1 00:00:00,134 --> 00:00:02,384 All right, so it's been a minute since 2 00:00:02,384 --> 00:00:04,784 I have put anything out, just me by 3 00:00:04,784 --> 00:00:08,834 myself, and I wanted to do this in 2026. 4 00:00:09,128 --> 00:00:10,373 For a multitude of reasons. 5 00:00:10,373 --> 00:00:12,497 I wanted to start a podcast where 6 00:00:12,497 --> 00:00:15,227 parents could go and just learn. 7 00:00:15,566 --> 00:00:18,040 I know I do a lot of social media where 8 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:19,690 I'm giving tips and tricks, but the thing 9 00:00:19,690 --> 00:00:21,930 with those is they're only like a minute 10 00:00:21,930 --> 00:00:24,120 or two long, and then in the comment 11 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,280 section, sometimes it gets really heated 12 00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:28,320 and you know you're in the weeds and 13 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,880 you don't know what advice is, right? 14 00:00:30,193 --> 00:00:31,940 So I thought, why not just come 15 00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:33,980 on here, start a podcast where 16 00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:35,780 this will just be an extension. 17 00:00:36,063 --> 00:00:37,647 Of my social media. 18 00:00:37,910 --> 00:00:39,953 And so this will be a longer version 19 00:00:39,983 --> 00:00:41,573 of all of those little clips and 20 00:00:41,573 --> 00:00:43,547 those videos that you save and those 21 00:00:43,547 --> 00:00:45,347 videos that you forward to people. 22 00:00:45,566 --> 00:00:47,140 This will be the place to come to 23 00:00:47,140 --> 00:00:49,450 ask your parenting plan questions 24 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:50,950 and hopefully get them answered. 25 00:00:51,203 --> 00:00:54,493 And so to kick this off with episode one 26 00:00:54,673 --> 00:00:57,507 of probably thousands, we are going to 27 00:00:57,507 --> 00:01:00,597 talk about the clauses that you do not 28 00:01:00,777 --> 00:01:03,983 want to have in your parenting plan. 29 00:01:04,888 --> 00:01:06,942 Do not sign this shit if it's 30 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,352 written in your parenting plan. 31 00:01:08,712 --> 00:01:09,882 And we're gonna get into what they 32 00:01:09,882 --> 00:01:11,712 are and we're gonna get into why. 33 00:01:12,020 --> 00:01:13,338 But I need you to hear me. 34 00:01:13,578 --> 00:01:15,678 This is your future with your kids. 35 00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:16,698 It's nobody else's. 36 00:01:17,030 --> 00:01:18,632 It is literally you as a single 37 00:01:18,632 --> 00:01:22,618 parent going into being a lone 38 00:01:22,618 --> 00:01:25,468 ranger, raising these children. 39 00:01:25,865 --> 00:01:27,425 And what you will end up 40 00:01:27,425 --> 00:01:30,208 following is said, parenting plan. 41 00:01:30,693 --> 00:01:33,540 If said parenting plan is written piss 42 00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:35,907 poorly, meaning it has all the things 43 00:01:35,907 --> 00:01:38,033 we're gonna talk about today, you are 44 00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:40,433 going to be paralyzed with either having 45 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,797 to go back to court or spend money to 46 00:01:43,797 --> 00:01:46,977 go back to mediation, or the worst case 47 00:01:46,977 --> 00:01:50,037 scenario, have your ex run your life. 48 00:01:50,563 --> 00:01:52,287 So here's the thing that pressures 49 00:01:52,287 --> 00:01:54,467 people into it right away of signing 50 00:01:54,467 --> 00:01:56,830 these parenting plans is let me 51 00:01:56,830 --> 00:01:58,780 know, has your attorney said, Hey, I 52 00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:00,100 need to know your answer by Friday. 53 00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:02,183 I need you to read this and let me 54 00:02:02,183 --> 00:02:03,653 know by Friday if it's good for you. 55 00:02:04,096 --> 00:02:05,453 Like, are you serious? 56 00:02:05,813 --> 00:02:07,163 We've been going through this divorce for 57 00:02:07,163 --> 00:02:08,723 a year and you're giving me three days 58 00:02:08,723 --> 00:02:11,573 to look this over so you feel pressure 59 00:02:11,803 --> 00:02:13,933 to just hurry up and sign, but you don't 60 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:15,103 even know what the hell you're signing. 61 00:02:15,459 --> 00:02:15,867 Right? 62 00:02:16,119 --> 00:02:17,980 Or how about this whole idea 63 00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:19,240 that your attorney's like, oh, 64 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,230 you know, don't worry about it. 65 00:02:20,230 --> 00:02:21,130 Just go ahead and sign it. 66 00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:22,480 You know, we'll fix it later. 67 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:23,860 This is the way they all are. 68 00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:25,690 This is a standard plan. 69 00:02:26,019 --> 00:02:29,117 That word standard will haunt you if 70 00:02:29,117 --> 00:02:32,507 you sign these clauses into action 71 00:02:32,796 --> 00:02:34,490 because the damage doesn't show up. 72 00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:35,480 The day you sign. 73 00:02:35,783 --> 00:02:36,453 damage doesn't even 74 00:02:36,453 --> 00:02:37,548 show up two weeks later. 75 00:02:38,256 --> 00:02:42,523 Could, it's going to show up months or 76 00:02:42,523 --> 00:02:44,623 heavy, heavy, heavy on the weeks later. 77 00:02:44,869 --> 00:02:46,553 And that's the frustrating part, is 78 00:02:46,553 --> 00:02:48,297 that you're just at this horrible 79 00:02:48,297 --> 00:02:49,077 point in your life where you're 80 00:02:49,077 --> 00:02:50,967 like, I just want fucking divorce. 81 00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:52,047 I just wanna be done. 82 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,097 I just want it over. 83 00:02:53,097 --> 00:02:55,467 I just want to get away from this person. 84 00:02:55,855 --> 00:02:58,255 you don't realize this parenting 85 00:02:58,255 --> 00:03:00,205 plan is going to follow you and haunt 86 00:03:00,205 --> 00:03:02,895 you for months and years to come if. 87 00:03:03,345 --> 00:03:06,215 It has these clauses in it. 88 00:03:06,335 --> 00:03:08,225 So I'm telling you right now, 89 00:03:08,515 --> 00:03:10,975 a standard plan will fail you. 90 00:03:11,319 --> 00:03:12,542 Now I build custom plans. 91 00:03:12,542 --> 00:03:13,532 I'm not here to hide that. 92 00:03:13,615 --> 00:03:14,515 that's what I sell. 93 00:03:14,515 --> 00:03:16,405 I sell custom parenting plans, 94 00:03:16,716 --> 00:03:18,266 but this whole channel is going 95 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,976 to be about educating you so you 96 00:03:19,976 --> 00:03:22,296 know what not to sign, and quite 97 00:03:22,296 --> 00:03:23,766 possibly how to build it yourself. 98 00:03:24,167 --> 00:03:26,736 But a standard plan will fail you 99 00:03:26,954 --> 00:03:29,323 because it's written by people. 100 00:03:29,554 --> 00:03:31,384 Who aren't in your life, they're written 101 00:03:31,384 --> 00:03:33,781 by attorneys or lawyers or both, or 102 00:03:33,841 --> 00:03:35,251 hell, they've been on the shelf for 103 00:03:35,251 --> 00:03:37,891 25 years using the same standard plan. 104 00:03:38,114 --> 00:03:39,481 It's out of touch with reality. 105 00:03:39,481 --> 00:03:40,291 It's out of touch with 106 00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:41,101 what your kids are doing. 107 00:03:41,101 --> 00:03:42,841 It's out of touch with, oh, I don't 108 00:03:42,841 --> 00:03:44,611 know, your co-parenting dynamic, 109 00:03:44,897 --> 00:03:46,104 but they lead you to believe that 110 00:03:46,104 --> 00:03:47,334 this is a standard plan and this 111 00:03:47,334 --> 00:03:48,324 is as good as you're gonna get. 112 00:03:48,324 --> 00:03:49,194 So you might as well just read 113 00:03:49,194 --> 00:03:50,454 it, understand it, and sign it. 114 00:03:50,454 --> 00:03:51,294 And hell, the understanding 115 00:03:51,294 --> 00:03:52,404 part, they might not even say. 116 00:03:52,404 --> 00:03:53,394 They might just say, sign 117 00:03:53,394 --> 00:03:54,913 it, and here we are stuck. 118 00:03:55,576 --> 00:03:56,986 We want the standard plan or we're 119 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,636 forced to have the standard plan. 120 00:03:58,961 --> 00:04:00,936 The courts are putting their own 121 00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:03,156 language in there, but there's actually 122 00:04:03,156 --> 00:04:06,143 no intention of it actually being 123 00:04:06,203 --> 00:04:08,683 usable, and we'll get into how that is. 124 00:04:09,047 --> 00:04:11,636 But high conflict, people love them. 125 00:04:11,636 --> 00:04:12,566 A standard plan. 126 00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:13,519 They love it. 127 00:04:13,549 --> 00:04:13,819 Why? 128 00:04:13,819 --> 00:04:15,109 Because they can dominate 129 00:04:15,109 --> 00:04:17,166 you into making you believe. 130 00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:18,996 It reads how it benefits them. 131 00:04:19,351 --> 00:04:20,119 They love that. 132 00:04:20,671 --> 00:04:22,841 So again, it's a big lie that 133 00:04:22,841 --> 00:04:24,828 we're told as parents we're 134 00:04:24,828 --> 00:04:26,751 told this is standard language. 135 00:04:26,974 --> 00:04:28,158 Every parenting plan has 136 00:04:28,158 --> 00:04:29,528 this I call bullshit. 137 00:04:29,528 --> 00:04:30,728 I've been doing this over 10 years. 138 00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:34,268 I have read well over thousands of plans 139 00:04:34,471 --> 00:04:37,324 produced by attorneys and court systems, 140 00:04:37,324 --> 00:04:39,499 and I'm here to tell you the honest truth. 141 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:40,930 They suck. 142 00:04:41,537 --> 00:04:43,081 The reason I call my channel 143 00:04:43,081 --> 00:04:44,191 the ugly truth of divorce. 144 00:04:44,191 --> 00:04:45,698 'cause I'm gonna tell you, it is 145 00:04:45,698 --> 00:04:47,498 fucking ugly what is out there? 146 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,395 It's ugly on what we pay. 147 00:04:49,621 --> 00:04:51,648 It's ugly on how we feel and it's 148 00:04:51,648 --> 00:04:54,301 ugly on what they think we should be 149 00:04:54,301 --> 00:04:56,761 living by as a standard of paperwork. 150 00:04:56,791 --> 00:04:57,901 It's ugly. 151 00:04:58,187 --> 00:04:59,218 And here's the thing that they 152 00:04:59,218 --> 00:05:00,328 tell you, they say, you know, 153 00:05:00,328 --> 00:05:01,558 don't worry about it, Sam. 154 00:05:01,806 --> 00:05:03,481 We can change that verbiage later. 155 00:05:04,055 --> 00:05:05,585 I wish for all of you that are 156 00:05:05,585 --> 00:05:08,015 new here, I call horrible lawyers. 157 00:05:08,045 --> 00:05:08,645 Larry. 158 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:11,815 I wish Larry the lawyer, understood that. 159 00:05:11,815 --> 00:05:12,985 I'm smart now. 160 00:05:13,243 --> 00:05:14,458 I know when you say, oh, 161 00:05:14,458 --> 00:05:15,178 we'll change it later. 162 00:05:15,178 --> 00:05:15,778 It's so simple. 163 00:05:15,778 --> 00:05:16,408 No it's not. 164 00:05:16,408 --> 00:05:17,995 Larry, I'm gonna have to hire 165 00:05:17,995 --> 00:05:19,268 another attorney, I'm gonna 166 00:05:19,268 --> 00:05:20,708 have to pay the retainer again. 167 00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:21,338 I'm gonna have to file 168 00:05:21,338 --> 00:05:22,538 the motion to modify. 169 00:05:22,538 --> 00:05:24,308 I'm gonna have to maybe go to mediation 170 00:05:24,308 --> 00:05:25,681 again and last time I checked, 171 00:05:25,681 --> 00:05:27,121 none of those things are free. 172 00:05:27,121 --> 00:05:29,641 So this isn't as easy as just sign it. 173 00:05:29,993 --> 00:05:32,026 Sign the standard even though it might not 174 00:05:32,026 --> 00:05:34,443 fit my personality, my ex's personality, 175 00:05:34,443 --> 00:05:36,723 my job, their job, my kids, the lives, 176 00:05:36,723 --> 00:05:39,036 the money, the dynamic, the distance. 177 00:05:39,285 --> 00:05:40,836 It doesn't fit, but it's standard. 178 00:05:40,956 --> 00:05:42,426 So, hey, we should sign it and 179 00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,016 don't worry, we can fix it later. 180 00:05:44,016 --> 00:05:45,126 Like it's no big deal. 181 00:05:45,738 --> 00:05:48,290 That is the problem is that us 182 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:49,640 as parents, we didn't understand 183 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,840 what all that meant, right? 184 00:05:50,903 --> 00:05:52,133 we get rushed through, hurry 185 00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:53,183 up and read this in three days. 186 00:05:53,183 --> 00:05:55,013 It's standard and they make you feel 187 00:05:55,013 --> 00:05:57,116 bad because you question things. 188 00:05:57,116 --> 00:05:58,136 They make you feel bad 189 00:05:58,136 --> 00:05:59,096 because you want detail. 190 00:05:59,096 --> 00:06:00,266 They make you feel bad because 191 00:06:00,266 --> 00:06:01,803 you're asking a lot of questions and. 192 00:06:02,315 --> 00:06:04,483 What surprises me though is like, don't 193 00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:06,751 they realize this is our future, not 194 00:06:06,751 --> 00:06:08,611 theirs, and we just gave them tens of 195 00:06:08,611 --> 00:06:10,531 thousands of dollars to make sure our 196 00:06:10,531 --> 00:06:12,271 future is protected, but yet they're 197 00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:14,011 rushing us through and making us feel so 198 00:06:14,011 --> 00:06:15,991 silly and so stupid for asking questions. 199 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,568 It blows my mind. 200 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:18,681 So let's dive in. 201 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:19,651 I'm just gonna give them to you. 202 00:06:20,183 --> 00:06:21,660 And again, there's variations of these. 203 00:06:22,335 --> 00:06:25,275 I want you to know that if you read 204 00:06:25,275 --> 00:06:28,591 anything like these inside of your 205 00:06:28,591 --> 00:06:30,691 parenting plan that was produced 206 00:06:30,893 --> 00:06:34,448 by an attorney or online, or a 207 00:06:34,448 --> 00:06:37,398 mediator or a court system run. 208 00:06:37,870 --> 00:06:40,960 Don't sidestep, run, refuse. 209 00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:42,700 Don't do it. 210 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,596 Now again, I'm just a mom 211 00:06:44,656 --> 00:06:46,156 who's certified in divorce 212 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:48,523 coaching, high conflict emphasis. 213 00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,263 I can't give you legal advice, 214 00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:51,546 but what I can give you is a 215 00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:52,956 lot of fucking common sense. 216 00:06:53,466 --> 00:06:55,416 And the ugly truth of it is they're gonna 217 00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:58,616 want you to do this because they want you 218 00:06:58,616 --> 00:07:01,035 to come back because they want your money. 219 00:07:01,676 --> 00:07:02,775 I don't know if you're absolutely 220 00:07:02,775 --> 00:07:03,975 new here, but here's the deal. 221 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,951 The family court system is a business, 222 00:07:06,196 --> 00:07:09,278 billions and billions of dollars every 223 00:07:09,278 --> 00:07:11,018 year goes into the family court system. 224 00:07:11,246 --> 00:07:13,468 So why not have you think that 225 00:07:13,468 --> 00:07:14,998 you just signed the best standard 226 00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:17,025 plan in the state, only to have it 227 00:07:17,115 --> 00:07:19,095 completely blow up in your face two 228 00:07:19,095 --> 00:07:20,925 months later, and you have to what? 229 00:07:21,465 --> 00:07:23,131 Call the very expensive 230 00:07:23,131 --> 00:07:24,211 professionals again. 231 00:07:24,575 --> 00:07:25,501 So let's get into it. 232 00:07:26,095 --> 00:07:28,618 What are the five clauses? 233 00:07:28,875 --> 00:07:30,476 That if they are in here are 234 00:07:30,476 --> 00:07:34,103 gonna cause you so many problems. 235 00:07:34,308 --> 00:07:35,050 First one. 236 00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:36,993 Decision making parties shall 237 00:07:36,993 --> 00:07:39,633 share joint legal decision making 238 00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,433 authority regarding all major 239 00:07:41,433 --> 00:07:44,553 decisions affecting the minor child. 240 00:07:45,736 --> 00:07:47,806 Oh, now I'm just gonna tell you right 241 00:07:47,806 --> 00:07:49,996 now, we're gonna break all five of 242 00:07:49,996 --> 00:07:52,216 these down in later episodes, so stay 243 00:07:52,216 --> 00:07:55,056 tuned and subscribe Parenting time. 244 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,581 Parenting time shall be exercised 245 00:07:57,641 --> 00:08:00,281 as the parties mutually agree based 246 00:08:00,281 --> 00:08:04,311 on the best interest of the child. 247 00:08:05,031 --> 00:08:08,781 Oh, it sounds so warm and fuzzy when 248 00:08:08,781 --> 00:08:11,361 you know nothing about divorce or 249 00:08:11,361 --> 00:08:13,281 co-parenting, but as a veteran sitting 250 00:08:13,281 --> 00:08:15,561 here, that sentence makes me want to 251 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:18,375 vomit because we have so many, I'm not 252 00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:19,731 even gonna get different perspectives. 253 00:08:19,731 --> 00:08:20,091 Let's go. 254 00:08:20,091 --> 00:08:20,601 Keep going. 255 00:08:20,931 --> 00:08:21,691 Communication. 256 00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,758 The party shall maintain open and direct 257 00:08:24,758 --> 00:08:28,331 communication regarding the minor child. 258 00:08:28,721 --> 00:08:30,725 Now again, if I'm a bothered parent, 259 00:08:30,725 --> 00:08:31,715 I'm worried about my children. 260 00:08:31,715 --> 00:08:32,225 I'm hearing that I'm 261 00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:33,215 going communicate great. 262 00:08:33,215 --> 00:08:34,745 It says that we have to communicate. 263 00:08:34,745 --> 00:08:35,555 That's awesome. 264 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,031 In an episode three or four, I'm 265 00:08:37,031 --> 00:08:38,171 gonna blow your mind as to why 266 00:08:38,171 --> 00:08:39,731 that's gonna be the biggest problem. 267 00:08:40,257 --> 00:08:41,880 In a high conflict co-parenting journey, 268 00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:44,486 shared expenses, let's get into it. 269 00:08:44,988 --> 00:08:47,336 The parties shall share equally 270 00:08:47,606 --> 00:08:50,843 all reasonable and necessary 271 00:08:50,843 --> 00:08:52,793 expenses for the minor child. 272 00:08:52,958 --> 00:08:54,326 Now, again, you may be reading 273 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,226 that going, Sam, it nails it. 274 00:08:57,226 --> 00:08:58,726 It says, I'm responsible. 275 00:08:58,726 --> 00:08:59,656 They're responsible. 276 00:08:59,746 --> 00:09:00,976 Let's fucking go. 277 00:09:00,976 --> 00:09:02,476 We both have to pay. 278 00:09:02,811 --> 00:09:04,263 I'm gonna tell you in later episodes 279 00:09:04,263 --> 00:09:06,453 how that sentence is going to make 280 00:09:06,453 --> 00:09:08,853 you financially broke because you will 281 00:09:08,853 --> 00:09:11,073 have to cover it all because your ex 282 00:09:11,073 --> 00:09:14,063 won't cover shit because that sentence 283 00:09:14,063 --> 00:09:17,866 allows them to not pay for anything. 284 00:09:18,195 --> 00:09:19,143 I'm getting pissed off just 285 00:09:19,143 --> 00:09:20,163 talking about this because. 286 00:09:20,438 --> 00:09:22,261 I think it's unfair for those of 287 00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:23,641 you that are going into this and you 288 00:09:23,641 --> 00:09:25,141 have all these great ambitions of 289 00:09:25,141 --> 00:09:26,731 like, I hired a professional, Sam, 290 00:09:26,731 --> 00:09:28,441 I hired the best attorney in town. 291 00:09:28,441 --> 00:09:29,341 They were referred. 292 00:09:29,341 --> 00:09:30,955 They were referred, and then 293 00:09:30,955 --> 00:09:32,605 you're like, well, wait a second. 294 00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:33,775 Mine has that sentence. 295 00:09:33,775 --> 00:09:35,095 Why did they do that to me? 296 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,611 Because who do you gotta call 297 00:09:36,611 --> 00:09:37,961 when you ask a question to your 298 00:09:37,961 --> 00:09:39,778 ex? You gotta call your attorney. 299 00:09:39,778 --> 00:09:40,708 When you're unclear about 300 00:09:40,708 --> 00:09:41,578 where they're coming from, 301 00:09:41,608 --> 00:09:42,748 how do they read it like that? 302 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:43,423 I didn't read it like that. 303 00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:45,051 Let's get into the last one. 304 00:09:45,478 --> 00:09:47,521 Enforcement slash modification. 305 00:09:47,641 --> 00:09:50,611 Any future disputes shall be resolved 306 00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:53,351 by the parties in good faith through 307 00:09:53,351 --> 00:09:56,231 mediation prior to court involvement. 308 00:09:56,621 --> 00:09:57,731 So right here it tells you you're 309 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,981 gonna have to do mediation, which 310 00:10:00,071 --> 00:10:01,811 last time I checked is not for free. 311 00:10:01,811 --> 00:10:03,581 So you're having to pay. 312 00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:06,065 So why are these clauses so dangerous? 313 00:10:06,245 --> 00:10:08,255 They sound fair and cooperative, right? 314 00:10:08,255 --> 00:10:09,515 They sound like Sam. 315 00:10:09,545 --> 00:10:10,175 I have to. 316 00:10:10,175 --> 00:10:10,805 They have to. 317 00:10:10,805 --> 00:10:11,285 Sure. 318 00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:12,995 That's the way it sounds. 319 00:10:13,278 --> 00:10:14,611 But there's nothing in any of those 320 00:10:14,611 --> 00:10:16,741 sentences that are measurable. 321 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:17,581 There's nothing in those 322 00:10:17,581 --> 00:10:19,441 sentences saying they have to. 323 00:10:19,771 --> 00:10:22,448 That word shall hate it. 324 00:10:22,945 --> 00:10:23,401 Hate it. 325 00:10:23,731 --> 00:10:26,011 It doesn't mean we have to, so right from 326 00:10:26,011 --> 00:10:28,551 the word reading this, there's a power 327 00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,651 imbalance because I read it like, yes, 328 00:10:30,651 --> 00:10:32,961 best interest of the child, let's go. 329 00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:34,975 They read it as doesn't say, I have 330 00:10:34,975 --> 00:10:36,445 to, just says Maybe I don't think 331 00:10:36,445 --> 00:10:37,705 it's the best interest of the child. 332 00:10:37,935 --> 00:10:40,651 It will end up favoring one party 333 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:43,095 over the other dramatically. 334 00:10:43,388 --> 00:10:45,526 If you know, you know, and that's 335 00:10:45,526 --> 00:10:47,326 why you're here, to figure out 336 00:10:47,488 --> 00:10:48,856 how do I change these words? 337 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,806 How do I make these clauses not exist? 338 00:10:51,028 --> 00:10:51,683 What do I do? 339 00:10:51,683 --> 00:10:53,033 And again, to reiterate, 340 00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:54,203 do not sign things. 341 00:10:54,478 --> 00:10:55,516 This is not legal advice. 342 00:10:55,516 --> 00:10:56,746 This is common sense. 343 00:10:56,746 --> 00:10:58,636 You rush through and sign something that 344 00:10:58,636 --> 00:11:00,886 includes one of those five or all five of 345 00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:03,566 those clauses, you might as well go get a 346 00:11:03,566 --> 00:11:06,126 third job or a fourth job or sell a kidney 347 00:11:06,126 --> 00:11:07,776 because you are gonna be spending so much 348 00:11:07,776 --> 00:11:10,143 money going back to court to argue what 349 00:11:10,143 --> 00:11:12,483 those sentences mean and or you're just 350 00:11:12,513 --> 00:11:13,983 gonna roll over and let your ex run your 351 00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:15,783 life because you can't afford to go back. 352 00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,786 So who does this impact the most? 353 00:11:19,118 --> 00:11:20,196 You listening? 354 00:11:20,595 --> 00:11:21,613 You listening, there's a 355 00:11:21,613 --> 00:11:23,713 reason you guys come to me. 356 00:11:23,713 --> 00:11:25,633 There's a reason why you tune in. 357 00:11:25,633 --> 00:11:27,973 It's because I'm speaking your language. 358 00:11:27,973 --> 00:11:29,353 I know your life. 359 00:11:29,383 --> 00:11:31,826 I have lived it myself, but I know it 360 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,756 like the back of my hand because the past 361 00:11:33,756 --> 00:11:35,476 10 years have been helping everybody and 362 00:11:35,476 --> 00:11:37,066 their brother through their high conflict 363 00:11:37,066 --> 00:11:39,960 divorce and co-parenting journey, and all 364 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:43,230 of my clients deal with a high conflict X. 365 00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:45,876 And so when you have someone like this. 366 00:11:46,211 --> 00:11:48,411 Who is just extreme high conflict. 367 00:11:48,711 --> 00:11:51,071 They benefit from these standard clauses. 368 00:11:51,071 --> 00:11:53,711 They benefit from this language because 369 00:11:53,711 --> 00:11:55,571 they're not wrong when they say they don't 370 00:11:55,571 --> 00:11:57,841 have to because that's how they read it. 371 00:11:57,841 --> 00:11:59,041 But I read it that we do, but 372 00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:00,511 there's nothing definitive in it. 373 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,561 There's nothing saying they 374 00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:03,151 have to do those things. 375 00:12:03,441 --> 00:12:04,928 So it's important that if you 376 00:12:04,928 --> 00:12:06,825 value your piece, you don't 377 00:12:06,825 --> 00:12:08,235 have these clauses in there. 378 00:12:08,598 --> 00:12:10,218 If you want flexibility, 379 00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:11,688 sure, keep 'em in there. 380 00:12:11,688 --> 00:12:12,828 And sometimes your ex will 381 00:12:12,828 --> 00:12:14,808 agree and sometimes they won't. 382 00:12:15,141 --> 00:12:17,021 But you're also somebody that's trusting 383 00:12:17,021 --> 00:12:19,991 the system way too much, because if you 384 00:12:19,991 --> 00:12:22,481 think a billion dollar system has your 385 00:12:22,481 --> 00:12:24,621 best interest at heart, they don't. 386 00:12:25,121 --> 00:12:25,748 They don't. 387 00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:27,898 So you're here to protect yourself. 388 00:12:28,285 --> 00:12:29,570 So what do you do before you sign? 389 00:12:30,158 --> 00:12:32,571 First and foremost, slow down. 390 00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:35,048 When your attorney says three days, 391 00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:36,308 I gotta know in three days and sign 392 00:12:36,308 --> 00:12:37,448 this, I would say, Hey, remember that 393 00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:39,038 one time I called you on a Tuesday 394 00:12:39,038 --> 00:12:40,268 and said, call me back this week and 395 00:12:40,268 --> 00:12:41,798 I didn't hear from you for two weeks. 396 00:12:41,981 --> 00:12:43,848 Is it that type of urgency, Larry? 397 00:12:44,108 --> 00:12:45,608 Or how about that time that I was 398 00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:47,768 literally locked outta my house and you 399 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,498 didn't answer the phone and I had to 400 00:12:49,498 --> 00:12:50,968 call the police and that was the wrong 401 00:12:50,968 --> 00:12:52,885 thing to do, and you yelled at me. 402 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,305 Is it that kind of urgency 403 00:12:54,305 --> 00:12:55,325 that we're speaking of? 404 00:12:55,705 --> 00:12:57,460 So slow down when they say three 405 00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:58,510 days, say, well, that's not 406 00:12:58,510 --> 00:12:59,920 possible because here's the deal. 407 00:13:00,115 --> 00:13:01,766 Number one, I have a full-time job. 408 00:13:01,766 --> 00:13:02,936 Number two, I have my kids 409 00:13:02,936 --> 00:13:03,926 all three of those days. 410 00:13:03,926 --> 00:13:07,315 And number three, I value my sleep 411 00:13:07,648 --> 00:13:09,121 and my sanity and my workouts. 412 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,211 I don't have time until next week 413 00:13:11,211 --> 00:13:12,291 when I don't have my children. 414 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,701 So tell the other side, whatever 415 00:13:13,731 --> 00:13:14,851 you need to tell them, but I'm 416 00:13:14,851 --> 00:13:16,681 gonna push this back till next week. 417 00:13:17,055 --> 00:13:18,788 Do not be a yes man or 418 00:13:18,788 --> 00:13:21,918 woman to your own attorney. 419 00:13:22,425 --> 00:13:23,865 Read the plan. 420 00:13:24,131 --> 00:13:25,821 If I do not build your parenting 421 00:13:25,821 --> 00:13:27,531 plan, and this is the first time 422 00:13:27,531 --> 00:13:29,095 you've ever heard from me, number 423 00:13:29,095 --> 00:13:30,595 one, go take my masterclass so you 424 00:13:30,595 --> 00:13:32,605 can learn everything on speed version. 425 00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:34,255 Just go through it in three hours, 426 00:13:34,601 --> 00:13:36,578 but this podcast will break them down. 427 00:13:37,056 --> 00:13:39,051 the deal with this is you have to read 428 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:41,775 your parenting plan from your Larry 429 00:13:41,775 --> 00:13:43,935 or from your attorney, or from your 430 00:13:43,935 --> 00:13:47,118 mediator and read it with your glasses on. 431 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,378 From your perspective, your view of the 432 00:13:49,378 --> 00:13:52,108 kids, your view of life, your financial 433 00:13:52,108 --> 00:13:54,991 view, your views on co-parenting. 434 00:13:54,991 --> 00:13:57,391 You read it as you, and then what you have 435 00:13:57,391 --> 00:13:59,191 to do, and so many of you won't do this. 436 00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:00,361 I hope you will now that you're 437 00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:02,111 hearing it, but you have to take 438 00:14:02,111 --> 00:14:05,285 those glasses off and read it as your 439 00:14:05,315 --> 00:14:07,655 ex who most likely is high conflict 440 00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:10,385 or will be at some point in time. 441 00:14:10,385 --> 00:14:11,225 Mark my words. 442 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,335 That's the ugly truth of it. 443 00:14:12,657 --> 00:14:13,558 It always gets uglier 444 00:14:13,558 --> 00:14:14,033 before it gets better. 445 00:14:14,627 --> 00:14:16,547 But read the whole damn thing from 446 00:14:16,547 --> 00:14:18,227 their perspective, knowing who they 447 00:14:18,227 --> 00:14:19,697 are, knowing that they're manipulative, 448 00:14:19,697 --> 00:14:21,437 knowing that they lie, knowing that they 449 00:14:21,437 --> 00:14:24,110 hide, knowing that they don't like you. 450 00:14:24,391 --> 00:14:26,434 So then you have to go through each thing 451 00:14:26,434 --> 00:14:28,660 and go, okay, how can I enforce that? 452 00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,280 Is that measurable? 453 00:14:30,498 --> 00:14:31,560 Which we're gonna break them 454 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,780 all down in episodes to come. 455 00:14:34,121 --> 00:14:36,605 So I built this podcast for you, which 456 00:14:36,635 --> 00:14:39,472 ironically is for the former me all 457 00:14:39,472 --> 00:14:41,662 those years ago, 20 some years ago. 458 00:14:41,901 --> 00:14:43,129 When I started my divorce, I didn't 459 00:14:43,129 --> 00:14:44,449 know what the hell I was doing, 460 00:14:44,661 --> 00:14:45,895 but I hired a really good attorney. 461 00:14:45,895 --> 00:14:47,799 So I thought it was cost me a lot of 462 00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,479 money, had to go borrow the money to get 463 00:14:49,479 --> 00:14:51,905 divorced, and I put that money down and I 464 00:14:51,905 --> 00:14:54,365 kind of walked away thinking she had it. 465 00:14:54,698 --> 00:14:55,902 She had it under control. 466 00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:58,169 Fast forward years later, when we finally 467 00:14:58,169 --> 00:15:00,382 went through court, eight days worth. 468 00:15:00,502 --> 00:15:03,132 I got a parenting plan 90 days later. 469 00:15:03,495 --> 00:15:05,879 I was so excited over those four pages. 470 00:15:06,329 --> 00:15:07,199 So excited. 471 00:15:07,529 --> 00:15:08,489 I was divorced. 472 00:15:08,801 --> 00:15:10,019 I got my name back. 473 00:15:10,328 --> 00:15:11,069 I got a plan. 474 00:15:11,069 --> 00:15:13,145 I thought I was divorced. 475 00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:15,982 All that money I was done and 476 00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:17,302 then I tried to use, said fucking 477 00:15:17,332 --> 00:15:19,265 plan, and it was worthless. 478 00:15:19,698 --> 00:15:20,772 It didn't say anything. 479 00:15:20,772 --> 00:15:21,582 It needed to say. 480 00:15:21,612 --> 00:15:22,842 It didn't have details. 481 00:15:22,842 --> 00:15:24,882 Literally all it was was a piece of 482 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,942 paper saying, call that guy again. 483 00:15:27,165 --> 00:15:28,412 Work with him some more. 484 00:15:28,718 --> 00:15:29,709 He's your co-parent. 485 00:15:29,709 --> 00:15:30,609 Go hang out with him. 486 00:15:30,609 --> 00:15:31,479 Go engage with him. 487 00:15:31,479 --> 00:15:32,349 Go share your kids. 488 00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:33,009 Go share money. 489 00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:36,312 Go to, there was no measurable 490 00:15:36,558 --> 00:15:38,315 anything in those four pages. 491 00:15:38,695 --> 00:15:41,762 So before you sign, take off your glasses, 492 00:15:42,011 --> 00:15:44,374 put their glasses on and read it as them. 493 00:15:45,087 --> 00:15:46,557 Especially if they don't like you. 494 00:15:46,911 --> 00:15:48,707 So in the next episode, we are going 495 00:15:48,707 --> 00:15:52,277 to break down decision making two a 496 00:15:52,277 --> 00:15:55,537 t on making sure you understand what 497 00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,220 it should say, and I'm gonna give you 498 00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:58,870 some things of what it shouldn't say.