<v Speaker 1>Some men.

<v Speaker 2>They're not only competing with other men, they're going to

<v Speaker 2>compete with you too. They're competing with your confidence. That's

<v Speaker 2>why you have men too. That you'll come here looking

<v Speaker 2>like a million bucks and they refuse to tell you

<v Speaker 2>that you look pretty, and they'll act like it's nothing.

<v Speaker 1>Oh nice cool shoes.

<v Speaker 2>Hey babe, it's Asia Christina. This is Quality Queen Control.

<v Speaker 1>What is happening?

<v Speaker 2>Hello, angels, welcome back to another episode of Quality Queen Control.

<v Speaker 2>I am your host, Asha Christina Foster. Nice to meet you.

<v Speaker 2>If this is your first time coming across me seeing me, Hello,

<v Speaker 2>how are you? We are on a mission to grow

<v Speaker 2>this channel actually to let's just say, my short term

<v Speaker 2>goal is two hundred and fifty thousand subscribers. So teamwork

<v Speaker 2>makes the dream work. So make sure that if you

<v Speaker 2>are seeing this, you are subscribed to the channel, and

<v Speaker 2>of course if you're listening, make sure you always give

<v Speaker 2>this a five star rating or tag me on the

<v Speaker 2>podcast Instagram page and everything like. We have a good

<v Speaker 2>system running right now and we are we're doing good.

<v Speaker 2>We're inflow here, so yes, make all the engagement. Everything

<v Speaker 2>goes a long way to support your favorite creator. So far,

<v Speaker 2>We've been doing really well on the channel, which I'm

<v Speaker 2>super grateful for, and I just cannot thank you guys enough.

<v Speaker 2>So every single like, comment, share, save, send really just

<v Speaker 2>goes such a long way. So thank you guys so

<v Speaker 2>much for the support. I just I could not move

<v Speaker 2>on without telling you guys that. And of course, just

<v Speaker 2>make sure that you are subscribed to the channel, because,

<v Speaker 2>like I said, we want to hit our next goal

<v Speaker 2>of two hundred and fifty thousand subscribers, because ultimately, guys,

<v Speaker 2>I would love for this channel to hit one million.

<v Speaker 2>And then also as far as podcast downloads go, I

<v Speaker 2>would love for you know, my podcast to eventually be

<v Speaker 2>let's say, like even like top five, you know, because

<v Speaker 2>usually I do chart top one hundred for the past

<v Speaker 2>couple of years now, which has been such a blessing

<v Speaker 2>because I have no promotion, no special anything going that's

<v Speaker 2>putting me in the algorithm. So you know, it just

<v Speaker 2>really will be extra special to be able to do

<v Speaker 2>that and climb in the ranks, cause then guys, we

<v Speaker 2>can really get on with a podcast tour, which is

<v Speaker 2>my you know, next goal is to grow the podcast

<v Speaker 2>in the channel so that we can do a podcast

<v Speaker 2>tour like meaning like a live show type of vibes.

<v Speaker 2>So I can like go travel to like a couple

<v Speaker 2>cities and we could do a live podcast show and

<v Speaker 2>I can meet you guys in person and all the things.

<v Speaker 2>So okay, fingers crossed that that will definitely come into

<v Speaker 2>fruition in Jesus name, Amen. But like I said, teamwork

<v Speaker 2>makes the dream work. Let's talk about today when a

<v Speaker 2>man loves your energy but not your standards aka why

<v Speaker 2>some men really just get a kick out of, you know,

<v Speaker 2>tricking high value women. Just because you are a high

<v Speaker 2>value woman does not mean that you are exempt from

<v Speaker 2>these things.

<v Speaker 1>And men actually.

<v Speaker 2>Specifically get a kick out of getting high value women

<v Speaker 2>to perform like a desperate clown. Okay, they get a

<v Speaker 2>kick out of doing things like that some men do.

<v Speaker 2>So high value women are rarely played because you know

<v Speaker 2>they're desperate. Let's be real here, they are played because

<v Speaker 2>they're actually deserning.

<v Speaker 1>And I know that sounds confusing, but think about this.

<v Speaker 2>You think deeply, you self reflect, you give grace, and

<v Speaker 2>you you know, you assume like you are emotionally intelligent

<v Speaker 2>and mature. Certain men actually know that, all right, So

<v Speaker 2>instead of overpowering you, they are going to.

<v Speaker 1>De stabilize you instead. Oh yeay, what fun.

<v Speaker 2>So this episode is not about bashing men, but it's

<v Speaker 2>about exposing the tactics that creates confusion, right, because confusion

<v Speaker 2>is the only way to weaken a woman who normally

<v Speaker 2>has clarity. Think about that, all right. So, and as

<v Speaker 2>we know, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is not

<v Speaker 2>the author of confusion. Wherever confusion is in the midst,

<v Speaker 2>all right, he will he is not, all right?

<v Speaker 1>Remember that?

<v Speaker 2>So I want to name this like the pedestal setup.

<v Speaker 2>So they'll put you on this pedestal kind of a

<v Speaker 2>little bit like love bombing in a way, but I'm

<v Speaker 2>not really referencing love bombing necessarily, but they'll say things like, oh, man,

<v Speaker 2>like you're you're not like other women. And obviously this

<v Speaker 2>sounds very flattering, you know, because every girl thinks.

<v Speaker 1>That she's like not like the other guys, you know.

<v Speaker 2>But what he's really doing is isolating you, uh.

<v Speaker 1>You know, psychologically.

<v Speaker 2>So you're already thinking like, oh my gosh, like, yes

<v Speaker 2>I am different or whatever.

<v Speaker 1>Yes, we all have unique things about us. Let's be

<v Speaker 1>real here.

<v Speaker 2>I understand that, okay, but some men, and this is

<v Speaker 2>what I'm speaking to that have a game plan here.

<v Speaker 2>They are going to operate in this manner. So when

<v Speaker 2>a man is going to elevate you and label you

<v Speaker 2>as different, right, he's creating that silent pressure on you.

<v Speaker 2>So now you subconsciously feel like, well, you have to

<v Speaker 2>maintain that image.

<v Speaker 1>Right.

<v Speaker 2>So the moment that you express normal boundaries and needs,

<v Speaker 2>all of a sudden, you know you're doing too much

<v Speaker 2>or you're acting different, or well, that's not really the

<v Speaker 2>same girl that I met. Be very careful of this

<v Speaker 2>because some of you find yourself in this type of

<v Speaker 2>situation where now because you don't want to be like

<v Speaker 2>other girls and you don't want to nag, and you

<v Speaker 2>think you're reading too much into situations. This is why

<v Speaker 2>you end up being performative in your relationship instead of

<v Speaker 2>vulnerable and being honest in a relationship because you were

<v Speaker 2>never even given the four to do so. Because now

<v Speaker 2>he's set up this false facade of like, oh, wow,

<v Speaker 2>you're so different, I love how you. You know, you're

<v Speaker 2>not always texting my phone, you're not doing all this stuff.

<v Speaker 2>So the second he acts shady, he knows, well, she's

<v Speaker 2>not going to confront me because I know that she's

<v Speaker 2>not going to say anything about it because she's different.

<v Speaker 1>She's not like the other girls.

<v Speaker 2>So when you try to check him for something you

<v Speaker 2>have reason to check him on or be inquisitive about,

<v Speaker 2>you feel uncomfortable to perform to respond in a way

<v Speaker 2>that you should respond because you don't want him to

<v Speaker 2>now attribute and group you in to being different, you know,

<v Speaker 2>being just like everybody else and changing up your behavior.

<v Speaker 1>He thought you were cool, now you're not. What is

<v Speaker 1>up with this?

<v Speaker 2>Like questioning behavior, like you're not allowed to have any questions?

<v Speaker 2>You guys are understand what I'm saying. So remember that

<v Speaker 2>when you're expressing normal emotions for things like your needs

<v Speaker 2>and your boundaries, he can flip that around on you

<v Speaker 2>and be like, oh, I thought you were different. You know,

<v Speaker 2>I thought you You know, you know you don't need

<v Speaker 2>me to come pick you up. You always have your

<v Speaker 2>own ride or you know, uh, man, you know you

<v Speaker 2>don't even need to you know, be doing all that?

<v Speaker 2>Like I cannot stand a man who has like a

<v Speaker 2>gripe with woman wearing makeup?

<v Speaker 1>What is it to you? Are you upset because you

<v Speaker 1>can't wear it? Huh? Are we having a batty contest?

<v Speaker 1>You win.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, princess, I'm out of this race all right. Like,

<v Speaker 2>I just don't understand that they want you to be

<v Speaker 2>ready in five minutes and and you don't have to

<v Speaker 2>do all that pay attention to these types of things.

<v Speaker 2>They're already setting up the stage for you to not

<v Speaker 2>be yourself. So now every time this man picks you up,

<v Speaker 2>you have anxiety because you feel like you have to

<v Speaker 2>rush to get ready. You're already changing things about yourself

<v Speaker 2>and you're not even realizing it. Or because he labeled you,

<v Speaker 2>like I said, as different, you do not want to

<v Speaker 2>express your normal needs and boundaries because you don't want

<v Speaker 2>to change his perception of you in his head.

<v Speaker 1>But he did that and said that intentionally.

<v Speaker 2>So when you do address something you're not you know, uh,

<v Speaker 2>you're addressing a normal need in a boundary of yours.

<v Speaker 2>You're you're just like you're not into performing anymore. So

<v Speaker 2>this tactic actually works because high value woman, they you know,

<v Speaker 2>they don't want to disappoint, right, But let me tell

<v Speaker 2>you something. If your value is dependent on how low

<v Speaker 2>maintenance you are, then that's not admiration, okay, that is conditioning.

<v Speaker 2>Like I said, you're rushing to get ready. Now you're

<v Speaker 2>you're nervous of saying this and saying that and being

<v Speaker 2>vocal about your opinion because you don't want him to

<v Speaker 2>think that you're too much. You don't want him to

<v Speaker 2>think that you gotta wear this makeup to cover who

<v Speaker 2>you are. Uh, we don't have to celebrate Valentine's Day.

<v Speaker 2>It's a man made holiday and and I don't need

<v Speaker 2>I don't need to celebrate Valentine's Day to show that

<v Speaker 2>I'm in love with you. I show my love every

<v Speaker 2>day and now here you go like a on Facebook. Yeah,

<v Speaker 2>I know, I see people just posting stuff, and clearly

<v Speaker 2>they're posting it because they're probably not even really happy,

<v Speaker 2>you know, when it's real. You know, I celebrate Valentine's

<v Speaker 2>Day with my man every day, so I don't need

<v Speaker 2>to show what I got on Valentine's Day. Yet you're

<v Speaker 2>just covering that up because you got nothing and your

<v Speaker 2>man doesn't even celebrate it at all, And he's somehow

<v Speaker 2>convinced you that it's not even something worth celebrating, and

<v Speaker 2>somehow has also convinced you that he treats you like

<v Speaker 2>is Valentine's Day every day? I think what I don't

<v Speaker 2>know it's funny or the fact that he said it,

<v Speaker 2>or the fact that you believe it, Like, I don't know.

<v Speaker 2>I can't tell the difference anyways. So this is another

<v Speaker 2>thing that gets a lot of high value. Woman the

<v Speaker 2>future faking this one is like one of the most dangerous,

<v Speaker 2>right because it paints a beautiful picture. Oh uh, trips, marriage, children,

<v Speaker 2>a house wifey. I cannot stand a man that jokes

<v Speaker 2>around like that. Oh yeah, that's white, that's right. Are

<v Speaker 2>we five? Nicknaming? Are we playing house like? We're five

<v Speaker 2>years old? You either are at a certain age. That's

<v Speaker 2>not a joke anymore. It's actually offensive. That's like buying

<v Speaker 2>your girlfriend a promise ring.

<v Speaker 1>We're twenty eight? Are you good? Like?

<v Speaker 2>It doesn't make sense. Certain things just don't make sense

<v Speaker 2>after a certain age. Okay, so remember that there is

<v Speaker 2>no corresponding movement to any of these things. Oh yeah,

<v Speaker 2>you know, uh uh, you know, I can't wait to

<v Speaker 2>take you on a trip, you know, I really you know, yeah,

<v Speaker 2>I definitely you know, want to get married, you know,

<v Speaker 2>in the future and everything. You know, I definitely see

<v Speaker 2>myself having kids, but not with you. He didn't say,

<v Speaker 2>I see myself having kids with you. He didn't say

<v Speaker 2>that he sees himself getting married to you. Okay, all right, Now,

<v Speaker 2>there's no timeline with any of these things. There's no

<v Speaker 2>conversations with family, there's no tangible steps that align with

<v Speaker 2>any of these future faking situations that he's trying to

<v Speaker 2>confuse your mind with. And this is where we get

<v Speaker 2>caught up. You think that because someone mentions these things

<v Speaker 2>that it means you're on the same timeline.

<v Speaker 1>You are not.

<v Speaker 2>You are not on the same timeline as them. Also,

<v Speaker 2>please know that people are capable of lying. I now

<v Speaker 2>have learned. Ladies, let me tell you this about what's

<v Speaker 2>going on in the dating game. Do not even believe

<v Speaker 2>men when they say they love you. I'm sorry, Like

<v Speaker 2>I now have realized, men are throwing out the I

<v Speaker 2>love you word and they don't mean anything near it.

<v Speaker 2>What shows that a man loves you is exactly what

<v Speaker 2>I said. He has to show it. He has to

<v Speaker 2>showcase that he actually loves you. He's showing you in

<v Speaker 2>action on top of telling you as well. But you're

<v Speaker 2>going to see the consistency of that because right now

<v Speaker 2>men are out here it's throwing out I love you

<v Speaker 2>like it's nothing.

<v Speaker 1>Back in my day when I was growing up, okay.

<v Speaker 2>Men would avoid using that word because and you were

<v Speaker 2>easily able to spot out who was avoiding commitment. Oh,

<v Speaker 2>he never has a serious conversation. It was very like

<v Speaker 2>you know, elementary and sense, where you can easily spot

<v Speaker 2>out when a man was just very noncommittal. But now

<v Speaker 2>it's a dirty game, girl, it's a dirty soda. Like

<v Speaker 2>they are literally saying things that they don't mean just

<v Speaker 2>to meet a certain goal.

<v Speaker 1>And that's what's happening, ladies.

<v Speaker 2>So if a man is just out here throwing the

<v Speaker 2>I love you around, great, that sounds very flattering, but

<v Speaker 2>is he showing you this on a consistent basis. A

<v Speaker 2>man that is in love with you, they act the

<v Speaker 2>same all across the board. They're going to go through

<v Speaker 2>hell and high waterer for you. They're going to be

<v Speaker 2>very accommodating, very considerate of your feelings. That's what they're

<v Speaker 2>going to do. All men across the board that are

<v Speaker 2>in love perform in this way. They're going to be

<v Speaker 2>picking up every single call. They're going to be very

<v Speaker 2>communicative with you. They're not going to have you guessing.

<v Speaker 2>They're also not going to tell you that they love you,

<v Speaker 2>but yet they're not even your actual boyfriend yet. I'm

<v Speaker 2>so confused on what's happening. Make that make sense. They

<v Speaker 2>love you, but they're ghosting you every other day. They

<v Speaker 2>love you, but they need breaks from you every week.

<v Speaker 2>They love you, but they their actions are not aligning

<v Speaker 2>with their belief system. I'm fully confused. How does that work?

<v Speaker 1>Oh?

<v Speaker 2>I just feel and then here you go. I just

<v Speaker 2>feel like I have to help him, like I have

<v Speaker 2>to fight for this. I have to just like help

<v Speaker 2>him sort through all his emotions. Like, okay, girl, do

<v Speaker 2>your thing, fight him until he fights you.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>Next, So, like I said, no corresponding movement. So what

<v Speaker 2>is your brain gonna do? Your brain is going to

<v Speaker 2>bond to the imagery aka the fantasy. You're now fantasizing

<v Speaker 2>about the trips and the marriage and the kids, all

<v Speaker 2>the things.

<v Speaker 1>That probably will never happen. How do you like the mapples?

<v Speaker 2>And when you add intimacy to this, yeah, now you're

<v Speaker 2>really in trouble. Okay, because now you're really thinking, oh, man,

<v Speaker 2>like I could just really see it, and you know,

<v Speaker 2>we were just making love and and we were just

<v Speaker 2>it was just so beautiful, and it just felt different

<v Speaker 2>because he said he loved me. We as women tend

<v Speaker 2>to hang on to words. That's the that's like, men

<v Speaker 2>know that women hold onto words a lot. That's why

<v Speaker 2>you can you can literally hold a woman over on

<v Speaker 2>just words alone. That's why there are so many catfishing

<v Speaker 2>instances where you have a woman who swears up and

<v Speaker 2>down she's dating an African prince.

<v Speaker 1>Babe. You know that is a man that is like probably.

<v Speaker 2>Like a twenty year old in his mom's basement somewhere,

<v Speaker 2>you know, just like bored, nothing to do, babe, Like

<v Speaker 2>it's come on because you hold onto the words and

<v Speaker 2>the beautiful you know, meaning of everything. Men know how

<v Speaker 2>to use words to just buy time. And also it

<v Speaker 2>means nothing. This is a part of the future faking.

<v Speaker 2>Now you're emotionally invested something that only exists in words

<v Speaker 2>and the ethernet you can't grab it. It's not tangible.

<v Speaker 2>So biblically, I would argue this is building on sand, right.

<v Speaker 2>Matthew seven even talks about the wise man building his

<v Speaker 2>house on a rock and the foolish man building on sand.

<v Speaker 2>Don't be foolish, all right, Words without action are sand, right, words.

<v Speaker 2>You know, a high value woman should not be falling

<v Speaker 2>for words. Do not fall for words they mean absolutely nothing.

<v Speaker 2>Please like hear what it is that I'm saying. But

<v Speaker 2>what they do fall for is consistency. All right, but

<v Speaker 2>remember that future faking mimics consistency just enough to hook you.

<v Speaker 2>You will start to meet that man halfway and create

<v Speaker 2>the picture for him.

<v Speaker 1>He doesn't have to meet you anymore. He already threw

<v Speaker 1>out the.

<v Speaker 2>Bait trips, kids, marriage, wifey, and now he's reeling you

<v Speaker 2>back in.

<v Speaker 1>You see, he got you with that hook. But this

<v Speaker 1>is the thing.

<v Speaker 2>There is something that I would like to call controlled inconsistency.

<v Speaker 2>It's very subtle. Okay, it sneaks up on you. So

<v Speaker 2>he doesn't just disappear completely, no, no, no, he just shifts

<v Speaker 2>his behavior so he's slightly busier, slightly colder, slightly harder

<v Speaker 2>to reach, and then he's warm again to you. So

<v Speaker 2>this is going to trigger this intermittent reinforcement, so to speak,

<v Speaker 2>which is the same psychological principle that keeps people addicted

<v Speaker 2>to slot machines in the casino. Hello, all right, so

<v Speaker 2>now you're chasing the high of getting that man's attention

<v Speaker 2>because now it feels like a reward when actually, on

<v Speaker 2>the contrary, that is how that man should feel in

<v Speaker 2>pursuing in the pursuit of you. Why because the egg

<v Speaker 2>doesn't chase the sperm. That's not my words. Okay, that's science.

<v Speaker 2>If you have a problem with that, take it up

<v Speaker 2>with the Lord.

<v Speaker 1>I don't know. So you have to remember this.

<v Speaker 2>You are the same dopamine hit he gets he should

<v Speaker 2>be getting from hitting you up and feeling like, wow,

<v Speaker 2>I've earned this. I've earned her response, I've earned her attention.

<v Speaker 2>He's now flipped it on you where you're now feeling

<v Speaker 2>like I've earned his response, I've earned his attention. Now

<v Speaker 2>how does that work? Because it doesn't. So, like I said,

<v Speaker 2>here's the thing. Healthy men are steady.

<v Speaker 1>Story.

<v Speaker 2>And to bring it back to scripture because hello, okay,

<v Speaker 2>praise him one Corinthians fourteen thirty three. All Right, it

<v Speaker 2>says that, like I said, God is not the author

<v Speaker 2>of confusion but of peace. So if you're consistently feeling

<v Speaker 2>unsure of where you stand, that is information, that is data.

<v Speaker 2>While you are dating high value woman don't need intensity,

<v Speaker 2>they need stability.

<v Speaker 1>That's what it is.

<v Speaker 2>So you have to be mindful of what is transpiring

<v Speaker 2>in these high highs and these low lows, or these

<v Speaker 2>like weird little lulls, like I said, the little shifts

<v Speaker 2>where he's slightly more busier, he's slightly less available. He's

<v Speaker 2>always like slightly this, so you can't quite put your finger.

<v Speaker 1>On it, but something has changed. Uh oh.

<v Speaker 2>Then there is the subtle undermining of you know, the

<v Speaker 2>that is disguised as humor. I cannot stand a man

<v Speaker 2>like this where he'll make comments like, oh yeah, well,

<v Speaker 2>you're just intimidating. You know, you probably scare men away,

<v Speaker 2>or you know, you're you're too independent.

<v Speaker 1>I don't even feel like you need me.

<v Speaker 2>Is everything okay because it sounds playful, but it actually

<v Speaker 2>plants a lot of doubt into the dynamic. You constantly

<v Speaker 2>need to reassure this man. Oh yeah, well you know, uh,

<v Speaker 2>you know, I just want to know, like why do

<v Speaker 2>you want to be with me? Like anytime a man

<v Speaker 2>is asking you that, please, just know this man already

<v Speaker 2>thinks that you're you're you've surpassed him. Don't waste your time, boo.

<v Speaker 2>Let's cut to the chase. Here. He's trying to convince

<v Speaker 2>himself of why you're even with him. And the ironic

<v Speaker 2>thing is he's going to resent you for it after

<v Speaker 2>because he's gonna feel like, dang, if I had what

<v Speaker 2>she has going on, I wouldn't even be with her,

<v Speaker 2>so why would she be with me? And then he

<v Speaker 2>starts hating you for it. All right, And don't have

<v Speaker 2>to take my word for it. You can learn through

<v Speaker 2>your experience and then come back in the comment section

<v Speaker 2>and tell me how that worked out for you.

<v Speaker 1>Okay. So, like I said, doubts is very powerful.

<v Speaker 2>Because to bring this into biblical terms, right, there was

<v Speaker 2>a king named Saul and also David, and Saul in

<v Speaker 2>the Bible was angry because he was not angry because

<v Speaker 2>David was wrong. Okay, he was threatened because of David's anointing.

<v Speaker 2>He was threatened by the fact that people were singing

<v Speaker 2>his praises.

<v Speaker 1>In the streets.

<v Speaker 2>David had to get, you know, defeated Goliath, and King

<v Speaker 2>Saul was threatened by that because people were giving him praise.

<v Speaker 2>So he felt like, oh my gosh, if people are

<v Speaker 2>showing David attention, then what does that mean for me?

<v Speaker 2>So this is the thing, Like some men they're not

<v Speaker 2>only competing with other men, they're going to compete with

<v Speaker 2>you too. They're competing with your confidence. They get a

<v Speaker 2>thrill out of nagging at you and knocking you down

<v Speaker 2>a peg.

<v Speaker 1>Knocking you down a peg. That's why you have men too.

<v Speaker 2>That you'll come here looking like a million bucks and

<v Speaker 2>they refuse to tell you that you look pretty, and

<v Speaker 2>they'll act like it's nothing. Oh, nice cool shoes. Now

<v Speaker 2>I know very good and well that I look great?

<v Speaker 2>And why does it feel like I'm fishing for compliments

<v Speaker 2>from the person that I'm dating? But okay, So, if

<v Speaker 2>a man is ever joking about your strength, your ambition,

<v Speaker 2>your standards repeatedly, he's testing whether or not you will

<v Speaker 2>shrink yourself. That's what he's doing. A secure man does

<v Speaker 2>not need to make you feel smaller in order to

<v Speaker 2>make himself feel bigger.

<v Speaker 1>Remember that.

<v Speaker 2>And then there's the well, you know, you're overthinking deflection.

<v Speaker 2>Oh I'm overthinking my bad. I'm overthinking the fact that

<v Speaker 2>your follower account. Since we have been dating, you were

<v Speaker 2>following one hundred people. Now all of a sudden, you

<v Speaker 2>are following one hundred and fifty. Am I Trippin' While

<v Speaker 2>we are dating, you've managed to follow fifty people you're

<v Speaker 2>not following corporate people. You're finding on LinkedIn. You're following

<v Speaker 2>a bunch of models, half naked girls, all the typical

<v Speaker 2>disrespect things that you would find clearly you're active on here.

<v Speaker 2>And I'm sorry, but it's also another red flag if

<v Speaker 2>you're dating a man who is active on socials. You know,

<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, it's just it's a no for me to Okay,

<v Speaker 2>it's a no for me because these men will that

<v Speaker 2>they use Instagram like a dating app, and it's like

<v Speaker 2>it's like a dopamine hit for them where they hop on,

<v Speaker 2>you know, they want something to look at. They're gonna

<v Speaker 2>hop on Instagram and find something to look at, find

<v Speaker 2>some girl to be you know, lusting over and after.

<v Speaker 1>Like it's just disgusting.

<v Speaker 2>Like especially when you are like in you you on

<v Speaker 2>your faith journey, you start to realize that like lust

<v Speaker 2>in a man is just gross. Like you don't want

<v Speaker 2>a man that's very lustful in any capacity because they're

<v Speaker 2>going to be for everybody, they need to like fulfill

<v Speaker 2>that void and that desire and express that about themselves,

<v Speaker 2>which ultimately they're underperformers because or they're never going to

<v Speaker 2>reach the full potential that they are supposed to because

<v Speaker 2>that is their kryptonite. They are very lustful, and so

<v Speaker 2>they spend copious amounts of time fantasizing and engaging in

<v Speaker 2>activity that's going to feed into that lust. It's very unattractive.

<v Speaker 2>If you are of sound mind, you would be very

<v Speaker 2>unattracted to men that are very sexual and lustful. It's

<v Speaker 2>not cute, it's not a thing.

<v Speaker 1>Okay.

<v Speaker 2>So anyways, high value women tend to analyze, right, so

<v Speaker 2>we process, We observe the patterns, We notice the energy

<v Speaker 2>shifts as well. But whenever you bring when you bring

<v Speaker 2>something up calmly, and this man responds with, oh, you're overthinking,

<v Speaker 2>it's not that deep, or yeah, you're just too sensitive.

<v Speaker 2>He's not resolving the issue. Notice that he's just minimizing

<v Speaker 2>the issue. He's labeling it and minimizing it instead of

<v Speaker 2>wanting to sit down and come from a place of understanding.

<v Speaker 1>And this is the thing.

<v Speaker 2>Unfortunately, we as women are conditioned to just you don't

<v Speaker 2>want to be the nag, right, you don't want to

<v Speaker 2>be the nagging girlfriend. You don't want to be the

<v Speaker 2>girl that seems crazy that he's talking to his guy

<v Speaker 2>friends about. So you tend to address things in a

<v Speaker 2>way where you're just okay with whatever answer you get

<v Speaker 2>because you're just happy that you've had the strength to

<v Speaker 2>even address anything literally at all. But there is no resolution,

<v Speaker 2>okay now, so psychologically this is gonna create something called

<v Speaker 2>cognitive dissonance. So now you're questioning your intuition instead of

<v Speaker 2>evaluating this man's behavior. You're questioning your intuition instead of

<v Speaker 2>evaluating what he's actually done.

<v Speaker 1>Deserment is not paranoia. Oh I think I'm overthinking. I'm thinking.

<v Speaker 1>Keep on thinking.

<v Speaker 2>You're overthinking, and you're gonna you're gonna end up in

<v Speaker 2>some serious hot order. Okay, you ignore your intuition long enough,

<v Speaker 2>you're gonna keep on getting your heart ripped at your chest.

<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, because you don't believe yourself now, and that

<v Speaker 2>man also is not gonna help you in any capacity either.

<v Speaker 2>So now it's both of you, guys against yourself. How

<v Speaker 2>does that make sense? If something feels off repeatedly, it

<v Speaker 2>is not because you are dramatic. It is because your

<v Speaker 2>nervous system clearly is sensing detecting instability here, that's what's happening.

<v Speaker 2>So even like for my faith girlies, right, some men

<v Speaker 2>will use the spiritual language to delay accountability. Okay, this

<v Speaker 2>is why I don't fall for the God first in

<v Speaker 2>the bio and the random scriptures in the bio. Okay,

<v Speaker 2>I don't care what car sticker bumper sticker you read

<v Speaker 2>that off of, and I don't care what scripture your

<v Speaker 2>grandma hung in your room when you were six. It

<v Speaker 2>means nothing if you do not show the fruit. There

<v Speaker 2>is a difference between believing in God and following God,

<v Speaker 2>following Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior. There is

<v Speaker 2>a major difference. It's not enough to just believe at

<v Speaker 2>a certain point, like, for instance, does it make sense.

<v Speaker 1>Let me put this into context for you.

<v Speaker 2>If you believe you're in a relationship, does that mean

<v Speaker 2>you are or are you following the rules unspoken rules

<v Speaker 2>of what it's like to be in a committed relationship?

<v Speaker 2>But if you if one party believes they're in a

<v Speaker 2>relationship but their behavior is not following what it means

<v Speaker 2>to actively be in committed relationship, then what do you have?

<v Speaker 2>You have nothing. How do you build intimacy and bond

<v Speaker 2>with someone that you barely speak to you and that

<v Speaker 2>you barely spend time with, So be very careful and

<v Speaker 2>descerning of men that are using spiritual language. I don't

<v Speaker 2>even care if they're a Christian content creator. Yeah, because

<v Speaker 2>there's those two right. God told me to wait. I'm

<v Speaker 2>praying about it. I don't want to move ahead of God.

<v Speaker 2>You know, you're sitting here trying to get a commitment

<v Speaker 2>out of them. I'm sorry, Man of God. I'm not

<v Speaker 2>saying that these things can't be true. But it's like, dude,

<v Speaker 2>it's been six months. Everybody knows in the Christian world

<v Speaker 2>that's like hello, Like you should definitely have an answer

<v Speaker 2>from God, especially if you're actively involved in church, you

<v Speaker 2>have spiritual leaders over you and things like that. Like it, sir,

<v Speaker 2>It shouldn't take that long, all right. There's no direction,

<v Speaker 2>there's no leadership, there's no clarity. You're just going off

<v Speaker 2>into the abyss. One minute he's trying to lead you.

<v Speaker 2>The next minute he's trying to sleep with you. The

<v Speaker 2>next second he's ghosting you. The next second he's having

<v Speaker 2>a fast because he's in spiritual warfare. The next second

<v Speaker 2>he's coming back telling you he don't want to be

<v Speaker 2>with you. The next second he's coming back telling you, uh, yeah,

<v Speaker 2>actually maybe we should be together, could you? I don't,

<v Speaker 2>it's too much. Let me help you out here, no, see, like, no,

<v Speaker 2>let me help you out here? Move on okay, like babe, like,

<v Speaker 2>honor your peace, your sanity, Leave with your dignity, all right?

<v Speaker 2>Because remember this, even the enemy quoted scripture like the

<v Speaker 2>devil believes in God too. You do realize that right

<v Speaker 2>like he believe, he also believes in God. What separates

<v Speaker 2>you from him?

<v Speaker 1>Okay? Just because someone speaks in.

<v Speaker 2>Spiritual vocabulary, they have that vernacular, all right, does not

<v Speaker 2>mean that they are spiritually aligned. Because fruits means more

<v Speaker 2>than the language, right, Consistency means more than charisma. You

<v Speaker 2>don't want the the loudest guy in the room, right.

<v Speaker 2>You want a man that's going to be secure, a

<v Speaker 2>man that's going to be stable, a man that's simply

<v Speaker 2>his words align with his actions, that speaks to his character.

<v Speaker 2>Just because you are high value woman, meaning you're successful,

<v Speaker 2>you're beautiful, you have your life together, all of the things,

<v Speaker 2>does not absolve you of ever having to deal with

<v Speaker 2>these types of situations, which is why I'm making this

<v Speaker 2>episode now.

<v Speaker 1>So why does this stuff work? Well?

<v Speaker 2>Like I said, when you leave with empathy, you know

<v Speaker 2>and you're very self reflective. I too, happen to be

<v Speaker 2>very self reflective. You always come from a place of understanding.

<v Speaker 2>So you assume that there's a misunderstanding before you would

<v Speaker 2>assume that there's manipulation that's present in the dynamic. And

<v Speaker 2>so you're gonna give grace before you give an accusation.

<v Speaker 2>That's just the truth, right, So manipulators they rely on that.

<v Speaker 2>So they're like I said, they're not going to overpower you,

<v Speaker 2>but they will exhaust you.

<v Speaker 1>Where you're all of.

<v Speaker 2>A sudden in this like cluster mess of a circle

<v Speaker 2>jerk situation where you're like, I can't put my finger

<v Speaker 2>on it, but something is just off and I can't

<v Speaker 2>articulate what it is.

<v Speaker 1>But maybe I'm overthinking.

<v Speaker 2>Maybe I'm sabotaging this because I I think that this

<v Speaker 2>is you know, maybe I'm just not used to something

<v Speaker 2>being this healthy or something.

<v Speaker 1>You start talking.

<v Speaker 2>No, I believe myself in anything that I've trust in God,

<v Speaker 2>and I know the Holy Spirit speaks to me. I

<v Speaker 2>know for a fact that when I'm thinking I'm thinking

<v Speaker 2>something is off, it always is.

<v Speaker 1>It always is.

<v Speaker 2>I've never even been wrong, And ask yourself that when

<v Speaker 2>have you ever felt like something was so off, and

<v Speaker 2>then you've you've been completely wrong about it. Think about that, right,

<v Speaker 2>So confusion within itself is exhausting, right, Exhaustion is going

<v Speaker 2>to do what it's going to lower your standards. You

<v Speaker 2>don't even have it in you to fight the good fight, babe,

<v Speaker 2>you don't even have it in you.

<v Speaker 1>You know what.

<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be a nag. I don't want

<v Speaker 2>to I know I brought this up. Now, this corresponding

<v Speaker 2>situation is happening, and this is where manipulators thrive. They

<v Speaker 2>start acting up, they start acting real bad, and they know, well,

<v Speaker 2>she's I know she's gonna be uncomfortable confronting me about

<v Speaker 2>the situation because we just talked about something else the

<v Speaker 2>previous week, so why would she bring up some now

<v Speaker 2>is going to be too much for her?

<v Speaker 1>So I'm going to get away with this.

<v Speaker 2>And then they punish you sometimes by lack of communication,

<v Speaker 2>being so emotionally unavailable, where you're just sitting in your

<v Speaker 2>room stirring about the million different scenarios and assumptions of

<v Speaker 2>what this could possibly be.

<v Speaker 1>You know, mean, and you know he was a good guy.

<v Speaker 2>He hasn't done anything that's overtly disrespectful to you. So

<v Speaker 2>you don't really know how to respond to this. Yeah,

<v Speaker 2>I'm good, I'm good. This second you cause confusion, I

<v Speaker 2>will end it in clarity.

<v Speaker 1>I'm leaving, bye bye. All right.

<v Speaker 2>So, like I said, I'm bringing this up again because

<v Speaker 2>I brought this up in a previous episode. But there's

<v Speaker 2>a something in psychology that's called the halo effect. Right,

<v Speaker 2>So when you are attractive and then you're also high

<v Speaker 2>value too, right, this also applies to high value too.

<v Speaker 2>People are going to assume that you were obviously competent,

<v Speaker 2>that you are valuable, and all the different things. Right,

<v Speaker 2>So there's a shadow side to that, and that's when

<v Speaker 2>you're used to being wanted and desired and sought after,

<v Speaker 2>you don't always develop the muscle of filtering out these things.

<v Speaker 2>So because you may not have to work to get

<v Speaker 2>certain attention, you didn't learn how to evaluate the intension. Okay,

<v Speaker 2>attention is cheap, right, it's very cheap. So a man

<v Speaker 2>that's even attracted to you or even entertaining you, it's

<v Speaker 2>not rare, it's biological.

<v Speaker 1>Is a man respecting you, well, that's intentional.

<v Speaker 2>Men will always test to see your level of respect

<v Speaker 2>especially if you're a woman with a platform like myself

<v Speaker 2>will there will be men that will try and test, like,

<v Speaker 2>let me see, just for funzies, if she is the

<v Speaker 2>same person she tries to present to be on the internet,

<v Speaker 2>let me see how far I could get with disrespecting her.

<v Speaker 2>She claims that when we first started talking, she claims that, like, yeah,

<v Speaker 2>if a man ever did this to her, she would

<v Speaker 2>just leave. Let me see if she's actually gonna do it.

<v Speaker 2>And it's like fun for them to know, like, well,

<v Speaker 2>didn't you say? But your actions or men operate on actions, right,

<v Speaker 2>So if a man is going to pull back, right,

<v Speaker 2>when his energy pulls back, you have to allow him.

<v Speaker 2>Let people do what they want to do so that

<v Speaker 2>you could see what they would rather do. Right, Do

<v Speaker 2>not function in the confusion of that and try to

<v Speaker 2>overanalyze it and try to get him to understand this,

<v Speaker 2>because men know where they went wrong. If he truly

<v Speaker 2>knows he messed up, he's going to come around and

<v Speaker 2>tell you please leave with your dignity. Right, So you

<v Speaker 2>should never try to restore a dynamic where you felt

<v Speaker 2>like you were being disregarded in any capacity, because some men,

<v Speaker 2>they will pursue high value woman and things like that

<v Speaker 2>just for the thrill of it. Narcissists do it all

<v Speaker 2>the time. They pursue specifically very high achieving women. That's

<v Speaker 2>what they do. They need to respect your standards and

<v Speaker 2>your boundaries, right, So having desire, it's an instinctual thing,

<v Speaker 2>but having respect is earned right. For a man to

<v Speaker 2>gain your respect, he needs to earn that from you.

<v Speaker 2>So if access to you is going to be easy emotionally, spiritually, physically,

<v Speaker 2>I don't care how much this man is attractive, please

<v Speaker 2>cut it out right, because your success and your beauty

<v Speaker 2>is not going to save you from being treated casually.

<v Speaker 2>That's just the cold truth, all right. Men pursue what

<v Speaker 2>excites them. They like the challenge, right, They love the challenge.

<v Speaker 2>But they commit to what challenges them.

<v Speaker 1>Right.

<v Speaker 2>That's not all the time, because some men will you know,

<v Speaker 2>they're very good at holding on for a very long time.

<v Speaker 2>Some men are eternal bachelors. You have to discern if

<v Speaker 2>that is your case or not. But they usually commit

<v Speaker 2>to what challenges them because now they know, oh, shoot,

<v Speaker 2>this really is a prize. But if you sat there

<v Speaker 2>and gave in at every corner, they have no reason

<v Speaker 2>to respond any differently, it's got the novelty is over

<v Speaker 2>all right, And being a challenge does not mean drama,

<v Speaker 2>it doesn't. It just means boundaries, all right. It means

<v Speaker 2>self containment. You need to have self control. It means

<v Speaker 2>you are not moved just because someone is impressed by

<v Speaker 2>your face, your success and how you dress.

<v Speaker 1>All right.

<v Speaker 2>So remember that in society, especially when you are a

<v Speaker 2>beautiful woman. You know, we are conditioned to be agreeable,

<v Speaker 2>to be pleasant, to be accommodating, not to be too much.

<v Speaker 2>But and that agreeable woman are going to get are

<v Speaker 2>getting liked, but discipline women get respected, and I wildn't

<v Speaker 2>I want to be respected?

<v Speaker 1>Okay? Yeah, And if.

<v Speaker 2>You've ever had to build your self worth outside of

<v Speaker 2>your appearance, then you're going to find yourself tolerating behavior

<v Speaker 2>that contradicts your value, all right. Will stay in conversations

<v Speaker 2>that are going to drain you. You're going to entertain inconsistency.

<v Speaker 2>You're going to accept ambiguity in dynamics because a part

<v Speaker 2>of you believes that eventually will my my my my success,

<v Speaker 2>even my view my beauty, it will eventually win, and

<v Speaker 2>it won't because character is going to sustain what the

<v Speaker 2>attraction starts, and this also goes for men as well. Right,

<v Speaker 2>your character has to sustain what the attraction has started.

<v Speaker 2>And men will test all of these things inside of

<v Speaker 2>you because they some for funsies to the challenge.

<v Speaker 1>They want to know that they can.

<v Speaker 2>You have to literally believe nothing that they say and

<v Speaker 2>watch everything that they do. That's why even some woman

<v Speaker 2>they misinterpret conversations all the time, thinking that a man

<v Speaker 2>is so interested in them. I watched it happen with

<v Speaker 2>someone that I knew, where a guy would communicate with her.

<v Speaker 2>He had her number, which is an opportunity. Once a

<v Speaker 2>man has your number, it is a choice that he

<v Speaker 2>is just choosing to not text you. This is why

<v Speaker 2>I also do not love when men are like, oh,

<v Speaker 2>take my number down. No, not doing it, not doing it?

<v Speaker 2>Take your number down? Okay, princess, I'll pick you up

<v Speaker 2>at eight. Like what is happening over here? Like? So,

<v Speaker 2>once a man has your number and he's he is

<v Speaker 2>making the choice to not communicate with you. How do

<v Speaker 2>you know a man's thinking about you? He will hit

<v Speaker 2>you up. But then you see this man as walked

<v Speaker 2>all your stories, He's commenting emojis on your stories all

<v Speaker 2>these different things, okay, And and you're sitting here thinking, Oh, like,

<v Speaker 2>I think he obviously likes me because he responds to

<v Speaker 2>all my stories. Oh, I think he likes me because

<v Speaker 2>he asked me what concert I was going to and

<v Speaker 2>he told me he liked my outfit. And then he

<v Speaker 2>asked me about my siblings and how many UH siblings

<v Speaker 2>I had growing up? And what was my upbringing? Like,

<v Speaker 2>I feel like he obviously likes me. Is it progressing?

<v Speaker 2>Is there a progression?

<v Speaker 1>Is there? Is there a intentional pursuit? Here? Is what

<v Speaker 1>you need to start to discern, all right.

<v Speaker 2>So you have to remember too that charm is deceptive

<v Speaker 2>and beauty is fleeting, all right. So you know, if

<v Speaker 2>your if your success, if your attractive attractiveness is the

<v Speaker 2>loudest thing about you, it will also be the easiest

<v Speaker 2>thing to exploit.

<v Speaker 1>So you have to be very mindful of that.

<v Speaker 2>And having the success and the beauty without boundaries, UH

<v Speaker 2>is going to become your vulnerable spot. And you know,

<v Speaker 2>a man wanting you in general, it's not special, I'm sorry.

<v Speaker 2>A man honoring you is what's special, right. A man

<v Speaker 2>desiring you is very common. A man adjusting himself to

<v Speaker 2>align with your standards. That is intentional, right, So don't

<v Speaker 2>let your beauty, your success, your high value be the

<v Speaker 2>only currency, you know, that you bring into a relationship,

<v Speaker 2>because although ostensibly those are great things to have, they

<v Speaker 2>really really are. You have to bring self control, You

<v Speaker 2>need to bring observation. You need to bring standards so

<v Speaker 2>that somebody you know can rise to the occasion or

<v Speaker 2>they can exit through the stage left. And never tolerate

<v Speaker 2>crumbs you know in your life. You know, so the

<v Speaker 2>moment that you're uh, that you stop tolerating behavior that

<v Speaker 2>contradicts your worth, you're gonna shift, all right, So remember

<v Speaker 2>that and keep these things in mind. That God does

<v Speaker 2>not send us us anyone that's going to create confusion in.

<v Speaker 1>Our lives, all right.

<v Speaker 2>He is going to when you look at things that

<v Speaker 2>make you uh, that cause confusion, it's going to bring cousins, okay,

<v Speaker 2>like insecurity, and insecurity is going to bring instability. And

<v Speaker 2>so you have to wait for what's aligned for you, right.

<v Speaker 2>You don't need to force the clarity, you don't need

<v Speaker 2>to uh. The right man for you is not going

<v Speaker 2>to require you to decode him, right, Stop with the decoding.

<v Speaker 2>He's not going to need you to be smaller so

<v Speaker 2>that he can feel bigger. Because clarity, it feels calm,

<v Speaker 2>and peace is going to feel very steady to you.

<v Speaker 1>Alignment feels very secure.

<v Speaker 2>So if you are confused consistently, then that's not that.

<v Speaker 2>That's not chemistry, all right, that's that guy said. It's

<v Speaker 2>information and a high value woman, it would be silly

<v Speaker 2>for you to ignore information and just be very on alert, right,

<v Speaker 2>be on alert that and will come into your life

<v Speaker 2>and they will try and they will test these boundaries,

<v Speaker 2>and you have to maintain as a high value woman,

<v Speaker 2>collecting the data and making the observations based off of

<v Speaker 2>the data. So the second that things shift and they

<v Speaker 2>start to feel a little bit different for you, you have

<v Speaker 2>to clock it and begin to start to make your

<v Speaker 2>analysis and make your decision right. So, I hope you

<v Speaker 2>angels have enjoyed this episode. With that being said, make

<v Speaker 2>sure that you hype this video up if you were

<v Speaker 2>seeing it on YouTube, make sure that you give it

<v Speaker 2>a thumbs up as well. Like the podcast, rate the podcast,

<v Speaker 2>share it, save it all the good things. With that

<v Speaker 2>being said, do not forget that I love you and

<v Speaker 2>God loves you. I'll speak to you, beautiful angels in

<v Speaker 2>my next podcast episode, wh