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All right.

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Most parents walk into court
thinking that a judge will hand

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them a really good parenting plan.

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They won't.

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And then the templates that they have
designed for us to use are ineffective.

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They're not for life.

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They're not for the gravity and
longevity of our child aging up.

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So if you don't bring a plan yourself,
you are accepting someone else's version

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of what your future should look like.

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And to me, that screams scary.

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And I've seen it for the decade that
I've been helping people, parenting

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plan after parenting plan that
comes across my desk and somebody

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says, "Sam, can you look at this?

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This is from a judge.

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This is from an attorney." They are
awful and not awful like, "Oh, let me

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sit here and fix a couple things for you.

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I can't even come close to polishing
that into anything fancy enough to use.

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It's garbage.

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Sometimes I look at the plans that
I get and I think, " How did this

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person graduate law school?" I know
somewhere in teaching them family

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law, templates and parenting plan
building was probably a class.

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Who is teaching that class in law school?

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Who is saying, "Hey guys, you as lawyers,
future lawyers, you are going to be

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building a contract that two parents
that don't like each other anymore are

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going to have to use and abide by for
probably 10, 15, 18 years at, most.

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Make it as shitty as possible.

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Make it as vague as possible.

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make it so word jargony that
you can't understand it.

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Use all the big words that you can to
where they have to have a thesaurus

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the whole time they're reading it.

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Make sure they have to call you
back to ask what things mean.

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Make sure they leave it vague enough
that they have to hire you again in

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a few years because you didn't put
in that section about the future.

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These are garbage, you guys.

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So today we're gonna go through the five
reasons why you should be bringing a plan.

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And these are obvious reasons.

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First and foremost, you
know your kids, right?

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Correct me if I'm wrong.

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You're the one that created them,
you're the one that had them, you're

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the one that brought them into the
world, and you're the one that's been

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spending the most time with them.

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A court isn't doing that.

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So why are we taking a template
from a court system that

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doesn't even know our children?

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And by know our children, I mean
no, do they have special needs?

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Do they have transition issues?

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Do they have a schedule
that's so freaking busy?

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Do they have family all over the world
that we need to consider for the holidays?

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These templates are too
generic about our children.

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They presume every child to be the
same and every child to just follow in

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line and do the exact same protocol.

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And we all know that's not true.

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Your kids are different
than your neighbor's kids.

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Your kids are different
than your sister's kids.

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Your parenting plan should reflect
your children specifically because

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that is who the parenting plan is for.

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It's for two adults to follow a
playbook in raising their children.

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This parenting plan should be
written by the parents of those

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children, not a court system that is
extremely overwhelmed and outdated.

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Number two, you know your ex
the best and your ex knows you.

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So why shouldn't you two be getting
together and/or at least sending over

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a parenting plan to each other because
you know work habits, work history,

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personalities, dos and don'ts, wants
and desires, communication issues,

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failures in communication, and also good
things that you know how to communicate.

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You know everything about
your ex, or you should because

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you are just married to them.

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So this whole concept that you're gonna
have a court system tell you how to

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engage with your ex in your parenting plan
seems a little faulty, don't you think?

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So in review, we have our kids, we
know best, we know our ex the best.

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The court system doesn't know
either one of those things.

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Now, as we move into the
third, you know your schedule.

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You know what you guys do.

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You know your work, you know what you're
gonna be doing in the future for summer.

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You know what your kids are in.

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You know where it's going.

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You know all the things about schedules.

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The court system doesn't.

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So how are they to pick what time
drop off and pickup should be?

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And that's, you're fortunate
if it includes that.

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How is the court system gonna be the one
that picks when you start daycare and

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when you pull your kids out of daycare,
after school care or before school care?

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Why are we letting a court system
determine what we do for summer?

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Is your kid staying at home, alone,
or is your kid going to a camp?

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Shouldn't that be the parents or one
parent telling the other parent what they

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wish and those two parents edit that out?

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Versus walking into a court system
and letting a court tell you what your

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schedule, not just visitation, but
holiday schedule and vacation schedule

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and all the things in the future.

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You're gonna let a court determine that
... And let's just go sidebar here real quick.

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Is the court system that you're using well
equipped with high conflict resolution?

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Do they even understand high
conflict or recognize high conflict?

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Do they even recognize that parenting
plan should grow with the children?

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Do they recognize that things are gonna
happen between you and your ex that aren't

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gonna be pretty, so there needs to be
modification or mediation built in to your

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parenting plan so that things, if they
do go haywire or something is forgotten

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about, there's a strategy or a way to
figure out how to resolve that issue?

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No.

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Most of the court systems out there
are not recognizing that parents don't

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get along and they're putting together
these very vague parenting plans.

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So this is just another reason
why you should be the one

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building your own parenting plan
and bringing it to the courts.

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Number four is you know where
the conflict is gonna happen.

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You know around every holiday things
get rough and every vacation that

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you throw out there, things happen.

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You know around school activities it
gets a little wonky and a little weird.

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So you're gonna make sure your parenting
plan has structures around those

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things, details around, and all the
ins and outs of who's responsible,

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who's accountable, who's bringing
this, who's not bringing that.

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Because this whole idea that's put into
about every single parenting plan that

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I've seen over the past decade is it'll
say something completely vague about

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parents cooperating or parents will
work together or parents will discuss.

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That's not happening.

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Parents will fight, parents will argue,
parents will bitch and moan on each other.

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That's happening because the parenting
plan doesn't say what you should be doing.

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So yet another reason why you should
be the one building it, those of

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you that are listening and you're
like, "Well, how do I do this?

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" Well, my name is Sam.

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Thanks for joining us.

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I will help you build your parenting plan.

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But if you're in discussions right now
with your attorney about this divorce,

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I would be knocking, calling, emailing,
and saying, "Hey, said attorney who

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I've probably paid thousands, if not
10 thousands of dollars to already,

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what's your parenting plan look like?

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Can I see it?

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" I'd like to look at it.

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I wanna know what's in there.

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I wanna make sure that I understand
that you're gonna cover details

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really well, that you're gonna have
times wrote in, that you're gonna

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talk about decision making more
than just one or two sentences.

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I wanna know if I'm allowed to put my
kids in sports or not down the road.

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I wanna see that said parenting
plan, because again, I'm gonna

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tell you this, you guys, this
is our little intermission here.

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For those of you listening, every single
one of you that's divorcing with children

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will end up with a parenting plan.

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Now, it might be called six different
things where you're from, but at the

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end of the day, you will get a packet
of paper telling you how you are

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allowed to parent your own children.

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How you will parent your children.

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Why in the world would we take that from a
court system who's never met our children,

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who's never been a room with our children?

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And that pad of paper from a
court system is gonna tell us

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what to do with our children.

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Make that make sense.

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It should be coming from parents.

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There needs to be more classes out there.

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I mean, I teach a class, I'm
just gonna toot my own horn

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here, on how to build this.

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My masterclass literally walks you through
what should be included, how to have these

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conversations, and what should be picked
for your future in this parenting plan.

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It is the playbook you will be following.

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Why are we letting judges and
court systems give us our own

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playbook about our children?

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And here's the really effed up part, I
think, is that the second year children

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turn 18, no one gives a shit anymore.

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No one cares what you're doing with them.

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Nobody cares if you help
them through college.

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If you give them a meal after the day
they ch- nobody cares what you're doing

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with your children after the age of 18.

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Even though they're still children,
I know this, I have adult,

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many adult children, 21 and 19.

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They're still children.

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They're still needing guidance.

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They're still needing help.

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But nobody gives a shit about them now
because they're over 18 because why?

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Sadly, and they're not worth any
money to the court system anymore.

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But this parenting plan should
have been built when I got divorced

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when they were one and three, all
the way up and at least until 18.

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And our parenting plan was
only built for preschool.

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That's it.

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So when kindergarten came and
we wanted to argue about that,

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it wasn't in our parenting plan.

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And then when we wanted to argue
about elementary school that wasn't in

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and we wanted to argue about putting
them in sports, it wasn't in there.

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We wanted to talk about medical
appointments, who was taking them.

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It wasn't in there.

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None of the details were in there
to where what did we have to do?

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We had to fight and argue because
our parenting plan that we got from

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the court system didn't include
actual practical things that were

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actually happening in our lives.

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So why are you here?

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To get your own parenting
plan put together.

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At least the brains behind
what it should include.

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So be asking that attorney, "What's
your parenting plan look like? " And

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when they say, "Oh, you know,
well, it depends on what you want.

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" Okay, well give me your knowing my case
so well since you've charged me enough,

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you should know my case real well.

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Let me see what, you put together.

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What do you have?

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' Cause I'm gonna tell you, they're
just gonna go back and pull out

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a template and hand it to you.

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They're gonna go back to their template
that says, uh, three kids local

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and they're gonna give it to you.

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And you gotta be able to look at it
using all the podcast episodes you've

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listened to and really pick this thing
apart and make it work better for you.

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But we can't presume that a court
system or a judge knows our kids, knows

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our ex, knows our future, they don't.

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And that's the last one.

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Only you know what you want your
future to look like as a single parent.

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What traditions are gonna
be important to you?

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Are you always gonna be poor?

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No.

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So you wanna build a parenting
plan that says, "You know what?

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If I'm flexible later and I have
money later, I want to be able

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to do three weeks of vacation.

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I want to be able to make more decisions.

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I want to be able to invest.

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I want to be able to help my kids
more." These parenting plans that

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are built by judges and court
systems don't allow any of that.

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They don't even talk about those things.

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And you want that parenting plan to
age up because if it doesn't, and

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it's a lot like mine that stops at
preschool what did I have to do?

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Well, I went to my ex first and said,
"Hey, can't we figure this out on our own?

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What do you think the answer was?

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" No way in hell.

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I want you to spend money back in
court, so where do we have to go?

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Back into court.

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And that's the problem for a lot of you
is that you're being sold on this idea

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that you can't bring your own plan,
that a judge won't sign off on it.

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That's your job and your attorney's job
to talk that judge into, "Hey, my client

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knows what the hell she's talking about.

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My client knows her children.

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She knows her ex. He knows
what he wants for his future.

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He knows the conflicts that are
gonna come up and he wrote a plan.

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I don't care if it's mom or dad or both.

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I'd prefer Somebody needs to be writing
down a really good plan for what a

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realistic future looks like because
I'm here to tell you those templates

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that are being passed out by judges and
court system are not realistic to what

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the problems you're gonna have in your
future, the conflicts that you're gonna

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have, and they're all written with gray
vague language that requires you to have

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to keep calling your attorney years and
years and years down the road, or if

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you can't afford that, you're constantly
giving in to your high conflict ex who's

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running the show because they know you're
broken, you won't go to your attorney.

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That's the life that a lot
of you will end up living.

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If you do not build this parenting
plan from your perspective, knowing

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that you're the smart parent, you're
the capable parent, you will be

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equal, you'll be fair, you'll be
reasonable with your circumstance.

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Now, when I say that, I
did not say fifty fifty.

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If that works for you, great.

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But you giving the realistic expectation
of what the other parent can give, that's

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what you'll put into the parenting plan.

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And I hate to burst everybody's
bubble, but there's more to a parenting

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plan than a visitation schedule.

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And so many people get amped up, "Well,
not gonna write a parenting plan for

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fifty fifty because they'll never sign it.

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Okay, that's one component.

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There are so many other components to
be including in your parenting plan.

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And a lot of you forget all
about it because you're so

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honed into the visitation.

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And decision making, I think, just to give
you a little bit of tea right there is the

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second one that you should be focused on.

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So again, we have all these reasons
why we don't want a court system or a

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judge being the one that does our case.

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A judge sees you for minutes
in comparison to your lifetime.

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And these templates that they're using
are handed out to hundreds upon thousands

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of families and they're not working.

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I see them.

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They suck.

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They are horrible, but yet you are the one
that will have to live this for years, not

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the judges, not the attorneys, but you.

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All because someone told you
for five seconds, "Oh, you

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can't bring your own plan.

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Oh, let me do that.

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Oh, the court will give you one.

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Oh, the judges will award that.

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" No, you push back and you say,
"No, I think I know my kids best.

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I think him and I, even though we
don't like each other, we should

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be the authors to our future, not a
court system and not a judge." So stop

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thinking that this family court system
is out to protect you because it's not.

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It's a billion dollar industry.

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When I say billion, we're talking 10,
15 billion dollar industry for a reason.

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You keep coming back because they keep
handing out shitty parenting plans.

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So start thinking about how to protect
your future by writing it and preparing

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it, not controlling, but writing it
yourself to where you know you have

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something that can stick and work for
years to come, not just for five seconds.

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So be smart about it.

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If you're walking into mediation or
court without a parenting plan, you

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are essentially handing over money
and you are essentially handing over

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future litigation as a possibility.

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If you want a parenting plan that actually
reflects your kids, your future, all the

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things, you have to create it yourself.

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So if you're too intimidated by
writing it yourself, let my team.

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If you just wanna learn a little bit
more about what does go into a parenting

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plan, then grab the masterclass.

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But either way, you're set.

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Either way, you're ahead of many parents
who just go, "Well, I hired an attorney

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and they said they'd take care of it.

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They said I can't bring a plan.

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They said a judge will only sign
their own." Don't buy into that.

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Find an attorney that will support you.

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Find an attorney that wants you to be
the author to your own future with your

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children, and don't settle until you do.