<v Speaker 1>Your beauty is not going to It might get you

<v Speaker 1>in the door, but it's not going to sustain a connection.

<v Speaker 1>You can be the most beautiful woman sitting in the room,

<v Speaker 1>but you'll still be treated casually or disregarded if you

<v Speaker 1>tolerate casual behavior. Hey, babe, it's Asia Christina. This is

<v Speaker 1>quality queen control.

<v Speaker 2>What is happening?

<v Speaker 1>Hello, angels? How is everybody feeling today? I am telling

<v Speaker 1>you one thing that I am feeling is my top. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>if you are watching me, like this top eats down.

<v Speaker 1>I think this is from it's either Fashion Nova or Windsor,

<v Speaker 1>but I think it's Fashion Nova, and I just love it.

<v Speaker 1>It's actually very very comfortable and the fur is very

<v Speaker 1>very soft. One thing that I did learn, I think

<v Speaker 1>I wore it not out, but I wore it to

<v Speaker 1>film one time, I think in the fall, and I

<v Speaker 1>like lotion my body and it did kind of like

<v Speaker 1>get on the fur, which made it like a little

<v Speaker 1>bit weird.

<v Speaker 2>But I washed it out, so it's it's fine.

<v Speaker 1>But ladies, how is everybody feeling on today? I don't

<v Speaker 1>know what time it is that you are watching or listening,

<v Speaker 1>but thank you for spending time with me. It truly

<v Speaker 1>has been so amazing to see that the feedback has

<v Speaker 1>been so good and just seeing all the engagement you guys,

<v Speaker 1>it just goes a long way. Okay, when you are

<v Speaker 1>supporting your favorite creator, you never understand how much a

<v Speaker 1>like a share, a save goes a long way. All right,

<v Speaker 1>send it in your group chat, do whatever you're gonna do.

<v Speaker 1>But it helps, okay when you do these things and

<v Speaker 1>when you engage. So I see you guys, I appreciate it,

<v Speaker 1>and we're really my team and I are really just

<v Speaker 1>trying to kick it into gear here. Where as you

<v Speaker 1>guys can see, we've been consistently putting out the two

<v Speaker 1>episosodes a week. We will eventually be adding an audio episode.

<v Speaker 1>And then also I am officially now posting again on

<v Speaker 1>the Quality Queen Control podcast Instagram, so you guys can

<v Speaker 1>keep up with me as well on that page. We're

<v Speaker 1>gonna be kind of revamping it and I'm just excited.

<v Speaker 1>It's all good things happening, and just to see the feedback,

<v Speaker 1>like I said on the channel, has just been so encouraging.

<v Speaker 1>So I really wanted to take time aside to say

<v Speaker 1>thank you so much. It means the world to me.

<v Speaker 1>YouTube has always been my first love and to see

<v Speaker 1>that it's working and everything again is just it's just

<v Speaker 1>beautiful and it really means a lot to me. So

<v Speaker 1>thank you guys so much for those of you that

<v Speaker 1>take the time to watch the channel and everything. So

<v Speaker 1>today we are going to be talking about pretty woman

<v Speaker 1>who tolerate too much. And yes, this is coming from

<v Speaker 1>pretty privilege and from the Pretty Committee and the pretty society,

<v Speaker 1>all right, Like, yes, I probably made all of that up,

<v Speaker 1>but it is an actual thing.

<v Speaker 2>Pretty privilege is also a very real thing.

<v Speaker 1>And the things that we tend to tolerate, yes I'm

<v Speaker 1>including myself in this, tend to tolerate.

<v Speaker 2>Really dictates a lot in our life.

<v Speaker 1>And you know, this might not be the most relatable

<v Speaker 1>to you, or maybe it is super relatable to you,

<v Speaker 1>but we're gonna get into it anyway, because there is

<v Speaker 1>a specific type of woman that I do want to

<v Speaker 1>talk to, right the woman who is beautiful, the woman

<v Speaker 1>who is desired, the woman who never has trouble attracting men,

<v Speaker 1>but yet you may have trouble keeping them. Maybe you

<v Speaker 1>have trouble, you know, with where you're tolerating a lot

<v Speaker 1>of disrespect, you are over explaining yourself. You are waiting

<v Speaker 1>still to be chosen. That is who this episode is

<v Speaker 1>for today. Because beauty can obviously give access, but it

<v Speaker 1>doesn't necessarily teach you standards. And we've all seen, especially

<v Speaker 1>in this like climate, especially in the urban climate and

<v Speaker 1>the whole like rap and you know, all the different

<v Speaker 1>things sort of community. You see a lot of attractive

<v Speaker 1>women that behave in the most egregious ways. The things

<v Speaker 1>that they accept are just absolutely astonishing. And just because

<v Speaker 1>you are good looking doesn't mean that one you realize

<v Speaker 1>that and you feel that way, and it also doesn't

<v Speaker 1>mean that your standards are higher just because you are

<v Speaker 1>someone that is maybe more conventionally attractive. All right, So

<v Speaker 1>being pretty is social currency. I said what I said, right,

<v Speaker 1>So when you think about the how men and women

<v Speaker 1>are in our what we bring to the table. The

<v Speaker 1>first thing a man is going to ask a lot

<v Speaker 1>of the time when his boy is dating a.

<v Speaker 2>Girl, is yo, what does she look like? Right? He's

<v Speaker 2>not going to be like, bro, what does she do

<v Speaker 2>for work? No, but a.

<v Speaker 1>Woman is usually going to say, oh my gosh, well

<v Speaker 1>what does he do? And then you were going to

<v Speaker 1>at least that's how I process things. I want to

<v Speaker 1>know what this man does, and then I care about

<v Speaker 1>how he looks after because what am I looking at

<v Speaker 1>this hot mess for and he does actually, you know,

<v Speaker 1>next to nothing. What am I looking at this broke

<v Speaker 1>as a joke guy for and he does next to nothing?

<v Speaker 1>So I want to know what the occupation is before

<v Speaker 1>I care about how we're looking. Okay, period, And that's

<v Speaker 1>how you do it. Well, that's how it's done psychologically.

<v Speaker 1>This is called the halo effect, right, where people assume

<v Speaker 1>that just because you are attractive, you are also kind,

<v Speaker 1>you're intelligent, you're worthy, Doors open easier for you, men

<v Speaker 1>pursue faster. You are placed on this pedestal quite quickly.

<v Speaker 1>But here's the part that no one talks about. When

<v Speaker 1>you're used to being wanted, you're used to I guess

<v Speaker 1>being desired. You can easily confuse that with being valued, Right,

<v Speaker 1>They're two different things. So attention is going to feel

<v Speaker 1>like worth to some people, and desire feels like investment.

<v Speaker 1>Uh uh oh okay, and chemistry can easily feel like compatibility.

<v Speaker 2>I'm telling you.

<v Speaker 1>Let me just say, in this transparent moment, I remember

<v Speaker 1>one time I was and his guy, right, I guess

<v Speaker 1>Lawyer Bae. You guys, if you guys are my OG followers,

<v Speaker 1>you know, I used to talk about him in the

<v Speaker 1>very beginning of my channel and I will never forget,

<v Speaker 1>like respectfully, who he was trying to triangulate me with.

<v Speaker 1>And it was just unacceptable, like I had to drop

<v Speaker 1>out the race because I was like, there's just no

<v Speaker 1>way on God's green earth that you can be talking

<v Speaker 1>to me and also entertaining this person as well.

<v Speaker 2>Multiple boundaries here are being cross.

<v Speaker 1>But also it's just not possible for you to genuinely

<v Speaker 1>like me and I'm talking on a solely physical basis

<v Speaker 1>as well, and also like this person too. I'm sorry,

<v Speaker 1>but respectfully, it's insulting to me. And I said what

<v Speaker 1>I said, it doesn't even make any sense, and it's

<v Speaker 1>giving very much like all right, like I have you

<v Speaker 1>for this purpose, I have this person for that purpose whatever.

<v Speaker 1>That's a shock to who no one, but I just

<v Speaker 1>will not tolerate that, right And I realized in that moment,

<v Speaker 1>like wait a second, and my you know, it doesn't

<v Speaker 1>matter how I looked, because I almost feel like some

<v Speaker 1>men they do try you a little bit more because

<v Speaker 1>they know that you're attractive and they want to kind

<v Speaker 1>of they enjoy eroting at your boundaries, and they enjoy

<v Speaker 1>eroting at your self confidence by doing certain things to

<v Speaker 1>you that make you clearly perform in a way that

<v Speaker 1>makes you desperate and uh makes you have to like

<v Speaker 1>prove your worth to them. And it's like their little

<v Speaker 1>way of negging at you and trying to undervalue you

<v Speaker 1>because of your attractiveness.

<v Speaker 2>Am I making sense? All right?

<v Speaker 1>So because maybe you've never struggled to get a man, right,

<v Speaker 1>you didn't really develop the muscle of filtering out the men,

<v Speaker 1>all right, So instead of vetting people, you're going to

<v Speaker 1>be accommodating. You see people, even successful women right little

<v Speaker 1>sidebar here, You see successful women do it.

<v Speaker 2>All the time, all the time.

<v Speaker 1>You know, not that I this is a person that

<v Speaker 1>I pay much attention to, but respectfully, like, look at

<v Speaker 1>what Cardi B Has done, right, she is a successful

<v Speaker 1>woman in her wrapping and things like that, But look

<v Speaker 1>at her track record with the men that she's chosen to,

<v Speaker 1>you know, allow.

<v Speaker 2>To impregnate her.

<v Speaker 1>Respectfully, Like she was with the one guy right whatever

<v Speaker 1>offset set it off. I don't know what his name is,

<v Speaker 1>but she was with him and then you know they

<v Speaker 1>had a marriage. All the things he was extremely unfaithful

<v Speaker 1>to her, made her look you know, silly, upside down, sideways,

<v Speaker 1>back in front, any which way you'd flip it and

<v Speaker 1>reverse it. Missy Elliott, she was done for Okay, then

<v Speaker 1>you have Now she's with this guy, Stefan Diggs, and

<v Speaker 1>he's just digging babies into anyone that he comes into

<v Speaker 1>contact with. So it's just he is just as ridiculous

<v Speaker 1>as it gets, okay, And she got with him very

<v Speaker 1>quickly in like record time, and then gets impregnated by

<v Speaker 1>this clown in record time as well. In that case,

<v Speaker 1>I say, if you like it, I love it. Now

<v Speaker 1>it's not my monkey, not my circus. But this is

<v Speaker 1>just context for the fact that even at a successful level,

<v Speaker 1>you are still capable of being degraded by men.

<v Speaker 2>They will still have you.

<v Speaker 1>And at this point, respectfully, she should have learned better

<v Speaker 1>given her previous experience. But when you were operating out

<v Speaker 1>of your wounds and you are not operating from a

<v Speaker 1>healed place because you're just so hell bent on getting

<v Speaker 1>your lick back, you will make mistakes like that. And

<v Speaker 1>I'm not trying to say in any way that her

<v Speaker 1>child is a mistake. I want to be very clear here,

<v Speaker 1>I'm not trying to disrespect anybody, But the reality is

<v Speaker 1>the swiftness and how she moved and what she has

<v Speaker 1>done as a result, and what the collateral is of

<v Speaker 1>those decisions you know have been done a little bit

<v Speaker 1>better and you know, with a more suitable bachelor to

<v Speaker 1>put it politely, Okay, I digress. So there's a validation

<v Speaker 1>addiction that nobody really talks about.

<v Speaker 2>They don't really name.

<v Speaker 1>So a lot of beautiful women they don't struggle with

<v Speaker 1>confidence a lot of the time, but they struggle with

<v Speaker 1>validation dependency. Right, So when you grow up being praised

<v Speaker 1>for your looks, then of course, unconsciously you're going to

<v Speaker 1>attach your value to being desired by people. It's just inevitable,

<v Speaker 1>It's what happens. So whenever a man pulls back or

<v Speaker 1>he gets distant, or when he stops pursuing you as intensely,

<v Speaker 1>it doesn't just feel like rejection. It feels like your

<v Speaker 1>identity is being threatened. And I can say this in transparency,

<v Speaker 1>like when I was younger and I was in this

<v Speaker 1>like you know, situationship before I came back with the

<v Speaker 1>lessons for my channel. Okay, I remember feeling for the

<v Speaker 1>first time, like, wait, I was so used to things

<v Speaker 1>going a certain route for myself. I was in disbelief

<v Speaker 1>that I was even dealing with the type of situation

<v Speaker 1>that I was dealing with because to me, there was

<v Speaker 1>no competition, like I'm fully confused on what's going on

<v Speaker 1>because I was solely basing it off of relying on

<v Speaker 1>my looks at that time. To me, it was just

<v Speaker 1>everything else I'm bringing to that is just adding something

<v Speaker 1>to it. So I was just I was fully confused,

<v Speaker 1>full send on why you have me trying to run

<v Speaker 1>in this race with this disgrace? Okay, that's all I

<v Speaker 1>have to say about that, respectfully, But like I said,

<v Speaker 1>it is true. So your identity does feel like it's

<v Speaker 1>being threatened, where all of a sudden, I was having

<v Speaker 1>thoughts that I never even had before, like wait, like

<v Speaker 1>why do I feel like I am you know, feeling

<v Speaker 1>kind of insecure about this connection where you're making me

<v Speaker 1>feel like what I am bringing is just simply not

<v Speaker 1>good enough. And I know that now in hindsight that's

<v Speaker 1>not the case. It's just misaligned. You know, the other

<v Speaker 1>person was more tolerant of other things, and that was

<v Speaker 1>more in alignment with the things that he wanted. In

<v Speaker 1>all transparency, I just was not really down to do

<v Speaker 1>those things. And like I said, pretty privilege is a thing.

<v Speaker 1>He did tell me one time, you know what the

<v Speaker 1>issue is, you just need to be more tolerant. And

<v Speaker 1>I simply said to him women that looked like.

<v Speaker 2>Me do not need to do that.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, So I don't need to be more tolerant of

<v Speaker 1>disrespect and you know, ridiculousness. I do not have to

<v Speaker 1>subject myself to that quimplant period.

<v Speaker 2>I don't. I neither do you. So what do you do? Right?

<v Speaker 1>You end up overfunctioning, You end up softening your boundaries.

<v Speaker 1>You end up giving men grace that they did not

<v Speaker 1>earn because you're not just trying to keep that connection,

<v Speaker 1>but you're trying to restore the feeling of being chosen.

<v Speaker 1>So you try to come up with a million different

<v Speaker 1>scenarios in your head of you know what, maybe I

<v Speaker 1>was just being too harsh, Maybe I should just, like,

<v Speaker 1>you know, kind of ease on up. And this actually

<v Speaker 1>kind of reminds me, and it doesn't necessarily have to

<v Speaker 1>do with pretty privilege, but it reminds me of this

<v Speaker 1>clown that I dated when I was in my early twenties.

<v Speaker 1>I think I was twenty one and I remember dating

<v Speaker 1>this clown and he I ended up. This is the

<v Speaker 1>first and last time for me. I didn't want to be,

<v Speaker 1>you know, the snobby girl or what have you.

<v Speaker 2>Like.

<v Speaker 1>I wanted to show that, like I wasn't just invested

<v Speaker 1>in you know, one thing. I wanted to be understanding.

<v Speaker 1>I didn't want him to think that I thought I

<v Speaker 1>was better than him for some reason. Oh gosh, like

<v Speaker 1>the things you think, right, And I would pay for

<v Speaker 1>some of the dates, or actually maybe all of the

<v Speaker 1>dates or something like that. Like I said, first and

<v Speaker 1>last time that that ever has happened to me in

<v Speaker 1>my entire existence. Never ever, ever, ever do that because

<v Speaker 1>you're just concerned with, Oh, you don't want him to

<v Speaker 1>make you feel used. Well, guess what, babe, when he's

<v Speaker 1>sitting there, you know, pumping okay and shooting up your club,

<v Speaker 1>do you think he leaves that conversation and goes you

<v Speaker 1>know what. I really hope she doesn't feel used after

<v Speaker 1>I just dumped the load in her, after I just

<v Speaker 1>used her body for filth. I hope she doesn't feel used. Man, No,

<v Speaker 1>they really actually don't care. So that's just the harsh reality.

<v Speaker 1>Sorry if that's a little bit too much for you,

<v Speaker 1>but you're doing it, so why don't you want to

<v Speaker 1>hear about it? Maturity? Okay, so let's be adults about this.

<v Speaker 1>At the end of the day. We have to think

<v Speaker 1>more clearly. So here here this guy. What I'm trying

<v Speaker 1>to just trying to be like, you know, soften my

<v Speaker 1>boundaries and all the different things. This guy's cell phone's

<v Speaker 1>being cut off. I mean, he was just a mess,

<v Speaker 1>a disaster, a joke, and a nothing burger is what

<v Speaker 1>he was. So anyways, and I stand tenos down on

<v Speaker 1>that because you know, that's a story for another day.

<v Speaker 2>Remind me in another time to tell you guys that story.

<v Speaker 1>But he was just ridiculous, And I was trying to

<v Speaker 1>soften my boundaries because I didn't want to seem like

<v Speaker 1>I was like you know who, I naturally was clearly

<v Speaker 1>felt like it was threatening to this person. So I

<v Speaker 1>was kind of dimming my light and I and I

<v Speaker 1>don't want to say, yes, I was actually dimming my

<v Speaker 1>light and trying to make myself seem like I wasn't

<v Speaker 1>that much to pander to him. Okay, and I guess

<v Speaker 1>acquiesce so to speak. Okay, so this is the part

<v Speaker 1>that stings, right. Some men love the thrill of acquiring

<v Speaker 1>a beautiful woman. They love to capture beautiful things. Who

<v Speaker 1>doesn't Okay, so does the Metropolitan Museum, right, and they

<v Speaker 1>like to put them on display. But once you become accessible,

<v Speaker 1>once you are emotionally available too quickly, or once you

<v Speaker 1>prove that you're not going anywhere.

<v Speaker 2>Oho, now the challenge is gone. Look at that.

<v Speaker 1>We are not exempt from this. Beautiful woman, are not

<v Speaker 1>exempt from this happening. And it is such an extra

<v Speaker 1>bruise to your ego because people that are less conventionally attractive.

<v Speaker 1>You know, if the shoe fits, put it on. If

<v Speaker 1>you're feeling insulted by this, I don't really know what

<v Speaker 1>else to tell you, but I'm speaking from this side

<v Speaker 1>over here at the end of the day, like if

<v Speaker 1>if you know as an attractive person, you will genuinely

<v Speaker 1>feel like, now, now, let me do that gang, because

<v Speaker 1>this is not usually the experience that is shared across

<v Speaker 1>the board, and so it really does do a number

<v Speaker 1>on you to realize that, wait a second, this guy

<v Speaker 1>is like dumping, you know, kind of likes disregarding of me.

<v Speaker 2>He's it does hurt your ego, that's the truth.

<v Speaker 1>And it does really no matter how you look, if

<v Speaker 1>we're really going to be honest, it does hurt because

<v Speaker 1>it's like wait a second, like now i'm you know,

<v Speaker 1>as soon as the gig is up and you're showing

<v Speaker 1>all these these things, you're available all these different things.

<v Speaker 2>Now now the tone changes.

<v Speaker 1>Right, Desires without boundaries breeds complacency. Desires without boundaries breeds complacency.

<v Speaker 1>A lot of pretty women have never been taught that

<v Speaker 1>mystery and standards are going to sustain the attraction more

<v Speaker 1>than beauty ever will. That's the issue, all right, Like

<v Speaker 1>your beauty is not going to get you through. It

<v Speaker 1>might get you in the door, but it's not going

<v Speaker 1>to sustain a connection. Right, So, you can be the

<v Speaker 1>most beautiful woman sitting in the room, but you'll still

<v Speaker 1>be treated casually or disregarded if you tolerate casual behavior.

<v Speaker 1>We've seen it time and time again. We've seen beautiful

<v Speaker 1>women get you know, dogged out by men and you're

<v Speaker 1>and we're all looking like, girl, you are so beautiful.

<v Speaker 1>You have no idea how beautiful you are. And this

<v Speaker 1>is what you're tolerating, right, We see that happen all

<v Speaker 1>the time. But the reason that pretty women tend to

<v Speaker 1>over tolerate things is because, well there are a few

<v Speaker 1>psychological reasons. One there used to attention, not intention. People

<v Speaker 1>love beautiful things. Look at Marilyn Monroe. She everybody wanted

<v Speaker 1>a piece of her, but no one truly cared to

<v Speaker 1>get to know her beyond a certain level. She just

<v Speaker 1>was this thing. And I saw this quote and I

<v Speaker 1>think the JFK Love Story documentary where it was saying,

<v Speaker 1>whenever you're that shiny, you kind of belong to everybody,

<v Speaker 1>And I do agree with that. Sometimes when it comes

<v Speaker 1>to men, it's like some men are just unattainable, right,

<v Speaker 1>and they had their own like toxic relationship going on.

<v Speaker 1>Like maybe I could do a little deep dive on

<v Speaker 1>that in another episode. But people love nice things and

<v Speaker 1>not everyone knows how to handle them.

<v Speaker 2>So it's you'd be.

<v Speaker 1>Shocked a lot of very attractive women have gone through

<v Speaker 1>the most craziest traumas and situations that you would never

<v Speaker 1>think that they would be in because of their beauty.

<v Speaker 1>Their beauty got them in a certain room, but then

<v Speaker 1>they are disrespected disregarded being talked down to. They are

<v Speaker 1>very susceptible to abuse and becoming a victim of abuse

<v Speaker 1>because of how they look. Because people also, as much

<v Speaker 1>as they like nice things, they also do mistreat nice things. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>so another reason why pretty women tend to overtolerate is

<v Speaker 1>the they mistake chemistry for character. You can have chemistry

<v Speaker 1>with a lot of people, Remember that character is what

<v Speaker 1>you should be looking for. How is this person integrally

<v Speaker 1>right when no one's looking. How is this person when

<v Speaker 1>with his friends, with his job, with his family members,

<v Speaker 1>How is that person that speaks to their character not

<v Speaker 1>just how they're making you feel in the moment where

<v Speaker 1>they're obviously trying to getting your pants. They also assume

<v Speaker 1>that their beauty will eventually win. This is the mistake

<v Speaker 1>that I made in that one situation that I was

<v Speaker 1>talking about. I thought, like, well, respectfully, like I am genuinely,

<v Speaker 1>you know, more attractive, conventionally attractive than this other individual. Again,

<v Speaker 1>I'm speaking of how I was thinking at that time.

<v Speaker 1>So I was like, really taken aback by this experience

<v Speaker 1>that we're even in the in the running here, And

<v Speaker 1>the reality of the situation is that I had to

<v Speaker 1>just leave the situation and let let them do what

<v Speaker 1>they were gonna what they were doing, or you know,

<v Speaker 1>maybe you've never had to develop deep self worth outside

<v Speaker 1>of appearance. And this is where you have a lot

<v Speaker 1>of women that have no personality. They have the looks

<v Speaker 1>and all the different things, but they are extremely shallow

<v Speaker 1>and everything is like wait, what okay, and they like

<v Speaker 1>they don't even know themselves deeply. And these tend to

<v Speaker 1>be like those very sad, melancholic type of like gorgeous

<v Speaker 1>girls that are just like they like cycle through men

<v Speaker 1>like it's no one's business, and they are extremely damaged

<v Speaker 1>people because they are so beautiful, but they're also very

<v Speaker 1>very damaged and due to their experience, like when you

<v Speaker 1>are also a certain level of attractive, you really are

<v Speaker 1>prone to everybody wanting a piece of you.

<v Speaker 2>Everybody wants what you have, but no one really.

<v Speaker 1>Understands how to properly take care of it, and that

<v Speaker 1>is where the damage begins. So sometimes in the effort

<v Speaker 1>of not trying to be difficult, you know, because obviously,

<v Speaker 1>you know, pretty women are socially rewarded for being pleasant,

<v Speaker 1>for being agreeable, for being easy to access, you know,

<v Speaker 1>but being agreeable is not going to grant you respect.

<v Speaker 1>It's not the same as being respected, all right, And

<v Speaker 1>let's actually talk about this with a friendship layer. So

<v Speaker 1>this does not just apply to men, all right. This

<v Speaker 1>also applies to friends too, because some women are beautiful,

<v Speaker 1>they're kind, they're loyal, but they tolerate behavior from friendships

<v Speaker 1>that would actually never even fly in a romantic dynamic.

<v Speaker 1>They excuse the inconsistency, they overgive, they overextend themselves. They

<v Speaker 1>smooth over drama that should be addressed. I am one

<v Speaker 1>hundred percent guilty of that myself. They stay available emotionally

<v Speaker 1>for people who maybe only reach out when it's convenient

<v Speaker 1>for them, or on the flip side, you're staying available

<v Speaker 1>and you're allowing people to run your life because this

<v Speaker 1>person has such a strong personality. You're just going with

<v Speaker 1>the flow, going with the flow of everything, and you

<v Speaker 1>don't even necessarily feel comfortable to do so, but you

<v Speaker 1>don't know how to articulate, and you know and say like, hey,

<v Speaker 1>like I actually have something else planned. Because you do

<v Speaker 1>want to be liked, right, We all do want to

<v Speaker 1>be liked, and you want to have a friendship with

<v Speaker 1>this person, but you realize quickly it's very overwhelming to

<v Speaker 1>maintain a healthy friendship with this person.

<v Speaker 2>Right, So psychologically it is the same.

<v Speaker 1>Friendships, just like relationships are sustained by mutual respect. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>not by who talks the most, not by who remembers

<v Speaker 1>the birthdays, not by who looks the most impressive on Instagram. No,

<v Speaker 1>if a friend disrespects your time, your boundaries, your energy,

<v Speaker 1>you are not obligated to tolerate tolerate it because you've

<v Speaker 1>known them forever, Oh you have history with them, Oh

<v Speaker 1>you have so many shared memories, or you feel guilty

<v Speaker 1>or bad for stepping back. I remember one time, I

<v Speaker 1>at a point felt guilty for, you know, feeling like

<v Speaker 1>I wanted to not you know, be in a certain

<v Speaker 1>friendship anymore, because I just realized it was really not

<v Speaker 1>aligning and it was just too much for me. But

<v Speaker 1>I felt like I owed that person loyalty because of

<v Speaker 1>the type of person that I genuinely am, and it

<v Speaker 1>was hard for me to do that and admit that

<v Speaker 1>it just was not working, and it was very difficult

<v Speaker 1>to try and let go of.

<v Speaker 2>So I kept on tolerating more and more and more.

<v Speaker 1>Of the dynamic, and it ended up ending in a

<v Speaker 1>way that proved that I was right about that individual

<v Speaker 1>but beautiful woman. They're going to over tolerate in friendships

<v Speaker 1>because one, you are rewarded for being likable, right, you

<v Speaker 1>are accommodating your easy going. And another thing is too

<v Speaker 1>we are pack animals. We want to be included, We

<v Speaker 1>want to be liked. That lessons the older that you become,

<v Speaker 1>praise him, But especially in your early twenties and you're

<v Speaker 1>trying to bond, you're trying to make connections with people,

<v Speaker 1>you tend to tolerate a lot of things, especially if

<v Speaker 1>it's your first time encountering somebody that has such a

<v Speaker 1>strong personality that you've never encountered before. Oh trust me,

<v Speaker 1>you're not going to know how to even respond to

<v Speaker 1>that because it's so jarring to you how someone is

<v Speaker 1>like even behaving.

<v Speaker 2>You know.

<v Speaker 1>I remember one time I was friends with someone and

<v Speaker 1>they were the designated driver and they got so drunk

<v Speaker 1>that I had to drive their car to their house

<v Speaker 1>and I drive with glasses on and everything. I did

<v Speaker 1>not feel comfortable to do that, and I just remember thinking, like,

<v Speaker 1>why would you go drinking and then make me have

<v Speaker 1>to drive your car? This is like very it's like

<v Speaker 1>the irresponsibility of it or saying very Like. I remember

<v Speaker 1>one time we were out and there was a guy

<v Speaker 1>that I guess like they liked, and they and the

<v Speaker 1>guy ended up liking me, and so when the guy

<v Speaker 1>was approaching, she kind of made a comment like girl, like,

<v Speaker 1>let me have him, because like you always get everybody

<v Speaker 1>or something like that. But he ended up approaching me

<v Speaker 1>only so as a result, him and I like we

<v Speaker 1>sat off to the side somewhere and she ended up

<v Speaker 1>going to the bar. And then I remember at one

<v Speaker 1>point I was trying to call her to come over,

<v Speaker 1>and she was ignoring me intentionally, and I didn't know

<v Speaker 1>how to respond to that, because it's like what do

<v Speaker 1>you do in these type of situations, Like there is

<v Speaker 1>no manual on how to navigate situations like this. Like

<v Speaker 1>I was just so taken aback that, like she was

<v Speaker 1>ignoring me and I couldn't figure out why.

<v Speaker 2>And she just got so drunk.

<v Speaker 1>And this was the same situation where I had to

<v Speaker 1>drive the car home and it was just awkward. And

<v Speaker 1>then she was insulting the guy that I was with.

<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm not sitting here defending him. He's a weirdo,

<v Speaker 1>but like, yeah, she was insulting the guy that I

<v Speaker 1>was with, and it was giving very much like she

<v Speaker 1>was just upset that she didn't get the outcome she wanted,

<v Speaker 1>that she wasn't having a good time, so she was

<v Speaker 1>trying to just like ruin it and sabotage my night.

<v Speaker 1>I don't know how else to explain it. It is

<v Speaker 1>just weird.

<v Speaker 2>It is weird. It is weird energy.

<v Speaker 1>I don't know what else to tell you, but that's

<v Speaker 1>literally what happened, and you don't know how to respond

<v Speaker 1>in situations like this. I had another time a girl

<v Speaker 1>tell me like, oh, well, you know, they had a

<v Speaker 1>specific car that they liked, and I was like dating

<v Speaker 1>this guy around the time that like, uh was driving

<v Speaker 1>like a similar car, and I happened to see that

<v Speaker 1>car in a color that I actually really liked, and

<v Speaker 1>I mentioned, like, oh, by the way, I saw like,

<v Speaker 1>you know, this like green version of said car, and

<v Speaker 1>I remember her saying, well, girl, let me know if

<v Speaker 1>you're going to get that right now, because I will

<v Speaker 1>change my mind.

<v Speaker 2>I said, well, I just got a brand new car.

<v Speaker 1>My lease isn't even up for the next three years,

<v Speaker 1>so like even if I did want to get that car,

<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't be able to because I just got a

<v Speaker 1>new car already. And I remember just her reaction being

<v Speaker 1>so like just odd and ludicrous, and her basically saying

<v Speaker 1>that like she needs to know if I'm going to

<v Speaker 1>be trying to get that car or not, because she'll

<v Speaker 1>just change her mind again something else, because and she

<v Speaker 1>hates when people try to take her ideas and make

<v Speaker 1>them seem like they're her own. Turns out, this was

<v Speaker 1>some sort of like weird wound she has with her

<v Speaker 1>mom where they compete against one another, and for some reason,

<v Speaker 1>me saying what I said ended up triggering her. The

<v Speaker 1>funny fact is is she ended up not getting that

<v Speaker 1>specific car brand and ended up getting my dream car

<v Speaker 1>brand instead.

<v Speaker 2>And I know if the.

<v Speaker 1>Roles were reversed, she would have flipped out, Oh you

<v Speaker 1>knew that was the car that I always wanted, did it?

<v Speaker 2>D I didn't think anything of it.

<v Speaker 1>I said, you know what, I'm a support my girl,

<v Speaker 1>that's my friend because I don't think like that. But again,

<v Speaker 1>when you're in these very very uneven keeled friendships that

<v Speaker 1>are massively incongruent and misaligned, you don't know how to

<v Speaker 1>do anything other than stick around and constantly make excuses.

<v Speaker 1>I now realize as an adult that anytime a dynamic

<v Speaker 1>works because of me, I'm done. I do feel like

<v Speaker 1>the or have been friendships in my life where I

<v Speaker 1>look back and I realized that they only worked because

<v Speaker 1>of me, me because I was allowing, I was tolerating,

<v Speaker 1>I was accepting of certain things. But if I would

<v Speaker 1>have reciprocated any of those behaviors back, no, there's no

<v Speaker 1>way that those individuals would have tolerated that in any capacity, right,

<v Speaker 1>it would have been a lot of issues.

<v Speaker 2>So I digress. So yeah, like I.

<v Speaker 1>Said, we tend to You know, beautiful women tend to

<v Speaker 1>overtolerate also because they fear, you know, rocking the boat

<v Speaker 1>or you don't want to you don't want to make

<v Speaker 1>a you know, a big deal out of anything. Like

<v Speaker 1>you again, agreeable, you also may tend to crave approval

<v Speaker 1>from people who are not prioritizing you.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>This is why some of the most beautiful women you

<v Speaker 1>see they are chasing after like certain you would be

<v Speaker 1>shocked to see the conversations that some of them have

<v Speaker 1>because they just are so used to being desired. It

<v Speaker 1>feels like a challenge to them to want to, you know,

<v Speaker 1>be with someone who clearly just doesn't even view them

<v Speaker 1>in that way. You understand what I'm saying. So here's

<v Speaker 1>the shift, right. We have to observe patterns, not personalize them.

<v Speaker 1>Observe the patterns. So does this friend respect your boundaries consistently?

<v Speaker 2>Does this?

<v Speaker 1>Do they show up for you when it matters? Do

<v Speaker 1>they give as much energy as they as they tend

<v Speaker 1>to take. I also realize now that I'm a very

<v Speaker 1>low maintenance friend. If you're a high maintenance friend, I

<v Speaker 1>can't be friends with you, all right. I can't be

<v Speaker 1>sitting here because we didn't speak for a week. You're

<v Speaker 1>freaking out. You're calling me trying to see if there's

<v Speaker 1>something happened between us. You're getting anxiety thinking that something's

<v Speaker 1>going on because I haven't opened up your Instagram dms

<v Speaker 1>in three days. You're feeling like it's personal because I'm

<v Speaker 1>still posting to my story like I've had enough of you.

<v Speaker 2>There's no place in my life for friendships like that.

<v Speaker 1>None, absolutely zero, And I've learned that the hard way,

<v Speaker 1>Like I will never ever put up with relationships like

<v Speaker 1>that in my life. Again, I'm not going through it.

<v Speaker 1>It's very It makes you feel like you're walking on

<v Speaker 1>eggshells and you all of a sudden have all this anxiety.

<v Speaker 1>It's it's gut wrenching, honestly. So if the answer is

<v Speaker 1>no to those questions, right, then yeah, you need to

<v Speaker 1>take a step back. It's okay to be selective with

<v Speaker 1>who you invest your time into. You have to do,

<v Speaker 1>you have to You have to be deserning. It's okay

<v Speaker 1>to let your absence communicate more than your presence really

<v Speaker 1>ever could, and it will also reveal a lot to you.

<v Speaker 1>See what absence does to a friend who literally is

<v Speaker 1>like so controlling and likes to have you know, they

<v Speaker 1>liked for everything to go their own way. So you,

<v Speaker 1>realizing your silence, you start to see how they start unraveling.

<v Speaker 1>You start to see the narratives that are being spun

<v Speaker 1>about you because of your silence. Very interesting. You know,

<v Speaker 1>God teaches about desernment in all relationships right and both

<v Speaker 1>romantic and platonic work proverbs is not just about a

<v Speaker 1>man choosing wisely right, It's also about knowing your worth right,

<v Speaker 1>valuing your time, and only letting people in that truly

<v Speaker 1>honor your boundary and your standards. That's why it also

<v Speaker 1>says in the Bible, he that finds a wife finds

<v Speaker 1>a good thing, not she that finds a husband finds

<v Speaker 1>a good thing. No, he has to find you. So

<v Speaker 1>friendship boundaries, it's not you being cruel. It's about having wisdom,

<v Speaker 1>all right. It's about protecting your energy and protecting your peace.

<v Speaker 2>You've seen what.

<v Speaker 1>Life is like when you don't do those things. You've

<v Speaker 1>seen what life is like when you're constantly eroding at

<v Speaker 1>your boundaries. Okay, you have to preserve your emotional sovereignty.

<v Speaker 1>So a woman that understands this, you know, you're not

<v Speaker 1>gonna probably have the biggest circle of friends, but you're

<v Speaker 1>gonna have a tribe of people that actually respects you,

<v Speaker 1>and the kind of tribe that's gonna uplift you and

<v Speaker 1>not drain you.

<v Speaker 2>And that is the most rewarding thing.

<v Speaker 1>When I look back and I see all my close relationships,

<v Speaker 1>I'm very grateful for these women because these are the

<v Speaker 1>women that have been there with me through thick and thin,

<v Speaker 1>through all stages and phases of life and all these

<v Speaker 1>different things. Like it's tried and true, all right. So,

<v Speaker 1>whether it's a man or a friend the lesson is

<v Speaker 1>still the same, Okay, does without respect is cheap?

<v Speaker 2>All right?

<v Speaker 1>Beauty or charm is not going to guarantee honor, all right.

<v Speaker 1>Standards and boundaries and desertment are what separates you from

<v Speaker 1>being tolerated versus being treasured.

<v Speaker 2>There is a difference.

<v Speaker 1>So stop tolerating crumbs, stop overperforming, overfunctioning, stop softening. You

<v Speaker 1>know your boundaries, you know, from romantic relationships even to friendships.

<v Speaker 1>When you honor yourself, you're going to teach everyone around

<v Speaker 1>you how to honor you too. And so that's going

<v Speaker 1>from pretty to powerful. Right, you can be both, all right.

<v Speaker 1>That's going from like to also being respected.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>My mom always used to tell me growing up, don't

<v Speaker 1>become too familiar, especially with men. You don't want to

<v Speaker 1>be the girl that when you walk through the door

<v Speaker 1>you're hugging like twenty different men before you even get

<v Speaker 1>to the back of the room.

<v Speaker 2>Okay. And then it will also teach.

<v Speaker 1>You how to go from being tolerated to being treasure,

<v Speaker 1>all right, And that is quality Queen control. So thank

<v Speaker 1>you ladies for tuning into this episode. I hope you

<v Speaker 1>guys enjoyed it. Give it a five star rating. Hype

<v Speaker 1>the video up. If you see the option, I believe

<v Speaker 1>it's in the description box. Comment down below let me

<v Speaker 1>know if this has been an experience of yours or

<v Speaker 1>if there's anything that you have related to in this episode.

<v Speaker 1>And with that being said, do not forget that I

<v Speaker 1>love you and God loves you. I'll speak to you,

<v Speaker 1>beautiful angels in the next episode.

<v Speaker 2>La