<v Speaker 1>Letting go.

<v Speaker 2>It does not make you a disloyal person, all right. However,

<v Speaker 2>staying misaligned does actually make you a dishonest person. You

<v Speaker 2>can't live your life in constant resentment. Hey babe, it's

<v Speaker 2>Asia Christina. This is quality Queen Control.

<v Speaker 1>What is happening?

<v Speaker 2>Hello, angels, Welcome back to another episode. What have we

<v Speaker 2>been thinking about the episodes lately? I'm still making some

<v Speaker 2>adjustments being that I am now filming in a different setting,

<v Speaker 2>At least my solo episodes, I'm filming in a different setting,

<v Speaker 2>so I'm still trying to adjust and get acclimated to

<v Speaker 2>my camera equipment, the lighting, and just the whole setup period.

<v Speaker 2>So I'd love to hear your thoughts, your feedback. You

<v Speaker 2>guys can DM me on Instagram about what you're thinking. However,

<v Speaker 2>I will say, so far, the feedback has been amazing

<v Speaker 2>from you guys in terms of welcoming me back onto YouTube,

<v Speaker 2>I was honestly pleasantly surprised. It seems like the shorts

<v Speaker 2>too that were uploaded landed really well with all of you,

<v Speaker 2>even commenting on the camera angle, the distance from me

<v Speaker 2>to the camera. Everything you guys really really liked. So

<v Speaker 2>that made me feel so good, and I feel like

<v Speaker 2>it's just been such a warm welcome. So, as you

<v Speaker 2>guys know, for those of you that do not know,

<v Speaker 2>I am upping and amping up the amount of episodes

<v Speaker 2>that I will be releasing two visual episodes and then

<v Speaker 2>I will be also releasing some bonus content for you

<v Speaker 2>guys as well. So make sure that you are staying

<v Speaker 2>up to date with me, following me on all my socials.

<v Speaker 2>I'm on TikTok where I do TikTok shop, I'm on Instagram.

<v Speaker 1>Obviously, you guys can find me here.

<v Speaker 2>Actually literally everywhere, okay, so yeah, make sure you're following me.

<v Speaker 2>My socials are the same literally everywhere. And also if

<v Speaker 2>you want, you can also follow the podcast Instagram. I

<v Speaker 2>think we're at like five hundred subscribers there as well.

<v Speaker 2>I didn't even realize now that I think about it,

<v Speaker 2>I think I have three YouTube channels, but I don't

<v Speaker 2>upload to all of them consistently, like I'm doing my

<v Speaker 2>main channel, which is this one. But if you want

<v Speaker 2>to just support and whatever, you're on the A team

<v Speaker 2>so you can do all that. It'll be all in

<v Speaker 2>the show notes. I'll put all of my socials there,

<v Speaker 2>so it's easy for you, guys. So this week has

<v Speaker 2>been pretty good. I'm still feeling very positive, feeling very

<v Speaker 2>locked in still, which I think is amazing. And the

<v Speaker 2>twenty sixteens are coming back? Are we not noticing that

<v Speaker 2>it feels very nostalgic in the best way. All of

<v Speaker 2>a sudden, I thought to myself, are we all living

<v Speaker 2>the same life? Were we all like thriving in twenty sixteen?

<v Speaker 2>Like I feel like the way that it's trending, the

<v Speaker 2>way people are posting their old Instagram photos from twenty sixteen.

<v Speaker 2>It seems like everybody was doing pretty well in twenty

<v Speaker 2>sixteen emotionally in all the things, and I actually am

<v Speaker 2>living for it. And with that being said, that highlights

<v Speaker 2>to me that there's probably going to be this revelation

<v Speaker 2>very very soon, if it's not already, That long form

<v Speaker 2>content is absolutely coming back. And that's also why we're

<v Speaker 2>amping up the episodes because YouTube has.

<v Speaker 1>Always been my first love.

<v Speaker 2>So make sure that you guys are hyping this video

<v Speaker 2>if you do have that option, make sure that you're

<v Speaker 2>engaging with the content, because you guys don't understand I

<v Speaker 2>think the how supporting your favorite creator literally just for

<v Speaker 2>free makes the biggest difference. So commenting it doesn't even

<v Speaker 2>have to be words. You can just put an emoji.

<v Speaker 2>Rating the podcast always helps, rating at five stars, sharing

<v Speaker 2>it with a front like just doing those simple things

<v Speaker 2>really really helps. And then feel free to DM me

<v Speaker 2>and all the things because I love chatting with you guys.

<v Speaker 2>So in today's episode, we're going to be talking about

<v Speaker 2>the woman that you are becoming will cost you certain relationships.

<v Speaker 1>I mean, I feel like no one.

<v Speaker 2>Really talks about this aspect of personal growth because everyone

<v Speaker 2>talks about glowing up, everyone talks about becoming disciplined, everyone

<v Speaker 2>talks about choosing yourself.

<v Speaker 1>But honestly, we don't really prepare people for.

<v Speaker 2>The grief, right because the woman that you are becoming

<v Speaker 2>will cost you certain relationships, all right, and dating is

<v Speaker 2>usually where you actually feel that loss the most. So

<v Speaker 2>welcome back guys to the podcast. If you have been

<v Speaker 2>feeling like you're changing faster than your relationships can keep

<v Speaker 2>up with, this episode is definitely for you. Okay, this

<v Speaker 2>is for the woman who she's not bitter, she's not angry.

<v Speaker 2>You're just, in the words of le Jenner, realizing things

<v Speaker 2>and realizing that some connections no longer fit who you

<v Speaker 2>are becoming. And so when it comes to personal growth,

<v Speaker 2>it doesn't just change your habits. It changes your nervous system.

<v Speaker 2>Think about that, It changes your tolerance, and it also

<v Speaker 2>changes your values.

<v Speaker 1>So when you start.

<v Speaker 2>Healing, the chaos is going to stop feeling exciting. The

<v Speaker 2>consistency is what's actually going to become more attractive to you,

<v Speaker 2>and peace obviously becomes non negotiable in your life. So

<v Speaker 2>you're going to stop over explaining in situations. No is

<v Speaker 2>actually the end of a sentence. Your yes is going

<v Speaker 2>to be yes, Your no is going to be no.

<v Speaker 2>You're going to stop chasing clarity, right, and you're also

<v Speaker 2>going to stop shrinking so that you can feel more understood.

<v Speaker 2>And here is the uncomfortable truth with that. Not everybody

<v Speaker 2>is going to benefit from your evolution. That's the thing,

<v Speaker 2>and the reason that I'm saying it like that is

<v Speaker 2>because it's exactly that there are certain versions of yourself

<v Speaker 2>that certain people around you benefit from you being that

<v Speaker 2>version of yourself the person that you are becoming. Not

<v Speaker 2>everyone is going to be able to benefit from the

<v Speaker 2>evolution of who you are becoming. So that's where the

<v Speaker 2>misalignment begins. So some people, Yeah, they loved you when

<v Speaker 2>you were overgiving. They loved you when you were unsure,

<v Speaker 2>They loved you when you were always available to go here, there,

<v Speaker 2>all around the square. They loved you when you question

<v Speaker 2>yourself more than them. But now you're finding misalignment because

<v Speaker 2>now the more you start to figure out what you want,

<v Speaker 2>that person is going to have boundaries. That person is

<v Speaker 2>going to have more of a direction of what they

<v Speaker 2>can and cannot do and what they actually have time for.

<v Speaker 2>So if you're walking around life with less purpose and

<v Speaker 2>you're more aimless, you will be participating in behaviors hanging

<v Speaker 2>out with certain people because that's what aligns for that

<v Speaker 2>moment because you don't know what you're doing. So growth

<v Speaker 2>is going to remove access. And it's not because you're

<v Speaker 2>being a cold hearted person, but it's simply because you're

<v Speaker 2>getting clear. And let me tell you this, the only

<v Speaker 2>people that have a problem with that are people that

<v Speaker 2>have control issues. They have control issues. Oh, all of

<v Speaker 2>a sudden, you're not coming around anymore. Okay, Well have

<v Speaker 2>I replaced you with a completely different friend group? Am

<v Speaker 2>I saying no to the activities that you want me

<v Speaker 2>to do? But I'm doing those exact activities with other

<v Speaker 2>people because I could see how that's shady or am

<v Speaker 2>I locked in staying home?

<v Speaker 1>All these different things.

<v Speaker 2>But regardless, people should not be policing your life. Your

<v Speaker 2>friends should not be policing your life. And this is

<v Speaker 2>where also the dating parallel comes into play. Okay, when

<v Speaker 2>love cannot follow you right, think about this. Dating is

<v Speaker 2>often the first place that this tension shows up. You're

<v Speaker 2>all of a sudden realizing you're outgrowing your partner. You

<v Speaker 2>realize that the conversations feel shallow, the emotional depth is

<v Speaker 2>mitch is mismatched. You're realizing you're unequally yoked. You want

<v Speaker 2>to get on your Bible journey. You want to, you know,

<v Speaker 2>learn how to be a better steward in your faith walk,

<v Speaker 2>and you don't want to listen to certain types of music.

<v Speaker 2>You know anymore as soon as you wake up, you know,

<v Speaker 2>you don't want to listen to sexy read at seven

<v Speaker 2>o'clock in the morning as you're getting ready, because it

<v Speaker 2>hypes you up and gets you ready for the day.

<v Speaker 2>Your standards are simply not being met. But it's not

<v Speaker 2>because you're demanding. It's because you are outgrowing the situation.

<v Speaker 2>And this is where we as women struggle the most

<v Speaker 2>because we're taught that if it's not toxic, you should stay.

<v Speaker 2>I want you to hear that again. If it's not toxic,

<v Speaker 2>you should say, what reason do you have to leave?

<v Speaker 2>If he's trying, you should at least be patient because

<v Speaker 2>he's trying. If you've already invested, don't give up that easily.

<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, you guys have been together for five years.

<v Speaker 2>Why would you just walk away now? But effort without

<v Speaker 2>alignment will still drain you. It's still going to drain you.

<v Speaker 2>And it's different when you're in a romantic dynamic because

<v Speaker 2>your friends are respectfully, you're not spending certain moments with

<v Speaker 2>your friends in the aspect that you do in a

<v Speaker 2>romantic dynamic. This is why it's highlighted even more in

<v Speaker 2>a romantic dynamic. So when you're outgrowing someone, it does

<v Speaker 2>not mean that they're a bad person. Doesn't mean you're

<v Speaker 2>a bad person. No one said we are villainizing or

<v Speaker 2>demonizing anybody. But it means simply that the relationship no

<v Speaker 2>longer supports who you are becoming. And that is a

<v Speaker 2>very very difficult and tough position to be in because

<v Speaker 2>sometimes that love just cannot come with you, and that

<v Speaker 2>is a very hard pill to swallow. I have had

<v Speaker 2>experience in being in a dynamic like that where I

<v Speaker 2>just felt like, despite my genuine love for that person,

<v Speaker 2>once you love people, it doesn't change. You don't unlove

<v Speaker 2>those people. It's just the love evolves from all right,

<v Speaker 2>you're in love with that person, to you have love

<v Speaker 2>for that person, you have a respect for that person,

<v Speaker 2>and that's always going to be there, but there's no

<v Speaker 2>longer this willingness to want to be romantically involved with

<v Speaker 2>the person, but you just want the best from them

<v Speaker 2>more as a from a friendship type of perspective. Okay

<v Speaker 2>from a distance, because I don't believe you can successfully

<v Speaker 2>be friends with x'es and things like that. It just

<v Speaker 2>doesn't work out all right, And again I don't want

<v Speaker 2>to hear people in my comment. Second, that's not true

<v Speaker 2>because the exception never makes the rule. So if you

<v Speaker 2>are that person whooped, you do, great for you. But

<v Speaker 2>I'm talking to the vast majority of people where you know,

<v Speaker 2>once you kind of cross that lie like things kind

<v Speaker 2>of really you can't be best friends with your ex

<v Speaker 2>boy like it's just there's going to come a time

<v Speaker 2>where you're gonna find someone else and get there's gonna

<v Speaker 2>be distance. That person may find someone else, and there's

<v Speaker 2>gonna be distance, and the basis of your dynamic it's

<v Speaker 2>going to change inevitably.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, So now the grief of evolution.

<v Speaker 2>Right, Nobody warns you that growth genuinely comes with so

<v Speaker 2>much mourning.

<v Speaker 1>Right.

<v Speaker 2>You're grieving the future that you imagined. You're grieving the

<v Speaker 2>version of yourself that stayed longer than you should have.

<v Speaker 2>Because women always know before men do. You're grieving the

<v Speaker 2>comfort of that familiarity. Now you're uprooting your entire life

<v Speaker 2>because you're like, Okay, this is all that I have

<v Speaker 2>known for X amount of time. What does my life

<v Speaker 2>genuinely look like without this person? It's very scary for

<v Speaker 2>a multitude of reasons. See, the thing is that we

<v Speaker 2>don't realize is you can love someone and still need

<v Speaker 2>to let them go. You can love someone genuinely and

<v Speaker 2>that doesn't mean that's supposed to be your forever. And

<v Speaker 2>I feel like I've always understood this duality. Think about

<v Speaker 2>people that have kids and marriages, and even they seem

<v Speaker 2>to have outgrown each other for whatever reason. Sometimes it

<v Speaker 2>just happens. I was speaking to this lady a couple

<v Speaker 2>months ago, and I remember she was sharing a story

<v Speaker 2>with me about her marriage pretty much, and she was

<v Speaker 2>saying how when she met her husband, there was a

<v Speaker 2>version of her that needed him in that aspect, but

<v Speaker 2>as she has evolved into a businesswoman and then pretty

<v Speaker 2>much kind of became the sole breadwinner, it kind of

<v Speaker 2>felt like the version of herself that she became was

<v Speaker 2>no longer completely aligned with her husband. But everything was

<v Speaker 2>great on the outside, right, Like he is an active

<v Speaker 2>he thinks everything's going fine, Like he doesn't really have

<v Speaker 2>a problem with things, But she kind of would like

<v Speaker 2>more of someone that's a self starter. She doesn't want

<v Speaker 2>to have to wait to make all the doctor's appointments

<v Speaker 2>and do all this stuff while running a business. And

<v Speaker 2>his job pretty much stayed the same, where he contributes

<v Speaker 2>in the very specific ways that he contributes, but she

<v Speaker 2>has evolved into doing this, this, this and this and this,

<v Speaker 2>but he's still in the box of only performing within

<v Speaker 2>a certain parameter.

<v Speaker 1>So he's happy and she has. She's just feeling like.

<v Speaker 2>There are certain parts of herself that are left unmet,

<v Speaker 2>and unfortunately, when it comes to things like this. I

<v Speaker 2>think there is a popular person on Instagram. I don't

<v Speaker 2>know what her name is. I think her name was

<v Speaker 2>Spirit or something like that, I don't know. And she

<v Speaker 2>gave this analogy about compatibility, and she was saying that

<v Speaker 2>let's say you have a square and then you put

<v Speaker 2>a circle inside the square. No matter how much that

<v Speaker 2>circle expands and also constricts, there are still four corners

<v Speaker 2>that are.

<v Speaker 1>Being left unmet.

<v Speaker 2>That is what it's like when it comes to compatibility

<v Speaker 2>and also suitability, right Like, when it comes to suitability,

<v Speaker 2>does this person? Is this person a perfect fit inside

<v Speaker 2>of your life?

<v Speaker 1>Where there are no corners left unmet unmet?

<v Speaker 2>And that has always stood out to me because actually, yes,

<v Speaker 2>people say, oh, opposites attract all these different things, But

<v Speaker 2>I actually do believe that you should be similar to

<v Speaker 2>the person that you're with, but there should be certain

<v Speaker 2>sides of yourself that are obviously going to be different,

<v Speaker 2>you know. So obviously, if you're in a relationship like

<v Speaker 2>I love, you know, if you like to go out

<v Speaker 2>in all the different things, and you're with a man

<v Speaker 2>that he prefers to just stay home, he's a homebody,

<v Speaker 2>and you overlook that, you don't think that that's really

<v Speaker 2>going to be an issue. Oh, he just likes to

<v Speaker 2>stay home, But inevitably it will be because now, well

<v Speaker 2>three years, five years go along the line and you

<v Speaker 2>want to just go out with your man and maybe

<v Speaker 2>have a date night. But he's perfectly okay with just

<v Speaker 2>sitting on the couch having a beer and watching the game.

<v Speaker 2>And for you, it's like, Okay, where's the excitement here,

<v Speaker 2>And it becomes an issue because that's his way of recreating.

<v Speaker 1>So it's not a problem to him.

<v Speaker 2>He's fully fulfilled, but that's not your way of recreating.

<v Speaker 2>You don't want to just sit on the couch and

<v Speaker 2>watch a show and call it a night. You would

<v Speaker 2>rather maybe mix it up. You would rather, you know,

<v Speaker 2>I'm not saying obviously extremes where you're wanting to go.

<v Speaker 1>To the club.

<v Speaker 2>I'm not talking about those things. But I'm saying, like,

<v Speaker 2>you prefer, you know, maybe from time to time having

<v Speaker 2>a little road trip or something more exciting for you

<v Speaker 2>beyond staying in your home and just being okay with

<v Speaker 2>that being the circumstance. And this the other you know,

<v Speaker 2>the person you're with sees no issue with it. And

<v Speaker 2>this is another point that I believe spirit was bringing

<v Speaker 2>up as she was saying, if you don't recreate the

<v Speaker 2>same miss somebody and have the same outlook on life

<v Speaker 2>as them, you will inevitably always end up having issues.

<v Speaker 2>All right, Like you have to think about what it

<v Speaker 2>truly means when someone is suitable for you and also

<v Speaker 2>compatible with you, the two of them have to also

<v Speaker 2>be taken into consideration.

<v Speaker 1>All right.

<v Speaker 2>A lot of people actually can be compatible with you,

<v Speaker 2>but they're not suitable for you. The outlook on life

<v Speaker 2>really isn't the same. You can kind of make it

<v Speaker 2>work compatibility kind of, you know, there are certain facets

<v Speaker 2>of our lives where certain people can align more at

<v Speaker 2>one phase of life than the next. However, the overall

<v Speaker 2>outlook on life that is just we're talking foundational morals

<v Speaker 2>and belief systems and core interests and things of that nature.

<v Speaker 2>It's going to be different. There's grief that comes with

<v Speaker 2>evolution when the tables have turned and you are not

<v Speaker 2>the person that you know entered into their relationship.

<v Speaker 1>You have evolved in grown so much and put so much.

<v Speaker 2>Work into yourself that here you are, you know, eating healthy,

<v Speaker 2>working out, waking up at a certain time, having a

<v Speaker 2>routine all these different things. You were able to figure

<v Speaker 2>that out within your relationship, and let's just say your partner,

<v Speaker 2>he's still the version of himself that was more compatible.

<v Speaker 1>With the older version of yourself.

<v Speaker 2>And so now when you see this person, there's a

<v Speaker 2>little bit of like ick, there's a little bit of resentment.

<v Speaker 2>There's a little bit of you know, obvious misalignment there

<v Speaker 2>because you feel like, all right, well, if I have

<v Speaker 2>arrived here, then like we are not really aligning on

<v Speaker 2>our intrusts anymore, because now, no, I don't want to go,

<v Speaker 2>you know, to bed and wake up with a hangover,

<v Speaker 2>or I don't want to you know, eat super poorly

<v Speaker 2>and all these different things, and just you want to

<v Speaker 2>share these core things with the person you're with. You

<v Speaker 2>want to be with someone that is going to adapt

<v Speaker 2>a healthy lifestyle or adopt a healthy lifestyle. Like you

<v Speaker 2>don't want to be with someone that's gonna just be

<v Speaker 2>lounging around all day, because that's misalignment. You want to

<v Speaker 2>get up and go and do all these different things

<v Speaker 2>and that person doesn't want to do those things, and

<v Speaker 2>it doesn't become an interest of that person. There's going

<v Speaker 2>to be natural misalignment because what is needed to nurture

<v Speaker 2>that version of yourself is very different than keeping and

<v Speaker 2>maintaining what already was in that relationship. So you can

<v Speaker 2>simply appreciate a season without forcing it to become a lifetime.

<v Speaker 2>You can appreciate that season of your life. That's what

<v Speaker 2>a lot of things are a lot of the time.

<v Speaker 2>It's just a season in your life. And just because

<v Speaker 2>you can't see the light at the end of the

<v Speaker 2>tunnel right here, right now, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

<v Speaker 2>So letting go it does not make you a disloyal person,

<v Speaker 2>all right. However, staying misaligned does actually make you a

<v Speaker 2>dishonest person. You can't live your life in constant resentment

<v Speaker 2>and guilt and just regret that there's so much misalignment

<v Speaker 2>and no one is speaking up about it. And the

<v Speaker 2>interesting thing about these types of dynamics is the other

<v Speaker 2>person almost never really suspects anything, or should I say

<v Speaker 2>men in this case, they never really suspect that anything's

<v Speaker 2>going on. They always feel like, oh, well, everything's fine

<v Speaker 2>to me, but meanwhile, you were changing. So even to

<v Speaker 2>tie this into faith, right, think about when God is separating,

<v Speaker 2>all right, there's a scripture that says that God removes people,

<v Speaker 2>all right, that you're basically not may not be strong

<v Speaker 2>enough to walk away from. Sometimes that's not punishment, that's protection.

<v Speaker 2>So sometimes God is going to allow distance because he

<v Speaker 2>can obviously see what you can't all right. Sometimes the

<v Speaker 2>obedience that you were having in you know, the season

<v Speaker 2>and honoring what you were feeling in your spirit, it

<v Speaker 2>looks like isolation before things are going to start to align.

<v Speaker 2>Sometimes the pruning, you know, your wilderness season is actually

<v Speaker 2>preparation for the next thing. So not every relationship is

<v Speaker 2>meant to go where God is necessarily taking you. And

<v Speaker 2>that is not making you an ungrateful person. It makes

<v Speaker 2>you actually obedient. You can't keep on. You've clearly outgrown

<v Speaker 2>the dynamic for a reason. You've outgrown what the situation

<v Speaker 2>was for a reason. And every time you try to

<v Speaker 2>shrink back to be that version of yourself, you're always

<v Speaker 2>gonna feel drained always and it's not going to change.

<v Speaker 2>Your soul is knocking saying okay, time to move on

<v Speaker 2>to the next thing. And it's hard. It is so

<v Speaker 2>hard to realize, how did something once work for me

<v Speaker 2>and now it's just not And I just have a

<v Speaker 2>complete change of heart about it. I'm just so over

<v Speaker 2>the situation and it's scary because inevitably, yes, somebody does

<v Speaker 2>get hurt. But then your face at a crossroads. Am

<v Speaker 2>I going to continue to miss align with myself and

<v Speaker 2>the things that I want that are going to make

<v Speaker 2>me happy? Or am I going to just continue to

<v Speaker 2>pretend at this point that I'm gonna see the situation through?

<v Speaker 2>And so you have to ask yourself, well, am I

<v Speaker 2>staying out of love? Or am I staying out of guilt?

<v Speaker 2>Am I shrinking to keep this connection? See this is

<v Speaker 2>a thing too, if the roles were reversed, heye to

<v Speaker 2>do this. Not really, but yeah, men don't think like that.

<v Speaker 2>Men are not going to sit there and be like,

<v Speaker 2>you know what, I'm gonna just give her more time

<v Speaker 2>to evolve. Yeah, I think she just needs to, you know,

<v Speaker 2>figure things out and I'll just be here. Very rare,

<v Speaker 2>rarely do they actually do things like that.

<v Speaker 1>Men.

<v Speaker 2>Usually they are not giving us the benefit of the

<v Speaker 2>doubt that we are all the time giving them.

<v Speaker 1>That's just the cold, hard truth.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, when guys don't like something or whatever the case is,

<v Speaker 2>they are looking at things at face value.

<v Speaker 1>Is what is being presented to me.

<v Speaker 2>Let's just say a guy is used to dating, you know,

<v Speaker 2>a certain look of know, five eight, you know, tall girl,

<v Speaker 2>very slim frame, and you are, you know, five to five,

<v Speaker 2>and you are you have a couple pounds you would

<v Speaker 2>like to shed. He's not going to look at you

<v Speaker 2>and go, you know what, I think I'm gonna date

<v Speaker 2>you because I can kind of see that you do

<v Speaker 2>have the ability to lose weight and look the way

<v Speaker 2>that I want. But if you think about it, women

<v Speaker 2>will do that. You know, I think this just needs

<v Speaker 2>a little shaping to the salon, and then you end

<v Speaker 2>up trying to turn this bob the builder. You end

<v Speaker 2>up trying to turn this into a fixing project or

<v Speaker 2>what have you, where it's like, Okay, this is you know,

<v Speaker 2>this is what I've invested in this person. And the

<v Speaker 2>thing is only you have arrived at certain conclusions. So

<v Speaker 2>you're sitting here thinking, oh, yeah, this guy's never gonna

<v Speaker 2>leave me. I've put all this work into him, I've

<v Speaker 2>done all these different things. Men don't look at it

<v Speaker 2>from that perspective, And you know what, With that also

<v Speaker 2>being said, I find that sometimes as women, depending on

<v Speaker 2>the type of woman that you are, you tend to

<v Speaker 2>think that history means you should absolutely be with somebody.

<v Speaker 2>You tend to think that the more trials and tribulations

<v Speaker 2>you go with someone is a testament to how strong

<v Speaker 2>your relationship is and why you should just stick around. Now,

<v Speaker 2>now you need to change that mindset, all right. That

<v Speaker 2>does not mean that that person is going to be

<v Speaker 2>healthy for you. Or we tend to adapt that person's

<v Speaker 2>you know, traits, positive and negative, all right, and try

<v Speaker 2>to fit ourselves into their world, and we get so

<v Speaker 2>immessed in it. And this is why some woman end

<v Speaker 2>up feeling like, man, I just completely lost myself. I

<v Speaker 2>all the things because you are so in love with

<v Speaker 2>that person. You can't see straight. You don't see how

<v Speaker 2>you've cut off your friends. You don't see how you've

<v Speaker 2>isolated yourself. You don't see how you've become pretty much

<v Speaker 2>unintentionally unavailable. You don't see how you've given up on,

<v Speaker 2>you know, your appearance with certain things. You don't see

<v Speaker 2>how you have no more interest in, you know, going

<v Speaker 2>out all the different things. You know, you just you're

<v Speaker 2>not yourself. But to you, that's the sacrifice you're willing

<v Speaker 2>to make for love. Then if that relationship ends or

<v Speaker 2>when that relationship ends, because healthy relationships should not isolate

<v Speaker 2>you from your friends and family. All Right, all of

<v Speaker 2>a sudden, you turn around and you're feeling like, oh

<v Speaker 2>my gosh, I'm alone. Well, babe, everyone was living life

<v Speaker 2>without you because everyone got used to living life without

<v Speaker 2>you because you disappeared. But if you have a victim mindset, it's, well,

<v Speaker 2>where's everyone now that I'm now that I feel like

<v Speaker 2>I need someone to depend on? Well, where were you

<v Speaker 2>the entire time when you were ignoring everyone? Because you

<v Speaker 2>were always at home, you were always this, You're always that.

<v Speaker 2>And the girls know what I'm talking about, The girls

<v Speaker 2>that have experience in relationships like dynamics such as that

<v Speaker 2>where they gave up all their interests and all the things,

<v Speaker 2>and they became an unrecognizable person because is it Love

<v Speaker 2>is what meant more to them than having balance of

<v Speaker 2>still maintaining their themselves as well as their friendship dynamics.

<v Speaker 2>Some women genuinely struggle to balance the two. They genuinely do.

<v Speaker 2>They just always every person that they're with, They just

<v Speaker 2>get lost in that person's world all the time, and

<v Speaker 2>it doesn't even register to them that that's what they're doing.

<v Speaker 2>And let me tell you something, Like my dad says,

<v Speaker 2>the wrong man will always give you the wrong plan. Okay,

<v Speaker 2>the wrong plan all of a sudden, like I said,

<v Speaker 2>you have now adapted to behaviors and tolerating things that

<v Speaker 2>you would have never really done. But because in the

<v Speaker 2>name of love for you know, the love you have

<v Speaker 2>for this person, you're just like, oh, well, okay, I'm

<v Speaker 2>tolerant of that. Oh okay, I think that this is

<v Speaker 2>acceptable because what am I going to do?

<v Speaker 1>Start over?

<v Speaker 2>And now the question becomes, well, I don't want to

<v Speaker 2>start over. I love this person. I have unconditional I

<v Speaker 2>don't want to just leave them when they're doing this.

<v Speaker 2>Even though that person may be harmful to you, that

<v Speaker 2>person is not bringing out the best version of yourself.

<v Speaker 2>That's just the truth, you know. And there could be

<v Speaker 2>people like again, there are seasons of certain people are

<v Speaker 2>here for a season, okay, and that person could be

<v Speaker 2>a part of your journey. But that person is not

<v Speaker 2>the final destination. Every person you meet is not the

<v Speaker 2>final destination. And that's some of the problems that some

<v Speaker 2>woman have. You think every guy you meet is the

<v Speaker 2>end all beal. You think every guy you meet is

<v Speaker 2>your husband, how is that so? How is that so?

<v Speaker 2>So you should also ask yourself do I feel expanded

<v Speaker 2>or do I feel depleted? After I'm interacting with my

<v Speaker 2>significant other.

<v Speaker 1>There are things that.

<v Speaker 2>I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm just always mumbling under

<v Speaker 2>my breath because I'm coming home. He's just laying on

<v Speaker 2>the couch, you know, spread out, you know, leaves the

<v Speaker 2>pillows in whatever condition it was just left in from

<v Speaker 2>when he got up, butt print still left in the couch,

<v Speaker 2>you know, uh, everything every time he goes, you know, places,

<v Speaker 2>he's leaving stuff out. All the little little nitty gritty

<v Speaker 2>things are adding to Oh my gosh. Everything is just

<v Speaker 2>annoying about this person, the things that once maybe love covered,

<v Speaker 2>but now that the veil is being lifted from your eyes,

<v Speaker 2>you're just like, actually, I would like for someone to

<v Speaker 2>be a little bit more tidier. I feel like I'm

<v Speaker 2>trying to have a deep conversation and I feel like

<v Speaker 2>all he can give me is yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

<v Speaker 1>Wow.

<v Speaker 2>And you're just like, Okay, so I can't even really

<v Speaker 2>have like an actual conversation with you. So where do

<v Speaker 2>we go from here? Because if I'm gonna be with you,

<v Speaker 2>how can I live my entire life feeling like I

<v Speaker 2>can't really converse with you on topics that genuinely are

<v Speaker 2>of interest of me. So this is where things get tricky,

<v Speaker 2>because now this is where you're almost feeling like there's

<v Speaker 2>a double life. You're hiding a major part of yourself

<v Speaker 2>that you want to share with this person and have

<v Speaker 2>these discussions, but you can't because you can tell that

<v Speaker 2>this person doesn't care and you're feeling shut down every

<v Speaker 2>time you approach them, or maybe the things that they

<v Speaker 2>are interested in you actually really just can care less about,

<v Speaker 2>and you wish that you genuinely aligned more. How long

<v Speaker 2>are you going to live the rest of your life

<v Speaker 2>like that? And this is the truth. You don't need

<v Speaker 2>to villainize anyone in order to choose yourself. You don't

<v Speaker 2>need a dramatic ending to honor a quiet exit.

<v Speaker 1>It doesn't have to be this big thing.

<v Speaker 2>And that's what some of the issue is too for

<v Speaker 2>some woman, is it needs to end in the most

<v Speaker 2>catastrophic way in order for you to be done. Why

<v Speaker 2>Why does the ship always have to sink for you

<v Speaker 2>to just get off the boat? That doesn't need to happen. Sometimes,

<v Speaker 2>as responsible, respectful and honorable adults. There needs to be

<v Speaker 2>just a mutual agreement or a calm agree to disagree,

<v Speaker 2>because you cannot live your life with one person feeling

<v Speaker 2>this way and another person feeling that way.

<v Speaker 1>You just can't.

<v Speaker 2>So you should be able to release the dynamic with compassion.

<v Speaker 2>You should be able to detach with integrity. You should

<v Speaker 2>be able to trust that true alignment does not require force.

<v Speaker 2>You should not have to coerce someone into a certain thing.

<v Speaker 2>You shouldn't have to pretend to be interested in a

<v Speaker 2>certain thing to grab a person. The real you is

<v Speaker 2>going to show up inevitably anyways. So for those of

<v Speaker 2>you that feel like.

<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, am I just asking too much?

<v Speaker 2>Like he's just making me feel like, you know, because

<v Speaker 2>men will do that like hold up, back up and

<v Speaker 2>wait a minute pause. Men will really have you sitting

<v Speaker 2>there actually feeling crazy, like what you want genuinely doesn't exist.

<v Speaker 2>Like men are very much capable of doing that. Okay,

<v Speaker 2>that's how strong their energy can be is they will

<v Speaker 2>have you feeling hopeless, like, oh, so you really think

<v Speaker 2>you're asking for too much? You really think that you

<v Speaker 2>know this is the best that it's going to get

<v Speaker 2>for you, who else is going to be doing all

<v Speaker 2>these things for you, who else is going to be

<v Speaker 2>putting up with you? Who else is going to be

<v Speaker 2>wanting this in that trust me man will really have

<v Speaker 2>you sit out here feeling actually crazy, like you know what,

<v Speaker 2>I don't know. He's making everything seem like it's such

<v Speaker 2>a big chore. Maybe it is too much that I'm

<v Speaker 2>asking of him. Maybe it is too much that he can't,

<v Speaker 2>you know, put away his own laundry. Maybe it is

<v Speaker 2>too much that he you know, can't put things away

<v Speaker 2>when whatever. But I I'm working, he's working, We're both contributing,

<v Speaker 2>We're doing all these different things, and I'm able to

<v Speaker 2>handle multiple different responsibilities. But it seems like this guy

<v Speaker 2>is stuck in performing within a certain parameter. He's in

<v Speaker 2>a box. He can't come out of that box. He's

<v Speaker 2>not going to come out of that box. And while

<v Speaker 2>I'm on that topic, I will also say this, stop expect,

<v Speaker 2>you know, men to just change because of you. Men

<v Speaker 2>are not going to be changing because of you. Right,

<v Speaker 2>So even in let's just say you met a guy

<v Speaker 2>who was like a play a player, whatever the case is,

<v Speaker 2>and he played, you know, the nonsense out of you

<v Speaker 2>but then three years later you see that this the

<v Speaker 2>same man is married and you're feeling away, like, wait,

<v Speaker 2>the how is this man even settled down. That's not

<v Speaker 2>because solely because he met another person. That's because he

<v Speaker 2>was in a position where he made up his mind

<v Speaker 2>that this was something he was open to doing already.

<v Speaker 2>A man being ready and willing and open to change

<v Speaker 2>to improve is a mindset he arrives to on his own.

<v Speaker 2>There are little things you can say along the way,

<v Speaker 2>but truly, like, you don't want to be the soul

<v Speaker 2>catalyst for this person's change, because then it becomes resentment. Well,

<v Speaker 2>I did this for you, I was changed this about

<v Speaker 2>myself for you. They need to arrive at that for

<v Speaker 2>themselves so that it's safe. It's it's it's their own idea, idea,

<v Speaker 2>and they have arrived to that conclusion on their own.

<v Speaker 2>It's not because you were coercing them into that conclusion.

<v Speaker 1>Trust me.

<v Speaker 2>It's always better to just let people arrive at their

<v Speaker 2>own conclusions. Okay, that's that's what in this context. So

<v Speaker 2>do not think, oh, well I can change him, Uh

<v Speaker 2>if I just give him the right positive words, he

<v Speaker 2>just needs this. That's not how men operate, baby, you

<v Speaker 2>should understand that that's not how they operate. Oh well,

<v Speaker 2>I just give him words of encouragement and and I'm

<v Speaker 2>just being you're you're trying to compete with who he

<v Speaker 2>was with before, thinking that you could be better. Good luck,

<v Speaker 2>good luck to you if that's how you think men

<v Speaker 2>change when they want to change on their own accord.

<v Speaker 2>So the woman that you are becoming, you're not asking

<v Speaker 2>for too much. You're just asking the wrong people.

<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm.

<v Speaker 2>So with that being said, if this episode has resonated

<v Speaker 2>with you, share it with a woman who is evolving.

<v Speaker 2>I know you know at least one person. And remember,

<v Speaker 2>loneliness is often the whollway between who you were and

<v Speaker 2>who you are becoming. All right, It's just a hallway.

<v Speaker 2>So that is the end of this episode. My loves.

<v Speaker 2>Make sure that you rate this podcast five stars. Share

<v Speaker 2>it with a woman that is evolving. Tag me on

<v Speaker 2>socials when you guys see me post all the shorts

<v Speaker 2>and DM me let me know what your favorite part

<v Speaker 2>about this episode was. DM me tell me if you

<v Speaker 2>can relate to this podcast episode and if you're also

<v Speaker 2>in a situation like this, and also DM me, if

<v Speaker 2>you guys would like me to do lives on YouTube

<v Speaker 2>where I answer you guys questions in real time, because

<v Speaker 2>I think I want to start doing lives again. So

<v Speaker 2>with that being said, do not forget I love you

<v Speaker 2>and God loves you. I'll speak to beautiful angels in

<v Speaker 2>my next episode.

<v Speaker 1>Wow