00:01.05
Nandi K
Welcome back to Right Quick.

00:04.14
Vance 😈
A bite-sized pop culture conversation with your favorite Queer, unfriendly Black hotties.

00:09.40
Nandi K
Today we're unfriendly because straight people are the ones who should have to come out. I'm Nandi K.

00:15.90
Vance 😈
And I'm Vance Gowe. um I also fully agree with that statement.

00:20.12
Nandi K
Yeah, I hate when I find out that someone that I think is cool is straight.

00:26.90
Vance 😈
I think, well, I just I just assume everybody's not straight until they say some straight shit and then I'm like, yeah, like,

00:31.83
Nandi K
That's what I'm saying. But you don't get disappointed. I get sad.

00:35.54
Vance 😈
ah Yeah, I do. It depends on who it is for sure. Cause some people you just know by looking at them, like look at his shoes, but, um

00:44.34
Nandi K
Not his shoes!

00:44.66
Vance 😈
Look, it's some women too. Like, I see, but, uh,

00:47.06
Nandi K
I was going to say, ah I feel like it's always who disappoints me. It's like when I find out a Black woman is straight.

00:56.00
Vance 😈
I, I give Black women.

00:56.18
Nandi K
like there's some Black women who i'm like oh you're so cool especially online who seems so cool and then we become friends and then they post about a man then I have to unfriend them and block them I don't want to hear about i hate straight love I actually posted this recently I hate straight love I don't want to hear about it it's disgusting

01:00.32
Vance 😈
Except right. And then as a man,

01:08.16
Vance 😈
Not blocked.

01:20.84
Vance 😈
I think I just find it to be real basic and restrictive and constrained. That's what I mean. I guess we're going to.

01:27.35
Nandi K
And unhappy. Like, they don't... It's like, to even say it's love is like a stretch. To me.

01:36.67
Vance 😈
Forced companionship? I don't know what I would call it, but yeah.

01:39.10
Nandi K
Yeah, it's like, they be like, women be like, oh my god, he is so amazing, y'all. When I talk, he listens.

01:45.91
Vance 😈
He looks in my direction when I talk. General area.

01:49.86
Nandi K
And I'm like...

01:50.81
Vance 😈
They'll say, it'll be like he's nice, but like it's not really not. It's just not mean like everything is

01:58.84
Nandi K
Nice is also a red flag word to me. Like, I'm looking for kind.

02:03.77
Vance 😈
Kind.

02:04.04
Nandi K
I'm looking for generous.

02:05.72
Nandi K
I'm looking for, especially like for men, I, again, ah damn near don't even want to hear about it.

02:17.59
Vance 😈
And men are nice when they trying to get some booty, right? Like, ah men are interested in having sex with you. They're nice. But it's a performance.

02:23.80
Nandi K
To a point, though.

02:25.53
Vance 😈
But it's performance. It's not...

02:27.15
Nandi K
I'm like, but it's to a point because if they feel like they're asking too much, there's also a line where they start getting mean. Like, I don't think men are even that nice. Some men, their whole thing is to like, is to fucking neg you and like, that's like their whole approach to getting in pussy.

02:49.08
Nandi K
And I'm just like, is that working?

02:51.86
Vance 😈
No, I mean, it worked for some some birds, but no, it's not. It's not like a surefire way to get in there. Like being decent, not even great. Decent like just being solid, you know, being a little goofy, be funny. I think like you could clean house as a straight man, but like they don't they don't do that.

03:10.26
Nandi K
Yeah, yeah, because I'm like, I'm more than decent, and I find that that makes me harder, a harder candidate to date, because people kind of think I'm too decent. I'm like, yeah, I'm not to be trifled with, you know. I'm for I'm not for play play, that's for sure.

03:29.78
Vance 😈
But I feel like that that becomes, I'll just call it minefield. That's how people see it, where they're going to step on a mine. And then all of a sudden, it's like something's being brought up to them or they're being checked about something. And I think people like, quote unquote, easy things, where it's like, you don't got worry about that. You could just go. You could play, right? like You could just go over there and do what you want. And then people like that. it's easy. But it's like, that's not real. I mean, it is real but to them. But like it's not ah it's not like a rich experience.

03:57.91
Nandi K
Yeah, it's not deep. It's not deep.

04:00.89
Vance 😈
It's superficial, shallow.

04:01.08
Nandi K
Well, yeah, well, it's probably hard to tell because there's so much heterosexual slander, but we're actually talking about Queerness today. We're both Queers. Queer's all Queers all around. We're here.

04:15.91
Vance 😈
Gays™️

04:16.11
Nandi K
we're where We gotta a podcast

04:17.27
Vance 😈
So yeah, we, What are we, um how are we going about it? Because I know, I feel like we've probably already covered everything we're going to cover in other episodes.

04:30.07
Nandi K
Yeah, but it's nice to put it.

04:30.34
Vance 😈
It's just going to be in one place.

04:32.06
Nandi K
Yeah, it's nice to put it all together. Well, I always like to start with the check in. I think with Queer people, it's always great to just be like, hey, what are your pronouns?

04:37.40
Vance 😈
Mm-hmm.

04:42.55
Nandi K
What is your sex? How are you identifying in your sexuality these days? And then like romance wise, also, how are you identifying? Yeah. So I would say for me, my pronouns are still they, them. I'm still consider myself gender, transgender person, um sexuality, Queer, but I've been taking lesbian back a little bit more lately.

05:10.28
Vance 😈
I like that for you.

05:11.86
Nandi K
Yeah, lesbians didn't let me in at first. And I think, like, I talk about this all the time, but definitely the hardest application in the community is, like, the lesbian application is ongoing. Like, you can't just be like, I'm a lesbian and then you're a lesbian.

05:30.58
Vance 😈
Y'all run a tight ship.

05:33.19
Nandi K
Y'all!?

05:34.30
Vance 😈
ah Look, lesbians,

05:34.82
Nandi K
I'm just this year and I'm being like, okay, lesbians. I'm a lesbian, I guess.

05:39.03
Vance 😈
ah my favorite My favorite letter in the alphabet, st soup or whatever the straight to call it, that's a slur, is the L for sure.

05:45.17
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

05:47.07
Vance 😈
I love lesbians. um

05:48.50
Nandi K
No, lesbians are great and also they're mean and they have an infamously hard application and they will disqualify you for any reason.

05:50.39
Vance 😈
Love lesbians. Yup, love...

06:03.22
Nandi K
ah It doesn't matter how you live your life. Yes, so I would say I'm like a Queer lesbian and romance wise, I am a relationship anarchist, non-monogamous person.

06:16.76
Nandi K
What about you?

06:16.89
Vance 😈
Okay. All right. So pronouns. I am, uh, as of today, I'm still Cis, cissy, if you will, C-I-S-S-Y. Um, cis man boy.

06:30.21
Vance 😈
Um, I, I don't,

06:31.19
Nandi K
I hope you're you're not a boy.

06:33.68
Vance 😈
Nah, not a boy. a Man, male. um I also don't care that much. Like, I think um I can't, I can't pretend I don't present the way I do, right? But I also don't care. Like, I think that um being a man is kind of whatever. Like, I don't know.

06:51.19
Nandi K
yeah

06:51.35
Vance 😈
I think that's but I think that's also why I identify as Queer. Because I'm like somewhere else that…

06:56.79
Nandi K
Yeah, that's like the journey though, right?

06:56.92
Vance 😈
what Okay. Yeah.

06:58.67
Nandi K
Like, I feel like that's how it starts.

06:59.16
Vance 😈
Yeah.

07:01.99
Nandi K
It's like being a this gender is whatever.

07:02.30
Vance 😈
Yeah.

07:05.31
Nandi K
That's exactly how it starts. *evil snicker*

07:09.20
Vance 😈
Uh-uh. So then, how do I identify sexually? I say Queer. You know, I like i love Queer. Someone asked me on the dating app, actually, like, why Queer and not anything else. And I said, because it invites conversation. You're asking me right now.

07:21.36
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

07:21.84
Vance 😈
um And I think if you... if someone says Queer, I think that just means you're not a straight person. You're just not what out with that hetero shit. And then deeper than that, you would have to have a conversation with the person to kind of figure out exactly what, well you know, configuration of Queer they are.

07:30.62
Nandi K
Sure.

07:38.48
Vance 😈
But um also, and you have been talking about this politically, like Queer.

07:39.03
Nandi K
Yeah.

07:43.04
Vance 😈
Like, I'm just, like, a lot of the...

07:43.77
Nandi K
Yes. I can't wait to talk about that more and this.

07:46.58
Vance 😈
Yeah, so yeah, I won't I guess I won't get too deep.

07:47.14
Nandi K
Yeah.

07:48.82
Vance 😈
But then, and then romance-wise, ah I am fully, ah what is it? that Anarchist.

07:57.04
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

07:57.66
Vance 😈
Relationship anarchist. Yeah, and I don't know if that necessarily means, like, full-on poly, right? I think that means that if I'm with someone and it means that, like, we play with other people whatever, that's what it is.

08:08.49
Vance 😈
But I think it depends on the...

08:08.89
Nandi K
Yeah, you get to decide.

08:10.62
Vance 😈
Absolutely. So the relationship anarchist, that definition really spoke to me when we, even even when we talked about it, but when I read it, I was like, oh, like that's it.

08:21.53
Vance 😈
And that's how I like to have my regular, like my non-romantic relationships. Like, it's just like, it we can make this what we want it to be.

08:25.72
Nandi K
Yeah. and that But that's the thing. I think relationship anarchy is like, it definitely is non-monogamy, but it's not necessarily like polyamory, right? Like, yeah, I agree with that, which is why I'm more identified like non-monogamous or a relationship anarchist than polyamorous, but whatever. It's an umbrella.

08:50.97
Vance 😈
Yeah.

08:51.46
Nandi K
Who cares? ah All right, so… We're both homos. Now, I remember listening to your coming out story on a podcast. Wow. We are some podcast junkies.

09:05.94
Vance 😈
Yeah. Yeah. This, this had to been more than 10 years ago or something. No, I don't remember when that came out.

09:10.14
Nandi K
Had to be.

09:11.51
Vance 😈
You're right. But it was a while ago. Um, that is how I came out. Uh, of course, naturally like, Oh, we just got to talk about it on a podcast. Um, it,

09:20.47
Nandi K
I guess that is right because I met you around that time.

09:24.61
Vance 😈
Yep. So all my close friends knew because I love you know I moved to LA. Tell us all this time. You leave your small town. But um yeah, when I, like, I guess came out formally, it was through a podcast. But I also feel like, unfortunately, I come out all the time. I have to come out all the time just because of the way I present and where I work at.

09:42.62
Nandi K
Yeah, people are like, a man? a man?

09:44.63
Vance 😈
Yeah, that's a man. Is that muscle? Is that a muscle on your arm? Yeah, so, right.

09:48.79
Nandi K
So gay. Which is gay in itself, but yes.

09:50.40
Vance 😈
So that...

09:53.34
Vance 😈
They love muscles. um

09:54.57
Nandi K
They'd be like, I can tell you're straight by your muscles.

09:56.89
Vance 😈
No, straight men also love me. And then like oh then it's like when they find out that I'm...

10:00.63
Nandi K
In a gay way.

10:02.10
Vance 😈
Yeah, and then sometimes they get weird and sometimes they don't.

10:02.20
Nandi K
Then they don't. Yeah.

10:06.06
Vance 😈
Straight men love me. It's annoying, actually.

10:09.27
Nandi K
Yeah.

10:09.69
Vance 😈
How about you?

10:10.06
Nandi K
Werk

10:10.25
Vance 😈
How'd you come out?

10:12.29
Nandi K
uh you know i'm one of those people i moved away from my hometown as well even though i had already had gay experiences before but I don't know like you know social programming and like religious like programming is so deep like even when I was like first dealing with girls I did I wasn't like oh I could be gay I was like oh I'm doing this because my boyfriend was like I want to have a threesome but I did like the person um I came out to my mom like four times it was deeply traumatic because she was just like, “no”

10:45.77
Vance 😈
Mm-hmm, of course. Yeah.

10:58.10
Nandi K
um So if I could go back, I wouldn't do that. And as we know, I don't talk to my mama now. um But yeah, she was like, she often was like, oh, it's just a phase. First she was like, no. And then she was like, it's a phase. Every time she had like a new kind of whatever about why she wouldn't accept it.

11:20.25
Nandi K
um But yeah, it was pretty traumatic. It's one thing to be like, oh, I don't feel seen. But then it's one thing to be like, see me. And they're like, no.

11:31.80
Vance 😈
Nope.

11:33.46
Nandi K
No, no, cover that up.

11:33.96
Vance 😈
Don't got it.

11:36.44
Nandi K
So that wasn't like great. And then of course, like, I think since I've been like gay, like Queer, since I've been like out also, like as a like gender Queer person, that's been like another thing. So that's the one I feel like I often have to come out all the time because of how people perceive me.

11:57.24
Vance 😈
Yeah. Yeah.

12:01.70
Nandi K
But

12:02.11
Vance 😈
Mm-hmm.

12:03.32
Nandi K
Perceive me on the surface, though, but I feel like people who know me well, and even new people who I meet who get to know me well, I think my transness is, like, really apparent in, like, my personality. And even, like, I definitely have never been, like, a woman. You know, like, I've never been that unless there was a heavy box around. And then... I'm just a lady. *In southern? accent* Please, please, sir. Please help me pick up this heavy box. My arms are so very weak and dainty.

12:48.50
Vance 😈
Yeah.

12:48.83
Nandi K
That's me as a woman, which is obviously drag. So, like, that's obviously a drag performance.

12:53.46
Vance 😈
Yeah, performance.

12:56.47
Nandi K
like And so I feel like that's, like, yeah, my gender identity is the one that I have to constantly come out as. There's a lot of, like, caveats to, like, I let some Black women call me she. But if we just meet and I'm not letting you call me that. um Yeah, it's very complicated. I feel like that's the most complicated one. Did you have any like mentors or like examples to like show you through the gay life?

13:29.11
Vance 😈
Not particularly. I had, well, she still, I said had. she's still She's still my people. One of my um kind of mentors, her name is Iyatunde. She live in LA. OG, Queer, lesbian.

13:44.81
Nandi K
Hmm.

13:44.95
Vance 😈
She's just real brilliant. And like she's just kind of like, it was more of some activist shit, but she's a Queer person. And um she actually referred me books. And it was kind of one of them things where, like, she was clearly doing work, but it it didn't feel like it in a moment, which is the best, you know. But she was just like, oh, read Joseph Beam. .

13:59.00
Nandi K
Oh man.

14:02.14
Nandi K
Damn.

14:02.10
Vance 😈
ah There's an anthology series about just Queer men. Read that. And I like to I like to read a bunch of stuff when I'm doing something. So, like, when I was coming out, I didn't want to be that person that, like, was, like, being raggedy. You know, you're still going raggedy, but I wanted to kind of mitigate it.

14:16.92
Nandi K
Wow, you better than me. I didn't know nothing.

14:18.71
Vance 😈
I got a sexuality.

14:20.60
Nandi K
I was like, I like Coochie for sure

14:24.62
Vance 😈
That's what I'm meant into.

14:24.76
Nandi K
That's where you began, right?

14:27.50
Vance 😈
I'm already ahead of the pack.

14:27.70
Nandi K
That's where you began. yeah I was like, you right?

14:30.29
Vance 😈
Uh, No, i got a book that was like sexuality 101. And it was just like terms and stuff like that.

14:36.86
Nandi K
Damn.

14:37.68
Vance 😈
And then I started going to these groups that it was like Transformation now. And it was for trans people. But like, you know, of course, they were like, but come on in.

14:43.00
Nandi K
Wow. Wow.

14:45.56
Vance 😈
And um that is literally how I got into activism, because like I was in these groups and now like some of these groups literally turned into, um, like BLM, like low key, but, uh, cause it was like justice4rayvon Martin.

14:54.52
Nandi K
Right. Mm-hmm.

14:56.35
Vance 😈
and It was the same people. But anyway, all that to say uh, yeah. So, I mean, I said no, initially that's not true. I went to groups. I read books. People refer to me stuff. That's, that was my,

15:07.00
Nandi K
Yeah, I didn't have none of that. I just one day switched my Tinder to say only show me girls. um Then like a year after that, I was dating. I dated a trans person who was an activist. And that, I think, that was when I first learned about Audre Lorde, Octavia Butler.

15:33.14
Vance 😈
Yeah.

15:34.51
Nandi K
Like, I didn't know about any of these people.

15:35.03
Vance 😈
Nice.

15:36.99
Nandi K
I had read some, like, gay male stuff growing up. But even... That I didn't have the best, the context wasn't really there for me for it to all really make sense. And so that trans person who turned out to be evil, though, did put me on a good path to find more people like me and to be like, oh, there's these whole groups of people. And of course, then I got more involved in like activism. Well, actually that was before. Unfortunately, I had an incident with the police and that really catapulted me into activism, but they definitely helped draw me deeper. Other than that though, I kind of just was like, I'm gay now. yeah.

16:27.38
Vance 😈
Yeah.

16:28.38
Nandi K
It was kind of very, yeah I remember going at home and some of my friends who were gay again, like see what I'm saying? Like I had a bunch of lesbian friends at home as well, but it never dawned on me that I could, anyway, they was like, that's crazy. You would just come back gay.

16:47.70
Vance 😈
That tracks.

16:48.76
Nandi K
I do. I do think so. Okay, so this is like what we were talking about before. Queerness and how it's more than who you fuck.

16:55.06
Vance 😈
Yeah.

16:56.80
Nandi K
Because there is like Queer as in sexuality, Queer as is in you can't put who I fuck in a box.

17:00.53
Vance 😈
Yep. yep

17:04.47
Nandi K
And then there's like the politics of Queerness. I damn near want to say that people shouldn't be able to identify as Queer if they don't have a Queer politic.

17:16.63
Vance 😈
ah we have talked about this. I feel like when you first said it, you know, I had an eyebrow raise, like, here Nandi go. But I am coming around.

17:24.76
Nandi K
As I do.

17:26.26
Vance 😈
I am coming around. say that because, like, you know, out here, live in, I live in Long Beach right now. And, um... One of my, one of my close friends, um, is, is a straight, uh, is a straight person and he is in a gay volley, a straggot straggot.

17:40.38
Nandi K
straggle. You can say it on this podcast. You can say it on this podcast.

17:43.29
Vance 😈
Um, he, he's in a, he's in a gay volleyball league, right?

17:44.82
Nandi K
Vance. Don't worry.

17:50.04
Vance 😈
Um, his cousin invited him. He's in a gay volleyball league. So

17:54.49
Nandi K
His cousin is gay.

17:55.99
Vance 😈
His cousin's a home essential, yes. So he's in the gay volleyball league.

17:57.69
Nandi K
Okay.

18:00.06
Vance 😈
I am not in the gay volleyball league. um These gays are white and Hispanic and Asian. And in Long Beach, I would...

18:07.16
Nandi K
Not your people.

18:08.73
Vance 😈
Right, there it is. So I dare say even in the world, ah white gays are racist and exclusive, evil, all of the things, right?

18:13.43
Nandi K
Right.

18:16.07
Nandi K
And evil. Evil.

18:19.60
Vance 😈
And like, so he didn't really understand why I wasn't fucking with it. But I'm like, A, I'm not fucking with it. I've hung out with the group. They're fine. They aight. However, they not Queer.
And like like, so like the thing about the, like, so that's the disconnect for me. Like there's no solidarity.

18:35.29
Nandi K
Yeah.

18:36.47
Vance 😈
There's no sense of connection or community. When you see a gay white person, even at work, you see a gay white person at work, they don't see you as like someone in their community.

18:43.06
Nandi K
It means nothing. It means nothing to me.

18:44.76
Vance 😈
It's just, ah they don't want to fuck. They not even going to pay attention to you low key. So yeah that, right.

18:50.14
Nandi K
Don't worry. I don't want to fuck. So don't even worry about it.

18:54.61
Vance 😈
So the conversation that you and I had, like, that was kind of what was the connector for me, where it's just like, actually, i don't even fuck with, like, if I'm, like, in a gay community, like, I don't even fuck with y'all if y'all not Queer, to be honest, because y'all don't fuck with me. So that that's kind of where that's kind of why I am the way I am in that regard. So, like, yeah, they I just be like, they gay, they not Queer.

19:15.35
Nandi K
yeah

19:17.02
Vance 😈
And, like, y'all can take that how y'all want, because, yeah you know, everybody don't have the same definitions, but that's what it is for me.

19:22.81
Nandi K
here's the thing about I think at least like with men a lot of them are like I'm gay only like the younger ones are using like Queer like that right like

19:35.45
Vance 😈
Agreed. That's why I get pressed about it online. Cause like, I'm not a young person. I'm 36.

19:40.38
Nandi K
Yeah, exactly. But when I think in like the lesbian community, white women, they're a different kind of evil. They're insidious.

19:54.14
Vance 😈
Ooh.

19:54.59
Nandi K
So they like to signify all the things that like a white gay man would never signify.

19:55.18
Vance 😈
Ooh.

20:02.71
Nandi K
That exclusivity shit.

20:03.52
Vance 😈
Right.

20:04.15
Nandi K
Yes, some lesbians, some white lesbians are like that. But like, white women as a whole and then white women in Queer spaces and like a lot more white women wear the type wear the label of Queer way more. They were like I'm Queer bisexual white lady i'm Queer

20:21.24
Vance 😈
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

20:27.77
Nandi K
But you only date white men and you only date white ladies. What's Queer about that? um So I think you have to be like even way more careful because I feel like I have to beat white people off with a stick because they're so interested in me because I'm interesting. Like they want to be like seen around me. They want to be like associated with me in a really nasty, nasty way. And so like for me, I just segregate. I do like almost straight up segregate myself like by race. I don't really fuck with nobody that's not Black. I date Black exclusively. If I met somebody that was brown and really cool in their family wasn't racist, I could maybe be into that.

21:26.82
Vance 😈
Same

21:27.74
Nandi K
But I can't take the risk. It's too dangerous. And people just like, yeah, it's like also because I'm not like a woman. Like when you start the gender stuff, like even some lesbians, I'm like, because that whole stuff, femme dynamic, I don't ascribe to any of that.

21:45.66
Vance 😈
yeah Yeah, yeah yeah

21:50.85
Nandi K
I'm agender. I've had lesbians be talk about me, talking about I'm confused. Because I said I use they, them pronouns, and I'm non-binary. Yeah.

21:59.54
Vance 😈
Yeah, no, there's like a whole politic. Like I got some lesbian friends.

22:03.13
Nandi K
Yeah.

22:03.10
Vance 😈
Like I kind of had to recede a little energy wise because like transphobic as fuck. And it's just like, and then like, you know, when I see a transphobic stud, I'll be laughing because I'm like, cousin, y'all cousins.

22:07.83
Nandi K
Yeah.

22:14.37
Nandi K
It's very nonsensical. I'm like, okay, sir, ma'am, but all right.

22:19.00
Vance 😈
Right. no

22:20.18
Nandi K
It's like, don't make me. We can both do it, but I'm going to be more successful.

22:23.77
Vance 😈
Right. Y'all first cousins.

22:27.32
Nandi K
Let's be real. I could play the any part, and I choose what part I want to play daily. You should also have the freedom to do the same.

22:37.27
Vance 😈
And understand that like, it ain't far from like the the line is almost invisible.

22:43.58
Nandi K
Right, right.

22:43.78
Vance 😈
Like yo, yo granny, there's talking shit about you. Ain't saying much different about the the trans folk. Like they y'all in the same boat.

22:51.93
Nandi K
Yeah, and Black women have never really been allowed to be women anyway, but that's another conversation.

22:53.68
Vance 😈
Y'all. Ooh.

23:00.59
Vance 😈
That's the gender. That's the gender gender episode.

23:01.78
Nandi K
So yeah. So Queerness is about your politic. What is subversive about what you do? Not what is gay about, oh, you fuck the same sex. That's not subversive, bro. That's regular.

23:16.89
Vance 😈
Well, I think it's the whole... When we talk about the anarchy of it all, right? Where it's just like... I think I kind of approach most of my life that way. Where it's just like everything is up for questioning and and reeav or reassessing.

23:25.91
Nandi K
Yeah.

23:29.43
Nandi K
Yep.

23:31.16
Vance 😈
And like, you know, hey, this ain't working for us.

23:31.76
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

23:33.80
Vance 😈
We need to not do it this way. And it doesn't...

23:35.26
Nandi K
Yeah.

23:35.84
Vance 😈
And that's not based on your... gen Like, don't know. Dumb shit. Somebody was giving me shit a couple weeks ago when I was at away about...

23:44.04
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

23:44.63
Vance 😈
I was looking at earrings and they were like, those are girl earrings. And I'm like, am I going to turn into, like, am I going to combust if I put this girl earring in my ear? Like, what are we talking about? And that's such a small idea to me.

23:55.13
Nandi K
That's so miserable.

23:56.73
Vance 😈
Yeah.

23:57.11
Nandi K
That's such a miserable thought.

23:57.17
Vance 😈
And like, I can't hold, I can't even hold that idea because it's so small and stupid to me. But like, that's somebody, that's how someone dictates their life. Like, you can't even look over there because it's girls. So like, that's what I mean. And it's like, yeah, these things aren't even big things. Or at least I don't feel like they're big things. But that's just how I like to live my life in general. Like, everything's up for, yeah, everything's up for debate.

24:18.74
Nandi K
Debate. Yeah.

24:21.07
Vance 😈
Everything can be changed. We can always adjust. We can always be different. We don't have to just do the thing. Especially if it's not working.

24:26.46
Nandi K
Yeah, we don't have to make our beds.

24:29.27
Vance 😈
Right.

24:29.62
Nandi K
We don't have to make our beds if we don't want to.

24:35.48
Vance 😈
Oh, no. Don't tell the type A's that. yeah Snipe you.

24:38.14
Nandi K
We don't have to make our beds.

24:38.47
Vance 😈
“How dare you?!”

24:40.86
Nandi K
But okay, so like thinking about dating... You're single, I think, these days, Vance. um I don't know.

24:51.32
Vance 😈
Yeah.

24:51.86
Nandi K
You might up update me, but like what's up with you and dating? and like how are you ah Are you dating? How are you approaching dating these days? like Do you want to date me?

25:02.18
Vance 😈
I hate, I hate this question.

25:04.41
Nandi K
You can leave that one for last. yeah

25:07.64
Vance 😈
Nah, I don't know. I feel like, um, I just had a lot of like, just a lot of change personally. Like I just had a big move.

25:14.20
Nandi K
Mm-hmm.

25:14.98
Vance 😈
I just had to go away for this long training. Um, some stuff happened with my employment status. So like, uh, because of all that, like dating is like way back burner. Um, I actually like, I like meeting people, new people and like forming connections and if it's romantic or sexual, great. But you know, uh, at the, at the current moment, I'm not, I'm not super checking. Um, last year I did, I was talking to someone last year and we had a really nice connection. And then that kind of went, that went downhill real quick. Um, you remember San Diego Bae?

25:46.59
Nandi K
men i remember this i was like men are really something else mark safe

25:49.56
Vance 😈
ghetto ghetto and and you yeah but but anyway all that all that to say all that to say i think it's yeah yeah it's all it's

25:57.34
Nandi K
but you could change all that but you could change all that you could i'm mark safe for men right now but you could change that

26:04.60
Vance 😈
It's it's always up It's always up for debate. um What? Well, am I going to ask you the same question? I mean, I know you're ah I know you're ah I know you mostly booed up, but I also know that you're not.

26:13.08
Nandi K
You can ask me the same question. yeah

26:17.40
Nandi K
I mean, I'm partnered, yes. But also, I'm non-monogamous.

26:19.05
Vance 😈
Yeah. Yeah, sure.

26:22.20
Nandi K
I think I've talked about this, but I'm not really dating. That's just because I don't like anyone except people that I already know well. Um I'm kind of finding myself on the like... I don't want to, know but a little bit on the ace spectrum, like as like kind of more like demisexual where like I'm not really interested in like forming sexual relationships with people that I don't have emotional connections with now I think I could, but I'm just not interested in doing that like at this point in my life I just really want like deep and deepening connections in my life whatever those may look like platonic romantic platonic with sex you know like whatever we want to do all right am like really up for that and so I think just this year I'm just like focused deepening some of the connections in my life and like spending more quality time with some people that I haven't gotten to um lately but that's really it like I only like my friends and if they're not trying to fuck then I guess we won't be fucking but if they want to if you want to you know. The mood is right. It could be a disco night, baby.

27:56.26
Vance 😈
Renfair Renfair after dark

27:59.45
Nandi K
Yeah. I really want to go to a Renaissance fair real bad. um

28:03.80
Vance 😈
ah yeah Yes I don't know when the next one is but yeah I would like to I want to go to, Is there one in Baltimore yeah I want to go to DMV I want to go to the DMV.

28:05.85
Nandi K
Real bad. There's a bunch all over the place, but yeah, it depends on where. oh my God. that sounds amazing. I need to get a suit of armor.

28:21.62
Vance 😈
Yeah, I...

28:22.42
Nandi K
With my ass out. Like Janelle Monae.

28:25.04
Vance 😈
I see it.

28:27.29
Nandi K
I want to have like a suit of armor, but it's like chaps. So like I have a suit armor, but like my booty out.

28:33.24
Vance 😈
ah see It

28:35.45
Nandi K
That would eat.

28:37.54
Vance 😈
was... Somebody else...

28:38.23
Nandi K
Anyway, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I yeah. I mean, if I don't know, I'm just only interested in people I know. Like, or Sterling K. Brown, but he's married, so...

28:50.88
Vance 😈
He in Hollywood.

28:50.96
Nandi K
See what I'm saying? See how Queer I am, y'all?

28:51.49
Vance 😈
You never know.

28:53.92
Nandi K
It's a possibility. This is how Queer I am, even as a lesbian. It's possible I could possibly see myself with Sterling K. Brown. Wow. This is what I'm saying about Queerness, y'all. You can't put yourself in a box.

29:08.53
Vance 😈
it's everything.

29:10.68
Nandi K
Well, I want to end with, what's the Queerest thing about you, Vance?

29:15.54
Vance 😈
Just said it, no? Um, curious thing about me. Um, I don’t fucking know. Maybe my my perspective. Like, I don't know. could like i like It's not physical. I feel like I come off as very... ah If you don't know me, I come off as very... Not straight. ah ah But just like a man. like just There's a guy right there.

29:43.26
Nandi K
I don't know about that. As someone who knows you, if I would have just thought you were just a man, we would never have connected. So I think that's a lie.

29:50.55
Vance 😈
That's fair. That's fair.

29:52.28
Nandi K
As someone from the who is for who has experienced you from the outside, I strongly disagree with that.

29:57.66
Vance 😈
Okay. I mean, I'll hold that. um as

29:59.58
Nandi K
But straight men are gay, so you have to keep that in mind, that straight men are kind of gay.

30:03.37
Vance 😈
Fair. But I guess it's just my ideas. I do this I don't know. could like yeah I feel like when people ask me questions and I answer them, they be shook. Like they'd never heard the thing before.

30:14.42
Nandi K
yeah

30:16.58
Vance 😈
And I'm like, I guess they have not ah because a lot of people don't have the the thoughts, but I don't, but I don't think the thoughts are special or nothing. I'm just like, this is what, this is the conclusion I landed on.

30:20.79
Nandi K
yeah real I think the Queerest thing about me is my hate for men
um and my hate for the patriarchy, men the brand™️, and the patriarchy. Men the brand is the patriarchy, just in case y'all were wondering. um But yeah, like I don't know anybody really who goes as hard as me when it comes to... why I literally don't even want to really see any men happy because of me at all. like And if you're a man getting happiness from this podcast...

31:04.89
Nandi K
and I don't know you, stop it.

31:09.38
Vance 😈
Still subscribe. Still like a subscribe and

31:11.61
Nandi K
You can do it for l for Vance,

31:13.02
Vance 😈
okay ah And... um Okay.

31:16.15
Nandi K
but not for me.

31:16.79
Vance 😈
Also... Okay. But what about our friend Jason? You know Jason.

31:20.89
Nandi K
i said if I don't know you,

31:21.08
Vance 😈
Oh fair, for fair, fair.

31:24.18
Nandi K
I know Jason. Jason is wonderful.

31:25.88
Vance 😈
That's fair.

31:26.62
Nandi K
I know a few men who listen to this podcast who they know I'm not talking about them.

31:27.75
Vance 😈
Jason's awesome.

31:32.10
Nandi K
And also, they all seem kind of gay. And I think that's what's important.

31:35.26
Vance 😈
Well...

31:38.14
Vance 😈
Those are only, those are the only men.

31:38.65
Nandi K
See how Queer I am?

31:40.41
Vance 😈
Those are all the only men that I like. um They got to have a little sugar in their tank.

31:42.80
Nandi K
Yeah.

31:45.08
Vance 😈
um They got to have...

31:45.21
Nandi K
Yeah. If I don't think you're gay, that means I don't. I'm not. And in that's for anyone. I remember finding out this person I was cool with online was celebrating their wedding anniversary with their husband. I was like, wow, you are so cool. I never thought you had a husband.

32:03.80
Vance 😈
Which is a compliment

32:05.18
Nandi K
It is of the highest order. I would never think you would hitch yourself to a man's. So, wow. Good for you. They must be great.

32:14.06
Vance 😈
Nah, agreed, agreed. Men, like you gotta have multiple gay allegations like pending at that. Like they need to be open cases.

32:20.06
Nandi K
Yeah.

32:21.42
Vance 😈
And then I'm like, okay, I consider you.

32:23.77
Nandi K
Yeah. Well, today's episode is sponsored by the Gay Agenda Ever Moving Forward. 2026. We're making great strides.

32:35.54
Vance 😈
Denounce your gender now. A Big thanks to our producer and audio Adonis, Aaron Rand Freeman.
I've been Vance Goh. You can find me on Instagram and threads at Sir bleep a thot.

32:47.96
Nandi K
And I'm Nandi K. You can find me on Instagram, threads, and blue sky at Nandi K-A-Y-Y-Y. See y'all.

32:56.66
Vance 😈
See y'all.