<v Speaker 1>You genuinely think that the more you do, the more

<v Speaker 1>you'll get rewarded. Well, girl, keep learning, all right. You

<v Speaker 1>have to pull back and you have to observe, because

<v Speaker 1>if a man wants to lead, he will, If he

<v Speaker 1>wants to pursue, he will. Hey, babe, it's Asia Christina.

<v Speaker 1>This his quality Queen Control. What is happening? Hello? Everyone?

<v Speaker 1>How are we feeling on today? Welcome back to Quality

<v Speaker 1>Queen Control. Uh? Yeah, today, we're just gonna jump right

<v Speaker 1>on into it. Okay, you need to know your role,

<v Speaker 1>all right. You need to understand what certain packages come from. There.

<v Speaker 1>There is the white package. There is the which actually

<v Speaker 1>means your wife. Okay, it's not something cute that you

<v Speaker 1>just throw around. There's the girlfriend package. Like you just

<v Speaker 1>have to know your role in a relationship and also

<v Speaker 1>throughout the talking stages as well. So some of you

<v Speaker 1>guys are not necessarily heartbroken, but you are over extended.

<v Speaker 1>You were always over extending yourself, and you're probably exhausted

<v Speaker 1>from doing too much for someone who's probably doing the

<v Speaker 1>bare minimum. The thing is that I realized through speaking

<v Speaker 1>with so many different women around the world, is it

<v Speaker 1>starts off with you heavily pursuing somebody, and then you

<v Speaker 1>turn around and you're messaging me, asking me why this

<v Speaker 1>man is not initiating dates with you. So today we're

<v Speaker 1>going to be having an honest conversation about staying in

<v Speaker 1>position and why doing nothing is sometimes the most powerful

<v Speaker 1>thing that you can do. Do nothing, all right, So

<v Speaker 1>here you have someone that's an over an overfunctioning woman.

<v Speaker 1>For example, I see this pattern all the time. And

<v Speaker 1>you meet a man, you like him, you feel like

<v Speaker 1>he's special, and then suddenly you're the one that's initiating

<v Speaker 1>the conversations. You're the one that's planning all the dates.

<v Speaker 1>You're the one that's supporting his dreams. You're the one

<v Speaker 1>that's helping him regulate emotionally. You're the one that's being

<v Speaker 1>patient while he figures things out. At this point, you're

<v Speaker 1>obviously so invested in this guy. You're not thinking anything

<v Speaker 1>of it. You're okay with him, you know, uh, playing

<v Speaker 1>the PlayStation and all these different things, and you're coming

<v Speaker 1>home from work and you're just like, oh, well, he

<v Speaker 1>just needs to like relax his mind. Now you come

<v Speaker 1>home from work, you're exhausted. Now you want to you

<v Speaker 1>got to make him a meal all these different things.

<v Speaker 1>What is happening? All right? You go wrong, especially when

<v Speaker 1>you are playing wife in the talking stage, Okay, and

<v Speaker 1>then you wonder why, all of a sudden there's all

<v Speaker 1>this resentment. Well, here's the truth. When you overfunction, someone

<v Speaker 1>else is going to under function. So clearly you've trained

<v Speaker 1>this man to be comfortable with you carrying all the weight.

<v Speaker 1>All right, So your role is not to be convincing,

<v Speaker 1>to chase, to fix, to overgive, or even to perform

<v Speaker 1>for love. And that's what a lot of you are doing.

<v Speaker 1>You don't realize it when I said way back when,

<v Speaker 1>from since twenty eighteen, that men fall in love with

<v Speaker 1>you and gain interest to you by the amount that

<v Speaker 1>they are invested in you. And I feel like I

<v Speaker 1>need to elaborate more on that because people tend to

<v Speaker 1>think that that means, oh, he's buying me this, he's

<v Speaker 1>buying me chanelle. He's going No, I'm not talking about that. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>you can't be this dense. What I'm referencing is the

<v Speaker 1>sentiment connection, and that's what makes you value valuable to

<v Speaker 1>the guy. So it's not even going to be oh uh.

<v Speaker 1>Some girls are very you know, silly minded, and they think, Oh,

<v Speaker 1>it's about my body, I gotta go get uh. Yes,

<v Speaker 1>there are a genre of women out there that they

<v Speaker 1>do things to their body, modify their body, and all

<v Speaker 1>these different things for the to appeal themselves more to men.

<v Speaker 1>We see this all the time in like you know,

<v Speaker 1>bartender culture, in exotic dancing culture, and all these different things.

<v Speaker 1>And I know it might seem silly. I am proplastic surgery,

<v Speaker 1>by the way, so I'm not saying this shaming anybody.

<v Speaker 1>But what I'm saying is when your motivation is you are,

<v Speaker 1>you know, walking in a room and your butt walks

<v Speaker 1>in three minutes after you. Now you see, we are

<v Speaker 1>now in our skinny era, and I bet you those

<v Speaker 1>girls are feeling very, very silly. You know, they want

<v Speaker 1>to dissolve those bbls and all the different things, but yeah,

<v Speaker 1>you probably can't. The main point is is that if

<v Speaker 1>you're doing something for you, there's nothing wrong with doing

<v Speaker 1>things for you, obviously, but when your motivation, especially depending

<v Speaker 1>on your occupation, when it's so heavily built off of

<v Speaker 1>the admiration and attention of men, you will find yourself

<v Speaker 1>doing a lot of things to you know, attract the

<v Speaker 1>male gaze. That's just the reality of the situation. That's

<v Speaker 1>not me making anything up here. Okay. So with that

<v Speaker 1>being said, when you find yourself and it's situation where

<v Speaker 1>you like a guy all these different things, you think

<v Speaker 1>that being unavailable for him for one week, all of

<v Speaker 1>a sudden, now you're you know that was enough. No,

<v Speaker 1>you have to do nothing. I'm telling you, men really

<v Speaker 1>are attracted to women that are kind of mean to them.

<v Speaker 1>Do you ever hear that book Men Love You know? Bees? Right?

<v Speaker 1>It actually is true. And I'm not saying curse them out,

<v Speaker 1>be belligerent, you know, doing all these different things. No,

<v Speaker 1>But what I'm saying is he has to earn your

<v Speaker 1>affection so that there's a reward system for when he

<v Speaker 1>does the right thing, he is rewarded with your attention. Right.

<v Speaker 1>That has to be strategic. Some people take it too

<v Speaker 1>far and they think, oh, well, I don't want him

<v Speaker 1>to think I'm not interested. And if he's going to

<v Speaker 1>be that fragile where you saying, you know, maybe or

<v Speaker 1>no or whatever the case is, is going to have

<v Speaker 1>him run away, then why are you so afraid of that?

<v Speaker 1>Oh I just don't want, you know, because he's just

<v Speaker 1>used to having to prove his feelings to girls. And

<v Speaker 1>he told me that he doesn't want to chase anybody

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things. All right, well, then spend

<v Speaker 1>the rest of your life chasing him, because that's exactly

<v Speaker 1>what you're gonna end up doing. You will spend the

<v Speaker 1>rest of your relationship chasing him. You do so much

<v Speaker 1>to manipulate the situation in the beginning, right, trying to

<v Speaker 1>be this amazing woman, trying to show him, prove, proove,

<v Speaker 1>because that's what you're doing. You're trying to prove over

<v Speaker 1>and over again, you're worthy of being with. You're showing

<v Speaker 1>him that you are motherly, you are wifey material, you

<v Speaker 1>are the ultimate girlfriend. You were gonna cook, you're gonna clean,

<v Speaker 1>You're gonna do this, You're gonna do that. Mm You

<v Speaker 1>ever see men that had the girl that cooked and

<v Speaker 1>cleaned and did all these different things, and he married

<v Speaker 1>the girl that did the least for him. So that

<v Speaker 1>obviously just goes to show it's not through your works

<v Speaker 1>that's going to be getting this man. It's certainly not

<v Speaker 1>through how you try and put it down that's going

<v Speaker 1>to be keeping a man. Certainly not who has you

<v Speaker 1>know the most, you know accentuating features. That's going to

<v Speaker 1>be keeping a man. It's heavily dependent on how much

<v Speaker 1>he is emotionally invested in you. And the only way

<v Speaker 1>for him to do that is for him to feel

<v Speaker 1>like it took work to get you. Right. But you

<v Speaker 1>guys are so used to you know, honestly, just people

<v Speaker 1>that are ridiculous and just you know, a bunch of jokesters, okay,

<v Speaker 1>and Bob the builders type of men. Bob the build

<v Speaker 1>type of men, build a bear type of men that

<v Speaker 1>any attention you get, you just want to, you know,

<v Speaker 1>thrive on it. Oh well, I just don't want to

<v Speaker 1>ruin anything. I don't want him to think I'm not interested.

<v Speaker 1>Whatever the case is, all right, obviously use desermant ladies.

<v Speaker 1>Right if a guy is going I didn't say, act

<v Speaker 1>like you're completely uninterested, be so for real. You can't

<v Speaker 1>be this elementary when a man truly knows when you're interested.

<v Speaker 1>But you are. You're just busy. You have your own

<v Speaker 1>life going, right, Oh, because telling you what a guy's

<v Speaker 1>gonna do, especially when he first meets you, he's gonna

<v Speaker 1>want to spend a lot of time with you. He's

<v Speaker 1>going to want to consume up your week, and this

<v Speaker 1>is how they get you. They consume a lot of

<v Speaker 1>your time. How do I know, Well, one because I know,

<v Speaker 1>And two they're gonna consume your time because they know

<v Speaker 1>if you're with them, you're not with anyone else. You

<v Speaker 1>see what I'm saying. It's a game that they are

<v Speaker 1>consciously and some subconsciously playing where they know if she's

<v Speaker 1>with me, she can't be with anybody else. So this

<v Speaker 1>is forming a bond with you even more where he's

<v Speaker 1>getting to know you. You're hanging out with this guy

<v Speaker 1>three times a week. You just met him last week, right,

<v Speaker 1>and this is why the relationship feels like it progresses

<v Speaker 1>so fast and then it just completely disappears. Okay, you

<v Speaker 1>have to be very mindful, especially in the talking stage,

<v Speaker 1>that one the actions are aligning, and two you are

<v Speaker 1>still out here living your own life. Don't cancel plans

<v Speaker 1>with your girls because this guy wants to hit you

<v Speaker 1>up last minute and wants to hang out with you,

<v Speaker 1>and you would rather be hanging out with him. Don't

<v Speaker 1>even if you are free and have nothing to do. Don't. Well,

<v Speaker 1>I mean I am hungry and he did invite me

<v Speaker 1>to Capital Grill, so I guess I'm gonna go No, Hey,

<v Speaker 1>I can't tonight, but thanks for the invite, Like he

<v Speaker 1>has to work in order to get you, so that

<v Speaker 1>the reward of doing the right thing, of hitting you

<v Speaker 1>up at an appropriate hour to plan things in advance,

<v Speaker 1>he gets rewarded with your attention. This is just how

<v Speaker 1>the game goes. Whether you want to play it or

<v Speaker 1>not is on you. But it's not gonna change because

<v Speaker 1>you're deciding not to play. And for those people in

<v Speaker 1>the comment section that want to say, I'm just exhausted,

<v Speaker 1>can we just decenter men? Why are we even paying

<v Speaker 1>attention to what men want? All these different things? All right, great,

<v Speaker 1>I'm not talking to you, all right, I don't even

<v Speaker 1>know why you're here on this video if you're not

<v Speaker 1>my target audience. Okay, so if you are someone that

<v Speaker 1>you let's be real here. Many women do desire to

<v Speaker 1>be in a relationship. This does not mean you're desperate

<v Speaker 1>and any capacity, but there is a natural desire to

<v Speaker 1>want to spend your life with somebody. That's a natural thing.

<v Speaker 1>There's nothing wrong with that. Right. However, you have to

<v Speaker 1>remember you have to say no to ninety nine percent

<v Speaker 1>of the things that you once did before in order

<v Speaker 1>to get something that you've never had. Right, So your

<v Speaker 1>role is to show up whole. Your role is to

<v Speaker 1>be receptive. Your role is to be discerning. Your role

<v Speaker 1>is to maintain your standards, okay, and respond, not initiate

<v Speaker 1>every single thing I'm telling you. You guys don't even

<v Speaker 1>realize you do it because you are so desperate. That's

<v Speaker 1>actually what it is. It's desperation, all right, and you're

<v Speaker 1>trying to mask it as concern. Oh, I'm just checking

<v Speaker 1>on you. Haven't heard it from you in a couple

<v Speaker 1>of days. All these different things, and then you want

<v Speaker 1>to hear his sob story. Oh my ex cheated on

<v Speaker 1>me and she didn't appreciate the type of woman I was.

<v Speaker 1>So here you go thinking, Oh, if I show him

<v Speaker 1>that you know, I'm different than his and I check

<v Speaker 1>in on him and I send him a bunch of

<v Speaker 1>chat GBT, heartfelt messages, he's gonna want to be with me.

<v Speaker 1>He's gonna realize that I'm different. Yeah. No, you're gonna

<v Speaker 1>be in a situation where he's going to be giving

<v Speaker 1>you attention via passive reciprocation. So basically, you're spearheading this

<v Speaker 1>entire relationship and he is going along with it until

<v Speaker 1>he realizes I'm actually and I was actually never really

<v Speaker 1>into this. You're the one that kind of forced me

<v Speaker 1>into this sort of relationship. And what man, especially is

<v Speaker 1>gonna turn down a woman who's desperately chasing after him,

<v Speaker 1>and then she's gonna throw some extra benefits if you

<v Speaker 1>know what I mean as well, He's not gonna turn

<v Speaker 1>that down, be so for real, He's gonna go along

<v Speaker 1>with it until he just simply can't anymore. And then

<v Speaker 1>you're sitting there heartbroken. I don't understand. I don't know

<v Speaker 1>where we went wrong. I did everything for him. I

<v Speaker 1>cooked for him, I cleaned for him, I gave him

<v Speaker 1>money to help car. Note. I fix the heater in

<v Speaker 1>his UH in his in his UH car, I fixed

<v Speaker 1>the windowshill wiper in his car. I helped build his career.

<v Speaker 1>I did all these different Yeah, you're gonna turn around

<v Speaker 1>and you're gonna realize, oh wow, I was the one

<v Speaker 1>spearheading this whole thing. And you can obviously decide whether

<v Speaker 1>or not you're gonna repeat that process or if you're

<v Speaker 1>gonna actually learn and actually do nothing. But again, when

<v Speaker 1>your desires outweigh reality, you will always face this issue. Right,

<v Speaker 1>You are not the initiator of pursuit. Right, you have

<v Speaker 1>to stop trying to manufacture situations so deeply. It's actually

<v Speaker 1>kind of psychotic, okay, where you are finding everything out

<v Speaker 1>about somebody that you don't even know, and that is

<v Speaker 1>what that's where we go wrong as woman, And that's

<v Speaker 1>what makes you feel closer to somebody than you actually

<v Speaker 1>are because you've spent so much time investigating them. All Right,

<v Speaker 1>You're also not even the spiritual leader of a man, right.

<v Speaker 1>You were not in emotion rehabilitation center for men enough.

<v Speaker 1>So if you have to drag a man into alignment,

<v Speaker 1>then he is not aligned. Right. Why do woman over extend? Well,

<v Speaker 1>overextended is usually rooted in anxiety. If I just show

<v Speaker 1>him how valuable I am, if I just show him enough,

<v Speaker 1>if I just support him through this phase of life.

<v Speaker 1>At least he was honest and he told me that

<v Speaker 1>he's broke as a joke. This is the thing for men.

<v Speaker 1>Love is not built through labor, Okay. It's not meaning

<v Speaker 1>the labor you provide for him. In fact, it's the opposite.

<v Speaker 1>It is built on the labor he does for you.

<v Speaker 1>It is built through that investment. And the thing is

<v Speaker 1>sometimes doing too much is really just a fear of

<v Speaker 1>rejection that's disguised as generosity. You're performing, and you're doing

<v Speaker 1>all this stuff for him because you want to come

<v Speaker 1>across as generous, but really you just want to tie

<v Speaker 1>yourself to this person so that he can feel more

<v Speaker 1>obligated to be around you, because you are what the

<v Speaker 1>ultimate resource, right, you have the stable job, you know

<v Speaker 1>you're you're probably a nurse. You show him how you

<v Speaker 1>care for people. You have all these things that you

<v Speaker 1>give him. You want to show him that you're so

<v Speaker 1>you are a man? Is what you are? You're a dude. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So you need to switch your identity back to what

<v Speaker 1>it's originally supposed to be. Okay, you are a cisgendered

<v Speaker 1>female and you should be acting as such. Right, If

<v Speaker 1>you want a man that's going to give you the

<v Speaker 1>benefits of a traditional relationship, then perhaps I suggest, because

<v Speaker 1>clearly it's not that obvious to you, perhaps I suggest

<v Speaker 1>that you start acting in the role of a feminine woman.

<v Speaker 1>All right, So there has to be something that I

<v Speaker 1>guess we can call strategic stillness. Now, doing nothing does

<v Speaker 1>not mean you're being cold, you're being rude. It means

<v Speaker 1>stop initiating the conversations. It means stop volunteering wife benefits.

<v Speaker 1>You think that he cares that deeply that you know

<v Speaker 1>how to cook, and you're making him uh curry goat

<v Speaker 1>and oxtail and bayaya where we've had We don't care.

<v Speaker 1>He doesn't care. He does not know you. He has

<v Speaker 1>not invested enough in you. So you're making it very

<v Speaker 1>very very comfortable with him. And this is an auto

<v Speaker 1>computation for men when they turn around and they do

<v Speaker 1>the do the math in their head and they're like,

<v Speaker 1>I don't even I actually didn't do anything for me

<v Speaker 1>to get this treatment from her. Man Like, okay, I

<v Speaker 1>kind of know where I stand here, like she's she's uh,

<v Speaker 1>she's gonna be an easy one. And then you you stop.

<v Speaker 1>You have to stop reminding these guys of how amazing

<v Speaker 1>you are, because you're trying to do that through your

<v Speaker 1>performative acts. Your performative acts of of uh, of doing

<v Speaker 1>this and doing that and always being available and off.

<v Speaker 1>Oh I can do that for you. Oh yeah, well, uh,

<v Speaker 1>why don't you just do your laundry at my house? Uh? Yeah,

<v Speaker 1>it's nothing for me, really, I mean, I'm always on

<v Speaker 1>top of my laundry anyway, and honestly like I, you know,

<v Speaker 1>I can totally do your laundry for you. It doesn't

<v Speaker 1>even matter, really, And that's supposed to make him. That's

<v Speaker 1>where you, guys get it twisted. You genuinely think that

<v Speaker 1>the more you do, the more you'll get rewarded. Well, girl,

<v Speaker 1>keep learning, all right. You have to pull back and

<v Speaker 1>you have to observe, because if a man wants to lead,

<v Speaker 1>he will, If he wants to pursue, he will, he

<v Speaker 1>will do that. The value of you to that man

<v Speaker 1>is directly connected to his investment in you. How much

<v Speaker 1>sentimental value do you hold in that man's life? And

<v Speaker 1>you do not hold any if you're the one performing

<v Speaker 1>and he's holding the sentimental value. Where you're investing all

<v Speaker 1>this stuff, doing all these works to be with him.

<v Speaker 1>If he wants you, he will make it clear. All right,

<v Speaker 1>no such thing as well, you know, he just needs

<v Speaker 1>help navigating through his feelings. He just needs me to

<v Speaker 1>help him realize that there are good women out there,

<v Speaker 1>that all women are not the same all these yeah, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>whatever you tell yourself, Okay, stillness is going to reveal character,

<v Speaker 1>all right, you know, that you were out of bounds,

<v Speaker 1>you were out of your role. When you're feeling anxious,

<v Speaker 1>when you stop, when you stop texting first, where you're

<v Speaker 1>initiating most of the contact, where you're giving way more

<v Speaker 1>than you receive. You're spending copious amounts of time on

<v Speaker 1>chat GBT trying to curate the best answer that you

<v Speaker 1>know makes it seem like you're concerned but doesn't want

<v Speaker 1>to make it seem like you're anxious to hear back

<v Speaker 1>from him. You're trying to strike the balance between concern

<v Speaker 1>and desperation. You just want to check on him because

<v Speaker 1>you haven't heard from him in a couple of days.

<v Speaker 1>Like you're just making a million excuses so that you

<v Speaker 1>can stay at the top of his mind. Because the

<v Speaker 1>reality is, Babe, you're not all right. Well, then why

<v Speaker 1>does he keep looking at my stories because it's there

<v Speaker 1>and he follows you. Stop assigning meaning and deep sentimental

<v Speaker 1>value to things that absolutely mean nothing. If he can

<v Speaker 1>follow you, he can text you, he has your number.

<v Speaker 1>You will feel unappreciated, but you will keep on giving

<v Speaker 1>anyway in hopes that you will be rewarded for your labor.

<v Speaker 1>And then you will also feel very tired instead of secure.

<v Speaker 1>So resentment is often the sign that you crossed your

<v Speaker 1>own boundary. That's where resentment starts to build, and then

<v Speaker 1>you also become a nasty woman. One thing that I've

<v Speaker 1>observed watching these shows like Real Housewives sort of shows

<v Speaker 1>almost like it's like a rite of passage where any

<v Speaker 1>time there is an issue at home relationally with any

<v Speaker 1>of the husbands or the boyfriends, it changes the way

<v Speaker 1>that the women show up in their friendships, right where

<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden they're clocking other people's relationships and

<v Speaker 1>they're doing all this stuff like not for nothing, respectfully.

<v Speaker 1>As I was watching back the seasons of Real Housewives

<v Speaker 1>in New Jersey, I remember when at this point Teresa

<v Speaker 1>jdic she served her time all the different things, and

<v Speaker 1>now she's like, you know, they're trying to figure out

<v Speaker 1>Joe's deportation. It's not looking good whatever the case is.

<v Speaker 1>And she got into an argument with who was it,

<v Speaker 1>Jackie Goldschneider whatever her name is, and had I don't want,

<v Speaker 1>I don't I guess like spread or made it known

<v Speaker 1>that there was a rumor that Jackie's husband was, you know,

<v Speaker 1>being unfaithful to her. And the interesting thing is is

<v Speaker 1>that when Kim Dee had did the same thing to Teresa,

<v Speaker 1>her response was, well, did you see him do it? Otherwise?

<v Speaker 1>Like shut your mouth. But then when Teresa was no

<v Speaker 1>longer with Joe and their relationship was pretty much up

<v Speaker 1>in the air because he wasn't even really we weren't

<v Speaker 1>we weren't even sure if he was going to be

<v Speaker 1>back in the US. And I think she also knew

<v Speaker 1>it wasn't looking good he wasn't coming back. She all

<v Speaker 1>of a sudden was cracking down on Jackie and was like,

<v Speaker 1>your husband's cheating on you, and that's why this is

<v Speaker 1>bothering you so much. And Nat when it's like, no,

<v Speaker 1>Joe was cheating on you, Teresa, and that's why that

<v Speaker 1>was bothering you so much. So she was just projecting

<v Speaker 1>onto jack based off of her experiences, whether it was

<v Speaker 1>in her immediate awareness or not. Okay, And the thing is,

<v Speaker 1>it turns you into a nasty woman when you are

<v Speaker 1>the woman that likes to control everything. And then that

<v Speaker 1>guy realizes, wait a second, I think I just got

<v Speaker 1>got and then he's like doing his own thing and

<v Speaker 1>trying to wiggle his way out of the relationship. Now

<v Speaker 1>you are the nasty friend to your friends. You're observing

<v Speaker 1>all the things in other people's relationships that are missing

<v Speaker 1>in yours, and you're being resentful and hateful of their relationships,

<v Speaker 1>and you have so much to say about what everyone

<v Speaker 1>else is doing because you're lonely and you're miserable. This

<v Speaker 1>is also something that I feel like we don't usually

<v Speaker 1>talk about that there is a direct correlation when you

<v Speaker 1>are dating somebody or you are in an unhappy situation,

<v Speaker 1>It absolutely affects how you show up in your friendships.

<v Speaker 1>You can easily become a hater someone that's you're clocking

<v Speaker 1>things in your friends relationships that normally, you know one

<v Speaker 1>person wouldn't pay attention to, but you are because you're

<v Speaker 1>projecting and you're realizing things that are missing in your

<v Speaker 1>dynamic or things that you've experienced. So you can become

<v Speaker 1>a very messy type of person. But the hard truth

<v Speaker 1>is that if you have to convince a guy to

<v Speaker 1>you know, if you have to convince a guy period,

<v Speaker 1>if you have to carry this man, if you have

<v Speaker 1>to mother this man, if you have to motivate this man,

<v Speaker 1>push this man, manage this man. He is not ready

<v Speaker 1>to lead you and stop thinking that the more time

<v Speaker 1>you spend with him, it's magically going to come together,

<v Speaker 1>all right, it's not. Please stop, and you know what,

<v Speaker 1>if you want to go and take that risk, be

<v Speaker 1>my guest, but don't waste your time, all right. If

<v Speaker 1>he is going to be leading you, he's going to

<v Speaker 1>do exactly that. Why are we so desperate here? You

<v Speaker 1>don't need to shrink yourself. You don't need to prove yourself.

<v Speaker 1>You don't need to audition yourself. You need to observe,

<v Speaker 1>know your role if he does not rise to the occasion,

<v Speaker 1>all right, especially when if you're in a situation where

<v Speaker 1>you've already extended yourself, when you are done over extending,

<v Speaker 1>and that's your answer, and most likely they won't because

<v Speaker 1>why change now? He already got the full cow without

<v Speaker 1>having to buy anything, He got the milk, he got everything.

<v Speaker 1>Why change when he didn't have to do any of

<v Speaker 1>these things before. It's important that we understand the process

<v Speaker 1>and how men interpret these things because we are looking

<v Speaker 1>through the lens of how we think and when we

<v Speaker 1>feel like we've connected to that guy, and we just

<v Speaker 1>assume that they are feeling the exact same, that's not true.

<v Speaker 1>The value of what you mean to this guy, I'm

<v Speaker 1>saying it again, is heavily dependent on how emotionally and

<v Speaker 1>just all around invested, especially sentimentally, he is in you.

<v Speaker 1>That means he has to work. He has to earn

<v Speaker 1>your affection, earn those dates with you, earn your attention.

<v Speaker 1>You're not texting him all day, Oh where are you doing?

<v Speaker 1>Where are you at? All these different things, like giving

<v Speaker 1>him the update on every single thing that you're doing. No,

<v Speaker 1>because then he's gonna be like, oh, okay, well I

<v Speaker 1>got that in the bag. I clearly have easy access

<v Speaker 1>to her life. I know what she's doing, who she's

<v Speaker 1>hanging out with, all these different things. You're doing it

<v Speaker 1>in the name of I'm just an honest woman, and like,

<v Speaker 1>I just don't want to play games like I just

<v Speaker 1>want him to know that I'm serious. That's great. I'm

<v Speaker 1>also serious about who has access to my life. I

<v Speaker 1>don't know what you come in my life to do yet.

<v Speaker 1>I haven't determined that that takes time. So I'm not

<v Speaker 1>going to be acting like we're in a relationship and

<v Speaker 1>I'm sharing my location with you and letting you know

<v Speaker 1>what I'm doing and oh sorry, by the way that

<v Speaker 1>I you know. I'm sorry I didn't respond for the

<v Speaker 1>past five minutes. I just had to go get some

<v Speaker 1>a bag of chips from the from the gas station.

<v Speaker 1>Like enough, all right, You have to remember that you

<v Speaker 1>are not called to carry a grown man into his purpose.

<v Speaker 1>You are absolutely not. Being in a relationship with someone

<v Speaker 1>that is lost will only make you lose yourself and

<v Speaker 1>your sanity. All right. You have to stop extending. You

<v Speaker 1>have to stop over performing. You have to stop confusing

<v Speaker 1>your effort with your value, your effort with your value

<v Speaker 1>to him. Men do not perceive it in that way.

<v Speaker 1>Men truly do love women that are that do nothing okay,

<v Speaker 1>and that are a little more mean okay to them.

<v Speaker 1>And I'm not saying be aggressive. I'm not saying be disrespectful.

<v Speaker 1>All right. You have to understand what I'm saying here,

<v Speaker 1>but do the least and know your role. I noticed

<v Speaker 1>that all the women that want to do this and

<v Speaker 1>this and this and this and that and that and

<v Speaker 1>that always lose, always because you're making the environment very

<v Speaker 1>very comfortable for him. What is he doing to make

<v Speaker 1>you very comfortable? Is the question. Science shows that the

<v Speaker 1>egg does not chase the sperm. Sign shows that so

<v Speaker 1>why are we working backwards here? All right? That's what

<v Speaker 1>it is. It's masculine and it's feminine energy. Those exist

<v Speaker 1>in every single relationship, in every single dynamic. But if

<v Speaker 1>you're going to you know, be masculine in the beginning

<v Speaker 1>and then expect to be feminine after, how does that work?

<v Speaker 1>How does that work? How does it feel to know

<v Speaker 1>that you've manipulated your way into this person's life and

<v Speaker 1>now you can't sustain it? And now you're angry, you're bitter,

<v Speaker 1>you're jealous, you're holding on you, you're desperate, you're really

<v Speaker 1>just like crawling on your hands and knees trying to, like,

<v Speaker 1>you know, see if there's anything you can do to

<v Speaker 1>salvage it. And he's completely just uninterested and apathetic towards

<v Speaker 1>you because he realized the veil has lifted, babe. He

<v Speaker 1>sees you for exactly who you are, a tryhard all right,

<v Speaker 1>and he realized, wait, I actually, you know, I'm not

<v Speaker 1>invested in this in the way that I thought I

<v Speaker 1>was because you were doing the thinking for him. You

<v Speaker 1>need to be the one to make sure that he

<v Speaker 1>is investing in you, that he's you know, trying to

<v Speaker 1>figure out man like how can I earn a conversation

<v Speaker 1>to you know, get to know her, uh, you know,

<v Speaker 1>learn about her day? How can I earn a date

<v Speaker 1>from her? How can I earn you know, the opportunity

<v Speaker 1>to to you know, speak with her, uh for you know,

<v Speaker 1>half an hour on the phone or whatever. Like Let it.

<v Speaker 1>Let the man use his brain, all right, Let him

<v Speaker 1>use his brain. That's what men are built to do.

<v Speaker 1>Like I'm telling you, like a man that truly wants

<v Speaker 1>to invest in you, they are amazing. I mean, the

<v Speaker 1>dates that they come up with, and they need no

<v Speaker 1>help doing it either. Like it's really amazing to see

<v Speaker 1>a man really pursue a woman and and the things

<v Speaker 1>that he comes up with. It's just it's beautiful. If

<v Speaker 1>you truly want to see that, you have to stop

<v Speaker 1>operating like a dude yourself, all right, and then randomly

<v Speaker 1>expecting things to change, and randomly expecting the the the

<v Speaker 1>dynamic of the relationship to change, because you're not going

<v Speaker 1>to secure love from a man by doing more. You're

<v Speaker 1>just not, all right, You secure alignment by staying in

<v Speaker 1>the position you are we're just talking right now, or

<v Speaker 1>even if you are girl that person's girlfriend, I'm not

<v Speaker 1>here to be giving you the preview of like I'm

<v Speaker 1>sitting here doing every single thing for you. I'm not.

<v Speaker 1>I'm not. And if that's you know, not good enough

<v Speaker 1>for you, you feel like you need a preview to whatever

<v Speaker 1>whatever you tell yourself right, go find that right. If

<v Speaker 1>that's what you, go find it. And that's the mentality

<v Speaker 1>that I have. You can't be afraid of someone walking away.

<v Speaker 1>You can't be afraid of Oh my gosh, I if

<v Speaker 1>I don't answer him fast enough, I'm like nervous that

<v Speaker 1>he's gonna think that I'm not interested, that he's gonna

<v Speaker 1>think that I don't care if that's what he's gonna think.

<v Speaker 1>Like I always say, if it's fragile, let it break.

<v Speaker 1>If that's all it takes for him to walk away

<v Speaker 1>from you, and all of a sudden thing, that's another

<v Speaker 1>thing that men do to guilt shrip you. You know,

<v Speaker 1>you know what, I just feel like you're not interested

<v Speaker 1>in me, you know, you know. Here he is trying

<v Speaker 1>to sleep with you and you're like, no, I don't

<v Speaker 1>want to do that, and he's trying to turn it

<v Speaker 1>into I feel like you don't even like me though? Wait,

<v Speaker 1>what so because be careful of that trick, especially my

<v Speaker 1>younger girls. Be careful that all of a sudden you're

<v Speaker 1>being guilt tripped into. Now you're proving, no, I do

<v Speaker 1>like you, no see, Like I am answering you, no see,

<v Speaker 1>I am being very affectionate with you, all these different

<v Speaker 1>things like I. Yep, that's another way to get God

<v Speaker 1>is trying to convince you that you don't like them

<v Speaker 1>because you're not trying to do what they want you

<v Speaker 1>to do when they want you to do it. Mm hmm. Yeah,

<v Speaker 1>it's another way to suck you in, you know. So

<v Speaker 1>just remember quality queens do not overwork for love, all right,

<v Speaker 1>you respond to it. So we don't speak unless we're

<v Speaker 1>spoken to, all right. It doesn't matter if that man

<v Speaker 1>is looking at your stories, swiping up on your stories,

<v Speaker 1>leaving you emojis, all these different things. You don't literally

<v Speaker 1>text them. So so you could text, so you could

<v Speaker 1>write me on Instagram. Uh, but you can't text me.

<v Speaker 1>You have my number, and listen, I'm not trying to

<v Speaker 1>call anyone out here, but I'm just going to keep

<v Speaker 1>it real with you guys, that whole situation. If I

<v Speaker 1>may speak on it and give my opinion because I

<v Speaker 1>can do that because it's my podcast. This whole Kayla

<v Speaker 1>and what is it Travis situation, right, one of the

<v Speaker 1>things I think. Right, I'm not even gonna get into

<v Speaker 1>the nitty gritty of their relationship because I really don't

<v Speaker 1>know much about it. However, I do know that the

<v Speaker 1>genesis of their relationship was Travis perpetually watching all of

<v Speaker 1>Kayla's stories and pretty much breadcrumbing her, which is what

<v Speaker 1>you would call that where a man pretty much just

<v Speaker 1>like peeps around the corner. Every time you have a post,

<v Speaker 1>he's watching it. He might even heart the posts, he

<v Speaker 1>might react with an emoji, but never initiates a conversation

<v Speaker 1>with you. So one day, and this is out of

<v Speaker 1>Kayla's mouth, I'm paraphrasing here, but Kayla's front was like,

<v Speaker 1>you know what, why don't you hit this man up?

<v Speaker 1>Because he's always watching your stories all these different things.

<v Speaker 1>Kayla's initial thought was the correct one. No, I'm not

<v Speaker 1>going to hit him up. Why am I messaging him? First?

<v Speaker 1>She gets drunk, she gets some liquid courage, maybe she's

<v Speaker 1>even tipsy. I don't want to call her drunk, and

<v Speaker 1>then she decides to write him. My mom said it

<v Speaker 1>was impolite to stay and not speak or something like that,

<v Speaker 1>something along those lines, don't quote me, And that's what

<v Speaker 1>initiated the conversation between them. But look how it ended up.

<v Speaker 1>She over extended herself in that relationship, all right, Like,

<v Speaker 1>I truly do believe you know nothing against Kayla in

<v Speaker 1>any capacity, by the way, not even talking negatively about

<v Speaker 1>her or whatever. But these are the things that there

<v Speaker 1>are things that we can learn and extract from other

<v Speaker 1>people's experiences. And being that she did tell that story

<v Speaker 1>publicly on a podcast, this is the opinion of that.

<v Speaker 1>Like she started out the dynamic where she reached out

<v Speaker 1>to him. It's funny he was following you all this

<v Speaker 1>time and never once felt the need to initiate a

<v Speaker 1>conversation with you, would watch stories all the time, never

<v Speaker 1>felt the need to ask you for your number. Instead,

<v Speaker 1>you had to hit him up, babe. He just was

<v Speaker 1>not interested enough. And if you think about it, the

<v Speaker 1>duration of their relationship, nothing that she did, it feels

<v Speaker 1>like was ever truly enough, right, meaning it was just misalignment.

<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying she has to you know, she was

<v Speaker 1>like unworthy of him, and please okay, because whatever with him,

<v Speaker 1>but it just was never enough right for the dynamic.

<v Speaker 1>So that's what ends up happening. When you do things

<v Speaker 1>like that, you think it means something because he asked

<v Speaker 1>you how was your day? On Instagram? There are, like

<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you, the medium in which a man communicates

<v Speaker 1>with you actually matters, and men know this. If he's

<v Speaker 1>snapchatting you, please just get off this video because what

<v Speaker 1>is even happening. That's not even a thing, right, If

<v Speaker 1>a man is only communicating with you via Instagram, it's

<v Speaker 1>not serious. He's doing that with you and a bunch

<v Speaker 1>of other girls too, all right. That is his hinge,

<v Speaker 1>that's his Tinder, that's his Plenty of Fish, Okay, that's

<v Speaker 1>his app that he's choosing to date on and just

<v Speaker 1>slide in a million girls dms. All right, everybody knows

<v Speaker 1>that texting something about it is just a little more serious.

<v Speaker 1>Not saying that men can't play games via text as well.

<v Speaker 1>But if that's your soul, communication is just texting, Come on,

<v Speaker 1>all right, Like we've seen all that we've needed to

<v Speaker 1>see here, you should know what it is, okay, when

<v Speaker 1>a man is communicating with you like that, especially when

<v Speaker 1>a man has your number and he's not even texting you,

<v Speaker 1>but he's commenting on your stories and again breadcrumbing. That's

<v Speaker 1>all that it really is. Know your role, stop over

<v Speaker 1>extending yourself and you will have a lot more peace

<v Speaker 1>and clarity. All right. Remember that your value to that

<v Speaker 1>man is dependent on his investment in you. How much

<v Speaker 1>does he need to work to be able to gain

<v Speaker 1>access to parts of you and your life? Do not

<v Speaker 1>forget that, all right? I want you guys to come

<v Speaker 1>back next week for another episode. That is the end

<v Speaker 1>of this episode. With that being said, do not forget

<v Speaker 1>that I love you and God loves you. I'll speak

<v Speaker 1>to you, beautiful angels in my next podcast episode. Alah