Hi Beth.

Thank you for being here.

here Hi Christa.

Thanks for having me.

I'm so excited to talk to you because

I feel like there's so many different,

like areas we can go with, but like

starting off, I always see your tarot

videos and I find they're so interesting.

I didn't really know much

about tarot growing up.

And then like I'd more and more

friends kind of tell me about it and

I just think it's so interesting.

so first, before I jump the gun,

can you just say a little bit

about yourself, like who you are,

what you do, and your background.

Yes.

So my name is Beth Hoffberg, but

on TikTok, I'm intuitivelybeth

and I have been a certified

life coach for over 10 years.

My background actually is in psychology.

I have my bachelor's in psych and my

master's in Marriage and family therapy.

And I worked like corporate jobs

for a long time, but even as I've

been getting like more and more into

astrology, I'm like, oh my gosh, my

chart is made to be an entrepreneur.

Wow.

And so I started my own businesses in,

the first one I started was in 2016.

and I've been doing various things

since then, but I started practicing

tarot, and eight years ago now.

And then really just for myself.

and then as the time has gone on and

I've just like felt called in different

directions and gone through my own

healing process and things like that,

I've really been focusing on it more.

I love helping people who have.

Gone through trauma, get more

in touch with their intuition.

It's so hard after you've experienced

trauma to like trust yourself again.

think a lot of times people are like,

how will I ever trust somebody else?

But really it's so much about how do

you trust you and getting in touch

with like your spirit team or whatever

source you wanna talk about it as.

That's something I really like helping

people with and that's something I

really had to work through after going

through my own traumatic experiences.

about two years ago, I'm coming up on

my two year TikTok anniversary is when

I started on TikTok and I just started

with tarot ' cause that seemed like that

was the place I really wanted to focus.

But, lately I've been doing more and more

astrology, like mixed with tarot for my

clients and that's like my favorite thing

to do is astrology and tarot combined.

'cause I think that there's so

many powerful messages from both.

I find it so interesting.

Like, I was kind of saying I

feel like growing up everyone

knows like their sun sign.

And for anyone that's like listening,

you know, that's your birthdate, right?

so I'm a Virgo because I'm August.

I remember always hearing like,

oh, other people were Virgo too.

And I'd be like, well, I don't really

know if I believe in astrology.

'cause I know they're Virgos

and words so different.

Mm-hmm.

Then I started learning about

like Your rising sign Your moon?

Yep.

And I'm like, and I would read

about that and I was like,

wait, it's kind of clicking now.

So interesting.

Yes.

you know what your moon and rising are?

Yes, I am a Sagittarius moon.

Okay.

And I'm a Libra rising.

Okay.

It's funny because at one of my corporate

jobs, like we're talking three, four

years ago now, my assistant also her

name was Christa she's still here.

Christa still her name.

Yeah, she still here.

she was actually on the

podcast a while back, but

she, I remember

like started like sharing like

different like astrology things with

me and that's when I kinda learned

more about like Rising sign and she's

like, yeah, we're both rising Libras.

And that's why I think like, we

like kind of vibe 'cause we're

very forward facing, friendly.

And I was like, wait, what does this mean?

So I find that so interesting and I

think when people learn more about

it, it's really just like learning

more about yourself in a way.

Right.

Yes.

Oh, it's so funny 'cause now that

like, I remember that episode because

I have listened to every podcast.

Yay.

I love it.

It's one of my favorite guilty pleasures.

but once you said labor rising, I

was like, oh, yes, I remember this.

Because I have found that a lot of times

women that I find very interesting or that

I feel like I would be like interested

in talking to our Libra Risings.

And in my birth chart, Libra is

in my 11th house, which is the

House of Friendships and Networks.

And so I just feel like that's a

lot of times where that resonates in

my chart, that like kind of friend

compatibility or networking compatibility.

But yeah, my sun sign is Aquarius.

My moon is Leo.

And my rising sign is Sagittarius.

And then you can go

deeper and deeper, right?

Like your Mercury sign, your Venus sign,

your Jupiter, who's your chart ruler?

What aspects do you have?

There's so much more to it.

And the more that you dive in, the

more you can see how it's so nuanced.

And I agree.

If you just look at just your sun signs,

I think it is basically meaningless,

right?

So, because it can, it could tie

into like anyone or anything really,

but yeah, when you kind of start

yeah,

peeling those or peeling those layers, you

can kind of learn a bit a little bit more.

I feel like a lot of times it's

like I dunno if taboo's the right

word, but growing up it's kinda

like this weird thing, right?

Mm-hmm.

But I feel like more and more

people are realizing it's healthy

and it's good to learn about

yourself in these different layers.

and it's kind of just.

How the universe works.

I feel like, you I dunno if that

really makes sense, but I love that

you come from like a background of

therapy, psychology and astrology.

So it's like tying them all together.

So when you give someone advice, yeah.

You're coming from multiple directions

of being able to, help them out

or look intuitively in some ways.

Yeah.

That's my lens.

And I think that's even from why I

like diving so deep in astrology,

the surface of just knowing the

sunshine does not resonate with me.

But I don't like being

surface level on anything.

So even from psychology, like I

think a lot of times people are

familiar with the Myers-Briggs test.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

And from my background, I do not like

that test because It doesn't have very

good, like validity and reliability.

Like the test retest

results are not very good.

It's like not really the best test.

And the people who made that test

did it to try to prove their own

hypothesis, which is not how you

wanna make personality assessments.

And so I actually really got involved in,

and like, went really deep on this other

assessment called the Strengths Finder.

Now sometimes it's called

the Clifton Strengths Finder.

And that's actually where I became

my certified life coach programming.

and it has 34 different strengths

and every strength is a positive

and it's so much more nuanced.

so, like I come from that lens

too, trying to really deep to the

surface level is not enough for me.

So being able to take all of

the strengths that somebody

has and put them into action.

'cause we all have strengths,

we all have our vulnerabilities.

I think that's also part

of astrology, right?

Like a lot of times we'll have.

The tropes about a certain sign.

like Aries for example, people are

like, oh, they're so aggressive and

hotheaded because we look at the

negative, but the strength of Aries

is like they're gonna take action

and they're fight for good things.

And like if you're in that higher

realm of it, that's really good.

I like to think of it as the

balcony versus the basement.

Mm-hmm.

And so trying to take that

strengths approach and then also

bringing in the trauma lens.

So it's a little lot of multi-layers,

but my Aquarius mind likes that.

Yes.

I love that you say that because

my daughter's in Aries and it was

so funny because, so she was late,

so she was like gonna be a Pisces.

It was kinda like mm-hmm.

A weird like line.

But one of the things I always read

was like, they're so strong-willed

and I have friends that are Aries

too, but they're strong-willed.

And I was saying to my husband

the day, I was like, it's funny

because the things that you like.

Necessarily don't want them to

be as a toddler, but the things

you're kind of like, okay, let's

step back, let's take a breath.

You want those things for when

they're older, use your voice.

Yeah.

Be strong.

Like, don't back down from

people that set your boundaries.

so I'm like, all the things that she's

like testing right now, like boundaries.

I'm like, when she's older,

these are gonna be so powerful.

she's gonna be so strong-willed

in like that good way of she's

gonna hold strong her values and

whatever that looks like for her.

so I love that you say that

because it really is the angle

of how you're looking at it.

Yeah.

And she's lucky to have you as

her mom to teach her boundaries

in such a healthy way.

'cause obviously that's such a big part

of what you teach in your content too.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

and I'm working and I'm learning

myself as a, Recovering people.

Pleaser as well.

Mm-hmm.

when people come to you for, whether it's

tear reading or therapy, like what do

you think most people come to you for?

Like is it love, is it, soul?

Like, I know we were talking

before about like soulmates,

like questions about career life.

What do you think most

people come to you for?

So my most popular is love.

That also I think tends to

just be, because that's how

TikTok pushes out, right?

Yeah.

Um, but a lot of times my most recurring

clients are gonna be people who

actually do want to dive in deeper.

So we'll work on all the areas of

their life and really like, bring

in the astrology and look at, maybe.

If they're trying to make a

big decision or even manifest

sometimes with some clients, I'll

also work on tapping with them.

I don't know if you're

familiar with a FT tapping.

Basically it's, emotional

freedom technique where you

can kind of rewire some of the

traumatic beliefs that you've had.

It's part of like somatic therapy work.

and so that's something that I

will sometimes work on with people.

Again, not in like as a

therapist, but more as a coach.

that's something that I will also

work on with people sometimes to just

kind of rewire their and help them as

they're trying to kind of take those

traumatic experiences and then like.

Put them into believing that that

doesn't have to be their story forever,

because that can be really hard.

But yes, definitely lots about love.

is this person my soulmate?

is this person coming back?

Things like that, that's common

question that people have.

I think especially because on if

somebody has found me on TikTok, they've

likely seen other tarot readings on

TikTok also, and those are very common

readings that come up on people's fys.

And despite what a lot of other

readers will say, I don't think that

just because a video comes up on your

FYP, that that means it's for you.

I think that's actually kind of

spiritually manipulative because.

I'm sure when you are scrolling on your

FYP, there's times that you get a video

and you're like, I don't wanna watch that.

And you just scroll by.

Not every video that's on

your FYP is actually for you.

The algorithm's constantly testing it.

And the same thing is true for

or any other spiritual message.

You have to use your discernment.

And that's another big thing

that I like to teach on that

we gotta learn our discernment.

Yeah.

It's not like, yeah, if you're like

happily married, you see a video that's

like break up with him, you're like,

oh my gosh, I gotta break up with him.

It's like, look at your own situation.

Does that apply?

No.

Okay.

Scroll or vice versa.

Exactly.

If you're looking for 11, you're like.

it's an ex, you're like, oh my gosh.

Well, my ex was toxic, but it

says My, I'll take everything you

see online with, grain of salt.

Because I feel like, yeah, I just

made a video the day that was like,

not everything you see is made

for you If watching something and

you're like, what do they call it?

The black bean theory?

Like if you watch something like Yes.

Uh, be

soup.

The bean soup theory.

Yeah.

And you're like, I am allergic to beans.

Well, this video's not for you.

Exactly.

Or apply to something else.

yeah, I think we live in the day and

age where it's like you feel like

they have to comment on every single

thing, even if it doesn't necessarily

apply or have nothing to do with them.

And that's okay.

And then the algorithm, because you did

comment on it, thinks that it is for you.

So then you keep getting more of it and

then you get even more in like the d Lulu.

So yeah, I think that is something

I do try to help people with.

I try to be really specific.

And then of course if somebody's getting

a personal reading, then you know it's

for you, it's only your energy and your

spirit team's energy and no one else.

So, yeah.

That's very helpful.

Do you do like in person, like you

do them through social media, so if

someone, if someone's hiring you to do

a tarot reading, you do like digital?

Do you do in person, do you find they're

the same or different in that way?

I do it all digitally because that

was something that I found was

really needed for my own health.

I previously was diagnosed with PTSD

and something that I found in terms

of like reclaiming myself was being

able to just like, be fully free and

setting my schedule and operating when

like my nervous system was regulated.

And also in operating, when I feel

spiritually attuned, I'm not, you

know, unable to be like if there's

certain astrological transits that are

happening sometimes that makes me be

like, oh my God, I can tap in so easily.

And sometimes I'm like, this is a fog I'm

not gonna read for somebody right now.

So I don't like to schedule people because

I like to be able to read for people when

I'm like, I am in my power right now.

Let's go.

And so people will purchase something

from me on my website, fill out

their questions and everything.

And then I can just set the exact ambiance

that I need for myself and then record

it, and then I send them a link that they

can watch as many times as they want.

So I think a lot of times people

like that because then they can

sit with it, they can pause,

they can reflect on the message.

I just finished doing a bunch of 2026,

year ahead readings, and those are

like 90 minutes of recorded video.

It's too much to take in in one sitting.

Yes.

And everything.

So I'm like, pause it here and

then take notes for the next part.

And yeah, so that's how I

like to personally do it.

And then I can also make sure that I'm

really like tapping into their energy.

And I do a lot of energetic

cleansing in my own space.

I always have crystal grids and,

you know, stuff like that to tap in.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I love that.

Yeah.

I feel like that's really powerful.

it's true.

Like if you do like an in-person reading,

I mean, I feel like the same about

like a therapy session or something.

Sometimes you're like, wait,

what did they say about this?

Yes.

You know?

So I feel like that's really

good about being able to watch

it and like pick it apart and be

like, okay, what does this mean?

How can I tie this to my own life?

How does this apply?

And, answering those questions,

you know, for yourself too.

Exactly.

And sometimes I also go live on TikTok

and we'll do readings live for people.

And I've had people who have

gotten live readings and do like

through my website readings.

And a lot of times people like kind

of for the readings to just get

something that they need a quicker

answer on or something short.

Or maybe just like, what does Spirit wanna

tell them right in that moment versus

something deeper like trying to make

bigger decisions or really understanding

of a whole area of their life.

Or they want me to bring in the

astrology, I gotta, I can't do that

like in the five minutes on live.

So yeah, I have to study their charts.

So, that's kind of how people

like to separate it too.

Yeah.

I know you said you like started to

study it, what kind of like led you

down this path how did you start kind of

getting in tune, I guess with everything

and, being able to do these readings?

So I started with tarot.

I was on a trip, this actually

was the trip that my ex-husband

and I decided to separate on.

We were on our five-year anniversary trip

and on that trip we decided we were going

to separate and it was very amicable,

but we were in a very spiritual place.

We were in Sedona, Arizona, and I

already had, as part of the trip,

scheduled a tarot reading with somebody.

And it was my first reading with

somebody who I truly felt was like

a legit professional, actually tarot

reader and had psychic abilities.

And the first card of my reading was

the tower card, which if you or anyone

listening is familiar tarot tends to be

the card people are the most terrified of.

And that was the start

of my tarot journey.

but it was so on point.

It was literally like my whole life

was about to be up peeved, like an

upheaval of my life But I was gonna

come out, in the end in a better way.

yeah, that kind of got me started.

And then that tarot reader

encouraged me to get this one

app called the Golden Tarot.

It's free.

I recommended it to people as well.

' cause that helped me to just pull

a card every day and start learning

the cards, just even through the app.

Then somebody gifted me a deck

and I started playing with that.

It all kind of gradually happened.

after my divorce, I got into another

relationship of some time later

and that turned out unfortunately

to be an abusive relationship.

And during that time I was working

with a spiritual coach who helped

me a lot and I was also doing

therapy and sorts of other things.

But I was finding how a lot of

times, like the truth that I

thought because I was being gaslit.

I was getting so conflicted in like

my intuitive space versus what was

real and down my intuition a lot.

So then when I finally ended that

relationship and went through the healing

of that, and again, like lots of not just

work but lots of therapy, somatic therapy,

working with like, trauma-informed

yoga instructor, I was doing sound

bath healing, like so many different

modalities really to come back to myself.

And that's when I was like, okay.

Part of why I felt so bad in that

relationship was 'cause I was

shutting down my own intuition.

And so as I to open it back up and

I, even relocated to somewhere that I

could just focus on having my own piece

and having nervous system regulation.

I felt like things were just unlocking.

And that's when I really started to

dive super, super deep into tarot.

And that's when I was like, okay, I'm

ready to, do this for other people

now too, after I felt like I had gone

through my own work, and I think that's

really important when anyone is working

with a coach or someone that's a healer

or something to understand what have

they already gone through, what healing

have they done before you just buy

into like them coaching or guiding you.

Yeah.

No, I think that's a great, point because

you want someone that's gone through

that similar like healing journey or like

understanding of it through that lens

because if someone's just coming to you

just to like sell you or make a dollar

off you or something, then it could be

perceived as, I don't know, like not.

Authentic or something, you know?

Yeah.

And like, I don't think that they

necessarily have to have gone through

all the same problems or anything.

But for example, if somebody was

gonna try to find a therapist

and their therapist isn't also in

therapy, like that's a huge red flag.

Therapists are supposed

to also be in therapy.

Like we get taught that

in school for sure.

So just things like that.

If they're not also doing the work

on themselves, they're probably not

in a space to be guiding others, so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's so interesting.

so I feel like there's so many

different directions we can go

right now, so I'm like, okay.

I know you talked about your own divorce.

Mm-hmm.

And you talked about how that's kind of

like taught you a lot about yourself and

that kinda led you down this journey.

So what would you say your own divorce

taught you about love and partnership

and then how would, you give advice now?

Mm-hmm.

Do people come to you and ask like.

How do you kinda use that for

your advice, if that makes sense?

Like, I know you had kind of talked

about that as kinda like your

guiding point to your next stage.

Yeah, so it's interesting because

my marriage and divorce and then

another very big relationship.

Those aren't the only two relationships

I've ever had in my life, but they're

two very prominent relationships.

And my marriage ended extremely amicably.

we ended up, essentially, I had

miscarried three times and my husband

decided he didn't wanna have kids

anymore and I did still wanna have kids.

And so we decided we couldn't continue.

And so we ended up parting ways, but

I was able to take a lot of things

from that relationship and know what

I would want in future partners.

'cause there were lots of

really beautiful things.

We were really good partners in many ways.

And then the experience of

the grief and how that can.

You know, that actually very common that

when people lose a child or something

like that, that is a very common time

that people end up getting divorced.

Unfortunately, it's really sad.

that other relationship that I had

been in, I felt like I had manifested

him because I was working a lot of

manifestation and I was working through

things of like, okay, spirit, I want

this and this and this and this.

And the rest can basically be the

same as like my, ex or whatever.

And then when I met the second person,

he and my ex-husband actually had

the exact same birthday and I just

thought that was like a sign, right?

This

is it.

Yeah.

Yes.

And there were so many other

things, and then there were certain

things I was like, well, I guess I

wasn't specific enough about that.

Like he was working on himself, but

there were things that were not healthy.

Mm-hmm.

And I think it taught me about how there

is the ability to manifest that people

come into your life for specific reasons.

You can ask spirit for certain

things and people will come in,

but that doesn't mean that they're

supposed to be your forever person.

And also, I would say that

ending a relationship doesn't

mean it's a failed relationship.

my marriage did not last for the

entirety of my life, even though I

definitely thought that it would.

I never thought I would be

somebody who would get divorced or

anything like that, but it ended.

But I wouldn't call my

relationship a failure.

I still think it was

actually very successful.

And I think that that framework is also

really helpful, especially as I'm working

with people who are trying to, you know,

they wanna get towards a life partner.

And realizing that you can be in

relationships that you need to

be in, in order to learn how to

become the person that you want

to be in your life partnership.

maybe if you were to meet.

The person that you think would

be for you in your twenties.

You haven't gone through enough

things that you needed to go

through, you didn't learn enough yet.

So then that relationship

would fail, so to speak.

Or not last the lifetime, but if you

meet them when you're in your thirties

because you had other experiences with

other people, it is gonna work out.

sometimes I think people think of

that as like right person, wrong time.

But I think it's like both people

are not the right people at the time.

It's wrong person, wrong time.

Yeah.

You need the timing to be right.

And so, yeah, I think it's just

this idea of Relationships can

end and still be successful.

I try to think about it also

from like a job standpoint.

A lot of times leave a job because we

got everything we needed from that job

and now we're ready for the next thing.

And it wasn't because we failed at

that job, it was actually because we

reached the pinnacle of success and

now it's time for something else.

And we wouldn't be like, oh, you failed

because you got another job that paid

you more money and gave you better

hours and was more fulfilling for you.

That's not a failure that you left.

And so I think if you can approach

relationships in that same way of

like sometimes the relationship is

no longer meeting where we're at.

Hmm, and it could still be successful,

but now you have to leave that or it

ends for whatever reason, so that you

can go to the next thing that's actually

even better and is gonna be more aligned

for your future and more fulfilling to

you and your purpose in the long run.

I love that.

That's like healing in itself that you

said that because I feel like it's so much

easier for us to look back and be like, oh

yeah, that relationship didn't serve me.

there was someone that I dated like in

college and I remember thinking like,

oh, like this is the one I could go

into like a long story, but looking

at how that ended and what happened,

again, kind go into more detail,

but I won't for privacy reasons.

But he did not treat me great.

but looking back, I'm like, if I stayed,

I would've been stuck in the same like

hoopla of like small town where I lived.

probably just trying to

please him my whole life.

Like, oh, do this.

I don't think I would've done any the

career things I've done because I would've

been so like stuck in that mind frame.

And then even like my husband, I feel like

you're talking about different people.

If you look at us, when we

started dating, we were completely

different people, obviously.

Like at the core, I think we were

the same, but we've changed so much

about our personal life, our morals,

our belief, so many different things.

And I think the hardest or most

challenging points in our relationship

or during those changes because like one

person might change in one direction, one

person might change in this direction.

now we're, you know, mid and late

thirties, so we're more like.

Okay, this is more who I am.

But definitely those, you know, you look

back and I'm like, who is that girl?

Who's that young woman that I

was, I was so different then.

So it's very interesting

that you say that too.

'cause I'm like, oh, if we would've

just met now, would've been different.

Or we also went to high school together.

We did not know each other.

But I'm like, definitely if we met in

high school, it would've been wrong.

Completely wrong.

Yep.

But it's just interesting

that you say that.

'cause I think so many times we're

focused on like, what our goal is of

like, okay, dating someone, getting

married, like all these steps and maybe

that's not how it should always go.

Right?

Yeah.

And I think we are more comfortable

with that sometimes for friendships.

Sometimes we do like to have friends

that last our whole lifetimes, but

a lot of times people are like,

yeah, I was friends with this person

in college and no one is like.

Wait, you're not friends with

every single person that you

were besties with in college.

You must be a failed friend.

Like, no, there's different people

at different stages of our life

and that the same thing can be

true in romantic relationships.

And then there's gonna be people that

you meet that are gonna stand the test

of time and do grow and evolve with you.

And that's beautiful.

But not everybody is gonna be like that.

Right.

And I feel like we need to stop

guilting ourselves and others.

It's not necessarily

always good verse bad.

'cause I, yes.

I think the video too about like

friendship breakups I think in the moment

we're like, oh, they're the bad friend.

I'm getting away from that toxic friend.

But then you look back and you're

like, no, was really good or bad.

I think we just kinda had

different roads ahead of us.

Exactly.

And needed to go that way.

So do you believe in your work

and stuff, do you believe that

soulmates are a thing are real?

Because I feel like

people are back and forth.

I do, and I actually posted relatively

recently too about a video, like asking

the deck if, well, and really the deck

isn't its own entity, but like, spirit

through the deck if soulmates were real.

I do strongly believe

that soulmates are real.

I do not believe in twin flames.

I think Twin Flames is very

different and very toxic.

okay.

So Twin flames you, so you think they

are a thing, but they're not good?

Or do you think

they're not?

I don't, I think the concept

of Twin Flames is not real.

Okay.

And that the belief in Twin Flames

is a very unhealthy, like kind of,

I'm try not to use like a negative,

word that you're gonna have to bleep.

Okay.

It's okay.

But like, I think it's like,

Manipulation of spiritual messaging

in a very unhealthy and toxic way.

And I think it keeps people

attached to people in abusive

relationships and toxic cycles.

And there's a lot of spiritual

bypassing soulmates, I think is

very different, but I also think

soulmates can be in very, very forms.

One of my strongest soulmates

in my life was my dog.

so you can have soulmates that are

pets, kids, family members, friends,

teachers could be soulmates and

romantic people can also be soulmates.

But not every soulmate is meant to be in

your life for the entirety of your life.

Some are, some aren't, and you're not

gonna necessarily meet every soulmate

that's available out there for you.

You'll, or do

you think

that's what I think

people have multiple

soulmates in their lifetime?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

So I think, okay, so I agree with you.

in the beginning I was like, and of course

I have no background in any of this.

This is just, you can believe it.

A random, random person saying it.

cause I always say to people, I

don't believe in soulmates, but I'm

speaking more of like the universe,

the one God, whatever you believe in.

Yes.

one person here, one person here, they're

born and they have to find each other.

And there's only one,

I don't believe in the one.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

That's why I'm saying

I believe in many ones, and also like,

even if you meet somebody who could be

like one of your ones, doesn't mean that

it's just gonna be sunshine and rainbows.

You still have to put in the work

to make that relationship work.

Thank you.

Yes.

And.

Just because relationships take work

doesn't mean that putting in the

work is gonna work with everybody.

So you could meet somebody

who is not for you.

You could think that they're soulmates

and you could try to put in the

work and it's not gonna work because

you're just not meant to be together.

Like, that's my belief.

At least that's what I, yeah,

no, I totally love this and I believe

it because I've heard such this,

like, negative is not the right word.

I view it negatively, I think.

But like that idea that there's one

person out there that you have to

search for and they're waiting for

you they're your one romantic chance,

to like have this romantic partner.

And I think then people think

it's gonna be butterflies

and rainbows, like you said.

Mm-hmm.

Like if it's your soulmate, you won't have

to like go through like, a discussion or

like have conflict or figure things out.

It should just be perfect.

I think that's where like movies kind

of get us as kids, like Disney movies

of like, oh, that's their person.

They're married happily ever after.

And, that's why I always say, I'm like,

well, I don't believe in one soulmate

because I feel like I have to work at it.

we've worked together every day.

Like sometimes it's like us first

the problem or it's us kinda that

next step or, and I feel like any,

couple that like wants to work

together, they can make it work.

But like you said, not

every couple's gonna work.

No matter what you try,

it's just not gonna work.

Mm-hmm.

and vice versa.

So, no, I love that you say that

because I feel like there's such this

interesting dialogue around soulmates

and what they are and who they are.

Yeah.

And I do think your true soulmates,

whoever that is, they are going to

push you in some ways because at least

my belief is that we are supposed to

grow throughout our lifetime here.

That's part of the human experience

is to evolve and to grow and to

self-actualize into create all

these different parts of ourselves.

And so somebody who is really aligned

with you is gonna push you to do that.

They're gonna create a safe

space for you to do that.

Even in the healthiest of relationships,

you're gonna get triggered.

But it's being able to

come back from that.

And I say all of that, and also caution

that if you're constantly being triggered

by somebody or constantly having all

this conflict, then that's, not the

same, there should be times of peace.

And there's also studies

that show that if you're.

Not happy generally, and like see positive

things around at least 65% of the time,

the relationship is not going to last.

So that's also, yeah.

That brings in my like, science side of

No, I love that

stuff.

And like using that kind of stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I love that stuff.

I truly believe in like soulmates as

friends too, because there's been like

amazing women that I've met in my life

we've just like clicked and I'm like,

do I know you from another lifetime?

Like, and it's so interesting.

Like, female friendships

and stuff like that.

I feel like it's just like a study

in itself because there's just women

that I've, like, some of the chapters

had closed, but I would never have

an ill word to say about them.

Yeah.

But then there's some that I've met

that I'm like still lifelong friends

and it's just like, there's just

something about meeting them and I'm

just like, our souls are aligned.

Like, I like conversation.

Yeah.

I know, I feel like I could talk to

you about so many different things.

You're so knowledge.

That's

good

things.

But I know we have a limited time too.

but getting into, I'm gonna kind of switch

gears getting into like wedding drama.

I know you have a maid of honor

kind of drama story, so do you

wanna talk more about that?

You had to demote a maid of honor.

I did have to, and then I'm glad

we talked about the friends concept

already because I wouldn't say that

this was like a failed friendship.

so my original maid of honor was

when I was married before she was

my best friend from high school

and I had been her maid of honor.

and she got married pretty close

to when we graduated from college.

Like she got married younger than, I did.

And so yeah, I was her maid of honor

and I did a lot for her wedding.

I planned and paid for not the

entire bachelorette, but I, planned

the entire bachelorette and paid

for like a lot of it myself.

I planned and also paid for an entire

shower, and it was a couples shower,

which for what it's worth, I think

that's so cool to do a couples shower.

I love the like non-gender conforming

things, but, there was a lot and

I was in my master's program.

It wasn't like I was rolling

in the D at this time.

and I did a lot of extra thoughtful gifts.

She also had another shower that

I also attended her wedding.

we're from the Chicago suburbs.

I know you are too, are from that area,

and her wedding was in Madison, Wisconsin.

So it wasn't that far, but it

also required an overnight stay.

So there was still like, you

know, the hotel and all of that

it all added up.

But some of the other like extra

thoughtful things that I did, for

her, like something old, something

new, something broad, something blue.

I created a garter for her 'cause I

knew she wanted to do a special garter.

So she had like a, garter toss garter.

But this was back when we

were still doing that stuff.

I don't think that

kind of dying out a little bit.

Yeah, that's, that's not a thing anymore.

But I actually do think this keepsake

thing is actually kind of cool.

You don't toss this one.

And we got fabric from her mom's wedding

dress from her grandma, from her dad.

And like we sewed, me and my mom did

this, and we sewed it onto her garter.

So her garter like, had all these like

special people with her on the day.

the person I was seeing at the time, he

took a picture of her and her fiance and

that, like one of their favorite pictures.

And then he hand drew it,

like, and it looked amazing.

and I don't know if they still at

this time, but I know like many

years later they still had that

like, hanging in their bedroom.

So it's like a lot of very, very

special, like extra thoughtful things.

Okay, so fast forward years to my

wedding, and I knew I wanted to

have a very small bridal party.

I only, it was three people on my

side, three people on his side.

And one of those people was

my brother and his sister.

So it was literally just two friends each.

And so I wanted her to be one of the

people that was in mine, but I really

kind of was like, my best friend from

college I felt like was maybe more

like the right maid of honor for me.

And so I was like, okay, it's fine.

well she was, in a different stage

of her life at that time now too.

So now she's pregnant.

And I am living in Charlotte, North

Carolina at the time, so I'm like,

okay, you I don't really wanna do like

a big bachelorette, that's not my scene.

I was like 29 or something.

28. and I was just like,

I didn't wanna do that.

So my best friend from college, she

and I just went to Mexico by just

ourselves for like a bachelorette.

I was like, we don't need to do a

bachelorette for my wedding showers.

I flew back to the Chicago area and

we had two wedding showers on the

same weekend, so it was back to back.

So it was like if you were

having to travel, it was fine.

She didn't travel in, was just

like a couple hours away and she

didn't come to either of them.

And I was like, you didn't even have

to plan them, but you could like come

and stay for free at your

mom's house who lives like five

minutes from where the shower

is.

Yeah.

It's odd to not even like try to come

And did she RSVP no or just like, was

she RSVP No, she said that she

could just couldn't come because of

everything that was going on, but

I was just like, she was pregnant.

She was pregnant and But it wasn't to

the part of the pregnancy yet where

like, you're not supposed to like drive.

Yeah.

Or be and yeah.

So, but I was like, okay.

I mean, I get it.

I was like, okay.

but then as we're like getting

closer to the wedding, I was like.

Wanting everybody to come

in from the bridal party.

'cause we didn't do bachelor.

my, ex-husband also didn't

do a bachelor party.

We just literally were like, we just

want our bridal party to come in

one extra day early so that we can

all hang out together for one night.

That's all we had asked of them.

And that, yes, they were gonna

need to travel 'cause we were, you

know, nobody else lived in the same

city that we were living in, but

that's all that we were asking.

And she couldn't do it.

And she wasn't even gonna make it to

the rehearsal the next day on time.

And so I was like, I just felt

like the reciprocity wasn't there.

Yeah.

And so I was like, you know what?

I just think it would be

better for you to just.

I would still love for you to come to

the wedding, but I think it would just

be better if you just come to the wedding

and as a guest and then that's cool.

yeah, so because at that time

she would also have had her baby.

We were having a child-free wedding

and so I was just like, come as

a guest, her mom was gonna come

and like, take care of her child.

And I didn't feel bad about that either.

'cause my parents also were involved

with like, helping on her wedding too.

So like,

it's fine.

But yeah.

And then I ended up having my best

friend that had taken me to Mexico.

She was my maid of honor for real.

then I asked one of my friends from

childhood to step in and I felt bad

'cause it was like I should have asked

her from the get go and it felt bad.

It was like a replacement, but

she understood, it was fine.

It was no hard feelings.

So, but it did kind of lead

to me and my original maid of

honor, my high school friends.

Like We just kind of like separated ways.

Then I felt like, yeah, the

reciprocity just wasn't there.

Mm-hmm.

And that I just didn't feel like

as seen or cared for in a way that

I felt like I like had deserved.

I guess so.

Yeah.

Okay.

So when you had to demote this maid

of honor, how was her response?

Do you feel like it was like

something, anything changed in the

relationship or do you feel like

it was okay after that happened?

Well, she definitely agreed that that

was gonna be for the best because

also she was also like iffy on even

if she could make it to pictures.

And I was just you have like one job.

Like I literally have barely

asked you to do like anything.

Like I understand she was going to be

in a new phases of life of like being

a new mom, but I also think, you know,

sometimes we have to make sure we're

still celebrating the people that are

in phases of life that like we were

celebrated in when we were in that phase.

Yes.

It's hard.

I, I do see why it would be

difficult for her to travel.

I get that, but also it's

like, I need one day.

Like, remember, so.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So she agreed that that was gonna

be for the best and I was happy

that she was gonna still be coming.

I was very happy about that.

And we did have fun at the wedding, but.

I honestly don't think we've

even seen each other since.

We do live in different states and

everything, but it's just been like

much, much more distant ever since then.

Something else that kind of felt like,

the icing on the cake, so to speak,

was even from like the gifts I had

put so much thought and energy into

the gifts that I was giving to her.

So personalized, like lifetime

keepsakes, and for me, she got like.

Six wine glasses off my registry.

Mm-hmm.

And like, yes, I was registered

for them, but like also that was

more for me to be able to have for

guests 'cause I'm allergic to wine.

Oh.

And she knew that.

And I was like, this is

not personable at all.

So I just was like, this relationship

is just like met the end of it.

Main course, I guess, you know?

Yeah.

So, and that's okay.

and

I

feel like moments like that kind of

make it clearer, like, okay, mm-hmm.

This is our last big hurrah.

And then that's sad because yeah,

it's like definitely being pregnant

or having kids changes things.

But like for me, like I was a maid

of honor when I was like six months

pregnant and I was like, gonna still

do everything as possible, like I

was still planning the bachelorette.

I was, we were on a boat

for the bachelorette.

Granted at that part, I think I was 15

weeks, but still, it was like, I remember

I was like a nervous Nelly when I was

pregnant, so I was like, okay, we're

gonna go on this yacht on Lake Michigan.

Okay.

But, yeah, you still make some

sacrifices for friends and at least.

Making effort or showing that

you're interested in being

there and excited for them?

I definitely,

yeah, I just didn't feel that, and I,

I don't like having a ton of attention

on me despite being on TikTok.

But like in a group like that, like I

don't really like being around a ton

of people at once or things like that.

that's why even I wanted a small

bridal party, but I just needed

to know that the two people I was

really choosing to be on my side.

Nothing against his sister,

but like that was his sister,

right?

Yeah.

she was very supportive.

Love her, but like.

The people that I was gonna have

there, I wanted to really like,

I needed them to be there for me.

There were all sorts of other dynamics

going on that like, I needed that.

And so I'm very thankful

I made the choice.

And then the person who I really

did wanna have be my maid of honor,

she was my maid of honor for real.

And that all worked out really well.

And I know I made the right choice

because I saw something months ago it

was like a question on Instagram or

something that was like, if you were to

walk into a room and every person that

you've ever met in your entire life.

Dead and alive was in that room, who's

the first person you would seek out?

Mm-hmm.

And my first reaction is

like, that is terrifying.

Like that is way too many people.

I would be so overwhelmed.

Yes, there would be people who

I would be so excited to see.

And there'd also be people who I would

be wanting to avoid for my safety.

Whatever the person I would most

seek out is the person who was,

and actually was my maid of honor,

my best friend from college.

Even though we live in separate states

and we don't get to see each other very

often, and you know, we talk with not

like the most frequency either, but I just

know that I could be like, oh my gosh,

Christa, and she would be like, I got it.

And that's who I needed

by my side in that moment.

and that's who I would still count on.

I would then, you know, then I

would wanna see like my grandpa that

passed away and stuff like that.

But like the first person I would

seek out is the person who would be my

Yeah.

No, that's a great like, exercise for

people getting married to be like,

do you visualize those people there?

Yeah.

And to listen to your gut, because

it's funny that you say you had a gut

feeling kind of in the beginning too,

because I read a story yesterday that

will be out on YouTube, but like,

she literally starts it with that I

had a gut feeling about a friend, and

it wasn't made of honor or anything.

It was about just inviting

her to the wedding.

She was like, I don't know.

I had a gut feeling and my

gut was kind of saying no.

But then the friend reached out and was

like, I need to come to your wedding.

And she said yes.

And it, like, all these

weird things happen.

And so it really is about listening

to your gut about people in your

wedding and, Making those calls and

it sounds like you guys had a really

like, mature conversation about it

and like both people were mature

because you hear of those where it's

like they get so offended because

they're not in the wedding anymore.

It's like, I'm doing this

'cause it's best for both of us.

Yeah.

Not just me.

I'm not being selfish or rude.

This is what's best for both of us.

And I think when people respond, it shows

a lot about like, both people's character.

Yeah, definitely.

All right.

Let's get into, I'm like noticing

the time and I'm like, oh my gosh,

I could talk to you for so long.

Because when we start talking

about like, astrology and like

personality tests and I don't know

that stuff, I like, love any of it.

Anyways, let's get into some quick

wedding hot takes and then we'll get,

let's do it into, the story submission.

okay, this is gonna be a

little red flag, green flag.

are you up for that?

Yeah.

Okay.

they propose after six

months and say, I just know.

I think that it depends on the age

and how often they've been actually

spending time with each other, and

what other experience they've had.

I'm sorry to say that

that's like an, it depends.

Yeah.

If they are less than 25,

that is a hot no for me.

I'm sorry.

Like your brains are not fully developed.

It's no offense.

Like it's just the reality.

Your brains are not fully developed.

You don't know after six months if

you are older and you've been in

serious relationships and you are

spending time with each other and

you've seen people in the different

seasons, like you've seen them be.

Angry.

You've seen them go through something

hard and like, and things like that, then

I think that that six months is okay.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A lot of these I feel like are

hard to say, red flag, green flags.

They're not so obvious.

And there is a lot of

nuance to these, right?

You could never say like, oh,

it's completely a red flag.

And then someone listening is like,

well, we got engaged after six months.

Now we've been married for 25 years.

And it's like,

totally.

There's always a scenario where it

can absolutely be good, but okay,

your partner's mom says, I'll pay for

the wedding, but I need a final say.

I think that that is a red flag.

yeah.

Yeah.

It's holding money over

you and it's tough.

your fiance refuses premarital

counseling because we're fine.

It doesn't even matter

what the rest of it is.

Immediate red flag

immediately.

Refuses for marital counseling.

Red flag.

But what is the rest of it?

It just, he says because we're fine

or I should say, they say we're fine.

Yeah.

Red, red, red, red.

Yeah.

Bright ride.

they want a huge wedding, but you'd

rather elope and they dismiss you.

The dismissing itself is a red flag.

the disagreeing isn't a red flag,

but the dismissing is a red flag.

Yeah.

Agree.

Your fiance wants their ex invited to

the wedding to keep things peaceful.

I need a little more context.

If it's the ex and it's like their

child's parent mom or something, and

they like, okay, I could understand

that situation, but if it's just

like their ex and they have no other

ties to each other, immediate, no.

Right.

I know the first thing that pops into my

mind is like the mother-in-law still gets

along with the ex and just and wants her.

'cause I've read it's outrageous

the number of stories.

You have read a lot of stories like that.

Yes.

It blows my mind like that.

The mother-in-law's, like,

let's just invite her.

That's the plus one.

I'm like, the confessions I get

on Instagram, which we'll get to,

but I've gotten multiple that say

my ex's now ex's mom brought his

ex as her plus one to the wedding.

I'm just like, what?

Wild,

during conflict, they shut down

and disappear for hours or days.

So for hours, I would say that that

is more of an amber colored flag.

it's something hopefully that they'll

be working on disappearing for days

and you're getting married to them.

that's a problem.

so yeah, you know, people have different

ways of dealing with conflict and

depending on how they get triggered, if

they might need to, like, yeah, shutting

down does sometimes happen, but if

it literally happens every time, just

bringing up even something small like,

Hey babe, I asked you to do the dishes and

they aren't done and they shut down and

won't talk for hours, that's a red flag.

Mm-hmm.

yeah.

So

your fiance has no opinion on

anything and says whatever you want.

I would take that as a red flag in my

relationship because that's not the

type of person I would want to marry.

Some people probably would like

that and like to just be able

to make all their decisions.

Apparently the people in the skit that

you're doing right now, like the sisters,

they would like that from their partner.

I know.

I would

not like that.

I know, but especially with

wedding planning, I feel like

it shows they don't care.

But like, again, me, I would be

like, like there's some things for

my husband, like when we were wedding

planning, he was very involved.

we're making decisions together.

if he would've ever just brushed

me off and like, whatever you want,

I'd been like, this is our wedding.

But if he was like, oh, I

don't know, like I trust your

opinion, so whatever you want.

I feel like there's

difference with like tone too

completely.

I don't know.

I also think like there were definitely

times when I was planning my wedding that.

Like both of us were kind

of like, uh, we don't care.

Yeah.

But if one partner is constantly

like, so then neither of us care.

So you have to decide That

is a mental load issue now.

Yes.

So I think that like,

that also comes into play.

And, and the wedding does show how you're

gonna operate in your marriage too.

And I feel like that's a thing

people forget a lot is like, it's

not about the wedding, it's about

the marriage and the partnership.

So

Yeah.

Yeah.

That would be, like, if I had to

choose red or green, I would choose red

and that person would not be for me.

Yeah.

But maybe for some people, that's

the relationship they would want.

Yeah, the wedding is the precursor to

how the marriage will be, for sure.

If you have toxic in-laws or issues

like drama, gonna be a precursor

for how the marriage is gonna be.

If your fiance is very passive, I

had a therapist on, here, Kate Gray,

like this was probably like six

months ago now, and we like, were

talking through one of the stories

we kind of came to that conclusion.

We're like, yeah, we're like,

depending on like how it goes.

Like, not all scenarios of course, but

that's gonna be kind of a peek into how

your relationship might be if you have

meddling in-laws or meddling siblings

or, you know, it's only gonna get harder

if, you move in together, or you have

children, or you have a career change.

You know, whatever those things

are, these things can follow.

So it's good to like set boundaries

or nip them in the bud before

it like happens, you know?

Mm-hmm.

okay, last one.

They get mad if you don't

text back immediately.

It's a red flag.

Yeah.

Yep.

I would agree.

Okay.

Let's get into this week's story

so I don't go too over time here.

Okay.

Okay, we go.

This was my first marriage.

We got divorced 11 months after the

wedding because he was cheating.

I got engaged at 26 to a

man I dated since I was 18.

From the very beginning, there

were signs of infidelity.

He had issues with cheating early on.

Ooh.

And being young and naive, I ignored

it because he always insisted.

He really loved me.

Looking back now, it

was clear manipulation.

mean, that goes right into the gut

feeling we were talking about earlier.

Yeah.

You have a gut that it's bad

or something's not working.

It's probably right.

The other thing that I'm immediately

wondering is like, how old was he?

She was 18.

I just have a feeling he was not.

That I think about that too.

'cause I've read stories like this before.

' cause she's saying okay, so she

was 18 when they started dating

and then they got engaged at 26

or she was 26.

But yeah, she doesn't

say his age at least yet.

Yeah, yeah.

and I'm not going to pretend

I was perfect either.

Over the years he pushed and

pushed me to even the score.

Eventually I did.

And I'm not proud of it.

Are they talking about cheating

or like stepping out in a way.

Like, but that's a little tricky.

'cause if he was pushing her to

be with somebody else, that's not

really cheating if she is doing it

because he coerced her to do it.

It's almost like he felt like he

almost wanted an excuse to cheat

more or to be like, well, I.

Cheat all these times.

So like you go do it or something.

Yeah, but

that's kind of odd.

That's not really cheating.

It's almost like a, not

quite open relationship.

You're like, it just sounds

like a very challenging dynamic.

Yeah.

It says eventually I did, and I'm

not proud of it, but that's the kind

of toxic relationship it had become.

We were both stuck in a cycle that never

should have lasted as long as it did.

When I was 24, he went ring shopping

and I showed him the exact type of ring.

I loved custom design, specific

setting, the whole thing.

We didn't have a lot of money at

the time, and I truly would've

been happy with something simple or

smaller, but then nothing happened.

Two years went by and our relationship

felt like it was stuck on pause.

I hit the point where I finally had the

do something or I'm done conversation,

which how do we feel about that?

feel like if you have to have

the do something or I'm done

conversation that it already is done.

You don't wanna force

somebody to get married.

it sounds like this relationship has a

lot of coercion in it, and that's just

never gonna be able to be redeemed.

Yes,

unfortunately.

Absolutely.

He didn't respond.

So I packed up and moved

out thinking, this is it.

I'm actually done this time.

But then he begged me to come back and

about four months later we got engaged.

He was the man I couldn't quit.

Tall blue eyes and 100% toxic.

We were like fire and gasoline.

He ended up designing the custom ring.

I had fallen in love with

years earlier when I brought

the ring home to show my mom.

At first, she acted thrilled.

My sister wasn't shocked at all.

She'd known I loved that

design since I was 16.

I'd always joked I just

needed to find the man.

I should mention my parents aren't

together and the man my mother destroyed

our family for, he was married.

So this is like a cycle.

Hmm.

Okay.

my mom was the other woman for 10 years.

Oh wow.

Oh my

Oh my

gosh.

I just talked to a friend of mine

that's a therapist, and you might

have seen this in your work too, but

she, you might know the name of it.

I can't think of the name, but there's

like a study about like, looking at cycles

of like trauma, trauma, intergenerational

cycles,

intergenerational like trauma and stuff.

And she's like.

Like if there's like cheating in

a lineage, like it's very common.

Like if a mom was cheated on, maybe her

mom was cheated on, it's just like this

interesting thing of like, you don't

think like, oh, because I was cheated

on maybe my mom, you know, or whatever.

Or she had breast cancer because

she had this hap, you know, it's

just this interesting lineage.

Mm-hmm.

You can see.

So when I just saw that, that's

kinda what made me think of it as,

I was like, oh, she's kinda looking

back and it's like, oh, her mom was.

In a relationship where

a man was cheating.

Yeah.

It sounds like the person at this, while

she maybe didn't have the awareness

when she was going through it at where

she's writing to you right now, sounds

like she does have a lot more awareness.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I'm getting to.

That around Christmas that year,

my sister came to visit and my

mom was showing off new jewelry.

It was basically my engagement ring

Oh, oh no.

Oh, red

flag that I'm

not okay

with that.

This came outta left field.

I thought this was be all about the guy.

same design, same setting.

Only hers was yellow gold with

yellowish diamonds instead of white.

When I confronted her, she told me it

was completely different and that I was

being dramatic, but it wasn't different.

It was identical right

down to the setting.

I was furious.

I feel sorry for her.

No, imagine like that's your

moment of like being so excited.

Obviously the relationship has its

issues it's toxic, but that aside, right?

Yeah.

She's so excited and the mom's

like, you know what, I'm gonna go

out and get myself the exact same.

And it was her custom

design and everything.

Like, how can you say it's

different if it's like, oh, we

both had, a single solitaire, like

princess cut is the exact same.

Like, okay.

But no, it sounds like this person

created some whole special design,

special setting, her own vision

that she's wanted since she was 16.

They had it custom made.

Mm.

Yeah.

I don't believe the mom,

it's a little interesting.

Yeah.

She

said, I was furious.

My sister immediately told her she

should never wear it again because it

was a blatant copy and incredibly rude.

Good for the sister.

Yes.

My mom got angry and said she

wouldn't wear it on my day.

Fast forward to about one or two

months before my wedding planning was

going pretty well until my mom showed

me what she was planning to wear.

Here we go.

Wait, and I didn't notice.

So it says the mom.

okay, so the mom destroyed her family, so

I'm guessing she was also married, cheated

with this man who was also married.

Right.

Sounds like they were both married

because she said, my mom just started

her marriage for 10 years, meaning

that she never got married to this man.

what my intuition is saying, she's

jealous now that her daughter's getting

married to this man, which she is been

the other woman all these years, right?

Yeah.

it says, I go to her house and she

proudly pulls out a garment bag, a white

garment bag inside was a white gown.

Just when I think

she knows exactly what she is doing,

she knows exactly what she is doing.

No one is that naive to be

like,

oh, you can't wear, you can wear a

white dress to your daughter's wedding.

What?

my ring's different.

What her excuse was, you're

doing a black and white wedding.

What color am I supposed to wear?

Oh my God,

my sister and I immediately shut it down

and forced her to find something else.

The disappointing part.

The next dress she chose was

literally the same dress my

stepmom had already purchased.

Thankfully my stepmom is an

angel and just picked another

dress without making it a thing.

That is an angel.

I'm glad this person has her

sister, her stepmom, like people

in her corner who seem to get it.

Her mom is a problem for sure.

Yes.

Yeah.

You need those people to like

not add more gasoline to the

fire like she was saying earlier.

Mm-hmm.

Just to kind of be like, and I know some

people get mad in the story sometimes when

I'm like you can keep the peace, like it's

protecting your boundaries in some ways.

Right?

Keeping the peace doesn't necessarily

mean you're hurting yourself.

It just means like.

Not igniting more, because I think there's

some people that thrive off the drama.

Mm-hmm.

And they want to start

more drama, you know?

So I feel like they were very

smart about like, you know what?

We're not gonna even

bring it to her attention.

Let's just change the dress.

You know?

Yeah.

Or the bride could have gone to the

stepmom being like really upset, and the

stepmom being like, I don't care enough.

I wanna solve this problem for you.

The way that I wanna solve it is

by getting a different dress and

not engaging with your mom, and

then take this off your plate.

So it's like up to the stepmom to make

that decision to brag just out of it.

And that's like, those are the

people you need when you're.

Going through stuff like this?

Yeah, 100%.

my bridesmaids couldn't decide on

a dress, so I told them to pick

whatever style they wanted as long as

it was black and church appropriate.

Since I was having a church

wedding, I recommended tea length

because it was popular at the time.

When it came to shoes, I asked for their

input and only one had an opinion silver.

So I said, okay, silver, it is.

I truly thought I was being

accommodating, but somehow I

still got labeled as a Bridezilla.

Then the guest drama, one bridesmaid,

let's call her the bridesmaid,

was single and not dating anyone

since the wedding was outta state.

I asked my aunts if she

should get a plus one.

They said no, so I didn't give her one.

She decided she was bringing

someone anyway, a woman friend

of hers I'd never even met.

Luckily, I was able to accommodate it last

minute since a few people didn't show up.

Again, she was just like, you know what?

It's annoying, but whatever.

We're just gonna make it work.

I feel like personally, if someone

was flying into my wedding, I would

probably give them a plus one.

But also like, if you're in a wedding,

like you're not gonna really be seeing

your plus one that much until the date.

You don't have that much time usually.

Yeah.

And it probably also just depends on like

the other people in the bridal party.

Like if everybody is basically

single, then it doesn't matter.

Just like, let everybody

just come by themselves.

Yeah.

dinner was catered by a super talented

chef who was a close friend with my ex,

but at last minute he decided to bread

the chicken that mattered because the

bridesmaid had celiac disease she accused

me of trying to poison her on purpose.

Okay.

It looks more red flags.

Yeah, because like, it's not like.

She snuck like something in there,

like you can see it's breaded.

So like, okay, let's figure

it out and get something else.

Oh my God.

Well also a huge red flag on

the chef 'cause that's not okay.

Oh no.

It's to change the menu and Yeah,

especially with something like

that where it's literally going

from not gluten to having gluten.

That's a big note.

It makes me wonder if it was one of

those things where it's like, because

it's a friend of the ex, if they're

like, just make us whatever, there was

nothing actually set in stone or the

guy's like, oh, I gave them a discount

so I can just make whatever I want.

I always say that's a problem with hiring

friends sometimes is because there's

not always a contract and they're not

always taken as seriously on both sides.

I've seen both kinds of stories.

yeah, it makes me kind of

wonder what happened there.

She said, yes, seriously.

She left before the cake cutting

and made a big show of it, like I

was some evil mastermind plotting

her downfall with breadcrumbs also.

Why would you immediately be

like, oh, it's the bride's

fault she's trying to kill me.

Like,

right.

That would never be my first instinct.

I'd be like, oh, they made a mistake.

Same like I was vegetarian for years.

I know it's not the same thing.

I chose that it wasn't allergic

or had issues, but like I

was vegetarian for years.

How many times I get served.

Food at restaurants with meat,

or I'd go to someone's house and

they'd gimme something with meat.

I would never be like, oh my gosh,

you tried making me eat animals?

Like, that's not my first thought.

No, so I do actually have

a lot of food allergies.

and this can be difficult as a wedding

guest because a lot of times I'm

like, I literally cannot eat anything.

But depending on the whose wedding

it is, I'll ask them, especially

if it's like way in advance I'll

be like, I have food allergies.

How would you like me to handle it?

Like, do you want me to tell

you, do you want me to talk

directly to a wedding planner?

Do you want me to talk directly to a chef?

Do you want me to just bring my own food?

Like, what do you want me to do?

I wouldn't, because I don't wanna

put more on the bride in the groom,

or whoever's getting married.

Like, no.

And I would never assume that if somebody

served me something that I was allergic

to, that the people who invited me to

their wedding were like, let's kill Beth.

Like what?

Yes.

I know.

It's like, so she already had

some kind of thing against her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She

shouldn't have been in the wedding.

She should.

I feel like we need to normalize

people saying no when they don't

support the bride and groom.

Yes.

Like if you don't want to

be in the wedding, say no.

Yeah.

Just save everybody the headache later.

Really don't need to sabotage it or say

something rude, just like, no thank you.

It's okay.

We'll move on.

Yes, exactly.

during the toast, my ex's brother

stood up after drinking for what

felt like six straight hours and

gave a completely incoherent speech.

At some point, he dumped alcohol

on his pregnant sister-in-law.

Then he smashed a glass on the

floor to celebrate expected

everyone else to do the same.

We had him escorted out.

Okay.

I'm glad that, that they handled it.

Yeah, they handled it.

But somehow he came back,

oh my gosh.

A week before my wedding.

Okay, so now we're going back a week.

My mom and her married boyfriend

broke up because he wanted us to

remove people from the guest list.

People who knew him, knew his

wife, and could expose him.

Maybe you just shouldn't come and

maybe you just shouldn't cheat.

Like

yeah.

What?

Imagine having an affair and

expecting people to change your

wedding so you don't get caught.

That's.

Bonkers.

Bonkers.

Oh my gosh.

so that relationship imploded

right before my wedding, so

I'm sure the mom loved that.

I was gonna say the mom was gonna

blame the bribe for that too.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

All her fault.

Meanwhile, my ex didn't speak to his

own mother and insisted she not be

invited, but she showed up anyway

and sat at the back of the church.

Ironically, though, she was the

least of my problems that day,

man, I feel so bad for this bride.

It's just one thing after the

other, and it's just like drama

from like immature people.

I feel like,

I also feel like in some ways

it's the universe maybe being

like, don't get married.

Like this

was

not, or this wasn't for her.

Yeah.

That is such a good point.

I actually just read one, which

by the time this comes out, it'll

probably be like a couple weeks ago.

It's coming out this week.

But, it was a similar thing,

but it was more just drama

with the caterers and stuff.

no, was that the one, I read so many

stories, but there was another one where

all these bad things kept happening and

like later on she was like, I think it was

a sign that like, it wasn't supposed to

work because literally two years later,

a year later we got divorced and it was

like the universe being like, don't do it.

I do think like every wedding is

gonna have some things that go wrong.

And also I feel like at at my first

wedding, like I just knew there was

gonna be something that would go wrong.

And even though I didn't know what

it would be, so then when things

went wrong, I was like, oh, that's

not a big, like, okay, of course

it's not gonna go perfectly.

And that doesn't in itself mean that

you're not supposed to get married.

Right.

But when it's like every single

area is so much drama, like there's

obstacles for a reason sometimes.

Yeah, I know it's almost like,

this is like a weird way to put it,

like the movie Final Destination.

Okay.

This is like really a weird way

to put it, but you know, like, I'm

excited though

that the things keep happening to them

and it's like just keeps happening.

Obviously this is like, I just feel

like things are getting in the way of

making this a beautiful wedding day.

Yeah.

And so it's like, where is this leading?

Like where's the final part

of this wedding gonna go?

Because it's like no matter what

they like, okay, brush aside this

one thing, they brush aside this,

but then this other obstacle keeps

coming that it just, I don't know.

It's interesting.

Okay.

there's just so much to comment on.

Okay.

After my ex's brother returned, he found

more alcohol and started peeing and

potted plants inside the expensive venue.

He got thrown out again, but at that

point everyone was heavily drinking

and he somehow snuck back in again.

Okay, this is a problem.

Send it it home.

And

also gross.

This is like terrible.

The worst part was that my mother

disappeared with my ex-husband's

grandfather, who was nearly 80.

She denies it to this day, but everyone

knew something happened either way.

Disgusting.

What is happening here?

My God, by the end of the

night, the brother was so

drunk, he could barely stand.

I'm surprised

He made it that far.

Truly.

His pregnant sister-in-law

tried taking him back to the

other place with her partner.

Instead, he pushed her and got into a

fist fight with another brother-in-law.

One of them went through a wall.

The cops got called and he spent

the next three days in jail.

I mean, he needs other consequences

in treatment probably, but yeah.

Yeah.

If you are showing up that

intoxicated and doing all these

things that that's a problem.

Fast forward six months into marriage.

My husband was acting strange,

secretive, distant off.

I checked his phone and

found inappropriate texts

from at least four women.

One of them was only 19 years old.

That goes back to the suspicion from

earlier of like, is there an age

difference or does he just like younger.

that's definitely a problem.

and it sounds like she had

intuition or knew of cheating before

the wedding, but now it's like

back up.

Yeah.

says I confronted her, she said she

didn't know he was married and told

me he kept calling her and was eating

at her restaurant four times a week.

She promised she'd never speak to him

again, and weirdly we became friends, not

close friends, but the kind of bond where

you feel like you've both been lied to.

that's happened to me before.

Okay.

Because I was that person where, like when

I was cheated on, I never blamed the woman

because I was like, she was probably lied

to from this a-hole just as much as I was.

Right.

And so there was like two different

times where I became friends

with the women and I'd be like,

okay, like this is my new friend.

And I'm like, that would

probably piss them off more.

So I like, it was funny.

Fair enough.

but she was lying.

Oh.

But she was lying to my face.

He never stopped contacting her.

And while I believed we were

working on our marriage, he was

actively building a life with her.

after months of struggle, stress,

sleepless nights, violent fights,

and dramatic weight loss, I

finally got the courage to leave.

About a month after I moved

out, he moved in with her.

he sounds like a. Terrible person,

and THEN THIS is gonna be a

serial thing that he does.

The 19-year-old is gonna find

some other person that he is

talking to that's younger again.

And then he'll just keep doing this until

the end of time.

Yep.

Yeah.

Once I filed for divorce, they announced

they were expecting their first child.

Oh no.

And the photo they used to announce

it, the shoes he wore at our wedding.

I wish I was kidding.

I guess it all worked

out for them in the end.

They now have two kids and have

been married for five years.

But that relationship taught me a

lesson I will never forget when someone

shows you who they are, believe them.

Believe them.

Yes.

honestly, just because they're still

married doesn't mean that they're happily

married or that he's not cheating.

Yeah.

Right.

Like they could be married and.

Who knows what he is doing, so,

right.

It's like the grass is

always greener thing.

You might see him and be like, oh,

they're like posting these happy

photos on Facebook or whatever.

We don't actually

know.

Right.

You don't know what's

going on behind the scenes.

Absolutely.

I'm glad for the person who wrote

this story in that she's not in that

relationship anymore and she can

like see it for what it was, but.

Yeah, to go through all of that and

like have this, but I'm sure she looks

back and she's like, the wedding was

telling me, don't go through with it.

Look at all this stuff, walk away.

she just ends with, I'm

happily remarried now.

Okay.

I no longer speak to my mom that brightly

or obviously my ex. And honestly,

this would all make a great story.

I feel like she needs an award

for recapping all the things that

we wanted to know at the end.

not everyone that writes in does that.

Yes.

And sometimes I know, like when

I'm listening to the episode, I'm

like, wait, did you cut them off?

Like, what's happening?

And I love that this person

was like, this is what happened

and this is what happened.

They gave us an epilogue.

Yes.

No, I totally agree.

There's so many times where I'm like,

that's it, that's where they ended.

Oh my gosh.

I need to email them.

And so as long as we'll email them

and we don't hear back, or sometimes

they'll like, send me an update later.

But yeah, that was a good

way to like tie it off.

Like, I'm glad.

That she's happy now and

got outta a really toxic

relationship, um, like you said,

and broke the pattern that her mom was in.

She's not her mom.

She is her own person and she

doesn't have to be like her mom.

And I think that's really beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Wow.

That touched on every kind of like

drama I think I've ever read before.

Wow.

Well, thank you for sending that

in and thanks for reacting with

me.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

That's wild.

Okay, let's end with a

couple of confessions.

there, sentiment Instagram.

I

let me do like some cards for

you, for the podcast or whatever.

Yeah,

yeah.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Okay.

So this says, what wedding

cost do you regret the most?

We asked people on Instagram,

this is what they said.

This person said the whole thing.

I wish we would've eloped.

Another person said, not doing RSVP only.

There was too many people

that were not invited.

Interesting.

Wait,

not doing,

not doing

RSVP only 'cause there were too

many people that were not invited.

Oh.

I wonder if they're thinking like,

they didn't like, limiting RSVPs and

they wish they would've just done,

like, open, like, because I've seen

people doing that where there's

like, just come if you can make it.

So maybe that's what they mean.

I've never heard of that.

Okay.

Yeah.

I, I have until I started sharing

stories, I've heard of a couple of

people saying like, we just had like

a church basement or a venue and

just being like, oh, anyone can come

to dinner and like, it's a buffet.

So maybe that's what they mean.

But I don't know.

Interesting.

This one says cake.

No one cares about cake.

Yeah.

I think you need some kind of sweet treat.

I don't think it has to be cake, but

you need some kinda like sweet thing.

That's what I like anyway.

Yeah.

and this last one says a photo

booth because they didn't have

guest create the book as instructed.

Oh, that's a shame.

Honestly, even though my first marriage

did end in divorce, I still have like

so many really great memories from the

photo booth and like pictures from that

that I love seeing from, from my wedding.

So I love

that from

that wedding.

Yeah.

No, I love that.

That's fun.

I feel like photos too, like.

Photos and videography I feel

like are like, so worth it.

But yeah, every wedding's gonna be

different of what you prioritize and that.

Okay.

So I, is there

something that you think is the expense

that you wish that you would've not done?

Like what's the expense

that you would've changed?

Honestly, I feel like I was pretty, I

was pretty good about saying like, no

to things I was like, okay, we were

pretty limited on not, I shouldn't

say limited on guest list, but I was

like, if I haven't talked to them

in the last five years, like they're

not invited The one thing that people

always told me, they're like, don't

get favors, like, no one uses favors.

But I was so set.

I was like, I love getting

favors at weddings.

I know most people don't.

we did decks of cards, but

there were a lot left over.

A lot of people did leave cards.

So, I don't know.

I would say maybe that if I had to

pick, for example, I got a quote

like, for $4,000 for flowers.

I ended up borrowing a friend's flowers.

She made silk bouquets.

Mm-hmm.

So we didn't pay for flowers.

all our bridesmaid dresses

were under a hundred dollars.

I let them wear whatever

shoes they wanted.

So I feel like I was pretty, like, stingy

is the wrong word, but I was like, spent

where I wanted to spend, I should say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

my wedding was a big ticket

wedding, I would say.

it was a lot.

It was this destination wedding

for almost everybody, even

though it was where I lived.

Nobody else lived there.

this could be for like another

time, but, we had everybody that was

invited to the wedding got invited to

something the night before the wedding.

'cause of the like.

Inviting the out of town

people to the rehearsal.

Yeah.

We just invited, we did a whole

special other event and we had like a

farewell breakfast the next day too.

And it was like, there was a lot going on.

but the thing that I would actually

have taken, I do hope to get married

again, and I think the thing I would

reduce the cost on is my dress.

And I didn't even get a very

expensive dress, but I don't know,

that's just an area that I just

don't really care about as much.

I just feel like I don't need to

spend close to a thousand or over

a thousand or whatever on a dress.

Like I've really just, whatever I'm

gonna get something way cheaper probably.

Yeah, I know.

I was like that too with my dress.

Like I feel like.

so shocked when I hear like,

custom bride dress costs.

Mm-hmm.

Like thousand, multiple

thousands of dollars.

Mm-hmm.

Because I, I went somewhere that was

like direct, so it was like none of

the overhead costs kind of thing.

yeah.

That for me, I was like, I didn't

go to like five bridal shops either.

I was like, I went to one, tried

on five dresses and I knew out

of like, I don't know, maybe it's

'cause I was just like, waited.

I don't know.

I was just like older at the time.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I just knew at that point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

you wanna

do a couple?

Yeah, let's do a couple like, Oracle

cards or something just from like maybe,

especially with the new year, maybe

some intentions for the listeners too.

so this deck that I'm gonna start

with just a cosmic guidance deck.

And the kind of intent around

it is opening yourself to

guidance from the universe.

Okay.

So we'll just see what there's

guidance for anyone listening and they

can take it if they want to or not.

Just like a little message.

Okay.

A card just came flying out.

Okay.

So this is what it looks like

if you're watching on YouTube.

So it says gratitude,

appreciate present blessings.

Oh, I like that.

So just finding like

some gratitude practices.

I think that's really helpful, especially

in this time that we're in right now,

where things can be really scary and it

can be hard to see, like sometimes the

positive without being toxically positive.

Right.

Which is finding something to be

grateful for in the moment we see

if there's another, another card.

Another message.

Okay.

We're gonna switch to a different deck.

I won't use tarot for this just

because it'll take us a little

longer, but we'll do another one

of like, this is my bloom deck.

What's a way that you might need to grow

or could, or an area that you really

can grow and have success in 2026?

Will this like speak to me

'cause I'm right in front of you?

Or is it just like anybody listening?

It'll be you and anyone that's listening,

but yeah, your energy will be like the

most prominent 'cause it's your podcast.

Okay.

Okay, so we got Lotus.

Ooh.

Your mud has purpose,

your mud has purpose.

What does that means?

So like when you're stuck in the mud,

there's a reason I feel like this kind of

goes back to some of the stories that we

were listening, like when it just feels

like there's all these blocks, there's

a reason it's telling you something.

So maybe you have to learn how

to get yourself out of the mud.

Or maybe the mud is trying to slow

you down because you're trying to move

too fast to get to somewhere else.

Or sometimes the mud is to show you

the places where the, like people in

glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Like maybe you got mud on you

that you gotta clean off before

you're judging other people.

So there could be lots of different

reasons, but like your mud has a purpose

and mud also has nutrients in it.

You have to, if you actually wanna grow in

your plant, you gotta be put in the dirt.

there's purpose to that so

that you can actually bloom.

And then the lotus is a symbol there, so.

Okay.

Well, just a couple messages for, I

like that.

Right.

I love that kind of stuff.

I love doing that like internal

work of understanding myself better.

And I love the one you said

about, gratitude in your presence.

Is that what it said?

Mm-hmm.

Appreciate present blessings.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I think too, we're so quick

to, look ahead and not in like

a bad way, but we're just like

planning, constantly planning or

like, okay, when will this pass?

Or, okay, what do I need to do next?

I feel like at least speaking for myself,

it's so hard to just sit in the present.

Just enjoy the moment

you're in at this moment.

I get like, not anxiety, but I'm always

thinking of like, what's the next thing?

Okay.

How am I gonna do this?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

I only have 30 minutes till this.

Okay, I gotta do this.

it's just like.

Turn off the, electronics,

whatever, and just be present in

this moment and just enjoy it.

because I remember even as a kid,

like, I'd be like, oh, I only have

like an hour until this, like, and it

was just kind of like even in my like

happiest moments where I'm surrounded

by like friends and family, I'm like

thinking about What's the next thing?

So that's like a good reminder.

It's making me wonder if you ever

were to take StrengthsFinder, I feel

like maybe you have like achiever

where there's the positive is you are

achieving you're striving for things.

You're good at executing on things,

but then you can get like achiever,

burnout and you're constantly having

to achieve and you only feel good

if you are achieving or you feel

like you're never achieving enough.

Or as soon as you achieve, you're already

onto the next thing and forgetting

to like celebrate your success.

and it's actually, as you were

talking about, it's making me realize,

so I had made my 2026 Bingo card.

have you ever made a bingo card for this?

No.

For yourself.

Like, like

checklist almost.

So instead of it being like a checklist,

it if you were to play bingo, you don't

have to clear the whole card to win.

Right.

It's like you just gotta get

five in a row in any way.

and so I put things on there

that I was like, if I get.

Five in a row.

That would be amazing.

I put like bigger things on there,

not things that I was like, I

have to do all these things.

It just feels more like just put

it out there in like almost wishes.

Yes.

And then like, will I get this?

And one of the things I had put

on my card was to be on a podcast.

Oh, there you go.

And I can check it.

This is my first, yes,

this is my first one.

So it's a reminder for me to be

like, okay, I should actually like

take a moment and be like, wow, I've

already gotten one of my squares.

And I'll appreciate that little blessing.

So

yes.

And like, so get in too because I think

yeah, we're all so quick to like look

ahead to the next thing and like, not

really like look around us and be like

really like feel out the senses of like,

I'm doing it or like this is happening.

Happening.

Exactly.

Yeah.

We gotta celebrate our wins.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that test you were talking about,

is that kinda like the Enneagram.

Like similar,

similar but even more in depth and more

backed by a lot more global research.

Okay.

Um,

because

I was gonna say, I literally, I can send

you the link.

Yes, please do.

Because I was gonna say, I

literally just took the Enneagram

the other day and I got achiever.

Oh yeah.

So he

said achiever.

I was like, okay.

Yeah, like that constant, I'm like A

three, which is achiever and then a little

two, which I can't remember the two.

Yeah.

Three wing.

Two.

Three wing two.

Yeah.

And so I was like, oh

my God, I like read it.

But yeah, I'm so prone to burnout.

I go, go, go, go, go.

And then I like get so overwhelmed

where I'm like, what's up, what's down?

Like who am I?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Um, so yeah, that's fun.

That happens every like few months.

but yeah,

I understand.

Awesome.

Well, thank you so much for coming on.

It was so fun chatting with you.

Thanks for having

me

all sudden.

Like most of the time I'm like,

I could talk to you forever.

Um, I

would

to Anytime you wanna back on,

I would love to.

Can you just tell everyone where

they can follow you for more updates?

Anything fun you're working on?

Yeah, so the best places TikTok at

intuitivelybeth and I don't have

Facebook or Instagram, the accounts

that are there, scam accounts.

tarot readers oftentimes have

people trying to copy them.

So also just to shout out if you

are watching Tarot and TikTok, like

a real reader will never reach out

to you, you'll reach out to them.

and then my website,

stan.store/intuitivelybeth And that is

a great place if you wanna work with

me or come and get contact with me.

Awesome.