All right, so it's been a minute since
I have put anything out, just me by
myself, and I wanted to do this in 2026.
For a multitude of reasons.
I wanted to start a podcast where
parents could go and just learn.
I know I do a lot of social media where
I'm giving tips and tricks, but the thing
with those is they're only like a minute
or two long, and then in the comment
section, sometimes it gets really heated
and you know you're in the weeds and
you don't know what advice is, right?
So I thought, why not just come
on here, start a podcast where
this will just be an extension.
Of my social media.
And so this will be a longer version
of all of those little clips and
those videos that you save and those
videos that you forward to people.
This will be the place to come to
ask your parenting plan questions
and hopefully get them answered.
And so to kick this off with episode one
of probably thousands, we are going to
talk about the clauses that you do not
want to have in your parenting plan.
Do not sign this shit if it's
written in your parenting plan.
And we're gonna get into what they
are and we're gonna get into why.
But I need you to hear me.
This is your future with your kids.
It's nobody else's.
It is literally you as a single
parent going into being a lone
ranger, raising these children.
And what you will end up
following is said, parenting plan.
If said parenting plan is written piss
poorly, meaning it has all the things
we're gonna talk about today, you are
going to be paralyzed with either having
to go back to court or spend money to
go back to mediation, or the worst case
scenario, have your ex run your life.
So here's the thing that pressures
people into it right away of signing
these parenting plans is let me
know, has your attorney said, Hey, I
need to know your answer by Friday.
I need you to read this and let me
know by Friday if it's good for you.
Like, are you serious?
We've been going through this divorce for
a year and you're giving me three days
to look this over so you feel pressure
to just hurry up and sign, but you don't
even know what the hell you're signing.
Right?
Or how about this whole idea
that your attorney's like, oh,
you know, don't worry about it.
Just go ahead and sign it.
You know, we'll fix it later.
This is the way they all are.
This is a standard plan.
That word standard will haunt you if
you sign these clauses into action
because the damage doesn't show up.
The day you sign.
damage doesn't even
show up two weeks later.
Could, it's going to show up months or
heavy, heavy, heavy on the weeks later.
And that's the frustrating part, is
that you're just at this horrible
point in your life where you're
like, I just want fucking divorce.
I just wanna be done.
I just want it over.
I just want to get away from this person.
you don't realize this parenting
plan is going to follow you and haunt
you for months and years to come if.
It has these clauses in it.
So I'm telling you right now,
a standard plan will fail you.
Now I build custom plans.
I'm not here to hide that.
that's what I sell.
I sell custom parenting plans,
but this whole channel is going
to be about educating you so you
know what not to sign, and quite
possibly how to build it yourself.
But a standard plan will fail you
because it's written by people.
Who aren't in your life, they're written
by attorneys or lawyers or both, or
hell, they've been on the shelf for
25 years using the same standard plan.
It's out of touch with reality.
It's out of touch with
what your kids are doing.
It's out of touch with, oh, I don't
know, your co-parenting dynamic,
but they lead you to believe that
this is a standard plan and this
is as good as you're gonna get.
So you might as well just read
it, understand it, and sign it.
And hell, the understanding
part, they might not even say.
They might just say, sign
it, and here we are stuck.
We want the standard plan or we're
forced to have the standard plan.
The courts are putting their own
language in there, but there's actually
no intention of it actually being
usable, and we'll get into how that is.
But high conflict, people love them.
A standard plan.
They love it.
Why?
Because they can dominate
you into making you believe.
It reads how it benefits them.
They love that.
So again, it's a big lie that
we're told as parents we're
told this is standard language.
Every parenting plan has
this I call bullshit.
I've been doing this over 10 years.
I have read well over thousands of plans
produced by attorneys and court systems,
and I'm here to tell you the honest truth.
They suck.
The reason I call my channel
the ugly truth of divorce.
'cause I'm gonna tell you, it is
fucking ugly what is out there?
It's ugly on what we pay.
It's ugly on how we feel and it's
ugly on what they think we should be
living by as a standard of paperwork.
It's ugly.
And here's the thing that they
tell you, they say, you know,
don't worry about it, Sam.
We can change that verbiage later.
I wish for all of you that are
new here, I call horrible lawyers.
Larry.
I wish Larry the lawyer, understood that.
I'm smart now.
I know when you say, oh,
we'll change it later.
It's so simple.
No it's not.
Larry, I'm gonna have to hire
another attorney, I'm gonna
have to pay the retainer again.
I'm gonna have to file
the motion to modify.
I'm gonna have to maybe go to mediation
again and last time I checked,
none of those things are free.
So this isn't as easy as just sign it.
Sign the standard even though it might not
fit my personality, my ex's personality,
my job, their job, my kids, the lives,
the money, the dynamic, the distance.
It doesn't fit, but it's standard.
So, hey, we should sign it and
don't worry, we can fix it later.
Like it's no big deal.
That is the problem is that us
as parents, we didn't understand
what all that meant, right?
we get rushed through, hurry
up and read this in three days.
It's standard and they make you feel
bad because you question things.
They make you feel bad
because you want detail.
They make you feel bad because
you're asking a lot of questions and.
What surprises me though is like, don't
they realize this is our future, not
theirs, and we just gave them tens of
thousands of dollars to make sure our
future is protected, but yet they're
rushing us through and making us feel so
silly and so stupid for asking questions.
It blows my mind.
So let's dive in.
I'm just gonna give them to you.
And again, there's variations of these.
I want you to know that if you read
anything like these inside of your
parenting plan that was produced
by an attorney or online, or a
mediator or a court system run.
Don't sidestep, run, refuse.
Don't do it.
Now again, I'm just a mom
who's certified in divorce
coaching, high conflict emphasis.
I can't give you legal advice,
but what I can give you is a
lot of fucking common sense.
And the ugly truth of it is they're gonna
want you to do this because they want you
to come back because they want your money.
I don't know if you're absolutely
new here, but here's the deal.
The family court system is a business,
billions and billions of dollars every
year goes into the family court system.
So why not have you think that
you just signed the best standard
plan in the state, only to have it
completely blow up in your face two
months later, and you have to what?
Call the very expensive
professionals again.
So let's get into it.
What are the five clauses?
That if they are in here are
gonna cause you so many problems.
First one.
Decision making parties shall
share joint legal decision making
authority regarding all major
decisions affecting the minor child.
Oh, now I'm just gonna tell you right
now, we're gonna break all five of
these down in later episodes, so stay
tuned and subscribe Parenting time.
Parenting time shall be exercised
as the parties mutually agree based
on the best interest of the child.
Oh, it sounds so warm and fuzzy when
you know nothing about divorce or
co-parenting, but as a veteran sitting
here, that sentence makes me want to
vomit because we have so many, I'm not
even gonna get different perspectives.
Let's go.
Keep going.
Communication.
The party shall maintain open and direct
communication regarding the minor child.
Now again, if I'm a bothered parent,
I'm worried about my children.
I'm hearing that I'm
going communicate great.
It says that we have to communicate.
That's awesome.
In an episode three or four, I'm
gonna blow your mind as to why
that's gonna be the biggest problem.
In a high conflict co-parenting journey,
shared expenses, let's get into it.
The parties shall share equally
all reasonable and necessary
expenses for the minor child.
Now, again, you may be reading
that going, Sam, it nails it.
It says, I'm responsible.
They're responsible.
Let's fucking go.
We both have to pay.
I'm gonna tell you in later episodes
how that sentence is going to make
you financially broke because you will
have to cover it all because your ex
won't cover shit because that sentence
allows them to not pay for anything.
I'm getting pissed off just
talking about this because.
I think it's unfair for those of
you that are going into this and you
have all these great ambitions of
like, I hired a professional, Sam,
I hired the best attorney in town.
They were referred.
They were referred, and then
you're like, well, wait a second.
Mine has that sentence.
Why did they do that to me?
Because who do you gotta call
when you ask a question to your
ex? You gotta call your attorney.
When you're unclear about
where they're coming from,
how do they read it like that?
I didn't read it like that.
Let's get into the last one.
Enforcement slash modification.
Any future disputes shall be resolved
by the parties in good faith through
mediation prior to court involvement.
So right here it tells you you're
gonna have to do mediation, which
last time I checked is not for free.
So you're having to pay.
So why are these clauses so dangerous?
They sound fair and cooperative, right?
They sound like Sam.
I have to.
They have to.
Sure.
That's the way it sounds.
But there's nothing in any of those
sentences that are measurable.
There's nothing in those
sentences saying they have to.
That word shall hate it.
Hate it.
It doesn't mean we have to, so right from
the word reading this, there's a power
imbalance because I read it like, yes,
best interest of the child, let's go.
They read it as doesn't say, I have
to, just says Maybe I don't think
it's the best interest of the child.
It will end up favoring one party
over the other dramatically.
If you know, you know, and that's
why you're here, to figure out
how do I change these words?
How do I make these clauses not exist?
What do I do?
And again, to reiterate,
do not sign things.
This is not legal advice.
This is common sense.
You rush through and sign something that
includes one of those five or all five of
those clauses, you might as well go get a
third job or a fourth job or sell a kidney
because you are gonna be spending so much
money going back to court to argue what
those sentences mean and or you're just
gonna roll over and let your ex run your
life because you can't afford to go back.
So who does this impact the most?
You listening?
You listening, there's a
reason you guys come to me.
There's a reason why you tune in.
It's because I'm speaking your language.
I know your life.
I have lived it myself, but I know it
like the back of my hand because the past
10 years have been helping everybody and
their brother through their high conflict
divorce and co-parenting journey, and all
of my clients deal with a high conflict X.
And so when you have someone like this.
Who is just extreme high conflict.
They benefit from these standard clauses.
They benefit from this language because
they're not wrong when they say they don't
have to because that's how they read it.
But I read it that we do, but
there's nothing definitive in it.
There's nothing saying they
have to do those things.
So it's important that if you
value your piece, you don't
have these clauses in there.
If you want flexibility,
sure, keep 'em in there.
And sometimes your ex will
agree and sometimes they won't.
But you're also somebody that's trusting
the system way too much, because if you
think a billion dollar system has your
best interest at heart, they don't.
They don't.
So you're here to protect yourself.
So what do you do before you sign?
First and foremost, slow down.
When your attorney says three days,
I gotta know in three days and sign
this, I would say, Hey, remember that
one time I called you on a Tuesday
and said, call me back this week and
I didn't hear from you for two weeks.
Is it that type of urgency, Larry?
Or how about that time that I was
literally locked outta my house and you
didn't answer the phone and I had to
call the police and that was the wrong
thing to do, and you yelled at me.
Is it that kind of urgency
that we're speaking of?
So slow down when they say three
days, say, well, that's not
possible because here's the deal.
Number one, I have a full-time job.
Number two, I have my kids
all three of those days.
And number three, I value my sleep
and my sanity and my workouts.
I don't have time until next week
when I don't have my children.
So tell the other side, whatever
you need to tell them, but I'm
gonna push this back till next week.
Do not be a yes man or
woman to your own attorney.
Read the plan.
If I do not build your parenting
plan, and this is the first time
you've ever heard from me, number
one, go take my masterclass so you
can learn everything on speed version.
Just go through it in three hours,
but this podcast will break them down.
the deal with this is you have to read
your parenting plan from your Larry
or from your attorney, or from your
mediator and read it with your glasses on.
From your perspective, your view of the
kids, your view of life, your financial
view, your views on co-parenting.
You read it as you, and then what you have
to do, and so many of you won't do this.
I hope you will now that you're
hearing it, but you have to take
those glasses off and read it as your
ex who most likely is high conflict
or will be at some point in time.
Mark my words.
That's the ugly truth of it.
It always gets uglier
before it gets better.
But read the whole damn thing from
their perspective, knowing who they
are, knowing that they're manipulative,
knowing that they lie, knowing that they
hide, knowing that they don't like you.
So then you have to go through each thing
and go, okay, how can I enforce that?
Is that measurable?
Which we're gonna break them
all down in episodes to come.
So I built this podcast for you, which
ironically is for the former me all
those years ago, 20 some years ago.
When I started my divorce, I didn't
know what the hell I was doing,
but I hired a really good attorney.
So I thought it was cost me a lot of
money, had to go borrow the money to get
divorced, and I put that money down and I
kind of walked away thinking she had it.
She had it under control.
Fast forward years later, when we finally
went through court, eight days worth.
I got a parenting plan 90 days later.
I was so excited over those four pages.
So excited.
I was divorced.
I got my name back.
I got a plan.
I thought I was divorced.
All that money I was done and
then I tried to use, said fucking
plan, and it was worthless.
It didn't say anything.
It needed to say.
It didn't have details.
Literally all it was was a piece of
paper saying, call that guy again.
Work with him some more.
He's your co-parent.
Go hang out with him.
Go engage with him.
Go share your kids.
Go share money.
Go to, there was no measurable
anything in those four pages.
So before you sign, take off your glasses,
put their glasses on and read it as them.
Especially if they don't like you.
So in the next episode, we are going
to break down decision making two a
t on making sure you understand what
it should say, and I'm gonna give you
some things of what it shouldn't say.