If we're gonna stick with all of the clauses that we had talked about in

previous episodes, this is one that, while I don't see it as one of the

top five, I do see it as really time consuming and one that puts a kink in

the hose a lot and it's transportation.

This is one where I think a lot of things get assumed in a parenting plan

that's written by Larry, and again, Larry is gonna be that lawyer that's

gonna do a half-ass job for me, just so I have to keep calling him back.

Transportation clauses are really important, especially in those

situations where high conflict exists.

We can't assume that two parties are going to agree on the transportation

of the children back and forth.

Now, logically, the kids have to be picked up and the kids have to be dropped off.

But it's amazing to me in doing this for so long, how many people

fight about that very question.

So this needs to be a whole portion in your parenting plan now.

A lot of parenting plans that I've read that are written by Larry's

say things like, parents will agree on transportation, parents

will agree or determine later who will be the pickup person and

who will be the drop off person.

Now I see so many mistakes in just that comment alone in my

picking up from your house, am I picking up directly from school?

Am I picking up directly from the extracurricular?

These are all questions I start to have, but when I first get that

parenting plan back from my attorney.

From the court system.

I'm so excited.

I'm so excited because I'm divorced and I don't really read it.

And even if I skim over it and I'm like, okay, transportation was

included, I'm good, but are you.

But are you good?

Because the clauses inside of that portion are really gonna determine

later fights around the holidays.

They're gonna determine later fights, before and after your vacations.

So it's really critical that we go into some details because when you leave

it, just as that parents will later determine who will be the pickup and

who will be the dropoff, or parties will later agree on transportation,

parties will later agree the location of drop off and pick up, especially

in those long distance situations.

And I'm just here to tell you, no.

I'm not gonna later determine, I am not gonna later figure it

out with my ex on where we are going to pick up and drop off.

To me, if we reverse engineer this, I mean, I'm not, again, you

guys, I'm a mom that's certified in this, but logic prevails in this.

If I go backwards a little bit into an earlier episode where we talked

exclusively about pick up time and drop off time, when is your visitation.

That paragraph about when visitation is, when holidays are should

coincide with transportation.

So if it says that I have the kids till 8:00 AM shouldn't the logical

next sentence be where do I take them?

Or who picks them up?

I mean, it's just like completing the whole circle.

And when you don't include transportation, the circle's still open.

And when we leave a circle open, you know what we gotta do?

We either gotta spend more money to talk to our attorney, or I have

to work with my ex or third option.

I let my ex control my every move and tell me what to do.

So when you don't put clear.

Rules around transportation.

What ends up happening is you argue back and forth, you send 45 messages

back and forth to each other on OFW or talking parents or app clothes or on

text, and you talk about, no, you're the one that's supposed to pick up.

Well, I picked up last time.

Now you deliver it and you do it, and you come to my driveway and you know, you pick

and you just argue back and forth when it's not mentioned in your parenting plan.

So it's critical that you do this because if you don't have the transportation

part listed, it could lead to missed exchanges with no consequences because

there was nothing determined on where you were actually picking up.

There was nothing determined on exactly what time you were supposed to be there

to pick up, and then you could be the one that's in trouble because you didn't

show up for the, exchange, you didn't go to the right location part for the

exchange because nothing was listed.

So late pickups, this is a popular one.

Late pickups are used as leverage to make you watch the kids all day.

And what I mean by that is let's assume that there's no school on a random

Tuesday because of a teacher institute.

If you don't have transportation on who was gonna pick the kids up, because

there's no school, we're gonna argue about that and end up landing on the

kids will just stay with you all day.

So you have to take the day off work.

And then that person, the other parent, will want you to deliver them to

them as if you are a bus after school delivering the children to their house.

So this can cause arguments all the time about those weird days of sick

kids, or no school or holidays.

Because I'm just gonna give you a little bit of of tip here on when you're building

your parenting plan, whether my team does it for you, you do it yourself.

One thing that you have to account for are those three things.

What if your children are sick?

Okay?

We're not taking them to school to be picked up.

What if your kids have an institute day or it's summertime and there is no school?

We have to constantly be thinking about what if the schedule changes just a smidge

for an emergency or even a planned event, like summer break or institute days.

But I can't use the school as the third party location to do the exchange.

Meaning I take the kids to school and then my ex picks them up from school.

We have to account in our parenting plan for the transportation of

the days when those things happen.

Sick kids happen all the time.

So does that mean I deliver a sick kid, or is the other parent

coming to pick up the sick kid?

Your parenting plan needs to mention this and the amount of parenting

plans that I read that don't talk about where is insane to me.

You mean again, Larry, that two people that have spent hundreds of thousands

of dollars to get this divorce are somehow gonna both bump their heads

on the same week in time and come together and be able to conclude

where they should do this exchange at.

Because most people don't wanna do the exchanges at their own homes.

Some people wanna do them at the police station, which I

could go on a rant about that.

I think that's ludicrous and we shouldn't be doing that.

It takes away from resources unless asterisk you have

a domestic violence case.

I think we should be picking public places that have a lot of Karens and

a lot of cameras like Target or public gas stations to do our exchanges if

we're not doing them home to home.

But that's just me been doing this a long time, seen a lot of things,

and I know how kids feel about it.

We have to pick a location if we're not gonna do door to door.

And I'm gonna take it a step further, especially in high conflict cases.

It's sad but true.

We have to have something written down that you don't get

to come in my house, I'm sorry.

When you're to pick up the kids, you stay in your vehicle and I'll bring

them out to the porch and then they can walk that three or four feet.

And if they're of an age where they can't walk that three or four feet,

I will walk them to your vehicle.

You will not step onto my property.

You'll wait in your vehicle patiently and I'll bring them out on time.

Again, these are finer point details and high conflict

that we need to be including.

If we don't mention a transportation section, then we are leaving it up to,

again, an argument between the two of you we're leaving it up to the attorneys

to discuss and cost you more money.

Or one parent ends up always being the transportation parent.

The parent that goes back and forth, picks up and drops off, picks up and drops

off on every occasion because the other parent says, doesn't say I have to do it.

So transportation can be tied to a lot of control and not logistics, and I

want you to think about that holiday time you're celebrating Christmas.

Maybe it's the 25th, and somehow you have to do an exchange because you didn't

listen to my holiday episode, but you're doing some exchange at a random two

o'clock on a Thanksgiving or a Christmas or a birthday or something like that.

Are you leaving the holiday to go take your kids somewhere?

Or is your ex coming and knocking on your door at said

holiday to pick the children up?

It's something so small, such a small detail, but it cuts down on such so

many arguments, so many back and forth, so many unnecessary conversations.

And then the kids get involved in extreme high conflict and they said,

well, mom said you should do this.

And then Dad says that you have to do this.

And last time he was the one and then she said she did it two times in a row.

Our kids should not be in those conversations.

So inside of your parenting plan, it's critical that you

include a transportation section.

I want you including.

Who's dropping off and who's picking up.

I want you to include a location and sad but true.

I want you to talk about conduct at the exchange.

How are we acting?

where are we located during this exchange?

Are we staying in our vehicles?

I have seen so many videos on social media of parents fighting in parking

lots, holding on to children.

Their arms with a camera in their other one.

'cause otherwise, how did I find it?

How did I see this video?

And the arguing back and forth and the No, you come get them.

No, you bring them to my car.

No, you come get, and it's like a pissing match of egos going on in a

parking lot with children standing there and absorbing all of it.

So please consider what this paragraph should look like for you

and your family, because it's a lot of it that you just, you wouldn't

think this needs to be included.

You think this would be common sense?

You think this would be logical to just, oh, well if you have

the kids, bring 'em to me.

I can tell you right now, your ex is gonna say, well, yeah, you have

the kids, you bring 'em to me.

Or, Hey, I wanna come to your house and pick up the kids.

I wanna be on in your property.

I wanna go see what you have going on.

I wanna come to your house and see what's in the driveway.

See who's there.

See what boxes you have outside.

And again, you may be listening to this thinking, you know, wow,

that sounds a little extreme.

That's who high conflict people are.

They wanna be on your property looking around and snooping around

so they can, you know, be paranoid and crazy and make you an obsession.

That's what they love to do.

So be thinking logically about what you wanna include in this transportation

section, because it could be the smallest little thing that you forget

that causes tremendous fights later.