Hi Brianna.
Thank you for coming on.
Yes, thank you.
This is my first podcast I've
ever done, so it's an honor.
Oh, I'm so excited.
I love when people tell me that.
'cause like I feel like it's big scary
thing, but then once you do it you're
just like, oh, we're just hanging out.
Like it's just like a Yeah, totally.
I know.
Well, and I was like, okay.
She seems cool, personable,
I felt more relaxed.
So this is a good intro for me.
Good, good.
I feel like it takes a lot of people back
to like 2020 when we all were like on Zoom
calls, even like for family and stuff.
I remember like doing Christmas
one year, my dad had COVID, so we
just all were on Zoom for Christmas
and just hanging out that way.
Yeah, because that was the time.
Yes.
So true.
So for anyone that is not familiar
with you or hasn't seen your content,
can you just tell us a little
bit about you and what you do?
Sure.
So, I originally started making
content over on TikTok, and kind
of like found my people over there.
I do it a lot of, motherhood, millennial
related type content, comedy stuff.
I also do, like more political content,
especially in regards to like being a mom.
so I made my way over to Instagram
eventually and I found like
some great people over here too.
So it's been really fun.
I have five kids, all boys, so it's
like chaotic household, but really fun.
they're all under, let's see, my
oldest is 10, so they're all pretty
close together, but Crazy house.
And then I'm also a therapist, so I have a
private practice that I do part-time and.
Yeah, I have a very busy full life.
Wow.
When they say like, moms,
you can like do it all.
You are literally doing it.
All that.
It's amazing.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
Did I hear correctly that you're
a perinatal therapist, was that
perinatal mental health, so all
postpartum, but also like before having
kids, so any, Person who, is trying to
conceive, is postpartum, is pregnant.
but also like if people have
gone through like losses, like
I'll see them as clients as well.
So that's like my
specialization, I would say.
I basically say I see teen girls
and moms and everything in between.
So women in general is kind of,
my thing and, who I love seeing.
And well, I had a really great experience
and a really not great experience
as a teenager seeing a counselor.
And the good one made me
want to be a therapist.
'cause I was like, oh, this
could actually be really helpful.
So I really love seeing teen girls
now 'cause I know it's, it's a rough
time, especially now to be a teen girl.
So it's nice to, yeah.
No.
Be a safe place for them.
Yeah.
I feel like that's so powerful.
I was just talking to someone
about how I feel like the stigma
with therapy has changed so much.
also that's with like
millennials, like growing up and
being like, no, this is good.
We need to talk about our feelings.
cause I feel like when we were
kids it was like, oh, therapy.
Like that's scary.
But now I feel like we're all like,
yeah,
I remember in college setting up
for therapy 'cause I was like, ah.
I need to talk to somebody.
We need this.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
It's so different than it used to be.
And even like the town I live
in is, it's not that small,
but it's like small town vibes.
Like if you go to the grocery
store, you're probably
gonna see someone, you know?
That's just kind how it goes.
so I always tell my clients like,
Hey, know, if I see you, then
you're welcome to say hi to me.
But I can't say hi to you first
because of confidentiality.
And I remember when I first started
out, I saw, and this still happens,
if I see a teen girl, I would've
never done this as a teen girl.
They will see me in public and they'll
be like, that's my therapist guys.
That's my therapist.
Like, no shame.
Amazingly, like I love it so much.
And I'm like, wow, that's so different.
Like I think even growing up
when I had a therapist, I wasn't
embarrassed necessarily, but I was
like, oh, I don't want someone to
think something is wrong with me.
something is wrong with all
of us, but it's so different
now in a really cool way.
So I'm hoping as that generation
goes into adulthood, we'll
see it even change even more.
Yeah, I think it's good with helping
to like process your emotions,
help to process like what's going
on in the world, whether it's
like big scale or small scale.
and I just love the conversation
around therapy and how like
beneficial and helpful it can be.
Yes, totally.
the tides are changing for sure
there, which is really nice and
I think it's good for everybody.
You don't need to have necessarily,
like, I mean you can obviously go
to therapy for anything, but it can
just be daily life that you just want
someone to chat with and I think that's
changing, which is really awesome.
Yeah, that's really great.
So your content, like I feel like
you have such a wide range that
you talk about in your content.
Like you said you talk about like
motherhood, politics, therapy, comedy.
And so how do you kind of decide,
like do you plan out your content?
Do you just decide what's like
heavy on your heart that day?
you kind of lean into what
makes sense for you, I guess?
Sure.
So I think consistency to me
is more important than like
finding a niche necessarily.
Like I know some people, they make
content only about one thing and
their audience comes to them for that.
but I think I realized that I was posting
different types of content and people
liked what I was offering, so I was
like, okay, if I'm there, they like it.
that's good.
Right.
Which helps me a lot because I have a lot
of different, like hats I wear, I guess.
So it, feels less limiting to
me that I can be like, okay,
and talk about being a mom.
I can talk about, you know,
whatever my thrifting finds.
I can talk about politics.
I do have some planning, like I did
a little series like a podcast if
like women pos podcasted, like men.
So that was a little bit more
intentional that I was like, okay,
let me kinda like write this.
Out.
But I feel like the videos that have
gotten the most traction or like
that people really like are the ones
that I just have an idea and I'm
like, I'm just gonna record this
real quick and see what people think.
so that's worked for me.
Obviously there has to be some
intentionality there, but I kind of
just share whatever pops into my head.
And personally I know it's like you want
your content to be shared to people.
Like you want people to see it,
you want people to appreciate it.
And like that translates to
likes and shares and all that.
And that's important, but I don't
really care that much about that.
Like, I'm like, I just wanna put
what I like out there and if someone
else likes it, that's awesome.
I'm not really like offended if
it's like a video doesn't go well.
I'm like, well I thought it
was funny, so that's fine.
Yeah.
And I think, honestly, I feel like
that's like the secret to it because if
you're not enjoying what you're doing
or what you're creating, it's gonna seem
so much more of a hassle or like work
than totally putting out joy or putting
out important information to people.
yeah.
Because know, you see that where
people like really struggle with
what they're putting out there
because it's like they have to put
on this like show for everybody.
And it's like, that can be a lot for sure.
I mean obviously there are times, if it
is your job or you're treating it like a
job, any job can get monotonous, right?
Or like.
Tiring or whatever.
And that, I think that's really normal.
But I think I've had some people, and
I feel like I'm still a pretty small
creator in general, but I've had people
be like, oh, I like wanna grow my page.
Like, what should I do?
What should I make?
And I'm like, I think genuinely people
can tell if you're being authentic.
And that doesn't mean you have
to like share your deepest,
darkest secrets all the time.
But it means like, I think people
can tell when you're putting on a
show and when your heart's not in
it, even if it's just a silly video,
like I think it does come across.
So I'm like, if you just,
honestly, the cheesiest, right?
You just like be yourself and
act like who you truly are.
I think eventually the people who
will love your content will find you.
And sometimes it takes a while,
but they'll find you, I think.
Yeah.
I do some like social media,
like, consulting on the side.
I've worked in social media and
marketing for years now, and I always
feel like people get very caught up
in like, they're like, oh, well it's
doing well, but how do I go viral?
How do I go viral?
Yeah.
How do I boom?
And I'm like.
Just be consistent and the
right people will find you.
Because if right now you, have a
hundred followers, just picture
a hundred people in a room.
That's amazing.
They're excited about it.
Yes.
So you're always like, wait,
I wanna look out there.
Then the people in front of you and be
like, well, they don't care about me.
So it's very easy to be
like, how do I go viral?
Mm-hmm.
And that's funny.
I mean, in my experience, I don't know
about you, but I feel like there's
this difference, right between like,
okay, Yahoo, A video is doing so
well and that's awesome, obviously,
and you're like, oh, I'm getting,
people really care about this.
They like what I'm putting out,
going viral can be very stressful
and overwhelming in my experience.
you wanna get, people attention
to what you're making.
But I think when things really
pop off, it's like you actually
are getting people normally to
your page that probably aren't.
Normally there.
And so that doesn't always translate
to like, actually that feels nice.
'cause it's like, oh, you get everybody
on the internet looking at your stuff.
so I feel like slow and steady, even
though it can be really to be like,
oh, some people are just like, their
follower account is exploding, or they're
getting all these deals or whatever,
you know, whatever you're trying to get.
I think the slow and steady thing is
that's how you get people who really
care about what you're posting and
it feels more like a community and I
think that's what most people trying
to build their pages are looking for.
But I get that we're such a
immediate gratification society.
It's hard to hold onto that sometimes.
Yeah.
I'm sure too with like posting more
political stuff too, like people are
very like I'm sure you get trolls
and like anytime I post something
political, I get people messaging
me or I get people commenting like,
don't go political, don't do this.
And I'm like.
Newsflash, everything is political.
Everything's political, sorry.
Yeah.
were you always posting political or
were you kind of like adding it in
more and more, and then how was the
response from your audience initially?
so would say I posted political
related content early enough.
I guess you would say that
it wasn't like a surprise.
Like I think that's what's hard for some
people is that it's not maybe that they
didn't care about politics, but they
never really posted about it before.
And then when they started
doing that, they have people
who didn't align with them.
And so then those people
give them pushback.
I mean, I'm trying to think like all
through the presidential election and
all that stuff, like I was posting.
So that's been a while since then.
and I think when, a lot of people
started being more vocal, because
that was a really obviously a big
turning point on who was gonna
be our president and everything.
And, I feel like I've definitely gotten
more vocal, but it was scary at first.
Like people are brutal online.
I think it's one thing like for
someone to not like your content,
but listen, how do I say this?
Trolls are equal opportunity.
Like they can come in
all shapes and sizes.
Yeah.
But I would say it tends to be the
men that come from my content and it
can be kind of scary sometimes because
they can be like threatening or like
just say like really horrible things.
So I feel like this has been the hard
part for me, is that when my pages
were smaller on like Instagram and
TikTok, I would actually get more
trolls then I think, because like the
algorithm was like figuring out like,
where do I send this, person, like,
this is mom content, but like, what
type of mom am I sending this to?
Or like, this is comedy, but like what
type of person is gonna appreciate this?
So at the beginning it was actually,
I think, harder and there was a
time early last year or like maybe a
little over a year ago that I can't
even remember what it was, but like.
All of a sudden I got this influx
of people being horrible, horrible.
And was having like a panic attack.
I was like, I think I need to quit.
I don't wanna do this anymore.
And my husband is like the most
chill person on the planet.
And so he was like, if you
don't wanna do it, just quit.
you can know, you can just
block them and move on.
And I was like, oh yeah,
I guess I could do that.
Right?
Like, I guess that's an option.
So I honestly, husband and I are very
different, but in that aspect I was like,
I'm gonna do whatever my husband would do.
And so I just like block people.
I try and, you know, I don't do a ton of
like strategy, like social media strategy,
but I'm like, I use hashtags that maybe
will get people to my page and I just try
my best to like ignore the negative stuff.
But I would say it feels like about 90%
of what I get feedback wise is positive.
So that really does.
Help.
but I think, you know, people
are really brave on the internet
to say really hateful things.
especially it's like the
faceless profiles, whatever.
and I think if it's like, you
know, if someone's gonna call me
a name, just block and move on.
And I think I've gotten better
at that as time's gone on, but at
first it would kind of take me out.
I was like, why are they being so mean?
Why are they calling me this?
But I'm like, whatever.
Thanks for the engagement, I guess.
I know you have to let it roll.
I know.
I start kind of telling myself,
I'm like, they are a lonely and
insecure person or something.
If someone's gonna come after you
online, be a keyboard warrior.
Like they've got their own issues
and I'm just gonna be like, okay.
Because yeah, I'd be the same thing.
Like, in the beginning it, something
would like really affect me and
my husband would see it instantly.
And while in person,
he's a very chill person.
He's like, give me their
name, let me message them.
I'm like, no, it's why you can't.
Oh yeah.
Totally, totally.
like someone would say
something and just like.
Pick on me or like if I like replied to
something in the way, they didn't want
me to reply, they'd be like, oh wow.
Like blah, blah, blah.
And they'd come after me for like
standing up for myself and yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's the hard thing too about
like then I would just start to like bite
my tongue and be like, you know what?
I'm not gonna even waste
my time replying to you.
right.
One time someone, exactly.
Someone like said something about a
typo on my website and I was like, oh,
let me talk to my website designer.
He goes, that's not a typo.
They spelled this wrong.
And And I'm like, I'm not
gonna even waste my time.
But it's the same guy that will message
me anytime I post something political.
And he goes, don't post this.
Don't post this.
And I'm.
Okay, bye.
I don't care.
Jim, from California, wherever from,
are you?
Yes.
It's crazy.
It's true.
I think the other thing, oh, the
thing I was gonna mention, always
forget about this is that so when I
really started being consistent with
making content, my husband and I were
both going through like some like
deconstruction of religion stuff.
So that's actually when I
started being maybe more like
vulnerable with my content.
Like, this is what I'm going through
personally, or like making videos.
And it kind of, the hard part was
like deconstruction and the rise
of Christian nationalism happened
at the same time, very obviously.
in some ways that was really difficult
because I was like, okay, I'm trying
to like sort through these feelings and
then it's showing up in like the real
world, not just in my little bubble.
but that's more what I
started posting first.
And I feel like it actually, came at a
time where I didn't feel like I had anyone
in my, real life besides my husband,
but he was, you know, dealing with his
own stuff around it that understood.
Like what I was going through.
Like I was like, I don't have people
around me that know what it is to like
leave this community that I've had.
And I found 'em online and
I was like, oh my gosh.
Like it was one of the first times
I saw what community I think on
social media could be, and it made
me feel less alone in that time.
And now I feel like sometimes I'm able
to offer that with my content to people
and I'm like, I know how that feels.
I know you're like, a lot of people
will be like, how do I find like
more progressive mom friends?
Like, do I know how to tell you that?
Not exactly, but I can tell you, even
if it's just online, it will make you
feel like not so by yourself out there.
So yes, it's nice.
That truly is like the beauty of
social media is like the connection.
Yeah.
with doing this podcast and with just
making content, like you meet so many
people that you wouldn't normally meet in
real life and that's what's so awesome.
Like, so just leaning into those positive
connections and like having these
conversations I think is really, helpful.
Yeah, for sure.
So do you feel like some of the backlash
that you have gotten on the messages, do
you think it has to do with you being more
vocal and opinionated, like as a woman?
Or do you feel like, it's just kinda going
back to it's just trolls being trolls?
I think it's both.
it's hard.
Obviously there's overlap there, I
would say, like I said, a majority of
the negative comments I get are from
what appears to be conservative men.
And I think they don't
agree with my beliefs.
And then on top of that, they don't
like that I'm speaking up as a woman.
A lot of them will say like, things
that come from like a very like
traditional, patriarchy filled viewpoint.
Like basically, you're a woman,
you need to shut up type of thing.
And I'm like, okay.
Like your opinion literally means
nothing to me if that's how you view
Half of the world women.
but you know, I have occasionally
had pushback from like women or moms.
like I said, it's like few and far between
now because I think the people that choose
to follow me, they're like, this is why
I'm following you is because we align.
I think it's, people who are coming from
very conservative or I mean, like, living
in Washington is different than people.
Like this is so bad.
This guy really attacked me on
the internet and all of his stuff
was out there and I was like,
where, what is this guy doing?
And he like lived in a southern
state and his page, I was like, oh,
this guy is everything the opposite.
and he's in a community that it seemed
like that was very different from me.
And I'm like, we're not
going to align here.
And I'm also not gonna argue with
a, a stranger on the internet.
But that's why I think it's been
easier to kind of brush that stuff
off is because it's not a person that.
in real life I would ever associate with,
and they don't have the same values as me.
So it's, I am like, okay, if you're
a person who calls me out and
it's like, normally we align and
you're like, what's this about?
Then a hundred percent let's
have a dialogue about it.
But I would say that rarely happens.
It's usually, and it's always on Facebook.
Always on Facebook.
The meanest old, grumpy men
are on Facebook and they
really hate me over there.
But that's okay.
I agree with that.
I always say there's a different,
completely different audience on
Facebook it's scary sometimes 'cause
they can be really supportive and
then all of sudden it's like, bam.
And they're gonna get you.
Yes.
There are great people, but I
have a friend who she said over
on Facebook, just post and ghost.
And now that's what I do now.
Like I rarely check comments over
there, which I feel bad because there
are some really kind supportive people.
But I'm like, okay, follow me on
Instagram or TikTok or something
because Facebook, that one, It is
dark, it's a dark timeline over there.
So sometimes I just have to go post
it and walk away and, kind of get the
community aspect on other platforms.
Yeah.
And especially as a therapist, I feel like
mental health is like so important and so
like, boundaries of like, I'm protecting
myself, protecting my boundaries.
Yes, exactly.
So how do you think, like becoming a
mom, like you said your oldest is 10,
how do you think becoming a mom or
how has that changed with like, your
viewpoints on mental health, community?
I feel like it kind of shifts
as you probably with each kid,
but like as you get older too.
But how do you instill mental health
in them and how's your viewpoints
changed on it over the years?
Sure.
so interesting is when I was in, my
husband and I were both in grad school
at the same time and I got pregnant
Not on purpose.
I mean, we're married,
but not that it matters.
But we were married, we were like newly
married and we were in grad school.
We were living, um, on
his parents' property.
They had like this little loft
thing that we were living in.
And so it was like this temporary thing.
We were like, we just gotta get
through grad school and then we'll
figure out what we're gonna do.
I was like, I wanted a baby eventually,
but I was like, okay, we gotta wait.
So we got a dog, we got a
puppy, I was like, perfect.
This'll like satiate my baby need.
And then lo and behold, the
same month we got the puppy,
I accidentally got pregnant.
I was like, so I was
pregnant in grad school.
I had to do like my internship as a
therapist, like while I was pregnant.
I also looked very, very young at
that point because I was like 23.
I was a baby and I looked like a baby.
So that threw another thing
that I was like, I already feel
young seeing these clients.
I dunno what the heck I'm doing.
I'm pregnant.
What is happening?
So it was like kind of a crazy
time, but it all worked out.
I had, our first.
Son and then graduated three
days after that in grad school.
Oh my gosh.
It was crazy.
And then a month before he was
born, we like moved into our house.
So it all, worked out.
But all that to say we were at
very different points in our
life when we had our first baby.
and while I think like in comparison to
a lot of like maybe evangelical people,
we were a little bit more progressive.
We still were on the conservative side.
so I would say that's been one of
the biggest changes is my viewpoints
from when I was a new mom till
now, just have changed a lot.
and even just like becoming a
mom, knowing how hard it is.
and like, wonderful of course.
But I'm like, I really think you wanna
be able to choose this, you know?
because there are hard days where
even if you wanted it, you're like.
I wanna run away for a day, right?
So I think everyone
should have that choice.
So I think that's been super, super
impactful on me, is just seeing
how hard it is even with all of
like the resources and support I
have and not everyone has that.
so I started, a therapist and I've,
always worked part-time 'cause we've
always had a baby or toddler or both
at home and childcare is so expensive.
So I opened my private
practice, did all of that.
but I think as my political leanings
became more progressive, that
really helped me as a therapist.
there was never anyone I would've like
turned away as a client or anything.
But I think at the beginning there
were times where I felt kind of like,
I really don't know how to approach
this person because I haven't maybe
interacted with a person from this
like, walk of life or this anything just
different than what I had experienced.
So I think it's helped me a lot as a
therapist to, It feels like now everything
aligns really well, which is nice.
Like I feel confident in who
I am as therapist and a mom.
And it's just like, as a person, it
feels like it's all in alignment.
but raising all boys is, it's really fun.
And my boys are like very good.
They're very good kids.
Like my mom loves to remind me.
She's like, you know, your
kids are like so good and easy.
And I'm like, well, they're good,
but you know What kid is easy mom?
they're very sweet kids.
and you know, normal sibling
stuff, but they're very sweet.
But I think one of the biggest things
is realizing that looking around the
world, like a lot of the things that have
happened in our world and our country
are because of powerful men usually
that are not using that power for good.
And so I tell my boys
a lot, like, I'm like.
Listen, it's not fair and it's
not right, but you are going to be
afforded privileges that other people
aren't your boys and you're white.
And that unfortunately is gonna put you
in a position even if you didn't earn it.
So you have to do
something good with that.
I'm thankful, like so we like lived next
to the town that I grew up in I love it.
But the schools that I went to
in the high school I went to
was like, no diversity ever.
Like, it was very just homogenous.
So now I'm very thankful they
go to a different district.
They are exposed to all different
types of people, different
languages, different cultures.
Like to them it's very much more
normal than it was for me at that age.
And I think that helps a ton.
Mm-hmm.
but we really try to like
just be open with emotions
and like, it's okay to be sad.
being a boy doesn't mean you can't cry or.
Like one of my kids, I won't say
which one, but he gets made fun
of because he really likes pink.
So silly.
But still, still, which I was
like very shocked by that.
people are mean to him at school
sometimes, I am thankful that like
we've had conversations where he
most of the time feels confident
that he's like, who cares?
like what I like, girls can
like blue, I can like pink.
But I think sometimes we forget as
much, progress as we've made as a
society is that there are still a lot
of like stereotypes and, pushback.
and obviously girls deal with, so much,
but I'm on the boy end of the spectrum,
so I'm like, okay, I wanna just make sure
that we all the masculinity that we're
modeling to you is not the toxic kind.
Yeah.
So we're trying our best.
Yeah.
No, I love that.
I feel like millennial parents, and
again, every time I say this, like
make sure I'm saying, I'm like, I don't
think other generations are bad parents.
Like everyone has their,
no, we're, our generation
is a little different.
Yeah.
I feel like millennials
are really good about.
Emotions and empowering emotions.
Yes.
Because I feel like we heard a lot
of times growing up like, don't
cry or like, tough up whether
boy or girl, you know, whatever.
But like even like seeing my husband with
my daughter and being like, it's okay.
Why are you sad?
it's okay to be sad
like name your emotions.
And I feel like that's something like, I
would say I have a girl so I can't relate
to the boy aspect, but I feel like too,
it's like important when you talk about,
embracing other cultures and languages.
Yeah, like I was talking about
this recently in a post where
people said I got too political.
when we go to the library every week,
I make sure we get books with kids
that look different than that are
characters that look different than her.
or we just got bilingual books this
week and last week we're starting to
do more of that so she can pick up on
words and, it's little things like that.
It's so easy to do, but I'm like
just making that effort to show like,
hey, let's embrace other cultures
and other backgrounds so you don't.
Turned 25 years old and you've
never met anybody that looks
different than you or had a friend
that looks different than you.
Mm-hmm.
It's so important with this
next generation, and I feel
like that is something that I am
noticing with millennial parents
that we are, it's very general.
It's a very general thing,
but we're trying to be
more intentional, I think.
and this is not what you're saying,
just to, just to be clear, what
I'm about to say is I think that
sometimes people feel judged by like.
Millennial parents that were like,
oh, we're trying to do these things.
And they're like, well, we tried our best.
And I agree.
But I think if you just trace, and this
is obviously painting with a really big
paintbrush here, but if you just trace
back the generations of parents, I think
most parents did the best they could,
but they were given very limited tools.
Yeah.
To do what they could in their
parenting like, my parents,
I am not critical of them.
They did the best they could, but they
were raised by parents who weren't even
ever allowed to say how they felt ever.
Mm-hmm.
So when I had big emotions and maybe
I got, you know, sent to my room a lot
or whatever, was that the best option?
No, probably not.
But the fact that I could say
how I felt that was progress.
Right.
So I think that it's
culminating more and more and.
What's, what I think is really interesting
too is like millennials are the only,
thus far, the only generation that is
not becoming more conservative with age.
And I think that translates to
our parenting that we're like, we
will let you have these feelings.
Like it's not just children need
to like be seen and not heard or
whatever the thing is, so I think
it's all kind of coming together.
the hard part is I think because
millennials are so in touch with this,
we're always so worried about like, oh
my gosh, we're traumatizing our kids
and we probably are like, we are okay.
We are your kids gonna meet
their, we're learning something.
But I think the fact that you just said
that we're learning that is different
than again, broad strokes, many previous
generations of parents, is that there
wasn't the openness to say I was wrong.
And I think if we can start
from that place of like.
We are also learning to be parents.
We're learning you individual, each
individual child, what you need.
Then at least in the future, it's
not hopefully that our kids will just
hold it against us for our mistakes.
Right.
we get that you've always been
open and so that matters a lot.
It matters a lot.
that was so well said because
I've had similar conversations
before with people about that.
It's just like coming up a parent myself
too has given me more sympathy for like
my parents and other generations too.
Because you made a great point.
Like even talking to my dad about
his parents' generation and his
grandparents, like it was so different.
Yeah.
It's like, so they kind of took those
tools and made it better and they
took those tools and made it better.
because yeah, like my, I remember my
dad being like, not to get too personal,
I don't share a lot of personal
stuff, you couldn't even like crack a
joke at the dinner table growing up.
Like it was serious.
Like you sit down.
Yeah.
We're not, if you like burp at the table.
Yeah, yeah.
If you burped or anything,
you were like punished.
You were off.
Right, right.
And so my dad's like, I never wanna
be that way with you guys 'cause like.
Dinner should be follow, we should
be hanging out, you know, whatever.
And so, just hearing them talk about that.
I feel like we're always trying
to like see what our parents
did and how we could be better.
Not saying they were bad, just
saying, how can we take that
and then apply those tools?
exactly.
I think that's what
everyone's trying to do.
And that's, you know, that's the
goal in general, not just parenting.
Right.
But I think.
Sometimes it can be hard 'cause
it feels like, other generations
feel like, oh, like you're,
you guys are being so critical.
And I think the criticism doesn't have to,
I mean, sometimes it is warranted if, you
know, it's like a really negative thing.
But I think we can look and just say,
we know more now we have more resource.
Like our generation of parents has
so many resources, which can be
overwhelming, but like my mom couldn't
hop on Google and look and say like, what
the heck do I do when my kid does this?
Or like, she didn't have the community
besides her next door neighbors to,
figure out like, what happens when my
kid comes home and, says this thing.
and while sometimes I envy that, I
think we just have more resources now.
And so we're just trying to utilize
those and yeah, it's not everyone
before us was bad by any means.
I think it's just like we
would hope our kids become even
better parents than we are.
Right?
Yeah.
So,
yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
It's funny you said about like, too,
like talking to your kids and you're
like, what am I doing right now to, you
know, 'cause like, already overthinker
and then being like a parent, I'll be
like, I see myself in her sometimes
and I'll be like, oh my gosh.
and I'll be like, I'm
sorry I said it that way.
And I'm like, I should say it like this.
Or like, I dunno if you've ever seen
that S one L skit, think, I think it's
Kristen Stewart and she's like trying
to compliment a kid other than like,
oh, you look pretty in that dress.
you're so smart.
I try to like correct myself because I'll
be like, you're such a pretty princess.
And I'm like, you, you're like,
wait, no, but that's not the
only thing good about you.
I know
your brain.
It's so hard.
Your brain.
Yes.
Well, and I feel like for a while,
and there's obviously, there's nothing
wrong with that, but I think for a
while the pendulum kind of swung so far.
The other way that it felt like if you
praised your kids at all, it was negative.
Like they were like, no, 'cause they
have to have like the growth mindset.
All of that is true.
But I think if you are.
Which you are.
I can just tell, even from talking to
you, if you're raising your kids and
looking at them holistically, like
you're, they're an entire person,
it's fine to tell your daughter, oh my
gosh, you're such a pretty princess.
Fine.
But I think what happened with in some
people's, you know, childhoods, or
especially like years and years ago,
decades ago, is that that was like the
only thing that girls were praised for,
or, you know, eldest daughter syndrome.
You only were like, you did well.
And so we praised your accomplishments.
And so that's it.
And I think if you're being
intentional, it's, it's pretty easy
if you're just treating your kid
like a person, that you're gonna
recognize all those parts of them.
But Right.
But I get, you're like, oh
wait, that's bad, right?
Did I just harm you for life?
Are you gonna go to
therapy for this one day?
Right.
Disney movies or something.
And I'm like, I learned about Disney
movies, and I'm like, she had Stockholm
Syndrome because he wants her up.
So we'll watch Between the Beast.
I'm like, yeah, it's a great movie,
but remember if a man acts this
way towards you, that's not normal.
It is not for real life.
Well, and the thing that I tell my clients
and myself, honestly all the time, is
that I get like with the awareness of
knowing how everyone, or like our kids
are impacted by our behavior, we get
really worried about what's happening
and we think sometimes it's like, oh no,
I yelled at my kid, or I said something
wrong, or this is what I'm guilty of.
Sometimes I send my kids to their
room and I'm like, oh, I probably
should have talked to them, but I
got dysregulated in that moment.
I like couldn't handle it.
and what I tell people is that when
that happens, when there's some sort
of like, rupture of the connection,
that's what they call it in, like
the relationship, there's a rupture.
So it could be like yelling at your kid.
It could be, not noticing
their bid for attention.
It could be sending 'em through their room
when it should have been a conversation.
That part feels bad.
And that's where we kind of
get stuck sometimes, right?
We're like, oh my God, what did I just do?
They're gonna carry
this with them forever.
but what's actually more important, and
they're like a ton of different studies on
this, I won't get into all of it, what's
more important is the repair afterwards.
And they've done all these different
research studies showing even with
babies that it's like with a baby, it
looks like they're trying to get your
attention and you're not paying attention.
And they're like, what's going on?
They'll pick up what on it quickly.
What's more important is the repair.
So it's connection basically.
So when you know you have that
moment with your daughter and you're
like, I shouldn't have said that.
The part that you went, go to her and
you, correct what you said, or you say,
you know, for me it's usually like.
I probably shouldn't have
sent you to your room.
I should have talked to
you and I was overwhelmed.
that part is the part that like
lasts in their brain and that's
what like the neurons in their
brain are like, okay, this is okay
now the relationship is okay now.
And I think where some parents in
the past have maybe stopped is there,
is they're like, oh, that feels bad.
I don't wanna revisit it.
So they don't, and then the repair
never happens, if that makes sense.
No,
that was like,
powerful.
I know.
When I heard it for the first time, I was
like, oh, that's so, I mean, I think it's
so encouraging because we're trying our
best, but we're also only human and we're
bringing, just like our parents brought
their stuff, we're bringing our stuff.
when my kid freaks out and screams
is just being a kid is overwhelmed
and I wanna shut them in their room.
This is, maybe this is too
personal, but I'm like, I know that
as a kid and I love my parents.
If my parents watch this,
love you guys, you're great.
But, and they will
admit that they did not.
Let me have those big emotions.
So it's very hard for me to
sit with my kids when they're
having those big emotions.
'cause someone didn't do
that for me at that age.
Yeah.
So I think you have to go, okay,
I'm getting triggered as a parent
and now I just need to do the repair
I remember there was a moment you
just said the same thing with about
your husband and your daughter.
There was a moment where my husband,
he like was talking to one of my sons
and my son was like, you know, really
nervous to like, tell something.
It was like, no big deal.
They're really little, but they
were like really nervous and he was
like, there's literally nothing that
you could tell me that's not gonna
make me love and care about you.
And, there's no mistake that you
can make that's like too big.
And I'm in the corner
like choking, sobbing.
And my husband's like, are you okay?
And I'm like.
Listen, I had an amazing dad.
Like my dad is like, great.
But I think when you witness
your partner doing that with
your child, it's like, oh my God.
I just know you just planted
such a good seed in your kid.
So
You like take those snapshot snapshots.
Yes.
And you're like, ah.
You're like, oh, this is like core memory.
Like in that movie.
It's like that just got captured
and that just planted the seed of
like acceptance in your kid and it's
like, it's really nice to watch.
Yeah.
And I flash forward to like the future
and I'm like, you have such a good dad
that's gonna like, talk you up about
your emotions or like what's going
on at school, who are your friend,
you know, like that kind of stuff.
That's possible.
Totally.
I love that.
I feel like we just had a therapy
session, so thank you for that.
I
can't help it.
I can't help it.
No, I loved it.
I loved it.
I feel like I'm gonna really remember
those repair moments.. Oh good.
Okay.
I always feel like it's funny
when I like switch gears.
We like chat and, okay, let's
go to like, wedding stories.
So this podcast is around like.
Wedding or event stories.
Mm-hmm.
You told me that you have kind of
a funny or wild story that happened
in regards to your wedding so far.
Sure.
Oh my gosh.
I told my husband I was gonna
tell this, and he is like,
you loved telling this story?
And I was like, well,
it's so embarrassing.
I think it's funny now.
I think it's funny.
It wasn't funny then.
So like I said, I grew up
like Evangelical Christian.
And so I got married very young.
Not that you have to, but it's
pretty par for the course.
So my husband and I started
dating when I was 18.
So like met him like the day after I
graduated high school or something.
And we dated for a few years.
We got engaged when I was 20.
Oh.
and we are getting married when I
was 21, he's like two and a half
or three years older than me.
Anyway, all that to say, so part of like
the thing, I don't know if people still
do this, but it was like a big thing to do
boudoir photos when I was getting married.
and especially I think kind of from
like The Christian bubble, it was like,
oh, you're like allowed to do this
stuff now, now you can be promiscuous.
So I had, this friend love her and she
laughs about this, I laugh about this.
This is no shade to her.
She did our photos for our engagement.
We even had done some like model
faux engagement, photos for her, like
modeling before we were even engaged.
Known her forever.
She's like my youth group leader, so knew
for a long time and she took , all of
our pictures, she took my boudoir photos.
She said, I wanna gift this to you
for, your husband, once you're married,
you can get these photos, whatever.
wedding photos, everything.
So I took them and I was
so insecure at the time.
I like didn't look at them because
I was like, I like looked at one
and I was like, I hate my body.
I like was the hottest
I've ever been though.
So that's depressing.
But I was like, oh God,
I can't look at these.
So didn't really pay attention to them.
Uh, got married, went on our honeymoon.
We got back from our honeymoon
and we had the like preview
gallery of our wedding photos.
And she was like, Hey,
here's your preview.
If you wanna like send these to your
friends and family, you're welcome to,
obviously you'll have a full gallery,
but this has some of like your family
if they wanna like put them on Facebook
or whatever you're using back then.
And so I like emailed out the
link to everybody apparently she
used this like, hosting site.
And so none of it was supposed
to be linked to other photo
shoots, except for on her end.
But somehow my father-in-law
was looking at the picture.
My father-in-law he pressed like back
on his browser and he was trying to
go to like all the preview photos.
But it took him to.
Every photo she had ever taken of me.
And so he like all of a sudden gets
like all of these thumbnails of me
in, I mean, look, I was in lingerie,
but still it was the lingerie.
I'm like with my husband, and
we had like just gotten home to
like our little tiny apartment.
my husband's like, oh, hold on.
My dad's calling me.
He picks up.
He's like, he's like, Hey, what's up?
And I like, look at my husband's face and
my husband's like, oh my, god oh my God.
And I'm like, what's happening?
And his dad like, can't
even get the words out.
He's like, you, you have
to tell people not to open.
And we're like, what
are you talking about?
so it, you know, it comes out like he
saw them and he was like, I I clicked
out really quick, but I don't want anyone
else to see these, blah, blah, blah.
And I was mortified.
I was like, out of anyone.
It couldn't have been my mom that
accidentally saw it, or like my
sister, it was my father-in-law.
So he sees that, whatever.
Luckily we got it fixed.
The photographer was like so apologetic,
but I was like, you didn't, it was
like a, something with the website.
It was not her fault.
Oh my.
But it's funny because.
At the time, I was so insecure that I
hadn't shown my husband those photos yet.
my dad saw these and now, still
now, because it's like tainted to me
now, I was like, I can't show, every
time I think of these photos, I'm
gonna think of your freaking dad.
Like this is bizarre.
And so my husband to this day,
he brings it up all the time.
I've never shown him that
like, can I please see them?
I'm like, well now it's weird
because that was like five kids ago.
To me, I look like so young now.
And so it's like this ongoing joke.
Luckily my father-in-law
has never brought it up.
He acted like it never happened.
And that's way
like not here or there.
It's gone.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yep.
But every time that I am somewhere
and there's like, oh, we gotta
tell your most embarrassing story.
I have to pull that one out.
'cause I'm like now.
I laugh, but man, when you're 21 years
old, newly married, it was not funny.
Yeah, I would probably like move
countries and change my name on
it.
Yep.
I was like, oh, I wanna die.
I actually wanna die.
So I'm thankful that he just acted
like it never happened to me.
and because I do the same
thing and we just, you know,
pretend that didn't happen and
just move on with our life.
Oh my gosh, that is wild.
It was bad.
I feel like that's the
only way I can go about it.
Like, there's no reason to
discuss it or talk about it.
You just gotta move past it.
Nope.
yeah.
Nope.
So now it's funny, I even said
to my husband, I'm like, oh, I'm
telling her this story today.
And was like, are you
ever gonna show me this?
I was like, Nope.
Nope.
it's tied to a bad memory now.
And he's like, okay.
It's
like locked away.
Just,
yeah.
I'm like, there's somewhere on
a locked thing on the internet
and that is where they will stay.
So when you actually resent the link
of your wedding photos out to people,
did you like triple, quadruple check?
Yes.
Well, and it's funny because it never
happened, like she was taken all
of her photos and it was some sort
of like glitch that happened that
took people back to the homepage
that was supposed to be private and
oh my God,
shot
like, here, I'll just print you a
couple wedding photos and manually,
yeah, exactly.
No more internet.
Well, and like, especially at that time,
like, I said, I like grew up Christian
conservative, so it was like, not that
I would love that now, but like my
mindset now, I would be like, oh my
God, that's embarrassing, but whatever.
But back then it was like,
that's like the worst thing that
I could imagine, like mm-hmm.
Horrifying.
I could barely deal with the fact
that I even took those photos.
I was like.
What's wrong with me?
Why did I do?
I'm so weird.
So yeah, that was bad, but now we
just laugh and it's a funny memory.
Oh gosh.
That's Oh man, I love it.
That was such a great story.
okay, so I'm gonna do a
little red light, green light.
This is about wedding ish related,
and then we'll do our resubmission.
Okay.
So just answer with red
light or green light.
Eloping without telling anyone.
Ooh.
Green light.
I
like that.
Inviting someone who didn't
invite you to their wedding.
Mm. Green light.
Calling out a guest
publicly for rude behavior.
Ooh, red light.
Can't do that.
I'd be too embarrassed.
I know.
I feel like for me, it would
depend on the situation.
I guess it depends what the behavior is.
Yeah.
Right.
I once went to a wedding where the best
man was literally so wasted, and no one
would stop him with his rambling speech.
And that's where, that should have
been a call out like, 'cause like
there were like hundreds of people and
we were all just watching as he told
embarrassing stories about the bride.
No.
And I was like, someone take this man
off the stage and take his microphone.
I know when I, I'm like, why
are they not unplugging the mic
and be like, Hey, thanks, bye.
I know.
And I'm like, I'm just a random guest.
Like, if it were my friend, I
would've, you know, intervened.
But I'm like, it was so bad.
And the bride was like, dying inside.
And I was like, yeah, that's
the time that that's a call out.
That's a call out for sure.
Yeah.
I was at a wedding once where the maid
of honor said something about her friend,
the bride only marrying for money.
Fuck.
But it was funny because, well, I don't
know if I wanna say too much, but it
was, it was an old boss who no one liked.
So I was like, yeah,
like you're like, he like
a terrible Yeah.
Terrible boss.
Toxic a bit.
Well, I was like, well, I'm not surprised.
Yeah, you're like, I'm
not gonna say anything.
Well, she was so nice.
I was like, I don't know how
that happened, but anyway.
expecting cash gifts
if guests traveled far.
I'd say red light.
I feel like, I guess it was hard too,
'cause I got married so young that I
like, didn't really expect that much.
I was just like, let's just do this.
But I, especially in today's economy,
I think if people show up for
you, that's pretty nice, you know?
Yeah, I know.
Even small takes a card.
I don't know.
I know.
I feel like if someone is.
Paying for a flight or a hotel
or like coming like a long way.
I'm like,
expensive.
Yeah.
They're, they're coming
to spend the day with you.
letting your mom control the
guest list because she's paying.
My mom did do that.
I mean, she let me invite who I wanted,
but she's like, we're inviting all these
random people and I was like, okay.
I didn't really care.
But I feel like, again, I feel like
getting married so young, like I
didn't care about certain things that
I would probably care about if I had
gotten married, like in my thirties.
Yeah.
I think I would have more to say there.
So I let my green light back
then red light probably.
Now it was happening now, I'd probably
speak up a little bit more bit.
Yeah.
I say that all the time.
'cause like I've been with
my husband since we were 24.
Yeah.
I'm 35 now.
and we got married when
I was, I think I was 31.
30. and I was like, I feel
like it's night and day.
same thing.
If I would've gotten married
younger, I think I would've
had a way bigger wedding party.
I think I would've
invited a lot more people.
Um,
Wow.
It would be so different like
now, honestly, and I don't
regret having my wedding.
'cause I think it was really wonderful
and it was really great to have
people that like loved us and, and
wanted to celebrate us, but now I'm
like, I just value different things.
Maybe it's after kids too, I don't know.
But I think I would've gone a lot smaller.
I would've paired things down, but, you
know, I'm happy it happened that way.
But you just have a different
perspective as you get older, I think.
Yeah.
You know, elopement also
way different than too.
totally.
Like
I feel like, we just did a wedding, story
where it happened in 2001, so I was like.
Way younger obviously, but 2001
and the wedding was $16,000.
And I was like, that seems so cheap.
Yeah.
But that was like 25 years ago now.
26 years ago.
Right.
And so it just keeps
going on i's so exciting.
Oh, totally.
Because I think like my parents spent
a lot of money on our wedding and
now if it were that same, obviously
not like with inflation, I think
if it were that same amount of
money now it would be like nothing.
And that wasn't even that long ago.
Like, we got married in,
when did we get married?
2012. It's been a long time.
It's just so different now.
but I think even also like back
then there were also a little bit
like, less resource parenting.
There were like less ways you could
figure out like where could I buy, like
at the best price, all these things.
So who knows?
But
kinda what you
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And before Pinterest
probably, which is like,
yeah, that was like just entering
the scene when I got married.
So I feel like a lot of the things
that I had were very pinteresty
like, I'm like, oh yeah, probably
pinned that and just copied it.
Oh my God, that's the best.
a mother-in-law inviting
extra guests without asking,
I'd say red light, but my
mother-in-law would never, she's good.
friends complaining about
wedding costs to the bride,
Ooh, that is a red light.
Unless it's really out of control.
Like, I have heard, I haven't had this
experience, but I have heard of like,
you know, the bride, maybe it has more
money, like resources that way, and
then the bridesmaids don't, they're
in a different stage of life or they,
you know, have more expense going on.
So I think you have to be aware,
not everyone has the same budget.
Yes.
Have open, but
completely bride feels gross, right?
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
I don't like that.
Just have open communication if you can't
Yeah.
Do it.
Yeah.
Be clear.
Okay.
Let's get into this week.
Story submission.
as always, I've not read it yet,
so we're gonna see what happens.
Oh,
love it.
Yay.
My husband helps me out and he
picks them, puts them in here.
Oh, good.
So it'll be a good one.
Yeah.
okay.
So feel free to stop me at any
time or we'll just react as we go.
All right.
Okay.
My husband's sister has always
been a little intimidating.
Even when she was being nice,
I always felt like I had to
walk on eggshells around her.
My husband, however, always said
they were extremely close and had
a great relationship, so we spent
time with her and even visited.
she even visited us a few time
when she lived outta state.
On one visit she came with her boyfriend.
He was nice overall, but he definitely
came in hot with political views
that were very different from ours
ended up arguing with me a bit.
It was uncomfortable, but we
laughed it off and moved on.
Fast forward to the week of our wedding.
The day before we were set to leave,
about a five hour drive with a lot
of packing and last minute prep, she
asked my husband to meet up for drinks.
He said no because we
had too much going on.
We had no idea at the time that this
would apparently cause so much tension.
The first night we had planned
a casual dinner and invited
everyone who was already in town.
She had a few cousins all around
our age who were supposed to come,
but at the last minute they said
they wouldn't arrive in time and
wouldn't see them until the next day.
The following day, they were coming
to help me set up for a welcome party.
I met them at the venue and while
everyone was helpful, I could tell
immediately that she was in a mood.
Her boyfriend, on the
other hand, was wonderful.
My sister and my mom kept commenting
on how great he was, and we were
genuinely grateful for everyone's help.
After that, we all went our separate ways.
Until the rehearsal and welcome party,
we didn't have a traditional wedding
party, so the rehearsal was small.
Just our parents, my sister and her kids
who were in the wedding, my in-laws,
and the friend who was officiating.
We signed our marriage
paperwork that night.
My sister signed then and I caught
my sister-in-law at the welcome
party so she could sign as well.
While there, I also talked with her and my
mother-in-law about what time they should
come over in the morning to get ready.
The morning of the wedding, she was in
a bad mood and barely spoke to anyone.
I spent way too much of the wedding
morning trying to make sure she felt
included and happy, which looking
back is wild because I was literally
the bride It's like when, when you're
gonna be like sour and then take
away from the day, it's just like,
ah, that makes me so mad.
Yeah, it's embarrassing.
Yeah.
During family photos, her
boyfriend forgot his jacket.
I brushed it off trying to not be
a bridezilla, but she continued
acting distant and upset.
I don't remember her saying anything
kind about how I looked or expressing
any happiness for us at all.
Is this all because he
missed a drink with her?
I'm so confused.
At the reception, she sulked in
the corner for most of the night.
My husband tried to get her to dance or
even just talk, but she shoo'ed him away.
The next day was more of the same.
She removed herself from
activities and played the victim.
A few weeks later, my husband met up
with her and she said she'd been in a
bad mood because her cousins made her be
the designated driver for the wedding.
What,
how does someone make you, for one,
I know
you know, you can literally just,
you could just drink something like
and say no.
You can just say, yeah, no, I'm
not going to, or take an Uber.
I mean, I don't know what it was, but
yeah.
That obviously sucks,
but she agreed to it.
Yeah.
So why like make that your whole
personality then like, yeah.
What?
That's bizarre.
That's really weird.
It's like she wanted to be the
victim or be upset about something.
It
sounds like she wanted, she needed
the attention for some reason.
Yeah, because if someone would've
asked me to be a DD for like
one of my best friend's wedding
or a sibling, I'd be like, no.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Staying at the hotel or whatever.
Right.
my husband asked why she seemed so
disengaged, she didn't have an answer.
The next time they talked, she
said she felt left out of the
wedding and that it didn't feel
like her brother's wedding at all.
Just a party.
She happened to attend.
What did she, oh my
God.
This is someone that literally,
I don't think you can make happy.
I just
No, no, because she sounded very involved.
Yeah.
Like she was ready to get ready,
she's at the reception or whatever,
like all the different events.
Yeah.
She's at everything.
That's suspicious.
Yeah.
At that point we decided to step back.
Now we're civil at family
gatherings, but don't have a
relationship with her to this day.
She has never apologized
for how she acted.
My husband is deeply hurt and frustrated.
She's used to getting her way and He's
finally done accommodating that behavior.
In a more recent conversation, he told
her he was sad and he felt like she
wasn't really a part of his wedding.
she denied ever saying that, and
essentially gaslit him claiming that
She would never feel that way.
Now, she insists she was going through
something but won't explain, just
continues saying she was excluded and
I didn't do enough to include her.
She even claims I didn't tell her ahead
of time that I wanted her there while
getting ready, which isn't true at all.
I bought matching pajamas and slippers
and absolutely told her in advance.
At this point, she wants us to
feel bad for her and apologize,
that's simply not going to happen.
She has completely centered our wedding
memories around herself and how she
felt, and we are exhausted by it.
Since stepping back from her life has
been peaceful, no drama, no anxiety
about offending her, just calm,
parents aren't happy and keep telling
my husband to be the bigger person.
Oh, make up.
But what's done is done and
he's just done dealing with her.
One last detail that adds context.
She lived at home until she was
34 and moved out a few months ago,
about five months after our wedding.
We're now eight months out from the
wedding and I still can't believe
she hasn't tried to apologize.
It's sad to watch someone play
the victim for this long, and I
still don't understand how our
wedding made her so uncomfortable.
But honestly, the whole situation has made
me appreciate my own family even more.
I feel like I kept waiting for
something like to be revealed.
Something missing.
the bride does not know something.
Yeah.
Didn't know what it is.
Because why was that like weird boyfriend
all of a sudden, like really hands on?
Like was something going with that?
Like, you know, I thought
there was something about him.
I thought it was especially 'cause she
said the thing about his political views.
At first I was like, oh, something's
gonna come up with that later.
Like, but it seems like they were
just surprised that like he kind
of rubbed them the wrong way and
then he was really helpful later.
Something else is happening
and I wonder, okay.
What I wonder is, okay, the husband
said he had a really good relationship
with the sister, or like, he always
had, I wonder if the marriage.
Somehow disrupted his role in the family.
Do you know what I mean?
Like all of a sudden he, because it
sounds like once he didn't accommodate
her anymore, then she's like, I'm out.
Which is actually really normal thing when
someone decides not to be in their role
in the family, whatever they've always
played, then people get upset by that.
so I wonder if the relationship was good
because he was so accommodating to her all
the time and like played to her emotions.
Yeah.
Especially when she added the
detail about she lived at home
that whole time, like mm-hmm.
Up to 34.
Which, you know, no shame everyone
has their own reasons for, you
know, no, they calm economy's crazy.
But if still lived at home and maybe
he lived at home before living with
his girlfriend, we don't know those
details, but for sure, like he found
a girl, he wants to get married to
her or found a woman wants to get
married to her and has all these
wedding things coming up, realizing
that she kind is taking the back seat.
Like,
I think so not the most important.
I like,
yes.
I feel like this is the type of
thing sometimes you hear about, Like
when you hear like mother-in-law,
horror stories like this feels
like a different version of that.
It's like, oh, all of a sudden you're
not the number one or whatever, you
know, like, you're not taking priority.
And so immature people, right, like
this, this sister, a mature person would
say, Hey, this wedding is happening.
I need to say something.
If I feel left out.
Like that would be the
mature response, right?
But I think immature people, they make
themselves trying to make themselves the
center of attention, like sulking, right?
Like doing all of these things to
be like, look at me, I'm so sad.
Which is very teenager like, honestly.
Not bringing it up until later
and then denying it, all of that.
It just like, to me, just like
reeks of insecurity and being like,
it's like a tantrum a little bit.
It's like an elongated adult tantrum.
Yeah.
Like, you should know
why I'm acting this way.
Yeah.
I'm gonna tell you so.
Right.
Check out my cues.
Yeah.
Which is, again, it's very teenager like,
but teenagers are allowed to do that
because I mean, they can't be, you know,
rude or whatever, but like their brains
literally, they have to act like that,
they don't understand how to do the adult
thing, but the sister obviously does.
what also gives me pause is
that the parents are like to the
husband, you need to go apologize.
So what that tells me is like that
the daughter is the center of that
family.
That's
the dynamic.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
It's like we have to accommodate her.
And maybe up until now they didn't have
a big issue, so it hasn't been obvious.
But the big issue is he got married and,
yeah.
Wow.
I will say from what she shared, props
to the husband who seems like he took.
Control of the situation.
Yeah.
'cause I think sometimes, if it's like
a man and a woman married, then the
woman sometimes feels like she has to
like, help manage that, which is, and
then she gets called the whatever,
the bad person in the situation.
so least it seems like props to him that
he was like, yeah, I'm not doing that.
That's great.
Yeah.
I know.
I love that because, you
made a really good point.
It's like that typical like
mother-in-law story we hear where
they're like, wait, but I'm the
number one woman in your life, right?
Like, right.
Yeah.
And so there's that weird
divide that they can't accept.
And so I feel like that's a good
point because a lot of times in these
stories too, like we don't hear about
the fiance or the husband, right?
The bride or the woman, the relationship
is like left to deal with the drama.
Like, he's like, well, sorry,
my, parents are just weird.
Or my mom's weird.
Yeah.
And then she looks like the
bad guy that like shut the
boundary,
whatever.
Yeah.
So good for him there.
That's good.
I think with people like that, obviously
there's just a snapshot of their
lives, but I think with people like
that, like the sister, you do have
to maintain really strong boundaries
and then if you keep them, then they
get the choice if they want to be in
your life or not in, you know, while
keeping inside of those boundaries.
But it sounds like it was the best choice
because their life is like peaceful now.
It also hasn't been that
long since the wedding.
It would be interesting to hear like,
you know, a couple years from now,
especially like if they have kids
or something, like if that dynamic
changes or how that dynamic changes.
Yeah.
And, I feel like too, now I'm going
back to the 34 living at home thing too.
Yeah.
Again, there's different reasons.
It's all nuanced, but yeah, if it's
something where she was babied maybe, and
like never actually forced to like, go
out on your own or get a job, you know,
I don't know every, what other details.
it seemed like pretty pointed that
the, bride put that in the story.
I think if if it were like,
oh, you know, she had like,
she lost her job or whatever.
She had some sort of circumstance.
She had to live at home.
It wouldn't have been worth mentioning.
So it feels like she lives at home too.
Wink, wink.
Yeah.
It wasn't like she went
away and came back.
It says she lived at home until, so
I'm getting like, she was like the
baby, like princess of the family.
Never had to be.
Does
it say, was she the older
sister or the younger sister?
Did it say in there,
let's
see,
it just says
the sister, I think.
I don't think it said.
Yeah, my husband's sister.
Yeah.
It doesn't really say, it doesn't,
it feels like if it were the older sister,
I wonder if she was like, my younger
brother is getting married before me, or
like meeting these milestones before me.
then obviously if she's the
younger one, it could be that like
extra like baby of the family.
Like everyone kind of caters to her
and then all of a sudden they're not.
But it would be interesting to
hear like the birth order there.
Yeah.
I feel like that's really interesting.
it definitely makes me think.
so she moved out five months
after the wedding, it sounds like.
So maybe that's like the
push she needs to get out.
Yeah.
yeah, so I'm getting like she's used
to everyone kind of catering to her.
And because the brother said
like, no, because I'm doing this
thing with my wife, I can't come.
That was like the thing.
Yeah.
She's like, I'm gonna hold onto this
forever.
He said no to me.
Your sister.
Yeah.
Um.
Which I always think it's like, of
course they're not thinking with their
right brain or whatever, but like,
yeah.
Yeah.
I always think like with these
mother-in-law stories of the sister story,
you are just creating more of a barrier.
Yeah.
Like if you really wanna be involved,
like, how can I support you?
I'm so excited for that.
You found the love of your life.
How can I be there?
And then they would want her to hang out
with them all the time, you know, like,
and it could be this
positive relationship.
Yeah,
totally.
I think the hard part is, is like most
people, and again, it's like whatever,
people in adulthood, you have to learn
how to do these things on your own.
this is like actually such a great
example of why it's so important to teach
your children how to say how they feel.
Because all of a sudden you have a
34-year-old sister who has to be like
manipulative basically, or like secretive
with her feelings and you can't control
everything that, how your kids turn out.
But it's like, that's why we say to
our kids, like, how do you actually
feel, share with people how you
feel, be, direct in a kind way.
Because I think it's actually very
normal to have those feelings.
If you have a sibling or a
child get married and you
feel like, what's my place?
There's nothing wrong with
the feeling, but it's like the
behavior is where it gets weird.
Right?
You're like,
right,
that's ruining something for the person
you're upset that is, changing roles
in your life that you're claiming that
you love and you're making them upset.
That doesn't make sense.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
There's definitely a lot missing and
I feel like they're not gonna get
the answers from her at this point.
Oh.
So now it sucks because now there's
this like weird tension in all their
relationships and it could have
just been like a new stage, but
Right.
She could have just said, oh
man, like I really wanted to
go out for drinks with you.
Like you know, I'm happy for you,
but I'm having a hard time that our
relationship is probably gonna change.
Great.
It was that easy.
Yeah, it was.
It was not though.
I don't think they will
probably ever know either.
Yeah.
Unless one day she like blows
up at them and says, oh,
this is all what happened and
yeah.
Yeah.
Oh
gosh.
That's
messy.
And, and it's too, it's like she can't
see, when you're in that victim hood,
you can't see people including you.
Right.
Because I mean like it's so
easy to just sit in that spot
of like, oh, everyone hates me.
They don't want me here.
like no matter how many times
someone comes over, she's just
not gonna, no, she's looking
at everything through that lens.
Yeah.
She's like, oh, well maybe she
invited me but it didn't seem like she
really wanted me there or whatever.
'cause it's like clear the bride was
involving her, but yeah, when you're
in a certain mindset, I think it's very
hard to like assimilate true information
and like what's actually happening.
So to her, I don't even think she
necessarily sister was like necessarily
like lying about these things.
It seems like she chose that kind
of victim mentality and then, she
just saw everything through that.
Yeah.
This is totally like, not making
up stories in my head, Reading
in between the lines too.
Like even deeper.
What if it's something with she
is the older sister and like you
said, like maybe like offended
that he's getting married first.
Yeah.
so then she like meets this boyfriend.
Right.
But they're, it's kind of weird.
So maybe she said something like,
something about like getting married
and he like isn't interested so then
the whole wedding she's just like,
I, you're being so helpful to them,
but like you don't even wanna marry.
I feel like there, had to be some
sort of dynamic with the boyfriend
because it seems like weird timing
and I think that, I don't even know,
like the bride that wrote in, I feel
like she included things without
knowing why she was including them.
But they are important.
Like why bring up the
political thing necessarily?
Like, I don't know, it just seems
there's like certain pieces I'm like,
oh we're just missing just a teeny bit.
Yeah.
It's like
I feel like something
probably did happen there.
Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
Like some hidden conversation with him.
'cause he's all of sudden being really
helpful and hands-on and she's like,
screw you, I just talked to you about
marriage and you're not interested.
Yeah.
Something.
really reading into that for that.
No, I kinda love doing that though.
It feels like those books where you like
read the whole story and then all of a
sudden the next chapter you're like, you
get the different character's perspective
and you're like, oh, that's what happened.
I feel like we're missing that chapter.
Yes.
We need to know what
it's, I
know.
So we have to,
I know.
Can the sister write in and
tell us or point For sure.
If you're listening,
tell us your perspective.
Sounds like you right into us.
Oh my gosh.
All right.
that was definitely a different
kind of story because I feel like
normally we have like some wild
thing happen, so that was good that
we could like kind of understand.
Okay.
I would like to end these with
confessions that people sent me on
Instagram so we can react to these.
this week we asked what was the
wedding tradition that you didn't
want but felt forced to do anyway.
Did you feel this way about anything
at your wedding, like traditions that
you're like, I'm not doing it, or
you did something and you were like,
I don't really like that tradition.
I mean, like I said, I was like heavily
still in the church stuff, but part
of like the ceremony, there were a
lot of like you like took communion
or like prayed together, which I
wasn't against, but I felt super
uncomfortable everyone watching us.
But there was never like a, no one
like forced me to do it, but it was
like the pastor that did our wedding.
That was just what you did.
Yeah, but looking back now, like I
think I could have incorporated it
differently, but I just felt weird.
'cause like everyone's literally
just sitting there watching
as you like do all this.
I know.
Which, which, between the two of you?
Yeah.
I'm also like not huge on PDA, so like,
which sounds funny at your wedding, but
be like, kiss, kiss and I'm like, it's
not that I don't wanna kiss my husband,
I just like, I'm not a big PDA girl.
So I was just like, okay.
Like, I dunno, that sounds really weird
to say, but my husband isn't either.
I'm like, listen, we love each other.
But I don't know the wedding itself.
I think sometimes it's fun to
be the center of attention, but
for a whole day it's a lot, man.
It's
a lot.
Yeah, but nothing too bad.
Nothing too bad I can do.
I get that.
we didn't do like, cause I see a
lot of people talking about this.
We didn't do the bouquet toss
or the garter toss because I
was like, let's just, I don't,
the bouquet toss.
I feel like people get, like, I
don't see my friends doing this
necessarily, but I've been to a lot
of weddings where women get vicious.
They like kush, they like
elbow and like scratch.
I'm like, you're
like, you know, this isn't like really
gonna make something happen for you.
Right.
It's just
No.
I've read so many stories about
people getting mad because they
didn't get the bouquet and I'm like.
Girl,
that is bizarre.
You're not gonna actually
things a little bit too seriously
and the garter thing, just feel, I
think we maybe did that, but like
I've been to some weddings where
it's like, this is uncomfortable.
Like what is happening?
why is your whole head under there?
I yeah.
I don't want my husband's
whole body under my dress.
Well, I know.
I think ours is like quick whatever done.
And I was like, why do we even do that?
That was so weird.
Some conditions are better
left in the past, I think.
But yeah, you can do what they want.
I would say like, okay, so we see
garter bouquet toss decorating the
apartment with rocks, litter on
the floor in the toilet and tub.
What?
Why would you do that?
I'm guessing this was, this has to be
European because I know like in Europe
the bathroom would be like the toilet.
Oh.
Unless she means the actual in the toilet.
Wait, it could be like in the toilet.
That's so weird.
Maybe they like.
I know some people will like decorate
or like have a surprise for when
they get home from their honeymoon.
Maybe they did, went like
over the top with that or
something.
Oh, maybe that's what it
was, and they put glitter.
Oh my gosh.
Don't put glitter on anyone's house.
just don't have glitter, period.
It doesn't, don't have doesn.
Like I love like a little
glitter here and there.
Like if, whatever.
Yeah.
Like
a little face
glitter, but glitter on things.
No.
Yeah.
And don't surprise anyone with glitter,
they'll be watching that out for months.
this person says inviting
people that I don't like.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
You don't want people at your
wedding that you don't want.
That's,
you don't.
Well, and then it is hard like, 'cause
I know it's like sometimes there's like
family members that aren't your favorite.
But also, I don't know, I think
especially, and I think again, things that
are changing through generations, it's
like you used to have to do that 'cause
it was like, oh, you have to respect your
elders or these family relationships.
But I think now more people are
like, oh, like I get the choice.
Just like I wouldn't invite some
random person I didn't like, I don't
have to invite that person just
'cause they're related by blood.
But
yes,
that's tricky for sure.
Yeah.
I definitely think people are
getting better about boundaries with
like, okay, well we only can fit a
hundred people so I'm gonna fit the a
hundred people that I'm closest with.
Yeah.
I do think like, unless it's like
someone that's completely like.
Exile from the family or like,
you know, you don't like see them.
I feel like if you're inviting like
an uncle, you shouldn't invite all
aunts and uncle, you know what I mean?
Like Yeah.
Otherwise that's kind of weird, that one.
Yeah.
Or cousins of a certain
age, you know, whatever or
totally.
You're inviting like friends in a
circle don't like leave like two out
Yeah.
Of that happen.
And then that's really awkward
for everybody because that
is awkward.
Oh, you're going to the wedding.
What wedding?
You know?
That's
right.
That is awkward.
And I feel like it's better to be like,
and obviously I know money is a factor,
but like, if you can't afford it and
it's part of it, it's better to invite
those people and either they don't come
or you don't remember that they were
there versus people being left out.
I feel like I'm always
hypersensitive people being left out.
I'm like, just include them.
I know.
I don't want somebody left out.
this person says, including my
sisters and my bridal party.
That's an interesting
one.
Sounds like drama.
Drama there.
Mm-hmm.
my sister's six years younger than
me, and I got married really young,
so like she was really young, so I
think it was, and who knows, maybe
those people have drama, but I was
happy to have her in my bridal party.
But I think looking back, like when I
did like my bachelorette, they involved
her, which I was happy to have her
there, but then obviously we're not
like going out to a bar or anything.
She was like 15 years old.
so I think it was a little tricky
with that, but again, maybe different
decisions if I was older and, yeah.
Right.
I think you should have to invite,
like, if you don't have a close
relationship with your sister, I
feel like it is kind of weird to
have them in your bridal party.
Yeah.
I feel like there's a lot of
pressure from like parents sometimes.
like I talked to a, bride and groom once
where the guy was like, yeah, my parents
are threatening to not come to the wedding
if I don't have my brother be my best man.
And I was like, that's wild.
And he's, yeah, he's the most unreliable.
Like, we're not close.
He's like already asked my
best friend and they're like,
you have to revoke his title.
And I was like,
yuck.
Can
you imagine?
Like, I was glad, like my parents didn't,
' both my husband and I, we had our siblings
in our wedding, but like I had my best
friend be my maid of honor, not my sister.
And he had his best friend be
his best man, not his brother,
and they weren't offended.
They were fine.
And our parents were like, you
can have whatever you want.
It's up to you.
Right.
Well, and at the end of the day, like I
get that, especially with having people
in your bridal party is one thing.
Like if they're like, can you please
have your sister in your bridal party?
Not that they should be able to
request that, but I kind of get that.
'cause they're like, okay, they're
gonna be in special pictures,
they're gonna be in all these things.
Like I kind of understand that more.
But to say like they have to be your
best mehan or your maid of honor is wild.
Because usually that comes
with other responsibilities.
Like you don't wanna unreliable person.
Yeah.
There.
Yeah.
That's weird.
That's really weird.
Yeah, I don't get that.
All right.
This last one says, my church was
so against dancing, so we didn't
have any dancing at our wedding.
Were they in Footloose?
What was happening?
Oh, no, I weird.
Were the grandpa demanded that everyone
stop dancing because it was like against
their religion that's one of those things
where it's like you have to not break
against tradition, but like break against
like, okay, yes, they did that their
wedding, but like what do we want at ours?
I think what's interesting is like she
says like our church is against it.
That feels interesting that
you're a part of that church.
If you don't, I mean, I know it
sounds like a small thing, but
if they're against dancing, that
says a lot about other things.
They probably believe like their
values and stuff about behavior.
So it's like, well what
if you didn't have your.
Wedding at the church?
Like could you have it
somewhere else or, I don't know.
Maybe it's trickier than that, but
yeah.
I'm kind of wondering if maybe it was
something where she got married a long
time ago and it was a similar thing where
she at the time belonged to the church.
Yeah.
And then now she is like looking back,
I wish we could have danced 'cause now
I would've loved that or something.
Yeah, that's possible.
I feel like that would make sense.
And especially if you get married
younger, some you just don't speak
up about things or you think, oh,
it's not worth it to say something.
And then you get older and
you're like, oh, that would've
been really nice actually.
Yeah.
All right, well that was interesting then.
Interesting story.
I wanna see if I can get like more, from
that.
I know she's listening.
Write in and give us more details.
Yes, I know.
I need like get that big wow moment.
Well, thank you so much for coming on.
It was so nice meeting you and I feel
like we had such a great conversation
with different angles and stuff.
Again for everyone that
doesn't follow you.
I haven't seen your content or can
they follow you and what's something
exciting that you're working on?
Sure.
okay, so my name on all my socials,
it's kind of funny, but it's Bril
Weasel, so I don't know if it'll be
like in the caption or yeah, we'll
add it.
but yeah, like I said, I post
like mom content, political
content, try to make people laugh.
and I just got new kittens, so if
you wanna follow me, even for kitten
content, they're literally so cute.
have a lot of people that follow me
that feel like maybe the people in their
lives, they don't have someone to talk
about whatever they're going through.
And I feel like it's creating
this nice little community.
So come and join us.
We'll welcome you and maybe
you'll find your people that way.
Awesome.
I love it.
Well, thanks so much again for coming in.
Yes, thank you.