Hi, Kendra.

Hey, how's it going?

Good.

Thank you so much for coming back on.

I'm so excited.

It's so great to be back.

It does not feel like it's been like

what, a year since we filmed our last

episode together, so I'm so excited.

It's been so cool to see

how your podcast has grown.

I've loved watching everybody's

little interviews and everything.

It's been really entertaining, so

it's super cool to be back again.

I know.

I think the fun thing about it is just

being able to connect to so many people.

Like, I feel like if it weren't for this

podcast, we would never have had a sit

down to like, talk like this or, yeah,

it's, it just makes it so fun and like

forces me outta my shell too, because

I feel like working from home, like I

just have a plan of what I do and like

a lot of times I don't see a lot of

people, so it's a great way to connect.

Hey, I won't lie.

This is the first time I've worn

makeup in a month beyond just tinted

SPF and some freaking mascara.

I'm like, well, I better put on a face

today because I'm filming an episode.

So thank you for giving me

a reason to get dolled up.

Hey,

anytime.

No, you feel like people

expect you as a makeup artist?

Like, oh, they expect

me to have full face.

So, yes, and I will say that if I'm

doing makeup clients, I do try to put

like a little bit more makeup on, but

my day to day, I'm an esthetician.

So I mean, my day to day is more

like facial clients, eyebrows,

lashes, things like that.

And I feel like most of my clients

are more regulars now where they're

coming every six to eight weeks, and

I don't think that they really care

that I'm just wearing some tinted

moisturizer and a little bit of mascara.

But when it comes to makeup

clients, I think that it does.

One, there is that level

of professionalism.

I feel, and this can be heavily debated

too, like some people feel you don't

have to wear makeup as a professional

makeup artist while you are doing work.

But for me, I find that the very few

times that I haven't done that, I

get a lot more questioning my skills.

I guess that, if that makes sense,

where it's like, are you sure

you're gonna be able to do this?

So I think being able to be

like, I do know how to do makeup.

Right.

It's a little bit more

comforting to the person.

Yeah.

And a little bit more encouraging.

Yeah.

I feel like that's probably,

yeah, like a natural thing.

Like, oh, if you're hiring for

someone for hair or for nails, you

are looking at their hand and nails.

Although I feel like whenever I get my

nails done, they're probably just like so

busy that like they are more worried about

their client and less about their own.

Yeah.

Which makes sense so like we said, it's

been like a year since you've been on, so

What's been new for you?

What have you kind of done over

the last year that you're like,

I know you've been speaking at

events I've been seeing and Yes.

What's kind of your big thing you're

working on or did the last year?

So

in the past year, it

was a lot of traveling.

I did a lot of traveling last year.

I went to a bunch different conferences.

I taught a lot at different

conferences around the country.

I did my first kind of like independent

class where it wasn't in relation to any

of those, and that was really exciting.

but yeah, I mean, I got to go to Anaheim.

I got to go to Orlando, Chicago,

Denver, yeah, kind of all over.

Is it, is it all like.

Students that go to your

classes or can like anyone go to

your class?

So it is typically for the

conferences and stuff, those

are beauty professionals only.

Okay.

But people who are in cosmetology

school, esthetician school,

anything like that they can come to.

But these ones, it is more of

like just for the industry,

but they're very, very packed.

so it's definitely not like I'm feeling

like I'm missing out on seeing a lot

of people, which is really cool too.

It definitely feels like I'm still

offering a good amount of education.

But yeah, mostly more beauty professionals

when it comes to those types of things.

I would love to do more open

to the public type of classes.

it's just trying to find the time between

bridal season to make that happen.

But yeah, so it definitely got to

meet a lot of the beauty, students,

makeup artists, cosmetologists,

hairstylists, barbers, all the things.

that follow me in person.

So that was really nice.

And I love doing these events.

like the one that happens in Chicago.

I've done that for, I think this is my

fourth year being with them teaching.

and so it's been cool to just see

the growth of myself, but also when

people come back and they're taking my

classes again, and now they're telling

me, when I first came, I was still a

student and now I own my own makeup

studio, or I own my own salon, or I've

been at a salon for however many years

and I'm getting steady clientele.

Like, it's just been

really cool to do that.

So that has been a big thing travel wise.

And then just weddings.

I mean, I was pretty busy this year.

I did make the decision to.

Kind of step back from

taking every wedding.

And mostly because I one was

doing so much other traveling with

teaching and things like that.

Like I do need to have the availability

to do that, even though I did still have

where I would be leaving a wedding to jump

on a flight to go teach at these places.

but I did take a step

back typically in a year.

You know, I would take anywhere from 50 to

60 ish weddings, but I just, that's wild.

It's a lot.

And I made the decision last year

to step back and I wanted to take

only about 30 weddings just to

give myself a little bit more time.

which I think was really smart.

not just for me, but it let me learn

a lot about myself and, I think it

was the really healthy thing for me

to do and I think that it's gonna

be a good thing that I learned those

things to share with other people.

Just things like burnout, man,

like yeah, it's so easy to get

locked into the go, go, go.

And once you do, take that

step back, it's like, whoa.

I guess I have been like in fight or

flight for the past eight years because

I've just been doing so many weddings.

So I did make that decision.

That's something I'm moving forward with,

in 26 as well, is just less weddings.

More educating is kind of my goal too.

I want to do more teaching this year.

But yeah, so weddings last year I got

to do my first couple, further out of

state weddings, which was exciting.

I got to go to New York to do a wedding.

so yeah, just lots.

Travel was kind of the theme of last year.

Just go, go, go.

But awesome.

I feel like that's a really like

common thing I hear, whether it's

like wedding industry or just

like starting your own business.

It's really exciting, like when

your business grows and you

just wanna say yes to everybody.

I feel like I've had so many conversations

with people, they're like, all of a sudden

it just like hit me like I'm burned out.

I can't say yes to everybody.

I was talking to a wedding planner,

I'm trying to think of what month it

was, maybe like a month or two ago.

A friend of mine similar thing.

Like she was like, I'm finally toning it

back with weddings a little bit because

she was doing like 50, 40, 50 a year.

And most of them are in

that like wedding season.

she like, it's just exhausting.

But you're just like, go, go, go.

And you're like, this

is exciting, it's fun.

But then you realize like, I don't have

time to myself or like my body hurts.

I'm actually like.

Well, and

that's the thing too.

That's something I really

had to be mindful of.

I think I've shared this before, but I am

somebody that I do struggle with chronic

illnesses and I am physically disabled.

I have my hip replaced.

So I mean, I do feel like as

I'm getting older, I do need

to also be mindful of myself.

Mm-hmm.

Because there were times in recent years

before I did take that step back where.

I would get done with a wedding.

And actually, here's a good

little story for me to tell.

I I had a wedding where it was

at a hotel and I had a pretty

decently long day on average.

Nowadays, the most I will take

alone to do makeup is probably

about seven, maybe eight people,

but probably closer to seven.

I don't like to go over that too

much because it's just, that's a

lot of standing without being able

to take a drink of water or go to

the bathroom, things like that.

so I had, I wanna say around about eight

people and I got done with the wedding.

I had been there from like, I wanna say

five to five, six, so 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Okay.

12, one o'clock.

Sorry.

Math is not my strong suit at this moment.

That's okay.

So let's say I got done around like

one, and I say goodbye to everybody.

Everybody's happy, everything's awesome,

and I knew I was not feeling well.

so one of the conditions I

have, it's called pots, which

you may have heard of before.

It stands for postural

orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.

For those who are listening

who don't know what that is.

And in very, very, very basic terms, when

I am standing, my heart rate is elevated.

When I am in the heat, it

gets elevated even more.

That's a trigger for me.

high stress situations can

cause me to get even worse.

So I get done with the, wedding, take

the elevator downstairs, go out to

my car and I put my stuff in my car.

Sit down.

I leaned back and I closed my

eyes and I actually passed out.

I didn't realize that I did.

Oh my gosh.

But it was probably about, I

would say, somewhere between

like five to eight minutes before

I like opened my eyes again.

And that's when I realized that

I needed to start calming down.

I needed to start taking less weddings.

So after that wedding that was, I wanna

say in 24, leading into 25, I decided

I just needed to really skill back.

So I think that if it wouldn't have been

for something like that happening, I

probably still would be pushing myself.

But for anybody listening, you don't

have to have a chronic illness.

You don't have to be physically disabled,

you don't have to be anything to I.

Need to know your limits, to need to

know what your end goal really is.

Do you want to constantly be in

a state of stress with like panic

all the time of planning or, you

know, free time for yourself?

Your work shouldn't be your life.

you should be able to have

somewhat of a balance.

And I did see somebody post something

recently, like, does anyone know when I

actually reach this work life balance?

Like, is that even a thing?

And I think that there's no real

set template of this is what

works, this is what doesn't work.

You kind of just have to

figure it out as you go.

And that's kind of what I've had

to do is just realize once I hit my

limit, scale back until it feels.

Comfortable.

Yeah.

That's so funny you say that because I

just made a video talking about, I might

have been kind of like implying work-life

balance, but I did say something about

like, one of the things I'm struggling

with is trying to find balance.

'cause I feel like mm-hmm.

The planner part in me always

wants things to be like this.

when I'm not productive

I get so hard on myself.

so I'll have like days where I'm

like, everything's like done,

that I need to, I check the boxes.

the other days where I'm just

not productive and I'm just

like, where's this balance?

Or I feel like if I'm doing too much

work, I'm not enough of a mom or I'm

not enough of a wife or a friend.

You know, that pull of needing

to do all these things.

So I totally relate.

I think that one thing

that I heard in my life.

From just a friend of mine, and I don't

even think she was trying to be any

sort of inspirational thing or anything.

Yeah, she was just talking.

She said that if I'm ever over

excelling in one portion of my

life, I'm failing in another.

Mm-hmm.

And that has really stuck with me.

And I don't think that that's negative,

like necessarily a negative thing.

I think that if you think of your life as

right now, I want to be really excelling

in my career, you have to also understand

that that does equate that maybe you're.

Weekends are a little bit less, your

friend time is gonna be a little

bit less, it's not ever to me that

things will ever be 50 50 balance.

I think that if you want to be

excelling in one way, you have to

give up a couple of things for it

to be balanced so that you're not

trying to keep up with the friendships

every single weekend we're going out.

It's just not possible.

And then you're putting way too much

pressure on yourself when at the end

of the day, especially in this type

of career, when you are your own

boss, you're setting your own goals

and aspirations and things like that.

The only person who is holding

you to that standard is you.

So if you are being so hard on

yourself with things like that,

you're never gonna feel balanced.

You're never gonna feel like

you're accomplishing enough and

you're never gonna feel like you.

You've done it, you're never

gonna feel comfortable.

You're never gonna feel stable.

You're always gonna be reaching

for more or wanting to do more.

And it's not bad to have goals and

have aspirations, but you can't stress

to yourself out to the point that you

are holding yourself to not possible

standards like physically can't happen.

There's 24 hours in a day.

People love to say that.

We're not awake and going

for 24 hours in a day.

So I think that you just have to, as a

person, whether you are just a person,

person, whether you're a business

owner, entrepreneur, makeup artist,

whatever, the balance doesn't come 50 50.

It's how can I rearrange things

in my life to feel like what I'm

wanting to focus on right now?

Is what I'm focusing on and

I'm not stressing about trying

to uphold other things too.

Mm-hmm.

I hope that makes sense.

No, it totally does.

No, I love that because it's kinda like

different seasons require different

balances and different priorities.

Mm-hmm.

Because, yeah, you made a good point.

It was like last year was my first full

year, I would say, as an entrepreneur.

I started in 2023 of my own business,

but last year with like the social

media consulting and all that stuff.

so I think I put like so much

effort in it, but it was also my

daughter's second year of life.

She's like, I'm trying to think

of like how the year's worth Yeah.

Versus birthdays so second year of life.

So I'm like, oh, it's

such an important stage.

And then there's the mom guilt and

so you like push it back and forth.

But I'm like, I also have the

benefit of being home with her.

So I do get to be home with her more

than I think most working moms get to.

So I kind have to remember like that's,

that's a something that I get that,

or what's the word I'm looking for?

That's a. privilege or an like,

something that I have that not

a lot of people are able to do.

So, just kind of realizing those

things and stepping outside

of it is like, is important.

So I feel like that was

like a mini therapy session.

Thank you.

Oh yeah.

You're welcome.

Most of that comes to

you via my therapist.

Thank you Theresa.

We love you.

Thank you.

Yes.

I always hear things like that.

I'm like, maybe I should

go back to therapy.

I'm like, just so I have someone like

talk to you about things like that.

'cause it's

I think everybody needs a therapist.

I think everybody should go to therapy.

Even if you don't feel like you are

struggling with something right now.

Even if it's not like I need therapy.

You know what I mean?

I don't think that you will ever

not benefit from having somebody to

talk to that's not biased, that can

help you work through situations.

Even if it's just that you're going

through a hard time at work or.

Kind of what we're talking about.

Like maybe you are

struggling with mom guilt.

I wouldn't say when you're struggling with

those things, most people in your life

are gonna be like, wow, you need therapy.

Right.

But I do think that if you are in therapy

while you're going through those things in

your life, you're gonna benefit from it.

You're never gonna be like, why did I

even sit through that therapy session?

I think you can always

benefit from therapy.

Oh,

for sure.

Yeah.

I think it's like one of those

things where it's just good to

sometimes like say it out loud.

Yeah.

Because I even like the people that submit

stories to me too, like these wedding

drama stories or relationship things.

they always tell me at the end, or

should say like a lot of times at

the end they're like, even if you

don't use this, it was really good

for me just to like type it out.

'cause they're like, it allowed

me to like see what happened and

understand how I feel about it.

' cause I think so many times, like we're

talking about is like, go, go, go.

What the heck just happened?

Oh, well next problem.

You know, you kind of just push it aside.

So I think it's absolutely so beneficial.

And I think therapy too is way

less stigmatized than it was like

when we were like children maybe.

Yeah.

I've definitely gone to therapy

multiple times in my life at like

different points where stress was

super high or something was going on.

But it's funny, I've told someone

this also in this one before,

probably not on the podcast, but the

last therapist I had, I loved her.

She was great, but she like

dismissed me at the end.

She's like, all right, I

think we solved the problem.

We're gonna be done now.

then, like she just said, I was done.

I remember telling my boss at the

time, 'cause he's really like, open

about therapy and mental health.

Yeah.

It's like, I've never

had that happen before.

And I was like, I, that I've never

had that happen to me either.

I've gone to therapy for the past.

I wanna say that I started therapy

in 2020 and I've been seeing

the same therapist since then.

And I've taken breaks, you know, when.

I got off my parents' insurance

or whatever and well I

can't afford it right now.

I gotta pay for that.

yeah.

And then gotten back on with her and

yeah, there's never been a time even

when I felt like I was doing well and the

therapy was more of just like a moment

for me to check in with myself, I guess.

Where she's been like, alright, great.

The only thing I would say that

she ever says is, do you feel like

we still need to meet monthly?

Or would you wanna maybe

push it out to two months?

That makes sense to me.

But to be like, well,

we solved the problem.

I don't think that therapy always needs

to be, and I'm not saying that it's never

this way, but I don't think that it always

needs to be solving the problem to end it.

Because problems keep coming up in life.

Things keep happening.

Who's to say that She didn't say?

you know, we solved the problem.

That's it.

And then a week later you have some

major tragedy happen in your life

and you have nobody to talk to.

Yeah.

I mean, you have friends, you have

family, but you don't have an unbiased

person who knows how you think,

knows how you processes things.

Yeah.

So that's, that's kind of odd.

I'm sorry you

had that experience.

Oh yeah.

It was so odd.

I was just like, at the

time I was like, oh, cool.

And then later I was like, wait,

is that supposed to happen?

I don't know.

Yeah.

It was weird.

Maybe I need therapy to

talk about that therapy.

You're like, actually,

actually, anyway, I feel like I got off.

oh, there's no topic.

Whatever.

we're talking

we're yapping.

It's fine.

Yeah.

pause really quick.

I just have a quick question about that.

So like, what was your first,

symptom you just noticed like your

heart rate would kind of increase

a long time?

So I have a little bit of

an odd story kind of when it

comes to my health in general.

so I have always really struggled with,

like, exercise was always really difficult

for me and not in the sense of like, I

don't wanna do it, but it would be like,

I don't want to do it as a child and

like I'm running, playing basketball and

I'm great at sports and I'm awesome at

like these things at a young age, but.

I'm having to like ask to get taken out

to take a break and I'm like beat red and

blood pooling in my legs and all that.

I really noticed it amping up

after I had my hip replaced.

and I've, POTS is one of a few things

that I deal with, but I mean, I was

on, or not even my hip replace, I have

had two hip surgeries on the same hip.

The first one was a like experimental

one to see if we could kind of push off

the replacement so that I wouldn't have

to get multiple throughout my life.

but it only gave me like

four-ish years of relief.

so after that surgery I was

still on the crutches from that

surgery and I actually passed out.

And it was a whole thing.

I was at work.

So I had had my first hip surgery and

I actually passed out at work, like

smacked my head off of a counter.

It was a whole thing.

Paramedics had to come.

It was not great.

but then I was noticing like it

was just happening a lot more and.

Mostly it was like starting to amp up.

The more I was like stressed because

I found out now for me, stress

and the heat are like my biggest

triggers when it comes to my pots.

and so I had a family member pass away

and I had to sing at their funeral.

And I don't even remember the

last like verse that I'm singing.

Thank God I said the words correctly.

but I sang that stepped back.

I was up in the balcony, so thankfully

I wasn't also in front of everybody.

But I like stepped back, looked

over to a family friend and

was like, I'm gonna pass out.

She took me downstairs fine.

and then after my second surgery, my

hip replacement, that's when a lot of

my other chronic illnesses started.

I also have a condition called mast

cell activation syndrome, which.

Basically for me, your mast are the

cells that kind of check out foreign

invaders, like things coming into the

body and they go, we good or not good?

I'm not a medical professional, so if I'm

saying this wrong, but I do know that they

are the reason that histamine is put out.

And so for me, my mast cells are

kind of always activated, hence

mast cell activation syndrome.

but what that means for me is I've

developed a lot of allergies, and I

can develop new ones to random things

and that might be just, I'm itchy,

but it's also like I go anaphylactic.

So I I've had a whole life

shift because of all of that.

but because of my mast cell

activation syndrome and pots.

If one of them gets mad,

the other one gets mad.

So I've had a couple of times where

I mean, I've passed out quite a bit

and not everyone with POTS will,

that's kind of a misconception.

Like people with pots stand

up and instantly pass out.

That's not typically the case.

Like some people will, but it's

more of like a constant state of

feeling, like out of it, I guess.

Like brain fog is massive with pots.

it affects your entire

autonomic nervous system.

So that's like breathing,

that's like digestion.

That's your heart rate, your

temperature control, things like that.

so it's affected me in a lot of

ways, which is again, when I started

realizing like, okay, this is affecting

me when I'm taking too many weddings.

That's, I really need to step back, but.

Definitely it was like heart racing.

I wear a device that's

called a visible armband.

I'm not wearing it today because I'm

sitting, but it basically will show me

second by second what's going on with

my heart rate and alert me if I've

been in the red zone for too long, if

I am, you know, more opt to, need to

take a break or anything like that.

So, mm-hmm.

I wear that now.

But, yeah, it's not fun.

It's definitely been one of the

most debilitating things for me.

and I think that.

It's something that I

wanna talk more about.

So I'm glad that we get to talk about it

here because we don't, we don't really get

to see much representation of people that

are entrepreneurs that are also dealing

with things like this, or business owners

that are dealing with things like this.

I feel like it's kind of stereotypical

that it's more like you're a boss,

babe, and you're just go, go, go.

Awesome.

And what people don't see with people

like me who are chronically ill or

whatever are, the days that, I mean,

I've even had here, this is, I'm at

my store right now, but I've even had

here where between clients I know I've

got 20 minutes, I am not doing well,

and I'm taking my emergency meds, I'm

laying on the floor with my feet elevated

for 15 minutes and then quick getting

back to it, pushing through that.

And then same thing between clients.

I'm just having to take breaks.

So, yeah.

That was a really long thing,

No, but that's good.

Like you said, it's something that I

think other people can learn more about

and I think be able to see like the

behind the curtain kind of thing Yeah.

it's something that's not talked about a

lot and so that's why I was like really

curious about like your first symptoms

and then kind of how you handle it

now when you know it's like coming on

or, you know, feeling a certain type.

it's hard too because the handling it

thing isn't really like, it's one of

those conditions that there's a huge.

Spectrum.

You could be somebody with pots and if

you're listening to this now and you have

pots that this is the case, please comment

below because I want people to feel not

alone, but you could be somebody with pots

that you are on disability, you can't get

out of bed, you're having people coming

to your house, giving you IV infusions at

home because you physically can't stand.

Mm-hmm.

It can be that severe.

And then there's people like me that are

kind of somewhere in the middle, like

in wedding season, which unfortunately

for me is when here is obviously

like summer fall, when it's warmer.

So I'm getting like at least monthly

infusions, but people aren't seeing that.

I'm not showing that, oh,

come with me to get my iv.

Right.

and then constantly taking

salt pills so that my blood

pressure stays somewhat level.

making sure that I'm like

actually forcing myself to take.

Drinks and stuff like that,

working that time into my client's

timelines, things like that.

there's this huge spectrum of pots and

I think that it's becoming more well

known, which I'm really happy about,

but I think that people aren't seeing

enough of working people with it.

And so it can be a little bit

like, oh, well if you have pots,

why aren't you just on disability?

It's not easy to do that.

thank you for letting me talk about that.

I'm really happy that I got

to share that with people.

No, of course.

Yeah, and you make a good point too,

about, I think like in general, when

someone hear about a disability or

an autoimmune, they'll relate to

one person they know and they don't

realize everything is a spectrum.

So some people have very severe

symptoms all the time, like you

said, and some maybe internally

battling every single day.

And some might have smaller

symptoms or, you know.

Yeah.

And so I think it's important to see

that there's a wide span and to just,

you know, give grace to people and kind

understand it every situation might

be a little bit different as well.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Thank you for sharing that.

No, I, I was curious 'cause I

didn't really know much about it.

Yeah.

Yes.

okay.

So let's get into some of the.

Wedding hot takes before

we get to the story.

Mm-hmm.

So, okay.

Started a new thing since

last time, because I don't

think we did this last time.

Red flag or green flag?

Mm. So you're just gonna, I'm gonna

say a sentence and then you'll just

say if it's a red flag or a green flag.

Okay.

Replacing a bridesmaid

close to the wedding,

that's a hard one though, because

I guess I know I should, I know you

wanna answer a red flag, green flag.

It really depends on the situation though.

I know, I know.

That's a hard one.

So, as a vendor, I would say maybe

red flag for planning purposes

and like scheduling purposes,

depending on how close, like if

it's the day before, like Right.

That can be a little bit like

jarring, but I don't wanna say

it's a full red flag because.

If that person in your bridal party

was going to be chaotic or causing

you tons of stress, or maybe there's

been a massive falling out green

flag, please don't have them there.

I don't wanna have to

be around that either.

I don't wanna be set in that stressful

situation and I don't want my

client in that stressful situation.

So, man, that's a hard one.

I would say that really depends, but I'm

leaning, I guess, more towards green.

I know.

I feel the same way.

I feel like a lot of these scenarios,

there's so much, like so many

details that could change it.

Yeah.

It's like everyone's perspective and Yeah.

Expecting attendance at

every pre-wedding event.

So the brides like you have to come to the

engagement party, the shower, all that.

No, that's a red flag to me.

You can't expect everyone to

be everywhere all the time.

I think that what people lose

the plot on a lot when they're

brides is thinking that.

I think when you're a bride, that

is the most important thing to you.

That's what the majority of your

planning is going towards for

at least a year in most cases.

that's like end goal,

most important thing.

think of the times that you've

been in a wedding though.

Maybe if it's like your best, best

friend, but like life goes on,

you have other things going on.

maybe somebody in your bridal

party or an attendant or something.

Maybe they have somebody

else getting married.

They can't come.

Like you can't expect people to

just always, always be there.

Is it nice?

Yes.

But I would never hold it against somebody

if they couldn't come to something.

I had people RSVP yes to my wedding.

I had a very small wedding.

We had like 50 people.

Mm-hmm.

And I had people very close to me.

RSVP.

Yes.

And they couldn't come because of X,

Y, or Z was I like, oh, that sucks.

But I wasn't like, oh my gosh, I'm

never talking to that person again.

I can't believe they wouldn't come.

Like that's a little

bit of a red flag to me.

I know.

It always gets lost on me when they're

like, you must attend every single thing.

My wedding's the priority and I'm like, I

realize that everyone else has lives too.

My wedding is yeah, it's important to

me, but like I don't expect it to be

the most important thing to everybody

else or anybody else for that matter.

No.

Yeah.

I mean, that's crazy.

Like I have friends that couldn't

come to the Bachelorette or the

shower and I was like, right, your

family, your health, your whatever

you're going through goes, it's first.

Exactly.

We'll, we will live.

okay.

cash bars, red or green cash

bars.

Yeah, I haven't really been to a

wedding where that's been the case.

So Cash Bar explained to me, just

to make sure I'm that's where

you're like paying to add alcohol?

Yeah, there's

just, yeah, they don't, they

probably don't provide any drinks.

I've never been to a full cash bar either.

Usually at least there's or something.

But yeah, it's just like

there's no drinks provided.

I would say, um,

I would say that's a little bit of

a red flag if it's fully a cash bar.

Like if you're not providing any

sort of refreshments, like that would

kind of be a little bit alarming.

You have to have something

for somebody to drink.

but if it's cash bar.

Just for, I guess that's also

a little bit hard though.

Like my family doesn't really

drink, so it would be like,

we had nothing at my wedding.

So I don't know.

I think that kind of just

depends on the person.

I think that if your family is somebody

that you are people that you know

are gonna drink, and you know that

maybe you can't provide that much.

I mean, maybe having like a set

drink or something that is free or

included with the wedding, and then

maybe if there's something like

extra that somebody wants, Right.

I don't know.

Yeah, I've just not been

to something like that.

Yeah.

And I feel like if they're, yeah,

if they're not providing anything,

like no kind of refreshment,

I'm talking even non-alcoholic.

Yeah.

So if they're not providing anything and

expecting nice people to come, then sure.

That's a little bit of a red flag If

they expect everybody to like pay for

food and drinks once they're there.

Right.

But if it's like, oh,

we're just talking like.

Your aunt prefers like this really fancy

vodka, then Yeah, I think it's a red

flag that, yeah, have them pay for it.

Like

I totally agree.

That's exactly what I think.

Board.

right.

Doesn't need to be an

open bar or anything.

okay, last one.

Announcing a pregnancy at the wedding.

Oof.

To me girl, that's gonna be a red flag.

That is unless the only time I can

ever see it be okay is one, it's the

couple announcing that they're pregnant.

obviously, or if it's been super well

discussed and maybe the couple has asked

for this to happen there otherwise.

Die.

That's, yes.

So I probably wouldn't do that.

that's crazy To me, that's

like one of those things I didn't

even know that was a thing until I

started getting story submissions.

Yeah.

And the amount of times where it's like

someone wants to announce someone else's

pregnancy at the wedding, like once

where I read was like the, mother-in-law

wanted to announce the younger brothers.

His girlfriends.

Oh, I think I saw

your story about that.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was one.

And then there was another one like

last year that was like kind of

similar where the couple, well they

asked the couple and the couple said

no, and they mom Oh, then media red

flag.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The mom

was still bringing in like a, box to

like surprise everybody with, and then

still did like a mini celebration of

the table even after they said, no.

That's wild.

To me.

that's up there with if somebody is

getting married and they're like,

Hey, photographer, my husband and

I just got engaged like this week.

Could you take some engagement

photos at this person's wedding?

Yes.

Like it's that level to me where

it's just a common courtesy

thing to like not do that.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, I wouldn't, even if

I was at somebody's like.

They just graduated college.

We're having this really fun party.

I wouldn't be like, Hey guys,

by the way, make this about me.

Like there's moments in life

where it's not about you.

Yeah.

I think that's a big thing to remember

is sometimes it's not your turn.

Yeah.

It's this person's turn,

it's their moment to shine.

And unless they are super,

like, please, I want you to

just let them shine.

It's just, it's just rude.

It's just rude.

Yeah.

We don't need to always

turn it back to us.

Right,

right.

Oh my gosh.

Okay.

All right.

I'm gonna do a couple of, would you

rathers and then we'll get into our story.

Okay.

These are like more like

makeup kind of, focus.

Okay.

Would you rather start glam at 5:00 AM or

be rushing to put lipstick on in the car?

Oh, definitely start glam at 5:00

AM I don't like feeling rushed.

I hate it.

It makes me so stressed

and anxious and my luck.

I'm gonna like, think that I'm

putting it on good and then I get

out and I'm looking like the joker.

Like I just, no, I would

rather start earlier.

My gosh.

Totally.

I think I said this before, but like when

I was in a lot of weddings, I always felt

like they put me at the earliest slot.

'cause they're like, oh,

we know you wake up early.

That was also Preki.

they're like, we know you wake up early.

So I'd be like in my

chair, like half asleep.

But I did like just being done and then I

could just like hang out with everybody.

Yeah.

I didn't have to rush or worry.

Like, 'cause sometimes being

some of the later ones, you're

like, are we gonna have time?

Or you're like, oh, a

hundred percent.

Yeah.

And for me too, like what I like

to do personally to avoid that.

And if you're a makeup artist

listening, I always, let's say they

tell me they need to be done by

three, we're gonna be done by two.

Like I wanna give that little

bit of wiggle room for touch-ups.

Maybe there was an emotional

gift that somebody was given

and like they completely like,

I wanna have time for things.

People get stuck in

traffic, things happen.

So always give yourself a

little bit of extra time.

And for any brides or somebody that's

getting married, that's listening, just

because when you are getting ready on

the every day, it might take you an

hour and a half to do hair and makeup.

Please know, wedding time

is, its whole different.

Thing like it is so different.

You might be thinking, wow, my makeup

artist wants to start at 7:00 AM We

don't have to be done till three.

That's crazy.

And then when you're getting done,

you're like, how has the day flown by?

How have we, like where did that go?

That's what I hear 99%

of the time at weddings.

It is just like, whoa.

That day went by so fast.

Like, ah.

So always give yourself a little extra

time that you think, I know it's,

you don't think of like the random

person popping in to say hello

and like, yes, you step by or

setting up food for your brides.

You know?

You just don't think those little things.

You don't think about it running to the

bathroom, oh, I forgot this in my room.

Like Exactly.

There's always something.

So

something.

Yes.

Yeah.

would you rather a bridesmaid hate her

makeup or refuse the look and do her own?

would I rather bridesmaid hate their

makeup or when you say refuse their look

and do their own, like, they just are

like, I don't want you to do my makeup.

Don't want,

yeah.

I'd rather them do their own.

Like if they're gonna hate it the way

that I do it, you don't need me to do it.

Like, if you're good at what you're

gonna do and you're already happy with

how you do your makeup, don't feel

like you have to get your makeup done.

I I would rather that, because that

just puts anxiety on everybody that day.

The person getting their makeup

done is gonna go into it knowing

that they're gonna hate it probably.

Or just I know my features better.

I've never liked my makeup

done by somebody else.

They're gonna go into it that way.

The makeup artist is gonna be thinking

of all the ways that they can try to make

that not happen and make the person happy

just for them to not be happy in the end.

Yeah.

If you know you're somebody that

you just don't like getting your

makeup done by somebody else.

Just do it yourself, even if you

are the bride, the groom, whoever.

Like just do it yourself.

It doesn't,

yeah.

I feel like if you're like super

picky, you need to just do it yourself

if you know what you're doing.

yeah, know yourself in those moments.

'cause like when I'm a bridesmaid,

I love getting my makeup done.

I just trust the makeup artist.

I'm like, you know what you're doing.

but I have friends that like, they're

just very particular and they're just

good at their own makeup and they do it.

like about knowing yourself.

Absolutely.

For myself, like I did my own makeup on

my wedding day and that was because I

enjoy the process of putting makeup on.

I enjoy doing it myself.

But if I were somebody that didn't

enjoy that and you're like, man,

every time I do my makeup, I hate it.

Get somebody do your makeup for you.

Yeah.

Even if it's like, I can't

afford a makeup artist.

Maybe you have a really talented

friend or something that does makeup

really well, it's okay to do that too.

You don't have to.

But on the flip, don't think

like we're saying that you

have to have a makeup artist.

If you're like, I'm good at what I do.

It's not a necessity.

You don't need a makeup

artist to get married.

You need a officiant, you need a

venue, you need a wedding dress.

Those are needs, this

is wants and luxuries.

You don't have to have it.

Right, totally.

would you rather one bridesmaid be

45 minutes late or one bridesmaid be

overly controlling about the schedule?

I would definitely have somebody

that's maybe a little bit more

controlling about the schedule because.

I'd rather have somebody that's on

me about the times and whatnot versus

somebody who is just so nonchalant than I

am anxious, everything's running behind.

I'm probably gonna get blamed for

the fact that things are behind, even

though I didn't do anything wrong.

I'd rather have somebody way

more on me about the time,

because me personally like I am.

So it might not seem it if you're any

of my clients watching this now, but in

that moment, I mean, what I do, and this

is a little tip too, for makeup artists,

for weddings, like I set my schedule.

as my lock screen for a wedding.

Okay.

And I'm, every couple little bit, I'm

clicking it to see, to make sure that

I'm good and to somebody, it just looks

like I'm checking the time, but I'm

really like seeing how I'm doing on time.

So shoot, if somebody wants to

be the little voice in my head

that's already happening when I'm

doing this, like, sure, I'd rather

have that than somebody be late.

Yeah, I love that because yeah, it's

like when bridesmaid be a little late,

but they don't always realize how much

that could push back everybody else.

Especially like, what if it's a

wedding where there's only three

or four bridesmaids than you're

kind of reshuffling everybody.

But it's good to have that schedule.

Like when I'm, when I've been hired

for like Day of Coordinators, I'm

like on it, I'm the same as you.

I'm like checking.

I'm like, okay, all right.

Where's our next bridesmaid?

You're on deck when she's

done, you're swapping like,

because again, it goes

back to the whole thing.

That wedding time is its own thing.

Like it is just so different

than an everyday type of thing.

You have to be so scheduled

because yeah, one little thing

can really throw off a whole day.

And I've had it in the past where

I had a bridesmaid be super late

and it almost made it to where I

couldn't do the grandma's makeup.

Like the grandma would've

just not had makeup.

I made it work.

Yeah, bride not happy with me

because of the delay, but I made

it work because I'm not gonna let

somebody's grandma not have makeup.

That's crazy.

That would make me sad.

but yeah, it's so easy to throw

off an entire day without even

realizing it because 45 minutes,

me, I block out an hour for makeup.

but that's including like cleaning

in between time for me to like,

you know, take a drink or whatever.

So it's really more 45 minutes.

So if you think about it, if you're

45 minutes late, you're pushing

the day, a whole appointment slot

back, like that is a lot of time.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

All right.

No, that's a, that's a great point.

All right.

Let's just get into today's story

because you always end up being

a little bit longer than I think.

So let's just get into it.

Okay.

and feel free to stop me or pause anytime

if you, likewise, we just back the note.

As we go.

All right.

I was the Maître d' for all types of

events at a golf course and country club.

Every Sunday we hosted a flat

priced buffet with no alcohol for

gospel groups, prayer gathering.

They danced, sing, and

filled the room with joy.

The staff loved watching and listening

to them, and we never had a single issue.

We genuinely looked

forward to their visit.

One of the young women from the group

decided she wanted her wedding there on a

Sunday afternoon with the group present.

I walked her through everything,

the theme menu, colors, ceremony,

flow, flowers, readings, dances,

bar options, extra servers, sleeping

arrangements for the newlyweds, backup.

Well, this is a lot.

backup plans for the bad weather and

even contingency plans for family issues.

Okay, they got it all.

we had the space for six

hours, including the ceremony.

For comparison, the gospel group typically

use the room for only two to two and

a half hours on the regular Sundays.

So I'm thinking they wanted to rent,

they wanted them to sing at her wedding

is what I'm guessing some, yeah.

It's

sounding like she wants 'em to

be very involved with the day.

Yeah.

because it says they want

the guests present that are

normally there on Sundays.

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

So she wants them to be there.

Okay.

They were allowed joyful and

energetic, but never obnoxious.

Just a genuinely happy to be a live vibe.

the first deposit to hold the date and

room was paid immediately with no issues.

Over the next four to five months,

the bride and groom agreed to

every recommendation we made.

Used all our preferred vendors,

and sometimes even brought

me homemade baked goods.

We clicked really well.

The only request they made beyond

my cake recommendation was an extra

tier and specific symbol to honor

their deceased parents and a sibling.

We upgraded the cake at

no additional charge.

That's nice.

Yeah.

That's really nice.

Um, as the second deposit approach,

they continued adding upgrades and

RSVPs were higher than expected.

We needed additional servers, more food,

extra tables, and more rentals overall.

They also decided to move the

wedding up by three weeks to the

earliest Sunday we had available.

Oh.

I'm wondering how like, how late

into the planning this was because

Yeah, that's a pretty big shift.

Yeah.

And like schedules adding people.

Okay.

Okay.

She said that wasn't an issue, but

it did mean we couldn't get the exact

same linen colors in time and they

needed to secure an available pastor.

We agreed to keep the second

deposit due date the same as the

original planned and not move it up.

Two weeks before the

wedding, I checked in again.

Everything was fully

planned and it was a lot.

I heard nothing back three

days before the wedding.

I left messages for the couple and both

mothers while also confirming flowers,

linens, staff, transportation, and final

details the following afternoon Friday.

they still haven't heard from them.

Oh my gosh.

That's, I'm like,

it's okay.

We are like crunch time and

we've not heard anything.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm locked in.

I know.

I'm always like, what do you do at

that point where you're constantly like

calling them, emailing them, nothing?

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

The following afternoon Friday, the

bride's uncle arrived with a check

covering the remaining balance.

My boss wasn't thrilled, but

at that point we proceeded.

Wasn't thrilled that the uncle

came or that they were like.

Yeah.

'cause I mean that payment probably

would be late, I would imagine.

I feel like most things don't

take payments that close.

Yeah, because we're talking, she

doesn't say when the date was, but

she's saying all of a sudden before

the wedding, they still hadn't paid,

they didn't hear anything back.

Well, then we're at three

days before the wedding.

Yeah.

So we're like close.

Close.

So I can see where they're stressed.

Like you're not talking to us and it's not

you that's bringing in the final check.

It's some random relative, like

Yeah, you never called back.

Were they involved?

Yeah.

Were they involved with

this relative before?

Is this person just showing

up like Yeah, I'd probably be

a little frustrated as well.

And I'm wondering like for venues.

If you don't get that second deposit,

I'm sure they have a right to either

add an extra charge or Oh, yeah.

To cancel your event or something because

they're holding all, I mean, maybe they

end up losing money then, but, ' cause

I'm like, where's like the stickler for

you have to pay us this day, or Yeah.

Something happens, we lose this.

You can't have this amenity or,

you know, something like that.

Okay.

Okay.

the wedding began at noon just as

their gospel gatherings always did.

The ceremony was beautiful.

While photos were being taken,

I showed the mother of the

bride the reception room.

So it's weird.

Everything's just like going as

normal even though they Yeah.

We're just like

going forward.

Even though nobody was

confirming anything.

Okay.

Yeah.

Alright.

Immediately she began tearing it apart.

The mother of the bride tearing

apart the reception room.

The linen colors were wrong.

The tables were too far from the

windows where a large buffet had been

set up overlooking the golf course.

The dance floor was too large.

Even though most guests danced

at their tables, the cake was

missing a tier and it was crooked.

Or she's saying it wasn't.

These are all the things that the

mother of the the bride was saying.

Okay.

And it was crooked.

It wasn't, the lighting was

too dim and felt solemn.

The servers were dressed too

formally One server hunched too much.

She didn't like my dress.

She's

talking to the, your server

has bad posture, okay?

I get being upset in certain

things, and we'll hear more story.

I understand.

Okay.

don't, what if that

person has a back issue?

You dunno.

Why are we going after

the servers themselves?

Like, that's kind of crazy to me.

It's wild.

That's wild.

Okay.

Yes.

You don't know anything about this person.

Yeah.

What in the world make that comment?

they're doing their jobs, aren't they?

They're, they're like helping.

Right.

Like, oh my God.

then to say she didn't like her

dress, the person doing it, she's

saying she didn't like my dress.

It clashed.

So the person that sent in this

email that runs these letters?

Yeah.

Can you imagine?

I'd be like, okay.

Like, sorry.

Right.

That's what I chose to wear.

That's wild.

Okay.

Bizarre.

Oh my gosh.

The flowers were too sparse.

there were too many ribbons.

She was irate.

I was completely dumbfounded.

And that's a problem too.

Well, I mean it's, there's so

many problems with this, right?

Thinking that she has

some power coming in.

It's like she's not the client.

Yeah.

But it weird that she, they just

stopped hearing from the bride and

groom and then the uncle just comes in.

Right.

And it's weird to me too, that, weddings

that I've been to my wedding, we very

much discussed like what the layout was

going to be, how things were gonna look.

And I know that they said, we did let

them know that the linens wouldn't be

able to be the same because of whatever.

So they were aware of that.

Maybe this mom isn't aware of the change.

Okay.

But also who are you?

Like, I get you're the mom, but you're

also like not the deciding factor.

Yeah.

I feel like it was something where.

The mom wasn't as involved as

she wanted to be or something.

Yeah.

And it sounds like, like the

person that wrote this, I always

say it's a little biased 'cause

she's the one that sent it to us.

Right.

So I'm like hearing her perspective,

but I'm like, sounds like she

knows what she's talking about.

She's done all these

weddings and events before.

Right.

So I'm sure they're following

the contract, following the plan.

The mom's, she's like, I don't like this.

This is not what I envisioned.

Or she's embarrassed because she wants

her family to see something different.

Or I,

that's just so, it's so silly to me too

because let's say all of these things

are the genuine, the bride comes in and

ends up saying the exact same thing.

Where have you been?

You haven't like been communicating with

us to like even know, maybe the original

discussion was that there were gonna be

this many ribbons, or maybe the discussion

was that the flowers were gonna be how

they're gonna be if you're not having.

' cause it's sounding to me

like the venue is providing

most, if not all of the setup.

So it's not like they're having to

coordinate multiple different vendors.

It's sounding like it is

the venue that's doing this.

So how that communication between the

couple and the venue itself got so lax.

Mm-hmm.

It is strange to me, like, yeah.

Okay.

I need to

hear more.

I need to Very on.

Okay.

It says she stormed off and I

went back to business as usual.

This was a $16,000 wedding.

Absolutely.

All out.

That seems low to me, but I don't know.

I feel, oh yeah, I hear golf courses.

At first I was like

16, but then I'm like,

actually no, that's pretty low.

Yeah.

At least in this area.

Michigan.

I know.

I don't know where this

was, but yeah, I feel like golf course

weddings, like when we were just kinda

like, just kind of getting ideas.

I feel like golf courses were like the

most expensive 'cause it was like, oh

yeah, resort vibes, everything included.

And so I feel like those were like

at least 50 if not way higher.

Yeah, no, I agree.

Yeah.

I don't know.

okay, so it said, intros finished first

stance is done, speech is complete.

Dinner music began, the buffet was

destroyed, completely cleaned out.

So it was destroyed in a good way.

I think she means

demolished the food.

They ate it all.

That's what I'm gathering.

shiny.

Yeah.

shiny Yeah.

I'm like, okay, I was

gonna pronounce that wrong.

And all music continued, some

dancing followed, and then the

mother of the groom approached me.

She said the food was awful.

The servers were slow, people were

spiking drinks at a dry wedding.

Apparently sneaking alcohol from

another bar into the building.

The dance floor was a slippery hazard.

The linens were dry

after people ate, or No?

The linens were dirty after people ate.

It didn't take a genius to

see where this was headed.

The hints for a massive

discount started shortly after.

they don't wanna pay.

They don't want to pay.

They don't want to pay.

Hopefully they've already

cashed that check, girl.

And it didn't bounce like this.

What it's for, the dirty or the

Dirty Linens thing reminded me.

I saw this thing where an influencer

was trying to do something or she was

getting free, something free money.

She was at a restaurant and she filmed the

floor and was like the place was dirty.

And then the owners came out and they were

like, she was there right after like a 12

party or a 12 person party just got up and

left and she filmed right under the table.

So it's just all about like if you've

never worked in a restaurant or,

yeah.

That's wild to me.

The linens are dirty.

I mean, aren't they there to like.

Get used and like to protect like

the tables and to like look nice.

I mean, your wedding dress is

gonna be dirty by the end of the

night, like the bottom of it.

You know, you're using the item.

Yes.

That's wild.

And again, saying servers were slow,

you're gonna complain about that.

That's wild to me.

Okay.

And clearly the food wasn't that

bad if everybody ate it all.

Yep.

Yep.

That, oh my gosh.

Then I heard screams, Oh my god Sure

enough, the cake was on the floor.

They claimed a server knocked it

over while rushing for plates.

She did not.

And no, this was 2001.

Okay, there we go.

So it was 2001.

That's price.

So much has changed since then.

So much.

16,000, 2001, I could get now.

Okay, that makes sense.

Yeah,

she did not, and no, this

was 2001, no cameras.

Suddenly the older women

erupted into crocodile tears,

wailing and chanting praises.

They cried that the souls wait, what?

The souls of those honored on

the cake had been desecrated.

now they're saying because

the server knocked it over.

It was like an insult to the loved

ones that were, the cake was for there.

So let's say that a

server did knock it over.

You are jumping over the Grand Canyon,

my friend, to say that that is a

disrespect on a deceased loved one.

I can see somebody going up to the

cake, taking whatever that symbolic

thing was, chucking it at the wall.

Like, okay, yeah, you're

being disrespectful to that.

Mm-hmm.

If something accidentally gets knocked

over, my first thought would not be,

oh, my family members, I can't believe.

Like, ah, that is a accusatory stretch.

That is a big stretch.

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

And by everything that we've learned

so far, I'm like, they're just looking

for all of this to like add up.

they're thinking of all the dollar

so that they can get back basically.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

She said the accusations went on and on.

Eventually the night wound down, the room

was left trashed, then came the demand.

They wanted their money back.

Gosh.

Oh no.

That, even when I hear stories

like this about like someone

going into a restaurant, and you

can tell from the beginning they

complain about every little thing.

I mean, I used to work in the restaurant

industry, I stopped all the time.

Yeah.

You see it, right?

It's like, you know, the second those

people sit down, these are someone that's

gonna complain, they want a discount.

And I was more than happy,

like if something was wrong

or if something, you know.

Oh, for sure.

Even a discount.

I'll take it off completely.

Yeah.

But you can tell right away

when it's someone that's gonna

complain about everything.

Even like, they'll drink, like they'll

Dr. Pepper or, Sprite and they'll

be like, something's off in this.

Something's off.

Yeah, okay, we'll get it checked.

Or it's a brand new, you

know, anything would be wrong.

Right?

So when it's something like this,

like a wedding, $16,000 and they're

gonna be like, we want our money back.

No, and I can see it being, and maybe

you've had this experience too, I can

also kind of get the vibes of when I'm

gonna have a client ask me for a refund.

it always seems to be the ones that I

am the most lenient with or the ones

that I try to give like extra things

to, to be nice that end up coming back

and expecting more and then wanting

a discount because of X, Y, and Z.

Reason So if they say you give an

inch, they take a mile

or something, those kind

1000%, that is definitely the case.

So sounding like that is this case?

Yeah.

Okay.

How does this end?

It says that's when we learned they had

assumed they were paying the same rate.

As the usual two hour Sunday

buffet lunches, despite having a

signed contract stating otherwise.

Why would you not look

at that and just assume,

and is it really that they assumed or

they thought that because they were

such a come every Sunday group that

they could just talk their way into it

and get that discount after the fact?

Right.

But you should never I'm looking

at my camera at this moment.

I know I've been looking all around.

Right.

Never sign a contract for an

amount, assuming that it's

not going to be that amount.

Yeah.

That is

crazy.

crazy To me, contract is

a, it's locking you in.

It's literally telling you

what you owe when you pay it.

Like yes.

Wow.

I don't understand how you could

assume like I don't wanna say

ignorance, but that's being extremely

naive to be like, yeah, oh, okay.

we come here every Sunday

for a two hour of buffet.

I'm like, that's way

different than a wedding.

That is way different from a wedding

that you're getting linens, you're

having people catering your food,

you're having florals, you're having

sounding like music maybe was even

provided, like what they were listing

all of the stay for the bride and groom

for this case, like they did a lot.

So to me, for them to just expect

that to be the same as a little buffet

that they do every Sunday is insanity.

Yeah.

And it's sounding very entitled to me.

Like that's the vibe that I get.

Mm-hmm.

That they just probably

thought going into this.

Like I said that, oh, well we come here

every Sunday, we should be allowed.

It's giving, well, I know the owner vibe.

Yes.

You know what I mean?

Like that's the vibe that

it gives and it's like.

Okay, cool.

You're like, so do I.

So do I. And this is

still how much it is like,

Oh my gosh.

I've seen so many skits about that where

someone's like, well, I know the owner.

And they're like, okay, well

get in line all these people.

My

favorite thing when that would happen to

me is they would be like, well, I know the

owner, can't you just gimme a discount?

And I'd be like, I know my dad too.

Like my dad owned the restaurant that

I worked at, so that always killed me.

I'd be like, yeah, same

And I also like anyone that says that if

you're going to your friend's restaurant

or someone you knows, restaurant,

wouldn't you want to contribute to

a small business or help them out?

And that's

the thing too.

I have never been in a situation

that I can think of that I'm ever

going to a friend's business or

going to have a friend do anything

for me that I am like asking for a

discount or I'm expecting a discount.

I mean.

I had a friend do, she's my

hairstylist, do my hair for my wedding.

I still obviously like paid her.

I still tipped her well, like just

'cause she's done my hair forever and

we've been friends for however long.

Like that would be super weird of

me to just assume that that would

be free or discounted or something.

So, That's the vibe I'm getting with

this though, is that they assumed that,

I've always noticed it's the people

that are more acquaintances or

know you through people that do it.

Yeah.

It's never like a real friend.

Yeah.

'cause I don't, I don't think I've

said this on the podcast before,

but like years ago, so like I do

art well again, this was Preki.

I haven't done a lot of art in a

while, but I used to do like charcoal

art drawings and I've done a lot of

stuff for weddings, like art-wise,

like creating like trees with a

thumbprint, whatever, all that stuff.

Yeah.

Anyway, so years ago I was like

a guest of a guest at a wedding.

So like my friend's old friend,

neighbor was getting married.

She's like, you guys should come with us.

It was a very laid back wedding.

More the merrier.

Yeah.

The week before, the bride was like,

can you make me a guest book tree thing?

And I was like, so nice.

I'm early twenties at the time.

Like no boundaries.

Just one people pleased and

I'm like, normally I probably

would've charged a fair price.

Probably would've been.

A hundred to $200 because

it takes, it takes a while.

Yeah.

But I was like, okay, maybe I'll

charge her a little bit less.

She goes, just don't get me a gift.

And I'm like, oh, okay.

Like I already had a gift that I bought.

Yeah.

And I was like,

okay.

then literally I started, learned my

lesson, but then a like a year later

I was like doing charcoal drawings for

people people are, paying whatever.

She never paid me to this day.

It was like someone, she, like, I

went and brought it to the house.

Like a whole family charcoal drawing.

It took Yeah.

Hours.

Hours.

And I'm like, I broke, just

recently Graduated college kid.

Yeah.

And she was like, oh, I

don't have cash on me.

Like, just tell me what it is and

I'll like send you money later.

Never did.

And it's so dumb now, but in my

mind I'm like, that's that kind of

person that just expects a discount.

Yeah.

'cause they know you somehow.

Yeah.

No, I will say I have been a bridal makeup

artist for 10 years now, and it's always

the person who was randomly in my English

class freshman year of high school that's

like, Hey, girl, I'm getting married.

what are your rates?

And me sending them, whoa.

Well if you want my, pricing guide,

feel free to email my assistant.

She'll get that sent over to you.

Oh my gosh, no girl.

you can just send them in here.

Like, it's fine, Facebook Messenger.

And I'm like, no, it's easier

for me to keep things, compact.

And they're like, oh, well, is there

any way that I could get like a friend

and family discount since we know each

other and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.

I've had that happen so many times,

and I'm like, honestly, I don't

know, like anything about you,

how much friends are we do it.

I was going through it when I was

in high school, like my sophomore

to end of junior year is when that

first hip surgery stuff was happening.

they say that pain erases memory

or whatever sometimes, and that's

why like I've heard, oh well people

who have kids might be UPT to have

kids again, even if the first birth

was like awful because they just

like forget the pain or whatever.

Which I don't know how true that

is, but I will say, there are

huge lapses of my memory from that

time of my life where I probably.

Like if I saw you on the street,

random person in my Facebook

messenger thing, like I probably

wouldn't even know that was you.

Mm-hmm.

So why would you think that I

would wanna give you a discount?

Like that's just wild to me.

Well, they're the same

ML N people that want

you to join their team.

Girl that the truth.

Hey girl, from middle school, we never

talked, but I'm during this, I started

this new ml, it's gonna save your life.

And I'm like, yeah,

well, and I get that all the time too.

Maybe you do too.

Now that you have a following is like

online and everything is the amount of

people who are like, you should do this

because you already have the following.

You could easily make millions

and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.

And I'm I'm honestly like so good.

Thanks though.

I don't, so good.

Thank you.

I've actually never been more Okay.

Not doing that.

Like, I don't

want to do that.

Like, like more the reason to not do it.

Thank you.

Yeah.

And

the amount of people too, and

maybe you've had this as well, that

are like, could you use my song

in the background of your video?

And they're like a random person from

freshman year of high school that has

like a SoundCloud or whatever it's called.

I've

not had that.

That's what I get,

that I get people, oh,

can I collab with you?

I need to get more views on my stuff

because I do X, Y, and Z. And it's

like a random person I haven't talked

to since I was in like, I was 13.

Like, I'm like, no, I

don't know you anymore.

just because you knew me at

a blip of my life, you do not

just have access to me 24 7.

that's wild to me.

Yeah.

Anyways, I tangented a little bit, but No,

we bolted because I feel like

it's such a common thing.

Like, so when we read something

like this, I'm like, oh.

I know that person, if you're

listening, don't do that.

Yeah.

Don't do that to people.

Always offer to pay

full price for friends.

Yeah.

Family.

And then if later they wanna come

back and be like, you know what?

I wanna throw in this for free

because you're my friend then.

Awesome.

Yeah.

But

yeah, I mean, for me, and they

probably don't even know I do this,

but like my dad's employees, I give

them my friend and family discount

because they work for my dad.

They probably don't even know that I do

that, but it's something that I add on.

but it to me, if it was like a

new employee of my dad and they're

like, can I get a discount?

I'd probably be a little

bit more like, like what?

That's odd.

Like, don't do that.

don't expect things, I guess is what

I, what we're trying to say I feel.

Yeah.

Ab, absolutely.

so it ends with saying, so

says, despite having signed the

contract, stating otherwise mm-hmm.

No one tipped some servers

were even in tears.

Others finally snap back verbally.

And and at that point we allowed it.

So I'm wondering if this is

all just happening right there,

because I'm wondering why the

servers were involved in that.

Because I would kinda be like, servers

go home and then maybe the next week

they're like trying to demand money.

But I don't know if this is, this

sounds like later on in that night it's

happening.

Like in the night you're like,

which I will say, and this is

maybe a controversial thing,

but I don't ever expect a tip.

And I know that in some different things

it's a little bit more common to do it.

Like I probably always would tip a server.

But if I were, you know, a venue or

whatever, you should always have your

pricing be to the point where if something

like this happens and nobody's getting

tipped, your server isn't in tears

because they didn't feel like they made

enough money, it should still be like

The base rate should still be good.

I

agree with you.

To me, and it's different.

I will say if you're going out to eat,

totally different, totally different.

Because I know that minimum wage

is like $2 or something, and you're

living off of your tips in that.

Like you're supplementing

with your tips in that way.

I would imagine, and maybe it's wrong

and if it is, please correct us.

I don't know.

But I would imagine that when you're

working as a server for an event like

this, you're probably getting more of

like an hourly base rate that's like

or more than the $2 minimum wage,

because this is more of like an event.

So yeah, I would imagine

that that should be more.

Common.

I can't speak obviously for all events,

but I used my job in college, I worked

at a hotel and I worked in the bar and

like I was a cocktail server, but we

obviously hosted events and so there

were banquet servers from my memory,

they made like $11 an hour, like they

were serving at weddings and stuff.

Whereas our actual like restaurant

servers were making like five, six.

Yeah.

They were more inclined to get tipped.

So as far as I remember, in banquets you

don't typically get tipped as a server.

Yeah.

Maybe bartenders will get like cash.

Yeah.

I can see bartenders, but even,

yeah, me thinking of any time I've

attended a wedding, I don't think

that I've ever tipped the person

that's bringing me the plated meal.

Right.

Or serving the buffet.

I don't think that.

So to play devil as advocate on

that one little speck, I will say.

Yeah.

I do think that the tipping thing.

that's not something that

you should just expect.

Like even me as a makeup artist, I get

probably like 75% of my client's tip,

but it really doesn't bother me either

way because I make sure that my pricing

is to where I feel like I'm comfortable

after expenses or whatever, that I made

you shouldn't be relying on your tips,

I guess is what I'm saying, right.

For this type of a job Servers.

Yeah.

In the real everyday you're working

at like Bob Evans or something.

I understand.

Tip your servers and stuff.

Yeah.

I just, yes, please tip

your normal servers.

But I don't know if that's

common practice for Yeah.

It makes me wonder if they didn't

typically do this kind of thing.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, but they sound

so, prepared for it though.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Anyways, so little tidbit.

Yeah.

Interesting.

They didn't get tipped and they're crying,

so, and then it says, others finally

snap back verbally and they allowed it.

So that seems kind of weird to me too, to

allow the servers to snap at the customer.

I understand when tensions are really

high and situations are really heated

to get caught in the heat of the moment.

But whether you're the manager,

whether you are the owner, whatever it

is, your responsibility to make your

employees, Hey guys, take a step back.

I'm gonna handle it.

You have to be the one

to handle the situation.

because all that's gonna do

is crave more and more heat.

And more heat.

More heat, and that's,

everybody's just gonna be mad.

So yeah.

Allowing your employees to be.

Even in a position where they're

feeling like they need to go back and

forth like that, like once you start

to notice that the heat is coming on a

little bit, Hey guys, take a step back.

Hey, how can I help you?

what's the problem?

You shouldn't put your employee in

that position because I know that

weddings that I've been to a lot of

the times, the servers, they are like

in their late teens, early twenties.

That's a lot to put on someone young.

Like that's a lot.

Yeah.

So I feel like that's another thing

I would interject in this situation

it would've maybe been beneficial.

I know we don't know how this ends

yet, but to have the employees kind

of step aside and you handle it one

person, because if you're yelling

at a bunch of different people,

nobody's getting their point across.

Nobody's listening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it sounds like at this point,

the tips, at least of their

concerns, they might not even

wanna pay for anything else.

Yeah.

so it says, come Monday the check bounced.

So no, they didn't cash the check.

wonder, oh, it makes me wonder,

oh wait, there's another

paragraph, so lemme read it first.

Okay.

Says their head pastor called to

inform us they would not be paying.

warned that if we pursued the matter, the

congregation would countersue, claiming

we intentionally sabotaged a young,

naive, God-fearing couple's wedding

under the guise of miscommunication,

even though they signed a contract

that is, whoa.

Okay.

Sorry.

Oh, she says when it was actually

reckless discrimination somehow they won.

Wait, there was a lawsuit and they won.

It sounds like either She doesn't

say there was definitely a lawsuit.

She just says he warned that

if we pursued it, they would

countersue and then just ends with.

They won.

So I'm wondering if they did sue them.

'cause they were like, we didn't get paid.

Whoa.

First off, how any judge is

letting that win over a signed

contract is bonkers to me.

Mm-hmm.

okay.

I need to get into my business

owner mind for a second here.

Yeah.

why allowing.

Okay.

Thinking that it's 2001.

We're talking 25 years ago.

Yeah.

I feel old.

I see 2001.

I'm like, oh, it was like 10 years ago.

25 years ago.

I'm like,

I I'm 28 so I was like, three what?

Right.

Two or three, like, okay.

Wow.

Anyways, but like I know things have

updated, things have changed a lot

in those 25 years, but I think that

it's a little bit crazy to accept

just a check from a random person

and not try to immediately cash it.

I get that.

Maybe it was, they said it was

three days before, so if it's a

Monday, it would've been a Friday.

Okay, but

you think they waited till the banks

were closed so they couldn't cash it?

Maybe,

but at that point, I'm sorry,

I'm needing a cashier's check.

I'm needing like a money

order or something.

Like I need it to be more obvious

that the funds are there, especially

if communication has been so

lax where I haven't even gotten

to talk to my client in weeks.

Yeah, that's, that's wild to me.

What I would say nowadays, me

personally, if I'm accepting a check

from a client, it has to be like a

cashier's check or something like that.

Like I am not accepting

just a check because.

It has the potential to bounce.

Mm-hmm.

And you are still, especially in this

situation when there's so much involved

makeup, obviously that sucks for me.

Maybe I was looking, maybe I just

replenished a lot in my kit and

this was money that I thought

was coming that I'm going to be

able to balance things out again.

But venues, especially what it's

sounding like this one provides,

you still have to pay people.

Like you still have Yeah.

Things that have to be paid for.

And now that that's bounced, like whoa.

And I'm wondering how much that

first deposit was for Like, usually

I feel like when I got married it was

like the first check was like 25%.

Yeah.

Then it was like 50 ma. I don't know.

So I like, it does like little increments.

Yeah.

So I'm like, that's not

gonna cover their food or No.

Like they ate all the food.

That's right.

And they're gonna like

live with themselves.

Knowing that they scam these people.

Yeah.

I should make it clear the people getting

married, the families getting married.

Right, right.

Scam the venue because they

knew what they were doing.

Because no one signs a contract

thinking it's gonna be, oh,

we do a two hour buffet here.

It's the same as a wedding.

Hey, do this, this, this,

this, this, this, and this.

For us, it's gonna be the same.

I guess I'm also confused

who signed this contract?

Was it the bride and groom?

Was it who signed this?

Because why does the head

pastor at their church get to be

involved in this lawsuit at all?

Yeah, that's a great point.

Why is he a part of this discussion?

Yeah, that doesn't matter.

Like, that's him

being like the, using like the hierarchy

of like, oh, you use this very religious

family, and you're making them look

bad, so don't you dare do that.

So it's almost like him

being like, I'm a pastor.

Let me.

Say it so they, which

why is a pastor doing that?

Yeah.

You're

not a part of the family.

You didn't pay didn't, you're

not in the contract.

Didn't pay.

Yeah.

That's so weird to me.

And if this did go to court and they

were able to, like, again, how did

a judge, why is that being allowed?

why is the pastor of a church that

they go to get, to be the deciding

say of whether a contract between

somebody and a venue was a scam or not?

That's just,

wow.

Yeah.

So I kind of wonder like, if we

read it the other way, if she's

just saying they won, basically,

we just went along with it.

We didn't like try to sue them

or like take any step further

because he scared us basically.

Then I could see that too.

I can see that, but also

like as a business, you're

out,

you have a contract for a reason

and if you're not gonna stick with

your policies and your contract

and the things that are in there,

what's the point of having I have it.

Yeah.

And don't get me wrong, there's been

instances in the past for me where I have

made exceptions to something that's in the

contract, but it's normally because I'm

trying to be accommodating of somebody.

I will say that's tightened up a lot

because of situations like this where

I've give an inch and they take a mile.

But I just don't see how that hap

like, so much went wrong with this.

And so much that I think that this

business, and I hope that if they're

still around, that they learn from

this, communication needs to be better.

Their, what happens if you stop

communicating with me needs to be better.

Their payment processes hopefully are

better and hopefully they have more

solid contracts or confidence in their

contracts that should something like

this happen again, it's worth fighting

for because wow, that was a lot.

When people complain about like rules and

stuff, it's because of people like this.

This is why contracts have to

be as as they are, is because

there's people that take advantage

now they have to be super clear.

You have to cover every single

instance because of people like this.

Yeah.

'cause they don't try to

scam the crap outta you.

If you are somebody that is getting

married or you are going to be entering

into a contract for whatever reason, read

what you're signing, please don't just

blindly sign and then claim ignorance,

because nowadays I just cannot see if this

went to court nowadays that that would've

held up at all for the client's favor.

Like I could not see that happening.

No way.

so be mindful of what you're signing

and on the flip vendors or whoever is

sending out the contracts, make sure

that you feel confident in the things

that are in your contract, that you feel

that you could back those things up.

Consult with an attorney.

Don't just write something

down and have somebody sign it.

Make sure it is like a legal contract.

yeah, because this type

of stuff happens and.

Me personally as a random

big sister business owner.

Advice to you too.

If you're a makeup artist or a

hairstylist or somebody that, let's

say you have a season that you go

through and now here's the next one.

Revisit that contract at

the end of the season.

What happened in that year that

you don't want to happen again?

Mm-hmm.

Put it into your contract so that it

doesn't happen again and go forward.

You might you might have people

be like, why is this so long?

Or Why does this even

need to be specified?

You don't have to explain yourself

to those clients, but you can say,

if you want to say anything at

all, while everything that's in

the contract is there for a reason.

yeah.

You have to protect yourself as a

business owner and as a consumer.

Signing contracts.

Protect yourself too.

you don't know what a contract is saying.

If you don't know the legal mumbo jumbo.

You don't have to, nobody is

forcing you to sign anything.

Yes.

You can consult with somebody if you need

help before signing anything, even if

it's just asking the business to clarify

what this means, because Yeah, don't

sign into something that you don't know.

Yeah.

Because either one of you, it

could come back and bite you.

Yeah.

most places now, like you said, are not

gonna be like, oh, you didn't read it.

Mm. They're gonna be like,

too bad you signed this.

Yeah.

So,

yeah.

I mean, I've had to do that multiple

times where we've had to send screenshots

or we've copied the portion of the

contract that applies to X, Y, or Z

situation and send it to that client

and say, well then the contract that

you signed, this is what it says.

And you have to leave

with confidence with that.

You have to say, well, this is

what you signed, and they can

come back and counter, but.

This is what you signed.

Yeah.

It makes me think too, kind of like

looking back at the beginning that there

were so many different parties involved

and I think this is why a lot of places

too are like, we only work with the

bride and groom, or we only work with

a couple getting married because I feel

like they probably, the young girl comes

in from the group, she's really excited.

They're like, yep, this sounds great.

She's the one that talks with them.

They signed the contract, she

probably pays the first deposit.

Sounds like, yeah.

It says the bride and groom agree.

They pay everything.

No issues.

Then other people are getting

involved, maybe the moms start seeing

it and they're like, yeah, whoa.

How are we gonna pay for this?

'cause that's, I think that's why

there was that radio silence, right?

They're like starting

to worry about the cost.

Then this random uncle comes in.

Yeah.

And either he was planning on

paying for it the whole time, or he

goes, wait guys, I've got an idea.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, was this a plan the whole time?

Part of me thinks yes.

He's like, I'm gonna come in.

They're not gonna ask me

questions, so they don't know me.

I don't know about the wedding.

Bring this check in.

Oh, it's covered.

We're good.

We're gonna get our wedding.

And then you guys come in hot and right.

Want.

Yeah, because

there's people that do

this like for a living.

Oh yeah.

I mean, like I said, my

dad owns a restaurant.

There's people that we have on the

do not let reorder list because

they've had multiple, and multiple and

multiple times where they call back

and complain that something is wrong.

And to the point where we would like

red label them maybe like, Hey, if

they call, make sure that you are so

precise and confident that everything

going into this order is exactly right.

And they would still call back

and say, X, Y, or Z happened.

For example, and this is talking

on my dad's half for a little

bit, but he had a customer that

would constantly complain about

something being wrong with the pizza.

The toppings weren't right.

my dad owns a pizza place.

The toppings weren't right.

The cheese had slid to the side by

the time that the delivery driver

got it there, it was burn, it was too

cold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So finally my dad was working one day

and it was just him and the delivery

driver, and he makes the pizza.

He knows that this person

is a chronic complainer.

Mm-hmm.

So he is on it.

Yeah, just him in the

building delivery driver.

Nobody else makes the

pizza, sends it on its way.

Of course, like five minutes

later, 10 minutes later, he gets a

call from that person and they're

complaining, well, what's wrong?

There is a massive

blonde hair in my pizza.

My dad said there's a long blonde hair.

Okay.

are you sure it's not yours?

No, it can't be mine.

Everybody in my family has brown hair.

Okay.

if I send the delivery driver back,

would you give him the pizza and the

hair that is in that so that we can

figure out where this is coming from?

Oh, well, I mean we already ate it.

We ate around it, but

like, this is ridiculous.

my dad goes, you know what's also really

funny, the delivery driver and I are both

bald and nobody else is working today.

So they stopped ordering after that.

But it's just so funny.

And come to find out, I mean,

I did a little bit of Facebook

stalking their family's all blonde.

Like, what are you talking about?

That family had blonde hair, like.

So it's just funny, but yeah, it

does happen like all the time and

in so many different industries

that people will just try to get

away with scamming you and mm-hmm.

You have to protect yourself

as a business owner.

Like you just, Yeah.

I feel bad for when things

like this happen though.

I will say, like we were saying

throughout this, there were

definitely learning moments from this.

Mm-hmm.

management wise or whatever, and

policy wise, but I think that maybe

it, from the sounds of it, maybe

this was kind of a newer thing for

them and they just didn't have those

policies or whatever in place yet.

Yeah.

I think that this is us seeing

what kind of happens to a lot

of professionals where you have

something like this happen, which.

Builds those standards and things

like that for it to not happen again.

So I think we might have

seen the beginning of this

golf courses event planning.

They've been real

strict now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which sucks.

You have to learn that way.

Losing $16,000 and then some.

Yeah.

'cause they said they kept

adding on all these extras so.

Hopefully this was a learning

That's so awful moment for them.

But think about the, the

couple that got married.

your wedding was built on a lie.

A lie.

That's really wild.

And like bad juju.

Like why would you want that?

Yeah.

I'm curious to know,

are they still married?

I know, I was, I was thinking that too.

I'm like, I could not, like your kids

are, or your kids or family one day is

asking about your wedding and you're

like, oh yeah, it was at this place.

Do you think they like, lie about it?

Like, oh, it was amazing.

Yeah, they loved it.

Oh, it was ter you know,

like, ' cause if it had all the

things they wanted, I don't know.

And they never specified either if it

was the bride and groom refusing to

pay, or if it was the moms coming in

right saying they're not gonna pay.

so it makes me wonder maybe it was

like a fake account or like a the Yeah.

Opened up a new account and was like,

okay, we're gonna write a check.

Huh.

So many questions.

It's, I love, love getting

vendor

stories, but I also like am like, oh,

I don't like there's so much missing.

Right?

I

wish I could call them and be like,

okay, wait, so yeah, what happened?

I know.

Oh my gosh.

That was wild.

That

was real.

Well, I always like to end these with,

as I shake my whole computer right now.

I was like to end these with

confessions people send me on Instagram.

So here we go.

This is about biggest wedding regrets.

Ooh,

that's a good one.

Okay.

Yeah.

This one says, letting my friend

declare herself my maid of honor.

It shouldn't have been her.

I hear that a lot and I always

wonder how that happens.

' cause if that was a friend to like someone

to me saying like, oh, I'm your maid of

honor, and they weren't, I would, I would

probably just laugh and just move on.

How do they themselves?

I definitely have heard this a lot from

my clients that, oh yeah, this person

kind of made themself my maid of honor.

Like I was gonna ask them to be

a bridesmaid, but I really wanted

this person to be my maid of honor.

I think what happens a lot of the

time is you get people pleaser brides

that don't want to offend anybody.

This person probably means a lot to them.

Maybe just not in the, I think they

should be made of honor way, but I

think that it's hard when they're trying

to make sure that everybody's happy.

They don't want to start wedding drama.

Especially when it comes to

bridesmaids, like you're usually

picking that out pretty early

in the wedding planning process.

Like, yeah, who wants to start that drama?

But I will say, if you are somebody

that recently got engaged or

you're just announcing bridal

party members and somebody's trying

to assert that, I think that.

It's really important and in the long

run better to just be clear right away.

And I know that a lot of people

like to do those bridesmaids boxes

or things like that where they're

asking people, definitely make sure

that you give yourself time between

announcing the engagement and picking

your bridesmaids that you kind of like

have everything so you can quickly

do that so that this doesn't happen.

Yeah.

'cause I think that it's when there's

that gap that people can just assume

and then push their way into it.

Yeah.

I think it's important.

Like if you're announcing that

you're engaged, maybe within a

week or two you're asking people,

and maybe that's a big turnaround.

I don't know.

It's a little bit hard if you don't

know the engagement's coming, but Right.

I do think like it's important to have a

list and roster in the back of your mind.

If you're knowing within a year I'm

probably gonna be getting engaged

to like you, you or I'm gonna be

getting engaged, like you should

probably have somewhat of a roster.

See?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because even if you don't have like the

bridesmaid boxes ready or whatever you're

gonna do, you can at least be like, oh,

you know, I actually, my sister or my

friend over here, or Yeah, whatever.

Yeah.

It's just gonna, is being that person.

And it might be awkward, like it probably

will be awkward, those conversations, but

I'd rather you have a conversation early

on and it be a little bit awkward than to

be submitting that you regret it to us.

Yeah.

Yes.

Because then you're giving in and

then you're making it their day.

Yeah.

Not completely, I get that.

But like you're still like.

They're gonna have

their way with whatever.

Oh, gonna be these bride.

Like what does it,

what, where does it end?

Right?

We're gonna have these bridesmaid dresses.

'cause I like these best for my body.

Right?

Well wait, you weren't even supposed

to be the maid of honor and then you're

gonna have this resentment, I feel like.

Exactly.

No, I 1000% agree.

let's see, this says letting

my mother-in-law add over 40

guests to the list, which meant

cutting down our friends list.

Ooh.

So I personally told like family

members, like they were allowed X

amount of people that they could invite.

But I also made it clear, like

I still wanted it to be people

that were like in my life.

Like I wouldn't want my mom to

invite like a random person from our

church that knew me when I was three.

Like, that would be kind of odd.

I definitely think you have to kind of

go into things like that, like that,

where you're giving like a, Hey, so

so-and-so's gonna have this many people,

I'm gonna have this many people, his

family's gonna have this many people.

You guys can have this many people.

And that's how we're reaching capacity.

Like I think that you have to be very

clear with those things from the get go.

Yes.

Yeah.

Especially if it seems like

someone that everybody's their best

friend or everyone's their friend.

Right.

Just give like a little limit.

Be like, okay, you can tell me 20 people.

Right?

Yeah.

And then if they give you 20 and they're

like, Hey, I also wanna invite so and

so, then sure you can give wiggle room.

But when you give a free

reign, that's scary territory.

Yeah.

And even with wiggle room, you

have to be clear though too.

Like if somebody's like, oh my

gosh, I know I gave you 20 people,

but like so and so has to be there.

I just totally blanked and forgot.

You could be like, okay, yeah, maybe we

could squeeze that one more person in,

but like we're really done after that.

Like you can't be like, okay, yeah,

I guess this is not another person.

Like, 'cause the more you're lax

again, give an inch, take a mile

type of thing is gonna happen.

Yes.

Yeah.

100%.

Yeah.

okay, let's do a one more.

This one says, I regret not eloping.

Should have saved the money

and skipped the drama.

Okay.

I have heard this so

much, like a lot, a lot.

I'm talking even on wedding days, I hear

this like, oh yeah, because sometimes

the lead up drama is the worst part.

Like the scheduling of the bachelorette

or the bridal shower was maybe awful.

Like people, sometimes by the time

it gets to their wedding day, they're

like, I don't even wanna do this.

Like I, and it's not that they don't wanna

get married, it's just people they don't

wanna have to put on the performance and.

All of it.

So I have definitely heard that a lot.

I would say that if you're somebody

that you and your significant other,

you don't really necessarily want a big

wedding, you don't necessarily see even

a wedding as like a big thing to you.

And maybe financially it's

not the best option for you.

It is never worth it to put

yourself in debt to have a wedding.

That is wild to me.

I have had brides tell me that they

have taken out loans for their wedding.

Couldn't

be me.

Couldn't be

me.

It's consumerism, and wedding culture

altogether of like, you need the

biggest, best wedding to post all of our

social media and have this grand day.

And it's like.

Yes, weddings are beautiful

and amazing, but at the end of

the day, it is a day, right?

And you do not wanna go into

your marriage broke or, owing a

bunch of money or having debt.

That is, I feel like that is

just like such a hard thing

to go into a marriage with.

And I think that people kind of

have created this almost stigma

of, it's like a bad thing to elope.

It doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Some of the most beautiful

weddings have been elopements.

One of my friends, her name you guys might

follow her online, is um, Mermeg Hair.

Her and her husband got eloped, and

I wanna say they were out in like

some like desert, sorry, Meg if

you're watching, but they were in

some sort of desert, beautiful thing.

And what they prioritized was the

photography, and that was where

the majority of their budget went.

And oh, my word, talk

about magazine wedding.

Like some of the most stunning

wedding photos I've seen of my life.

And it was an elopement.

Like it doesn't have to be like, oh,

I'm giving up these beautiful photos.

Oh, I'm giving up.

I can get great makeup done.

You can invest now in the things

that do matter to you more.

Like maybe you really, really want

good photos, but you don't care

if it's just four of you there.

Like, you can invest in those things

now because you're not spending.

$50,000 on a wedding.

Right.

I think it's one of those

things too about like knowing

yourself, knowing your family.

If there's high tensions and you're

like, gosh, our families clash, or

gosh, like my friends are just don't get

along with so and so, you know, whatever

that is, and you're already stress

thinking about it, maybe that's a sign.

Yeah.

Everyone knows themselves best.

like for me, I did not want a huge

wedding, but I also could not, I could

only picture like all of our families

and friends together dancing like

hanging out in like one big party.

so it wasn't like humongous, but

it wasn't really small either, but.

For me, that was important to me

and my husband, but we didn't have

drama leading up to it that we

were like, oh, I'm so nervous about

people being in the same room.

But I know a lot of the times when

they regret, I feel like it's because

they're getting pressure from someone

saying, you need to have this wedding.

We need to have this big wedding

to show off to everybody.

But meanwhile, the bride and groom

are the ones like suffering because

they're like, this isn't right us.

This isn't what we want.

Right.

So you have to be mindful.

It's okay to get people's

opinions, especially when it's from

people that you really do value.

Like maybe your parents are very

important and big in your life.

it is okay to take those opinions,

but at the end of the day, if that

is not what you want, who's the one

going in debt because of these things?

Who's the one that's living with the fact

that, oh, my wedding was so stressful

and so dramatic, and da, da da, da da.

It's not your parents.

It's you, so you have to be mindful

of yourself when it comes to wedding

planning and just like weddings in

general, because ideally, I mean, I

know it doesn't happen all the time.

This is a once in a

lifetime thing for you.

I know people get remarried.

I'm not saying that, but

I'm saying what you are.

Nobody's going into a wedding hoping

that they're gonna get married again.

You are hoping that this is

a once in a lifetime thing.

Do you want to be like the thing

that's behind that is stress?

No, I don't think that anybody wants that.

So yeah, I think that taking opinions

and valuing people's input is

important, but never to the point where

it's diminishing your own wants or

finances, I guess, even in this case.

Yeah, absolutely.

Definitely listen to your gut on that one

and be on the same page with your partner

and then yeah, move forward from there.

Well, thank you so much for coming on.

Yeah.

Like I'm just realizing the time.

I'm like, so sorry I took

so much of your time.

No,

I can't see the time,

so I'm just here to Yap.

Yeah, no, this is, I'm a certified yapper.

I love it.

I love

No, I remember you saying that last time.

I love it.

'cause I get in that tendency

of like just yapping too.

And so like, I love when we're

on the same page as that.

So can you, for everyone listening, can

you tell them where they can follow you?

Anything fun you're working

on and all that good stuff?

Yeah,

so you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram,

YouTube, tiktoks gonna be my biggest one,

but it's at Kendra Matthies, everywhere

else, it's just at Kendra Matthies.

I'm currently working on, depending on

when this is getting posted, I'm gonna be

in Premier Anaheim, Anaheim, California.

February 1st and second, I'm gonna

be teaching multiple classes there.

Otherwise, I have some other

classes that I'm teaching.

Come April, I'm gonna be in Chicago

again for America's beauty show,

and then I am working on some.

Independent classes.

Oh, you guys heard it first, but

I am working on some independent

classes, coming up in this

year, so stay tuned for those.

But you can always just follow me on

Instagram for the latest updates on that.

Awesome.

Very exciting.

Sounds like a lot of fun

things are coming up.

Yes.

So fun.

Awesome.

Well, thanks again for coming on.

This was so much fun hanging out.

Yeah, it was great seeing you again.

Congratulations on having a

podcast still rocking and rolling.

I think I heard somewhere that most

podcasts don't make it past the

first five or six episodes, so Wow.

That's good.

Look at you going, you're rocking

and rolling and I can't wait to see

what comes for you with the podcast.

I love watching your skits and

everything online and yeah, I think

that you're doing a great job.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Yes.

All right.

Well thank you guys so much for watching.

Thank you.

And I will probably see you guys in

a story time coming soon, because

I told Christa I didn't wanna share

it here, but I think I'm gonna build

up the courage to share it soon.

Yay.

Yes.

Yay.