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Hi Brianna.

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Thank you for coming on.

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Yes, thank you.

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This is my first podcast I've

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ever done, so it's an honor.

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Oh, I'm so excited.

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I love when people tell me that.

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'cause like I feel like it's big scary

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thing, but then once you do it you're

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just like, oh, we're just hanging out.

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Like it's just like a Yeah, totally.

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I know.

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Well, and I was like, okay.

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She seems cool, personable,

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I felt more relaxed.

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So this is a good intro for me.

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Good, good.

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I feel like it takes a lot of people back

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to like 2020 when we all were like on Zoom

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calls, even like for family and stuff.

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I remember like doing Christmas

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one year, my dad had COVID, so we

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just all were on Zoom for Christmas

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and just hanging out that way.

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Yeah, because that was the time.

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Yes.

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So true.

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So for anyone that is not familiar

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with you or hasn't seen your content,

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can you just tell us a little

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bit about you and what you do?

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Sure.

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So, I originally started making

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content over on TikTok, and kind

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of like found my people over there.

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I do it a lot of, motherhood, millennial

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related type content, comedy stuff.

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I also do, like more political content,

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especially in regards to like being a mom.

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so I made my way over to Instagram

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eventually and I found like

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some great people over here too.

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So it's been really fun.

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I have five kids, all boys, so it's

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like chaotic household, but really fun.

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they're all under, let's see, my

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oldest is 10, so they're all pretty

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close together, but Crazy house.

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And then I'm also a therapist, so I have a

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private practice that I do part-time and.

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Yeah, I have a very busy full life.

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Wow.

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When they say like, moms,

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you can like do it all.

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You are literally doing it.

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All that.

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It's amazing.

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I'm trying, I'm trying.

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Did I hear correctly that you're

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a perinatal therapist, was that

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perinatal mental health, so all

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postpartum, but also like before having

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kids, so any, Person who, is trying to

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conceive, is postpartum, is pregnant.

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but also like if people have

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gone through like losses, like

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I'll see them as clients as well.

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So that's like my

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specialization, I would say.

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I basically say I see teen girls

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and moms and everything in between.

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So women in general is kind of,

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my thing and, who I love seeing.

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And well, I had a really great experience

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and a really not great experience

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as a teenager seeing a counselor.

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And the good one made me

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want to be a therapist.

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'cause I was like, oh, this

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could actually be really helpful.

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So I really love seeing teen girls

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now 'cause I know it's, it's a rough

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time, especially now to be a teen girl.

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So it's nice to, yeah.

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No.

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Be a safe place for them.

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Yeah.

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I feel like that's so powerful.

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I was just talking to someone

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about how I feel like the stigma

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with therapy has changed so much.

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also that's with like

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millennials, like growing up and

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being like, no, this is good.

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We need to talk about our feelings.

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cause I feel like when we were

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kids it was like, oh, therapy.

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Like that's scary.

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But now I feel like we're all like,

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yeah,

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I remember in college setting up

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for therapy 'cause I was like, ah.

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I need to talk to somebody.

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We need this.

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Yeah.

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Yes, yes.

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It's so different than it used to be.

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And even like the town I live

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in is, it's not that small,

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but it's like small town vibes.

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Like if you go to the grocery

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store, you're probably

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gonna see someone, you know?

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That's just kind how it goes.

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so I always tell my clients like,

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Hey, know, if I see you, then

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you're welcome to say hi to me.

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But I can't say hi to you first

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because of confidentiality.

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And I remember when I first started

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out, I saw, and this still happens,

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if I see a teen girl, I would've

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never done this as a teen girl.

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They will see me in public and they'll

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be like, that's my therapist guys.

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That's my therapist.

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Like, no shame.

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Amazingly, like I love it so much.

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And I'm like, wow, that's so different.

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Like I think even growing up

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when I had a therapist, I wasn't

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embarrassed necessarily, but I was

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like, oh, I don't want someone to

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think something is wrong with me.

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something is wrong with all

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of us, but it's so different

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now in a really cool way.

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So I'm hoping as that generation

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goes into adulthood, we'll

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see it even change even more.

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Yeah, I think it's good with helping

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to like process your emotions,

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help to process like what's going

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on in the world, whether it's

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like big scale or small scale.

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and I just love the conversation

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around therapy and how like

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beneficial and helpful it can be.

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Yes, totally.

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the tides are changing for sure

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there, which is really nice and

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I think it's good for everybody.

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You don't need to have necessarily,

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like, I mean you can obviously go

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to therapy for anything, but it can

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just be daily life that you just want

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someone to chat with and I think that's

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changing, which is really awesome.

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Yeah, that's really great.

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So your content, like I feel like

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you have such a wide range that

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you talk about in your content.

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Like you said you talk about like

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motherhood, politics, therapy, comedy.

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And so how do you kind of decide,

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like do you plan out your content?

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Do you just decide what's like

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heavy on your heart that day?

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you kind of lean into what

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makes sense for you, I guess?

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Sure.

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So I think consistency to me

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is more important than like

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finding a niche necessarily.

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Like I know some people, they make

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content only about one thing and

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their audience comes to them for that.

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but I think I realized that I was posting

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different types of content and people

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liked what I was offering, so I was

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like, okay, if I'm there, they like it.

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that's good.

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Right.

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Which helps me a lot because I have a lot

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of different, like hats I wear, I guess.

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So it, feels less limiting to

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me that I can be like, okay,

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and talk about being a mom.

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I can talk about, you know,

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whatever my thrifting finds.

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I can talk about politics.

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I do have some planning, like I did

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a little series like a podcast if

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like women pos podcasted, like men.

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So that was a little bit more

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intentional that I was like, okay,

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let me kinda like write this.

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Out.

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But I feel like the videos that have

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gotten the most traction or like

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that people really like are the ones

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that I just have an idea and I'm

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like, I'm just gonna record this

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real quick and see what people think.

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so that's worked for me.

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Obviously there has to be some

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intentionality there, but I kind of

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just share whatever pops into my head.

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And personally I know it's like you want

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your content to be shared to people.

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Like you want people to see it,

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you want people to appreciate it.

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And like that translates to

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likes and shares and all that.

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And that's important, but I don't

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really care that much about that.

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Like, I'm like, I just wanna put

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what I like out there and if someone

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else likes it, that's awesome.

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I'm not really like offended if

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it's like a video doesn't go well.

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I'm like, well I thought it

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was funny, so that's fine.

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Yeah.

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And I think, honestly, I feel like

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that's like the secret to it because if

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you're not enjoying what you're doing

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or what you're creating, it's gonna seem

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so much more of a hassle or like work

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than totally putting out joy or putting

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out important information to people.

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yeah.

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Because know, you see that where

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people like really struggle with

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what they're putting out there

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because it's like they have to put

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on this like show for everybody.

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And it's like, that can be a lot for sure.

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I mean obviously there are times, if it

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is your job or you're treating it like a

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job, any job can get monotonous, right?

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Or like.

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Tiring or whatever.

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And that, I think that's really normal.

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But I think I've had some people, and

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I feel like I'm still a pretty small

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creator in general, but I've had people

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be like, oh, I like wanna grow my page.

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Like, what should I do?

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What should I make?

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And I'm like, I think genuinely people

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can tell if you're being authentic.

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And that doesn't mean you have

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to like share your deepest,

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darkest secrets all the time.

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But it means like, I think people

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can tell when you're putting on a

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show and when your heart's not in

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it, even if it's just a silly video,

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like I think it does come across.

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So I'm like, if you just,

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honestly, the cheesiest, right?

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You just like be yourself and

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act like who you truly are.

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I think eventually the people who

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will love your content will find you.

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And sometimes it takes a while,

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but they'll find you, I think.

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Yeah.

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I do some like social media,

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like, consulting on the side.

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I've worked in social media and

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marketing for years now, and I always

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feel like people get very caught up

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in like, they're like, oh, well it's

276
00:06:56,598 --> 00:06:58,301
doing well, but how do I go viral?

277
00:06:58,601 --> 00:06:59,231
How do I go viral?

278
00:06:59,236 --> 00:06:59,266
Yeah.

279
00:06:59,271 --> 00:06:59,801
How do I boom?

280
00:06:59,801 --> 00:07:00,191
And I'm like.

281
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:01,816
Just be consistent and the

282
00:07:01,816 --> 00:07:02,896
right people will find you.

283
00:07:02,896 --> 00:07:04,150
Because if right now you, have a

284
00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:05,800
hundred followers, just picture

285
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,340
a hundred people in a room.

286
00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,120
That's amazing.

287
00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:08,990
They're excited about it.

288
00:07:08,990 --> 00:07:09,080
Yes.

289
00:07:09,350 --> 00:07:10,580
So you're always like, wait,

290
00:07:10,610 --> 00:07:11,720
I wanna look out there.

291
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:12,860
Then the people in front of you and be

292
00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:14,150
like, well, they don't care about me.

293
00:07:14,446 --> 00:07:16,000
So it's very easy to be

294
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:16,945
like, how do I go viral?

295
00:07:16,945 --> 00:07:17,590
Mm-hmm.

296
00:07:17,860 --> 00:07:18,460
And that's funny.

297
00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:19,780
I mean, in my experience, I don't know

298
00:07:19,780 --> 00:07:21,253
about you, but I feel like there's

299
00:07:21,253 --> 00:07:22,423
this difference, right between like,

300
00:07:22,453 --> 00:07:23,653
okay, Yahoo, A video is doing so

301
00:07:23,653 --> 00:07:24,673
well and that's awesome, obviously,

302
00:07:24,673 --> 00:07:25,393
and you're like, oh, I'm getting,

303
00:07:25,393 --> 00:07:26,203
people really care about this.

304
00:07:26,203 --> 00:07:27,073
They like what I'm putting out,

305
00:07:27,139 --> 00:07:29,790
going viral can be very stressful

306
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,013
and overwhelming in my experience.

307
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:33,962
you wanna get, people attention

308
00:07:33,962 --> 00:07:34,712
to what you're making.

309
00:07:34,712 --> 00:07:35,822
But I think when things really

310
00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:37,595
pop off, it's like you actually

311
00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:38,555
are getting people normally to

312
00:07:38,555 --> 00:07:39,350
your page that probably aren't.

313
00:07:39,911 --> 00:07:40,475
Normally there.

314
00:07:40,845 --> 00:07:42,115
And so that doesn't always translate

315
00:07:42,115 --> 00:07:43,915
to like, actually that feels nice.

316
00:07:43,915 --> 00:07:45,445
'cause it's like, oh, you get everybody

317
00:07:45,445 --> 00:07:46,885
on the internet looking at your stuff.

318
00:07:47,038 --> 00:07:48,974
so I feel like slow and steady, even

319
00:07:48,974 --> 00:07:50,994
though it can be really  to be like,

320
00:07:51,024 --> 00:07:52,614
oh, some people are just like, their

321
00:07:52,775 --> 00:07:54,287
follower account is exploding, or they're

322
00:07:54,287 --> 00:07:55,637
getting all these deals or whatever,

323
00:07:55,637 --> 00:07:56,687
you know, whatever you're trying to get.

324
00:07:56,846 --> 00:07:58,131
I think the slow and steady thing is

325
00:07:58,131 --> 00:07:59,877
that's how you get people who really

326
00:07:59,877 --> 00:08:01,557
care about what you're posting and

327
00:08:01,576 --> 00:08:03,224
it feels more like a community and I

328
00:08:03,224 --> 00:08:04,664
think that's what most people trying

329
00:08:04,664 --> 00:08:06,257
to build their pages are looking for.

330
00:08:06,257 --> 00:08:07,847
But I get that we're such a

331
00:08:07,907 --> 00:08:10,337
immediate gratification society.

332
00:08:10,337 --> 00:08:12,347
It's hard to hold onto that sometimes.

333
00:08:12,546 --> 00:08:13,157
Yeah.

334
00:08:13,387 --> 00:08:15,247
I'm sure too with like posting more

335
00:08:15,247 --> 00:08:17,167
political stuff too, like people are

336
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,837
very like I'm sure you get trolls

337
00:08:19,837 --> 00:08:21,517
and like anytime I post something

338
00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:23,317
political, I get people messaging

339
00:08:23,317 --> 00:08:25,057
me or I get people commenting like,

340
00:08:25,057 --> 00:08:26,647
don't go political, don't do this.

341
00:08:26,647 --> 00:08:27,097
And I'm like.

342
00:08:27,832 --> 00:08:30,202
Newsflash, everything is political.

343
00:08:30,207 --> 00:08:31,552
Everything's political, sorry.

344
00:08:32,062 --> 00:08:32,212
Yeah.

345
00:08:32,652 --> 00:08:34,212
were you always posting political or

346
00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:35,778
were you kind of like adding it in

347
00:08:35,778 --> 00:08:37,728
more and more, and then how was the

348
00:08:37,728 --> 00:08:40,488
response from your audience initially?

349
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:44,955
so would say I posted political

350
00:08:44,955 --> 00:08:47,175
related content early enough.

351
00:08:47,175 --> 00:08:49,052
I guess you would say that

352
00:08:49,172 --> 00:08:50,372
it wasn't like a surprise.

353
00:08:50,372 --> 00:08:51,722
Like I think that's what's hard for some

354
00:08:51,722 --> 00:08:53,645
people is that it's not maybe that they

355
00:08:53,645 --> 00:08:55,145
didn't care about politics, but they

356
00:08:55,145 --> 00:08:56,795
never really posted about it before.

357
00:08:56,795 --> 00:08:57,845
And then when they started

358
00:08:57,845 --> 00:08:59,555
doing that, they have people

359
00:08:59,555 --> 00:09:00,665
who didn't align with them.

360
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:01,505
And so then those people

361
00:09:01,505 --> 00:09:02,285
give them pushback.

362
00:09:02,462 --> 00:09:04,635
I mean, I'm trying to think like all

363
00:09:04,635 --> 00:09:07,254
through the presidential election and

364
00:09:07,254 --> 00:09:08,544
all that stuff, like I was posting.

365
00:09:08,544 --> 00:09:09,834
So that's been a while since then.

366
00:09:10,012 --> 00:09:11,511
and I think when, a lot of people

367
00:09:11,511 --> 00:09:12,781
started being more vocal, because

368
00:09:12,781 --> 00:09:14,101
that was a really obviously a big

369
00:09:14,101 --> 00:09:15,601
turning point on who was gonna

370
00:09:15,601 --> 00:09:16,681
be our president and everything.

371
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,272
And, I feel like I've definitely gotten

372
00:09:18,272 --> 00:09:21,242
more vocal, but it was scary at first.

373
00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,282
Like people are brutal online.

374
00:09:23,469 --> 00:09:25,359
I think it's one thing like for

375
00:09:25,359 --> 00:09:26,769
someone to not like your content,

376
00:09:26,769 --> 00:09:28,542
but listen, how do I say this?

377
00:09:28,632 --> 00:09:29,922
Trolls are equal opportunity.

378
00:09:29,922 --> 00:09:30,642
Like they can come in

379
00:09:30,642 --> 00:09:31,482
all shapes and sizes.

380
00:09:31,662 --> 00:09:31,752
Yeah.

381
00:09:31,752 --> 00:09:33,522
But I would say it tends to be the

382
00:09:33,522 --> 00:09:35,712
men that come from my content and it

383
00:09:35,712 --> 00:09:37,984
can be kind of scary sometimes because

384
00:09:37,984 --> 00:09:39,604
they can be like threatening or like

385
00:09:39,782 --> 00:09:41,280
just say like really horrible things.

386
00:09:41,612 --> 00:09:43,417
So I feel like this has been the hard

387
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,787
part for me, is that when my pages

388
00:09:45,787 --> 00:09:47,497
were smaller on like Instagram and

389
00:09:47,497 --> 00:09:49,447
TikTok, I would actually get more

390
00:09:49,447 --> 00:09:52,194
trolls then I think, because like the

391
00:09:52,194 --> 00:09:53,514
algorithm was like figuring out like,

392
00:09:53,514 --> 00:09:55,134
where do I send this, person, like,

393
00:09:55,134 --> 00:09:56,514
this is mom content, but like, what

394
00:09:56,514 --> 00:09:57,894
type of mom am I sending this to?

395
00:09:57,894 --> 00:09:59,514
Or like, this is comedy, but like what

396
00:09:59,514 --> 00:10:00,894
type of person is gonna appreciate this?

397
00:10:01,111 --> 00:10:02,184
So at the beginning it was actually,

398
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,287
I think, harder and there was a

399
00:10:04,287 --> 00:10:06,382
time early last year or like maybe a

400
00:10:06,382 --> 00:10:07,658
little over a year ago that I can't

401
00:10:07,658 --> 00:10:08,808
even remember what it was, but like.

402
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:10,373
All of a sudden I got this influx

403
00:10:10,373 --> 00:10:12,349
of people being horrible, horrible.

404
00:10:12,349 --> 00:10:14,072
And was having like a panic attack.

405
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,332
I was like, I think I need to quit.

406
00:10:15,576 --> 00:10:16,832
I don't wanna do this anymore.

407
00:10:16,832 --> 00:10:18,482
And my husband is like the most

408
00:10:18,482 --> 00:10:19,502
chill person on the planet.

409
00:10:19,502 --> 00:10:20,332
And so he was like, if you

410
00:10:20,332 --> 00:10:21,262
don't wanna do it, just quit.

411
00:10:21,525 --> 00:10:22,208
you can know, you can just

412
00:10:22,208 --> 00:10:23,258
block them and move on.

413
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:24,722
And I was like, oh yeah,

414
00:10:24,812 --> 00:10:25,742
I guess I could do that.

415
00:10:25,772 --> 00:10:25,922
Right?

416
00:10:26,072 --> 00:10:27,332
Like, I guess that's an option.

417
00:10:27,775 --> 00:10:29,798
So I honestly, husband and I are very

418
00:10:29,798 --> 00:10:32,018
different, but in that aspect I was like,

419
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,638
I'm gonna do whatever my husband would do.

420
00:10:33,638 --> 00:10:35,291
And so I just like block people.

421
00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:37,958
I try and, you know, I don't do a ton of

422
00:10:37,958 --> 00:10:39,818
like strategy, like social media strategy,

423
00:10:39,818 --> 00:10:41,108
but I'm like, I use hashtags that maybe

424
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:43,488
will get people to my page and I just try

425
00:10:43,488 --> 00:10:45,798
my best to like ignore the negative stuff.

426
00:10:45,798 --> 00:10:47,982
But I would say it feels like about 90%

427
00:10:48,042 --> 00:10:50,112
of what I get feedback wise is positive.

428
00:10:50,112 --> 00:10:51,042
So that really does.

429
00:10:51,182 --> 00:10:51,648
Help.

430
00:10:52,045 --> 00:10:53,275
but I think, you know, people

431
00:10:53,275 --> 00:10:54,445
are really brave on the internet

432
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,445
to say really hateful things.

433
00:10:56,495 --> 00:10:57,335
especially it's like the

434
00:10:57,335 --> 00:10:58,835
faceless profiles, whatever.

435
00:10:59,088 --> 00:11:00,138
and I think if it's like, you

436
00:11:00,138 --> 00:11:00,978
know, if someone's gonna call me

437
00:11:00,978 --> 00:11:02,418
a name, just block and move on.

438
00:11:02,418 --> 00:11:03,348
And I think I've gotten better

439
00:11:03,348 --> 00:11:05,118
at that as time's gone on, but at

440
00:11:05,118 --> 00:11:06,198
first it would kind of take me out.

441
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:08,178
I was like, why are they being so mean?

442
00:11:08,178 --> 00:11:09,348
Why are they calling me this?

443
00:11:09,348 --> 00:11:10,665
But I'm like, whatever.

444
00:11:10,665 --> 00:11:11,950
Thanks for the engagement, I guess.

445
00:11:12,675 --> 00:11:13,605
I know you have to let it roll.

446
00:11:13,821 --> 00:11:14,175
I know.

447
00:11:14,175 --> 00:11:15,315
I start kind of telling myself,

448
00:11:15,315 --> 00:11:17,175
I'm like, they are a lonely and

449
00:11:17,474 --> 00:11:18,982
insecure person or something.

450
00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:20,422
If someone's gonna come after you

451
00:11:20,422 --> 00:11:22,162
online, be a keyboard warrior.

452
00:11:22,162 --> 00:11:23,977
Like they've got their own issues

453
00:11:23,977 --> 00:11:24,982
and I'm just gonna be like, okay.

454
00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:26,048
Because yeah, I'd be the same thing.

455
00:11:26,048 --> 00:11:27,205
Like, in the beginning it, something

456
00:11:27,205 --> 00:11:28,375
would like really affect me and

457
00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:29,875
my husband would see it instantly.

458
00:11:30,179 --> 00:11:31,435
And while in person,

459
00:11:31,435 --> 00:11:32,785
he's a very chill person.

460
00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:33,655
He's like, give me their

461
00:11:33,655 --> 00:11:34,975
name, let me message them.

462
00:11:34,975 --> 00:11:36,385
I'm like, no, it's why you can't.

463
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:36,775
Oh yeah.

464
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:37,645
Totally, totally.

465
00:11:38,129 --> 00:11:38,739
like someone would say

466
00:11:38,969 --> 00:11:39,749
something and just like.

467
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:42,204
Pick on me or like if I like replied to

468
00:11:42,204 --> 00:11:43,404
something in the way, they didn't want

469
00:11:43,404 --> 00:11:44,994
me to reply, they'd be like, oh wow.

470
00:11:44,994 --> 00:11:45,564
Like blah, blah, blah.

471
00:11:45,564 --> 00:11:46,794
And they'd come after me for like

472
00:11:46,794 --> 00:11:49,140
standing up for myself and yeah.

473
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:49,150
Yeah.

474
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:50,580
I think that's the hard thing too about

475
00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:52,080
like then I would just start to like bite

476
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,280
my tongue and be like, you know what?

477
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:53,970
I'm not gonna even waste

478
00:11:53,970 --> 00:11:55,050
my time replying to you.

479
00:11:55,483 --> 00:11:55,687
right.

480
00:11:55,717 --> 00:11:56,952
One time someone, exactly.

481
00:11:57,337 --> 00:11:59,760
Someone like said something about a

482
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,117
typo on my website and I was like, oh,

483
00:12:02,117 --> 00:12:03,584
let me talk to my website designer.

484
00:12:03,584 --> 00:12:04,934
He goes, that's not a typo.

485
00:12:04,994 --> 00:12:06,134
They spelled this wrong.

486
00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:06,814
And And I'm like, I'm not

487
00:12:06,814 --> 00:12:08,014
gonna even waste my time.

488
00:12:08,177 --> 00:12:09,504
But it's the same guy that will message

489
00:12:09,504 --> 00:12:11,394
me anytime I post something political.

490
00:12:11,394 --> 00:12:12,790
And he goes, don't post this.

491
00:12:12,790 --> 00:12:13,450
Don't post this.

492
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:13,535
And I'm.

493
00:12:14,042 --> 00:12:14,612
Okay, bye.

494
00:12:15,032 --> 00:12:15,662
I don't care.

495
00:12:15,842 --> 00:12:17,969
Jim, from California, wherever from,

496
00:12:17,969 --> 00:12:18,239
are you?

497
00:12:18,719 --> 00:12:19,199
Yes.

498
00:12:19,469 --> 00:12:20,429
It's crazy.

499
00:12:20,545 --> 00:12:21,002
It's true.

500
00:12:21,002 --> 00:12:22,142
I think the other thing, oh, the

501
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,149
thing I was gonna mention, always

502
00:12:23,149 --> 00:12:24,805
forget about this is that so when I

503
00:12:24,805 --> 00:12:26,095
really started being consistent with

504
00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:27,772
making content, my husband and I were

505
00:12:27,772 --> 00:12:28,942
both going through like some like

506
00:12:28,972 --> 00:12:31,302
deconstruction of religion stuff.

507
00:12:31,302 --> 00:12:32,142
So that's actually when I

508
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,762
started being maybe more like

509
00:12:33,941 --> 00:12:35,852
vulnerable with my content.

510
00:12:35,852 --> 00:12:37,112
Like, this is what I'm going through

511
00:12:37,112 --> 00:12:39,212
personally, or like making videos.

512
00:12:39,212 --> 00:12:40,739
And it kind of, the hard part was

513
00:12:40,739 --> 00:12:42,599
like deconstruction and the rise

514
00:12:42,599 --> 00:12:44,129
of Christian nationalism happened

515
00:12:44,129 --> 00:12:46,019
at the same time, very obviously.

516
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,525
in some ways that was really difficult

517
00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:48,485
because I was like, okay, I'm trying

518
00:12:48,485 --> 00:12:50,255
to like sort through these feelings and

519
00:12:50,255 --> 00:12:52,205
then it's showing up in like the real

520
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,245
world, not just in my little bubble.

521
00:12:54,459 --> 00:12:55,419
but that's more what I

522
00:12:55,419 --> 00:12:56,289
started posting first.

523
00:12:56,289 --> 00:12:57,819
And I feel like it actually, came at a

524
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,129
time where I didn't feel like I had anyone

525
00:13:00,129 --> 00:13:02,175
in my, real life besides my husband,

526
00:13:02,175 --> 00:13:03,405
but he was, you know, dealing with his

527
00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:06,435
own stuff around it that understood.

528
00:13:06,707 --> 00:13:07,727
Like what I was going through.

529
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,830
Like I was like, I don't have people

530
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,570
around me that know what it is to like

531
00:13:11,570 --> 00:13:13,460
leave this community that I've had.

532
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,480
And I found 'em online and

533
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:15,650
I was like, oh my gosh.

534
00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:17,540
Like it was one of the first times

535
00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:19,827
I saw what community I think on

536
00:13:19,827 --> 00:13:21,807
social media could be, and it made

537
00:13:21,807 --> 00:13:23,307
me feel less alone in that time.

538
00:13:23,307 --> 00:13:25,197
And now I feel like sometimes I'm able

539
00:13:25,197 --> 00:13:26,517
to offer that with my content to people

540
00:13:26,517 --> 00:13:27,877
and I'm like, I know how that feels.

541
00:13:27,877 --> 00:13:29,617
I know you're like, a lot of people

542
00:13:29,617 --> 00:13:31,030
will be like, how do I find like

543
00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:32,350
more progressive mom friends?

544
00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:33,427
Like, do I know how to tell you that?

545
00:13:33,427 --> 00:13:35,287
Not exactly, but I can tell you, even

546
00:13:35,287 --> 00:13:36,757
if it's just online, it will make you

547
00:13:36,757 --> 00:13:39,337
feel like not so by yourself out there.

548
00:13:39,337 --> 00:13:39,932
So yes, it's nice.

549
00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:42,337
That truly is like the beauty of

550
00:13:42,337 --> 00:13:44,107
social media is like the connection.

551
00:13:44,112 --> 00:13:44,202
Yeah.

552
00:13:44,344 --> 00:13:46,054
with doing this podcast and with just

553
00:13:46,054 --> 00:13:47,914
making content, like you meet so many

554
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,774
people that you wouldn't normally meet in

555
00:13:49,774 --> 00:13:52,504
real life and that's what's so awesome.

556
00:13:52,504 --> 00:13:54,884
Like, so just leaning into those positive

557
00:13:54,884 --> 00:13:57,010
connections and like having these

558
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,144
conversations I think is really, helpful.

559
00:13:59,684 --> 00:14:00,584
Yeah, for sure.

560
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,187
So do you feel like some of the backlash

561
00:14:03,187 --> 00:14:05,084
that you have gotten on the messages, do

562
00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:07,154
you think it has to do with you being more

563
00:14:07,154 --> 00:14:09,584
vocal and opinionated, like as a woman?

564
00:14:09,584 --> 00:14:12,117
Or do you feel like, it's just kinda going

565
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:14,070
back to it's just trolls being trolls?

566
00:14:14,533 --> 00:14:15,480
I think it's both.

567
00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:16,104
it's hard.

568
00:14:16,104 --> 00:14:17,987
Obviously there's overlap there, I

569
00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:20,387
would say, like I said, a majority of

570
00:14:20,387 --> 00:14:22,877
the negative comments I get are from

571
00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:24,617
what appears to be conservative men.

572
00:14:25,146 --> 00:14:27,006
And I think they don't

573
00:14:27,006 --> 00:14:28,086
agree with my beliefs.

574
00:14:28,086 --> 00:14:30,156
And then on top of that, they don't

575
00:14:30,156 --> 00:14:32,016
like that I'm speaking up as a woman.

576
00:14:32,046 --> 00:14:34,176
A lot of them will say like, things

577
00:14:34,176 --> 00:14:35,796
that come from like a very like

578
00:14:36,029 --> 00:14:38,870
traditional, patriarchy filled viewpoint.

579
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:40,310
Like basically, you're a woman,

580
00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:41,360
you need to shut up type of thing.

581
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,380
And I'm like, okay.

582
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:43,670
Like your opinion literally means

583
00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:45,650
nothing to me if that's how you view

584
00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:47,460
Half of the world women.

585
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,380
but you know, I have occasionally

586
00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:52,410
had pushback from like women or moms.

587
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:53,913
like I said, it's like few and far between

588
00:14:53,913 --> 00:14:55,143
now because I think the people that choose

589
00:14:55,143 --> 00:14:56,403
to follow me, they're like, this is why

590
00:14:56,403 --> 00:14:57,963
I'm following you is because we align.

591
00:14:58,278 --> 00:15:00,677
I think it's, people who are coming from

592
00:15:00,737 --> 00:15:03,074
very conservative or I mean, like, living

593
00:15:03,074 --> 00:15:05,204
in Washington is different than people.

594
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:07,064
Like this is so bad.

595
00:15:07,265 --> 00:15:08,324
This guy really attacked me on

596
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,490
the internet and all of his stuff

597
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:10,600
was out there and I was like,

598
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:11,680
where, what is this guy doing?

599
00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:13,177
And he like lived in a southern

600
00:15:13,177 --> 00:15:15,727
state and his page, I was like, oh,

601
00:15:15,727 --> 00:15:17,677
this guy is everything the opposite.

602
00:15:17,744 --> 00:15:19,304
and he's in a community that it seemed

603
00:15:19,304 --> 00:15:20,414
like that was very different from me.

604
00:15:20,414 --> 00:15:21,300
And I'm like, we're not

605
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:21,930
going to align here.

606
00:15:21,930 --> 00:15:22,830
And I'm also not gonna argue with

607
00:15:22,915 --> 00:15:24,300
a, a stranger on the internet.

608
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,344
But that's why I think it's been

609
00:15:26,344 --> 00:15:27,574
easier to kind of brush that stuff

610
00:15:27,574 --> 00:15:31,081
off is because it's not a person that.

611
00:15:31,481 --> 00:15:34,211
in real life I would ever associate with,

612
00:15:34,271 --> 00:15:37,061
and they don't have the same values as me.

613
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,501
So it's, I am like, okay, if you're

614
00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:39,761
a person who calls me out and

615
00:15:39,761 --> 00:15:41,621
it's like, normally we align and

616
00:15:41,621 --> 00:15:43,091
you're like, what's this about?

617
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:44,678
Then a hundred percent let's

618
00:15:44,678 --> 00:15:45,668
have a dialogue about it.

619
00:15:45,668 --> 00:15:47,481
But I would say that rarely happens.

620
00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:49,581
It's usually, and it's always on Facebook.

621
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:50,358
Always on Facebook.

622
00:15:50,358 --> 00:15:52,195
The meanest old, grumpy men

623
00:15:52,195 --> 00:15:53,095
are on Facebook and they

624
00:15:53,095 --> 00:15:53,995
really hate me over there.

625
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:54,790
But that's okay.

626
00:15:55,238 --> 00:15:55,992
I agree with that.

627
00:15:55,992 --> 00:15:57,269
I always say there's a different,

628
00:15:57,269 --> 00:15:59,489
completely different audience on

629
00:15:59,489 --> 00:16:01,319
Facebook it's scary sometimes 'cause

630
00:16:01,473 --> 00:16:02,785
they can be really supportive and

631
00:16:02,785 --> 00:16:03,925
then all of sudden it's like, bam.

632
00:16:03,925 --> 00:16:04,615
And they're gonna get you.

633
00:16:05,605 --> 00:16:06,025
Yes.

634
00:16:06,025 --> 00:16:06,978
There are great people, but I

635
00:16:06,978 --> 00:16:09,558
have a friend who she said over

636
00:16:09,558 --> 00:16:11,538
on Facebook, just post and ghost.

637
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,648
And now that's what I do now.

638
00:16:12,648 --> 00:16:14,178
Like I rarely check comments over

639
00:16:14,178 --> 00:16:15,528
there, which I feel bad because there

640
00:16:15,528 --> 00:16:17,238
are some really kind supportive people.

641
00:16:17,238 --> 00:16:18,757
But I'm like, okay, follow me on

642
00:16:18,757 --> 00:16:19,837
Instagram or TikTok or something

643
00:16:19,867 --> 00:16:21,903
because Facebook, that one, It is

644
00:16:21,903 --> 00:16:23,643
dark, it's a dark timeline over there.

645
00:16:23,943 --> 00:16:25,806
So sometimes I just have to go post

646
00:16:25,806 --> 00:16:28,236
it and walk away and, kind of get the

647
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:30,066
community aspect on other platforms.

648
00:16:30,216 --> 00:16:30,576
Yeah.

649
00:16:30,636 --> 00:16:32,526
And especially as a therapist, I feel like

650
00:16:32,526 --> 00:16:34,626
mental health is like so important and so

651
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:36,902
like, boundaries of like, I'm protecting

652
00:16:36,902 --> 00:16:38,912
myself, protecting my boundaries.

653
00:16:39,049 --> 00:16:39,787
Yes, exactly.

654
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,679
So how do you think, like becoming a

655
00:16:41,679 --> 00:16:43,209
mom, like you said your oldest is 10,

656
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:44,979
how do you think becoming a mom or

657
00:16:44,979 --> 00:16:46,449
how has that changed with like, your

658
00:16:46,449 --> 00:16:48,929
viewpoints on mental health, community?

659
00:16:48,999 --> 00:16:50,648
I feel like it kind of shifts

660
00:16:50,648 --> 00:16:52,323
as you probably with each kid,

661
00:16:52,425 --> 00:16:53,830
but like as you get older too.

662
00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:56,302
But how do you instill mental health

663
00:16:56,302 --> 00:16:57,532
in them and how's your viewpoints

664
00:16:57,532 --> 00:16:58,792
changed on it over the years?

665
00:16:59,031 --> 00:16:59,571
Sure.

666
00:16:59,632 --> 00:17:01,392
so interesting is when I was in, my

667
00:17:01,392 --> 00:17:02,442
husband and I were both in grad school

668
00:17:02,442 --> 00:17:04,781
at the same time and I got pregnant

669
00:17:04,909 --> 00:17:05,839
Not on purpose.

670
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:06,739
I mean, we're married,

671
00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:07,429
but not that it matters.

672
00:17:07,429 --> 00:17:08,689
But we were married, we were like newly

673
00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:10,549
married and we were in grad school.

674
00:17:10,549 --> 00:17:11,955
We were living, um, on

675
00:17:11,955 --> 00:17:12,825
his parents' property.

676
00:17:12,825 --> 00:17:13,875
They had like this little loft

677
00:17:13,875 --> 00:17:14,745
thing that we were living in.

678
00:17:14,745 --> 00:17:16,245
And so it was like this temporary thing.

679
00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:16,845
We were like, we just gotta get

680
00:17:16,845 --> 00:17:17,565
through grad school and then we'll

681
00:17:17,565 --> 00:17:18,495
figure out what we're gonna do.

682
00:17:18,732 --> 00:17:21,276
I was like, I wanted a baby eventually,

683
00:17:21,276 --> 00:17:22,476
but I was like, okay, we gotta wait.

684
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,436
So we got a dog, we got a

685
00:17:23,436 --> 00:17:24,981
puppy, I was like, perfect.

686
00:17:24,981 --> 00:17:27,046
This'll like satiate my baby need.

687
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,396
And then lo and behold, the

688
00:17:28,396 --> 00:17:29,296
same month we got the puppy,

689
00:17:29,296 --> 00:17:30,826
I accidentally got pregnant.

690
00:17:30,826 --> 00:17:32,152
I was like, so I was

691
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:33,622
pregnant in grad school.

692
00:17:33,622 --> 00:17:35,872
I had to do like my internship as a

693
00:17:35,872 --> 00:17:37,762
therapist, like while I was pregnant.

694
00:17:37,762 --> 00:17:39,803
I also looked very, very young at

695
00:17:39,803 --> 00:17:41,903
that point because I was like 23.

696
00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:43,950
I was a baby and I looked like a baby.

697
00:17:43,950 --> 00:17:45,533
So that threw another thing

698
00:17:45,533 --> 00:17:46,913
that I was like, I already feel

699
00:17:46,913 --> 00:17:48,233
young seeing these clients.

700
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,343
I dunno what the heck I'm doing.

701
00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:50,273
I'm pregnant.

702
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:51,083
What is happening?

703
00:17:51,217 --> 00:17:52,704
So it was like kind of a crazy

704
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:53,890
time, but it all worked out.

705
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:54,808
I had, our first.

706
00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:57,773
Son and then graduated three

707
00:17:57,773 --> 00:17:59,573
days after that in grad school.

708
00:18:00,143 --> 00:18:00,193
Oh my gosh.

709
00:18:00,298 --> 00:18:01,078
It was crazy.

710
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:03,296
And then a month before he was

711
00:18:03,296 --> 00:18:04,526
born, we like moved into our house.

712
00:18:04,526 --> 00:18:05,380
So it all, worked out.

713
00:18:05,380 --> 00:18:07,226
But all that to say we were at

714
00:18:07,226 --> 00:18:08,624
very different points in our

715
00:18:08,624 --> 00:18:10,244
life when we had our first baby.

716
00:18:10,505 --> 00:18:13,147
and while I think like in comparison to

717
00:18:13,147 --> 00:18:15,517
a lot of like maybe evangelical people,

718
00:18:15,517 --> 00:18:17,347
we were a little bit more progressive.

719
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,117
We still were on the conservative side.

720
00:18:19,174 --> 00:18:21,097
so I would say that's been one of

721
00:18:21,097 --> 00:18:23,431
the biggest changes is my viewpoints

722
00:18:23,431 --> 00:18:26,012
from when I was a new mom till

723
00:18:26,042 --> 00:18:28,156
now, just have changed a lot.

724
00:18:28,209 --> 00:18:29,259
and even just like becoming a

725
00:18:29,259 --> 00:18:30,579
mom, knowing how hard it is.

726
00:18:30,627 --> 00:18:31,977
and like, wonderful of course.

727
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,747
But I'm like, I really think you wanna

728
00:18:33,844 --> 00:18:35,134
be able to choose this, you know?

729
00:18:35,317 --> 00:18:36,427
because there are hard days where

730
00:18:36,427 --> 00:18:37,342
even if you wanted it, you're like.

731
00:18:37,987 --> 00:18:39,607
I wanna run away for a day, right?

732
00:18:39,607 --> 00:18:40,387
So I think everyone

733
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,167
should have that choice.

734
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:43,167
So I think that's been super, super

735
00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:45,647
impactful on me, is just seeing

736
00:18:45,681 --> 00:18:46,911
how hard it is even with all of

737
00:18:46,911 --> 00:18:48,641
like the resources and support I

738
00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:50,111
have and not everyone has that.

739
00:18:50,165 --> 00:18:52,329
so I started, a therapist and I've,

740
00:18:52,386 --> 00:18:53,466
always worked part-time 'cause we've

741
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,771
always had a baby or toddler or both

742
00:18:55,771 --> 00:18:58,039
at home and childcare is so expensive.

743
00:18:58,048 --> 00:18:59,518
So I opened my private

744
00:18:59,518 --> 00:19:00,778
practice, did all of that.

745
00:19:00,778 --> 00:19:03,424
but I think as my political leanings

746
00:19:03,424 --> 00:19:04,867
became more progressive, that

747
00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:07,087
really helped me as a therapist.

748
00:19:07,289 --> 00:19:08,544
there was never anyone I would've like

749
00:19:08,544 --> 00:19:09,980
turned away as a client or anything.

750
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:11,210
But I think at the beginning there

751
00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:13,040
were times where I felt kind of like,

752
00:19:13,214 --> 00:19:14,624
I really don't know how to approach

753
00:19:14,624 --> 00:19:16,154
this person because I haven't maybe

754
00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:17,594
interacted with a person from this

755
00:19:17,594 --> 00:19:20,144
like, walk of life or this anything just

756
00:19:20,144 --> 00:19:21,554
different than what I had experienced.

757
00:19:21,554 --> 00:19:23,140
So I think it's helped me a lot as a

758
00:19:23,140 --> 00:19:25,714
therapist to, It feels like now everything

759
00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:27,547
aligns really well, which is nice.

760
00:19:27,547 --> 00:19:28,627
Like I feel confident in who

761
00:19:28,627 --> 00:19:30,367
I am as therapist and a mom.

762
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:31,987
And it's just like, as a person, it

763
00:19:31,987 --> 00:19:33,157
feels like it's all in alignment.

764
00:19:33,276 --> 00:19:35,824
but raising all boys is, it's really fun.

765
00:19:35,824 --> 00:19:36,964
And my boys are like very good.

766
00:19:36,994 --> 00:19:37,894
They're very good kids.

767
00:19:37,894 --> 00:19:39,244
Like my mom loves to remind me.

768
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:39,784
She's like, you know, your

769
00:19:39,784 --> 00:19:41,284
kids are like so good and easy.

770
00:19:41,284 --> 00:19:43,024
And I'm like, well, they're good,

771
00:19:43,204 --> 00:19:44,974
but you know What kid is easy mom?

772
00:19:45,126 --> 00:19:46,386
they're very sweet kids.

773
00:19:46,443 --> 00:19:47,853
and you know, normal sibling

774
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,053
stuff, but they're very sweet.

775
00:19:49,053 --> 00:19:51,119
But I think one of the biggest things

776
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,586
is realizing that looking around the

777
00:19:53,586 --> 00:19:55,536
world, like a lot of the things that have

778
00:19:55,536 --> 00:19:57,683
happened in our world and our country

779
00:19:57,683 --> 00:20:01,073
are because of powerful men usually

780
00:20:01,073 --> 00:20:03,173
that are not using that power for good.

781
00:20:03,173 --> 00:20:04,676
And so I tell my boys

782
00:20:04,676 --> 00:20:05,666
a lot, like, I'm like.

783
00:20:05,889 --> 00:20:07,518
Listen, it's not fair and it's

784
00:20:07,518 --> 00:20:09,618
not right, but you are going to be

785
00:20:09,618 --> 00:20:11,418
afforded privileges that other people

786
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:13,788
aren't your boys and you're white.

787
00:20:13,968 --> 00:20:16,188
And that unfortunately is gonna put you

788
00:20:16,188 --> 00:20:18,168
in a position even if you didn't earn it.

789
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:18,851
So you have to do

790
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:19,661
something good with that.

791
00:20:19,924 --> 00:20:22,061
I'm thankful, like so we like lived next

792
00:20:22,061 --> 00:20:23,861
to the town that I grew up in I love it.

793
00:20:23,861 --> 00:20:25,148
But the schools that I went to

794
00:20:25,148 --> 00:20:25,928
in the high school I went to

795
00:20:25,928 --> 00:20:28,358
was like, no diversity ever.

796
00:20:28,373 --> 00:20:30,320
Like, it was very just homogenous.

797
00:20:30,411 --> 00:20:31,520
So now I'm very thankful they

798
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:32,630
go to a different district.

799
00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:34,460
They are exposed to all different

800
00:20:34,460 --> 00:20:35,330
types of people, different

801
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,624
languages, different cultures.

802
00:20:36,740 --> 00:20:38,506
Like to them it's very much more

803
00:20:38,506 --> 00:20:40,156
normal than it was for me at that age.

804
00:20:40,370 --> 00:20:42,140
And I think that helps a ton.

805
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:42,230
Mm-hmm.

806
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:43,806
but we really try to like

807
00:20:44,007 --> 00:20:46,373
just be open with emotions

808
00:20:46,373 --> 00:20:48,387
and like, it's okay to be sad.

809
00:20:48,387 --> 00:20:51,090
being a boy doesn't mean you can't cry or.

810
00:20:51,387 --> 00:20:53,006
Like one of my kids, I won't say

811
00:20:53,006 --> 00:20:55,496
which one, but he gets made fun

812
00:20:55,496 --> 00:20:56,786
of because he really likes pink.

813
00:20:57,236 --> 00:20:57,776
So silly.

814
00:20:57,776 --> 00:20:59,276
But still, still, which I was

815
00:20:59,366 --> 00:21:00,326
like very shocked by that.

816
00:21:00,536 --> 00:21:01,706
people are mean to him at school

817
00:21:01,706 --> 00:21:03,659
sometimes, I am thankful that like

818
00:21:03,659 --> 00:21:05,249
we've had conversations where he

819
00:21:05,279 --> 00:21:06,539
most of the time feels confident

820
00:21:06,539 --> 00:21:07,409
that he's like, who cares?

821
00:21:07,556 --> 00:21:08,713
like what I like, girls can

822
00:21:08,713 --> 00:21:10,003
like blue, I can like pink.

823
00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:11,719
But I think sometimes we forget as

824
00:21:11,719 --> 00:21:14,296
much, progress as we've made as a

825
00:21:14,296 --> 00:21:17,386
society is that there are still a lot

826
00:21:17,386 --> 00:21:20,326
of like stereotypes and, pushback.

827
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,199
and obviously girls deal with, so much,

828
00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:23,519
but I'm on the boy end of the spectrum,

829
00:21:23,519 --> 00:21:25,406
so I'm like, okay, I wanna just make sure

830
00:21:25,406 --> 00:21:27,896
that we all the masculinity that we're

831
00:21:27,896 --> 00:21:29,996
modeling to you is not the toxic kind.

832
00:21:30,446 --> 00:21:30,596
Yeah.

833
00:21:30,596 --> 00:21:31,809
So we're trying our best.

834
00:21:31,809 --> 00:21:31,869
Yeah.

835
00:21:32,289 --> 00:21:33,159
No, I love that.

836
00:21:33,266 --> 00:21:35,306
I feel like millennial parents, and

837
00:21:35,306 --> 00:21:36,236
again, every time I say this, like

838
00:21:36,266 --> 00:21:37,556
make sure I'm saying, I'm like, I don't

839
00:21:37,556 --> 00:21:39,596
think other generations are bad parents.

840
00:21:39,596 --> 00:21:40,676
Like everyone has their,

841
00:21:40,676 --> 00:21:41,726
no, we're, our generation

842
00:21:41,726 --> 00:21:42,356
is a little different.

843
00:21:42,356 --> 00:21:42,566
Yeah.

844
00:21:42,646 --> 00:21:43,546
I feel like millennials

845
00:21:43,546 --> 00:21:44,596
are really good about.

846
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:47,084
Emotions and empowering emotions.

847
00:21:47,236 --> 00:21:47,461
Yes.

848
00:21:47,461 --> 00:21:49,141
Because I feel like we heard a lot

849
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:50,551
of times growing up like, don't

850
00:21:50,551 --> 00:21:52,479
cry or like, tough up whether

851
00:21:52,788 --> 00:21:53,889
boy or girl, you know, whatever.

852
00:21:53,889 --> 00:21:55,846
But like even like seeing my husband with

853
00:21:55,846 --> 00:21:57,226
my daughter and being like, it's okay.

854
00:21:57,226 --> 00:21:58,096
Why are you sad?

855
00:21:58,123 --> 00:21:59,189
it's okay to be sad

856
00:21:59,239 --> 00:22:00,475
like name your emotions.

857
00:22:00,475 --> 00:22:01,945
And I feel like that's something like, I

858
00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:03,481
would say I have a girl so I can't relate

859
00:22:03,481 --> 00:22:05,517
to the boy aspect, but I feel like too,

860
00:22:05,517 --> 00:22:07,317
it's like important when you talk about,

861
00:22:07,407 --> 00:22:09,684
embracing other cultures and languages.

862
00:22:09,684 --> 00:22:10,584
Yeah, like I was talking about

863
00:22:10,584 --> 00:22:11,544
this recently in a post where

864
00:22:11,544 --> 00:22:12,774
people said I got too political.

865
00:22:13,064 --> 00:22:14,474
when we go to the library every week,

866
00:22:14,474 --> 00:22:16,121
I make sure we get books with kids

867
00:22:16,121 --> 00:22:17,111
that look different than that are

868
00:22:17,111 --> 00:22:18,641
characters that look different than her.

869
00:22:18,981 --> 00:22:20,724
or we just got bilingual books this

870
00:22:20,724 --> 00:22:21,834
week and last week we're starting to

871
00:22:21,834 --> 00:22:23,304
do more of that so she can pick up on

872
00:22:23,304 --> 00:22:25,787
words and, it's little things like that.

873
00:22:25,787 --> 00:22:27,737
It's so easy to do, but I'm like

874
00:22:27,737 --> 00:22:29,207
just making that effort to show like,

875
00:22:29,567 --> 00:22:31,557
hey, let's embrace other cultures

876
00:22:31,557 --> 00:22:32,967
and other backgrounds so you don't.

877
00:22:33,189 --> 00:22:34,869
Turned 25 years old and you've

878
00:22:34,869 --> 00:22:36,279
never met anybody that looks

879
00:22:36,279 --> 00:22:37,689
different than you or had a friend

880
00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:38,649
that looks different than you.

881
00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:38,739
Mm-hmm.

882
00:22:39,149 --> 00:22:40,379
It's so important with this

883
00:22:40,379 --> 00:22:41,699
next generation, and I feel

884
00:22:41,699 --> 00:22:43,446
like that is something that I am

885
00:22:43,446 --> 00:22:45,006
noticing with millennial parents

886
00:22:45,006 --> 00:22:47,459
that we are, it's very general.

887
00:22:47,639 --> 00:22:48,629
It's a very general thing,

888
00:22:48,899 --> 00:22:49,559
but we're trying to be

889
00:22:49,559 --> 00:22:51,029
more intentional, I think.

890
00:22:51,081 --> 00:22:52,109
and this is not what you're saying,

891
00:22:52,109 --> 00:22:53,219
just to, just to be clear, what

892
00:22:53,219 --> 00:22:54,539
I'm about to say is I think that

893
00:22:54,539 --> 00:22:57,329
sometimes people feel judged by like.

894
00:22:57,681 --> 00:22:59,079
Millennial parents that were like,

895
00:22:59,109 --> 00:23:00,159
oh, we're trying to do these things.

896
00:23:00,159 --> 00:23:01,179
And they're like, well, we tried our best.

897
00:23:01,179 --> 00:23:01,999
And I agree.

898
00:23:01,999 --> 00:23:03,619
But I think if you just trace, and this

899
00:23:03,619 --> 00:23:05,722
is obviously painting with a really big

900
00:23:05,722 --> 00:23:07,852
paintbrush here, but if you just trace

901
00:23:07,852 --> 00:23:10,702
back the generations of parents, I think

902
00:23:10,702 --> 00:23:12,232
most parents did the best they could,

903
00:23:12,232 --> 00:23:14,962
but they were given very limited tools.

904
00:23:15,022 --> 00:23:15,202
Yeah.

905
00:23:15,232 --> 00:23:16,732
To do what they could in their

906
00:23:16,732 --> 00:23:18,470
parenting like, my parents,

907
00:23:18,470 --> 00:23:20,000
I am not critical of them.

908
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,517
They did the best they could, but they

909
00:23:21,517 --> 00:23:23,527
were raised by parents who weren't even

910
00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:25,447
ever allowed to say how they felt ever.

911
00:23:25,525 --> 00:23:25,580
Mm-hmm.

912
00:23:25,580 --> 00:23:28,430
So when I had big emotions and maybe

913
00:23:28,430 --> 00:23:30,350
I got, you know, sent to my room a lot

914
00:23:30,350 --> 00:23:32,207
or whatever, was that the best option?

915
00:23:32,267 --> 00:23:33,617
No, probably not.

916
00:23:33,647 --> 00:23:35,297
But the fact that I could say

917
00:23:35,297 --> 00:23:37,697
how I felt that was progress.

918
00:23:37,697 --> 00:23:38,057
Right.

919
00:23:38,057 --> 00:23:38,994
So I think that it's

920
00:23:38,994 --> 00:23:41,034
culminating more and more and.

921
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:42,440
What's, what I think is really interesting

922
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,600
too is like millennials are the only,

923
00:23:44,660 --> 00:23:46,894
thus far, the only generation that is

924
00:23:46,894 --> 00:23:49,474
not becoming more conservative with age.

925
00:23:49,474 --> 00:23:50,674
And I think that translates to

926
00:23:50,674 --> 00:23:52,604
our parenting that we're like, we

927
00:23:52,604 --> 00:23:54,464
will let you have these feelings.

928
00:23:54,464 --> 00:23:56,474
Like it's not just children need

929
00:23:56,474 --> 00:23:58,363
to like be seen and not heard or

930
00:23:58,363 --> 00:23:59,723
whatever the thing is, so I think

931
00:23:59,723 --> 00:24:01,523
it's all kind of coming together.

932
00:24:01,726 --> 00:24:03,016
the hard part is I think because

933
00:24:03,046 --> 00:24:04,516
millennials are so in touch with this,

934
00:24:04,516 --> 00:24:06,029
we're always so worried about like, oh

935
00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:07,229
my gosh, we're traumatizing our kids

936
00:24:07,229 --> 00:24:08,903
and we probably are like, we are okay.

937
00:24:08,903 --> 00:24:09,893
We are your kids gonna meet

938
00:24:09,893 --> 00:24:10,553
their, we're learning something.

939
00:24:10,808 --> 00:24:12,449
But I think the fact that you just said

940
00:24:12,449 --> 00:24:14,789
that we're learning that is different

941
00:24:14,789 --> 00:24:17,789
than again, broad strokes, many previous

942
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:20,363
generations of parents, is that there

943
00:24:20,363 --> 00:24:22,643
wasn't the openness to say I was wrong.

944
00:24:22,673 --> 00:24:23,753
And I think if we can start

945
00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:24,743
from that place of like.

946
00:24:25,021 --> 00:24:27,096
We are also learning to be parents.

947
00:24:27,096 --> 00:24:28,926
We're learning you individual, each

948
00:24:28,926 --> 00:24:30,666
individual child, what you need.

949
00:24:30,806 --> 00:24:32,416
Then at least in the future, it's

950
00:24:32,416 --> 00:24:34,279
not hopefully that our kids will just

951
00:24:34,332 --> 00:24:35,799
hold it against us for our mistakes.

952
00:24:35,804 --> 00:24:35,895
Right.

953
00:24:35,896 --> 00:24:36,976
we get that you've always been

954
00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:39,183
open and so that matters a lot.

955
00:24:39,188 --> 00:24:39,588
It matters a lot.

956
00:24:40,398 --> 00:24:41,958
that was so well said because

957
00:24:41,958 --> 00:24:43,477
I've had similar conversations

958
00:24:43,477 --> 00:24:44,707
before with people about that.

959
00:24:44,707 --> 00:24:46,568
It's just like coming up a parent myself

960
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:49,358
too has given me more sympathy for like

961
00:24:49,484 --> 00:24:50,918
my parents and other generations too.

962
00:24:50,918 --> 00:24:52,388
Because you made a great point.

963
00:24:52,388 --> 00:24:53,678
Like even talking to my dad about

964
00:24:53,869 --> 00:24:55,108
his parents' generation and his

965
00:24:55,108 --> 00:24:56,991
grandparents, like it was so different.

966
00:24:56,991 --> 00:24:57,261
Yeah.

967
00:24:57,261 --> 00:24:58,971
It's like, so they kind of took those

968
00:24:58,971 --> 00:25:00,261
tools and made it better and they

969
00:25:00,261 --> 00:25:01,701
took those tools and made it better.

970
00:25:01,976 --> 00:25:03,026
because yeah, like my, I remember my

971
00:25:03,026 --> 00:25:04,833
dad being like, not to get too personal,

972
00:25:04,833 --> 00:25:05,643
I don't share a lot of personal

973
00:25:05,643 --> 00:25:06,710
stuff, you couldn't even like crack a

974
00:25:06,710 --> 00:25:08,330
joke at the dinner table growing up.

975
00:25:08,330 --> 00:25:09,410
Like it was serious.

976
00:25:09,410 --> 00:25:10,280
Like you sit down.

977
00:25:10,452 --> 00:25:10,752
Yeah.

978
00:25:10,782 --> 00:25:12,132
We're not, if you like burp at the table.

979
00:25:12,767 --> 00:25:13,212
Yeah, yeah.

980
00:25:13,212 --> 00:25:14,232
If you burped or anything,

981
00:25:14,232 --> 00:25:15,762
you were like punished.

982
00:25:15,792 --> 00:25:16,392
You were off.

983
00:25:16,452 --> 00:25:16,777
Right, right.

984
00:25:16,842 --> 00:25:18,432
And so my dad's like, I never wanna

985
00:25:18,432 --> 00:25:19,962
be that way with you guys 'cause like.

986
00:25:20,184 --> 00:25:21,143
Dinner should be follow, we should

987
00:25:21,143 --> 00:25:22,433
be hanging out, you know, whatever.

988
00:25:22,580 --> 00:25:24,730
And so, just hearing them talk about that.

989
00:25:24,730 --> 00:25:25,960
I feel like we're always trying

990
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:26,980
to like see what our parents

991
00:25:26,980 --> 00:25:27,880
did and how we could be better.

992
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,415
Not saying they were bad, just

993
00:25:29,415 --> 00:25:31,365
saying, how can we take that

994
00:25:31,365 --> 00:25:33,015
and then apply those tools?

995
00:25:33,422 --> 00:25:33,835
exactly.

996
00:25:33,895 --> 00:25:34,345
I think that's what

997
00:25:34,345 --> 00:25:35,455
everyone's trying to do.

998
00:25:35,455 --> 00:25:36,985
And that's, you know, that's the

999
00:25:36,985 --> 00:25:38,605
goal in general, not just parenting.

1000
00:25:38,605 --> 00:25:38,935
Right.

1001
00:25:39,224 --> 00:25:39,835
But I think.

1002
00:25:40,043 --> 00:25:41,091
Sometimes it can be hard 'cause

1003
00:25:41,091 --> 00:25:42,520
it feels like, other generations

1004
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:43,450
feel like, oh, like you're,

1005
00:25:43,450 --> 00:25:44,800
you guys are being so critical.

1006
00:25:44,903 --> 00:25:46,725
And I think the criticism doesn't have to,

1007
00:25:46,815 --> 00:25:48,774
I mean, sometimes it is warranted if, you

1008
00:25:48,774 --> 00:25:49,944
know, it's like a really negative thing.

1009
00:25:49,944 --> 00:25:51,523
But I think we can look and just say,

1010
00:25:51,736 --> 00:25:54,013
we know more now we have more resource.

1011
00:25:54,043 --> 00:25:55,969
Like our generation of parents has

1012
00:25:55,969 --> 00:25:57,259
so many resources, which can be

1013
00:25:57,259 --> 00:25:58,708
overwhelming, but like my mom couldn't

1014
00:25:58,708 --> 00:26:01,318
hop on Google and look and say like, what

1015
00:26:01,318 --> 00:26:02,728
the heck do I do when my kid does this?

1016
00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:04,956
Or like, she didn't have the community

1017
00:26:04,956 --> 00:26:07,116
besides her next door neighbors to,

1018
00:26:07,177 --> 00:26:08,827
figure out like, what happens when my

1019
00:26:08,827 --> 00:26:10,414
kid comes home and, says this thing.

1020
00:26:10,635 --> 00:26:13,249
and while sometimes I envy that, I

1021
00:26:13,249 --> 00:26:15,157
think we just have more resources now.

1022
00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:16,537
And so we're just trying to utilize

1023
00:26:16,537 --> 00:26:18,817
those and yeah, it's not everyone

1024
00:26:18,847 --> 00:26:20,677
before us was bad by any means.

1025
00:26:20,677 --> 00:26:21,967
I think it's just like we

1026
00:26:21,967 --> 00:26:23,377
would hope our kids become even

1027
00:26:23,437 --> 00:26:24,577
better parents than we are.

1028
00:26:24,697 --> 00:26:25,057
Right?

1029
00:26:25,057 --> 00:26:25,067
Yeah.

1030
00:26:25,102 --> 00:26:25,322
So,

1031
00:26:25,777 --> 00:26:26,197
yeah.

1032
00:26:26,357 --> 00:26:26,671
I know.

1033
00:26:26,671 --> 00:26:26,821
Yeah.

1034
00:26:26,821 --> 00:26:28,321
It's funny you said about like, too,

1035
00:26:28,321 --> 00:26:29,311
like talking to your kids and you're

1036
00:26:29,311 --> 00:26:31,196
like, what am I doing right now to, you

1037
00:26:31,196 --> 00:26:33,048
know, 'cause like, already overthinker

1038
00:26:33,048 --> 00:26:34,728
and then being like a parent, I'll be

1039
00:26:34,728 --> 00:26:36,798
like, I see myself in her sometimes

1040
00:26:36,798 --> 00:26:38,298
and I'll be like, oh my gosh.

1041
00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:39,072
and I'll be like, I'm

1042
00:26:39,072 --> 00:26:39,972
sorry I said it that way.

1043
00:26:39,972 --> 00:26:41,202
And I'm like, I should say it like this.

1044
00:26:41,202 --> 00:26:42,465
Or like, I dunno if you've ever seen

1045
00:26:42,465 --> 00:26:44,176
that S one L skit, think, I think it's

1046
00:26:44,176 --> 00:26:47,086
Kristen Stewart and she's like trying

1047
00:26:47,086 --> 00:26:48,526
to compliment a kid other than like,

1048
00:26:48,556 --> 00:26:49,906
oh, you look pretty in that dress.

1049
00:26:49,998 --> 00:26:51,708
you're so smart.

1050
00:26:52,087 --> 00:26:53,722
I try to like correct myself because I'll

1051
00:26:53,722 --> 00:26:55,304
be like, you're such a pretty princess.

1052
00:26:55,304 --> 00:26:56,497
And I'm like, you, you're like,

1053
00:26:56,497 --> 00:26:57,667
wait, no, but that's not the

1054
00:26:57,667 --> 00:26:59,017
only thing good about you.

1055
00:26:59,017 --> 00:26:59,587
I know

1056
00:26:59,592 --> 00:26:59,882
your brain.

1057
00:26:59,882 --> 00:27:00,362
It's so hard.

1058
00:27:00,362 --> 00:27:00,382
Your brain.

1059
00:27:00,727 --> 00:27:01,207
Yes.

1060
00:27:01,387 --> 00:27:02,767
Well, and I feel like for a while,

1061
00:27:02,767 --> 00:27:04,117
and there's obviously, there's nothing

1062
00:27:04,117 --> 00:27:05,017
wrong with that, but I think for a

1063
00:27:05,017 --> 00:27:07,567
while the pendulum kind of swung so far.

1064
00:27:07,567 --> 00:27:08,947
The other way that it felt like if you

1065
00:27:08,947 --> 00:27:11,497
praised your kids at all, it was negative.

1066
00:27:11,527 --> 00:27:12,547
Like they were like, no, 'cause they

1067
00:27:12,547 --> 00:27:13,927
have to have like the growth mindset.

1068
00:27:14,084 --> 00:27:15,362
All of that is true.

1069
00:27:15,585 --> 00:27:17,372
But I think if you are.

1070
00:27:17,499 --> 00:27:18,045
Which you are.

1071
00:27:18,045 --> 00:27:19,365
I can just tell, even from talking to

1072
00:27:19,365 --> 00:27:21,135
you, if you're raising your kids and

1073
00:27:21,135 --> 00:27:22,425
looking at them holistically, like

1074
00:27:22,425 --> 00:27:23,745
you're, they're an entire person,

1075
00:27:23,858 --> 00:27:25,924
it's fine to tell your daughter, oh my

1076
00:27:25,924 --> 00:27:27,304
gosh, you're such a pretty princess.

1077
00:27:27,634 --> 00:27:28,084
Fine.

1078
00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:30,236
But I think what happened with in some

1079
00:27:30,236 --> 00:27:31,766
people's, you know, childhoods, or

1080
00:27:31,766 --> 00:27:33,416
especially like years and years ago,

1081
00:27:33,416 --> 00:27:35,439
decades ago, is that that was like the

1082
00:27:35,439 --> 00:27:37,059
only thing that girls were praised for,

1083
00:27:37,089 --> 00:27:39,086
or, you know, eldest daughter syndrome.

1084
00:27:39,086 --> 00:27:41,499
You only were like, you did well.

1085
00:27:41,499 --> 00:27:42,849
And so we praised your accomplishments.

1086
00:27:42,849 --> 00:27:43,959
And so that's it.

1087
00:27:43,989 --> 00:27:45,159
And I think if you're being

1088
00:27:45,159 --> 00:27:47,833
intentional, it's, it's pretty easy

1089
00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:49,297
if you're just treating your kid

1090
00:27:49,297 --> 00:27:50,707
like a person, that you're gonna

1091
00:27:50,707 --> 00:27:51,937
recognize all those parts of them.

1092
00:27:52,012 --> 00:27:52,432
But Right.

1093
00:27:52,537 --> 00:27:53,647
But I get, you're like, oh

1094
00:27:53,647 --> 00:27:54,667
wait, that's bad, right?

1095
00:27:54,667 --> 00:27:56,137
Did I just harm you for life?

1096
00:27:56,137 --> 00:27:56,647
Are you gonna go to

1097
00:27:56,647 --> 00:27:57,397
therapy for this one day?

1098
00:27:57,397 --> 00:27:57,487
Right.

1099
00:27:58,867 --> 00:27:59,797
Disney movies or something.

1100
00:27:59,797 --> 00:28:00,907
And I'm like, I learned about Disney

1101
00:28:00,907 --> 00:28:02,747
movies, and I'm like, she had Stockholm

1102
00:28:02,747 --> 00:28:04,397
Syndrome because he wants her up.

1103
00:28:04,602 --> 00:28:05,657
So we'll watch Between the Beast.

1104
00:28:05,657 --> 00:28:06,527
I'm like, yeah, it's a great movie,

1105
00:28:06,557 --> 00:28:08,189
but remember if a man acts this

1106
00:28:08,189 --> 00:28:09,569
way towards you, that's not normal.

1107
00:28:09,749 --> 00:28:11,046
It is not for real life.

1108
00:28:11,046 --> 00:28:12,816
Well, and the thing that I tell my clients

1109
00:28:12,816 --> 00:28:14,619
and myself, honestly all the time, is

1110
00:28:14,619 --> 00:28:16,479
that I get like with the awareness of

1111
00:28:16,539 --> 00:28:18,819
knowing how everyone, or like our kids

1112
00:28:18,819 --> 00:28:20,259
are impacted by our behavior, we get

1113
00:28:20,259 --> 00:28:22,106
really worried about what's happening

1114
00:28:22,106 --> 00:28:23,692
and we think sometimes it's like, oh no,

1115
00:28:23,692 --> 00:28:25,402
I yelled at my kid, or I said something

1116
00:28:25,402 --> 00:28:27,499
wrong, or this is what I'm guilty of.

1117
00:28:27,499 --> 00:28:28,742
Sometimes I send my kids to their

1118
00:28:28,742 --> 00:28:30,736
room and I'm like, oh, I probably

1119
00:28:30,736 --> 00:28:31,906
should have talked to them, but I

1120
00:28:31,906 --> 00:28:33,406
got dysregulated in that moment.

1121
00:28:33,406 --> 00:28:34,516
I like couldn't handle it.

1122
00:28:34,724 --> 00:28:36,422
and what I tell people is that when

1123
00:28:36,422 --> 00:28:37,562
that happens, when there's some sort

1124
00:28:37,562 --> 00:28:39,442
of like, rupture of the connection,

1125
00:28:39,442 --> 00:28:40,389
that's what they call it in, like

1126
00:28:40,389 --> 00:28:41,529
the relationship, there's a rupture.

1127
00:28:41,529 --> 00:28:43,029
So it could be like yelling at your kid.

1128
00:28:43,029 --> 00:28:44,892
It could be, not noticing

1129
00:28:44,892 --> 00:28:46,062
their bid for attention.

1130
00:28:46,062 --> 00:28:47,622
It could be sending 'em through their room

1131
00:28:47,622 --> 00:28:48,912
when it should have been a conversation.

1132
00:28:49,029 --> 00:28:50,309
That part feels bad.

1133
00:28:50,309 --> 00:28:51,029
And that's where we kind of

1134
00:28:51,029 --> 00:28:51,989
get stuck sometimes, right?

1135
00:28:51,989 --> 00:28:53,549
We're like, oh my God, what did I just do?

1136
00:28:53,549 --> 00:28:54,089
They're gonna carry

1137
00:28:54,089 --> 00:28:54,929
this with them forever.

1138
00:28:55,246 --> 00:28:56,866
but what's actually more important, and

1139
00:28:56,866 --> 00:28:58,546
they're like a ton of different studies on

1140
00:28:58,546 --> 00:28:59,796
this, I won't get into all of it, what's

1141
00:28:59,796 --> 00:29:02,376
more important is the repair afterwards.

1142
00:29:02,602 --> 00:29:04,206
And they've done all these different

1143
00:29:04,206 --> 00:29:06,019
research studies showing even with

1144
00:29:06,019 --> 00:29:07,689
babies that it's like with a baby, it

1145
00:29:07,689 --> 00:29:08,889
looks like they're trying to get your

1146
00:29:08,889 --> 00:29:10,149
attention and you're not paying attention.

1147
00:29:10,149 --> 00:29:11,289
And they're like, what's going on?

1148
00:29:11,289 --> 00:29:12,669
They'll pick up what on it quickly.

1149
00:29:13,037 --> 00:29:14,499
What's more important is the repair.

1150
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,299
So it's connection basically.

1151
00:29:16,299 --> 00:29:18,096
So when you know you have that

1152
00:29:18,096 --> 00:29:18,816
moment with your daughter and you're

1153
00:29:18,816 --> 00:29:19,836
like, I shouldn't have said that.

1154
00:29:19,926 --> 00:29:22,026
The part that you went, go to her and

1155
00:29:22,026 --> 00:29:24,796
you, correct what you said, or you say,

1156
00:29:24,796 --> 00:29:26,406
you know, for me it's usually like.

1157
00:29:26,656 --> 00:29:27,316
I probably shouldn't have

1158
00:29:27,316 --> 00:29:27,856
sent you to your room.

1159
00:29:27,916 --> 00:29:28,576
I should have talked to

1160
00:29:28,576 --> 00:29:29,956
you and I was overwhelmed.

1161
00:29:30,226 --> 00:29:32,170
that part is the part that like

1162
00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:33,820
lasts in their brain and that's

1163
00:29:33,820 --> 00:29:35,030
what like the neurons in their

1164
00:29:35,030 --> 00:29:36,500
brain are like, okay, this is okay

1165
00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:38,330
now the relationship is okay now.

1166
00:29:38,390 --> 00:29:40,296
And I think where some parents in

1167
00:29:40,296 --> 00:29:42,453
the past have maybe stopped is there,

1168
00:29:42,513 --> 00:29:43,653
is they're like, oh, that feels bad.

1169
00:29:43,653 --> 00:29:44,763
I don't wanna revisit it.

1170
00:29:44,793 --> 00:29:47,143
So they don't, and then the repair

1171
00:29:47,143 --> 00:29:48,553
never happens, if that makes sense.

1172
00:29:48,688 --> 00:29:48,908
No,

1173
00:29:48,908 --> 00:29:49,268
that was like,

1174
00:29:49,443 --> 00:29:49,603
powerful.

1175
00:29:49,608 --> 00:29:49,988
I know.

1176
00:29:50,048 --> 00:29:51,248
When I heard it for the first time, I was

1177
00:29:51,248 --> 00:29:53,168
like, oh, that's so, I mean, I think it's

1178
00:29:53,168 --> 00:29:55,605
so encouraging because we're trying our

1179
00:29:55,605 --> 00:29:57,165
best, but we're also only human and we're

1180
00:29:57,165 --> 00:29:58,725
bringing, just like our parents brought

1181
00:29:58,725 --> 00:30:00,405
their stuff, we're bringing our stuff.

1182
00:30:00,566 --> 00:30:02,576
when my kid freaks out and screams

1183
00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:04,549
is just being a kid is overwhelmed

1184
00:30:04,549 --> 00:30:05,839
and I wanna shut them in their room.

1185
00:30:06,050 --> 00:30:07,000
This is, maybe this is too

1186
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,070
personal, but I'm like, I know that

1187
00:30:09,070 --> 00:30:10,390
as a kid and I love my parents.

1188
00:30:10,390 --> 00:30:11,140
If my parents watch this,

1189
00:30:11,140 --> 00:30:12,430
love you guys, you're great.

1190
00:30:12,820 --> 00:30:13,390
But, and they will

1191
00:30:13,390 --> 00:30:15,220
admit that they did not.

1192
00:30:15,436 --> 00:30:16,836
Let me have those big emotions.

1193
00:30:16,866 --> 00:30:18,036
So it's very hard for me to

1194
00:30:18,036 --> 00:30:18,906
sit with my kids when they're

1195
00:30:18,906 --> 00:30:19,776
having those big emotions.

1196
00:30:19,806 --> 00:30:20,376
'cause someone didn't do

1197
00:30:20,376 --> 00:30:21,426
that for me at that age.

1198
00:30:21,701 --> 00:30:21,756
Yeah.

1199
00:30:21,786 --> 00:30:23,526
So I think you have to go, okay,

1200
00:30:23,616 --> 00:30:25,476
I'm getting triggered as a parent

1201
00:30:25,686 --> 00:30:27,756
and now I just need to do the repair

1202
00:30:28,082 --> 00:30:29,070
I remember there was a moment you

1203
00:30:29,070 --> 00:30:30,180
just said the same thing with about

1204
00:30:30,180 --> 00:30:31,470
your husband and your daughter.

1205
00:30:31,746 --> 00:30:33,690
There was a moment where my husband,

1206
00:30:33,813 --> 00:30:35,721
he like was talking to one of my sons

1207
00:30:36,143 --> 00:30:38,661
and my son was like, you know, really

1208
00:30:38,661 --> 00:30:39,651
nervous to like, tell something.

1209
00:30:39,651 --> 00:30:40,371
It was like, no big deal.

1210
00:30:40,371 --> 00:30:41,751
They're really little, but they

1211
00:30:41,751 --> 00:30:43,131
were like really nervous and he was

1212
00:30:43,131 --> 00:30:45,681
like, there's literally nothing that

1213
00:30:45,681 --> 00:30:47,511
you could tell me that's not gonna

1214
00:30:47,511 --> 00:30:49,011
make me love and care about you.

1215
00:30:49,011 --> 00:30:50,173
And, there's no mistake that you

1216
00:30:50,173 --> 00:30:51,433
can make that's like too big.

1217
00:30:51,493 --> 00:30:52,333
And I'm in the corner

1218
00:30:52,333 --> 00:30:54,803
like choking, sobbing.

1219
00:30:55,035 --> 00:30:56,093
And my husband's like, are you okay?

1220
00:30:56,093 --> 00:30:56,513
And I'm like.

1221
00:30:56,687 --> 00:30:57,913
Listen, I had an amazing dad.

1222
00:30:57,973 --> 00:30:59,653
Like my dad is like, great.

1223
00:30:59,708 --> 00:31:01,329
But I think when you witness

1224
00:31:01,329 --> 00:31:02,559
your partner doing that with

1225
00:31:02,559 --> 00:31:04,839
your child, it's like, oh my God.

1226
00:31:04,839 --> 00:31:06,189
I just know you just planted

1227
00:31:06,189 --> 00:31:07,861
such a good seed in your kid.

1228
00:31:07,861 --> 00:31:08,251
So

1229
00:31:08,388 --> 00:31:10,293
You like take those snapshot snapshots.

1230
00:31:10,293 --> 00:31:10,653
Yes.

1231
00:31:10,743 --> 00:31:11,373
And you're like, ah.

1232
00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,293
You're like, oh, this is like core memory.

1233
00:31:13,293 --> 00:31:13,953
Like in that movie.

1234
00:31:13,953 --> 00:31:15,423
It's like that just got captured

1235
00:31:15,423 --> 00:31:17,103
and that just planted the seed of

1236
00:31:17,103 --> 00:31:18,873
like acceptance in your kid and it's

1237
00:31:18,873 --> 00:31:20,239
like, it's really nice to watch.

1238
00:31:20,599 --> 00:31:20,899
Yeah.

1239
00:31:21,329 --> 00:31:22,739
And I flash forward to like the future

1240
00:31:22,739 --> 00:31:24,613
and I'm like, you have such a good dad

1241
00:31:24,613 --> 00:31:26,233
that's gonna like, talk you up about

1242
00:31:26,233 --> 00:31:27,733
your emotions or like what's going

1243
00:31:27,733 --> 00:31:29,446
on at school, who are your friend,

1244
00:31:29,476 --> 00:31:30,526
you know, like that kind of stuff.

1245
00:31:30,826 --> 00:31:31,336
That's possible.

1246
00:31:32,146 --> 00:31:32,536
Totally.

1247
00:31:32,776 --> 00:31:33,226
I love that.

1248
00:31:33,226 --> 00:31:34,336
I feel like we just had a therapy

1249
00:31:34,336 --> 00:31:35,656
session, so thank you for that.

1250
00:31:35,656 --> 00:31:35,716
I

1251
00:31:35,956 --> 00:31:36,526
can't help it.

1252
00:31:36,526 --> 00:31:37,066
I can't help it.

1253
00:31:37,456 --> 00:31:38,506
No, I loved it.

1254
00:31:38,506 --> 00:31:39,196
I loved it.

1255
00:31:39,196 --> 00:31:40,816
I feel like I'm gonna really remember

1256
00:31:40,816 --> 00:31:42,300
those repair moments.. Oh good.

1257
00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:42,660
Okay.

1258
00:31:43,020 --> 00:31:43,980
I always feel like it's funny

1259
00:31:43,980 --> 00:31:44,790
when I like switch gears.

1260
00:31:44,790 --> 00:31:46,230
We like chat and, okay, let's

1261
00:31:46,230 --> 00:31:47,810
go to like, wedding stories.

1262
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:50,554
So this podcast is around like.

1263
00:31:51,027 --> 00:31:52,797
Wedding or event stories.

1264
00:31:53,067 --> 00:31:53,157
Mm-hmm.

1265
00:31:53,397 --> 00:31:55,587
You told me that you have kind of

1266
00:31:55,587 --> 00:31:58,197
a funny or wild story that happened

1267
00:31:58,287 --> 00:32:00,387
in regards to your wedding so far.

1268
00:32:00,567 --> 00:32:00,927
Sure.

1269
00:32:01,437 --> 00:32:01,977
Oh my gosh.

1270
00:32:02,067 --> 00:32:02,817
I told my husband I was gonna

1271
00:32:02,817 --> 00:32:03,387
tell this, and he is like,

1272
00:32:03,387 --> 00:32:04,377
you loved telling this story?

1273
00:32:04,377 --> 00:32:04,767
And I was like, well,

1274
00:32:04,767 --> 00:32:05,487
it's so embarrassing.

1275
00:32:05,487 --> 00:32:06,590
I think it's funny now.

1276
00:32:06,590 --> 00:32:07,130
I think it's funny.

1277
00:32:07,130 --> 00:32:07,820
It wasn't funny then.

1278
00:32:08,150 --> 00:32:09,410
So like I said, I grew up

1279
00:32:09,410 --> 00:32:11,150
like Evangelical Christian.

1280
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:12,990
And so I got married very young.

1281
00:32:12,990 --> 00:32:13,920
Not that you have to, but it's

1282
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:15,230
pretty par for the course.

1283
00:32:15,230 --> 00:32:16,570
So my husband and I started

1284
00:32:16,570 --> 00:32:18,150
dating when I was 18.

1285
00:32:18,150 --> 00:32:19,240
So like met him like the day after I

1286
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:20,440
graduated high school or something.

1287
00:32:20,820 --> 00:32:22,600
And we dated for a few years.

1288
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:25,090
We got engaged when I was 20.

1289
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:25,630
Oh.

1290
00:32:25,704 --> 00:32:27,384
and we are getting married when I

1291
00:32:27,384 --> 00:32:29,244
was 21, he's like two and a half

1292
00:32:29,244 --> 00:32:30,054
or three years older than me.

1293
00:32:30,224 --> 00:32:32,520
Anyway, all that to say, so part of like

1294
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:33,570
the thing, I don't know if people still

1295
00:32:33,570 --> 00:32:35,220
do this, but it was like a big thing to do

1296
00:32:35,220 --> 00:32:37,440
boudoir photos when I was getting married.

1297
00:32:37,638 --> 00:32:39,404
and especially I think kind of from

1298
00:32:39,404 --> 00:32:41,499
like The Christian bubble, it was like,

1299
00:32:41,529 --> 00:32:42,969
oh, you're like allowed to do this

1300
00:32:42,969 --> 00:32:45,249
stuff now, now you can be promiscuous.

1301
00:32:45,416 --> 00:32:47,765
So I had, this friend love her and she

1302
00:32:47,765 --> 00:32:49,175
laughs about this, I laugh about this.

1303
00:32:49,175 --> 00:32:50,015
This is no shade to her.

1304
00:32:50,015 --> 00:32:52,732
She did our photos for our engagement.

1305
00:32:52,912 --> 00:32:54,532
We even had done some like model

1306
00:32:54,589 --> 00:32:56,595
faux engagement, photos for her, like

1307
00:32:56,595 --> 00:32:57,975
modeling before we were even engaged.

1308
00:32:58,107 --> 00:32:59,119
Known her forever.

1309
00:32:59,119 --> 00:33:00,679
She's like my youth group leader, so knew

1310
00:33:00,679 --> 00:33:02,599
for a long time and she took , all of

1311
00:33:02,599 --> 00:33:04,339
our pictures, she took my boudoir photos.

1312
00:33:04,339 --> 00:33:05,659
She said, I wanna gift this to you

1313
00:33:05,659 --> 00:33:07,378
for, your husband, once you're married,

1314
00:33:07,378 --> 00:33:08,532
you can get these photos, whatever.

1315
00:33:08,982 --> 00:33:10,062
wedding photos, everything.

1316
00:33:10,272 --> 00:33:12,625
So I took them and I was

1317
00:33:12,625 --> 00:33:13,765
so insecure at the time.

1318
00:33:13,765 --> 00:33:15,115
I like didn't look at them because

1319
00:33:15,115 --> 00:33:16,285
I was like, I like looked at one

1320
00:33:16,285 --> 00:33:17,862
and I was like, I hate my body.

1321
00:33:17,862 --> 00:33:18,732
I like was the hottest

1322
00:33:18,732 --> 00:33:19,512
I've ever been though.

1323
00:33:19,512 --> 00:33:20,472
So that's depressing.

1324
00:33:20,825 --> 00:33:22,062
But I was like, oh God,

1325
00:33:22,062 --> 00:33:23,082
I can't look at these.

1326
00:33:23,082 --> 00:33:24,312
So didn't really pay attention to them.

1327
00:33:24,362 --> 00:33:27,005
Uh, got married, went on our honeymoon.

1328
00:33:27,065 --> 00:33:28,235
We got back from our honeymoon

1329
00:33:28,235 --> 00:33:29,429
and we had the like preview

1330
00:33:29,429 --> 00:33:30,719
gallery of our wedding photos.

1331
00:33:30,719 --> 00:33:31,949
And she was like, Hey,

1332
00:33:31,949 --> 00:33:32,729
here's your preview.

1333
00:33:32,729 --> 00:33:33,569
If you wanna like send these to your

1334
00:33:33,569 --> 00:33:34,799
friends and family, you're welcome to,

1335
00:33:34,799 --> 00:33:35,999
obviously you'll have a full gallery,

1336
00:33:35,999 --> 00:33:37,559
but this has some of like your family

1337
00:33:37,559 --> 00:33:39,116
if they wanna like put them on Facebook

1338
00:33:39,116 --> 00:33:40,196
or whatever you're using back then.

1339
00:33:40,463 --> 00:33:42,046
And so I like emailed out the

1340
00:33:42,046 --> 00:33:44,506
link to everybody apparently she

1341
00:33:44,506 --> 00:33:45,736
used this like, hosting site.

1342
00:33:46,063 --> 00:33:47,983
And so none of it was supposed

1343
00:33:47,983 --> 00:33:49,543
to be linked to other photo

1344
00:33:49,543 --> 00:33:51,363
shoots, except for on her end.

1345
00:33:51,608 --> 00:33:53,373
But somehow my father-in-law

1346
00:33:53,373 --> 00:33:54,153
was looking at the picture.

1347
00:33:54,213 --> 00:33:58,089
My father-in-law he pressed like back

1348
00:33:58,119 --> 00:34:00,519
on his browser and he was trying to

1349
00:34:00,519 --> 00:34:02,219
go to like all the preview photos.

1350
00:34:02,522 --> 00:34:03,639
But it took him to.

1351
00:34:03,788 --> 00:34:05,699
Every photo she had ever taken of me.

1352
00:34:05,915 --> 00:34:08,459
And so he like all of a sudden gets

1353
00:34:08,459 --> 00:34:10,876
like all of these thumbnails of me

1354
00:34:10,936 --> 00:34:12,526
in, I mean, look, I was in lingerie,

1355
00:34:12,526 --> 00:34:14,086
but still it was the lingerie.

1356
00:34:14,299 --> 00:34:15,529
I'm like with my husband, and

1357
00:34:15,534 --> 00:34:16,579
we had like just gotten home to

1358
00:34:16,579 --> 00:34:17,539
like our little tiny apartment.

1359
00:34:18,005 --> 00:34:18,875
my husband's like, oh, hold on.

1360
00:34:18,875 --> 00:34:19,340
My dad's calling me.

1361
00:34:19,340 --> 00:34:19,765
He picks up.

1362
00:34:19,765 --> 00:34:20,825
He's like, he's like, Hey, what's up?

1363
00:34:20,855 --> 00:34:22,145
And I like, look at my husband's face and

1364
00:34:22,145 --> 00:34:23,465
my husband's like, oh my, god oh my God.

1365
00:34:23,465 --> 00:34:24,659
And I'm like, what's happening?

1366
00:34:25,045 --> 00:34:25,889
And his dad like, can't

1367
00:34:25,889 --> 00:34:26,399
even get the words out.

1368
00:34:26,429 --> 00:34:27,775
He's like, you, you have

1369
00:34:27,775 --> 00:34:29,035
to tell people not to open.

1370
00:34:29,035 --> 00:34:29,645
And we're like, what

1371
00:34:29,645 --> 00:34:30,535
are you talking about?

1372
00:34:30,632 --> 00:34:33,032
so it, you know, it comes out like he

1373
00:34:33,122 --> 00:34:34,823
saw them and he was like, I I clicked

1374
00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:36,279
out really quick, but I don't want anyone

1375
00:34:36,279 --> 00:34:37,419
else to see these, blah, blah, blah.

1376
00:34:37,653 --> 00:34:39,882
And I was mortified.

1377
00:34:39,972 --> 00:34:41,579
I was like, out of anyone.

1378
00:34:41,579 --> 00:34:42,929
It couldn't have been my mom that

1379
00:34:42,929 --> 00:34:44,219
accidentally saw it, or like my

1380
00:34:44,219 --> 00:34:46,439
sister, it was my father-in-law.

1381
00:34:46,591 --> 00:34:47,566
So he sees that, whatever.

1382
00:34:47,566 --> 00:34:48,496
Luckily we got it fixed.

1383
00:34:48,496 --> 00:34:50,236
The photographer was like so apologetic,

1384
00:34:50,236 --> 00:34:51,526
but I was like, you didn't, it was

1385
00:34:51,526 --> 00:34:52,666
like a, something with the website.

1386
00:34:52,666 --> 00:34:53,499
It was not her fault.

1387
00:34:53,519 --> 00:34:53,639
Oh my.

1388
00:34:53,669 --> 00:34:54,749
But it's funny because.

1389
00:34:55,184 --> 00:34:58,304
At the time, I was so insecure that I

1390
00:34:58,304 --> 00:35:00,284
hadn't shown my husband those photos yet.

1391
00:35:00,387 --> 00:35:02,457
my dad saw these and now, still

1392
00:35:02,487 --> 00:35:03,987
now, because it's like tainted to me

1393
00:35:03,987 --> 00:35:05,344
now, I was like, I can't show, every

1394
00:35:05,344 --> 00:35:06,154
time I think of these photos, I'm

1395
00:35:06,154 --> 00:35:07,654
gonna think of your freaking dad.

1396
00:35:07,890 --> 00:35:08,974
Like this is bizarre.

1397
00:35:09,123 --> 00:35:11,041
And so my husband to this day,

1398
00:35:11,041 --> 00:35:11,821
he brings it up all the time.

1399
00:35:12,031 --> 00:35:12,991
I've never shown him that

1400
00:35:13,619 --> 00:35:14,734
like, can I please see them?

1401
00:35:14,734 --> 00:35:16,054
I'm like, well now it's weird

1402
00:35:16,054 --> 00:35:18,911
because that was like five kids ago.

1403
00:35:18,911 --> 00:35:20,831
To me, I look like so young now.

1404
00:35:20,978 --> 00:35:22,504
And so it's like this ongoing joke.

1405
00:35:22,504 --> 00:35:24,034
Luckily my father-in-law

1406
00:35:24,064 --> 00:35:25,204
has never brought it up.

1407
00:35:25,204 --> 00:35:26,674
He acted like it never happened.

1408
00:35:26,827 --> 00:35:28,087
And that's way

1409
00:35:28,087 --> 00:35:28,987
like not here or there.

1410
00:35:28,987 --> 00:35:29,527
It's gone.

1411
00:35:29,527 --> 00:35:29,797
Yep.

1412
00:35:29,857 --> 00:35:30,097
Yeah.

1413
00:35:30,157 --> 00:35:30,427
Yep.

1414
00:35:30,517 --> 00:35:32,527
But every time that I am somewhere

1415
00:35:32,527 --> 00:35:33,577
and there's like, oh, we gotta

1416
00:35:33,577 --> 00:35:34,777
tell your most embarrassing story.

1417
00:35:34,777 --> 00:35:35,647
I have to pull that one out.

1418
00:35:35,677 --> 00:35:36,574
'cause I'm like now.

1419
00:35:36,574 --> 00:35:38,764
I laugh, but man, when you're 21 years

1420
00:35:38,764 --> 00:35:41,504
old, newly married, it was not funny.

1421
00:35:41,759 --> 00:35:43,259
Yeah, I would probably like move

1422
00:35:43,259 --> 00:35:44,579
countries and change my name on

1423
00:35:44,579 --> 00:35:44,669
it.

1424
00:35:44,879 --> 00:35:44,969
Yep.

1425
00:35:45,029 --> 00:35:46,679
I was like, oh, I wanna die.

1426
00:35:46,679 --> 00:35:47,909
I actually wanna die.

1427
00:35:47,909 --> 00:35:49,349
So I'm thankful that he just acted

1428
00:35:49,349 --> 00:35:50,519
like it never happened to me.

1429
00:35:50,733 --> 00:35:51,902
and because I do the same

1430
00:35:51,902 --> 00:35:52,832
thing and we just, you know,

1431
00:35:52,832 --> 00:35:54,062
pretend that didn't happen and

1432
00:35:54,337 --> 00:35:55,232
just move on with our life.

1433
00:35:55,682 --> 00:35:58,052
Oh my gosh, that is wild.

1434
00:35:58,189 --> 00:35:58,819
It was bad.

1435
00:35:59,139 --> 00:35:59,599
I feel like that's the

1436
00:35:59,599 --> 00:36:00,579
only way I can go about it.

1437
00:36:00,579 --> 00:36:01,269
Like, there's no reason to

1438
00:36:01,269 --> 00:36:02,739
discuss it or talk about it.

1439
00:36:02,739 --> 00:36:03,579
You just gotta move past it.

1440
00:36:03,579 --> 00:36:03,669
Nope.

1441
00:36:04,066 --> 00:36:04,476
yeah.

1442
00:36:04,686 --> 00:36:05,046
Nope.

1443
00:36:05,610 --> 00:36:06,739
So now it's funny, I even said

1444
00:36:06,739 --> 00:36:07,609
to my husband, I'm like, oh, I'm

1445
00:36:07,609 --> 00:36:08,359
telling her this story today.

1446
00:36:08,359 --> 00:36:09,149
And was like, are you

1447
00:36:09,149 --> 00:36:09,779
ever gonna show me this?

1448
00:36:09,779 --> 00:36:10,559
I was like, Nope.

1449
00:36:10,904 --> 00:36:11,264
Nope.

1450
00:36:11,414 --> 00:36:12,674
it's tied to a bad memory now.

1451
00:36:12,674 --> 00:36:13,309
And he's like, okay.

1452
00:36:13,539 --> 00:36:13,829
It's

1453
00:36:13,834 --> 00:36:14,564
like locked away.

1454
00:36:14,564 --> 00:36:15,074
Just,

1455
00:36:15,254 --> 00:36:15,434
yeah.

1456
00:36:15,434 --> 00:36:16,814
I'm like, there's somewhere on

1457
00:36:16,874 --> 00:36:18,224
a locked thing on the internet

1458
00:36:18,224 --> 00:36:19,514
and that is where they will stay.

1459
00:36:19,964 --> 00:36:21,863
So when you actually resent the link

1460
00:36:21,863 --> 00:36:23,243
of your wedding photos out to people,

1461
00:36:23,243 --> 00:36:25,133
did you like triple, quadruple check?

1462
00:36:25,138 --> 00:36:25,268
Yes.

1463
00:36:25,853 --> 00:36:26,513
Yes.

1464
00:36:26,731 --> 00:36:27,683
Well, and it's funny because it never

1465
00:36:27,683 --> 00:36:28,553
happened, like she was taken all

1466
00:36:28,553 --> 00:36:29,783
of her photos and it was some sort

1467
00:36:29,783 --> 00:36:31,526
of like glitch that happened that

1468
00:36:31,586 --> 00:36:33,476
took people back to the homepage

1469
00:36:33,476 --> 00:36:34,976
that was supposed to be private and

1470
00:36:35,396 --> 00:36:36,799
oh my God,

1471
00:36:37,159 --> 00:36:37,729
shot

1472
00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:38,869
like, here, I'll just print you a

1473
00:36:38,869 --> 00:36:40,459
couple wedding photos and manually,

1474
00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:41,119
yeah, exactly.

1475
00:36:41,149 --> 00:36:42,079
No more internet.

1476
00:36:42,150 --> 00:36:43,569
Well, and like, especially at that time,

1477
00:36:43,569 --> 00:36:45,596
like, I said, I like grew up Christian

1478
00:36:45,596 --> 00:36:47,683
conservative, so it was like, not that

1479
00:36:47,683 --> 00:36:49,763
I would love that now, but like my

1480
00:36:49,793 --> 00:36:51,293
mindset now, I would be like, oh my

1481
00:36:51,293 --> 00:36:52,343
God, that's embarrassing, but whatever.

1482
00:36:52,343 --> 00:36:53,633
But back then it was like,

1483
00:36:53,783 --> 00:36:55,343
that's like the worst thing that

1484
00:36:55,343 --> 00:36:56,513
I could imagine, like mm-hmm.

1485
00:36:56,718 --> 00:36:57,318
Horrifying.

1486
00:36:57,473 --> 00:36:58,403
I could barely deal with the fact

1487
00:36:58,403 --> 00:36:59,363
that I even took those photos.

1488
00:36:59,363 --> 00:36:59,723
I was like.

1489
00:36:59,937 --> 00:37:00,598
What's wrong with me?

1490
00:37:00,598 --> 00:37:01,048
Why did I do?

1491
00:37:01,048 --> 00:37:01,708
I'm so weird.

1492
00:37:02,578 --> 00:37:03,958
So yeah, that was bad, but now we

1493
00:37:03,958 --> 00:37:05,728
just laugh and it's a funny memory.

1494
00:37:06,323 --> 00:37:07,423
Oh gosh.

1495
00:37:08,338 --> 00:37:09,181
That's Oh man, I love it.

1496
00:37:09,181 --> 00:37:10,111
That was such a great story.

1497
00:37:14,749 --> 00:37:15,469
okay, so I'm gonna do a

1498
00:37:15,469 --> 00:37:16,819
little red light, green light.

1499
00:37:16,819 --> 00:37:18,594
This is about wedding ish related,

1500
00:37:18,594 --> 00:37:20,754
and then we'll do our resubmission.

1501
00:37:20,784 --> 00:37:20,904
Okay.

1502
00:37:20,904 --> 00:37:20,914
Okay.

1503
00:37:21,168 --> 00:37:22,157
So just answer with red

1504
00:37:22,157 --> 00:37:22,787
light or green light.

1505
00:37:22,948 --> 00:37:24,807
Eloping without telling anyone.

1506
00:37:25,194 --> 00:37:25,824
Ooh.

1507
00:37:25,884 --> 00:37:26,574
Green light.

1508
00:37:27,087 --> 00:37:27,207
I

1509
00:37:27,207 --> 00:37:27,537
like that.

1510
00:37:27,537 --> 00:37:29,667
Inviting someone who didn't

1511
00:37:29,667 --> 00:37:30,807
invite you to their wedding.

1512
00:37:31,257 --> 00:37:33,147
Mm. Green light.

1513
00:37:33,488 --> 00:37:34,567
Calling out a guest

1514
00:37:34,567 --> 00:37:36,007
publicly for rude behavior.

1515
00:37:36,515 --> 00:37:37,565
Ooh, red light.

1516
00:37:37,715 --> 00:37:38,495
Can't do that.

1517
00:37:39,335 --> 00:37:40,415
I'd be too embarrassed.

1518
00:37:41,632 --> 00:37:41,902
I know.

1519
00:37:41,902 --> 00:37:42,922
I feel like for me, it would

1520
00:37:42,922 --> 00:37:44,602
depend on the situation.

1521
00:37:44,632 --> 00:37:46,342
I guess it depends what the behavior is.

1522
00:37:46,432 --> 00:37:46,912
Yeah.

1523
00:37:46,917 --> 00:37:47,227
Right.

1524
00:37:47,661 --> 00:37:49,522
I once went to a wedding where the best

1525
00:37:49,522 --> 00:37:52,732
man was literally so wasted, and no one

1526
00:37:52,732 --> 00:37:54,592
would stop him with his rambling speech.

1527
00:37:54,592 --> 00:37:56,152
And that's where, that should have

1528
00:37:56,152 --> 00:37:57,322
been a call out like, 'cause like

1529
00:37:57,336 --> 00:37:58,899
there were like hundreds of people and

1530
00:37:58,899 --> 00:38:00,339
we were all just watching as he told

1531
00:38:00,339 --> 00:38:02,109
embarrassing stories about the bride.

1532
00:38:02,409 --> 00:38:02,979
No.

1533
00:38:02,979 --> 00:38:04,929
And I was like, someone take this man

1534
00:38:04,929 --> 00:38:06,489
off the stage and take his microphone.

1535
00:38:06,689 --> 00:38:08,069
I know when I, I'm like, why

1536
00:38:08,069 --> 00:38:09,389
are they not unplugging the mic

1537
00:38:09,389 --> 00:38:10,799
and be like, Hey, thanks, bye.

1538
00:38:10,799 --> 00:38:11,339
I know.

1539
00:38:11,339 --> 00:38:12,689
And I'm like, I'm just a random guest.

1540
00:38:12,689 --> 00:38:13,499
Like, if it were my friend, I

1541
00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:14,339
would've, you know, intervened.

1542
00:38:14,339 --> 00:38:16,169
But I'm like, it was so bad.

1543
00:38:16,169 --> 00:38:17,519
And the bride was like, dying inside.

1544
00:38:17,519 --> 00:38:18,329
And I was like, yeah, that's

1545
00:38:18,329 --> 00:38:19,709
the time that that's a call out.

1546
00:38:19,739 --> 00:38:20,909
That's a call out for sure.

1547
00:38:20,999 --> 00:38:21,659
Yeah.

1548
00:38:22,006 --> 00:38:24,082
I was at a wedding once where the maid

1549
00:38:24,082 --> 00:38:27,629
of honor said something about her friend,

1550
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,639
the bride only marrying for money.

1551
00:38:30,106 --> 00:38:30,314
Fuck.

1552
00:38:30,914 --> 00:38:32,264
But it was funny because, well, I don't

1553
00:38:32,264 --> 00:38:33,434
know if I wanna say too much, but it

1554
00:38:33,434 --> 00:38:36,041
was, it was an old boss who no one liked.

1555
00:38:36,101 --> 00:38:36,851
So I was like, yeah,

1556
00:38:36,851 --> 00:38:38,171
like you're like, he like

1557
00:38:39,086 --> 00:38:40,451
a terrible Yeah.

1558
00:38:40,451 --> 00:38:41,531
Terrible boss.

1559
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,754
Toxic a bit.

1560
00:38:43,759 --> 00:38:46,124
Well, I was like, well, I'm not surprised.

1561
00:38:46,424 --> 00:38:46,994
Yeah, you're like, I'm

1562
00:38:46,994 --> 00:38:47,594
not gonna say anything.

1563
00:38:47,594 --> 00:38:48,344
Well, she was so nice.

1564
00:38:48,344 --> 00:38:49,544
I was like, I don't know how

1565
00:38:49,544 --> 00:38:50,804
that happened, but anyway.

1566
00:38:51,181 --> 00:38:53,101
expecting cash gifts

1567
00:38:53,161 --> 00:38:54,841
if guests traveled far.

1568
00:38:55,381 --> 00:38:56,371
I'd say red light.

1569
00:38:56,371 --> 00:38:58,237
I feel like, I guess it was hard too,

1570
00:38:58,237 --> 00:38:59,407
'cause I got married so young that I

1571
00:38:59,407 --> 00:39:01,134
like, didn't really expect that much.

1572
00:39:01,134 --> 00:39:02,844
I was just like, let's just do this.

1573
00:39:02,964 --> 00:39:04,854
But I, especially in today's economy,

1574
00:39:04,854 --> 00:39:05,784
I think if people show up for

1575
00:39:05,784 --> 00:39:07,224
you, that's pretty nice, you know?

1576
00:39:07,464 --> 00:39:08,304
Yeah, I know.

1577
00:39:08,304 --> 00:39:09,534
Even small takes a card.

1578
00:39:09,534 --> 00:39:09,984
I don't know.

1579
00:39:10,197 --> 00:39:10,407
I know.

1580
00:39:10,407 --> 00:39:11,847
I feel like if someone is.

1581
00:39:12,172 --> 00:39:13,942
Paying for a flight or a hotel

1582
00:39:13,942 --> 00:39:15,532
or like coming like a long way.

1583
00:39:15,532 --> 00:39:15,922
I'm like,

1584
00:39:15,922 --> 00:39:16,672
expensive.

1585
00:39:16,732 --> 00:39:16,942
Yeah.

1586
00:39:16,947 --> 00:39:17,782
They're, they're coming

1587
00:39:17,782 --> 00:39:18,682
to spend the day with you.

1588
00:39:18,966 --> 00:39:20,256
letting your mom control the

1589
00:39:20,256 --> 00:39:22,086
guest list because she's paying.

1590
00:39:22,716 --> 00:39:23,616
My mom did do that.

1591
00:39:25,132 --> 00:39:26,362
I mean, she let me invite who I wanted,

1592
00:39:26,362 --> 00:39:27,322
but she's like, we're inviting all these

1593
00:39:27,322 --> 00:39:28,342
random people and I was like, okay.

1594
00:39:28,342 --> 00:39:29,512
I didn't really care.

1595
00:39:29,512 --> 00:39:31,012
But I feel like, again, I feel like

1596
00:39:31,012 --> 00:39:32,542
getting married so young, like I

1597
00:39:32,542 --> 00:39:33,652
didn't care about certain things that

1598
00:39:33,652 --> 00:39:34,702
I would probably care about if I had

1599
00:39:34,702 --> 00:39:36,052
gotten married, like in my thirties.

1600
00:39:36,139 --> 00:39:36,202
Yeah.

1601
00:39:36,202 --> 00:39:37,822
I think I would have more to say there.

1602
00:39:37,889 --> 00:39:39,952
So I let my green light back

1603
00:39:39,952 --> 00:39:41,182
then red light probably.

1604
00:39:41,182 --> 00:39:42,696
Now it was happening now, I'd probably

1605
00:39:42,786 --> 00:39:44,196
speak up a little bit more bit.

1606
00:39:44,466 --> 00:39:44,856
Yeah.

1607
00:39:45,156 --> 00:39:46,116
I say that all the time.

1608
00:39:46,146 --> 00:39:46,926
'cause like I've been with

1609
00:39:46,926 --> 00:39:49,686
my husband since we were 24.

1610
00:39:49,882 --> 00:39:50,180
Yeah.

1611
00:39:50,270 --> 00:39:51,530
I'm 35 now.

1612
00:39:51,692 --> 00:39:52,412
and we got married when

1613
00:39:52,412 --> 00:39:54,752
I was, I think I was 31.

1614
00:39:55,112 --> 00:39:57,042
30. and I was like, I feel

1615
00:39:57,042 --> 00:39:58,212
like it's night and day.

1616
00:39:58,318 --> 00:39:58,828
same thing.

1617
00:39:58,828 --> 00:39:59,608
If I would've gotten married

1618
00:39:59,608 --> 00:40:00,298
younger, I think I would've

1619
00:40:00,298 --> 00:40:01,828
had a way bigger wedding party.

1620
00:40:01,828 --> 00:40:02,308
I think I would've

1621
00:40:02,308 --> 00:40:03,958
invited a lot more people.

1622
00:40:03,958 --> 00:40:04,018
Um,

1623
00:40:04,474 --> 00:40:04,534
Wow.

1624
00:40:04,534 --> 00:40:05,794
It would be so different like

1625
00:40:05,794 --> 00:40:07,424
now, honestly, and I don't

1626
00:40:07,424 --> 00:40:08,444
regret having my wedding.

1627
00:40:08,474 --> 00:40:09,494
'cause I think it was really wonderful

1628
00:40:09,494 --> 00:40:10,514
and it was really great to have

1629
00:40:10,544 --> 00:40:12,044
people that like loved us and, and

1630
00:40:12,044 --> 00:40:14,028
wanted to celebrate us, but now I'm

1631
00:40:14,028 --> 00:40:16,081
like, I just value different things.

1632
00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:17,641
Maybe it's after kids too, I don't know.

1633
00:40:17,641 --> 00:40:19,561
But I think I would've gone a lot smaller.

1634
00:40:19,561 --> 00:40:22,124
I would've paired things down, but, you

1635
00:40:22,124 --> 00:40:23,654
know, I'm happy it happened that way.

1636
00:40:23,654 --> 00:40:24,704
But you just have a different

1637
00:40:24,704 --> 00:40:25,994
perspective as you get older, I think.

1638
00:40:26,264 --> 00:40:26,804
Yeah.

1639
00:40:26,804 --> 00:40:28,424
You know, elopement also

1640
00:40:28,424 --> 00:40:29,504
way different than too.

1641
00:40:30,101 --> 00:40:30,341
totally.

1642
00:40:30,341 --> 00:40:30,461
Like

1643
00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:33,528
I feel like, we just did a wedding, story

1644
00:40:33,528 --> 00:40:35,876
where it happened in 2001, so I was like.

1645
00:40:36,401 --> 00:40:37,991
Way younger obviously, but 2001

1646
00:40:37,991 --> 00:40:39,611
and the wedding was $16,000.

1647
00:40:39,611 --> 00:40:41,231
And I was like, that seems so cheap.

1648
00:40:41,463 --> 00:40:41,604
Yeah.

1649
00:40:41,609 --> 00:40:43,344
But that was like 25 years ago now.

1650
00:40:43,344 --> 00:40:44,094
26 years ago.

1651
00:40:44,094 --> 00:40:44,274
Right.

1652
00:40:44,458 --> 00:40:46,348
And so it just keeps

1653
00:40:46,348 --> 00:40:47,398
going on i's so exciting.

1654
00:40:47,488 --> 00:40:47,908
Oh, totally.

1655
00:40:47,968 --> 00:40:49,558
Because I think like my parents spent

1656
00:40:49,558 --> 00:40:51,114
a lot of money on our wedding and

1657
00:40:51,114 --> 00:40:52,674
now if it were that same, obviously

1658
00:40:52,704 --> 00:40:53,784
not like with inflation, I think

1659
00:40:53,784 --> 00:40:54,834
if it were that same amount of

1660
00:40:54,834 --> 00:40:56,424
money now it would be like nothing.

1661
00:40:56,484 --> 00:40:57,774
And that wasn't even that long ago.

1662
00:40:57,774 --> 00:40:58,644
Like, we got married in,

1663
00:40:58,996 --> 00:40:59,744
when did we get married?

1664
00:40:59,864 --> 00:41:02,264
2012. It's been a long time.

1665
00:41:02,571 --> 00:41:03,561
It's just so different now.

1666
00:41:03,561 --> 00:41:05,293
but I think even also like back

1667
00:41:05,293 --> 00:41:06,823
then there were also a little bit

1668
00:41:06,823 --> 00:41:08,210
like, less resource parenting.

1669
00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:09,410
There were like less ways you could

1670
00:41:09,410 --> 00:41:10,700
figure out like where could I buy, like

1671
00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:11,870
at the best price, all these things.

1672
00:41:11,870 --> 00:41:12,776
So who knows?

1673
00:41:12,776 --> 00:41:13,286
But

1674
00:41:13,496 --> 00:41:14,096
kinda what you

1675
00:41:15,026 --> 00:41:16,016
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1676
00:41:16,106 --> 00:41:17,066
And before Pinterest

1677
00:41:17,066 --> 00:41:17,966
probably, which is like,

1678
00:41:18,026 --> 00:41:19,646
yeah, that was like just entering

1679
00:41:19,646 --> 00:41:20,516
the scene when I got married.

1680
00:41:20,516 --> 00:41:21,836
So I feel like a lot of the things

1681
00:41:21,836 --> 00:41:24,206
that I had were very pinteresty

1682
00:41:24,236 --> 00:41:25,586
like, I'm like, oh yeah, probably

1683
00:41:26,156 --> 00:41:27,476
pinned that and just copied it.

1684
00:41:28,826 --> 00:41:29,786
Oh my God, that's the best.

1685
00:41:30,242 --> 00:41:31,403
a mother-in-law inviting

1686
00:41:31,403 --> 00:41:33,083
extra guests without asking,

1687
00:41:33,646 --> 00:41:35,116
I'd say red light, but my

1688
00:41:35,116 --> 00:41:37,036
mother-in-law would never, she's good.

1689
00:41:39,556 --> 00:41:40,696
friends complaining about

1690
00:41:40,696 --> 00:41:42,106
wedding costs to the bride,

1691
00:41:42,496 --> 00:41:44,263
Ooh, that is a red light.

1692
00:41:44,390 --> 00:41:45,860
Unless it's really out of control.

1693
00:41:45,860 --> 00:41:47,983
Like, I have heard, I haven't had this

1694
00:41:47,983 --> 00:41:49,513
experience, but I have heard of like,

1695
00:41:49,610 --> 00:41:52,916
you know, the bride, maybe it has more

1696
00:41:52,916 --> 00:41:55,076
money, like resources that way, and

1697
00:41:55,076 --> 00:41:56,336
then the bridesmaids don't, they're

1698
00:41:56,336 --> 00:41:57,746
in a different stage of life or they,

1699
00:41:57,746 --> 00:41:59,726
you know, have more expense going on.

1700
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:01,560
So I think you have to be aware,

1701
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,503
not everyone has the same budget.

1702
00:42:03,773 --> 00:42:04,253
Yes.

1703
00:42:04,253 --> 00:42:04,793
Have open, but

1704
00:42:04,793 --> 00:42:06,686
completely bride feels gross, right?

1705
00:42:06,746 --> 00:42:06,926
Yeah,

1706
00:42:07,706 --> 00:42:07,946
yeah,

1707
00:42:07,946 --> 00:42:08,216
yeah.

1708
00:42:08,580 --> 00:42:09,180
I don't like that.

1709
00:42:09,300 --> 00:42:10,950
Just have open communication if you can't

1710
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:11,250
Yeah.

1711
00:42:11,550 --> 00:42:11,700
Do it.

1712
00:42:12,540 --> 00:42:12,780
Yeah.

1713
00:42:13,140 --> 00:42:13,410
Be clear.

1714
00:42:13,770 --> 00:42:14,040
Okay.

1715
00:42:14,171 --> 00:42:15,070
Let's get into this week.

1716
00:42:15,070 --> 00:42:16,450
Story submission.

1717
00:42:16,793 --> 00:42:18,263
as always, I've not read it yet,

1718
00:42:18,263 --> 00:42:19,403
so we're gonna see what happens.

1719
00:42:19,403 --> 00:42:19,583
Oh,

1720
00:42:19,673 --> 00:42:20,033
love it.

1721
00:42:20,123 --> 00:42:20,573
Yay.

1722
00:42:20,813 --> 00:42:21,946
My husband helps me out and he

1723
00:42:21,946 --> 00:42:23,176
picks them, puts them in here.

1724
00:42:23,656 --> 00:42:23,696
Oh, good.

1725
00:42:23,696 --> 00:42:24,046
So it'll be a good one.

1726
00:42:24,051 --> 00:42:24,241
Yeah.

1727
00:42:24,241 --> 00:42:24,251
Yeah.

1728
00:42:25,086 --> 00:42:25,356
okay.

1729
00:42:25,506 --> 00:42:26,556
So feel free to stop me at any

1730
00:42:26,556 --> 00:42:27,966
time or we'll just react as we go.

1731
00:42:28,146 --> 00:42:28,536
All right.

1732
00:42:28,656 --> 00:42:28,686
Okay.

1733
00:42:28,846 --> 00:42:30,583
My husband's sister has always

1734
00:42:30,583 --> 00:42:31,813
been a little intimidating.

1735
00:42:32,083 --> 00:42:33,536
Even when she was being nice,

1736
00:42:33,566 --> 00:42:34,826
I always felt like I had to

1737
00:42:34,826 --> 00:42:36,266
walk on eggshells around her.

1738
00:42:36,507 --> 00:42:38,483
My husband, however, always said

1739
00:42:38,483 --> 00:42:39,923
they were extremely close and had

1740
00:42:39,923 --> 00:42:41,710
a great relationship, so we spent

1741
00:42:41,710 --> 00:42:43,420
time with her and even visited.

1742
00:42:43,660 --> 00:42:45,220
she even visited us a few time

1743
00:42:45,220 --> 00:42:46,300
when she lived outta state.

1744
00:42:46,606 --> 00:42:48,943
On one visit she came with her boyfriend.

1745
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,100
He was nice overall, but he definitely

1746
00:42:51,100 --> 00:42:52,840
came in hot with political views

1747
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,100
that were very different from ours

1748
00:42:54,393 --> 00:42:55,923
ended up arguing with me a bit.

1749
00:42:56,238 --> 00:42:57,813
It was uncomfortable, but we

1750
00:42:57,813 --> 00:42:59,253
laughed it off and moved on.

1751
00:42:59,530 --> 00:43:01,198
Fast forward to the week of our wedding.

1752
00:43:01,678 --> 00:43:03,328
The day before we were set to leave,

1753
00:43:03,448 --> 00:43:05,308
about a five hour drive with a lot

1754
00:43:05,308 --> 00:43:07,331
of packing and last minute prep, she

1755
00:43:07,331 --> 00:43:09,191
asked my husband to meet up for drinks.

1756
00:43:09,397 --> 00:43:10,431
He said no because we

1757
00:43:10,431 --> 00:43:11,361
had too much going on.

1758
00:43:11,467 --> 00:43:13,431
We had no idea at the time that this

1759
00:43:13,431 --> 00:43:15,471
would apparently cause so much tension.

1760
00:43:15,788 --> 00:43:17,528
The first night we had planned

1761
00:43:17,528 --> 00:43:19,118
a casual dinner and invited

1762
00:43:19,118 --> 00:43:20,648
everyone who was already in town.

1763
00:43:20,895 --> 00:43:22,605
She had a few cousins all around

1764
00:43:22,605 --> 00:43:24,585
our age who were supposed to come,

1765
00:43:24,682 --> 00:43:26,121
but at the last minute they said

1766
00:43:26,121 --> 00:43:27,685
they wouldn't arrive in time and

1767
00:43:27,685 --> 00:43:29,095
wouldn't see them until the next day.

1768
00:43:29,481 --> 00:43:31,275
The following day, they were coming

1769
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,105
to help me set up for a welcome party.

1770
00:43:33,226 --> 00:43:35,085
I met them at the venue and while

1771
00:43:35,085 --> 00:43:37,065
everyone was helpful, I could tell

1772
00:43:37,065 --> 00:43:38,985
immediately that she was in a mood.

1773
00:43:39,169 --> 00:43:40,158
Her boyfriend, on the

1774
00:43:40,158 --> 00:43:41,628
other hand, was wonderful.

1775
00:43:41,958 --> 00:43:43,908
My sister and my mom kept commenting

1776
00:43:43,908 --> 00:43:45,485
on how great he was, and we were

1777
00:43:45,485 --> 00:43:47,285
genuinely grateful for everyone's help.

1778
00:43:47,632 --> 00:43:49,821
After that, we all went our separate ways.

1779
00:43:49,881 --> 00:43:51,621
Until the rehearsal and welcome party,

1780
00:43:51,856 --> 00:43:53,311
we didn't have a traditional wedding

1781
00:43:53,311 --> 00:43:55,111
party, so the rehearsal was small.

1782
00:43:55,351 --> 00:43:57,571
Just our parents, my sister and her kids

1783
00:43:57,691 --> 00:43:59,611
who were in the wedding, my in-laws,

1784
00:43:59,701 --> 00:44:01,231
and the friend who was officiating.

1785
00:44:01,710 --> 00:44:02,480
We signed our marriage

1786
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:03,650
paperwork that night.

1787
00:44:03,860 --> 00:44:06,146
My sister signed then and I caught

1788
00:44:06,146 --> 00:44:07,286
my sister-in-law at the welcome

1789
00:44:07,286 --> 00:44:08,876
party so she could sign as well.

1790
00:44:09,090 --> 00:44:11,610
While there, I also talked with her and my

1791
00:44:11,610 --> 00:44:13,730
mother-in-law about what time they should

1792
00:44:13,730 --> 00:44:15,380
come over in the morning to get ready.

1793
00:44:15,713 --> 00:44:17,513
The morning of the wedding, she was in

1794
00:44:17,513 --> 00:44:19,553
a bad mood and barely spoke to anyone.

1795
00:44:19,921 --> 00:44:21,653
I spent way too much of the wedding

1796
00:44:21,653 --> 00:44:23,513
morning trying to make sure she felt

1797
00:44:23,513 --> 00:44:25,426
included and happy, which looking

1798
00:44:25,426 --> 00:44:27,526
back is wild because I was literally

1799
00:44:27,526 --> 00:44:30,016
the bride It's like when, when you're

1800
00:44:30,016 --> 00:44:31,396
gonna be like sour and then take

1801
00:44:31,396 --> 00:44:32,776
away from the day, it's just like,

1802
00:44:32,956 --> 00:44:34,096
ah, that makes me so mad.

1803
00:44:34,156 --> 00:44:35,546
Yeah, it's embarrassing.

1804
00:44:35,936 --> 00:44:36,266
Yeah.

1805
00:44:36,583 --> 00:44:37,993
During family photos, her

1806
00:44:37,993 --> 00:44:39,433
boyfriend forgot his jacket.

1807
00:44:39,703 --> 00:44:41,467
I brushed it off trying to not be

1808
00:44:41,467 --> 00:44:43,297
a bridezilla, but she continued

1809
00:44:43,297 --> 00:44:44,917
acting distant and upset.

1810
00:44:45,147 --> 00:44:46,857
I don't remember her saying anything

1811
00:44:46,857 --> 00:44:48,687
kind about how I looked or expressing

1812
00:44:48,687 --> 00:44:50,187
any happiness for us at all.

1813
00:44:50,606 --> 00:44:51,536
Is this all because he

1814
00:44:51,536 --> 00:44:52,601
missed a drink with her?

1815
00:44:52,781 --> 00:44:53,481
I'm so confused.

1816
00:44:54,594 --> 00:44:56,189
At the reception, she sulked in

1817
00:44:56,189 --> 00:44:57,629
the corner for most of the night.

1818
00:44:57,809 --> 00:44:59,609
My husband tried to get her to dance or

1819
00:44:59,609 --> 00:45:02,159
even just talk, but she shoo'ed him away.

1820
00:45:02,412 --> 00:45:04,062
The next day was more of the same.

1821
00:45:04,062 --> 00:45:05,172
She removed herself from

1822
00:45:05,172 --> 00:45:07,002
activities and played the victim.

1823
00:45:08,112 --> 00:45:10,062
A few weeks later, my husband met up

1824
00:45:10,062 --> 00:45:11,922
with her and she said she'd been in a

1825
00:45:11,922 --> 00:45:14,622
bad mood because her cousins made her be

1826
00:45:14,622 --> 00:45:16,782
the designated driver for the wedding.

1827
00:45:16,989 --> 00:45:18,071
What,

1828
00:45:19,449 --> 00:45:21,319
how does someone make you, for one,

1829
00:45:21,409 --> 00:45:21,872
I know

1830
00:45:21,889 --> 00:45:23,079
you know, you can literally just,

1831
00:45:23,109 --> 00:45:24,579
you could just drink something like

1832
00:45:24,759 --> 00:45:25,629
and say no.

1833
00:45:25,779 --> 00:45:27,099
You can just say, yeah, no, I'm

1834
00:45:27,099 --> 00:45:28,839
not going to, or take an Uber.

1835
00:45:28,899 --> 00:45:30,429
I mean, I don't know what it was, but

1836
00:45:30,519 --> 00:45:30,879
yeah.

1837
00:45:31,299 --> 00:45:32,529
That obviously sucks,

1838
00:45:32,529 --> 00:45:33,639
but she agreed to it.

1839
00:45:33,939 --> 00:45:34,149
Yeah.

1840
00:45:34,269 --> 00:45:35,649
So why like make that your whole

1841
00:45:35,649 --> 00:45:36,994
personality then like, yeah.

1842
00:45:37,629 --> 00:45:37,809
What?

1843
00:45:38,528 --> 00:45:39,512
That's bizarre.

1844
00:45:39,692 --> 00:45:40,652
That's really weird.

1845
00:45:40,892 --> 00:45:42,002
It's like she wanted to be the

1846
00:45:42,002 --> 00:45:43,442
victim or be upset about something.

1847
00:45:43,442 --> 00:45:43,502
It

1848
00:45:43,502 --> 00:45:44,642
sounds like she wanted, she needed

1849
00:45:44,642 --> 00:45:46,022
the attention for some reason.

1850
00:45:46,052 --> 00:45:47,192
Yeah, because if someone would've

1851
00:45:47,192 --> 00:45:49,082
asked me to be a DD for like

1852
00:45:49,082 --> 00:45:50,072
one of my best friend's wedding

1853
00:45:50,072 --> 00:45:51,572
or a sibling, I'd be like, no.

1854
00:45:51,801 --> 00:45:52,136
Yeah.

1855
00:45:52,286 --> 00:45:52,676
Sorry.

1856
00:45:52,916 --> 00:45:54,446
Staying at the hotel or whatever.

1857
00:45:54,776 --> 00:45:55,046
Right.

1858
00:45:55,712 --> 00:45:57,452
my husband asked why she seemed so

1859
00:45:57,452 --> 00:45:59,432
disengaged, she didn't have an answer.

1860
00:45:59,729 --> 00:46:01,439
The next time they talked, she

1861
00:46:01,439 --> 00:46:03,749
said she felt left out of the

1862
00:46:03,749 --> 00:46:05,339
wedding and that it didn't feel

1863
00:46:05,339 --> 00:46:06,629
like her brother's wedding at all.

1864
00:46:06,629 --> 00:46:07,289
Just a party.

1865
00:46:07,289 --> 00:46:08,579
She happened to attend.

1866
00:46:08,669 --> 00:46:09,719
What did she, oh my

1867
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:09,839
God.

1868
00:46:10,352 --> 00:46:11,972
This is someone that literally,

1869
00:46:12,092 --> 00:46:13,802
I don't think you can make happy.

1870
00:46:13,922 --> 00:46:14,312
I just

1871
00:46:14,312 --> 00:46:17,186
No, no, because she sounded very involved.

1872
00:46:17,216 --> 00:46:17,276
Yeah.

1873
00:46:17,486 --> 00:46:19,106
Like she was ready to get ready,

1874
00:46:19,294 --> 00:46:21,304
she's at the reception or whatever,

1875
00:46:21,334 --> 00:46:22,534
like all the different events.

1876
00:46:22,714 --> 00:46:23,074
Yeah.

1877
00:46:23,314 --> 00:46:24,364
She's at everything.

1878
00:46:24,844 --> 00:46:25,714
That's suspicious.

1879
00:46:26,014 --> 00:46:26,584
Yeah.

1880
00:46:26,798 --> 00:46:28,688
At that point we decided to step back.

1881
00:46:28,931 --> 00:46:30,041
Now we're civil at family

1882
00:46:30,041 --> 00:46:31,451
gatherings, but don't have a

1883
00:46:31,451 --> 00:46:33,568
relationship with her to this day.

1884
00:46:33,791 --> 00:46:35,261
She has never apologized

1885
00:46:35,261 --> 00:46:36,311
for how she acted.

1886
00:46:36,491 --> 00:46:38,591
My husband is deeply hurt and frustrated.

1887
00:46:38,834 --> 00:46:40,804
She's used to getting her way and He's

1888
00:46:40,804 --> 00:46:42,634
finally done accommodating that behavior.

1889
00:46:42,924 --> 00:46:45,624
In a more recent conversation, he told

1890
00:46:45,624 --> 00:46:47,154
her he was sad and he felt like she

1891
00:46:47,154 --> 00:46:48,354
wasn't really a part of his wedding.

1892
00:46:48,604 --> 00:46:50,644
she denied ever saying that, and

1893
00:46:50,644 --> 00:46:52,654
essentially gaslit him claiming that

1894
00:46:52,654 --> 00:46:53,644
She would never feel that way.

1895
00:46:53,958 --> 00:46:55,728
Now, she insists she was going through

1896
00:46:55,728 --> 00:46:57,768
something but won't explain, just

1897
00:46:57,768 --> 00:47:00,168
continues saying she was excluded and

1898
00:47:00,168 --> 00:47:01,638
I didn't do enough to include her.

1899
00:47:01,998 --> 00:47:04,068
She even claims I didn't tell her ahead

1900
00:47:04,068 --> 00:47:06,318
of time that I wanted her there while

1901
00:47:06,318 --> 00:47:07,968
getting ready, which isn't true at all.

1902
00:47:08,224 --> 00:47:10,188
I bought matching pajamas and slippers

1903
00:47:10,188 --> 00:47:11,213
and absolutely told her in advance.

1904
00:47:11,893 --> 00:47:13,748
At this point, she wants us to

1905
00:47:13,748 --> 00:47:16,238
feel bad for her and apologize,

1906
00:47:16,478 --> 00:47:18,218
that's simply not going to happen.

1907
00:47:18,638 --> 00:47:20,558
She has completely centered our wedding

1908
00:47:20,558 --> 00:47:22,688
memories around herself and how she

1909
00:47:22,688 --> 00:47:24,774
felt, and we are exhausted by it.

1910
00:47:25,074 --> 00:47:26,874
Since stepping back from her life has

1911
00:47:26,874 --> 00:47:29,334
been peaceful, no drama, no anxiety

1912
00:47:29,334 --> 00:47:30,984
about offending her, just calm,

1913
00:47:31,564 --> 00:47:33,274
parents aren't happy and keep telling

1914
00:47:33,274 --> 00:47:35,614
my husband to be the bigger person.

1915
00:47:36,754 --> 00:47:37,534
Oh, make up.

1916
00:47:37,734 --> 00:47:39,384
But what's done is done and

1917
00:47:39,384 --> 00:47:40,914
he's just done dealing with her.

1918
00:47:41,274 --> 00:47:43,374
One last detail that adds context.

1919
00:47:43,611 --> 00:47:45,108
She lived at home until she was

1920
00:47:45,108 --> 00:47:47,238
34 and moved out a few months ago,

1921
00:47:47,469 --> 00:47:49,214
about five months after our wedding.

1922
00:47:49,669 --> 00:47:51,104
We're now eight months out from the

1923
00:47:51,104 --> 00:47:52,604
wedding and I still can't believe

1924
00:47:52,874 --> 00:47:54,554
she hasn't tried to apologize.

1925
00:47:54,747 --> 00:47:56,071
It's sad to watch someone play

1926
00:47:56,071 --> 00:47:57,451
the victim for this long, and I

1927
00:47:57,451 --> 00:47:58,861
still don't understand how our

1928
00:47:58,861 --> 00:48:01,111
wedding made her so uncomfortable.

1929
00:48:01,391 --> 00:48:02,981
But honestly, the whole situation has made

1930
00:48:02,981 --> 00:48:05,261
me appreciate my own family even more.

1931
00:48:05,679 --> 00:48:06,939
I feel like I kept waiting for

1932
00:48:06,939 --> 00:48:08,679
something like to be revealed.

1933
00:48:08,679 --> 00:48:09,879
Something missing.

1934
00:48:09,996 --> 00:48:11,886
the bride does not know something.

1935
00:48:12,046 --> 00:48:12,436
Yeah.

1936
00:48:12,706 --> 00:48:13,756
Didn't know what it is.

1937
00:48:13,906 --> 00:48:15,856
Because why was that like weird boyfriend

1938
00:48:15,856 --> 00:48:17,416
all of a sudden, like really hands on?

1939
00:48:17,416 --> 00:48:18,826
Like was something going with that?

1940
00:48:18,826 --> 00:48:19,756
Like, you know, I thought

1941
00:48:19,756 --> 00:48:21,226
there was something about him.

1942
00:48:21,286 --> 00:48:22,486
I thought it was especially 'cause she

1943
00:48:22,486 --> 00:48:23,866
said the thing about his political views.

1944
00:48:23,866 --> 00:48:25,006
At first I was like, oh, something's

1945
00:48:25,006 --> 00:48:26,626
gonna come up with that later.

1946
00:48:26,626 --> 00:48:28,359
Like, but it seems like they were

1947
00:48:28,359 --> 00:48:30,133
just surprised that like he kind

1948
00:48:30,133 --> 00:48:30,943
of rubbed them the wrong way and

1949
00:48:30,943 --> 00:48:32,353
then he was really helpful later.

1950
00:48:32,619 --> 00:48:33,819
Something else is happening

1951
00:48:33,819 --> 00:48:34,929
and I wonder, okay.

1952
00:48:35,049 --> 00:48:37,836
What I wonder is, okay, the husband

1953
00:48:37,836 --> 00:48:39,126
said he had a really good relationship

1954
00:48:39,126 --> 00:48:40,566
with the sister, or like, he always

1955
00:48:40,566 --> 00:48:42,826
had, I wonder if the marriage.

1956
00:48:43,441 --> 00:48:46,021
Somehow disrupted his role in the family.

1957
00:48:46,021 --> 00:48:46,591
Do you know what I mean?

1958
00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:48,594
Like all of a sudden he, because it

1959
00:48:48,594 --> 00:48:50,244
sounds like once he didn't accommodate

1960
00:48:50,244 --> 00:48:52,554
her anymore, then she's like, I'm out.

1961
00:48:52,554 --> 00:48:54,671
Which is actually really normal thing when

1962
00:48:54,671 --> 00:48:56,141
someone decides not to be in their role

1963
00:48:56,141 --> 00:48:57,791
in the family, whatever they've always

1964
00:48:57,791 --> 00:49:00,351
played, then people get upset by that.

1965
00:49:00,447 --> 00:49:01,944
so I wonder if the relationship was good

1966
00:49:01,944 --> 00:49:04,161
because he was so accommodating to her all

1967
00:49:04,161 --> 00:49:06,231
the time and like played to her emotions.

1968
00:49:06,494 --> 00:49:06,884
Yeah.

1969
00:49:06,984 --> 00:49:08,244
Especially when she added the

1970
00:49:08,244 --> 00:49:10,048
detail about she lived at home

1971
00:49:10,048 --> 00:49:11,428
that whole time, like mm-hmm.

1972
00:49:11,668 --> 00:49:12,293
Up to 34.

1973
00:49:12,811 --> 00:49:13,871
Which, you know, no shame everyone

1974
00:49:13,871 --> 00:49:15,011
has their own reasons for, you

1975
00:49:15,011 --> 00:49:17,411
know, no, they calm economy's crazy.

1976
00:49:17,530 --> 00:49:20,044
But if still lived at home and maybe

1977
00:49:20,044 --> 00:49:21,574
he lived at home before living with

1978
00:49:21,574 --> 00:49:22,624
his girlfriend, we don't know those

1979
00:49:22,624 --> 00:49:24,974
details, but for sure, like he found

1980
00:49:24,974 --> 00:49:26,504
a girl, he wants to get married to

1981
00:49:26,504 --> 00:49:27,524
her or found a woman wants to get

1982
00:49:27,524 --> 00:49:28,998
married to her and has all these

1983
00:49:28,998 --> 00:49:30,348
wedding things coming up, realizing

1984
00:49:30,348 --> 00:49:32,208
that she kind is taking the back seat.

1985
00:49:32,238 --> 00:49:32,568
Like,

1986
00:49:32,570 --> 00:49:33,355
I think so not the most important.

1987
00:49:33,595 --> 00:49:33,950
I like,

1988
00:49:34,210 --> 00:49:34,690
yes.

1989
00:49:34,690 --> 00:49:35,770
I feel like this is the type of

1990
00:49:35,770 --> 00:49:37,377
thing sometimes you hear about, Like

1991
00:49:37,377 --> 00:49:38,577
when you hear like mother-in-law,

1992
00:49:38,577 --> 00:49:39,867
horror stories like this feels

1993
00:49:39,867 --> 00:49:41,113
like a different version of that.

1994
00:49:41,113 --> 00:49:42,613
It's like, oh, all of a sudden you're

1995
00:49:42,613 --> 00:49:44,743
not the number one or whatever, you

1996
00:49:44,743 --> 00:49:46,541
know, like, you're not taking priority.

1997
00:49:46,541 --> 00:49:49,597
And so immature people, right, like

1998
00:49:49,597 --> 00:49:51,641
this, this sister, a mature person would

1999
00:49:51,641 --> 00:49:53,961
say, Hey, this wedding is happening.

2000
00:49:53,961 --> 00:49:54,951
I need to say something.

2001
00:49:54,951 --> 00:49:55,731
If I feel left out.

2002
00:49:55,731 --> 00:49:56,301
Like that would be the

2003
00:49:56,301 --> 00:49:57,261
mature response, right?

2004
00:49:57,350 --> 00:49:59,177
But I think immature people, they make

2005
00:49:59,177 --> 00:50:00,887
themselves trying to make themselves the

2006
00:50:00,887 --> 00:50:03,347
center of attention, like sulking, right?

2007
00:50:03,347 --> 00:50:04,817
Like doing all of these things to

2008
00:50:04,817 --> 00:50:06,257
be like, look at me, I'm so sad.

2009
00:50:06,287 --> 00:50:08,297
Which is very teenager like, honestly.

2010
00:50:08,617 --> 00:50:09,817
Not bringing it up until later

2011
00:50:09,817 --> 00:50:11,557
and then denying it, all of that.

2012
00:50:11,557 --> 00:50:13,057
It just like, to me, just like

2013
00:50:13,087 --> 00:50:15,367
reeks of insecurity and being like,

2014
00:50:15,427 --> 00:50:16,747
it's like a tantrum a little bit.

2015
00:50:16,747 --> 00:50:18,637
It's like an elongated adult tantrum.

2016
00:50:18,937 --> 00:50:19,057
Yeah.

2017
00:50:19,057 --> 00:50:20,107
Like, you should know

2018
00:50:20,107 --> 00:50:21,397
why I'm acting this way.

2019
00:50:21,397 --> 00:50:21,457
Yeah.

2020
00:50:21,487 --> 00:50:23,284
I'm gonna tell you so.

2021
00:50:23,284 --> 00:50:23,464
Right.

2022
00:50:23,721 --> 00:50:24,981
Check out my cues.

2023
00:50:25,191 --> 00:50:25,581
Yeah.

2024
00:50:25,611 --> 00:50:27,141
Which is, again, it's very teenager like,

2025
00:50:27,141 --> 00:50:28,761
but teenagers are allowed to do that

2026
00:50:28,761 --> 00:50:30,433
because I mean, they can't be, you know,

2027
00:50:30,433 --> 00:50:31,820
rude or whatever, but like their brains

2028
00:50:31,820 --> 00:50:33,523
literally, they have to act like that,

2029
00:50:33,563 --> 00:50:35,060
they don't understand how to do the adult

2030
00:50:35,060 --> 00:50:36,530
thing, but the sister obviously does.

2031
00:50:36,813 --> 00:50:38,163
what also gives me pause is

2032
00:50:38,163 --> 00:50:39,843
that the parents are like to the

2033
00:50:39,843 --> 00:50:41,987
husband, you need to go apologize.

2034
00:50:41,987 --> 00:50:43,547
So what that tells me is like that

2035
00:50:43,577 --> 00:50:46,097
the daughter is the center of that

2036
00:50:46,097 --> 00:50:46,547
family.

2037
00:50:46,757 --> 00:50:46,907
That's

2038
00:50:46,907 --> 00:50:46,977
the dynamic.

2039
00:50:46,977 --> 00:50:46,987
Mm-hmm.

2040
00:50:47,022 --> 00:50:47,262
Yeah.

2041
00:50:47,412 --> 00:50:49,217
It's like we have to accommodate her.

2042
00:50:49,217 --> 00:50:50,717
And maybe up until now they didn't have

2043
00:50:50,717 --> 00:50:52,694
a big issue, so it hasn't been obvious.

2044
00:50:52,694 --> 00:50:54,914
But the big issue is he got married and,

2045
00:50:55,287 --> 00:50:55,557
yeah.

2046
00:50:55,587 --> 00:50:55,827
Wow.

2047
00:50:56,624 --> 00:50:58,445
I will say from what she shared, props

2048
00:50:58,590 --> 00:51:00,887
to the husband who seems like he took.

2049
00:51:01,177 --> 00:51:02,347
Control of the situation.

2050
00:51:02,347 --> 00:51:02,407
Yeah.

2051
00:51:02,407 --> 00:51:03,730
'cause I think sometimes, if it's like

2052
00:51:03,730 --> 00:51:05,830
a man and a woman married, then the

2053
00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:07,510
woman sometimes feels like she has to

2054
00:51:07,510 --> 00:51:10,000
like, help manage that, which is, and

2055
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,770
then she gets called the whatever,

2056
00:51:11,830 --> 00:51:13,240
the bad person in the situation.

2057
00:51:13,420 --> 00:51:15,021
so least it seems like props to him that

2058
00:51:15,021 --> 00:51:16,251
he was like, yeah, I'm not doing that.

2059
00:51:16,471 --> 00:51:16,861
That's great.

2060
00:51:16,861 --> 00:51:17,251
Yeah.

2061
00:51:17,401 --> 00:51:17,761
Yeah.

2062
00:51:17,791 --> 00:51:18,061
I know.

2063
00:51:18,061 --> 00:51:19,624
I love that because, you

2064
00:51:19,624 --> 00:51:20,494
made a really good point.

2065
00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:21,904
It's like that typical like

2066
00:51:21,904 --> 00:51:23,404
mother-in-law story we hear where

2067
00:51:23,404 --> 00:51:24,481
they're like, wait, but I'm the

2068
00:51:24,481 --> 00:51:26,246
number one woman in your life, right?

2069
00:51:26,246 --> 00:51:26,761
Like, right.

2070
00:51:26,881 --> 00:51:26,941
Yeah.

2071
00:51:27,151 --> 00:51:28,193
And so there's that weird

2072
00:51:28,207 --> 00:51:31,177
divide that they can't accept.

2073
00:51:31,387 --> 00:51:32,534
And so I feel like that's a good

2074
00:51:32,534 --> 00:51:34,646
point because a lot of times in these

2075
00:51:34,646 --> 00:51:35,890
stories too, like we don't hear about

2076
00:51:35,890 --> 00:51:37,300
the fiance or the husband, right?

2077
00:51:38,106 --> 00:51:40,356
The bride or the woman, the relationship

2078
00:51:40,356 --> 00:51:42,850
is like left to deal with the drama.

2079
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:43,990
Like, he's like, well, sorry,

2080
00:51:43,990 --> 00:51:45,016
my, parents are just weird.

2081
00:51:45,016 --> 00:51:45,796
Or my mom's weird.

2082
00:51:45,826 --> 00:51:45,886
Yeah.

2083
00:51:46,126 --> 00:51:47,026
And then she looks like the

2084
00:51:47,026 --> 00:51:48,256
bad guy that like shut the

2085
00:51:48,256 --> 00:51:48,916
boundary,

2086
00:51:49,246 --> 00:51:49,576
whatever.

2087
00:51:49,576 --> 00:51:49,966
Yeah.

2088
00:51:50,176 --> 00:51:51,616
So good for him there.

2089
00:51:51,616 --> 00:51:52,366
That's good.

2090
00:51:52,636 --> 00:51:54,796
I think with people like that, obviously

2091
00:51:54,796 --> 00:51:55,756
there's just a snapshot of their

2092
00:51:55,756 --> 00:51:56,956
lives, but I think with people like

2093
00:51:56,956 --> 00:51:58,800
that, like the sister, you do have

2094
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:00,330
to maintain really strong boundaries

2095
00:52:00,330 --> 00:52:02,430
and then if you keep them, then they

2096
00:52:02,430 --> 00:52:04,050
get the choice if they want to be in

2097
00:52:04,050 --> 00:52:06,400
your life or not in, you know, while

2098
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:07,780
keeping inside of those boundaries.

2099
00:52:07,780 --> 00:52:09,610
But it sounds like it was the best choice

2100
00:52:09,610 --> 00:52:10,930
because their life is like peaceful now.

2101
00:52:10,971 --> 00:52:11,916
It also hasn't been that

2102
00:52:11,916 --> 00:52:12,726
long since the wedding.

2103
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,050
It would be interesting to hear like,

2104
00:52:14,181 --> 00:52:15,613
you know, a couple years from now,

2105
00:52:15,711 --> 00:52:16,873
especially like if they have kids

2106
00:52:16,873 --> 00:52:18,733
or something, like if that dynamic

2107
00:52:18,733 --> 00:52:20,413
changes or how that dynamic changes.

2108
00:52:20,758 --> 00:52:21,238
Yeah.

2109
00:52:21,421 --> 00:52:21,721
Yeah.

2110
00:52:21,721 --> 00:52:23,415
And, I feel like too, now I'm going

2111
00:52:23,415 --> 00:52:25,875
back to the 34 living at home thing too.

2112
00:52:25,875 --> 00:52:25,935
Yeah.

2113
00:52:26,385 --> 00:52:27,825
Again, there's different reasons.

2114
00:52:27,825 --> 00:52:29,625
It's all nuanced, but yeah, if it's

2115
00:52:29,625 --> 00:52:32,465
something where she was babied maybe, and

2116
00:52:32,465 --> 00:52:34,405
like never actually forced to like, go

2117
00:52:34,405 --> 00:52:36,085
out on your own or get a job, you know,

2118
00:52:36,085 --> 00:52:37,675
I don't know every, what other details.

2119
00:52:38,015 --> 00:52:39,205
it seemed like pretty pointed that

2120
00:52:39,205 --> 00:52:41,178
the, bride put that in the story.

2121
00:52:41,308 --> 00:52:41,941
I think if if it were like,

2122
00:52:41,971 --> 00:52:42,751
oh, you know, she had like,

2123
00:52:42,975 --> 00:52:44,505
she lost her job or whatever.

2124
00:52:44,505 --> 00:52:45,555
She had some sort of circumstance.

2125
00:52:45,555 --> 00:52:46,095
She had to live at home.

2126
00:52:46,095 --> 00:52:47,325
It wouldn't have been worth mentioning.

2127
00:52:47,538 --> 00:52:49,648
So it feels like she lives at home too.

2128
00:52:49,653 --> 00:52:49,943
Wink, wink.

2129
00:52:50,368 --> 00:52:50,608
Yeah.

2130
00:52:50,608 --> 00:52:51,598
It wasn't like she went

2131
00:52:51,598 --> 00:52:52,528
away and came back.

2132
00:52:52,528 --> 00:52:54,148
It says she lived at home until, so

2133
00:52:54,148 --> 00:52:55,871
I'm getting like, she was like the

2134
00:52:55,871 --> 00:52:58,031
baby, like princess of the family.

2135
00:52:58,181 --> 00:52:59,111
Never had to be.

2136
00:52:59,111 --> 00:52:59,201
Does

2137
00:52:59,201 --> 00:53:00,491
it say, was she the older

2138
00:53:00,491 --> 00:53:01,721
sister or the younger sister?

2139
00:53:01,721 --> 00:53:02,321
Did it say in there,

2140
00:53:02,921 --> 00:53:03,161
let's

2141
00:53:03,161 --> 00:53:03,761
see,

2142
00:53:04,295 --> 00:53:06,005
it just says

2143
00:53:06,095 --> 00:53:06,665
the sister, I think.

2144
00:53:06,665 --> 00:53:07,535
I don't think it said.

2145
00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:10,100
Yeah, my husband's sister.

2146
00:53:10,250 --> 00:53:10,520
Yeah.

2147
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:11,705
It doesn't really say, it doesn't,

2148
00:53:11,810 --> 00:53:14,540
it feels like if it were the older sister,

2149
00:53:14,540 --> 00:53:17,060
I wonder if she was like, my younger

2150
00:53:17,060 --> 00:53:19,100
brother is getting married before me, or

2151
00:53:19,100 --> 00:53:20,780
like meeting these milestones before me.

2152
00:53:21,053 --> 00:53:22,283
then obviously if she's the

2153
00:53:22,283 --> 00:53:24,083
younger one, it could be that like

2154
00:53:24,113 --> 00:53:25,823
extra like baby of the family.

2155
00:53:25,823 --> 00:53:27,893
Like everyone kind of caters to her

2156
00:53:27,893 --> 00:53:29,153
and then all of a sudden they're not.

2157
00:53:29,193 --> 00:53:30,183
But it would be interesting to

2158
00:53:30,183 --> 00:53:32,043
hear like the birth order there.

2159
00:53:32,283 --> 00:53:32,853
Yeah.

2160
00:53:33,050 --> 00:53:33,230
Yeah.

2161
00:53:33,260 --> 00:53:33,500
Yeah.

2162
00:53:33,500 --> 00:53:34,760
I feel like that's really interesting.

2163
00:53:35,015 --> 00:53:36,240
it definitely makes me think.

2164
00:53:36,420 --> 00:53:38,330
so she moved out five months

2165
00:53:38,330 --> 00:53:39,620
after the wedding, it sounds like.

2166
00:53:39,620 --> 00:53:40,700
So maybe that's like the

2167
00:53:40,700 --> 00:53:41,870
push she needs to get out.

2168
00:53:41,875 --> 00:53:41,955
Yeah.

2169
00:53:42,393 --> 00:53:44,400
yeah, so I'm getting like she's used

2170
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:46,200
to everyone kind of catering to her.

2171
00:53:46,426 --> 00:53:48,126
And because the brother said

2172
00:53:48,126 --> 00:53:49,326
like, no, because I'm doing this

2173
00:53:49,326 --> 00:53:51,036
thing with my wife, I can't come.

2174
00:53:51,036 --> 00:53:52,416
That was like the thing.

2175
00:53:52,540 --> 00:53:52,596
Yeah.

2176
00:53:52,596 --> 00:53:54,246
She's like, I'm gonna hold onto this

2177
00:53:54,546 --> 00:53:55,206
forever.

2178
00:53:55,236 --> 00:53:56,376
He said no to me.

2179
00:53:56,466 --> 00:53:57,606
Your sister.

2180
00:53:57,996 --> 00:53:58,476
Yeah.

2181
00:53:58,476 --> 00:53:58,486
Um.

2182
00:53:58,870 --> 00:54:00,186
Which I always think it's like, of

2183
00:54:00,186 --> 00:54:01,366
course they're not thinking with their

2184
00:54:01,846 --> 00:54:03,316
right brain or whatever, but like,

2185
00:54:03,316 --> 00:54:03,586
yeah.

2186
00:54:03,586 --> 00:54:03,596
Yeah.

2187
00:54:03,676 --> 00:54:04,776
I always think like with these

2188
00:54:04,776 --> 00:54:06,406
mother-in-law stories of the sister story,

2189
00:54:06,657 --> 00:54:08,576
you are just creating more of a barrier.

2190
00:54:08,636 --> 00:54:08,696
Yeah.

2191
00:54:08,786 --> 00:54:11,486
Like if you really wanna be involved,

2192
00:54:11,486 --> 00:54:12,866
like, how can I support you?

2193
00:54:12,866 --> 00:54:13,796
I'm so excited for that.

2194
00:54:13,796 --> 00:54:15,176
You found the love of your life.

2195
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:15,986
How can I be there?

2196
00:54:15,986 --> 00:54:17,666
And then they would want her to hang out

2197
00:54:17,666 --> 00:54:19,226
with them all the time, you know, like,

2198
00:54:19,323 --> 00:54:19,863
and it could be this

2199
00:54:19,863 --> 00:54:21,483
positive relationship.

2200
00:54:21,573 --> 00:54:21,963
Yeah,

2201
00:54:21,963 --> 00:54:22,203
totally.

2202
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:24,130
I think the hard part is, is like most

2203
00:54:24,130 --> 00:54:25,676
people, and again, it's like whatever,

2204
00:54:25,676 --> 00:54:27,236
people in adulthood, you have to learn

2205
00:54:27,236 --> 00:54:28,196
how to do these things on your own.

2206
00:54:28,243 --> 00:54:29,653
this is like actually such a great

2207
00:54:29,653 --> 00:54:32,146
example of why it's so important to teach

2208
00:54:32,176 --> 00:54:34,816
your children how to say how they feel.

2209
00:54:34,816 --> 00:54:35,686
Because all of a sudden you have a

2210
00:54:35,686 --> 00:54:37,525
34-year-old sister who has to be like

2211
00:54:37,835 --> 00:54:40,385
manipulative basically, or like secretive

2212
00:54:40,385 --> 00:54:42,185
with her feelings and you can't control

2213
00:54:42,185 --> 00:54:43,625
everything that, how your kids turn out.

2214
00:54:43,625 --> 00:54:45,832
But it's like, that's why we say to

2215
00:54:45,832 --> 00:54:47,002
our kids, like, how do you actually

2216
00:54:47,032 --> 00:54:48,082
feel, share with people how you

2217
00:54:48,082 --> 00:54:50,118
feel, be, direct in a kind way.

2218
00:54:50,232 --> 00:54:51,522
Because I think it's actually very

2219
00:54:51,522 --> 00:54:52,932
normal to have those feelings.

2220
00:54:52,932 --> 00:54:54,492
If you have a sibling or a

2221
00:54:54,492 --> 00:54:55,722
child get married and you

2222
00:54:55,722 --> 00:54:56,742
feel like, what's my place?

2223
00:54:56,742 --> 00:54:57,432
There's nothing wrong with

2224
00:54:57,432 --> 00:54:58,542
the feeling, but it's like the

2225
00:54:58,542 --> 00:54:59,892
behavior is where it gets weird.

2226
00:54:59,982 --> 00:55:00,252
Right?

2227
00:55:00,252 --> 00:55:00,552
You're like,

2228
00:55:00,762 --> 00:55:00,852
right,

2229
00:55:01,108 --> 00:55:02,488
that's ruining something for the person

2230
00:55:02,488 --> 00:55:05,235
you're upset that is, changing roles

2231
00:55:05,235 --> 00:55:06,315
in your life that you're claiming that

2232
00:55:06,315 --> 00:55:07,965
you love and you're making them upset.

2233
00:55:07,995 --> 00:55:09,015
That doesn't make sense.

2234
00:55:09,255 --> 00:55:09,495
Mm-hmm.

2235
00:55:09,855 --> 00:55:10,305
Yeah.

2236
00:55:10,427 --> 00:55:10,652
Yeah.

2237
00:55:10,652 --> 00:55:11,762
There's definitely a lot missing and

2238
00:55:11,762 --> 00:55:12,692
I feel like they're not gonna get

2239
00:55:12,692 --> 00:55:14,102
the answers from her at this point.

2240
00:55:14,272 --> 00:55:14,392
Oh.

2241
00:55:14,392 --> 00:55:16,432
So now it sucks because now there's

2242
00:55:16,432 --> 00:55:18,022
this like weird tension in all their

2243
00:55:18,022 --> 00:55:19,282
relationships and it could have

2244
00:55:19,282 --> 00:55:21,598
just been like a new stage, but

2245
00:55:22,108 --> 00:55:22,558
Right.

2246
00:55:22,588 --> 00:55:23,518
She could have just said, oh

2247
00:55:23,518 --> 00:55:24,598
man, like I really wanted to

2248
00:55:24,598 --> 00:55:25,708
go out for drinks with you.

2249
00:55:25,708 --> 00:55:26,932
Like you know, I'm happy for you,

2250
00:55:26,932 --> 00:55:28,222
but I'm having a hard time that our

2251
00:55:28,222 --> 00:55:29,482
relationship is probably gonna change.

2252
00:55:29,542 --> 00:55:30,112
Great.

2253
00:55:30,335 --> 00:55:31,145
It was that easy.

2254
00:55:31,445 --> 00:55:32,165
Yeah, it was.

2255
00:55:32,165 --> 00:55:33,155
It was not though.

2256
00:55:33,155 --> 00:55:33,815
I don't think they will

2257
00:55:33,815 --> 00:55:34,835
probably ever know either.

2258
00:55:34,835 --> 00:55:34,895
Yeah.

2259
00:55:34,928 --> 00:55:36,222
Unless one day she like blows

2260
00:55:36,222 --> 00:55:37,122
up at them and says, oh,

2261
00:55:37,122 --> 00:55:38,382
this is all what happened and

2262
00:55:38,922 --> 00:55:39,102
yeah.

2263
00:55:39,857 --> 00:55:40,137
Yeah.

2264
00:55:40,182 --> 00:55:40,212
Oh

2265
00:55:40,617 --> 00:55:40,857
gosh.

2266
00:55:41,237 --> 00:55:41,657
That's

2267
00:55:41,657 --> 00:55:41,777
messy.

2268
00:55:41,877 --> 00:55:43,422
And, and it's too, it's like she can't

2269
00:55:43,422 --> 00:55:45,102
see, when you're in that victim hood,

2270
00:55:45,102 --> 00:55:46,722
you can't see people including you.

2271
00:55:46,722 --> 00:55:46,812
Right.

2272
00:55:47,088 --> 00:55:49,638
Because I mean like it's so

2273
00:55:49,638 --> 00:55:51,378
easy to just sit in that spot

2274
00:55:51,378 --> 00:55:52,788
of like, oh, everyone hates me.

2275
00:55:52,788 --> 00:55:53,718
They don't want me here.

2276
00:55:54,028 --> 00:55:55,168
like no matter how many times

2277
00:55:55,168 --> 00:55:56,668
someone comes over, she's just

2278
00:55:56,668 --> 00:55:57,688
not gonna, no, she's looking

2279
00:55:57,688 --> 00:55:59,098
at everything through that lens.

2280
00:55:59,158 --> 00:55:59,428
Yeah.

2281
00:55:59,428 --> 00:56:00,755
She's like, oh, well maybe she

2282
00:56:00,755 --> 00:56:02,045
invited me but it didn't seem like she

2283
00:56:02,045 --> 00:56:03,275
really wanted me there or whatever.

2284
00:56:03,305 --> 00:56:04,745
'cause it's like clear the bride was

2285
00:56:04,745 --> 00:56:06,352
involving her, but yeah, when you're

2286
00:56:06,352 --> 00:56:07,925
in a certain mindset, I think it's very

2287
00:56:07,925 --> 00:56:10,655
hard to like assimilate true information

2288
00:56:10,655 --> 00:56:12,035
and like what's actually happening.

2289
00:56:12,282 --> 00:56:14,052
So to her, I don't even think she

2290
00:56:14,052 --> 00:56:15,582
necessarily sister was like necessarily

2291
00:56:15,582 --> 00:56:17,485
like lying about these things.

2292
00:56:17,485 --> 00:56:18,708
It seems like she chose that kind

2293
00:56:18,708 --> 00:56:21,345
of victim mentality and then, she

2294
00:56:21,345 --> 00:56:22,515
just saw everything through that.

2295
00:56:22,755 --> 00:56:23,145
Yeah.

2296
00:56:23,323 --> 00:56:25,508
This is totally like, not making

2297
00:56:25,508 --> 00:56:26,815
up stories in my head, Reading

2298
00:56:26,815 --> 00:56:27,805
in between the lines too.

2299
00:56:27,805 --> 00:56:28,855
Like even deeper.

2300
00:56:28,855 --> 00:56:30,203
What if it's something with she

2301
00:56:30,203 --> 00:56:31,643
is the older sister and like you

2302
00:56:31,643 --> 00:56:32,873
said, like maybe like offended

2303
00:56:32,873 --> 00:56:34,133
that he's getting married first.

2304
00:56:34,133 --> 00:56:34,193
Yeah.

2305
00:56:34,397 --> 00:56:35,747
so then she like meets this boyfriend.

2306
00:56:35,747 --> 00:56:36,017
Right.

2307
00:56:36,017 --> 00:56:37,607
But they're, it's kind of weird.

2308
00:56:37,683 --> 00:56:38,703
So maybe she said something like,

2309
00:56:38,703 --> 00:56:39,933
something about like getting married

2310
00:56:39,933 --> 00:56:42,287
and he like isn't interested so then

2311
00:56:42,287 --> 00:56:44,307
the whole wedding she's just like,

2312
00:56:44,605 --> 00:56:45,985
I, you're being so helpful to them,

2313
00:56:45,985 --> 00:56:47,035
but like you don't even wanna marry.

2314
00:56:47,165 --> 00:56:48,585
I feel like there, had to be some

2315
00:56:48,585 --> 00:56:49,755
sort of dynamic with the boyfriend

2316
00:56:50,038 --> 00:56:52,335
because it seems like weird timing

2317
00:56:52,335 --> 00:56:53,858
and I think that, I don't even know,

2318
00:56:53,858 --> 00:56:55,682
like the bride that wrote in, I feel

2319
00:56:55,682 --> 00:56:57,002
like she included things without

2320
00:56:57,002 --> 00:56:58,322
knowing why she was including them.

2321
00:56:58,322 --> 00:56:59,132
But they are important.

2322
00:56:59,132 --> 00:57:00,022
Like why bring up the

2323
00:57:00,022 --> 00:57:01,492
political thing necessarily?

2324
00:57:01,492 --> 00:57:03,118
Like, I don't know, it just seems

2325
00:57:03,322 --> 00:57:04,462
there's like certain pieces I'm like,

2326
00:57:04,462 --> 00:57:06,142
oh we're just missing just a teeny bit.

2327
00:57:06,232 --> 00:57:06,622
Yeah.

2328
00:57:06,772 --> 00:57:07,042
It's like

2329
00:57:07,157 --> 00:57:07,612
I feel like something

2330
00:57:07,612 --> 00:57:08,752
probably did happen there.

2331
00:57:08,872 --> 00:57:09,142
Yeah,

2332
00:57:09,147 --> 00:57:09,828
yeah, yeah.

2333
00:57:09,828 --> 00:57:11,718
Like some hidden conversation with him.

2334
00:57:11,718 --> 00:57:13,098
'cause he's all of sudden being really

2335
00:57:13,098 --> 00:57:15,798
helpful and hands-on and she's like,

2336
00:57:15,828 --> 00:57:17,748
screw you, I just talked to you about

2337
00:57:17,808 --> 00:57:18,888
marriage and you're not interested.

2338
00:57:18,888 --> 00:57:19,098
Yeah.

2339
00:57:19,098 --> 00:57:19,698
Something.

2340
00:57:20,682 --> 00:57:21,972
really reading into that for that.

2341
00:57:22,032 --> 00:57:23,287
No, I kinda love doing that though.

2342
00:57:23,448 --> 00:57:24,607
It feels like those books where you like

2343
00:57:24,607 --> 00:57:25,627
read the whole story and then all of a

2344
00:57:25,627 --> 00:57:27,034
sudden the next chapter you're like, you

2345
00:57:27,034 --> 00:57:28,264
get the different character's perspective

2346
00:57:28,264 --> 00:57:29,914
and you're like, oh, that's what happened.

2347
00:57:29,914 --> 00:57:31,504
I feel like we're missing that chapter.

2348
00:57:31,864 --> 00:57:31,954
Yes.

2349
00:57:31,954 --> 00:57:32,614
We need to know what

2350
00:57:33,574 --> 00:57:33,754
it's, I

2351
00:57:33,754 --> 00:57:33,814
know.

2352
00:57:33,814 --> 00:57:33,954
So we have to,

2353
00:57:34,594 --> 00:57:34,984
I know.

2354
00:57:34,984 --> 00:57:36,154
Can the sister write in and

2355
00:57:36,154 --> 00:57:37,654
tell us or point For sure.

2356
00:57:37,714 --> 00:57:38,344
If you're listening,

2357
00:57:38,764 --> 00:57:40,247
tell us your perspective.

2358
00:57:40,247 --> 00:57:42,777
Sounds like you right into us.

2359
00:57:43,164 --> 00:57:43,794
Oh my gosh.

2360
00:57:43,854 --> 00:57:44,304
All right.

2361
00:57:44,606 --> 00:57:45,587
that was definitely a different

2362
00:57:45,587 --> 00:57:46,367
kind of story because I feel like

2363
00:57:46,367 --> 00:57:47,417
normally we have like some wild

2364
00:57:47,417 --> 00:57:48,407
thing happen, so that was good that

2365
00:57:48,407 --> 00:57:50,171
we could like kind of understand.

2366
00:57:50,396 --> 00:57:50,627
Okay.

2367
00:57:50,627 --> 00:57:51,587
I would like to end these with

2368
00:57:51,587 --> 00:57:54,287
confessions that people sent me on

2369
00:57:54,287 --> 00:57:56,014
Instagram so we can react to these.

2370
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:57,941
this week we asked what was the

2371
00:57:57,941 --> 00:57:59,591
wedding tradition that you didn't

2372
00:57:59,591 --> 00:58:01,811
want but felt forced to do anyway.

2373
00:58:01,901 --> 00:58:03,311
Did you feel this way about anything

2374
00:58:03,311 --> 00:58:04,887
at your wedding, like traditions that

2375
00:58:04,887 --> 00:58:06,237
you're like, I'm not doing it, or

2376
00:58:06,237 --> 00:58:07,677
you did something and you were like,

2377
00:58:07,977 --> 00:58:09,147
I don't really like that tradition.

2378
00:58:09,539 --> 00:58:11,069
I mean, like I said, I was like heavily

2379
00:58:11,069 --> 00:58:14,269
still in the church stuff, but part

2380
00:58:14,269 --> 00:58:16,082
of like the ceremony, there were a

2381
00:58:16,082 --> 00:58:18,356
lot of like you like took communion

2382
00:58:18,356 --> 00:58:19,436
or like prayed together, which I

2383
00:58:19,436 --> 00:58:20,996
wasn't against, but I felt super

2384
00:58:20,996 --> 00:58:22,316
uncomfortable everyone watching us.

2385
00:58:22,316 --> 00:58:23,779
But there was never like a, no one

2386
00:58:23,779 --> 00:58:25,429
like forced me to do it, but it was

2387
00:58:25,429 --> 00:58:27,049
like the pastor that did our wedding.

2388
00:58:27,109 --> 00:58:28,099
That was just what you did.

2389
00:58:28,099 --> 00:58:29,769
Yeah, but looking back now, like I

2390
00:58:29,769 --> 00:58:31,089
think I could have incorporated it

2391
00:58:31,089 --> 00:58:32,739
differently, but I just felt weird.

2392
00:58:32,739 --> 00:58:33,789
'cause like everyone's literally

2393
00:58:33,789 --> 00:58:34,719
just sitting there watching

2394
00:58:34,719 --> 00:58:35,949
as you like do all this.

2395
00:58:36,269 --> 00:58:36,449
I know.

2396
00:58:36,784 --> 00:58:37,889
Which, which, between the two of you?

2397
00:58:37,979 --> 00:58:38,339
Yeah.

2398
00:58:38,369 --> 00:58:38,579
Yeah.

2399
00:58:38,669 --> 00:58:41,279
I'm also like not huge on PDA, so like,

2400
00:58:41,279 --> 00:58:42,506
which sounds funny at your wedding, but

2401
00:58:42,506 --> 00:58:43,718
be like, kiss, kiss and I'm like, it's

2402
00:58:43,718 --> 00:58:44,738
not that I don't wanna kiss my husband,

2403
00:58:44,738 --> 00:58:46,698
I just like, I'm not a big PDA girl.

2404
00:58:46,698 --> 00:58:48,018
So I was just like, okay.

2405
00:58:48,018 --> 00:58:49,998
Like, I dunno, that sounds really weird

2406
00:58:49,998 --> 00:58:51,555
to say, but my husband isn't either.

2407
00:58:51,555 --> 00:58:52,785
I'm like, listen, we love each other.

2408
00:58:52,785 --> 00:58:55,098
But I don't know the wedding itself.

2409
00:58:55,098 --> 00:58:56,645
I think sometimes it's fun to

2410
00:58:56,645 --> 00:58:57,665
be the center of attention, but

2411
00:58:57,665 --> 00:58:59,608
for a whole day it's a lot, man.

2412
00:58:59,608 --> 00:58:59,698
It's

2413
00:58:59,803 --> 00:58:59,923
a lot.

2414
00:59:00,598 --> 00:59:02,638
Yeah, but nothing too bad.

2415
00:59:02,728 --> 00:59:03,703
Nothing too bad I can do.

2416
00:59:03,778 --> 00:59:04,408
I get that.

2417
00:59:04,608 --> 00:59:06,285
we didn't do like, cause I see a

2418
00:59:06,285 --> 00:59:06,945
lot of people talking about this.

2419
00:59:07,131 --> 00:59:08,331
We didn't do the bouquet toss

2420
00:59:08,331 --> 00:59:10,131
or the garter toss because I

2421
00:59:10,131 --> 00:59:12,446
was like, let's just, I don't,

2422
00:59:12,801 --> 00:59:13,551
the bouquet toss.

2423
00:59:13,551 --> 00:59:14,781
I feel like people get, like, I

2424
00:59:14,781 --> 00:59:16,311
don't see my friends doing this

2425
00:59:16,311 --> 00:59:17,421
necessarily, but I've been to a lot

2426
00:59:17,421 --> 00:59:19,641
of weddings where women get vicious.

2427
00:59:19,671 --> 00:59:20,751
They like kush, they like

2428
00:59:20,751 --> 00:59:22,011
elbow and like scratch.

2429
00:59:22,101 --> 00:59:22,396
I'm like, you're

2430
00:59:22,396 --> 00:59:23,631
like, you know, this isn't like really

2431
00:59:23,631 --> 00:59:24,861
gonna make something happen for you.

2432
00:59:24,861 --> 00:59:25,221
Right.

2433
00:59:25,221 --> 00:59:26,031
It's just

2434
00:59:26,031 --> 00:59:26,091
No.

2435
00:59:26,245 --> 00:59:27,325
I've read so many stories about

2436
00:59:27,325 --> 00:59:28,435
people getting mad because they

2437
00:59:28,435 --> 00:59:29,785
didn't get the bouquet and I'm like.

2438
00:59:30,143 --> 00:59:30,533
Girl,

2439
00:59:30,533 --> 00:59:31,343
that is bizarre.

2440
00:59:31,583 --> 00:59:32,573
You're not gonna actually

2441
00:59:32,573 --> 00:59:33,893
things a little bit too seriously

2442
00:59:33,923 --> 00:59:35,483
and the garter thing, just feel, I

2443
00:59:35,483 --> 00:59:37,266
think we maybe did that, but like

2444
00:59:37,266 --> 00:59:38,166
I've been to some weddings where

2445
00:59:38,166 --> 00:59:40,296
it's like, this is uncomfortable.

2446
00:59:40,326 --> 00:59:42,006
Like what is happening?

2447
00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:43,250
why is your whole head under there?

2448
00:59:43,460 --> 00:59:43,670
I yeah.

2449
00:59:43,670 --> 00:59:44,420
I don't want my husband's

2450
00:59:44,420 --> 00:59:45,950
whole body under my dress.

2451
00:59:46,610 --> 00:59:46,725
Well, I know.

2452
00:59:46,725 --> 00:59:48,830
I think ours is like quick whatever done.

2453
00:59:48,830 --> 00:59:50,240
And I was like, why do we even do that?

2454
00:59:50,245 --> 00:59:50,840
That was so weird.

2455
00:59:51,988 --> 00:59:53,003
Some conditions are better

2456
00:59:53,003 --> 00:59:54,113
left in the past, I think.

2457
00:59:54,173 --> 00:59:56,063
But yeah, you can do what they want.

2458
00:59:56,393 --> 00:59:57,953
I would say like, okay, so we see

2459
00:59:58,073 --> 01:00:00,277
garter bouquet toss decorating the

2460
01:00:00,277 --> 01:00:02,827
apartment with rocks, litter on

2461
01:00:02,827 --> 01:00:05,707
the floor in the toilet and tub.

2462
01:00:06,043 --> 01:00:06,373
What?

2463
01:00:06,373 --> 01:00:06,703
What?

2464
01:00:07,333 --> 01:00:08,143
Why would you do that?

2465
01:00:08,533 --> 01:00:10,723
I'm guessing this was, this has to be

2466
01:00:10,723 --> 01:00:12,605
European because I know like in Europe

2467
01:00:12,605 --> 01:00:14,280
the bathroom would be like the toilet.

2468
01:00:14,430 --> 01:00:14,460
Oh.

2469
01:00:14,460 --> 01:00:16,380
Unless she means the actual in the toilet.

2470
01:00:16,647 --> 01:00:18,057
Wait, it could be like in the toilet.

2471
01:00:18,273 --> 01:00:19,113
That's so weird.

2472
01:00:19,113 --> 01:00:19,863
Maybe they like.

2473
01:00:20,132 --> 01:00:21,572
I know some people will like decorate

2474
01:00:21,572 --> 01:00:22,592
or like have a surprise for when

2475
01:00:22,592 --> 01:00:23,432
they get home from their honeymoon.

2476
01:00:23,432 --> 01:00:24,362
Maybe they did, went like

2477
01:00:24,362 --> 01:00:25,292
over the top with that or

2478
01:00:25,292 --> 01:00:25,562
something.

2479
01:00:25,562 --> 01:00:26,432
Oh, maybe that's what it

2480
01:00:26,432 --> 01:00:27,632
was, and they put glitter.

2481
01:00:27,940 --> 01:00:28,390
Oh my gosh.

2482
01:00:28,450 --> 01:00:30,190
Don't put glitter on anyone's house.

2483
01:00:30,287 --> 01:00:31,637
just don't have glitter, period.

2484
01:00:31,697 --> 01:00:32,312
It doesn't, don't have doesn.

2485
01:00:32,867 --> 01:00:33,617
Like I love like a little

2486
01:00:33,617 --> 01:00:34,427
glitter here and there.

2487
01:00:34,427 --> 01:00:35,237
Like if, whatever.

2488
01:00:35,237 --> 01:00:35,327
Yeah.

2489
01:00:35,357 --> 01:00:35,537
Like

2490
01:00:35,592 --> 01:00:35,992
a little face

2491
01:00:36,077 --> 01:00:37,369
glitter, but glitter on things.

2492
01:00:37,369 --> 01:00:37,519
No.

2493
01:00:37,635 --> 01:00:38,005
Yeah.

2494
01:00:38,035 --> 01:00:39,565
And don't surprise anyone with glitter,

2495
01:00:39,625 --> 01:00:41,215
they'll be watching that out for months.

2496
01:00:41,512 --> 01:00:42,502
this person says inviting

2497
01:00:42,502 --> 01:00:43,912
people that I don't like.

2498
01:00:44,392 --> 01:00:45,647
Yeah, that's a tough one.

2499
01:00:46,332 --> 01:00:47,262
You don't want people at your

2500
01:00:47,262 --> 01:00:48,072
wedding that you don't want.

2501
01:00:48,192 --> 01:00:48,432
That's,

2502
01:00:48,432 --> 01:00:49,032
you don't.

2503
01:00:49,032 --> 01:00:50,157
Well, and then it is hard like, 'cause

2504
01:00:50,157 --> 01:00:51,087
I know it's like sometimes there's like

2505
01:00:51,087 --> 01:00:53,564
family members that aren't your favorite.

2506
01:00:53,564 --> 01:00:55,677
But also, I don't know, I think

2507
01:00:55,677 --> 01:00:57,297
especially, and I think again, things that

2508
01:00:57,297 --> 01:00:58,557
are changing through generations, it's

2509
01:00:58,557 --> 01:01:00,167
like you used to have to do that 'cause

2510
01:01:00,167 --> 01:01:02,057
it was like, oh, you have to respect your

2511
01:01:02,057 --> 01:01:03,617
elders or these family relationships.

2512
01:01:03,617 --> 01:01:05,027
But I think now more people are

2513
01:01:05,027 --> 01:01:06,887
like, oh, like I get the choice.

2514
01:01:06,887 --> 01:01:07,907
Just like I wouldn't invite some

2515
01:01:07,907 --> 01:01:09,137
random person I didn't like, I don't

2516
01:01:09,137 --> 01:01:10,247
have to invite that person just

2517
01:01:10,247 --> 01:01:11,408
'cause they're related by blood.

2518
01:01:11,408 --> 01:01:11,644
But

2519
01:01:11,674 --> 01:01:12,364
yes,

2520
01:01:12,514 --> 01:01:13,594
that's tricky for sure.

2521
01:01:13,684 --> 01:01:14,134
Yeah.

2522
01:01:14,297 --> 01:01:14,867
I definitely think people are

2523
01:01:14,867 --> 01:01:16,197
getting better about boundaries with

2524
01:01:16,197 --> 01:01:17,937
like, okay, well we only can fit a

2525
01:01:17,937 --> 01:01:19,107
hundred people so I'm gonna fit the a

2526
01:01:19,107 --> 01:01:20,997
hundred people that I'm closest with.

2527
01:01:21,127 --> 01:01:21,367
Yeah.

2528
01:01:21,427 --> 01:01:23,467
I do think like, unless it's like

2529
01:01:23,467 --> 01:01:24,907
someone that's completely like.

2530
01:01:25,147 --> 01:01:26,467
Exile from the family or like,

2531
01:01:26,467 --> 01:01:27,727
you know, you don't like see them.

2532
01:01:27,872 --> 01:01:28,984
I feel like if you're inviting like

2533
01:01:28,984 --> 01:01:30,274
an uncle, you shouldn't invite all

2534
01:01:30,274 --> 01:01:31,324
aunts and uncle, you know what I mean?

2535
01:01:31,324 --> 01:01:31,954
Like Yeah.

2536
01:01:31,954 --> 01:01:33,484
Otherwise that's kind of weird, that one.

2537
01:01:33,484 --> 01:01:33,784
Yeah.

2538
01:01:33,784 --> 01:01:35,194
Or cousins of a certain

2539
01:01:35,194 --> 01:01:36,784
age, you know, whatever or

2540
01:01:36,971 --> 01:01:37,361
totally.

2541
01:01:37,451 --> 01:01:38,501
You're inviting like friends in a

2542
01:01:38,501 --> 01:01:40,631
circle don't like leave like two out

2543
01:01:40,765 --> 01:01:41,184
Yeah.

2544
01:01:41,334 --> 01:01:41,994
Of that happen.

2545
01:01:41,994 --> 01:01:43,074
And then that's really awkward

2546
01:01:43,074 --> 01:01:43,914
for everybody because that

2547
01:01:43,914 --> 01:01:44,664
is awkward.

2548
01:01:44,784 --> 01:01:45,714
Oh, you're going to the wedding.

2549
01:01:45,894 --> 01:01:46,464
What wedding?

2550
01:01:46,524 --> 01:01:46,944
You know?

2551
01:01:46,944 --> 01:01:47,484
That's

2552
01:01:47,724 --> 01:01:48,144
right.

2553
01:01:48,264 --> 01:01:49,044
That is awkward.

2554
01:01:49,044 --> 01:01:51,901
And I feel like it's better to be like,

2555
01:01:51,901 --> 01:01:53,461
and obviously I know money is a factor,

2556
01:01:53,461 --> 01:01:55,081
but like, if you can't afford it and

2557
01:01:55,081 --> 01:01:56,671
it's part of it, it's better to invite

2558
01:01:56,731 --> 01:01:58,369
those people and either they don't come

2559
01:01:58,369 --> 01:01:59,479
or you don't remember that they were

2560
01:01:59,479 --> 01:02:01,099
there versus people being left out.

2561
01:02:01,099 --> 01:02:01,882
I feel like I'm always

2562
01:02:01,882 --> 01:02:03,352
hypersensitive people being left out.

2563
01:02:03,352 --> 01:02:04,492
I'm like, just include them.

2564
01:02:04,762 --> 01:02:05,302
I know.

2565
01:02:05,632 --> 01:02:06,682
I don't want somebody left out.

2566
01:02:06,904 --> 01:02:08,129
this person says, including my

2567
01:02:08,129 --> 01:02:09,839
sisters and my bridal party.

2568
01:02:10,379 --> 01:02:11,069
That's an interesting

2569
01:02:11,069 --> 01:02:11,159
one.

2570
01:02:11,159 --> 01:02:12,059
Sounds like drama.

2571
01:02:12,179 --> 01:02:12,659
Drama there.

2572
01:02:12,659 --> 01:02:12,959
Mm-hmm.

2573
01:02:13,173 --> 01:02:14,613
my sister's six years younger than

2574
01:02:14,613 --> 01:02:16,060
me, and I got married really young,

2575
01:02:16,060 --> 01:02:17,786
so like she was really young, so I

2576
01:02:17,786 --> 01:02:19,213
think it was, and who knows, maybe

2577
01:02:19,213 --> 01:02:20,773
those people have drama, but I was

2578
01:02:20,773 --> 01:02:22,543
happy to have her in my bridal party.

2579
01:02:22,543 --> 01:02:24,223
But I think looking back, like when I

2580
01:02:24,223 --> 01:02:26,653
did like my bachelorette, they involved

2581
01:02:26,653 --> 01:02:27,613
her, which I was happy to have her

2582
01:02:27,613 --> 01:02:28,693
there, but then obviously we're not

2583
01:02:28,693 --> 01:02:30,163
like going out to a bar or anything.

2584
01:02:30,163 --> 01:02:32,090
She was like 15 years old.

2585
01:02:32,239 --> 01:02:33,613
so I think it was a little tricky

2586
01:02:33,613 --> 01:02:36,313
with that, but again, maybe different

2587
01:02:36,313 --> 01:02:38,120
decisions if I was older and, yeah.

2588
01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:38,480
Right.

2589
01:02:38,655 --> 01:02:39,800
I think you should have to invite,

2590
01:02:39,830 --> 01:02:41,240
like, if you don't have a close

2591
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:42,380
relationship with your sister, I

2592
01:02:42,380 --> 01:02:43,430
feel like it is kind of weird to

2593
01:02:43,430 --> 01:02:44,810
have them in your bridal party.

2594
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:45,530
Yeah.

2595
01:02:45,830 --> 01:02:46,460
I feel like there's a lot of

2596
01:02:46,460 --> 01:02:48,500
pressure from like parents sometimes.

2597
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:51,190
like I talked to a, bride and groom once

2598
01:02:51,190 --> 01:02:53,200
where the guy was like, yeah, my parents

2599
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:54,640
are threatening to not come to the wedding

2600
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:56,590
if I don't have my brother be my best man.

2601
01:02:57,025 --> 01:02:58,855
And I was like, that's wild.

2602
01:02:59,221 --> 01:03:01,435
And he's, yeah, he's the most unreliable.

2603
01:03:01,435 --> 01:03:02,935
Like, we're not close.

2604
01:03:03,295 --> 01:03:04,195
He's like already asked my

2605
01:03:04,195 --> 01:03:05,155
best friend and they're like,

2606
01:03:05,155 --> 01:03:07,525
you have to revoke his title.

2607
01:03:07,525 --> 01:03:08,275
And I was like,

2608
01:03:08,275 --> 01:03:09,115
yuck.

2609
01:03:09,115 --> 01:03:09,205
Can

2610
01:03:09,355 --> 01:03:10,045
you imagine?

2611
01:03:10,045 --> 01:03:11,755
Like, I was glad, like my parents didn't,

2612
01:03:11,923 --> 01:03:13,873
' both my husband and I, we had our siblings

2613
01:03:14,141 --> 01:03:16,240
in our wedding, but like I had my best

2614
01:03:16,240 --> 01:03:17,650
friend be my maid of honor, not my sister.

2615
01:03:17,650 --> 01:03:19,106
And he had his best friend be

2616
01:03:19,106 --> 01:03:20,396
his best man, not his brother,

2617
01:03:20,591 --> 01:03:21,311
and they weren't offended.

2618
01:03:21,341 --> 01:03:21,791
They were fine.

2619
01:03:21,791 --> 01:03:22,751
And our parents were like, you

2620
01:03:22,751 --> 01:03:23,771
can have whatever you want.

2621
01:03:23,891 --> 01:03:24,281
It's up to you.

2622
01:03:24,341 --> 01:03:24,821
Right.

2623
01:03:24,911 --> 01:03:25,991
Well, and at the end of the day, like I

2624
01:03:25,991 --> 01:03:28,041
get that, especially with having people

2625
01:03:28,041 --> 01:03:29,121
in your bridal party is one thing.

2626
01:03:29,121 --> 01:03:30,121
Like if they're like, can you please

2627
01:03:30,121 --> 01:03:31,467
have your sister in your bridal party?

2628
01:03:31,524 --> 01:03:32,267
Not that they should be able to

2629
01:03:32,267 --> 01:03:33,557
request that, but I kind of get that.

2630
01:03:33,557 --> 01:03:34,337
'cause they're like, okay, they're

2631
01:03:34,337 --> 01:03:35,687
gonna be in special pictures,

2632
01:03:35,687 --> 01:03:36,557
they're gonna be in all these things.

2633
01:03:36,557 --> 01:03:38,057
Like I kind of understand that more.

2634
01:03:38,169 --> 01:03:40,167
But to say like they have to be your

2635
01:03:40,167 --> 01:03:42,357
best mehan or your maid of honor is wild.

2636
01:03:42,357 --> 01:03:43,107
Because usually that comes

2637
01:03:43,107 --> 01:03:44,217
with other responsibilities.

2638
01:03:44,217 --> 01:03:46,261
Like you don't wanna unreliable person.

2639
01:03:46,321 --> 01:03:46,471
Yeah.

2640
01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:46,771
There.

2641
01:03:47,356 --> 01:03:47,716
Yeah.

2642
01:03:47,861 --> 01:03:48,301
That's weird.

2643
01:03:48,616 --> 01:03:49,006
That's really weird.

2644
01:03:49,546 --> 01:03:50,386
Yeah, I don't get that.

2645
01:03:50,644 --> 01:03:50,879
All right.

2646
01:03:50,879 --> 01:03:52,732
This last one says, my church was

2647
01:03:52,732 --> 01:03:54,532
so against dancing, so we didn't

2648
01:03:54,532 --> 01:03:55,912
have any dancing at our wedding.

2649
01:03:56,272 --> 01:03:57,352
Were they in Footloose?

2650
01:03:57,352 --> 01:03:58,252
What was happening?

2651
01:03:58,492 --> 01:04:01,192
Oh, no, I weird.

2652
01:04:01,282 --> 01:04:02,842
Were the grandpa demanded that everyone

2653
01:04:02,842 --> 01:04:04,839
stop dancing because it was like against

2654
01:04:04,839 --> 01:04:06,682
their religion that's one of those things

2655
01:04:06,682 --> 01:04:09,362
where it's like you have to not break

2656
01:04:09,362 --> 01:04:11,296
against tradition, but like break against

2657
01:04:11,296 --> 01:04:12,886
like, okay, yes, they did that their

2658
01:04:12,886 --> 01:04:15,232
wedding, but like what do we want at ours?

2659
01:04:15,881 --> 01:04:17,772
I think what's interesting is like she

2660
01:04:17,772 --> 01:04:19,512
says like our church is against it.

2661
01:04:19,586 --> 01:04:21,266
That feels interesting that

2662
01:04:21,733 --> 01:04:22,646
you're a part of that church.

2663
01:04:22,646 --> 01:04:23,576
If you don't, I mean, I know it

2664
01:04:23,576 --> 01:04:24,656
sounds like a small thing, but

2665
01:04:24,656 --> 01:04:25,826
if they're against dancing, that

2666
01:04:25,826 --> 01:04:27,176
says a lot about other things.

2667
01:04:27,176 --> 01:04:28,346
They probably believe like their

2668
01:04:28,346 --> 01:04:30,476
values and stuff about behavior.

2669
01:04:30,741 --> 01:04:32,239
So it's like, well what

2670
01:04:32,239 --> 01:04:33,019
if you didn't have your.

2671
01:04:33,439 --> 01:04:34,369
Wedding at the church?

2672
01:04:34,369 --> 01:04:34,939
Like could you have it

2673
01:04:34,939 --> 01:04:36,199
somewhere else or, I don't know.

2674
01:04:36,259 --> 01:04:37,609
Maybe it's trickier than that, but

2675
01:04:37,639 --> 01:04:37,699
yeah.

2676
01:04:37,699 --> 01:04:39,289
I'm kind of wondering if maybe it was

2677
01:04:39,289 --> 01:04:40,849
something where she got married a long

2678
01:04:40,849 --> 01:04:42,499
time ago and it was a similar thing where

2679
01:04:42,499 --> 01:04:45,412
she at the time belonged to the church.

2680
01:04:45,412 --> 01:04:45,952
Yeah.

2681
01:04:45,952 --> 01:04:48,022
And then now she is like looking back,

2682
01:04:48,022 --> 01:04:49,792
I wish we could have danced 'cause now

2683
01:04:49,792 --> 01:04:51,232
I would've loved that or something.

2684
01:04:51,356 --> 01:04:52,119
Yeah, that's possible.

2685
01:04:52,119 --> 01:04:53,402
I feel like that would make sense.

2686
01:04:53,402 --> 01:04:55,142
And especially if you get married

2687
01:04:55,142 --> 01:04:56,312
younger, some you just don't speak

2688
01:04:56,312 --> 01:04:57,332
up about things or you think, oh,

2689
01:04:57,332 --> 01:04:58,772
it's not worth it to say something.

2690
01:04:58,772 --> 01:04:59,217
And then you get older and

2691
01:04:59,222 --> 01:04:59,762
you're like, oh, that would've

2692
01:04:59,762 --> 01:05:00,692
been really nice actually.

2693
01:05:01,172 --> 01:05:01,532
Yeah.

2694
01:05:01,802 --> 01:05:02,192
Yeah.

2695
01:05:02,559 --> 01:05:05,312
All right, well that was interesting then.

2696
01:05:05,462 --> 01:05:06,152
Interesting story.

2697
01:05:06,152 --> 01:05:07,629
I wanna see if I can get like more, from

2698
01:05:07,629 --> 01:05:07,779
that.

2699
01:05:07,779 --> 01:05:09,099
I know she's listening.

2700
01:05:09,099 --> 01:05:10,209
Write in and give us more details.

2701
01:05:10,539 --> 01:05:11,319
Yes, I know.

2702
01:05:11,319 --> 01:05:12,804
I need like get that big wow moment.

2703
01:05:13,038 --> 01:05:14,238
Well, thank you so much for coming on.

2704
01:05:14,238 --> 01:05:15,978
It was so nice meeting you and I feel

2705
01:05:15,978 --> 01:05:18,018
like we had such a great conversation

2706
01:05:18,018 --> 01:05:19,578
with different angles and stuff.

2707
01:05:20,028 --> 01:05:21,348
Again for everyone that

2708
01:05:21,348 --> 01:05:21,978
doesn't follow you.

2709
01:05:21,978 --> 01:05:23,331
I haven't seen your content or can

2710
01:05:23,331 --> 01:05:24,501
they follow you and what's something

2711
01:05:24,501 --> 01:05:25,531
exciting that you're working on?

2712
01:05:25,971 --> 01:05:26,361
Sure.

2713
01:05:26,508 --> 01:05:28,608
okay, so my name on all my socials,

2714
01:05:28,608 --> 01:05:30,048
it's kind of funny, but it's Bril

2715
01:05:30,048 --> 01:05:31,968
Weasel, so I don't know if it'll be

2716
01:05:31,968 --> 01:05:33,498
like in the caption or yeah, we'll

2717
01:05:33,498 --> 01:05:33,768
add it.

2718
01:05:34,290 --> 01:05:35,564
but yeah, like I said, I post

2719
01:05:35,564 --> 01:05:36,614
like mom content, political

2720
01:05:36,614 --> 01:05:38,684
content, try to make people laugh.

2721
01:05:38,774 --> 01:05:41,264
and I just got new kittens, so if

2722
01:05:41,264 --> 01:05:42,674
you wanna follow me, even for kitten

2723
01:05:42,674 --> 01:05:44,564
content, they're literally so cute.

2724
01:05:44,908 --> 01:05:45,928
have a lot of people that follow me

2725
01:05:45,928 --> 01:05:47,291
that feel like maybe the people in their

2726
01:05:47,291 --> 01:05:49,071
lives, they don't have someone to talk

2727
01:05:49,071 --> 01:05:50,421
about whatever they're going through.

2728
01:05:50,421 --> 01:05:51,261
And I feel like it's creating

2729
01:05:51,261 --> 01:05:52,251
this nice little community.

2730
01:05:52,251 --> 01:05:53,501
So come and join us.

2731
01:05:53,501 --> 01:05:54,731
We'll welcome you and maybe

2732
01:05:54,731 --> 01:05:56,111
you'll find your people that way.

2733
01:05:56,364 --> 01:05:56,784
Awesome.

2734
01:05:56,844 --> 01:05:57,324
I love it.

2735
01:05:57,384 --> 01:05:58,914
Well, thanks so much again for coming in.

2736
01:05:59,364 --> 01:06:00,384
Yes, thank you.