We are gonna break down why your parenting plan is giving

your ex unlimited access to you.

This is a problem I see so many parents have of maybe they wanna co-parent,

but their ex just wants to harass.

Communication never stops.

Once you're divorced.

Parenting plans are written in a way that really tells parents that they

must later discuss, must later figure out, come to an mutual agreement.

Well, I don't know where I can come to a mutual agreement without talking

with my ex. So communication must be inside of your parenting plan to make

sure that there are rules around it.

But so many standard parenting plans from Larry's.

Again, Larry is the lawyer that I think is garbage, who just wants your money?

They leave it so vague and they allow harassment through communication,

so the communication never stops.

The stress level in post-divorce is so high because of the constant

engagement between you and your ex, and standard plans allow it.

So this good communication myth is that the plan prioritizes cooperation.

Again, there's no definition of what cooperation is.

It doesn't clearly say, well, I maybe think because I

answer the phone once a day.

That's cooperating where my ex thinks if I don't answer every

text or phone call or OFW message that I'm being a bad co-parent.

The boundaries are not written into standard plans.

It doesn't say when I have to and when I don't on communication and the

access gets out of control because the second high conflict parent,

let's just break this down for real.

The second, a high conflict parent calls me out and says, you're a bad co-parent.

You're trying to keep things from me.

What do I do if I'm not healed yet?

Well, then I'm hypervigilant about always communicating back, and then I'm

hypervigilant about over communicating.

Then I'm hypervigilant about making sure they're included.

And then what do I end up doing?

Becoming their secretary and spending my whole life, making sure they've have all

the information all the time, as soon as it's possible, and who is watching

me do all of that over communicating oversharing over engaging my children.

My children, they're watching every time I stop what I'm doing.

And go answer the message every time I stop what I'm doing and go answer

the message and get upset, they're watching what I'm doing and they're

going, okay, when I get my phone, that's how I'm gonna have to be.

So literally, your high conflict X is training you like a dog,

throwing a treat to respond to them.

Here's another treat.

Bring it back to me.

Here's another toy.

Bring it back to me.

Here.

I'm, shocking you.

Come back to me.

They're training you and you comply because they say those words of you're

a bad co-parent, you're a bad mom, you're a bad dad because you don't

know how to throw a boundary down.

'cause you don't wanna be labeled as that.

You're not a bad co-parent.

And in your mind you're thinking, yeah, but I've already

answered you four times today.

I really think the next 16 is a little unreasonable, but I don't wanna be labeled

as a bad co-parent, so I'm gonna overly communicate back because I don't want,

you know, especially when they say things like, I'm gonna take you back to court.

Take you back to court if you don't answer this question right now, well, fuck.

I just spent $80,000 on court.

The last place I wanna go was there.

So fuck.

I'll give you the answer.

Even though it's interrupting the movie, I'm watching with the kids,

even though I'm at work right now, even though I'm on a date with somebody

else and the kids are with you, I'm not really sure why there's a fire that I

need to answer everything right now.

Oh, I know.

Because I'm having personal time.

Mm-hmm.

If you know, you know?

Right.

So this whole good communication is just a fucking myth.

Especially for those of you, and we're getting in the weeds a little bit here,

have a covert narcissist who presents like fucking just amazing, amazing mom.

An amazing stellar dad, and then behind closed doors, it's

like, who the fuck is that?

Right outta control.

Paranoid.

I think deep down all of these high conflict people, paranoid.

They're paranoid that we're killing it.

As a parent.

They're paranoid that the kids like us.

They're paranoid that they think projection.

We're doing what they're doing, which we don't.

We don't have to talk mad shit about you because we spend our time talking

about ourselves and enjoying the kids, and we deep down know our kids are

gonna see you for exactly who you are.

So we don't even waste our fucking breath.

Not to mention they follow me and I've told you that.

Don't waste your breath.

Your kids will get there.

Mine did.

Mine did.

And maybe we'll do a story time episode down the road, but communication

has to be in your parenting plan.

Otherwise, good luck 'cause it's gonna run the show.

But let's break down some really shitty clauses that show up in parenting plans.

And you tell me, do you have one of these and how bad does it suck?

Open communication.

Under that, it says the parties shall maintain open communication

regarding all matters.

Involving the minor child.

That word right there all matters.

I read that and I'm like, okay.

Stuff that really affects the children.

I'll let you know.

Okay.

Lost a tooth.

Yeah, I mean, the body changed.

I'll let you know.

went on a field trip today and got hurt a little bit.

Yeah.

I'll let you know.

got an f and is failing the class and has to repeat it.

Yeah.

I'll let you know.

Having a little like skull at the, at the babysitter with another kid.

Got disciplined in timeout and the babysitter told me probably not sharing

that had to, you know, go to the park and maybe fell down, but was fine.

I'm not sharing that had a bad dream at my house.

I'm not sharing that.

And for those of you that are listening and going, why would

you not share all those things?

Well, Stacy, number one, I have a fucking life.

And number two, it's my house, my rules, my decision, my parallel parenting time.

Not all matters need to be given to the other parent because

they're fucking high conflict.

They're high conflict, and they will take everything I just said and boom.

Well, what were you doing at the park?

You said that you were going have to dinner with your mom.

So why were you at the park?

Oh, they were missing a tooth.

That's funny.

the tooth wasn't even wiggly at my house.

So what did you do to have them lose a tooth?

I'm sure you just yanked it out of their tooth because how, heaven

forbid, it wasn't even loose yesterday when I saw that child.

Do you see how when you say all matters, you are fucking us over and over again?

Because the second they find out something, you didn't tell them, huh?

You scum of the earth and deserve to lose your kids.

Even though when you were married, they didn't know about 90% of

the shit that went on because they weren't fucking interested.

But now that you're divorced and they're high conflict, fuck, everything is news.

Everything is a text.

Everything is worthy of knowing, and you're a piece

of shit if you don't share it.

No, I'm not doing that.

I'm not doing that now.

I did it first.

Now I'm gonna, I'm gonna just call a spade a spade here real quick.

I'm gonna overshare former overshare first eight years of my co-parent journey.

You best bet my ass was sharing every fucking detail a hundred percent.

Every detail I was like, I was like, Ooh, the kids farted today.

Ooh, the kids did this in class.

Ooh, they wrote this down.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

And I say this because I got divorced so long ago.

Phones were the only way to communicate.

You guys are all fucking lucky with these parenting apps.

Lemme tell you, but yeah, I had to call and tell him, and if I didn't, I'd be

held a pay, I'd be labeled, be told I was going back to court and was, but

here's what I never stopped to realize.

He wasn't calling to tell me things wasn't, but I was like,

oh, I don't wanna be in trouble.

So I overshared and I could share something like, Hey, the kids and

I ran out to mom and dad's and you know, something exciting, you know?

my son Walker, who I'm sure he'll be on an episode or two.

He shot a BB gun and he hit the target like five outta six times.

I think this is like awesome news.

Like it's so cool, you know?

'cause where we're from, we hunt and my ex could hear that and be

like, did you have gun safety class?

It's a fucking BB gun.

Did you have glasses on?

Did you have proper eyewear?

Like, which again, yes, but that's not why I called.

I called to tell you he did something amazing.

I'm gonna give you an exact example.

That was an example, but here's one that's really just, I

sent a video of my daughter.

She was probably 14.

14, and she was using one of those mowers that you use the arms like this.

And if you can't see me, I'm going like back and forth punching,

not like a steering wheel, but like the back and forth.

I refuse to use one of those.

It's too confusing for me.

So plus I don't have to mow the yard if you don't know how to use the machine.

She was using one of these, I sent a video.

She was making stripes in the yard.

My ex-husband's little OCD about his yard.

So the yards looked a lot alike.

So I thought, oh my gosh.

He will be so proud.

He will be so proud.

Sent him the video of her making two stripes, the spin, the turnaround.

She didn't kill the grass when she spun around.

Like fucking nailed it.

First thing I got back.

Why does she have shorts on instead of pants?

Why does she not have long sleeves on?

Does she have earplugs in which she did?

And yes, she had sunglasses on, but he tore apart the whole thing of

what she was doing and how I had her set up versus holy shit, she

knows how to do a zero point turn.

Wow, those stripes are sharp.

But you know what the biggest fuck up of all that is?

That's my problem.

I'm the one that did that to myself because what I should have done,

it was, Sam, you were looking at this through your glasses.

You're so proud.

She's doing so good.

She's so good mowing.

She loves mowing.

But what he was looking at is, okay, she sent me something.

How can I tear this bitch apart?

What?

Send me, okay.

It looks like, yep.

She doesn't have jeans on.

Yep.

Oh, nope.

She doesn't have long sleeves on.

Oh, she doesn't have gloves on.

I can rip her apart for not mowing the yard properly.

Do you know what I mean?

I mean, I know there's somebody listening, going, God, like you are living my life.

Right?

But the same thing would be true the other way.

There were things he would tell me that was going on at his house

and I'd be like, Ooh, oh, oh.

Not the way I would do it.

But the difference between him and I was, I wasn't communicating that to him now.

I was bitching about it to my friends and family.

Not bitching to him back at it.

Right?

Another quote, another clause that could be in here.

Your parties shall share communication directly with one another

regarding issues concerning the minor child communicate directly.

So does that mean when a stepparent gets involved in the situation,

are they allowed to communicate?

I don't know.

I'm just paying attention to the detail, what little detail is in there.

That one is in there, but.

You have to realize if it's a, just a vague statement about anything

concerning issues regarding the minor child, what is the definition of that?

A medical issue?

Severe.

They fell down on the sidewalk and again, scrape their knee.

Am I, if you're in high conflict, by the way, I'd be taking a picture of that

in a video just to cover your own ass.

And if you know, you know, because they will get the child back and

all of a sudden, you know, DCFS is your house because the child

fell down, has a cut knee, as does most seven fucking year olds.

But I digress.

We have to be careful of how these clauses are written because they're

paralyzing to us and they will produce an overshare secretarial role

for the non-high conflict parent.

And when you call Larry the lawyer, he'll say, come on Sam, just tell him.

Just send the information.

Is it really that hard?

Well, Larry, I'm only calling you today.

There's been 50 other things last week and there was 50 more things the week

before and I'm finally sick of it.

So yeah, I'm fucking calling you and you're just telling me to keep doing

it because what will Larry end with?

Larry will say things like, Sam, you don't wanna be labeled as the problem, Sam.

You don't want that judge to think you're a bitch.

Sam, you're the better co-parent, so just do it.

These kids are depending on you, Sam, to keep him informed.

It's your job to make sure he knows really, where the

fuck was that written at?

I must have missed that whole paragraph.

Where does it say that at?

Where does it say that at?

Because I, I blew my mind.

Fuck, I didn't know that was in there, but it's not.

But he realizes, Larry, that you're the one that will make

it all work, and that's heavy.

I know this.

I live this.

It's heavy to be the fixer.

It's heavy to be the one that makes it happen.

It's heavy to be the one that gives the details.

Even sometimes when your kids don't want you to share the detail,

please don't tell him and just roll.

Reverse this if you need to.

Please don't tell her, please.

She's gonna flip out.

She's gonna yell at me.

I'm gonna get punished.

Oh, gross.

This happened at your house.

Why do we have to tell them what happened at our house?

Well, can we just keep it here?

These are all things that my children begged of sometimes, but the communication

clause said I had to share everything.

Here's the whole caveat to this though.

Do high conflict people share?

I'll wait.

No, they don't share shit of what's happening at their house.

They don't share anything.

They don't everything.

My house, my time with them.

But lemme get this straight, like you made me tell you.

You did?

Yeah.

So this is what we call reciprocation.

I did it to you.

You do it to me.

This is like co-parenting.

This is communicating.

This is cooperating.

Nah, no, I don't think you need to know.

Okay, so then what am I left to do?

I could file contempt.

I have to fucking call Larry back, and I have to spend more money just for a judge.

And this is just a spoiler for those of you that are new for a

family court system to be like, Hey.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, try harder, try harder.

Steve, please communicate with her better.

Wait a second.

I just filed a motion.

Cost me thousands of dollars to go in and tell the court system that he's not

sharing information like it clearly says.

Quotes.

Clearly.

He's supposed to communicate with me about all major issues, but he's not.

And all you're doing is telling him he should.

That's it.

You're just gonna tell him he should.

Yeah.

Well, it's his first strike.

This isn't criminal law.

This is family law.

He's gonna get a couple more shots.

Wait a second.

What?

The first time that happens to you?

You'll remember my face going, yeah.

Welcome to the, I got fucked over again.

Club.

You spent money to get a shake your finger.

Don't do that again, sir.

Make sure you communicate better with her.

Are you fucking kidding me?

What?

So again, I'm getting on a tangent and I'm sorry, but this is the podcast.

This is the way this is gonna go.

This is the way this is.

I just talk in tongues sometimes.

I keep talking.

I just get so passionate about getting you to understand, and I tell you

these stories because I know you can relate to the stories, but also

when you start to go down a story in real time, you're like, whoa, whoa.

I know how this could end.

I know what this is doing.

Whoa, I gotta stop this real quick.

Sam says.

Right.

Last one that we'll go over in the clauses is no limits.

There shall be no, oh, I forgot about this one.

This one's gonna hurt you guys.

There shall be no restrictions on the frequency or method of

the communication between parties concerning the minor children.

Let's break that down.

There shall be no restrictions.

Now I read that and We have to communicate, you we have

to talk about everything.

Okay, I got it.

I got it.

no restrictions on the frequency.

Like they can call me.

Okay, I got it.

They'll call me when something happens and I have to answer

or I have to get back to them.

I got it.

I'm looking at it very rational, like a eight to five emergencies after five.

We probably won't have very many of those, but if there is one, I

will call or I'll, take the call.

What high conflict people read that as?

I have control of this person now forever, and I get to quote this

sentence forever, means I can.

And it also says, let me read again.

There shall be no restrictions on the frequency, so I can call my kids as much

as I want during your parenting time.

I can call you during your own personal time as much as I want.

'cause I can make it sound like it's about the kids, when really

it's just me being nosy of what you're doing on your personal time.

And the method, meaning they can FaceTime when they want or

they can call when they want.

Or they can stop by.

'cause it doesn't say they can't, you guys, it doesn't say they can't.

Parenting plans have to be written for the worst case scenario,

and when they're written for co-parenting, you don't need it.

If you can co-parent, you don't need a parenting plan, you can put that

shit up on the shelf, like I said.

But when you need it, you fucking need it, and it better cover your ass.

So in the parenting plan, we write, we break down what are the rules around.

And a lot of it, and I'm sorry to say this, but it is what it is.

It's a business.

I have opening hours and I have closed hours.

My time with the kids is sacred.

There's no emergency here.

They're with me.

I see them.

You see me?

I see you.

We don't need you.

I'll get back to you in due time that my parenting plan says I have to.

But the biggest one you guys is the method.

You are telling me in the age of 2026 that they are gonna call me.

Hello?

I don't think so.

Side note, somebody text me today a photographer, and I

immediately called her, she text me.

I was driving.

So I called her I opened the conversation with this.

I know you're grossed out that I just called you because there's three

other ways I could be communicating with you, but I'm driving.

So I called you and she was dying laughing and she said, you're absolutely right.

I thought, ew.

I just sent a text and she's calling me, Ew.

You know, like you get grossed out during phone calls.

High conflict people don't get grossed out.

They fuck it because there's an off chance.

They may hear something in the background.

There's an off chance the kids may say something, there's an off

chance they may see something.

And so you wanna make sure that the method that you communicate

is put into your parenting plan.

So what actually protects you?

Platforms.

OFW.

This is not sponsored, although, hello?

our Family Wizard is one.

Talking parents is one onward is one.

I don't know if it's still out.

That's how old I am.

that just does just financial stuff.

But, app close, like close a door, not close.

You wear is another one.

Again, this is not sponsored.

but here's the deal, and this is just a freebie that I'll give you that I talk

about inside the masterclass is do not.

Become someone's secretary and use a calendar.

Don't do it.

And if you want me to break that down into a whole episode, I will.

'cause I will trash it.

I will trash it all right?

But the thing is, we have to understand that if we have any of these clauses

wrote into our parenting plan, that stamped and signed and sealed right now.

The next episode is gonna be very powerful for you because we're gonna

talk about what should be in your parenting plan for being able to

enforce and or modify your plan.

Because a lot of you don't know when you get to a certain

section, you're like, okay, it says this, but we aren't agreeing.

Now what?

You need to have a now what section?

Because if you don't, let's just kick this horse all the way dead.

if you don't have this section, what are you responsible at doing?

Talking to your ex or talking to Larry, both of which you don't wanna be doing.

So stay tuned for the next episode.