<v Speaker 1>Jerry, Katie and Josh six one hundred. I think this

<v Speaker 1>is totally relatable, so sound off. So Laurie writes in

<v Speaker 1>something happened in the school carpool this week that's been

<v Speaker 1>bothering me. So my daughter rides in a small car

<v Speaker 1>pool with another family a couple days a week. When

<v Speaker 1>I picked my daughter up at the end of school

<v Speaker 1>the other day, she seemed quiet. After a little prodding,

<v Speaker 1>she told me that while they were sitting in the

<v Speaker 1>carpool that morning, the mom turned around and said something

<v Speaker 1>along the lines of I don't want you sitting next

<v Speaker 1>to my daughter anymore. I think you're a bad influence.

<v Speaker 1>What my daughter said, it wasn't yelled or anything, but

<v Speaker 1>it was very direct. She told my daughter to move

<v Speaker 1>over and sit on the other side of the back seat,

<v Speaker 1>switching with another kid in the car. So my kid

<v Speaker 1>was pretty embarrassed. Didn't really know what to say, so

<v Speaker 1>she just scooted it over. But now she's upset and

<v Speaker 1>keeps asking me why that mom thinks that she's a

<v Speaker 1>bad influence. Honestly, I don't even know where that's coming from.

<v Speaker 1>She's a pretty typical kid. Part of me's really mad

<v Speaker 1>that another parent would say something like that directly to

<v Speaker 1>my child instead of talking to me first. If you

<v Speaker 1>have a problem with my kids, shouldn't that conversation happen

<v Speaker 1>parent to parent? I think so. The other part of

<v Speaker 1>me is wondering if confronting her will just create awkward

<v Speaker 1>drama in the carpool and at school. So my dilemma

<v Speaker 1>is do I approach this mom and ask what that

<v Speaker 1>comment was about maybe my kid misconstrued it, or do

<v Speaker 1>I just tell my daughter to brush it off see

<v Speaker 1>if it happens again. So I really need this mom

<v Speaker 1>helping my daughter take my daughter to school because of

<v Speaker 1>my work schedule, so I'd hate to blow things up.

<v Speaker 1>What should I do? Let me know if you want

<v Speaker 1>to use this on your show. And again that is

<v Speaker 1>from Loriy, So Lri, we do want to use this

<v Speaker 1>pH Yeah, yeah, all right.

<v Speaker 2>Well there's the gist of it. Laurie's kid is in

<v Speaker 2>a carpool. The mom in the carpool told her to

<v Speaker 2>switch spots because she's a bad influence.

<v Speaker 1>I'm again like that's the mom was just having a

<v Speaker 1>bad day, Yeah, getting feisty, hadn't had her coffee yet. Like,

<v Speaker 1>there's a lot of things that could have happened.

<v Speaker 2>So, and I like Lourie's reaction. I mean, I feel

<v Speaker 2>like that's an instant mom or parent reaction. Well, my

<v Speaker 2>daughter's not getting in trouble at school. She's a typical kid.

<v Speaker 2>She's a good kid. I don't know what's going on

<v Speaker 2>behind the scenes. Yeah, she could be a little monster

<v Speaker 2>in this poor mom's carpool. But anyway, is is that

<v Speaker 2>mom in the position to snap at Lourie's daughter? And

<v Speaker 2>what was the line?

<v Speaker 1>The line the mom said to Laurie's kid. She said

<v Speaker 1>that she didn't want her sitting next to her daughter

<v Speaker 1>anymore because she thinks she's a.

<v Speaker 2>Bad influish Yeah, all right, So what should Lurie do?

<v Speaker 2>Should she confront this mom about it? Let it go,

<v Speaker 2>see if it happens again. I don't know what the

<v Speaker 2>right answer is. I like it the end of the

<v Speaker 2>letter when she's like, I still really need this mom

<v Speaker 2>for carpool. I need her help.

<v Speaker 1>And that's it. Like, especially, you know, when it comes

<v Speaker 1>to getting your kids to and from school, sometimes you

<v Speaker 1>have to do something like this.

<v Speaker 2>So what's the proper way to go about it? Well,

<v Speaker 2>what should a sweet Laurie and her monster child do?

<v Speaker 2>About this situation.

<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

<v Speaker 2>Are you guys involved in carpools? Have you been there?

<v Speaker 3>Done that?

<v Speaker 1>Hate?

<v Speaker 3>Nate? Yo?

<v Speaker 4>What's up guys yo?

<v Speaker 1>Nate?

<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I mean I initially, I think I go back

<v Speaker 4>and forth, Like I have a daughter and a boy

<v Speaker 4>the other day said that she's she is like, I

<v Speaker 4>don't know, whiny or whatever at school, and so I'm like, yeah,

<v Speaker 4>just kick them in the downstairs and move on.

<v Speaker 2>That's a dad line right there, kick him stairs. Well,

<v Speaker 2>you can't do that to his mom in the carpool,

<v Speaker 2>you know.

<v Speaker 4>But I think she does. She sounds a little like

<v Speaker 4>she's got, you know, stuff going on. So I think

<v Speaker 4>it's a co opt Tony. I think it's important to

<v Speaker 4>teach our kids how to be, you know, when to discern,

<v Speaker 4>how to be like a peacemaker, and when to kind

<v Speaker 4>of pursue conflict. And so I think it can be like, hey,

<v Speaker 4>let's just like you can kind of love them with

<v Speaker 4>kindness and kind of you know, our kids need to

<v Speaker 4>be able to handle hard things and handle hard people

<v Speaker 4>as they grow up in this world. And sometimes you

<v Speaker 4>work with hard go to school with hard people that

<v Speaker 4>that they got a lot of stuff going on. Behind

<v Speaker 4>the scenes, and you can just kind of kind of

<v Speaker 4>just you know, be patient and chill and and I

<v Speaker 4>don't think it's at the point where you got to

<v Speaker 4>go in there and and say something. I think you

<v Speaker 4>can just be like, oh, well, let me know if

<v Speaker 4>she says more, but just love her daughter well and

<v Speaker 4>be kind to our daughter and then and then you know,

<v Speaker 4>you can kind of kind of stick it to her

<v Speaker 4>that way.

<v Speaker 1>I like that, Yea, the kiddo the responsibility and see

<v Speaker 1>if she can't hash it out in a peaceful manner

<v Speaker 1>and get to the other side of things. It's a

<v Speaker 1>good way to teach them that.

<v Speaker 2>And you're a parent, like if another parent snapped at

<v Speaker 2>your kid, you know, any kind of a vulnerable situation

<v Speaker 2>where the kid can't escape, wouldn't you be fired up

<v Speaker 2>a little bit? Like while you're talking about a kid

<v Speaker 2>like that in the carpool, she's supposed to trust you.

<v Speaker 4>Yeah, And that's like I know, my my, my, my wife,

<v Speaker 4>my Latina wife, she's got that spice in her. I know,

<v Speaker 4>like like I'm stepping in there and getting after it.

<v Speaker 4>But and I think I would too. Kids are kids

<v Speaker 4>are awesome though, and they're also like brutally honest. So

<v Speaker 4>you sometimes you tell a kid you're like, oh, just

<v Speaker 4>tell them to say that, like, just say this, and

<v Speaker 4>then they won't like hold back and be like well,

<v Speaker 4>just be like, well, you know, sorry that I have

<v Speaker 4>a good time in life and you're just a boring mom.

<v Speaker 2>I don't know, You're just a boring mom and I

<v Speaker 2>hate they switch seats. You're a bad influence. So I

<v Speaker 2>think what I'm getting from you, Nate, is just at

<v Speaker 2>this moment, let it go to see if it happens again.

<v Speaker 2>Teach the kid maybe to just chalk it up to,

<v Speaker 2>you know, being tough in that moment, but let me

<v Speaker 2>know if it happens again type thing.

<v Speaker 4>Yeah, totally, yeah, and you can always it's always good

<v Speaker 4>to teach our kids. Ask why too, Like I don't

<v Speaker 4>want you to say next to my kid because you're

<v Speaker 4>a bad infront and you just be like, ask her

<v Speaker 4>why why? Yeah, see what she said and then she

<v Speaker 4>said something and then we can get after it.

<v Speaker 2>Because I was picking my nose and rubbing it all

<v Speaker 2>over the seat. That's why.

<v Speaker 4>Yeah, your kid's fine. They're not smoking drugs in the back.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they're not smoking the drugs, Nate. Thank you for

<v Speaker 2>calling and tell your wife we all said hello, so

<v Speaker 2>she's never mad at us. Now, ry buddy, have a

<v Speaker 2>good day. Hi ta.

<v Speaker 5>Hello, how are you well?

<v Speaker 2>We're super dupes. So you heard about Lori's situation where

<v Speaker 2>her daughter was snapped out in the carpool and told

<v Speaker 2>to move. What do you think about that?

<v Speaker 5>Well, considering I'm driving carpool right now, I can understand,

<v Speaker 5>so I can relate. But here's the thing I started

<v Speaker 5>with saying, I don't love the word confrontation because we

<v Speaker 5>always think that difficult conversations have Like even starting by

<v Speaker 5>saying it's a difficult conversation or it's got to be

<v Speaker 5>a confrontation already starts you on the wrong foot. What

<v Speaker 5>if you were just like curious, like curious why she

<v Speaker 5>said that? Curious? Maybe it's a red flag that your

<v Speaker 5>daughter is misbehaving and you don't know about it and.

<v Speaker 2>Look at it.

<v Speaker 5>I'd be frustrated at too, because half of me is

<v Speaker 5>Irish and half as Swedish. So the Irish side is

<v Speaker 5>like the tigers' mom who wants to protect my children.

<v Speaker 5>But the Swedish side's more patient and I try to understand,

<v Speaker 5>like what brought her to that point that she said that,

<v Speaker 5>you know, I don't think it's appropriate for her to

<v Speaker 5>say it to a child. But at the same time,

<v Speaker 5>did she not have her coffee or was she at

<v Speaker 5>her wits end with my child? And I'm unaware because

<v Speaker 5>I have to say, there's a lot of parents that

<v Speaker 5>protect their children too much and they're so unaware of

<v Speaker 5>their behavior. They can't even fathom their child that can

<v Speaker 5>do something.

<v Speaker 3>Wrong with you I I have seen.

<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, I'm.

<v Speaker 5>Curious, and like get like I get curious because maybe

<v Speaker 5>this could actually bring you guys closer, and maybe this

<v Speaker 5>is a good lesson for your daughter. Maybe she's doing

<v Speaker 5>something that she doesn't even know is inappropriate and she

<v Speaker 5>can learn from him.

<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>Well, and you make a good point because you're driving

<v Speaker 1>carpool right now. What if the kids were in the

<v Speaker 1>back seat cousin or ruckus and mom had it and

<v Speaker 1>she's like, okay, scoot over, you can't be next to

<v Speaker 1>my daughter, your bad influence move with the other kid.

<v Speaker 1>What if it happened like that.

<v Speaker 2>We don't know, right, it wasn't didn't sound.

<v Speaker 5>Harsh, it's not appropriate, it's not appropriate, and it wasn't

<v Speaker 5>well handled. But here we're all human. We make mistakes.

<v Speaker 5>But let's get better at showing our kids that we

<v Speaker 5>can communicate and work through problems in a healthy way

<v Speaker 5>versus like confrontation, difficult conversations that already sets us up

<v Speaker 5>for like nervousness and like discomfort. Why don't we just

<v Speaker 5>get curious that maybe our child did something wrong and

<v Speaker 5>we want to fix it.

<v Speaker 2>And we've all been there, Tara, we were all kids

<v Speaker 2>and we were all a holes, right, you know, and

<v Speaker 2>you know this kid isn't you know, this kid is

<v Speaker 2>in a saint you know all the time, and they're

<v Speaker 2>not cussing and they're not farting, and we all did it.

<v Speaker 2>We're all pumped.

<v Speaker 4>You know.

<v Speaker 5>You should have to be a lesson and might be

<v Speaker 5>going crazy for no reason, and she might just drop

<v Speaker 5>you if you don't take the problem, and then you're

<v Speaker 5>really gonna have a carpool problem.

<v Speaker 2>You should have a rule with this mom in the

<v Speaker 2>carpool like we have with our friends, that it's just

<v Speaker 2>kind of understood that if something's going on, you can

<v Speaker 2>discipline our kids, not in the way of like hitting

<v Speaker 2>them or smacking them or whatever, but just like you

<v Speaker 2>can discipline and speak up tell them to quit being jerks, Like,

<v Speaker 2>we've got that that what do you call it, attitude

<v Speaker 2>or whatever with our friends that you can discipline, you know,

<v Speaker 2>it goes back and forth both ways. Yeah, and it's

<v Speaker 2>no problem, no harm, no foul. So all right, try I.

<v Speaker 5>Think I get it. It's it's hard to tell someone.

<v Speaker 5>But if you go and ask what's going on.

<v Speaker 2>Oh, your phone's gotting out really bad, I'm gonna put

<v Speaker 2>her on hold. But essentially she's like, let it go, right?

<v Speaker 2>Is that what I was gathering from there?

<v Speaker 1>Just be curious, like, ask about it in a way

<v Speaker 1>that's like, hey, what happened, not like accusatory, like what

<v Speaker 1>did you say to my child? You know, like here's

<v Speaker 1>a way to go about it.

<v Speaker 2>This is like what we hear a lot from where

<v Speaker 2>I do, at least from teachers who like have parents

<v Speaker 2>that are hard to work with, Like it's the teacher's

<v Speaker 2>fault if the teacher has to discipline the kid or

<v Speaker 2>the kids doing you know, bad in class. It's all

<v Speaker 2>immediately the teachers.

<v Speaker 1>You can't do that. Yeah, you have to be curious.

<v Speaker 2>It turns out that the kids are the monsters in class.

<v Speaker 2>Hi Patrick, good morning, buddy, you're gonna get the final

<v Speaker 2>word on this. What do you think Gloria should do?

<v Speaker 3>You definitely have the conversation either way, because if it's

<v Speaker 3>the kid's problem, I trust me, no one will disciput

<v Speaker 3>my kids worse I will. I will handle this. But

<v Speaker 3>if it's not an issue, then we need to reel

<v Speaker 3>back some comments. Either way, the mom in the car

<v Speaker 3>handled it pretty poorly. That's not something you talk about

<v Speaker 3>directly with a kid. If we want to separate them,

<v Speaker 3>then you separate them and then you have that conversation

<v Speaker 3>with the other parents. But you have the conversation, you

<v Speaker 3>tell hey, why what was going on? What were your

<v Speaker 3>thoughts behind this? This is what I heard is an

<v Speaker 3>issue that I need to sort out with my kid.

<v Speaker 3>Or either way, what was what was your thinking process.

<v Speaker 2>Of saying what was going on?

<v Speaker 3>Again?

<v Speaker 5>We got to have.

<v Speaker 3>Positive experiences right before we go to school. If the

<v Speaker 3>kid didn't do anything wrong, then we got an issue,

<v Speaker 3>and now we're uncomfortable before school. So that just sets

<v Speaker 3>a weird tone every time that parent drives kid does

<v Speaker 3>do something wrong, then I'll handle it. I got you, Well,

<v Speaker 3>this won't be an issue again, and I'm very sorry

<v Speaker 3>it is kind.

<v Speaker 2>Of a weird thing for a parent to look at

<v Speaker 2>a kid in the eye and say you're a bad influence.

<v Speaker 5>Move over, you are a problem.

<v Speaker 3>You're a real problem.

<v Speaker 1>Right.

<v Speaker 3>Yeah. You don't handle that to a kid at seven

<v Speaker 3>thirty or eight o'clock every morning.

<v Speaker 2>No, you just say, little Timmy, can you move over?

<v Speaker 2>We're going to talk to your mom.

<v Speaker 1>You need to be separated.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Patrick, you're very wise. You're very wise, sir. Appreciate

<v Speaker 2>the phone call.

<v Speaker 3>Have a great day you as well. Thank you later

<v Speaker 3>by Patrick.

<v Speaker 2>I think the consensus is to essentially let it go

<v Speaker 2>or have the conversation with the mom first, yeah, versus

<v Speaker 2>relying on your but hurt kiddo.

<v Speaker 1>Well, and I really like the way Tara put it

<v Speaker 1>about being curious about the situation because the tone in

<v Speaker 1>which you approach at other mom is going to set

<v Speaker 1>the tone for the whole thing. So yeah, I really

<v Speaker 1>like what Sarah said about that.

<v Speaker 2>Love it you guys, Thank you so much for your

<v Speaker 2>calls and comments.