Speaker 1: Welcome to But I'm a Lesbian, the podcast where we

serve all batty SaaS, queer film reviews, and everything in between.

Speaker 2: Whether you are a baby, gay.

Speaker 3: Or a queer elder, we're here, We're queer, and we're

diving deep into all things lesbian. We're your hosts, Caitlin

and Angelina. Get ready for some sappix serotonin.

Speaker 1: During this episode, we will be sipping on some amazing

non alcoholic cocktails that were graciously sent to us by

Curious Elixirs.

Speaker 3: Yes, so, thank you so much. Curious Elixirs. They are

a company that makes Kraft mocktails and it's right up

my alley because I'm a sober person. I've probably mentioned

that already, but I'll mention it again.

Speaker 1: Yeah, who doesn't love good walktail? Right? So this one

is called fancy floral Champagne Cocktail and it's giving serious

brunch vibes.

Speaker 3: Yes. So on today's episode, we are recapping and reviewing

a classic hetero romance, Calamity Jane. So this film is

from nineteen fifty three and stars Doris Day. We have

a lot to say about this movie, and I'm gonna

let you know not all of it is good.

Speaker 1: Yeah, So do you like movies from this era? Usually no,

I it's like a western musical.

Speaker 3: Okay, I don't like westerns. I mean I liked that

Cowboys Versus Aliens movie that's kind of a Western, but

it was kind of like making fun of westerns at

the same time, you know, because it was like Aliens.

If you haven't seen that, you should see it. I

think there's two of them. But I don't really like westerns.

They remind me of like my grand parents because they

would watch westerns like all the time. And yeah, not

a fan. Also forgot about all the racism that is

in westerns until we start watching this. So yeah, but

in the it also this whole era of like movies

from like the I don't like old movies, you guys,

so like usually the oldest movie that I will like

is like the seventies, So this is from the fifties.

This is too much for me, but I wanted to

watch it because on TikTok, people kept posting edits being like,

look how gay this.

Speaker 1: Movie posts edits. That's what got us to want to

review this movie. We saw edits, we were sharing tiktoks

with each other. We were like oh my god, it's like,

you know, there's a lot of gay undertones. And then

we watched it and we were like, I can see

what they're talking about.

Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't think not as much as I anticipated.

They took all the gayest things and put them in

those edits.

Speaker 1: They literally did All we need to do is just

watch that ed and be like, yes, yeah, that's all

those only gay parts. The rest. We don't even need

to like talk about it, but we will. Yeah, we will,

we will.

Speaker 3: So do you like movies from this like era, this

time period.

Speaker 1: I used to when I was younger and I was like,

oh my god, this is so cool. And then when

you get older you watch it and you're like, so

everybody is racist and they are sexist and this is wrong.

I do like musicals, love music. I love musicals, yes,

but this one specifically, it was just so hard to

get through.

Speaker 2: It was I don't know, I do, but no, it depends.

Speaker 3: I think I do like.

Speaker 1: Older movies just as long as i'm you know, but

it's kind of hard.

Speaker 3: I'm like the worst like with watching older movies. I

will literally be like it's black and white, not fuck that,

we're not watching it. Also a movie we're going to

review in a few episodes, Go Fish is all in

black and white, and it's not even that old. I

think they were just trying to be hearty. And I'm

going to tell you ahead of time. I was very

annoyed that there was no color, and I'm like, black

and white.

Speaker 2: Okay, that's not the part that I thought you would hate.

Speaker 3: Oh there's more, but I'm not trying to do it anyhow. So, uh,

do you have a hot take or a burning desire

about this movie?

Speaker 1: I did, but I feel like it's so basic. So

my hot take slash burning desire is I wish that

Clam and Katie ended up together, because I feel like

that would have been so nice but also very uncommon

and probably not even allowed that to happen.

Speaker 3: They Yeah, I had to keep reminding myself that, like

there's like this point where they're living together, and it's

like to me, I'm like that should be the end.

Like they live together, they look you cavin, it's like

so gay.

Speaker 1: Their names are on the front door painted which slow.

Speaker 3: And it reminds me of when I was a kid

and like other kids wanted to like get married like

other girls would talk about like their husband, and I'm like,

I just I want to grow up and have like

a roommate that I'm really good friends with, Like I

live with.

Speaker 1: My best Like that's the life.

Speaker 3: We just hang out all the time. So yeah, I

know I wish that that happened too, but it would

have been really crazy for the.

Speaker 1: Yeah, they probably would have been like no, redo, no, yeah,

like ban this movie.

Speaker 2: It's not even allowed.

Speaker 3: I do think, Yeah, the real person it's based on

did marry a man, but also she probably had to

at the time. Who knows, maybe she was gay. I

don't know her.

Speaker 1: I just feel like she's gay. I just I know it.

Speaker 3: But I definitely I put so many things on my

hot takes. First I just wrote racism, then I wrote

so we already talked about that, and then I wrote

oh yeah, Early Klam was giving pick me vibes yes

so hard and it was making me mad. Like there's

a part I'm sure probably Angie will mention this where

she sees like the like actress that all the guys

are looking at and she's like, oh ew, she's just

in her undies for everyone to see, and it's like, girls,

you you like it?

Speaker 1: She's like, no decent man wouldever look at this picture,

especially not my lieutenant. And I'm like, girl, he's the

first one wanting to look at that.

Speaker 3: Though, I was like, ew, it's giving like slutshamy, like

jealousy vibes. And that's where I.

Speaker 1: Was like, misogyny because she just knows that she wants

to be with women.

Speaker 3: That's what I guess because my initial I was like,

this isn't giving gay, This is giving like she's just

a hater. Yeah, and then I was like, oh, maybe

there is more to it anyway. Yeah, that was my

hot tage, just that she was a pick me and

I don't like that.

Speaker 2: I agree, Yeah, I can see that.

Speaker 3: Yeah, I was not into that. So I guess now

we probably need to take a little break. Grab your

mocktails or cocktails real fast, and when we get back

we will discuss the movie Welcome Back to But I'm

a Lesbian. This week we are discussing Calamity Jane. This

is not technically a sapphic film, but it gives plenty,

plenty of gay vibes in our opinions, Yes it does.

Speaker 1: It made it seem more gay than it actually was

with that edit, but I guess you can do that

to anything.

Speaker 3: All you need is it us a.

Speaker 1: Song and like some like stare like some stairs one

yes exactly, the longing cap and then we're like it's gay.

It's get enough for us to watch. Yeah, Okay, So

this movie starts with Calamity Jane.

Speaker 2: They call her calam for short.

Speaker 1: Her and her men. They're on their wagon. They're on

their way back to the town called Deadwood, and she's singing,

of course, and I think it's like I know that

she is definitely trying to like I want to say,

she wants to fit in with like everyone, but she's

also like in a whole different category because obviously she's

a woman and they see her as that, but they're

also like she's just like one of the boys, which

leads to her little pigmy vibes. Yeah, so she's coming back.

There's a whole opening number of songs, and then she's

at the manager's like this place and there's like a

little bar, there's like a little showroom. There's a bunch

of men, and it seems like she like people do

respect her, but also they sort of like make fun

of her too, because they're like Oh, she's a woman

trying to be a man, you know, and she's like

putting people in their place, so more singing.

Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't know it was a musical, so I

was like, I'm like more singing, guys.

Speaker 1: So Adelaide Adams is like this famous actress and they

get like these little pictures of her and it's in

the cigarettes, right, they had it in like it was

like a little picture that when you're done with your

like cigarette box, it's on there.

Speaker 3: You get a sexy picture.

Speaker 1: Yeah, And so everyone's like, oh my god, Adelaide Adams

and she's like who's Adelaide Adams?

Speaker 3: Like what is that?

Speaker 1: And they're like, you don't know who she is? And

then they like are raving about her everyone, and she's

just like, well what you said was, she's like she's

just in her underwear. She's like she's nothing basically, and

no decent man would ever look at her picture, especially

her lieutenant Gil Martin that she's in love with, but

is like, you know, not so forward about it, but

she's just like especially not him, you know. Like so

we're supposed to get the vibe that she does have

someone that she likes, even though she's very tomboyish, but

she men come back and they are like, oh my god,

the Native Americans got us, which obviously they're like, we

need a we we had a run. We left him there,

and she's like you left Lieutenant hill Martin there. She's like,

you're such cowards and she rides off from her horse.

And fun fact, I did look this up. Doris Day

does do all of her like horseback riding, like she

does all.

Speaker 3: Those like little just like a fancy horseback.

Speaker 1: She's a horse girl.

Speaker 3: Did she learned for this movie?

Speaker 1: She learned for this, like she she had written horses before,

but she was more in death because she was doing

like those little things. So when she they show her

on there, obviously it's a green screen, but like she

is on the horse and she is trying to do

those little things, which I was like, okay, girl, all right.

But so she goes back and it's very stereotypical Native

American and which is crazy that they just had, like

most of the old movies just had white people or

whoever else to dress up as whoever they were trying

to portray. Yeah, so it was Lieutenant gil Martin there

and she shoots the Native Americans and she saves him

and she's just like, oh my god, like I'm so

glad you're saved. And she goes back and is like,

I killed all of them. There were no match for me. Uh,

And she was obviously saying very disrespectful things yeah about

the Native Americans. So racism is just like one of the.

Speaker 3: Like yeah, like I was confused, Like I'm sorry, I'm

supposed to be on her side, Like they went to

this land that already belonged to other people and then

are mad at the other people and are killing them,

the people who yeah, this was their land in the

first place. Yeah, fucking white people make me so mad.

I am literally the whitest person, so I can say that,

but sometimes I'm really embarrassed about how white I am

because people like this, I'm like, what are you doing?

Speaker 1: You're like why they it's so many, so many things

in the beginning, because they say they're in the Dakota

Territory and they're like, oh, yeah, we're trying to fight,

like get this, and I'm like, okay, so you were

in the wrong then, And obviously all the other men

are listening to her tell the story and be like

whoa like they're in all of her except for one man,

wild Bill Hitchcock, and he's like, that's a lie. I

bet you didn't even do that, and she's just like,

do you want to fight?

Speaker 3: Didn't you feel like did you feel like he was

nagging her? Yeah? Like I feel like he liked her

and was like I don't think so, like what do

you want to like fight me?

Speaker 1: Yeah?

Speaker 3: I feel like there was a weird like fake fight scene.

Speaker 1: Yeah, no, there was because trying to flirt with her.

He was flirting with her, and I think he knew that.

But to her, she's just like this annoying ass man

is like always getting on my fucking nerve.

Speaker 2: And she was just like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1: And he's just like yeah, but yeah, very clearly, like

very childish, trying to be like, oh my god, fund

of her enough.

Speaker 3: Yeah, then she's gonna fall in love, but we'll probably

fuck me to her.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah. And so all while this is happening, the

manager of the place, Millie, is like I'm looking for

because he's he's in charge of putting on talent. And

as you can, they portray the men of this town,

which there seems to be no other women other than

Klam that I saw.

Speaker 3: Yeah, I know. And then later they show women at

like from a neighboring town because they didn't show the

women or guess because it's just a bar, and it's

like women don't hang out in bars, that's all they like,

but Klam does because she's one of the.

Speaker 1: Ones, one of the boys. Yeah, he's he's in charge.

Millie's in charge of getting the talent, and he's like,

where where is my woman? Where's my like actress? Because

she's said to perform here, he mistakenly hires someone what

he thinks is a woman named Francis Fryar, but it's

a man and he is an actor. But he's just like,

you know that that's me, Like I'm Francis Fryar, and

he's just like, oh fuck, Like they're gonna tear me

to shreds, like they they're gonna hate me. But then

he has a bright idea to force Francis into drags, yeah,

to be like you're gonna perform, you'll pull it off,

which I thought is so funny because that is very

common in older movies. I've seen that a lot. But

yet they're like there was never anything queer about.

Speaker 3: Because if there's anything with drag now, it's indoctrinating children.

And this is like a new thing.

Speaker 2: That makes you think of something that came out with

Snoop Dogg. So I'm fuck him.

Speaker 1: He was already over when he performed at Trump's inauguration. Yeah,

fuck him, especially for this.

Speaker 2: Anyways.

Speaker 3: We don't like Snoop Dogg anymore.

Speaker 1: We don't.

Speaker 2: Yeah, so uh.

Speaker 1: Anyways, So during the performance, he comes out and Calam

is looking at him like there's a little something off

about him, and I think Bill can see it too,

but they don't quite. They don't know what is off about.

Speaker 3: I think they're just like, this is kind of an

ugly they meant to be an ugly woman.

Speaker 1: They're like wherever they got her from? Oh god? But

the other men are so drunk and disgusting. They're like,

oh my god. Yeah, like whoo, they're like, yes, another

another woman besides Clam because she's not really a woman,

like she's Yeah. So he performs and he's getting into it,

he's like really doing it, but his wig comes off

and they're like, what the fuck? This was a man?

Speaker 3: He could just be a woman with short hair. But

I guess that wasn't a thing.

Speaker 1: That wasn't a thing. I guess no one had short

hair during that time. They're immediately so mad and they

start like rioting. They're like what the fuck, and they're

like wanting to like hurt Milly, and Clam's like, hold on,

I know that this is a man, but he was mistaken. Guys.

Don't treat Milly like this, Like how can you treat

him like this? And then she basically lies and says,

you know what, he has something special. He got Adelaide

Adams and I'm going to go bring her from Chicago

or how they I don't want to say how. They

say Chicago because I'm like gonna know, sureagi, Yeah.

Speaker 3: Like we're going on to Chicago to Chicaggy wanting to

get you out.

Speaker 1: That's so weird. And then at the end of it,

obviously Bill knows that she's lying and it's just her

million Bill and she's like, well, fuck, how am I

gonna do this?

Speaker 2: And he's like, well, you promised it, girl, so go

do it.

Speaker 1: And Bill's like, I'll make a bet with you if

you can bring Adelaide Adams, I'll come dressed up here

from I don't remember what tribe exactly they're stealing land from,

but he's like, I'll come dressed up as a Native

American because it's so funny. Right anyways, So yeah, yeah,

I was like, do you remember the white tribe?

Speaker 3: No? Okay, I think I blocked it out. Also, you

were like, I can't do it when this movie was

upsetting me, and it was so long. It wasn't even

that long. It was like exactly two hours, I think,

but it felt like it was like three and a

half hours.

Speaker 1: I would have enjoyed it had it not been that,

and I usually do. I do like Doris Day's films,

but like, this one was just unbearable. Anyways. Then before that,

there's a whole song with Clam and Bill about their

little like fake thing where they cannot stand each other.

Speaker 2: But you can clearly.

Speaker 3: Tell me I hate herselm.

Speaker 1: Yeah, he's like you're this and that, Oh my god,

like I hate you. Get in here. But she really

means it because she's just like, oh, like the disgust

in her face.

Speaker 2: But so she goes on her journey and they're like bye.

Speaker 1: Calam, like bring her back, and she's like got you guys,

Like don't worry. So she goes all the way to Chicago,

which I think it's so funny how she can even

like make it there and get past everything, because now

obviously that wouldn't happen. That's like us promising someone super

famous on the podcast. And Camlin and I were like,

let's go on a journey to go get her.

Speaker 3: You guys were getting renee wrap. We're gonna go get

her in Chicagi, bring her back on our covered carriage.

Speaker 1: She is like literally a month to get there by car.

Speaker 3: Also, I began, I know you would horse drawn, be

an electric carriage anyway, just kidding, we can't get renee wrap.

Speaker 1: Yeah, And so so she makes it there and she

sees Alie Adams as performing, but she doesn't quite see

her because there's a lot of men that are like

at her show, and she's like, I can't see her,

but she can hear her.

Speaker 2: Voice and oh yes.

Speaker 1: When she arrives, all the women are like, oh my god.

They're like smiling and they're like that's.

Speaker 3: The gayest part of the movie, I thought.

Speaker 1: And she's just like oh, She's like, what are they

like giggling at me?

Speaker 2: And then she checks out another woman's.

Speaker 3: Butt because it's like part of like the I was like,

is this like trying to say like city women are gay?

Like no, I don't know. It was weird to me,

but I was like into it. All of the women

like smiling. Like at first, one of them giggled and

I was like, are they like making fun of her?

Speaker 1: I thought, Another one looked at her, another one wins

at her.

Speaker 3: I can't.

Speaker 1: They like they were giggling, but like you know, I

guess like they were like, oh my god, like he's

so active. But it's just Clam and Clam's just like me,

like what are they? Why are they like laughing at me?

Speaker 3: But also your dress has like a big butt.

Speaker 1: And she's just like yeah, and she's walking and her

thing is like bouncing, and Clam literally is like explolly.

She's like wow. And then so that was that was

the opening scene. Her going to Chicago and she's like,

there's like lots of buildings and everyone's dressed in like

a suit.

Speaker 3: They're all dressed never seen somewhere like this.

Speaker 1: Yeah, And so she makes it there and she goes

into the dressing room, which was I think is so

funny because like Allie Adams is supposed to be this

big star, but like you can just walk right to

her dressing room. Yeah, but Adlie Adams is kind of

a bitch. Guys. She's like all smiles and like whatever.

But then she's talking to her mate slash assistant Katie

and she's just like, oh my god, this is so

fucking boring. I can't wait to get out of here.

I'm going to Europe. And Katie's just like, okay, like,

can I, like, you know, you know how I can

sing and like dance too, can you like put in

a good word for me somewhere? And she's like, honey,

you're only good for like choirs and weddings or yeah,

choirs in weddings.

Speaker 2: And even then, you're just like not that pretty.

Speaker 3: So no, she's not a girl's girl. I was so mad.

I was like, oh, because she just wants all of

the attension and fame for herself. And also, they literally

look alike, so her being like you're not that pretty

is like kind of a read on herself because she

looks just like she looks exist she does look like her.

Speaker 1: And so Katie was being so nice too because she's like,

I don't ever think I'd be like that a big

star like you. But can I like at least like

sing on stage, like even if it's just for a crowd.

And Alie it's like, don't hold your bread.

Speaker 3: Yeah, She's like, I'm gonna go hang out with my friends.

Speaker 1: In your life. Yeah. She's like maybe I'll send for you.

Oh do you want this dress? By the way, Like

it's just like whatever, like it's rags to her. And

so Katie's like, well, fuck you bitch. And she's like

I'm gonna put on this dress. And she starts singing,

and we know she has a good voice and she

can dance, and Calam is walking up and here's her singing,

is like, oh my god, Adelie Adams. And so she

is at the doorway and Katie's like, oh my god,

like what the fuck are you doing here? Because she

thinks Clam is a man, and Clam's like where where?

Like where who's the vermin with her gun? Even though

like she thinks it's her. Yeah, So there's that misunderstanding

until Callam is like you thought I was a man?

Oh my god, that's so funny. And then she's like

that's actually not funny because that happens a lot. That's

just like, oh, She's like, I guess I would look

pretty strange to like a city girl. And she's just

like oh, well, you know, like she's trying not to

be rude, but she's like, okay, well I feel better

now that you're like a woman. And so she's like,

can you come and perform for Deadwood. It's like this

really small town where there are no trains for one

hundred mile and it's like there's literally no real woman there.

So she's like, oh, but like, I mean, you came

all the way over here for me, because obviously she

would think that, you know, Clam would know she's not

Adelaide Adams, but Clam thinks she's Adelaide Adams, and Katie's like,

well fuck it, I'm gonna like I'm gonna say that

I'm Adelaide Adams.

Speaker 3: Yeah, that bitch is in Europe anyway. Yeah, She's not

like there's like internet, Like she's not gonna find out

the way of hers.

Speaker 1: Basically like the equivalent to that being like oh is

this like are you gonna film this? So no one

finds out. She's like are there any trains nearby? I'm

like she's like not for one hundred miles. So she's like,

and you're practically forcing me to go, and she's like, no,

I wouldn't say i'm forcing you. But she's like let's go,

so like, yes not, She's like, I'll say.

Speaker 2: It was forced. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1: And so they make it back to Deadwood and everyone's like,

oh my god, Adelie Adams because the only picture that

they have of her is from the cigarette box and

it's like kind of like, I'm I don't really I

can't imagine what it looks like in person, but it's

not that good and she does look like her anyways.

Speaker 3: Oh yeah. So because it's supposed to be like the

eighteen hundreds, right, like in Western so it's like the

technology of the photos was probably not the best. They're like, oh,

it's like a pretty white woman with dark hair.

Speaker 1: Like yeah, and she's in her yeah. So that's when

they're like, not her face really, yeah, So like's a

pair of legs and they're like it's her. Oh my god, guys.

So she makes it back and everyone's like whoa. And

immediately Gil Martin, Lieutenant Gil Martin and Bill are like

smitten with her and everyone's like, calamb you did it.

She's just like I told you I would, guys, and

Francis Fryar is still there and he's just like, oh, well,

we we played. We had a show like in the

same town at different theaters, but like, I don't.

Speaker 2: Know if you remember me.

Speaker 1: And she's like, it's so nice to see you again,

and he's like yeah, okay, Like sure girl, like okay, Adelaide.

He seems he seems suspicious, which maybe he knows right

because he's the only other person from the city. And

so after she's there, they get her set up and

she's in her dressing room and she's like getting ready,

which I think is kind of crazy. I want to

know how long it took them to get there, because

is she they like step foot in Deadwood. She's like

up there getting ready to perform, and I'm like, are

you not tired, girl? I don't know how long it takes,

especially by like.

Speaker 3: It probably took a long time, and she slept on

the way. I don't know.

Speaker 1: I'm like probably. So then Francis tries to tell Millie

he's like, so that girl, she's like kind of not

Adelie Adams. But he says it in a way where

he's like, she's not, but she has to be because

he already could see how the crowd reacts when it

wasn't he turned out to be a man.

Speaker 2: So he's like, all right, she'll have to do. Like

she's a woman, she's pretty, she's from the city. She'll

she'll do.

Speaker 1: And so Katie Slash Adelaide is like very nervous, and

she's like what did you get yourself into?

Speaker 2: And so when she starts performing.

Speaker 1: She's very she has stage fright, and her voice is

not that good and hasn't.

Speaker 3: Really done it because somebody wouldn't ever let her.

Speaker 1: She's never done it. She's done it like in private,

but not in front of a crowd. And so she's

like doing her little performance and they're like, wow, she

doesn't sound the same, which is funny because they've never

heard her singing. But they're like, she doesn't sound like

a singer. Like she she's pretty, but she's not doing

a good job. And so basically she stops the performance

and it's just like oh God, like this is going

horribly and then Calam's like, what's wrong Adelaide, like, well,

Calam's the only one that's heard her singing, and she's like,

you're not singing. How you sing back in Chicago And

she's like, that's because I'm not Adelaide Adams and Clam's like,

oh my god, you're so funny. Yes, She's like, you're

just joking, right, because people in the crowd are like,

oh my god, of course she's.

Speaker 2: Adelaide, right.

Speaker 1: Yeah, She's like, actually, I'm not, like, my name is

Katie Brown and Clam yeah basically, and everyone's like, Calam,

you bamboozled us. And Clam's like, hold on, I had

no idea. She's like, don't blame her, like she came

in thinking that I was Adelaide Adams and I just

went with it because this has always been my dream,

Like I want to sing and dance in front of people.

Speaker 2: I want to be an actress.

Speaker 1: And then Clam's like, well, damn girl, you pulled one

over on me. But also, okay, like everyone calmed down.

She wants to be an actress. What's so wrong? She's pretty,

isn't she?

Speaker 2: And she keeps.

Speaker 1: Saying that like a loah. When she first met Katie,

what she thought was Adelie. She's like, wow, I didn't

even know a woman could be this beautiful.

Speaker 3: I was like, girl, you're fucking gang like, you're fuckingh

my god.

Speaker 1: She like, wasn't she like taking her back? And she

said whoa, Like you are just like stunning. And then

again she says that, and she's just like she's beautiful,

isn't she.

Speaker 2: Let's just give her a chance.

Speaker 1: Guy's pretty privileged. Yeah, just let her do it. She's like,

what's so wrong you guys, And everyone's like, all right,

we'll let her do it. So immediately after they're like,

all right, girl, you you can do this. She starts

singing and performing like super amazing. Yeah. Yeah. She's just

like it's like a new thing. That's all she needed

was to feel comfortable. Yes, And so after they're all

just so happy with her, and they're like, oh my god,

we didn't get Adelaide, but we got her. And she's

upset because calam is upset because she hears Gil Martin

talking about her, and she's just like, okay, but also

like she's pretty, so I get what you're saying. So after.

Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I already said that.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Bill says to Katie, She's like, are you

going back to Chicago? And She's like no, actually, Clam

said I should go live with her in her cabin gay,

and I was like, so gay, and can we say

you haul?

Speaker 3: Because wow, the most you haul.

Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, She's like, yeah, Clam says I should

go live with her, and I'm gonna go live with her.

And Clam's like, yeah, I figure she's my responsibility, Like

it's my duty to protect her because I brought her

all the way from Chicago, so you know, and her

I'm gonna care of her here in Deadwood, guys. And

so literally, the next scene is like they sing their

little song and okay, they sing their little song and

they are decorating this entire thing. Katie gives Calam's cabin

a woman's touch, and Klam gets in the spirit.

Speaker 3: Too, as not a woman exactly.

Speaker 1: Katie's like, we could really use some like decorating here,

and Clam's like, oh my god, bestie. Okay, yeah, they

paint the door with the flowers. They're having all these

little things and okay, I maybe it's because you know,

they don't want you to think too much into it,

but I only saw one bed in there, and I

was like, okay, maybe the obviously it's because they're both women.

Speaker 3: But I was like, so gay, come on, who would

think that women would do anything exactly?

Speaker 1: And they're like exactly, and so like they decorate it

and they're singing with each other, and Katie's like, I

can teach you how to be like a proper woman,

you know, and you just protect me and like you

just let me live here, and so each like I

want to say sometimes past, but we see that like

Clam is wearing like a proper dress and Katie's teaching

her like this is what you do because I know

that you like Gil Martin. I know you're in love

with him and you want to win him over, and

he wants like a proper woman, you know. And so

Clam's like, all right, fuck it. But it's hard to

like take her personality out because that's just who she is.

Like and she said multiple times like if people don't

like me for who I am, then basically fuck them,

like this is just who I am. Because Bill told

her again again with like the whole like bullying thing,

like bullying is flirting. He's like, maybe when you go

to Chicago, you can like see how real women dress.

Get yourself some like pretty clothes and do yourself up

and like you know whatever, and she's just like what

the fuck.

Speaker 3: No, he wanted to fuck that the whole time.

Speaker 2: He wanted her so bad, but he was just afraid.

Low key.

Speaker 1: Yeah. And so Gil Martin and Bill are at the

little like bar saloon thing and they're like, oh my god,

we're here to see Katie and he's like you and

every other man. Millie's like you and every other man.

She's not here. She lives with Kalam and they're like,

she lives with Calam. So they're like, all right, I

guess we have to go see clam now, and they

both race over there because there's a whole little song

about Bill being in love with Katie.

Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, okay, this is just lust. They don't

even know her. They just are like, this is the

prettiest woman that I've se.

Speaker 1: Yeah, the only I guess woman that they have pretty

much besides Calam So this is like the only like feminine,

like I'm know them from the city.

Speaker 3: They're like, oh my god, I love her.

Speaker 1: Yeah. So he sings a whole thing and he's just like,

oh my god, because they have like a whole like

picture like a cardboard cut out of her, and Bill's

just like, oh my god, I love her. Yeah, so

they both they both are in love with her and

they're fighting for affections. So they go and we see

Clams like I have to go help someone, so I'll

be back. I'm gonna be gone, and Katie is just

like okay. And Katie sees both of them and she's like, oh, hey, guys,

like what are you doing here? And they're like, well,

we're here to see you.

Speaker 2: And they're like She's.

Speaker 1: Like, Clam's not here, and they're like, girl, we don't

give a fuck about Cam.

Speaker 2: They're like, we want to see you.

Speaker 1: So she kind of knows because she knows that Calam

is in love with Gilmartin, so she's just like, let

me play this cool. She They come in there and

they're like being very like flirty with her, like very

like if they're alone together, then they're like, well you need.

Speaker 2: To kiss me.

Speaker 1: Kind of Yeah.

Speaker 3: It was like weird, wasn't it?

Speaker 1: And so good for her, I know, like her, She's like,

come in, I'll make you some teen and I'm like, no, girl,

don't let them come in. So they are flirting with

her and Katie's like dodging their advances, and she like

sends Bill to chop some wood, but even though there's

wood there, she just covers it. Yeah, And then she's

talking and Gil Martin like thinks this is like time

to shine. He's like, oh, hey, like you know, She's

just like, no, we can't because Klam is in love

with you and you probably love her too, And he's

like no, no.

Speaker 3: No, no don't.

Speaker 1: He's like that's we're just friends. We're really good friends.

I am in love with you, and she's just like, uh,

you know, like I don't think so. And so basically

they both want to invite her to a ball and

she's just like, well we can go as like a

double date, like it'll be you, me and uh Clam

and you know you guys can come.

Speaker 2: And they're like.

Speaker 1: Calam, like we don't want to take her, And so

then they do like this little like whoever draws the

short or long string has to take Clam.

Speaker 3: So sad.

Speaker 1: It's so sad. And then because Katie's like, well, Gil Martin,

you should take Clam and he's like no, I don't

want to take her. But Bill ends up having to

take Calam and he's like, you know what, that's fine

because Calam and I are friends and I will have fun.

Clam walks in through the door and she's covered in

mud because she's like, I fell like she's all dirty,

and they're like, sure, she doesn't look very different, but

Katie is like, no, you guys are going to be

so made. She's so beautiful gay She's like.

Speaker 2: She's amazing, but no.

Speaker 1: Anyways, she's like, oh, hey, guys, like what are you

doing here? And Katie tells Clam like, hey, Bill's going

to take you to this ball, and she's like, oh

my god, wonderful. She gets a moment alone with Gilmartin

and she's like, I know you really want to take me,

but you should take Katie and Gil Martin's.

Speaker 3: Oh no, okay.

Speaker 1: Gil Martin's like, oh my god, I guess if you

insist like you're the best. So they are all dressed

up and again there she's in her best clothes and

she looks like a proper woman because she's wearing a dress.

And they arrive to the ball. Everyone is in shock

about how Clam looks.

Speaker 3: She's pretty.

Speaker 1: Yeah, They're like, is that Calamity Jane? Oh my God,

and she's just like, why does everyone want to dance

with me? They give her like these little things to

like what was it? It's like save of a dance

and she's like whoa, what the fuck? And Bill's like

kind of like yeah, you know, like that's good. And

the entire time, Clam is trying to dance with gil Martin,

but he's just like he only has eyes for Katy

and so he basically like dodges all her little advances

and Calam is like what the fuck? And Bill's like,

I'll dance with you because he's equally as mad because

he's in love with Katie. And they're dancing and stuff,

and this is where Clam goes a little bit crazy

because she's like making a scene because she sees them

outside and basically they profess their love for each other.

Speaker 2: And I'm like, how long have you guys known each other?

Speaker 1: I don't know, but okay, and Katie's just like we

can't and gil Martin's like I could care less about

where what Clam thinks and where she's at.

Speaker 2: I don't care.

Speaker 1: Katie's not a more friend, he's not a good friend.

Speaker 2: He's like we're just friends.

Speaker 1: But I don't give a fuck about her, and Katie's

just like you know, and so Calam sees this and

she like is gonna storm off, and Bill's like hold on, girl.

She shoots a glass out of Katie's hand and she's

just like staring at her like fuck you, you know what

you did? And she leaves and Katie's just like sure.

She tells Gilmartin like all right, you say that. She

doesn't care. She fucking shot this glass out of my hand.

So then Clam goes back and there's this whole scene

where she's like packing her stuff up, but she's just

like she seduced him, she's a whore, like she's all

this other stuff going back to her pick me. Yes,

She's just like look at all this stuff, like I'm

so upset. And Bill's just like hold on now, because

your little lieutenant was on the other side of that kiss,

so why aren't she as mad as him? And she's like, no,

he was seduced, and he's.

Speaker 3: Like innocent little man.

Speaker 1: Yeah. She's like no, like no, Katie was the one

doing all this stuff. And he's just like girl, no,

and he's like I liked Katie and I'm upset over

it as well, but what can we do? Like they're

with each other, they clearly are in love, and she's

just like no, she's going back. So then the next day,

Katie's performing because she's a big hit. They have her there.

She's doing her low performances. Clam shows up and Katie's like,

what are you doing here? And Clam's like, get the

fuck out of town. And I'm like, Clam, you're kind

of making a fool out of your side.

Speaker 3: I was like embarrassed for her.

Speaker 1: I was so embarrassed for her. But she did not

see it that way. She's like, you need to get

the fuck out of town. And Katie's like, you have

no right to tell me that, and she's like, yes,

I do, because the Lieutenant's mine.

Speaker 2: And so then she goes back to.

Speaker 1: The bar and Katie's like, you know what, someone passed

me their gun and Clam is like you and I

are like mm, and she's like, hold up your glass.

Clam holds up your glass and Clam's like staring at her.

She's like are you afraid? Like you think I'm not

going to make the shot because you know, she is

like a very feminine woman, so she can't shoot a

gun apparently, and all the other men dug and she

Clams like holding her glass up, and Katie shoots it

out of her hand, and Clam's very embarrassed because not

only did she get her man stolen from her, she's

also not the coolest woman there.

Speaker 2: They can shoot a guy, n.

Speaker 3: She's like fuck.

Speaker 1: And so she everyone's cheering Katie. They're like, oh my gosh,

she did it, like she actually made the shot. We

didn't think she would. And Clam runs out and Bill's

going again behind her. She's like, oh my god, Clam,

are you okay? And she's just like, oh my god.

He basically like man handles her and it's like, no,

you're not gonna like ride away on your horse.

Speaker 2: Let's go for a carriage ride.

Speaker 1: And so she gets on the carriage and they take

off and basically he's like, girl, get the fuck over it.

I shot the shot out of your hand because you

needed to be humbled. And she's like, you fucking did that, and.

Speaker 2: It shows like Katie didn't make it.

Speaker 1: She hit like the little barrel of thing, and so

he was like, you have no right to tell people

who they can and cannot love.

Speaker 2: I was equally loved with Katie.

Speaker 1: Get over it. He's not even all that much. And

then Clam cries and he's just like you are oh yeah.

He basically tells her that you dress like a man,

you act like a man, but you are a woman.

You have like the mind of a woman. So you

went a little crazy.

Speaker 3: I forgot that whole mind of a woman thing, and

like that was really annoying.

Speaker 1: It was He's like, you're still a woman deep down.

Speaker 3: It's like you're just a silly woman. Of course, what

acts like this?

Speaker 1: Yeah, He's like, You've done a lot of things, Clam,

but you've never made a fool out of yourself like

you did right now. And so I had to humble

you and embarrass you in front of everybody. And I

was like, well damn. And she was upset about that.

But then she cries. He's like, just cry, let it out,

let your women feelings out, and then you'll feel so

much better.

Speaker 4: Girl. Yeah, and she's like actually upset because she's just

like I've been in love with them ever since, like forever,

and I wanted to get married, like I pictured us

getting married and decorating my cabin sort of like she did.

Speaker 1: With Katie. But and he's just like, well, damn like

you you wanted that too, because I wanted to marry Katie,

which I guess it makes sense. Back then they're like

you're available, I'm available. Let's get married, have kids, do

the whole thing, you know. And so he's like, well,

I didn't know that's what you wanted, and she's like yeah.

So they're talking and they eventually kiss, and she is

so fucking happy, and she's like, oh my god, Bill,

and he's like, well, hold on, what happened to Lieutenant Gilmartin?

Speaker 2: And she's like, oh my god. Who?

Speaker 1: She literally says, who looks so fast? And I put

she found a new beard because she's just like any

man that's available, like picked the popular guy in town.

And she's just like, oh my god, I've been in

love with you all this time. And he's just like

a man. So he's like, oh my god, yay, someone

wants me. And so then she is like singing this song.

She's just like all dressed up, like she's dressed up

not in her usual attire, which was like very dirty,

and that's why she was mistaken as a man. It's

still in pants, like she still has pants on. It's

still like her little get up, but it just looks nicer.

Speaker 2: And she's like, I'm in love.

Speaker 1: And she goes into town and they're taking Katie's thing

down and she's like, guys, like, what's wrong, and no

one wants to talk to her. They're mad until Millie

tells her, like you wanted her out of town. So

she's leaving town and she's like, but I didn't think

she would actually leave, didn't she She shot the glass

out of my hand.

Speaker 2: She proved her.

Speaker 1: And Gil Martin comes and he's just like, you're selfish,

she ruined. He's so upset, and she's just like, I

know I was selfish and I did ruin it and

I'm sorry. And he's like, look at this letter she wrote.

Speaker 2: She can't.

Speaker 1: She said in the letter, like I'm so sorry that

I betrayed Clam. I know you're in love with Clam

and Clam's in love with you, so just be together.

Speaker 2: Forget that.

Speaker 1: I say that I was Adelie Adams and now I'm

going back to Chicago. And she's like, oh my god, no,

I need to go get her. I need to tell

her like I'm in love with Bill and so she

runs off and Bill. They meet halfway and she's just like,

I have to go get Katie back, and they give

like a kiss to kiss each other again, and she's like, bye, babe,

I'm gonna go get my girlfriend back, and she she's going.

She sees one of the guys named Rattlesnake, which I

thought she was saying stop a rattlesnake, a rattlesnake for

the horse, but his name is Rattlesnake, and he's like, oh,

I'm sorry, I'm mistaked you for a name of a mayor,

Like I didn't know that was you, clam And so

she does this whole little scene and she's like, Katie,

I'm getting married, and Katie's like, bitch to my man. Yeah,

She's like I don't want to fucking hear this, and

she's like.

Speaker 2: To Bill.

Speaker 1: And Katie's like, oh my god, She's like Okay. Then

she's like come back, and basically not a lot of

words are spoken about him, and they like hug whatever,

and Rattlesnake looks in and he's like two females, which

I thought that was part of like the edit where

they were like saying it's gay because he's just like

scratching his head, like two females can show each other affection, yeah,

but also gay.

Speaker 3: Yeah. He was like, are they married each other? He's like, no,

didn't go back.

Speaker 1: He's like, I know, that's what I was just like,

oh my god, that's a little happy. And see I

would have been happy with that. And that's not a

true ending for me. Yeah, but I would have been happy.

So then they're singing and they're getting they're having a

double fucking wedding, and they live they really want to

marry this, you want to marad each other. They're like

so fucking happy. But they're like, we're both getting married.

Oh my god. And it ends with the beautiful song

and a lavender marriage. Yes, and that's that's the end, guy,

And that's that. Yeah, So wow, that's you gay. I

put the end boom.

Speaker 3: Thank you for the recap. It was very descriptive, and

I wish that the movie was better.

Speaker 2: I was reaching for anything gay that I could.

Speaker 3: I could see the slight like gayness in there.

Speaker 2: I could too.

Speaker 3: So now for the moment that you've all been waiting for, munch, merge, murder,

So our options this time are calam Katie and Adelaide,

who we saw for literally like one minute. So who

would you choose?

Speaker 1: Okay, so, oh, this is kind of hard, and I

know we it's actually this is kind of hard, surprising enough.

I feel like I would have to munch Katie because

she showed the least racism out of everybody. She just

wanted to be an actress. I'd munch Katie. Actually no, wait,

I'd merge with Katie. I'd munch Adelaide. And I'd kill

Klam because yes, she seems like somebody would go for

She's very masculine. However, she's very racist and she's a

pick me and I wouldn't want to deal with the

internalized misogyny for me.

Speaker 3: Okay, we're on the same track because I was thinking

I would definitely murder Kalam, and I feel bad because

she's the main person, but she is racist, and also

she's like exactly, I know she's not a lesbian, but

she gives me those vibes of the lesbians that I hate.

Who I shouldn't hate any lesbians. I don't hate any

lesbians all, which is very critical dealing with our own things.

But I don't like the lesbians that give off this

like chauvinistic, Like I like women, so I have to

act like a man and talk about women in this

like gross way. And I feel like she gives that

because she tries so hard to be one of the boys.

And I don't like that. I think that the way

that women love women is so different than the way

that men love women, and that is like, what's so

special about being a lesbian? And so I hate it

when women act like men. I hate it gross anyway,

And then I think I would probably merge with Adelaide

because she's rich. I was thinking that, but then it

was like she's a bitch though, but it's okay. She'd

be a rich yeah, and she probably wouldn't even like.

It would be like an open marriage, you know, an

open living together arrangement, and we would go to Europe

and do all kinds of fun.

Speaker 1: Yeah, you'd go to Europe.

Speaker 2: Oh that's true.

Speaker 1: It's true.

Speaker 3: And I would munch Katie.

Speaker 2: Okay, See that makes sense.

Speaker 1: Now I'm stuck with fucking Katie and dead Wood because

she didn't. She's like, I want to go home with you,

and there'd always be a little love triangle with clam

Oh my god, I'm making a whole story out of this,

but anyway, it's part two.

Speaker 3: Calam gets murdered. Okay, So I feel like we could

tell that we weren't that into this movie. But I'm

curious to see what rating you would give it.

Speaker 1: I think just because I can see some of it.

Some parts of it were interesting, but not that much.

I give it a one out of five.

Speaker 3: Oh y you, I was giving it a two.

Speaker 1: I was turning to be nice.

Speaker 2: Oh okay.

Speaker 3: I was like, oh yeah, I wrote this near my rating,

but it doesn't have to do with the rating, but

I'm just gonna throw it out there. Calam and Bill

totally ended up with each other as like a consolation prize,

like that's what it was given. It was like, we're

both sad because we can't have the other person, but

we don't want to be alone, so now we're with

each other. So I thought that was weird. But yeah,

I give it a too. I was going to give

it it a one point five, but we're not doing

point fives anymore, just so you know. So it's gonna

be just one, just two, three, four, five only options

from now on. Okay, So we've done our writings so

it's going to be time for another little break. So

if you're enjoying but I'm a Lesbian, please head over

to our Instagram and TikTok and follow to stay up

to date on our newest episodes, hot takes, and breaking

gay news. Follow at but I'm a Lesbian Pod on TikTok, Instagram,

and even Facebook.

Speaker 1: We are back with the latest edition of Literary Lesbians.

Speaker 3: Yes, okay, I'm so excited to talk about this book,

but I don't have a physical copy of it because

I read it on my on my iPad, so I

can show you if you're on YouTube, it's right here,

that one with a green dress. Don't pay attention to

the other books. Those't a your business. I'm just kidding.

But it's The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor

Jenkins read. I mentioned this on like episode two wish.

I think it's just a really special book. I think

I didn't have any interest in reading it because I

was like, why would I want to read about a

straight woman and her seven husbands. It's like, this is

the opposite of something I would want to read about.

But then I happened to see a TikTok that that

mentioned that it was gay, and I was like, excuse me,

this book is gay, And so I read it and

it is surprisingly gay and it's really good and there's

also kind of like it kind of keeps you guessing

on certain things too, which is fun.

Speaker 1: Also.

Speaker 3: So uh, it's set I think the reason I talked

about it on episode two is because it's set back

in like the forties or fifties mainly, and Evelyn Hugo

is like a fancy actress that's you know, also of

the time. A lot of the like Liz Taylor right,

like they had like multiple husbands, Like it was just

like they're like going through husbands.

Speaker 2: Like yeah, literally every year.

Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like new husbands. Yeah, which makes sense also

especially if you're gay and you're like any of these guys.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 3: And so uh it's written by Taylor Jenkins read I

guess she only recently came out as by but I

guess I just assumed because she wrote this book about

like a queer woman, really well, I kind of assumed

that she was like queer in some way, but she

never officially said it, I guess until a recent interview

someone asked her and she's like yeah bye.

Speaker 1: She's like, clearly, yeah, I wrote this obviously.

Speaker 3: I will tell you. I haven't read any of her

other books. I listened to. There was a show made

out of one of her books. It was Daisy Jones

and the Six Oh I've heard that, but not Okay,

it wasn't gay, so I didn't like it.

Speaker 2: But you read the book and the.

Speaker 3: I listened to the book. I didn't watch the show.

I listened to the book when I was like on

a road trip. I don't know where I was driving,

but I listened to the whole book. And it's like

in the seventies, which we love the seventies, right, and

I love seventies music. But yeah, it wasn't gay, but

this one's gay. It's good. It's going to be made

into a movie. I am pretty sure that has been confirmed.

They have not announced the casting or anything yet, but

I think that Anna de Armas should be playing Evelyn Hugo.

If they don't cast her, I'm going to be mad.

I know, she's like, actually not that good of a person.

I was connating a dictator's son, but she's so pretty.

Speaker 1: And she's like perfect for the role. You think, like

you can't imagine.

Speaker 3: Yes, she's perfect for the role because the character of

Evelyn Hugo is like basic. She's like, who is that

actress who they totally like whitewashed? I is it Rita something,

Rita Hayworth?

Speaker 1: Is that it Rita Hayworth?

Speaker 3: Yes? Because she wasn't like white, she was some sort

of Latin eggs. Yes, So this is a similar vibe,

like she's she is LATINX of some sort I can't

really remember, but like she makes her hair blonde and

blah blah blah to like be that like famous star

because at the time, you like had to basically be

like very white, and so I think that I think

that on A Damas would be a perfect person for it. Also,

I don't know, since I talk about the L word

on every episode, I've got to mention when I first

saw Anna Dharmas, I was like.

Speaker 2: She looks like oh Jenny, Jenny y.

Speaker 3: Yes, she looks like Mia Kirchener, just if she had

like more like baby face features, like bigger lips and

like like more around face. But she's so beautiful. I

think Jenny is so beautiful, and I almost think Anna

Darmus is so beautiful. I also really like the like

dark hair and light eyes like Megan Fox. I think

it's like the prettiest thing. Yeah, I tried to model

myself after that. It's why I'm always making my hair dark.

I'm like, I think it's so pretty. Do I want

to be with that? Or do I want to be that? Anyway,

I really wanted to talk about this movie or this

this book is being made into a movie because I

think it's really important and I don't want any other

lesbians that listen to this to miss out on reading

this because they also think it's straight like I did.

Speaker 1: Okay, they need to you need to get a petition

for this to be made into a movie and to

have Anna Dharma's be it's the main care.

Speaker 3: It better be her or I mean, I guess they

could cast me a curser, but like for the younger parts,

she's a little old, but she's aging very well, because

like your book follows her from like youth like to

old lady. So like I guess they could put somebody

that's like fifty and like just have her be like

softening filters when she's supposed to be like the younger version,

you know, because it follows her throughout her life. Anyway,

read the book. It's really good.

Speaker 1: I definitely need to take your advice because I've yet

to read the book.

Speaker 3: You have to read.

Speaker 1: I need to read it. So before we end today's episode,

we want to shout out a short film called what

Are We by the super talented writer, actor, director All

the Awesome Things, Eileen Hanley.

Speaker 3: Yes, so, Eileen Hanley has become sort of like a

friend of the pod. I would say basically, I just

really like her. She's really cool and nice and she's

super talented, and I wanted to shout out this short

film that she has right now on YouTube. And it's

like fourteen minutes long, so it's super quick. It's definitely

worth watching. It's queer, it has kind of like a

situationship type of vibe. I can't really give anything away

because it's literally only for two minutes, so if I

do I give I'm probably gonna accidentally give everything away.

But definitely go check it out. It's distributed through tiny Scripted,

so if you go on YouTube, it's on at tiny

scripted and then you'll see the film is called what

Are We? So check it out when you have time.

After you subscribe to us, then go over there and

watch that. So thank you so much for tuning in too.

But I'm a Lesbian We are your go to for

sapphic media reviews, WLW drama, and unfiltered queer takes. If

you enjoyed the show, please like, share, and subscribe on

every platform. Leave us a review to help support the

queer community and keep this lesbian led pod thriving. After all,

the algorithms a bitch and we're just two lesbians with

Mike's out here China survive.

Speaker 1: Do miss next week's episode. We are going over the

award winning film Monsters, starring Christina Ritchie and Charlie Sarone.

This film was available on Pluto and Amazon Prime.

Speaker 3: See you next Tuesday. Executive producers for But I'm a

Lesbian are Caitlin Beatty and Angelina Herrera. Produced and mixed

by Victoria Shiplett. Creative direction and video editing provided by

Juanita Herierte. Music by Stiletto Falsetto.