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how to be happy from the wisdom of Confucius.
Confucius was a Chinese philosopher, political figure and a teacher, and who stressed upon
the importance of loyalty, morality and kindness for a meaningful and happy life.
He is considered to be one of the greatest Eastern philosophers of all time, and his
teachings are commonly known as analects.
His school of thought or perspective of life is called Confucianism by his followers and
this Confucian school of thought revolves around four virtues that all human beings
should possess.
These are: Benevolence or ren, righteousness or yi, fulfillment of rights or li and moral
wisdom or zhi.
A fifth virtue, faith or xin was also added later into the Chinese culture that resembles
the five elements: earth, water, fire, wood and metal, to illustrate a close link between
physical and moral aspects.
According to Confucius, happiness doesn’t mean to get everything one desires in life,
but rather it means as well as the satisfaction you get from fulfilling your desires, happiness
is also knowing that the methods you used in achieving those things were moral.
For over 2500 years, Confucius has been a source of inspiration for people around the
world seeking happiness and meaning in their lives and in this video we bring you 6 ways
to be happy from the wisdom of Confucius.
1.
Invest in intimate relationships Confucius says “What you do not want done
to yourself, do not do to others”.
This is the famous golden rule of which Confucius was very much an advocate.
One of the four fundamental Confucian virtues is ren, which means a sense for the dignity
of human life, a feeling of humanity towards others and self-esteem for yourself.
Confucius thought ren is what makes life worth living, it is the ultimate guide to human
action, the foundation of all human relationships.
Simply put, it is about treating others the way you want to be treated, but this teaching
goes much deeper than this.
In every action you do in your life, you have to be mindful of others.
For Confucians, the most natural and important site for the expression of ren is the family.
This starts in your home.
You have to cultivate compassion and kindness first with yourself, then with your family,
then with your friends, then with your community, your nation and, ultimately, the entire human
species.
If everybody followed this golden rule, the world would be a much better place.
Applying the golden rule into your relationships creates harmony around you and this leads
to happiness.
To apply best practice to Confucian principles, you need to treat others with sincerity, morality
and compassion, just as you want to be treated by them.
You can start by investing in your intimate relationships, with your family members, your
partner, your friends.
You need to treat them fairly, sincerely, compassionately, not to gain something in
return, but because cultivating compassion and creating harmony is such a vital aspect
of living a happy and moral life, of showing how much you care for your loved ones.
If you have trouble showing your loved ones how much you care for them, start smiling
more, greet them warmly every time you meet them, ask about their well-being and listen
carefully to them, be honest in the way you speak, and be fair to each of them.
Keep this up long enough and you will get a reputation for being a great person that
everybody would want to be around.
If you are respecting them, they in turn will start respecting you more, treating you more
fairly, with more sincerity, more compassion and, ultimately, making you feel more loved,
more respected and happier.
Thus, investing in your relationships with the people around you is a fundamental step
towards happiness.
2.
Think of the consequences Confucius tells us “When anger rises, think
of the consequences.”
We have all experienced those unpleasant moments when we feel our adrenaline rushing through
our body, when we feel like punching someone in the face or using harsh words that we know
we’ll regret afterwards.
We, in the west, believe that anger is justified if one is angry at the right time and in the
right context.
However, according to Confucius if we are angry at someone, then we are defeated by
them.
There is no such thing as a good amount of anger and it is extremely important to think
of the consequences when an emotion like anger arises.
Controlling ourselves is not always easy, but there is a big reward in being capable
of training your mind to be in control of how you react.
One of the best ways to start practicing self-control is to look deep into the future, to think
not only about the first-order consequences like the pleasure we get from punching someone
in the moment for example, but also at the second-order consequences like the fact he
might punch you back or that you may get into some kind of brawl which will cause further
physical injuries, or third-order consequences like it might break your friendship with that
person, or even fourth-order consequences like if your other friends might stop respecting
you and so on.
We need to avoid this tendency of obtaining immediate pleasure if this comes at the cost
of losing something much more important in the future.
Let’s say, at your workplace, before expressing your anger against your boss or against one
of your colleagues during a meeting, try to take a deep breath and ask yourself: is it
worth it to point out that their idea or approach is stupid, straightaway?
Sure, it will make me feel good in the moment showing how smart I am, but how will this
affect my relationship with them?
And furthermore, how will that affect my job in the long run?
Now that you are aware of the long term consequences, you can be more mindful of your anger, and
you can always choose to present your argument in a gentler way to the other person, taking
their feelings and self-esteem into account.
Anger is a poor guide to happiness and if you truly want to seek happiness, first think
of the consequences, then act.
3.
Keep it simple To quote Confucius; “Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated”.
A simple life is a life that gives you freedom from issues that should not really be of major
concern.
Simplicity is all about focusing on what's most important to you and letting go of the
rest.
Confucian teachings portray life in this simplest form.
The way we perceive our life can make all the difference.
For an optimistic person, life is a beautiful gift that has many opportunities and things
to enjoy, but a pessimist typically takes life for granted and thinks of his stagnant
life as a mess that cannot be settled.
They will try to push it forward by overthinking something, by overdoing a task or constantly
avoiding something or someone, but will forget that in doing so they will end up creating
more hassle and make life even more complicated for themselves.
To not enjoy the simple things and fixate on what you don't have only disturbs your
mental and physical health.
In today’s modern world, this simplicity can rarely be seen.
Our minds love to think.
So it thinks and thinks about things, spinning stories around and around.
It goes on and on, weaving complicated plots and dialogues that never - nor ever will - happen.
Like wearing your best outfit for a party or a wedding, you are constantly thinking
about other people’s opinions about it.
You fear that you may not look attractive and that thought makes you unhappy.
It is all happening in your head and you keep on over thinking.
The simple solution to this is to just wear an outfit that makes you feel comfortable
and which makes you happy.
Life is simple.
It is we, the human beings, that are complicated.
We need to change this habit of ours, of making life complicated.
You can start by regularly asking yourself questions like:
What are the top 3 most important things in my life?
What is the most important thing I can do right now?
Am I keeping things simple right now?
When you follow the answers you get from these questions and take necessary courses of action,
you will start to work on what is truly important and, by concentrating on what is important,
you will live both a simpler and happier life.
4.
Go slow if need be In the words of Confucius “It does not matter
how slowly you go as long as you do not stop” Confucius teaches us that success is a work
in progress and it doesn’t matter if you are moving a step closer or an inch closer
to your dreams - the most important thing is that you keep moving forward.
Most of the time failure occurs because of our high expectations.
Our society makes us believe that there is a specific age where we must graduate, get
married, earn money and settle down and so we set unrealistic goals and set a time limit
but do not give the kind of effort it actually deserves.
The problem is that we are so focused on the reward, on the end result, that we forget
to concentrate on the driving forces of success such as attaining knowledge or mastering our
skills and because of this when we hit the first road block we assume failure and give
up entirely.
According to Confucius, giving up or changing our goals is not a wise act; instead, you
should make changes in your plans and actions in order to achieve your goal, if the previous
plan did not work.
The truth is there is no such age for settling down.
It just might not happen in the time frame that you had expected but you will surely
reach where you want to go if you put in the daily required effort and keep on developing
your skills.
You are a unique person with your own gifts and talents and no one will invest in them
more than you.
Hence, giving up on your important goals means that you are giving up on yourself, on your
happiness and soon you will establish a pattern of giving up on anything when things don’t
go the way you hoped.
To remain motivated and consistent is the key to achieving any goal and being happy.
If you find a mountain in the middle of your path, go over it slowly and steadily.
If there is a river ahead, build a bridge over, or swim across it.
In short, if you find hurdles in the path of your journey, you should always think of
a way to overcome them and keep on moving towards your goal because success does not
rely upon the number of times you failed, but it absolutely depends upon the number
of times you bounced back after having failed.
5.
Learn by your experience According to Confucius “By three methods
we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which
is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."
According to some studies, if we stop learning and become satisfied with what we know, we
do a huge disservice to our brain as learning keeps our brain healthy and makes us live
longer.
There are several books and studies linking a healthy brain to a happy life.
Also, some researchers concluded that there is one fundamental thing people should do
in order to be happy: to be engaged in difficult, but doable actions.
In other words, to keep on learning, developing ourselves, pushing our limits.
Confucius considered three methods of acquiring wisdom: by reflection, by imitation and by
experience.
The first method is the noblest one, Reflection is about you becoming aware of your own thinking
processes.
It enables assessment of the "why" and "how" of learning, and what needs to be done as
a result.
The second method is to learn by imitation, the easiest type, it is the method used by
children and teenagers to learn from adults, it is the method used by the trainee in a
company to learn a new skill.
It may be an easy method, but it is just as important as the other two.
The third method is to learn by experience, Confucius considers it to be the bitterest
method.
To understand the actual meaning of anything, you have to experience it yourself.
Maybe the thing which is considered bad by you turns out to be good and vice versa.
It is very easy to spread negativity by saying harsh things about someone or something you
don’t actually know.
So you should first experience it for yourself and then talk about it.
For example, if you heard negative things about a person said by someone else, before
judging them, you should meet them in person to form your own opinion of them.
Because this method can imply a series of unpleasant experiences, Confucius calls it
“the bitterest” method.
However, experience can be the most trusted way to acquire wisdom.
Sometimes, our judgement can be flawed if we only reflect on the issue at hand or, if
we just imitate somebody, we might also imitate the wrong way to approach a problem.
Therefore, just reflecting and imitating someone simply isn’t enough.
The best option is to use all three methods, according to the specific circumstances.
Keeping our brain healthy will lead us to have more wisdom and live a much happier and
longer life.
6.
Meditate In our final quote from Confucius for this
video, we learn “The more man meditates among good thoughts, the better will be his
world and the world at large”.
For Confucius, cultivating good thoughts has enormous importance.
Practicing good thoughts might not come automatically, but it can become a ritual.
By practising good thoughts, we can practically learn how to be kind and mindful.
According to Confucius, we can learn to let our behaviour lead our feelings.
Oftentimes, in this high-speed era, our minds can run wild, our feelings can be completely
overwhelming.
Today more than ever it is critical for us all to learn to control our behaviour, to
learn to cultivate good thoughts.
And this is where meditation can help tremendously.
Meditation is essential for us to create peace within ourselves and to avoid negative thoughts.
We need to understand that difficulties in life come and go and meditation helps us to
stay focused and to be calm so that we don’t deviate from the path we are walking.
Meditation helps us develop positivity in ourselves, in order to overcome the obstacles
we are facing in our lives.
When you look at things in an optimistic way, you automatically become enthusiastic and
full of positive energy.
There are many types of meditation, but, for starters, you can practice focusing on your
breathing, sitting down in a quiet room, making sure you will not be interrupted for about
5 to 10 minutes every day.
When you meditate, you overcome the negativity happening in your life and see the world with
eyes full of hope and happiness.
You look at people around you with positivity and you generate a healthy vibe in the environment.
You will meet new people, build new relationships, help each other and spread positivity and
finally attain peace of mind and a heart full of happiness.
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