While at college, he met his future wife.

Oh no.

I feel like I know where this is going.

She came from a very close knit family, and they immediately saw

through my stepmother's behavior.

Mm-hmm.

My stepmother told anyone who would listen that she hated this woman.

Oh.

She's talking about the future wife.

She hated this woman and that she would never be good enough.

Ugh.

Hi, Ivette.

Welcome back on the pod.

Thanks.

I thought it was time that you came back.

I think it's like once a quarter.

It's just, yeah.

Only right.

That you come back on.

Yeah, I mean, what's new since the last time?

what's new for the audience versus what's new since I saw you two days ago.

So,

we just moved, into a new home, so that's kind of exciting.

But then also, I think I told you last time, like I've gotten

a new job and that's exciting and I have a lot of clients.

So I'm a therapist and I get to work with little kids and adults and,

I've also been working with married couples now, and so that's been fun.

A little challenging, but yeah, exciting.

Exciting for sure.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Do you feel like that's kind of like been a new stage in your work now?

as you kind of started it was more individuals and now it's more couples?

Well, I would say still focus on like kids, adolescents.

Really.

I think my heart is like teenagers, right?

I just love working with teens.

Mm-hmm.

But, I was, like, why not?

I love marriage and I think marriage is hard and beautiful and,

there's so many great parts to it.

And so I thought it would be exciting to walk alongside with people.

And so it hasn't been easy, But then just remembering like, Hey,

I am not the one that can kind of change things for these people.

It's really up to them.

And if there is change at the end of the day, it's because they want it.

So, yeah.

Yeah,

it's pretty cool.

Mm-hmm.

I love that.

No, that's good and I feel like people are always looking for that

It's like an outside perspective, but you make a good point about

like, it has to come from within.

you can't have someone tell you like, you need to make this work and you

do it this way because ultimately they're not in the marriage.

what do you do when someone comes to you with like.

marital issues or how can you tell a couple's really willing to work together?

Or what's like that next?

Yeah,

So really the way that I set it up is like, hey.

People come to therapy, they come to couples counseling because they think it's

like, oh, you're gonna fix everything.

And I'm like, no, that is like so opposite from what I do.

I'm like, really, this space, I'm kind of this, person that

gets to be here along the ride.

But really I'm kind of holding up a mirror and I'm allowing each

individual to reflect and see how do I show up for this other person?

How do I show up in the relationship?

And I think when I know that a couple is ready, They stop pointing fingers

at the other person and they start taking ownership and responsibility

for the choices that they're making.

And so it's really hard when it you're trying to point out the patterns

and you're like, guys, I see this happening over and over again, but

it's kind of like a toddler, right?

If you're like telling a toddler to Hey, don't stand on the chair.

you're gonna fall.

Like, don't stand on the chair.

You're gonna fall.

And they just keep doing it.

They're like, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

And then finally they fall.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Well, they've like.

Experience it.

That's they're ready, like next time they're gonna be like, okay, now I know

not to do that because I've learned my lesson, but they're not gonna

know it until they're ready for it.

if that makes sense.

Yeah.

I was just saying that too.

My husband Zach, the other day about you always wanna like protect

your kids and be like, don't do that 'cause you're gonna fall.

But I'm like, half the things we tell her, I'm like, she has to do.

Experience it through her own lived experience to be like,

wait, that's not a good idea.

Obviously there's some things like, we're gonna stop before it happens.

But there's definitely those things.

So I feel like that's an interesting way to put it.

It was like they have to be able to walk that road and be like, oh, wait a second.

Like, that's not the way I wanna go.

Yeah.

So I feel like it's an interesting thing to bring up, especially

like in the podcast and how we're talking about like marriage and

weddings and the drama and stuff.

Because I feel like a lot of these issues that come up in these stories, there

is a lot of finger pointing, right?

I shouldn't say like the drama that comes to me, it's typically not about.

The bride and group itself, the

couple, right?

It's like not about the couple, it's about all the exterior

things that are bringing drama in.

But you gotta think like with a wedding, a funeral movie, any kind of big moment

in people's lives bring on all these extra stressors and conflicting personalities.

And so I feel like that's a lot of times the hardest part in a

lot of these stories we read.

Yeah, that makes sense to me.

kind of the outside opinions and then two, if you wanted to present that to a

couple, it's like, okay, well then how do you show up for your partner in this case?

Like, how can you do that reflective work Do you show up for them?

Are you there to say, oh no, this is now, this is my family now I need

to tend to their needs and their feelings and their emotions because

there kind of needs to be this.

I wish people would have more conversations of like, Hey,

mom, dad, brother, sister, whatever, extended family.

This is what our marriage is gonna look like.

And these are, the boundaries that we've established together.

And I, wish that was more of a norm.

And not just with marriage, right?

Like going into parenthood.

Because what happens is like their opinions start to trickle in.

all these things start to trickle in.

And then you're like really frustrated with.

These people and you're like, oh my gosh, I can't stand that.

They're always like giving their 2 cents when I don't ask for it.

But there was never that established boundary talk, there

was never this conversation.

And so I'm hoping that that's kind of the direction that we're

gonna move, especially like our generation experiencing

this firsthand and being like.

Well, I wanna be that person for when my kids get married, I wanna ask my

daughter and her husband, like, hey, what is okay and what's not okay.

Right.

when is it okay for me to, give advice?

And so, yeah.

Yeah.

Another little Tangent.

No, I love that though, because that really lines into the things

we see because, boundaries I feel like are so important.

And then when people send, stories to me about like.

We're planning our wedding and like we've been so happy.

We're so excited, but.

His mom or her sister, or whoever's coming in, they say, we need to do

it this way, we need to do that.

And so I always constantly say like, you and your partner need to get on the same

page first, then invite other people in when you want and for what you want.

So not just like, Hey everyone, we're having a wedding day.

Tell us whatever opinion you have.

Or, Hey, we're about to have a baby.

Tell us your favorite opinion.

it's like, this is what we're doing.

Oh, hey, I actually have a question about this.

What's your experience?

because I think, it's like the previous generation was like all they really

had was their moms coming in or their parents coming in saying, this is what

you do, this is how you raise a baby.

'cause that's what we did, because now we're learning, okay, let's kind

of have a little safe zone with our family, our partner, and learn what

makes sense for our family first, and then kind of invite that in.

And I love that.

I love that for a lot of different reasons.

So,

Yeah.

I feel like I kind of went on a little, tangent too, but I love that.

Okay,

so I wanted to start with a little wedding dilemma that someone sent me.

I say a little, it's.

medium sized.

Okay.

and then we'll have our red light, green light.

So let's get into this.

Okay.

For context, I'm an only child, the oldest cousin and the oldest granddaughter.

Because of that, a lot of people have given us unsolicited

suggestions about the wedding.

Perfect tie in right here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm getting married in September and we sent out final RSVPs and

invitations a little over a month ago.

From the beginning, I made it clear to my family that we were only inviting people

we know and have a relationship with.

My aunt Gina mentioned that someone from her church, sister

Jane, would definitely come.

I told her that I don't personally know this person and we are only inviting

people that we have a relationship with.

She said, okay, I understand.

Fast forward to August.

We've had several difficult conversations and have been very

firm with our boundaries, so

Good on them.

Good

for them.

I feel like that's the hardest part, is just like reaffirming,

this is what we're doing.

Right.

Then I went to church and saw someone who hadn't RSVPed She's

over 80, so I wasn't upset.

I asked if she would still like to come.

She said yes and was very excited.

Right after that, my Aunt Gina turns to her and says, oh, is brother

so-and-so coming right in front of me.

I quickly stepped in and clarified that.

Only she was invited.

Then changed the subject to ask what she wanted to eat.

After that, I made a clear statement to my Aunt Gina, my parents, the woman

and the other person from church.

I said that only the people present there that day were invited to the wedding.

My Aunt Gina immediately made a face, turned to my dad.

My dad said, don't worry, we're going to talk to her later.

My dad pulled me aside and told me that Jane is a kind, caring person.

I told him, I'm sure that's true, but I still don't have a relationship with her

Then he said, we'll give you the money.

Implying that they would cover the cost if we invited her.

I told him I needed to talk to my fiance.

I hate this.

'cause now this woman, she's got these strong boundaries,

but they're like poking.

They're like, come on, she's kind.

We'll pay for her.

And I hear people are like, oh, we're not having kids at the wedding

or we're not inviting, extended.

Mm-hmm.

They're like, we'll pay for it.

It's like, that's not the problem.

the tricky part is like we'll pay for it.

I'm trying to put myself in those shoes and I can be such a people pleaser, so I'd

be like, well, yeah, you're paying for it.

I guess it's fine.

And it would give me that excuse to like bring it up to my person.

But at the end of the day, it's like.

This is a very intimate moment, right?

this is supposed to be where everyone has like a different,

vision for their wedding.

Mm-hmm.

But really it's like this beautiful moment of two people becoming one and this

random lady who's just wants to go there.

Like, does she even want to go like, she's probably like, oh, they

invited me and now I have to go buy a present and I don't even know her.

Or, I think about that person too and I'm like, do they even really wanna go?

Or is it just like, mom and dad, it's like, oh, well this is our friend and

we want them to be there, but I don't think that does anything for the, in.

Not invited slash invited person.

Yeah.

And the bride in your room,

Totally.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I think the same way.

'cause I'm like, why are you going to bat for this person who maybe doesn't

even know the wedding's happening or doesn't care, if they're invited or not?

I've seen that time and time again where they're like, no,

this person has to be invited.

I don't know if it has to do with appearances too.

they wanna make sure like mm-hmm.

Inviting people from the church when you invite all our main

people from church, you know?

'cause

that can be uncomfortable to be like, oh, well my daughter's only inviting

you and you because she knows you.

So sorry.

that's one of those challenges,

You think people would be more understanding, but.

Yeah.

She said, my fiance and I discussed it and decided we were not inviting Jane.

I told my parents over dinner, they were upset, but they tried to understand.

My dad said he would talk to Jane.

Okay.

So I'm guessing Jane knows.

So she's like, she wanted to

go.

She wanted,

oh my gosh.

Then my Aunt Gina texted me and apologized just when I

thought everything was resolved.

She sent another message.

Asking if I would serve as a security guard at my cousin's

wedding if she asked me to.

What?

Oh no, the timing of it is terrible.

Like,

yeah, she's like, yeah.

So I know there's this wedding stuff with your wedding, but

can you come over here please?

she said I was very confused and told her I didn't understand what she meant.

I showed the text to my dad.

He asked if it might be because my cousins are greeters.

I said maybe suggested that she might think my cousins should have

higher ranking roles than just attending as guests, but I said

they were fine just being greeters.

So she's trying to be like, you can have a role at this wedding if.

they can have a role, right?

Be a security guard.

You can stand outside during the ceremony and then, give them a role too.

So wild how people envision other people's weddings and how they should do things,

I, I hope this is a reminder to me that when and if my daughter chooses to marry

that, I'm like, tell me where you need me.

that's how my mom was, my mother-in-law, I'm very lucky.

They were both like, you tell me where you need me.

I can do this, I can do this.

they never crossed a boundary.

So I'm like very grateful for that I read stories like this and I'm like, how do you

even respond to someone that's like, okay, so this person will be your flower girl.

This person will be this.

Right.

those like monster in law stories, which I'm sure you get

a bunch of that's my nightmare.

But,

he then said she might just be trying to find things to be upset

about because she's uncomfortable that Jane isn't invited.

This is Jane.

A few days later, my mom brought up Sister Jane again, even though we had

already talked everything through.

She said Jane wanted to attend to support my dad and show appreciation.

I responded that if her intention is to support my dad, she can do

that without attending my wedding.

My mom finally agreed.

My dad said he would speak to Jane and would support my

fiance and my decision 100%.

So all this to say, Jane is still not coming, but I still don't

know what to do with my cousins, if they will be greeters or not.

So basically they weren't assigned the role of graders prior to this.

Mm-hmm.

The aunt's kind of being like, Hey, do you wanna be this at this wedding?

do what you envision.

'cause later on what's gonna happen is you're gonna look back and

say like, why did I even do that?

if they offer you and you wanna be a security guard.

Sure.

if that's what you wanna do for them.

But that doesn't necessarily mean like, hey, I guess now I have to

have them be a part of my, wedding.

'cause one that's not really authentic.

And then two, you're gonna look back at pictures and be like, why did I do that?

You

I think that's like with wedding parties too.

I feel like you hear a lot of times they're like, well, I was in their

wedding so they should be in mine.

And I've heard that all the time.

'cause it's like you feel like you owe them.

Mm-hmm.

At the end of the day though too, it's a big ask to have

someone in your wedding too.

Like they're gonna be spending money taking time off work

or whatever that looks like.

So at the end of the day, you really just have to ask for.

Look at your partner and be like, what do we want?

kinda like what I was just saying, but it sounds like they

have really good boundaries.

So props to them for that.

Yeah.

it sucks that it constantly is getting crossed and constantly getting tested.

Right.

But I'm glad you guys are staying firm because I don't know what I

would do if someone constantly kept pushing that same boundary like.

none of you can come.

I don't know, like

and offered solutions to like the tension, that's kind of what

makes it harder to be like No.

Yeah.

So yeah.

Good for them.

Yeah,

I don't know if I would've been able to do that.

I see this now, like, yeah, don't do that.

But I don't know if I would've been able to do that.

Yes.

I'd be curious to see if it's ever brought up again, or if on the wedding day they're

like, oh, sister Jane would've loved this, or, you know, picture to Jane.

let's do a little red light, green light.

I can't remember if we did this last time when you were here or

not, but it's basically like, oh.

Say a statement and you say if it's like a good thing or a bad

thing or you, agree with it.

Okay.

Hosting your entire wedding planning drama on social media.

Oh, red light.

No.

No.

Why?

on both sides of vendors and brides or groomed.

Posting like some kind of wedding drama and it backfiring because they

weren't telling the whole truth.

there was one with a bride where she was like, my makeup was ruined.

She did that on TikTok.

She wiped it off and she's like, I'm doing it myself.

The makeup artist spoke and she is like, she never once told

me she didn't like anything.

I had no clue.

I'm mortified.

And then there was a photographer that this happened to where she tagged the

photographer and she was like, oh, she did a horrible job on my photos.

And all she did was share just blurry photos.

But the photographer was like, that's part of her aesthetic.

Like it you looked at the whole album, it looked beautiful.

Don't do that because it's gonna backfire.

Like it's

So unless your life is to produce drama and entertain people, don't do it.

Yeah.

Like,

How about, yeah, don't post about it, but send it to me anonymously

and we'll react to it on the podcast and then give on, yeah.

This way you're anonymous so you can see what side people are on that is

a helpful thing is like, 'cause then I'll post a story and people will

be like, oh my gosh, this is crazy.

So then you're anonymous, you're safe, but we can kind of discuss.

And then we will tell you like, are you crazy or not?

Like, who are right?

Yes.

Yes.

a parent trying to control the guest list because they're helping pay,

oh, red light.

Red light.

And again, it's easier said than done, but like.

That's a gift.

you don't get to give someone like a shirt and say, well you

have to wear it every Saturday.

no.

So,

and I always say it's mutual respect because if someone that you mutual

respect with the person and they want to help, then I'm like, yes, invite.

Whoever you want to the wedding, right?

It's like, what if it's someone that's been rude to you and they're just like

dangling money by a string and they're like, oh, let me help pay for it and

invite Sister Jane, you know, whatever.

Then that's a different situation.

couples asking guests to wear specific color palette,

green light.

You like that?

I like to see it.

Um, as a guest I would be like.

I might be a little annoyed by it, but no, I love aesthetically things that are

beautiful and good looking, and I get it

I would love to go to a themed wedding like that, or like a color palette.

I've never have.

I think I personally would like it 'cause I get very overwhelmed with

like, what's the style, what's this?

And like I'll have one dress, I'm like, is this too formal?

Is this too dark of a color?

And so I feel like I would love that.

think that'd be the pictures gonna look great for the bride in the

groom, but also it's just a color.

It's not saying like, you have to buy the most fanciest stress,

at the most expensive store.

It's just a color.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like that.

Destination weddings that require three days of events.

the require bit, that's a lot to ask for.

that's a red light I think like, Hey.

We've done this, we've planned these events out for these days.

We're gonna be there if you guys wanna come.

You are welcome to come, but you can't be offended if someone's not

gonna spend $3,000 for your wedding.

Like, yeah.

Did they even spend that on their own wedding, right?

No.

Mm-hmm.

What are your thoughts on couples sharing a social media account?

I,

I'm indifferent.

Sure.

I don't care.

It's.

I'm torn red light because why do you need to share an account

on social media but green light?

'cause my hope is that people that do share it don't really.

Care enough to have like person, I don't know how to explain it.

I think it's one of those things where it's like if you really did choose

together, like honestly, or maybe one of you guys don't really care

about social media and it's like, let's just do a family one or joint

one order, because I've seen that before where it's like a family one.

Mm-hmm.

Where I have seen it.

Be kind of questionable is where it's a control thing where maybe

one doesn't trust the other.

So they're like, all the messages are coming through here.

We're only on one.

You're not allowed to have your own social media.

So that's where I'm like, okay, if they decide together, sure.

But whatever Doesn't hurt me if you do that.

But yeah,

I, agree with you.

And I think that's why I said green light, because I've actually seen the opposite

of that, so that's why I'm like, no.

Yeah, it's fine.

Doable.

Okay.

Fine.

Yeah.

Okay, last one.

Last one.

We're using a bridesmaid dress from another wedding.

Fine freely.

I don't mind.

Please do.

Yeah.

Save money.

If you love it.

You look good in it.

It feels good.

Do it.

I always tell people how you got your dress for my wedding.

I think, wasn't it like half off?

So it was like 50 bucks I think.

Yeah, it was like a whole thing with mine.

I was pregnant, I was trying to figure out my size.

I didn't like the dress.

They sent me two wrong ones and then I ended up being like half off.

And I,

you ended up ordering it during like a sale or something and

The timing ended up working out.

it was a lot of back and forth I think I went over to bring your.

Jacket and you were like, oh my gosh, the dress I ordered.

'cause you ordered your dress like right away, right?

And you're like, oh my gosh, so much has changed since then.

But yeah, I wouldn't care as a bride, like please use a, a dress

you already have if it works

Let's get into this week's story reaction, which honestly I think

the dilemma was longer than this.

So I Okay.

hi.

Long time fan.

I figured I'd send this to you because I think it's a pretty crazy story.

My stepmother is well crazy, like over the top, wild, and extremely narcissistic.

No one is immune from her chaos.

She has two sons.

Her oldest is very devoted to her.

He even bought a house 10 doors down from where she lived, wait, no.

He bought the house so that he could always be near to take care of her.

So she's expecting that, I guess.

She and his father divorced when he was in high school, so he chose to

attend a local college to make sure that she would still be taken care of.

Oh, no.

While at college, he met his future wife.

Oh no.

I feel like I know where this is going.

She came from a very close knit family, and they immediately saw

through my stepmother's behavior.

Mm-hmm.

My stepmother told anyone who would listen that she hated this woman.

Oh.

She's talking about the future wife.

She hated this woman and that she would never be good enough.

Ugh.

Because she knows she's not gonna get 100% of his attention anymore.

That's right.

She strongly preferred his previous girlfriend and even

stayed in touch with her for years.

again, I'm probably just jumping the gun, but it's probably because that

one bowed down to her and was like,

yes, yes, absolutely.

Really

clean.

I'm just here.

It's fine.

Ugh.

When the couple got engaged, my stepmother volunteered to host their

engagement party and she invited the ex.

boyfriend

I knew it.

I knew that's was coming.

the nerve.

How dare you.

Even more so.

Obviously we don't know yet.

The girlfriend comes, ex-girlfriend.

Why would you go to that?

I would be like, no, thank you.

any normal person would be like, no.

do you not love your son?

Like, don't you want it to be a good experience for him?

I can't.

I can't.

My heart just sank.

I just feel like all of my own insecurities came up for myself and

I would feel so small, even just knowing that my mother-in-law invited

my now husband's ex to anything.

She now made it Her party.

The stepmother made it her party and made you just like a wall, like you're

basically just like a side there because she made it so you weren't comfortable in

her home, Then the cake was brought out.

Oh no.

Oh no.

I just read a hug.

Then the cake was brought out.

It had the ex-girlfriend's name on it, not the fiance's.

So she is literally trying to sabotage their whole thing.

when you said cake, that's what I thought, but I was like, there's no way.

There's no way.

But

are you kidding?

That is wild.

I am reading it As an outsider person, but the second I knew if someone

I knew that hated me was offering to host my party immediately, no.

Immediately, no.

'cause they don't have your best interest.

They are not gonna think about you and your partner, they're gonna think about

ways to sabotage you in the wedding.

Yes.

So I would be saying no to that.

I'm not going to that party.

There's no way

And at the same time, I wanna give the bride like this.

Maybe she was kind of trying to be the bigger person and give her that benefit

of the doubt and it totally backfired.

You know what I mean?

That's horrible.

Ugh.

the person that wrote this story in, it's her stepmother.

Then it's like her son.

Okay,

so she was there.

She's like,

they're seeing it

yes.

And so I'm guessing, well, maybe that's why.

So her dad is the one that divorced now, so she's.

Single as the wedding approached, she repeatedly tried to convince

her son not to marry his fiance.

She threatened not to attend the wedding and even offered to pay

for an entirely different wedding if he would change his mind.

She pulled in anyone she could to try to persuade him otherwise.

even telling him that his grandmother was distraught hated the fiance.

someone goes low, if they wanna bring everyone down with them.

They can't stand to see people happy or the people's like

proud or on another side.

No.

The wedding eventually took place, though she was clearly upset about it.

The newly married couple left for their honeymoon in

Hawaii early the next morning.

That same day, the grandmother passed away in her sleep.

She had a history of heart problems.

My stepmother immediately began telling everyone that the grandmother died of

a broken heart because her grandson had gone through with the marriage.

Wait,

a put that on your son, right?

who is this woman?

Send me your details.

Like, I can't believe her.

That is horrible.

Like,

she's like dealing with something from the divorce or something where

she's like holding onto her kids and thinking that enmeshment where

she's like, they are me, I am them.

sorry, that's a therapist term.

I'm not a therapist.

I shouldn't use that.

the whole time.

I'm thinking like, how would I even do a session with them?

This is insane.

Yeah.

Because I feel like that she's so caught up in, they belong to me, whatever

I say they should be doing, and Oh, grandmother died because of you.

It's your fault.

Oh man.

She even called the airport and had a message sent to the plane

saying there was an emergency.

Can you do that?

This sounds crazy.

we sure this is real?

I don't know.

okay.

There's been times where people send us stories and I'm like, did they like ai?

This, this sounds so fake to me, but then I'll like share the story and people

are like, no, this thing happened to me.

Unless, this was like years ago.

Oh wait, this was the early nineties.

I just saw it.

This was the early nineties.

I'm thinking of friends, even though Me too.

That's exactly what I thought of.

I guess they had cell phones at the end of friends, but in the early nineties,

you know, you didn't have cell phones, so you would've had to have called.

Right.

Emergency.

I guess that's how you had to do it.

Yeah.

Gosh.

And because I was like, it's funny, I was doing a skit recently and it was

supposed to be in the nineties, and I was like, wait, if a car accident

happened, you wouldn't have a cell phone.

So I'm like, Googling.

I was like, what would've been there?

And it was like, oh, there was more pay phones or you could,

have like an emergency, tow truck would come by, you know, whatever.

And I was like, you just kind of forget.

Mm-hmm.

So, yeah, I guess that makes more sense.

It's still crazy, but it makes more sense that it was the nineties.

Yeah,

it's still crazy.

It does make more sense.

Yeah.

So you have no way of calling or texting them.

she even called the airport and had a message sent to the plane

saying there was an emergency and that he needed to call immediately.

'cause this was the early nineties when he called, she demanded that

he come home because according to her, he had killed his grandmother.

That's how she worded it.

Years later when the younger son, who was her pride and joy of life

was getting married for the second time, she caused more chaos.

She told his fiance that she liked her so much more than his first wife because she

thought the first wife was unattractive.

and that it was no wonder he had cheated on her so many times.

Okay, so the suns aren't great either, or that sun.

Yeah, no, I can see where they get it from.

Oh my gosh.

The fiance did not know that infidelity had been the cause of the divorce.

Okay,

well

that's on him.

That's a whole nother issue.

Yeah.

he should have been honest with her about that.

So yeah, you can be mad at the stepmom about that, but

he should have told her that.

Yeah.

She then told the fiance that the entire family was secretly planning

to leave the rehearsal dinner early so they could have a dinner with the first

wife because they all liked her better.

This was not true.

The rehearsal dinner ended in complete chaos.

When the fiance left in distress, the wedding almost didn't happen

at all, and the son initially banned his mother from attending.

Eventually, he relented and the wedding went ahead as planned.

His wife now avoids interacting with his side of the family

unless absolutely necessary.

So she botched not one, but two weddings.

Right.

And we don't know what happened with that first wife's wedding,

I feel for these women that You don't really realize how

much of an impact that makes.

Like the wedding, obviously, that's horrible, but long term you don't have

support, you don't have your village.

What happens when there's kids like these poor, girls, Even just hearing this, I

already said this, but I feel so small.

I would not wanna feel that way on my wedding day.

You know?

I would want to feel accepted and I guess that makes them strong for being

able to go through with this, right?

And being like, no, I love this person.

And that just means that we're gonna have to do our lives without

them and have some boundaries.

But, wow.

Just,

yeah.

And you said something earlier that made me think about like.

In these moments.

That's when the fiance, I think the partner, whoever has the

challenging family at the time, right?

Mm-hmm.

They really need to step up and be like, I choose you.

I'm on your side.

We're in this together.

Because if they are not in those challenging moments,

that's when it's gonna falter.

I think, and I've gotten a lot of stories where as I'm reading it, I'm

like, this seems like a bad Oman.

And then later they're like, and we got divorced.

we didn't last.

Because if you're gonna constantly have someone like that.

Where the fiance or now the husband or wife hasn't fully chosen you, right?

And they're still going back to their family who hates you or talks

about you in this negative light.

That marriage is gonna be crumbling because you're gonna be like,

well, do they actually care?

Are they gonna listen to what their family say?

As a whole, I feel like other layer of complications for sure.

It's just a bad foundation to start on really like, That's hard.

I feel like if you don't, which again, I've never been in that situation

where you have to pick and choose.

Mm-hmm.

But in that situation, especially, let's say this, story, the stepmother,

or I guess it's his mom, but if you don't cut her out, she's going

to make sure your marriage fails.

Oh yeah.

So still you like make that firm cut.

Mm-hmm.

So you will constantly find a way to get in there.

So you did make your choice and stick through it.

I mean, she didn't mention anything about them staying married or

anything like that, or not, so I don't know how it worked out, but.

Well, good job for you girls, because I couldn't have done it.

They did it good for them.

And I'm just like, hopefully they're still together and hopefully

those boundaries are up, right?

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

I feel like this was a, nineties movie.

Yes, I know.

I'm picturing like running through the airport and Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

That's funny that we both thought of friends right away.

I saw her like Should I get off the plane?

Yeah, I plane.

There's a problem with the phang.

Oh, that's what it is.

Phoebe calls, right?

Oh yes.

Phoebe calls the airport or she calls her phone 'cause she has cell phone.

That has to be in like 2000.

Was that 2001?

2004. I think it ended because I think it started in 94.

That's wild.

Sport came out.

I was too a little bit younger.

I'm just kidding.

It's alright.

We were both born in 19 hundreds.

We're old now.

I know.

I'm so old.

It's funny, I turned on friends the other day, haven't watched friends

in so long and I was like, so much like still applies, but I still feel

like they're supposed to be early twenties I think in the beginning.

22, 23. they feel like older than me still though, because I watched it as a kid.

So like they just seemed so put together and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's,

but not put together at all.

They're not put together literally at all.

But I still look at them.

I'm like, oh my gosh, they're so cool.

Okay.

I always like to end these with confessions that

people send me on Instagram.

So let's see what we got this week.

Good.

I thought I had to confess something.

Yeah.

Did you plan your confession?

One time?

Actually, I had someone on and she's like, I'll confess something.

And then she did and she was like, do you have anything?

And I was like, I'll think, I don't know if I have anything.

Where do I start?

I. I can never think of anything on the spot.

I'm so bad with stuff like that.

Okay.

This week we asked what almost made you lose it at a wedding, but you played it.

Cool.

okay.

This person said extra guest.

My mother-in-law innocently said to my aunt, the whole family is invited.

Grandson came with a plus one or mother-in-law said to

fiance's aunt, I'm guessing.

So everyone's invited.

dad left and didn't walk me down the aisle because I wouldn't

talk to my not invited mom.

That's a whole story.

Dunno what's there.

Yeah.

Can you send Chris to the details please?

Yeah.

Send me what happened there.

I feel like that's, there's so little, I don't know to like, respond to that.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

But either way, I don't think a parent should leave a wedding.

food was two personal sized pizzas.

No choice for toppings for each table of eight people.

Oh,

that's interesting.

I mean, I love pizza personally, but if they only just gave like two little

personal sized pizzas and you go to a wedding hungry, that's the thing.

You have to feed your guests.

Yeah.

I wouldn't be mad if I was at a wedding and they just served pizza.

I've actually been to weddings where they had a food truck and

it was pizza and it was amazing.

Yeah, but you have to plan accordingly and have enough food.

definitely lost it on my maid of honor.

We're still besties.

I just didn't want to pee with a crowd.

I need more to that story.

I don't know.

It's going on.

Why do you wanna pee with a crown?

I don't know.

I'm wondering if it's like maybe she had a bridal suite and people

kept coming in or something.

I don't know.

Yeah, tell us more.

Tell us more.

These little snippets are not enough.

That's what I'm thinking.

she was like either in one of those big stalls or in her bridal

suite and people are just coming in and out and she's trying to tell

her like, Hey, can you tell him?

She's like, no, no, it's fine.

It's fine.

They just need this or that.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

I guess we don't know.

I don't know.

Guess we'll have to just make our own assumptions.

all right.

Well thank you so much for coming on today.

it's always fun hanging out.

I feel like I try to make them not super formal, but then revert back.

I'm like, thank you.

It's been fun today.

I love being here.

Thanks for having me.

And then, maybe let's not wait until, quarter of a year has gone by.

Yeah,

I know.

It's always also I'm like, we gotta get her back on.

Um, but also it's like, I see you in person.

So then that's like our therapy session or hang out friend therapy session.

And then I'm like, oh yeah, we should get on the podcast.

Maybe that's why when you're on, I'm like, oh, I need to be professional.

'cause I don't wanna Slip and say something and forget.

I'm recording

hang out.

Right?

Like, we don't wanna just hang out kind of thing.

Yeah.

We don't wanna just,

I think we did that the first time and now we're doing it again, so we'll stop.

Yes, exactly.

All right.

Well thank you so much for coming on and, I guess this is it.

This is it.

I hope you like it.