1 00:00:00,175 --> 00:00:00,410 All right. 2 00:00:00,410 --> 00:00:02,240 Let's talk all things 4th of July. 3 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,700 Now, when we go into the 4th of July holiday, we're thinking this 4 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:08,900 is gonna be fun and sparklers and easy and fireworks and pictures and 5 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:11,270 boating and swimsuits and hot dogs. 6 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:14,070 But if you're divorced, there's gonna be a few of that, plus 7 00:00:14,070 --> 00:00:15,150 a lot of fights and arguments. 8 00:00:15,608 --> 00:00:20,919 And a lot of tension and possibly someone trying to change your holiday. 9 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:24,095 Now, there's a lot of emotions around this because it is the summertime. 10 00:00:24,095 --> 00:00:27,909 It's usually around a vacation sometimes, and it's late at night, 11 00:00:27,909 --> 00:00:31,539 which makes some people nervous because we have parties and we have alcohol. 12 00:00:32,124 --> 00:00:36,024 For some co-parents, that is one of the reasons they got divorced. 13 00:00:36,365 --> 00:00:42,384 So we're gonna dive into the common mistakes that I see all the time in 14 00:00:42,384 --> 00:00:47,467 parenting plans written by mediators and attorneys where they just fail 15 00:00:47,497 --> 00:00:49,177 their clients, they fall short. 16 00:00:49,676 --> 00:00:54,772 On not providing the right wording, which then creates all of this dialogue 17 00:00:54,772 --> 00:00:57,262 between co-parents right around a holiday. 18 00:00:57,322 --> 00:01:01,132 And if you have the kind of co-parent that a lot of us have of high conflict, 19 00:01:01,406 --> 00:01:05,859 that co-parent doesn't wanna work with you until July 3rd on the holiday. 20 00:01:05,889 --> 00:01:07,509 They're not gonna talk to you early. 21 00:01:07,743 --> 00:01:11,009 Back when you contacted them in June and you were trying to finalize some 22 00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:13,949 details 'cause you read it ahead of time and you noticed there were some 23 00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:15,828 mistakes or some things left out. 24 00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:19,590 You're panicking and you reached out to them in June, but they do 25 00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:23,490 not respond back to you probably until July 3rd, if not July 4th. 26 00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:26,366 So we're gonna run through some of these, and again, I want you to 27 00:01:26,366 --> 00:01:29,096 look at your parenting plan or the parenting plan that your attorney is 28 00:01:29,096 --> 00:01:32,903 trying to get you to sign, or if you are building a parenting plan and 29 00:01:32,903 --> 00:01:34,373 you're gonna want help for my team. 30 00:01:34,493 --> 00:01:36,443 These are some key things to watch out for. 31 00:01:36,746 --> 00:01:40,750 First and foremost, the example is 4th of July shall be 32 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:44,253 alternated each year from 6:00 PM. 33 00:01:44,513 --> 00:01:47,210 Two 9:00 PM and I shit you not. 34 00:01:47,436 --> 00:01:50,990 That is an actual quote from one of the parenting plans that I have 35 00:01:50,990 --> 00:01:53,210 read from an attorney's office. 36 00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:56,993 So Larry is doing you dirty by putting in that. 37 00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:59,453 Now let's just run through the basics of why that is wrong. 38 00:01:59,483 --> 00:02:02,543 Number one, who only wants their kids for three hours for a holiday? 39 00:02:02,663 --> 00:02:03,153 I mean, I don't. 40 00:02:03,428 --> 00:02:05,318 I mean, it's like three hours or nothing. 41 00:02:05,348 --> 00:02:09,028 I would rather nothing, and really I would, because three hours is 42 00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:12,268 not enough time for my kids to transition their personalities, right? 43 00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:15,409 'cause we all know in high conflict co-parenting dynamics, our children 44 00:02:15,409 --> 00:02:16,609 have different personalities. 45 00:02:16,609 --> 00:02:19,009 And when they jump from one parent to the other, especially on a quick 46 00:02:19,009 --> 00:02:22,023 transfer like that of just three hours, there's not a lot of times for our 47 00:02:22,023 --> 00:02:24,116 kids to settle in their personalities. 48 00:02:24,406 --> 00:02:27,293 Number two, the fireworks happen at night. 49 00:02:27,353 --> 00:02:28,703 So what are we doing here? 50 00:02:28,703 --> 00:02:31,373 Nine o'clock is basically right at start time. 51 00:02:31,636 --> 00:02:35,921 So I'm not even getting to actually have my kids watch fireworks with me 52 00:02:35,921 --> 00:02:37,391 because I have to transition them back. 53 00:02:38,146 --> 00:02:38,746 Right. 54 00:02:38,898 --> 00:02:42,886 And so the other thing is just the parents don't really have a way to do 55 00:02:42,886 --> 00:02:44,866 that if they've been drinking as well. 56 00:02:44,866 --> 00:02:47,566 So if you've been drinking during the day and you've been hanging out 57 00:02:47,566 --> 00:02:50,146 and now at six o'clock you gotta go pick up your kids, or at nine 58 00:02:50,146 --> 00:02:51,826 o'clock you have to have them back. 59 00:02:51,826 --> 00:02:55,516 So this short amount of time, I'm telling you is not worth it. 60 00:02:55,516 --> 00:02:59,176 So a lot of parenting plans will have, one parent has them during the day and 61 00:02:59,176 --> 00:03:00,796 one parent has them during the night. 62 00:03:01,316 --> 00:03:03,776 For me, if you've been around for a long time, you know I 63 00:03:03,776 --> 00:03:05,606 am just not about that life. 64 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,876 It's either all or nothing, and we just alternate every other year and 65 00:03:08,876 --> 00:03:11,786 we'll get into some examples of what would be better here at the end. 66 00:03:11,786 --> 00:03:16,203 But example number two that a Larry the lawyer is gonna do you dirty on is 67 00:03:16,203 --> 00:03:20,116 they're just going to put the wording in there that simply just says, 4th 68 00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:23,306 of July shall be alternated annually. 69 00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:27,141 Now I know a good percentage of you listening, this is what you have. 70 00:03:27,895 --> 00:03:31,534 You have that every other year, even an odd, you get the kids. 71 00:03:31,564 --> 00:03:31,984 That's it. 72 00:03:32,332 --> 00:03:34,051 It should be alternated annually. 73 00:03:34,051 --> 00:03:35,161 And that's all it says. 74 00:03:35,418 --> 00:03:38,271 But the problem with that is there's no start time. 75 00:03:38,568 --> 00:03:42,991 Well, does it start on July 4th at nine in the morning or five o'clock at night? 76 00:03:43,455 --> 00:03:44,548 There's no end time. 77 00:03:44,548 --> 00:03:45,988 Am I bringing the kids back? 78 00:03:45,988 --> 00:03:47,008 Are they spending the night? 79 00:03:47,038 --> 00:03:48,478 Do I have to return them? 80 00:03:48,822 --> 00:03:54,939 So the overnight not being addressed is going to create tension and arguments. 81 00:03:55,192 --> 00:03:57,849 Now, I'm just gonna jump in here real quick and just say this. 82 00:03:57,849 --> 00:04:00,549 If you're one of those parents listening and you're early on in 83 00:04:00,549 --> 00:04:03,943 your journey and you're gonna say something like, Sam, we'll just 84 00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,503 do what's best for the situation. 85 00:04:05,672 --> 00:04:09,523 Sam, we get along right now, so we'll probably just talk to each other. 86 00:04:09,523 --> 00:04:11,083 I don't know why that's so hard. 87 00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:16,253 Well, let me just tell you, Stacy, you might not always get along. 88 00:04:16,658 --> 00:04:19,268 You might not always get along with your ex-husband's new 89 00:04:19,268 --> 00:04:21,038 girlfriend, AKA, his new wife. 90 00:04:21,518 --> 00:04:23,918 The things might change in the future. 91 00:04:23,918 --> 00:04:28,748 So best bet that you're asked better have a better detailed plan for when all 92 00:04:28,748 --> 00:04:32,988 hell breaks loose and we're not getting along anymore, that we have a structured 93 00:04:32,988 --> 00:04:35,894 plan for the 4th of July, right? 94 00:04:36,135 --> 00:04:39,668 So parents will end up arguing down the road about when 95 00:04:39,668 --> 00:04:41,838 will these exchanges happen. 96 00:04:42,364 --> 00:04:46,084 I'm telling you, this is a single sentence underneath the whole 4th of July. 97 00:04:46,084 --> 00:04:48,184 This is all it says is this. 98 00:04:48,184 --> 00:04:51,094 One sentence, 4th of July shall be alternated annually. 99 00:04:51,642 --> 00:04:53,188 It doesn't say anything else. 100 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:57,784 So when you presume that it's an all day thing, your ex can presume that it's not. 101 00:04:57,784 --> 00:05:00,814 And now here we are arguing and we all know when we argue about 102 00:05:00,814 --> 00:05:02,854 something, what ends up happening. 103 00:05:03,245 --> 00:05:07,813 We either spend money with an attorney to argue it out or we argue with 104 00:05:07,843 --> 00:05:11,713 our ex. Both things I don't wanna be doing because both things are gonna 105 00:05:11,713 --> 00:05:16,359 have a domino effect damaging our child because I am all stressed out. 106 00:05:16,479 --> 00:05:17,259 I am worried. 107 00:05:17,289 --> 00:05:20,169 I am anxious, I'm spending money on something I didn't think I needed 108 00:05:20,169 --> 00:05:23,529 to because I had a sentence in there that made sense at the time, but 109 00:05:23,529 --> 00:05:25,179 I hadn't used that sentence yet. 110 00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:26,679 And that's what I'm here to tell you guys. 111 00:05:26,995 --> 00:05:30,819 A lot of the things that you are writing or listening to your attorney 112 00:05:30,819 --> 00:05:32,709 write in to your parenting plan. 113 00:05:32,808 --> 00:05:37,519 They all sound great until you try to use them Like this sentence, 114 00:05:37,519 --> 00:05:38,629 you're like, Hey, it's 4th of July. 115 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:38,869 In there. 116 00:05:38,869 --> 00:05:41,419 You read through that parenting plan real quick before you sign it and you're like, 117 00:05:41,419 --> 00:05:43,249 yes, 4th of July, we're gonna alternate. 118 00:05:43,249 --> 00:05:44,989 You're like, whew, good. 119 00:05:44,989 --> 00:05:45,649 It's in there. 120 00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:46,969 I won't have to worry about it. 121 00:05:46,969 --> 00:05:48,529 And then here comes the 4th of July. 122 00:05:48,604 --> 00:05:51,368 And you try to actually use that sentence and you're thinking 123 00:05:51,368 --> 00:05:52,448 logically, well, he knows. 124 00:05:52,448 --> 00:05:56,660 We go to my mom's, you know, second cabin, by the lake every 4th of July. 125 00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,340 He knows we leave the night before. 126 00:05:58,340 --> 00:06:00,770 Why won't he just let me have the children the night before? 127 00:06:00,978 --> 00:06:03,157 Well, Stacey doesn't say you get the children the night before. 128 00:06:03,157 --> 00:06:05,317 Actually, Stacey doesn't even say what the hell time you do? 129 00:06:05,317 --> 00:06:05,917 Get the children. 130 00:06:06,304 --> 00:06:09,684 So don't presume that just because you've done something in the past 131 00:06:09,684 --> 00:06:12,234 that your ex is gonna be like, oh yeah, keep doing that thing. 132 00:06:12,234 --> 00:06:13,794 Go ahead, take the kids on the third. 133 00:06:13,794 --> 00:06:14,094 You know what? 134 00:06:14,094 --> 00:06:15,924 Matter of fact, don't bring 'em back till the fifth. 135 00:06:16,304 --> 00:06:17,184 You're full of shit. 136 00:06:17,391 --> 00:06:20,874 If you think you're high conflict ex or just your ex in general or 137 00:06:20,874 --> 00:06:24,264 your ex's new, significant other is going to allow that shit. 138 00:06:24,654 --> 00:06:30,400 You guys have to have definitive times of when your time starts, and please, 139 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,880 for the love of God, stop believing that when you have a 2-year-old and 140 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:38,770 you get divorced, that you and your ex are gonna be friends for 16 years. 141 00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:41,450 You're telling me for 16 years. 142 00:06:41,814 --> 00:06:43,535 You guys are gonna get along. 143 00:06:43,828 --> 00:06:47,795 You're gonna be on the same page, you're gonna have the same mindset. 144 00:06:47,901 --> 00:06:51,575 You're both gonna put the child's best interest first for 16 years. 145 00:06:51,575 --> 00:06:53,195 We're talking about period cycles. 146 00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:54,305 We're talking about menopause. 147 00:06:54,305 --> 00:06:55,355 We're talking about job loss. 148 00:06:55,355 --> 00:06:58,385 We're talking about depression, we're talking about all kind third 149 00:06:58,385 --> 00:06:59,525 parties entering the picture. 150 00:06:59,834 --> 00:07:02,305 All kinds of shit can happen in 16 years. 151 00:07:02,988 --> 00:07:06,020 You think a piss poor written sentence is gonna be, eh? 152 00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:07,130 We'll work it out. 153 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:07,850 No, you won't. 154 00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,940 You're gonna spend money on an attorney to fix it later, or you're gonna argue 155 00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:12,140 which is gonna damage your children. 156 00:07:13,034 --> 00:07:18,074 I'm telling you from experience example number three that I see again all the time 157 00:07:18,074 --> 00:07:22,064 written by Larry, the lawyer who's just trying to be a loser and screw you over. 158 00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:26,177 The child will spend 4th of July with parent A in E, even years, 159 00:07:26,177 --> 00:07:27,587 and parent B and odd years. 160 00:07:28,271 --> 00:07:31,039 Now again, if you haven't used this sentence before and you're 161 00:07:31,039 --> 00:07:33,259 just scanning through the document and you're like, that looks good. 162 00:07:33,259 --> 00:07:33,829 That looks good. 163 00:07:33,889 --> 00:07:34,579 Oh good. 164 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,779 They included 4th of July. 165 00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:37,039 I get even years. 166 00:07:37,311 --> 00:07:38,619 The other parent gets odd years. 167 00:07:38,679 --> 00:07:39,309 I'm good. 168 00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:42,175 The problem with this is the same thing as the other problem. 169 00:07:42,235 --> 00:07:43,735 There's no transportation plan. 170 00:07:43,765 --> 00:07:45,325 Who's picking up who's dropping off? 171 00:07:45,652 --> 00:07:47,422 Well, what if the child's already with parent A? 172 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:48,152 Well, good. 173 00:07:48,152 --> 00:07:50,277 They just stay with parent A. But what if they were with parent B? 174 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,534 Who's bringing them and who's picking them up. 175 00:07:52,534 --> 00:07:55,594 Now again, I know you're listening and you're saying, Sam, this sounds so 176 00:07:55,594 --> 00:07:57,274 stupid that we would argue about this. 177 00:07:57,574 --> 00:08:00,514 Uh, welcome to why I have a business. 178 00:08:01,684 --> 00:08:05,724 That's literally the reason why I have a business is because, yes, 179 00:08:05,724 --> 00:08:07,494 it sounds very easy and logical. 180 00:08:07,494 --> 00:08:08,934 If you have the children, go drop them off. 181 00:08:09,318 --> 00:08:10,817 Or if you want the children, go pick them up. 182 00:08:10,967 --> 00:08:12,437 But do you see how there's options there? 183 00:08:12,851 --> 00:08:17,964 We will argue about those options because there's people's egos and personalities 184 00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,854 that get in the way of simple things. 185 00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:23,437 So there needs to be who picks up and who drops off. 186 00:08:23,977 --> 00:08:28,717 Is this an overnight, you guys fireworks typically, correct me if I'm wrong, 187 00:08:28,878 --> 00:08:34,210 don't usually get over till like 10 30, 11 o'clock and then by the time 188 00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:40,670 we get in the car and we deal with traffic, I mean, what the hell guys? 189 00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:42,620 We're not getting home till midnight for some of us. 190 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:44,260 I live down in southern Alabama. 191 00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:46,505 We went to the 4th of July on the beach. 192 00:08:47,215 --> 00:08:49,615 Never will do that shit again, ever in my life. 193 00:08:50,035 --> 00:08:51,985 It took us two hours to leave the restaurant. 194 00:08:51,985 --> 00:08:55,585 We watched the fireworks on the water to get back to our beach house. 195 00:08:55,825 --> 00:08:56,545 Two hours. 196 00:08:57,101 --> 00:09:00,265 It is literally four miles, four. 197 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:01,867 Because of the traffic. 198 00:09:02,107 --> 00:09:05,647 Now, if I was in a co-parenting situation in that I would've been 199 00:09:05,647 --> 00:09:09,007 panicking, I would've been sweating, I would've been freaking out. 200 00:09:09,118 --> 00:09:12,457 And what I probably would've done knowing my anxiety level, is I probably 201 00:09:12,457 --> 00:09:15,277 would've left halfway through the fireworks to try to beat the crowd. 202 00:09:15,411 --> 00:09:16,957 So I would've said, Hey kids, we gotta go. 203 00:09:16,987 --> 00:09:20,587 Hey, I know, I know, but our plan says that I have to have you back by 10. 204 00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,127 So I know, I know the fire. 205 00:09:22,157 --> 00:09:23,357 I know we'll watch 'em from the car. 206 00:09:23,387 --> 00:09:23,777 Let's go. 207 00:09:23,807 --> 00:09:24,617 Come on, get your shit. 208 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:25,067 We gotta go. 209 00:09:25,127 --> 00:09:25,847 Let's go. 210 00:09:25,937 --> 00:09:26,777 There's gonna be traffic. 211 00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:27,617 We have to avoid it. 212 00:09:27,764 --> 00:09:31,397 So while we've waited all day for the fireworks, my anxiety would take over 213 00:09:31,644 --> 00:09:35,597 and then I'd have to rip my kids from the fireworks going and going over the water. 214 00:09:35,597 --> 00:09:37,457 So pretty, nobody else is fucking leaving. 215 00:09:37,741 --> 00:09:40,927 But I have to leave because I have to be able to get in 216 00:09:40,927 --> 00:09:42,157 the car to return my children. 217 00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:46,434 And I'm telling you, if I sound crazy, remember this face? 218 00:09:46,524 --> 00:09:47,124 I told you so. 219 00:09:47,604 --> 00:09:47,904 Okay. 220 00:09:48,509 --> 00:09:51,539 So when it comes to this one, again, all the same reasons why. 221 00:09:51,539 --> 00:09:55,499 The last example was piss poor, but just another reason is transportation. 222 00:09:55,499 --> 00:09:56,909 Who's picking up who's dropping off? 223 00:09:56,939 --> 00:09:57,989 Or is it an overnight? 224 00:09:58,416 --> 00:09:59,939 Now I'm just gonna give you a little spoiler. 225 00:09:59,939 --> 00:10:02,675 When I build parenting plans for people, 'cause that's what I do, we 226 00:10:02,675 --> 00:10:03,965 always include it as an overnight. 227 00:10:04,335 --> 00:10:06,675 I don't want my ex drinking and driving. 228 00:10:06,675 --> 00:10:08,925 I don't want my ex really on the road with my children. 229 00:10:08,925 --> 00:10:13,442 So I'm gonna say, Hey, wherever you get to keep them, stay the night in your area. 230 00:10:13,502 --> 00:10:17,282 Don't be trying to go across town or three towns over to deliver them back to me. 231 00:10:17,599 --> 00:10:20,485 So it's an overnight for me, I talk my clients into that. 232 00:10:20,485 --> 00:10:22,075 It's just safer for everybody. 233 00:10:22,342 --> 00:10:26,735 Now the example number four is something that's not really said. 234 00:10:26,765 --> 00:10:28,505 It's the thing that's left out. 235 00:10:28,779 --> 00:10:32,759 So it's a clause that is left out of parenting plans, and 236 00:10:32,759 --> 00:10:38,435 it's this holiday parenting time takes priority over vacation. 237 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,945 Let me break this down because again, sometimes when you hear 238 00:10:40,945 --> 00:10:43,195 these sentences you're like, I don't even know what that sentence means. 239 00:10:43,636 --> 00:10:44,542 Okay, lemme break it down for you. 240 00:10:44,826 --> 00:10:51,005 It means that your holiday schedule, every holiday that is yours takes precedence, 241 00:10:51,005 --> 00:10:54,442 meaning more priority over a vacation. 242 00:10:54,783 --> 00:10:57,552 And a vacation takes priority over your parenting time. 243 00:10:57,859 --> 00:11:03,615 So it should be listed somewhere in your parenting plan, and a lot of 244 00:11:03,615 --> 00:11:05,819 Larry's will forget it intentionally. 245 00:11:05,819 --> 00:11:08,282 So you have to call Larry back and say, Hey, this parent's 246 00:11:08,282 --> 00:11:09,542 saying that I can't do this. 247 00:11:09,949 --> 00:11:13,550 Well, it's not in your parenting plan that you can, so now let me call his office. 248 00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:15,320 Let me call him and see what he has to say. 249 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,760 And now I'm billable hours. 250 00:11:17,036 --> 00:11:18,597 Larry's getting me ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. 251 00:11:18,597 --> 00:11:19,377 Billable hours. 252 00:11:19,377 --> 00:11:21,837 Billable hours, because I don't have a sentence that I should 253 00:11:21,837 --> 00:11:22,977 have had in my parenting plan. 254 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:28,753 So when people don't include this in their parenting plan, when Larry's leave 255 00:11:28,753 --> 00:11:31,109 it out, then it's up for interpretation. 256 00:11:31,109 --> 00:11:33,509 Can I book a vacation over someone's holiday? 257 00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,819 Well, it doesn't say I can't. 258 00:11:36,188 --> 00:11:39,059 Now us, you know, logical brain people were like, but don't do that. 259 00:11:39,119 --> 00:11:41,099 You know, 4th of July is my holiday. 260 00:11:41,099 --> 00:11:42,629 Why did you book a vacation? 261 00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:46,183 But there's nothing in the parenting plan saying that high conflict parent 262 00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:48,943 can't take a vacation over the holiday. 263 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,413 Now that sounds stupid. 264 00:11:50,413 --> 00:11:51,509 It, it does. 265 00:11:52,049 --> 00:11:56,189 It sounds really stupid that someone would think they could take a holiday from me. 266 00:11:56,219 --> 00:11:58,679 'cause then why wouldn't I just book a vacation over Christmas? 267 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:02,576 Well, actually nothing's saying you can't in your parenting plan. 268 00:12:02,666 --> 00:12:06,176 I mean, one would argue to play dumb and say, oh, I didn't know. 269 00:12:06,648 --> 00:12:12,073 So for me, the sentence, it's holiday parenting time takes priority 270 00:12:12,103 --> 00:12:15,543 over vacation, meaning you cannot book a vacation over my 4th of 271 00:12:15,543 --> 00:12:19,093 July, and so many people try it. 272 00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:21,839 Now I'm gonna give you a spoiler because it's just who I am. 273 00:12:22,258 --> 00:12:23,073 In our parenting plan. 274 00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:25,803 We actually have 4th of July, start on the third and go to the fifth. 275 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:26,403 Why? 276 00:12:27,021 --> 00:12:29,756 Why do we do such a long time for the 4th of July? 277 00:12:30,135 --> 00:12:33,416 Because I know M Fers and that's who they are. 278 00:12:33,416 --> 00:12:39,453 I think I know Effer parents who will book a vacation up until July 4th, 279 00:12:39,453 --> 00:12:43,496 return flight in the morning, and then somehow their flight got canceled. 280 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,206 Somehow they didn't make the plane. 281 00:12:45,206 --> 00:12:47,320 Somehow their flight got delayed. 282 00:12:47,514 --> 00:12:50,466 they didn't, you know, their Uber didn't get them to the airport on time, and now 283 00:12:50,466 --> 00:12:51,936 they have the children on the 4th of July. 284 00:12:52,426 --> 00:12:55,246 I have had, in over the 10 years I've been doing this, so 285 00:12:55,246 --> 00:12:56,956 many parents lose a holiday. 286 00:12:57,849 --> 00:13:01,479 There wasn't buffer time built in and parents will be late 287 00:13:01,479 --> 00:13:02,709 getting back from a vacation. 288 00:13:02,739 --> 00:13:03,909 Oh, there was an accident. 289 00:13:03,939 --> 00:13:05,229 Oh, there was severe traffic. 290 00:13:05,229 --> 00:13:09,879 You wouldn't believe the excuses I have heard over the years as to why my 291 00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:11,379 client didn't get their 4th of July. 292 00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:15,139 So I'm telling you right now, you don't wanna put your kids in the middle of 293 00:13:15,139 --> 00:13:17,456 this, of having to answer the question. 294 00:13:17,456 --> 00:13:18,206 Well, I know. 295 00:13:18,236 --> 00:13:21,596 I know it's your dad's 4th of July, but I wanna take you on vacation. 296 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:26,711 Don't you wanna go on vacation over just staying around for one day of fireworks? 297 00:13:27,035 --> 00:13:31,937 And parents literally feel it's their right to change the schedule. 298 00:13:32,251 --> 00:13:36,240 So I'm telling you right now, if you have those examples in your parenting 299 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:41,583 plan, you need to fix them before you sign, fix them, or have my team write 300 00:13:41,583 --> 00:13:43,533 it for you and we'll take care of it. 301 00:13:44,075 --> 00:13:46,803 So these are the things I want you to consider when writing 302 00:13:46,803 --> 00:13:48,033 your 4th of July clause. 303 00:13:48,033 --> 00:13:50,433 First and foremost, number one, make it an overnight. 304 00:13:50,681 --> 00:13:53,230 I don't care if you don't start on the third, I prefer you start the holiday 305 00:13:53,230 --> 00:13:54,550 on the third and end on the fifth. 306 00:13:54,828 --> 00:13:57,717 But if anything, start early on the fourth and end on the fifth. 307 00:13:57,908 --> 00:14:02,283 You should have times, what time on the fourth are you receiving the 308 00:14:02,283 --> 00:14:07,503 children and how and what time are they coming back or are returning to you? 309 00:14:07,663 --> 00:14:09,312 or being sent back on the fifth? 310 00:14:09,661 --> 00:14:12,359 What are the times, and I'm talking specific times. 311 00:14:12,359 --> 00:14:13,649 Now, let's not be crazy here. 312 00:14:14,191 --> 00:14:15,614 Our kids were up late at night. 313 00:14:15,839 --> 00:14:19,019 They were up till 11, 12 o'clock probably for the fireworks. 314 00:14:19,019 --> 00:14:23,099 So that means I probably don't want a 7:00 AM return time on the fifth. 315 00:14:23,552 --> 00:14:25,399 Let's be smart about this, okay? 316 00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:28,789 Think of a logical time to help you out, but I truly believe this holiday 317 00:14:28,789 --> 00:14:30,829 needs to be an overnight, okay? 318 00:14:31,132 --> 00:14:33,139 Consider how to interact with vacations. 319 00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:40,309 Again, that stipulation that I just said about vacations are second to any holiday. 320 00:14:40,999 --> 00:14:44,094 All right, third and fourth mode, please don't split the day. 321 00:14:44,805 --> 00:14:48,735 heard me talk about this excessively about how I hate the fact that children 322 00:14:48,735 --> 00:14:52,275 have to spend half a holiday with one parent and half a holiday with another. 323 00:14:52,496 --> 00:14:56,772 And if you know anything about the way the 4th of July runs now is every town 324 00:14:56,772 --> 00:14:58,512 is doing fireworks on a different night. 325 00:14:58,512 --> 00:15:00,612 You got some towns that do 'em on July 1st. 326 00:15:00,612 --> 00:15:01,572 You got some that do 'em. 327 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,762 You know, the weekend before, the weekend after. 328 00:15:03,762 --> 00:15:05,352 You can catch fireworks on the fifth. 329 00:15:05,352 --> 00:15:08,562 You can really take your kids to fireworks at any point in time. 330 00:15:08,796 --> 00:15:12,940 So remember that it's not about splitting that day with your kids because a 331 00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:14,380 lot of people are drinking that day. 332 00:15:14,556 --> 00:15:16,030 A lot of people are on the road drunk. 333 00:15:16,030 --> 00:15:19,840 We don't wanna be transporting our kids any more than we have to on that day. 334 00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:22,660 And not to mention, it's really hard from kids to maybe be out with 335 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:26,230 friends and neighbors or cousins or family, and they're all playing 336 00:15:26,230 --> 00:15:29,040 at the lake and they're, partying at the park, whatever it is. 337 00:15:29,299 --> 00:15:30,605 And then you ring the bell. 338 00:15:30,665 --> 00:15:34,145 Hey, hurry up, say your goodbyes. 339 00:15:34,205 --> 00:15:35,225 We gotta go. 340 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,505 I gotta get you to your dad's at two. 341 00:15:37,669 --> 00:15:39,545 You know, you only had a couple hours with me. 342 00:15:39,545 --> 00:15:41,765 Now you gotta go back to your dad's at two. 343 00:15:41,795 --> 00:15:44,855 'cause we're dumb asses and we split the day in half because you 344 00:15:44,855 --> 00:15:46,385 know, we both wanted to see you. 345 00:15:46,385 --> 00:15:49,415 So yes, say goodbye to all your cousins and all your neighbor 346 00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:50,825 friends and you having a good time. 347 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:54,575 I know we were gonna do, you know, water balloons, but we don't have time. 348 00:15:54,575 --> 00:15:55,535 You gotta go. 349 00:15:55,535 --> 00:15:56,375 It's almost two. 350 00:15:57,147 --> 00:15:58,699 Do you know what it'd be like to be a kid? 351 00:15:58,939 --> 00:16:01,219 I'll tell you, I have two kids that had to do that shit. 352 00:16:01,219 --> 00:16:03,559 We split every holiday in the middle of the fucking day. 353 00:16:04,007 --> 00:16:07,069 Do you know what it's like to have to see your kids having an absolute 354 00:16:07,069 --> 00:16:10,792 fucking blast and then have to stop because it's two o'clock? 355 00:16:10,822 --> 00:16:12,022 And they'll say Shit like this. 356 00:16:12,022 --> 00:16:14,249 They'll say, but none of our cousins have to leave. 357 00:16:14,249 --> 00:16:15,359 Why do we have to leave? 358 00:16:15,389 --> 00:16:18,209 Oh, because your mommy and daddy got a divorce and we decided to 359 00:16:18,209 --> 00:16:22,559 put two o'clock as an asinine time to split the day in half. 360 00:16:23,029 --> 00:16:24,679 I don't care if it's five o'clock you guys. 361 00:16:25,094 --> 00:16:28,897 Kids don't wanna leave and be outcasted for being the divorcee kids. 362 00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:29,947 They just don't. 363 00:16:30,177 --> 00:16:33,907 Now, to the fucking Stacey in the comment section, I know already 364 00:16:33,907 --> 00:16:35,647 who's gonna say something like this? 365 00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:39,397 I deserve to see my children over the holidays, so we will 366 00:16:39,397 --> 00:16:40,537 be splitting the holiday. 367 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,854 Cool Stacey, good luck with your kids. 368 00:16:44,084 --> 00:16:45,264 Good luck explaining that. 369 00:16:45,264 --> 00:16:46,374 And here's the other deal. 370 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,324 It's not about you, Stacy. 371 00:16:48,704 --> 00:16:53,064 It's about the kids and them having the least amount of impact from this divorce. 372 00:16:53,394 --> 00:16:54,474 That's what this is about. 373 00:16:54,894 --> 00:16:56,310 It's not about you. 374 00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:57,570 It's really not. 375 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,150 It's actually about making the kids comfortable. 376 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:05,520 So I really want you to think about how that will feel as that kiddo, okay? 377 00:17:05,580 --> 00:17:06,360 As that kiddo. 378 00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:07,590 That's the important thing here. 379 00:17:07,937 --> 00:17:12,117 So the next part, think about the exchange time and the safety. 380 00:17:12,267 --> 00:17:15,357 Again, think about that time of, do you want. 381 00:17:15,912 --> 00:17:18,612 That time to be early in the morning that you receive the kids 382 00:17:18,612 --> 00:17:21,222 on the fourth and then early in the morning again on the fifth. 383 00:17:21,222 --> 00:17:22,782 Or do you want like a nine to nine? 384 00:17:23,194 --> 00:17:24,969 Really consider a safety plan. 385 00:17:24,969 --> 00:17:28,059 I want you to be thinking about those on the road. 386 00:17:28,419 --> 00:17:29,409 What are they like? 387 00:17:29,409 --> 00:17:30,429 What have they been doing? 388 00:17:30,669 --> 00:17:30,879 Okay? 389 00:17:30,879 --> 00:17:35,199 It's really important to consider that when you are building this. 390 00:17:35,469 --> 00:17:37,389 All right, so some key thoughts that I want you to take away. 391 00:17:37,972 --> 00:17:40,847 A good parenting plan doesn't just divide the time, it 392 00:17:40,847 --> 00:17:43,217 anticipates real life situations. 393 00:17:43,217 --> 00:17:46,307 So some of the things I've said today I hope, have triggered you into believing 394 00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:49,757 that it's not just about having 4th of July down, but what does it say? 395 00:17:49,757 --> 00:17:50,807 Is it practical? 396 00:17:50,996 --> 00:17:53,357 Is it something that I can actually use? 397 00:17:53,799 --> 00:17:57,642 The 4th of July is a perfect holiday where those details really do matter 398 00:17:57,642 --> 00:18:00,792 because the holiday isn't just a morning thing like Christmas. 399 00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:03,252 It isn't just, you know, Memorial Day where you can just go have a 400 00:18:03,252 --> 00:18:05,142 hot dog at noon and call it quits. 401 00:18:05,369 --> 00:18:09,282 We have some nighttime activities, so things to kind of help you get 402 00:18:09,282 --> 00:18:10,902 more ideas about my parenting plan. 403 00:18:10,902 --> 00:18:12,582 Make sure you go back and watch episode 14. 404 00:18:13,382 --> 00:18:18,447 Where we talk about holiday schedule mistakes, and then episode 25, vacation 405 00:18:18,447 --> 00:18:22,047 clauses, I really want you to pay attention to that one as well because all 406 00:18:22,047 --> 00:18:24,237 of those are kind of included into this. 407 00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:26,307 Now, again, this is your parenting plan. 408 00:18:26,997 --> 00:18:28,497 That's what we have to remember here. 409 00:18:28,647 --> 00:18:32,812 It's your parenting plan that you are building for your future with 410 00:18:32,817 --> 00:18:35,700 your children, with your ex in mind. 411 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:40,657 So if any of that scares you, you wanna make sure you listen to advice from 412 00:18:40,657 --> 00:18:42,187 somebody that's actually lived this life. 413 00:18:42,416 --> 00:18:44,964 Not somebody that's wrote a parenting plan for years, but 414 00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:46,434 somebody that's actually used one. 415 00:18:46,862 --> 00:18:47,104 Okay. 416 00:18:47,104 --> 00:18:50,764 I want somebody that anybody can tell me a review of a pickup truck. 417 00:18:51,146 --> 00:18:54,034 Well, you know, it says here that it has this and it has this, and 418 00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:56,154 it has this, it gets this many miles per gallon, blah, blah, blah. 419 00:18:56,239 --> 00:18:56,314 Yeah. 420 00:18:56,314 --> 00:18:57,274 But have you drove one? 421 00:18:57,596 --> 00:19:00,984 Well, no, but I, can read what it, I want somebody that's been behind the wheel. 422 00:19:01,416 --> 00:19:03,054 I want somebody that's owned one for three or four years. 423 00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,649 Those would really like to drive that truck. 424 00:19:06,249 --> 00:19:07,689 This is no different. 425 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:11,419 I'm not taking advice from a Larry who has been pushing out the same 426 00:19:11,419 --> 00:19:14,779 parenting plan and keeps having people come back for modifications. 427 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:18,229 That would be one of my questions that I would ask Larry during my consultation. 428 00:19:18,582 --> 00:19:18,979 Hey bud. 429 00:19:19,009 --> 00:19:21,079 How many people have you had come back for modifications on the 430 00:19:21,079 --> 00:19:22,189 parenting plan that you've written? 431 00:19:22,532 --> 00:19:23,615 ' cause it wasn't very good. 432 00:19:23,902 --> 00:19:26,349 These are the things that I want you to think about when you are 433 00:19:26,349 --> 00:19:27,650 writing that parenting plan. 434 00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:30,600 Consider what the 4th of July says. 435 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,890 Don't just read one sentence. 436 00:19:32,092 --> 00:19:33,630 It should have way more detail than that. 437 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,730 And use this episode to help you.