Hey guys.
Welcome back to another episode
of, Here Comes The Drama.
I'm your host, Christa Innis.
Thanks for being here.
If it's your first time, welcome, you
are in for a drama filled episode as
always, But this week we have two long
stories because we have our regular
follower submission at the very end.
But in the beginning we have a wedding
dilemma and typically those are shorter
segments where people just wanna
get some quick advice for something
that's going on right now with their
wedding planning or event planning.
but this one's a little bit
longer, but I decided it was a
good podcast story to take on.
you guys will see why, but I thought
it was a good one to discuss on here.
before we dive into that, our
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So we did a new year giveaway,
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I'm excited for what's to come
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that was kind of bad planning on my
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We've had an amazing year of
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So thank you guys so much for being here
with me and listening to the episode.
today I am drinking coffee
out of my wicked mug.
If you guys don't know, if you don't
follow me on socials or see my stories
on Instagram, I think I update stories
a little bit more on Instagram, but
you'll see me post about my mugs.
my husband got me this
for Christmas this year.
It's so cute.
If you're watching the video, you
can see it, but it's like wicked.
it's alpha on one side and
Glenda on the other as I splash.
Coffee in my eye.
Yeah.
okay.
Anyway, if I'm not waking up by
drinking this coffee, it'll surely
wake me up by splashing it in my eye.
Anyway, that was interesting.
Okay, let's get into the episode.
We're gonna start with the wedding
dilemma and the title of it.
If this doesn't pull you in,
I don't know what will is.
Am I being a bridezilla?
So I thought this was interesting.
I have not read through the whole thing.
I did a quick little glance and I
was like, Ooh, this is a podcast one.
Let's get into it.
Okay.
So this is a long dilemma, like I said.
So we're gonna dive into
some different parts of this.
I am gonna pause at certain parts
because I feel like if I wait
completely to the end to respond,
I'm gonna forget many of my points
and I'm gonna forget what happens.
So let's dive into this together.
All right.
She says.
so I need some advice on wedding planning.
I'm getting married in 2026.
I have three bridesmaids,
including my maid of honor.
My maid of honor is my sister.
Let's call her Anna Bridesmaid.
One is Sarah and bridesmaid two is Laura.
During the bridesmaids dinner, when
I asked the girls to be in my bridal
party, they immediately asked about
dresses and if I'd been looking yet.
I told them yes and showed them what
my maid of honor would be wearing.
I'll attach the photos later.
They said it was beautiful
and would look great on Anna.
Okay, so they liked the
maid of honor dress.
Then they asked what their dresses
would look like, so I showed them an
option for the bridesmaid dresses.
Sarah completely freaked out.
She told me the dress wasn't
beautiful, that it was ugly, and that
it would make her look like a nun.
She said she would feel uncomfortable in
it and wanted to keep looking, okay, I'm
gonna pause there before knowing anything.
I would never react in that way.
If, the bride came to me and
said, what's your opinion?
Do you like this dress?
I could be like, you know what?
It's not my favorite.
That's not my style.
I don't like blank about the
dress, but if it was me that said,
Hey, have you started looking?
And she showed me a dress and was like,
here, this is what I'm kind of thinking.
I'm not gonna be like, ugh I hate it.
That's disgusting.
I would look like a nun.
I'd feel blah, blah, blah.
And you need to keep looking like.
When you are agreeing to be a bridesmaid,
you have to agree to their vision, right?
Yes.
We don't want you to be uncomfortable.
You should wear something that
makes you feel comfortable.
you don't want like a super tight dress
where you can't walk in or you don't want
something that's gonna show cleavage if
you don't feel comfortable in that, right?
it's about what you are comfortable in.
Yes.
But ultimately you are agreeing
to fit the vision for the wedding.
So there's a little bit
of push and pull here.
okay, so she says two days later I
came up with two more dress options
and showed them to the bridesmaids.
So now that you're giving them options,
now you're kind of agreeing to let them
give their full opinion when you are a
bride and you're like, this is the option.
This is what we're doing.
They kind have less wiggle room.
if you're like, I haven't really
decided yet, so tell me what you like.
Then you're letting them
give their opinions.
Laura said she didn't love any
of the dresses, but she loved me
enough to wear them for the day.
She said it might not be her style, but
it's ultimately my wedding for the day.
That is the right response.
' cause let me tell you, I've
been in tons of weddings.
some I loved some, I absolutely
adored and loved some.
I was like, nah, I don't think there
were any at the time of wearing
them that I completely hated.
Looking back, I'm like,
whoa, what were we doing?
But it was probably more the style.
at the time of wearing them, I
don't think any of 'em I hated.
but again, it's what you kind of
agreed to as being a bridesmaid.
That being said, and I've talked
about this before too, I've been
in some weddings where the bride
had no clue what she wanted.
She didn't know the color or the style.
So we all went blindly to a shop
together and we kind of chose together.
was it always peaceful or
was it always unanimous?
No, many times it was picking
favorites or it was whoever's voice
was the loudest or it was voting.
Right.
Those are more tricky because
you're getting so many opinions.
And that's my one piece of advice I
would say to brides is before you talk
to your bridesmaids, have an idea of
what you want, the color, the general
style, maybe a couple places, because
when you don't have an idea and you
open it up to all these opinions, then
it looks like you're picking favorites.
Right.
And then you have to be the.
Mean person and say, no, no, no.
so that's my advice is before asking,
say, these are the dresses, right?
for me, and I've talked about this before,
so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself,
but for me, I knew I liked Birdy Grey.
Again, not sponsored, I've just
worn them for so many weddings.
I liked Birdy Grey.
I liked that you could order them online.
I liked that it was all
under a hundred dollars.
So I said, I like all the mauve versions.
I don't care if you get light
mauve, medium mauve, dark mauve,
there's even a patterned one.
I was like, any of those are fine.
Any style dress in the mauve family.
So I knew this before even
telling any of my bridesmaids.
now again, if one of my bridesmaids
came to me and said, ah, I hate
the color mauve, I, I don't
know what I would've done.
I guess it just depends on the situation.
it looked great on everyone.
And generally I think
everyone liked their dress.
So it gets tricky when you
kind of open people up to that.
Right.
Sarah, however, so this is bridesmaid
one said the dress was absolutely
hideous and that she would not wear it.
She insisted we needed to keep looking.
So now I have a problem with Sarah.
Okay.
I get, again, wanting to be comfortable
in a dress, but to go off the deep
end and say the dress is hideous.
We need to keep looking.
It's not your day girlfriend.
Like the bride has an idea.
She's now shown you
three different dresses.
I think you just need to say, like, suck
it up and say you're gonna, do it for her
wedding day because this is supposed to
be like one of her best friends, right.
After that dinner, Sarah called
both Laura and my sister Anna, and
tried to convince them that the
dress I chose wasn't a good option.
She wanted them to join her in
pushing me to keep looking and
convince me to change my mind.
So she realizes the other two are
easier to like get along with.
So she's like, okay, if I can
convince them to tell her,
then she'll change the dress.
Sorry that I keep touching
my hair if anyone's watching.
Someone commented once, like,
can you not touch your hair?
And I'm like, I wish.
I don't even realize
I'm doing it sometimes.
So sorry.
anyway, so I sat the girls
down and asked them what kind
of dress they were hoping for.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Now you're giving them full reins.
And maybe this is the type A, I don't
know if I was a Type A bride, I probably
was, I don't know, type A B, I think I was
B. I think I was a type B in some ways.
Now you're opening up all the opinions.
So like, doesn't matter what you say,
they're gonna tell you what they want.
I was asking what kind of dress they
were hoping for because the options I
chose were normal bridesmaid dresses.
Sarah told me she wanted a dress
where she could show more cleavage.
She wanted it short and tight, and if
it was long, she wanted it very tight.
Okay.
I have no issues with a tight dress.
Obviously it's up to the bride.
Right.
But you want it short and tight.
Typically, a bridesmaid dress
is gonna be floor length.
I've worn a lot of jumpsuits
in weddings, floor length.
even as a guest at a wedding, I'm
not wearing a super short dress.
I think maybe a couple
times I have shorter.
it just depends.
Everyone has their own, whatever
they're comfortable in, right?
But to specifically say the bride,
I want a short and tight dress.
I want my cleavage showing.
Do it outta your wedding.
She says, I've tried explaining to her,
my family is very conservative and I'm
trying to choose something that fits the
vibe and is appropriate for the wedding.
And I don't think there's
anything wrong with that.
I don't think there's anything
wrong with a short, tight dress.
again, when you are a bridesmaid
and you are agreeing to be a
bridesmaid in someone else's wedding,
you are fitting their vision.
You are fitting what they
want for the wedding, right?
You don't get to just pick a
short and tight dress for the club
because you wanna look hot up there.
everyone deserves to
look beautiful and great.
But again, we have to kind
of fit what we agreed.
We agreed to be in someone else's wedding.
It's not your wedding.
All right, fast forward to
planning the bachelorette party.
we started sending prices in the
group chat to make sure everyone
could afford the trip and the
activities we were discussing.
Everyone agreed the prices were
reasonable and we were planning to
have our money in by the deposit date.
I'm guessing for like
an Airbnb or something.
But Sarah waited until two weeks
before the deposit date was due to
tell me she wouldn't have her money
until the week before the trip.
She also expected me to cover her
cost, even though I'm the bride.
So this is a two part thing.
So she waited to say she didn't have
the money, or she wouldn't have it
until a week before, but then she
expected the bride to cover her cost.
So what does her not having the
money have anything to do with it?
If she thinks this whole time the
bride's gonna cover her cost, that's
where I'm kind of lost and confused.
This is something that has to be
established before all of this.
You need to make it clear.
' cause like I said, pretty much all
the bachelorette parties I've been
a part of, we pay for the bride.
All the girls split it, so we don't
want the bride to have to pay for
her own drinks or all this, but you
gotta talk to your people, right?
If it's just the four of them, that
can be pretty expensive, right?
Whereas if you have 10 girls
and you evenly split it, then
they're all not paying as much.
Right.
so I don't know if there's
other people there as well.
She said when I told her normally
everyone pays for their own way to the
bachelorette party and the bridesmaids
split the cost for the bride.
She flipped out.
Why is the bridesmaid just
finding out about this?
Because if she's never been in
a wedding before, I can't really
blame her for not knowing.
And again, this is gonna differ
for different friend groups.
For where you're located country-wise,
where in US or otherwise?
it's different.
My friend group, like when we even
go out for a birthday dinner, we're
not letting the birthday person
pay birthday person birthday girl.
We are splitting it.
The three friends that came,
we're gonna split their meal.
That's just how our friend group is.
We do a bachelorette party trip.
I've been on bachelorette party
trips where there's five girls.
I've been on bachelorette
parties where there's 30 girls.
get into that another time.
30 women I should say.
And that was probably my first, no,
that's why my second bachelorette party
and I planned the whole thing with two
other people and that was probably the
most stressful thing I ever planned.
but anyway, when you do that,
when you have different amounts
of people, it's going to differ.
But anyway, you need to let
people know all of those.
We always paid for the bride.
We split it all.
We did not want the bride paying
for drinks, how to get there.
any of that.
My own bachelorette party, I think I
was able to sneak in one round of drinks
for my friends, but other than that,
they took care of everything for me.
That again, you should never, as
the bride, you should never assume
that they're going to pay for you,
especially if you're flying somewhere.
Like you need to know
your friend's budgets.
when I went on these more
expensive bachelorette party
trips, I was already like, mm,
somewhere late twenties, somewhere.
Early thirties.
Yeah.
Late twenties, early thirties were
the more expensive ones where I
could afford a little bit more.
Right.
if I were in my early twenties,
I don't think I'd be able to
afford these longer trips.
So you really have to know your audience.
You have to know if they can afford
it, and we can't get mad at people
when they say they can't afford it.
She said she wouldn't be able to afford it
and that my wedding was costing her around
a thousand dollars, which wasn't fair.
Full stop before I keep going
and I know some people don't
like when I keep stopping, but
there's a lot to say about this.
That's a lot of money to a lot of people.
A thousand dollars to put
into a wedding is a lot.
And she is now communicating
to you, I can't afford this.
So it's our job at that point as
the bride to say, do we need to
tone back the bachelorette party?
Can I help cover some of her?
I don't think it's completely
like black and white.
I don't think it's like, well, she's a
bridesmaid so she has to pay her way.
I've talked about this before.
When I was a bridesmaid, I had a
couple bridesmaids reach out to
me, or it was a maid of honor.
I had a couple bridesmaids reach out to me
and say, I don't think I can afford this.
and it was a local one 'cause they
had other bachelorette parties,
they had other vacations planned
and I said, what can you afford?
I'll cover the rest.
I said, maybe don't
come one of the nights.
let me see what discount
I can get at the hotel.
So I tried as the maid of
honor to do other things.
Okay, so she says, what I wanna
point out is that I, the bride have
already purchased a lot for them,
including their wedding shoes, their
jewelry, the pajamas we get ready in.
All the bachelorette party
favors, all the decorations.
Okay?
This is where I'm gonna get, like think
I am a against the bride in this, You
purchasing bachelorette party decorations
and favors is not their problem.
That is a gift, Pajamas for them to
get ready in is not their problem.
That is also a gift.
I got gifts for my bridesmaids.
I would never be like, I did this
for you, so you owe me, you can
spend more money at my bachelorette
party because I did this for you.
No, those were gifts.
You don't need matching pajamas.
You don't need bachelorette party
favors and you don't need decorations.
Are they great?
Are they nice?
Yes.
Did I have 'em at mine?
Yes.
Did I have them at most of the
perpetual art parties I went to?
Yes, absolutely.
But it's not the bridesmaids
problem if you spent more Right?
That does not take away from the fact that
she is still spending around a thousand
dollars to be a a part of your wedding.
I absolutely don't think you
are the bridezilla, when it
comes to the dress situation.
So far what I've read, but this
part, if she's coming to you and
saying, I can't afford it, she
have waited until two weeks before?
Of course not.
But it seems like there's
some communication issue
between the two of you guys.
She didn't realize that she was
expected to cover her way, and also
that you were expecting all the
bridesmaids to chip in and pay for her.
So this needs to be established.
She said, I'm also basically planning
my own bachelorette party because
my maid of honor lives in Miami and
won't be there for the first night.
During all of this, Sarah and Laura
also texted in the bachelorette group
chat that they wanted to go skydiving,
which would be $359 per person.
Okay.
I might have to take back some of what
I said, but at the same time, they
didn't have enough money to pay for
the trip deposit on time, so now wait.
So they both didn't have enough money,
and they said they couldn't even put
aside $10 for one of my meals because
the stress is becoming so overwhelming.
I eventually stopped bringing up the
bachelorette party bridesmaids dresses
and other wedding related details.
Here's the thing, if I was hearing
from multiple people in my wedding
party, they couldn't afford the
deposit or they couldn't afford
certain things, I would tone it back.
I don't know if they're flying anywhere.
I don't know if they're renting a house,
but it sounds like, okay, maid of honor
can't make it there the first night.
Maybe we just take out the first night.
Maybe we make it two nights instead
of three or whatever they're doing.
Right.
Maybe we take out something, let's work
together to see how we can make it work.
I am typically, the bride is not
involved in planning, but it sounds
like, I'm not hearing any of their
names or any of their bridesmaids.
So it sounds like it's
just the four of them.
So I get why she's very involved.
but there's again, a lot of communication.
it's hard.
it's like we have to remember when
people are going to our bachelorette,
they're also taking off vacation days.
They're taking time away
from their families.
They're spending money away, so they also
are gonna wanna do things they enjoy.
This is where I think.
Bridesmaids plan away from the
bride and then they surprise you.
But we also need to, work
together on the budget.
Okay, guys, this is still going.
there's a lot.
There's a lot going on.
So I'm saying like this is the longest
dilemma, but I feel like it was one
that really needed to be discussed.
Okay.
Later hair and makeup came up.
The bridesmaids asked if I was
going to pay for them to get
their hair and makeup done.
I told them no.
If they would like to hire the
makeup artist, they are welcome
to pay for it themselves, but
I won't be paying for everyone.
I told them I want the bridesmaids
to have minimal makeup and curled
hair while I, the bride will have
more extravagant makeup and hair.
When I explained this to Sarah,
she told me she wanted to do her
own hair however she wanted, and
wear her makeup however she wanted.
I understand.
Wanting to feel comfortable and I'm.
Really not trying to be selfish, but
at the same time, it's my wedding.
All right?
I need a sip of coffee for this one.
I'm not gonna lie in reading this
alone, I kept moving side to side of
like whose side or whose team I was on.
Okay?
First and foremost, if you are not
requiring hair and makeup to be done, you
do not have to pay for it as the bride.
this is my own personal take.
You do not need to pay for it.
If you are saying everyone needs
their hair and makeup done,
you should be paying for it.
I recommend brides, even if they're
not gonna be paying for everyone
to get their hair and makeup done.
Reach out to all your brides and
bridesmaids and groomsmen, whoever would
want hair and makeup, whatever parents.
See who all wants it.
Done.
If you have a good chunk of people
that want it done, you should hire
a makeup artist and a hair person.
That's not saying you're paying
for it, but that's saying you
have someone there on site.
if you're not requiring it and no one
wants to pay for it, then they should be
able to do it themselves how they want to.
if you are telling them a certain
way to do their hair and their
makeup, you should be paying for it.
I don't know.
Is that a hot take?
Because now you're telling them that
they have to either tone it down or
tone it up from what they normally do.
Maybe they don't know how to curl
their hair, so they need someone hired.
So you're telling them You
want it a specific way.
So I think in that case in point,
you should probably pay for it.
Sarah is saying, I'm willing to do
my hair and makeup, but I wanna do
it how I'm comfortable doing it.
I'm sorry, I'm with Sarah in this moment.
If I'm a part of a wedding and
I'm being told, Hey, you have to
do your hair this way and your
makeup this way, I'll try my best.
Sure.
I'm not gonna be like rude about
it, but, everyone has their own like
talents and how they're comfortable
with doing hair and makeup, so I kind
of go back and forth on this one.
I don't think you're being a
bridezilla of course, but I don't
think we can control too much about
how people do their hair and makeup.
You can say like, oh, I don't
want bright red lipstick.
Sure.
but to say minimal makeup.
Then you get extravagant.
it's kinda lost on me.
' cause I think you should want your
bridesmaid to look just as beautiful.
Have them do full glam if they want,
have them do their hair how they want.
It's not like she's, I mean, maybe she is,
but it's not like she's trying to like do
space buns with like, glitter all over it.
I mean, I'm sure, hopefully
not, but unless that's her vibe.
so I get having some, hey, like, I
really want everyone to do an updo.
Sure.
I really want everyone to do loose curls.
Okay, sure.
But when you get too specific about
what everyone should look like,
that's when I gets kind of lost on me.
Okay.
Next one.
This is the last little issue.
About a week later, the dress
conversation came back up again.
Sarah told me her budget for the dress
and her daughter's dress is $200 total.
I guess her daughter's in the
wedding or coming to the wedding.
This is the first I'm
hearing of the daughter.
Her daughter's dress is $35,
meaning the remaining budget for
her own dress would be around 165.
The dress I found for her is $90.
She told me it was too expensive, so I
showed her another option for 65, but
she said there was quote, no way in hell
she would wear that dress to my wedding
because it would make her uncomfortable.
So I'm guessing that was the first one.
Sarah has been my best friend
for seven years, but at this
point I don't know what to do.
Wouldn't a best friend be willing
to wear a dress for six hours for my
wedding, even if it's not their favorite
style Or am I being extra and selfish?
Also, am I being selfish about
the hair and makeup expectations?
Is that me being too controlling?
it's not that I'm worried she's
going to take the spotlight, but
Sarah likes being the center of
attention and the day isn't about her.
Do I sound selfish?
Am I being a bridezilla?
All right.
So obviously I've shared my
points throughout this, but let
me do the dress budget thing.
this is gonna depend if Sarah's daughter
is in the wedding as the bride, I would
be paying for the daughter's dress.
We paid for any of the kids that were
in our wedding, we paid for them.
if not, I mean, you can say your
budget is a certain amount, but
if like you wanna stick a little
bit lower, that's her own choice.
Right.
Okay.
So let me ask, answer your questions.
Wouldn't a best friend be willing to wear
a dress for six hours for my wedding,
even if it's not their favorite style?
Yes, absolutely.
You are not being extra
or selfish about that.
I think you need to tell 'em
straight up, this is the dress
I chose, wear it or don't.
I don't know.
I would wear it for my best friends.
They could tell me to put on a
brown paper bag and I would wear
it, because it's their day, right?
So, I don't know.
I do not think you're being extra
selfish or bridezilla for that.
Am I being selfish about the
hair and makeup expectations?
Is that me being too controlling?
I would say yes a little bit.
I think you are being a little
too controlling about that.
Like I said, if you are hiring a makeup
artist and paying for it, then you can
control how the hair and makeup is done.
If you are hiring a makeup artist and they
are paying for it, or they are doing it
themselves, you gotta just let them do it.
That is my own personal opinion.
someone else may have a different
one, but I think you've gotta let
them do what they're gonna do.
You can again, give
guidelines, but that's it.
she says, it's not that I'm worried
she's gonna take the spotlight, but Sarah
lives being the center of attention.
Here is my problem about that statement.
You already see an issue here.
Why are we worried our friend is
going to take attention away from us?
It says, I'm not worried, but she
likes being the center of attention.
No matter how she gets her hair
and makeup done, she will not
be the center of attention.
And that's not gonna add to it.
Someone trying to be the center
of attention is gonna be louder
or, move around a certain way.
I don't know.
Right?
Trying to take away from you.
And if you're worried about that, she's
probably already not a good friend to you.
' cause most friends are
gonna wanna lift you up.
Either supporting you,
help you in any way, right?
allowing her to do her hair and
makeup, how she wants it to.
Giving her full glam how she wants it to,
that's not going to take away from you.
Everyone's gonna know you're the bride.
So I would say pull back the
reins a little bit on that.
Let them do what they want, but
be more firm with the dresses.
Say the next time the dresses
come up, say, okay, you know
what, gimme a week guys.
I'm gonna finalize it and
then I will let you know what
dress we need to order, okay?
and just be clear on that.
Now, I think the wedding is coming
up pretty soon, so if you haven't
already ordered the dresses, you're
probably gonna wanna order them soon.
I will message you that, because by
the time this comes out, it might
be a little bit closer to the date.
I think it's gonna come out
a month from recording this.
So I'm gonna let you
know my points directly.
I would be very clear, all
right, I looked over all these
dresses, this is what I decided.
Because right now you're giving
them too many options and you're
allowing them to give their opinions.
So if you don't want them to give their
opinions, tell them this is the option.
here's the website you can choose
from A, B, or C. By next week.
Let me know what you picked.
If by next week they haven't picked
the dress, or they haven't ordered
the dress, you say like, Hey, we
need to order it by this date.
Do you still wanna be
a part of this wedding?
then let them know.
And for anyone listening now, that
is like in these beginning stages of
planning their wedding, communication,
communication, communication.
In the very beginning when you ask
to be a part of the wedding, tell
them what the expectations are.
Say hi.
Just letting you guys know.
we are gonna have a bachelorette party.
Typically, that means
like bridesmaids cover it.
Please let me know your budget.
we can talk about it, at a later date,
but I just wanna make sure like you
guys know, this is the expectation.
It's really important to be clear.
especially when friends are from different
groups, they might all do it differently,
and I don't think it should ever be
an expectation without communicating
that they're gonna pay for you.
For me personally, it was more important
that a certain friend could make it to
my bachelorette party or to my wedding
than being able to afford something.
So if someone came to me and they were
like, I can't afford to get my dress,
I'd be like, well, Can I pay for it?
How can I help?
And again, your gifts that you got, the
bridesmaids as extra or the bachelorette
party decorations or gift bags.
Has nothing to do with
their own personal budget.
That's something extra that you
wanted to give them as a gift.
So that has to remain as a gift.
That's not a string attached.
All right.
I hope that helps.
I know that was a lot, but I really
hope that helps and I hope you guys
have an amazing rest of your wedding
experience and wedding planning.
And, I'll be sure to reach out my direct
comments to you, she did send me pictures
of the dresses, but for her own privacy,
I'm not gonna share them on here because
I don't want her, bridesmaids to know.
but yeah, that's my own personal take.
I mean, looking at the dresses myself,
I think they look, yeah, maybe they're
a little more conservative, but I
don't see anything wrong with them.
I think they're perfectly
acceptable and beautiful dresses.
and.
I take that back.
No, they're gorgeous dresses.
I would absolutely wear
these as a bridesmaid.
the first one looks a little
more conservative, but I
think it's still gorgeous.
It's very cute.
It's without showing the picture.
It's like an off the shoulder.
sure it's up a little higher, but
it's off the shoulder, which is sexy.
and it's a perfectly good length.
It's like a little longer.
The other one is off the
shoulder and shows a little leg.
So totally sexy.
Totally a cute dress.
I think I would wear it.
So there's that.
Again, I'm not the end all be all when
it comes to, Opinions and dresses.
That's just my own personal opinion.
All right, guys, that was
just the wedding dilemma.
We've still got a lot
more drama to dive into.
All right.
Again, if you have a wedding 911 or
a wedding dilemma you want me to,
talk about on the podcast, which I
do these on my solo episodes, you can
email me at hello@christainnis.com.
Use the subject line wedding 911.
All right.
Before we get to this week's
line reaction, we're gonna
do a little would you rather,
all right.
Would you rather a relative live
stream, your ceremony or post
unapproved photos immediately?
as long as it's after the ceremony.
I would say post unapproved photos.
I don't need to approve
every photo livestream.
The ceremony feels a little invasive
to me because if you weren't invited to
be a part of the ceremony, I don't want
everybody seeing that, and I don't know
where that is or that is on Facebook.
Do people live stream
weddings on Facebook?
No.
No, thank you.
would you rather be guilt tripped
into inviting someone or deal with
the fallout for not inviting them?
Deal with the fallout if they were not
on my original list to invite, that's
because they weren't close enough to me.
Oh.
I will say a couple years later, I
do have some regrets of people I did
not invite, but no one ever guilt
tripped me for inviting them or not.
I just thought about it later
and I was like, I kinda wish
I would've invited them.
But what can you now, okay.
Would you rather have an empty dance
floor or dance floor chaos with injuries?
Ooh, what kind of injuries
are we talking about?
I hate an empty dance floor.
I despise an empty dance floor.
Why have a dance floor if no one is on it?
The best weddings I've ever been to
is when there's a packed dance floor.
Maybe some people fall.
I don't know.
We got heels on, so that's
why you take 'em off.
I'm gonna say injuries, praying
and hoping they are minor injuries.
Like maybe someone just falls in
their butt and they have to like sit
down and sit out for a little bit.
Empty dance floor.
No thank you.
I don't wanna be to an event where
there's an empty dance floor.
when my husband and I went to our first
wedding together, I knew he was the one
because no, this is just me being, funny.
my family, when we were at
weddings, we were all on the
dance floor all night long.
You can see my mom, my parents
are on the dance floor.
my cousin, like we aunts and uncles,
we are all on the dance floor.
So, when I went to the first
wedding with my husband and his
family, they were the same way.
I was like, yes, I have a fun.
Fun in-law, like family to go
into at that point we'd only been
dating like six months, so I wasn't
thinking about weddings yet, but,
you need a crowded dance floor.
Anyway, that was a long side story.
Would you rather seat exes together
or seat feuding relatives together?
This sounds like a familiar
one I did before, but whatever.
I think I'd rather seat exes together
because I think in general, and this
might be just my own perspective,
i think relatives that are feuding
goes a little bit deeper, right?
That's gonna hurt a little bit more.
Someone knows how to get under their skin.
Exes.
I think it goes one of two ways.
They either know how to completely
ignore each other at that
point 'cause they're just done.
or they can just like banter and
just be like, you're an idiot.
I don't know.
Or if you read enough romance, comedy,
romantic comedy books, maybe they'll
just vibe that night and have like a
little, little fling for the night.
Okay.
Would you rather a guest bring someone
you hate or not show up at all?
Not show up at all.
I don't want someone I hate at my wedding.
Would you rather have people RUP yes
and not show or RUP no and show up?
Professionally speaking, I
would say yes and not show up.
But as a bride, if it's someone I invited
that I was like kind of bummed that they
weren't coming and then they just showed
up, I'd be like, oh my God, you're here.
What a nice surprise.
After the fact, after we eat
dinner and stuff, would you rather
cut decor or cut the open bar?
Cut decor.
We need the open bar.
Thank you.
Would you rather go cheap on
flowers or go cheap on food?
Cheap on flowers.
I used a friend's, I don't know,
silk flowers and they looked great.
I would not go cheap on food,
but we did go cheap or on food.
I did not do a full plated thing
that was like $200 a plate.
We did a taco buffet, taco bar, and
then we had late night snack of pizza.
Yes, and I got married in my thirties.
All right, here we go guys.
Who is ready?
Holy macaroni.
This let's get comfortable guys.
Pour a glass of wine, get a cup of
coffee, whatever time of day it is.
Whatever you drink,
buckle your seat belts.
Let's dive in.
Let me start by saying that overall
the wedding was absolutely beautiful,
truly something out of a storybook.
I had an incredible support
system that worked hard to keep
almost all the chaos away from my
husband and me on the day itself.
We started dating about five years ago,
and the very first time I met his mother,
just one month into our relationship, she
talked extensively about her pregnancy
and about me eventually carrying his kids.
Whoa.
One month in I'd be like, okay,
it's a little, a little much.
That would've scared me away.
It was a strange thing to say
to someone you've just met,
but it didn't stop from there.
She continued to bring it up every
chance she got when we decided
to move in together, she invited
herself to stay with us for a week.
How, how does that happen a week?
Who is not talking to her?
Your husband is not telling
her, no mom, this is ridiculous.
Get out.
How does that happen?
That week caused so much chaos
between my husband and me.
That was their first place living
together and she ruined it.
Your first week living together is
like so exciting, but also scary
'cause you're like, okay, am I
gonna learn these weird habits?
Are we gonna like mesh well?
And then you're like, this is like
a fun, well at least for me it
was, it was like a fun sleepover.
I'm like, oh my gosh,
we never have to leave.
Oh my gosh, this is so fun.
imagine if their mom was there.
That would kill the vibe.
Okay.
Why did he say no?
I have so many questions.
I ended up breaking down crying in a
target parking lot because of her antics.
Later that same evening, she
had him crawling inside a trash
compactor and refused to let us
back into the car until he did it.
What?
For the next three years, it was
an exhausting and toxic cycle.
She terrorized my husband,
my family, and me.
Eventually we bought our home and
decided to host Thanksgiving instead
of splitting the holidays among
four sets of divorced parents.
Both of our parents are divorced,
but only mine get along something his
mother despises and frequently comments
on because she can't do it herself.
Oh my gosh.
I still have so many questions
about that first week of her just
moving in and welcoming herself.
Why did your husband not say anything?
I'm just very like my space kind of thing.
So like when I invite people,
I want more the merrier.
I love combining friends and groups.
Like just all come one, come on and
come all, but don't show up unannounced.
And don't expect you can like,
make, stay and don't extend that.
Stay.
Like if you ask me, I'm like, yeah,
I'm more than willing to help.
But when I read stuff like that,
I'm like, oh my gosh, it's terrible.
The first Thanksgiving was
manageable despite a few fits.
A year later, we decided to host again.
This time we were engaged.
The FaceTime call to tell her
about the engagement was memorable.
So was the mom not at.
Oh, she was saying she
FaceTimed before this.
Okay.
She spent the entire call showing us the
shoes she had picked out for the wedding,
and repeatedly saying that she was the
first to know he was going to propose.
In reality, I was with him when we picked
out and bought the ring and he called my
parents first to ask for their permission,
then his dad and finally his mom to let
her know he was planning to propose.
He proposed in May and by Thanksgiving
we already had the venue dress
photographer and possibly catering booked.
You go girl.
When Thanksgiving rolled around, she
arrived in a foul mood, furious that my
parents were already there and complaining
that she wanted alone time with us.
We had explicitly told her a month prior
that Thanksgiving would be a family
affair, and that if she wanted alone time,
she should come by after the holiday.
Completely respectable.
Completely normal.
But She has a huge fear of missing
out and insisted on coming anyway,
and then demanded alone time.
Once she arrived to accommodate
her, I took my parents to visit the
wedding venue the next day so she
could spend alone time with her son.
Despite this, she spent the entire week
throwing tantrums, so she stayed with
them again a week for Thanksgiving.
What's going on here?
On Thanksgiving Day, she packed
her bags and threatened to leave.
The following day, she attacked my
mother so badly that my parents ended
up getting in their car and leaving
Once my parents were gone, we sat down
and had a long conversation agreeing
to a clean slate and a fresh start.
Ooh.
Despite finally having alone time,
she claimed to want to move her
flight up an entire day and left early
after that, unless we reached out.
There was complete radio silence
until her husband went to the
hospital and had his leg amputated.
Wow.
Okay.
We flew out as soon as we could,
but by then he was in hospice
and she was actively planning his
funeral while sitting beside him.
Wait, I wanna pause for a
second before I get into that.
Why was she so mad about Thanksgiving?
They said it was a family thing,
but she wanted alone time, but she
refused to come early or stay late,
so then she wanted to leave early.
I think I'm missing something here.
Okay.
Back at the hospital.
Now while we were there, so my husband
could say goodbye to his stepfather,
who played a huge role in his life.
She brought friends into the room
to question us about the wedding.
What now is the time when
her husband is dying?
She brings friends to question
you about your wedding.
We repeatedly told them this wasn't the
time or the place, but they wouldn't stop.
Who are these people she hired?
Because I don't believe this woman
has friends that would do this.
I mean, maybe, I don't know,
but that's just so odd to me.
He passed later that week and
the funeral was scheduled for
a month later at the service.
Countless people, many of whom my
husband didn't even know, came up
to congratulate us and said they
couldn't wait to attend the wedding.
What you do this like create a
bulletin board or post it on Facebook
and tell all her friends the date.
This is wild.
She also invited his ex-girlfriend
and her now husband to the funeral
and spent most of her time with them.
I thought she was gonna say she
invited the ex-girlfriend to the
wedding, but still, despite previously
insisting they hadn't spoken in years.
That's weird for the ex-girlfriend.
Why are you showing up?
Like it's good to pay your respects
but also like maybe you can just like
send a card to the mail, send flowers.
I don't know.
We later found out they'd also been
visiting the hospice, but only when we
weren't there at the lunch afterward.
It was just us, his mother, his
step sibling, and their spouse.
his mother used that moment to ask
my husband if she was still the
most important woman in his life.
No.
Why are we doing this?
why are we doing this?
Do you feel like there's
a competition between your
son's fiance, Lord have mercy.
You are in two different brackets,
not even in the same field.
Why?
When he said no, that I was,
she launched into attacking him.
Don't we want our kids to be happy?
This is just like mind blowing to me.
When he told her it wasn't the
time or the place she turned on me.
I told her the same thing.
This wasn't appropriate.
We had already addressed things before and
she was the one continuing the behavior.
We got up and left.
Good for you.
That's setting a boundary saying I'm not
gonna entertain this tantrum right now.
Five months later, wedding week arrived.
Oh my gosh.
Or just already wedding week.
I don't know if I could invite someone
like that, but again, I've never been
in a position where I had a toxic parent
or in-law like that, throws tantrums
and asks their son if they're the most
important woman still in their life.
Her dress had already been a battle.
She chose every color
except the one we asked for.
So she would match the family even after
being told she stand out negatively.
She ultimately chose a dress
nearly identical to my bridesmaid.
See, and again, I don't
think there's a problem.
I don't think most parents of the
brighter groom would do that if
you get along with them, if they
have a similar color or style.
I don't think that's a problem, but
you can tell she probably did it.
As a way to be like, look at me.
I'm in the wedding party.
She and another family member spent the
three days leading up to the wedding,
calling and harassing my husband.
why are they be invited still?
I would have security out front.
Have you seen this woman?
She's not allowed in here demanding
alone time and more involvement.
Why does she need to demand alone time?
If you need to demand alone time
with anybody, you're not, as
important to them as you think.
You don't have to demand alone time.
We had already offered them the rehearsal
dinner at a sendoff brunch, but they
complained they couldn't afford it.
We canceled the brunch and
his father stepped in to plan
and pay for the rehearsal.
At the rehearsal, they harassed
my bridesmaid by repeatedly asking
which groomsmen had been inside her.
What?
This is so inappropriate.
This mom seems like a creep.
I'm sorry.
That is so weird to me.
And we're saying they, so it's
her and another family member.
Who is this other family member?
Is it a sister?
Is it a uncle, a brother, a cousin.
Like this is so weird and pestering her.
Pestering the bridesmaid about
who she should go home with.
It got so bad she moved tables, but
they followed her and continued I'd be
kicking 'em out during my father-in-law's
speech interruptions and shouting
continued because they were upset.
Certain people weren't mentioned.
That's at the rehearsal Dinner.
Lord have mercy.
On the wedding day, she asked his
family to arrive when the chapel
opened and reserved front row seats.
So they're there hours early
putting their coats down.
This is my seat.
It's reserved.
His mother threw a fit when the
usher offered to show her to her
seat, shouting that she wasn't
being allowed to see her son.
My mother stepped in, calmly to
explain things, but his mother
complained about sitting near her
ex and demanded a different row.
Come on, if you can't sit for 30 minutes
during a ceremony, you shouldn't be there.
When my husband went to greet her
before returning to get ready, she
followed him into the groom suite
and slammed the barn door so hard.
She broke the shelves next to it.
I was supposed to be escorted into
that suite for lineup, but when the
door opened, she was standing there.
I immediately turned around and
went back to my room as I would too.
This is insane.
Holy cow.
This is a grown toddler.
This is what happens when
people aren't told no.
When they're kids, they become
entitled, rude and mean adults
that don't understand boundaries.
This is it.
This is wild.
The ceremony itself was beautiful.
During family photos, she repeatedly
pulled my husband, wait, I wanna stop.
The ceremony itself was beautiful.
Okay.
I'm glad she was able to like,
hold her shit for a minute
and not do anything wild.
so we're gonna pause on that.
I'm really glad she, the bride in the
groom were able to have a beautiful
ceremony and enjoy themselves.
All right, back to the drama.
During family photos, she
repeatedly pulled my husband away
from me, and the photographer
had to stop her multiple times.
She also followed the other family
members demanding to be included in
their photos and made an extremely
inappropriate comment to one of them.
where's the line?
Because it's been crossed so many times.
It's gotta be like, we're at 20 times now.
at what point do we kick
someone out like this?
this is literally just a
energy sucker like this.
She's a vampire.
She's literally just taking all the
positive vibes and energy outta the room.
I feel so bad for couples that
get married with someone like this
because they're quite literally
taking all the joy outta the day.
Like, I'm glad they had their
beautiful ceremony, but this woman
is exhausting to just read about.
I can't even imagine having to witness her
in person complaining about everything,
making everything about herself.
Nothing is good enough.
she's competing with the new wife.
Like, come on.
throughout the reception, she shot us
dirty looks and interrogated guests
about why they were invited when we
were leaving, she approached me not to
apologize, but to discuss gift logistics.
Gift logistics.
What does that mean?
I told her it was a tomorrow
problem and walked away.
Early in our relationship,
I had no backbone.
That changed after she attacked my mother.
Since then, I had no
issue standing up to her.
I later learned she deliberately
blocked doors during cleanup,
refusing to help because she said
she'd been told she wasn't needed.
A few days later, I posted sneak peeks
photos of my husband and me, my parents,
my bridesmaids, and one with his dad.
The next morning, another family member
sent my husband vicious messages saying
we shouldn't have invited them at all.
We had debated revoking their imitations,
but decided to give them one last chance.
So why is a family member sending
the husband mean things, saying
they shouldn't have been invited?
Are we talking about the mom and her?
Whatever family member is being awful.
Okay.
It's been a month since the wedding
and people are still telling me
new stories about their behavior.
Since those messages, we
haven't heard from them at all.
Okay.
I don't know who his
other family member is.
I'm guessing it's the one that
was like teaming up with the mom
being rude to the bridesmaid.
they were just saying, oh, we
shouldn't have been invited because
she didn't post pictures with them.
That's what I'm kind of getting from it.
This was longer than I intended,
but honestly it was cathartic.
There's so much more that's happened,
but those were the major highlights,
especially leading up to the wedding.
Here's hoping there's a lot less
contact by the time we try for kids.
I would say no contact.
I'm not a no contact person, obviously,
like I can only speak from my own
personal experience, I shouldn't
say I'm not a no contact person.
I believe if you and your gut are
fully uncomfortable or people seem
dangerous around you, or people are
constantly putting you down and you
don't be around them, no contact,
absolutely low or no contact.
What I meant is like, I'm not
always just telling people
like, no contact, no contact.
This story.
If you are bringing kids into the
mix, it's only gonna get worse.
It's gonna get 10 times worse
because people like this feel
like kids are not people.
They feel like they also
have more of a right to them
because it's their DNA, right?
So it's her son's DNA in this child.
So they feel like they have
more of a right to them.
I've heard so many horror
stories about grandparents.
Again, I'm very lucky that my in-laws
and my parents are not like this.
so I'm gonna keep reiterating like I'm
not speaking from personal experience.
But before this, before what I do
now, I worked for a mom and baby
company and I managed a Facebook
group of moms over 50,000 moms.
And I would hear wild stories of how
toxic in-laws or toxic parents would come
in and say things to their grandkids.
They would try to show
up at the, hospital room.
They would just be aggressive.
So think all these things,
but worse with kids.
so I would definitely get on
the same page with your husband.
It sounds like he is now, but early
on I'm like, why is he letting the
mom stay with you guys for a week?
What's going on here?
and get on the same page
about boundaries with kids.
Okay?
If we're gonna have kids, are we
gonna let people in the hospital room?
Are we gonna let visitors come
by the first couple weeks?
Are we gonna let your mom watch the baby?
I would say no.
and you need to follow some accounts
that are really good about showcasing
this and showcasing boundaries.
But, hey, it's Janelle
Marie is a really good one.
She talks about like toxic,
in-laws when you have kids and
like setting up those boundaries.
But one thing that she said, I'm
gonna butcher how she exactly said
it, but she said something about,
if you can't respect me as a person,
why should I allow my child near you?
Grandparents like that trying
to get rights to the kids.
And it's like, well if you're not
gonna respect me, their mother or
you talk badly about the mother,
you have no access to this child.
So hoping you guys are able to maybe
even get therapy though, the two
of you guys to kind of figure out
what boundaries you need to set.
But I can say from personally, someone
talking to me like this and acting
this way on my wedding day would have
very low, if not no contact with me.
' cause she just took all this joy.
She cannot stand that you are more
important to your husband than she is.
And so she was seeing what she
could do to take from that joy.
So the best thing to do.
Show her how happy you guys are.
Show that you pay no mind to her drama
and keep that contact low, but your
husband has to be on the same page
because if you say no contact, and then
he's still sneaking off and seeing her.
I don't know if he was, I'm not
trying to make stuff up, but
that can cause an issue, right?
So you need to be on the
same page, especially if you
want to have kids together.
Alright guys, that was a lot.
If there's updates, I'm gonna reach out
to her and see if there's any updates
and we can kind of talk more about that.
But you guys just, I cannot
say this enough, get on the
same page with your partner.
So many times I feel like it's hard
because when it is that person's parent,
they see them from a different viewpoint.
but it also helps when their spouse
or their partner is like, Hey,
they acted this way towards me.
They treated me this way because you
now need to stand up for your partner.
you chose to marry them, right?
So you need to.
Stand up for that partner
and set healthy boundaries.
If someone keeps crossing the line, we
don't have to invite them to the wedding.
she sounds very toxic, very hurtful.
and just kind of gross.
That's gross behavior.
That's all I have to say about that.
All right.
Lemme know what you guys
think in the comments.
here we go.
Now let's get into some weekly
confessions and then that's
all we got for you this week.
this was a long episode you guys, I kinda
lose track of when I started recording.
Okay.
Confessions, DIY confessions editions.
What went wrong?
What fell apart?
What do you wish you hired out instead?
I remember the years of DIY weddings.
I mean, I think they're still kind
of there, but I was a part of, and
I helped with a lot of DIY weddings.
Some were turned out great, some turned
out actually absolutely beautiful.
We were so exhausted by
the actual wedding day.
and you don't always save a lot of money.
You think you're gonna save a lot
of money, but you don't always.
Alright.
I did flowers for my brother.
They were beautiful, but
now I want to do more.
Oh, that's a good one.
I love that.
Hey, maybe you can start a side business.
Maybe you should do that.
If you enjoy doing flowers, so many
brides would hire out for that.
the flowers that I borrowed from a
friend, she, I think spent, I don't
know, we both were talking about like,
she got married six months before me.
Her quote was like four
or $5,000 per flowers.
My quote that I got was like three or
four, and I was like, I just can't.
Uh, flowers are not that important to me.
So she made these silk flowers.
She ordered silk flowers, and then she
made the bouquets and they were gorgeous.
I'll try sharing a picture on
social media at some point.
never thought I would do fake
flowers in a million years.
in fact, when my mom brought up
fake flowers, I rolled my eyes.
I rolled my eyes, and now I'm
eating my words because they turned
out great and I saved $4,000.
So you should start a business.
I let my sister be the dj.
Our first dance had a short
ad in the middle of the song.
Yeah.
I didn't know.
ads played in the middle of the song.
That's when it's worth, if
you're saving money on a dj,
at least pay for ad free music.
Our DJ was the worst.
He showed up an hour late and
didn't bring a microphone and
played music like the Thriller.
I don't even like Michael Jackson.
We should have just used a playlist.
yeah.
Was this actually a DJ or did you
just find someone like on Craigslist?
No offenses to Craigslist, DJs just
saying, yeah, let's make sure they're in
actual like business before hiring them.
I ended up looking like a zombie
on my wedding day due to stress.
This is what I was just talking about.
I've done a couple of DIY weddings
where it's like all hands on deck.
We're up super early in the
morning, super late at night.
I was a bridesmaid for a couple of them.
By the time the wedding comes, you
are just exhausted and you wanna be in
bed by 9:00 PM but it's not possible.
So that was one thing, like when
I got married, I was like, I
don't want my bridesmaid to feel
like they're working for me.
I want them to be up there
as like royalty, part of
the squad, So that's hard.
You kind of have a, do your checks and
balances of what's most important for you.
Okay.
last one made my own invitations.
And looking back it looked
hideous invitations.
There's such a span of invitations.
I know people that spent
thousands on invitations and I
was like, that's not my thing.
You can literally go to
Canva again, not sponsored.
You can go to Canva and there's
like pre-designed ones and you
can like change out names and
stuff and just get them printed.
I think I did, Zola, Zola.
You can order invitations through.
I did that.
They beautifully designed ones and
you just kinda like type it in.
And then I just moved stuff around.
You can save money invitations
and just do one of those.
You can do Zazzle for invitations.
I've done Zazzle for a lot of things.
yeah, you just have to like be really know
your strengths and know your talents and
then things that you're not the best at
either hire out, ask a friend for advice.
There's a lot of helpful things out there.
It's just a quick little Google search.
All right.
That's all we got for this week.
Thank you guys for hanging out with me.
I know this was a long episode,
but you guys love the drama.
I wanna know what your guys' take
is on the first story for sure.
I mean, just gimme your take
on everything, but especially
that first one with Bridezilla.
I wanna help this bride.
Is she being a bridezilla?
What things would you tone back?
What do you agree with?
What do you disagree with?
are her bridesmaids
being a little too much?
Are they being a little too picky?
Sharing the comments below.
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Hi guys, thanks so much for
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Bye now.