Alright.

Another question that came in in the newsletter after the podcast has dropped.

So this is one of our followers wanting to know how to make their

summer schedule different than their regular parenting plan schedule.

And so this is a big mistake that a parents forget to include in their

parenting plan and it's a gap.

Summer break is one of the biggest gaps not put into parenting

plans, and it breaks my heart.

Because you're supposed to be excited about the summer and going

into it, and you think you have these great ideas where you're like,

obviously our kids are not at school.

Obviously they have to go to a summer camp or a day camp, because we both work,

obviously my ex will know that, right.

No, they will disagree with everything that you're talking about unless it's

included into your parenting plan.

So we have to make sure that your parenting plan not only has a school

schedule, but also a summertime schedule and or what will happen.

During the summertime.

So here are just some really quick examples of wording that I have seen, and

I hope it's not in your parenting plan, but it could be of parenting plan fails.

Number one, the parties shall follow the regular parenting

schedule throughout the year.

Now that sounds logical and if I read that and I don't know anything about divorce

and co-parenting and I read that, okay.

This parenting Schedule two five will play out for the whole school

year and summer I'm thinking.

Awesome.

But this assumes that that school schedule will work in the summertime.

But let's not forget, we're not dropping off at school anymore.

So while I go to work early and drop off to school early, that might not work with

where we're taking our kids for the summer program or the day camp that they're

signed up for and or even my ex's house.

So this is the logistics that I need you to be thinking about when

you're building that parenting plan.

And we're gonna break these down in a little bit.

But here's example number two of wording gone wrong.

The parents will share summer break.

Uh, problem.

What the hell does share mean?

Does that mean week off?

Week off?

Does that mean two week blocks?

Does that mean extended vacation time?

Nothing is defined by a sentence that simply says, and you guys,

for some of you, this is the only sentence written about summer

that you will share Summer break.

Okay.

Does that mean we're keeping with the same schedule as the school year?

Does that mean we're doing a different schedule?

And these attorneys just write this like, oh yeah, we mentioned

summer break in the schedule.

Yeah, but you didn't say anything.

You said nothing with that sentence.

Example number three, parents will cooperate regarding

summer camps and activities.

Again, I laugh because that sounds nice, but a cooperation

clause fails in high conflict.

Parents will cooperate.

Okay, cool.

Uh, can you just go ahead and tell us what it is we're doing

because we will never cooperate.

We will argue about camp, we'll argue about daycare.

We'll argue about who pays for it.

we'll argue about anything that you put in front of us.

Did you not pay attention and take notes during our divorce?

You have to make sure that it's crystal clear.

Go ahead and pick 'em of what camp and activities are we doing?

You can't say parents will cooperate.

That is not measurable.

That is not defined.

My level of cooperation is I didn't cuss at you and I said,

Hmm, I'll think about it.

That's me cooperating.

That's as best as I'll get.

Where the other side may be, no, we have to go have coffee and

talk about it and sign kids up.

well I don't wanna do that.

So now we don't even have a policy of how we're gonna get together to talk about it.

This is just written so poorly.

Example number four, summer break is not mentioned at all.

Yeah.

Again, look at your parenting plan.

Is summer break mentioned?

Probably not because your attorney assumed that you're just gonna stick

with the same schedule you were doing, which again, I'm just gonna tell you,

you can still do a two five, that's fine.

You can do a two five year round.

You can do week on and week off, year round.

There's some people out there that do like to switch to a week on, week off when they

only do a two five during the school year.

It is an opportunity to have longer periods of time so you can

physically change the school year and the summer to look differently.

Or you can keep it the same, but I'm talking about the more finer details.

We both work as parents.

Where are these kids going?

'cause school is not in session, so parents will argue.

I mean, not a little bit.

But a lot argue about summer camps and I've never seen anything like it, but man,

high conflict people, your kid could be in the same summer camp for fucking years,

been going since they were in kindergarten and they're now in seventh grade.

They've gone to the same summer program, but all of a sudden now

because you're going through a divorce, your high conflict X will say no.

I've never liked that camp before.

You could respond a back with.

Perfect.

What do you recommend?

Well, anything but that.

Okay.

So you're saying no to the program they've been in for seven years,

but you have no other fucking plan for where we're gonna put these kids

all summer while we both have a job.

Yeah.

That's what high conflict people will do.

If you don't put it in your parenting plan, one parent will

sign the kid up for all these camps.

So maybe you don't have a day camp situation, but maybe you have a parent

that just keeps, well, I'm gonna put 'em in this camp, and then this camp.

And then this camp, they're gonna go to volleyball, then they're

gonna go to a track camp, and then they're gonna go to a NASA camp.

That's fine.

But is this an overnight thing?

Am I missing visitation because of these camps?

Am I able to take the kid to what time this camp started?

So am I able to pick him up?

So we have one parent that's planning the whole summer out.

They haven't even stopped to think of, does this work with

the other parent's schedule?

Is this other parent going to, you heard me pay for help, pay for these camps?

The other parent assumes that the other parent will just be okay with it.

So they just sign the kid up.

And maybe it's because they have done them before, but now you're divorced.

So if your parenting plan doesn't say, you have to agree, we could have one parent

going rogue here over the summertime.

These are the details you gotta start honing down on.

And not to mention, let's just call an obvious one out.

If you're doing a two five schedule in the school year and you switch

to a two five for the summer, we still have to talk about where

are we dropping these kids off at?

' cause we're no longer taking them to school.

So are we taking them to the other parent's home?

Are we taking them to the daycare that we can't agree on?

Are we taking 'em to the camp that we can't agree on?

This is one of those things that, I've been helping people for a long

time and every season around now when I'm recording this in March is

when the questions start coming in.

Sam, I can't get my ex to make a summer plan.

Here's the caveat that all of you need to hear real quick, high conflict

people, they don't plan ahead.

They're not planners.

They are moment by moment chaos ridden people and they have never known in

all the years that you've been married, that summer camp was determined

in fucking February, March, April.

At best.

It's not June.

When we pick a summer camp, we pick them back in January, February, March.

They don't know that because they've never had their pulse on it when you

were married, so they think you're being crazy controlling by bringing

up summer in March, but you're not, because you and I both know as the

planners that that shit fills up really fast and we have to reserve our spot.

Hence why we got the email in March, if not February.

So that's the first tackling that you have to do is to get the high conflict

person to understand that, no, we have to plan this way in advance.

Spots fill up and we can't wait till the last minute.

That should be in your parenting plan.

The other part of this should be, how do we pick, is this

just a day camp situation?

Like every day they go Monday through Friday.

Are we talking about which volleyball camp, which soccer

camp, which NASA camp, which space camp, all these different camps.

Are we having to navigate that as well?

And here's one that wasn't an example, but I'll just throw it in here.

Now is bullshit is example number five and before I say this, just know, do

not sign something that says this.

I am not giving you legal advice.

I'm giving you common sense advice here.

Don't sign shit that says the following.

It'll say, and I'm laughing because it's so ludicrous.

Okay.

It will say something like this.

Each parent can enroll their child where they wish on their visitation day.

Okay, Larry, let me break this down for you.

'cause Larry probably doesn't have kids.

Your lawyer and Larry has no fucking clue how daycares and summer

camps and all these camps work.

There's no box on the application that says, Hey, my child will be here two days

out of the week this week and then be here four days outta the week next week.

And then one day.

Uh, that's not how this works.

I can't put my kid in something on Monday and Tuesday and then him go put the kids

in something on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and then, oh yeah, that place has to

know that every other Friday we're gonna switch and it's gonna be back to mine.

Oh.

But the next Friday there'll be, that's one part of it.

The other part of it is, what about your fucking kids?

Why would your kids wanna be like, Hey, I'm with these people for summer

camp two days of the week, and then these people for two days of the week.

Can you imagine being shuffled around because your parents can't get their

fucking shit together and come together and figure out where you need to go to

camp all summer or day camp every day.

really wrap your head around this.

So I'm advocating for all of you right now, make a plan for what

your kids do in the summertime.

And I'm talking details.

What camp are they going to what daycare are they going to?

The idea that some judge or Larry, the lawyer, is going to put in your plan

that it says each parent is responsible for picking a daycare of their own

during their own parenting time.

No daycare is going to take my kid like that.

And if they do, and if they do take your kid, they are gonna make

you pay for a full fricking week.

They're not gonna say, oh yeah, you could only pay us for two days, take two spots.

They're not gonna do that.

They're gonna say, yeah, you can bring your kid for two days, but

I'm charging you for all five days 'cause you're holding the spot.

' cause don't forget that every other Friday that kid will be here.

It's ludicrous.

And these judges hand this shit out on a daily basis thinking that

parents are gonna make this work.

And when I dumb it down and explain this to my ex how that won't work.

Then now I'm trying to control the situation and now I'm trying

to be smarty pants and now I'm trying to tell them what to do.

No, this is just common sense.

This is not cost effective for either one of us to pay for two separate camps

for half the freaking week at a time.

And even if you do week on, week off, a camp is not gonna be like a day camp.

So I'm gonna be like, yeah, you can pay us for one week and then not be here.

And then you're holding the spot.

That's how these places make money.

They're gonna charge you for both weeks every week.

We really have to make a plan for this in our parenting plan, and I'm sorry,

a lot of you with young kids, you just think that it's presumed that you'll keep

doing what you did, or you're gonna assume that your ex is going to agree with you.

So your parenting plan needs to clarify the following, whether the summer schedule

is different than the school year.

When does the summer schedule start and end?

And there's a real easy solution here.

Whatever district your kids go to school, go print out their summer calendar and

say, we will start our summer schedule.

The Monday following the end of school dismissal.

We will go back to our school schedule, the first Monday this school begins.

Like just doing that is going to save you a lawyer conversation down the road

when you go, Hey, when do we switch back to the school year schedule?

Put it in there now.

Put it in there now.

Where do we exchange when school's not in session?

And this should be in your parenting plan regardless, because what

are you gonna do on a sick day?

What are you gonna do on a holiday?

And again, for those of you like Sam, Sam, this is just way too much detail.

Okay, cool.

Thanks for stopping in.

You're not divorcing someone of high conflict or guess what?

You're not there yet.

Just wait.

Don't hold your breath 'cause it's going to happen.

This is the kind of stuff that high conflict people live for.

They live for finding a detail that wasn't included and they make it into

this big fucking ordeal and they make it into a huge 65 text exchange and

it costs you money with your attorney 'cause they threaten you and you panic.

So you call your attorney and we're spiraling out of control over a sentence

that could have been put in your parenting plan and nip this shit in the butt.

But Larry doesn't wanna put that in there for you.

' cause Larry likes to cause drama.

He's like the fucking pot stir.

Yeah.

Sam, that's common sense.

we don't put sentences like that in parenting plans.

Why not?

Because it's common sense.

Is it Larry?

Is it divorcing a high conflict person?

I don't think it's common sense.

We also need to include where the exchanges happen.

Obviously when school is not in transition, how summer

camps and day camps are chosen.

So I don't care if you get even years, I get odd years.

I would rather have that detail in there, right there than you.

And I argue every March and April before every single summer.

I'm not doing it.

I'm not spending the rest of my life in co-parenting arguing with you every

March and April about summer plans.

We're not doing it.

So get this kind of detail into your parenting plan.

Also the vacation time, which again, we're gonna drop a podcast about

vacations and how to make sure that they are so well talked about in

your parenting plan, because I don't want you to go without, this is

supposed to be a great glorious time.

Summer should be fun for you.

You have to remove the yearly arguments you have to, you have to get ahead of

this summer break exposes one of the biggest weaknesses in parenting plans.

So if you're building one right now with your attorney.

I hope you took notes during this episode, and I want you to go back

and say, Hey, what are we doing here and what are we doing here?

They're written around the school year, but they're never

overexposing what summer looks like.

Hell, even winter break, which we can make a whole episode about that as well.

And when things are clearly written, parents end up fighting and then

they have to renegotiate every march.

I don't want that for you.

So make sure that you know what kind of detail that you

need to include about summer.

What does it look like?

What do you want it to look like?

But make sure the rules and regulations and guidelines are written in that

parenting plan under its own section.

Summer break.