<v Speaker 1>If your identity is not fully anchored right in God,

<v Speaker 1>then you will look to people all the time to

<v Speaker 1>confirm what God has already said about you. Okay, hey babe,

<v Speaker 1>it's Asia Christina. This his quality queen control. What is happening? Hello? Everyone,

<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to quality Queen control. Guys. I him just

<v Speaker 1>so grateful to be in better spirits than I was

<v Speaker 1>last week. So transparent moment here. I normally do batch

<v Speaker 1>film as I'm doing today, Praise Him. And for some

<v Speaker 1>reason last week, when I tried to film in my

<v Speaker 1>little you know, my little garage set that was royal blue,

<v Speaker 1>that color eats down on me, I just for some

<v Speaker 1>reason was not really fee. I don't know what it was,

<v Speaker 1>but it just was not it. And so I intended

<v Speaker 1>on taking a little bit of a break. Then was like,

<v Speaker 1>you know, let me just film at a time where

<v Speaker 1>I'm in better spirits, because the truth is, I've done

<v Speaker 1>this long enough to know that you can feel the

<v Speaker 1>energy when somebody is speaking like I. It's just you know,

<v Speaker 1>if you know, you know, if you understand, you understand.

<v Speaker 1>And so the whole week was just like womp want.

<v Speaker 1>I was also fasting as well during that week, and

<v Speaker 1>I just was just in my head for some reason.

<v Speaker 1>For majority of it, I had a really weird dream

<v Speaker 1>last night, and I'm not really someone that dreams that often,

<v Speaker 1>but I have to, like, I don't even know what

<v Speaker 1>really to make of it. But nonetheless, I'm fine. I

<v Speaker 1>am just feeling very very happy that I'm in much

<v Speaker 1>better spirits and I'm back to myself and in my

<v Speaker 1>jovial mood like I always am. And it's in those

<v Speaker 1>moments of me feeling just like overwhelmed and just like

<v Speaker 1>blah and just not the best that I realize that,

<v Speaker 1>like God is still good even in these moments. And

<v Speaker 1>also it makes me even more grateful for the times

<v Speaker 1>that I do not feel that way like now, like today,

<v Speaker 1>because I do not want to feel like how I

<v Speaker 1>felt last week in any capacity. And when I tell

<v Speaker 1>you it lasted all week, I mean like Monday all

<v Speaker 1>the way to Friday, like it was just nuts. AnyWho,

<v Speaker 1>I hope you are, I hope you are doing well okay,

<v Speaker 1>And I saw some of you guys comments that really

<v Speaker 1>warmed my heart. I mean truly, the support and community

<v Speaker 1>that we are building on here is incredible. I want

<v Speaker 1>you guys to make sure that if you were watching

<v Speaker 1>this on YouTube, that you are hyping this video up

<v Speaker 1>if you have the option to. This gets us back

<v Speaker 1>into the algorithm. And speaking of algorithm, I had one

<v Speaker 1>amazing supporter comment and said, Asha, why such few views,

<v Speaker 1>and I responded saying, well, hype the video up so

<v Speaker 1>we can continue to show up into the algorithm to

<v Speaker 1>help to push the content out there. Because listen, if

<v Speaker 1>there's one thing that I stand ten toes down on, okay,

<v Speaker 1>besides Jesus nice, okay, is my content. I'm one hundred percent,

<v Speaker 1>very very confident in what I produce and uh in

<v Speaker 1>the channel in general. Okay, So I stand ten too's

<v Speaker 1>down on that, and I'm very proud of what you

<v Speaker 1>know we have here on the channel. So yes, all right,

<v Speaker 1>now that we've got all that stuff out the way,

<v Speaker 1>thank you for listening guys and spending some time with me.

<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about patterns. I want to talk

<v Speaker 1>about mirrors versus misalignment as well. Okay, So a lot

<v Speaker 1>of the times we hear about patterns and discernment and

<v Speaker 1>all the things, but at some point you really do

<v Speaker 1>have to sit with yourself and ask yourself, why does

<v Speaker 1>it feel like you are experiencing the same cycle in

<v Speaker 1>different people, And if you really dig deeper, you will

<v Speaker 1>actually discover that a lot of the ways that we

<v Speaker 1>treat ourselves are a lot of the times reflected in

<v Speaker 1>other people. Now, there are sometimes exceptions to the rule

<v Speaker 1>where people are going to be people regardless, but also

<v Speaker 1>we expect people to love us out of those circumstances,

<v Speaker 1>and we're hoping that that'll be the fixer and the

<v Speaker 1>band aid to certain issues. But you're experiencing the same confusion.

<v Speaker 1>You're experiencing the same inconsistency in your friendships and romantic dynamics.

<v Speaker 1>You're also experiencing the same emotional outcome from certain dynamics

<v Speaker 1>as well, with a different face. So there are actual

<v Speaker 1>psychological reasons for that, because one, hello, we can't defy

<v Speaker 1>science here, and also there are spiritual reasons for that

<v Speaker 1>as well. Not everything in your life is just happening

<v Speaker 1>just to happen. Know, some things are supposed to be

<v Speaker 1>noticed by you, they're supposed to be picked up on,

<v Speaker 1>They're being revealed to you. That's what's happening. And patterns

<v Speaker 1>are one of the ways that I know for the

<v Speaker 1>fact that God is trying to get our attention patterns

<v Speaker 1>are what repeated experiences, especially the ones that drain you hello,

<v Speaker 1>they could, or the ones that confuse you, or the

<v Speaker 1>ones that leave you, you know, questioning yourself. But I

<v Speaker 1>want you to shift your perspective and think about this.

<v Speaker 1>What if this pattern isn't punishment? What if it is instruction? Hello?

<v Speaker 1>You know? Oprah Winfrey said something that I really love.

<v Speaker 1>She said that sometimes, you know, God will give you

<v Speaker 1>a little nudge like you know, hello, like you know,

<v Speaker 1>pay attention, and if you don't listen to that, then

<v Speaker 1>He's gonna, like, you know, knock a little harder before

<v Speaker 1>he knocks you right upside your head. And you don't

<v Speaker 1>want to be that person. You don't want to be

<v Speaker 1>such a stubborn person where you have to learn everything

<v Speaker 1>the hard way, you know. So the real question is

<v Speaker 1>what if God is having you see something early and clearly,

<v Speaker 1>actually over and over and over again, and you know,

<v Speaker 1>because he wants you to respond differently to it, but

<v Speaker 1>you keep showing up the exact same But yet we

<v Speaker 1>claim that we really want different. But this is why,

<v Speaker 1>you know, the pattern keeps repeating because we're praying for change,

<v Speaker 1>we're asking for change, but we're responding the same exact

<v Speaker 1>way every single time the test shows up. Every single

<v Speaker 1>time the test shows up, You're failing the tests. You're

<v Speaker 1>failing an open book test at this point. And this

<v Speaker 1>is why it's going to keep on repeating. Your pattern

<v Speaker 1>is not just who is showing up. No, it's what

<v Speaker 1>you entertain, it's what you excuse, and it's what you

<v Speaker 1>refuse to walk away from. All right, let's put it

<v Speaker 1>into context here. I really want to be sensitive when

<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about this, because I'm not trying to be

<v Speaker 1>disrespectful in any capacity. But this whole sacrelized the Mormon

<v Speaker 1>wife situation. If you know, you know and who doesn't know?

<v Speaker 1>Are you living under a rock? Like? It really does

<v Speaker 1>hit home for me, uh, witnessing this whole you know, Taylor, Frankie, Paul,

<v Speaker 1>and Dakota situation. Because as much as people are insinuating, listen,

<v Speaker 1>there's probably darvo going on here. Darvo is an acronym

<v Speaker 1>for what it stands for. Specifically, I do not remember,

<v Speaker 1>but you can google it, as did I, and I

<v Speaker 1>realized what it was an acronym for. But the point is,

<v Speaker 1>once you unlock that certain behavior out of yourself, it's

<v Speaker 1>going to keep on building from there. And also not

<v Speaker 1>for nothing, the way that Taylor acted with the whole

<v Speaker 1>you know situation that we saw that is a public

<v Speaker 1>information online where she was getting physical with Dakota, that

<v Speaker 1>was not her first time doing something like that. I'm

<v Speaker 1>saying that with conviction, all right, I want to be

<v Speaker 1>respectful here, and I'm saying this with conviction, that was

<v Speaker 1>not her first time behaving like that, whether that was

<v Speaker 1>with him, whether that was with someone else, Because that

<v Speaker 1>type of behavior is an escalation, right where something happened

<v Speaker 1>over and over and over again and you finally had

<v Speaker 1>like a breaking point. But it always starts out small.

<v Speaker 1>It's like if you're in some sort of abusive dynamic.

<v Speaker 1>The first time it's a shove or it's a smack.

<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to do that again. And then the

<v Speaker 1>behavior starts to progress, you know, where they're dragging you,

<v Speaker 1>you know, and it gets violent without having to get

<v Speaker 1>into too much detail. And so I knew because I

<v Speaker 1>have witnessed someone in my life before that I've watched

<v Speaker 1>their life go down hill. One thing my father always

<v Speaker 1>taught me is the wrong man will always give you

<v Speaker 1>the wrong plan in life Okay, like men and women

<v Speaker 1>have this unique ability, like when you are in a

<v Speaker 1>healthy relationship, Let's just say this, when you're in a

<v Speaker 1>healthy relationship, there's this ability where being with the right

<v Speaker 1>person for you elevates you in such a way. They hey,

<v Speaker 1>they help you blossom. And it's not even something that

<v Speaker 1>they're necessarily trying to do. It just happens naturally where

<v Speaker 1>you're blossoming because you're in the right dynamic. Okay, I digress.

<v Speaker 1>So here we have that situation where, like I said,

<v Speaker 1>I have witnessed a person in my life before that

<v Speaker 1>their life went downhill as soon as they kept honestly

<v Speaker 1>choosing at this point the same type of partners abusive.

<v Speaker 1>Now it completely rewired for me. It seems like this

<v Speaker 1>person's personality just completely got changed when they've always this

<v Speaker 1>behavior was building up behind the scene and I had

<v Speaker 1>no clue about it. They became violent, they tried to

<v Speaker 1>put their hands on me, like it just was bizarre.

<v Speaker 1>And I saw that same exact spirit operating in the

<v Speaker 1>Taylor Frankie Paul situation, and I was like, okay, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>I know that that was not the first time that

<v Speaker 1>something like that has happened. There's just no way am

<v Speaker 1>I blaming her. I'm not blaming her. I know that

<v Speaker 1>it takes two to tango, Okay, And it's so convenient

<v Speaker 1>that Dakota, for some reason, we never see the physical

<v Speaker 1>evidence of the things that he's doing. Why is he

<v Speaker 1>sticking around? If you know that someone's treating you like that,

<v Speaker 1>right allegedly, then why are you sticking around If you're

<v Speaker 1>the sane one in the situation. Co parenting has nothing

<v Speaker 1>to do with that. You guys can co parent in

<v Speaker 1>a way where you still have limited contact with each other.

<v Speaker 1>So you see him saying like they are both mutually

<v Speaker 1>guilty of continuing to entertain this toxic cycle he is.

<v Speaker 1>I have no words for him, Actually nothing else to

<v Speaker 1>give for that man, Okay, but I will say, you know,

<v Speaker 1>my heart definitely goes out to Taylor and where on

<v Speaker 1>the Street is allegedly allegedly allegedly that the season is

<v Speaker 1>going to be canceled effectively immediately. Now, I also do

<v Speaker 1>think I'm not talking about The Bachelorette, because already know

<v Speaker 1>that's canceled by the time you guys are seeing this. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>it is canceled. But apparently the secret as the Mormon

<v Speaker 1>Wives show itself also got canceled. What is happening? Okay,

<v Speaker 1>so I personally predict that maybe Bravo might pick it up,

<v Speaker 1>maybe Oxygen maybe might pick it up. Someone is probably

<v Speaker 1>gonna want to pick up the show because it is

<v Speaker 1>an entertaining show, and it does suck that our version

<v Speaker 1>of entertainment, let's call a spatas bade is watching other

<v Speaker 1>people do crazy things. When you think about these women's

<v Speaker 1>friend group, ostensibly it's very toxic if we're gonna call

<v Speaker 1>a spatas bade. Anyways, let me get to the point here.

<v Speaker 1>With Taylor Frankie Paul, she always talks about the fact

<v Speaker 1>that she doesn't feel she deserves love. That tells you

<v Speaker 1>we accept the love we think we deserve. So as

<v Speaker 1>much as she speaks of her disdain for Dakota, she

<v Speaker 1>still keeps showing up into it. She still keeps functioning

<v Speaker 1>in it. That incident happened prior to her having her

<v Speaker 1>child with him. Okay, she got pregnant after that incident happened.

<v Speaker 1>And what does that tell us? That we clearly go

<v Speaker 1>towards what is familiar, hello, rather than what is the

<v Speaker 1>right thing to do? That speaks volumes, because if we

<v Speaker 1>all knew that certain things were bad for us, it

<v Speaker 1>would be just as simple as not doing it because

<v Speaker 1>we know that it's bad for us. However, we all

<v Speaker 1>know that that's not how life goes. Okay. People are

<v Speaker 1>always making perpetual poor decisions, even if it's as mundane

<v Speaker 1>as you know, eating poorly, right, well, mundane in comparison

<v Speaker 1>to this context, eating poorly. And we all know that

<v Speaker 1>certain fast foods and things like that fast food period

<v Speaker 1>is bad for us. It's bad for our health and

<v Speaker 1>all the different things. But sometimes it's just not enough

<v Speaker 1>to stop. Right, you still want to you know, eat,

<v Speaker 1>you know, eat these foods, all the different things. And

<v Speaker 1>we shouldn't but think about that. You know. One of

<v Speaker 1>my favorite quotes is it says, before you try to

<v Speaker 1>change someone else, consider how hard it is to change yourself. Right,

<v Speaker 1>that is real. So here we have someone that's in

<v Speaker 1>this dynamic, and it's for the whole world to see.

<v Speaker 1>So it's easy for us to all get on our

<v Speaker 1>soapbox and all cast judgments and vocalize our opinions and

<v Speaker 1>all the different things. I'm aware of that. However, the

<v Speaker 1>truth of the matter is is that this is familiar

<v Speaker 1>to her. This pattern with him is familiar to her,

<v Speaker 1>and that's just the truth. And so she functions in

<v Speaker 1>it and the same goes for him, and he's skillful

<v Speaker 1>at not letting his you know, dirt be as opened.

<v Speaker 1>From what we currently know right now, we haven't seen

<v Speaker 1>any footage of him being the antagonizer in you know, domestically,

<v Speaker 1>let's just say that in the least. But everything she

<v Speaker 1>does is like explosive and we see it all happening.

<v Speaker 1>But it just goes to show, like, when you're in

<v Speaker 1>that toxic cycle, and what are your beliefs about yourself?

<v Speaker 1>Her belief about herself is that she doesn't deserve something good,

<v Speaker 1>she doesn't deserve love, and she has self hatred. It's

<v Speaker 1>the truth, which is why she continues to put up

<v Speaker 1>with a man that she also claims that she hates.

<v Speaker 1>So let's talk about merrors, right, and I want you

<v Speaker 1>to hear this through a spiritual lens. Right. God will

<v Speaker 1>use people and situations to reveal what is in your

<v Speaker 1>heart testing for the fruit. Right, It's not to shame you,

<v Speaker 1>but it's to refine you. It's going to show you

<v Speaker 1>where your boundaries are weak. It's going to show you

<v Speaker 1>where your identity isn't fully rooted. It's going to show

<v Speaker 1>you where you may be seeking validation even outside of

<v Speaker 1>God in my personal belief. So if you end up

<v Speaker 1>in situations where you're feeling like you are overlooked, okay,

<v Speaker 1>and you're always having to ask, man like, do I

<v Speaker 1>truly believe that I am chosen? Why is it that

<v Speaker 1>no one chooses me? I want you to think this.

<v Speaker 1>I'm expecting people to choose me and I never choose me. Explain,

<v Speaker 1>I'm expecting people to choose me and I never choose myself.

<v Speaker 1>It's all connected, ladies and gentlemen, it is all connected,

<v Speaker 1>all right. You are in a situation where you're feeling

<v Speaker 1>like you're always getting neglected, You're feeling like people show

<v Speaker 1>interest in you, then they back up. They You're feeling

<v Speaker 1>like why is that same inconsistency? And you get to

<v Speaker 1>face the music and realize that about yourself and realize

<v Speaker 1>that there's a deep correlation to your relationship with yourself

<v Speaker 1>and the men that you are attracting, and the friendships

<v Speaker 1>as well. Sometimes that you are attracting hard to admit,

<v Speaker 1>but it is true, you know, and I ask myself

<v Speaker 1>these questions all the time, and I think in the

<v Speaker 1>last time that I experienced something that felt like a pattern,

<v Speaker 1>I immediately was able to clock it and got away

<v Speaker 1>unscathed because I saw it. Now I'm like, uh uh,

<v Speaker 1>not today, Satan, not ever, Satan, You're not catching me. Okay. Then,

<v Speaker 1>So if you are the type of person that you

<v Speaker 1>keep over extending yourself, you have to ask, like, am

<v Speaker 1>I trying to earn something that should be freely given?

<v Speaker 1>I e. Love? Do you not have the true people love?

<v Speaker 1>Talking about that they love themselves, they respect themselves. Do

<v Speaker 1>you do you really? Because it's going to require a

<v Speaker 1>lot of you that you used to excuse. It's going

<v Speaker 1>to require deep emotional a deep emotional autopsy, and it's

<v Speaker 1>deeply excavating, emotionally excavating where you have to really face

<v Speaker 1>the music and say, listen, I say I want this,

<v Speaker 1>but these are my actions. I say that I want this,

<v Speaker 1>but this is what I keep on entertaining. As soon

<v Speaker 1>as something weird happens, I'm filtering it through a million

<v Speaker 1>different situations and scenarios, excusing the behavior. That's where you

<v Speaker 1>went wrong and you betray yourself. I am of the

<v Speaker 1>personal belief. Right, when you value something, you're not going

<v Speaker 1>to put yourself in a position to lose it. And

<v Speaker 1>men know immediately when they meet you what category they're

<v Speaker 1>placing you under. They just know. They know that immediately,

<v Speaker 1>So you have to watch their actions and that tells

<v Speaker 1>you exactly where they're placing you. All right, So if

<v Speaker 1>your identity is not fully anchored right in God, then

<v Speaker 1>you will look to people all the time to confirm

<v Speaker 1>what God has already said about you. Okay, let's talk

<v Speaker 1>about the deserment here. So desernment, right, this is where

<v Speaker 1>a lot of people get it wrong because everything is

<v Speaker 1>can feel like a mirror, but there are times where

<v Speaker 1>maybe it's not a mirror, right, Some things are simply misalignment.

<v Speaker 1>There is a such thing as that. Desernment is what

<v Speaker 1>tells you the difference. So there are people who are

<v Speaker 1>not a part of your They're not supposed to be

<v Speaker 1>something that you should be fixing in any capacity. All right,

<v Speaker 1>understand that some people are just going to people regardless.

<v Speaker 1>Some people are gonna people. That means some people are

<v Speaker 1>just emotionally unavailable. Dessernment is how you can tell the difference.

<v Speaker 1>Some people are just simply immature. You should be used

<v Speaker 1>desernment to tell the difference. Some people are just manipulative.

<v Speaker 1>You should be able to tell the difference. And that

<v Speaker 1>means in this particular case, that it is not a

<v Speaker 1>reflection of you. That is the distinction that I need

<v Speaker 1>you to understand, because there is a difference between mirror

<v Speaker 1>versus misalignment, and the mirror is something in you that

<v Speaker 1>continues to participates in that cycle. Misalignment is simply the

<v Speaker 1>you know, this person is just not for me, all right.

<v Speaker 1>It's giving tea versus coffee, or like, you know, whatever

<v Speaker 1>reference or whatever the case is. You understand what I'm saying.

<v Speaker 1>This is where a lot of us get stuck, right,

<v Speaker 1>is we're trying to sell reflect our way into staying

<v Speaker 1>some somewhere that maybe we should have probably just walked

<v Speaker 1>away from. You know. It's like, why are we trying

<v Speaker 1>to come up with the million excuses I'm telling you

<v Speaker 1>life is Love is for the strong, all right. Relationships

<v Speaker 1>are for the strong. And if you again, I say

<v Speaker 1>this again and again and again and again, if you

<v Speaker 1>want a serious relationship, you gotta start shutting down ninety

<v Speaker 1>nine percent of the things that you used to you know, okay,

<v Speaker 1>all right, it just it is what it is. Sometimes

<v Speaker 1>we are so far away from what we desire that

<v Speaker 1>we feel so beat down. We think there's just no

<v Speaker 1>way someone's ever going to be okay with, you know,

<v Speaker 1>meeting my standards. I'm just like, I'm tired of it.

<v Speaker 1>I might as well start somewhere. I mean, nothing is perfect,

<v Speaker 1>and you start just coming up with excuses. You don't

<v Speaker 1>see it as an excuse because in the moment it

<v Speaker 1>feels like this is just how life is going to be.

<v Speaker 1>Then you have other people around you that are not

<v Speaker 1>people that are politie standards, and they're egging on this

<v Speaker 1>behavior and making you think that, yeah, girl, you know what,

<v Speaker 1>just whatever, just let it rock, because you know, not

<v Speaker 1>every situation's perfect. Yeah, okay, I understand that. But my

<v Speaker 1>version of what I want to accept is very different

<v Speaker 1>than your version. You're okay with, you know, going fifty

<v Speaker 1>to fifty on going to dinner and all the and

<v Speaker 1>paying for dinners and all these you're okay with that,

<v Speaker 1>I'm not, which means what I require is going to

<v Speaker 1>be different for me, right, which means respectfully, I'm not

<v Speaker 1>going to be taking your advice because how you go

<v Speaker 1>about relationships is going to be different. You have another person. Again,

<v Speaker 1>the exception never makes the rules side. I want to

<v Speaker 1>hear it. You have another person that's like, huh, well,

<v Speaker 1>I thought with my boyfriend on date number three, and

<v Speaker 1>usually that's an indication that something serious is. I've heard enough.

<v Speaker 1>You have another girl. Men are not stupid ladies, Like

<v Speaker 1>a lot of people think that they are. Okay, they

<v Speaker 1>might act like it sometimes, but they are not stupid.

<v Speaker 1>Everything they do is intentional, especially in the beginning. I

<v Speaker 1>feel like sometimes you like to tell ourselves that as

<v Speaker 1>an excuse, like oh, like, yeah, it's just so stupid whatever. Now,

<v Speaker 1>certain things men are very intentional about, and one of

<v Speaker 1>that being where he places you in his life and

<v Speaker 1>how he's going to be treating you very intentional, just

<v Speaker 1>like the truth is, there's a guy that's going to

<v Speaker 1>be taking you to Red Lobster, and there's another guy

<v Speaker 1>that's going to be taking you to Capital Grill. There's

<v Speaker 1>another guy that's gonna pretend he left his wallet at

<v Speaker 1>home and he has no idea how that happened. And

<v Speaker 1>then there's another guy that's gonna pay the bill, but

<v Speaker 1>you probably won't even see when he pays the bill,

<v Speaker 1>but you have to use deserment. And I mean this

<v Speaker 1>in all genuine sincerity because there are also men and

<v Speaker 1>I do find that this happens where they cause play

<v Speaker 1>as gentlemen as well. Like I said, this is why

<v Speaker 1>we're talking about deserment. Decernant is everything. There are some

<v Speaker 1>guys that will legitimately cause play as the biggest gentleman

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things. And I know that there

<v Speaker 1>are also some people that comment saying like, oh, this

<v Speaker 1>is exhausting. I'm just done dating, then be done. I'm

<v Speaker 1>telling you what to I'm not telling you to go

<v Speaker 1>chase you know him him, and no, I'm not doing that.

<v Speaker 1>But this is just how the game goes when it

<v Speaker 1>comes to dating. And I say game lightly, I don't

<v Speaker 1>actually mean an actual game, which is why I no

<v Speaker 1>longer subscribe to you should have a roster? You should.

<v Speaker 1>I made a video on that that's well over like

<v Speaker 1>one hundred thousand views talking about that. No, I do

<v Speaker 1>not believe that you should be having a roster anymore,

<v Speaker 1>all right, one hundred percent. I do not think that

<v Speaker 1>that's some especially if you're over the age of thirty,

<v Speaker 1>because let's be honest here, you probably don't like half

<v Speaker 1>the people anyways, be so for real with yourself. Are

<v Speaker 1>we doing this or are we not? Let me tell

<v Speaker 1>you something off topic, but I don't care. The dating

<v Speaker 1>game is so frustrating because I know, for me, I'm

<v Speaker 1>a very strict person. Always had a strict program, okay always,

<v Speaker 1>And it's so insane to me that it feels like

<v Speaker 1>it becomes the societal norm that you have to accept

<v Speaker 1>such nonsensical nonsense in the beginning of relationship because it's

<v Speaker 1>almost like, well, it's just a rite of passage, okay,

<v Speaker 1>like it. It's frustrating that we have to accept, oh,

<v Speaker 1>well he was doing this and doing that. Well, we

<v Speaker 1>weren't together, so it doesn't really matter. It's like, don't

<v Speaker 1>you want to have especially if you're over the age

<v Speaker 1>of like thirty, don't you want to have a clean

<v Speaker 1>slate where you know, you know what I was with

<v Speaker 1>this person. I gave it one hundred percent a shot.

<v Speaker 1>I now wishful thinking, how dare I? But I operate

<v Speaker 1>by different principles anyways, right Kingdom principles. But I feel like,

<v Speaker 1>if we're going to do this, we're actually gonna do this.

<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to be competing against you, you, you, you,

<v Speaker 1>all the different things, and I feel like this is

<v Speaker 1>where things don't make sense in like I guess the

<v Speaker 1>secular world to me, where it's like I don't understand

<v Speaker 1>this mentality of well, let me just continue to just

<v Speaker 1>like date around because this is where I feel like

<v Speaker 1>sometimes men get trapped and they never really grow up,

<v Speaker 1>where it's like, hmm, I have this option, that option,

<v Speaker 1>that option. All right, now you start to again this

<v Speaker 1>is an immature mindset, but you start to think, all right,

<v Speaker 1>well she's not going to do that. She will, so

<v Speaker 1>let me keep both of them. Each person almost like

<v Speaker 1>serves a specific person purpose for you, as opposed to

<v Speaker 1>you just saying listen, we should like reinvent the dating game.

<v Speaker 1>Guys like I don't know, like we should just redo

<v Speaker 1>the rules where you agree to date somebody and it's like, okay,

<v Speaker 1>let's give this a month or two of a fair shot,

<v Speaker 1>just me and you. Because what happens is is the

<v Speaker 1>second that that person does something or says something that

<v Speaker 1>you may not like, instead of bringing it up and

<v Speaker 1>addressing it as you would in an actual relationship, instead

<v Speaker 1>you kind of playcate and then you go and entertain

<v Speaker 1>another option. Okay, well whatever that And then now you're

<v Speaker 1>like hot and cold with a certain individual. Do you

<v Speaker 1>understand what it is that I'm saying. It just ends

<v Speaker 1>up being this thing where none of no one learns

<v Speaker 1>how to properly problem solve or anything. So a lot

<v Speaker 1>of the times we tend to try to heal out

<v Speaker 1>way through something that actually just requires discernment. You have

<v Speaker 1>to have desern situations. Whatever you are allowing is where

<v Speaker 1>your power is. And men intrinsically know this. It's not

<v Speaker 1>even all the time a calculated decision. They intrinsically know, oh, okay,

<v Speaker 1>well I don't have to I hit her up at

<v Speaker 1>six o'clock. We're supposed to be meeting up for eight

<v Speaker 1>fifteen or seven to fifteen, and I hit her up. Hey,

<v Speaker 1>you come in. I'm sorry, like, when were you planning on?

<v Speaker 1>And you do this and you think, oh, well, at

<v Speaker 1>least he's still checked in. It is what it is.

<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you. It makes a difference. It makes a

<v Speaker 1>difference that that happened and you showed up anyway, I'm

<v Speaker 1>telling you, it tells him a message of oh all right,

<v Speaker 1>I got away with that. All right, She's cool. She's cool,

<v Speaker 1>like she's she's a cool girl, Like I don't have

<v Speaker 1>to like really up my standards for her because she's cool,

<v Speaker 1>like she was okay with that. I'm telling you, it's

<v Speaker 1>the same thing as a man trying to get with you, right,

<v Speaker 1>He's trying to get with you. He's initiating things, he's

<v Speaker 1>trying to whatever, you know, whatever, and you're thinking like, oh, whatever,

<v Speaker 1>we have a connection, we just like each other, whatever

<v Speaker 1>the case is. And as soon as you go and

<v Speaker 1>do that, all of a sudden, he becomes less interested.

<v Speaker 1>But here you were thinking, well, we were on the

<v Speaker 1>same page, we really liked each other. Doesn't it get

<v Speaker 1>exhausting having to filter your information through, you know, your

<v Speaker 1>friends in a certain way where it's like you're telling

<v Speaker 1>one person this, you're telling another person that, like, listen, Like,

<v Speaker 1>that's exhausting. Been there, done that in a friendship dynamic

<v Speaker 1>where it's like, man, I don't even trust this person

<v Speaker 1>fully to say what I want to say, or maybe

<v Speaker 1>you feel like, oh, man, I don't want to disappoint

<v Speaker 1>this person because I know that I probably didn't did this,

<v Speaker 1>or maybe I don't think this person would approve so

<v Speaker 1>kind of that sort of situation. Do you understand everybody

<v Speaker 1>has been through it where you've done it, but it

<v Speaker 1>gets exhausting after a while. You know, if you're going

<v Speaker 1>to do something stantentto's down, all right, this is what

<v Speaker 1>you did? Like, what is anyone going to do? Beat

<v Speaker 1>you up for it? You know what I mean? But

<v Speaker 1>the truth of the matter is, again, if you want

<v Speaker 1>things to go in a certain direction, there are certain

<v Speaker 1>rules you have to play. It's so funny how people

<v Speaker 1>will be in the comment section talking about what they're

<v Speaker 1>not going to be doing and how they're done playing

<v Speaker 1>the games and all these different things. Yeah, but then

<v Speaker 1>how come it's a universal rule that and this is

<v Speaker 1>it's a universal rule that why can't you just go

<v Speaker 1>on a date and get with a guy on the

<v Speaker 1>first day you meet them. Why is it that almost

<v Speaker 1>every single time that man is probably not going to

<v Speaker 1>talk to you again? Why is that? Why is that

<v Speaker 1>if there are no rules and like things can like whatever,

<v Speaker 1>you never know what's going to happen, then why is

<v Speaker 1>that one of the things that never fails to be

<v Speaker 1>true that once you get with a guy prematurely and

<v Speaker 1>especially outside of commitment secularly, Okay, these things happen. You

<v Speaker 1>don't notice that interesting? Okay, I digress. So why is

<v Speaker 1>it that these patterns tend to repeat? Well, like I said,

<v Speaker 1>you're repeating a pattern that feels familiar and familiar somehow

<v Speaker 1>feel safe, even if it's inconsistent, even if it's draining you,

<v Speaker 1>even if it leaves you feeling anxious. God does not

<v Speaker 1>want you to feel anxious. He doesn't want you with

<v Speaker 1>a loser. He doesn't want you to constantly be having

<v Speaker 1>to worry about is does this guy really like me?

<v Speaker 1>What did he really mean when he's like he doesn't

<v Speaker 1>want you have to do that, all right, But your

<v Speaker 1>mind will choose what it recognizes over what is healthy

<v Speaker 1>every single time. So somewhere along the line, along the

<v Speaker 1>way in your experience, you probably learned love has to

<v Speaker 1>be earned. You probably learned that attention is going to

<v Speaker 1>come and go. You probably learn that you have to

<v Speaker 1>prove yourself in order to be chosen by this guy.

<v Speaker 1>And that's why you will subconsciously recreate that dynamic over

<v Speaker 1>and over again, because that's what feels normal to you.

<v Speaker 1>And this is the thing that people just simply do

<v Speaker 1>not want to accept that you don't attract what you want, No,

<v Speaker 1>you don't attract what you want. You attract but feel

<v Speaker 1>similar to you. So how do you break the pattern? Well,

<v Speaker 1>firstly you got to identify it. You got to be

<v Speaker 1>honest with yourself. And then you have to look at

<v Speaker 1>your last few situationships, relationships, friendships and say what is

<v Speaker 1>the common denominator not just in them, but also in you, mama?

<v Speaker 1>All right? And then take radical responsibility, not the blame,

<v Speaker 1>but radical responsibility. Where did I ignore something? Where did

<v Speaker 1>I overextend myself? Where did I stay longer than I

<v Speaker 1>should have? What did I tolerate that I shouldn't? Because

<v Speaker 1>this will force you to have to raise your standards

<v Speaker 1>and your boundaries even with yourself. Have boundaries also with yourself,

<v Speaker 1>because awareness without change is just always going to sabotage you.

<v Speaker 1>You know, even though you have clarity, makes no sense,

<v Speaker 1>all right. And then also change your response so it's

<v Speaker 1>not just your type. It's because people will switch the

<v Speaker 1>aesthetic with the same dynamic you're switching the aesthetic. I

<v Speaker 1>remember I thought, Okay, let me date guys that are

<v Speaker 1>like a little bit more closer to my age. But

<v Speaker 1>it was giving like different aesthetic but the same type

<v Speaker 1>of like vibe in a way okay, like you know

<v Speaker 1>what I'm talking about. And finally, you have to really

<v Speaker 1>get comfortable with leaving early. I've seen all I need

<v Speaker 1>to see. Not gonna wait until the whole ship you

<v Speaker 1>know sinks. I'm just gonna leave. I'm not villainizing you

<v Speaker 1>for it in any capacity. It just doesn't align with me.

<v Speaker 1>I'm done. This is just what I want, because otherwise

<v Speaker 1>people will beat you down and project their feelings onto

<v Speaker 1>you and have you thinking that, well, this is what

<v Speaker 1>I accept. Everyone's not gonna be perfect, and when you're

<v Speaker 1>for you, it's just basic standards. So the pattern is

<v Speaker 1>always gonna break the moment that you choose differently, even

<v Speaker 1>if it feels uncomfortable. Okay, So just recognize that you're

<v Speaker 1>attached to potential. You feel stuck, okay, but you're you're

<v Speaker 1>attached to the idea of what could be. You're attached

<v Speaker 1>to the validation that you're getting in the beginning. You're

<v Speaker 1>attached to oh my gosh, like if I don't who's

<v Speaker 1>it going to be? Like? How many you know, I

<v Speaker 1>don't know what I'm supposed to do from here? If

<v Speaker 1>it's you know, if I'm not gonna be able to

<v Speaker 1>I feel like I'm saying no to everybody. Yeah, that

<v Speaker 1>is how it feels. Okay. So your pattern, and I

<v Speaker 1>say this with love, Okay, your pattern is you know

<v Speaker 1>you're in this pattern, not because you're unlucky. You're in

<v Speaker 1>this pattern because something in you is still agreeing to it.

<v Speaker 1>That's just the truth, babe, all right. But here's the

<v Speaker 1>good news. Once you see the pattern, you cannot unsee it,

<v Speaker 1>and once you start choosing differently, well, everything is going

<v Speaker 1>to start to shift. So when you heal, that's when

<v Speaker 1>your patterns will truly change and your life will change.

<v Speaker 1>So I want you to take a moment today and

<v Speaker 1>actually sit with this, what is a pattern in my

<v Speaker 1>life right now? Because awareness is the first step to

<v Speaker 1>breaking it. So if this episode has resonated with you,

<v Speaker 1>I want you to send it to someone who keeps

<v Speaker 1>asking why does this always happen to me? And with

<v Speaker 1>that being said, do not forget that I love you

<v Speaker 1>and God loves you. I'll see beautiful angels in my

<v Speaker 1>next episode.