<v Speaker 1>Here's one of the biggest friendship red flags of them all,

<v Speaker 1>which is competing for male attention. Hello, a woman who

<v Speaker 1>feels the need to compete with you for validation from

<v Speaker 1>men is never, ever, ever, ever, ever going to be

<v Speaker 1>a friend to you. Hey, babe, it's Asia Christina. This

<v Speaker 1>is Quality Queen Control.

<v Speaker 2>What is happening? Hello?

<v Speaker 1>Everyone, Welcome to Quality Queen Control. I am your host,

<v Speaker 1>Asia Christina Foster. Nice to meet you. If this is

<v Speaker 1>your first time hearing from me or seeing me before

<v Speaker 1>we even get started. If you are watching this podcast,

<v Speaker 1>give it at Them's app immediately, expeditiously. And if you

<v Speaker 1>have the amazing ability to hype the video up, make

<v Speaker 1>sure that you hype the video up. Okay, HiPE HiPE.

<v Speaker 1>Today we're gonna be talking about something that people don't

<v Speaker 1>like to admit exists, but it absolutely does. And that

<v Speaker 1>is competition in dating and friendships. Okay, And these are

<v Speaker 1>going to be the red flags that you absolutely should

<v Speaker 1>not be ignoring. All right, competition. And I'm not talking

<v Speaker 1>about healthy competition or anything like that. No, I'm talking

<v Speaker 1>about the kind you know, where there's someone that's in

<v Speaker 1>your life that's quietly trying to outshine you, outdo you,

<v Speaker 1>or prove that they are simply better than you. And

<v Speaker 1>the craziest part is is that a lot of the

<v Speaker 1>times you don't even realize that you're in a competition.

<v Speaker 1>They're sitting here punching wind. Okay, you think that you

<v Speaker 1>have a friend, but that friend is studying you, or

<v Speaker 1>that partner is studying you. You think you're dating somebody

<v Speaker 1>who admires you, but they're actually threatened by you. And

<v Speaker 1>over time you start to notice little things, subtle comments,

<v Speaker 1>weird energy when something good is happening in your life,

<v Speaker 1>and this strange tension where whenever you talk about your goals,

<v Speaker 1>your relationships, or your success in any capacity, you start

<v Speaker 1>realizing that not everybody around you is actually rooting for you.

<v Speaker 1>But you know what, we want to root for each

<v Speaker 1>other on this channel. And speaking of rooting for each other,

<v Speaker 1>I have now released my channel memberships. Yes, if you

<v Speaker 1>are listening to this, this is very much a real thing.

<v Speaker 1>And when I say channel memberships, I'm talking specifically for

<v Speaker 1>my YouTube subscribers. We have unleashed the channel memberships. There

<v Speaker 1>are badges that you guys can get. There's gonna be

<v Speaker 1>exclusive membership lives, that you guys are going to have

<v Speaker 1>access to with me, where this is your opportunity to

<v Speaker 1>ask me anything that you want, and I'm gonna see

<v Speaker 1>it and I'm gonna respond because I know a lot

<v Speaker 1>of you hit me up in my dms, and although

<v Speaker 1>I genuinely do appreciate you guys hitting me up in

<v Speaker 1>my dms, the truth is like I just can't really

<v Speaker 1>get to everybody, and this is now a way for

<v Speaker 1>you guys to genuinely be able to ask me whatever

<v Speaker 1>it is that you want and build a community so

<v Speaker 1>that we can all help each other out. Trust me,

<v Speaker 1>you guys do not want to miss out on this,

<v Speaker 1>because this is your opportunity if you ever wanted to

<v Speaker 1>ask me a personal question about your relationship. Like I said,

<v Speaker 1>priority access to comments, the exclusive shorts, the lives lives

<v Speaker 1>are my favorite thing to do, so I would love

<v Speaker 1>to see your question in the live if you choose

<v Speaker 1>to join. And the most perfect benefit is that you

<v Speaker 1>guys get early access to the episodes before they're launched out,

<v Speaker 1>So hello, you'll be ahead of the curve unlike everybody

<v Speaker 1>else if you were in the channel membership, So make

<v Speaker 1>sure that you guys check it out. And you don't

<v Speaker 1>have to worry about remembering everything that I just said.

<v Speaker 1>If you just check out the channel memberships, which should

<v Speaker 1>be available for you on the YouTube channel somewhere in

<v Speaker 1>the description box or something of that nature, you guys

<v Speaker 1>will be able to see what is included in the

<v Speaker 1>tier so that you guys can join.

<v Speaker 2>So now back to our regularly scheduled program.

<v Speaker 1>So as we know, not everyone around you is going

<v Speaker 1>to be rooting for you, right, and we don't keep

<v Speaker 1>on this channel, Okay, We're here to always support woman

<v Speaker 1>and put the girls on all right, and support women

<v Speaker 1>that are making informed.

<v Speaker 2>Educated decisions.

<v Speaker 1>Let me place an emphasis on that some people are

<v Speaker 1>probably measuring themselves against you. So, like I said, we're

<v Speaker 1>going to be talking about the competition in both dating

<v Speaker 1>and relationships and the red flags that you should never

<v Speaker 1>ever ignore, and how to recognize when someone in your

<v Speaker 1>life is operating from the spirit of comparison instead of

<v Speaker 1>supporting you. So before we get into the red flags,

<v Speaker 1>we have to talk about why this even happens in

<v Speaker 1>the first place. Because competition rarely comes from confidence. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>it almost always stems from in secure purity and confident

<v Speaker 1>people do not feel threatened by other people's beauty, their

<v Speaker 1>success or their opportunities. They don't feel the need to

<v Speaker 1>constantly compare themselves. People that are constantly comparing themselves in

<v Speaker 1>any sort of relationship, I'm sure we've all encountered it,

<v Speaker 1>are hearing and seeing things and opportunities happen for you,

<v Speaker 1>and they're trying to figure out and study ways that

<v Speaker 1>they can outshine you to then make themselves feel like

<v Speaker 1>they're worthy. They're just as worthy as you, and they're

<v Speaker 1>just as good as you, if not better, and they

<v Speaker 1>think that they're very smart by studying you and trying

<v Speaker 1>to pick apart and dissect why you have what you

<v Speaker 1>have while you look how you look like I'm telling you,

<v Speaker 1>I know, it's like funny sometimes when people maybe like

<v Speaker 1>nag at someone's appearance or something like that, like okay,

<v Speaker 1>ashy or something like that. Right, but it's just the

<v Speaker 1>low hanging fruit in terms of like creating someone for filth.

<v Speaker 1>Their appearance is like the easiest thing to do, you

<v Speaker 1>know what I mean. So the truth is like whenever

<v Speaker 1>you have experienced a situation where you are giving someone

<v Speaker 1>a compliment, right, and let's just say your friend is like, well,

<v Speaker 1>the only reason she's pretty is because she wears bombshell bras. Yeah,

<v Speaker 1>you know, like it's like in Mean Girls, where like

<v Speaker 1>Janis was like, you know, Regina looks like a man

<v Speaker 1>if you really look at her, like you know, and

<v Speaker 1>was trying to dissect what made her attractive so that

<v Speaker 1>she can come up with a plan on how to

<v Speaker 1>make her lose whatever shine she had. Now give her

<v Speaker 1>take in that story, Regina was not the nicest person,

<v Speaker 1>but you guys are picking up when I'm laying down.

<v Speaker 1>So she was like, Okay, let's attack her the people

<v Speaker 1>that follow her, turn them against her. Let's make her

<v Speaker 1>gain weight, Let's attack her appearance, attack the people that

<v Speaker 1>support her. These are the same methods in a different

<v Speaker 1>way that people use whenever they are trying to compete

<v Speaker 1>against you, all right, And no one wants to think

<v Speaker 1>that this is happening to them because it's hard to

<v Speaker 1>actually sit there and conceptualize that, you know what, maybe

<v Speaker 1>this person actually is genuinely like envious of me or

<v Speaker 1>something and they're competing with me, Like it's hard to

<v Speaker 1>really think that you are that person. On the other hand,

<v Speaker 1>you also have a people that swear up and down

<v Speaker 1>that everyone's jealous of them, and girl, buy, ain't nobody

<v Speaker 1>jealous of you?

<v Speaker 2>Okay?

<v Speaker 1>That is that lives only one place, and that is

<v Speaker 1>in your head. Okay, next subject. Anyways, when certain people

<v Speaker 1>tend to see someone that's doing well, let's say a

<v Speaker 1>confident person see someone that's doing well, they will think, oh,

<v Speaker 1>that's inspiring.

<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, now I know that can happen for

<v Speaker 2>me too, that's.

<v Speaker 1>Amazing, right, But insecure people will see someone doing well

<v Speaker 1>and think, well, well, how can I get that? Because

<v Speaker 1>she's not even that smart. Obviously, she only got that

<v Speaker 1>opportunity because she, you know, knew this person and she yeah,

<v Speaker 1>it was the right place, right time. Like you're always

<v Speaker 1>trying to dissect and try to make things make sense

<v Speaker 1>on why you feel like someone else achieves something that

<v Speaker 1>you actually truly want. All right, Well, she's only that

<v Speaker 1>far because she's never had to go through anything in life,

<v Speaker 1>you know. Anyway, the moment that someone starts to view

<v Speaker 1>you through the lens of comparison, the entire dynamic will

<v Speaker 1>forever change. Okay, it's not a friendship anymore. Suddenly it's

<v Speaker 1>not just a relationship anymore. It's a scoreboard, all right,

<v Speaker 1>who looks better, who's doing better, who gets more attention,

<v Speaker 1>who is more desirable, And the moment that a relationship

<v Speaker 1>turns into a score board, then that's when you know

<v Speaker 1>that something unhealthy has definitely entered into the dynamic. And

<v Speaker 1>let's just start out with friendships, because this is something

<v Speaker 1>that a lot of women experience but probably don't fully

<v Speaker 1>understand that it's actually happening to them. One of the

<v Speaker 1>biggest red flags that someone is competing with you is

<v Speaker 1>they obviously downplay a lot of your wins. You share

<v Speaker 1>something exciting in your life and maybe you've got an opportunity,

<v Speaker 1>maybe something amazing is happening in your career, or maybe

<v Speaker 1>you're excited about someone that you're you've been dating, and

<v Speaker 1>the vibe just feels off like instead of excitement, you're

<v Speaker 1>hearing like, oh my gosh, must be nice. I hate you,

<v Speaker 1>You're so perfect. Everything always happens great for you. Oh

<v Speaker 1>my gosh, I'm so happy to hear that love, so

<v Speaker 1>happy to hear that. SIS so happy for you, SIS

<v Speaker 1>good for you, sish.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, or oh is that a big deal?

<v Speaker 1>I oh, I had no idea, Like good things happened

<v Speaker 1>for you all the time. I didn't think that this

<v Speaker 1>is anything different, this is an exception to the rule,

<v Speaker 1>or yeah, but like, oh, that happens with a lot

<v Speaker 1>of people, Like a lot of people throughout their lifetime,

<v Speaker 1>like you know, get promoted for a job. So it's

<v Speaker 1>not really like anything groundbreaking, but I'm happy for you,

<v Speaker 1>Like it just feels dismissive or they're trying to be

<v Speaker 1>happy for you, but it's like, oh, oh that's exciting, congratulations. Yeah,

<v Speaker 1>I'm happy for you.

<v Speaker 2>Like it's this.

<v Speaker 1>Weird undertone of I'm so shocked that this happened for you,

<v Speaker 1>because why you, out of all people?

<v Speaker 2>Why not me? That's what it's almost giving.

<v Speaker 1>So they have to be performative and they're not, and

<v Speaker 1>obviously it's so genuine that they are so stunned that

<v Speaker 1>they can't even almost hide the fact that they are.

<v Speaker 1>They have the micro expressions of like, oh, like you

<v Speaker 1>saw it was like a frown, and then I'm supposed

<v Speaker 1>to be smiling about this. Good for you, I'm like

<v Speaker 1>you know that sort of thing. Real friends will always

<v Speaker 1>celebrate you. They are proud of you. They want to

<v Speaker 1>see you win, they want to see you thrive. And

<v Speaker 1>this is where some people go wrong. You continue to

<v Speaker 1>coexist in very toxic friendship dynamics and all the different

<v Speaker 1>things because you don't want to be alone. Okay, you're

<v Speaker 1>going toe to toe with them.

<v Speaker 2>You already know that.

<v Speaker 1>You know some people are hating on you, and you're

<v Speaker 1>just you just want to keep the back and forth.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, I know she's hating, so I'm gonna just

<v Speaker 2>keep on making her mad.

<v Speaker 1>Like, don't even play with people like that, like, like

<v Speaker 1>just let it go, all right, Like jealousy and envy, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>you don't play around with those emotions. Like the spirit

<v Speaker 1>of envy is like a murderous spirit, just like the

<v Speaker 1>spirit of jealousy. It's a murderous spirit. You don't play

<v Speaker 1>around and poke at those types of things. You remove

<v Speaker 1>yourself from those dynamics.

<v Speaker 2>All right.

<v Speaker 1>So when someone is competing with you, doesn't experience your

<v Speaker 1>success as something that they should celebrate, all right, you

<v Speaker 1>need to watch your back, right. They're experiencing your success

<v Speaker 1>and your wins as something that they have to measure against.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, well she's doing this, Okay, Well what can I do?

<v Speaker 2>All right?

<v Speaker 1>Well, she's wearing this tonight, Okay, I know that she

<v Speaker 1>is like has a great figure, So what can I

<v Speaker 1>show to make myself stand out? How can I make

<v Speaker 1>myself look better than her when we go out, so

<v Speaker 1>she doesn't get all the attention, Like they're really sitting

<v Speaker 1>there plotting and thinking of this in their head. You

<v Speaker 1>be shocked the ways that people even do it. Oh

<v Speaker 1>what are you wearing tonight? You ever see someone like

<v Speaker 1>this is such a weird feeling, like and it's a

<v Speaker 1>feeling you get where Let's just say you and your

<v Speaker 1>girls are going out. You guys are in a group chat, Hey, guys,

<v Speaker 1>what's the vibes for tonight? Oh, I'm gonna wear this

<v Speaker 1>dress with these boots or whatever. And then all of

<v Speaker 1>a sudden, you guys are saying like, oh yeah, we're

<v Speaker 1>on that same type of vibe. You show up and

<v Speaker 1>last minute, the girl's like, oh yeah, I just changed

<v Speaker 1>my outfit to this like body con to tube top

<v Speaker 1>dress because like I just I don't know, like I

<v Speaker 1>just liked it a lot better. And I feel like

<v Speaker 1>this is just like because she just she agreed, and

<v Speaker 1>you have a feeling that like something about this feels weird.

<v Speaker 1>It doesn't feel like you genuinely switch your outfit because

<v Speaker 1>you genuine didn't like it. It feels like you switched it

<v Speaker 1>last minute because you wanted to be certain of how

<v Speaker 1>I was showing up, so that you can definitely gauge

<v Speaker 1>how you're going to show up.

<v Speaker 2>Are you picking up what I'm laying down? Okay?

<v Speaker 1>Okay, So another red flag is, of course, copying somebody.

<v Speaker 1>And let me be clear, inspiration is obviously normal, but

<v Speaker 1>when you're copying somebody, it goes beyond copying. It's copying

<v Speaker 1>and then acting like you originated it and then accusing

<v Speaker 1>probably that person of trying to copy you, like it's

<v Speaker 1>actually that deep.

<v Speaker 2>Things like that have.

<v Speaker 1>Genuinely happened to me. It's scary. It's like people are

<v Speaker 1>looking in the mirror and they're seeing my reflection.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>Anyways, there's a difference between inspiration and someone that is

<v Speaker 1>slowly starting to mirror everything about you, right, your style,

<v Speaker 1>your interest, your goals, even probably the type of men

<v Speaker 1>that you are attracted to. When somebody doesn't have a

<v Speaker 1>strong sense of identity, which people that are insecure do not,

<v Speaker 1>they will start borrowing pieces of their identity from other people. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>so sometimes the person that they're borrowing from is going.

<v Speaker 2>To be you.

<v Speaker 1>And then there's one of the biggest friendship red flags

<v Speaker 1>of them all, which is competing for male attention. Hello,

<v Speaker 1>So a woman who feels the need to compete with

<v Speaker 1>you for validation from men is never ever, ever, ever,

<v Speaker 1>ever going to be a friend to you once you

<v Speaker 1>engage in something like that. I remember there was this

<v Speaker 1>situation that happened and it was just bizarre. I was

<v Speaker 1>friends with someone and then I remember there was like

<v Speaker 1>a guy that they like invited to their birthday party.

<v Speaker 1>The guy ended up trying to entertain a conversation with me.

<v Speaker 1>It seemed like along the lines of like pursuing some

<v Speaker 1>sort of relationship with me. However, with that person who

<v Speaker 1>was my friend, they somehow matched or something on some

<v Speaker 1>sort of dating app and only spoke and it was

<v Speaker 1>very very sexual in nature, and then they kind of

<v Speaker 1>just were like, okay, like this is nothing, like we're

<v Speaker 1>never going to be dating. So I did not know

<v Speaker 1>this his full history until the day of at you know,

<v Speaker 1>my friends get together. That that's how they ended up,

<v Speaker 1>you know, meeting and he was very very much blatantly

<v Speaker 1>flirting with me in front of my friend. But the

<v Speaker 1>way that my friend positioned it to me was, Oh,

<v Speaker 1>my friend so and so is coming over, and yeah,

<v Speaker 1>we spoke on like a dating app, but we never

<v Speaker 1>like like you know, uh, like nothing came from it,

<v Speaker 1>like we're not dating nothing. So I was like, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>thought nothing of it. I thought it was strange that

<v Speaker 1>he was blatantly flirting with me in front of my friend,

<v Speaker 1>and I was like, oh, okay, I mean, I guess

<v Speaker 1>probably she doesn't care because she knows that this was

<v Speaker 1>not a relationship or any capacity. It's not didn't seem

<v Speaker 1>like this was a guy that she was like really

<v Speaker 1>liking either, Like it didn't come across to me like that.

<v Speaker 2>So I just thought nothing of it. Next thing, you know,

<v Speaker 2>this guy keeps hitting.

<v Speaker 1>Me up on Instagram and all these different things, trying

<v Speaker 1>to converse with me or something like that. But then

<v Speaker 1>I found out from my friend who hits me up

<v Speaker 1>at like one in the morning in caps, why are

<v Speaker 1>you talking to so and so? And I'm like wait what,

<v Speaker 1>And she's like why is he telling me to not

<v Speaker 1>let you know that him and I are speaking Because

<v Speaker 1>he's trying to pursue a relationship with you. This is

<v Speaker 1>why I don't want my friends dating my other friends

<v Speaker 1>because and I was like, wait, wait, wait, why are

<v Speaker 1>you even approaching me with this energy? Like since when

<v Speaker 1>are you and I the type of person to be

<v Speaker 1>fighting over like guys? Like Once that happened, I was like,

<v Speaker 1>I I am so done with this person, Like I

<v Speaker 1>cannot handle like another thing with this person.

<v Speaker 2>It is so exhausting to be in.

<v Speaker 1>This friendship, like it's always something dramatic and what if anything,

<v Speaker 1>we should have teamed up and been like, yo, forget

<v Speaker 1>this joker, like what like who was he? But you're

<v Speaker 1>approaching me reprimanding me, like why is he saying this?

<v Speaker 1>And then immediately I figured out also why she was

<v Speaker 1>upset was because he hit her up and told her

<v Speaker 1>I don't want you to tell Asha, because like he

<v Speaker 1>basically liked me, like he really liked me, but he

<v Speaker 1>was kind of using her, which again I did not

<v Speaker 1>know this until her and I spoke, using her to

<v Speaker 1>like for like very sexual conversation at night or whatever

<v Speaker 1>the case is. And it was very obvious also that

<v Speaker 1>the way he was approaching the both of us was

<v Speaker 1>on two different type of timelines. Regardless he was a

<v Speaker 1>joke anyway, I wasn't trying to date this man. But

<v Speaker 1>the point is is like I think someone like her

<v Speaker 1>that studies people. She was embarrassed at the dynamic that

<v Speaker 1>a guy that she was just having very like sexual

<v Speaker 1>conversation with turned around and was like, hey, thanks, but

<v Speaker 1>can you not let your friend know that you and

<v Speaker 1>I like kind of did this because I actually do

<v Speaker 1>like her, Like you know what I mean, Like that's

<v Speaker 1>embarrassing because now she's like finding out new information she's

<v Speaker 1>upset at, like he clearly just used her for the

<v Speaker 1>night and then just moved on again and was very

<v Speaker 1>much flirting with me in front of her and like

<v Speaker 1>making very like mean comments like oh, she doesn't even

<v Speaker 1>look the same in person, and saying all these like

<v Speaker 1>unnecessary mean things. So this is what was happening in

<v Speaker 1>front of her face. This was not something that was

<v Speaker 1>done behind her back in any capacity, regardless of the

<v Speaker 1>situation in you know, in general, it was obvious that

<v Speaker 1>like there was so much to compare of, Like, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>he's approaching her on a different type of style, he's

<v Speaker 1>still being a disgusting person period, first of all, like

<v Speaker 1>knowing what he was doing in hindsight, like I'm not

<v Speaker 1>on that man's side, But it's the way that she

<v Speaker 1>approached me like she was angry with me, and I'm like,

<v Speaker 1>what the heck did I do? I didn't do anything.

<v Speaker 1>I barely even speak to this guy. I have no

<v Speaker 1>idea why he even said this to you. I have

<v Speaker 1>no idea. This doesn't make any sense. And also I

<v Speaker 1>don't have anything to lose here blocking this person. I

<v Speaker 1>have no problem blocking this man. Like I I blocked him,

<v Speaker 1>she was still following him. Now, please explain to me

<v Speaker 1>how this is making sense. You want to blow up

<v Speaker 1>on me. Oh, this is why I don't want my

<v Speaker 1>friends talking to my friends. All these different things, and

<v Speaker 1>then you end up still following this man, like clearly

<v Speaker 1>you value him in this relationship, Like, and you were

<v Speaker 1>coming at me trying to reprimand me because you were

<v Speaker 1>upset that you found out that he liked me. Like, okay, anyways,

<v Speaker 1>I digress. And that was like one instance. I'm not

<v Speaker 1>even gonna get into another one. It was just very obvious,

<v Speaker 1>Like for the first time in my life, I was

<v Speaker 1>like having issues where somebody was like assessing the type

<v Speaker 1>of men that like were attracted to me, and then

<v Speaker 1>like the types of men that were attracted to her,

<v Speaker 1>and like would make comments about it. It was just it

<v Speaker 1>was not going to work. Right. A friend is not flirting,

<v Speaker 1>is not ever going to be flirting with a man

<v Speaker 1>that you are genuinely interested in. That's one right. I

<v Speaker 1>was not flirting with this person in any capacity. This

<v Speaker 1>person was asking me general random question. We physically met

<v Speaker 1>at my friends get together, and then lied to my

<v Speaker 1>friend and made it seem like he was gonna pursue

<v Speaker 1>some sort of relationship with me, and Da da da,

<v Speaker 1>I'm finding this out information out myself, like for the

<v Speaker 1>first time. He's clearly just like a ridiculous person. Why

<v Speaker 1>are we even arguing over him? I don't like him.

<v Speaker 1>Why are we arguing over him? But the fact that

<v Speaker 1>she responded like that told me everything that I needed

<v Speaker 1>to know. You understand what I'm saying, But a friend

<v Speaker 1>is not gonna You're sitting here reprimanding me. But you're

<v Speaker 1>upset because you actually do like this guy probably and

<v Speaker 1>he does not like you. So now you are naturally

<v Speaker 1>upset because he claims to like me.

<v Speaker 2>You understay I'm saying.

<v Speaker 1>So here you are knowing that this man clearly is

<v Speaker 1>flirting with your friend in front of your face, regardless

<v Speaker 1>of the origins of how you guys met I know

<v Speaker 1>it's kind of messy, and yet you're mad at me.

<v Speaker 2>Hmm, that's very interesting.

<v Speaker 1>You're continuing to flirt with a guy who was blatantly

<v Speaker 1>saying you look different in person. He was blatantly saying

<v Speaker 1>to you that he wanted to pursue a relationship with me,

<v Speaker 1>and you're flirting and following him and letting him have

<v Speaker 1>like sexual conversation.

<v Speaker 2>It doesn't make any sense anyway.

<v Speaker 1>A woman that is trying to outshine you socially is

<v Speaker 1>not your is not your friend.

<v Speaker 2>They're competing with you.

<v Speaker 1>A woman that is, you know, making comments about Oh,

<v Speaker 1>I don't even understand why he likes her.

<v Speaker 2>She can't even dress, she's so fat, she's this, she's that.

<v Speaker 1>This kind of energy is rooted in insecurity and comparison,

<v Speaker 1>not friendships. And some of you are aspiring girls girls,

<v Speaker 1>but you haven't made it there yet. You genuinely haven't

<v Speaker 1>because you want to be that. But you guys, don't

<v Speaker 1>know how to be a friend. You don't know how

<v Speaker 1>to stop comparing yourself to other women. You guys are

<v Speaker 1>so insecure, some of you. It's painfully exhausting. And this

<v Speaker 1>is why some people have a revolving door. When it

<v Speaker 1>comes to friendships, it's all like it's all performative. None

<v Speaker 1>of it is actually rooted in something real, genuine mutual interests.

<v Speaker 1>Like it's always sizing each other up and seeing who's

<v Speaker 1>wearing what, and who has what, and who has this house,

<v Speaker 1>who has this car, who has this apartment, who's dating

<v Speaker 1>this man?

<v Speaker 2>Like all these different things like enough is enough.

<v Speaker 1>So another sign it's subtle on how someone reacts when

<v Speaker 1>things go wrong in your life versus when things go

<v Speaker 1>right is some people they will get quiet whenever good

<v Speaker 1>things happen to you, something goes wrong and suddenly they're engaged.

<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, are you okay? No, I'm just worried

<v Speaker 1>about you. It's this worried, fake performance, performative worry, which

<v Speaker 1>is just rooted in haha, I knew you weren't perfect.

<v Speaker 1>See things happen to you too, right. They're asking all

<v Speaker 1>the questions. They want details because your struggles in life

<v Speaker 1>make them feel like they are more comfortable with their

<v Speaker 1>own life.

<v Speaker 2>And that's why sometimes.

<v Speaker 1>They'll either they'll peer pressure you to do things that

<v Speaker 1>they do as well, so that they because in their

<v Speaker 1>minds they're thinking oh my gosh, Like, does she think

<v Speaker 1>she's better than me because she doesn't even drink? And

<v Speaker 1>then they're trying to pressure you to do it so

<v Speaker 1>that they don't feel alone and they don't feel like

<v Speaker 1>the weird one out.

<v Speaker 2>How can you exist in a friendship like that? Right?

<v Speaker 2>And even though that's uncomfortable, it's the truth.

<v Speaker 1>Competition in dating is going to look like sometimes women

<v Speaker 1>will mistake male insecurity for attraction. Uh, and it's not

<v Speaker 1>the same because a major red flag is that when

<v Speaker 1>a man sees seems that he's even threatened by your success.

<v Speaker 1>You know, maybe you're ambitious, maybe you're doing well professionally,

<v Speaker 1>maybe you have influence, you have a platform, But instead

<v Speaker 1>of being proud of that, he's.

<v Speaker 2>Going to minimize that. He's going to make jokes about it.

<v Speaker 2>He's going to criticize it.

<v Speaker 1>Oh look at you, your three thousand followers, Yo, who

<v Speaker 1>are you even posting for? Like?

<v Speaker 2>Who actually watches your stuff?

<v Speaker 1>Like?

<v Speaker 2>Yo? Like you really think you're that girl? Like?

<v Speaker 1>He's going to suggest that men don't like women who

<v Speaker 1>or too confident or too successful. The reality of this

<v Speaker 1>is very simple, all right, Secure men are going to

<v Speaker 1>admire strong women insecure men will always feel challenged by them,

<v Speaker 1>so they have to manipulate your desires and manipulate you

<v Speaker 1>to make themselves feel like, yeah, see, huh, I knocked

<v Speaker 1>you down because you know you really want to be

<v Speaker 1>with a man, you know, you really like that's their method.

<v Speaker 1>Another sign is when a man is obviously constantly trying

<v Speaker 1>to humble you. Right, you're pretty, but you're intimidating, or

<v Speaker 1>you're successful, but men don't really like that, you know, or.

<v Speaker 2>You know what, you think you're better than people, you

<v Speaker 2>need to be humbled.

<v Speaker 1>Some guys will actually just outright say that, okay, that

<v Speaker 1>is not admiration. That is someone that is actively trying

<v Speaker 1>to bring you down to a level that makes them

<v Speaker 1>feel more comfortable. So and another red flag is whenever

<v Speaker 1>a relationship feels like a power struggle uh oh, Instead

<v Speaker 1>of partnership, it becomes control right, where who makes more mone,

<v Speaker 1>who has more influence, who gets the final say. Healthy

<v Speaker 1>relationships are not competitions in any capacity. They are collaborations.

<v Speaker 1>So the right man does not feel like he has

<v Speaker 1>to compete with you. He feels proud to stand next

<v Speaker 1>to you. Healthy support is going to look like being celebrated.

<v Speaker 1>It's going to look like being encouraged. It's going to

<v Speaker 1>look like feeling proud whenever you see your partner succeed,

<v Speaker 1>or your partner feeling proud whenever they see you succeed.

<v Speaker 1>All Right, the right friends are going to clap for you,

<v Speaker 1>The right partner is going to feel proud of your growth.

<v Speaker 1>They're going to feel honored to even be around it.

<v Speaker 1>So when you start experiencing relationships like that, it becomes

<v Speaker 1>very easy to recognize when something is off right. So

<v Speaker 1>one thing I learned in my walk with God is

<v Speaker 1>that deserment is incredibly important, and not everyone who ends

<v Speaker 1>your life is meant to stay there. Some people really

<v Speaker 1>do come for seasons, okay, and some people are placed

<v Speaker 1>in your life so that you can lean on who

<v Speaker 1>actually truly belongs in your circle. So when someone's constantly

<v Speaker 1>comparing themselves to you, competing with you, or trying to

<v Speaker 1>diminish your light in any capacity that is not alignment,

<v Speaker 1>that's a sign that their spirit is operating from insecurity

<v Speaker 1>instead of love. And as you grow, you have to

<v Speaker 1>become more protective about your peace, about your energy, and

<v Speaker 1>the people who you allow to be close to you.

<v Speaker 2>Because the truth is you should not be in competition

<v Speaker 2>with anybody. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>What God has for you is yours, and the right

<v Speaker 1>friends will clap for you, the right partner will be

<v Speaker 1>proud of you and clap for you. And the more

<v Speaker 1>you surround yourself with people who genuinely want to see

<v Speaker 1>you win, the less tolerance you'll have in your life

<v Speaker 1>for anyone who secretly wants to see you lose. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>And that's really that. On that, I want you to

<v Speaker 1>comment down below. If you've ever been in a situation,

<v Speaker 1>let's help each other out right. If you've ever been

<v Speaker 1>in a situation where you just felt like something was

<v Speaker 1>off in the friendship and you couldn't quite identify it,

<v Speaker 1>this is great because you never know if someone may

<v Speaker 1>be in a similar situation and you can help bring

<v Speaker 1>clarity to their situation because you're sharing your own. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>so we love to be girls girls on this podcast.

<v Speaker 1>With that being said, do not forget that I love

<v Speaker 1>you and God loves you. I'll speak to you, beautiful

<v Speaker 1>angels in my next episode. H