<v Speaker 1>You guys have to stop trying to turn these undatable

<v Speaker 1>men into datable men.

<v Speaker 2>They're not okay.

<v Speaker 1>If they have a crazy schedule, you're never going to

<v Speaker 1>be able to see them. What the heck are we doing?

<v Speaker 1>He's undatable chow. Anyways, Hey babe.

<v Speaker 2>It's Asia Christina. This is Quality Queen Control. What is happening?

<v Speaker 1>Hello, everybody, Welcome back to Quality Queen Control. I'm your host,

<v Speaker 1>Asha Christina Foster. First of all, before we even get

<v Speaker 1>into this podcast episode, I want you to.

<v Speaker 2>Like this video. Hype this video up if you have

<v Speaker 2>the option to do it.

<v Speaker 1>Some of you have told me that you have the

<v Speaker 1>option to hype the video up, and I very much

<v Speaker 1>appreciate it because teamwork makes the dream work, and we

<v Speaker 1>are slowly but surely getting back into the algorithm. It

<v Speaker 1>feels really good because now instead of receiving comments that say,

<v Speaker 1>oh my gosh, where have you been. I didn't even

<v Speaker 1>know you were uploading. Still, I'm getting comments that say,

<v Speaker 1>oh my gosh, I was just thinking about you and

<v Speaker 1>then I saw your video.

<v Speaker 2>So that's a good sign.

<v Speaker 1>That means we are back into the algorithm, and that

<v Speaker 1>means a lot to me. Every single comment, every repost,

<v Speaker 1>every share all the things. Thank you guys, so so

<v Speaker 1>so much. I genuinely do appreciate it. So let's get

<v Speaker 1>into today's topic. Okay, rebuilding yourself and stepping into your

<v Speaker 1>full potential, okay, and not apologizing for it. Becoming the

<v Speaker 1>person that people are afraid that you would actually become

<v Speaker 1>is the key here, because, let's be honest, A lot

<v Speaker 1>of people.

<v Speaker 2>Do talk about the glow up, right.

<v Speaker 1>We love a good glow up, all right, hello, but

<v Speaker 1>we also should talk about the rebuild, right, you know,

<v Speaker 1>not that many people may post about the grief right

<v Speaker 1>or the nights that you you know, may feel like

<v Speaker 1>you outgrew your own life. So we're gonna be talking

<v Speaker 1>about rebuilding yourself and it's not going to be the

<v Speaker 1>new Year, New me version. I'm talking about the uncomfortable,

<v Speaker 1>the honestly, the ego bruising, and the lonely and faith

<v Speaker 1>testing rebuild. And one of the people that comes to

<v Speaker 1>my mind in this is there was another creator and

<v Speaker 1>I remember seeing that she was being extremely candid and

<v Speaker 1>extremely transparent, and I one hundred percent support her being

<v Speaker 1>so real and raw with her journey, talking about you know,

<v Speaker 1>her going through you know depression and her getting engaged

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things. She was so candid about it,

<v Speaker 1>and I appreciate it because the thing about being on

<v Speaker 1>the internet is quickly I've learned is people want you

<v Speaker 1>to be real and raw and relatable and all the things.

<v Speaker 1>But the second you are real and honest about your

<v Speaker 1>your life, people obviously, you know, can have opinions about it,

<v Speaker 1>and you and fvite public opinion whatever you put out

<v Speaker 1>there on the internet. And I specifically remember this myself

<v Speaker 1>where I was telling a story one time and it's

<v Speaker 1>still on my channel. I was I had like blonde hair,

<v Speaker 1>I had on like a pink like Gingham style, I

<v Speaker 1>don't know what the name is, but a type of sweater,

<v Speaker 1>and I was telling a story and I remember some

<v Speaker 1>of the comments that I got were saying things like, well, girl,

<v Speaker 1>you should have known better to do. And I'm like,

<v Speaker 1>this is why some creators don't even feel comfortable saying

<v Speaker 1>things that are actually going on in their life, because

<v Speaker 1>there's always going to be someone that's trying to reprimand

<v Speaker 1>you in your comment section when you're literally just trying

<v Speaker 1>to be transparent and vulnerable. But whatever it comes with

<v Speaker 1>the territory. But I really admired that creator's ability to

<v Speaker 1>really show like showcase the good, the bad, and the ugly. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>they really put it all out there, to the point

<v Speaker 1>where some people were questioning, like, girl, this is not it,

<v Speaker 1>like you should take this down. But I appreciate the

<v Speaker 1>fearlessness of that person being so vulnerable. So there is

<v Speaker 1>power in that, because stepping into your full potential is

<v Speaker 1>going to require you burning the version of yourself that

<v Speaker 1>was surviving essentially, So this is the thing. Rebuilding is

<v Speaker 1>first going to start with the collapse, all right, And

<v Speaker 1>sometimes the collapse can be dramatic. Sometimes the collapse could

<v Speaker 1>be subtle. So it could be you waking up and realizing,

<v Speaker 1>oh my gosh, I'm overextending myself in my relationships, I'm

<v Speaker 1>spreading myself too thin. I'm trying to be here for

<v Speaker 1>you know this person, that person, that person, that person,

<v Speaker 1>and you feel very exhausted. It could be you are

<v Speaker 1>shrinking in rooms that you feel like you should dominate.

<v Speaker 1>This is something that I genuinely do relate to. I

<v Speaker 1>think given the experiences that I have gone through. I

<v Speaker 1>think also in life and also in social media, there

<v Speaker 1>were a lot of times, And I've spent a lot

<v Speaker 1>of years sort of ming my light because I didn't

<v Speaker 1>want to come.

<v Speaker 2>Across as I guess who I naturally am.

<v Speaker 1>But the irony is, none of that ever helped me

<v Speaker 1>in any capacity because people still felt a way about

<v Speaker 1>me in general, So the exact thing that I was

<v Speaker 1>trying to avoid ended up happening anyway, So it didn't

<v Speaker 1>even make a difference. So just be you and be

<v Speaker 1>yourself authentically, because you know it's it's just more it's

<v Speaker 1>gonna outlast any other version of yourself anyway than you know,

<v Speaker 1>than trying to play playcate to people's feelings and trying

<v Speaker 1>to come across as you know, like you're not you know,

<v Speaker 1>you don't think you're better, and you don't think you're

<v Speaker 1>all that and all these different things. No, if you

<v Speaker 1>think I'm all that, then I am thank you next. Anyways.

<v Speaker 1>You also may tolerate things that don't match your standards,

<v Speaker 1>and this goes for romantic and platonic relationships.

<v Speaker 2>You could be the type of person that.

<v Speaker 1>You're tolerating disrespect from a friend where every time you

<v Speaker 1>go out, she's embarrassing you in front of people. All

<v Speaker 1>the different things or maybe you're in a relationship as

<v Speaker 1>well where every time you try to mention your you know, achievements,

<v Speaker 1>they're being undermined and you're being talked down to and

<v Speaker 1>you're being talked to you in a condescending manner, or

<v Speaker 1>you are living your life at you know, a fifty

<v Speaker 1>percent capacity. You're just half doing everything. These things are

<v Speaker 1>not are not humility, all right.

<v Speaker 2>This is fear.

<v Speaker 1>That's just that's masked and disguised as comfort.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>So psychologically, what happens to us when we are rebuilding

<v Speaker 1>is our identity begins to disrupt.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>Our nervous system is always going to prefer the familiarity.

<v Speaker 2>Over the growth.

<v Speaker 1>So rebuilding is going to require us to override that familiarity.

<v Speaker 1>It's also why we tend to stay in relationships that

<v Speaker 1>we kind of know are not really working, but they are,

<v Speaker 1>you know, they are familiar to us, and so we'd

<v Speaker 1>rather just stay, all right, and that's going to require discipline.

<v Speaker 1>For you to override the familiarity is going to require discipline.

<v Speaker 1>So the reason why some of us are not reaching

<v Speaker 1>our full potential yet is because you're just simply comfortable.

<v Speaker 1>You will never be able to grow when you're comfortable

<v Speaker 1>because there's no reason, there's no catalyst for you to

<v Speaker 1>take any action. As human beings, we are built for comfort. Hello,

<v Speaker 1>So we are trying to avoid pain and seek pleasure

<v Speaker 1>usually most of the time. So your full you know,

<v Speaker 1>potential is going to require emotional regulation. It's going to

<v Speaker 1>require your boundaries, it's going to require skill development, it's

<v Speaker 1>going to require spiritual maturity. It's also going to require

<v Speaker 1>delayed gratification because it's throughout that process that all of

<v Speaker 1>a sudden you turn around and you realize how far

<v Speaker 1>you are from where you want to be. Think about

<v Speaker 1>working out, for instance, right, so you go to the gym, You're,

<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden expect to drop thirty pounds in

<v Speaker 1>thirty days. Hello, what do you mean? I just did

<v Speaker 1>a crazy app workout? Where are my abs?

<v Speaker 2>Okay?

<v Speaker 1>And I'm very frustrated by it, Like, what is it

<v Speaker 1>not realizing Well, it was over the course of x

<v Speaker 1>amount of time that I was just packing on the

<v Speaker 1>pounds and packing on the fat, and that I'm turning

<v Speaker 1>around and I'm expecting because I suddenly made a change,

<v Speaker 1>I expect everything to follow suit. And unfortunately, some things

<v Speaker 1>like that they require the delayed gratification. What are you

<v Speaker 1>going to do when you're showing up and the results

<v Speaker 1>are not necessarily immediate, but they are going to come.

<v Speaker 1>You have to put the sweat equity quite literally the

<v Speaker 1>sweat equity into it in order to see the desired outcome.

<v Speaker 1>So you can't be powerful and impulsive at the same time.

<v Speaker 1>They can't coexist. You cannot be high value and desperate

<v Speaker 1>at the same time. You cannot be aligned, and yet

<v Speaker 1>you're still chasing validation from people. Right, So potential, your

<v Speaker 1>potential is unlocked in self mastery. Mastering yourself is how

<v Speaker 1>you can unlock your potential and not for nothing really

<v Speaker 1>realizing that truly nothing else matters other than you truly

<v Speaker 1>knowing yourself like you have to genuinely learn yourself inside

<v Speaker 1>and out. You have to be you know uh know

<v Speaker 1>what your fears are, you have to know what your

<v Speaker 1>you know your triggers are. You have to know yourself

<v Speaker 1>inside and out aka self mastery. You have to do

<v Speaker 1>these things because as you walk through life, people will

<v Speaker 1>tell you who you are if you do not know

<v Speaker 1>who you are, and you will believe them and you

<v Speaker 1>will try to shrink, expand change, flip reverse all these

<v Speaker 1>different things. You will try to placate to what people

<v Speaker 1>are saying to you about you, all the different things

<v Speaker 1>because you don't really know who you are, right, you

<v Speaker 1>have to know who you are, and that will show

<v Speaker 1>you what your potential is because it is in developing

<v Speaker 1>those boundaries, having you know, creating that emotional regulation for yourself,

<v Speaker 1>and developing the right skills, having the spiritual maturity and

<v Speaker 1>practicing delayed to gratification that all of a sudden you

<v Speaker 1>realize who you are all right, unlocking the main character

<v Speaker 1>energy and that's on period.

<v Speaker 2>You know.

<v Speaker 1>The beautiful thing about getting older and wiser is you

<v Speaker 1>really don't care what people think about you. You are

<v Speaker 1>okay with people thinking any way that they want about

<v Speaker 1>you if you're living life correctly, because you realize those

<v Speaker 1>opinions actually quite literally, don't pay your bills. Those opinions

<v Speaker 1>are just that those opinions, and people will have something

<v Speaker 1>to say about everything. Think about the things you know now,

<v Speaker 1>I finally understand the term no good deed goes unpunished.

<v Speaker 1>When you're trying to do something good, somebody will have

<v Speaker 1>something negative to say about it.

<v Speaker 2>You know, Oh, you're just doing this for attention.

<v Speaker 1>Oh I don't feel like she was being sincere when she,

<v Speaker 1>you know, gave her car away.

<v Speaker 2>Oh.

<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like she is doing this because she

<v Speaker 1>only cares about our followers.

<v Speaker 2>Oh.

<v Speaker 1>I feel like this person's doing this for views. Oh

<v Speaker 1>I feel like this person's doing this for attention. YadA, YadA, YadA,

<v Speaker 1>whatever end. The list goes on and on. Okay, if

<v Speaker 1>you do not know yourself, you will believe and take

<v Speaker 1>in all of these ideas, all right. Especially when you're

<v Speaker 1>in a vulnerable state of transition, confusion tends to come

<v Speaker 1>in and you're like, hmm, okay, I think I could

<v Speaker 1>do this, I think I could do that, And you

<v Speaker 1>realize you actually knew the answer inside of yourself the

<v Speaker 1>entire time.

<v Speaker 2>And this is the thing.

<v Speaker 1>As you are on the path to self mastery, you

<v Speaker 1>have to realize that the very people that were being

<v Speaker 1>condescending to you, that were trying to control you, that

<v Speaker 1>were trying to prevent you from becoming the person they

<v Speaker 1>were scared you, actually will become. Trust me, you will

<v Speaker 1>take in the things that these people say. If you

<v Speaker 1>do not stand firm on knowing who you are, having

<v Speaker 1>a sense of self, is everything all right? Having confidence,

<v Speaker 1>like deeply grounded, anchored confidence. For me, it comes from

<v Speaker 1>my faith all right in Jesus Christ. Nothing else works, okay,

<v Speaker 1>and that's it at the end of the day. So

<v Speaker 1>if you are someone that has you know you're struggling

<v Speaker 1>with who you are, you're struggling with your confidence, try God,

<v Speaker 1>like quite literally, try Jesus Christ. And I'm just saying that,

<v Speaker 1>like it is what it is. And I stand ten

<v Speaker 1>toes down on that. We try so many other things,

<v Speaker 1>but give Jesus Christ to try, okay, and give it

<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent. You're all all right, I promise you'll

<v Speaker 1>never ever be the same. I digress. So because we

<v Speaker 1>are very comfortable in our circumstances, some of you may

<v Speaker 1>be comfortable hanging out with certain friends you're comfortable with,

<v Speaker 1>you know, dimming your light and trying to not come

<v Speaker 1>across like you're better than everybody. But the thing is,

<v Speaker 1>you never even said that you were better than anyone.

<v Speaker 1>But all of a sudden, all these things are being

<v Speaker 1>projected onto you. And this is where the story begins

<v Speaker 1>to happen, where you start to slowly but surely not

<v Speaker 1>become who you're meant to be. When I was going

<v Speaker 1>through what I went through in my time being on

<v Speaker 1>social media, and I was like, going through all these bullying, harassment,

<v Speaker 1>all these different things. I was like, you know, I

<v Speaker 1>was just out of my realm here. I could not

<v Speaker 1>believe the things that were being said YadA YadA, and

<v Speaker 1>it was so hurtful. I wanted to shrink myself, like man, like,

<v Speaker 1>I don't want to be anything like what these claims are.

<v Speaker 1>So in actuality, let me like shrink myself like to

<v Speaker 1>be honest. People will say things about me like, oh girl,

<v Speaker 1>the video was good, but you could have watched your tone.

<v Speaker 1>Then all these other creators come out screaming at you

<v Speaker 1>doing all this things whatever. But I was always that way,

<v Speaker 1>a tough love person. But it wasn't palatable when I

<v Speaker 1>did it, But it's okay when a lot of other

<v Speaker 1>people do it. And in hindsight it made me realize like, wow,

<v Speaker 1>here I was trying to like pull back on my

<v Speaker 1>delivery a little bit and be more palatable and deliver

<v Speaker 1>the message in a loving way. And no, that's not

<v Speaker 1>even me. It's shamely not me. So it's not sustainable.

<v Speaker 1>And then also when you watch other people maybe play

<v Speaker 1>your role or or step into theirs where that is

<v Speaker 1>their authentic personality. All of a sudden, you realize, well,

<v Speaker 1>why am I not doing that? Whenever anyone is themselves

<v Speaker 1>it makes you feel okay to be yourself too. So

<v Speaker 1>you do the world a service when you are yourself

<v Speaker 1>in any situation that you step into, because you are

<v Speaker 1>giving people permission to also be themselves. Okay, Now, like

<v Speaker 1>I said, you cannot be a powerful and impulsive person

<v Speaker 1>at the same time, you have to have restraint, right,

<v Speaker 1>So let's talk about this in dating. You can't even

<v Speaker 1>step into your full potential while dating from a place

<v Speaker 1>of insecurity, because rebuilding yourself is going to mean that

<v Speaker 1>you are not gonna be auditioning yourself for men. You're

<v Speaker 1>not gonna be explaining your standards to men. You're not

<v Speaker 1>going You're gonna stop overgiving, you know, so that you

<v Speaker 1>can feel chosen. You're gonna stop explaining away every little thing.

<v Speaker 1>Oh well, yeah, you know what. He he never even

<v Speaker 1>calls me. Well that's because honestly, I don't even like

<v Speaker 1>being on the phone anyways, Like I have things to do.

<v Speaker 1>I don't even want him to ever call me because,

<v Speaker 1>like I feel like any conversation we can have, we

<v Speaker 1>could just have in person.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>Fair, But babe, he's not even seeing you in person.

<v Speaker 1>You're the one always initiating the conversation, So can you

<v Speaker 1>explain that to me?

<v Speaker 2>Huh?

<v Speaker 1>The thing is, don't bother save it okay in the

<v Speaker 1>words of the Cheetah Girls, save it for your book, Chanel. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>because at the end of the day, I'm realizing a

<v Speaker 1>lot of you have an excuse for everything, and quite frankly,

<v Speaker 1>I'm sick of hearing it, right, and so are your friends.

<v Speaker 1>So I'm here on behalf of your friends to let

<v Speaker 1>you know that they also don't want to hear it either.

<v Speaker 1>We're all sick of you, right because we see straight

<v Speaker 1>through it, and they're they're they're tired of telling you so.

<v Speaker 2>But I'm going to tell you we're tired of you.

<v Speaker 2>We're sick of you. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>You keep making excuses for all these guys. Why you're

<v Speaker 1>accepting low effort? Oh me, go to dinner. I would

<v Speaker 1>never want to go to dinner. Why would I waste

<v Speaker 1>my time going to dinner with someone when I could

<v Speaker 1>just go to lunch with them and get a Starbucks coffee?

<v Speaker 2>All right? Fine? Are you twenty one. Do you have

<v Speaker 2>nothing else to do? Or you retired? You don't have

<v Speaker 2>a job, you don't have anything.

<v Speaker 1>You could just take off, you know, at any random day,

<v Speaker 1>you could just take off at three pm and decide

<v Speaker 1>to go on some four consecutive dates at Starbucks.

<v Speaker 2>Be my guest. Okay, but how you start.

<v Speaker 1>Things is usually how it ends, right. It's about the

<v Speaker 1>investment and the effort. So here you are. And again,

<v Speaker 1>I don't want to hear anyone in my comment section

<v Speaker 1>saying that's not to the exception never makes the rule,

<v Speaker 1>so you can step aside.

<v Speaker 2>Next.

<v Speaker 1>What I'm trying to get at here is the investment

<v Speaker 1>that a man.

<v Speaker 2>Puts into you. Even if this is the thing, I

<v Speaker 2>don't know what some.

<v Speaker 1>Of you are so fake afraid of, because that's exactly

<v Speaker 1>what it is. You know that you probably don't even

<v Speaker 1>get any dinner dates, So here you go trying to

<v Speaker 1>make an excuse for it. I don't even want to

<v Speaker 1>do that, Like, honestly, that's a waste of my time.

<v Speaker 1>Like I'm a busy person. Okay, sir, we heard you, sir,

<v Speaker 1>we heard you. So you're making excuses for accepting poor behavior,

<v Speaker 1>and now you're trying to play it off like, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>I don't even have time for that anyway, So like

<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't even bother, No you would, And yeah, there's

<v Speaker 1>gonna be times where, yeah, you might get dressed up

<v Speaker 1>and you might go on a date and you know what,

<v Speaker 1>you might not even connect with the guy that's also allowed.

<v Speaker 1>You understand that, right, because basically what you're telling me is,

<v Speaker 1>if you are going to go on a dinner date

<v Speaker 1>with someone, it needs to be someone you're serious with.

<v Speaker 2>Are you a dude? It's giving I need to know

<v Speaker 2>that she's the one in order to give her a ring. Duh.

<v Speaker 2>Like I don't even understand this.

<v Speaker 1>Like you, as a woman, your job is to nurture

<v Speaker 1>yourself and show up as yourself and be relaxed in

<v Speaker 1>doing so. Okay, your job is to set the standards.

<v Speaker 1>You're training that man how to treat you. If you

<v Speaker 1>are sending a message that you are convenient, cheap and easy,

<v Speaker 1>and you guys are me up at McDonald's, then that's

<v Speaker 1>going to set the president. He's going to say, you

<v Speaker 1>know what, all right, I see she's an easy going chick.

<v Speaker 1>If if she wants to meet at Chick fil A,

<v Speaker 1>all right, fine, Praise God. But now I guess I

<v Speaker 1>don't have to take her to Capital Grille or anything

<v Speaker 1>like that, because you know, she's clearly okay with us

<v Speaker 1>just going on a hike and getting ice cream from

<v Speaker 1>mister Softy. So if that's okay with you, then by

<v Speaker 1>all means don't be the type of girl that's then

<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden hitting me up, and now you

<v Speaker 1>want to figure out how to turn change the dynamic

<v Speaker 1>of your relationship because you did this and you did that.

<v Speaker 1>Some people probably genuinely do make mistakes. I want to

<v Speaker 1>be fair here in saying that, but you have to

<v Speaker 1>accept responsible, especially if you're single right now, accept radical

<v Speaker 1>responsibility and saying, listen, I can't be so desperate for

<v Speaker 1>a date where this guy's hitting me up on hinge

<v Speaker 1>and he's telling me you know, you know, because I

<v Speaker 1>don't know you. I just want to make sure that

<v Speaker 1>I'm getting to know someone obviously before I take them

<v Speaker 1>out to dinner.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, brokeie, if you're broke to say that, if you're

<v Speaker 2>broke to.

<v Speaker 1>Say that, because if you can't even do that, that

<v Speaker 1>means you're basically he's telling you, babe, he can't afford

<v Speaker 1>to date. He's undtable, so let him go on to

<v Speaker 1>the next chick. Who's going to accept that low effort.

<v Speaker 1>You just saved yourself. You see what I'm saying there.

<v Speaker 1>All men know that it's expensive to date. It's very expensive.

<v Speaker 2>You know.

<v Speaker 1>It's also expensive when your boyfriend or the guy you're

<v Speaker 1>interested in is posting on Instagram as he's in some

<v Speaker 1>sort of club and there's girls walking around hiking up

<v Speaker 1>signs with the sparklers okay, and they're getting a section

<v Speaker 1>and they're swaying from left to right. That's also expensive, right,

<v Speaker 1>But he's there and he's doing it. You know, it's

<v Speaker 1>also expensive when that clown man that you like is

<v Speaker 1>going to some sort of strip club and he's throwing

<v Speaker 1>dollars at the whatever. That's also expensive, Okay. You know

<v Speaker 1>it's also expensive when he's going out with his boys

<v Speaker 1>and he's on a weekly basis and they're going to

<v Speaker 1>hookah lounges and all these different things. You know, it's

<v Speaker 1>also expensive gas. You know, it's also expensive life. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>you know what that's called. Deal with it. This is

<v Speaker 1>the cost for existing on planet Earth. If you cannot

<v Speaker 1>handle that, I don't know what to tell you. All right,

<v Speaker 1>but you guys have to stop trying to turn these

<v Speaker 1>undtable men into datable men.

<v Speaker 2>They're not okay.

<v Speaker 1>If they have a crazy schedule, you're never gonna be

<v Speaker 1>able to see them.

<v Speaker 2>What the heck are we doing? He's undatable?

<v Speaker 1>Chill anyways, If a man only liked you when you

<v Speaker 1>were over extending yourself, then he doesn't like you. He

<v Speaker 1>likes the access to you if all of a sudden

<v Speaker 1>you know he wants you. You know what I was

<v Speaker 1>just thinking, is there any way you could actually meet

<v Speaker 1>me halfway today?

<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna be coming home from work, and yeah, I'm

<v Speaker 1>getting off a little bit late today. You know, Actually,

<v Speaker 1>you know, I don't even want to make you have

<v Speaker 1>to meet me halfway?

<v Speaker 2>Have don't we actually meet at at Fridays instead?

<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Mind you, it's the second date. I'm fully confused.

<v Speaker 1>What we were supposed to go to Capitol Grill? But

<v Speaker 1>now you want to meet at Fridays? And here you

<v Speaker 1>go because he puts you on the spot. But a

<v Speaker 1>real girl, you better stand. Tent too's down and you

<v Speaker 1>had been you know what, why don't we revisit this

<v Speaker 1>at a time where it actually makes sense for us

<v Speaker 1>to go out and fulfill the plans that we were

<v Speaker 1>once going.

<v Speaker 2>To right, all right, why don't we do that?

<v Speaker 1>Don't sit there and be like, oh, well okay, because

<v Speaker 1>what you don't realize is you already got got he

<v Speaker 1>already tested. Oh okay, I took her from here to here, right,

<v Speaker 1>And some men will really play around with you and

<v Speaker 1>play in your face, And they had no intention of

<v Speaker 1>taking you to Capitol girl. They just wanted to fake

<v Speaker 1>the funk with you to get you to commit. And

<v Speaker 1>then now and then he'll drop a comment. Plus you know,

<v Speaker 1>uh I heard they're doing a free drinks Friday. You know, lady,

<v Speaker 1>are you okay? Are you okay?

<v Speaker 2>All right?

<v Speaker 1>So now he's telling you he wants to have you

<v Speaker 1>come along for the free drinks, all right, And you're

<v Speaker 1>just thinking, well, I mean I was already gonna hang

<v Speaker 1>out with him anyways. I mean, you know it doesn't matter.

<v Speaker 1>I mean, listen, I'm not that type of girl. Don't

<v Speaker 1>I don't need like all the fancy stuff you deserve

<v Speaker 1>to get played then you very much do. Don't call

<v Speaker 1>me when it happens, okay, because you're as ridiculous as

<v Speaker 1>it gets. And That's why these things tend to happen

<v Speaker 1>to you. Now, they also tend to happen to great

<v Speaker 1>women as well. The only difference is you learn from

<v Speaker 1>those experiences and they don't happen again. But you can't

<v Speaker 1>sit here and make excuses for it. He is sitting

<v Speaker 1>here telling you he just changed his plans on the

<v Speaker 1>fly and tried, and clearly it's conveniencing him. A man

<v Speaker 1>that is truly invested in pursuing you is I had

<v Speaker 1>a guy one time live in like, he lived like

<v Speaker 1>an hour away from me, drove me to the city,

<v Speaker 1>drove me back to my house to drop me off,

<v Speaker 1>and then drove back an hour away. All right, Like,

<v Speaker 1>don't tell me what a man can do, right, So

<v Speaker 1>you have to understand if he simply wanted.

<v Speaker 2>To, he would, all right.

<v Speaker 1>So full potential dating is going to look like you

<v Speaker 1>observing the behavior and not chasing in any capacity, and

<v Speaker 1>you thinking that, oh, I'm not chasing him, like we

<v Speaker 1>were supposed to meet up anyway. Yeah, I understand that

<v Speaker 1>you guys were supposed to go out, but he.

<v Speaker 2>Had you haven't heard from him.

<v Speaker 1>Your plans were to go out for six point thirty

<v Speaker 1>on Friday, and it is literally four forty five, and

<v Speaker 1>you have not heard a peep from this man. But

<v Speaker 1>he posted his hand on his steering wheel as he

<v Speaker 1>was driving to work.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, right, wow, okay.

<v Speaker 1>So he posted that also viewed your story at eight

<v Speaker 1>forty three in the morning, but yet you haven't heard

<v Speaker 1>from this man. I don't even care if the man

<v Speaker 1>hasn't posted or even didn't view your story. The point

<v Speaker 1>is is you know that that man is not dead,

<v Speaker 1>all right, And unfortunately we have to assume that he is.

<v Speaker 1>Right because it is four forty five, we haven't heard

<v Speaker 1>from him, he must be presumed dead. So with that

<v Speaker 1>being said, he won't hear a peep out. You're not

<v Speaker 1>about to sit here and hit me up at five

<v Speaker 1>point forty five. I thought the date was canceled, Babe,

<v Speaker 1>I haven't heard from you.

<v Speaker 2>Oh what do you mean?

<v Speaker 1>You're giving me an hour to get ready to look

<v Speaker 1>this good? Yeah, you have another thing coming. I'm you

<v Speaker 1>have to again training put your foot down, all right.

<v Speaker 1>I don't care if this seems strict and stern, because

<v Speaker 1>I am that. I very much am a strict and

<v Speaker 1>stern person. Okay, wrong channel, If that's not what you

<v Speaker 1>like and I put.

<v Speaker 2>My foot down. Oh okay, well then we can just

<v Speaker 2>go out another time.

<v Speaker 1>I'm not even specifying with you because I need time

<v Speaker 1>to let this like simmer because you really thought, all right,

<v Speaker 1>I don't know what you're used to, but this is

<v Speaker 1>how it is over here. You come correct because when

<v Speaker 1>you don't value something, you lose it. Okay, end of story.

<v Speaker 1>You have to teach them that very very early on.

<v Speaker 1>You have to realize that full potential in dating is

<v Speaker 1>going to look like receiving and not proving. This is

<v Speaker 1>a part of you rebuilding yourself as far as dating goes,

<v Speaker 1>because too many times we claim that we want said thing,

<v Speaker 1>but we're performing in a different way. We claim we

<v Speaker 1>want real friends around us, but we are hanging out

<v Speaker 1>with girls that are ditching us in Miami, that are

<v Speaker 1>acting funny, that are posting subliminals about us, all these

<v Speaker 1>different things, because clearly you're afraid of being alone. Dating

<v Speaker 1>in with your full potential as you're rebuilding yourself, is

<v Speaker 1>going to look like walking away quickly when the behavior

<v Speaker 1>does not align with a quickness.

<v Speaker 2>All right, you have to do that, and it's gonna

<v Speaker 2>feel lonely. That's the thing, babe.

<v Speaker 1>It's gonna feel isolating because you realize whoa a lot

<v Speaker 1>of people tolerate a lot of things that in order

<v Speaker 1>for you to find an eligible suitor, you're gonna have

<v Speaker 1>to say no to a lot of things. And that's

<v Speaker 1>just the reality of the situation. If you don't want ordinary,

<v Speaker 1>you have to stop accepting ordinary and average. The last

<v Speaker 1>minute dates, the late text, the.

<v Speaker 2>Last it plans.

<v Speaker 1>Anytimes he's asking you to go out, he has to

<v Speaker 1>have a drink. You're always going out to, you know,

<v Speaker 1>every pub. You know, he wants to bring his friends

<v Speaker 1>along with you at the dinner. He's asking you to

<v Speaker 1>meet him halfway. He's like, I'm telling you the stuff

<v Speaker 1>that some men do, and you, guys, every for every

<v Speaker 1>woman that allows this behavior, you should be exiled, Yes,

<v Speaker 1>because you are making it worse for every other woman,

<v Speaker 1>every idiot, because that's what that's what you are that

<v Speaker 1>literally accepts low effort behavior and all these different things.

<v Speaker 1>You make it harder for everybody else because now that

<v Speaker 1>sets the tone and the president for men to, you know,

<v Speaker 1>try and assume that every woman is a dummy, you

<v Speaker 1>know what I mean, And that's why we end up

<v Speaker 1>getting tried.

<v Speaker 2>That's that's just how the game goes.

<v Speaker 1>But you have to be smarter than that, especially if

<v Speaker 1>you are a quality woman that genuinely wants a meaningful relationship. Yes,

<v Speaker 1>it's gonna look like maybe you're seeing well, you know,

<v Speaker 1>for a very long time. And I understand in society,

<v Speaker 1>our value is placed on whether or not we're married,

<v Speaker 1>and whether or not we have, you know, a relationship,

<v Speaker 1>we have a man by our side, and all these

<v Speaker 1>different things. I can't tell you the countless times people

<v Speaker 1>men will comment on my channel and say, yeah, and

<v Speaker 1>that's why you're single, and that's why you're this. Meanwhile,

<v Speaker 1>I'm not even single, and they'd still be saying this.

<v Speaker 1>But of course when I was single. You know, at first,

<v Speaker 1>when I was receiving comments like this, I was like, dang,

<v Speaker 1>like ouch a little bit. But then I realize, you're

<v Speaker 1>the loser commenting on my channel saying this.

<v Speaker 2>You're watching me.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, you're like and these men they want to bully

<v Speaker 1>you into submission to accept their ridiculously low standards. All right,

<v Speaker 1>all right, these are in cells. Okay, we don't need them.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>Now, there is psychology to becoming your you know, becoming her.

<v Speaker 1>Let's say right. So there's three stages of rebuilding yourself.

<v Speaker 1>You're going to have to detach, right, stop romanticizing the

<v Speaker 1>things that drain you, stop doing that, stop making excuses

<v Speaker 1>for you know anything in your life except you need

<v Speaker 1>to practice radical acceptance, you know what. And honestly, it

<v Speaker 1>feels better to do that. I live my life like this.

<v Speaker 1>I say, you know what, I take accountability for what

<v Speaker 1>I did.

<v Speaker 2>It's on me.

<v Speaker 1>I'll eat that because it is, and that feels freeing

<v Speaker 1>for me, honestly, because I don't want to play the

<v Speaker 1>blame game with other people. I'd rather just assume, Hey,

<v Speaker 1>you know what, fine, it's my fault. I got myself

<v Speaker 1>in this position. I need to figure out how I'm

<v Speaker 1>going to get myself out of it. Then there's also

<v Speaker 1>the reconstruction. So you have to build routines. You have

<v Speaker 1>to upgrade your circle. Yes, start to build your routines.

<v Speaker 1>I've been actively making it my business to have to

<v Speaker 1>show up on schedule for certain things. I've been actively

<v Speaker 1>making it my business to try and wake up earlier,

<v Speaker 1>not try I do wake up earlier, trying to be

<v Speaker 1>more organized, trying to clear up my system of operations,

<v Speaker 1>taking my business to the next level, being more serious

<v Speaker 1>about how I'm showing up. And it is gratifying at first.

<v Speaker 1>When you wake up, you're questioning your entire existence. Oh

<v Speaker 1>my gosh, do I really want this and all these

<v Speaker 1>different things? Yeah, you have to want it bad enough,

<v Speaker 1>you really really do. It has to drag you out

<v Speaker 1>of your bed where the feeling of accomplishment and building

<v Speaker 1>yourself and discovering.

<v Speaker 2>Who you are.

<v Speaker 1>Think about all the people that have doubted you in

<v Speaker 1>your life. I used to be such a passive person

<v Speaker 1>where people would say mean things to me and I

<v Speaker 1>would be like.

<v Speaker 2>I would actually genuinely be unbothered by it.

<v Speaker 1>But I think it became a little bit of an

<v Speaker 1>issue because it lit nothing under me. I didn't lit

<v Speaker 1>didn't light a fire under me. I didn't care, Like, okay,

<v Speaker 1>you want to say this, Like that's fine. But now

<v Speaker 1>I realize the more sweat equity I put into myself,

<v Speaker 1>mastering myself, strengthening my faith, becoming more spiritually mature, all

<v Speaker 1>the different things.

<v Speaker 2>No, I take it very seriously.

<v Speaker 1>I understand when somebody is saying things and that's a

<v Speaker 1>threat to my uh you know, my piece. It's a

<v Speaker 1>threat to my uh my growth any of the above, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>And I realize that, and I handle it as such.

<v Speaker 1>I take my business very seriously. All Right, you will

<v Speaker 1>not be around me and I'm feeling any sort of

<v Speaker 1>weird energy from you. You will not be around me,

<v Speaker 1>all right, end of story. So you have to start

<v Speaker 1>to build those routines. You have to upgrade your circle, right,

<v Speaker 1>Refine your algorithm on Instagram, okay, refine your algorithm on

<v Speaker 1>TikTok all right.

<v Speaker 2>Do a reset. They let you do that, right, reset it.

<v Speaker 1>Start upgrading the quality of what you're watching, all right,

<v Speaker 1>of what you're allowing into your spirit. Refine your skills,

<v Speaker 1>Start to work on something. Set a goal read uh,

<v Speaker 1>you know, three pages of a book a day or

<v Speaker 1>something like that. It's better than doing nothing because you

<v Speaker 1>weren't even reading it all before. Or listen to a

<v Speaker 1>book if that's what you prefer to do. You don't

<v Speaker 1>always have to read.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>Find a hobby that does not require being on your phone,

<v Speaker 1>that doesn't keep you digital.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>I love what's happening right now. Right, twenty twenty six

<v Speaker 1>basically is twenty sixteen, and we're living for it. People

<v Speaker 1>are bedazzling now. I think that's going to be my

<v Speaker 1>next hobby. They're bedazzling everything. People are crocheting, people are

<v Speaker 1>diamond diamond cruchet. I don't know what it's called. Everyone's

<v Speaker 1>doing something. We're journaling again. We are writing in planners.

<v Speaker 1>We are taking things off of just being solely reliable,

<v Speaker 1>reliant on what's digital. Substack is back, okay, Like quality

<v Speaker 1>content and quality creators are starting to resurface again and

<v Speaker 1>it feels so good.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>This is where people like me thrive, especially with long

<v Speaker 1>form content, because it's no longer about only because we

<v Speaker 1>need both. It's not only about how fast can you

<v Speaker 1>get someone to watch in six seconds?

<v Speaker 2>And diada, you know what I mean?

<v Speaker 1>Like, it's now about people are We're restoring attention spans.

<v Speaker 1>That's how we should look at this. We are restoring

<v Speaker 1>attention span where people are able to sit and be

<v Speaker 1>able to sit through valuable information and not feel like

<v Speaker 1>they have to get it in three seconds, right, And

<v Speaker 1>that's what makes podcasting so beautiful.

<v Speaker 2>All right.

<v Speaker 1>Then there's also the integration where you are no longer

<v Speaker 1>performing the growth, you are embodying the growth. This means

<v Speaker 1>now this is a part of your regular routine. It's

<v Speaker 1>not as much as a struggle of anymore for you

<v Speaker 1>to wake up early, for you to find out what

<v Speaker 1>you're going to be doing. As soon as you get up,

<v Speaker 1>you are now that person you are walking in that identity,

<v Speaker 1>and identity is only going to change through repeated behavior.

<v Speaker 1>It's not going to be the motivation, and you know,

<v Speaker 1>it's always going to be the discipline. When I tell

<v Speaker 1>you it is so true when they say if you

<v Speaker 1>rely on motivation, you will really get nowhere, because you

<v Speaker 1>will literally be motivated from you know.

<v Speaker 2>On an hourly basis.

<v Speaker 1>One hour you're motivated, the next hour you don't feel

<v Speaker 1>like doing anything, and you just have to get sick

<v Speaker 1>and tired of being sick and tired. You have to

<v Speaker 1>get sick and tired of yourself and making excuses for

<v Speaker 1>yourself and just be sick of the old feeling of

<v Speaker 1>like I'm tired of reaching the same point in my

<v Speaker 1>life where I just get nowhere. Right, So, become a

<v Speaker 1>confident person by keeping promises to yourself.

<v Speaker 2>Please believe me.

<v Speaker 1>When I say that you will become a confident person

<v Speaker 1>when you keep your promises to yourself, because when you

<v Speaker 1>start to respect yourself, and you know what I do,

<v Speaker 1>everything that I say I'm going to do when I

<v Speaker 1>say I'm going to.

<v Speaker 2>Do it, will it.

<v Speaker 1>Will make you more of It will make you the

<v Speaker 1>type of person where you don't allow people that don't

<v Speaker 1>respect you in any capacity to disrespect you, because you

<v Speaker 1>respect yourself. So why would you allow someone else to

<v Speaker 1>come and not respect your time, your presence, anything that

<v Speaker 1>you are bringing. Why would you allow that when you

<v Speaker 1>don't even treat yourself that way. But the issue is

<v Speaker 1>when we don't even respect ourselves, we can't even we

<v Speaker 1>are not disciplined enough to even follow the things that

<v Speaker 1>we want for ourselves, and yet we want people to

<v Speaker 1>be able to do it for us. Especially in dating.

<v Speaker 1>It does not work like that. And there's a certain

<v Speaker 1>energy because everything is spiritual, there's a certain energy that

<v Speaker 1>follows you that you will realize the type of people

<v Speaker 1>you even attract as you begin to build these habits

<v Speaker 1>and completely change your identity in rebuilding yourself is different.

<v Speaker 1>And you don't even have to try. That's how you

<v Speaker 1>know it's really worked. The people that are attracted to

<v Speaker 1>you are different, and you didn't even do anything to

<v Speaker 1>try and manufacture it. It just is why because you

<v Speaker 1>were different, you were different. You ever heard that saying,

<v Speaker 1>where there's like a scent that you carry when you

<v Speaker 1>have gone through certain traumas, certain abuse in your life.

<v Speaker 1>For all my faith girlies, you know what I mean,

<v Speaker 1>there's a certain sense that people that are in abusive

<v Speaker 1>relationships carry where it's the only thing that they attract

<v Speaker 1>almost because there's a scent spiritual that you carry that

<v Speaker 1>the same.

<v Speaker 2>Characters are are attracted to you.

<v Speaker 1>And the same goes for even emotional, emotionally unavailable men.

<v Speaker 1>All negative traits essentially right, and you have to actually

<v Speaker 1>change as a person in order to attract something different.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, So then, speaking of faith.

<v Speaker 1>Right, transformation requires your wilderness season right before elevation. There

<v Speaker 1>will always be isolation when you are building yourself. You

<v Speaker 1>can't be afraid to do these things alone because a

<v Speaker 1>lot of this requires you being alone. Before that you

<v Speaker 1>have to, you know, before you get comfortable with your

<v Speaker 1>purpose and discover your purpose. There is a process, and

<v Speaker 1>sometimes God will strip you of certain environments, relationships, and

<v Speaker 1>habits that no longer align with the life that you

<v Speaker 1>were called.

<v Speaker 2>To walk in.

<v Speaker 1>So the version of you that kept you safe but

<v Speaker 1>still small cannot take you into your next season. And

<v Speaker 1>this is why nothing is working. This is why you

<v Speaker 1>can keeps circling the drain. And it depends on your

<v Speaker 1>level of stubbornness that's going to delay what is next

<v Speaker 1>to come in your life in the next season because

<v Speaker 1>everybody tries everything but God. All right, So you turn

<v Speaker 1>around and you're like, nothing's working, nothing's working. Everyone's like okay, girl, well,

<v Speaker 1>like you know, jad Jesus, and it's like, mm yeah,

<v Speaker 1>I think I'm just gonna still try and figure it

<v Speaker 1>out my own way because you think that that I'm

<v Speaker 1>telling you. I'm telling you for someone out there, you

<v Speaker 1>gotta get you gotta get in tune. Right, So pruning

<v Speaker 1>is proof that the growth is coming. That's what's happening.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>So you don't need a new personality. You need new standards, right.

<v Speaker 1>You don't need the validation from people. You need the vision.

<v Speaker 1>You need to understand that, you need self mastery so

<v Speaker 1>that you can become the person that people are afraid

<v Speaker 1>that you were going to become anyway, Right, you don't

<v Speaker 1>need more motivation, you need the structure. You need the systems,

<v Speaker 1>atomic habits. James Clear He literally says the difference between

<v Speaker 1>there is no difference between poor people you know, people

<v Speaker 1>that have goals and people that don't have goals. Everybody

<v Speaker 1>has goals, but what's the difference is is your system

<v Speaker 1>of operations, because that will never fail you. You have

<v Speaker 1>to create the right systems in order for you to

<v Speaker 1>reach those goals. Everybody has goals and dreams and things

<v Speaker 1>like that, but not everyone walks into the fulfillment of them.

<v Speaker 1>So are you rebuilding or are you just rearranging the

<v Speaker 1>dysfunction in your life?

<v Speaker 2>That's the question.

<v Speaker 1>Because we are not doing almost anymore, it's time to

<v Speaker 1>lock in. It is the last month of the first quarter.

<v Speaker 1>I will just leave you guys with that. So with

<v Speaker 1>that being said, guys, make sure that you hype this

<v Speaker 1>video up. If you have the option to hype it up,

<v Speaker 1>make sure you give it a thumbs up. Make sure

<v Speaker 1>that you are subscribed and your bell notifications are turned on.

<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for spending some time with me.

<v Speaker 1>With that being said, do not forget that I love

<v Speaker 1>you and God loves you. I'll speak to you, beautiful

<v Speaker 1>angels in my next episode.