<v Speaker 1>So if you believe that you are created on purpose,

<v Speaker 1>if you believe that you are deeply loved by God,

<v Speaker 1>if you believe that your worth is God given and

<v Speaker 1>it's not determined by human approval, then the idea of

<v Speaker 1>begging somebody to see your value becomes absolutely absurd. Hey, babe,

<v Speaker 1>it's Asia Christina.

<v Speaker 2>This is Quality Queen Control. What is happening? Hello?

<v Speaker 1>Everyone, Welcome back to Quality Queen Control. I am your host,

<v Speaker 1>Astera Christina Foster. Nice to meet you. If this is

<v Speaker 1>your first time listening to me, watching me. Since you're

<v Speaker 1>watching me, give this video a thumbs up. Hype the

<v Speaker 1>video up. Some of you don't know that you have

<v Speaker 1>the option to hype a video up. Make sure that

<v Speaker 1>you hype this video up because it pushes the video

<v Speaker 1>into the algorithm. And if you are listening, of course,

<v Speaker 1>rate it five stars. If you have not already, I

<v Speaker 1>want to jump right on into this episode. We're going

<v Speaker 1>to be talking about dating patterns. And the thing about

<v Speaker 1>dating patterns is that your dating patterns are actually a mirror.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, it is not just bad luck that you have.

<v Speaker 1>And I know that that may make some people uncomfortable,

<v Speaker 1>but it's going to change the way that you look

<v Speaker 1>at your dating life. In fact, it should change the

<v Speaker 1>way that you look at your dating life because a

<v Speaker 1>lot of people do believe that their love life is

<v Speaker 1>just simply bad luck. But it's not necessarily People believe

<v Speaker 1>that they are just dating the wrong men. Some people

<v Speaker 1>believe that the dating pool is terrible, which is argumentatively true.

<v Speaker 1>Some people believe that everyone else somehow got lucky besides them.

<v Speaker 1>But the truth is, your dating patterns are not necessarily random,

<v Speaker 1>all right. They are not coincidence coincidences, Like I said,

<v Speaker 1>they are actually a mirror. So they are going to

<v Speaker 1>reflect yourself concept. They are going to reflect your boundaries,

<v Speaker 1>your beliefs around love, and also the level of treatment

<v Speaker 1>that you believe that you reserve. And that is the cold,

<v Speaker 1>hard truth. So if you're willing to look at the

<v Speaker 1>situation honestly and just have a real transparent moment with yourself,

<v Speaker 1>it's actually very empowering because this means that your future

<v Speaker 1>relationships are not going to be determined by luck, right,

<v Speaker 1>they are determined by who you believe that you actually are,

<v Speaker 1>and that is something that you can change. So we're

<v Speaker 1>going to be talking about the uncomfortable truth about dating

<v Speaker 1>patterns and why people keep attracting the same types of partners.

<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm talking about, same case, different face,

<v Speaker 1>and what actually needs to change if you want a

<v Speaker 1>different result. All right, So dating patterns are actually psychological.

<v Speaker 1>And one thing that I noticed for years after talking

<v Speaker 1>about dating and relationships is that people are very quick

<v Speaker 1>to blame the external circumstances. There is so much freedom

<v Speaker 1>in radical accountability. I try it sometimes, some of you

<v Speaker 1>really need to try it, like just saying you know

<v Speaker 1>what this is on me, I'm messed up. I allowed this,

<v Speaker 1>this and this to happen, and I'm done and I'm

<v Speaker 1>moving on. Or hey, I may not have encountered this

<v Speaker 1>behavior before, but I'm not going to stick around for

<v Speaker 1>the circus and watch anymore of the show.

<v Speaker 2>All right, I'm gonna leave them out.

<v Speaker 1>But they'll say things like, oh, there's no good men left,

<v Speaker 1>dating is impossible now, or all men are the same.

<v Speaker 1>But the truth is this is just about psychology. So

<v Speaker 1>being a human being, right, we are wired to repeat

<v Speaker 1>what feels familiar to us, and even if what feels

<v Speaker 1>familiar to us is unhealthy, we will still engage with it.

<v Speaker 1>And your nervous system doesn't choose what is good for you, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>it's going to choose simply what feels normal. And that's

<v Speaker 1>why you'll often see people repeating the same relationship dynamic

<v Speaker 1>over and over again with different people. All Right, different face,

<v Speaker 1>different name, same experience. Okay, So some women constantly attract

<v Speaker 1>emotionally unavailable men. Some women constantly find themselves in relationships

<v Speaker 1>where they are doing all of the emotional labor. Some

<v Speaker 1>women keep dating men that have potential, but they never

<v Speaker 1>actually become the man that they hoped for. All right,

<v Speaker 1>But the question that people should be asking is why

<v Speaker 1>do I keep meeting men like this? It's not a

<v Speaker 1>matter of all men just sucked. No, that cannot be.

<v Speaker 1>That's actually statistically improbable. Are the proportion of men that

<v Speaker 1>are willing to commit largely disproportionate to maybe the amount

<v Speaker 1>of women that want to be in a relationship. I'm

<v Speaker 1>sure that there are. However, what you and who you

<v Speaker 1>actually allow in your life, who you give chances to,

<v Speaker 1>who you continue to stay investing in or invested in.

<v Speaker 1>Those decisions reveal a lot about how you see yourself. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So you only entertain what you believe that you reserve

<v Speaker 1>that you deserve, all right, You only entertain what you

<v Speaker 1>believe that you deserve. So one of the most uncomfortable

<v Speaker 1>truths about relationships is that people tend to accept the

<v Speaker 1>level of love that.

<v Speaker 2>They believe that they deserve.

<v Speaker 1>Like you, guys have heard me say more than once,

<v Speaker 1>relationships keep you honest, right, we really see in a relationship,

<v Speaker 1>if you really are the girl that, oh yeah, if

<v Speaker 1>he did this to me, I'm leaving, like your all

<v Speaker 1>talk until you're in the situation, and then we're going

<v Speaker 1>to see if you're actually standing ten toes down on

<v Speaker 1>what you claim that you wouldn't tolerate if it was

<v Speaker 1>you in a relationship and all these different things, and

<v Speaker 1>that's ridiculous. It's very easy to cast judgment on other

<v Speaker 1>people's situations, of course, but in order to be a

<v Speaker 1>quality woman, you really have to stand tent to's down

<v Speaker 1>and stand on the decisions that you're making. Right.

<v Speaker 2>Most people would say that they.

<v Speaker 1>Deserve a wonderful relationship, right, But your subconscious beliefs tell

<v Speaker 1>the real story of what's going on here. So if

<v Speaker 1>deep down you believe that you were hard to love,

<v Speaker 1>if you believe that you are just a difficult person,

<v Speaker 1>or what have you. You will tolerate behavior from someone that

<v Speaker 1>reinforces that belief, all right. If you believe that you're

<v Speaker 1>even lucky to have a man at all, just a

<v Speaker 1>warm body next to you, right, you will overlook a

<v Speaker 1>lot of disrespect that a confident woman would walk away

<v Speaker 1>from immediately. If you believe that love is supposed to

<v Speaker 1>be this painful or chaotic experience, then you may subconscious

<v Speaker 1>gravitate towards relationships that feel very intense and unstable. And

<v Speaker 1>that is because chaos feels very familiar to you. But

<v Speaker 1>I want to be very clear about something. People don't

<v Speaker 1>stay in situations necessarily because they're stupid. Sometimes they do

<v Speaker 1>stay because they're stupid, But I digress. They stay because

<v Speaker 1>there's something that's inside of them that believes that that's

<v Speaker 1>the level of love that is available to them. Aka,

<v Speaker 1>I think this is kind of as good as it's

<v Speaker 1>going to get for me. I don't want to be

<v Speaker 1>too picky, like there is love there, why would I leave?

<v Speaker 1>And that belief might have come from childhood, it might

<v Speaker 1>have come from past relationships, It might have come from rejection.

<v Speaker 2>Right wherever it came from.

<v Speaker 1>If it goes unexamined, it will, you know, it will

<v Speaker 1>keep recreating the same experiences over and over again. And

<v Speaker 1>that's why two women can meet the same man and

<v Speaker 1>have two completely different outcomes. Okay, you know one woman

<v Speaker 1>tolerates a behavior that the other one would immediately walk

<v Speaker 1>away from. Right, And the difference is not luck that,

<v Speaker 1>it's identity. Okay, So your dating life does not supersede

<v Speaker 1>your self concept. Okay. So your self concept is the

<v Speaker 1>collection of beliefs that you have about yourself, who you

<v Speaker 1>think that you are, what you believe that you deserve,

<v Speaker 1>what kind of treatment you accept, and your dating life

<v Speaker 1>will almost always be a reflection of that to some degree. So,

<v Speaker 1>for example, a woman with a low self concept or

<v Speaker 1>belief in herself feels like she has to prove herself

<v Speaker 1>in relationships. Right, So she's going to overgive, she's going

<v Speaker 1>to over explain, she's going to overcompensate, she's going to

<v Speaker 1>just always feel like she has to put on a performance.

<v Speaker 1>She may feel like, Okay, if I'm impressive enough, if

<v Speaker 1>I'm like everything to this person, if I'm supportive enough,

<v Speaker 1>if I'm patient enough, I'm gonna earn in this man's love.

<v Speaker 1>He's gonna see that, Like I forgave him all the

<v Speaker 1>times that he messed up, I've showcased forgiveness to him.

<v Speaker 1>He's gonna see that I'm everything. I always have his

<v Speaker 1>laundry done, his meals cooked, I rub his back. You know,

<v Speaker 1>I'm always answering on the first I don't know. I'm

<v Speaker 1>just throwing anything out here at this point. But you

<v Speaker 1>have to understand that in that scenario, mutual respect and

<v Speaker 1>interests are just simply the baseline, right, You're not supposed

<v Speaker 1>to be auditioning for love. Well, the more I do here,

<v Speaker 1>do you want to buy the cal yet? Do you

<v Speaker 1>want to buy the cal yet? Trying to convince someone

<v Speaker 1>of your value when you walk into Louis Witan, you

<v Speaker 1>know what it is, Louis bit uh Okay, you know

<v Speaker 1>that the bags that are going to be there, you know, Chanelle, hello,

<v Speaker 1>the bags that are going to be there, they're not

<v Speaker 1>negotiating the price with you, right you know when you

<v Speaker 1>step in that you're going within a certain calib correct,

<v Speaker 1>right then, so either you can't afford it, or you

<v Speaker 1>can't you purchase or you leave.

<v Speaker 2>All right, that's literally it.

<v Speaker 1>So if you are going to be a woman that

<v Speaker 1>values herself, you have to pay attention to how someone

<v Speaker 1>is treating you, and if the treatment does not align

<v Speaker 1>with your standards, right, you have to remove yourself. It's

<v Speaker 1>just that simple. It doesn't need to be this big

<v Speaker 1>dramatic thing. It doesn't need to be done bitterly right,

<v Speaker 1>but self respect will always change how you move. Stop

<v Speaker 1>being a slave to your emotions. Stop being a slave

<v Speaker 1>to your even lustful desires. Oh well, you know what,

<v Speaker 1>he's just so hot, like I just want to get

<v Speaker 1>with him. All right, good luck to you, sweetheart. See

<v Speaker 1>you how far that continues to get you?

<v Speaker 2>Right. Your standards are what you tolerate. End of story. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>One thing that I hear people say all the time

<v Speaker 1>is like, I have high standards?

<v Speaker 2>Do you do you? Okay?

<v Speaker 1>And clearly high standards are what's the word I'm looking for,

<v Speaker 1>arbitrary okay, Because standards are not defined by what you say.

<v Speaker 1>They are defined by what you actually tolerate in real life.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>So if somebody is repeatedly canceling plans on you there,

<v Speaker 1>you know, and you continue to invest in that person,

<v Speaker 1>making excuses for him, then that is the standard. And

<v Speaker 1>I saw this woman say this quote that I love Okay,

<v Speaker 1>and I want to do an episode on like low

<v Speaker 1>effort men and all the things. But she said, remember, ladies,

<v Speaker 1>that in the beginning of a relationship is a man's

<v Speaker 1>maximum effort. So I was telling my friend the other day, like,

<v Speaker 1>when you're dating, you have to say to yourself, if

<v Speaker 1>this is this man's best, Am I okay with this

<v Speaker 1>being this man's best? Because that is him giving his

<v Speaker 1>maximum Why because he's trying to impress you, So he's

<v Speaker 1>pulling out all the stops, right, That's how it usually goes.

<v Speaker 1>Guys are going to pull out all the stops. That

<v Speaker 1>is that man's maximum effort, That is his best? Are

<v Speaker 1>you okay with the best? With that being the baseline,

<v Speaker 1>Because if he's already starting out, not texting you back,

<v Speaker 1>barely communicating with you, doing this last minute asking you

<v Speaker 1>out last minute, not really being considerate of your time,

<v Speaker 1>or clearly planning a date, it's always like, oh, he's

<v Speaker 1>after work. You know, he just happened to think about

<v Speaker 1>me because I showed up on his Instagram and now

<v Speaker 1>he wants to ask me out Like it's never really

<v Speaker 1>something that thought is put into, which also tells you.

<v Speaker 2>How that man moves. Okay, then all right.

<v Speaker 1>So if somebody communicates like I said, inconsistently and you

<v Speaker 1>accept it, then that will become the standard. If somebody

<v Speaker 1>shows the red flags and you convince yourself to ignore them,

<v Speaker 1>that becomes the standard. Every time you tolerate something that

<v Speaker 1>goes against your values, you are going to reinforce the

<v Speaker 1>identity of somebody that accepts that's treatment. Even if you

<v Speaker 1>say you don't, your actions are showing you do. And

<v Speaker 1>this isn't necessarily about being harsh and unforgiving. It's about

<v Speaker 1>being honest because boundaries are not about controlling other people.

<v Speaker 1>They are about deciding what behavior you allowed to have

<v Speaker 1>access in your life.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>So for those of you who share the same faith

<v Speaker 1>as me, right, there is always a deeper spiritual layer

<v Speaker 1>to these conversations. And when you truly understand, for instance,

<v Speaker 1>your identity even in God, it changes what you are

<v Speaker 1>willing to accept from people one hundred percent. So if

<v Speaker 1>you believe that you are created on purpose, if you

<v Speaker 1>believe that you are deeply loved by God, if you

<v Speaker 1>believe that your worth is God given and it's not

<v Speaker 1>determined by human approval, then the idea of begging somebody

<v Speaker 1>to see your value becomes absolutely absurd. Right, not going

<v Speaker 1>to be dating from desperation anymore, You're gonna be dating

<v Speaker 1>from descernment and.

<v Speaker 2>Not being afraid to walk away.

<v Speaker 1>Like it's literally having the confidence to say, you know what,

<v Speaker 1>I am myself and even if people decide that they

<v Speaker 1>do not like that, right, I'm okay anyway.

<v Speaker 2>I still like myself.

<v Speaker 1>I still like myself, even though you claim to not

<v Speaker 1>like me, I still like myself. You know, starting out

<v Speaker 1>in a relationship. This is what shows desperation. When you're

<v Speaker 1>in a relationship and you start to see red flags

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things, but you feel like, oh,

<v Speaker 1>I've already invested in this person.

<v Speaker 2>What have you invested?

<v Speaker 1>Let's have an honest conversation, because if you have invested

<v Speaker 1>already your body, then of course you're gonna feel like,

<v Speaker 1>what am I gonna do? I'm gonna start over. We've

<v Speaker 1>been talking for three weeks. He was consistent until this

<v Speaker 1>one thing. Do I just walk away over this one thing? Yeah?

<v Speaker 1>You can, and let me tell you this. Quit while

<v Speaker 1>you're ahead, okay, because you should not be sleeping with

<v Speaker 1>every you don't even know.

<v Speaker 2>This man three weeks.

<v Speaker 1>People always want to poke fun at like short engagements

<v Speaker 1>and how people get married so soon in all these

<v Speaker 1>different things. But are we forgetting that a lot of

<v Speaker 1>you guys are going and sleeping with people that you

<v Speaker 1>barely know.

<v Speaker 2>Because the connection is there and the chemistry is there,

<v Speaker 2>so you just like that's how you move.

<v Speaker 1>But you don't realize, don't you guys find yourself perpetually disappointed.

<v Speaker 1>We're after you do go and pull your best card.

<v Speaker 1>There's nowhere to go from there, Babe. All of a sudden,

<v Speaker 1>his behavior starts switching up. He starts becoming less available

<v Speaker 1>to you. The effort is less, and you already know

<v Speaker 1>you messed up. So you're just like all men are

<v Speaker 1>the same. I hate men.

<v Speaker 2>Instead of just.

<v Speaker 1>Moving better, you'd rather just blame them. You'd rather just

<v Speaker 1>blame them like it doesn't make it you. At some

<v Speaker 1>point you have to be smarter, and you have to

<v Speaker 1>be you have to learn from your mistakes so that

<v Speaker 1>you stop showing up in the same capacity and expecting

<v Speaker 1>a different outcome. That's called insanity, right. You have to

<v Speaker 1>be able to take radical accountability, and like I always say, say,

<v Speaker 1>you're gonna have to say no to ninety nine percent

<v Speaker 1>of the things that you once said yes to. If

<v Speaker 1>you truly want an actual serious relationship, you cannot base

<v Speaker 1>it off of three dates.

<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, that means a lot.

<v Speaker 1>I think we're together or well, we've been consistently seeing

<v Speaker 1>each other for a month and a half, like obviously

<v Speaker 1>we're together, and he said we're he's only talking to me,

<v Speaker 1>all right, Great, men say a lot of things. Men

<v Speaker 1>also understand that we as women, say a lot of things.

<v Speaker 1>They watch our actions. Oh, you're saying that you would

<v Speaker 1>only sleep with a guy if you had commitment from him.

<v Speaker 1>But he told you. He threw around the word exclusive

<v Speaker 1>bam and drop that on you, and all of a

<v Speaker 1>sudden you're like, well, yeah, we're exclusive, so like that

<v Speaker 1>that makes it okay? Yeah no, because like I know,

<v Speaker 1>he's not with anyone else, so like might as well,

<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean.

<v Speaker 2>Plus he's like really hot, like you have to be.

<v Speaker 2>We need God restored into the land.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, Like you have to have more control then that,

<v Speaker 1>because this is why a lot of you end up

<v Speaker 1>in situations and you don't know how to back out.

<v Speaker 2>You're sitting here creating soul ties with people.

<v Speaker 1>You're sitting here, uh thinking I like him and he

<v Speaker 1>likes me, and he said we're exclusive, so I think

<v Speaker 1>it's okay, and all these different things. And look where

<v Speaker 1>it has got to you, Look where it has gotten you.

<v Speaker 2>And let me tell you this.

<v Speaker 1>Part of the reason why some of you don't want

<v Speaker 1>to wait is because one you don't even think you can,

<v Speaker 1>and two you think, hmm, well, if I, uh don't

<v Speaker 1>do it, he's gonna go somewhere else.

<v Speaker 2>Let him. You want to talk about confidence, let him.

<v Speaker 1>If that's what's going to be the only thing that's

<v Speaker 1>going to be keeping this guy around, might as well

<v Speaker 1>just let him go somewhere else. Because now you don't

<v Speaker 1>want to end up in a relationship where you feel like, well,

<v Speaker 1>if I don't do it with him, he's definitely gonna

<v Speaker 1>go looking somewhere else. Like what peace do you have?

<v Speaker 1>Like you will have no peace? Like you want to

<v Speaker 1>be with a man that has control, right, And I

<v Speaker 1>know that some of you are so used to such

<v Speaker 1>poor behavior from men that that is unfathomable to you

<v Speaker 1>that you could ever even encounter such a being. It's

<v Speaker 1>definitely out there. But the more you conform, you're going

<v Speaker 1>to find yourself in these situations perpetually. Okay, so, like

<v Speaker 1>I said, you have to start dating from desertment and

<v Speaker 1>and you should no longer be asking well, how can

<v Speaker 1>I get this person to choose me and see that

<v Speaker 1>like I'm a great woman. No, you should be dating

<v Speaker 1>from the lens of does this person align with my values?

<v Speaker 1>Do we have the same outlook on life? Is this

<v Speaker 1>person going to be a protector, a provider? Like real

<v Speaker 1>serious questions, not going with the flow and being cooed

<v Speaker 1>and wooed by his words of you know this word salad,

<v Speaker 1>this nothing burger. Exclusive hah h yeah, yeah, well I'm

<v Speaker 1>only seeing you like all these different like terms and

<v Speaker 1>stuff like that that are just holding you, holding on

<v Speaker 1>to hope. And the next thing, you know, you've been

<v Speaker 1>exclusive for six months and you thought, well.

<v Speaker 2>Obviously we are No, no, no, no, no, no no.

<v Speaker 1>He has to say the words out of his mouth,

<v Speaker 1>because that's what creates boundaries, right. If he is not

<v Speaker 1>your boyfriend, you are not his girlfriend. If those words

<v Speaker 1>have not come out of that man's mouth, you cannot

<v Speaker 1>assume anything. And every man knows intrinsically that all women

<v Speaker 1>want to be asked to be, you know, a girlfriend,

<v Speaker 1>not Oh yeah, I just thought you knew that's how

<v Speaker 1>we was moving. So I all of a sudden should

<v Speaker 1>have assumed that we were together. But how come it's

<v Speaker 1>whenever women tend to sleep with men and assume they're together,

<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden, guys want to say things like

<v Speaker 1>we weren't even actually like together, So how come it's different?

<v Speaker 2>Then? Okay, okay, food for thought.

<v Speaker 1>Like I said, when your identity is being rooted in

<v Speaker 1>something higher than let's say, validation from other people, then

<v Speaker 1>you are going to develop stronger boundaries. Right, And this

<v Speaker 1>is he's not has nothing to do with being difficult.

<v Speaker 1>A lot of people would try and throw that word around.

<v Speaker 1>Oh girl, good luck. Your standards are too high, Like,

<v Speaker 1>no man is going to be waiting around for you

<v Speaker 1>to do this and doing that. Okay, that's your life

<v Speaker 1>and that's what your experience is. My experience is going

<v Speaker 1>to be different. Hello, Right, because favor is not fair,

<v Speaker 1>thank you. But because you respect the life that you're building,

<v Speaker 1>you have to honor those things about yourself. You have

<v Speaker 1>to recognize what your dating patterns are. If you want

<v Speaker 1>to change your life, especially your dating life, the first

<v Speaker 1>step is radical honesty and radical accountability. You know what

<v Speaker 1>I take accountability for dating in seasons where I should

<v Speaker 1>have just honestly been alone. I take accountability for dating

<v Speaker 1>and accepting behavior that I knew kind of I was

<v Speaker 1>not okay with, but I didn't want to come across

<v Speaker 1>as overthinking, like when you are battling with those things

<v Speaker 1>at a baseline still, respectfully, you should not be dating

<v Speaker 1>if you have to question your own intuition and go

<v Speaker 1>back and forth and think like maybe maybe you know

<v Speaker 1>you're already starting at a different baseline when you have

<v Speaker 1>when you are confident, and you're and you're coming across

<v Speaker 1>as a woman that knows her value and whatever.

<v Speaker 2>It's giving very much. These are the rules. You play

<v Speaker 2>by them or you don't.

<v Speaker 1>And I'm not going to villainize you if you don't,

<v Speaker 1>but I'm just going to move accordingly. That's all that

<v Speaker 1>it really is. Okay, that is all that it really is.

<v Speaker 1>It's not even a matter of uh, like I said,

<v Speaker 1>being bitter about it. Oh, I just feel like all

<v Speaker 1>men are playing games, da, da, da, all these different

<v Speaker 1>things like he's not for you. Glad we saw it.

<v Speaker 1>Let the let the trash take out itself, right, Just

<v Speaker 1>be done with the situation. Okay, If that man acted poorly,

<v Speaker 1>all right, And if he didn't act poorly, and there's

<v Speaker 1>still misalignment, it's just simply misalignment.

<v Speaker 2>You gotta move on. You can't keep on well, stop

<v Speaker 2>investing so much, like.

<v Speaker 1>Giving your whole entire body to somebody that you barely

<v Speaker 1>know because you went on three dates and that's what

<v Speaker 1>they say, though you know when you make it to

<v Speaker 1>the third date, they really like you. And then you

<v Speaker 1>turn around and all of a sudden, you want to

<v Speaker 1>be upset and angry at men when you have to

<v Speaker 1>take accountability for how you moved in the situation where

<v Speaker 1>you move very fast, you committed everything, your emotions, your body,

<v Speaker 1>your heart, and then this guy was just playing along

<v Speaker 1>with it, and now all of a sudden, we hate him,

<v Speaker 1>even if he's in the wrong. You would have had

<v Speaker 1>more emotional control to see these red flags and abide

<v Speaker 1>by them if you wouldn't have invested your entire being

<v Speaker 1>into it. And you and by your being, I mean

<v Speaker 1>your your body. Right, if you did not have relations

<v Speaker 1>with that man, okay, then you would not be feeling

<v Speaker 1>this torn up and ripped up inside, because you will

<v Speaker 1>come from a place of strength and desernment of okay,

<v Speaker 1>I'm seeing things exactly as they are and not naturally

<v Speaker 1>coming up with excuses for it, because now you just

<v Speaker 1>wasted another body.

<v Speaker 2>Okay. So patterns are information, all right.

<v Speaker 1>They reveal where growth is needed in your life, and

<v Speaker 1>the moment that you become aware of a pattern, then

<v Speaker 1>you gain the power to be able to break it.

<v Speaker 1>So with changing the patterns of how we are dating,

<v Speaker 1>real change in dating doesn't come from memorizing certain texting strategies. Well,

<v Speaker 1>if you say this to him, this is how he'll

<v Speaker 1>respond and always there enough.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>It doesn't come from playing games. It doesn't come from

<v Speaker 1>you know, pretending to be someone that you're not. No, no,

<v Speaker 1>it comes from an identity shift. Men can see that

<v Speaker 1>energy does not lie. Everything in life is spiritual.

<v Speaker 2>Whether you choose to.

<v Speaker 1>Believe it or not does not change the fact that

<v Speaker 1>everything in life is spiritual. Okay, So you need to

<v Speaker 1>start asking different questions instead of asking, well, how do

<v Speaker 1>I make.

<v Speaker 2>This relationship work?

<v Speaker 1>Whatever the case is, take radical accountability and responsibility and say,

<v Speaker 1>you know what would the most self respecting version of

<v Speaker 1>myself do right now.

<v Speaker 2>Even if it's difficult.

<v Speaker 1>Leave Stop waiting for situations to happen and deteriorate in

<v Speaker 1>order for you to finally make up your mind to

<v Speaker 1>go so that you can leave with a victim narrative.

<v Speaker 1>And how all men suck in all these different things

<v Speaker 1>when you're not changing how you're moving in these situations,

<v Speaker 1>stop taking something that is so precious, like your body,

<v Speaker 1>and just like you know what they say in the Bible,

<v Speaker 1>like don't cast your pearls to pigs or something like that,

<v Speaker 1>like don't like give your precious like pearls to men

<v Speaker 1>that have not like they are not committed to you

<v Speaker 1>in any capacity. And I'm a I'm a believer, so

<v Speaker 1>I believe in waiting for marriage.

<v Speaker 2>I do not believe in.

<v Speaker 1>Whatever three date rule, whatever, whatever that the world's standards

<v Speaker 1>live by.

<v Speaker 2>I do not abide by that.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, and you will move a lot smarter because of that,

<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you. I'm telling you it is one hundred

<v Speaker 1>percent possible. And if we start to shift our stand

<v Speaker 1>and how we are showing up in relationships, then it

<v Speaker 1>causes as a whole men to show up differently as well. Right,

<v Speaker 1>So remember you have to show up as the version

<v Speaker 1>of yourself that's not going to be chasing clarity. You're

<v Speaker 1>going to be requiring clarity.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>You're not going to ignore the discomfort and think you're overthinking.

<v Speaker 1>You're going to investigate it and make an informed decision,

<v Speaker 1>all right. You're not going to stay in situations where

<v Speaker 1>you feel uncertain for months and you're hoping that things

<v Speaker 1>are going to improve. You're going to be paying attention

<v Speaker 1>to behavior because self respect shows up in your actions

<v Speaker 1>and in your decisions okay, not just your words. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>But the beautiful thing about patterns is that they are

<v Speaker 1>not permanent.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>They are simply habits that we repeated long enough to

<v Speaker 1>become familiar. And once you see clearly, you can then

<v Speaker 1>choose something different.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>So your dating life is not your destiny. It's a

<v Speaker 1>reflection of who you believe that you are right now.

<v Speaker 1>And so once that belief starts to shift, then the

<v Speaker 1>people that you attract, the people that you tolerate, the

<v Speaker 1>dynamics that you accept, and the relationships that you build

<v Speaker 1>will start to shift as well. So if you've been

<v Speaker 1>feeling discourage about your love life, I want you to

<v Speaker 1>remember this. The story is not over, and that growth

<v Speaker 1>is what changes patterns. So when you become a different woman, internally,

<v Speaker 1>you will start attracting and accepting different experiences externally. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So before we end this episode, I'll just want to

<v Speaker 1>ask you something, Okay, be honest with yourself.

<v Speaker 2>Comment in the comment section.

<v Speaker 1>If you're bold enough, what dating pattern have you noticed

<v Speaker 1>in your own life?

<v Speaker 2>Okay?

<v Speaker 1>And more importantly, what would you change if you decided

<v Speaker 1>that you deserved better. That is the end of this episode,

<v Speaker 1>My love, Thank you so much for tuning in. Share

<v Speaker 1>this with a friend if you feel like they need

<v Speaker 1>to hear it because we don't keep around here. And also,

<v Speaker 1>if you have the option, hype this video up. With

<v Speaker 1>that being said, do not forget that I love you

<v Speaker 1>and God loves you. I'll speak to you, beautiful angels

<v Speaker 1>in my next episode.

<v Speaker 2>Nah