<v Speaker 1>The highs, the lows, the texting, the disappearing, the almost relationship,

<v Speaker 1>the almost relationship. Oh well, he treats me good. You're

<v Speaker 1>you're afraid to even ask what are we because you

<v Speaker 1>don't want to scare him away? It's been six months.

<v Speaker 1>I'm confused. Hey, vibe, it's Asia Christina. This is Quality

<v Speaker 1>Queen Control. What is happening? Hello? Everyone, Happy whatever day

<v Speaker 1>you're seeing this. Thank you guys for tuning in. I'm

<v Speaker 1>your host, Asia Christina Foster. Welcome to Quality Queen Control.

<v Speaker 1>You know what I want to know? What is happening?

<v Speaker 1>All right? I don't know what is going on with

<v Speaker 1>everyone else's week, but I'm having a great week so far.

<v Speaker 1>It's Monday as I'm currently filming this Top of the Morning.

<v Speaker 1>To you or whatever time that you're actually listening to this,

<v Speaker 1>I just want to say thank you guys so much

<v Speaker 1>for all the amazing and positive feedback that I have

<v Speaker 1>been getting on the channel. It's truly so fulfilling to me.

<v Speaker 1>YouTube is my first love and it feels so good

<v Speaker 1>to see that payoff, to see all the hard work

<v Speaker 1>pay off. And it is a collaborative effort. So this

<v Speaker 1>means that what I really want is for you guys

<v Speaker 1>to hype this video upo woo. You guys already know

<v Speaker 1>what it is that I was about to say, because

<v Speaker 1>that really helps to push us into the algorithm to

<v Speaker 1>help us to be able to get more views. I

<v Speaker 1>do see you guys comments, and I really do try

<v Speaker 1>to respond as much as I can, because hello, why

<v Speaker 1>would I not? And I see that there's so much

<v Speaker 1>excitement over the channel membership that is about to happen

<v Speaker 1>and is about to launch, and I'm so excited for that.

<v Speaker 1>So stay tuned, guys for more information on the channel memberships.

<v Speaker 1>But other than that, make sure you give this podcast

<v Speaker 1>a five star rating wherever it is that you were

<v Speaker 1>listening to the show. These things matter if you are

<v Speaker 1>an avid listener of your favorite creator and in this case,

<v Speaker 1>nah Me. Then a free way to support us is

<v Speaker 1>by liking a video, hyping a video, sharing a video,

<v Speaker 1>commenting on a video, literally engaging and it costs you

<v Speaker 1>absolutely nothing and it goes a long way. So every repost,

<v Speaker 1>every share, every time you send my videos in your

<v Speaker 1>group chat ahah yup, that helps too, So be sure

<v Speaker 1>to do that. And let's get on into today's episode.

<v Speaker 1>We're going to be talking about why you should stop

<v Speaker 1>chasing men and start actually becoming the woman that they pursue. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>there is so much controversy over the these terms. Like

<v Speaker 1>you know how men always say like, oh, I'm not

<v Speaker 1>chasing a woman. I'm not chasing a woman, you know,

<v Speaker 1>yadaya YadA. And it's not about chasing. It's about if

<v Speaker 1>a man is in his masculine energy, he is going

<v Speaker 1>to be pursuing you. That's what it is. So you

<v Speaker 1>can erase the word chase out of your mind and

<v Speaker 1>think about it as pursuing. So I want you to

<v Speaker 1>be honest with yourself. You have you ever over texted

<v Speaker 1>a man just to keep his attention? Have you ever

<v Speaker 1>sent him this like paragraph talking about that you're not

<v Speaker 1>the one to play games with and all these different things.

<v Speaker 1>Have you ever tried to prove that you are worthy

<v Speaker 1>of being chosen? Have you ever stayed longer in a

<v Speaker 1>relationship hoping that this guy's going to change? Or have

<v Speaker 1>you ever felt anxious whenever a man starts to pull

<v Speaker 1>away from you. If that's you, then this episode is

<v Speaker 1>going to set you free. Halladiv Jah and amen, because

<v Speaker 1>today we're going to be talking about why you keep chasing,

<v Speaker 1>and how to finally stop. See, the difference is when

<v Speaker 1>we as women tend to be the ones chasing, that's

<v Speaker 1>exactly what it's called. But when men are doing it,

<v Speaker 1>it's actually called pursuing. Because it's true that the matter

<v Speaker 1>is the agg never chases. U smirm, okay, period. In

<v Speaker 1>the last couple of episodes, we talked about what equality

<v Speaker 1>man is. We broke down his character, his discipline, his mindset.

<v Speaker 1>We also talked about in another episode as a man

<v Speaker 1>episode dedicated to the men you know and the ladies

<v Speaker 1>of course, on how to lead without being controlling? Right,

<v Speaker 1>But now we need to talk about something that's equally

<v Speaker 1>as important. Why so many women cannot attract that type

<v Speaker 1>of man, a quality man, even when they want to.

<v Speaker 1>And the answer is simple, but it's not easy to accept, okay,

<v Speaker 1>It is that you cannot attract what you were energetically chasing.

<v Speaker 1>You cannot attract what you were energetically chasing. Because I'm

<v Speaker 1>telling you this right now. Men can smell desperation from

<v Speaker 1>a mile away, all right. A man knows when you

<v Speaker 1>are being desperate. Men are intrinsically built to know when

<v Speaker 1>desperation is upon us. So here's why women chase, and

<v Speaker 1>here's the truth, no judgment. Okay, women are not chasing

<v Speaker 1>just because they feel crazy. Okay, They're chasing because of

<v Speaker 1>these internal gaps. Right, there is this belief that, you

<v Speaker 1>know what, I need to show him that I'm a

<v Speaker 1>great woman. I need to prove to him that I'm

<v Speaker 1>worthy of being with. I need to show him that

<v Speaker 1>I could be the biggest and the baddest and I

<v Speaker 1>got the fattest. That's what it's all about. Like, and

<v Speaker 1>you know, it reminds me of do you remember, like

<v Speaker 1>Millennials when we were growing up that we like tight

<v Speaker 1>jeans and skinny jeans were like all the rage. It's

<v Speaker 1>so funny how now like baggy two piece sets and

<v Speaker 1>everything are like all the rage. And it just goes

<v Speaker 1>to show that, like, men don't need to see you

<v Speaker 1>in very revealing clothing that's outlining every single curvature of

<v Speaker 1>your body in order to find you attractive in any capacity.

<v Speaker 1>And I think we see that with like the gen

<v Speaker 1>Z and their style and YadA, YadA, YadA. So it's

<v Speaker 1>just interesting because when you were chasing a man, I'm

<v Speaker 1>sure there's it's multifaceted, right you have those internal beliefs

<v Speaker 1>based off of your environment, how you grew up, how

<v Speaker 1>you perceive love, whatever your relationship is with your father.

<v Speaker 1>And you know what's so funny. I heard a quote

<v Speaker 1>and this is a little unrelated, but not really because

<v Speaker 1>I believe my faith ties into everything. But there is

<v Speaker 1>a quote that I heard someone say that has always

<v Speaker 1>deeply resonated with me, and it says that people's relationship

<v Speaker 1>with God is usually reflective of their relationship with their

<v Speaker 1>own fathers. I want you to actually think about that

<v Speaker 1>really quickly, because if your dad was absent, then more

<v Speaker 1>than likely you're gonna feel very distant and like God

<v Speaker 1>is an absent person in your life. If you had,

<v Speaker 1>you know, a very punishing type of relationship with your father,

<v Speaker 1>You're gonna kind of you God in from the same

<v Speaker 1>lens because you guys picking up what I'm laying down.

<v Speaker 1>You just feel like, Wow, if this is supposed to

<v Speaker 1>be like a father figure to me, God is supposed

<v Speaker 1>to be a father, then how is this any different

<v Speaker 1>from my actual father? And I know that it might

<v Speaker 1>sound crazy to digest and actually think about, but when

<v Speaker 1>you actually have a moment to yourself and you actually

<v Speaker 1>think about it. It makes a lot of sense, and

<v Speaker 1>you'll see a correlation. Now. The reason I'm mentioning that

<v Speaker 1>is because everything is always connected, and there's always some

<v Speaker 1>sort of pattern, in some sort of capacity of why

<v Speaker 1>you are the way that you are when you show

<v Speaker 1>up in relationships and why you entertain this. You know

<v Speaker 1>certain things that you do. So when you have these

<v Speaker 1>internal gaps of feeling like you have to be performative,

<v Speaker 1>a feeling like you have to show and prove your

<v Speaker 1>worth and you have to earn a man's affection and

<v Speaker 1>love and all these different things, think about where it

<v Speaker 1>is stemming from that is making you have to behave

<v Speaker 1>in this manner. You know, if you're used to a

<v Speaker 1>guy being your father being absent in your life, and

<v Speaker 1>you know, having to earn his affection by trying to show, oh,

<v Speaker 1>I'm a good daughter, I'm worthy of you being in

<v Speaker 1>my life, because that's the first place that our heads go, right, is, Man,

<v Speaker 1>why was I not good enough for my father to

<v Speaker 1>want to be in my life? You internalize it, even

<v Speaker 1>though it's absolutely not your fault. So you end up

<v Speaker 1>repeating these dynamics in your romantic relationships because psychologically you're

<v Speaker 1>trying to redo the dynamic because now you have more

<v Speaker 1>control over it. Right, Okay, So then there's a lack

<v Speaker 1>of self worth. Right. One of these internal gaps can

<v Speaker 1>be lack of internal self worth. So when you don't

<v Speaker 1>feel valuable, you will always try to convince a man

<v Speaker 1>of your value and to see your value. So you

<v Speaker 1>will overgive, you will over explain, you will over extend

<v Speaker 1>yourself because deep down you are thinking to yourself, if

<v Speaker 1>I do enough, he's going to choose me. And this

<v Speaker 1>is for especially the I'm sure that no one on

<v Speaker 1>this channel thinks this way, but if you are one

<v Speaker 1>of those girls, like I know, there's like a new

<v Speaker 1>term out here. They call them young hos. Okay, so

<v Speaker 1>there's the young ho movement, okay, And for my understanding,

<v Speaker 1>it is basically these girls that are very like in

<v Speaker 1>the Fast life, you know, they're very transactional in their relationships.

<v Speaker 1>They all it's like eight women to one man is

<v Speaker 1>the ratio. Uh. It's usually some sort of guy that's

<v Speaker 1>like making massive amounts of money in very strange and

<v Speaker 1>devant ways, and they're heavily invested in their lifestyle and

<v Speaker 1>competing against the other woman to see who has the

<v Speaker 1>most money, the better guy, and who the guy is

<v Speaker 1>treating better and YadA, yeah, yeah, the list goes on.

<v Speaker 1>So these types of women, they're thinking, you know, if

<v Speaker 1>I show this and all these different things, and I

<v Speaker 1>if I perform in this way, if I'm the freakiest

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things, oh yeah, he's not gonna leave.

<v Speaker 1>But baby, baby girl, Okay, if you are a young

<v Speaker 1>ho listening to this, well it's time you remove that

<v Speaker 1>title from yourself. There's that, okay. And two, on a

<v Speaker 1>serious note, there is no value in a man sexualizing

<v Speaker 1>you and trying to think that if you give it

<v Speaker 1>to him this way and that way and flip it

<v Speaker 1>and reverse it, he's not going nowhere. You have a

<v Speaker 1>better chance of cooking your way into this man's heart

<v Speaker 1>then you do sleeping your way into it, because guess what,

<v Speaker 1>you'll never find it. You'll keep digging, and baby, it's

<v Speaker 1>an endless pit. You'll never find it. Okay, So good

<v Speaker 1>luck with that. It's never going to happen. And I

<v Speaker 1>said what I said, So, a quality man is not

<v Speaker 1>looking for a woman that he has to be convinced

<v Speaker 1>to value. That's the truth. He's not looking for that.

<v Speaker 1>Men already know intrinsically, I want to be in a

<v Speaker 1>relationship with this person. It is you. I want to

<v Speaker 1>give a chance to end of story. There is nothing

<v Speaker 1>you can do to actually earn that. There's no special

<v Speaker 1>tech message you can send them. You have all these

<v Speaker 1>people here on social media, YadA YadA, YadA, talking about

<v Speaker 1>say this and it'll make them go crazy. You have

<v Speaker 1>these people talking about text him this and he'll never

<v Speaker 1>leave or you know, say these three magical words and

<v Speaker 1>he will never leave your side. He will text back immediately.

<v Speaker 1>And it's like quality people, especially over the age of thirty,

<v Speaker 1>don't have time for all these games and YadA, YadA, YadA.

<v Speaker 1>They don't have time for rosters and all these different things. No,

<v Speaker 1>my man is out actually earning a living and getting money.

<v Speaker 1>That's what he's doing. You don't have time to be cycling.

<v Speaker 1>It takes so much energy for you to be cycling

<v Speaker 1>this person, that person, that person, and you don't like

<v Speaker 1>them all, So be so for real, okay. And if

<v Speaker 1>you have someone in your life that wants all this variety,

<v Speaker 1>that is a red flag in men and women. If

<v Speaker 1>you are a woman, because I've seen this too a woman,

<v Speaker 1>I have seen where we are entertaining a bunch of

<v Speaker 1>different guys. It's like we have that man mentality in

<v Speaker 1>the worst way, okay, where it's like, h let me

<v Speaker 1>dig a hole here, and this guy is suiting this need.

<v Speaker 1>That guy's suiting that need, that guy's shooting that. I know.

<v Speaker 1>It's a no for me. Really, it's a load of garbage.

<v Speaker 1>It's a nothing burger. Because if you ever truly want

<v Speaker 1>commitment and you want you have to date normally. You

<v Speaker 1>have to actually learn how to problem solve. You have

<v Speaker 1>to actually be in a monogamous relationship where you are

<v Speaker 1>working out sorting out your issues. You're actually getting to

<v Speaker 1>know someone all of the different things, and this is

<v Speaker 1>how you weed out whoever. You can sense games, but

<v Speaker 1>if you are going to play with them, then you

<v Speaker 1>know what silly rabbit tricks are for kids. Okay, all right,

<v Speaker 1>you play games, you win stupid prices. So, like I said,

<v Speaker 1>a quality man is never going to look for a woman.

<v Speaker 1>He has to be convinced to value. You do not

<v Speaker 1>have to convince him. I just feel like, how does

<v Speaker 1>it feel to be a translator and y'all both speak English,

<v Speaker 1>Please explain to me how that makes sense? You are

<v Speaker 1>going to spend the rest of your life in you know,

<v Speaker 1>translating what he meant. Hey, I just wanted to send

<v Speaker 1>you this message because I just want you to know that.

<v Speaker 1>And you don't have to respond, right, because that makes

<v Speaker 1>you feel like you have more control by telling him

<v Speaker 1>he's not gonna respond. He wasn't gonna respond to you anyway.

<v Speaker 1>But I digress. Hey, I just want to send you

<v Speaker 1>this message and let you know that you were loved,

<v Speaker 1>you were care for, you know, and I just really

<v Speaker 1>like you so much. And I know that girls just

<v Speaker 1>use you for your body, but I see you, I

<v Speaker 1>see you for who you really are. I can't deal

<v Speaker 1>with it, Like, I don't know why. I just doesn't

<v Speaker 1>that feel like it's supposed to be like reversed a

<v Speaker 1>little bit, And you don't. You don't get that feeling

<v Speaker 1>a little bit. And there's this confusion that's happening amongst

<v Speaker 1>us in society because you have woman that claim that

<v Speaker 1>they want a man that's gonna do this, and they're

<v Speaker 1>doing nothing of the sorting of the sort is what

<v Speaker 1>they're doing, hello, Like come on? And next, the internal

<v Speaker 1>gap could look like having a fear of loss, where

<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden you know, some women don't even

<v Speaker 1>have to like a man that much. They just don't

<v Speaker 1>even want to lose him. They are chasing to maintain

<v Speaker 1>the control. I have seen women like this as well,

<v Speaker 1>where it's like, I don't understand what you're holding onto

<v Speaker 1>this for I remember, I knew one time of this

<v Speaker 1>situation where this girl was not even with her ex anymore,

<v Speaker 1>and she was pretty much getting involved in arguments and

<v Speaker 1>fights and altercations with people that her ex was involved with,

<v Speaker 1>and I could not understand it for the life of me,

<v Speaker 1>because I'm sitting here thinking, surely, you cannot be serious,

<v Speaker 1>because why do you care? Why are you deeply involved

<v Speaker 1>and invested in every move that this man is making,

<v Speaker 1>Like why are you not just releasing yourself from the

<v Speaker 1>shackles of this ridiculousness? Okay, yeah, it's because they are

<v Speaker 1>chasing to avoid the rejection. Oh you're not gonna tell me,

<v Speaker 1>huh that you don't want me. They're chasing because being

<v Speaker 1>chosen feels like validation to them. Oh yeah, I am

<v Speaker 1>that girl. Oh yeah, I am better than you. I'm

<v Speaker 1>better than her. You know, I'm better in this way

<v Speaker 1>and that way. Enough, If only you knew that no

<v Speaker 1>one really cares, if only really actually understood that no

<v Speaker 1>one cares. And then there's the emotional addiction. Okay, let's

<v Speaker 1>talk about this. Some of you are not even in love. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>you are addicted to inconsistency. That's what it is. The highs,

<v Speaker 1>the lows, the texting, the disappearing, the almost relationship, the

<v Speaker 1>almost relationship. Oh well, he treats me good. You're you're

<v Speaker 1>afraid to even ask, what are we because you don't

<v Speaker 1>want to scare him away. It's been six months. I'm confused.

<v Speaker 1>You're doing all the things that the girlfriends are apparently doing. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>you're doing all those things, so I don't understand what

<v Speaker 1>it is that you were waiting for. What green light

<v Speaker 1>needs to fall from the heavens in order for you

<v Speaker 1>to I don't understand. And that's when you know, as

<v Speaker 1>a woman that you have messed up, when you find

<v Speaker 1>yourself afraid to advocate for yourself and simply create those

<v Speaker 1>boundaries because you know why, I'm going to tell you

<v Speaker 1>the truth. You moved prematurely, and you know exactly what

<v Speaker 1>it is, and I'm saying you move prematurely, and now

<v Speaker 1>you don't want to start over stop being a slave

<v Speaker 1>to your lustful desires is the number one thing if

<v Speaker 1>we're going to call a spade of spade, because that's

<v Speaker 1>what's getting a lot of you into trouble. Closed your legs, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>that's what's getting a lot of people into trouble. Because

<v Speaker 1>now what woman is gonna want to turn aund be

<v Speaker 1>like Dang, I got with him, Now I got to

<v Speaker 1>start over and got with another guy. No, now you're

<v Speaker 1>attached to this person. Now you have a soul tie

<v Speaker 1>with this person. Now you're just like dang, like I

<v Speaker 1>don't want to give up on this. You're putting so

<v Speaker 1>much in because you gave your best trick already, and

<v Speaker 1>now you're working backwards and you're trying to figure out

<v Speaker 1>how to wiggle your way out and revamp this entire dynamic.

<v Speaker 1>And now you don't want to ask him what are

<v Speaker 1>we because you don't want him make him feel pressured

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things interesting. Okay, Well I'll tell

<v Speaker 1>you this. That is not love in any capacity. That

<v Speaker 1>is emotional chaos, okay, And chaos will always keep you chasing.

<v Speaker 1>All right, here's the shift. You want to go from

<v Speaker 1>chasing to choosing, And this is the mindset that will

<v Speaker 1>change your entire dating life. Stop asking does he like me?

<v Speaker 1>Stop asking that. I'm telling you things really shifted and

<v Speaker 1>changed for me when I stopped wondering does he like me?

<v Speaker 1>And I started asking myself do I like him? Do

<v Speaker 1>I like him? Is the actual question, and that one

<v Speaker 1>alone will shift and reposition you how you think in dating,

<v Speaker 1>because chasing comes from wanting to be chosen, but attracting

<v Speaker 1>comes from being the chooser. Going to allow this person

<v Speaker 1>to pursue me, but I'm going to still choose who

<v Speaker 1>I'm going to in the end. Settle down with? Okay,

<v Speaker 1>not settle settle down with. There is a difference. I

<v Speaker 1>hope you have ears to hear right, being the chooser

<v Speaker 1>means that, as a quality woman, you're not performing and

<v Speaker 1>giving an audition for is it good enough? Master? Is

<v Speaker 1>it good enough? No? All right? You're gonna observe the behavior,

<v Speaker 1>act accordingly. So this is what happens when you're gonna

<v Speaker 1>when you stop chasing. This is the part where maybe

<v Speaker 1>some women are gonna get scared. They're think, man, if

<v Speaker 1>I stop trying, I'm gonna lose him. But my response

<v Speaker 1>to that is, well, good riddance. Okay, if it's that

<v Speaker 1>fragile baby, let it break and shatter into a million pieces.

<v Speaker 1>Because if a man only stays because you're overextending yourself,

<v Speaker 1>he was never aligned with you to begin with, the

<v Speaker 1>relationship was never aligned to begin with. Okay, And when

<v Speaker 1>you stop chasing the wrong man, are all going to

<v Speaker 1>fall off. And that might look like that man that

<v Speaker 1>you want to be with literally leaving. Why would you

<v Speaker 1>want to be with someone that doesn't want to be

<v Speaker 1>with you? Why would you want to be with someone

<v Speaker 1>that the second there's adversity, he's headed out the door.

<v Speaker 1>Why would you want to be with someone that you

<v Speaker 1>don't even feel safe enough to say how you feel.

<v Speaker 1>You don't feel safe enough to have a discussion. You're

<v Speaker 1>scared you're gonna say the wrong thing and he's gonna leave,

<v Speaker 1>and he's gonna punish you, and he's gonna ghost you.

<v Speaker 1>He doesn't want to deal with your nonsense. You're feeling

<v Speaker 1>like a drama queen. Somebody you are drama queens, and

<v Speaker 1>you need to watch it. But for those of you

<v Speaker 1>that are actually trying to healthily communicate, and I don't

<v Speaker 1>mean you tell yourself that lie. I mean you actually

<v Speaker 1>are living that reality all right, where you guys have

<v Speaker 1>safe uh, you guys are both each other safe spaces,

<v Speaker 1>and there is healthy communication on both ends where maybe

<v Speaker 1>if things are escalating, he can de escalate. If things

<v Speaker 1>are escalating, maybe on his side you can get there's

<v Speaker 1>a de escalation happening because you can and are concerned

<v Speaker 1>for that person, and you don't want to match their

<v Speaker 1>fire and you meet fire with fire and ignite the flames. No,

<v Speaker 1>you want to de escalate the situation because you care

<v Speaker 1>about that person and you want them to feel heard

<v Speaker 1>and seen and respected and loved without you know, trying

<v Speaker 1>to add fuel to whatever it is that they're feeling.

<v Speaker 1>So I say that to say, right, you know, what

<v Speaker 1>will be left after the man falls off, the inconsistent

<v Speaker 1>men disappear, and after the unavailable men get exposed. Clarity,

<v Speaker 1>all right, and this is how you actually become the

<v Speaker 1>woman who attracts right a good man. You know, we

<v Speaker 1>have to get practical because just stop chasing is never

<v Speaker 1>going to simply be enough. You have to replace the

<v Speaker 1>behavior with identity. It's an identity shift, okay. You have

<v Speaker 1>to build a life that you don't want to escape

<v Speaker 1>from so that you stop running into any one arms right,

<v Speaker 1>just any ordinary you know, you know what, what's that

<v Speaker 1>a man? Run like? You know what's this a body?

<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna lay next to it, like no enough. So

<v Speaker 1>women chase when they are bored, unfulfilled, or they're lacking purpose.

<v Speaker 1>And I argue with your mother, I'm gonna say it again.

<v Speaker 1>Woman chase when they are bored, unfulfilled, or lacking purpose.

<v Speaker 1>And we don't realize that we do this. But all

<v Speaker 1>of a sudden, you're on the apps fishing, swiping, swiping. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>I like him, I like him. Oh he looks good.

<v Speaker 1>You know what, You're on six different dating apps talking

<v Speaker 1>about why is this man on all the dating apps?

<v Speaker 1>He's doing what you're doing? Bill. Okay, So when your

<v Speaker 1>life is full, there's no way that you're gonna be

<v Speaker 1>obsessing over tax and stop letting it get to the

<v Speaker 1>point where, man, I need to talk to someone else

<v Speaker 1>so that I cannot also respond to this guy. No,

<v Speaker 1>that means you're a little bit too bored. You need

<v Speaker 1>to have other things going on that do not revolve

<v Speaker 1>around men in order for you to get over men.

<v Speaker 1>Do you understand? Okay, you're not going to be waiting

<v Speaker 1>around for attention. You're not going to be centering, you know,

<v Speaker 1>men in any capacity because this is the thing that's

<v Speaker 1>you energetically chasing, because you have to become magnet. In

<v Speaker 1>order for you to become magnetic, you have to understand

<v Speaker 1>that you will become magnetic because your energy is somewhere else.

<v Speaker 1>You are not attached to obsessing over this outcome. It's

<v Speaker 1>the same thing in the Bible or how they say,

<v Speaker 1>like you know, you, when you pray, you have to

<v Speaker 1>have faith that it's going to happen. You can't begging

<v Speaker 1>God again, God, I hope it happens. God. You have

<v Speaker 1>to have faith as small as a mustard seed and

<v Speaker 1>believe that it's actually going to happen for you. You

<v Speaker 1>can't pray with doubt. Do you understand what I'm saying? Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So when you set the standards right and actually keep them,

<v Speaker 1>standards mean nothing if you do not enforce them. I

<v Speaker 1>don't care how how you post all the quotes on

<v Speaker 1>Instagram and all the different things. Like I said, relationships

<v Speaker 1>will keep you honest. A quality woman is not gonna

<v Speaker 1>say I want consistency and then entertain inconsistency. Explain to

<v Speaker 1>me how that happens some people. You just got a

<v Speaker 1>reward with absence. Okay, so you're gonna remove access to yourself?

<v Speaker 1>You know why? Because what do I always say? When

<v Speaker 1>you don't value something, you lose it. Hello, So you're

<v Speaker 1>gonna remove access immediately? Oh well, you just can't cut

<v Speaker 1>everybody off. But I did. I did, and with good

<v Speaker 1>reason too. I've never cut off anyone in my life

<v Speaker 1>that I've been like, ah, darn it. So another thing

<v Speaker 1>you need to do is learn to regulate your emotions.

<v Speaker 1>This is powerful. Hello, Because you cannot attract a stable man.

<v Speaker 1>If you are emotionally unstable. You cannot attract a stable man.

<v Speaker 1>If you are emotionally unstable, you cannot attract a stable man.

<v Speaker 1>If you are emotionally unstable, Okay, that means you are

<v Speaker 1>not reactive impulsively. You are not sending paragraphs out of

<v Speaker 1>anxiety bombarding them. You are not creating problems that don't exist.

<v Speaker 1>You're searching all their stuff. Like, I'm telling you that's

<v Speaker 1>not normal. Okay. I know it's been normalized, but it

<v Speaker 1>is not normal. And this is the thing, Like whenever

<v Speaker 1>you enter into a relationship, like it feels so good

<v Speaker 1>to be detached from certain outcomes. Nay, if it happens,

<v Speaker 1>it happens. If it doesn't, that's okay. Like whatever is

<v Speaker 1>meant to be for me is going to be for me.

<v Speaker 1>It feels so freeing to not be obsessed over man.

<v Speaker 1>Did he follow Did his following count go up since

<v Speaker 1>we spoke? Uh? Is he liking other random girls photos? Like?

<v Speaker 1>I think I praise the Lord that I've never had

<v Speaker 1>to deal with that truthfully or at least to my knowledge,

<v Speaker 1>let's even say in my past, like thank goodness, because

<v Speaker 1>I don't want I don't want to have to show

<v Speaker 1>up in every relationship with that being a wound. And

<v Speaker 1>that's not a dig at anyone who has feels like

<v Speaker 1>they have to do that. But that comes with a lot.

<v Speaker 1>Like I said, please regulate your emotions, ladies, no guy

<v Speaker 1>wants to be around a woman that blows up every

<v Speaker 1>time he says something. You're nagging, You're doing all the

<v Speaker 1>different things, like you have to be realistic here and

<v Speaker 1>understand what needs to be addressed and how you are

<v Speaker 1>addressing it instead of nagging and carrying on. And also

<v Speaker 1>have descernment where you know, be mindful of I'm bringing

<v Speaker 1>this up in a very calm demeanor and everything. I'm

<v Speaker 1>not trying to fish, you know, necessarily in any capacity.

<v Speaker 1>I'm bringing this up in a calm manner and seeing

<v Speaker 1>how this person's reacting. If the person is going to

<v Speaker 1>be shutting you down and all the different things. And

<v Speaker 1>obviously that's a different case, but for the most part,

<v Speaker 1>you want to be a stable person by regulating your

<v Speaker 1>emotions and not blowing up and resorting to extremes and

<v Speaker 1>feeling highly suspicious and then acting on those suspicions by

<v Speaker 1>punishing him, and he has absolutely no clue what is

<v Speaker 1>even happening and what you've done. And then I also

<v Speaker 1>want to say this while we're at it, please stop

<v Speaker 1>being upset over things that you legit find offensive and

<v Speaker 1>then you're trying to punish them anyway while you're staying

<v Speaker 1>with them. Make the decision. Either you choose to get

<v Speaker 1>over it and you don't bring it up after it's

<v Speaker 1>addressed or what have you, or you just leave. You

<v Speaker 1>don't resent them and punish them by keeping yourself around

<v Speaker 1>when you clearly have an issue with what they've done.

<v Speaker 1>If you have an issue that he liked girls photos,

<v Speaker 1>move on with your life because what you should not

<v Speaker 1>be doing is punishing him perpetually of Yeah, and I

<v Speaker 1>bet you're gonna go like these girls photos and go

<v Speaker 1>like just leave. You're gonna live the rest of your

<v Speaker 1>life complaining over the same thing that you already had

<v Speaker 1>an issue with. And it's never gonna go a And

<v Speaker 1>I know that sounds harsh, but it's just the truth,

<v Speaker 1>all right, You're never gonna get over it, probably, all right,

<v Speaker 1>So peaceful woman attracts peaceful relationships? Did peaceful woman attract

<v Speaker 1>peaceful relationships? You're not doing the back and forth toxicity.

<v Speaker 1>I remember when I discovered that one of my friends

<v Speaker 1>was toxic. I straight up said to her, oh my gosh, friend,

<v Speaker 1>I did not know that you were toxic, and she said, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>I am toxic. And at first I was like, man,

<v Speaker 1>well she's admitting it, admitting it. But then I thought, hmm,

<v Speaker 1>I have seen somehow correlation of this being remnant in

<v Speaker 1>our friendship actually, and I got to take a set

<v Speaker 1>back because this is not this is not healthy, and

<v Speaker 1>that relationship ended up taking over our friendship and being

<v Speaker 1>a little bit of pretty much one of the causes

<v Speaker 1>of the ending of our friendship because they just are

<v Speaker 1>two male centered and they act like they don't, so

<v Speaker 1>they will utilize friendships for the time being while they're

<v Speaker 1>trying to pursue a relationship, and then completely let everyone

<v Speaker 1>go because they prioritize the relationship instead. The only dynamics

<v Speaker 1>that work are dynamics that they are mainly focused on

<v Speaker 1>at that time. But they're not really like a true friend.

<v Speaker 1>That's just the truth. So anyways, you, like I said,

<v Speaker 1>you want to detach from outcomes, and I know that

<v Speaker 1>this is the hardest one because we have to stop

<v Speaker 1>trying to make every single man the one. Some people

<v Speaker 1>are just either a lesson or a blessing. Some men

<v Speaker 1>are just redirections, some men are just confirmations of what

<v Speaker 1>you don't want, and maybe some men are confirmation of

<v Speaker 1>almost but not quite Okay. So when you detach, you

<v Speaker 1>are dating from a place of power and not fear.

<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh, I'm this old. I don't know when

<v Speaker 1>I'm going to find them, YadA, YadA, YadA. But let's

<v Speaker 1>go deeper for a second, because chasing is not just emotional,

<v Speaker 1>it's absolutely spiritual. When you were chasing, you are stepping

<v Speaker 1>outside of the alignment of and you were trying to

<v Speaker 1>control what God has not confirmed for you, and this

<v Speaker 1>is where the anxiety comes from. And some of you

<v Speaker 1>are such powerful dreamers. Okay, I say that very loosely,

<v Speaker 1>that you are having dreams about men that are not

<v Speaker 1>supposed to be with you in any capacity, Like you

<v Speaker 1>are completely romanticizing dynamics when you're saying that, Oh, I

<v Speaker 1>know this is my husband. I know this is my husband,

<v Speaker 1>and everyone else can see that that's not but to you. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So the anxiety is going to come from that because

<v Speaker 1>you're out of alignment. You are constantly living in anxiety.

<v Speaker 1>You don't know any better because you're used to being

<v Speaker 1>in a heightened state. And this is why the Bible

<v Speaker 1>reminds us in Matthew six thirty three to seek God first,

<v Speaker 1>not the validation, not the attention, not the relationship. But

<v Speaker 1>you know, because what is meant for you truly will

<v Speaker 1>not require you to beg chase, or even convince. All right,

<v Speaker 1>So I want to leave you with this. The right

<v Speaker 1>man will not require you to abandon yourself to be chosen. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>the right man will not require you to abandon yourself

<v Speaker 1>to be chosen. So if you've been chasing, I don't

<v Speaker 1>want you to feel ashamed by that. This is your

<v Speaker 1>moment to evolve. This is a clariton call because the

<v Speaker 1>moment that you stop chasing is the moment that you start. So,

<v Speaker 1>with that being said, if this episode has resonated with you,

<v Speaker 1>I want you to share it with a friend. I

<v Speaker 1>want you to post it on your story what your

<v Speaker 1>favorite part was, and I want you to tag me

<v Speaker 1>so I could see it. And I want you to

<v Speaker 1>comment under today's posts. I am no longer chasing. I

<v Speaker 1>am choosing, and let the church say a man. With

<v Speaker 1>that being said, do not forget that I love you

<v Speaker 1>and God loves you. I'll speak to you, beautiful angels

<v Speaker 1>in my next podcast episode