Hey guys.

Welcome back to another episode

of, Here Comes The Drama.

I'm your host, Christa Innis.

Thanks for being here.

If it's your first time, welcome, you

are in for a drama filled episode as

always, But this week we have two long

stories because we have our regular

follower submission at the very end.

But in the beginning we have a wedding

dilemma and typically those are shorter

segments where people just wanna

get some quick advice for something

that's going on right now with their

wedding planning or event planning.

but this one's a little bit

longer, but I decided it was a

good podcast story to take on.

you guys will see why, but I thought

it was a good one to discuss on here.

before we dive into that, our

new year giveaway has ended.

So we did a new year giveaway,

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I'm excited for what's to come

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We've had an amazing year of

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So thank you guys so much for being here

with me and listening to the episode.

today I am drinking coffee

out of my wicked mug.

If you guys don't know, if you don't

follow me on socials or see my stories

on Instagram, I think I update stories

a little bit more on Instagram, but

you'll see me post about my mugs.

my husband got me this

for Christmas this year.

It's so cute.

If you're watching the video, you

can see it, but it's like wicked.

it's alpha on one side and

Glenda on the other as I splash.

Coffee in my eye.

Yeah.

okay.

Anyway, if I'm not waking up by

drinking this coffee, it'll surely

wake me up by splashing it in my eye.

Anyway, that was interesting.

Okay, let's get into the episode.

We're gonna start with the wedding

dilemma and the title of it.

If this doesn't pull you in,

I don't know what will is.

Am I being a bridezilla?

So I thought this was interesting.

I have not read through the whole thing.

I did a quick little glance and I

was like, Ooh, this is a podcast one.

Let's get into it.

Okay.

So this is a long dilemma, like I said.

So we're gonna dive into

some different parts of this.

I am gonna pause at certain parts

because I feel like if I wait

completely to the end to respond,

I'm gonna forget many of my points

and I'm gonna forget what happens.

So let's dive into this together.

All right.

She says.

so I need some advice on wedding planning.

I'm getting married in 2026.

I have three bridesmaids,

including my maid of honor.

My maid of honor is my sister.

Let's call her Anna Bridesmaid.

One is Sarah and bridesmaid two is Laura.

During the bridesmaids dinner, when

I asked the girls to be in my bridal

party, they immediately asked about

dresses and if I'd been looking yet.

I told them yes and showed them what

my maid of honor would be wearing.

I'll attach the photos later.

They said it was beautiful

and would look great on Anna.

Okay, so they liked the

maid of honor dress.

Then they asked what their dresses

would look like, so I showed them an

option for the bridesmaid dresses.

Sarah completely freaked out.

She told me the dress wasn't

beautiful, that it was ugly, and that

it would make her look like a nun.

She said she would feel uncomfortable in

it and wanted to keep looking, okay, I'm

gonna pause there before knowing anything.

I would never react in that way.

If, the bride came to me and

said, what's your opinion?

Do you like this dress?

I could be like, you know what?

It's not my favorite.

That's not my style.

I don't like blank about the

dress, but if it was me that said,

Hey, have you started looking?

And she showed me a dress and was like,

here, this is what I'm kind of thinking.

I'm not gonna be like, ugh I hate it.

That's disgusting.

I would look like a nun.

I'd feel blah, blah, blah.

And you need to keep looking like.

When you are agreeing to be a bridesmaid,

you have to agree to their vision, right?

Yes.

We don't want you to be uncomfortable.

You should wear something that

makes you feel comfortable.

you don't want like a super tight dress

where you can't walk in or you don't want

something that's gonna show cleavage if

you don't feel comfortable in that, right?

it's about what you are comfortable in.

Yes.

But ultimately you are agreeing

to fit the vision for the wedding.

So there's a little bit

of push and pull here.

okay, so she says two days later I

came up with two more dress options

and showed them to the bridesmaids.

So now that you're giving them options,

now you're kind of agreeing to let them

give their full opinion when you are a

bride and you're like, this is the option.

This is what we're doing.

They kind have less wiggle room.

if you're like, I haven't really

decided yet, so tell me what you like.

Then you're letting them

give their opinions.

Laura said she didn't love any

of the dresses, but she loved me

enough to wear them for the day.

She said it might not be her style, but

it's ultimately my wedding for the day.

That is the right response.

That is the right response.

' cause let me tell you, I've

been in tons of weddings.

some I loved some, I absolutely

adored and loved some.

I was like, nah, I don't think there

were any at the time of wearing

them that I completely hated.

Looking back, I'm like,

whoa, what were we doing?

But it was probably more the style.

at the time of wearing them, I

don't think any of 'em I hated.

but again, it's what you kind of

agreed to as being a bridesmaid.

That being said, and I've talked

about this before too, I've been

in some weddings where the bride

had no clue what she wanted.

She didn't know the color or the style.

So we all went blindly to a shop

together and we kind of chose together.

was it always peaceful or

was it always unanimous?

No, many times it was picking

favorites or it was whoever's voice

was the loudest or it was voting.

Right.

Those are more tricky because

you're getting so many opinions.

And that's my one piece of advice I

would say to brides is before you talk

to your bridesmaids, have an idea of

what you want, the color, the general

style, maybe a couple places, because

when you don't have an idea and you

open it up to all these opinions, then

it looks like you're picking favorites.

Right.

And then you have to be the.

Mean person and say, no, no, no.

so that's my advice is before asking,

say, these are the dresses, right?

for me, and I've talked about this before,

so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself,

but for me, I knew I liked Birdy Grey.

Again, not sponsored, I've just

worn them for so many weddings.

I liked Birdy Grey.

I liked that you could order them online.

I liked that it was all

under a hundred dollars.

So I said, I like all the mauve versions.

I don't care if you get light

mauve, medium mauve, dark mauve,

there's even a patterned one.

I was like, any of those are fine.

Any style dress in the mauve family.

So I knew this before even

telling any of my bridesmaids.

now again, if one of my bridesmaids

came to me and said, ah, I hate

the color mauve, I, I don't

know what I would've done.

I guess it just depends on the situation.

it looked great on everyone.

And generally I think

everyone liked their dress.

So it gets tricky when you

kind of open people up to that.

Right.

Sarah, however, so this is bridesmaid

one said the dress was absolutely

hideous and that she would not wear it.

She insisted we needed to keep looking.

So now I have a problem with Sarah.

Okay.

I get, again, wanting to be comfortable

in a dress, but to go off the deep

end and say the dress is hideous.

We need to keep looking.

It's not your day girlfriend.

Like the bride has an idea.

She's now shown you

three different dresses.

I think you just need to say, like, suck

it up and say you're gonna, do it for her

wedding day because this is supposed to

be like one of her best friends, right.

After that dinner, Sarah called

both Laura and my sister Anna, and

tried to convince them that the

dress I chose wasn't a good option.

She wanted them to join her in

pushing me to keep looking and

convince me to change my mind.

So she realizes the other two are

easier to like get along with.

So she's like, okay, if I can

convince them to tell her,

then she'll change the dress.

Sorry that I keep touching

my hair if anyone's watching.

Someone commented once, like,

can you not touch your hair?

And I'm like, I wish.

I don't even realize

I'm doing it sometimes.

So sorry.

anyway, so I sat the girls

down and asked them what kind

of dress they were hoping for.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Now you're giving them full reins.

Now you're giving them full reins.

And maybe this is the type A, I don't

know if I was a Type A bride, I probably

was, I don't know, type A B, I think I was

B. I think I was a type B in some ways.

Now you're opening up all the opinions.

So like, doesn't matter what you say,

they're gonna tell you what they want.

I was asking what kind of dress they

were hoping for because the options I

chose were normal bridesmaid dresses.

Sarah told me she wanted a dress

where she could show more cleavage.

She wanted it short and tight, and if

it was long, she wanted it very tight.

Okay.

I have no issues with a tight dress.

Obviously it's up to the bride.

Right.

But you want it short and tight.

Typically, a bridesmaid dress

is gonna be floor length.

I've worn a lot of jumpsuits

in weddings, floor length.

even as a guest at a wedding, I'm

not wearing a super short dress.

I think maybe a couple

times I have shorter.

it just depends.

Everyone has their own, whatever

they're comfortable in, right?

But to specifically say the bride,

I want a short and tight dress.

I want my cleavage showing.

Do it outta your wedding.

She says, I've tried explaining to her,

my family is very conservative and I'm

trying to choose something that fits the

vibe and is appropriate for the wedding.

And I don't think there's

anything wrong with that.

I don't think there's anything

wrong with a short, tight dress.

again, when you are a bridesmaid

and you are agreeing to be a

bridesmaid in someone else's wedding,

you are fitting their vision.

You are fitting what they

want for the wedding, right?

You don't get to just pick a

short and tight dress for the club

because you wanna look hot up there.

everyone deserves to

look beautiful and great.

But again, we have to kind

of fit what we agreed.

We agreed to be in someone else's wedding.

It's not your wedding.

All right, fast forward to

planning the bachelorette party.

we started sending prices in the

group chat to make sure everyone

could afford the trip and the

activities we were discussing.

Everyone agreed the prices were

reasonable and we were planning to

have our money in by the deposit date.

I'm guessing for like

an Airbnb or something.

But Sarah waited until two weeks

before the deposit date was due to

tell me she wouldn't have her money

until the week before the trip.

She also expected me to cover her

cost, even though I'm the bride.

So this is a two part thing.

So she waited to say she didn't have

the money, or she wouldn't have it

until a week before, but then she

expected the bride to cover her cost.

So what does her not having the

money have anything to do with it?

If she thinks this whole time the

bride's gonna cover her cost, that's

where I'm kind of lost and confused.

This is something that has to be

established before all of this.

You need to make it clear.

' cause like I said, pretty much all

the bachelorette parties I've been

a part of, we pay for the bride.

All the girls split it, so we don't

want the bride to have to pay for

her own drinks or all this, but you

gotta talk to your people, right?

If it's just the four of them, that

can be pretty expensive, right?

Whereas if you have 10 girls

and you evenly split it, then

they're all not paying as much.

Right.

so I don't know if there's

other people there as well.

She said when I told her normally

everyone pays for their own way to the

bachelorette party and the bridesmaids

split the cost for the bride.

She flipped out.

Why is the bridesmaid just

finding out about this?

Because if she's never been in

a wedding before, I can't really

blame her for not knowing.

And again, this is gonna differ

for different friend groups.

For where you're located country-wise,

where in US or otherwise?

it's different.

My friend group, like when we even

go out for a birthday dinner, we're

not letting the birthday person

pay birthday person birthday girl.

We are splitting it.

The three friends that came,

we're gonna split their meal.

That's just how our friend group is.

We do a bachelorette party trip.

I've been on bachelorette party

trips where there's five girls.

I've been on bachelorette

parties where there's 30 girls.

get into that another time.

30 women I should say.

And that was probably my first, no,

that's why my second bachelorette party

and I planned the whole thing with two

other people and that was probably the

most stressful thing I ever planned.

but anyway, when you do that,

when you have different amounts

of people, it's going to differ.

But anyway, you need to let

people know all of those.

We always paid for the bride.

We split it all.

We did not want the bride paying

for drinks, how to get there.

any of that.

My own bachelorette party, I think I

was able to sneak in one round of drinks

for my friends, but other than that,

they took care of everything for me.

That again, you should never, as

the bride, you should never assume

that they're going to pay for you,

especially if you're flying somewhere.

Like you need to know

your friend's budgets.

when I went on these more

expensive bachelorette party

trips, I was already like, mm,

somewhere late twenties, somewhere.

Early thirties.

Yeah.

Late twenties, early thirties were

the more expensive ones where I

could afford a little bit more.

Right.

if I were in my early twenties,

I don't think I'd be able to

afford these longer trips.

So you really have to know your audience.

You have to know if they can afford

it, and we can't get mad at people

when they say they can't afford it.

She said she wouldn't be able to afford it

and that my wedding was costing her around

a thousand dollars, which wasn't fair.

Full stop before I keep going

and I know some people don't

like when I keep stopping, but

there's a lot to say about this.

That's a lot of money to a lot of people.

A thousand dollars to put

into a wedding is a lot.

And she is now communicating

to you, I can't afford this.

So it's our job at that point as

the bride to say, do we need to

tone back the bachelorette party?

Can I help cover some of her?

I don't think it's completely

like black and white.

I don't think it's like, well, she's a

bridesmaid so she has to pay her way.

I've talked about this before.

When I was a bridesmaid, I had a

couple bridesmaids reach out to

me, or it was a maid of honor.

I had a couple bridesmaids reach out to me

and say, I don't think I can afford this.

and it was a local one 'cause they

had other bachelorette parties,

they had other vacations planned

and I said, what can you afford?

I'll cover the rest.

I said, maybe don't

come one of the nights.

let me see what discount

I can get at the hotel.

So I tried as the maid of

honor to do other things.

Okay, so she says, what I wanna

point out is that I, the bride have

already purchased a lot for them,

including their wedding shoes, their

jewelry, the pajamas we get ready in.

All the bachelorette party

favors, all the decorations.

Okay?

This is where I'm gonna get, like think

I am a against the bride in this, You

purchasing bachelorette party decorations

and favors is not their problem.

That is a gift, Pajamas for them to

get ready in is not their problem.

That is also a gift.

I got gifts for my bridesmaids.

I would never be like, I did this

for you, so you owe me, you can

spend more money at my bachelorette

party because I did this for you.

No, those were gifts.

You don't need matching pajamas.

You don't need bachelorette party

favors and you don't need decorations.

Are they great?

Are they nice?

Yes.

Did I have 'em at mine?

Yes.

Did I have them at most of the

perpetual art parties I went to?

Yes, absolutely.

But it's not the bridesmaids

problem if you spent more Right?

That does not take away from the fact that

she is still spending around a thousand

dollars to be a a part of your wedding.

I absolutely don't think you

are the bridezilla, when it

comes to the dress situation.

So far what I've read, but this

part, if she's coming to you and

saying, I can't afford it, she

have waited until two weeks before?

Of course not.

But it seems like there's

some communication issue

between the two of you guys.

She didn't realize that she was

expected to cover her way, and also

that you were expecting all the

bridesmaids to chip in and pay for her.

So this needs to be established.

She said, I'm also basically planning

my own bachelorette party because

my maid of honor lives in Miami and

won't be there for the first night.

During all of this, Sarah and Laura

also texted in the bachelorette group

chat that they wanted to go skydiving,

which would be $359 per person.

Okay.

I might have to take back some of what

I said, but at the same time, they

didn't have enough money to pay for

the trip deposit on time, so now wait.

So they both didn't have enough money,

and they said they couldn't even put

aside $10 for one of my meals because

the stress is becoming so overwhelming.

I eventually stopped bringing up the

bachelorette party bridesmaids dresses

and other wedding related details.

Here's the thing, if I was hearing

from multiple people in my wedding

party, they couldn't afford the

deposit or they couldn't afford

certain things, I would tone it back.

I don't know if they're flying anywhere.

I don't know if they're renting a house,

but it sounds like, okay, maid of honor

can't make it there the first night.

Maybe we just take out the first night.

Maybe we make it two nights instead

of three or whatever they're doing.

Right.

Maybe we take out something, let's work

together to see how we can make it work.

I am typically, the bride is not

involved in planning, but it sounds

like, I'm not hearing any of their

names or any of their bridesmaids.

So it sounds like it's

just the four of them.

So I get why she's very involved.

but there's again, a lot of communication.

it's hard.

it's like we have to remember when

people are going to our bachelorette,

they're also taking off vacation days.

They're taking time away

from their families.

They're spending money away, so they also

are gonna wanna do things they enjoy.

This is where I think.

Bridesmaids plan away from the

bride and then they surprise you.

But we also need to, work

together on the budget.

Okay, guys, this is still going.

there's a lot.

There's a lot going on.

So I'm saying like this is the longest

dilemma, but I feel like it was one

that really needed to be discussed.

Okay.

Later hair and makeup came up.

The bridesmaids asked if I was

going to pay for them to get

their hair and makeup done.

I told them no.

If they would like to hire the

makeup artist, they are welcome

to pay for it themselves, but

I won't be paying for everyone.

I told them I want the bridesmaids

to have minimal makeup and curled

hair while I, the bride will have

more extravagant makeup and hair.

When I explained this to Sarah,

she told me she wanted to do her

own hair however she wanted, and

wear her makeup however she wanted.

I understand.

Wanting to feel comfortable and I'm.

Really not trying to be selfish, but

at the same time, it's my wedding.

All right?

I need a sip of coffee for this one.

I'm not gonna lie in reading this

alone, I kept moving side to side of

like whose side or whose team I was on.

Okay?

First and foremost, if you are not

requiring hair and makeup to be done, you

do not have to pay for it as the bride.

this is my own personal take.

You do not need to pay for it.

If you are saying everyone needs

their hair and makeup done,

you should be paying for it.

I recommend brides, even if they're

not gonna be paying for everyone

to get their hair and makeup done.

Reach out to all your brides and

bridesmaids and groomsmen, whoever would

want hair and makeup, whatever parents.

See who all wants it.

Done.

If you have a good chunk of people

that want it done, you should hire

a makeup artist and a hair person.

That's not saying you're paying

for it, but that's saying you

have someone there on site.

if you're not requiring it and no one

wants to pay for it, then they should be

able to do it themselves how they want to.

if you are telling them a certain

way to do their hair and their

makeup, you should be paying for it.

I don't know.

Is that a hot take?

Because now you're telling them that

they have to either tone it down or

tone it up from what they normally do.

Maybe they don't know how to curl

their hair, so they need someone hired.

So you're telling them You

want it a specific way.

So I think in that case in point,

you should probably pay for it.

Sarah is saying, I'm willing to do

my hair and makeup, but I wanna do

it how I'm comfortable doing it.

I'm sorry, I'm with Sarah in this moment.

If I'm a part of a wedding and

I'm being told, Hey, you have to

do your hair this way and your

makeup this way, I'll try my best.

Sure.

I'm not gonna be like rude about

it, but, everyone has their own like

talents and how they're comfortable

with doing hair and makeup, so I kind

of go back and forth on this one.

I don't think you're being a

bridezilla of course, but I don't

think we can control too much about

how people do their hair and makeup.

You can say like, oh, I don't

want bright red lipstick.

Sure.

but to say minimal makeup.

Then you get extravagant.

it's kinda lost on me.

' cause I think you should want your

bridesmaid to look just as beautiful.

Have them do full glam if they want,

have them do their hair how they want.

It's not like she's, I mean, maybe she is,

but it's not like she's trying to like do

space buns with like, glitter all over it.

I mean, I'm sure, hopefully

not, but unless that's her vibe.

so I get having some, hey, like, I

really want everyone to do an updo.

Sure.

I really want everyone to do loose curls.

Okay, sure.

But when you get too specific about

what everyone should look like,

that's when I gets kind of lost on me.

Okay.

Next one.

This is the last little issue.

About a week later, the dress

conversation came back up again.

Sarah told me her budget for the dress

and her daughter's dress is $200 total.

I guess her daughter's in the

wedding or coming to the wedding.

This is the first I'm

hearing of the daughter.

Her daughter's dress is $35,

meaning the remaining budget for

her own dress would be around 165.

The dress I found for her is $90.

She told me it was too expensive, so I

showed her another option for 65, but

she said there was quote, no way in hell

she would wear that dress to my wedding

because it would make her uncomfortable.

So I'm guessing that was the first one.

Sarah has been my best friend

for seven years, but at this

point I don't know what to do.

Wouldn't a best friend be willing

to wear a dress for six hours for my

wedding, even if it's not their favorite

style Or am I being extra and selfish?

Also, am I being selfish about

the hair and makeup expectations?

Is that me being too controlling?

it's not that I'm worried she's

going to take the spotlight, but

Sarah likes being the center of

attention and the day isn't about her.

Do I sound selfish?

Am I being a bridezilla?

All right.

So obviously I've shared my

points throughout this, but let

me do the dress budget thing.

this is gonna depend if Sarah's daughter

is in the wedding as the bride, I would

be paying for the daughter's dress.

We paid for any of the kids that were

in our wedding, we paid for them.

if not, I mean, you can say your

budget is a certain amount, but

if like you wanna stick a little

bit lower, that's her own choice.

Right.

Okay.

So let me ask, answer your questions.

Wouldn't a best friend be willing to wear

a dress for six hours for my wedding,

even if it's not their favorite style?

Yes, absolutely.

You are not being extra

or selfish about that.

I think you need to tell 'em

straight up, this is the dress

I chose, wear it or don't.

I don't know.

I would wear it for my best friends.

They could tell me to put on a

brown paper bag and I would wear

it, because it's their day, right?

So, I don't know.

I do not think you're being extra

selfish or bridezilla for that.

Am I being selfish about the

hair and makeup expectations?

Is that me being too controlling?

I would say yes a little bit.

I think you are being a little

too controlling about that.

Like I said, if you are hiring a makeup

artist and paying for it, then you can

control how the hair and makeup is done.

If you are hiring a makeup artist and they

are paying for it, or they are doing it

themselves, you gotta just let them do it.

That is my own personal opinion.

someone else may have a different

one, but I think you've gotta let

them do what they're gonna do.

You can again, give

guidelines, but that's it.

she says, it's not that I'm worried

she's gonna take the spotlight, but Sarah

lives being the center of attention.

Here is my problem about that statement.

You already see an issue here.

Why are we worried our friend is

going to take attention away from us?

It says, I'm not worried, but she

likes being the center of attention.

No matter how she gets her hair

and makeup done, she will not

be the center of attention.

And that's not gonna add to it.

Someone trying to be the center

of attention is gonna be louder

or, move around a certain way.

I don't know.

Right?

Trying to take away from you.

And if you're worried about that, she's

probably already not a good friend to you.

' cause most friends are

gonna wanna lift you up.

Either supporting you,

help you in any way, right?

allowing her to do her hair and

makeup, how she wants it to.

Giving her full glam how she wants it to,

that's not going to take away from you.

Everyone's gonna know you're the bride.

So I would say pull back the

reins a little bit on that.

Let them do what they want, but

be more firm with the dresses.

Say the next time the dresses

come up, say, okay, you know

what, gimme a week guys.

I'm gonna finalize it and

then I will let you know what

dress we need to order, okay?

and just be clear on that.

Now, I think the wedding is coming

up pretty soon, so if you haven't

already ordered the dresses, you're

probably gonna wanna order them soon.

I will message you that, because by

the time this comes out, it might

be a little bit closer to the date.

I think it's gonna come out

a month from recording this.

So I'm gonna let you

know my points directly.

I would be very clear, all

right, I looked over all these

dresses, this is what I decided.

Because right now you're giving

them too many options and you're

allowing them to give their opinions.

So if you don't want them to give their

opinions, tell them this is the option.

here's the website you can choose

from A, B, or C. By next week.

Let me know what you picked.

If by next week they haven't picked

the dress, or they haven't ordered

the dress, you say like, Hey, we

need to order it by this date.

Do you still wanna be

a part of this wedding?

then let them know.

And for anyone listening now, that

is like in these beginning stages of

planning their wedding, communication,

communication, communication.

In the very beginning when you ask

to be a part of the wedding, tell

them what the expectations are.

Say hi.

Just letting you guys know.

we are gonna have a bachelorette party.

Typically, that means

like bridesmaids cover it.

Please let me know your budget.

we can talk about it, at a later date,

but I just wanna make sure like you

guys know, this is the expectation.

It's really important to be clear.

especially when friends are from different

groups, they might all do it differently,

and I don't think it should ever be

an expectation without communicating

that they're gonna pay for you.

For me personally, it was more important

that a certain friend could make it to

my bachelorette party or to my wedding

than being able to afford something.

So if someone came to me and they were

like, I can't afford to get my dress,

I'd be like, well, Can I pay for it?

How can I help?

And again, your gifts that you got, the

bridesmaids as extra or the bachelorette

party decorations or gift bags.

Has nothing to do with

their own personal budget.

That's something extra that you

wanted to give them as a gift.

So that has to remain as a gift.

That's not a string attached.

All right.

I hope that helps.

I know that was a lot, but I really

hope that helps and I hope you guys

have an amazing rest of your wedding

experience and wedding planning.

And, I'll be sure to reach out my direct

comments to you, she did send me pictures

of the dresses, but for her own privacy,

I'm not gonna share them on here because

I don't want her, bridesmaids to know.

but yeah, that's my own personal take.

I mean, looking at the dresses myself,

I think they look, yeah, maybe they're

a little more conservative, but I

don't see anything wrong with them.

I think they're perfectly

acceptable and beautiful dresses.

and.

I take that back.

No, they're gorgeous dresses.

I would absolutely wear

these as a bridesmaid.

the first one looks a little

more conservative, but I

think it's still gorgeous.

It's very cute.

It's without showing the picture.

It's like an off the shoulder.

sure it's up a little higher, but

it's off the shoulder, which is sexy.

and it's a perfectly good length.

It's like a little longer.

The other one is off the

shoulder and shows a little leg.

So totally sexy.

Totally a cute dress.

I think I would wear it.

So there's that.

Again, I'm not the end all be all when

it comes to, Opinions and dresses.

That's just my own personal opinion.

All right, guys, that was

just the wedding dilemma.

We've still got a lot

more drama to dive into.

All right.

Again, if you have a wedding 911 or

a wedding dilemma you want me to,

talk about on the podcast, which I

do these on my solo episodes, you can

email me at hello@christainnis.com.

Use the subject line wedding 911.

All right.

Before we get to this week's

line reaction, we're gonna

do a little would you rather,

all right.

Would you rather a relative live

stream, your ceremony or post

unapproved photos immediately?

as long as it's after the ceremony.

I would say post unapproved photos.

I don't need to approve

every photo livestream.

The ceremony feels a little invasive

to me because if you weren't invited to

be a part of the ceremony, I don't want

everybody seeing that, and I don't know

where that is or that is on Facebook.

Do people live stream

weddings on Facebook?

No.

No, thank you.

would you rather be guilt tripped

into inviting someone or deal with

the fallout for not inviting them?

Deal with the fallout if they were not

on my original list to invite, that's

because they weren't close enough to me.

Oh.

I will say a couple years later, I

do have some regrets of people I did

not invite, but no one ever guilt

tripped me for inviting them or not.

I just thought about it later

and I was like, I kinda wish

I would've invited them.

But what can you now, okay.

Would you rather have an empty dance

floor or dance floor chaos with injuries?

Ooh, what kind of injuries

are we talking about?

I hate an empty dance floor.

I despise an empty dance floor.

Why have a dance floor if no one is on it?

The best weddings I've ever been to

is when there's a packed dance floor.

Maybe some people fall.

I don't know.

We got heels on, so that's

why you take 'em off.

I'm gonna say injuries, praying

and hoping they are minor injuries.

Like maybe someone just falls in

their butt and they have to like sit

down and sit out for a little bit.

Empty dance floor.

No thank you.

I don't wanna be to an event where

there's an empty dance floor.

when my husband and I went to our first

wedding together, I knew he was the one

because no, this is just me being, funny.

my family, when we were at

weddings, we were all on the

dance floor all night long.

You can see my mom, my parents

are on the dance floor.

my cousin, like we aunts and uncles,

we are all on the dance floor.

So, when I went to the first

wedding with my husband and his

family, they were the same way.

I was like, yes, I have a fun.

Fun in-law, like family to go

into at that point we'd only been

dating like six months, so I wasn't

thinking about weddings yet, but,

you need a crowded dance floor.

Anyway, that was a long side story.

Would you rather seat exes together

or seat feuding relatives together?

This sounds like a familiar

one I did before, but whatever.

I think I'd rather seat exes together

because I think in general, and this

might be just my own perspective,

i think relatives that are feuding

goes a little bit deeper, right?

That's gonna hurt a little bit more.

Someone knows how to get under their skin.

Exes.

I think it goes one of two ways.

They either know how to completely

ignore each other at that

point 'cause they're just done.

or they can just like banter and

just be like, you're an idiot.

I don't know.

Or if you read enough romance, comedy,

romantic comedy books, maybe they'll

just vibe that night and have like a

little, little fling for the night.

Okay.

Would you rather a guest bring someone

you hate or not show up at all?

Not show up at all.

I don't want someone I hate at my wedding.

Would you rather have people RUP yes

and not show or RUP no and show up?

Professionally speaking, I

would say yes and not show up.

But as a bride, if it's someone I invited

that I was like kind of bummed that they

weren't coming and then they just showed

up, I'd be like, oh my God, you're here.

What a nice surprise.

After the fact, after we eat

dinner and stuff, would you rather

cut decor or cut the open bar?

Cut decor.

We need the open bar.

Thank you.

Would you rather go cheap on

flowers or go cheap on food?

Cheap on flowers.

I used a friend's, I don't know,

silk flowers and they looked great.

I would not go cheap on food,

but we did go cheap or on food.

I did not do a full plated thing

that was like $200 a plate.

We did a taco buffet, taco bar, and

then we had late night snack of pizza.

Yes, and I got married in my thirties.

All right, here we go guys.

Who is ready?

Holy macaroni.

This let's get comfortable guys.

Pour a glass of wine, get a cup of

coffee, whatever time of day it is.

Whatever you drink,

buckle your seat belts.

Let's dive in.

Let me start by saying that overall

the wedding was absolutely beautiful,

truly something out of a storybook.

I had an incredible support

system that worked hard to keep

almost all the chaos away from my

husband and me on the day itself.

We started dating about five years ago,

and the very first time I met his mother,

just one month into our relationship, she

talked extensively about her pregnancy

and about me eventually carrying his kids.

Whoa.

One month in I'd be like, okay,

it's a little, a little much.

That would've scared me away.

It was a strange thing to say

to someone you've just met,

but it didn't stop from there.

She continued to bring it up every

chance she got when we decided

to move in together, she invited

herself to stay with us for a week.

How, how does that happen a week?

Who is not talking to her?

Your husband is not telling

her, no mom, this is ridiculous.

Get out.

How does that happen?

That week caused so much chaos

between my husband and me.

That was their first place living

together and she ruined it.

Your first week living together is

like so exciting, but also scary

'cause you're like, okay, am I

gonna learn these weird habits?

Are we gonna like mesh well?

And then you're like, this is like

a fun, well at least for me it

was, it was like a fun sleepover.

I'm like, oh my gosh,

we never have to leave.

Oh my gosh, this is so fun.

imagine if their mom was there.

That would kill the vibe.

Okay.

Why did he say no?

I have so many questions.

I ended up breaking down crying in a

target parking lot because of her antics.

Later that same evening, she

had him crawling inside a trash

compactor and refused to let us

back into the car until he did it.

What?

For the next three years, it was

an exhausting and toxic cycle.

She terrorized my husband,

my family, and me.

Eventually we bought our home and

decided to host Thanksgiving instead

of splitting the holidays among

four sets of divorced parents.

Both of our parents are divorced,

but only mine get along something his

mother despises and frequently comments

on because she can't do it herself.

Oh my gosh.

I still have so many questions

about that first week of her just

moving in and welcoming herself.

Why did your husband not say anything?

I'm just very like my space kind of thing.

So like when I invite people,

I want more the merrier.

I love combining friends and groups.

Like just all come one, come on and

come all, but don't show up unannounced.

And don't expect you can like,

make, stay and don't extend that.

Stay.

Like if you ask me, I'm like, yeah,

I'm more than willing to help.

But when I read stuff like that,

I'm like, oh my gosh, it's terrible.

The first Thanksgiving was

manageable despite a few fits.

A year later, we decided to host again.

This time we were engaged.

The FaceTime call to tell her

about the engagement was memorable.

So was the mom not at.

Oh, she was saying she

FaceTimed before this.

Okay.

She spent the entire call showing us the

shoes she had picked out for the wedding,

and repeatedly saying that she was the

first to know he was going to propose.

In reality, I was with him when we picked

out and bought the ring and he called my

parents first to ask for their permission,

then his dad and finally his mom to let

her know he was planning to propose.

He proposed in May and by Thanksgiving

we already had the venue dress

photographer and possibly catering booked.

You go girl.

When Thanksgiving rolled around, she

arrived in a foul mood, furious that my

parents were already there and complaining

that she wanted alone time with us.

We had explicitly told her a month prior

that Thanksgiving would be a family

affair, and that if she wanted alone time,

she should come by after the holiday.

Completely respectable.

Completely normal.

But She has a huge fear of missing

out and insisted on coming anyway,

and then demanded alone time.

Once she arrived to accommodate

her, I took my parents to visit the

wedding venue the next day so she

could spend alone time with her son.

Despite this, she spent the entire week

throwing tantrums, so she stayed with

them again a week for Thanksgiving.

What's going on here?

On Thanksgiving Day, she packed

her bags and threatened to leave.

The following day, she attacked my

mother so badly that my parents ended

up getting in their car and leaving

Once my parents were gone, we sat down

and had a long conversation agreeing

to a clean slate and a fresh start.

Ooh.

Despite finally having alone time,

she claimed to want to move her

flight up an entire day and left early

after that, unless we reached out.

There was complete radio silence

until her husband went to the

hospital and had his leg amputated.

Wow.

Okay.

We flew out as soon as we could,

but by then he was in hospice

and she was actively planning his

funeral while sitting beside him.

Wait, I wanna pause for a

second before I get into that.

Why was she so mad about Thanksgiving?

They said it was a family thing,

but she wanted alone time, but she

refused to come early or stay late,

so then she wanted to leave early.

I think I'm missing something here.

Okay.

Back at the hospital.

Now while we were there, so my husband

could say goodbye to his stepfather,

who played a huge role in his life.

She brought friends into the room

to question us about the wedding.

What now is the time when

her husband is dying?

She brings friends to question

you about your wedding.

We repeatedly told them this wasn't the

time or the place, but they wouldn't stop.

Who are these people she hired?

Because I don't believe this woman

has friends that would do this.

I mean, maybe, I don't know,

but that's just so odd to me.

He passed later that week and

the funeral was scheduled for

a month later at the service.

Countless people, many of whom my

husband didn't even know, came up

to congratulate us and said they

couldn't wait to attend the wedding.

What you do this like create a

bulletin board or post it on Facebook

and tell all her friends the date.

This is wild.

She also invited his ex-girlfriend

and her now husband to the funeral

and spent most of her time with them.

I thought she was gonna say she

invited the ex-girlfriend to the

wedding, but still, despite previously

insisting they hadn't spoken in years.

That's weird for the ex-girlfriend.

Why are you showing up?

Like it's good to pay your respects

but also like maybe you can just like

send a card to the mail, send flowers.

I don't know.

We later found out they'd also been

visiting the hospice, but only when we

weren't there at the lunch afterward.

It was just us, his mother, his

step sibling, and their spouse.

his mother used that moment to ask

my husband if she was still the

most important woman in his life.

No.

Why are we doing this?

why are we doing this?

Do you feel like there's

a competition between your

son's fiance, Lord have mercy.

You are in two different brackets,

not even in the same field.

Why?

Why?

When he said no, that I was,

she launched into attacking him.

Don't we want our kids to be happy?

This is just like mind blowing to me.

When he told her it wasn't the

time or the place she turned on me.

I told her the same thing.

This wasn't appropriate.

We had already addressed things before and

she was the one continuing the behavior.

We got up and left.

Good for you.

That's setting a boundary saying I'm not

gonna entertain this tantrum right now.

Five months later, wedding week arrived.

Oh my gosh.

Or just already wedding week.

I don't know if I could invite someone

like that, but again, I've never been

in a position where I had a toxic parent

or in-law like that, throws tantrums

and asks their son if they're the most

important woman still in their life.

Her dress had already been a battle.

She chose every color

except the one we asked for.

So she would match the family even after

being told she stand out negatively.

She ultimately chose a dress

nearly identical to my bridesmaid.

See, and again, I don't

think there's a problem.

I don't think most parents of the

brighter groom would do that if

you get along with them, if they

have a similar color or style.

I don't think that's a problem, but

you can tell she probably did it.

As a way to be like, look at me.

I'm in the wedding party.

She and another family member spent the

three days leading up to the wedding,

calling and harassing my husband.

why are they be invited still?

I would have security out front.

Have you seen this woman?

She's not allowed in here demanding

alone time and more involvement.

Why does she need to demand alone time?

If you need to demand alone time

with anybody, you're not, as

important to them as you think.

You don't have to demand alone time.

We had already offered them the rehearsal

dinner at a sendoff brunch, but they

complained they couldn't afford it.

We canceled the brunch and

his father stepped in to plan

and pay for the rehearsal.

At the rehearsal, they harassed

my bridesmaid by repeatedly asking

which groomsmen had been inside her.

What?

This is so inappropriate.

This mom seems like a creep.

I'm sorry.

That is so weird to me.

And we're saying they, so it's

her and another family member.

Who is this other family member?

Is it a sister?

Is it a uncle, a brother, a cousin.

Like this is so weird and pestering her.

Pestering the bridesmaid about

who she should go home with.

It got so bad she moved tables, but

they followed her and continued I'd be

kicking 'em out during my father-in-law's

speech interruptions and shouting

continued because they were upset.

Certain people weren't mentioned.

That's at the rehearsal Dinner.

Lord have mercy.

On the wedding day, she asked his

family to arrive when the chapel

opened and reserved front row seats.

So they're there hours early

putting their coats down.

This is my seat.

It's reserved.

His mother threw a fit when the

usher offered to show her to her

seat, shouting that she wasn't

being allowed to see her son.

My mother stepped in, calmly to

explain things, but his mother

complained about sitting near her

ex and demanded a different row.

Come on, if you can't sit for 30 minutes

during a ceremony, you shouldn't be there.

When my husband went to greet her

before returning to get ready, she

followed him into the groom suite

and slammed the barn door so hard.

She broke the shelves next to it.

I was supposed to be escorted into

that suite for lineup, but when the

door opened, she was standing there.

I immediately turned around and

went back to my room as I would too.

This is insane.

Holy cow.

This is a grown toddler.

This is what happens when

people aren't told no.

When they're kids, they become

entitled, rude and mean adults

that don't understand boundaries.

This is it.

This is wild.

The ceremony itself was beautiful.

During family photos, she repeatedly

pulled my husband, wait, I wanna stop.

The ceremony itself was beautiful.

Okay.

I'm glad she was able to like,

hold her shit for a minute

and not do anything wild.

so we're gonna pause on that.

I'm really glad she, the bride in the

groom were able to have a beautiful

ceremony and enjoy themselves.

All right, back to the drama.

During family photos, she

repeatedly pulled my husband away

from me, and the photographer

had to stop her multiple times.

She also followed the other family

members demanding to be included in

their photos and made an extremely

inappropriate comment to one of them.

where's the line?

Because it's been crossed so many times.

It's gotta be like, we're at 20 times now.

at what point do we kick

someone out like this?

this is literally just a

energy sucker like this.

She's a vampire.

She's literally just taking all the

positive vibes and energy outta the room.

I feel so bad for couples that

get married with someone like this

because they're quite literally

taking all the joy outta the day.

Like, I'm glad they had their

beautiful ceremony, but this woman

is exhausting to just read about.

I can't even imagine having to witness her

in person complaining about everything,

making everything about herself.

Nothing is good enough.

she's competing with the new wife.

Like, come on.

throughout the reception, she shot us

dirty looks and interrogated guests

about why they were invited when we

were leaving, she approached me not to

apologize, but to discuss gift logistics.

Gift logistics.

What does that mean?

I told her it was a tomorrow

problem and walked away.

Early in our relationship,

I had no backbone.

That changed after she attacked my mother.

Since then, I had no

issue standing up to her.

I later learned she deliberately

blocked doors during cleanup,

refusing to help because she said

she'd been told she wasn't needed.

A few days later, I posted sneak peeks

photos of my husband and me, my parents,

my bridesmaids, and one with his dad.

The next morning, another family member

sent my husband vicious messages saying

we shouldn't have invited them at all.

We had debated revoking their imitations,

but decided to give them one last chance.

So why is a family member sending

the husband mean things, saying

they shouldn't have been invited?

Are we talking about the mom and her?

Whatever family member is being awful.

Okay.

It's been a month since the wedding

and people are still telling me

new stories about their behavior.

Since those messages, we

haven't heard from them at all.

Okay.

I don't know who his

other family member is.

I'm guessing it's the one that

was like teaming up with the mom

being rude to the bridesmaid.

they were just saying, oh, we

shouldn't have been invited because

she didn't post pictures with them.

That's what I'm kind of getting from it.

This was longer than I intended,

but honestly it was cathartic.

There's so much more that's happened,

but those were the major highlights,

especially leading up to the wedding.

Here's hoping there's a lot less

contact by the time we try for kids.

I would say no contact.

I'm not a no contact person, obviously,

like I can only speak from my own

personal experience, I shouldn't

say I'm not a no contact person.

I believe if you and your gut are

fully uncomfortable or people seem

dangerous around you, or people are

constantly putting you down and you

don't be around them, no contact,

absolutely low or no contact.

What I meant is like, I'm not

always just telling people

like, no contact, no contact.

This story.

If you are bringing kids into the

mix, it's only gonna get worse.

It's gonna get 10 times worse

because people like this feel

like kids are not people.

They feel like they also

have more of a right to them

because it's their DNA, right?

So it's her son's DNA in this child.

So they feel like they have

more of a right to them.

I've heard so many horror

stories about grandparents.

Again, I'm very lucky that my in-laws

and my parents are not like this.

so I'm gonna keep reiterating like I'm

not speaking from personal experience.

But before this, before what I do

now, I worked for a mom and baby

company and I managed a Facebook

group of moms over 50,000 moms.

And I would hear wild stories of how

toxic in-laws or toxic parents would come

in and say things to their grandkids.

They would try to show

up at the, hospital room.

They would just be aggressive.

So think all these things,

but worse with kids.

so I would definitely get on

the same page with your husband.

It sounds like he is now, but early

on I'm like, why is he letting the

mom stay with you guys for a week?

What's going on here?

and get on the same page

about boundaries with kids.

Okay?

If we're gonna have kids, are we

gonna let people in the hospital room?

Are we gonna let visitors come

by the first couple weeks?

Are we gonna let your mom watch the baby?

I would say no.

and you need to follow some accounts

that are really good about showcasing

this and showcasing boundaries.

But, hey, it's Janelle

Marie is a really good one.

She talks about like toxic,

in-laws when you have kids and

like setting up those boundaries.

But one thing that she said, I'm

gonna butcher how she exactly said

it, but she said something about,

if you can't respect me as a person,

why should I allow my child near you?

Grandparents like that trying

to get rights to the kids.

And it's like, well if you're not

gonna respect me, their mother or

you talk badly about the mother,

you have no access to this child.

So hoping you guys are able to maybe

even get therapy though, the two

of you guys to kind of figure out

what boundaries you need to set.

But I can say from personally, someone

talking to me like this and acting

this way on my wedding day would have

very low, if not no contact with me.

' cause she just took all this joy.

She cannot stand that you are more

important to your husband than she is.

And so she was seeing what she

could do to take from that joy.

So the best thing to do.

Show her how happy you guys are.

Show that you pay no mind to her drama

and keep that contact low, but your

husband has to be on the same page

because if you say no contact, and then

he's still sneaking off and seeing her.

I don't know if he was, I'm not

trying to make stuff up, but

that can cause an issue, right?

So you need to be on the

same page, especially if you

want to have kids together.

Alright guys, that was a lot.

If there's updates, I'm gonna reach out

to her and see if there's any updates

and we can kind of talk more about that.

But you guys just, I cannot

say this enough, get on the

same page with your partner.

So many times I feel like it's hard

because when it is that person's parent,

they see them from a different viewpoint.

but it also helps when their spouse

or their partner is like, Hey,

they acted this way towards me.

They treated me this way because you

now need to stand up for your partner.

you chose to marry them, right?

So you need to.

Stand up for that partner

and set healthy boundaries.

If someone keeps crossing the line, we

don't have to invite them to the wedding.

she sounds very toxic, very hurtful.

and just kind of gross.

That's gross behavior.

That's all I have to say about that.

All right.

Lemme know what you guys

think in the comments.

here we go.

Now let's get into some weekly

confessions and then that's

all we got for you this week.

this was a long episode you guys, I kinda

lose track of when I started recording.

Okay.

Confessions, DIY confessions editions.

What went wrong?

What fell apart?

What do you wish you hired out instead?

I remember the years of DIY weddings.

I mean, I think they're still kind

of there, but I was a part of, and

I helped with a lot of DIY weddings.

Some were turned out great, some turned

out actually absolutely beautiful.

We were so exhausted by

the actual wedding day.

and you don't always save a lot of money.

You think you're gonna save a lot

of money, but you don't always.

Alright.

I did flowers for my brother.

They were beautiful, but

now I want to do more.

Oh, that's a good one.

I love that.

Hey, maybe you can start a side business.

Maybe you should do that.

If you enjoy doing flowers, so many

brides would hire out for that.

the flowers that I borrowed from a

friend, she, I think spent, I don't

know, we both were talking about like,

she got married six months before me.

Her quote was like four

or $5,000 per flowers.

My quote that I got was like three or

four, and I was like, I just can't.

Uh, flowers are not that important to me.

So she made these silk flowers.

She ordered silk flowers, and then she

made the bouquets and they were gorgeous.

I'll try sharing a picture on

social media at some point.

never thought I would do fake

flowers in a million years.

in fact, when my mom brought up

fake flowers, I rolled my eyes.

I rolled my eyes, and now I'm

eating my words because they turned

out great and I saved $4,000.

So you should start a business.

I let my sister be the dj.

Our first dance had a short

ad in the middle of the song.

Yeah.

I didn't know.

ads played in the middle of the song.

That's when it's worth, if

you're saving money on a dj,

at least pay for ad free music.

Our DJ was the worst.

He showed up an hour late and

didn't bring a microphone and

played music like the Thriller.

I don't even like Michael Jackson.

We should have just used a playlist.

yeah.

Was this actually a DJ or did you

just find someone like on Craigslist?

No offenses to Craigslist, DJs just

saying, yeah, let's make sure they're in

actual like business before hiring them.

I ended up looking like a zombie

on my wedding day due to stress.

This is what I was just talking about.

I've done a couple of DIY weddings

where it's like all hands on deck.

We're up super early in the

morning, super late at night.

I was a bridesmaid for a couple of them.

By the time the wedding comes, you

are just exhausted and you wanna be in

bed by 9:00 PM but it's not possible.

So that was one thing, like when

I got married, I was like, I

don't want my bridesmaid to feel

like they're working for me.

I want them to be up there

as like royalty, part of

the squad, So that's hard.

You kind of have a, do your checks and

balances of what's most important for you.

Okay.

last one made my own invitations.

And looking back it looked

hideous invitations.

There's such a span of invitations.

I know people that spent

thousands on invitations and I

was like, that's not my thing.

You can literally go to

Canva again, not sponsored.

You can go to Canva and there's

like pre-designed ones and you

can like change out names and

stuff and just get them printed.

I think I did, Zola, Zola.

You can order invitations through.

I did that.

They beautifully designed ones and

you just kinda like type it in.

And then I just moved stuff around.

You can save money invitations

and just do one of those.

You can do Zazzle for invitations.

I've done Zazzle for a lot of things.

yeah, you just have to like be really know

your strengths and know your talents and

then things that you're not the best at

either hire out, ask a friend for advice.

There's a lot of helpful things out there.

It's just a quick little Google search.

All right.

That's all we got for this week.

Thank you guys for hanging out with me.

I know this was a long episode,

but you guys love the drama.

I wanna know what your guys' take

is on the first story for sure.

I mean, just gimme your take

on everything, but especially

that first one with Bridezilla.

I wanna help this bride.

Is she being a bridezilla?

What things would you tone back?

What do you agree with?

What do you disagree with?

are her bridesmaids

being a little too much?

Are they being a little too picky?

Sharing the comments below.

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Hi guys, thanks so much for

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Bye now.