Hi, Kendra.
Hey, how's it going?
Good.
Thank you so much for coming back on.
I'm so excited.
It's so great to be back.
It does not feel like it's been like
what, a year since we filmed our last
episode together, so I'm so excited.
It's been so cool to see
how your podcast has grown.
I've loved watching everybody's
little interviews and everything.
It's been really entertaining, so
it's super cool to be back again.
I know.
I think the fun thing about it is just
being able to connect to so many people.
Like, I feel like if it weren't for this
podcast, we would never have had a sit
down to like, talk like this or, yeah,
it's, it just makes it so fun and like
forces me outta my shell too, because
I feel like working from home, like I
just have a plan of what I do and like
a lot of times I don't see a lot of
people, so it's a great way to connect.
Hey, I won't lie.
This is the first time I've worn
makeup in a month beyond just tinted
SPF and some freaking mascara.
I'm like, well, I better put on a face
today because I'm filming an episode.
So thank you for giving me
a reason to get dolled up.
Hey,
anytime.
No, you feel like people
expect you as a makeup artist?
Like, oh, they expect
me to have full face.
So, yes, and I will say that if I'm
doing makeup clients, I do try to put
like a little bit more makeup on, but
my day to day, I'm an esthetician.
So I mean, my day to day is more
like facial clients, eyebrows,
lashes, things like that.
And I feel like most of my clients
are more regulars now where they're
coming every six to eight weeks, and
I don't think that they really care
that I'm just wearing some tinted
moisturizer and a little bit of mascara.
But when it comes to makeup
clients, I think that it does.
One, there is that level
of professionalism.
I feel, and this can be heavily debated
too, like some people feel you don't
have to wear makeup as a professional
makeup artist while you are doing work.
But for me, I find that the very few
times that I haven't done that, I
get a lot more questioning my skills.
I guess that, if that makes sense,
where it's like, are you sure
you're gonna be able to do this?
So I think being able to be
like, I do know how to do makeup.
Right.
It's a little bit more
comforting to the person.
Yeah.
And a little bit more encouraging.
Yeah.
I feel like that's probably,
yeah, like a natural thing.
Like, oh, if you're hiring for
someone for hair or for nails, you
are looking at their hand and nails.
Although I feel like whenever I get my
nails done, they're probably just like so
busy that like they are more worried about
their client and less about their own.
Yeah.
Which makes sense so like we said, it's
been like a year since you've been on, so
What's been new for you?
What have you kind of done over
the last year that you're like,
I know you've been speaking at
events I've been seeing and Yes.
What's kind of your big thing you're
working on or did the last year?
So
in the past year, it
was a lot of traveling.
I did a lot of traveling last year.
I went to a bunch different conferences.
I taught a lot at different
conferences around the country.
I did my first kind of like independent
class where it wasn't in relation to any
of those, and that was really exciting.
but yeah, I mean, I got to go to Anaheim.
I got to go to Orlando, Chicago,
Denver, yeah, kind of all over.
Is it, is it all like.
Students that go to your
classes or can like anyone go to
your class?
So it is typically for the
conferences and stuff, those
are beauty professionals only.
Okay.
But people who are in cosmetology
school, esthetician school,
anything like that they can come to.
But these ones, it is more of
like just for the industry,
but they're very, very packed.
so it's definitely not like I'm feeling
like I'm missing out on seeing a lot
of people, which is really cool too.
It definitely feels like I'm still
offering a good amount of education.
But yeah, mostly more beauty professionals
when it comes to those types of things.
I would love to do more open
to the public type of classes.
it's just trying to find the time between
bridal season to make that happen.
But yeah, so it definitely got to
meet a lot of the beauty, students,
makeup artists, cosmetologists,
hairstylists, barbers, all the things.
that follow me in person.
So that was really nice.
And I love doing these events.
like the one that happens in Chicago.
I've done that for, I think this is my
fourth year being with them teaching.
and so it's been cool to just see
the growth of myself, but also when
people come back and they're taking my
classes again, and now they're telling
me, when I first came, I was still a
student and now I own my own makeup
studio, or I own my own salon, or I've
been at a salon for however many years
and I'm getting steady clientele.
Like, it's just been
really cool to do that.
So that has been a big thing travel wise.
And then just weddings.
I mean, I was pretty busy this year.
I did make the decision to.
Kind of step back from
taking every wedding.
And mostly because I one was
doing so much other traveling with
teaching and things like that.
Like I do need to have the availability
to do that, even though I did still have
where I would be leaving a wedding to jump
on a flight to go teach at these places.
but I did take a step
back typically in a year.
You know, I would take anywhere from 50 to
60 ish weddings, but I just, that's wild.
It's a lot.
And I made the decision last year
to step back and I wanted to take
only about 30 weddings just to
give myself a little bit more time.
which I think was really smart.
not just for me, but it let me learn
a lot about myself and, I think it
was the really healthy thing for me
to do and I think that it's gonna
be a good thing that I learned those
things to share with other people.
Just things like burnout, man,
like yeah, it's so easy to get
locked into the go, go, go.
And once you do, take that
step back, it's like, whoa.
I guess I have been like in fight or
flight for the past eight years because
I've just been doing so many weddings.
So I did make that decision.
That's something I'm moving forward with,
in 26 as well, is just less weddings.
More educating is kind of my goal too.
I want to do more teaching this year.
But yeah, so weddings last year I got
to do my first couple, further out of
state weddings, which was exciting.
I got to go to New York to do a wedding.
so yeah, just lots.
Travel was kind of the theme of last year.
Just go, go, go.
But awesome.
I feel like that's a really like
common thing I hear, whether it's
like wedding industry or just
like starting your own business.
It's really exciting, like when
your business grows and you
just wanna say yes to everybody.
I feel like I've had so many conversations
with people, they're like, all of a sudden
it just like hit me like I'm burned out.
I can't say yes to everybody.
I was talking to a wedding planner,
I'm trying to think of what month it
was, maybe like a month or two ago.
A friend of mine similar thing.
Like she was like, I'm finally toning it
back with weddings a little bit because
she was doing like 50, 40, 50 a year.
And most of them are in
that like wedding season.
she like, it's just exhausting.
But you're just like, go, go, go.
And you're like, this
is exciting, it's fun.
But then you realize like, I don't have
time to myself or like my body hurts.
I'm actually like.
Well, and
that's the thing too.
That's something I really
had to be mindful of.
I think I've shared this before, but I am
somebody that I do struggle with chronic
illnesses and I am physically disabled.
I have my hip replaced.
So I mean, I do feel like as
I'm getting older, I do need
to also be mindful of myself.
Mm-hmm.
Because there were times in recent years
before I did take that step back where.
I would get done with a wedding.
And actually, here's a good
little story for me to tell.
I I had a wedding where it was
at a hotel and I had a pretty
decently long day on average.
Nowadays, the most I will take
alone to do makeup is probably
about seven, maybe eight people,
but probably closer to seven.
I don't like to go over that too
much because it's just, that's a
lot of standing without being able
to take a drink of water or go to
the bathroom, things like that.
so I had, I wanna say around about eight
people and I got done with the wedding.
I had been there from like, I wanna say
five to five, six, so 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Okay.
12, one o'clock.
Sorry.
Math is not my strong suit at this moment.
That's okay.
So let's say I got done around like
one, and I say goodbye to everybody.
Everybody's happy, everything's awesome,
and I knew I was not feeling well.
so one of the conditions I
have, it's called pots, which
you may have heard of before.
It stands for postural
orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.
For those who are listening
who don't know what that is.
And in very, very, very basic terms, when
I am standing, my heart rate is elevated.
When I am in the heat, it
gets elevated even more.
That's a trigger for me.
high stress situations can
cause me to get even worse.
So I get done with the, wedding, take
the elevator downstairs, go out to
my car and I put my stuff in my car.
Sit down.
I leaned back and I closed my
eyes and I actually passed out.
I didn't realize that I did.
Oh my gosh.
But it was probably about, I
would say, somewhere between
like five to eight minutes before
I like opened my eyes again.
And that's when I realized that
I needed to start calming down.
I needed to start taking less weddings.
So after that wedding that was, I wanna
say in 24, leading into 25, I decided
I just needed to really skill back.
So I think that if it wouldn't have been
for something like that happening, I
probably still would be pushing myself.
But for anybody listening, you don't
have to have a chronic illness.
You don't have to be physically disabled,
you don't have to be anything to I.
Need to know your limits, to need to
know what your end goal really is.
Do you want to constantly be in
a state of stress with like panic
all the time of planning or, you
know, free time for yourself?
Your work shouldn't be your life.
you should be able to have
somewhat of a balance.
And I did see somebody post something
recently, like, does anyone know when I
actually reach this work life balance?
Like, is that even a thing?
And I think that there's no real
set template of this is what
works, this is what doesn't work.
You kind of just have to
figure it out as you go.
And that's kind of what I've had
to do is just realize once I hit my
limit, scale back until it feels.
Comfortable.
Yeah.
That's so funny you say that because I
just made a video talking about, I might
have been kind of like implying work-life
balance, but I did say something about
like, one of the things I'm struggling
with is trying to find balance.
'cause I feel like mm-hmm.
The planner part in me always
wants things to be like this.
when I'm not productive
I get so hard on myself.
so I'll have like days where I'm
like, everything's like done,
that I need to, I check the boxes.
the other days where I'm just
not productive and I'm just
like, where's this balance?
Or I feel like if I'm doing too much
work, I'm not enough of a mom or I'm
not enough of a wife or a friend.
You know, that pull of needing
to do all these things.
So I totally relate.
I think that one thing
that I heard in my life.
From just a friend of mine, and I don't
even think she was trying to be any
sort of inspirational thing or anything.
Yeah, she was just talking.
She said that if I'm ever over
excelling in one portion of my
life, I'm failing in another.
Mm-hmm.
And that has really stuck with me.
And I don't think that that's negative,
like necessarily a negative thing.
I think that if you think of your life as
right now, I want to be really excelling
in my career, you have to also understand
that that does equate that maybe you're.
Weekends are a little bit less, your
friend time is gonna be a little
bit less, it's not ever to me that
things will ever be 50 50 balance.
I think that if you want to be
excelling in one way, you have to
give up a couple of things for it
to be balanced so that you're not
trying to keep up with the friendships
every single weekend we're going out.
It's just not possible.
And then you're putting way too much
pressure on yourself when at the end
of the day, especially in this type
of career, when you are your own
boss, you're setting your own goals
and aspirations and things like that.
The only person who is holding
you to that standard is you.
So if you are being so hard on
yourself with things like that,
you're never gonna feel balanced.
You're never gonna feel like
you're accomplishing enough and
you're never gonna feel like you.
You've done it, you're never
gonna feel comfortable.
You're never gonna feel stable.
You're always gonna be reaching
for more or wanting to do more.
And it's not bad to have goals and
have aspirations, but you can't stress
to yourself out to the point that you
are holding yourself to not possible
standards like physically can't happen.
There's 24 hours in a day.
People love to say that.
We're not awake and going
for 24 hours in a day.
So I think that you just have to, as a
person, whether you are just a person,
person, whether you're a business
owner, entrepreneur, makeup artist,
whatever, the balance doesn't come 50 50.
It's how can I rearrange things
in my life to feel like what I'm
wanting to focus on right now?
Is what I'm focusing on and
I'm not stressing about trying
to uphold other things too.
Mm-hmm.
I hope that makes sense.
No, it totally does.
No, I love that because it's kinda like
different seasons require different
balances and different priorities.
Mm-hmm.
Because, yeah, you made a good point.
It was like last year was my first full
year, I would say, as an entrepreneur.
I started in 2023 of my own business,
but last year with like the social
media consulting and all that stuff.
so I think I put like so much
effort in it, but it was also my
daughter's second year of life.
She's like, I'm trying to think
of like how the year's worth Yeah.
Versus birthdays so second year of life.
So I'm like, oh, it's
such an important stage.
And then there's the mom guilt and
so you like push it back and forth.
But I'm like, I also have the
benefit of being home with her.
So I do get to be home with her more
than I think most working moms get to.
So I kind have to remember like that's,
that's a something that I get that,
or what's the word I'm looking for?
That's a. privilege or an like,
something that I have that not
a lot of people are able to do.
So, just kind of realizing those
things and stepping outside
of it is like, is important.
So I feel like that was
like a mini therapy session.
Thank you.
Oh yeah.
You're welcome.
Most of that comes to
you via my therapist.
Thank you Theresa.
We love you.
Thank you.
Yes.
I always hear things like that.
I'm like, maybe I should
go back to therapy.
I'm like, just so I have someone like
talk to you about things like that.
'cause it's
I think everybody needs a therapist.
I think everybody should go to therapy.
Even if you don't feel like you are
struggling with something right now.
Even if it's not like I need therapy.
You know what I mean?
I don't think that you will ever
not benefit from having somebody to
talk to that's not biased, that can
help you work through situations.
Even if it's just that you're going
through a hard time at work or.
Kind of what we're talking about.
Like maybe you are
struggling with mom guilt.
I wouldn't say when you're struggling with
those things, most people in your life
are gonna be like, wow, you need therapy.
Right.
But I do think that if you are in therapy
while you're going through those things in
your life, you're gonna benefit from it.
You're never gonna be like, why did I
even sit through that therapy session?
I think you can always
benefit from therapy.
Oh,
for sure.
Yeah.
I think it's like one of those
things where it's just good to
sometimes like say it out loud.
Yeah.
Because I even like the people that submit
stories to me too, like these wedding
drama stories or relationship things.
they always tell me at the end, or
should say like a lot of times at
the end they're like, even if you
don't use this, it was really good
for me just to like type it out.
'cause they're like, it allowed
me to like see what happened and
understand how I feel about it.
' cause I think so many times, like we're
talking about is like, go, go, go.
What the heck just happened?
Oh, well next problem.
You know, you kind of just push it aside.
So I think it's absolutely so beneficial.
And I think therapy too is way
less stigmatized than it was like
when we were like children maybe.
Yeah.
I've definitely gone to therapy
multiple times in my life at like
different points where stress was
super high or something was going on.
But it's funny, I've told someone
this also in this one before,
probably not on the podcast, but the
last therapist I had, I loved her.
She was great, but she like
dismissed me at the end.
She's like, all right, I
think we solved the problem.
We're gonna be done now.
then, like she just said, I was done.
I remember telling my boss at the
time, 'cause he's really like, open
about therapy and mental health.
Yeah.
It's like, I've never
had that happen before.
And I was like, I, that I've never
had that happen to me either.
I've gone to therapy for the past.
I wanna say that I started therapy
in 2020 and I've been seeing
the same therapist since then.
And I've taken breaks, you know, when.
I got off my parents' insurance
or whatever and well I
can't afford it right now.
I gotta pay for that.
yeah.
And then gotten back on with her and
yeah, there's never been a time even
when I felt like I was doing well and the
therapy was more of just like a moment
for me to check in with myself, I guess.
Where she's been like, alright, great.
The only thing I would say that
she ever says is, do you feel like
we still need to meet monthly?
Or would you wanna maybe
push it out to two months?
That makes sense to me.
But to be like, well,
we solved the problem.
I don't think that therapy always needs
to be, and I'm not saying that it's never
this way, but I don't think that it always
needs to be solving the problem to end it.
Because problems keep coming up in life.
Things keep happening.
Who's to say that She didn't say?
you know, we solved the problem.
That's it.
And then a week later you have some
major tragedy happen in your life
and you have nobody to talk to.
Yeah.
I mean, you have friends, you have
family, but you don't have an unbiased
person who knows how you think,
knows how you processes things.
Yeah.
So that's, that's kind of odd.
I'm sorry you
had that experience.
Oh yeah.
It was so odd.
I was just like, at the
time I was like, oh, cool.
And then later I was like, wait,
is that supposed to happen?
I don't know.
Yeah.
It was weird.
Maybe I need therapy to
talk about that therapy.
You're like, actually,
actually, anyway, I feel like I got off.
oh, there's no topic.
Whatever.
we're talking
we're yapping.
It's fine.
Yeah.
pause really quick.
I just have a quick question about that.
So like, what was your first,
symptom you just noticed like your
heart rate would kind of increase
a long time?
So I have a little bit of
an odd story kind of when it
comes to my health in general.
so I have always really struggled with,
like, exercise was always really difficult
for me and not in the sense of like, I
don't wanna do it, but it would be like,
I don't want to do it as a child and
like I'm running, playing basketball and
I'm great at sports and I'm awesome at
like these things at a young age, but.
I'm having to like ask to get taken out
to take a break and I'm like beat red and
blood pooling in my legs and all that.
I really noticed it amping up
after I had my hip replaced.
and I've, POTS is one of a few things
that I deal with, but I mean, I was
on, or not even my hip replace, I have
had two hip surgeries on the same hip.
The first one was a like experimental
one to see if we could kind of push off
the replacement so that I wouldn't have
to get multiple throughout my life.
but it only gave me like
four-ish years of relief.
so after that surgery I was
still on the crutches from that
surgery and I actually passed out.
And it was a whole thing.
I was at work.
So I had had my first hip surgery and
I actually passed out at work, like
smacked my head off of a counter.
It was a whole thing.
Paramedics had to come.
It was not great.
but then I was noticing like it
was just happening a lot more and.
Mostly it was like starting to amp up.
The more I was like stressed because
I found out now for me, stress
and the heat are like my biggest
triggers when it comes to my pots.
and so I had a family member pass away
and I had to sing at their funeral.
And I don't even remember the
last like verse that I'm singing.
Thank God I said the words correctly.
but I sang that stepped back.
I was up in the balcony, so thankfully
I wasn't also in front of everybody.
But I like stepped back, looked
over to a family friend and
was like, I'm gonna pass out.
She took me downstairs fine.
and then after my second surgery, my
hip replacement, that's when a lot of
my other chronic illnesses started.
I also have a condition called mast
cell activation syndrome, which.
Basically for me, your mast are the
cells that kind of check out foreign
invaders, like things coming into the
body and they go, we good or not good?
I'm not a medical professional, so if I'm
saying this wrong, but I do know that they
are the reason that histamine is put out.
And so for me, my mast cells are
kind of always activated, hence
mast cell activation syndrome.
but what that means for me is I've
developed a lot of allergies, and I
can develop new ones to random things
and that might be just, I'm itchy,
but it's also like I go anaphylactic.
So I I've had a whole life
shift because of all of that.
but because of my mast cell
activation syndrome and pots.
If one of them gets mad,
the other one gets mad.
So I've had a couple of times where
I mean, I've passed out quite a bit
and not everyone with POTS will,
that's kind of a misconception.
Like people with pots stand
up and instantly pass out.
That's not typically the case.
Like some people will, but it's
more of like a constant state of
feeling, like out of it, I guess.
Like brain fog is massive with pots.
it affects your entire
autonomic nervous system.
So that's like breathing,
that's like digestion.
That's your heart rate, your
temperature control, things like that.
so it's affected me in a lot of
ways, which is again, when I started
realizing like, okay, this is affecting
me when I'm taking too many weddings.
That's, I really need to step back, but.
Definitely it was like heart racing.
I wear a device that's
called a visible armband.
I'm not wearing it today because I'm
sitting, but it basically will show me
second by second what's going on with
my heart rate and alert me if I've
been in the red zone for too long, if
I am, you know, more opt to, need to
take a break or anything like that.
So, mm-hmm.
I wear that now.
But, yeah, it's not fun.
It's definitely been one of the
most debilitating things for me.
and I think that.
It's something that I
wanna talk more about.
So I'm glad that we get to talk about it
here because we don't, we don't really get
to see much representation of people that
are entrepreneurs that are also dealing
with things like this, or business owners
that are dealing with things like this.
I feel like it's kind of stereotypical
that it's more like you're a boss,
babe, and you're just go, go, go.
Awesome.
And what people don't see with people
like me who are chronically ill or
whatever are, the days that, I mean,
I've even had here, this is, I'm at
my store right now, but I've even had
here where between clients I know I've
got 20 minutes, I am not doing well,
and I'm taking my emergency meds, I'm
laying on the floor with my feet elevated
for 15 minutes and then quick getting
back to it, pushing through that.
And then same thing between clients.
I'm just having to take breaks.
So, yeah.
That was a really long thing,
No, but that's good.
Like you said, it's something that I
think other people can learn more about
and I think be able to see like the
behind the curtain kind of thing Yeah.
it's something that's not talked about a
lot and so that's why I was like really
curious about like your first symptoms
and then kind of how you handle it
now when you know it's like coming on
or, you know, feeling a certain type.
it's hard too because the handling it
thing isn't really like, it's one of
those conditions that there's a huge.
Spectrum.
You could be somebody with pots and if
you're listening to this now and you have
pots that this is the case, please comment
below because I want people to feel not
alone, but you could be somebody with pots
that you are on disability, you can't get
out of bed, you're having people coming
to your house, giving you IV infusions at
home because you physically can't stand.
Mm-hmm.
It can be that severe.
And then there's people like me that are
kind of somewhere in the middle, like
in wedding season, which unfortunately
for me is when here is obviously
like summer fall, when it's warmer.
So I'm getting like at least monthly
infusions, but people aren't seeing that.
I'm not showing that, oh,
come with me to get my iv.
Right.
and then constantly taking
salt pills so that my blood
pressure stays somewhat level.
making sure that I'm like
actually forcing myself to take.
Drinks and stuff like that,
working that time into my client's
timelines, things like that.
there's this huge spectrum of pots and
I think that it's becoming more well
known, which I'm really happy about,
but I think that people aren't seeing
enough of working people with it.
And so it can be a little bit
like, oh, well if you have pots,
why aren't you just on disability?
It's not easy to do that.
thank you for letting me talk about that.
I'm really happy that I got
to share that with people.
No, of course.
Yeah, and you make a good point too,
about, I think like in general, when
someone hear about a disability or
an autoimmune, they'll relate to
one person they know and they don't
realize everything is a spectrum.
So some people have very severe
symptoms all the time, like you
said, and some maybe internally
battling every single day.
And some might have smaller
symptoms or, you know.
Yeah.
And so I think it's important to see
that there's a wide span and to just,
you know, give grace to people and kind
understand it every situation might
be a little bit different as well.
Absolutely.
Thank you for sharing that.
No, I, I was curious 'cause I
didn't really know much about it.
Yeah.
Yes.
okay.
So let's get into some of the.
Wedding hot takes before
we get to the story.
Mm-hmm.
So, okay.
Started a new thing since
last time, because I don't
think we did this last time.
Red flag or green flag?
Mm. So you're just gonna, I'm gonna
say a sentence and then you'll just
say if it's a red flag or a green flag.
Okay.
Replacing a bridesmaid
close to the wedding,
that's a hard one though, because
I guess I know I should, I know you
wanna answer a red flag, green flag.
It really depends on the situation though.
I know, I know.
That's a hard one.
So, as a vendor, I would say maybe
red flag for planning purposes
and like scheduling purposes,
depending on how close, like if
it's the day before, like Right.
That can be a little bit like
jarring, but I don't wanna say
it's a full red flag because.
If that person in your bridal party
was going to be chaotic or causing
you tons of stress, or maybe there's
been a massive falling out green
flag, please don't have them there.
I don't wanna have to
be around that either.
I don't wanna be set in that stressful
situation and I don't want my
client in that stressful situation.
So, man, that's a hard one.
I would say that really depends, but I'm
leaning, I guess, more towards green.
I know.
I feel the same way.
I feel like a lot of these scenarios,
there's so much, like so many
details that could change it.
Yeah.
It's like everyone's perspective and Yeah.
Expecting attendance at
every pre-wedding event.
So the brides like you have to come to the
engagement party, the shower, all that.
No, that's a red flag to me.
You can't expect everyone to
be everywhere all the time.
I think that what people lose
the plot on a lot when they're
brides is thinking that.
I think when you're a bride, that
is the most important thing to you.
That's what the majority of your
planning is going towards for
at least a year in most cases.
that's like end goal,
most important thing.
think of the times that you've
been in a wedding though.
Maybe if it's like your best, best
friend, but like life goes on,
you have other things going on.
maybe somebody in your bridal
party or an attendant or something.
Maybe they have somebody
else getting married.
They can't come.
Like you can't expect people to
just always, always be there.
Is it nice?
Yes.
But I would never hold it against somebody
if they couldn't come to something.
I had people RSVP yes to my wedding.
I had a very small wedding.
We had like 50 people.
Mm-hmm.
And I had people very close to me.
RSVP.
Yes.
And they couldn't come because of X,
Y, or Z was I like, oh, that sucks.
But I wasn't like, oh my gosh, I'm
never talking to that person again.
I can't believe they wouldn't come.
Like that's a little
bit of a red flag to me.
I know.
It always gets lost on me when they're
like, you must attend every single thing.
My wedding's the priority and I'm like, I
realize that everyone else has lives too.
My wedding is yeah, it's important to
me, but like I don't expect it to be
the most important thing to everybody
else or anybody else for that matter.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, that's crazy.
Like I have friends that couldn't
come to the Bachelorette or the
shower and I was like, right, your
family, your health, your whatever
you're going through goes, it's first.
Exactly.
We'll, we will live.
okay.
cash bars, red or green cash
bars.
Yeah, I haven't really been to a
wedding where that's been the case.
So Cash Bar explained to me, just
to make sure I'm that's where
you're like paying to add alcohol?
Yeah, there's
just, yeah, they don't, they
probably don't provide any drinks.
I've never been to a full cash bar either.
Usually at least there's or something.
But yeah, it's just like
there's no drinks provided.
I would say, um,
I would say that's a little bit of
a red flag if it's fully a cash bar.
Like if you're not providing any
sort of refreshments, like that would
kind of be a little bit alarming.
You have to have something
for somebody to drink.
but if it's cash bar.
Just for, I guess that's also
a little bit hard though.
Like my family doesn't really
drink, so it would be like,
we had nothing at my wedding.
So I don't know.
I think that kind of just
depends on the person.
I think that if your family is somebody
that you are people that you know
are gonna drink, and you know that
maybe you can't provide that much.
I mean, maybe having like a set
drink or something that is free or
included with the wedding, and then
maybe if there's something like
extra that somebody wants, Right.
I don't know.
Yeah, I've just not been
to something like that.
Yeah.
And I feel like if they're, yeah,
if they're not providing anything,
like no kind of refreshment,
I'm talking even non-alcoholic.
Yeah.
So if they're not providing anything and
expecting nice people to come, then sure.
That's a little bit of a red flag If
they expect everybody to like pay for
food and drinks once they're there.
Right.
But if it's like, oh,
we're just talking like.
Your aunt prefers like this really fancy
vodka, then Yeah, I think it's a red
flag that, yeah, have them pay for it.
Like
I totally agree.
That's exactly what I think.
Board.
right.
Doesn't need to be an
open bar or anything.
okay, last one.
Announcing a pregnancy at the wedding.
Oof.
To me girl, that's gonna be a red flag.
That is unless the only time I can
ever see it be okay is one, it's the
couple announcing that they're pregnant.
obviously, or if it's been super well
discussed and maybe the couple has asked
for this to happen there otherwise.
Die.
That's, yes.
So I probably wouldn't do that.
that's crazy To me, that's
like one of those things I didn't
even know that was a thing until I
started getting story submissions.
Yeah.
And the amount of times where it's like
someone wants to announce someone else's
pregnancy at the wedding, like once
where I read was like the, mother-in-law
wanted to announce the younger brothers.
His girlfriends.
Oh, I think I saw
your story about that.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was one.
And then there was another one like
last year that was like kind of
similar where the couple, well they
asked the couple and the couple said
no, and they mom Oh, then media red
flag.
Yeah.
The mom
was still bringing in like a, box to
like surprise everybody with, and then
still did like a mini celebration of
the table even after they said, no.
That's wild.
To me.
that's up there with if somebody is
getting married and they're like,
Hey, photographer, my husband and
I just got engaged like this week.
Could you take some engagement
photos at this person's wedding?
Yes.
Like it's that level to me where
it's just a common courtesy
thing to like not do that.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, I wouldn't, even if
I was at somebody's like.
They just graduated college.
We're having this really fun party.
I wouldn't be like, Hey guys,
by the way, make this about me.
Like there's moments in life
where it's not about you.
Yeah.
I think that's a big thing to remember
is sometimes it's not your turn.
Yeah.
It's this person's turn,
it's their moment to shine.
And unless they are super,
like, please, I want you to
just let them shine.
It's just, it's just rude.
It's just rude.
Yeah.
We don't need to always
turn it back to us.
Right,
right.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
All right.
I'm gonna do a couple of, would you
rathers and then we'll get into our story.
Okay.
These are like more like
makeup kind of, focus.
Okay.
Would you rather start glam at 5:00 AM or
be rushing to put lipstick on in the car?
Oh, definitely start glam at 5:00
AM I don't like feeling rushed.
I hate it.
It makes me so stressed
and anxious and my luck.
I'm gonna like, think that I'm
putting it on good and then I get
out and I'm looking like the joker.
Like I just, no, I would
rather start earlier.
My gosh.
Totally.
I think I said this before, but like when
I was in a lot of weddings, I always felt
like they put me at the earliest slot.
'cause they're like, oh,
we know you wake up early.
That was also Preki.
they're like, we know you wake up early.
So I'd be like in my
chair, like half asleep.
But I did like just being done and then I
could just like hang out with everybody.
Yeah.
I didn't have to rush or worry.
Like, 'cause sometimes being
some of the later ones, you're
like, are we gonna have time?
Or you're like, oh, a
hundred percent.
Yeah.
And for me too, like what I like
to do personally to avoid that.
And if you're a makeup artist
listening, I always, let's say they
tell me they need to be done by
three, we're gonna be done by two.
Like I wanna give that little
bit of wiggle room for touch-ups.
Maybe there was an emotional
gift that somebody was given
and like they completely like,
I wanna have time for things.
People get stuck in
traffic, things happen.
So always give yourself a
little bit of extra time.
And for any brides or somebody that's
getting married, that's listening, just
because when you are getting ready on
the every day, it might take you an
hour and a half to do hair and makeup.
Please know, wedding time
is, its whole different.
Thing like it is so different.
You might be thinking, wow, my makeup
artist wants to start at 7:00 AM We
don't have to be done till three.
That's crazy.
And then when you're getting done,
you're like, how has the day flown by?
How have we, like where did that go?
That's what I hear 99%
of the time at weddings.
It is just like, whoa.
That day went by so fast.
Like, ah.
So always give yourself a little extra
time that you think, I know it's,
you don't think of like the random
person popping in to say hello
and like, yes, you step by or
setting up food for your brides.
You know?
You just don't think those little things.
You don't think about it running to the
bathroom, oh, I forgot this in my room.
Like Exactly.
There's always something.
So
something.
Yes.
Yeah.
would you rather a bridesmaid hate her
makeup or refuse the look and do her own?
would I rather bridesmaid hate their
makeup or when you say refuse their look
and do their own, like, they just are
like, I don't want you to do my makeup.
Don't want,
yeah.
I'd rather them do their own.
Like if they're gonna hate it the way
that I do it, you don't need me to do it.
Like, if you're good at what you're
gonna do and you're already happy with
how you do your makeup, don't feel
like you have to get your makeup done.
I I would rather that, because that
just puts anxiety on everybody that day.
The person getting their makeup
done is gonna go into it knowing
that they're gonna hate it probably.
Or just I know my features better.
I've never liked my makeup
done by somebody else.
They're gonna go into it that way.
The makeup artist is gonna be thinking
of all the ways that they can try to make
that not happen and make the person happy
just for them to not be happy in the end.
Yeah.
If you know you're somebody that
you just don't like getting your
makeup done by somebody else.
Just do it yourself, even if you
are the bride, the groom, whoever.
Like just do it yourself.
It doesn't,
yeah.
I feel like if you're like super
picky, you need to just do it yourself
if you know what you're doing.
yeah, know yourself in those moments.
'cause like when I'm a bridesmaid,
I love getting my makeup done.
I just trust the makeup artist.
I'm like, you know what you're doing.
but I have friends that like, they're
just very particular and they're just
good at their own makeup and they do it.
like about knowing yourself.
Absolutely.
For myself, like I did my own makeup on
my wedding day and that was because I
enjoy the process of putting makeup on.
I enjoy doing it myself.
But if I were somebody that didn't
enjoy that and you're like, man,
every time I do my makeup, I hate it.
Get somebody do your makeup for you.
Yeah.
Even if it's like, I can't
afford a makeup artist.
Maybe you have a really talented
friend or something that does makeup
really well, it's okay to do that too.
You don't have to.
But on the flip, don't think
like we're saying that you
have to have a makeup artist.
If you're like, I'm good at what I do.
It's not a necessity.
You don't need a makeup
artist to get married.
You need a officiant, you need a
venue, you need a wedding dress.
Those are needs, this
is wants and luxuries.
You don't have to have it.
Right, totally.
would you rather one bridesmaid be
45 minutes late or one bridesmaid be
overly controlling about the schedule?
I would definitely have somebody
that's maybe a little bit more
controlling about the schedule because.
I'd rather have somebody that's on
me about the times and whatnot versus
somebody who is just so nonchalant than I
am anxious, everything's running behind.
I'm probably gonna get blamed for
the fact that things are behind, even
though I didn't do anything wrong.
I'd rather have somebody way
more on me about the time,
because me personally like I am.
So it might not seem it if you're any
of my clients watching this now, but in
that moment, I mean, what I do, and this
is a little tip too, for makeup artists,
for weddings, like I set my schedule.
as my lock screen for a wedding.
Okay.
And I'm, every couple little bit, I'm
clicking it to see, to make sure that
I'm good and to somebody, it just looks
like I'm checking the time, but I'm
really like seeing how I'm doing on time.
So shoot, if somebody wants to
be the little voice in my head
that's already happening when I'm
doing this, like, sure, I'd rather
have that than somebody be late.
Yeah, I love that because yeah, it's
like when bridesmaid be a little late,
but they don't always realize how much
that could push back everybody else.
Especially like, what if it's a
wedding where there's only three
or four bridesmaids than you're
kind of reshuffling everybody.
But it's good to have that schedule.
Like when I'm, when I've been hired
for like Day of Coordinators, I'm
like on it, I'm the same as you.
I'm like checking.
I'm like, okay, all right.
Where's our next bridesmaid?
You're on deck when she's
done, you're swapping like,
because again, it goes
back to the whole thing.
That wedding time is its own thing.
Like it is just so different
than an everyday type of thing.
You have to be so scheduled
because yeah, one little thing
can really throw off a whole day.
And I've had it in the past where
I had a bridesmaid be super late
and it almost made it to where I
couldn't do the grandma's makeup.
Like the grandma would've
just not had makeup.
I made it work.
Yeah, bride not happy with me
because of the delay, but I made
it work because I'm not gonna let
somebody's grandma not have makeup.
That's crazy.
That would make me sad.
but yeah, it's so easy to throw
off an entire day without even
realizing it because 45 minutes,
me, I block out an hour for makeup.
but that's including like cleaning
in between time for me to like,
you know, take a drink or whatever.
So it's really more 45 minutes.
So if you think about it, if you're
45 minutes late, you're pushing
the day, a whole appointment slot
back, like that is a lot of time.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
All right.
No, that's a, that's a great point.
All right.
Let's just get into today's story
because you always end up being
a little bit longer than I think.
So let's just get into it.
Okay.
and feel free to stop me or pause anytime
if you, likewise, we just back the note.
As we go.
All right.
I was the Maître d' for all types of
events at a golf course and country club.
Every Sunday we hosted a flat
priced buffet with no alcohol for
gospel groups, prayer gathering.
They danced, sing, and
filled the room with joy.
The staff loved watching and listening
to them, and we never had a single issue.
We genuinely looked
forward to their visit.
One of the young women from the group
decided she wanted her wedding there on a
Sunday afternoon with the group present.
I walked her through everything,
the theme menu, colors, ceremony,
flow, flowers, readings, dances,
bar options, extra servers, sleeping
arrangements for the newlyweds, backup.
Well, this is a lot.
backup plans for the bad weather and
even contingency plans for family issues.
Okay, they got it all.
we had the space for six
hours, including the ceremony.
For comparison, the gospel group typically
use the room for only two to two and
a half hours on the regular Sundays.
So I'm thinking they wanted to rent,
they wanted them to sing at her wedding
is what I'm guessing some, yeah.
It's
sounding like she wants 'em to
be very involved with the day.
Yeah.
because it says they want
the guests present that are
normally there on Sundays.
Yes.
Okay.
So she wants them to be there.
Okay.
They were allowed joyful and
energetic, but never obnoxious.
Just a genuinely happy to be a live vibe.
the first deposit to hold the date and
room was paid immediately with no issues.
Over the next four to five months,
the bride and groom agreed to
every recommendation we made.
Used all our preferred vendors,
and sometimes even brought
me homemade baked goods.
We clicked really well.
The only request they made beyond
my cake recommendation was an extra
tier and specific symbol to honor
their deceased parents and a sibling.
We upgraded the cake at
no additional charge.
That's nice.
Yeah.
That's really nice.
Um, as the second deposit approach,
they continued adding upgrades and
RSVPs were higher than expected.
We needed additional servers, more food,
extra tables, and more rentals overall.
They also decided to move the
wedding up by three weeks to the
earliest Sunday we had available.
Oh.
I'm wondering how like, how late
into the planning this was because
Yeah, that's a pretty big shift.
Yeah.
And like schedules adding people.
Okay.
She said that wasn't an issue, but
it did mean we couldn't get the exact
same linen colors in time and they
needed to secure an available pastor.
We agreed to keep the second
deposit due date the same as the
original planned and not move it up.
Two weeks before the
wedding, I checked in again.
Everything was fully
planned and it was a lot.
I heard nothing back three
days before the wedding.
I left messages for the couple and both
mothers while also confirming flowers,
linens, staff, transportation, and final
details the following afternoon Friday.
they still haven't heard from them.
Oh my gosh.
That's, I'm like,
it's okay.
We are like crunch time and
we've not heard anything.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm locked in.
I know.
I'm always like, what do you do at
that point where you're constantly like
calling them, emailing them, nothing?
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
The following afternoon Friday, the
bride's uncle arrived with a check
covering the remaining balance.
My boss wasn't thrilled, but
at that point we proceeded.
Wasn't thrilled that the uncle
came or that they were like.
Yeah.
'cause I mean that payment probably
would be late, I would imagine.
I feel like most things don't
take payments that close.
Yeah, because we're talking, she
doesn't say when the date was, but
she's saying all of a sudden before
the wedding, they still hadn't paid,
they didn't hear anything back.
Well, then we're at three
days before the wedding.
Yeah.
So we're like close.
Close.
So I can see where they're stressed.
Like you're not talking to us and it's not
you that's bringing in the final check.
It's some random relative, like
Yeah, you never called back.
Were they involved?
Yeah.
Were they involved with
this relative before?
Is this person just showing
up like Yeah, I'd probably be
a little frustrated as well.
And I'm wondering like for venues.
If you don't get that second deposit,
I'm sure they have a right to either
add an extra charge or Oh, yeah.
To cancel your event or something because
they're holding all, I mean, maybe they
end up losing money then, but, ' cause
I'm like, where's like the stickler for
you have to pay us this day, or Yeah.
Something happens, we lose this.
You can't have this amenity or,
you know, something like that.
Okay.
the wedding began at noon just as
their gospel gatherings always did.
The ceremony was beautiful.
While photos were being taken,
I showed the mother of the
bride the reception room.
So it's weird.
Everything's just like going as
normal even though they Yeah.
We're just like
going forward.
Even though nobody was
confirming anything.
Okay.
Yeah.
Alright.
Immediately she began tearing it apart.
The mother of the bride tearing
apart the reception room.
The linen colors were wrong.
The tables were too far from the
windows where a large buffet had been
set up overlooking the golf course.
The dance floor was too large.
Even though most guests danced
at their tables, the cake was
missing a tier and it was crooked.
Or she's saying it wasn't.
These are all the things that the
mother of the the bride was saying.
Okay.
And it was crooked.
It wasn't, the lighting was
too dim and felt solemn.
The servers were dressed too
formally One server hunched too much.
She didn't like my dress.
She's
talking to the, your server
has bad posture, okay?
I get being upset in certain
things, and we'll hear more story.
I understand.
Okay.
don't, what if that
person has a back issue?
You dunno.
Why are we going after
the servers themselves?
Like, that's kind of crazy to me.
It's wild.
That's wild.
Okay.
Yes.
You don't know anything about this person.
Yeah.
What in the world make that comment?
they're doing their jobs, aren't they?
They're, they're like helping.
Right.
Like, oh my God.
then to say she didn't like her
dress, the person doing it, she's
saying she didn't like my dress.
It clashed.
So the person that sent in this
email that runs these letters?
Yeah.
Can you imagine?
I'd be like, okay.
Like, sorry.
Right.
That's what I chose to wear.
That's wild.
Okay.
Bizarre.
Oh my gosh.
The flowers were too sparse.
there were too many ribbons.
She was irate.
I was completely dumbfounded.
And that's a problem too.
Well, I mean it's, there's so
many problems with this, right?
Thinking that she has
some power coming in.
It's like she's not the client.
Yeah.
But it weird that she, they just
stopped hearing from the bride and
groom and then the uncle just comes in.
Right.
And it's weird to me too, that, weddings
that I've been to my wedding, we very
much discussed like what the layout was
going to be, how things were gonna look.
And I know that they said, we did let
them know that the linens wouldn't be
able to be the same because of whatever.
So they were aware of that.
Maybe this mom isn't aware of the change.
Okay.
But also who are you?
Like, I get you're the mom, but you're
also like not the deciding factor.
Yeah.
I feel like it was something where.
The mom wasn't as involved as
she wanted to be or something.
Yeah.
And it sounds like, like the
person that wrote this, I always
say it's a little biased 'cause
she's the one that sent it to us.
Right.
So I'm like hearing her perspective,
but I'm like, sounds like she
knows what she's talking about.
She's done all these
weddings and events before.
Right.
So I'm sure they're following
the contract, following the plan.
The mom's, she's like, I don't like this.
This is not what I envisioned.
Or she's embarrassed because she wants
her family to see something different.
Or I,
that's just so, it's so silly to me too
because let's say all of these things
are the genuine, the bride comes in and
ends up saying the exact same thing.
Where have you been?
You haven't like been communicating with
us to like even know, maybe the original
discussion was that there were gonna be
this many ribbons, or maybe the discussion
was that the flowers were gonna be how
they're gonna be if you're not having.
' cause it's sounding to me
like the venue is providing
most, if not all of the setup.
So it's not like they're having to
coordinate multiple different vendors.
It's sounding like it is
the venue that's doing this.
So how that communication between the
couple and the venue itself got so lax.
Mm-hmm.
It is strange to me, like, yeah.
Okay.
I need to
hear more.
I need to Very on.
Okay.
It says she stormed off and I
went back to business as usual.
This was a $16,000 wedding.
Absolutely.
All out.
That seems low to me, but I don't know.
I feel, oh yeah, I hear golf courses.
At first I was like
16, but then I'm like,
actually no, that's pretty low.
Yeah.
At least in this area.
Michigan.
I know.
I don't know where this
was, but yeah, I feel like golf course
weddings, like when we were just kinda
like, just kind of getting ideas.
I feel like golf courses were like the
most expensive 'cause it was like, oh
yeah, resort vibes, everything included.
And so I feel like those were like
at least 50 if not way higher.
Yeah, no, I agree.
Yeah.
I don't know.
okay, so it said, intros finished first
stance is done, speech is complete.
Dinner music began, the buffet was
destroyed, completely cleaned out.
So it was destroyed in a good way.
I think she means
demolished the food.
They ate it all.
That's what I'm gathering.
shiny.
Yeah.
shiny Yeah.
I'm like, okay, I was
gonna pronounce that wrong.
And all music continued, some
dancing followed, and then the
mother of the groom approached me.
She said the food was awful.
The servers were slow, people were
spiking drinks at a dry wedding.
Apparently sneaking alcohol from
another bar into the building.
The dance floor was a slippery hazard.
The linens were dry
after people ate, or No?
The linens were dirty after people ate.
It didn't take a genius to
see where this was headed.
The hints for a massive
discount started shortly after.
they don't wanna pay.
They don't want to pay.
Hopefully they've already
cashed that check, girl.
And it didn't bounce like this.
What it's for, the dirty or the
Dirty Linens thing reminded me.
I saw this thing where an influencer
was trying to do something or she was
getting free, something free money.
She was at a restaurant and she filmed the
floor and was like the place was dirty.
And then the owners came out and they were
like, she was there right after like a 12
party or a 12 person party just got up and
left and she filmed right under the table.
So it's just all about like if you've
never worked in a restaurant or,
yeah.
That's wild to me.
The linens are dirty.
I mean, aren't they there to like.
Get used and like to protect like
the tables and to like look nice.
I mean, your wedding dress is
gonna be dirty by the end of the
night, like the bottom of it.
You know, you're using the item.
Yes.
That's wild.
And again, saying servers were slow,
you're gonna complain about that.
That's wild to me.
Okay.
And clearly the food wasn't that
bad if everybody ate it all.
Yep.
That, oh my gosh.
Then I heard screams, Oh my god Sure
enough, the cake was on the floor.
They claimed a server knocked it
over while rushing for plates.
She did not.
And no, this was 2001.
Okay, there we go.
So it was 2001.
That's price.
So much has changed since then.
So much.
16,000, 2001, I could get now.
Okay, that makes sense.
Yeah,
she did not, and no, this
was 2001, no cameras.
Suddenly the older women
erupted into crocodile tears,
wailing and chanting praises.
They cried that the souls wait, what?
The souls of those honored on
the cake had been desecrated.
now they're saying because
the server knocked it over.
It was like an insult to the loved
ones that were, the cake was for there.
So let's say that a
server did knock it over.
You are jumping over the Grand Canyon,
my friend, to say that that is a
disrespect on a deceased loved one.
I can see somebody going up to the
cake, taking whatever that symbolic
thing was, chucking it at the wall.
Like, okay, yeah, you're
being disrespectful to that.
Mm-hmm.
If something accidentally gets knocked
over, my first thought would not be,
oh, my family members, I can't believe.
Like, ah, that is a accusatory stretch.
That is a big stretch.
Wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
And by everything that we've learned
so far, I'm like, they're just looking
for all of this to like add up.
they're thinking of all the dollar
so that they can get back basically.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
She said the accusations went on and on.
Eventually the night wound down, the room
was left trashed, then came the demand.
They wanted their money back.
Gosh.
Oh no.
That, even when I hear stories
like this about like someone
going into a restaurant, and you
can tell from the beginning they
complain about every little thing.
I mean, I used to work in the restaurant
industry, I stopped all the time.
Yeah.
You see it, right?
It's like, you know, the second those
people sit down, these are someone that's
gonna complain, they want a discount.
And I was more than happy,
like if something was wrong
or if something, you know.
Oh, for sure.
Even a discount.
I'll take it off completely.
Yeah.
But you can tell right away
when it's someone that's gonna
complain about everything.
Even like, they'll drink, like they'll
Dr. Pepper or, Sprite and they'll
be like, something's off in this.
Something's off.
Yeah, okay, we'll get it checked.
Or it's a brand new, you
know, anything would be wrong.
Right?
So when it's something like this,
like a wedding, $16,000 and they're
gonna be like, we want our money back.
No, and I can see it being, and maybe
you've had this experience too, I can
also kind of get the vibes of when I'm
gonna have a client ask me for a refund.
it always seems to be the ones that I
am the most lenient with or the ones
that I try to give like extra things
to, to be nice that end up coming back
and expecting more and then wanting
a discount because of X, Y, and Z.
Reason So if they say you give an
inch, they take a mile
or something, those kind
1000%, that is definitely the case.
So sounding like that is this case?
Yeah.
Okay.
How does this end?
It says that's when we learned they had
assumed they were paying the same rate.
As the usual two hour Sunday
buffet lunches, despite having a
signed contract stating otherwise.
Why would you not look
at that and just assume,
and is it really that they assumed or
they thought that because they were
such a come every Sunday group that
they could just talk their way into it
and get that discount after the fact?
Right.
But you should never I'm looking
at my camera at this moment.
I know I've been looking all around.
Right.
Never sign a contract for an
amount, assuming that it's
not going to be that amount.
Yeah.
That is
crazy.
crazy To me, contract is
a, it's locking you in.
It's literally telling you
what you owe when you pay it.
Like yes.
Wow.
I don't understand how you could
assume like I don't wanna say
ignorance, but that's being extremely
naive to be like, yeah, oh, okay.
we come here every Sunday
for a two hour of buffet.
I'm like, that's way
different than a wedding.
That is way different from a wedding
that you're getting linens, you're
having people catering your food,
you're having florals, you're having
sounding like music maybe was even
provided, like what they were listing
all of the stay for the bride and groom
for this case, like they did a lot.
So to me, for them to just expect
that to be the same as a little buffet
that they do every Sunday is insanity.
Yeah.
And it's sounding very entitled to me.
Like that's the vibe that I get.
Mm-hmm.
That they just probably
thought going into this.
Like I said that, oh, well we come here
every Sunday, we should be allowed.
It's giving, well, I know the owner vibe.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Like that's the vibe that
it gives and it's like.
Okay, cool.
You're like, so do I.
So do I. And this is
still how much it is like,
Oh my gosh.
I've seen so many skits about that where
someone's like, well, I know the owner.
And they're like, okay, well
get in line all these people.
My
favorite thing when that would happen to
me is they would be like, well, I know the
owner, can't you just gimme a discount?
And I'd be like, I know my dad too.
Like my dad owned the restaurant that
I worked at, so that always killed me.
I'd be like, yeah, same
And I also like anyone that says that if
you're going to your friend's restaurant
or someone you knows, restaurant,
wouldn't you want to contribute to
a small business or help them out?
And that's
the thing too.
I have never been in a situation
that I can think of that I'm ever
going to a friend's business or
going to have a friend do anything
for me that I am like asking for a
discount or I'm expecting a discount.
I mean.
I had a friend do, she's my
hairstylist, do my hair for my wedding.
I still obviously like paid her.
I still tipped her well, like just
'cause she's done my hair forever and
we've been friends for however long.
Like that would be super weird of
me to just assume that that would
be free or discounted or something.
So, That's the vibe I'm getting with
this though, is that they assumed that,
I've always noticed it's the people
that are more acquaintances or
know you through people that do it.
Yeah.
It's never like a real friend.
Yeah.
'cause I don't, I don't think I've
said this on the podcast before,
but like years ago, so like I do
art well again, this was Preki.
I haven't done a lot of art in a
while, but I used to do like charcoal
art drawings and I've done a lot of
stuff for weddings, like art-wise,
like creating like trees with a
thumbprint, whatever, all that stuff.
Yeah.
Anyway, so years ago I was like
a guest of a guest at a wedding.
So like my friend's old friend,
neighbor was getting married.
She's like, you guys should come with us.
It was a very laid back wedding.
More the merrier.
Yeah.
The week before, the bride was like,
can you make me a guest book tree thing?
And I was like, so nice.
I'm early twenties at the time.
Like no boundaries.
Just one people pleased and
I'm like, normally I probably
would've charged a fair price.
Probably would've been.
A hundred to $200 because
it takes, it takes a while.
Yeah.
But I was like, okay, maybe I'll
charge her a little bit less.
She goes, just don't get me a gift.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
Like I already had a gift that I bought.
Yeah.
And I was like,
okay.
then literally I started, learned my
lesson, but then a like a year later
I was like doing charcoal drawings for
people people are, paying whatever.
She never paid me to this day.
It was like someone, she, like, I
went and brought it to the house.
Like a whole family charcoal drawing.
It took Yeah.
Hours.
And I'm like, I broke, just
recently Graduated college kid.
Yeah.
And she was like, oh, I
don't have cash on me.
Like, just tell me what it is and
I'll like send you money later.
Never did.
And it's so dumb now, but in my
mind I'm like, that's that kind of
person that just expects a discount.
Yeah.
'cause they know you somehow.
Yeah.
No, I will say I have been a bridal makeup
artist for 10 years now, and it's always
the person who was randomly in my English
class freshman year of high school that's
like, Hey, girl, I'm getting married.
what are your rates?
And me sending them, whoa.
Well if you want my, pricing guide,
feel free to email my assistant.
She'll get that sent over to you.
Oh my gosh, no girl.
you can just send them in here.
Like, it's fine, Facebook Messenger.
And I'm like, no, it's easier
for me to keep things, compact.
And they're like, oh, well, is there
any way that I could get like a friend
and family discount since we know each
other and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
I've had that happen so many times,
and I'm like, honestly, I don't
know, like anything about you,
how much friends are we do it.
I was going through it when I was
in high school, like my sophomore
to end of junior year is when that
first hip surgery stuff was happening.
they say that pain erases memory
or whatever sometimes, and that's
why like I've heard, oh well people
who have kids might be UPT to have
kids again, even if the first birth
was like awful because they just
like forget the pain or whatever.
Which I don't know how true that
is, but I will say, there are
huge lapses of my memory from that
time of my life where I probably.
Like if I saw you on the street,
random person in my Facebook
messenger thing, like I probably
wouldn't even know that was you.
Mm-hmm.
So why would you think that I
would wanna give you a discount?
Like that's just wild to me.
Well, they're the same
ML N people that want
you to join their team.
Girl that the truth.
Hey girl, from middle school, we never
talked, but I'm during this, I started
this new ml, it's gonna save your life.
And I'm like, yeah,
well, and I get that all the time too.
Maybe you do too.
Now that you have a following is like
online and everything is the amount of
people who are like, you should do this
because you already have the following.
You could easily make millions
and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
And I'm I'm honestly like so good.
Thanks though.
I don't, so good.
Thank you.
I've actually never been more Okay.
Not doing that.
Like, I don't
want to do that.
Like, like more the reason to not do it.
Thank you.
Yeah.
And
the amount of people too, and
maybe you've had this as well, that
are like, could you use my song
in the background of your video?
And they're like a random person from
freshman year of high school that has
like a SoundCloud or whatever it's called.
I've
not had that.
That's what I get,
that I get people, oh,
can I collab with you?
I need to get more views on my stuff
because I do X, Y, and Z. And it's
like a random person I haven't talked
to since I was in like, I was 13.
Like, I'm like, no, I
don't know you anymore.
just because you knew me at
a blip of my life, you do not
just have access to me 24 7.
that's wild to me.
Yeah.
Anyways, I tangented a little bit, but No,
we bolted because I feel like
it's such a common thing.
Like, so when we read something
like this, I'm like, oh.
I know that person, if you're
listening, don't do that.
Yeah.
Don't do that to people.
Always offer to pay
full price for friends.
Yeah.
Family.
And then if later they wanna come
back and be like, you know what?
I wanna throw in this for free
because you're my friend then.
Awesome.
Yeah.
But
yeah, I mean, for me, and they
probably don't even know I do this,
but like my dad's employees, I give
them my friend and family discount
because they work for my dad.
They probably don't even know that I do
that, but it's something that I add on.
but it to me, if it was like a
new employee of my dad and they're
like, can I get a discount?
I'd probably be a little
bit more like, like what?
That's odd.
Like, don't do that.
don't expect things, I guess is what
I, what we're trying to say I feel.
Yeah.
Ab, absolutely.
so it ends with saying, so
says, despite having signed the
contract, stating otherwise mm-hmm.
No one tipped some servers
were even in tears.
Others finally snap back verbally.
And and at that point we allowed it.
So I'm wondering if this is
all just happening right there,
because I'm wondering why the
servers were involved in that.
Because I would kinda be like, servers
go home and then maybe the next week
they're like trying to demand money.
But I don't know if this is, this
sounds like later on in that night it's
happening.
Like in the night you're like,
which I will say, and this is
maybe a controversial thing,
but I don't ever expect a tip.
And I know that in some different things
it's a little bit more common to do it.
Like I probably always would tip a server.
But if I were, you know, a venue or
whatever, you should always have your
pricing be to the point where if something
like this happens and nobody's getting
tipped, your server isn't in tears
because they didn't feel like they made
enough money, it should still be like
The base rate should still be good.
I
agree with you.
To me, and it's different.
I will say if you're going out to eat,
totally different, totally different.
Because I know that minimum wage
is like $2 or something, and you're
living off of your tips in that.
Like you're supplementing
with your tips in that way.
I would imagine, and maybe it's wrong
and if it is, please correct us.
I don't know.
But I would imagine that when you're
working as a server for an event like
this, you're probably getting more of
like an hourly base rate that's like
or more than the $2 minimum wage,
because this is more of like an event.
So yeah, I would imagine
that that should be more.
Common.
I can't speak obviously for all events,
but I used my job in college, I worked
at a hotel and I worked in the bar and
like I was a cocktail server, but we
obviously hosted events and so there
were banquet servers from my memory,
they made like $11 an hour, like they
were serving at weddings and stuff.
Whereas our actual like restaurant
servers were making like five, six.
Yeah.
They were more inclined to get tipped.
So as far as I remember, in banquets you
don't typically get tipped as a server.
Yeah.
Maybe bartenders will get like cash.
Yeah.
I can see bartenders, but even,
yeah, me thinking of any time I've
attended a wedding, I don't think
that I've ever tipped the person
that's bringing me the plated meal.
Right.
Or serving the buffet.
I don't think that.
So to play devil as advocate on
that one little speck, I will say.
Yeah.
I do think that the tipping thing.
that's not something that
you should just expect.
Like even me as a makeup artist, I get
probably like 75% of my client's tip,
but it really doesn't bother me either
way because I make sure that my pricing
is to where I feel like I'm comfortable
after expenses or whatever, that I made
you shouldn't be relying on your tips,
I guess is what I'm saying, right.
For this type of a job Servers.
Yeah.
In the real everyday you're working
at like Bob Evans or something.
I understand.
Tip your servers and stuff.
Yeah.
I just, yes, please tip
your normal servers.
But I don't know if that's
common practice for Yeah.
It makes me wonder if they didn't
typically do this kind of thing.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, but they sound
so, prepared for it though.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Anyways, so little tidbit.
Yeah.
Interesting.
They didn't get tipped and they're crying,
so, and then it says, others finally
snap back verbally and they allowed it.
So that seems kind of weird to me too, to
allow the servers to snap at the customer.
I understand when tensions are really
high and situations are really heated
to get caught in the heat of the moment.
But whether you're the manager,
whether you are the owner, whatever it
is, your responsibility to make your
employees, Hey guys, take a step back.
I'm gonna handle it.
You have to be the one
to handle the situation.
because all that's gonna do
is crave more and more heat.
And more heat.
More heat, and that's,
everybody's just gonna be mad.
So yeah.
Allowing your employees to be.
Even in a position where they're
feeling like they need to go back and
forth like that, like once you start
to notice that the heat is coming on a
little bit, Hey guys, take a step back.
Hey, how can I help you?
what's the problem?
You shouldn't put your employee in
that position because I know that
weddings that I've been to a lot of
the times, the servers, they are like
in their late teens, early twenties.
That's a lot to put on someone young.
Like that's a lot.
Yeah.
So I feel like that's another thing
I would interject in this situation
it would've maybe been beneficial.
I know we don't know how this ends
yet, but to have the employees kind
of step aside and you handle it one
person, because if you're yelling
at a bunch of different people,
nobody's getting their point across.
Nobody's listening.
Yeah.
And it sounds like at this point,
the tips, at least of their
concerns, they might not even
wanna pay for anything else.
Yeah.
so it says, come Monday the check bounced.
So no, they didn't cash the check.
wonder, oh, it makes me wonder,
oh wait, there's another
paragraph, so lemme read it first.
Okay.
Says their head pastor called to
inform us they would not be paying.
warned that if we pursued the matter, the
congregation would countersue, claiming
we intentionally sabotaged a young,
naive, God-fearing couple's wedding
under the guise of miscommunication,
even though they signed a contract
that is, whoa.
Okay.
Sorry.
Oh, she says when it was actually
reckless discrimination somehow they won.
Wait, there was a lawsuit and they won.
It sounds like either She doesn't
say there was definitely a lawsuit.
She just says he warned that
if we pursued it, they would
countersue and then just ends with.
They won.
So I'm wondering if they did sue them.
'cause they were like, we didn't get paid.
Whoa.
First off, how any judge is
letting that win over a signed
contract is bonkers to me.
Mm-hmm.
okay.
I need to get into my business
owner mind for a second here.
Yeah.
why allowing.
Okay.
Thinking that it's 2001.
We're talking 25 years ago.
Yeah.
I feel old.
I see 2001.
I'm like, oh, it was like 10 years ago.
25 years ago.
I'm like,
I I'm 28 so I was like, three what?
Right.
Two or three, like, okay.
Wow.
Anyways, but like I know things have
updated, things have changed a lot
in those 25 years, but I think that
it's a little bit crazy to accept
just a check from a random person
and not try to immediately cash it.
I get that.
Maybe it was, they said it was
three days before, so if it's a
Monday, it would've been a Friday.
Okay, but
you think they waited till the banks
were closed so they couldn't cash it?
Maybe,
but at that point, I'm sorry,
I'm needing a cashier's check.
I'm needing like a money
order or something.
Like I need it to be more obvious
that the funds are there, especially
if communication has been so
lax where I haven't even gotten
to talk to my client in weeks.
Yeah, that's, that's wild to me.
What I would say nowadays, me
personally, if I'm accepting a check
from a client, it has to be like a
cashier's check or something like that.
Like I am not accepting
just a check because.
It has the potential to bounce.
Mm-hmm.
And you are still, especially in this
situation when there's so much involved
makeup, obviously that sucks for me.
Maybe I was looking, maybe I just
replenished a lot in my kit and
this was money that I thought
was coming that I'm going to be
able to balance things out again.
But venues, especially what it's
sounding like this one provides,
you still have to pay people.
Like you still have Yeah.
Things that have to be paid for.
And now that that's bounced, like whoa.
And I'm wondering how much that
first deposit was for Like, usually
I feel like when I got married it was
like the first check was like 25%.
Yeah.
Then it was like 50 ma. I don't know.
So I like, it does like little increments.
Yeah.
So I'm like, that's not
gonna cover their food or No.
Like they ate all the food.
That's right.
And they're gonna like
live with themselves.
Knowing that they scam these people.
Yeah.
I should make it clear the people getting
married, the families getting married.
Right, right.
Scam the venue because they
knew what they were doing.
Because no one signs a contract
thinking it's gonna be, oh,
we do a two hour buffet here.
It's the same as a wedding.
Hey, do this, this, this,
this, this, this, and this.
For us, it's gonna be the same.
I guess I'm also confused
who signed this contract?
Was it the bride and groom?
Was it who signed this?
Because why does the head
pastor at their church get to be
involved in this lawsuit at all?
Yeah, that's a great point.
Why is he a part of this discussion?
Yeah, that doesn't matter.
Like, that's him
being like the, using like the hierarchy
of like, oh, you use this very religious
family, and you're making them look
bad, so don't you dare do that.
So it's almost like him
being like, I'm a pastor.
Let me.
Say it so they, which
why is a pastor doing that?
Yeah.
You're
not a part of the family.
You didn't pay didn't, you're
not in the contract.
Didn't pay.
Yeah.
That's so weird to me.
And if this did go to court and they
were able to, like, again, how did
a judge, why is that being allowed?
why is the pastor of a church that
they go to get, to be the deciding
say of whether a contract between
somebody and a venue was a scam or not?
That's just,
wow.
Yeah.
So I kind of wonder like, if we
read it the other way, if she's
just saying they won, basically,
we just went along with it.
We didn't like try to sue them
or like take any step further
because he scared us basically.
Then I could see that too.
I can see that, but also
like as a business, you're
out,
you have a contract for a reason
and if you're not gonna stick with
your policies and your contract
and the things that are in there,
what's the point of having I have it.
Yeah.
And don't get me wrong, there's been
instances in the past for me where I have
made exceptions to something that's in the
contract, but it's normally because I'm
trying to be accommodating of somebody.
I will say that's tightened up a lot
because of situations like this where
I've give an inch and they take a mile.
But I just don't see how that hap
like, so much went wrong with this.
And so much that I think that this
business, and I hope that if they're
still around, that they learn from
this, communication needs to be better.
Their, what happens if you stop
communicating with me needs to be better.
Their payment processes hopefully are
better and hopefully they have more
solid contracts or confidence in their
contracts that should something like
this happen again, it's worth fighting
for because wow, that was a lot.
When people complain about like rules and
stuff, it's because of people like this.
This is why contracts have to
be as as they are, is because
there's people that take advantage
now they have to be super clear.
You have to cover every single
instance because of people like this.
Yeah.
'cause they don't try to
scam the crap outta you.
If you are somebody that is getting
married or you are going to be entering
into a contract for whatever reason, read
what you're signing, please don't just
blindly sign and then claim ignorance,
because nowadays I just cannot see if this
went to court nowadays that that would've
held up at all for the client's favor.
Like I could not see that happening.
No way.
so be mindful of what you're signing
and on the flip vendors or whoever is
sending out the contracts, make sure
that you feel confident in the things
that are in your contract, that you feel
that you could back those things up.
Consult with an attorney.
Don't just write something
down and have somebody sign it.
Make sure it is like a legal contract.
yeah, because this type
of stuff happens and.
Me personally as a random
big sister business owner.
Advice to you too.
If you're a makeup artist or a
hairstylist or somebody that, let's
say you have a season that you go
through and now here's the next one.
Revisit that contract at
the end of the season.
What happened in that year that
you don't want to happen again?
Mm-hmm.
Put it into your contract so that it
doesn't happen again and go forward.
You might you might have people
be like, why is this so long?
Or Why does this even
need to be specified?
You don't have to explain yourself
to those clients, but you can say,
if you want to say anything at
all, while everything that's in
the contract is there for a reason.
yeah.
You have to protect yourself as a
business owner and as a consumer.
Signing contracts.
Protect yourself too.
you don't know what a contract is saying.
If you don't know the legal mumbo jumbo.
You don't have to, nobody is
forcing you to sign anything.
Yes.
You can consult with somebody if you need
help before signing anything, even if
it's just asking the business to clarify
what this means, because Yeah, don't
sign into something that you don't know.
Yeah.
Because either one of you, it
could come back and bite you.
Yeah.
most places now, like you said, are not
gonna be like, oh, you didn't read it.
Mm. They're gonna be like,
too bad you signed this.
Yeah.
So,
yeah.
I mean, I've had to do that multiple
times where we've had to send screenshots
or we've copied the portion of the
contract that applies to X, Y, or Z
situation and send it to that client
and say, well then the contract that
you signed, this is what it says.
And you have to leave
with confidence with that.
You have to say, well, this is
what you signed, and they can
come back and counter, but.
This is what you signed.
Yeah.
It makes me think too, kind of like
looking back at the beginning that there
were so many different parties involved
and I think this is why a lot of places
too are like, we only work with the
bride and groom, or we only work with
a couple getting married because I feel
like they probably, the young girl comes
in from the group, she's really excited.
They're like, yep, this sounds great.
She's the one that talks with them.
They signed the contract, she
probably pays the first deposit.
Sounds like, yeah.
It says the bride and groom agree.
They pay everything.
No issues.
Then other people are getting
involved, maybe the moms start seeing
it and they're like, yeah, whoa.
How are we gonna pay for this?
'cause that's, I think that's why
there was that radio silence, right?
They're like starting
to worry about the cost.
Then this random uncle comes in.
Yeah.
And either he was planning on
paying for it the whole time, or he
goes, wait guys, I've got an idea.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, was this a plan the whole time?
Part of me thinks yes.
He's like, I'm gonna come in.
They're not gonna ask me
questions, so they don't know me.
I don't know about the wedding.
Bring this check in.
Oh, it's covered.
We're good.
We're gonna get our wedding.
And then you guys come in hot and right.
Want.
Yeah, because
there's people that do
this like for a living.
Oh yeah.
I mean, like I said, my
dad owns a restaurant.
There's people that we have on the
do not let reorder list because
they've had multiple, and multiple and
multiple times where they call back
and complain that something is wrong.
And to the point where we would like
red label them maybe like, Hey, if
they call, make sure that you are so
precise and confident that everything
going into this order is exactly right.
And they would still call back
and say, X, Y, or Z happened.
For example, and this is talking
on my dad's half for a little
bit, but he had a customer that
would constantly complain about
something being wrong with the pizza.
The toppings weren't right.
my dad owns a pizza place.
The toppings weren't right.
The cheese had slid to the side by
the time that the delivery driver
got it there, it was burn, it was too
cold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So finally my dad was working one day
and it was just him and the delivery
driver, and he makes the pizza.
He knows that this person
is a chronic complainer.
Mm-hmm.
So he is on it.
Yeah, just him in the
building delivery driver.
Nobody else makes the
pizza, sends it on its way.
Of course, like five minutes
later, 10 minutes later, he gets a
call from that person and they're
complaining, well, what's wrong?
There is a massive
blonde hair in my pizza.
My dad said there's a long blonde hair.
Okay.
are you sure it's not yours?
No, it can't be mine.
Everybody in my family has brown hair.
Okay.
if I send the delivery driver back,
would you give him the pizza and the
hair that is in that so that we can
figure out where this is coming from?
Oh, well, I mean we already ate it.
We ate around it, but
like, this is ridiculous.
my dad goes, you know what's also really
funny, the delivery driver and I are both
bald and nobody else is working today.
So they stopped ordering after that.
But it's just so funny.
And come to find out, I mean,
I did a little bit of Facebook
stalking their family's all blonde.
Like, what are you talking about?
That family had blonde hair, like.
So it's just funny, but yeah, it
does happen like all the time and
in so many different industries
that people will just try to get
away with scamming you and mm-hmm.
You have to protect yourself
as a business owner.
Like you just, Yeah.
I feel bad for when things
like this happen though.
I will say, like we were saying
throughout this, there were
definitely learning moments from this.
Mm-hmm.
management wise or whatever, and
policy wise, but I think that maybe
it, from the sounds of it, maybe
this was kind of a newer thing for
them and they just didn't have those
policies or whatever in place yet.
Yeah.
I think that this is us seeing
what kind of happens to a lot
of professionals where you have
something like this happen, which.
Builds those standards and things
like that for it to not happen again.
So I think we might have
seen the beginning of this
golf courses event planning.
They've been real
strict now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which sucks.
You have to learn that way.
Losing $16,000 and then some.
Yeah.
'cause they said they kept
adding on all these extras so.
Hopefully this was a learning
That's so awful moment for them.
But think about the, the
couple that got married.
your wedding was built on a lie.
A lie.
That's really wild.
And like bad juju.
Like why would you want that?
Yeah.
I'm curious to know,
are they still married?
I know, I was, I was thinking that too.
I'm like, I could not, like your kids
are, or your kids or family one day is
asking about your wedding and you're
like, oh yeah, it was at this place.
Do you think they like, lie about it?
Like, oh, it was amazing.
Yeah, they loved it.
Oh, it was ter you know,
like, ' cause if it had all the
things they wanted, I don't know.
And they never specified either if it
was the bride and groom refusing to
pay, or if it was the moms coming in
right saying they're not gonna pay.
so it makes me wonder maybe it was
like a fake account or like a the Yeah.
Opened up a new account and was like,
okay, we're gonna write a check.
Huh.
So many questions.
It's, I love, love getting
vendor
stories, but I also like am like, oh,
I don't like there's so much missing.
Right?
I
wish I could call them and be like,
okay, wait, so yeah, what happened?
I know.
Oh my gosh.
That was wild.
That
was real.
Well, I always like to end these with,
as I shake my whole computer right now.
I was like to end these with
confessions people send me on Instagram.
So here we go.
This is about biggest wedding regrets.
Ooh,
that's a good one.
Okay.
Yeah.
This one says, letting my friend
declare herself my maid of honor.
It shouldn't have been her.
I hear that a lot and I always
wonder how that happens.
' cause if that was a friend to like someone
to me saying like, oh, I'm your maid of
honor, and they weren't, I would, I would
probably just laugh and just move on.
How do they themselves?
I definitely have heard this a lot from
my clients that, oh yeah, this person
kind of made themself my maid of honor.
Like I was gonna ask them to be
a bridesmaid, but I really wanted
this person to be my maid of honor.
I think what happens a lot of the
time is you get people pleaser brides
that don't want to offend anybody.
This person probably means a lot to them.
Maybe just not in the, I think they
should be made of honor way, but I
think that it's hard when they're trying
to make sure that everybody's happy.
They don't want to start wedding drama.
Especially when it comes to
bridesmaids, like you're usually
picking that out pretty early
in the wedding planning process.
Like, yeah, who wants to start that drama?
But I will say, if you are somebody
that recently got engaged or
you're just announcing bridal
party members and somebody's trying
to assert that, I think that.
It's really important and in the long
run better to just be clear right away.
And I know that a lot of people
like to do those bridesmaids boxes
or things like that where they're
asking people, definitely make sure
that you give yourself time between
announcing the engagement and picking
your bridesmaids that you kind of like
have everything so you can quickly
do that so that this doesn't happen.
Yeah.
'cause I think that it's when there's
that gap that people can just assume
and then push their way into it.
Yeah.
I think it's important.
Like if you're announcing that
you're engaged, maybe within a
week or two you're asking people,
and maybe that's a big turnaround.
I don't know.
It's a little bit hard if you don't
know the engagement's coming, but Right.
I do think like it's important to have a
list and roster in the back of your mind.
If you're knowing within a year I'm
probably gonna be getting engaged
to like you, you or I'm gonna be
getting engaged, like you should
probably have somewhat of a roster.
See?
Yeah.
Because even if you don't have like the
bridesmaid boxes ready or whatever you're
gonna do, you can at least be like, oh,
you know, I actually, my sister or my
friend over here, or Yeah, whatever.
Yeah.
It's just gonna, is being that person.
And it might be awkward, like it probably
will be awkward, those conversations, but
I'd rather you have a conversation early
on and it be a little bit awkward than to
be submitting that you regret it to us.
Yeah.
Yes.
Because then you're giving in and
then you're making it their day.
Yeah.
Not completely, I get that.
But like you're still like.
They're gonna have
their way with whatever.
Oh, gonna be these bride.
Like what does it,
what, where does it end?
Right?
We're gonna have these bridesmaid dresses.
'cause I like these best for my body.
Right?
Well wait, you weren't even supposed
to be the maid of honor and then you're
gonna have this resentment, I feel like.
Exactly.
No, I 1000% agree.
let's see, this says letting
my mother-in-law add over 40
guests to the list, which meant
cutting down our friends list.
Ooh.
So I personally told like family
members, like they were allowed X
amount of people that they could invite.
But I also made it clear, like
I still wanted it to be people
that were like in my life.
Like I wouldn't want my mom to
invite like a random person from our
church that knew me when I was three.
Like, that would be kind of odd.
I definitely think you have to kind of
go into things like that, like that,
where you're giving like a, Hey, so
so-and-so's gonna have this many people,
I'm gonna have this many people, his
family's gonna have this many people.
You guys can have this many people.
And that's how we're reaching capacity.
Like I think that you have to be very
clear with those things from the get go.
Yes.
Yeah.
Especially if it seems like
someone that everybody's their best
friend or everyone's their friend.
Right.
Just give like a little limit.
Be like, okay, you can tell me 20 people.
Right?
Yeah.
And then if they give you 20 and they're
like, Hey, I also wanna invite so and
so, then sure you can give wiggle room.
But when you give a free
reign, that's scary territory.
Yeah.
And even with wiggle room, you
have to be clear though too.
Like if somebody's like, oh my
gosh, I know I gave you 20 people,
but like so and so has to be there.
I just totally blanked and forgot.
You could be like, okay, yeah, maybe we
could squeeze that one more person in,
but like we're really done after that.
Like you can't be like, okay, yeah,
I guess this is not another person.
Like, 'cause the more you're lax
again, give an inch, take a mile
type of thing is gonna happen.
Yes.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
okay, let's do a one more.
This one says, I regret not eloping.
Should have saved the money
and skipped the drama.
Okay.
I have heard this so
much, like a lot, a lot.
I'm talking even on wedding days, I hear
this like, oh yeah, because sometimes
the lead up drama is the worst part.
Like the scheduling of the bachelorette
or the bridal shower was maybe awful.
Like people, sometimes by the time
it gets to their wedding day, they're
like, I don't even wanna do this.
Like I, and it's not that they don't wanna
get married, it's just people they don't
wanna have to put on the performance and.
All of it.
So I have definitely heard that a lot.
I would say that if you're somebody
that you and your significant other,
you don't really necessarily want a big
wedding, you don't necessarily see even
a wedding as like a big thing to you.
And maybe financially it's
not the best option for you.
It is never worth it to put
yourself in debt to have a wedding.
That is wild to me.
I have had brides tell me that they
have taken out loans for their wedding.
Couldn't
be me.
Couldn't be
me.
It's consumerism, and wedding culture
altogether of like, you need the
biggest, best wedding to post all of our
social media and have this grand day.
And it's like.
Yes, weddings are beautiful
and amazing, but at the end of
the day, it is a day, right?
And you do not wanna go into
your marriage broke or, owing a
bunch of money or having debt.
That is, I feel like that is
just like such a hard thing
to go into a marriage with.
And I think that people kind of
have created this almost stigma
of, it's like a bad thing to elope.
It doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Some of the most beautiful
weddings have been elopements.
One of my friends, her name you guys might
follow her online, is um, Mermeg Hair.
Her and her husband got eloped, and
I wanna say they were out in like
some like desert, sorry, Meg if
you're watching, but they were in
some sort of desert, beautiful thing.
And what they prioritized was the
photography, and that was where
the majority of their budget went.
And oh, my word, talk
about magazine wedding.
Like some of the most stunning
wedding photos I've seen of my life.
And it was an elopement.
Like it doesn't have to be like, oh,
I'm giving up these beautiful photos.
Oh, I'm giving up.
I can get great makeup done.
You can invest now in the things
that do matter to you more.
Like maybe you really, really want
good photos, but you don't care
if it's just four of you there.
Like, you can invest in those things
now because you're not spending.
$50,000 on a wedding.
Right.
I think it's one of those
things too about like knowing
yourself, knowing your family.
If there's high tensions and you're
like, gosh, our families clash, or
gosh, like my friends are just don't get
along with so and so, you know, whatever
that is, and you're already stress
thinking about it, maybe that's a sign.
Yeah.
Everyone knows themselves best.
like for me, I did not want a huge
wedding, but I also could not, I could
only picture like all of our families
and friends together dancing like
hanging out in like one big party.
so it wasn't like humongous, but
it wasn't really small either, but.
For me, that was important to me
and my husband, but we didn't have
drama leading up to it that we
were like, oh, I'm so nervous about
people being in the same room.
But I know a lot of the times when
they regret, I feel like it's because
they're getting pressure from someone
saying, you need to have this wedding.
We need to have this big wedding
to show off to everybody.
But meanwhile, the bride and groom
are the ones like suffering because
they're like, this isn't right us.
This isn't what we want.
Right.
So you have to be mindful.
It's okay to get people's
opinions, especially when it's from
people that you really do value.
Like maybe your parents are very
important and big in your life.
it is okay to take those opinions,
but at the end of the day, if that
is not what you want, who's the one
going in debt because of these things?
Who's the one that's living with the fact
that, oh, my wedding was so stressful
and so dramatic, and da, da da, da da.
It's not your parents.
It's you, so you have to be mindful
of yourself when it comes to wedding
planning and just like weddings in
general, because ideally, I mean, I
know it doesn't happen all the time.
This is a once in a
lifetime thing for you.
I know people get remarried.
I'm not saying that, but
I'm saying what you are.
Nobody's going into a wedding hoping
that they're gonna get married again.
You are hoping that this is
a once in a lifetime thing.
Do you want to be like the thing
that's behind that is stress?
No, I don't think that anybody wants that.
So yeah, I think that taking opinions
and valuing people's input is
important, but never to the point where
it's diminishing your own wants or
finances, I guess, even in this case.
Yeah, absolutely.
Definitely listen to your gut on that one
and be on the same page with your partner
and then yeah, move forward from there.
Well, thank you so much for coming on.
Yeah.
Like I'm just realizing the time.
I'm like, so sorry I took
so much of your time.
No,
I can't see the time,
so I'm just here to Yap.
Yeah, no, this is, I'm a certified yapper.
I love it.
I love
No, I remember you saying that last time.
I love it.
'cause I get in that tendency
of like just yapping too.
And so like, I love when we're
on the same page as that.
So can you, for everyone listening, can
you tell them where they can follow you?
Anything fun you're working
on and all that good stuff?
Yeah,
so you can follow me on TikTok, Instagram,
YouTube, tiktoks gonna be my biggest one,
but it's at Kendra Matthies, everywhere
else, it's just at Kendra Matthies.
I'm currently working on, depending on
when this is getting posted, I'm gonna be
in Premier Anaheim, Anaheim, California.
February 1st and second, I'm gonna
be teaching multiple classes there.
Otherwise, I have some other
classes that I'm teaching.
Come April, I'm gonna be in Chicago
again for America's beauty show,
and then I am working on some.
Independent classes.
Oh, you guys heard it first, but
I am working on some independent
classes, coming up in this
year, so stay tuned for those.
But you can always just follow me on
Instagram for the latest updates on that.
Awesome.
Very exciting.
Sounds like a lot of fun
things are coming up.
Yes.
So fun.
Awesome.
Well, thanks again for coming on.
This was so much fun hanging out.
Yeah, it was great seeing you again.
Congratulations on having a
podcast still rocking and rolling.
I think I heard somewhere that most
podcasts don't make it past the
first five or six episodes, so Wow.
That's good.
Look at you going, you're rocking
and rolling and I can't wait to see
what comes for you with the podcast.
I love watching your skits and
everything online and yeah, I think
that you're doing a great job.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Yes.
All right.
Well thank you guys so much for watching.
Thank you.
And I will probably see you guys in
a story time coming soon, because
I told Christa I didn't wanna share
it here, but I think I'm gonna build
up the courage to share it soon.
Yay.
Yes.
Yay.