Dr. Kay Durairaj 0:00
Kay, hello, hello, guys. You're listening to beauty bites with Dr Kay, secrets of a plastic surgeon, and it's time for a five minute Friday. Today, on our five minute Friday, we have special guest Shalon Lester tell us all about you.

Speaker 1 0:31
My name is Shaolin. I am a YouTube creator. I take celebrity events and I turn them into advice with a whole lot of sass and a whole lot of rantings. So if you like your guilty pleasure of celebrities, but you want to like level up, come to me.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 0:44
I love it. What a good elevator pitch, Sass and class, SAS and class. I love it. Sometimes we're heavier on women. That's a good combo to have. My favorite thing that you do is life advice. Yeah. So many women, especially in their 20s, and they like, just throw themselves that

Speaker 1 1:00
everybody I was that girl. I know girls are like, Where were you when I was 25 I'm like, also snorting outer all like I was not doing anything smarter or better. And like, now I can tell you what we should be doing. So I'm hoping to, like, put myself out of business eventually that, like, girls are just smart.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 1:17
They don't need me. They need our help. This generation does not have amazing role models. I feel like we had a few, not that many, but we had some. I don't know that you can grow up and be normal if you're if your role models are Kardashians or like, they're such easy people to pick on. I also respect them tremendously for their entrepreneurship and their fashion sense and like everything they're doing, but I think that they're not talking about the character and the development side, and I want them to step into that role, because they have daughters.

Speaker 1 1:44
I know well, it's, it's, we're in the age of capture versus experience. You know, it's like everyone's online, everyone's trying to present the best version of themselves. It's not just the realest version of themselves. And how can you learn and truly like connect with someone who's only just giving like the glossy facade? You know, you have to be able to, like, connect the human underneath, to really get their lessons. Yeah, I'm very real and messy.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 2:07
Yeah? And like, if you you have to make mistakes,

Unknown Speaker 2:09
you have to and showed it you made mistakes, and what you learned from the mistakes?

Dr. Kay Durairaj 2:13
Yeah, I saw a quote that said, if I had to erase all the mistakes I made in my life, I probably erased myself. This is so true, right? This is so true. It's very true. What are like? What are some tenets of what 20 and 3035, 40 year olds need to focus on? Or is there a decade wide

Speaker 1 2:28
wise, I think your 20s need to be about, just like, pure experimentation, like I talked to so many girls are like, I'm 27 and I'm not 100% sure that this is my career for life, or that I haven't met the guy. Like, just, you're in, like, a fact, finding mission in your 20s, I think, like, dress in all different styles, eat all different foods, go to all different countries, have all different types of friends, sleep with as many people as you can, like, an investor. But, like, just, really, Mom, my mom's like, over there. She's like, What? Like, really experiment. Like, have a bunch of different types of jobs, study a bunch of different things. And then, like, yeah, around like, 2728 like, kind of pick a path, at least, I think, for for work, like, pick up, pick a solid path, get on the path. And, my God, wait on starting a family and having a man. Like, yes,

Dr. Kay Durairaj 3:19
please learn yourself. You are first. That's so important, yeah? And I think even if you get married young, like, have a few years of just You're the couple, versus bringing child and right dog and everything right away, right? Like, just the two of you, yeah? But I think you're so right. 20s is about discovering and also give yourself space. Like, if you don't know what path you're on, it's okay. That's keep trying

Unknown Speaker 3:39
to experiment, yeah? Try not to compare

Speaker 1 3:40
yourself to other people. But if you know that that's how you are, this is like something evil, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Pick like, have people that you're comparing yourself to, like, I want to be like them or look like them, earn like them, but then pick someone in your orbit who you don't want to be like and compare yourself to them like, just like a garbage mentor. Like, well, at least like that. You want like, a garbage mentor. You're just constantly it's like, well, at least I'm not maxing out my credit card on the way this person, at least I'm not

Dr. Kay Durairaj 4:08
blah, blah, blah. I know this is what I don't want

Speaker 1 4:10
to be. Yeah, this is what I don't want to be. And then reverse engineer their decisions. How did they get there, and where are they going?

Dr. Kay Durairaj 4:17
That's so interesting. And then I would say, also, I tell people don't just follow cool people your age on Instagram. Follow a woman who's 10 years older, 20 years older, you know, follow a couple people 10 years younger than Yeah. That inspire you, because you get these creative ideas from all these different absolutely spaces and ages and personality, yeah, yeah. And then how about let's 4030,

Speaker 1 4:38
to 40. I think your 30s are great. Like you're 30, you're just as hot as you are in your 20s, if you wear sunblock, because if you don't write things, you at 3830 it's like when the door closes.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 4:51
I've noticed that no way, no women are their most attractive at 37

Speaker 1 4:56
this is true. This is true. But if you if you like rot your. Self in the sun with and with cigarettes. You at 38 I find the aging hyper lapses vaping, red bulling, trash, red bullying, Oh,

Dr. Kay Durairaj 5:11
you do to yourself, like acetone. Yeah, you can hit the wall pretty fast. You can.

Speaker 1 5:18
But if you, if you take even just like, basically good care of yourself, you will be very hot for a very long time.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 5:24
Yeah, that, I think, is a decade where you stop following trends and you realize that you're you have some own personal value, and you better start investing in, like the yoga, green juice, like self care moments that you can and then kicking to the curb all the people that don't belong in your life,

Unknown Speaker 5:41
the same 30s the synaptic pruning.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 5:43
Oh, have you heard about this?

Speaker 1 5:44
No, oh, this is more like if you're in your 40s. But as your estrogen lowers, you become you just have less bucks to give, and you become more autonomous. You do because 50s, older you get, because your estrogen is high in your 30s because you're a childbearing years and need a tribe. You need to be agreeable. You need to, like, give people the benefit of the doubt. You need, yeah, I need to be nurturing buttering. Just borrow from the older girls who are like, I don't care. Like, like, that's a great thing about getting older is you just become so much more self possessed. And you're like, well, then leave. Like, Well, then don't, well, then I'm not saving you.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 6:21
Like, yeah, this is a monte girl. You just become a little

Speaker 1 6:24
cowgirl, yeah, become a cowgirl, yeah, yes, right? And little horses from you

Dr. Kay Durairaj 6:28
40s to 50s to 60s and beyond. I think this is where you really hit your stride.

Speaker 2 6:34
You really do. I know, like 40s, the new 3042, 28 Right? Right?

Speaker 1 6:41
5030, yeah, there's you never have to peek. You just never peak like. And don't look at people who peaked like unless they're your garbage mentor. Absolutely. Look at that girl from gamify who's just like.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 6:55
This is the age where you come into knowing what you're good at and zoning and focusing down on them, and then really, like extending your horizons, pushing yourself personally. If you don't do that in your 40s to 60s, you're going to stagnate. So for me, that's been truly that decade of like exploration and self exploration, doing some of that maintenance, of learning and going to courses and bettering all my skills.

Speaker 1 7:20
Would you I think that you are more prone to doing like all that better because you are in your like, authentic career. What would you tell somebody who's like, I don't know, 45 and they're like, I cannot do this career for 20 more years, 20 plus more years. Would you say to start over? Would you say, go like no

Dr. Kay Durairaj 7:37
always have your steady job and your steady flow. That is your bread basket. You have to have your bread and butter to feed yourself and your family. And then you must have your side hustle. You must you have your nine to five. You must have your five to nine at night. Yeah, and this is where you learn new skills. Like I'm doing all kinds of AI learning and marketing learning, like all the things I've done that I know about. I learn. I take and read. I stay up late at night. I know more than my young kids at work, because I do the hard work and put the hours into the I would say, you don't know what you want to do. You got to invest in learning skills. I think

Speaker 1 8:10
people it's easy on the internet to just see like of the cars and the trips and the this. What they don't see is the five to nine. They don't see, like staying home and like being a nerd and not going to all these parties and reading and watching documentaries and going to conferences, like, they don't see

Dr. Kay Durairaj 8:26
that, and you do that too. Her SEO optimization, her YouTube lifetime green content going and growing universe going, but like, I think that people don't know that there's all that back end.

Speaker 1 8:38
No, they don't even just like thin fit people, like, they're like, I wish I looked like that. Get up when they get up.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 8:45
Yeah, make that. So I think that's those are the decades where you you know your skill set, you know what you don't have, and you kind of add to, I think you need to add courses, workouts, all kinds of stuff, broaden your horizons and meet more people to break free from your old friend group that doesn't have enough talent. And you don't want to be in a room where you're the smartest. No. Want to go to rooms where there's so many people smarter than you there. You know, that's

Speaker 1 9:08
what I've been doing. And underperformers really affect you so much more strongly than an over performer. Can I share the stat real quick? Yeah, I think Vanessa Van Edwards said this. I think that. I'm pretty sure that's her name, but she said that if you put a person around an over performer in whatever category that is, let's say it's like physical or work high earning, your own performance will go up by 15% that's pretty good, but if you put them around an under performer, your performance suffers by 30% so if you have a loser friend, you need two over performer friends, not just like same thing, over performer friends to cancel out that one loser friend. So if you think just Well, we've known each other forever, but what you know, we get coffee. It's no big deal. You now have to go find two hyper, leaner friends, yes, to cancel out that one hour of coffee. That's hard to do.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 9:58
So true, I would say that a put. Is at work. If we say that at work, we'll see when bad apple come in here and like, I can elevate them pretty good me and Carmen. We can make them brilliant. When they're really bad, they affect everyone's mentality. And yeah, they do. And by the opposite token, when I go to meeting, someone needs to earn a Nobel Prize for that. And the longevity speakers are crazy good. And like, I leave, so on fire, so on fire, and

Unknown Speaker 10:27
then I'm like, Wait, am I the loser bringing

Dr. Kay Durairaj 10:31
selfish It's okay. It is okay. I gotta learn from the smart folks out there. Well, that's such great life advice. Okay, any last minute love advice. And then we're gonna do a longer podcast, which because we have to dig

Speaker 1 10:42
into our Valentine's, oh yeah, love advice, like you

Dr. Kay Durairaj 10:47
have right now. Men don't know how to date. Oh, the 2030, year olds, they

Unknown Speaker 10:51
don't know how to date and like and the

Dr. Kay Durairaj 10:52
women are so just I was in Vegas, and, my God, the outfits, so much pressure to be a woman. I don't think I

Unknown Speaker 10:58
can handle it these days. Now it's a lot of pressure.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 11:00
You parents have to wear the teenage, really high heels, yeah? Such big lashes, such big hair. It's so much.

Unknown Speaker 11:07
And to get the most mediocre of men try

Dr. Kay Durairaj 11:10
not at all. And we tell ourselves, like,

Speaker 1 11:15
what do you need him for if he is not paying your bills? Yeah, if it sucks, I've got news for you, wieners. Come on all of them. It's on every single man there's a wiener. So if you think that it's, oh, it's sex and this connection, they literally all have one. They're like, drinking fountains. Like, there's a drinking fountain. Every trash can everywhere, like, it's not this trash can is my trash can, no. Like, say, a man earn his

Dr. Kay Durairaj 11:38
place honestly. Make him earn it

Speaker 1 11:41
with like money, like make him financially earn his way into your life. Like, otherwise, we just don't

Dr. Kay Durairaj 11:47
do that. It's they're paying for their date, often feeding the gentlemen that need to grow up a little bit, and they resent

Speaker 1 11:55
you for that. Because a man's not doing what a man needs to do. He hates himself for it. He should, if he has any value, well, he hates himself for it. So when you like coddle that version of him, you are in essence loving his greatest enemy, which is himself. That's why we pull up for these guys, and they resent us. It's because we're loving their enemy that's so interesting.

Dr. Kay Durairaj 12:15
Wow. We have so much more to talk about now. But for now, value who you are. Put yourself first. You're the best. I love it. Well, that's it for now, guys, don't forget to find Shalon.

Speaker 1 12:26
Where's your website? You go to my Instagram, Shaolin, XO, or just find me. That's okay. You can call me anything you want. You make me happy. You can call me anything you want, bro, yeah, be just find me on YouTube. You can just search Shalon,

Dr. Kay Durairaj 12:39
and you'll find my channel. She's got great advice, and then don't forget to find me on my Instagram feed by Dr Kay doing amazing things with people's faces. I hopefully want to be a role model for women out there who want to be in this industry and others for great character, intelligence, passion and developing life development. Because, like I've struggled, it's 20 years to be an overnight success, and I want to give you some of our tips. That's it for now, guys, stay beautiful. You.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai