All right.

The courts are overwhelmed.

Let's just call it what it is.

They are overwhelmed.

There's not enough space or time for us to go back to court and argue about

everything, and so if we're reverse engineering that and we know that

the court system is overwhelmed and there's no space for us to go back

for contempt and get violations taken care of and all that, then we should

probably start from the beginning.

And make sure that the parenting plan is written really well so that we don't have

to go back over and over and over again.

Now, when you're dealing with high-conflict people, you're gonna be

going back regardless, and you need to hear me on that, and I think this

is an illusion that a lot of you are living right now, that you think,

well, if I just have the best parenting plan, I'll never have to go back.

You can have solid gold wrote down for you for a parenting plan.

It doesn't mean a high conflict parent will follow it.

But at least you know your stuff is protected with a good parenting plan.

And I think again, that's just kind of a misconception with all that I spew

out here about good parenting plans, good parenting plans, there's nothing

saying a great parenting plan that your high conflict X will follow it, but

at least you know you have something.

To follow and that you are protected and your time is protected and it's

easily, seen that you have this amount of time and you have this

responsibility and everything is crystal clear from the court's views, but it

doesn't make them wanna follow it.

So then there lies the point.

Can we enforce things inside of a parenting plan?

And I'm gonna say some crazy shit today and I know some people are

gonna be like, you're an extremist.

You know, like you're thinking, here's what I'm thinking outside of the box.

The box we're all in right now in these family court

systems are fucking delusional.

They're delusional.

If they think that if we take our ex back to court for contempt, that they're

gonna be thrown in jail, they're gonna catch a fine, they're gonna be punished.

No, this isn't criminal court.

This is family court.

At best, they'll get their hands slapped and told, don't do that again.

What the fuck you mean?

I just spent thousands of dollars with my attorney.

Prepping for this court date, filing the motions, paying for it all,

just to go to court and have a judge look at my ex and go, shame on you.

Try harder next time.

Nothing changes in this parenting plan.

I'm sorry what?

This happens over and over and over again.

Parents are told, Hmm, well they're gonna try harder.

'cause here's what happens.

Let, let's take an aerial view of this scenario.

Let's say your ex is always 15 minutes to an hour, 25, late, bringing the kids

back, every visitation, every visitation.

At first, you're like, okay, maybe it was traffic.

Okay.

Maybe they were running behind.

Okay.

They're not well organized.

Okay?

It is kind of hard to get three kids out the door, but after

a while, 15 turned into 20.

20, turned into 45.

45, turned into an hour, an hour to hour 25, and it's been happening for months.

You're like, this is ridiculous.

They're not following the parenting plan.

This is absurd.

If this were me, they'd be mad.

And so I'm gonna file a motion to modify and restrict their parenting time.

'cause they obviously don't know how to value it and they're not

following the court's rules.

And I'm gonna file a motion that they're in contempt.

Right?

Well, if I file that motion of contempt, let's say December, we're not gonna

court date till like April at best.

And what do high conflict people do?

From December to April, they are fucking peas and carrots, right?

They are following everything to a tee.

All of a sudden now they know how to tell time.

All of a sudden now they're bringing their kids back.

All of a sudden now they're a model fucking parent.

Following the parenting plan to a T, but I've already filed the motion, and now

we're at April, and now I'm bringing all this data that says 15 minutes turned

into 25, turned into 45, turned into an hour and a half, blah, blah, blah.

This was happening for six months in a row, but yeah, the last like

three and a half, four months, yeah, they've been on time.

The court system says, well.

I'm glad you brought this to our attention, Sam, but Steve here has been

showing in good faith since you have brought it to the court's attention

that he's gonna follow the rules.

So everybody keep doing what they've been doing recently, keep

bringing the kids back on time.

Keep documenting it.

If he doesn't, court adjourned.

By the way, my Larry lawyer leans over and says that'll be $7,000.

Okay, so.

I don't know why the family court system doesn't pick up on this.

Right.

I mean, to me, if I was a judge, and again, I know I'm not.

I know I'm not.

But here's what I would say.

I would say data shows to me, sir, for six months you weren't

following the fucking rules.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

You've behaved yourself these last three months ' cause your ass knew

you were gonna be in front of me.

But guess what?

Little too late.

I'm gonna go ahead and sanction you.

Punish you fine.

You Hell, you have to pay half her attorney fees 'cause she had

to come get the court's assist 'cause your ass couldn't tell time

or bring those fucking kids back.

So I'm gonna go ahead and punish you and make you pay half her lawyer

bills and however many minutes you were late for those past six months.

She gets that time back this summer.

So if that means you've been laid a total of seven days, she gets

seven extra days this summer.

That's how I'm gonna fucking solve this problem.

You show up here again, I'm gonna take three of your visitation days away every

single month, start being fucking on time.

Boom.

Then I drop the fucking gavel and we'd be fucking adjourned.

Sounds so fucking simple my way, doesn't it?

But if it was criminal court.

He did have evidence that he did wrong and he'd be punished,

but this is family court.

And the family court.

We're all like, namaste.

Everybody gets three strikes, 25 strikes, everybody gets a second chance.

Everybody gets to come.

Try to be a better parent the next six months.

Try again.

Try fuck man.

Like just gimme some immediate fucking consequence.

If you're late bringing our kids back to me on Sunday, guess what?

They will automatically show up late to you on Tuesday, your next visitation day.

Immediate consequence.

You wanna fuck with my time?

I will fuck with your time.

You wanna take outta my jar?

I will take outta your jar.

Well like bring this back to some old days.

When you steal, you lose a fucking finger.

I'm sorry.

When did we go back to this?

Try, try, try again.

Phase.

Everybody gets a chance.

No, you fuck around.

You find out like I'm so over the seven, like I spend thousands of dollars to

say you're a village fucking idiot.

That can't respect time.

And then a judge says, well.

He's been doing a really good job the past four months.

It looks like he's on his way to improve, you know, keep being flexible with him.

I'm sure he'll figure it out.

He, I've had a judge say this in open court to my fucking client.

He's trying to adjust to being a single parent.

What the fuck do you think I'm trying to adjust to?

Granted, I was a single parent, married, but fuck man.

Like I'm doing the same exact thing and you won't have

shit on me being outta order.

You don't have anything on me.

Not following the fucking rules.

But he gets a fucking pass and a, oh, he's trying.

Are you Fuck answer me.

This is in my scenario roller versus if you need to, I'm now, I'm getting

hated, but this just pisses me off.

Is Steve ever fucking late for work?

I'll tell you, no.

Fucker shows up 45 minutes early to his work shift every fucking day

and stays 30 minutes afterwards.

Motherfucker spends his time how he wants to spend his time

arrives early, stays late when it's convenient for him and works for him.

But when it comes to bringing the kids back on time, knowing it fucks with my

schedule or fucks with their schedule, we don't follow the rules for that.

So yes, he has the ability to be on time, but he chooses to fuck with

our time and take from my pile.

And here's what judges will say, yes ma'am, but.

You have majority of the visitation time, so be grateful that you have

the kids most of the time and he's just, you know, trying to spend as

much time with those kids as possible.

Okay, so here's what I hear, judge, you fucked up the first time then.

' cause the first time we came in front of you, you said, I'm more

responsible and I'm more capable and I have the better position to

have these kids most of the time.

And he doesn't.

So are you going back on what you just fucking decided a couple years ago that

maybe he does need to participate more?

Because that's what that sounds like with you.

Just allowing him to take out the parenting time you gave me this

time thing is a big fucking deal and it gets my goat that these

judges like, do you not see that?

I filed this in December and only since December the data has stopped.

It's only been that I've said, Hey Dick weed, stop taking

from my fucking cookie jar.

Has he all of a sudden straightened up?

But these judges are like, well, he's trying.

Fucking a for effort.

Cool.

But he still doesn't know how to be here on time.

I, okay, so I know rein it in, rein it in Sam.

But when we come to these parenting plans and we have this, kumbaya parties will

later determine, parties will agree.

You know, there's no times written and there's no, holidays

written and all this stuff.

Like there's no way any of that shit holds up in court.

All dip shit has to say is like, well I didn't know what time I was

supposed to bring him back 'cause it just said we shared the holiday.

Well, I didn't know what time visitation was over 'cause it

just said every other weekend.

You guys have to make sure these parenting plans are locked down solid

with rules that can be held up later when old Dipshit doesn't follow 'em.

And you have to file contempt.

But I'm just warning you, contempt is a fucking joke sometimes.

Sometimes, not always, but if anything that I just said resonated

with you because it happened to you, please let other people know

that I know what I'm talking about.

That not every judge is gonna throw the gavel down and be

like, here's what we're gonna do.

But this also creates something that I don't like for you.

Constant documenting co constant, like it's a part-time job to where

you're like every day you're like.

Okay, let's put a data entry in on how many text messages were

excessively sent to me today.

Here's how many cuss words were used at me today.

Here's how many times they, you know, they, or how many

minutes they were late today.

It becomes a second job for you, and I don't like that for you.

I don't like that for you.

and so there's a lot of things that we could talk about when it

comes to documentation, but keeping track of somebody's irrational.

Juvenile, immature, idiotic, fucking behavior.

It's none of the top fucking things I wanna be doing.

Okay.

It's just not, I do not wanna be keeping track of dip shit's movements, right?

But the court system is gonna say, well, I know you're complaining,

but what data do you have?

And so I have to bring data, right?

There's ways about doing that.

I talk about those inside the next chapter, the monthly membership

for moms on how to track data.

And we brought in specialists who specialize in data for

courts and things like that.

So go check that out if you need to.

But you gotta make sure that your whole life isn't keeping track of

somebody else's, responsibilities.

And it starts with a really good parenting plan.

You might have to document here and there, but you also, some of y'all

are documenting a little too much.

Because the court system won't care about all the things.

You gotta narrow it down to like some basic good data-driven things.

Visitation being a main one, money being a number two, right?

Abuse of, verbal communication in front of the children.

Number three, like the psychological stuff that I know a

lot of you are keeping track of.

How are we gonna prove that?

We know they're talking shit about us to the kids.

We know the kids are coming home with their jaws clenched and

not pooping for three days and headbanging and, and wetting the bed.

We, how are we gonna prove that that's connected to dip shit.

Right.

That's really hard.

Now, should you document that and take that to the pediatrician?

Sure.

But I'm just telling you this documentation, man, it becomes

a full-time fucking job.

It all goes back to we have to have things measurable and

enforceable in the parenting plan.

It's gotta be written clearly on how we keep track of time, keep track of

holidays, vacation, like everything has to have numbers and measurable things to it.

But this contempt man, I wish the courts would get a grip on this.

Just change the way if you are gonna make me come in there and

spend $7,000 with my attorney and all my ex gets is a hand slap.

What?

Do you know how much it cost me to be in front of you today?

I had to miss a day of work, had to find extra care for my kids.

Had to do that two days ago too, because I had to go with my lawyer

to prep for this day in court.

Had to provide all my evidence, had to go to Kinko's to make extra copies

of all my text messages and everything being sent, and my parenting app,

and that cost money all for a judge to say, man, you need to try harder.

Yeah, let's just everybody go back.

Let's try harder and if I see you again, I might shake the other

finger at you and man, that's danger.

I mean, serious.

It's a fucking joke.

It's a joke because, and I'll stick up for judges here for three seconds.

If their parenting plan isn't exact, what is the judge going off of?

What's the judge going off of?

If they're looking through the parenting plan and it says he didn't have to

bring them back at a specific time.

Yeah, I know they had a handshake agreement on four o'clock, but

it doesn't say specifically it had to stay four o'clock.

Maybe he changed his mind and wanted to make it five 15.

Hell, six 30.

Right.

So if these judges don't have anything to fall back on as hardcore measurable

facts, is it their fault really?

If there's no contempt found?

So then it goes back to the parenting plan, which who

created the parenting plan?

Judges, court systems, lawyers, people that aren't really in the

trenches working it every single day, like us parents, right?

So who better to learn about how to build a parenting plan than somebody that has

lived it with a high conflict scenario?

This girl right here, right here, right here.

It's me.

In case you're wondering.

So.

This section really gets me heated, but I don't know if you guys, did you like

my idea of how we just handle people that show up late bringing their kids back?

Right.

And like universal decision making when parent one parent just keeps going rogue

and making decisions after decisions.

I think they lose custody time because obviously during their parenting

time they're making decisions.

So you lose custody time, you wanna keep making decisions.

I'll keep taking parenting time away from you.

You used to have majority, now you have less.

You keep making decisions without the other party.

Like it says in here, we gotta have harsher consequences and lead with that.

So other parents go, oh shit, I saw that happen.

I don't want that.

But we keep allowing people to make unilateral decisions even

though they're in joint and all they get, mom, stop doing that.

No, no, no.

Bad girl.

Include him next time.

Mom says, okay, I will.

She ain't gonna include him.

She hasn't for three years.

Why the hell would she start now?

Right.

Plus she ain't afraid.

All she got was a little finger shake at her.

Fuck her.

She gets worse at her job.

Nobody's scared of these judges like that because there's no, this isn't criminal.

If I was at a murder scene and my fingerprints were there, I would be

sweating bullets like, oh my gosh, I could get pinned for this murder.

' cause all they need is my fingerprints and I'm guilty.

We have parents out there bringing loads of evidence showing that this other parent

is a piece of shit incapable, incompetent, fucking less than, and all they get

is, you really need to try harder.

I'm gonna give you another six months and I hope you have improvement.

Meanwhile, these kids are gonna suffer for another six months and

fuck all the data you just brought in.

This is family court, not criminal.

Your fingerprints were found at the murder scene, but this is family

court, so you're off the hook.

We think those fingerprints might have been tampered with.

We don't have any evidence of that, but maybe that's what happened.

We'll give you another shot.

What the fuck?

And I hope you can keep up my analogies.

I'm the analogy queen.

But anyways, this is a hard one, you guys.

Contempt is hard.

People always ask me, you know, Sam, what do I need for evidence for contempt?

Hope and a prayer and a lot of data.

And a judge that used to work, you know, criminal court.

I mean, that's what I hope for you.

I hope your judge has been in criminal court, so he at least

knows data means something.

If your judge has been in family court their whole career, good luck.

' cause this could send me down a rabbit hole.

Not in this episode, but another one if you wanna hear about how

judges and lawyers are in bed with each other, and it's all a Ponzi

scheme of money, just exchanging hands over elections like crazy.

But we won't get into that here.

All right, you guys.

Make sure you read your parenting plan.

It's enforceable.

It's enforceable.