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Hi, Mariah.

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Hi Krista.

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I'm so happy to be here.

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Thank you so much for coming on.

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I'm so excited to talk to you.

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I had so many people recommend you

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to me being like, we need to have

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an etiquette expert on your show.

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And I was like, I have to reach

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out because I think it's such a

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perfect crossover of having your

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expertise in sharing everything

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you know about etiquette.

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Well, that's so sweet.

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I'm so excited to dive into all of the

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things that we have to talk about today.

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Yes.

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So before we get started, can

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you just share a little bit about

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yourself and then what you do?

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Sure.

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So my name is Mariah Gru at Humber.

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I'm the founder of Old Soul Etiquette.

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I'm a certified etiquette

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and image consultant.

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I've written two modern wedding etiquette

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books and my whole philosophy on

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etiquette is about using it as a tool

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instead of these kind of rigid rules.

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And you know, I work with companies

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and individuals all over the country

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to help them look, feel, and think

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their best so that they can go out

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in the world and shine their light

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in the way that they're meant to.

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I love that because I feel like

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when it comes to like weddings and

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events, we hear a lot about etiquette.

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Like, this is proper etiquette.

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No, this is proper etiquette.

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Yes.

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And so what would you say is the

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difference between etiquette and opinion?

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Because I feel like that's

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something too, is like.

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Opinions come into play.

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Also, where you're located on

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the map might come into play.

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Absolutely.

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So what's your take on all that?

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So I think when we think about modern

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wedding etiquette, the most important

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thing to keep in mind is the why

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behind the rule, so to speak, right?

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that have existed in terms of

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like wedding etiquette, tradition

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from years and years ago.

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Why are we doing these things?

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The answer to that question in

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most cases is to give our guests a

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good experience, to make our guests

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feel welcome and taken care of.

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But with that, it is our one day

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that we can, you know, kind of have

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the dream day that we want and make

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decisions based on our interests

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and our preferences as a couple.

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so I think it's really about that

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balancing act of how do I not give

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up my vision and my dream day.

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But let's not forget.

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That I'm taking care of a huge

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room of people who I wanna have

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a really good experience for.

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I love that because I feel like a

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lot of times we get caught up in I

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don't wanna say bridezilla, but like

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that if the bride has a boundaries or

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expectations, she's labeled a Bridezilla.

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Mm-hmm.

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But the other way around is like, yes,

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they are also your guests, so we should

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also consider our guests needs as well.

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Yes.

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It's not just a one way street.

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Absolutely.

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And it, even goes beyond the guests too.

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Like that made me think when you

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said Bridezilla, which I'm, so, I'm

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a little scared of that word, right?

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I, no one thinks that I was when I

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got married, but, I think too that

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so much of wedding planning, even

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before the event comes from how

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you consider the people involved.

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So, so much of that comes from

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communication and I think when it comes

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to setting boundaries or making decisions

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as a couple, having,  balance of power

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decisions between family members.

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All that comes back to how we

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can communicate our needs and

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interests, but also, you know, be

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willing to hear out others too.

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So even before the big day, making

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sure that sometimes we don't think

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about etiquette as communication,

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but it really is, it's about

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putting our best foot forward for

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ourselves, but also for others.

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Yeah.

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*************************************************************************************
So like right off the bat, how would you,

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this just comes to mind 'cause one of

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our, most popular topic, I would say is

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either a mother of the groom or mother of

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the bride coming in and like controlling

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the wedding, planning things behind their

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back, just taking things from the bride.

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How would you, like, as a bride listening,

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if that's something they're going through,

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how would you handle that situation?

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Like right off the bat?

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So let's even go before

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that can even happen.

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So coming up with a really clear game plan

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with your partner is going to be key here.

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So you are actually setting intentional

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time to sit together and make a game plan.

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You know what your

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parents are like, right?

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And so you can kind of anticipate how,

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not always, but you can try to anticipate

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how the dominoes are gonna fall or how the

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puzzle pieces are gonna fall into place.

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And so having that.

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Conversation ahead of time where

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you can say, this is our game plan.

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This is the, you know,

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we're agreeing on this.

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This is our plan of action, so

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that if things do kind of hit the

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wall, you can go in as a couple.

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I also say when you have any kind of.

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Issue arising with a family member.

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In my opinion, it's very important

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for that member of the couple to

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handle their respective family.

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so, you know, if you have to have

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those difficult conversations,

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you can both be involved, but let

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that member of the couple lead.

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but I think that with that really

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kind of laying down the law in

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the beginning of this is what our

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vision is, this is what we're doing.

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but it gets tricky too, and this

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is, we can dive deeper in this.

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It's very nuanced when you have.

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Family members contributing

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financially, and you have to give

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up a little bit of that control.

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So I would say before an issue can even

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happen, get ahead of it by really having

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a clear game plan with your partner.

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Yeah, I know.

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I feel like I try to say when we

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get these stories, I'm like, there's

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usually some kind of red flag or

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some kind of hint ahead of time that

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maybe something's going to erupt.

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I don't feel like it always

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comes from left field, like,

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whoa, I've never seen this side.

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Sometimes I'm sure it does.

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but I feel like a lot of times

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there's like, oh, she did make

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comments that about blank, so

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then it kind of happens this way.

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So I love that you said that.

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And etiquette too, I always say is that

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it's really just a fancy word for social

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awareness and emotional intelligence.

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So if you can really tap into that

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and try and anticipate or get ahead

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of what these issues might be, so much

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of success in relationships comes from

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that communication and preparation.

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so I always say have, have those

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game plans set aside ahead of time.

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It really makes a big difference.

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and I also tell people, if you

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know that you're going to have a

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particularly difficult family member,

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where can you give them the place

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to feel valued in another area?

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So if you know that your mother-in-law

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or your mom or somebody, your aunt,

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grandmother, whatever sister, whatever

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it is, is going to try and take over in

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some way, get ahead of that by giving

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them a job before they can take away

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something that's super important to you.

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So, for example, if you're like, I don't

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even know what colors, this is such a

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random example, but I don't even know

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what colors I wanna do for invitations.

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you know, we're having

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trouble making a decision.

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you have such a good eye for that.

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Can you do some research of, you

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know, within the style of wedding

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that we're trying to have, can

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you come up with some ideas?

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Make them feel valued and

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needed in a, in an area that

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is not super, super key to you.

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and that might, may help them let off.

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In some other areas, but listen, I

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mean, sometimes it's not perfect and

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you have to put your foot down and

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have those difficult conversations.

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Yeah.

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And so you also brought up like when

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they are financially helping in some

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way, so what's your take on that?

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If they are helping?

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Do they have more of a say

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in controlling the wedding?

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Or how does that come into play?

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So in my first book, I talk

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about this kind of step by step.

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Way of having the financial

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conversations with your family members.

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So the first one is obviously having

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the conversation with your partner,

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doing the research in advance.

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So, you know, not exactly how much

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things cost, but okay, I wanna have

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a large wedding in this geographical

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area with, you know, maybe.

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this band, this is the general cost

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of what things are going to be.

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So then when you take the

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conversation to your family

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members, it's not a free for all.

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You've done your research, you

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have a, it's almost like you're

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treating it as a business meeting.

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You have an agenda of

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what you wanna cover.

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You're also taking into consideration

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the timing of the meeting.

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It's only for the people

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who need to be involved.

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There's not extra voices, right?

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So you have maybe one with your in-laws

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and one with your parents, depending

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on who's financially contributing.

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And then you really, you know, with the

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willingness to compromise and be flexible

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in areas, you have to be straightforward

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and confident in your questions of

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saying, are you able to contribute?

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Are how much are you able to contribute?

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Being straightforward

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about those questions.

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And then again, that balance

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of power over decisions.

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What is super non-negotiable

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for you and your partner,

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sacred to you, important to you?

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Those decisions should be made by you.

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I think we live in this

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new era now too, where.

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Not all, but some parents are starting

276
00:07:37,679 --> 00:07:39,689
to understand that these events are for

277
00:07:39,689 --> 00:07:41,339
the couple and not a family reunion.

278
00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:41,669
Yeah.

279
00:07:42,251 --> 00:07:44,214
but I think it's about letting them feel

280
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,713
valued and included in, places where

281
00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:48,483
you might not have a tight grip on.

282
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:49,533
Yes.

283
00:07:49,533 --> 00:07:50,883
No, I think that's such an important

284
00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:52,644
thing to say because I think a

285
00:07:52,644 --> 00:07:54,324
lot of times it's miscommunication

286
00:07:54,324 --> 00:07:55,794
and I think it's all out of love.

287
00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:56,364
Yes.

288
00:07:56,574 --> 00:07:58,794
And where they just, they're very excited.

289
00:07:58,794 --> 00:07:59,034
Right.

290
00:07:59,034 --> 00:07:59,814
So they want Yes.

291
00:08:00,114 --> 00:08:00,654
Involved.

292
00:08:00,816 --> 00:08:02,346
so it comes off as like sometimes it

293
00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:04,176
can be controlling and sometimes it can

294
00:08:04,176 --> 00:08:05,946
be like, they're taking this from me.

295
00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:06,331
Right.

296
00:08:06,331 --> 00:08:07,621
Where you make a good point where it's

297
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,751
like, okay, in the beginning, sit down

298
00:08:09,751 --> 00:08:12,216
together, have this conversation not

299
00:08:12,216 --> 00:08:13,446
saying that's gonna solve all problems.

300
00:08:13,446 --> 00:08:16,056
I've read some wild stories where totally.

301
00:08:16,176 --> 00:08:17,376
Where no matter what, there's

302
00:08:17,376 --> 00:08:18,816
gonna be something happening.

303
00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:20,172
But that's a really good point, and

304
00:08:20,172 --> 00:08:21,702
just kind of like having control in the

305
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,382
beginning of being like, we looked this

306
00:08:23,382 --> 00:08:25,624
through, this is what we can afford here.

307
00:08:25,711 --> 00:08:26,071
Yes.

308
00:08:26,161 --> 00:08:27,541
If you wanna help in this area,

309
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:28,186
that would be really helpful.

310
00:08:29,101 --> 00:08:31,958
Another point too with that is, now

311
00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:33,488
that we live in this modern time of

312
00:08:33,488 --> 00:08:35,168
different financial contributions, right?

313
00:08:35,168 --> 00:08:36,518
In the past it was like the bride's

314
00:08:36,518 --> 00:08:37,568
family paid for the wedding,

315
00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:38,588
and that's sort of how it went.

316
00:08:38,858 --> 00:08:38,948
Mm-hmm.

317
00:08:39,188 --> 00:08:40,538
Now there's so many different

318
00:08:40,538 --> 00:08:41,678
methods of paying for weddings.

319
00:08:41,678 --> 00:08:43,652
Couples are paying for them by themselves.

320
00:08:43,652 --> 00:08:44,852
Both families are contributing,

321
00:08:44,852 --> 00:08:45,962
one family is contributing.

322
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:48,152
And so if you have both families

323
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:49,592
contributing, even if it's

324
00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:51,585
not the same monetary value.

325
00:08:51,945 --> 00:08:54,044
Giving them kind of equal responsibility.

326
00:08:54,044 --> 00:08:56,823
So for example, don't have one, family

327
00:08:56,823 --> 00:08:59,358
member pay for the table linens, and

328
00:08:59,358 --> 00:09:01,398
then one family member is paying for

329
00:09:01,538 --> 00:09:02,673
the most important, you know, the,

330
00:09:02,673 --> 00:09:04,173
the vendor or the vendors that day,

331
00:09:04,173 --> 00:09:05,493
like the photographer or this or that.

332
00:09:05,673 --> 00:09:08,387
Try and split it so that, the photographer

333
00:09:08,387 --> 00:09:09,407
and one takes the videographer.

334
00:09:09,434 --> 00:09:10,634
so it feels a little bit more equal.

335
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,546
So nobody's feelings are getting hurt.

336
00:09:12,846 --> 00:09:14,226
But I also think too, when it comes

337
00:09:14,226 --> 00:09:15,906
to dealing with difficult parents,

338
00:09:16,108 --> 00:09:17,922
like you said, it most of the time,

339
00:09:18,102 --> 00:09:19,752
again, not everybody's this lucky,

340
00:09:19,752 --> 00:09:21,282
but most of the time it comes out of

341
00:09:21,282 --> 00:09:23,963
love and excitement most people just

342
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,793
want to feel heard and acknowledged.

343
00:09:25,823 --> 00:09:27,263
And so if they're giving you a hard

344
00:09:27,263 --> 00:09:28,463
time that they're paying for your

345
00:09:28,463 --> 00:09:30,113
dress and they want you in this one,

346
00:09:30,335 --> 00:09:32,163
sometimes that conversation needs to

347
00:09:32,163 --> 00:09:33,856
start with I hear where you're coming

348
00:09:33,856 --> 00:09:36,436
from, you're excited, and you know what?

349
00:09:36,466 --> 00:09:38,206
You've been so gracious to pay for this,

350
00:09:38,206 --> 00:09:41,386
so your opinion does matter to me however.

351
00:09:41,776 --> 00:09:41,896
Mm-hmm.

352
00:09:42,136 --> 00:09:42,946
And then you go into,

353
00:09:42,946 --> 00:09:43,996
you know, this is my day.

354
00:09:43,996 --> 00:09:44,986
This means so much to me.

355
00:09:45,256 --> 00:09:46,366
But just telling them that

356
00:09:46,366 --> 00:09:48,076
their opinion matters to you.

357
00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:49,636
Most people just wanna feel heard.

358
00:09:50,062 --> 00:09:50,566
Right.

359
00:09:50,686 --> 00:09:51,166
Right.

360
00:09:51,317 --> 00:09:52,321
And I know, I feel like it always

361
00:09:52,321 --> 00:09:54,121
starts off as this little thing

362
00:09:54,277 --> 00:09:56,221
that maybe like someone misheard or

363
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,511
something happened and then it just

364
00:09:57,511 --> 00:09:59,341
keeps growing, growing, and growing.

365
00:09:59,371 --> 00:09:59,911
And before you know it,

366
00:09:59,911 --> 00:10:01,231
it's a full on explosion.

367
00:10:01,651 --> 00:10:01,891
Totally.

368
00:10:01,981 --> 00:10:03,001
And invite people.

369
00:10:03,110 --> 00:10:05,057
And it's wild how, I feel like a

370
00:10:05,057 --> 00:10:06,257
lot of these stories are sent to me.

371
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:07,847
Just a little bit of communication

372
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,315
could have maybe helped it

373
00:10:09,315 --> 00:10:10,815
not, again, not all cases.

374
00:10:10,815 --> 00:10:11,625
I don't want people being like,

375
00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:12,795
it couldn't helped in mine.

376
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,340
but I think a lot of situations it could.

377
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:16,330
Absolutely.

378
00:10:16,330 --> 00:10:17,590
And then everybody's emotions

379
00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:19,186
are so high during this time.

380
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,746
Yes, it's excitement and it's

381
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,276
joy, but it's also stress and

382
00:10:22,276 --> 00:10:23,986
it's emotional for the couple, and

383
00:10:23,986 --> 00:10:25,366
it's emotional for the parents.

384
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:28,425
And so again, clear communication that's

385
00:10:28,425 --> 00:10:31,125
not throwing it at a family dinner

386
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:32,625
where there's 10 people at the table.

387
00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:34,305
It's pulling people aside.

388
00:10:34,305 --> 00:10:35,745
It's making intentional time for

389
00:10:35,745 --> 00:10:37,915
these conversations just constantly

390
00:10:37,915 --> 00:10:39,625
trying to get ahead of the issue.

391
00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:40,521
If you can.

392
00:10:40,842 --> 00:10:41,322
**********************************************************************************
Yes.

393
00:10:41,352 --> 00:10:42,222
Yeah, I love that.

394
00:10:42,405 --> 00:10:44,015
Okay, so I reached out to my

395
00:10:44,015 --> 00:10:45,725
audience on different platforms and

396
00:10:45,725 --> 00:10:47,765
asked for some etiquette questions.

397
00:10:47,795 --> 00:10:47,945
Yay.

398
00:10:48,305 --> 00:10:49,115
Things they're going through

399
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:49,955
or things they've seen.

400
00:10:50,135 --> 00:10:50,435
Okay.

401
00:10:50,822 --> 00:10:52,814
So it says, " I was told if you

402
00:10:52,814 --> 00:10:54,284
went to someone's first wedding

403
00:10:54,284 --> 00:10:56,277
and gave a gift, you don't have to

404
00:10:56,277 --> 00:10:57,957
give one at the second wedding."

405
00:10:58,384 --> 00:11:00,567
I'm going to disagree with that, but I

406
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:02,157
always say that the gesture of giving

407
00:11:02,157 --> 00:11:04,227
a gift is much more about the gesture

408
00:11:04,227 --> 00:11:05,967
and not about the monetary value.

409
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,749
so perhaps your gift is not of

410
00:11:07,749 --> 00:11:09,759
the same monetary value, but it's

411
00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:11,821
something that you're sending

412
00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:13,400
that works with your budget.

413
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:14,455
that would be the gracious

414
00:11:14,455 --> 00:11:15,535
thing to do in that situation.

415
00:11:15,865 --> 00:11:17,845
Yeah, I couldn't imagine like, especially

416
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,652
someone that you really care about they

417
00:11:19,652 --> 00:11:21,861
found their new love, like, doesn't

418
00:11:21,861 --> 00:11:23,811
matter, the first wedding didn't work out.

419
00:11:23,811 --> 00:11:25,011
I couldn't imagine showing

420
00:11:25,011 --> 00:11:26,271
up and not giving a gift.

421
00:11:26,271 --> 00:11:27,591
But like, if there's someone important

422
00:11:27,591 --> 00:11:29,591
to me and I'm going to their wedding,

423
00:11:29,591 --> 00:11:31,241
I want to bring them something.

424
00:11:31,331 --> 00:11:31,961
Totally agree.

425
00:11:31,961 --> 00:11:32,891
And it's about the gesture,

426
00:11:32,891 --> 00:11:33,821
not about how much you spend.

427
00:11:34,121 --> 00:11:34,991
Yeah, I love that.

428
00:11:35,351 --> 00:11:35,651
Okay.

429
00:11:35,741 --> 00:11:37,891
"What's a tactful, easy to ask

430
00:11:37,951 --> 00:11:40,138
if they received my gift. If some

431
00:11:40,138 --> 00:11:41,578
time has passed and you haven't

432
00:11:41,578 --> 00:11:42,433
received a thank you card."

433
00:11:42,924 --> 00:11:44,899
I get this question a lot, so there's

434
00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:46,267
two ways you can go about this.

435
00:11:46,436 --> 00:11:48,476
the first one would be to give

436
00:11:48,476 --> 00:11:50,546
them a heads up in the beginning.

437
00:11:50,726 --> 00:11:51,656
And I wanna let you know there's

438
00:11:51,656 --> 00:11:53,036
a package coming your way.

439
00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:55,406
please let me know that you received it.

440
00:11:55,579 --> 00:11:58,015
otherwise I think that there's no

441
00:11:58,015 --> 00:12:00,115
issue in kindly reaching out and

442
00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:01,735
saying, I know there's so much

443
00:12:01,735 --> 00:12:03,565
going on with the mail these days.

444
00:12:03,745 --> 00:12:05,155
I wanna ensure that.

445
00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:06,399
Our gift made it to you and you don't

446
00:12:06,399 --> 00:12:07,718
need to make it about, you may have

447
00:12:07,718 --> 00:12:08,964
not gotten thank you notes yet or

448
00:12:08,964 --> 00:12:10,374
anything like that, but I don't think

449
00:12:10,374 --> 00:12:11,964
there's anything wrong with ensuring

450
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,596
that your gift made it to someone.

451
00:12:13,726 --> 00:12:14,932
Yeah, because I've

452
00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:15,982
definitely done that before.

453
00:12:15,982 --> 00:12:16,882
Just like reaching out, being like,

454
00:12:16,882 --> 00:12:17,872
Hey, it looks like it arrived.

455
00:12:17,872 --> 00:12:19,777
Just wanna make sure, or like same as

456
00:12:19,777 --> 00:12:21,307
you said, like mail's kind of weird.

457
00:12:21,337 --> 00:12:23,017
Just wanna make sure you got the package.

458
00:12:23,349 --> 00:12:25,646
cause I have heard like very.

459
00:12:25,782 --> 00:12:26,802
I don't know how to say it.

460
00:12:27,027 --> 00:12:28,250
People that didn't get thank yous

461
00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:30,170
and calling that out specifically.

462
00:12:30,381 --> 00:12:31,401
Some, a friend of mine told me

463
00:12:31,401 --> 00:12:32,631
a story where she was like, I

464
00:12:32,631 --> 00:12:34,881
had a great aunt of somebody.

465
00:12:35,144 --> 00:12:36,674
They basically call me out and say,

466
00:12:36,674 --> 00:12:38,114
why haven't you written thank yous yet?

467
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,644
And it was like around the holidays,

468
00:12:39,644 --> 00:12:41,024
like a lot was going on and she's

469
00:12:41,024 --> 00:12:42,554
like, so I felt very targeted.

470
00:12:43,094 --> 00:12:44,817
So  big proponent of thank you notes,

471
00:12:45,549 --> 00:12:47,199
I'm etiquette trainer, like I obviously

472
00:12:47,319 --> 00:12:49,149
still champion handwritten thank you

473
00:12:49,149 --> 00:12:51,159
notes, but I will say that it's poor

474
00:12:51,159 --> 00:12:52,509
etiquette to point out poor etiquette.

475
00:12:52,509 --> 00:12:53,847
So if you know, you can think to

476
00:12:53,847 --> 00:12:55,707
yourself that I love thank you notes.

477
00:12:55,707 --> 00:12:56,552
So when someone doesn't send

478
00:12:56,552 --> 00:12:58,189
one, I'm totally noticing, but

479
00:12:58,189 --> 00:12:59,449
I would never point that out.

480
00:12:59,641 --> 00:13:00,829
But that's a generational thing.

481
00:13:00,829 --> 00:13:02,209
I mean, I get comments on my social

482
00:13:02,209 --> 00:13:04,407
media from the older generation

483
00:13:04,407 --> 00:13:05,877
saying, what do I do when I've sent

484
00:13:05,877 --> 00:13:07,781
so many nice wedding gifts and I

485
00:13:07,781 --> 00:13:09,131
have not received thank you notes?

486
00:13:09,131 --> 00:13:10,541
And the answer is nothing.

487
00:13:10,822 --> 00:13:12,244
You know, it's not a, you weren't giving

488
00:13:12,244 --> 00:13:13,924
the gift for something in return, right?

489
00:13:13,924 --> 00:13:15,510
So there's nothing for you to do.

490
00:13:15,570 --> 00:13:16,890
But for the people listening,

491
00:13:16,950 --> 00:13:17,790
write your thank you notes.

492
00:13:18,825 --> 00:13:19,745
I love a thank you note.

493
00:13:19,803 --> 00:13:20,853
I'm right there with you.

494
00:13:20,853 --> 00:13:22,647
I love a handwritten Thank you note.

495
00:13:22,762 --> 00:13:23,977
I remember my husband and I after

496
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,507
our wedding, I was like, we like

497
00:13:25,507 --> 00:13:26,984
split out, all the people that

498
00:13:26,984 --> 00:13:28,844
came to the wedding or just gift.

499
00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:30,464
And I was like, okay, we need

500
00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:31,754
to get like 10 done a day.

501
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:32,658
So smart.

502
00:13:32,758 --> 00:13:33,748
What do you think the proper,

503
00:13:33,748 --> 00:13:34,978
like timeframe after a

504
00:13:34,978 --> 00:13:36,598
wedding is to be able to send one?

505
00:13:36,706 --> 00:13:37,626
A wedding is different than

506
00:13:37,626 --> 00:13:38,496
a regular thank, you know,

507
00:13:38,496 --> 00:13:39,606
obviously, because you have to

508
00:13:39,606 --> 00:13:41,680
take into consideration honeymoons.

509
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:42,880
Maybe people are, you

510
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:44,170
know, moving in together.

511
00:13:44,232 --> 00:13:45,102
it's a big life event.

512
00:13:45,342 --> 00:13:46,924
So I would say, you know, you could

513
00:13:46,924 --> 00:13:48,342
do it from six to eight weeks from

514
00:13:48,342 --> 00:13:49,782
your wedding, that would be ideal.

515
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,522
However, it's never too late.

516
00:13:51,552 --> 00:13:53,742
So if life comes up and you haven't

517
00:13:53,742 --> 00:13:54,852
gotten to them and you're thinking to

518
00:13:54,852 --> 00:13:56,954
yourself, this is past the point of no

519
00:13:56,954 --> 00:13:58,694
return, it's not, you can still send them.

520
00:13:59,009 --> 00:13:59,369
Yeah.

521
00:13:59,489 --> 00:13:59,789
Okay.

522
00:13:59,819 --> 00:14:00,269
Awesome.

523
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:02,875
should you give a gift at the wedding and

524
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,765
the shower if you're invited to both."

525
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,717
So this is very geographical.

526
00:14:06,717 --> 00:14:07,677
I found in my research

527
00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:08,727
when I was writing my book.

528
00:14:08,727 --> 00:14:10,598
So I was raised in the northeast,

529
00:14:10,598 --> 00:14:13,592
and the custom here is that you

530
00:14:13,592 --> 00:14:15,272
typically give a physical gift for

531
00:14:15,302 --> 00:14:17,162
the shower off the registry, and

532
00:14:17,162 --> 00:14:18,812
then you would give a monetary gift.

533
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:19,677
For the wedding.

534
00:14:19,707 --> 00:14:20,427
That's the way that we

535
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,327
do it in the northeast.

536
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:22,167
But I understand that it's

537
00:14:22,167 --> 00:14:23,637
not that way everywhere.

538
00:14:23,766 --> 00:14:25,176
I know the south, they like physical

539
00:14:25,176 --> 00:14:27,126
gifts and you know, in other places it's,

540
00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:29,435
so I think that again, I would recommend

541
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:31,205
doing a gift for both, whether that

542
00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:34,229
be a monetary gift or a physical gift.

543
00:14:34,259 --> 00:14:35,519
Now, a few things to consider.

544
00:14:35,519 --> 00:14:36,359
Consider your budget.

545
00:14:36,359 --> 00:14:37,529
Again, like I said about the

546
00:14:37,559 --> 00:14:39,059
gifts originally, this is about

547
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,349
the gesture of you giving the

548
00:14:40,349 --> 00:14:42,961
gift, not the actual gift, right?

549
00:14:42,961 --> 00:14:44,641
It's not about the actual monetary value.

550
00:14:44,641 --> 00:14:46,086
So do what you can think

551
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,076
about it ahead of time.

552
00:14:47,076 --> 00:14:48,456
Come up with the budget for the gift,

553
00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:50,136
and then split that between, or if

554
00:14:50,136 --> 00:14:51,696
you perhaps wanna do something larger

555
00:14:51,696 --> 00:14:52,656
for the shower, you do something

556
00:14:52,656 --> 00:14:54,576
smaller for the actual wedding.

557
00:14:54,762 --> 00:14:57,127
and in most places in the country, I have

558
00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:59,167
to say, 'cause not all, it's not proper

559
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:01,529
to bring a physical gift to the wedding

560
00:15:01,529 --> 00:15:03,359
unless it's a card with a monetary gift.

561
00:15:03,616 --> 00:15:03,916
Yeah.

562
00:15:03,916 --> 00:15:05,146
I feel like that's pretty normal.

563
00:15:05,146 --> 00:15:07,813
Like where I'm from, the Midwest, like we.

564
00:15:08,057 --> 00:15:09,047
Typically we'll bring like the

565
00:15:09,047 --> 00:15:10,607
physical gift to the shower and

566
00:15:10,607 --> 00:15:12,077
it's like a card to the wedding.

567
00:15:12,261 --> 00:15:12,381
Yes.

568
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,311
I think in our old wedding we

569
00:15:13,311 --> 00:15:14,691
had a few people bring gifts.

570
00:15:14,691 --> 00:15:14,781
Mm-hmm.

571
00:15:15,021 --> 00:15:16,791
Like off the registry, which was great.

572
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:17,795
we didn't expect it.

573
00:15:18,059 --> 00:15:20,066
but yeah, I feel like that's a great idea

574
00:15:20,066 --> 00:15:21,339
of thinking about your overall budget.

575
00:15:21,339 --> 00:15:23,109
Like okay, I know I'm invited to both my

576
00:15:23,109 --> 00:15:25,239
budget's 200 or whatever, so I'm gonna do

577
00:15:25,239 --> 00:15:27,249
50 for the shower and one 50 for the wine.

578
00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:28,149
Exactly.

579
00:15:28,269 --> 00:15:28,959
That's really smart.

580
00:15:28,959 --> 00:15:29,199
Exactly.

581
00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:29,829
Then you're not empty

582
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:30,969
handed at the shower.

583
00:15:31,175 --> 00:15:32,855
And because I think a lot of times people

584
00:15:32,855 --> 00:15:34,655
think then, oh, I have to go and I have

585
00:15:34,655 --> 00:15:36,425
to spend all this money for both things.

586
00:15:36,425 --> 00:15:37,568
So thinking about it,

587
00:15:37,568 --> 00:15:38,558
big picture is great.

588
00:15:38,592 --> 00:15:40,147
it doesn't need to break your budgets

589
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:41,545
because you know, you have, you may have

590
00:15:41,545 --> 00:15:43,255
to travel, you may have, if you're like

591
00:15:43,255 --> 00:15:45,355
me, you have 150 weddings in a year.

592
00:15:45,355 --> 00:15:46,535
So it's, you know, you

593
00:15:46,615 --> 00:15:47,705
have to kind of plan ahead.

594
00:15:47,996 --> 00:15:48,536
Yeah,

595
00:15:48,787 --> 00:15:50,072
so you brought up a good point just now

596
00:15:50,072 --> 00:15:52,232
saying if you have to travel, so another

597
00:15:52,232 --> 00:15:53,852
thing I've seen is if you do have to

598
00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:55,532
travel to a wedding, like playing for a

599
00:15:55,532 --> 00:15:57,904
hotel flight, all that, you don't have

600
00:15:57,904 --> 00:16:00,004
to give a gift, like a monetary gift.

601
00:16:00,004 --> 00:16:01,144
What is your take on that?

602
00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:01,690
I'm gonna

603
00:16:01,690 --> 00:16:03,790
say the same exact answer is that.

604
00:16:04,049 --> 00:16:06,187
Something, could be a cookbook, it

605
00:16:06,187 --> 00:16:08,137
could be all the friends pitch in for a

606
00:16:08,137 --> 00:16:10,537
gift card to their favorite restaurant.

607
00:16:10,643 --> 00:16:13,106
It doesn't have to be, you've spent so

608
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:16,106
much money traveling, so it's, again,

609
00:16:16,124 --> 00:16:17,594
it could be a candle for their home.

610
00:16:17,594 --> 00:16:17,804
Right.

611
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,310
I'm not trying to tell people that

612
00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:20,630
they need to spend more than they're

613
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:22,668
able to just think about the gesture.

614
00:16:23,073 --> 00:16:23,463
Yeah.

615
00:16:23,673 --> 00:16:24,033
Yeah.

616
00:16:24,123 --> 00:16:24,723
Okay, great.

617
00:16:25,014 --> 00:16:26,841
if you are given a dress code for

618
00:16:26,841 --> 00:16:28,849
a wedding, but you can't afford the

619
00:16:28,849 --> 00:16:30,439
new outfit to fit the dress code,

620
00:16:30,439 --> 00:16:32,389
what's the proper protocol for that?

621
00:16:32,683 --> 00:16:34,363
Oh, this is a good question.

622
00:16:34,729 --> 00:16:36,885
I would say I feel like I need a little

623
00:16:36,885 --> 00:16:38,977
bit more context because, I feel like

624
00:16:38,977 --> 00:16:40,627
there's a lot that you can do to work

625
00:16:40,627 --> 00:16:42,632
into dress codes, but I would say if.

626
00:16:42,950 --> 00:16:45,282
It's black tie and you can't afford

627
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,652
a tuxedo, then, you know, a black

628
00:16:47,652 --> 00:16:49,932
suit would be the best next option.

629
00:16:49,932 --> 00:16:52,422
I wouldn't say don't go, but I would

630
00:16:52,422 --> 00:16:54,282
say respect to the dress code as

631
00:16:54,282 --> 00:16:55,868
much as you can, there's a reason

632
00:16:55,868 --> 00:16:58,312
why that couple designated this dress

633
00:16:58,312 --> 00:16:59,662
code for their wedding, depending

634
00:16:59,662 --> 00:17:01,372
on their preferences or their venue.

635
00:17:01,573 --> 00:17:02,683
but I feel like I would need a little

636
00:17:02,683 --> 00:17:04,741
more context because I feel like there's

637
00:17:04,741 --> 00:17:06,692
a lot, especially as women, that you can

638
00:17:07,022 --> 00:17:09,362
kind of fit into to many dress codes.

639
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:10,060
Right.

640
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:10,330
Yeah.

641
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,470
Like if it's, if they're like

642
00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:12,670
need like a very specific

643
00:17:12,670 --> 00:17:14,650
color, I could get that right.

644
00:17:14,710 --> 00:17:15,370
Very hard.

645
00:17:15,461 --> 00:17:17,249
But, um, and also there's a lot of

646
00:17:17,249 --> 00:17:19,529
rental options out there too for tuxedos

647
00:17:19,529 --> 00:17:21,479
and for, you know, gowns, dresses.

648
00:17:21,479 --> 00:17:22,768
So don't purchase one

649
00:17:22,978 --> 00:17:23,758
if you don't need to.

650
00:17:23,758 --> 00:17:25,228
There's plenty of rental options

651
00:17:25,442 --> 00:17:27,208
or borrow from one of your friends.

652
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:27,543
Mm-hmm.

653
00:17:27,988 --> 00:17:28,498
Yeah, that's a

654
00:17:28,498 --> 00:17:29,068
great idea.

655
00:17:29,183 --> 00:17:30,148
okay, I've got a couple more.

656
00:17:30,386 --> 00:17:32,048
If I got a gift from a couple that

657
00:17:32,048 --> 00:17:33,368
does not live together, should

658
00:17:33,368 --> 00:17:35,138
I send two separate thank yous?

659
00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:36,892
Oh, that's a good question too.

660
00:17:36,892 --> 00:17:38,242
These are really good questions.

661
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,592
I would say, again, this will

662
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:42,302
depend on the individual situation.

663
00:17:42,332 --> 00:17:44,652
If one member of the couple is the.

664
00:17:44,686 --> 00:17:45,976
the relationship you have.

665
00:17:45,976 --> 00:17:47,776
So perhaps this is, you know, your

666
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,966
friend from college and their boyfriend

667
00:17:49,966 --> 00:17:51,256
that they met after college that you

668
00:17:51,256 --> 00:17:52,606
don't have a great relationship with.

669
00:17:52,818 --> 00:17:53,926
I would say you could send it

670
00:17:53,926 --> 00:17:55,966
to her home with his name on

671
00:17:55,966 --> 00:17:57,526
the card and that would suffice.

672
00:17:57,716 --> 00:17:58,900
but if they're both equally

673
00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:00,362
your, friends as a couple, then

674
00:18:00,362 --> 00:18:01,412
I would send one to each home.

675
00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:01,838
Yeah.

676
00:18:01,898 --> 00:18:02,228
Okay.

677
00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:02,558
Great.

678
00:18:02,890 --> 00:18:04,030
is it acceptable to send a

679
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:05,260
gift to the couple from their

680
00:18:05,279 --> 00:18:07,066
registry a week after the wedding?

681
00:18:07,516 --> 00:18:07,846
Sure.

682
00:18:07,936 --> 00:18:08,506
Absolutely.

683
00:18:08,506 --> 00:18:10,714
I. Then last one.

684
00:18:10,786 --> 00:18:12,826
my family is inviting people to my

685
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:15,346
wedding without asking myself or my

686
00:18:15,346 --> 00:18:18,524
fiance, how do I go about uninviting them?

687
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:19,090
Okay.

688
00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:21,953
So the uninviting part I don't think

689
00:18:21,953 --> 00:18:23,753
is possible at this point because.

690
00:18:24,093 --> 00:18:26,193
How far are you in the process?

691
00:18:26,193 --> 00:18:27,243
Did they send to save the date?

692
00:18:27,243 --> 00:18:29,643
Was it a verbal discussion?

693
00:18:29,643 --> 00:18:31,353
Like, where are you in the process?

694
00:18:31,513 --> 00:18:33,233
I would say that if it was a

695
00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:34,583
conversation and they didn't

696
00:18:34,583 --> 00:18:36,420
actually send an invitation, you

697
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:37,800
don't have to send an invitation.

698
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,314
You could, unfortunately, your family

699
00:18:39,314 --> 00:18:40,634
member is going to have to say that

700
00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:42,486
you're at capacity and it's going to be

701
00:18:42,486 --> 00:18:43,866
on them to have to have that difficult

702
00:18:43,866 --> 00:18:46,025
conversation if they've already sent

703
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,705
an invitation or a save the date.

704
00:18:48,065 --> 00:18:49,115
Without you knowing.

705
00:18:49,115 --> 00:18:50,948
Unfortunately, there's not much you

706
00:18:50,948 --> 00:18:52,358
can do about that, but I think that

707
00:18:52,358 --> 00:18:53,948
this is a perfect example of one of

708
00:18:53,948 --> 00:18:56,375
those things that you have the printed

709
00:18:56,375 --> 00:18:58,655
out guest list in front of your family

710
00:18:58,655 --> 00:19:00,575
members before you get ready to send

711
00:19:00,575 --> 00:19:01,955
out, save the dates, and you say.

712
00:19:02,179 --> 00:19:03,559
You take a look at this, you take

713
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,819
a look at this because it's not

714
00:19:04,819 --> 00:19:07,009
changing after save the dates go out.

715
00:19:07,039 --> 00:19:07,189
Yeah.

716
00:19:07,369 --> 00:19:08,909
And so this is one of those, things

717
00:19:08,909 --> 00:19:10,589
that you know, but again, maybe

718
00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:12,029
you did have that conversation and

719
00:19:12,029 --> 00:19:13,602
they didn't respect that, but you

720
00:19:13,602 --> 00:19:15,402
may have to have that conversation

721
00:19:15,402 --> 00:19:17,472
with them that we're at capacity.

722
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:18,857
This is what you know, it's not

723
00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:20,387
about money, it's not about this.

724
00:19:20,387 --> 00:19:21,467
This is the guest list that we

725
00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:22,967
had and we don't appreciate you.

726
00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:24,448
Inviting people that we hadn't

727
00:19:24,448 --> 00:19:26,668
discussed as a family when we were

728
00:19:26,668 --> 00:19:28,378
originally writing out the guest list.

729
00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:29,818
Because of course, if your parents

730
00:19:29,818 --> 00:19:31,356
are paying, they should be able

731
00:19:31,356 --> 00:19:33,228
to, you know, contribute to that

732
00:19:33,228 --> 00:19:34,908
discussion of who's being invited.

733
00:19:35,039 --> 00:19:36,269
But again, that, comes with

734
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:37,311
that preparation, right?

735
00:19:37,311 --> 00:19:38,661
You sit down with them and you say, okay,

736
00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:41,391
we have 150 people we've come up with.

737
00:19:41,485 --> 00:19:42,565
A hundred and since both

738
00:19:42,565 --> 00:19:43,555
parents are contributing to

739
00:19:43,555 --> 00:19:45,145
the wedding, here's 25 for you.

740
00:19:45,145 --> 00:19:46,075
Here's 25 for you.

741
00:19:46,225 --> 00:19:46,705
Mm-hmm.

742
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:48,191
Yeah, definitely.

743
00:19:48,363 --> 00:19:49,473
I would say that's probably like

744
00:19:49,473 --> 00:19:50,853
one of the most shocking things

745
00:19:50,853 --> 00:19:52,053
I've read in some of these stories.

746
00:19:52,353 --> 00:19:54,573
People inviting people that

747
00:19:54,603 --> 00:19:56,223
were never a part of the list.

748
00:19:56,283 --> 00:19:56,885
That's crazy.

749
00:19:56,893 --> 00:19:59,517
yeah, like I had one that, mother-in-law

750
00:19:59,607 --> 00:20:02,277
reprinted her own invitations and

751
00:20:02,277 --> 00:20:03,995
sent them out to her friends they

752
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,945
didn't find out until, I think,

753
00:20:06,215 --> 00:20:07,805
I wanna say like someone called

754
00:20:07,805 --> 00:20:09,395
them or they bumped into someone.

755
00:20:09,395 --> 00:20:10,025
They're like, oh, I can't

756
00:20:10,025 --> 00:20:10,625
wait for your wedding.

757
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:11,811
And they're like, what

758
00:20:12,914 --> 00:20:13,214
Krista?

759
00:20:13,214 --> 00:20:14,504
This is where the etiquette,

760
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:15,434
like it doesn't eat.

761
00:20:15,434 --> 00:20:17,624
This is so beyond anything that

762
00:20:17,624 --> 00:20:20,834
like, it's just like, holy cow.

763
00:20:20,984 --> 00:20:22,201
Yeah, that's where, like we

764
00:20:22,201 --> 00:20:22,801
were saying earlier, it's

765
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:23,941
like some of these, it's like.

766
00:20:24,109 --> 00:20:25,969
You got so out of left field, you

767
00:20:25,969 --> 00:20:27,109
just don't know who's showing up.

768
00:20:27,109 --> 00:20:28,439
Either and I think it was like the

769
00:20:28,439 --> 00:20:29,789
mom wouldn't tell who she invited.

770
00:20:29,789 --> 00:20:30,959
She's like, oh, just some friends.

771
00:20:31,112 --> 00:20:32,070
So that she wouldn't tell.

772
00:20:32,070 --> 00:20:33,510
So they didn't know who was gonna show up.

773
00:20:33,540 --> 00:20:34,993
They didn't know what places to have.

774
00:20:35,158 --> 00:20:35,936
So that was probably like one of

775
00:20:35,936 --> 00:20:37,564
the most shocking things I've read.

776
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:38,704
Certainly.

777
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:39,214
Shocking.

778
00:20:39,274 --> 00:20:40,324
I mean, I don't know if you put this

779
00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:41,824
on video, but you could see my face.

780
00:20:42,934 --> 00:20:43,894
I'm so shocked.

781
00:20:45,139 --> 00:20:45,949
Oh my gosh.

782
00:20:46,065 --> 00:20:46,544
Okay.

783
00:20:46,741 --> 00:20:48,271
Next little segment is gonna be a

784
00:20:48,271 --> 00:20:50,731
rapid fire wedding etiquette edition.

785
00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:52,503
so it'll be kind of like a yes or no

786
00:20:52,536 --> 00:20:54,276
for these wedding etiquette questions.

787
00:20:54,426 --> 00:20:54,786
Okay.

788
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:54,796
Okay.

789
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,630
Is it rude to wear white

790
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:58,040
if it's not bridal?

791
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:58,550
Right?

792
00:20:58,792 --> 00:20:59,269
Yes.

793
00:20:59,599 --> 00:20:59,779
Yeah.

794
00:21:00,012 --> 00:21:01,542
Should you bring a plus one

795
00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:03,132
if your invite doesn't say so?

796
00:21:03,402 --> 00:21:04,062
Absolutely not.

797
00:21:05,952 --> 00:21:07,152
Is it okay to leave

798
00:21:07,152 --> 00:21:08,017
before the cake is cut?

799
00:21:08,536 --> 00:21:09,286
Yes.

800
00:21:09,346 --> 00:21:10,996
Can I not rapid fire this one?

801
00:21:10,996 --> 00:21:11,116
Yeah.

802
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:13,430
I would say again, because we, weddings

803
00:21:13,430 --> 00:21:15,200
come in all shapes and sizes now and

804
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,940
not everybody does it as a big event.

805
00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:17,990
They might do it on the side

806
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:20,000
just for a picture opportunity.

807
00:21:20,128 --> 00:21:21,202
They might not even have a cake.

808
00:21:21,202 --> 00:21:23,356
So I would say, you know, in

809
00:21:23,356 --> 00:21:24,466
that case, use your judgment

810
00:21:24,466 --> 00:21:26,026
of when would be too early.

811
00:21:26,026 --> 00:21:29,131
But generally speaking it's fine because

812
00:21:29,131 --> 00:21:30,741
it's, weddings are all different now.

813
00:21:30,900 --> 00:21:33,282
Yeah, Should you post photos before the

814
00:21:33,282 --> 00:21:34,122
couple does?

815
00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:36,673
No, and that's again, one of

816
00:21:36,673 --> 00:21:37,633
those old fashioned things.

817
00:21:37,633 --> 00:21:39,193
Well, can't be that old fashioned because

818
00:21:39,193 --> 00:21:41,250
social media is relatively new, but I

819
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:44,208
would say until the, you know, the couple

820
00:21:44,208 --> 00:21:45,858
posts a picture, especially if you have

821
00:21:45,858 --> 00:21:47,598
a bride in a traditional gown, they

822
00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:49,038
may not wanna share those photos yet.

823
00:21:49,038 --> 00:21:51,315
So, seems like everybody does it now,

824
00:21:51,315 --> 00:21:53,205
but in my opinion, it's best not to.

825
00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:54,090
Yes.

826
00:21:54,270 --> 00:21:55,110
And put your phone away

827
00:21:55,110 --> 00:21:55,920
during the ceremony.

828
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:56,850
Oh my goodness.

829
00:21:56,850 --> 00:21:57,120
Yes.

830
00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:57,309
That's,

831
00:21:57,368 --> 00:21:57,788
a big, that's a whole

832
00:21:57,788 --> 00:21:58,688
other conversation.

833
00:22:00,037 --> 00:22:01,147
pay attention to the signs

834
00:22:01,147 --> 00:22:02,827
or the officiant Who says,

835
00:22:02,827 --> 00:22:03,967
put your phone away, please.

836
00:22:03,997 --> 00:22:04,147
Yes.

837
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:05,445
do you have to give a

838
00:22:05,445 --> 00:22:07,005
gift if you can't attend?

839
00:22:07,277 --> 00:22:07,817
Yes.

840
00:22:08,147 --> 00:22:11,057
But it doesn't need to be anything crazy.

841
00:22:11,411 --> 00:22:13,277
Usually if I can't attend, I would

842
00:22:13,277 --> 00:22:15,197
pick a small item off of their

843
00:22:15,197 --> 00:22:17,567
registry and wish them well with that.

844
00:22:17,731 --> 00:22:19,829
So you, so even if, let's say it's

845
00:22:19,829 --> 00:22:21,269
like someone you hardly have a

846
00:22:21,269 --> 00:22:22,469
relationship with, you are like

847
00:22:22,469 --> 00:22:24,389
really surprised you even got invited.

848
00:22:24,614 --> 00:22:26,294
You think still you should send something?

849
00:22:26,714 --> 00:22:26,834
Mm-hmm.

850
00:22:27,224 --> 00:22:27,614
I would.

851
00:22:28,064 --> 00:22:28,364
Okay.

852
00:22:28,454 --> 00:22:28,814
That's good

853
00:22:28,814 --> 00:22:28,904
to

854
00:22:28,904 --> 00:22:28,964
know.

855
00:22:28,964 --> 00:22:29,174
They,

856
00:22:29,174 --> 00:22:31,004
they, for whatever reason, hopefully

857
00:22:31,004 --> 00:22:32,144
they have good intentions, but for

858
00:22:32,144 --> 00:22:34,053
whatever reason you made that list,

859
00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:35,193
they wanted to celebrate the most

860
00:22:35,193 --> 00:22:36,753
important day of their life with you.

861
00:22:36,758 --> 00:22:37,013
Mm-hmm.

862
00:22:37,163 --> 00:22:39,393
So if you can spend $20 on it.

863
00:22:39,963 --> 00:22:40,683
Something to send to

864
00:22:40,683 --> 00:22:41,643
them and wish them well.

865
00:22:41,796 --> 00:22:43,083
And if that's not something that your

866
00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,673
budget allows, you can send them a card.

867
00:22:45,123 --> 00:22:45,423
Yeah.

868
00:22:45,603 --> 00:22:46,173
Okay, great.

869
00:22:46,351 --> 00:22:48,181
And do you feel the same when it comes to

870
00:22:48,181 --> 00:22:50,221
like other events like baby shower, bridal

871
00:22:50,221 --> 00:22:52,955
shower, birthday party, sending something,

872
00:22:53,113 --> 00:22:53,653
same thing.

873
00:22:53,683 --> 00:22:54,793
You know, for those smaller

874
00:22:54,793 --> 00:22:57,613
events, a card might be plenty.

875
00:22:57,712 --> 00:23:00,170
but the gesture of, you know, saying

876
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:01,550
I appreciate the invitation and

877
00:23:01,550 --> 00:23:03,211
I'm thinking of you is really nice.

878
00:23:03,481 --> 00:23:03,781
Okay.

879
00:23:03,781 --> 00:23:04,231
I love that.

880
00:23:04,730 --> 00:23:06,635
Is it rude to decline being in a wedding?

881
00:23:07,275 --> 00:23:08,595
No, absolutely not.

882
00:23:08,595 --> 00:23:11,535
I think it's become really a beast being

883
00:23:11,535 --> 00:23:13,155
a part of a wedding these days, right?

884
00:23:13,155 --> 00:23:14,872
It's and it has a large

885
00:23:14,872 --> 00:23:15,982
impact financially.

886
00:23:15,982 --> 00:23:17,212
It takes a lot of time.

887
00:23:17,212 --> 00:23:18,472
You might be in a stage of your

888
00:23:18,472 --> 00:23:20,086
life for whatever reason that you're

889
00:23:20,086 --> 00:23:21,286
not able to, and it doesn't mean

890
00:23:21,286 --> 00:23:23,514
that you love that person any less.

891
00:23:23,514 --> 00:23:25,944
But again, this is where as a couple,

892
00:23:25,944 --> 00:23:27,354
you need to kind of define the

893
00:23:27,354 --> 00:23:29,274
expectation in the beginning to your

894
00:23:29,274 --> 00:23:31,704
wedding party of what will be involved.

895
00:23:31,846 --> 00:23:32,560
And then if.

896
00:23:32,742 --> 00:23:34,540
You're not able to accept that, to

897
00:23:34,540 --> 00:23:35,950
just be honest with them that this is

898
00:23:35,950 --> 00:23:37,420
not a time in your life that you're

899
00:23:37,420 --> 00:23:38,980
able to accept this, but it doesn't

900
00:23:39,197 --> 00:23:40,600
mean that their wedding means any

901
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,730
less to you, and perhaps you can have

902
00:23:42,730 --> 00:23:44,770
a role somewhere else in helping.

903
00:23:44,958 --> 00:23:46,398
Yeah, and I feel like that's one

904
00:23:46,398 --> 00:23:48,258
of those things, like we're told

905
00:23:48,258 --> 00:23:50,118
like, oh, to take it personal, oh,

906
00:23:50,118 --> 00:23:50,928
if someone doesn't wanna be in our

907
00:23:50,928 --> 00:23:52,248
wedding, that's such a bad thing.

908
00:23:52,342 --> 00:23:53,868
But it's almost like kind

909
00:23:53,868 --> 00:23:54,593
because they're like, no.

910
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,310
I can't be my best self in your wedding.

911
00:23:57,315 --> 00:23:57,760
Exactly, exactly.

912
00:23:57,850 --> 00:23:59,080
I'd rather be there as a guest and

913
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,643
support you that way, I feel like it's

914
00:24:00,643 --> 00:24:02,293
a very mature response to be able to

915
00:24:02,293 --> 00:24:04,208
look at their finances or their time

916
00:24:04,208 --> 00:24:06,278
and be like, this is my best role.

917
00:24:06,338 --> 00:24:06,968
I'm sorry.

918
00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:07,715
Again, don't

919
00:24:07,715 --> 00:24:07,835
be

920
00:24:07,835 --> 00:24:09,845
afraid to have those conversations.

921
00:24:10,085 --> 00:24:11,798
You can't over communicate.

922
00:24:12,098 --> 00:24:12,398
Right.

923
00:24:12,398 --> 00:24:12,698
So.

924
00:24:12,940 --> 00:24:13,660
on either end.

925
00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:15,629
So don't be afraid to, to have those

926
00:24:15,629 --> 00:24:17,159
conversations and don't put yourself in a

927
00:24:17,159 --> 00:24:19,709
situation financially or, you know, time

928
00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:21,959
commitment that you're not able to, again,

929
00:24:21,959 --> 00:24:23,489
like you said, show up in the best way.

930
00:24:23,785 --> 00:24:25,375
can you ask someone to step

931
00:24:25,375 --> 00:24:26,635
down from the wedding party?

932
00:24:26,927 --> 00:24:27,347
Only

933
00:24:27,347 --> 00:24:29,807
if it's an extreme, extreme situation.

934
00:24:30,144 --> 00:24:31,074
I do see that a lot of

935
00:24:31,074 --> 00:24:32,034
times in stories too.

936
00:24:32,354 --> 00:24:33,854
do you have to invite someone to the

937
00:24:33,854 --> 00:24:35,894
wedding if they're invited to the shower?

938
00:24:36,044 --> 00:24:36,794
I see this a lot.

939
00:24:37,154 --> 00:24:37,544
Yes.

940
00:24:37,554 --> 00:24:39,234
it's proper etiquette to have, even when

941
00:24:39,234 --> 00:24:41,484
it comes to like, from starting with

942
00:24:41,484 --> 00:24:43,104
the engagement party, if you have one,

943
00:24:43,104 --> 00:24:44,664
again, you might not have your list.

944
00:24:44,814 --> 00:24:47,355
Completely defined by then, but everybody

945
00:24:47,355 --> 00:24:49,185
who was invited to the engagement party

946
00:24:49,215 --> 00:24:50,685
should also be invited to the wedding.

947
00:24:50,715 --> 00:24:51,525
Obviously, the wedding will

948
00:24:51,525 --> 00:24:53,251
likely be larger, but everybody

949
00:24:53,251 --> 00:24:54,181
invited to the shower should

950
00:24:54,181 --> 00:24:55,291
also be going to the wedding.

951
00:24:55,501 --> 00:24:57,631
The exception to this is perhaps your

952
00:24:57,631 --> 00:25:01,144
job wants to throw you a shower or, You

953
00:25:01,144 --> 00:25:03,271
know, perhaps you're part of a team or a

954
00:25:03,271 --> 00:25:05,071
hobby that you have where you don't have a

955
00:25:05,071 --> 00:25:06,691
super, super close relationship with them

956
00:25:06,691 --> 00:25:08,456
enough to invite them to the wedding, but

957
00:25:08,456 --> 00:25:10,136
they have a small celebration for you.

958
00:25:10,261 --> 00:25:12,331
That would be kind of the exception, but

959
00:25:12,352 --> 00:25:14,662
the general shower should include people

960
00:25:14,662 --> 00:25:15,832
who are also invited to the wedding.

961
00:25:16,247 --> 00:25:16,877
Yes.

962
00:25:17,057 --> 00:25:17,297
Yeah.

963
00:25:17,297 --> 00:25:18,707
I had never heard of people just getting

964
00:25:18,707 --> 00:25:20,057
invited to the shower until I was seeing

965
00:25:20,057 --> 00:25:21,737
it in comments, and these women would be

966
00:25:21,737 --> 00:25:24,200
like, yeah, is it weird that my niece or

967
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,430
whatever just invited me to the shower?

968
00:25:25,430 --> 00:25:26,660
And I was like, yes, yes.

969
00:25:26,660 --> 00:25:27,455
That's very yes.

970
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:29,000
Yes.

971
00:25:29,270 --> 00:25:29,570
Yeah.

972
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:29,930
Or I guess,

973
00:25:29,930 --> 00:25:30,920
unless maybe they're like

974
00:25:30,980 --> 00:25:32,540
eloping and not having a wedding.

975
00:25:32,545 --> 00:25:33,410
Right, right.

976
00:25:33,410 --> 00:25:35,030
So of course there's exceptions, right?

977
00:25:35,030 --> 00:25:35,450
Of course.

978
00:25:35,450 --> 00:25:36,830
If they're having like a, as you said,

979
00:25:36,830 --> 00:25:39,530
eloping or doing immediate family only,

980
00:25:39,530 --> 00:25:41,090
but this is the way they wanna celebrate.

981
00:25:41,274 --> 00:25:42,113
With the other important

982
00:25:42,113 --> 00:25:43,103
people in their life.

983
00:25:43,313 --> 00:25:45,263
But generally speaking, for a traditional

984
00:25:45,263 --> 00:25:47,123
wedding, everyone invited to the shower

985
00:25:47,123 --> 00:25:48,143
should also be invited to the wedding.

986
00:25:48,473 --> 00:25:49,043
Yes.

987
00:25:49,366 --> 00:25:51,196
can you invite someone to the reception?

988
00:25:51,196 --> 00:25:51,706
Only

989
00:25:51,955 --> 00:25:53,515
again, if it is a situation

990
00:25:53,515 --> 00:25:54,655
where it's immediate family.

991
00:25:55,544 --> 00:25:57,974
And you're having a private ceremony,

992
00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,564
and perhaps it's a religious ceremony

993
00:25:59,564 --> 00:26:01,604
or whatever it is, but that would have

994
00:26:01,604 --> 00:26:02,894
to be like an all or nothing thing.

995
00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:04,184
So it would either have to be just

996
00:26:04,184 --> 00:26:05,564
immediate family and then all of the

997
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,154
rest of the guests at the reception

998
00:26:07,397 --> 00:26:08,744
can't just be like a handful.

999
00:26:08,988 --> 00:26:09,888
Right, right.

1000
00:26:10,088 --> 00:26:10,388
All right.

1001
00:26:10,388 --> 00:26:11,198
A couple more here.

1002
00:26:11,264 --> 00:26:12,044
should the bride and

1003
00:26:12,044 --> 00:26:13,544
groom greet every table?

1004
00:26:13,755 --> 00:26:15,255
Yes, in some capacity.

1005
00:26:15,255 --> 00:26:17,362
And again, it's, hard to say because.

1006
00:26:17,587 --> 00:26:19,177
Some wedding styles don't

1007
00:26:19,177 --> 00:26:20,797
have that, like kind of same.

1008
00:26:20,949 --> 00:26:22,149
Layout anymore, right?

1009
00:26:22,149 --> 00:26:23,229
That traditional layout.

1010
00:26:23,229 --> 00:26:25,239
But I would say in some way you

1011
00:26:25,239 --> 00:26:26,649
should plan to greet your guests.

1012
00:26:26,649 --> 00:26:28,800
So even if you're not having real,

1013
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,510
a real like sit down situation, but

1014
00:26:30,510 --> 00:26:32,280
you have like a cocktail situation,

1015
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:34,037
are both making every effort to

1016
00:26:34,037 --> 00:26:35,747
talk to as many people as you can.

1017
00:26:35,747 --> 00:26:37,413
And again, this doesn't have to be like

1018
00:26:37,413 --> 00:26:39,663
a make or break it situation, but the

1019
00:26:39,663 --> 00:26:42,273
attempt to greet your guests is important.

1020
00:26:42,273 --> 00:26:44,319
And if your parents Are also

1021
00:26:44,319 --> 00:26:46,059
contributing to the wedding and hosting.

1022
00:26:46,225 --> 00:26:47,567
You may divide and conquer if

1023
00:26:47,567 --> 00:26:48,647
there's not enough time, right?

1024
00:26:48,647 --> 00:26:50,599
Allow them to greet, some guests,

1025
00:26:50,599 --> 00:26:51,649
you greet some guests, but I would

1026
00:26:51,649 --> 00:26:53,659
say in a perfect situation, you are

1027
00:26:53,659 --> 00:26:55,641
making the time Two visit tables.

1028
00:26:55,851 --> 00:26:56,391
Yeah.

1029
00:26:56,498 --> 00:26:57,578
We did something, I've talked about this

1030
00:26:57,578 --> 00:26:58,748
before, but we did something called the

1031
00:26:58,748 --> 00:27:00,848
Mission Impossible at our wedding, where

1032
00:27:00,848 --> 00:27:02,438
they put on the Mission Impossible Music

1033
00:27:02,438 --> 00:27:04,448
and then we had to go to every table

1034
00:27:04,448 --> 00:27:05,798
and get a picture with all of them.

1035
00:27:05,978 --> 00:27:07,538
Oh, that's really fun.

1036
00:27:07,538 --> 00:27:08,858
It was like a quick, fun way to

1037
00:27:08,858 --> 00:27:10,209
like get in a picture and say

1038
00:27:10,209 --> 00:27:12,334
like, Hey guys, and like all round

1039
00:27:12,334 --> 00:27:13,894
up so that we didn't feel like.

1040
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:14,930
Guilty if we didn't.

1041
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:16,760
I still tried to make an effort to

1042
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,410
talk to everybody, but like, yes, yes.

1043
00:27:18,410 --> 00:27:19,310
It still made us feel like,

1044
00:27:19,340 --> 00:27:20,450
oh, we saw everybody and it

1045
00:27:20,450 --> 00:27:21,740
was our photographer's idea.

1046
00:27:21,740 --> 00:27:23,090
And she's like, it's a great idea.

1047
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:24,290
It was at so many weddings and she's

1048
00:27:24,290 --> 00:27:25,430
like, it makes people feel like

1049
00:27:25,586 --> 00:27:27,104
they got to see you and like hug

1050
00:27:27,104 --> 00:27:29,277
you for a second or chat, you know?

1051
00:27:29,277 --> 00:27:30,177
And it was great.

1052
00:27:30,267 --> 00:27:31,557
It was all in like three minutes.

1053
00:27:31,947 --> 00:27:32,847
That's a great idea.

1054
00:27:32,847 --> 00:27:34,077
But I also think, you know, and I'm

1055
00:27:34,077 --> 00:27:35,937
a big proponent of host etiquette and

1056
00:27:35,937 --> 00:27:37,047
guest etiquette, but I think this is

1057
00:27:37,047 --> 00:27:38,692
the one day too where guests can be.

1058
00:27:39,190 --> 00:27:40,720
need to give the couple, the benefit

1059
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:41,860
of the doubt that if they don't

1060
00:27:41,860 --> 00:27:43,390
make it to the table, it's not

1061
00:27:43,390 --> 00:27:44,950
because they're trying to be rude.

1062
00:27:44,950 --> 00:27:45,190
Right?

1063
00:27:45,190 --> 00:27:47,680
There's, you have so many things to do on

1064
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,870
this day, and it goes by in a flash, and

1065
00:27:50,140 --> 00:27:52,416
so I think that the attempt of doing it Is

1066
00:27:52,416 --> 00:27:54,216
the important part, but if the execution

1067
00:27:54,216 --> 00:27:56,487
is not perfect, don't be hard on yourself.

1068
00:27:56,487 --> 00:27:57,987
This is the one day where

1069
00:27:58,130 --> 00:27:59,300
even an etiquette trainer will

1070
00:27:59,300 --> 00:28:00,590
allow you to slip up in that.

1071
00:28:00,860 --> 00:28:02,780
In that case, yes.

1072
00:28:02,780 --> 00:28:03,680
It to be realistic, right?

1073
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:04,490
You have to be realistic,

1074
00:28:04,730 --> 00:28:05,120
right?

1075
00:28:05,180 --> 00:28:06,757
Because yeah, you hear of the people

1076
00:28:06,757 --> 00:28:09,288
pleaser or like super kind bride

1077
00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:11,598
where she spends her whole night then

1078
00:28:11,688 --> 00:28:13,578
greeting everybody and she misses out.

1079
00:28:13,742 --> 00:28:14,522
So it's like you do have to

1080
00:28:14,522 --> 00:28:15,742
kind of take into consideration

1081
00:28:15,742 --> 00:28:16,762
like what's your timeline?

1082
00:28:16,776 --> 00:28:18,182
Is talking to this person for 30

1083
00:28:18,182 --> 00:28:19,622
minutes actually feasible, right?

1084
00:28:19,682 --> 00:28:21,092
Or do you need hold away?

1085
00:28:21,362 --> 00:28:21,782
Right.

1086
00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:23,998
we had a smaller, we had actually

1087
00:28:23,998 --> 00:28:25,378
a very non-traditional wedding,

1088
00:28:25,378 --> 00:28:27,540
but we had a smaller, wedding.

1089
00:28:27,570 --> 00:28:29,870
And even in a small wedding, like just

1090
00:28:29,870 --> 00:28:32,300
the way the layout was, we started with

1091
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:33,890
the tables and then we had to sit down

1092
00:28:33,890 --> 00:28:35,270
because something else started and we

1093
00:28:35,270 --> 00:28:36,115
didn't make it to every single one.

1094
00:28:36,523 --> 00:28:36,823
Yeah.

1095
00:28:37,033 --> 00:28:38,663
And I mean the idea was there,

1096
00:28:38,663 --> 00:28:39,949
the intention was there, but

1097
00:28:39,997 --> 00:28:40,897
you have to be realistic.

1098
00:28:41,167 --> 00:28:42,427
Yeah, exactly.

1099
00:28:42,684 --> 00:28:44,574
can the bride's mom wear the

1100
00:28:44,574 --> 00:28:46,344
same color as bridesmaids?

1101
00:28:46,578 --> 00:28:47,656
If it's okay with the bride?

1102
00:28:47,790 --> 00:28:48,210
I don't think there's

1103
00:28:48,210 --> 00:28:48,850
anything wrong with that.

1104
00:28:49,202 --> 00:28:49,922
I feel like it, because some people

1105
00:28:49,922 --> 00:28:51,332
have very specific color palettes,

1106
00:28:51,332 --> 00:28:53,049
so they might want all the family

1107
00:28:53,049 --> 00:28:54,459
in black or all the family in Navy

1108
00:28:54,459 --> 00:28:55,899
or everybody in a shade of blue.

1109
00:28:55,899 --> 00:28:57,422
I didn't have a wedding party, but I had,

1110
00:28:57,623 --> 00:28:59,573
my mom and mother-in-law and my sister,

1111
00:28:59,573 --> 00:29:00,923
who was my maid of honor, all in gold.

1112
00:29:00,923 --> 00:29:02,469
So I think it's the couple's preference.

1113
00:29:02,619 --> 00:29:02,859
Yep.

1114
00:29:03,039 --> 00:29:03,549
I love that.

1115
00:29:03,919 --> 00:29:05,029
Okay, last one.

1116
00:29:05,059 --> 00:29:06,349
How do you handle guests

1117
00:29:06,349 --> 00:29:07,669
who ignore the dress code?

1118
00:29:07,869 --> 00:29:09,099
There's nothing that you can do

1119
00:29:09,099 --> 00:29:11,019
in the moment, unfortunately.

1120
00:29:11,109 --> 00:29:11,589
And.

1121
00:29:11,804 --> 00:29:13,724
I would say at the ti, are you,

1122
00:29:14,114 --> 00:29:15,044
do you think, you mean like,

1123
00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:16,304
or this was this question maybe

1124
00:29:16,304 --> 00:29:18,193
in relation to like on the day?

1125
00:29:18,353 --> 00:29:18,773
Yes.

1126
00:29:18,803 --> 00:29:19,133
I think

1127
00:29:19,133 --> 00:29:19,493
on

1128
00:29:19,493 --> 00:29:19,583
the

1129
00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:19,943
day,

1130
00:29:19,943 --> 00:29:20,453
if someone,

1131
00:29:20,483 --> 00:29:20,723
okay,

1132
00:29:20,909 --> 00:29:21,809
either wearing white or they're

1133
00:29:21,809 --> 00:29:23,579
wearing jeans or you know, whatever.

1134
00:29:23,810 --> 00:29:25,880
I want you to be so wrapped up in being

1135
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,190
excited about your day and excited about

1136
00:29:28,190 --> 00:29:29,660
marrying the person you're marrying.

1137
00:29:29,660 --> 00:29:30,740
That if someone shows up.

1138
00:29:30,943 --> 00:29:32,923
Totally not dressed properly.

1139
00:29:33,163 --> 00:29:34,453
It's on them and not you.

1140
00:29:34,453 --> 00:29:35,279
I hope that you don't even

1141
00:29:35,279 --> 00:29:36,239
realize because you're Yeah.

1142
00:29:36,599 --> 00:29:37,889
So engulfed in Joy.

1143
00:29:38,066 --> 00:29:38,576
I know.

1144
00:29:38,639 --> 00:29:40,348
I had one friend that was like, I

1145
00:29:40,348 --> 00:29:41,787
dunno if so, stress is the right way

1146
00:29:41,787 --> 00:29:43,468
to put it, but she was like overly

1147
00:29:43,468 --> 00:29:45,088
thinking about this one uncle that wears

1148
00:29:45,088 --> 00:29:46,258
jeans to every event and she's like,

1149
00:29:46,288 --> 00:29:47,338
I just don't want him to wear jeans.

1150
00:29:47,338 --> 00:29:48,867
And I was like, if he does.

1151
00:29:48,977 --> 00:29:50,057
There's not much you can do.

1152
00:29:50,147 --> 00:29:51,842
And like there's no point in like

1153
00:29:51,842 --> 00:29:53,522
starting a whole thing with his

1154
00:29:53,522 --> 00:29:55,292
family 'cause he's gonna wear jeans.

1155
00:29:55,292 --> 00:29:56,655
Like if he wears jeans,

1156
00:29:56,711 --> 00:29:57,910
he'll be the guy in jeans.

1157
00:29:57,910 --> 00:29:59,500
and then maybe he just won't be in photos

1158
00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:01,060
or you won't see the bottom half of him.

1159
00:30:01,060 --> 00:30:01,480
You know?

1160
00:30:01,705 --> 00:30:02,755
Just don't let it take away

1161
00:30:02,755 --> 00:30:03,985
from your joy on that day.

1162
00:30:04,015 --> 00:30:04,915
'cause it's something so

1163
00:30:04,915 --> 00:30:06,055
minuscule at the end of the day.

1164
00:30:06,175 --> 00:30:06,565
Totally.

1165
00:30:06,565 --> 00:30:09,622
And I, I wish guests would be more careful

1166
00:30:09,622 --> 00:30:11,332
with dress codes and really respect that.

1167
00:30:11,332 --> 00:30:12,292
This is what the.

1168
00:30:12,462 --> 00:30:13,782
Couples desired.

1169
00:30:13,909 --> 00:30:14,894
but again, it doesn't

1170
00:30:14,894 --> 00:30:15,644
always work out that way.

1171
00:30:15,644 --> 00:30:16,934
But again, I hope you're, I hope

1172
00:30:16,934 --> 00:30:18,794
you're so distracted by the joy of

1173
00:30:18,794 --> 00:30:20,174
the day that you don't even notice.

1174
00:30:20,894 --> 00:30:20,954
Yeah,

1175
00:30:21,074 --> 00:30:22,034
exactly.

1176
00:30:22,274 --> 00:30:22,746
Okay.

1177
00:30:22,776 --> 00:30:25,326
Time for this week's story submission.

1178
00:30:25,326 --> 00:30:25,716
So, okay.

1179
00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:27,175
Someone sent this me.

1180
00:30:27,265 --> 00:30:29,185
feel free to stop me or I'll take pauses.

1181
00:30:29,452 --> 00:30:29,812
Okay.

1182
00:30:29,976 --> 00:30:31,236
When I think back on my wedding,

1183
00:30:31,296 --> 00:30:32,406
I remember how wonderful it

1184
00:30:32,406 --> 00:30:34,047
was and how much fun we had.

1185
00:30:34,230 --> 00:30:35,720
I definitely don't think about all

1186
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:37,520
the drama that led up to it during the

1187
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,437
planning process, but when I look at

1188
00:30:39,437 --> 00:30:42,167
it objectively, almost every vendor

1189
00:30:42,227 --> 00:30:44,177
aside from the main catering company

1190
00:30:44,336 --> 00:30:46,373
was replaced before the big day.

1191
00:30:46,754 --> 00:30:48,824
My oldest friend ghosted me after

1192
00:30:48,824 --> 00:30:50,324
planning a bachelorette party.

1193
00:30:50,614 --> 00:30:51,923
I would've been miserable at.

1194
00:30:52,071 --> 00:30:54,201
And my niece ripped the front of my dress

1195
00:30:54,201 --> 00:30:56,121
right before I walked down the aisle.

1196
00:30:56,311 --> 00:30:59,039
Yet still, it was truly an amazing day.

1197
00:30:59,291 --> 00:31:00,580
Well, that's a good way to start it.

1198
00:31:02,170 --> 00:31:02,770
what's coming?

1199
00:31:04,264 --> 00:31:05,097
Like, she looked at it very

1200
00:31:05,097 --> 00:31:07,870
positively, All these terrible things

1201
00:31:07,870 --> 00:31:09,027
happen, but it was still great.

1202
00:31:09,385 --> 00:31:10,255
I like her attitude.

1203
00:31:11,845 --> 00:31:13,285
I feel like a lot of it does have to

1204
00:31:13,285 --> 00:31:15,445
do with like your attitude and your

1205
00:31:15,445 --> 00:31:17,515
outlook on the day because You could

1206
00:31:17,515 --> 00:31:19,495
let rain ruin your day or you could

1207
00:31:19,495 --> 00:31:20,725
be like, you know what, look how

1208
00:31:20,725 --> 00:31:22,111
beautiful these photos are gonna be.

1209
00:31:23,054 --> 00:31:24,054
Perspective is everything.

1210
00:31:24,972 --> 00:31:26,412
my husband and I chose to get

1211
00:31:26,412 --> 00:31:27,612
married on my grandparents'

1212
00:31:27,612 --> 00:31:29,412
66th, the wedding anniversary.

1213
00:31:29,442 --> 00:31:31,358
It was a special date and since my

1214
00:31:31,448 --> 00:31:32,978
grandfather was ill, we wanted to

1215
00:31:32,978 --> 00:31:34,783
honor them While we still could,

1216
00:31:35,113 --> 00:31:36,964
we booked a local venue and went

1217
00:31:36,964 --> 00:31:38,805
through a list of approved vendors,

1218
00:31:39,113 --> 00:31:40,906
selected a catering company that

1219
00:31:40,906 --> 00:31:42,616
also provided a day of coordinator.

1220
00:31:43,018 --> 00:31:44,698
Two days before the wedding, I

1221
00:31:44,698 --> 00:31:46,528
received an email that the coordinator

1222
00:31:46,528 --> 00:31:48,151
I had worked with for months

1223
00:31:48,151 --> 00:31:49,621
was no longer with the company.

1224
00:31:49,919 --> 00:31:52,517
A woman I had never met who I also didn't

1225
00:31:52,517 --> 00:31:55,154
meet on the day of was taking her place.

1226
00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:56,597
She assured me everything

1227
00:31:56,597 --> 00:31:57,747
would be handled, and to

1228
00:31:57,747 --> 00:31:59,397
her credit, most of it was.

1229
00:31:59,521 --> 00:32:01,351
But something fell through the cracks.

1230
00:32:01,468 --> 00:32:03,536
We had brought sentimental items like

1231
00:32:03,536 --> 00:32:05,426
custom cake knife my brother-in-law

1232
00:32:05,426 --> 00:32:07,208
made, and the champagne flutes from

1233
00:32:07,208 --> 00:32:08,678
my husband's grandparents' wedding

1234
00:32:08,968 --> 00:32:10,328
for our cake cutting and toast.

1235
00:32:10,463 --> 00:32:12,227
These never made it to our reception

1236
00:32:12,227 --> 00:32:13,727
because the new coordinator didn't

1237
00:32:13,727 --> 00:32:15,767
know about them and didn't return my

1238
00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:18,560
calls the day before to review details.

1239
00:32:19,217 --> 00:32:21,159
Our videographer was another disaster.

1240
00:32:21,339 --> 00:32:23,829
I paid a hefty deposit, but two months

1241
00:32:23,829 --> 00:32:25,389
before the wedding, he told me he was

1242
00:32:25,389 --> 00:32:27,775
moving outta state, couldn't refund

1243
00:32:27,775 --> 00:32:30,788
the money, then blocked my number

1244
00:32:30,938 --> 00:32:33,458
and stopped responding to emails.

1245
00:32:33,603 --> 00:32:35,403
Gosh, how, I mean, how do you even handle

1246
00:32:35,403 --> 00:32:37,773
that situation if they block you that

1247
00:32:38,083 --> 00:32:39,583
that's cr, I mean, I Maybe

1248
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:40,753
you get involved legally.

1249
00:32:41,683 --> 00:32:42,583
I feel like that's the only

1250
00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:43,393
way at that point, that's the

1251
00:32:43,393 --> 00:32:45,493
only way is that contact them.

1252
00:32:45,523 --> 00:32:45,793
Right.

1253
00:32:46,003 --> 00:32:46,783
That's terrible.

1254
00:32:46,783 --> 00:32:48,403
Just because he is moving outta state.

1255
00:32:48,403 --> 00:32:49,573
You wanna lose your, this is

1256
00:32:49,573 --> 00:32:50,143
all the same

1257
00:32:50,143 --> 00:32:51,283
person that's had this.

1258
00:32:51,313 --> 00:32:52,123
Oh goodness.

1259
00:32:52,603 --> 00:32:53,773
It's wild.

1260
00:32:53,992 --> 00:32:54,622
Oh my gosh.

1261
00:32:54,850 --> 00:32:56,728
Thankfully we found another videographer

1262
00:32:56,728 --> 00:32:58,258
who had a last minute cancellation

1263
00:32:58,258 --> 00:32:59,668
and could fit us in for a smaller

1264
00:32:59,668 --> 00:33:01,408
package within our reduced budget.

1265
00:33:01,618 --> 00:33:02,503
And now you're out that money

1266
00:33:02,533 --> 00:33:03,568
till you know you can get it.

1267
00:33:03,568 --> 00:33:03,928
Right.

1268
00:33:04,108 --> 00:33:05,248
That's why I was saying maybe

1269
00:33:05,248 --> 00:33:06,328
you need to get involved legally.

1270
00:33:06,328 --> 00:33:06,958
I don't, you know?

1271
00:33:07,138 --> 00:33:07,648
Yeah.

1272
00:33:07,993 --> 00:33:09,013
A week before the wedding,

1273
00:33:09,013 --> 00:33:09,973
the photographer I had

1274
00:33:09,973 --> 00:33:11,353
booked was in a car accident.

1275
00:33:11,565 --> 00:33:12,525
Oh my gosh.

1276
00:33:12,525 --> 00:33:13,893
This poor bride and groom.

1277
00:33:14,536 --> 00:33:15,706
A need a knee surgery.

1278
00:33:15,766 --> 00:33:17,596
The company assigned a replacement

1279
00:33:17,596 --> 00:33:19,546
photographer who showed up in a short

1280
00:33:19,546 --> 00:33:22,188
cheetah print dress in fishnet tights.

1281
00:33:22,554 --> 00:33:23,844
Her assistant handled the

1282
00:33:23,844 --> 00:33:25,967
groomsman photos, but never got

1283
00:33:25,967 --> 00:33:27,887
a solo shot of my husband, even

1284
00:33:27,887 --> 00:33:29,357
though it was on the shot list.

1285
00:33:29,661 --> 00:33:31,787
The photographer did a solid job, but

1286
00:33:31,787 --> 00:33:33,737
her personality and style weren't what I

1287
00:33:33,737 --> 00:33:35,927
wouldn't have chosen if I had a choice.

1288
00:33:36,304 --> 00:33:37,294
I feel like if you go through like

1289
00:33:37,294 --> 00:33:38,884
a bigger company and they assign

1290
00:33:38,884 --> 00:33:40,324
someone you don't really know.

1291
00:33:40,503 --> 00:33:41,373
We are gonna get or

1292
00:33:41,523 --> 00:33:42,453
what they're gonna wear.

1293
00:33:42,453 --> 00:33:43,563
You don't really have a say on that.

1294
00:33:43,983 --> 00:33:44,283
Right?

1295
00:33:44,373 --> 00:33:44,823
I agree.

1296
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:45,670
Because that's what we did

1297
00:33:45,670 --> 00:33:46,570
and we got really lucky.

1298
00:33:46,570 --> 00:33:48,040
Like our girl was awesome, she was

1299
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,178
great and really hands-on, but you

1300
00:33:50,178 --> 00:33:51,258
don't really, that's kinda like the

1301
00:33:51,258 --> 00:33:52,991
price you pay if you don't meet them.

1302
00:33:53,141 --> 00:33:53,621
Right, right.

1303
00:33:53,782 --> 00:33:55,102
still I was grateful we had someone

1304
00:33:55,102 --> 00:33:56,707
there to capture the day, three

1305
00:33:56,707 --> 00:33:58,182
weeks before the wedding, our DJ

1306
00:33:58,542 --> 00:34:00,697
canceled due to a family emergency.

1307
00:34:00,817 --> 00:34:01,717
My goodness.

1308
00:34:01,807 --> 00:34:02,887
This is like a tale.

1309
00:34:02,887 --> 00:34:04,027
This doesn't even sound like, I

1310
00:34:04,027 --> 00:34:05,137
know it's a true story, but it

1311
00:34:05,137 --> 00:34:06,397
doesn't even sound like it could be.

1312
00:34:06,568 --> 00:34:08,488
No, something's gotta get sent to me.

1313
00:34:08,488 --> 00:34:09,688
I like will post and people

1314
00:34:09,688 --> 00:34:10,678
are like, this can't be true.

1315
00:34:10,678 --> 00:34:11,880
And I'm like, I don't know.

1316
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:12,300
This is no.

1317
00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:13,260
A real human wrote it.

1318
00:34:14,190 --> 00:34:15,480
Someone sent it into me.

1319
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:15,960
So.

1320
00:34:16,155 --> 00:34:17,655
We couldn't find anyone else on

1321
00:34:17,655 --> 00:34:18,975
short notice, so we made our own

1322
00:34:18,975 --> 00:34:21,535
playlist, over 300 songs organized

1323
00:34:21,535 --> 00:34:23,725
by the event, pre ceremony ceremony,

1324
00:34:23,755 --> 00:34:25,780
cocktail hour dinner, and reception.

1325
00:34:26,125 --> 00:34:27,832
We even spaced out slow and fast

1326
00:34:27,832 --> 00:34:29,392
songs for a balance and labeled all

1327
00:34:29,392 --> 00:34:30,982
the key moments like our first dance.

1328
00:34:31,134 --> 00:34:31,614
Good on them.

1329
00:34:31,614 --> 00:34:32,184
That's amazing.

1330
00:34:32,424 --> 00:34:34,464
I was going to say, they really are

1331
00:34:34,464 --> 00:34:36,144
making lemonade out of lemons here.

1332
00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:36,924
Yes.

1333
00:34:37,074 --> 00:34:38,544
I think that this is such a good

1334
00:34:38,634 --> 00:34:40,614
foundation for a really happy and

1335
00:34:40,614 --> 00:34:42,234
healthy life together with being able

1336
00:34:42,234 --> 00:34:45,488
to, Figure out all of these solutions at

1337
00:34:45,488 --> 00:34:47,811
such a high stress time in the moment.

1338
00:34:47,811 --> 00:34:48,771
I'm sure they were not

1339
00:34:48,771 --> 00:34:49,521
thinking about that.

1340
00:34:49,521 --> 00:34:50,841
They were panicking, but in

1341
00:34:50,841 --> 00:34:52,394
hindsight, kudos to them.

1342
00:34:52,526 --> 00:34:52,736
Yeah.

1343
00:34:52,736 --> 00:34:54,296
Honestly, that's a really good point about

1344
00:34:54,296 --> 00:34:56,692
like your wedding day like the planning up

1345
00:34:56,692 --> 00:34:59,332
to it is a really good example of how are

1346
00:34:59,332 --> 00:35:01,102
you gonna tackle, like issues that come up

1347
00:35:01,102 --> 00:35:02,932
in your marriage or issues that come up.

1348
00:35:02,964 --> 00:35:03,346
Conflict

1349
00:35:03,346 --> 00:35:05,056
resolution and communication.

1350
00:35:05,056 --> 00:35:05,116
Yeah.

1351
00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:06,070
But

1352
00:35:06,070 --> 00:35:06,250
with

1353
00:35:06,250 --> 00:35:07,810
that being said, it still sucks.

1354
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:09,850
Yes, it definitely still sucks

1355
00:35:09,850 --> 00:35:11,264
and I feel like you can still

1356
00:35:11,264 --> 00:35:12,704
feel upset about those things.

1357
00:35:12,704 --> 00:35:13,484
Absolutely.

1358
00:35:13,544 --> 00:35:13,844
Yeah.

1359
00:35:14,063 --> 00:35:16,343
she said, unfortunately, once

1360
00:35:16,343 --> 00:35:18,113
the reception started, a guest

1361
00:35:18,113 --> 00:35:20,025
decided to hit shuffle completely

1362
00:35:20,025 --> 00:35:21,915
undoing hours of careful planning.

1363
00:35:22,356 --> 00:35:23,556
Oh my goodness.

1364
00:35:23,891 --> 00:35:25,478
Our cake was another curve ball.

1365
00:35:25,777 --> 00:35:27,218
When my mother-in-law picked it up the

1366
00:35:27,218 --> 00:35:28,718
night before the wedding, it looked

1367
00:35:28,718 --> 00:35:30,128
nothing like what we had ordered.

1368
00:35:30,424 --> 00:35:32,030
After the rehearsal, she brought it

1369
00:35:32,030 --> 00:35:34,490
to me and spent an hour scraping off

1370
00:35:34,490 --> 00:35:36,320
the icing and reapplying it to look

1371
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,120
closer to the inspiration photo.

1372
00:35:38,328 --> 00:35:39,738
Oh my gosh.

1373
00:35:39,887 --> 00:35:40,007
Oh

1374
00:35:40,007 --> 00:35:40,727
my gosh.

1375
00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:41,897
This is horrible.

1376
00:35:42,167 --> 00:35:44,027
And then my mom was hospitalized with

1377
00:35:44,027 --> 00:35:45,827
a kidney infection just four days.

1378
00:35:46,117 --> 00:35:47,437
I'm like, when does it stop?

1379
00:35:47,572 --> 00:35:48,682
is there still more to read?

1380
00:35:48,712 --> 00:35:49,402
There's still more.

1381
00:35:49,402 --> 00:35:50,992
There's still like three paragraphs.

1382
00:35:51,082 --> 00:35:51,982
Oh my goodness.

1383
00:35:51,982 --> 00:35:53,242
This poor couple.

1384
00:35:53,646 --> 00:35:54,846
I'm glad that it started

1385
00:35:54,846 --> 00:35:56,412
with, it was a great day.

1386
00:35:56,412 --> 00:35:56,982
And I love her.

1387
00:35:56,982 --> 00:35:57,072
Right.

1388
00:35:57,072 --> 00:35:58,122
I love her attitude.

1389
00:35:58,122 --> 00:35:58,962
I love her attitude.

1390
00:35:58,962 --> 00:35:59,112
But

1391
00:35:59,112 --> 00:35:59,532
this is,

1392
00:35:59,704 --> 00:36:00,844
she has a right to kind

1393
00:36:00,844 --> 00:36:01,710
of like stomp her foot.

1394
00:36:01,830 --> 00:36:02,430
Yes.

1395
00:36:02,490 --> 00:36:04,620
This is like a full on, you can

1396
00:36:04,620 --> 00:36:05,880
make this into a movie or something.

1397
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:06,000
Right?

1398
00:36:06,300 --> 00:36:06,870
Right.

1399
00:36:07,041 --> 00:36:08,421
My mom was hospitalized with

1400
00:36:08,421 --> 00:36:09,771
a kidney infection just four

1401
00:36:09,771 --> 00:36:10,671
days before the wedding.

1402
00:36:10,701 --> 00:36:12,846
She needed surgery, but was released

1403
00:36:12,846 --> 00:36:14,556
the morning of, she attended the

1404
00:36:14,556 --> 00:36:16,290
wedding in a wheelchair and went

1405
00:36:16,290 --> 00:36:18,450
home after the first dances to rest.

1406
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,500
Oh my gosh.

1407
00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:20,160
That's so sad.

1408
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,150
It's breaking.

1409
00:36:21,150 --> 00:36:21,180
Oh.

1410
00:36:21,839 --> 00:36:23,249
Some of my favorite photos from that

1411
00:36:23,249 --> 00:36:24,839
night are of my husband pushing her

1412
00:36:24,839 --> 00:36:26,279
wheelchair onto the dance floor so we

1413
00:36:26,279 --> 00:36:28,049
could share our mother-daughter dance.

1414
00:36:28,383 --> 00:36:29,433
I didn't have a maid of honor,

1415
00:36:29,433 --> 00:36:30,723
just a group of bridesmaids, but

1416
00:36:30,723 --> 00:36:32,283
my oldest friend tried to take

1417
00:36:32,283 --> 00:36:33,723
over the bachelorette planning.

1418
00:36:33,965 --> 00:36:35,825
I had explained that because our

1419
00:36:35,825 --> 00:36:38,345
group ranged from ages 17 to 38.

1420
00:36:38,677 --> 00:36:40,323
I didn't want to go to bars so

1421
00:36:40,413 --> 00:36:41,793
my underage sister couldn't go.

1422
00:36:42,036 --> 00:36:43,038
and also needed to keep

1423
00:36:43,038 --> 00:36:44,058
things budget friendly.

1424
00:36:44,058 --> 00:36:44,148
Mm-hmm.

1425
00:36:44,687 --> 00:36:46,307
I wanted something relaxing and fun

1426
00:36:46,307 --> 00:36:48,017
with my closest friends and family.

1427
00:36:48,467 --> 00:36:49,877
She ignored all of that.

1428
00:36:50,207 --> 00:36:52,907
Booked an expensive Airbnb, insisted

1429
00:36:52,907 --> 00:36:55,046
on going to a nightclub made

1430
00:36:55,046 --> 00:36:56,906
dinner reservations at a five star

1431
00:36:56,906 --> 00:36:58,676
steakhouse costing over a hundred

1432
00:36:58,676 --> 00:37:00,621
dollars per person without drinks.

1433
00:37:01,416 --> 00:37:03,216
Soon, four of the eight girls

1434
00:37:03,216 --> 00:37:04,476
called to apologize saying they

1435
00:37:04,476 --> 00:37:06,066
couldn't afford it, but still

1436
00:37:06,066 --> 00:37:07,116
wanted to be a part of the wedding.

1437
00:37:07,342 --> 00:37:08,962
At that point, I stepped in, canceled

1438
00:37:08,962 --> 00:37:11,520
the $600 per person weekend, and

1439
00:37:11,782 --> 00:37:13,642
planned a cozy hotel night instead.

1440
00:37:14,062 --> 00:37:15,832
Pizza, junk food, cheesy movies.

1441
00:37:16,136 --> 00:37:18,236
It cost under $75 each and

1442
00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:19,556
was exactly what I wanted.

1443
00:37:19,764 --> 00:37:21,144
My friend ghosted me afterwards

1444
00:37:21,144 --> 00:37:22,764
and never spoke to me again

1445
00:37:22,910 --> 00:37:24,860
despite my attempts to reach out.

1446
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:26,000
Oh my gosh.

1447
00:37:26,180 --> 00:37:26,600
Okay.

1448
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,180
The day before the wedding, my

1449
00:37:28,180 --> 00:37:30,105
brother-in-law made fun of the groomsman

1450
00:37:30,105 --> 00:37:31,905
suit color, and my husband agreed.

1451
00:37:31,905 --> 00:37:34,018
It was terrible until we realized

1452
00:37:34,159 --> 00:37:35,868
it wasn't the color we chose.

1453
00:37:36,233 --> 00:37:37,013
Oh my gosh.

1454
00:37:37,195 --> 00:37:37,855
Oh no.

1455
00:37:38,539 --> 00:37:40,037
Men's warehouse had mixed up

1456
00:37:40,037 --> 00:37:41,897
the order for every groomsman.

1457
00:37:42,078 --> 00:37:44,328
After a flurry of calls and panic, another

1458
00:37:44,328 --> 00:37:46,438
brother-in-law found matching ties at

1459
00:37:46,438 --> 00:37:48,478
Macy's and Men's Warehouse swapped out the

1460
00:37:48,478 --> 00:37:50,188
vest to coordinate with the gray suits.

1461
00:37:50,278 --> 00:37:52,072
Crisis averted then came

1462
00:37:52,072 --> 00:37:52,852
the wedding day itself.

1463
00:37:52,852 --> 00:37:53,422
Oh my gosh.

1464
00:37:53,782 --> 00:37:54,892
I really hope nothing bad

1465
00:37:54,892 --> 00:37:55,762
happens on the money day.

1466
00:37:56,032 --> 00:37:56,327
Oh my goodness.

1467
00:37:56,921 --> 00:37:58,571
Since we didn't have a DJ and I

1468
00:37:58,571 --> 00:38:00,011
never met the new coordinator, we

1469
00:38:00,011 --> 00:38:01,571
asked a friend to play the ceremony

1470
00:38:01,571 --> 00:38:03,191
music, and as the wedding party

1471
00:38:03,191 --> 00:38:04,391
walked down the aisle, my flower

1472
00:38:04,391 --> 00:38:06,056
girls, my nieces were the last to go.

1473
00:38:06,674 --> 00:38:08,768
One of them got her shoe caught on

1474
00:38:08,768 --> 00:38:10,882
the tool of my dress, tearing it right

1475
00:38:10,882 --> 00:38:12,952
before I was supposed to walk, I tried

1476
00:38:12,952 --> 00:38:15,172
to signal the music guy to pause, but

1477
00:38:15,382 --> 00:38:17,778
he started playing my walk in music

1478
00:38:17,778 --> 00:38:20,103
anyway, so I tore off the rest of the

1479
00:38:20,103 --> 00:38:22,863
tool layer, stuffed it in a bush, and

1480
00:38:22,863 --> 00:38:24,663
kept walking like nothing happened.

1481
00:38:25,316 --> 00:38:26,306
This girl is a rock star.

1482
00:38:26,696 --> 00:38:27,776
I bow down to her.

1483
00:38:27,776 --> 00:38:28,766
I really do.

1484
00:38:28,976 --> 00:38:31,136
She, you know what, that makes me think

1485
00:38:31,136 --> 00:38:33,296
that this girl is quick on her feet.

1486
00:38:33,421 --> 00:38:35,401
she's got good perspective.

1487
00:38:35,791 --> 00:38:36,121
Yeah.

1488
00:38:36,145 --> 00:38:36,714
kudos to her.

1489
00:38:36,714 --> 00:38:37,854
She's a problem solver.

1490
00:38:37,854 --> 00:38:39,534
Like, she's like redesigning

1491
00:38:39,534 --> 00:38:40,794
her wedding gown seconds before

1492
00:38:40,794 --> 00:38:42,114
she's walking down the aisle.

1493
00:38:42,306 --> 00:38:42,876
she's.

1494
00:38:42,963 --> 00:38:44,553
Definitely quick on her V and that's

1495
00:38:44,553 --> 00:38:46,053
a really good skill to have in life.

1496
00:38:46,293 --> 00:38:46,593
It is.

1497
00:38:46,623 --> 00:38:47,313
She's like, you know what?

1498
00:38:47,313 --> 00:38:48,363
I didn't need that layer anyway.

1499
00:38:48,723 --> 00:38:49,863
No, whoop right off click on her.

1500
00:38:50,793 --> 00:38:50,853
Yeah.

1501
00:38:50,853 --> 00:38:51,453
It makes me wonder like

1502
00:38:51,453 --> 00:38:52,233
what she does for work.

1503
00:38:52,233 --> 00:38:54,367
She must be like an event coordinator.

1504
00:38:54,367 --> 00:38:54,457
Right?

1505
00:38:55,117 --> 00:38:55,927
Like thinking

1506
00:38:55,987 --> 00:38:56,947
quick something where you have to

1507
00:38:56,947 --> 00:38:58,512
be flexible and quick on your feet

1508
00:38:58,512 --> 00:38:59,892
and good at making decisions fast.

1509
00:38:59,892 --> 00:39:00,162
Yeah.

1510
00:39:01,210 --> 00:39:02,740
To top it off, the dress itself

1511
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:04,240
wasn't even the one I had ordered.

1512
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:04,900
What?

1513
00:39:05,092 --> 00:39:06,586
But it was still beautiful, honestly.

1514
00:39:06,586 --> 00:39:07,726
So was everything else.

1515
00:39:07,756 --> 00:39:09,436
The day may not have gone as planned,

1516
00:39:09,556 --> 00:39:11,116
but it was perfect in its own way.

1517
00:39:11,351 --> 00:39:12,251
I married the love of my

1518
00:39:12,251 --> 00:39:13,961
life and we smiled all night.

1519
00:39:14,545 --> 00:39:16,080
I think this is a good lesson for

1520
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,000
everybody and obviously you put your

1521
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,815
heart and soul in planning the best

1522
00:39:19,815 --> 00:39:21,440
day and know, you want things to go

1523
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:23,090
perfectly and you want things to be

1524
00:39:23,090 --> 00:39:24,572
great for your guests but you, you

1525
00:39:24,572 --> 00:39:26,492
really sometimes have to take a step back

1526
00:39:26,612 --> 00:39:28,352
and it's so hard when you're so in it.

1527
00:39:28,382 --> 00:39:29,642
I mean, I'm recently married

1528
00:39:29,642 --> 00:39:31,022
so I remember being so in it,

1529
00:39:31,156 --> 00:39:32,264
but you take a step back and.

1530
00:39:32,429 --> 00:39:34,018
Think about, know, you're marrying the

1531
00:39:34,018 --> 00:39:36,021
person that you want to hopefully,  you're

1532
00:39:36,021 --> 00:39:37,641
in a room filled with the most important

1533
00:39:37,641 --> 00:39:39,374
people in your life, which happens like

1534
00:39:39,374 --> 00:39:41,534
at your wedding and then like later in

1535
00:39:41,534 --> 00:39:43,170
life, right, For a not so happy day.

1536
00:39:43,170 --> 00:39:44,880
So if you can really focus and have that

1537
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,900
perspective and zoom out and look at

1538
00:39:46,900 --> 00:39:48,910
the big picture and which I think that

1539
00:39:48,910 --> 00:39:50,477
this person did a wonderful job at, I

1540
00:39:50,477 --> 00:39:51,977
think it's a good lesson for everyone.

1541
00:39:52,292 --> 00:39:52,982
I love that.

1542
00:39:52,982 --> 00:39:54,011
Yeah, I've been saying this to

1543
00:39:54,011 --> 00:39:55,121
people before too, like for my

1544
00:39:55,121 --> 00:39:56,795
wedding, I felt like at that point

1545
00:39:56,795 --> 00:39:58,175
I remember my makeup artist saying

1546
00:39:58,175 --> 00:39:59,504
like, you are one of the most calm

1547
00:39:59,504 --> 00:40:00,854
brides I've ever done makeup for.

1548
00:40:00,854 --> 00:40:02,201
And I was like, well, I figure at this

1549
00:40:02,201 --> 00:40:03,881
point all my friends and family are here.

1550
00:40:03,881 --> 00:40:04,991
If something happens.

1551
00:40:05,179 --> 00:40:06,019
What am I gonna do?

1552
00:40:06,019 --> 00:40:07,999
Like that's how I felt too on the day

1553
00:40:07,999 --> 00:40:10,609
of, I was not so chill leading up to it.

1554
00:40:10,609 --> 00:40:11,749
But on the day of, I

1555
00:40:11,749 --> 00:40:13,129
actually surprised myself.

1556
00:40:13,219 --> 00:40:13,309
Yeah.

1557
00:40:13,339 --> 00:40:14,516
But I had the same feeling.

1558
00:40:14,516 --> 00:40:15,522
the most important people

1559
00:40:15,522 --> 00:40:16,512
in my life are here.

1560
00:40:16,512 --> 00:40:18,632
So if we sit on the ground and eat

1561
00:40:18,632 --> 00:40:20,776
pizza, that, you know, it is what it is.

1562
00:40:20,776 --> 00:40:22,216
It's, I get to marry the

1563
00:40:22,216 --> 00:40:23,506
person I love with the people

1564
00:40:23,506 --> 00:40:24,616
around me that mean the most.

1565
00:40:25,093 --> 00:40:26,499
That's really what it's with that

1566
00:40:26,499 --> 00:40:27,729
being said, you are allowed to

1567
00:40:27,789 --> 00:40:29,449
throw a little fit to yourself.

1568
00:40:29,509 --> 00:40:30,859
If something doesn't

1569
00:40:30,859 --> 00:40:31,219
go, it doesn't go wrong.

1570
00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:31,489
Yeah.

1571
00:40:31,494 --> 00:40:32,509
As long, I mean, doesn't go right

1572
00:40:32,509 --> 00:40:33,529
as long as it's to yourself.

1573
00:40:34,129 --> 00:40:34,549
Yes.

1574
00:40:34,549 --> 00:40:35,089
No, absolutely.

1575
00:40:35,089 --> 00:40:36,469
'cause I feel like every bride I

1576
00:40:36,469 --> 00:40:38,606
talked to there, if you look back,

1577
00:40:38,636 --> 00:40:39,896
I'm sure there's a couple whole slip

1578
00:40:39,896 --> 00:40:41,096
ups or a couple things of course

1579
00:40:41,246 --> 00:40:42,629
happened the way it was supposed to.

1580
00:40:42,749 --> 00:40:43,199
Of course.

1581
00:40:43,212 --> 00:40:44,862
but yeah, it is about perspective

1582
00:40:44,862 --> 00:40:46,092
and being able to look back and

1583
00:40:46,092 --> 00:40:48,102
just being like, okay, this is like.

1584
00:40:48,237 --> 00:40:49,827
The most amazing people in my life

1585
00:40:49,827 --> 00:40:51,367
are here and I'm just, you know,

1586
00:40:51,367 --> 00:40:52,687
grateful to be surrounded by them.

1587
00:40:52,910 --> 00:40:54,180
and some things you can't control, right?

1588
00:40:54,180 --> 00:40:55,440
You try and control so much when you

1589
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,007
plan your wedding, but some things

1590
00:40:57,007 --> 00:40:58,717
are just totally out of your control.

1591
00:40:58,949 --> 00:41:00,327
Yeah, no, for sure.

1592
00:41:00,587 --> 00:41:01,817
So what would you say, like

1593
00:41:01,817 --> 00:41:04,217
some, like parting advice, as

1594
00:41:04,217 --> 00:41:05,657
I always, I read confessions.

1595
00:41:05,962 --> 00:41:07,422
At the end of this, but with this

1596
00:41:07,422 --> 00:41:08,772
story and just like people that are

1597
00:41:08,772 --> 00:41:09,942
maybe in the midst of their wedding

1598
00:41:09,942 --> 00:41:11,622
planning right now, what's some like,

1599
00:41:11,802 --> 00:41:13,782
just parting advice you would say when

1600
00:41:13,782 --> 00:41:15,732
it comes to etiquette and planning?

1601
00:41:15,939 --> 00:41:17,422
maybe wedding stress, that

1602
00:41:17,422 --> 00:41:18,112
kind of comes to mind.

1603
00:41:18,112 --> 00:41:18,592
I know that's kind of

1604
00:41:18,592 --> 00:41:20,355
like a big ballpark, but.

1605
00:41:20,662 --> 00:41:21,472
Anything that comes to mind.

1606
00:41:21,472 --> 00:41:21,502
I

1607
00:41:21,502 --> 00:41:23,212
think it, it really goes back to what

1608
00:41:23,212 --> 00:41:25,069
I said before, that this is the day

1609
00:41:25,087 --> 00:41:27,422
that your job is to balance how can I

1610
00:41:27,422 --> 00:41:29,342
create a great experience for my guests

1611
00:41:29,342 --> 00:41:31,399
and respect my family and the people

1612
00:41:31,399 --> 00:41:33,409
contributing to the wedding, but not

1613
00:41:33,409 --> 00:41:35,601
allow that to take away from me having.

1614
00:41:35,810 --> 00:41:37,909
The day that my partner and I dream

1615
00:41:37,909 --> 00:41:39,969
of having, you know, how can I respect

1616
00:41:39,969 --> 00:41:41,255
traditions that are important for my

1617
00:41:41,255 --> 00:41:43,385
family, but also bring in things that

1618
00:41:43,535 --> 00:41:45,485
really mean a lot to us as a couple.

1619
00:41:45,681 --> 00:41:48,111
so I think that the details are so

1620
00:41:48,111 --> 00:41:50,218
important because it's what makes the day.

1621
00:41:50,291 --> 00:41:51,688
But I think that story again was

1622
00:41:51,688 --> 00:41:53,355
the perfect example of, having a

1623
00:41:53,355 --> 00:41:55,485
good attitude and communicating well

1624
00:41:55,485 --> 00:41:57,071
and not letting the stress get the

1625
00:41:57,071 --> 00:41:58,511
best of you if you're really in it.

1626
00:41:58,517 --> 00:41:59,477
I probably would've.

1627
00:41:59,912 --> 00:42:01,622
Rolled my eyes if someone said that to me

1628
00:42:01,622 --> 00:42:02,852
when I was planning, like, don't get the

1629
00:42:02,852 --> 00:42:04,742
stress, don't let the stress get to you.

1630
00:42:04,742 --> 00:42:06,179
But when I look back, I think the

1631
00:42:06,179 --> 00:42:07,739
one thing I wish I did differently

1632
00:42:07,739 --> 00:42:09,269
was stress a little less.

1633
00:42:09,659 --> 00:42:09,809
Mm-hmm.

1634
00:42:10,082 --> 00:42:10,202
Yeah.

1635
00:42:10,202 --> 00:42:12,272
And so I think it's, if you can really

1636
00:42:12,565 --> 00:42:14,802
focus on that, you're so socially aware

1637
00:42:14,802 --> 00:42:16,729
and emotionally and aware that you're

1638
00:42:16,729 --> 00:42:18,392
having your dream day, but you're not

1639
00:42:18,392 --> 00:42:20,382
forgetting that you're also touching other

1640
00:42:20,382 --> 00:42:22,771
people's lives In the process of it, and

1641
00:42:22,771 --> 00:42:24,751
you kind of have the power to make that

1642
00:42:24,751 --> 00:42:26,521
a good experience for everyone involved.

1643
00:42:26,694 --> 00:42:28,134
Yeah, that makes me think of too, it's

1644
00:42:28,134 --> 00:42:29,927
like if you wake up on the wrong side

1645
00:42:29,927 --> 00:42:31,717
of the bed, you know, and like something

1646
00:42:31,717 --> 00:42:33,217
happens, like you stub your toe, it's

1647
00:42:33,217 --> 00:42:34,657
gonna be the worst thing in the world.

1648
00:42:34,837 --> 00:42:35,287
So true.

1649
00:42:35,287 --> 00:42:36,547
When you wake up and like the sun's

1650
00:42:36,547 --> 00:42:37,807
shining and you st your toe, you're

1651
00:42:37,807 --> 00:42:38,677
just gonna like laugh it off.

1652
00:42:38,857 --> 00:42:39,727
It's so true.

1653
00:42:40,087 --> 00:42:41,017
It's like, it's all about that

1654
00:42:41,017 --> 00:42:42,495
perspective of if you start

1655
00:42:42,495 --> 00:42:43,605
your day off and you're like.

1656
00:42:43,833 --> 00:42:44,401
Three things are gonna

1657
00:42:44,401 --> 00:42:45,901
go wrong today, whatever.

1658
00:42:46,043 --> 00:42:48,011
And you just like, enjoy the day and

1659
00:42:48,011 --> 00:42:49,571
enjoy being surrounded by people.

1660
00:42:49,571 --> 00:42:51,581
It's gonna be such a better experience.

1661
00:42:51,581 --> 00:42:52,271
You don't want those little,

1662
00:42:52,271 --> 00:42:53,801
like, little things get to you.

1663
00:42:54,041 --> 00:42:54,509
Exactly.

1664
00:42:54,721 --> 00:42:55,981
It's so hard, but it's true.

1665
00:42:56,183 --> 00:42:56,621
Yeah.

1666
00:42:56,801 --> 00:42:57,461
Absolutely.

1667
00:42:57,736 --> 00:42:57,971
Okay.

1668
00:42:57,971 --> 00:42:59,231
I always like to like end these with

1669
00:42:59,231 --> 00:43:01,061
confessions that people send me.

1670
00:43:01,425 --> 00:43:03,315
Talking about like wedding gifts

1671
00:43:03,315 --> 00:43:05,289
and giving people, gifts at showers.

1672
00:43:05,289 --> 00:43:06,009
These are Okay.

1673
00:43:06,369 --> 00:43:08,799
Weirdest gifts that people have received.

1674
00:43:09,039 --> 00:43:10,029
Oh, this is fun.

1675
00:43:10,222 --> 00:43:10,552
Okay.

1676
00:43:10,645 --> 00:43:14,469
this says a used Turkey roaster used.

1677
00:43:14,499 --> 00:43:14,529
Okay.

1678
00:43:14,912 --> 00:43:16,292
That's probably not very good etiquette.

1679
00:43:16,562 --> 00:43:17,102
Okay.

1680
00:43:17,102 --> 00:43:17,462
Yeah.

1681
00:43:17,462 --> 00:43:18,286
Don't listen.

1682
00:43:18,369 --> 00:43:19,509
okay to regift, but it

1683
00:43:19,509 --> 00:43:20,832
doesn't, it can't be used.

1684
00:43:22,337 --> 00:43:23,747
my husband's friend gave us

1685
00:43:23,747 --> 00:43:26,087
a candle and a gallon Ziploc.

1686
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:27,950
Oh, full of condoms.

1687
00:43:27,980 --> 00:43:28,340
Okay.

1688
00:43:28,430 --> 00:43:29,930
I did not read that whole thing.

1689
00:43:30,290 --> 00:43:30,830
Hey.

1690
00:43:31,250 --> 00:43:31,790
All right.

1691
00:43:32,167 --> 00:43:33,937
my boss, who was both of our

1692
00:43:33,937 --> 00:43:36,611
bosses, got us one round TV

1693
00:43:36,611 --> 00:43:39,596
tray, or not two, one for $10.

1694
00:43:39,889 --> 00:43:41,479
All right, last one here.

1695
00:43:41,613 --> 00:43:44,313
My father-in-law got a box full of ketchup

1696
00:43:44,343 --> 00:43:46,083
as a wedding gift, and he loved it.

1697
00:43:46,476 --> 00:43:47,376
Know your options, I

1698
00:43:47,376 --> 00:43:48,276
guess, to each their own.

1699
00:43:48,276 --> 00:43:49,596
Maybe that's what he loves.

1700
00:43:49,833 --> 00:43:51,183
but maybe that was the best gift

1701
00:43:51,183 --> 00:43:52,503
giver because they purchased

1702
00:43:52,503 --> 00:43:54,603
something for him that he loves.

1703
00:43:54,873 --> 00:43:55,143
Yeah.

1704
00:43:55,683 --> 00:43:55,953
Right.

1705
00:43:55,953 --> 00:43:57,003
It's about, again, I had,

1706
00:43:57,003 --> 00:43:57,813
it said it a million times.

1707
00:43:57,813 --> 00:43:59,883
It's about the gesture and thinking of the

1708
00:43:59,883 --> 00:44:02,253
person more so than the monetary value.

1709
00:44:02,523 --> 00:44:03,213
Yes.

1710
00:44:03,510 --> 00:44:04,320
What's your take on?

1711
00:44:04,370 --> 00:44:05,390
cause I never thought this was a

1712
00:44:05,390 --> 00:44:06,590
thing until people were posting,

1713
00:44:06,620 --> 00:44:07,940
wearing black to a wedding.

1714
00:44:08,286 --> 00:44:10,044
I think that this is very outdated

1715
00:44:10,044 --> 00:44:12,261
back in the day, it was, much more

1716
00:44:12,261 --> 00:44:13,768
suited as a color of mourning.

1717
00:44:13,768 --> 00:44:15,088
It was a more serious color.

1718
00:44:15,088 --> 00:44:16,171
And, but I think that that

1719
00:44:16,171 --> 00:44:17,491
has evolved over time.

1720
00:44:17,491 --> 00:44:19,171
And black can be really chic.

1721
00:44:19,385 --> 00:44:20,555
That doesn't mean that it's black tie,

1722
00:44:20,555 --> 00:44:21,785
you have to wear black, but I don't

1723
00:44:21,785 --> 00:44:23,405
think there's anything wrong with wearing

1724
00:44:23,435 --> 00:44:25,940
black It's also a, cultural thing too.

1725
00:44:25,970 --> 00:44:27,380
Different colors at different weddings.

1726
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:28,900
So if you're attending a wedding of a

1727
00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:30,397
culture that is different from yours,

1728
00:44:30,619 --> 00:44:32,017
you might wanna do some research or

1729
00:44:32,017 --> 00:44:34,117
ask a family member of the couple

1730
00:44:34,117 --> 00:44:35,597
of what the proper protocol is.

1731
00:44:35,848 --> 00:44:35,907
Okay.

1732
00:44:35,907 --> 00:44:37,077
But generally speaking, there's

1733
00:44:37,077 --> 00:44:38,037
nothing wrong with wearing black.

1734
00:44:38,337 --> 00:44:38,757
Okay.

1735
00:44:38,757 --> 00:44:39,477
That's what I know.

1736
00:44:39,477 --> 00:44:40,677
I was like reading all these

1737
00:44:40,677 --> 00:44:41,997
stories about people showing up in

1738
00:44:41,997 --> 00:44:43,557
black and it seen as a bad thing.

1739
00:44:43,557 --> 00:44:44,817
And I was like, I think I've worn

1740
00:44:44,817 --> 00:44:46,467
black to a couple weddings, but like.

1741
00:44:46,815 --> 00:44:47,295
I don't know.

1742
00:44:47,445 --> 00:44:48,645
Yeah, I think that's outdated.

1743
00:44:48,945 --> 00:44:49,275
Yeah.

1744
00:44:49,335 --> 00:44:49,695
Okay.

1745
00:44:50,084 --> 00:44:50,384
Okay.

1746
00:44:50,384 --> 00:44:50,984
Well, awesome.

1747
00:44:50,984 --> 00:44:52,454
Well, thank you so much for coming on.

1748
00:44:52,454 --> 00:44:53,429
I'm so glad Oh, my pleasure.

1749
00:44:53,729 --> 00:44:54,269
To connect.

1750
00:44:54,379 --> 00:44:55,754
I've learned so much from you, and

1751
00:44:55,754 --> 00:44:57,014
I'm sure our audience will too,

1752
00:44:57,014 --> 00:44:58,770
because I'm always ending questions

1753
00:44:58,770 --> 00:45:00,300
about etiquette and like, especially

1754
00:45:00,300 --> 00:45:01,710
when it comes to weddings and events.

1755
00:45:01,710 --> 00:45:03,210
So this was so awesome.

1756
00:45:03,321 --> 00:45:03,440
Well,

1757
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:03,680
thank

1758
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:04,160
you for having me.

1759
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:05,390
This was such a fun conversation.

1760
00:45:05,658 --> 00:45:06,841
before you go, can you just share

1761
00:45:06,841 --> 00:45:08,311
again your social handles where

1762
00:45:08,311 --> 00:45:09,631
people can find you, the names of

1763
00:45:09,631 --> 00:45:11,101
your books and all that good stuff?

1764
00:45:11,101 --> 00:45:11,111
Sure.

1765
00:45:11,404 --> 00:45:16,234
So my website is www.oldsouletiquette.com.

1766
00:45:16,564 --> 00:45:18,694
I'm on Instagram and TikTok as

1767
00:45:18,724 --> 00:45:22,437
Mariah Grumet Humbert, H-U-M-B-E-R-T.

1768
00:45:22,664 --> 00:45:24,314
my first book is, what Do I Do?

1769
00:45:24,314 --> 00:45:26,294
Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered.

1770
00:45:26,690 --> 00:45:27,650
the second book is The

1771
00:45:27,650 --> 00:45:28,640
Essential Wedding Planner.

1772
00:45:28,994 --> 00:45:29,414
Awesome.

1773
00:45:29,414 --> 00:45:30,014
I love it.

1774
00:45:30,014 --> 00:45:30,374
We'll link

1775
00:45:30,374 --> 00:45:31,334
them below as well so people

1776
00:45:31,334 --> 00:45:31,694
can check you.