<v Speaker 1>You can never be so mill centered that it costs

<v Speaker 1>you everything. And it might not cost you, you know,

<v Speaker 1>a grave ending like Caroline Bassett, but it may cost

<v Speaker 1>you your peace and your sanity where you are no

<v Speaker 1>longer yourself at all. Hey, babe, it's Asia Christina.

<v Speaker 2>This is Quality Queen Control. What is happening? Hello? Everybody?

<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to Quality Queen Control. I am your host

<v Speaker 1>a share, Christina Foster. So for those of you that.

<v Speaker 2>Are tuned in, we did switch up the.

<v Speaker 1>Hairstyle a little today and we went with like a

<v Speaker 1>curly sort of look. I actually really am liking it

<v Speaker 1>when I wore it. Actually, I've been wearing my hair

<v Speaker 1>like this for the past couple of days and people

<v Speaker 1>really seem to have liked it, which is great for

<v Speaker 1>me because I just feel like I'm in like a

<v Speaker 1>very big hair sort of mood and mode, and so

<v Speaker 1>for me, it makes me feel like it looks better

<v Speaker 1>because I'm in that mode.

<v Speaker 2>Does that make sense?

<v Speaker 1>Like, It's like if you felt like you had a

<v Speaker 1>certain vision of how you wanted your hair. When you

<v Speaker 1>get that said style, you feel like it matches your

<v Speaker 1>exact vibe. I feel like ordinarily, because I don't really

<v Speaker 1>wear my hair in like curly styles or anything. I

<v Speaker 1>feel like if I wasn't in the mode for it,

<v Speaker 1>it wouldn't look as good. Like, Okay, I feel the

<v Speaker 1>same way about the color red, like I have to

<v Speaker 1>feel red in order to wear the color red. Let

<v Speaker 1>me know in the comments if that makes any sense

<v Speaker 1>to you guys. So okay, we all know that this

<v Speaker 1>whole JFK Junior Carolyn Bissett sort of era has now

<v Speaker 1>been you know, bestowed upon us.

<v Speaker 2>And that leads me to.

<v Speaker 1>Talking about today's topic, which is male centered woman and

<v Speaker 1>fairy tales, right, and this whole Caroline Bassett illusion, so

<v Speaker 1>to speak, because we were sold a love story. That's

<v Speaker 1>exactly what pretty much happened. We were definitely sold a

<v Speaker 1>love story.

<v Speaker 2>And I have some.

<v Speaker 1>Takes or hot takes on behalf of that as well

<v Speaker 1>as what we can learn from it.

<v Speaker 2>So obviously we know the show is the Golden Bachelor.

<v Speaker 1>We know the you know, the American you know prince,

<v Speaker 1>which we chalked it up to be JFK Junior, And

<v Speaker 1>it seems like Caroline Bassett was this like cool, you know,

<v Speaker 1>fashion girl who was like so aloof and like she

<v Speaker 1>won him by playing so cool, and she was always

<v Speaker 1>like biting her lip like the entire time, and.

<v Speaker 2>What have you.

<v Speaker 1>But it really is a tragic romance, okay. And I

<v Speaker 1>want to ask a question that nobody wants to ask. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>was it a love story or was it a cautionary tale?

<v Speaker 2>All right?

<v Speaker 1>Because when I look at the marriage between Caroline Bassett

<v Speaker 1>and John F. Kennedy Junior, I don't see a fairy tale.

<v Speaker 1>I see power and balance. I see pressure, I see

<v Speaker 1>identity erosion. I see a woman who entered into a

<v Speaker 1>legacy that was so much bigger than her and lost

<v Speaker 1>herself trying to survive it. And before anyone panics, this

<v Speaker 1>is not necessarily blaming anyone for the tragedy, But it's

<v Speaker 1>about interrogating the narrative that we as women are fed.

<v Speaker 1>And because the media romanticize the and romanticize as proximity

<v Speaker 1>to powerful men as a society, we as women tend

<v Speaker 1>to internalize that as success.

<v Speaker 2>So let's talk about the you know what we are

<v Speaker 2>conditioned to believe. So John F.

<v Speaker 1>Kennedy Junior was American royalty, right, He was the son

<v Speaker 1>of President Kennedy. Kennedy was handsome, he was charismatic, he

<v Speaker 1>was educated, he as powerful, He was.

<v Speaker 2>For the people, all right.

<v Speaker 1>He was our, you believe, the most eligible bachelor in America. So,

<v Speaker 1>and we're talking about John F. Kennedy Junior at this point.

<v Speaker 1>So when he chose Carolyne Bassett, she was obviously elevated

<v Speaker 1>in terms of her status and all the things. So

<v Speaker 1>I have been keeping up with the story with them

<v Speaker 1>on the Hulu series called Love Story. And so Caroline

<v Speaker 1>Bassett was working for Calvin Klein. I don't remember what year,

<v Speaker 1>it was, probably the eighties. She was working for Calvin Klein.

<v Speaker 1>In my personal opinion, she always had proximity to celebrities

<v Speaker 1>because she worked there. I'm not sitting here saying that

<v Speaker 1>everyone that works with celebrities desires to be in the spotlight.

<v Speaker 1>But I do find it an interesting take that you

<v Speaker 1>would seek to be with a high profile person and

<v Speaker 1>you're so not okay with like what comes with him?

<v Speaker 2>That's not how that goes.

<v Speaker 1>What in the Megan Markle is happening, Like I'm sorry,

<v Speaker 1>you do not step into something like that, and then

<v Speaker 1>tried to like just rewrite history all right, like it

<v Speaker 1>just doesn't really make sense. So I don't understand that

<v Speaker 1>mindset of I want you, but I don't want the

<v Speaker 1>big things that come with you. What comes with JFK.

<v Speaker 1>Junior is the lights, the camera, the action. He loved

<v Speaker 1>the attention, and she pretended, in my opinion, to not

<v Speaker 1>love the attention. I think when it comes to dealing

<v Speaker 1>with someone like him, maybe perhaps you wouldn't like the

<v Speaker 1>attention because it's always him versus you, and you kind

<v Speaker 1>of being the person that's scrutinized and believed to be

<v Speaker 1>not really good enough, where people are always keeping you

<v Speaker 1>under a magnifying glass and a microscope. In comparison to

<v Speaker 1>how JFK. Junior is depicted, where he got his fair

<v Speaker 1>share of bad publicity and things like that too, but

<v Speaker 1>in a societal standpoint at that time, he was viewed

<v Speaker 1>as the prize and the eligible bachelor. But let's slow down. So,

<v Speaker 1>like I said, she worked for Calvin Klein, and I

<v Speaker 1>don't know if she was a publicist specifically or some

<v Speaker 1>sort of like fashion consultant something of that nature.

<v Speaker 2>And John F.

<v Speaker 1>Kennedy Junior was raised in a political dynasty where how

<v Speaker 1>you come off and how you present was survival. So

<v Speaker 1>these are obviously two completely different worlds, because even though

<v Speaker 1>she had proximity to well known celebrities and all the things,

<v Speaker 1>and she worked for a very reputable fashion designer which

<v Speaker 1>we all know and today, Calvin Klein, they are still

<v Speaker 1>two completely different worlds. So what happens when a woman

<v Speaker 1>who apparently values privacy marries into a machine that's basically

<v Speaker 1>built off of public consumption. I mean, you have to

<v Speaker 1>just be honest with yourself. And this is why I

<v Speaker 1>don't know if I necessarily believe that she hated the

<v Speaker 1>media attention. I don't know if I would think that

<v Speaker 1>because I also believe that the show that Ryan Murphy

<v Speaker 1>has created, which you know, is supposed to tell their

<v Speaker 1>love story, I do believe that it is also romanticized.

<v Speaker 1>I do not believe that JFK. Junior was maybe the

<v Speaker 1>brightest bulb. I know that sounds really mean, but I

<v Speaker 1>don't think he was the brightest bulb in the bunch.

<v Speaker 1>And I also think that Carolyn had many many issues,

<v Speaker 1>one being definitely drugs and like the successive partying and very.

<v Speaker 2>Like sort of.

<v Speaker 1>Reckless lifestyle so to speak. And I do believe that

<v Speaker 1>she positioned herself to be with someone like him, because

<v Speaker 1>even at the Calvin Klein party. I remember when seeing

<v Speaker 1>the episode when she got invited. She wasn't even actually

<v Speaker 1>technically invited. She got there somehow by bringing something as

<v Speaker 1>a favor to I think it's Narcisco Rodriguez or one

<v Speaker 1>of the other designers, and so much so that Calvin

<v Speaker 1>when he saw her, he was like, what are you

<v Speaker 1>doing here? But then he decided to introduce her to

<v Speaker 1>JFK Junior all the different things. And I don't really

<v Speaker 1>believe that that's how that went down. That doesn't make sense.

<v Speaker 1>If your boss truly did not want you there, he's

<v Speaker 1>not going to be like, well, since you're here, now,

<v Speaker 1>let me introduce you to literally everybody you know, especially

<v Speaker 1>in the fashion world.

<v Speaker 2>So I think she.

<v Speaker 1>Somehow weaseled her way in there to get in that position.

<v Speaker 1>And I don't think that's necessarily a negative thing, but

<v Speaker 1>I think that we have to have more awareness when

<v Speaker 1>it comes to what we are choosing for our lives, right,

<v Speaker 1>and this lifestyle to chase after this man that was

<v Speaker 1>supposed to be the biggest prize here cost her quite

<v Speaker 1>literally everything, right, so she became naturally consumed by her

<v Speaker 1>public image and everything.

<v Speaker 2>The paparazzi of course chased her.

<v Speaker 1>She was photographed constantly, She was you know, there were

<v Speaker 1>reports of the tension in their marriage. This is what

<v Speaker 1>comes with being with Jay Junior. And to me, how

<v Speaker 1>can you not want that, wanting to be with someone

<v Speaker 1>like him, unless you are a viewer who believes that

<v Speaker 1>he relentlessly chased after her, which again I do not

<v Speaker 1>personally believe. I believe that the reason that Daryl Hannah

<v Speaker 1>broke up with him was because of the fact that

<v Speaker 1>he kind of killed her dog. I mean, because of

<v Speaker 1>the fact that he was always reckless. He was known

<v Speaker 1>to be a very absent minded guy. He was known

<v Speaker 1>to be this like, you know, charming guy because of

<v Speaker 1>how he you know, came across physically, his physical appearance.

<v Speaker 1>But he kind of knew that he could get away

<v Speaker 1>with more than other people. So he would obviously let

<v Speaker 1>people do all the work. Even with his magazine, he

<v Speaker 1>wasn't as involved as people were trying to portray him

<v Speaker 1>to be. He would call certain people for favors last minute,

<v Speaker 1>to publish certain articles and all these different things to

<v Speaker 1>kind of keep things going, but he wasn't actually putting

<v Speaker 1>in the work for what it is that he was

<v Speaker 1>trying to make it seem like he was working hard

<v Speaker 1>for I hope you're picking up what I'm laying down.

<v Speaker 1>And of course there was there were reports about tension

<v Speaker 1>in their marriage. Does anyone remember that? And I was

<v Speaker 1>not even alive for this time, but that video that

<v Speaker 1>was circulating of them literally getting physical and Central Park right,

<v Speaker 1>and her friends even reported saying that she struggled with fame.

<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think anyone would really necessarily struggle with fame.

<v Speaker 1>I mean, especially if you're coming from behind the camera

<v Speaker 1>to in front of the camera.

<v Speaker 2>You're going it's you know what I mean.

<v Speaker 1>Fame is is not the resolution, the solution to alleviating

<v Speaker 1>all of your problems or anything like that.

<v Speaker 2>If anything, it just highlights all of them.

<v Speaker 1>That's why they say, if you go on a reality show,

<v Speaker 1>be prepared for every single thing in life to ever

<v Speaker 1>come out about you or be assumed about you. Right, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So the main headline was that she pretty much won

<v Speaker 1>the prince. And this is where the conditioning comes in,

<v Speaker 1>because we seem to be taught as women in society

<v Speaker 1>that marriage to a powerful man equates to victory. And

<v Speaker 1>sometimes that can be true, but we cannot preclude the

<v Speaker 1>fact that we are neglecting peace, compatibility, emotional safety, and

<v Speaker 1>even like just spiritual alignment alignment period with this person. Right,

<v Speaker 1>What exactly is a male centered woman. Well, let's define

<v Speaker 1>this very carefully. So a male centered woman is not

<v Speaker 1>just a woman that's in love. No, it is a

<v Speaker 1>woman whose entire identity orbits around a man male attention.

<v Speaker 1>Everything is for men, men, men, men. Her decisions are

<v Speaker 1>filtered through men. Her comfort is secondary to men. Her

<v Speaker 1>instincts are negotiated a lot of the times to keep him.

<v Speaker 1>She's probably going to be the girl in the friend

<v Speaker 1>group that always has a boyfriend, serial monogamous, benzo or

<v Speaker 1>backwards all the time, like without even necessarily having a title,

<v Speaker 1>like abandons all of her friends and disappears for years

<v Speaker 1>on end depending on the duration of the relationship. Like

<v Speaker 1>because she believes if I secure this man, then I

<v Speaker 1>also secure value, because that's where the value derives from.

<v Speaker 1>And when a man has status and you know, legacy

<v Speaker 1>and cultural power, obviously the temptation to center him becomes stronger.

<v Speaker 1>Let me tell you something about about men like that.

<v Speaker 1>And this is the thing that I did, like in

<v Speaker 1>the show that I think Calvin Klein's wife said, like

<v Speaker 1>a person that's that shiny belongs to everybody. And the

<v Speaker 1>way that I internalized that was like people like him,

<v Speaker 1>you know, they are for everybody, Like they can't really

<v Speaker 1>be tied down all the different things, and here you

<v Speaker 1>have someone that comes along that thinks that they've probably

<v Speaker 1>changed and all these diffferent things. People like that to

<v Speaker 1>you know, to me Mary, because it's the right thing

<v Speaker 1>to do for the public. It's like, Okay, John, you're

<v Speaker 1>going to be forty years old, you have no you

<v Speaker 1>have not married, you have no kids, Like you got

<v Speaker 1>to stop playing around.

<v Speaker 2>Now.

<v Speaker 1>It's not done because they are fully ready and it's

<v Speaker 1>something that they truly desire. It's done because it's like,

<v Speaker 1>all right, you got to stop playing around. You got

<v Speaker 1>to start to take yourself serious. Your mom passed away,

<v Speaker 1>your cousin passed away, your dad passed away when you

<v Speaker 1>were three.

<v Speaker 2>Come on, like, what are you going to do with

<v Speaker 2>your life? That's to me what those types.

<v Speaker 1>Of situations are giving as opposed to he matured and realized,

<v Speaker 1>you know what, this is it for me because for

<v Speaker 1>the majority of their relationship, he was vacillating between her

<v Speaker 1>and Daryl Hannah. And when he took her to a

<v Speaker 1>party in the Hamptons one time, without even notifying his

<v Speaker 1>cousin that he was even going to bring somebody, he

<v Speaker 1>just showed up with her. He ghosted her right after

<v Speaker 1>introduce him to some of his closest friends and family,

<v Speaker 1>and she found out that in the press that he

<v Speaker 1>was with Carol, that he was with Daryl Hannah, and

<v Speaker 1>that's what he was doing with his time. So we

<v Speaker 1>think from the public perception at least so that he

<v Speaker 1>just straight up ghosted her after doing something like that.

<v Speaker 1>It wasn't this smooth transition of him always fighting for

<v Speaker 1>her love and she was just like too cool for

<v Speaker 1>school and she was like, if you want me and

<v Speaker 1>me like Olivia Pope said, no, it was not like that, right,

<v Speaker 1>So let's just be very realistic with that right there.

<v Speaker 1>But now, if you were going to be with you know,

<v Speaker 1>if you're going to be censoring a man that has

<v Speaker 1>the cultural status, the legacy, the whole thing. It's not

<v Speaker 1>just about love at this point, right, It's about image,

<v Speaker 1>it's about access, it's about social elevation, and so sometimes, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>of course women are gonna stay in dynamics like this,

<v Speaker 1>that don't feel aligned, because leaving would honestly make you

<v Speaker 1>feel like you're losing your crown. Like, let's just be honest, here,

<v Speaker 1>where is Megan Marko going from here? I'm not in

<v Speaker 1>sinuating anything's going on in her marriage. I'm just saying like,

<v Speaker 1>if anything were to where is she going from here?

<v Speaker 1>Anyone else is going to seem presumably like a downgrade

<v Speaker 1>because you once dated a prince or whatever and he's

<v Speaker 1>no longer a prince thanks to her. But you guys

<v Speaker 1>are picking up what I'm laying down. There is no

<v Speaker 1>verified evidence that Caroline was forced into anything. Okay, she

<v Speaker 1>was not forced into this world. She knew what she

<v Speaker 1>was dealing with before she got into it. This is

<v Speaker 1>what happens when you were male centered. You have this

<v Speaker 1>eye on the prize, and that's the purpose of me

<v Speaker 1>telling this story. You have this eye on the prize

<v Speaker 1>and that's all you care about until you get it.

<v Speaker 1>And let me tell you something, babe. The psyche must

<v Speaker 1>always be heard. So you get into these positions. You

<v Speaker 1>pretend to be the okay girl, the cool chick, the

<v Speaker 1>aloof chick, the I don't care until you get the guy.

<v Speaker 1>And then the real youth starts to show up, the

<v Speaker 1>really starts to peek through. Okay, what we can discuss

<v Speaker 1>is this, right, there were actual tension in their marriage, right,

<v Speaker 1>There were rumors of you know, their arguments, there were

<v Speaker 1>discussions of them potentially needing space. And on that night

<v Speaker 1>in July, right, this was in nineteen ninety nine when

<v Speaker 1>she boarded a plane that was piloted by her husband, JFK. Junior,

<v Speaker 1>in hazy weather conditions over Wader. The plane crashed near

<v Speaker 1>Martha's vineyard and all three of them died, which was

<v Speaker 1>Caroline's sister Lauren, JFK. Junior, and Caroline herself. So I'm

<v Speaker 1>not a signing motive here, but what I'm saying is

<v Speaker 1>how many times figuratively have you boarded emotional planes right

<v Speaker 1>in conditions that you knew were not safe, but because

<v Speaker 1>you didn't want to disrupt the relationship, you know, you stayed.

<v Speaker 1>Think about that just a metaphor. It's not an accusation.

<v Speaker 1>It's a metaphor. We are taught as women to be agreeable, right,

<v Speaker 1>to not emasculate obviously, to not question leadership, all the things,

<v Speaker 1>to not be dramatic, and and you know when your

<v Speaker 1>intuition is whispering to you. I don't feel good about this.

<v Speaker 1>When do you decide to speak up? Do you override things?

<v Speaker 1>Because your man feels, you know, he seems confident. He

<v Speaker 1>comes across as confident because I'm willing to bet in

<v Speaker 1>this particular situation, he who knows he probably all right, everyone,

<v Speaker 1>let's go, let's go, let's go. I would have never

<v Speaker 1>gotten that plane. I'm telling you that right now. Rumor

<v Speaker 1>has it on the street that his friends called it

<v Speaker 1>the flying lawnmower or something like that, because not only

<v Speaker 1>was it very small, but it was basically like a

<v Speaker 1>contraption of sorts and in its architecture. And I feel

<v Speaker 1>like he clearly is so arrogant. This is why I

<v Speaker 1>don't think he's the brightest bull. He's so arrogant that

<v Speaker 1>he was like, oh, yeah, I can fly a plane,

<v Speaker 1>not being properly trained in instruments in the middle of

<v Speaker 1>a hazy night, because I can fly a plane. Like, no,

<v Speaker 1>that's not how it goes. So he even almost like

<v Speaker 1>crashed into something else and turned off his air control

<v Speaker 1>whatever it's called. I'm not familiar with the terminology for

<v Speaker 1>planes and things like that, but they were trying to

<v Speaker 1>contact him to say, like, hey, like figure out who

<v Speaker 1>is in that plane and he was not answering them

<v Speaker 1>and disconnected. It does that seem like a responsible noble

<v Speaker 1>man that you want to be with. See, this is

<v Speaker 1>where we get into trouble here. The status matters more

<v Speaker 1>than our intuition. The status matters more than you know,

<v Speaker 1>having a life of peace, because you clearly value that

<v Speaker 1>idea and concept more than your own life, quite literally

<v Speaker 1>in this case. And with that being said, this is

<v Speaker 1>how you become a bitter woman where you're nasty to

<v Speaker 1>everybody because you know how much you had to sacrifice.

<v Speaker 2>But who can you tell it to?

<v Speaker 1>How can you tell people that, oh, my gosh, I've

<v Speaker 1>gone through so much like turmoil. I once thought that

<v Speaker 1>this was something that I wanted, but I like it honestly.

<v Speaker 1>It's like, I'm fighting for my life every single day

<v Speaker 1>to maintain this.

<v Speaker 2>What do you do?

<v Speaker 1>Society's looking at you, they're reading articles. Here's what's actually hilarious.

<v Speaker 1>A lot of you are doing this and you're nowhere

<v Speaker 1>near this status. There are no cameras on you, there

<v Speaker 1>are no paparazzi. And that's not to negate that there

<v Speaker 1>still isn't pressures that can exist in a family dynamic period,

<v Speaker 1>especially a family dynamic that also comes from money, some

<v Speaker 1>sort of dynasty of sorts.

<v Speaker 2>Right, So hear me clearly.

<v Speaker 1>When I say, like, we don't realize that we do

<v Speaker 1>have more choice power, And I get it. It doesn't

<v Speaker 1>mean that it's easy. But you can never be so

<v Speaker 1>mill centered that it costs you everything. And it might

<v Speaker 1>not cost you, you know, a grave ending like Caroline Bassett,

<v Speaker 1>but it may cost you your peace and your sanity

<v Speaker 1>where you are no longer yourself at all, and you

<v Speaker 1>have to really ask yourself is it really worth it?

<v Speaker 1>Just so I can say that I got married and

<v Speaker 1>I got the guy that everybody wanted, and all my

<v Speaker 1>my friends are married, but me, and what am I

<v Speaker 1>gonna do? See, confidence is not competence. They are not

<v Speaker 1>the same thing. Please remember that I know a lot

<v Speaker 1>of very unqualified people that come across as confidence, And

<v Speaker 1>of course you can't tell the difference from the outside

<v Speaker 1>looking in sometimes between these characters who play confidence versus

<v Speaker 1>people that actually are confident. Because we're all on the

<v Speaker 1>internet here, we all seem like we all have something

<v Speaker 1>to say, and you don't know the ins and outs,

<v Speaker 1>the true ins and outs of some people's lives. But hey,

<v Speaker 1>the Holy Spirit decernment. He will reveal a lot to you.

<v Speaker 1>But like I said, confidence is not competent, so do

<v Speaker 1>not interchange the two. Charisma does not necessarily mean leadership, right,

<v Speaker 1>So it is about decernment, like I said. And a

<v Speaker 1>male centered woman will always confuse your desire as direction.

<v Speaker 1>And I cannot tell you how often that happens. I

<v Speaker 1>knew a girl once, and she thought that everything was

<v Speaker 1>a side. But what she wasn't realizing was that from

<v Speaker 1>the outside looking in, she was manufacturing all of these

<v Speaker 1>circumstances to play in her favor, and then calling it

<v Speaker 1>alignment and saying it was meant to be, and all

<v Speaker 1>these different things. And she really genuinely believed this to

<v Speaker 1>be true. She truly thought her desires was an indication

<v Speaker 1>of her direction, all right. Her excitement was wisdom to

<v Speaker 1>her as well. And that's another thing you will confuse

<v Speaker 1>as a male centered woman. You will always confuse excitement

<v Speaker 1>as wisdom. You will confuse perhaps a man's status as

<v Speaker 1>his authority, all right. And when a woman overrides her

<v Speaker 1>intuition repeatedly, she's going to slowly disappear. Right, internally, you

<v Speaker 1>will slowly start to disappear, because it's a spiritual death

<v Speaker 1>before anything else where you no longer know left from right.

<v Speaker 1>You don't trust yourself. You have no idea about whether

<v Speaker 1>or not you should actually believe what you're feeling. Sometimes

<v Speaker 1>what you're seeing, you may unconvince yourself of it. You

<v Speaker 1>always have an excuse in your mouth of why he

<v Speaker 1>was texting this girl.

<v Speaker 2>Oh well, he has a.

<v Speaker 1>Business where he has to talk to a lot of people.

<v Speaker 1>He's following a girl at the gym. You're chalking it

<v Speaker 1>up to, oh well, you know, she probably gave her

<v Speaker 1>number to him. And you're always now looking at the

<v Speaker 1>other person and creating trying to create this like extra

<v Speaker 1>safe haven for this man so that he sees your value.

<v Speaker 1>The nicer you are, the kinder you are, the more

<v Speaker 1>you bend over backwards, the more you do this, do that,

<v Speaker 1>do that.

<v Speaker 2>And the crazy thing is is this goes for all relationships.

<v Speaker 1>This is not only being in a You don't have

<v Speaker 1>to be a male centered woman. A male centered woman

<v Speaker 1>is not contingent on whether or not you're dating a

<v Speaker 1>man of status. Let me be very clear here Okay,

<v Speaker 1>there are male centered woman period. Okay, there are male

<v Speaker 1>centered women that I've met that are obsessed with drunks, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>that are obsessed with men who can't even pay for

<v Speaker 1>a pair of sneakers for them, Like there, So trust me,

<v Speaker 1>it has nothing to do with status. I was only

<v Speaker 1>giving this example because it's something we all are pretty

<v Speaker 1>much familiar with, and it's very relevant to it being

<v Speaker 1>showcased today, this whole Caroline and JFK story. But I

<v Speaker 1>think it's a very complex sort of situation where I

<v Speaker 1>don't think that it's all that everyone chalked it up

<v Speaker 1>to be. I think that he was a lot more

<v Speaker 1>arrogant than people presumed him to be. I think that

<v Speaker 1>whenever you like someone, you assign positive traits and qualities

<v Speaker 1>to that person. So of course you're a handsome guy,

<v Speaker 1>you have this whole lineage of wealth. It is hard

<v Speaker 1>for you to date, you know, in his defense, because

<v Speaker 1>you have to find the right woman who's going to

<v Speaker 1>be okay with having her life scrutinize. You have to

<v Speaker 1>find the right woman that's going to, you know, maybe

<v Speaker 1>your mom will approve, which Jackie approved literally next to

<v Speaker 1>no one, And there's just a lot that goes into

<v Speaker 1>it right where it's almost like a losing game, right,

<v Speaker 1>I don't even have I do not even have at

<v Speaker 1>this current moment solutions for even being with a man

<v Speaker 1>of that stature, because it's nothing I ever thought about,

<v Speaker 1>because it's never been a desire of mine, because I

<v Speaker 1>would rather be with someone that is wealthy. Of course, quiet,

<v Speaker 1>you have your own thing going right for yourself, Like

<v Speaker 1>I don't need you to be in the spotlight and

<v Speaker 1>have whatever. I don't need that. I would never truly

<v Speaker 1>want to date anyone famous in my entire life. I've

<v Speaker 1>never desired to date anyone famous in my entire life.

<v Speaker 2>To be clear.

<v Speaker 1>So with that being said, it's just so far removed

<v Speaker 1>from my thoughts that I never even thought, like, how

<v Speaker 1>would you deal with someone like that? In my mind,

<v Speaker 1>you just don't those people stay single, Okay, I don't

<v Speaker 1>care what it looks like for them, because you will

<v Speaker 1>end up paying the price for all the immaturity, all

<v Speaker 1>the infidelity, all of like you are expected to be

<v Speaker 1>so much, not only to the world but also to

<v Speaker 1>that man. But again, if you are miles entered, you

<v Speaker 1>are more likely to be in situations like this and

<v Speaker 1>put up with situations like this just for the image

<v Speaker 1>of being happy and at least I have a husband

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things. I mean, I'm even in

<v Speaker 1>the place in Real Housewives in New Jersey where Jennifer

<v Speaker 1>Aiden is. She seems like she's unraveling at this point.

<v Speaker 1>And again, I'm watching the season's back, so this is

<v Speaker 1>not the current situation. I don't know what's currently going on.

<v Speaker 1>I don't even remember what season I'm on, but I'm

<v Speaker 1>getting close to the current seasons, and her and Bill

<v Speaker 1>are having all these issues.

<v Speaker 2>When she first came on the show, she's.

<v Speaker 1>Talking about her sixteen bathrooms, her house is beautiful. No

<v Speaker 1>one is even doubting that. She's talking about how happy

<v Speaker 1>she is, all these different things. Apparently from Jennifer Aiden's perspective,

<v Speaker 1>because of the fact that Margaret brought up her husband's

<v Speaker 1>infidelity that she said she never gave a thought to

<v Speaker 1>and never even brought it to light. She's been unraveling

<v Speaker 1>ever since. So she's upset with Margaret that it she

<v Speaker 1>brought it to the light. And the reason she even

<v Speaker 1>Margaret even brought it to the light is because now

<v Speaker 1>looking back, I guess Jennifer Aiden was triggered at the

<v Speaker 1>fact of the genesis of Margaret's current husband and hers

<v Speaker 1>relationship stemmed from an affair, and so I think maybe

<v Speaker 1>perhaps that's what triggered or wound in Jennifer to constantly

<v Speaker 1>throw digs at Margaret like, well, you always were the

<v Speaker 1>other woman and all these different things, because she clearly

<v Speaker 1>dealt with something like that. So when Margaret learned of

<v Speaker 1>this infidelity, even though it was a long time ago

<v Speaker 1>from Bill, she did bring it to the light. But

<v Speaker 1>I feel like ever since then, the corresponding seasons I've

<v Speaker 1>been seeing Jennifer has been like unraveling. And now apparently

<v Speaker 1>she's unraveling because her and Bill are having issues on

<v Speaker 1>how they are going to raise their.

<v Speaker 2>Kids and things like that.

<v Speaker 1>And it just goes to show that if you are

<v Speaker 1>going to be the type of woman that's going to

<v Speaker 1>just put up and shut up, be prepared to put

<v Speaker 1>up and shut up for the rest of your life.

<v Speaker 1>And no one's going to feel bad for you because

<v Speaker 1>this is what you signed up for. No one's going

<v Speaker 1>to turn around and be like, well ya, no, I understand,

<v Speaker 1>because you were bragging so much about your sixteen bathrooms

<v Speaker 1>and you're happy and this is your life and your

<v Speaker 1>husband is so successful and all these different things. That's

<v Speaker 1>what it makes you do. It makes you have to overcompensate. Yes,

<v Speaker 1>you have really these these actual things. Yes your husband

<v Speaker 1>really is successful. But it becomes your personality trait, right,

<v Speaker 1>that's what it becomes as opposed to, h what what

<v Speaker 1>do you offer as well for substance for yourself? I'm

<v Speaker 1>not saying what you bring to the table, U huhuh okay,

<v Speaker 1>I'm saying what your where your value come stems from

<v Speaker 1>also outside of motherhood as well, you know, outside of you,

<v Speaker 1>your entire personality trait being my husband's really rich and

<v Speaker 1>my husband's super successful, right, because we've seen time and

<v Speaker 1>time again how that ends up for people. So the

<v Speaker 1>genesis of her story with Bill was a little bit

<v Speaker 1>different because I believe that they come from like more

<v Speaker 1>of a religon just background or something of that nature.

<v Speaker 2>So you know, but I think that there's also desires.

<v Speaker 1>Of Jen that she would have liked to explore, or

<v Speaker 1>maybe she feels emotionally like her needs are not being

<v Speaker 1>met by her husband despite his success, which is very

<v Speaker 1>very plausible to be fair, And you just have to

<v Speaker 1>remember what it is that you're signing up for. This

<v Speaker 1>is why the truth of the matter is, there's nothing

<v Speaker 1>wrong with wanting to be with a man that is successful. Hello, Hello, Hello,

<v Speaker 1>Whose channel are you on? Whose podcasts are you listening to?

<v Speaker 1>But I still think what matters the most is that

<v Speaker 1>you are understanding what you have before you step into

<v Speaker 1>those types of dynamics, because your confidence and everything you've

<v Speaker 1>built can easily get overshined and eroded at if you

<v Speaker 1>are with someone of such high status that all you've

<v Speaker 1>done is just try to be with this person, try

<v Speaker 1>to be with this person, and then in the end,

<v Speaker 1>what do you have really going? And now you're unhappy,

<v Speaker 1>Now you're bitter, Now you're making accusations about other people's

<v Speaker 1>happiness and they're reallys and all these different things. It

<v Speaker 1>just ends up turning into a very toxic thing. So

<v Speaker 1>when you are romanticizing tragedy like this story between Caroline

<v Speaker 1>and JFK. Junior, the media has froze them in time.

<v Speaker 2>Right. They were young, they were beautiful, they were stylish.

<v Speaker 1>But tragedy makes people sentimental, obviously, but the sentimentality erases

<v Speaker 1>the complexity of the dynamic.

<v Speaker 2>But not for me. When I'm always looking under the hood.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, so we don't talk about the incompatibility, we don't

<v Speaker 1>talk about the pressure. We don't talk about how fame

<v Speaker 1>suffocates you, right, especially if you're a private person that

<v Speaker 1>is in the limelight.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>But people will just look at them and say, well,

<v Speaker 1>they were so in love. But love does not eliminate dysfunction.

<v Speaker 1>Love does not erase the misalignment.

<v Speaker 2>Hello.

<v Speaker 1>Love does not make the risk of being with a

<v Speaker 1>certain person disappear. So we as women have to stop

<v Speaker 1>romanticizing suffering in relationships.

<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, who is Jesus City? Pay pay it all?

<v Speaker 1>Like, I do not believe that I need to fight

<v Speaker 1>for love. I say that so many times, and I

<v Speaker 1>really do mean it, like I'm not fighting for love.

<v Speaker 1>I really do believe happy house, happy spouse, right, I

<v Speaker 1>will even put it like that. I know people say

<v Speaker 1>happy wife, happy life, but I'll even say happy house,

<v Speaker 1>happy spouse. He does what's needed to make you happy,

<v Speaker 1>You do what's needed to also make him happy, as

<v Speaker 1>long as it's respecting, you know your boundaries and things

<v Speaker 1>like that. But when you love someone, you naturally do

<v Speaker 1>want to go out of your way for them. But

<v Speaker 1>I do believe how it begins is a lot of

<v Speaker 1>the times always how it ends, and so you will

<v Speaker 1>never stop that performance. If that's what you did to

<v Speaker 1>get the guy, you will always have to perform. And

<v Speaker 1>then when you find yourself at Central Park and Caroline besets,

<v Speaker 1>you know story, where your husband is or maybe they

<v Speaker 1>were engaged, I don't know if they were married at

<v Speaker 1>the time.

<v Speaker 2>Snatching your ring off your finger? What do you have now?

<v Speaker 1>You've done so much, you put your all into this relationship.

<v Speaker 1>How is that possible if he's the one that apparently

<v Speaker 1>wanted her? Does that seem like a characteristic of a

<v Speaker 1>man who desperately chased after her? Then how does the

<v Speaker 1>Central Park argument make any sense? Then, if you really

<v Speaker 1>think about it, wouldn't he be the one that's more

<v Speaker 1>apologetic or something like that? You know what they were

<v Speaker 1>arguing about in Central Park, the fact that he was

<v Speaker 1>flirting with another woman the night before. That's what they

<v Speaker 1>got upset about. And he snatched her ring so hard

<v Speaker 1>off her finger, allegedly allegedly okay, that a diamond fell out,

<v Speaker 1>that's how hard he snatched the ring off of her finger.

<v Speaker 1>And I think even paparazzi recorded or or overheard him

<v Speaker 1>saying something like when they were sitting on the edge

<v Speaker 1>of the street and he had his head in his lap,

<v Speaker 1>and she went to go grab the dog, and he

<v Speaker 1>was like, after she took her ring back from him,

<v Speaker 1>I think she was gonna like proceed with like walking

<v Speaker 1>the dog, and he was like, you already have my ring,

<v Speaker 1>You're not going to take my dog too. So everything

<v Speaker 1>then becomes it's such a strong power and balance that

<v Speaker 1>it becomes what is mine and what is yours? And

<v Speaker 1>I'm here and you're here. Don't ever forget that. That's

<v Speaker 1>unfortunately what ends up happening. So dying beside a man

<v Speaker 1>is not romantic, Okay, losing yourself to keep a man

<v Speaker 1>is not romantic. Being chosen is not the prize. The

<v Speaker 1>egg never chases the sperm. Okay, this is not even biblical.

<v Speaker 1>He that finds a wife finds a good thing, not

<v Speaker 1>she that finds a husband finds a good thing. Let's

<v Speaker 1>be very clear here. He has to find you, He

<v Speaker 1>will find you. Rest in that, all right. Being safe

<v Speaker 1>is a prize in a relationship.

<v Speaker 2>Being aligned is.

<v Speaker 1>Being whole, is being able to be who you really

<v Speaker 1>are is And this all boils down to if he

<v Speaker 1>wanted to, he would, right, because if a man is reckless,

<v Speaker 1>he's gonna be reckless. If he ignores preparation in one area,

<v Speaker 1>he will very well ignore it in others.

<v Speaker 2>Loyalty, like I said, is a character trait.

<v Speaker 1>So you cannot expect him to cheat, lie, steel, be reckless,

<v Speaker 1>be gambling tens of thousands of dollars away, and all

<v Speaker 1>these different things. But because he is a millionaire, you

<v Speaker 1>don't think anything of it. Oh, it's never gonna really

<v Speaker 1>do anything. He makes so much money anyway. But that

<v Speaker 1>reckless behavior of him spending his lass and doing all

<v Speaker 1>these different things, it's gonna eventually end up trickling down.

<v Speaker 1>Risk tolerance is also a character trait. Right, decision making

<v Speaker 1>under pressure is a character trait. So you have to

<v Speaker 1>stop separating how he lives from how he loves. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>stop separating how men live versus how they love. If

<v Speaker 1>a man flies through you know, life impulsively, he's a

<v Speaker 1>fly by the night clown, Okay, then he will fly

<v Speaker 1>through your heart impulsively too. These people will be reckless

<v Speaker 1>with decisions reckless, And is that not a part of

<v Speaker 1>leadership and what a marriage is supposed to be You're

<v Speaker 1>supposed to be secure, protected, provided for all of the things.

<v Speaker 1>But you want this guy who you you know. Not

<v Speaker 1>every man that you're gonna meet at one oak who

<v Speaker 1>got a table is gonna be husband material.

<v Speaker 2>All right.

<v Speaker 1>Just because you set your eyes and lay your eyes

<v Speaker 1>on a man does not make him qualified.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>So you should never board planes literally and emotionally with

<v Speaker 1>men who ignore wise counsel, with men who rush leadership,

<v Speaker 1>with men who dismiss your intuition, with men who value

<v Speaker 1>ego over preparation. They would rather things look a certain

<v Speaker 1>way than be a certain way. You should never be

<v Speaker 1>a passenger in someone else's legacy, hello, because if that

<v Speaker 1>man was truly about you, he would make sure that

<v Speaker 1>it feels inclusive. Now, if we bring this into biblical alignment, right,

<v Speaker 1>Christian women are often taught submission a lot of the

<v Speaker 1>times without desernment. But Proverbs says that wisdom is the

<v Speaker 1>protection and Ephesians talks about whyve submitting? But it also

<v Speaker 1>commands husbands to to love sacrificially. Let's not preclude that part.

<v Speaker 1>So submission is not about silence. Submission is a response

<v Speaker 1>to righteous leadership. Right, it is done fair, it has

<v Speaker 1>done well. Right and righteous leadership is marked by wisdom, protection, humility.

<v Speaker 1>It's not ego, it's not image, it's not legacy performance. No,

<v Speaker 1>the Bible never tells woman to ignore their desernment. The

<v Speaker 1>Holy Spirit gives us conviction for a reason, all right.

<v Speaker 1>When Eve listened to the serpent, what did she do?

<v Speaker 1>She overrode God's instruction. When Abigail discerned that Nabel was

<v Speaker 1>reckless in the Bible, she acted wisely and she saved

<v Speaker 1>her entire household. Discernment is the new maturity. Let's just

<v Speaker 1>put it like that. And God does not require you

<v Speaker 1>to sacrifice your safety ever to prove love. He requires wisdom,

<v Speaker 1>all right. So when a woman makes a man the

<v Speaker 1>center instead of God, right, you will tolerate things that

<v Speaker 1>you're not designed to carry. Right, you have to think

<v Speaker 1>the order should be God first, your identity second, and

<v Speaker 1>then it should be your marriage third. So it should

<v Speaker 1>not be the other way around. So I want to

<v Speaker 1>be clear. We are not necessarily dishonoring anybody. We are

<v Speaker 1>rejecting a narrative, and that narrative is that landing a

<v Speaker 1>powerful man alone is winning. There are so many things

<v Speaker 1>that come with landing a very powerful man.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>I hope you guys have ears to hear what it

<v Speaker 1>is that I'm saying. The narrative that tragedy equals romance.

<v Speaker 1>We people are romanticizing this dynamic between these two. They

<v Speaker 1>were absolutely reckless. The narrative that love requires, you know,

<v Speaker 1>erasing yourself essentially, Oh well, you know how.

<v Speaker 2>It is with them. You just got to put up

<v Speaker 2>and shut up.

<v Speaker 1>The real love story is a woman who does not

<v Speaker 1>abandon her discernment, right, And let's talk about those healthy

<v Speaker 1>dynamics that actually do exist in the world. I know

<v Speaker 1>it's rare, but they do exist. Woman should not negotiate peace,

<v Speaker 1>all right, and you should never, you know, be in

<v Speaker 1>any situation that you don't necessarily feel safe, and you know,

<v Speaker 1>you have to respect yourself, right, and that's what matters.

<v Speaker 1>That is the difference. So I hope that this was

<v Speaker 1>insightful for you guys. I want to know what you

<v Speaker 1>think in the comment section down below. I want to

<v Speaker 1>know whether you tell me honestly view this as some

<v Speaker 1>sort of fairy tale, or if you think that, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>she knew what she signed up for and how it

<v Speaker 1>is very dangerous to be a male centered woman. I

<v Speaker 1>just touched the tip of the iceberg of what it's

<v Speaker 1>like to be a male centered woman. I think that

<v Speaker 1>maybe we could even turn this into a part two

<v Speaker 1>where I dive into what it looks like in every

<v Speaker 1>area of our lives. Let me know if that's something

<v Speaker 1>that you guys want to see or hear. With that

<v Speaker 1>being said, do not forget that I love you and

<v Speaker 1>God loves you. I'll speak to you, beautiful angels in

<v Speaker 1>my next podcast episode. Law Oh, make sure you guys

<v Speaker 1>are hyping up this video. Thank you very very much

<v Speaker 1>and give it a thumbs up and a five star review.

<v Speaker 2>Nah Zo