1 00:00:00,114 --> 00:00:00,354 All right. 2 00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:04,044 My attorney said if I come to my mediation session with my parenting 3 00:00:04,044 --> 00:00:06,531 plan, I will be labeled as controlling. 4 00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:07,697 Here's another one. 5 00:00:07,983 --> 00:00:12,260 My, ex said I am being controlling because I wrote everything down. 6 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:17,433 Let's talk about this because in my opinion, coming in prepared is the 7 00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:19,305 most important thing you can do. 8 00:00:20,043 --> 00:00:24,371 About the decisions you are getting ready to go through about your own future. 9 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:29,771 This is not a future with you and your ex. This is about your future that you 10 00:00:29,771 --> 00:00:35,155 want as a single parent, navigating your children and your, relationship. 11 00:00:35,573 --> 00:00:40,405 So you coming in with your thoughts wrote down, in my opinion. 12 00:00:40,806 --> 00:00:44,906 Is you being a baller and being absolutely on top of your game 13 00:00:45,173 --> 00:00:48,700 and knowing what you want, but let's talk about this controlling 14 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:51,100 label and the antics around it. 15 00:00:51,336 --> 00:00:54,843 People throw it around all the time in divorce, and I think it's 16 00:00:54,843 --> 00:00:59,435 absolutely ridiculous, especially when someone is showing up prepared. 17 00:01:00,076 --> 00:01:04,200 So we're labeling being prepared as controlling. 18 00:01:04,503 --> 00:01:05,380 But think about this. 19 00:01:05,380 --> 00:01:09,190 You are the only one that knows your kids really well. 20 00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:14,170 You know your schedule, you know your work, you know your ex, and you know 21 00:01:14,170 --> 00:01:16,990 what's probably going to be a conflict 22 00:01:17,363 --> 00:01:18,023 In the future. 23 00:01:18,293 --> 00:01:22,223 Your mediator doesn't know shit about you or your ex, or your kids, 24 00:01:22,253 --> 00:01:25,523 or your job, or your schedule, or the things that are needed or the 25 00:01:25,523 --> 00:01:27,023 things that you want in your future. 26 00:01:27,578 --> 00:01:30,991 Guess who else doesn't your attorney, but you do. 27 00:01:31,363 --> 00:01:35,668 So why walking in with all of your thoughts wrote down 28 00:01:35,950 --> 00:01:37,505 is considered controlling. 29 00:01:37,916 --> 00:01:40,838 It's not, but they make you feel that way. 30 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:45,118 So why is preparation actually making sense for you? 31 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:49,468 Because you wanna walk in as somebody that already has been, the organizer, 32 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:50,578 already has been the planner. 33 00:01:52,176 --> 00:01:56,710 Already has been the detail person has already been the person that thinks ahead. 34 00:01:56,833 --> 00:02:00,190 If you are the person that on vacation, planned the vacation, but also laid 35 00:02:00,190 --> 00:02:02,860 out all the clothes and all the outfits and all the toiletries, and packed 36 00:02:02,860 --> 00:02:05,080 everything individually, and then when you get to the hotel, you're the one that 37 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,970 pack, unpacks and organizes everything. 38 00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:08,296 You are the person. 39 00:02:08,539 --> 00:02:11,686 This is in your DNA, this is who you are. 40 00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:17,440 Why all of a sudden would you suddenly stop being the person that leads, 41 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:19,353 the person that thinks of everything? 42 00:02:20,088 --> 00:02:24,584 This is the most important negotiation of your whole entire life, is 43 00:02:24,584 --> 00:02:29,468 what you go into this mediation or talks with your attorney, or talks 44 00:02:29,468 --> 00:02:31,478 with your ex about your future. 45 00:02:31,873 --> 00:02:33,221 Again, I can't say this enough. 46 00:02:33,366 --> 00:02:37,818 This is a conversation about how you want your future to look, and everybody says, 47 00:02:37,818 --> 00:02:39,678 no, it's the future of the children. 48 00:02:39,923 --> 00:02:43,248 Okay, well, I'm getting divorced from this person. 49 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:48,454 I'm going to spend a life not having my kids a hundred percent of the time, I'm 50 00:02:48,454 --> 00:02:50,344 gonna be sharing them at some percentage. 51 00:02:50,663 --> 00:02:57,021 Why shouldn't I have a say As much as I possibly can about what that looks like. 52 00:02:57,359 --> 00:02:58,548 It's my future. 53 00:02:58,799 --> 00:03:01,018 It's the time I have with my kids. 54 00:03:01,379 --> 00:03:06,194 Why is walking in empty handed the better thing to do? 55 00:03:06,616 --> 00:03:11,228 Why would my attorney that I'm paying thousands of dollars to. 56 00:03:11,963 --> 00:03:16,363 Want me to walk in unprepared to mediation. 57 00:03:16,799 --> 00:03:21,399 It begs the question of do they want me to have to depend on my attorney? 58 00:03:21,399 --> 00:03:23,499 Do they want me to have to come back to them? 59 00:03:23,499 --> 00:03:26,019 Do they want me to have to ask questions? 60 00:03:26,019 --> 00:03:30,679 I mean, it almost seems like you guys, and this is sarcasm, it almost 61 00:03:30,679 --> 00:03:33,469 seems like they want me to fail. 62 00:03:33,893 --> 00:03:35,339 I think a lot of 'em do. 63 00:03:35,339 --> 00:03:37,979 They want us to go into mediation, check the box that we went 64 00:03:37,979 --> 00:03:40,019 fail just so we have to what? 65 00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:43,979 Use them now to send over proposals and talk to the other 66 00:03:43,979 --> 00:03:46,323 side, which costs us what? 67 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:50,813 More fricking money or if you have a mediation where your 68 00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:53,126 attorney is present with you. 69 00:03:53,126 --> 00:03:54,446 So let's, break this down real quick. 70 00:03:54,446 --> 00:03:56,816 Let's talk slow to the audience so you guys understand, because this 71 00:03:56,816 --> 00:03:57,926 is the thing I hate about divorce. 72 00:03:57,926 --> 00:04:00,086 Everybody talks over your head and it makes you feel stupid. 73 00:04:00,483 --> 00:04:04,383 Is when you go to mediation, you're paying a third party mediator who's 74 00:04:04,383 --> 00:04:06,663 supposed to be a neutral party, unless you're in specific states 75 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:07,803 who actually the mediator does pick. 76 00:04:07,803 --> 00:04:08,828 So make sure you know what state you're in. 77 00:04:09,391 --> 00:04:10,801 And what the rules are around mediation. 78 00:04:11,173 --> 00:04:13,381 But let's say you're paying this third party mediator 79 00:04:13,381 --> 00:04:14,791 who is not cheap, by the way. 80 00:04:14,791 --> 00:04:16,681 They don't work for $25 an hour. 81 00:04:16,771 --> 00:04:17,131 Okay? 82 00:04:17,516 --> 00:04:21,841 They work for probably 250, if not 450, if not $750 an hour. 83 00:04:22,126 --> 00:04:24,668 And then your attorney is also present, which by the way, you 84 00:04:24,668 --> 00:04:25,808 guys, I'm a former mediator. 85 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:26,918 I did it for years. 86 00:04:27,038 --> 00:04:29,708 I have never once ran a mediation session between two couples 87 00:04:29,708 --> 00:04:30,638 with an attorney present. 88 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,408 I don't feel it's necessary because, well, I just don't. 89 00:04:33,408 --> 00:04:35,268 I can handle 'em, both parents, by myself. 90 00:04:35,825 --> 00:04:40,898 Now you're paying the mediator and your attorney to sit there and your 91 00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:44,768 attorney's the same person that says, Hey, pay two professionals to sit in the 92 00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:48,818 room and also come into it completely blind and don't bring anything with you. 93 00:04:49,236 --> 00:04:53,088 If that doesn't sound like a fucking scam to you, we are not the same. 94 00:04:53,546 --> 00:04:56,748 You mean you want me to come to the meeting and negotiation of my 95 00:04:56,748 --> 00:04:59,411 life and have nothing prepared? 96 00:05:00,410 --> 00:05:05,476 You want me to come in blind, uneducated, unknowledgeable about all the subjects 97 00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:06,226 that are gonna be talked about. 98 00:05:06,226 --> 00:05:08,836 I don't even have a list of things that'll, I'm coming into it completely 99 00:05:08,836 --> 00:05:13,096 blind and you want me to pay mediator and you to sit there and hold my fucking 100 00:05:13,096 --> 00:05:17,746 hand and walk me through this and talking it all out by dollars by the minute, 101 00:05:18,229 --> 00:05:22,450 where I would rather you come in with your whole parenting plan written already 102 00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:26,903 to save not only money, also sanity. 103 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,241 Also the feeling of knowing that you know what the hell you're talking 104 00:05:30,241 --> 00:05:35,348 about and that neither of one of those professionals can tell you what to do 105 00:05:35,348 --> 00:05:37,808 with your future, with your children. 106 00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:41,048 When those kids are done, when we're done with the story, those kids and you 107 00:05:41,048 --> 00:05:43,058 are living off of that parenting plan. 108 00:05:43,479 --> 00:05:46,185 Your holidays are determined by that parenting plan, your vacation, your 109 00:05:46,185 --> 00:05:49,868 decision making, your money is all determined by that, and they want you 110 00:05:49,868 --> 00:05:54,848 to walk in empty handed because it'd be controlling if you walk in with that. 111 00:05:55,056 --> 00:05:56,281 No, no. 112 00:05:56,281 --> 00:05:57,481 It's not controlling. 113 00:05:57,820 --> 00:06:03,505 Don't let them spin that on you and make you feel bad that you wanna be educated 114 00:06:03,913 --> 00:06:05,758 and have your thoughts down on paper. 115 00:06:06,106 --> 00:06:08,588 Now, I don't know about you all, but I get nervous. 116 00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:12,935 My anxiety kind of runs the show sometimes when I'm nervous. 117 00:06:13,276 --> 00:06:16,575 So if I'm gonna go into a mediation session, guess what? 118 00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:20,565 I'm probably gonna be fucking nervous and I'm probably 119 00:06:20,565 --> 00:06:21,945 gonna be shaking a little bit. 120 00:06:21,945 --> 00:06:23,265 My stomach's gonna be upset. 121 00:06:23,265 --> 00:06:25,365 I've probably had diarrhea for three or four days. 122 00:06:25,365 --> 00:06:28,395 I haven't ate much, so my blood pressure and my heart rate are all fucked up. 123 00:06:28,395 --> 00:06:29,865 I got the shakes, I got the sweats. 124 00:06:30,093 --> 00:06:30,915 My mouth is dry. 125 00:06:30,915 --> 00:06:33,741 My armpits won't stop sweating, and even my ass is sweating and I'm 126 00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:35,046 sitting there on the verge of vomit. 127 00:06:35,876 --> 00:06:39,236 They want me to just think off the cuff of my decisions. 128 00:06:39,236 --> 00:06:43,126 They want me to just think out of nowhere of what's best for my future. 129 00:06:44,546 --> 00:06:47,003 I'm not doing that and I don't advise you to do that. 130 00:06:47,509 --> 00:06:51,906 When someone comes in prepared, and this is as a former mediator, 131 00:06:52,173 --> 00:06:55,896 when someone walks in prepared, here's what I think about them. 132 00:06:56,219 --> 00:06:58,446 Number one, they know this is important. 133 00:06:58,816 --> 00:07:01,276 They have educated themselves. 134 00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:07,071 They have thought about what this will look like as a future single parent. 135 00:07:07,483 --> 00:07:10,518 I also truly believe when they walk in with their parenting plan 136 00:07:10,726 --> 00:07:13,848 that they actually have thought about their children's needs. 137 00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:16,178 I don't think they're trying to be controlling. 138 00:07:16,611 --> 00:07:19,551 I don't want them to forget anything, and they obviously know 139 00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:21,321 that they need stuff wrote down. 140 00:07:21,321 --> 00:07:24,591 This is the way they learn, or this is the way they communicate. 141 00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:28,984 I also truly believe when parents walk in with their parenting plan done, that 142 00:07:28,984 --> 00:07:32,584 it shows that they wanna stay focused during the meeting and not get into this 143 00:07:32,584 --> 00:07:37,778 tit for tat bullshit about the past, which I'm going to tell you mediators 144 00:07:37,778 --> 00:07:41,656 and lawyers love for you to get into a spat during the middle of mediation. 145 00:07:41,656 --> 00:07:42,256 Why? 146 00:07:44,178 --> 00:07:46,248 This causes this. 147 00:07:46,686 --> 00:07:50,794 It's just a turn of a hand when you start doing this and bitching about the past. 148 00:07:50,794 --> 00:07:51,904 And you should have done this. 149 00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:53,284 And I can't believe you did that. 150 00:07:53,284 --> 00:07:56,824 And attorneys sit back there with their pens. 151 00:07:57,934 --> 00:08:00,484 Oh, they look frustrated. 152 00:08:00,489 --> 00:08:01,369 They look frustrated. 153 00:08:01,369 --> 00:08:04,024 But the back of their mind, they're going, billable Hour, 154 00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:05,644 billable hour, billable hour. 155 00:08:05,644 --> 00:08:07,294 Money, money, money, money. 156 00:08:07,294 --> 00:08:08,104 Let 'em talk. 157 00:08:08,104 --> 00:08:08,914 Let 'em talk. 158 00:08:08,914 --> 00:08:09,694 Let 'em bitch. 159 00:08:09,694 --> 00:08:10,504 Let 'em fight. 160 00:08:11,113 --> 00:08:13,956 We're getting paid either way, 'cause we get paid by the hour. 161 00:08:14,329 --> 00:08:17,853 So when a parent comes into my mediation session prepared with their parenting 162 00:08:17,853 --> 00:08:23,913 plan, I think all those things, being prepared under pressure is smart. 163 00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:26,153 That's smart thinking. 164 00:08:26,529 --> 00:08:27,776 That's the client I want. 165 00:08:27,776 --> 00:08:30,116 If I was an attorney, I'd want the smart one. 166 00:08:30,653 --> 00:08:31,726 I'd want the educated one. 167 00:08:32,176 --> 00:08:33,556 I'd want the prepared one. 168 00:08:33,856 --> 00:08:35,806 I would want the one that knows what the hell they're doing. 169 00:08:36,293 --> 00:08:39,811 Sometimes attorneys though don't love it when their clients bring 170 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:43,351 their link because they think, oh, it looks controlling, or, you 171 00:08:43,351 --> 00:08:44,871 know, just let me handle that. 172 00:08:44,871 --> 00:08:47,211 I've heard attorneys say that to my clients, well, why don't 173 00:08:47,211 --> 00:08:48,621 you just let me handle that? 174 00:08:48,671 --> 00:08:53,001 and we have templates that we use, but the reality of that is, actually 175 00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:56,541 their ego is pissed off that you actually did part of their job for 176 00:08:56,541 --> 00:09:00,908 them, and it changes their perspective of you that you actually have a clue. 177 00:09:01,703 --> 00:09:05,513 Things, and now maybe they can't keep you in the dark and keep billing 178 00:09:05,513 --> 00:09:07,340 you, and that frustrates them. 179 00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:10,260 And it forces them to actually have to look at the details 180 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:14,870 that you did bring because this parenting plan affects your future. 181 00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:18,746 You have to cut the ties with this attorney at some point. 182 00:09:19,138 --> 00:09:21,716 But when these parenting plans are written so poorly. 183 00:09:22,535 --> 00:09:25,580 You have no choice but to either argue with your ex forever 184 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,530 or use your attorney forever. 185 00:09:27,530 --> 00:09:32,060 And if you know, you know, I didn't go have 300 court entries because we 186 00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:35,866 got along because our parenting plan was written so well is because we 187 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:38,596 didn't get along and our parenting plan was only four fucking pages 188 00:09:38,596 --> 00:09:41,266 long, and it didn't grow with our children and it didn't have detail. 189 00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:45,270 I've lived this life of having a poorly written parenting plan. 190 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:51,156 So you coming into a mediation session or even to interview an attorney, 191 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,566 there's a little bit of tea for you. 192 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:53,706 There's a good idea. 193 00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:56,336 Have your parenting plan written before you even interview attorneys. 194 00:09:56,336 --> 00:09:59,013 That way you know which ones love it and which ones hate it. 195 00:09:59,013 --> 00:10:00,813 'cause I don't wanna hire somebody that's gonna hate that. 196 00:10:00,813 --> 00:10:05,263 I have my own thoughts about my own future and my own children, and I'm sorry. 197 00:10:05,263 --> 00:10:09,943 Your lives in this world we're living in doesn't fit into a fucking template. 198 00:10:10,371 --> 00:10:14,520 Nobody should be raising their children off of a Mad Libs template. 199 00:10:14,784 --> 00:10:15,840 That's bullshit. 200 00:10:16,104 --> 00:10:18,840 But these attorneys make you feel like you have no choice. 201 00:10:19,117 --> 00:10:19,380 No. 202 00:10:19,380 --> 00:10:20,640 Judge will sign that. 203 00:10:21,007 --> 00:10:21,360 Really? 204 00:10:21,957 --> 00:10:23,699 Yeah, they have number one. 205 00:10:23,699 --> 00:10:24,959 I've been around for a long time. 206 00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:25,890 Hi, my name's Samantha. 207 00:10:25,890 --> 00:10:29,186 I've been doing this for a decade and my parenting plan's been 208 00:10:29,186 --> 00:10:33,446 signed for over a decade, and now I'm actually teaching lawyers how 209 00:10:33,446 --> 00:10:34,976 to write better parenting plans. 210 00:10:35,036 --> 00:10:35,816 Thank you. 211 00:10:36,284 --> 00:10:39,368 But that comes from an attorney that's intimidated. 212 00:10:39,797 --> 00:10:43,821 Their ego is bent because you actually are a smart client and not the dumb 213 00:10:43,821 --> 00:10:47,821 one that they can keep billing and it's not controlling that you actually 214 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:52,591 are worried and concerned, but also prepared and determined to have 215 00:10:52,591 --> 00:10:56,855 details put into your future with your children as a single parent. 216 00:10:57,341 --> 00:10:58,708 Now, here's where people go wrong, though. 217 00:10:58,708 --> 00:10:59,518 I'm not gonna lie. 218 00:10:59,781 --> 00:11:01,355 When they get my parenting plan, they get. 219 00:11:01,775 --> 00:11:04,625 You know, they get balls of steel and they're like, let's go. 220 00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:05,555 I got this. 221 00:11:05,555 --> 00:11:06,695 You know, I have my parenting plan. 222 00:11:06,695 --> 00:11:08,255 I'm headed into mediation Now. 223 00:11:08,255 --> 00:11:09,515 We can't go into mediation. 224 00:11:09,515 --> 00:11:11,885 Just slap that shit on the table and be like, here it is. 225 00:11:12,545 --> 00:11:13,535 This is what we're doing. 226 00:11:13,955 --> 00:11:15,695 I have to know how to deliver this. 227 00:11:15,935 --> 00:11:16,235 Okay? 228 00:11:16,235 --> 00:11:19,435 This is where a little bit of acting, little bit of role play 229 00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:20,905 needs to come into play here. 230 00:11:21,494 --> 00:11:24,045 Now you don't just walk in and just slam it down. 231 00:11:24,045 --> 00:11:27,525 Like I said, you walk in and you say, Hey, the way I learn and 232 00:11:27,525 --> 00:11:29,175 retain things is paper to pen. 233 00:11:29,685 --> 00:11:31,995 I have to have things in front of me visually. 234 00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:33,015 I'm a visual learner. 235 00:11:33,015 --> 00:11:36,375 I can't auditorily talk about things, and there's some things that 236 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:38,445 I know that I didn't wanna forget. 237 00:11:39,285 --> 00:11:43,185 So I wrote my thoughts and concerns down about my future with the children. 238 00:11:43,515 --> 00:11:44,595 These are just my thoughts. 239 00:11:44,595 --> 00:11:45,525 It's a starting point. 240 00:11:45,525 --> 00:11:46,635 It's a rough draft. 241 00:11:47,025 --> 00:11:47,925 I'm here to edit it. 242 00:11:48,285 --> 00:11:49,455 I'm here to make it better. 243 00:11:49,755 --> 00:11:54,285 I'm here to use your expertise mediator and make this thing so good that you 244 00:11:54,285 --> 00:11:57,885 won't have to see us again to make this so good that we won't have to keep 245 00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:01,965 spending money on lawyers to make this so good that I can relax and he can 246 00:12:01,965 --> 00:12:05,175 relax and we can enjoy our future with our children when we have our children. 247 00:12:05,805 --> 00:12:08,445 That's how you sit down at the table with that thing. 248 00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:11,385 You don't walk in and say, I know more than you mediator. 249 00:12:11,415 --> 00:12:12,735 I know more than my attorney. 250 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,362 No, that's not what we're doing here. 251 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:18,825 They know the laws and they know the procedures, but they don't know you. 252 00:12:19,088 --> 00:12:21,525 They don't know your ex, they don't know your children or 253 00:12:21,525 --> 00:12:23,415 your circumstance only you do. 254 00:12:23,592 --> 00:12:27,735 So why wouldn't you be the one writing that down? 255 00:12:28,102 --> 00:12:32,495 It blows my mind that all these templates are floating around 256 00:12:32,495 --> 00:12:36,635 that have been used since the late nineties, and they're god awful. 257 00:12:37,055 --> 00:12:38,285 They are awful. 258 00:12:38,805 --> 00:12:40,355 They do not keep people outta court. 259 00:12:40,355 --> 00:12:43,235 They do not keep people from fighting and they do not keep from harming 260 00:12:43,235 --> 00:12:48,031 children because if I'm fighting with my ex, I can't help but be in a mood 261 00:12:48,031 --> 00:12:51,421 that affects my children when I'm being financially abused, having to go 262 00:12:51,421 --> 00:12:55,015 back to court, back to court, I can't help but have that affect my children. 263 00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:59,731 This is a child crisis of all these people saying that you shouldn't be 264 00:12:59,731 --> 00:13:01,531 educated and you shouldn't be prepared. 265 00:13:01,753 --> 00:13:05,131 Well, when I'm not educated and I'm not prepared, I am anxious. 266 00:13:05,506 --> 00:13:08,548 I feel behind and I feel lost, and I feel without. 267 00:13:08,548 --> 00:13:10,048 And then who does that have an effect on? 268 00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:11,518 My fucking kids? 269 00:13:11,983 --> 00:13:14,738 And I get really upset about this because education. 270 00:13:14,738 --> 00:13:18,698 Why would you not wanna be educated about your future and what it looks like? 271 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:22,081 Nobody goes into a marriage thinking divorce is on the fucking table, but when 272 00:13:22,081 --> 00:13:23,971 it is, it's something I wanna know about. 273 00:13:24,326 --> 00:13:27,315 When our child gets diagnosed with an illness, I don't go, oh, 274 00:13:27,315 --> 00:13:29,145 well, yeah, I prepared myself for three years about that. 275 00:13:29,145 --> 00:13:29,685 No, I didn't. 276 00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:32,565 But when my child does get diagnosed with something, you better bet 277 00:13:32,565 --> 00:13:35,985 I am fucking the Wikipedia of knowledge in a matter of seconds. 278 00:13:35,985 --> 00:13:38,595 I am the encyclopedia about that diagnosis. 279 00:13:38,595 --> 00:13:40,755 I'm gonna know fucking everything there is to know about it 280 00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:42,225 because it's my fucking child. 281 00:13:42,401 --> 00:13:46,655 So why in the hell would I not do the same goddamn thing for my parenting plan? 282 00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,231 This is about my kids. 283 00:13:48,231 --> 00:13:50,811 Why would I not be the most educated about it? 284 00:13:51,236 --> 00:13:53,696 I need to be the best educated person in the room about it. 285 00:13:53,696 --> 00:13:55,706 These are my kids and my future. 286 00:13:56,054 --> 00:13:56,813 And guess what? 287 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,183 For all of you saying, you keep saying, my kids, my kids. 288 00:13:59,183 --> 00:14:03,293 This is my kids with my future and my ex better be doing the same damn thing if my 289 00:14:03,293 --> 00:14:05,033 kids are that fucking important to them. 290 00:14:05,371 --> 00:14:07,276 I shouldn't be heavy lifting all this shit. 291 00:14:07,306 --> 00:14:09,526 They should have walked in with a fucking parenting plan too. 292 00:14:09,888 --> 00:14:11,493 If their kids are important to them. 293 00:14:11,861 --> 00:14:14,793 It's my kids when they're with me and they're his kids when they're with him. 294 00:14:15,098 --> 00:14:16,058 That's the way it is. 295 00:14:16,058 --> 00:14:18,608 I'm sorry if you don't like it, stay fucking married 296 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,078 and they're your guys' kids. 297 00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:21,788 But when they're with me, they're mine. 298 00:14:21,788 --> 00:14:23,198 And when they're with him, they're his. 299 00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:24,795 That's the way it is. 300 00:14:25,145 --> 00:14:28,625 And you best bet your ass better have a parenting plan that's written well, that 301 00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,995 when this is your time, it is protected. 302 00:14:31,518 --> 00:14:35,268 If you walk into these appointments with your attorney, with your mediator, 303 00:14:35,268 --> 00:14:38,958 with your GAL, with your evaluators, with your psychologist, whoever it is, 304 00:14:39,121 --> 00:14:41,901 and you don't know what the hell you're talking about, that will come across 305 00:14:41,901 --> 00:14:46,161 crystal clear and everybody is going to keep billing you and taking you down 306 00:14:46,161 --> 00:14:50,181 this long fucking ridiculous rabbit hole in family court that takes the 307 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:54,798 loving soul away from you because you didn't stop and just educate yourself. 308 00:14:55,325 --> 00:14:58,115 This is the whole purpose of why I exist. 309 00:14:58,394 --> 00:15:00,862 When I went through my divorce, I was puking and shitting in 310 00:15:00,862 --> 00:15:04,492 a bathroom the fucking first day and one of the last days. 311 00:15:04,492 --> 00:15:07,102 And every day in between that, I went to court with my ex-husband and I 312 00:15:07,102 --> 00:15:11,182 kept begging and crying to my mother, why do I have to go through this? 313 00:15:11,182 --> 00:15:12,712 Why is my divorce so hard? 314 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:14,182 Why is it taking years? 315 00:15:14,182 --> 00:15:16,192 Why is it taking hundreds of thousands of dollars? 316 00:15:16,192 --> 00:15:20,047 And she kept telling me, Sam, because God puts you through this for a reason. 317 00:15:20,762 --> 00:15:21,900 Oh, that's great, mom. 318 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,250 I love that for him. 319 00:15:23,552 --> 00:15:25,650 But why am I, why did he pick me? 320 00:15:25,896 --> 00:15:26,610 This is why. 321 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:27,450 So I'm here. 322 00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:28,590 I'm on your screen. 323 00:15:28,650 --> 00:15:29,550 I'm in your ear. 324 00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:33,570 I am here to educate you and rattle you and get you to 325 00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:35,430 understand this is your job. 326 00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:39,023 Your kids just got diagnosed of having divorced parents. 327 00:15:39,381 --> 00:15:42,930 You better get the most education out of this as you possibly fucking can and 328 00:15:42,930 --> 00:15:46,085 get it all wrote down on paper and make their future as best possible as you can. 329 00:15:46,871 --> 00:15:47,882 Educate yourself. 330 00:15:47,882 --> 00:15:51,818 Do not hire an attorney and think that that attorney is 331 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,618 there for you a hundred percent. 332 00:15:53,816 --> 00:15:55,778 They are there to make a earning, to make a living. 333 00:15:55,808 --> 00:15:56,558 That's their job. 334 00:15:56,869 --> 00:15:57,635 It's not their life. 335 00:15:57,635 --> 00:15:59,555 This has become, this was my fucking life. 336 00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:00,425 I was you. 337 00:16:00,779 --> 00:16:04,589 I was sitting there not having a clue what the word parenting plan even was. 338 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,056 Not to mention, when I looked at it, I was like, oh, that looks great. 339 00:16:07,056 --> 00:16:07,746 It was four pages. 340 00:16:07,746 --> 00:16:12,556 I was happy, uh, till I started using it, and it didn't, it was unusable. 341 00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:17,209 It wasn't practical, and I'm getting heated about this because I hate the 342 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:20,929 idea that you go get educated, you put your words to paper, and then 343 00:16:20,929 --> 00:16:24,709 someone that you're paying thousands of dollars to, like your attorney has 344 00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:27,319 the balls to tell you dead in the eye. 345 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,399 Don't take that. 346 00:16:28,519 --> 00:16:29,989 You'll be labeled as controlling. 347 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,569 Well, guess what, sir? I like fucking labels. 348 00:16:32,923 --> 00:16:34,816 So what if they think I'm controlling? 349 00:16:34,816 --> 00:16:36,231 But they haven't said that yet. 350 00:16:36,976 --> 00:16:37,786 You did. 351 00:16:38,116 --> 00:16:40,186 Maybe your ego's in the fucking way. 352 00:16:40,428 --> 00:16:43,486 Maybe you can't see that you actually are, have a smart client because 353 00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:44,986 they're educated and they're so smart. 354 00:16:44,986 --> 00:16:46,156 They hired your ass. 355 00:16:46,534 --> 00:16:51,443 Look at it that way, Larry Quit telling people they're controlling because 356 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:53,603 they want to plan their own future. 357 00:16:54,028 --> 00:16:59,139 My god, it, it surprises me how many people have an attorney tell them that 358 00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:01,344 and they fold like a deck of cards and they leave the fucker at home. 359 00:17:02,214 --> 00:17:04,794 They leave the whole parenting, they spent thousands of dollars 360 00:17:04,794 --> 00:17:07,164 on it with me, and then they just leave it at home because their 361 00:17:07,164 --> 00:17:08,574 attorney said they'll be controlling. 362 00:17:10,164 --> 00:17:11,604 No, take that. 363 00:17:11,934 --> 00:17:13,794 Deliver it the proper way. 364 00:17:14,004 --> 00:17:17,424 There's a whole video on how to deliver it to your mediator or to your attorney 365 00:17:17,424 --> 00:17:19,464 inside of my work or inside of my course. 366 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,426 Take that, educate yourself. 367 00:17:21,501 --> 00:17:23,421 Deliver it the best way possible. 368 00:17:23,803 --> 00:17:27,144 But I'm telling you right now, I would not. 369 00:17:27,596 --> 00:17:32,651 Let some overpriced Larry, the lawyer, tell me what to do about my future. 370 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:34,924 I'm taking that parenting plan with me. 371 00:17:34,924 --> 00:17:36,364 I'm gonna be prepared. 372 00:17:36,364 --> 00:17:39,751 I'm going to set it down and use it. 373 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,828 Do you know how many times parents go to mediation? 374 00:17:42,630 --> 00:17:46,011 Let the mediator run through the whole damn thing at the end, go, oh shit. 375 00:17:46,281 --> 00:17:47,421 Uh, we didn't talk about that. 376 00:17:47,421 --> 00:17:48,111 We didn't talk about that. 377 00:17:48,111 --> 00:17:48,981 We didn't talk about that. 378 00:17:49,251 --> 00:17:49,821 I saw a video. 379 00:17:49,821 --> 00:17:50,271 Sam did. 380 00:17:50,271 --> 00:17:51,081 We didn't talk about that. 381 00:17:51,081 --> 00:17:51,921 We didn't include that. 382 00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:52,221 We didn't. 383 00:17:52,746 --> 00:17:54,711 Not every mediator's good guys. 384 00:17:56,026 --> 00:17:57,773 Not every mediator's lived this life. 385 00:17:57,773 --> 00:17:59,753 Not every mediator understands high conflict. 386 00:17:59,753 --> 00:18:02,333 Not every mediator understands that you should grow your 387 00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:03,653 parenting plan with your children. 388 00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:04,966 And why don't they? 389 00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:05,416 Oh, I don't know. 390 00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:07,816 Because you have to come back to the mediator to go to the next 391 00:18:07,816 --> 00:18:09,376 stage of life with your children. 392 00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:10,366 That's bullshit. 393 00:18:10,617 --> 00:18:14,180 Be one and done, be one and done. 394 00:18:14,647 --> 00:18:16,698 So writing out this plan keeps you on task. 395 00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:20,436 It avoids you forgetting important details that you know you want. 396 00:18:20,436 --> 00:18:24,793 It's going to save you money and time with your attorney and or mediator, and 397 00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:29,803 it's going to avoid you getting stuck with these shitty templates that are out there. 398 00:18:30,403 --> 00:18:33,193 You've heard tons of episodes with me already, where I've talked 399 00:18:33,193 --> 00:18:37,603 about all the lame, horrible things inside of template parenting plans. 400 00:18:38,106 --> 00:18:40,746 You wanna be thinking about what do your years of parenting 401 00:18:40,746 --> 00:18:42,363 look like in the future? 402 00:18:42,573 --> 00:18:43,713 What do you want them to look like? 403 00:18:44,028 --> 00:18:46,218 You need an education about that. 404 00:18:46,604 --> 00:18:53,265 So reframe the word controlling, translate it to, Nope, I'm prepared, I'm thoughtful, 405 00:18:53,618 --> 00:18:56,415 I'm organized, and I'm fucking proactive. 406 00:18:56,758 --> 00:18:57,771 That's what I am. 407 00:18:58,201 --> 00:18:59,361 I'm not controlling. 408 00:18:59,361 --> 00:19:01,971 And no longer will you be using that word for me. 409 00:19:01,971 --> 00:19:03,501 You know your kids. 410 00:19:03,621 --> 00:19:05,271 You know what kind of life you want. 411 00:19:05,456 --> 00:19:10,848 You know the dynamics that you and your ex have a template and a stranger. 412 00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:16,403 In a conference room, don't know that you do and you know better. 413 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,493 So writing all of your thoughts down and bringing them in 414 00:19:19,493 --> 00:19:21,936 a room is not controlling. 415 00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:26,820 It's being prepared for your future that you're about to negotiate. 416 00:19:27,227 --> 00:19:31,416 You're about to negotiate most important negotiation of your life. 417 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,546 Now, again, I will end with this. 418 00:19:33,908 --> 00:19:36,818 I was put through all of that, all of what I went through for 419 00:19:36,818 --> 00:19:38,823 eight years in and outta court, hundreds of thousands of dollars. 420 00:19:39,635 --> 00:19:44,512 Horrible high conflict situation so that I can rattle you into understanding. 421 00:19:44,542 --> 00:19:45,232 Don't be me. 422 00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:46,605 Don't settle. 423 00:19:47,065 --> 00:19:49,778 Don't let a overpriced attorney with a bunch of plaques on the fucking 424 00:19:49,778 --> 00:19:51,998 wall lead you through your future. 425 00:19:52,207 --> 00:19:53,828 You lead yourself through the future. 426 00:19:53,978 --> 00:19:55,748 These are your kids and your future. 427 00:19:56,103 --> 00:19:57,398 You plan for it. 428 00:19:57,878 --> 00:19:58,868 You go get an education. 429 00:19:58,868 --> 00:20:01,448 Know all the terms that are gonna be used, and understand what they mean 430 00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:03,398 and how they will impact you later. 431 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:04,883 Understand all of that. 432 00:20:04,883 --> 00:20:10,047 It's your job as their parent to protect their future as best as possible. 433 00:20:10,423 --> 00:20:13,577 So go get an education, learn what you need to learn. 434 00:20:13,577 --> 00:20:15,677 Take your parenting plan with you. 435 00:20:16,097 --> 00:20:17,837 Don't let anybody talk you out of that. 436 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:21,513 Not a single person until someone says, what is that? 437 00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:22,593 Remove it from the table. 438 00:20:22,623 --> 00:20:26,463 Which by the way, I'd be like, uh, was there rules that I couldn't bring some? 439 00:20:26,463 --> 00:20:28,653 I would talk you through that one in a heartbeat as well. 440 00:20:29,083 --> 00:20:34,323 It's all on how you present it and your best bet that you're gonna wanna use 441 00:20:34,323 --> 00:20:38,193 it because you are gonna be the most nervous you've ever been in your life. 442 00:20:38,573 --> 00:20:42,203 You wanna go into it not forgetting anything and have clear thoughts on paper. 443 00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:43,537 That's what you're gonna want. 444 00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:46,423 Don't let somebody talk you out of what you need and what 445 00:20:46,423 --> 00:20:47,923 you want for that negotiation.