All right.

This one will probably hit a nerve if you're the one paying child support.

This one will feel a little bit of validation if you're the one receiving

child support and you are the one that helps take care of the kids ins and

outs pretty much on a daily basis.

So we're gonna talk about child support not being the only thing money-wise.

That parents fight about because there's other expenses.

Now, lemme break this down to you and put it in normal everyday people terms

when you get divorced, they're going to look at, again, this is no legal

advice, this is just some common sense.

It can be found anywhere on the Google, but this is basically comes

down to every state and country runs it differently, but they're looking at

the visitation schedule and the earned income for each household, and they're

going to look at the earned income.

Plus the visitation schedule.

It comes out to a, equation and one person will be awarded child support.

Now, even if you do a 50 50 schedule, visitation wise, if

your incomes are lopsided, child support can still be awarded.

Again, this is not legal advice.

This is just common Google information.

What I want you to hear is.

Now this is gonna sting for some of you, child support does not cover it all.

Now, as listeners, there could be people out there that are

receiving $1,200 a month.

There are more likely people out there that are receiving $12 a month,

if not $0 a month of child support.

And so when you're building a parenting plan, there is more to

the financial obligation than just.

Child support and I will die on this hill.

As somebody that did receive child support, I got awarded $200 at the

beginning of my journey as a co-parent.

When I was freshly divorced, I just spent a hundred thousand dollars on my divorce

and I got $200 a month in child support and he made easily double what I made.

And that's just how the equation came out.

And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it 'cause I didn't have any more

money to go fight and argue about it.

So I took what I took right.

And so as we look at what $200 can do, we have to be thinking about that

money is given to a different parent, the other parent as a reimbursement.

For what they have already spent being the lesser income home or, and or the parent

that has more time with the children, AKA more responsibilities because they

have more time, more resources are being used, hence more time, right?

So this child support is essentially a reimbursement of

what has already been expended.

So let's dive in.

I'm not here about the child support.

I'm here for you to honestly consider and think about that there are

expenses outside of child support.

That child support should not be covering it.

It should be an additional two.

So we have child support sitting here on this little block over here in

addition to plus sign extra expenses.

So we have child support plus extra expenses.

So you're paying for child support every month, and there's gonna be a

list of things that could be considered extra expenses that will be used.

Okay.

Or can be charged to the other parent.

So let's dive in.

And these are things again that like you think as one parent, it's common

sense that we'll split the cost of this because it's outside of the home.

And this is another hill I will die on.

Child support is for the home, whether it be for finances, for

mortgage, utility insurance, gas, food, clothes, all the things.

When there is an outside of the home expense, whether it be

extracurricular education or medical child support does not always cover

that, and so it's an additional cost.

So extracurricular activities will be the biggest thing that

you will argue about money-wise.

So this could be something that's written into your parenting plan,

but it has to have specifics.

Which I get into great detail about that in the masterclass, but today I just want

you to be thinking about, let's say we do have our child play school sports at their

elementary, junior high or high school.

Say they play the basketball game.

Say they're in cheerleading.

Say they do band.

Who pays for that equipment?

Who pays for that signup fee?

Who pays for those tennis shoes?

Who pays for the travel expenses when their team goes away for the weekend?

Yes, that happens in high schools.

Didn't happen in mine, but it happened in a friend of mine.

Who pays for the lessons or the tutoring?

Who pays for summer camps?

And these are just extracurricular expenses.

These are not getting into educational things, but extracurricular.

Let's talk about travel sports for a hot minute.

A hot minute.

We're not talking about a couple hundred dollars here.

We're not talking about just a few bucks.

We're talking about thousands upon thousands of dollars for the

year, for 11 months, for eight months for maybe nine months.

We're talking about one parent signing the child up and the

parenting plan, not mentioning that the other parent has to help.

We're talking about signing the child up and it does say they have to help,

but we don't have the funds to help.

These are all things to consider.

When building the parenting plan is how much money do you

wanna spend on extracurriculars?

How much money do you have to have your kid play a sport

for 11 months outta the year?

And are you able to pay for it yourself and not even include

your ex as a requirement?

And I'm gonna tell you just from my own personal experience, if you are in a

high conflict journey as a co-parent.

Pay for it yourself.

You'll be money and sanity ahead of the game.

All my children, both my bigs did extracurriculars.

My son was a competitive cheerleader.

My daughter did competitive softball and volleyball.

Thousands, 23,000, 12,000, 8,000.

It was ungodly.

I've paid for it.

Why?

Because I'm not gonna go to somebody that hates my guts.

And money is the root of all evil in our conversations and be like, Hey,

help me pay for this thing you don't believe in and don't wanna pay for,

and then just get myself beat up every month that I went and asked for it.

No, thank you not doing that.

I'll find a way myself through sponsorships and friends and family and

volunteering and side jobs and hustles.

You can make it happen if it's truly what you wanna do, but to require.

An x, a co-parent to help you, but it's not in your parenting plan.

It gets muddy.

It gets muddy.

That's why those details need to be in there.

If it's something you want to include or exclude, that's a real thing.

travel expenses will not be included.

You have to be thinking about how does this parenting plan

read for my financial obligation?

The next one, for educational things.

Really be thinking outside of the box.

And I know for a lot of you, public education is free,

but here's a news flash.

Not every state has free public education.

Look up Illinois.

That's where I used to be from.

They fucking charge for public education.

It's asinine Plus taxes are out of the fucking just water.

It's ridiculous.

But who pays for your kids to go to public school or private school?

Is that a shared expense?

Is child support covering that?

What does your parenting plan say After school care or before school care?

Babysitters, school supplies, technology fees.

The computer that your school requires you to have.

Field trips, field days.

Here's the one that'll really get you knocked in the nuts.

College prep classes.

Ugh.

Applying to college, 150 bucks, 75 at minimum two 50.

If it's a really pricey school, who pays for that outside of child support?

Because I'm gonna tell you, for those of you that are getting peanuts, child

support doesn't cover shit anyways.

But now all of these things that I'm talking about are now your job.

Make it make sense.

Why is it only one parent's job?

To do that.

And here's the fucking number one argument.

So don't even come for me.

Don't even waste your breath or your finger space of typing this.

Give me the child more and I'll pay for it.

Listen to what you just said.

Give me the child and I will pay.

So it's never really been about what the child needs or wants.

It's just been about winning.

It's just been about getting more time.

It's just about taking the child.

Because if your child really needed these things.

You would help.

But it's a game.

It's a proposition of I wanna beat you since you beat me.

For whatever reason the judge saw it that way.

But this whole like, well just give me the child and I'll pay.

I beg to differ.

'cause here's what I've realized.

People, that bitch about how much children cost, have probably never

been in the trenches to see how much.

Kids really do fucking cost because all those little checks that got sent out

on the $4 here and the 20 there and the new stocks and the birthday presents

and all the little fucking shit that's behind the scenes, one parent has been

fucking oblivious to all that stuff.

And so when, and if you do get the child, or you're awarded the child, most

of the time that child will still go without all those little small fucking

idiosyncrasies that happen because you're oblivious to how much it takes

to function as a parent for a child.

You have no fucking clue how much money it really takes.

So everybody bitching about child support, you really have no idea how

much goes into day-to-day functions.

And again, I'm not saying it's all one person's responsibility, but for

anybody that does pay child support, you think that covers everything.

It doesn't because of these one-time expenses that can pop off.

Right?

So let's dive into some medical stuff, shall we?

Who does pay the premium, because that's usually connected and can be connected.

Again, not legal advice, just some questions to be asking.

It's usually connected to your premium, so you could get a discount on child support.

If you are covering the one on insurance, it's something to ask about.

But let's talk about uninsured costs.

Let's talk about some copays.

Let's talk about that deductible, shall we?

HSA, how are we divvying this up?

am I just paying child support and that's it?

And I don't have to pay any money towards that large as deductible every year.

Am I having to pay for those scripts that aren't covered?

What about the ones that are, and they're still $35, but it's every

month that my child needs it, so should I help pay for those things?

Again, I'm just trying to get you to think, I'm not saying there's a right

or wrong here, but what I am saying is there better be some fucking detail in

that parenting plan about what you are required to help with and what you're not.

One of the biggest medical arguments of just an average kid who doesn't

have health issues is fucking braces.

Who pays for braces because you got one team over here that says

child support covers everything and there's no need for the braces.

And then you got a parent over here that's like, they got two jacked up

teeth that they're embarrassed about and let's cosmetically fix those teeth,

but it's not medically necessary.

So this parent's not obligated to help pay.

It's just cosmetic.

Again, when you're in a high conflict situation and money is the root of

all your fights, or majority of them, you are gonna figure out a way to pay

for those fucking braces on your own.

You will, because you don't wanna keep coming over here and asking for it.

You will figure it out because you'll figure out at some point asking for the

$20 back or the a hundred dollars back, or, hey, could you, you know, remember

it says You owe me for half of this.

You'll figure out that is insanity.

And it's just easier to go figure out how to pay for everything yourself.

If you are dealing with high conflict now your friends and family are gonna

think you're nuts when they know that your ex isn't paying anymore, your ex

is getting away with it, or your ex, and you're like, look, my sanity has

a pretty hefty price tag, and it's not that, but what your court order says,

this is one of the easy things to take back for contempt because it's data.

It's a formula.

It's math.

You owe me this.

It's not in my bank account, and it's not there.

So it's very easy to see.

It says you owed me half of this.

It says you owed me a proportional percentage breakdown.

It said that you should make me pay or that I have to help you pay.

Where's the money?

Where's the money?

You didn't pay me back.

It's a huge problem if your parenting plan doesn't list the

specifics outside of child support.

Now I'm just gonna quote Larry's all over the world.

Larry again, is a lawyer that is going to help you lose.

Larry's going to say Child support will cover that.

Child support will cover that.

No, you can't ask for anything outside of child support.

Just be grateful you're getting child support.

Be grateful.

I'm getting child support.

Okay?

While I am that child is support is supposed to be helping me raise the child.

But what about all these extra expenses?

Some of you're divorcing with a 4-year-old.

You have no idea how expensive junior high and high school is.

Just you wait.

Just you wait.

Prom dresses, all the things.

Let's talk cars.

Let's talk cell phones.

It's insane.

It's insane, but it doesn't mean every expense.

Needs to be split with a high conflict person.

If you know, you know, sometimes you're better off asking your grandma to give you

a hundred bucks towards those shoes versus go ask somebody else for basketball shoes.

But these are the things you gotta start thinking about.

But these are the things that need to be included.

You have to be able to know that your parenting plan works for

your financial future as well.

And I ain't mad about saying that out loud.

Why does it fall on me?

Why?

Because my kid came to me and said, Hey, I wanna join the basketball team.

Can I, can I, can I get some new shoes?

Tryouts are in two weeks.

Okay, well, we're already fucking paycheck to paycheck.

In my mind, I'm having this conversation, where the fuck are we

gonna get money for basketball shoes?

But I really want 'em to be able to do basketball.

But shit, we don't have $120 for a pair of basketball shoes.

And that's probably really underestimating where the world is right now.

That I don't know.

Why is it only on me to provide those basketball shoes?

That kid isn't playing basketball in my fucking driveway.

He's playing basketball for the junior high team or for the high school team.

It's a third party location.

Why is it only on me to provide those shoes?

Why is it only on me to get the warmup that the team requires?

Why is it only on me to put down the $20 so they can all go out and get Gatorades

after the game when I have my rotation?

Why is it only on one parent?

I'll tell you why.

Because you are the primary parent you were.

When you're married, that job's not gonna change.

It's just that now you're dealing with another child in the corner who

actually has a driver's license and a high school diploma and hates your guts.

That's all that's different.

And now you're fighting about money constantly because you're arguing

with somebody who's never been in the trenches of really knowing how

much it costs to raise children.

They never saw you do all the socks and buy them.

They never saw how much you spent on Christmas.

They've never seen what a birthday party takes and all the effort and all the work

and all the planning and all the costs.

They've never seen what it's like for you to go to the fucking 18

birthday parties over the summer.

They've never seen what it's like to buy a new pick for their

flute and all these things.

They don't know.

They don't know what it's like to rent tap shoes.

They've never fucking seen the price tag on anything 'cause you've

been doing it the whole marriage.

But now they're in a fucking peanut gallery telling you that you're wrong.

You're wrong.

And you're spending and you're spending.

And we no to that.

No to that, no to that.

And they'll think you're crazy because you're spending so much money.

But this is what it costs to raise children.

So when you're building this parenting plan and you're going to

mediation, you better bet your to bottom dollar that you're putting

some detail in around this shit.

'cause if not, just prepare to pay for it all yourself.

And for some of you listening, I'll just be honest, you

will pay for it all yourself.

You will pay for all of it yourself because it's just easier.

But you also probably have an ex that will never help you pay, that will

never help you pay, and so you're gonna have to figure it out anyways.

But you're over here bitching.

I don't receive anything.

I don't receive anything.

Yeah, you don't.

Let's move on.

Let's move on.

I mean, I see so many people complain.

So-and-so's not paying child support.

Okay, you've been saying that for a year.

Established, noted.

I got you.

What are you doing to problem solve it?

They've shown you who they are.

They're not fucking paying.

So let's move the fuck on and let's find a solution.

Are we getting a second job?

Are we creating a business at home?

Are we having grandpa help us out?

Are we moving somebody in to cut down on rent?

What are we doing to solve the fucking problem They're not paying.

Figure it the fuck out.

I get heated about this because in the process of you bitching that they're

not paying and not helping, your kids are going without opportunities.

Your kids are feeling less than, your kids are feeling like, oh, mom's stretched.

Oh, dad doesn't have any money.

I can't ask them.

I'm gonna have to tiptoe around them.

How do I know this?

Because I did this to my own fucking kids.

I did this to my kids when they were younger, and it's a horrible

money foundational issue that is fucked up that you should not do.

Your kids should not feel how stressed out you are about money.

We were tight, tight, and there wasn't a lot of extra.

I was cleaning bathrooms at the gymnastics location to get a discounted

price on his gymnastics lesson because it's what he needed to be doing.

My ex thought it was dumb.

Boys don't do gymnastics.

Hmm.

Okay.

Well, he's good at it.

Really good at it.

You find ways to pay for it.

But sitting and bitching, going, well, Walker, we can't do it

because your dad won't help me pay.

Fuck that noise.

Don't put that shit on your kids.

Go find a way.

Go find a way to make it happen if it's truly important.

If not, then you just say, kiddo.

Not, not this year.

Maybe next.

That's it.

And we move on.

But we gotta be thinking about what are we really doing?

Yeah, child support's great.

It may stop tomorrow.

If your ex gets hit by a truck.

You got a plan.

Do you know how to live without the child support?

Can you live without the child support?

You better be able to 'cause nobody's promised tomorrow, but when you're

building that parenting plan, you best bet that you are going to need money.

Besides child support for extracurricular things, medical

things, educational things.

These kids only get more expensive.

Everything's daycare is expensive.

Wait till high school.

Wait till these kids are grown.

Sweatshirts a piece are a hundred dollars, shoes are $200, cell phones are $1,500.

You think daycare is expensive?

Shit, I'd go back to that in a heartbeat.

Over car payments, insurance, braces, and everything else.

You gotta start planning for that.

What's the plan?

Right?

But write that pairing plan accordingly.

That way.

It's easy proven contempt when they don't pay.

It clearly says you are supposed to pay for X, Y, and Z by this date,

but if it doesn't have it clear, they'll shake their finger at you

and say, try better next time.

Don't let that happen to you.

I.