Hi Brianna.

Thank you for coming on.

Yes, thank you.

This is my first podcast I've

ever done, so it's an honor.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I love when people tell me that.

'cause like I feel like it's big scary

thing, but then once you do it you're

just like, oh, we're just hanging out.

Like it's just like a Yeah, totally.

I know.

Well, and I was like, okay.

She seems cool, personable,

I felt more relaxed.

So this is a good intro for me.

Good, good.

I feel like it takes a lot of people back

to like 2020 when we all were like on Zoom

calls, even like for family and stuff.

I remember like doing Christmas

one year, my dad had COVID, so we

just all were on Zoom for Christmas

and just hanging out that way.

Yeah, because that was the time.

Yes.

So true.

So for anyone that is not familiar

with you or hasn't seen your content,

can you just tell us a little

bit about you and what you do?

Sure.

So, I originally started making

content over on TikTok, and kind

of like found my people over there.

I do it a lot of, motherhood, millennial

related type content, comedy stuff.

I also do, like more political content,

especially in regards to like being a mom.

so I made my way over to Instagram

eventually and I found like

some great people over here too.

So it's been really fun.

I have five kids, all boys, so it's

like chaotic household, but really fun.

they're all under, let's see, my

oldest is 10, so they're all pretty

close together, but Crazy house.

And then I'm also a therapist, so I have a

private practice that I do part-time and.

Yeah, I have a very busy full life.

Wow.

When they say like, moms,

you can like do it all.

You are literally doing it.

All that.

It's amazing.

I'm trying, I'm trying.

Did I hear correctly that you're

a perinatal therapist, was that

perinatal mental health, so all

postpartum, but also like before having

kids, so any, Person who, is trying to

conceive, is postpartum, is pregnant.

but also like if people have

gone through like losses, like

I'll see them as clients as well.

So that's like my

specialization, I would say.

I basically say I see teen girls

and moms and everything in between.

So women in general is kind of,

my thing and, who I love seeing.

And well, I had a really great experience

and a really not great experience

as a teenager seeing a counselor.

And the good one made me

want to be a therapist.

'cause I was like, oh, this

could actually be really helpful.

So I really love seeing teen girls

now 'cause I know it's, it's a rough

time, especially now to be a teen girl.

So it's nice to, yeah.

No.

Be a safe place for them.

Yeah.

I feel like that's so powerful.

I was just talking to someone

about how I feel like the stigma

with therapy has changed so much.

also that's with like

millennials, like growing up and

being like, no, this is good.

We need to talk about our feelings.

cause I feel like when we were

kids it was like, oh, therapy.

Like that's scary.

But now I feel like we're all like,

yeah,

I remember in college setting up

for therapy 'cause I was like, ah.

I need to talk to somebody.

We need this.

Yeah.

Yes, yes.

It's so different than it used to be.

And even like the town I live

in is, it's not that small,

but it's like small town vibes.

Like if you go to the grocery

store, you're probably

gonna see someone, you know?

That's just kind how it goes.

so I always tell my clients like,

Hey, know, if I see you, then

you're welcome to say hi to me.

But I can't say hi to you first

because of confidentiality.

And I remember when I first started

out, I saw, and this still happens,

if I see a teen girl, I would've

never done this as a teen girl.

They will see me in public and they'll

be like, that's my therapist guys.

That's my therapist.

Like, no shame.

Amazingly, like I love it so much.

And I'm like, wow, that's so different.

Like I think even growing up

when I had a therapist, I wasn't

embarrassed necessarily, but I was

like, oh, I don't want someone to

think something is wrong with me.

something is wrong with all

of us, but it's so different

now in a really cool way.

So I'm hoping as that generation

goes into adulthood, we'll

see it even change even more.

Yeah, I think it's good with helping

to like process your emotions,

help to process like what's going

on in the world, whether it's

like big scale or small scale.

and I just love the conversation

around therapy and how like

beneficial and helpful it can be.

Yes, totally.

the tides are changing for sure

there, which is really nice and

I think it's good for everybody.

You don't need to have necessarily,

like, I mean you can obviously go

to therapy for anything, but it can

just be daily life that you just want

someone to chat with and I think that's

changing, which is really awesome.

Yeah, that's really great.

So your content, like I feel like

you have such a wide range that

you talk about in your content.

Like you said you talk about like

motherhood, politics, therapy, comedy.

And so how do you kind of decide,

like do you plan out your content?

Do you just decide what's like

heavy on your heart that day?

you kind of lean into what

makes sense for you, I guess?

Sure.

So I think consistency to me

is more important than like

finding a niche necessarily.

Like I know some people, they make

content only about one thing and

their audience comes to them for that.

but I think I realized that I was posting

different types of content and people

liked what I was offering, so I was

like, okay, if I'm there, they like it.

that's good.

Right.

Which helps me a lot because I have a lot

of different, like hats I wear, I guess.

So it, feels less limiting to

me that I can be like, okay,

and talk about being a mom.

I can talk about, you know,

whatever my thrifting finds.

I can talk about politics.

I do have some planning, like I did

a little series like a podcast if

like women pos podcasted, like men.

So that was a little bit more

intentional that I was like, okay,

let me kinda like write this.

Out.

But I feel like the videos that have

gotten the most traction or like

that people really like are the ones

that I just have an idea and I'm

like, I'm just gonna record this

real quick and see what people think.

so that's worked for me.

Obviously there has to be some

intentionality there, but I kind of

just share whatever pops into my head.

And personally I know it's like you want

your content to be shared to people.

Like you want people to see it,

you want people to appreciate it.

And like that translates to

likes and shares and all that.

And that's important, but I don't

really care that much about that.

Like, I'm like, I just wanna put

what I like out there and if someone

else likes it, that's awesome.

I'm not really like offended if

it's like a video doesn't go well.

I'm like, well I thought it

was funny, so that's fine.

Yeah.

And I think, honestly, I feel like

that's like the secret to it because if

you're not enjoying what you're doing

or what you're creating, it's gonna seem

so much more of a hassle or like work

than totally putting out joy or putting

out important information to people.

yeah.

Because know, you see that where

people like really struggle with

what they're putting out there

because it's like they have to put

on this like show for everybody.

And it's like, that can be a lot for sure.

I mean obviously there are times, if it

is your job or you're treating it like a

job, any job can get monotonous, right?

Or like.

Tiring or whatever.

And that, I think that's really normal.

But I think I've had some people, and

I feel like I'm still a pretty small

creator in general, but I've had people

be like, oh, I like wanna grow my page.

Like, what should I do?

What should I make?

And I'm like, I think genuinely people

can tell if you're being authentic.

And that doesn't mean you have

to like share your deepest,

darkest secrets all the time.

But it means like, I think people

can tell when you're putting on a

show and when your heart's not in

it, even if it's just a silly video,

like I think it does come across.

So I'm like, if you just,

honestly, the cheesiest, right?

You just like be yourself and

act like who you truly are.

I think eventually the people who

will love your content will find you.

And sometimes it takes a while,

but they'll find you, I think.

Yeah.

I do some like social media,

like, consulting on the side.

I've worked in social media and

marketing for years now, and I always

feel like people get very caught up

in like, they're like, oh, well it's

doing well, but how do I go viral?

How do I go viral?

Yeah.

How do I boom?

And I'm like.

Just be consistent and the

right people will find you.

Because if right now you, have a

hundred followers, just picture

a hundred people in a room.

That's amazing.

They're excited about it.

Yes.

So you're always like, wait,

I wanna look out there.

Then the people in front of you and be

like, well, they don't care about me.

So it's very easy to be

like, how do I go viral?

Mm-hmm.

And that's funny.

I mean, in my experience, I don't know

about you, but I feel like there's

this difference, right between like,

okay, Yahoo, A video is doing so

well and that's awesome, obviously,

and you're like, oh, I'm getting,

people really care about this.

They like what I'm putting out,

going viral can be very stressful

and overwhelming in my experience.

you wanna get, people attention

to what you're making.

But I think when things really

pop off, it's like you actually

are getting people normally to

your page that probably aren't.

Normally there.

And so that doesn't always translate

to like, actually that feels nice.

'cause it's like, oh, you get everybody

on the internet looking at your stuff.

so I feel like slow and steady, even

though it can be really to be like,

oh, some people are just like, their

follower account is exploding, or they're

getting all these deals or whatever,

you know, whatever you're trying to get.

I think the slow and steady thing is

that's how you get people who really

care about what you're posting and

it feels more like a community and I

think that's what most people trying

to build their pages are looking for.

But I get that we're such a

immediate gratification society.

It's hard to hold onto that sometimes.

Yeah.

I'm sure too with like posting more

political stuff too, like people are

very like I'm sure you get trolls

and like anytime I post something

political, I get people messaging

me or I get people commenting like,

don't go political, don't do this.

And I'm like.

Newsflash, everything is political.

Everything's political, sorry.

Yeah.

were you always posting political or

were you kind of like adding it in

more and more, and then how was the

response from your audience initially?

so would say I posted political

related content early enough.

I guess you would say that

it wasn't like a surprise.

Like I think that's what's hard for some

people is that it's not maybe that they

didn't care about politics, but they

never really posted about it before.

And then when they started

doing that, they have people

who didn't align with them.

And so then those people

give them pushback.

I mean, I'm trying to think like all

through the presidential election and

all that stuff, like I was posting.

So that's been a while since then.

and I think when, a lot of people

started being more vocal, because

that was a really obviously a big

turning point on who was gonna

be our president and everything.

And, I feel like I've definitely gotten

more vocal, but it was scary at first.

Like people are brutal online.

I think it's one thing like for

someone to not like your content,

but listen, how do I say this?

Trolls are equal opportunity.

Like they can come in

all shapes and sizes.

Yeah.

But I would say it tends to be the

men that come from my content and it

can be kind of scary sometimes because

they can be like threatening or like

just say like really horrible things.

So I feel like this has been the hard

part for me, is that when my pages

were smaller on like Instagram and

TikTok, I would actually get more

trolls then I think, because like the

algorithm was like figuring out like,

where do I send this, person, like,

this is mom content, but like, what

type of mom am I sending this to?

Or like, this is comedy, but like what

type of person is gonna appreciate this?

So at the beginning it was actually,

I think, harder and there was a

time early last year or like maybe a

little over a year ago that I can't

even remember what it was, but like.

All of a sudden I got this influx

of people being horrible, horrible.

And was having like a panic attack.

I was like, I think I need to quit.

I don't wanna do this anymore.

And my husband is like the most

chill person on the planet.

And so he was like, if you

don't wanna do it, just quit.

you can know, you can just

block them and move on.

And I was like, oh yeah,

I guess I could do that.

Right?

Like, I guess that's an option.

So I honestly, husband and I are very

different, but in that aspect I was like,

I'm gonna do whatever my husband would do.

And so I just like block people.

I try and, you know, I don't do a ton of

like strategy, like social media strategy,

but I'm like, I use hashtags that maybe

will get people to my page and I just try

my best to like ignore the negative stuff.

But I would say it feels like about 90%

of what I get feedback wise is positive.

So that really does.

Help.

but I think, you know, people

are really brave on the internet

to say really hateful things.

especially it's like the

faceless profiles, whatever.

and I think if it's like, you

know, if someone's gonna call me

a name, just block and move on.

And I think I've gotten better

at that as time's gone on, but at

first it would kind of take me out.

I was like, why are they being so mean?

Why are they calling me this?

But I'm like, whatever.

Thanks for the engagement, I guess.

I know you have to let it roll.

I know.

I start kind of telling myself,

I'm like, they are a lonely and

insecure person or something.

If someone's gonna come after you

online, be a keyboard warrior.

Like they've got their own issues

and I'm just gonna be like, okay.

Because yeah, I'd be the same thing.

Like, in the beginning it, something

would like really affect me and

my husband would see it instantly.

And while in person,

he's a very chill person.

He's like, give me their

name, let me message them.

I'm like, no, it's why you can't.

Oh yeah.

Totally, totally.

like someone would say

something and just like.

Pick on me or like if I like replied to

something in the way, they didn't want

me to reply, they'd be like, oh wow.

Like blah, blah, blah.

And they'd come after me for like

standing up for myself and yeah.

Yeah.

I think that's the hard thing too about

like then I would just start to like bite

my tongue and be like, you know what?

I'm not gonna even waste

my time replying to you.

right.

One time someone, exactly.

Someone like said something about a

typo on my website and I was like, oh,

let me talk to my website designer.

He goes, that's not a typo.

They spelled this wrong.

And And I'm like, I'm not

gonna even waste my time.

But it's the same guy that will message

me anytime I post something political.

And he goes, don't post this.

Don't post this.

And I'm.

Okay, bye.

I don't care.

Jim, from California, wherever from,

are you?

Yes.

It's crazy.

It's true.

I think the other thing, oh, the

thing I was gonna mention, always

forget about this is that so when I

really started being consistent with

making content, my husband and I were

both going through like some like

deconstruction of religion stuff.

So that's actually when I

started being maybe more like

vulnerable with my content.

Like, this is what I'm going through

personally, or like making videos.

And it kind of, the hard part was

like deconstruction and the rise

of Christian nationalism happened

at the same time, very obviously.

in some ways that was really difficult

because I was like, okay, I'm trying

to like sort through these feelings and

then it's showing up in like the real

world, not just in my little bubble.

but that's more what I

started posting first.

And I feel like it actually, came at a

time where I didn't feel like I had anyone

in my, real life besides my husband,

but he was, you know, dealing with his

own stuff around it that understood.

Like what I was going through.

Like I was like, I don't have people

around me that know what it is to like

leave this community that I've had.

And I found 'em online and

I was like, oh my gosh.

Like it was one of the first times

I saw what community I think on

social media could be, and it made

me feel less alone in that time.

And now I feel like sometimes I'm able

to offer that with my content to people

and I'm like, I know how that feels.

I know you're like, a lot of people

will be like, how do I find like

more progressive mom friends?

Like, do I know how to tell you that?

Not exactly, but I can tell you, even

if it's just online, it will make you

feel like not so by yourself out there.

So yes, it's nice.

That truly is like the beauty of

social media is like the connection.

Yeah.

with doing this podcast and with just

making content, like you meet so many

people that you wouldn't normally meet in

real life and that's what's so awesome.

Like, so just leaning into those positive

connections and like having these

conversations I think is really, helpful.

Yeah, for sure.

So do you feel like some of the backlash

that you have gotten on the messages, do

you think it has to do with you being more

vocal and opinionated, like as a woman?

Or do you feel like, it's just kinda going

back to it's just trolls being trolls?

I think it's both.

it's hard.

Obviously there's overlap there, I

would say, like I said, a majority of

the negative comments I get are from

what appears to be conservative men.

And I think they don't

agree with my beliefs.

And then on top of that, they don't

like that I'm speaking up as a woman.

A lot of them will say like, things

that come from like a very like

traditional, patriarchy filled viewpoint.

Like basically, you're a woman,

you need to shut up type of thing.

And I'm like, okay.

Like your opinion literally means

nothing to me if that's how you view

Half of the world women.

but you know, I have occasionally

had pushback from like women or moms.

like I said, it's like few and far between

now because I think the people that choose

to follow me, they're like, this is why

I'm following you is because we align.

I think it's, people who are coming from

very conservative or I mean, like, living

in Washington is different than people.

Like this is so bad.

This guy really attacked me on

the internet and all of his stuff

was out there and I was like,

where, what is this guy doing?

And he like lived in a southern

state and his page, I was like, oh,

this guy is everything the opposite.

and he's in a community that it seemed

like that was very different from me.

And I'm like, we're not

going to align here.

And I'm also not gonna argue with

a, a stranger on the internet.

But that's why I think it's been

easier to kind of brush that stuff

off is because it's not a person that.

in real life I would ever associate with,

and they don't have the same values as me.

So it's, I am like, okay, if you're

a person who calls me out and

it's like, normally we align and

you're like, what's this about?

Then a hundred percent let's

have a dialogue about it.

But I would say that rarely happens.

It's usually, and it's always on Facebook.

Always on Facebook.

The meanest old, grumpy men

are on Facebook and they

really hate me over there.

But that's okay.

I agree with that.

I always say there's a different,

completely different audience on

Facebook it's scary sometimes 'cause

they can be really supportive and

then all of sudden it's like, bam.

And they're gonna get you.

Yes.

There are great people, but I

have a friend who she said over

on Facebook, just post and ghost.

And now that's what I do now.

Like I rarely check comments over

there, which I feel bad because there

are some really kind supportive people.

But I'm like, okay, follow me on

Instagram or TikTok or something

because Facebook, that one, It is

dark, it's a dark timeline over there.

So sometimes I just have to go post

it and walk away and, kind of get the

community aspect on other platforms.

Yeah.

And especially as a therapist, I feel like

mental health is like so important and so

like, boundaries of like, I'm protecting

myself, protecting my boundaries.

Yes, exactly.

So how do you think, like becoming a

mom, like you said your oldest is 10,

how do you think becoming a mom or

how has that changed with like, your

viewpoints on mental health, community?

I feel like it kind of shifts

as you probably with each kid,

but like as you get older too.

But how do you instill mental health

in them and how's your viewpoints

changed on it over the years?

Sure.

so interesting is when I was in, my

husband and I were both in grad school

at the same time and I got pregnant

Not on purpose.

I mean, we're married,

but not that it matters.

But we were married, we were like newly

married and we were in grad school.

We were living, um, on

his parents' property.

They had like this little loft

thing that we were living in.

And so it was like this temporary thing.

We were like, we just gotta get

through grad school and then we'll

figure out what we're gonna do.

I was like, I wanted a baby eventually,

but I was like, okay, we gotta wait.

So we got a dog, we got a

puppy, I was like, perfect.

This'll like satiate my baby need.

And then lo and behold, the

same month we got the puppy,

I accidentally got pregnant.

I was like, so I was

pregnant in grad school.

I had to do like my internship as a

therapist, like while I was pregnant.

I also looked very, very young at

that point because I was like 23.

I was a baby and I looked like a baby.

So that threw another thing

that I was like, I already feel

young seeing these clients.

I dunno what the heck I'm doing.

I'm pregnant.

What is happening?

So it was like kind of a crazy

time, but it all worked out.

I had, our first.

Son and then graduated three

days after that in grad school.

Oh my gosh.

It was crazy.

And then a month before he was

born, we like moved into our house.

So it all, worked out.

But all that to say we were at

very different points in our

life when we had our first baby.

and while I think like in comparison to

a lot of like maybe evangelical people,

we were a little bit more progressive.

We still were on the conservative side.

so I would say that's been one of

the biggest changes is my viewpoints

from when I was a new mom till

now, just have changed a lot.

and even just like becoming a

mom, knowing how hard it is.

and like, wonderful of course.

But I'm like, I really think you wanna

be able to choose this, you know?

because there are hard days where

even if you wanted it, you're like.

I wanna run away for a day, right?

So I think everyone

should have that choice.

So I think that's been super, super

impactful on me, is just seeing

how hard it is even with all of

like the resources and support I

have and not everyone has that.

so I started, a therapist and I've,

always worked part-time 'cause we've

always had a baby or toddler or both

at home and childcare is so expensive.

So I opened my private

practice, did all of that.

but I think as my political leanings

became more progressive, that

really helped me as a therapist.

there was never anyone I would've like

turned away as a client or anything.

But I think at the beginning there

were times where I felt kind of like,

I really don't know how to approach

this person because I haven't maybe

interacted with a person from this

like, walk of life or this anything just

different than what I had experienced.

So I think it's helped me a lot as a

therapist to, It feels like now everything

aligns really well, which is nice.

Like I feel confident in who

I am as therapist and a mom.

And it's just like, as a person, it

feels like it's all in alignment.

but raising all boys is, it's really fun.

And my boys are like very good.

They're very good kids.

Like my mom loves to remind me.

She's like, you know, your

kids are like so good and easy.

And I'm like, well, they're good,

but you know What kid is easy mom?

they're very sweet kids.

and you know, normal sibling

stuff, but they're very sweet.

But I think one of the biggest things

is realizing that looking around the

world, like a lot of the things that have

happened in our world and our country

are because of powerful men usually

that are not using that power for good.

And so I tell my boys

a lot, like, I'm like.

Listen, it's not fair and it's

not right, but you are going to be

afforded privileges that other people

aren't your boys and you're white.

And that unfortunately is gonna put you

in a position even if you didn't earn it.

So you have to do

something good with that.

I'm thankful, like so we like lived next

to the town that I grew up in I love it.

But the schools that I went to

in the high school I went to

was like, no diversity ever.

Like, it was very just homogenous.

So now I'm very thankful they

go to a different district.

They are exposed to all different

types of people, different

languages, different cultures.

Like to them it's very much more

normal than it was for me at that age.

And I think that helps a ton.

Mm-hmm.

but we really try to like

just be open with emotions

and like, it's okay to be sad.

being a boy doesn't mean you can't cry or.

Like one of my kids, I won't say

which one, but he gets made fun

of because he really likes pink.

So silly.

But still, still, which I was

like very shocked by that.

people are mean to him at school

sometimes, I am thankful that like

we've had conversations where he

most of the time feels confident

that he's like, who cares?

like what I like, girls can

like blue, I can like pink.

But I think sometimes we forget as

much, progress as we've made as a

society is that there are still a lot

of like stereotypes and, pushback.

and obviously girls deal with, so much,

but I'm on the boy end of the spectrum,

so I'm like, okay, I wanna just make sure

that we all the masculinity that we're

modeling to you is not the toxic kind.

Yeah.

So we're trying our best.

Yeah.

No, I love that.

I feel like millennial parents, and

again, every time I say this, like

make sure I'm saying, I'm like, I don't

think other generations are bad parents.

Like everyone has their,

no, we're, our generation

is a little different.

Yeah.

I feel like millennials

are really good about.

Emotions and empowering emotions.

Yes.

Because I feel like we heard a lot

of times growing up like, don't

cry or like, tough up whether

boy or girl, you know, whatever.

But like even like seeing my husband with

my daughter and being like, it's okay.

Why are you sad?

it's okay to be sad

like name your emotions.

And I feel like that's something like, I

would say I have a girl so I can't relate

to the boy aspect, but I feel like too,

it's like important when you talk about,

embracing other cultures and languages.

Yeah, like I was talking about

this recently in a post where

people said I got too political.

when we go to the library every week,

I make sure we get books with kids

that look different than that are

characters that look different than her.

or we just got bilingual books this

week and last week we're starting to

do more of that so she can pick up on

words and, it's little things like that.

It's so easy to do, but I'm like

just making that effort to show like,

hey, let's embrace other cultures

and other backgrounds so you don't.

Turned 25 years old and you've

never met anybody that looks

different than you or had a friend

that looks different than you.

Mm-hmm.

It's so important with this

next generation, and I feel

like that is something that I am

noticing with millennial parents

that we are, it's very general.

It's a very general thing,

but we're trying to be

more intentional, I think.

and this is not what you're saying,

just to, just to be clear, what

I'm about to say is I think that

sometimes people feel judged by like.

Millennial parents that were like,

oh, we're trying to do these things.

And they're like, well, we tried our best.

And I agree.

But I think if you just trace, and this

is obviously painting with a really big

paintbrush here, but if you just trace

back the generations of parents, I think

most parents did the best they could,

but they were given very limited tools.

Yeah.

To do what they could in their

parenting like, my parents,

I am not critical of them.

They did the best they could, but they

were raised by parents who weren't even

ever allowed to say how they felt ever.

Mm-hmm.

So when I had big emotions and maybe

I got, you know, sent to my room a lot

or whatever, was that the best option?

No, probably not.

But the fact that I could say

how I felt that was progress.

Right.

So I think that it's

culminating more and more and.

What's, what I think is really interesting

too is like millennials are the only,

thus far, the only generation that is

not becoming more conservative with age.

And I think that translates to

our parenting that we're like, we

will let you have these feelings.

Like it's not just children need

to like be seen and not heard or

whatever the thing is, so I think

it's all kind of coming together.

the hard part is I think because

millennials are so in touch with this,

we're always so worried about like, oh

my gosh, we're traumatizing our kids

and we probably are like, we are okay.

We are your kids gonna meet

their, we're learning something.

But I think the fact that you just said

that we're learning that is different

than again, broad strokes, many previous

generations of parents, is that there

wasn't the openness to say I was wrong.

And I think if we can start

from that place of like.

We are also learning to be parents.

We're learning you individual, each

individual child, what you need.

Then at least in the future, it's

not hopefully that our kids will just

hold it against us for our mistakes.

Right.

we get that you've always been

open and so that matters a lot.

It matters a lot.

that was so well said because

I've had similar conversations

before with people about that.

It's just like coming up a parent myself

too has given me more sympathy for like

my parents and other generations too.

Because you made a great point.

Like even talking to my dad about

his parents' generation and his

grandparents, like it was so different.

Yeah.

It's like, so they kind of took those

tools and made it better and they

took those tools and made it better.

because yeah, like my, I remember my

dad being like, not to get too personal,

I don't share a lot of personal

stuff, you couldn't even like crack a

joke at the dinner table growing up.

Like it was serious.

Like you sit down.

Yeah.

We're not, if you like burp at the table.

Yeah, yeah.

If you burped or anything,

you were like punished.

You were off.

Right, right.

And so my dad's like, I never wanna

be that way with you guys 'cause like.

Dinner should be follow, we should

be hanging out, you know, whatever.

And so, just hearing them talk about that.

I feel like we're always trying

to like see what our parents

did and how we could be better.

Not saying they were bad, just

saying, how can we take that

and then apply those tools?

exactly.

I think that's what

everyone's trying to do.

And that's, you know, that's the

goal in general, not just parenting.

Right.

But I think.

Sometimes it can be hard 'cause

it feels like, other generations

feel like, oh, like you're,

you guys are being so critical.

And I think the criticism doesn't have to,

I mean, sometimes it is warranted if, you

know, it's like a really negative thing.

But I think we can look and just say,

we know more now we have more resource.

Like our generation of parents has

so many resources, which can be

overwhelming, but like my mom couldn't

hop on Google and look and say like, what

the heck do I do when my kid does this?

Or like, she didn't have the community

besides her next door neighbors to,

figure out like, what happens when my

kid comes home and, says this thing.

and while sometimes I envy that, I

think we just have more resources now.

And so we're just trying to utilize

those and yeah, it's not everyone

before us was bad by any means.

I think it's just like we

would hope our kids become even

better parents than we are.

Right?

Yeah.

So,

yeah.

I know.

Yeah.

It's funny you said about like, too,

like talking to your kids and you're

like, what am I doing right now to, you

know, 'cause like, already overthinker

and then being like a parent, I'll be

like, I see myself in her sometimes

and I'll be like, oh my gosh.

and I'll be like, I'm

sorry I said it that way.

And I'm like, I should say it like this.

Or like, I dunno if you've ever seen

that S one L skit, think, I think it's

Kristen Stewart and she's like trying

to compliment a kid other than like,

oh, you look pretty in that dress.

you're so smart.

I try to like correct myself because I'll

be like, you're such a pretty princess.

And I'm like, you, you're like,

wait, no, but that's not the

only thing good about you.

I know

your brain.

It's so hard.

Your brain.

Yes.

Well, and I feel like for a while,

and there's obviously, there's nothing

wrong with that, but I think for a

while the pendulum kind of swung so far.

The other way that it felt like if you

praised your kids at all, it was negative.

Like they were like, no, 'cause they

have to have like the growth mindset.

All of that is true.

But I think if you are.

Which you are.

I can just tell, even from talking to

you, if you're raising your kids and

looking at them holistically, like

you're, they're an entire person,

it's fine to tell your daughter, oh my

gosh, you're such a pretty princess.

Fine.

But I think what happened with in some

people's, you know, childhoods, or

especially like years and years ago,

decades ago, is that that was like the

only thing that girls were praised for,

or, you know, eldest daughter syndrome.

You only were like, you did well.

And so we praised your accomplishments.

And so that's it.

And I think if you're being

intentional, it's, it's pretty easy

if you're just treating your kid

like a person, that you're gonna

recognize all those parts of them.

But Right.

But I get, you're like, oh

wait, that's bad, right?

Did I just harm you for life?

Are you gonna go to

therapy for this one day?

Right.

Disney movies or something.

And I'm like, I learned about Disney

movies, and I'm like, she had Stockholm

Syndrome because he wants her up.

So we'll watch Between the Beast.

I'm like, yeah, it's a great movie,

but remember if a man acts this

way towards you, that's not normal.

It is not for real life.

Well, and the thing that I tell my clients

and myself, honestly all the time, is

that I get like with the awareness of

knowing how everyone, or like our kids

are impacted by our behavior, we get

really worried about what's happening

and we think sometimes it's like, oh no,

I yelled at my kid, or I said something

wrong, or this is what I'm guilty of.

Sometimes I send my kids to their

room and I'm like, oh, I probably

should have talked to them, but I

got dysregulated in that moment.

I like couldn't handle it.

and what I tell people is that when

that happens, when there's some sort

of like, rupture of the connection,

that's what they call it in, like

the relationship, there's a rupture.

So it could be like yelling at your kid.

It could be, not noticing

their bid for attention.

It could be sending 'em through their room

when it should have been a conversation.

That part feels bad.

And that's where we kind of

get stuck sometimes, right?

We're like, oh my God, what did I just do?

They're gonna carry

this with them forever.

but what's actually more important, and

they're like a ton of different studies on

this, I won't get into all of it, what's

more important is the repair afterwards.

And they've done all these different

research studies showing even with

babies that it's like with a baby, it

looks like they're trying to get your

attention and you're not paying attention.

And they're like, what's going on?

They'll pick up what on it quickly.

What's more important is the repair.

So it's connection basically.

So when you know you have that

moment with your daughter and you're

like, I shouldn't have said that.

The part that you went, go to her and

you, correct what you said, or you say,

you know, for me it's usually like.

I probably shouldn't have

sent you to your room.

I should have talked to

you and I was overwhelmed.

that part is the part that like

lasts in their brain and that's

what like the neurons in their

brain are like, okay, this is okay

now the relationship is okay now.

And I think where some parents in

the past have maybe stopped is there,

is they're like, oh, that feels bad.

I don't wanna revisit it.

So they don't, and then the repair

never happens, if that makes sense.

No,

that was like,

powerful.

I know.

When I heard it for the first time, I was

like, oh, that's so, I mean, I think it's

so encouraging because we're trying our

best, but we're also only human and we're

bringing, just like our parents brought

their stuff, we're bringing our stuff.

when my kid freaks out and screams

is just being a kid is overwhelmed

and I wanna shut them in their room.

This is, maybe this is too

personal, but I'm like, I know that

as a kid and I love my parents.

If my parents watch this,

love you guys, you're great.

But, and they will

admit that they did not.

Let me have those big emotions.

So it's very hard for me to

sit with my kids when they're

having those big emotions.

'cause someone didn't do

that for me at that age.

Yeah.

So I think you have to go, okay,

I'm getting triggered as a parent

and now I just need to do the repair

I remember there was a moment you

just said the same thing with about

your husband and your daughter.

There was a moment where my husband,

he like was talking to one of my sons

and my son was like, you know, really

nervous to like, tell something.

It was like, no big deal.

They're really little, but they

were like really nervous and he was

like, there's literally nothing that

you could tell me that's not gonna

make me love and care about you.

And, there's no mistake that you

can make that's like too big.

And I'm in the corner

like choking, sobbing.

And my husband's like, are you okay?

And I'm like.

Listen, I had an amazing dad.

Like my dad is like, great.

But I think when you witness

your partner doing that with

your child, it's like, oh my God.

I just know you just planted

such a good seed in your kid.

So

You like take those snapshot snapshots.

Yes.

And you're like, ah.

You're like, oh, this is like core memory.

Like in that movie.

It's like that just got captured

and that just planted the seed of

like acceptance in your kid and it's

like, it's really nice to watch.

Yeah.

And I flash forward to like the future

and I'm like, you have such a good dad

that's gonna like, talk you up about

your emotions or like what's going

on at school, who are your friend,

you know, like that kind of stuff.

That's possible.

Totally.

I love that.

I feel like we just had a therapy

session, so thank you for that.

I

can't help it.

I can't help it.

No, I loved it.

I loved it.

I feel like I'm gonna really remember

those repair moments.. Oh good.

Okay.

I always feel like it's funny

when I like switch gears.

We like chat and, okay, let's

go to like, wedding stories.

So this podcast is around like.

Wedding or event stories.

Mm-hmm.

You told me that you have kind of

a funny or wild story that happened

in regards to your wedding so far.

Sure.

Oh my gosh.

I told my husband I was gonna

tell this, and he is like,

you loved telling this story?

And I was like, well,

it's so embarrassing.

I think it's funny now.

I think it's funny.

It wasn't funny then.

So like I said, I grew up

like Evangelical Christian.

And so I got married very young.

Not that you have to, but it's

pretty par for the course.

So my husband and I started

dating when I was 18.

So like met him like the day after I

graduated high school or something.

And we dated for a few years.

We got engaged when I was 20.

Oh.

and we are getting married when I

was 21, he's like two and a half

or three years older than me.

Anyway, all that to say, so part of like

the thing, I don't know if people still

do this, but it was like a big thing to do

boudoir photos when I was getting married.

and especially I think kind of from

like The Christian bubble, it was like,

oh, you're like allowed to do this

stuff now, now you can be promiscuous.

So I had, this friend love her and she

laughs about this, I laugh about this.

This is no shade to her.

She did our photos for our engagement.

We even had done some like model

faux engagement, photos for her, like

modeling before we were even engaged.

Known her forever.

She's like my youth group leader, so knew

for a long time and she took , all of

our pictures, she took my boudoir photos.

She said, I wanna gift this to you

for, your husband, once you're married,

you can get these photos, whatever.

wedding photos, everything.

So I took them and I was

so insecure at the time.

I like didn't look at them because

I was like, I like looked at one

and I was like, I hate my body.

I like was the hottest

I've ever been though.

So that's depressing.

But I was like, oh God,

I can't look at these.

So didn't really pay attention to them.

Uh, got married, went on our honeymoon.

We got back from our honeymoon

and we had the like preview

gallery of our wedding photos.

And she was like, Hey,

here's your preview.

If you wanna like send these to your

friends and family, you're welcome to,

obviously you'll have a full gallery,

but this has some of like your family

if they wanna like put them on Facebook

or whatever you're using back then.

And so I like emailed out the

link to everybody apparently she

used this like, hosting site.

And so none of it was supposed

to be linked to other photo

shoots, except for on her end.

But somehow my father-in-law

was looking at the picture.

My father-in-law he pressed like back

on his browser and he was trying to

go to like all the preview photos.

But it took him to.

Every photo she had ever taken of me.

And so he like all of a sudden gets

like all of these thumbnails of me

in, I mean, look, I was in lingerie,

but still it was the lingerie.

I'm like with my husband, and

we had like just gotten home to

like our little tiny apartment.

my husband's like, oh, hold on.

My dad's calling me.

He picks up.

He's like, he's like, Hey, what's up?

And I like, look at my husband's face and

my husband's like, oh my, god oh my God.

And I'm like, what's happening?

And his dad like, can't

even get the words out.

He's like, you, you have

to tell people not to open.

And we're like, what

are you talking about?

so it, you know, it comes out like he

saw them and he was like, I I clicked

out really quick, but I don't want anyone

else to see these, blah, blah, blah.

And I was mortified.

I was like, out of anyone.

It couldn't have been my mom that

accidentally saw it, or like my

sister, it was my father-in-law.

So he sees that, whatever.

Luckily we got it fixed.

The photographer was like so apologetic,

but I was like, you didn't, it was

like a, something with the website.

It was not her fault.

Oh my.

But it's funny because.

At the time, I was so insecure that I

hadn't shown my husband those photos yet.

my dad saw these and now, still

now, because it's like tainted to me

now, I was like, I can't show, every

time I think of these photos, I'm

gonna think of your freaking dad.

Like this is bizarre.

And so my husband to this day,

he brings it up all the time.

I've never shown him that

like, can I please see them?

I'm like, well now it's weird

because that was like five kids ago.

To me, I look like so young now.

And so it's like this ongoing joke.

Luckily my father-in-law

has never brought it up.

He acted like it never happened.

And that's way

like not here or there.

It's gone.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yep.

But every time that I am somewhere

and there's like, oh, we gotta

tell your most embarrassing story.

I have to pull that one out.

'cause I'm like now.

I laugh, but man, when you're 21 years

old, newly married, it was not funny.

Yeah, I would probably like move

countries and change my name on

it.

Yep.

I was like, oh, I wanna die.

I actually wanna die.

So I'm thankful that he just acted

like it never happened to me.

and because I do the same

thing and we just, you know,

pretend that didn't happen and

just move on with our life.

Oh my gosh, that is wild.

It was bad.

I feel like that's the

only way I can go about it.

Like, there's no reason to

discuss it or talk about it.

You just gotta move past it.

Nope.

yeah.

Nope.

So now it's funny, I even said

to my husband, I'm like, oh, I'm

telling her this story today.

And was like, are you

ever gonna show me this?

I was like, Nope.

Nope.

it's tied to a bad memory now.

And he's like, okay.

It's

like locked away.

Just,

yeah.

I'm like, there's somewhere on

a locked thing on the internet

and that is where they will stay.

So when you actually resent the link

of your wedding photos out to people,

did you like triple, quadruple check?

Yes.

Yes.

Well, and it's funny because it never

happened, like she was taken all

of her photos and it was some sort

of like glitch that happened that

took people back to the homepage

that was supposed to be private and

oh my God,

shot

like, here, I'll just print you a

couple wedding photos and manually,

yeah, exactly.

No more internet.

Well, and like, especially at that time,

like, I said, I like grew up Christian

conservative, so it was like, not that

I would love that now, but like my

mindset now, I would be like, oh my

God, that's embarrassing, but whatever.

But back then it was like,

that's like the worst thing that

I could imagine, like mm-hmm.

Horrifying.

I could barely deal with the fact

that I even took those photos.

I was like.

What's wrong with me?

Why did I do?

I'm so weird.

So yeah, that was bad, but now we

just laugh and it's a funny memory.

Oh gosh.

That's Oh man, I love it.

That was such a great story.

okay, so I'm gonna do a

little red light, green light.

This is about wedding ish related,

and then we'll do our resubmission.

Okay.

Okay.

So just answer with red

light or green light.

Eloping without telling anyone.

Ooh.

Green light.

I

like that.

Inviting someone who didn't

invite you to their wedding.

Mm. Green light.

Calling out a guest

publicly for rude behavior.

Ooh, red light.

Can't do that.

I'd be too embarrassed.

I know.

I feel like for me, it would

depend on the situation.

I guess it depends what the behavior is.

Yeah.

Right.

I once went to a wedding where the best

man was literally so wasted, and no one

would stop him with his rambling speech.

And that's where, that should have

been a call out like, 'cause like

there were like hundreds of people and

we were all just watching as he told

embarrassing stories about the bride.

No.

And I was like, someone take this man

off the stage and take his microphone.

I know when I, I'm like, why

are they not unplugging the mic

and be like, Hey, thanks, bye.

I know.

And I'm like, I'm just a random guest.

Like, if it were my friend, I

would've, you know, intervened.

But I'm like, it was so bad.

And the bride was like, dying inside.

And I was like, yeah, that's

the time that that's a call out.

That's a call out for sure.

Yeah.

I was at a wedding once where the maid

of honor said something about her friend,

the bride only marrying for money.

Fuck.

But it was funny because, well, I don't

know if I wanna say too much, but it

was, it was an old boss who no one liked.

So I was like, yeah,

like you're like, he like

a terrible Yeah.

Terrible boss.

Toxic a bit.

Well, I was like, well, I'm not surprised.

Yeah, you're like, I'm

not gonna say anything.

Well, she was so nice.

I was like, I don't know how

that happened, but anyway.

expecting cash gifts

if guests traveled far.

I'd say red light.

I feel like, I guess it was hard too,

'cause I got married so young that I

like, didn't really expect that much.

I was just like, let's just do this.

But I, especially in today's economy,

I think if people show up for

you, that's pretty nice, you know?

Yeah, I know.

Even small takes a card.

I don't know.

I know.

I feel like if someone is.

Paying for a flight or a hotel

or like coming like a long way.

I'm like,

expensive.

Yeah.

They're, they're coming

to spend the day with you.

letting your mom control the

guest list because she's paying.

My mom did do that.

I mean, she let me invite who I wanted,

but she's like, we're inviting all these

random people and I was like, okay.

I didn't really care.

But I feel like, again, I feel like

getting married so young, like I

didn't care about certain things that

I would probably care about if I had

gotten married, like in my thirties.

Yeah.

I think I would have more to say there.

So I let my green light back

then red light probably.

Now it was happening now, I'd probably

speak up a little bit more bit.

Yeah.

I say that all the time.

'cause like I've been with

my husband since we were 24.

Yeah.

I'm 35 now.

and we got married when

I was, I think I was 31.

30. and I was like, I feel

like it's night and day.

same thing.

If I would've gotten married

younger, I think I would've

had a way bigger wedding party.

I think I would've

invited a lot more people.

Um,

Wow.

It would be so different like

now, honestly, and I don't

regret having my wedding.

'cause I think it was really wonderful

and it was really great to have

people that like loved us and, and

wanted to celebrate us, but now I'm

like, I just value different things.

Maybe it's after kids too, I don't know.

But I think I would've gone a lot smaller.

I would've paired things down, but, you

know, I'm happy it happened that way.

But you just have a different

perspective as you get older, I think.

Yeah.

You know, elopement also

way different than too.

totally.

Like

I feel like, we just did a wedding, story

where it happened in 2001, so I was like.

Way younger obviously, but 2001

and the wedding was $16,000.

And I was like, that seems so cheap.

Yeah.

But that was like 25 years ago now.

26 years ago.

Right.

And so it just keeps

going on i's so exciting.

Oh, totally.

Because I think like my parents spent

a lot of money on our wedding and

now if it were that same, obviously

not like with inflation, I think

if it were that same amount of

money now it would be like nothing.

And that wasn't even that long ago.

Like, we got married in,

when did we get married?

2012. It's been a long time.

It's just so different now.

but I think even also like back

then there were also a little bit

like, less resource parenting.

There were like less ways you could

figure out like where could I buy, like

at the best price, all these things.

So who knows?

But

kinda what you

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And before Pinterest

probably, which is like,

yeah, that was like just entering

the scene when I got married.

So I feel like a lot of the things

that I had were very pinteresty

like, I'm like, oh yeah, probably

pinned that and just copied it.

Oh my God, that's the best.

a mother-in-law inviting

extra guests without asking,

I'd say red light, but my

mother-in-law would never, she's good.

friends complaining about

wedding costs to the bride,

Ooh, that is a red light.

Unless it's really out of control.

Like, I have heard, I haven't had this

experience, but I have heard of like,

you know, the bride, maybe it has more

money, like resources that way, and

then the bridesmaids don't, they're

in a different stage of life or they,

you know, have more expense going on.

So I think you have to be aware,

not everyone has the same budget.

Yes.

Have open, but

completely bride feels gross, right?

Yeah,

yeah,

yeah.

I don't like that.

Just have open communication if you can't

Yeah.

Do it.

Yeah.

Be clear.

Okay.

Let's get into this week.

Story submission.

as always, I've not read it yet,

so we're gonna see what happens.

Oh,

love it.

Yay.

My husband helps me out and he

picks them, puts them in here.

Oh, good.

So it'll be a good one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

okay.

So feel free to stop me at any

time or we'll just react as we go.

All right.

Okay.

My husband's sister has always

been a little intimidating.

Even when she was being nice,

I always felt like I had to

walk on eggshells around her.

My husband, however, always said

they were extremely close and had

a great relationship, so we spent

time with her and even visited.

she even visited us a few time

when she lived outta state.

On one visit she came with her boyfriend.

He was nice overall, but he definitely

came in hot with political views

that were very different from ours

ended up arguing with me a bit.

It was uncomfortable, but we

laughed it off and moved on.

Fast forward to the week of our wedding.

The day before we were set to leave,

about a five hour drive with a lot

of packing and last minute prep, she

asked my husband to meet up for drinks.

He said no because we

had too much going on.

We had no idea at the time that this

would apparently cause so much tension.

The first night we had planned

a casual dinner and invited

everyone who was already in town.

She had a few cousins all around

our age who were supposed to come,

but at the last minute they said

they wouldn't arrive in time and

wouldn't see them until the next day.

The following day, they were coming

to help me set up for a welcome party.

I met them at the venue and while

everyone was helpful, I could tell

immediately that she was in a mood.

Her boyfriend, on the

other hand, was wonderful.

My sister and my mom kept commenting

on how great he was, and we were

genuinely grateful for everyone's help.

After that, we all went our separate ways.

Until the rehearsal and welcome party,

we didn't have a traditional wedding

party, so the rehearsal was small.

Just our parents, my sister and her kids

who were in the wedding, my in-laws,

and the friend who was officiating.

We signed our marriage

paperwork that night.

My sister signed then and I caught

my sister-in-law at the welcome

party so she could sign as well.

While there, I also talked with her and my

mother-in-law about what time they should

come over in the morning to get ready.

The morning of the wedding, she was in

a bad mood and barely spoke to anyone.

I spent way too much of the wedding

morning trying to make sure she felt

included and happy, which looking

back is wild because I was literally

the bride It's like when, when you're

gonna be like sour and then take

away from the day, it's just like,

ah, that makes me so mad.

Yeah, it's embarrassing.

Yeah.

During family photos, her

boyfriend forgot his jacket.

I brushed it off trying to not be

a bridezilla, but she continued

acting distant and upset.

I don't remember her saying anything

kind about how I looked or expressing

any happiness for us at all.

Is this all because he

missed a drink with her?

I'm so confused.

At the reception, she sulked in

the corner for most of the night.

My husband tried to get her to dance or

even just talk, but she shoo'ed him away.

The next day was more of the same.

She removed herself from

activities and played the victim.

A few weeks later, my husband met up

with her and she said she'd been in a

bad mood because her cousins made her be

the designated driver for the wedding.

What,

how does someone make you, for one,

I know

you know, you can literally just,

you could just drink something like

and say no.

You can just say, yeah, no, I'm

not going to, or take an Uber.

I mean, I don't know what it was, but

yeah.

That obviously sucks,

but she agreed to it.

Yeah.

So why like make that your whole

personality then like, yeah.

What?

That's bizarre.

That's really weird.

It's like she wanted to be the

victim or be upset about something.

It

sounds like she wanted, she needed

the attention for some reason.

Yeah, because if someone would've

asked me to be a DD for like

one of my best friend's wedding

or a sibling, I'd be like, no.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Staying at the hotel or whatever.

Right.

my husband asked why she seemed so

disengaged, she didn't have an answer.

The next time they talked, she

said she felt left out of the

wedding and that it didn't feel

like her brother's wedding at all.

Just a party.

She happened to attend.

What did she, oh my

God.

This is someone that literally,

I don't think you can make happy.

I just

No, no, because she sounded very involved.

Yeah.

Like she was ready to get ready,

she's at the reception or whatever,

like all the different events.

Yeah.

She's at everything.

That's suspicious.

Yeah.

At that point we decided to step back.

Now we're civil at family

gatherings, but don't have a

relationship with her to this day.

She has never apologized

for how she acted.

My husband is deeply hurt and frustrated.

She's used to getting her way and He's

finally done accommodating that behavior.

In a more recent conversation, he told

her he was sad and he felt like she

wasn't really a part of his wedding.

she denied ever saying that, and

essentially gaslit him claiming that

She would never feel that way.

Now, she insists she was going through

something but won't explain, just

continues saying she was excluded and

I didn't do enough to include her.

She even claims I didn't tell her ahead

of time that I wanted her there while

getting ready, which isn't true at all.

I bought matching pajamas and slippers

and absolutely told her in advance.

At this point, she wants us to

feel bad for her and apologize,

that's simply not going to happen.

She has completely centered our wedding

memories around herself and how she

felt, and we are exhausted by it.

Since stepping back from her life has

been peaceful, no drama, no anxiety

about offending her, just calm,

parents aren't happy and keep telling

my husband to be the bigger person.

Oh, make up.

But what's done is done and

he's just done dealing with her.

One last detail that adds context.

She lived at home until she was

34 and moved out a few months ago,

about five months after our wedding.

We're now eight months out from the

wedding and I still can't believe

she hasn't tried to apologize.

It's sad to watch someone play

the victim for this long, and I

still don't understand how our

wedding made her so uncomfortable.

But honestly, the whole situation has made

me appreciate my own family even more.

I feel like I kept waiting for

something like to be revealed.

Something missing.

the bride does not know something.

Yeah.

Didn't know what it is.

Because why was that like weird boyfriend

all of a sudden, like really hands on?

Like was something going with that?

Like, you know, I thought

there was something about him.

I thought it was especially 'cause she

said the thing about his political views.

At first I was like, oh, something's

gonna come up with that later.

Like, but it seems like they were

just surprised that like he kind

of rubbed them the wrong way and

then he was really helpful later.

Something else is happening

and I wonder, okay.

What I wonder is, okay, the husband

said he had a really good relationship

with the sister, or like, he always

had, I wonder if the marriage.

Somehow disrupted his role in the family.

Do you know what I mean?

Like all of a sudden he, because it

sounds like once he didn't accommodate

her anymore, then she's like, I'm out.

Which is actually really normal thing when

someone decides not to be in their role

in the family, whatever they've always

played, then people get upset by that.

so I wonder if the relationship was good

because he was so accommodating to her all

the time and like played to her emotions.

Yeah.

Especially when she added the

detail about she lived at home

that whole time, like mm-hmm.

Up to 34.

Which, you know, no shame everyone

has their own reasons for, you

know, no, they calm economy's crazy.

But if still lived at home and maybe

he lived at home before living with

his girlfriend, we don't know those

details, but for sure, like he found

a girl, he wants to get married to

her or found a woman wants to get

married to her and has all these

wedding things coming up, realizing

that she kind is taking the back seat.

Like,

I think so not the most important.

I like,

yes.

I feel like this is the type of

thing sometimes you hear about, Like

when you hear like mother-in-law,

horror stories like this feels

like a different version of that.

It's like, oh, all of a sudden you're

not the number one or whatever, you

know, like, you're not taking priority.

And so immature people, right, like

this, this sister, a mature person would

say, Hey, this wedding is happening.

I need to say something.

If I feel left out.

Like that would be the

mature response, right?

But I think immature people, they make

themselves trying to make themselves the

center of attention, like sulking, right?

Like doing all of these things to

be like, look at me, I'm so sad.

Which is very teenager like, honestly.

Not bringing it up until later

and then denying it, all of that.

It just like, to me, just like

reeks of insecurity and being like,

it's like a tantrum a little bit.

It's like an elongated adult tantrum.

Yeah.

Like, you should know

why I'm acting this way.

Yeah.

I'm gonna tell you so.

Right.

Check out my cues.

Yeah.

Which is, again, it's very teenager like,

but teenagers are allowed to do that

because I mean, they can't be, you know,

rude or whatever, but like their brains

literally, they have to act like that,

they don't understand how to do the adult

thing, but the sister obviously does.

what also gives me pause is

that the parents are like to the

husband, you need to go apologize.

So what that tells me is like that

the daughter is the center of that

family.

That's

the dynamic.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It's like we have to accommodate her.

And maybe up until now they didn't have

a big issue, so it hasn't been obvious.

But the big issue is he got married and,

yeah.

Wow.

I will say from what she shared, props

to the husband who seems like he took.

Control of the situation.

Yeah.

'cause I think sometimes, if it's like

a man and a woman married, then the

woman sometimes feels like she has to

like, help manage that, which is, and

then she gets called the whatever,

the bad person in the situation.

so least it seems like props to him that

he was like, yeah, I'm not doing that.

That's great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know.

I love that because, you

made a really good point.

It's like that typical like

mother-in-law story we hear where

they're like, wait, but I'm the

number one woman in your life, right?

Like, right.

Yeah.

And so there's that weird

divide that they can't accept.

And so I feel like that's a good

point because a lot of times in these

stories too, like we don't hear about

the fiance or the husband, right?

The bride or the woman, the relationship

is like left to deal with the drama.

Like, he's like, well, sorry,

my, parents are just weird.

Or my mom's weird.

Yeah.

And then she looks like the

bad guy that like shut the

boundary,

whatever.

Yeah.

So good for him there.

That's good.

I think with people like that, obviously

there's just a snapshot of their

lives, but I think with people like

that, like the sister, you do have

to maintain really strong boundaries

and then if you keep them, then they

get the choice if they want to be in

your life or not in, you know, while

keeping inside of those boundaries.

But it sounds like it was the best choice

because their life is like peaceful now.

It also hasn't been that

long since the wedding.

It would be interesting to hear like,

you know, a couple years from now,

especially like if they have kids

or something, like if that dynamic

changes or how that dynamic changes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, I feel like too, now I'm going

back to the 34 living at home thing too.

Yeah.

Again, there's different reasons.

It's all nuanced, but yeah, if it's

something where she was babied maybe, and

like never actually forced to like, go

out on your own or get a job, you know,

I don't know every, what other details.

it seemed like pretty pointed that

the, bride put that in the story.

I think if if it were like,

oh, you know, she had like,

she lost her job or whatever.

She had some sort of circumstance.

She had to live at home.

It wouldn't have been worth mentioning.

So it feels like she lives at home too.

Wink, wink.

Yeah.

It wasn't like she went

away and came back.

It says she lived at home until, so

I'm getting like, she was like the

baby, like princess of the family.

Never had to be.

Does

it say, was she the older

sister or the younger sister?

Did it say in there,

let's

see,

it just says

the sister, I think.

I don't think it said.

Yeah, my husband's sister.

Yeah.

It doesn't really say, it doesn't,

it feels like if it were the older sister,

I wonder if she was like, my younger

brother is getting married before me, or

like meeting these milestones before me.

then obviously if she's the

younger one, it could be that like

extra like baby of the family.

Like everyone kind of caters to her

and then all of a sudden they're not.

But it would be interesting to

hear like the birth order there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like that's really interesting.

it definitely makes me think.

so she moved out five months

after the wedding, it sounds like.

So maybe that's like the

push she needs to get out.

Yeah.

yeah, so I'm getting like she's used

to everyone kind of catering to her.

And because the brother said

like, no, because I'm doing this

thing with my wife, I can't come.

That was like the thing.

Yeah.

She's like, I'm gonna hold onto this

forever.

He said no to me.

Your sister.

Yeah.

Um.

Which I always think it's like, of

course they're not thinking with their

right brain or whatever, but like,

yeah.

Yeah.

I always think like with these

mother-in-law stories of the sister story,

you are just creating more of a barrier.

Yeah.

Like if you really wanna be involved,

like, how can I support you?

I'm so excited for that.

You found the love of your life.

How can I be there?

And then they would want her to hang out

with them all the time, you know, like,

and it could be this

positive relationship.

Yeah,

totally.

I think the hard part is, is like most

people, and again, it's like whatever,

people in adulthood, you have to learn

how to do these things on your own.

this is like actually such a great

example of why it's so important to teach

your children how to say how they feel.

Because all of a sudden you have a

34-year-old sister who has to be like

manipulative basically, or like secretive

with her feelings and you can't control

everything that, how your kids turn out.

But it's like, that's why we say to

our kids, like, how do you actually

feel, share with people how you

feel, be, direct in a kind way.

Because I think it's actually very

normal to have those feelings.

If you have a sibling or a

child get married and you

feel like, what's my place?

There's nothing wrong with

the feeling, but it's like the

behavior is where it gets weird.

Right?

You're like,

right,

that's ruining something for the person

you're upset that is, changing roles

in your life that you're claiming that

you love and you're making them upset.

That doesn't make sense.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's definitely a lot missing and

I feel like they're not gonna get

the answers from her at this point.

Oh.

So now it sucks because now there's

this like weird tension in all their

relationships and it could have

just been like a new stage, but

Right.

She could have just said, oh

man, like I really wanted to

go out for drinks with you.

Like you know, I'm happy for you,

but I'm having a hard time that our

relationship is probably gonna change.

Great.

It was that easy.

Yeah, it was.

It was not though.

I don't think they will

probably ever know either.

Yeah.

Unless one day she like blows

up at them and says, oh,

this is all what happened and

yeah.

Yeah.

Oh

gosh.

That's

messy.

And, and it's too, it's like she can't

see, when you're in that victim hood,

you can't see people including you.

Right.

Because I mean like it's so

easy to just sit in that spot

of like, oh, everyone hates me.

They don't want me here.

like no matter how many times

someone comes over, she's just

not gonna, no, she's looking

at everything through that lens.

Yeah.

She's like, oh, well maybe she

invited me but it didn't seem like she

really wanted me there or whatever.

'cause it's like clear the bride was

involving her, but yeah, when you're

in a certain mindset, I think it's very

hard to like assimilate true information

and like what's actually happening.

So to her, I don't even think she

necessarily sister was like necessarily

like lying about these things.

It seems like she chose that kind

of victim mentality and then, she

just saw everything through that.

Yeah.

This is totally like, not making

up stories in my head, Reading

in between the lines too.

Like even deeper.

What if it's something with she

is the older sister and like you

said, like maybe like offended

that he's getting married first.

Yeah.

so then she like meets this boyfriend.

Right.

But they're, it's kind of weird.

So maybe she said something like,

something about like getting married

and he like isn't interested so then

the whole wedding she's just like,

I, you're being so helpful to them,

but like you don't even wanna marry.

I feel like there, had to be some

sort of dynamic with the boyfriend

because it seems like weird timing

and I think that, I don't even know,

like the bride that wrote in, I feel

like she included things without

knowing why she was including them.

But they are important.

Like why bring up the

political thing necessarily?

Like, I don't know, it just seems

there's like certain pieces I'm like,

oh we're just missing just a teeny bit.

Yeah.

It's like

I feel like something

probably did happen there.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

Like some hidden conversation with him.

'cause he's all of sudden being really

helpful and hands-on and she's like,

screw you, I just talked to you about

marriage and you're not interested.

Yeah.

Something.

really reading into that for that.

No, I kinda love doing that though.

It feels like those books where you like

read the whole story and then all of a

sudden the next chapter you're like, you

get the different character's perspective

and you're like, oh, that's what happened.

I feel like we're missing that chapter.

Yes.

We need to know what

it's, I

know.

So we have to,

I know.

Can the sister write in and

tell us or point For sure.

If you're listening,

tell us your perspective.

Sounds like you right into us.

Oh my gosh.

All right.

that was definitely a different

kind of story because I feel like

normally we have like some wild

thing happen, so that was good that

we could like kind of understand.

Okay.

I would like to end these with

confessions that people sent me on

Instagram so we can react to these.

this week we asked what was the

wedding tradition that you didn't

want but felt forced to do anyway.

Did you feel this way about anything

at your wedding, like traditions that

you're like, I'm not doing it, or

you did something and you were like,

I don't really like that tradition.

I mean, like I said, I was like heavily

still in the church stuff, but part

of like the ceremony, there were a

lot of like you like took communion

or like prayed together, which I

wasn't against, but I felt super

uncomfortable everyone watching us.

But there was never like a, no one

like forced me to do it, but it was

like the pastor that did our wedding.

That was just what you did.

Yeah, but looking back now, like I

think I could have incorporated it

differently, but I just felt weird.

'cause like everyone's literally

just sitting there watching

as you like do all this.

I know.

Which, which, between the two of you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm also like not huge on PDA, so like,

which sounds funny at your wedding, but

be like, kiss, kiss and I'm like, it's

not that I don't wanna kiss my husband,

I just like, I'm not a big PDA girl.

So I was just like, okay.

Like, I dunno, that sounds really weird

to say, but my husband isn't either.

I'm like, listen, we love each other.

But I don't know the wedding itself.

I think sometimes it's fun to

be the center of attention, but

for a whole day it's a lot, man.

It's

a lot.

Yeah, but nothing too bad.

Nothing too bad I can do.

I get that.

we didn't do like, cause I see a

lot of people talking about this.

We didn't do the bouquet toss

or the garter toss because I

was like, let's just, I don't,

the bouquet toss.

I feel like people get, like, I

don't see my friends doing this

necessarily, but I've been to a lot

of weddings where women get vicious.

They like kush, they like

elbow and like scratch.

I'm like, you're

like, you know, this isn't like really

gonna make something happen for you.

Right.

It's just

No.

I've read so many stories about

people getting mad because they

didn't get the bouquet and I'm like.

Girl,

that is bizarre.

You're not gonna actually

things a little bit too seriously

and the garter thing, just feel, I

think we maybe did that, but like

I've been to some weddings where

it's like, this is uncomfortable.

Like what is happening?

why is your whole head under there?

I yeah.

I don't want my husband's

whole body under my dress.

Well, I know.

I think ours is like quick whatever done.

And I was like, why do we even do that?

That was so weird.

Some conditions are better

left in the past, I think.

But yeah, you can do what they want.

I would say like, okay, so we see

garter bouquet toss decorating the

apartment with rocks, litter on

the floor in the toilet and tub.

What?

What?

Why would you do that?

I'm guessing this was, this has to be

European because I know like in Europe

the bathroom would be like the toilet.

Oh.

Unless she means the actual in the toilet.

Wait, it could be like in the toilet.

That's so weird.

Maybe they like.

I know some people will like decorate

or like have a surprise for when

they get home from their honeymoon.

Maybe they did, went like

over the top with that or

something.

Oh, maybe that's what it

was, and they put glitter.

Oh my gosh.

Don't put glitter on anyone's house.

just don't have glitter, period.

It doesn't, don't have doesn.

Like I love like a little

glitter here and there.

Like if, whatever.

Yeah.

Like

a little face

glitter, but glitter on things.

No.

Yeah.

And don't surprise anyone with glitter,

they'll be watching that out for months.

this person says inviting

people that I don't like.

Yeah, that's a tough one.

You don't want people at your

wedding that you don't want.

That's,

you don't.

Well, and then it is hard like, 'cause

I know it's like sometimes there's like

family members that aren't your favorite.

But also, I don't know, I think

especially, and I think again, things that

are changing through generations, it's

like you used to have to do that 'cause

it was like, oh, you have to respect your

elders or these family relationships.

But I think now more people are

like, oh, like I get the choice.

Just like I wouldn't invite some

random person I didn't like, I don't

have to invite that person just

'cause they're related by blood.

But

yes,

that's tricky for sure.

Yeah.

I definitely think people are

getting better about boundaries with

like, okay, well we only can fit a

hundred people so I'm gonna fit the a

hundred people that I'm closest with.

Yeah.

I do think like, unless it's like

someone that's completely like.

Exile from the family or like,

you know, you don't like see them.

I feel like if you're inviting like

an uncle, you shouldn't invite all

aunts and uncle, you know what I mean?

Like Yeah.

Otherwise that's kind of weird, that one.

Yeah.

Or cousins of a certain

age, you know, whatever or

totally.

You're inviting like friends in a

circle don't like leave like two out

Yeah.

Of that happen.

And then that's really awkward

for everybody because that

is awkward.

Oh, you're going to the wedding.

What wedding?

You know?

That's

right.

That is awkward.

And I feel like it's better to be like,

and obviously I know money is a factor,

but like, if you can't afford it and

it's part of it, it's better to invite

those people and either they don't come

or you don't remember that they were

there versus people being left out.

I feel like I'm always

hypersensitive people being left out.

I'm like, just include them.

I know.

I don't want somebody left out.

this person says, including my

sisters and my bridal party.

That's an interesting

one.

Sounds like drama.

Drama there.

Mm-hmm.

my sister's six years younger than

me, and I got married really young,

so like she was really young, so I

think it was, and who knows, maybe

those people have drama, but I was

happy to have her in my bridal party.

But I think looking back, like when I

did like my bachelorette, they involved

her, which I was happy to have her

there, but then obviously we're not

like going out to a bar or anything.

She was like 15 years old.

so I think it was a little tricky

with that, but again, maybe different

decisions if I was older and, yeah.

Right.

I think you should have to invite,

like, if you don't have a close

relationship with your sister, I

feel like it is kind of weird to

have them in your bridal party.

Yeah.

I feel like there's a lot of

pressure from like parents sometimes.

like I talked to a, bride and groom once

where the guy was like, yeah, my parents

are threatening to not come to the wedding

if I don't have my brother be my best man.

And I was like, that's wild.

And he's, yeah, he's the most unreliable.

Like, we're not close.

He's like already asked my

best friend and they're like,

you have to revoke his title.

And I was like,

yuck.

Can

you imagine?

Like, I was glad, like my parents didn't,

' both my husband and I, we had our siblings

in our wedding, but like I had my best

friend be my maid of honor, not my sister.

And he had his best friend be

his best man, not his brother,

and they weren't offended.

They were fine.

And our parents were like, you

can have whatever you want.

It's up to you.

Right.

Well, and at the end of the day, like I

get that, especially with having people

in your bridal party is one thing.

Like if they're like, can you please

have your sister in your bridal party?

Not that they should be able to

request that, but I kind of get that.

'cause they're like, okay, they're

gonna be in special pictures,

they're gonna be in all these things.

Like I kind of understand that more.

But to say like they have to be your

best mehan or your maid of honor is wild.

Because usually that comes

with other responsibilities.

Like you don't wanna unreliable person.

Yeah.

There.

Yeah.

That's weird.

That's really weird.

Yeah, I don't get that.

All right.

This last one says, my church was

so against dancing, so we didn't

have any dancing at our wedding.

Were they in Footloose?

What was happening?

Oh, no, I weird.

Were the grandpa demanded that everyone

stop dancing because it was like against

their religion that's one of those things

where it's like you have to not break

against tradition, but like break against

like, okay, yes, they did that their

wedding, but like what do we want at ours?

I think what's interesting is like she

says like our church is against it.

That feels interesting that

you're a part of that church.

If you don't, I mean, I know it

sounds like a small thing, but

if they're against dancing, that

says a lot about other things.

They probably believe like their

values and stuff about behavior.

So it's like, well what

if you didn't have your.

Wedding at the church?

Like could you have it

somewhere else or, I don't know.

Maybe it's trickier than that, but

yeah.

I'm kind of wondering if maybe it was

something where she got married a long

time ago and it was a similar thing where

she at the time belonged to the church.

Yeah.

And then now she is like looking back,

I wish we could have danced 'cause now

I would've loved that or something.

Yeah, that's possible.

I feel like that would make sense.

And especially if you get married

younger, some you just don't speak

up about things or you think, oh,

it's not worth it to say something.

And then you get older and

you're like, oh, that would've

been really nice actually.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, well that was interesting then.

Interesting story.

I wanna see if I can get like more, from

that.

I know she's listening.

Write in and give us more details.

Yes, I know.

I need like get that big wow moment.

Well, thank you so much for coming on.

It was so nice meeting you and I feel

like we had such a great conversation

with different angles and stuff.

Again for everyone that

doesn't follow you.

I haven't seen your content or can

they follow you and what's something

exciting that you're working on?

Sure.

okay, so my name on all my socials,

it's kind of funny, but it's Bril

Weasel, so I don't know if it'll be

like in the caption or yeah, we'll

add it.

but yeah, like I said, I post

like mom content, political

content, try to make people laugh.

and I just got new kittens, so if

you wanna follow me, even for kitten

content, they're literally so cute.

have a lot of people that follow me

that feel like maybe the people in their

lives, they don't have someone to talk

about whatever they're going through.

And I feel like it's creating

this nice little community.

So come and join us.

We'll welcome you and maybe

you'll find your people that way.

Awesome.

I love it.

Well, thanks so much again for coming in.

Yes, thank you.