when you haven’t seen a friend in a while, small talk is made with the purpose 267 00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:39,330 of catching up and rekindling a friendship. 268 00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:43,850 Or when a doctor makes small talk with a patient, it’s to put them at ease. 269 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:48,060 When you apply this tactic to the difficult people in your life, you’ll find that you 270 00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:52,691 probably don’t need to speak with them as often as you do, and that when you do, it 271 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,070 has a helpful purpose. 272 00:19:55,070 --> 00:20:01,190 In short, right speech is an incredibly helpful tool in dealing with negative people you have 273 00:20:01,190 --> 00:20:03,020 to speak to. 274 00:20:03,020 --> 00:20:08,470 Moreover, thinking over your speech and checking whether it would be ‘right’ forces you 275 00:20:08,470 --> 00:20:13,860 to take your time before speaking and clear your mind in order to do so. 276 00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:21,430 It fosters patience, restraint, mindfulness, and empathy! 277 00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:25,179 If you enjoyed this video, please make sure to check out our full philosophies for life 278 00:20:25,179 --> 00:20:30,200 playlist and for more videos to help you find success and happiness using beautiful philosophical 279 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,780 wisdom, don’t forget to subscribe. 280 00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,890 Thanks so much for watching.