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held up my hand to show the ring
and said we were getting married.

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Silence.

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No congratulations, nothing, just
everyone sitting there staring at us.

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I just stood there awkwardly until his
mom finally said, " Well, are you gonna

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show us the ring?" So I sat down and
showed her and his sister the ring.

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His sister kind of grimaced
and said, "It's pretty?"

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like it was a question.

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Hi, guys.

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Welcome back to another episode
of Here Comes the Drama.

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00:00:28,516 --> 00:00:32,220
I'm your host, Christa Innis, and
thank you for being here, especially

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if you're a longtime listener.

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00:00:33,630 --> 00:00:37,241
If it's your first time, I'm excited
for what we have in store for you.

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00:00:37,493 --> 00:00:42,713
I'm always working at making this podcast
better and more enjoyable, so if as you're

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00:00:42,713 --> 00:00:46,695
listening, you ever have feedback or
you have suggestions, please send them

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over to me at hello@christainnis.com.

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Always interested to hear what you
guys have to say, especially if

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you've been listening for a while.

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You know my content.

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You know me.

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Happy to hear it.

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So starting off this week, I wanna
read a recent review of the podcast.

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It says, "Christa, please don't
do a I'm just a to yourself.

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I'm old enough to be your mom, and let
me tell you, everything you're doing is

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important to someone, most of all you.

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Allowing yourself a little slower
pace with small kids is okay too.

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Don't worry, we listeners will all be
here." Okay, I have to say that that

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message, review brought tears to my
eyes, because, I think she's probably

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replying to a couple weeks back,
I posted about kind of struggling.

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There was a lot going on.

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I struggle with a lot of,
giving myself time to slow down.

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I feel like I always have to
be doing something in order

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to be, valuable sometimes.

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I don't know where that comes
from, but, like, I hate resting.

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I hate taking time off.

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But one of the really awesome things
about being a toddler mom is allowing

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myself that time to be with her, and,
I constantly feel this push and pull.

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But it's also just fun to allow
myself to be more present with her.

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and my husband and I have a pretty
good, like, schedule down of, like,

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when, you know, he's with her and
takes her somewhere, and when I'm

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with her, I take her somewhere,
and then we have family time.

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But I was just really feeling it a few
weeks back when I was recording, or a

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few months back when I was recording.

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So, I just wanna say thank you to
everybody for all the kind messages.

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I'm a very go, go, go type person.

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I love check boxes.

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I love accomplishing things.

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But those downtime moments and the
moments with my family just really mean

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the most to me, and so seeing those
messages was just, like, reminding

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myself that, I'm helping people, and
I'm also, like, sharing entertainment.

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and it's really important to be,
present when I can and also take breaks.

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So thank you for those
really, really kind messages.

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so in regards and in relation to all of
that, on the podcast, I like to remind

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myself, like- We made a change probably
about a year after doing the podcast.

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I, of course, love reading the shocking
submissions,  the story submissions

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from you guys because, I mean, that's
what kind of started this whole

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thing, these wild wedding stories.

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00:03:03,929 --> 00:03:05,869
kind of just talking through
them of, like, what should

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you do in this situation?

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How should this have
been handled differently?

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Or when is it appropriate to maybe
distance yourself from someone

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or, stand up for yourself, right?

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And with that, we kind of started
adding in more conversations around

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all kinds of things, whether that's
relationships, the mental load.

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We've talked about, therapy,
self-love, um, education system.

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Like, literally there's
no box keeping us in.

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We kind of talk about all kinds
of things with people on the show.

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So for today's episode, I want to do
something a little bit different and

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replay some of my most favorite lessons
from, some guests we've had on the show.

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So we have Brianna, we have
Paige O'Connell, we have Janelle

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Rydel, and Colleen Bogert.

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just some important things that
we talked about with them, as well

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as the stories that we reacted.

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They have just a great way with words.

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and these were podcasts that
I listened to back afterwards,

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and I was just like, " Whoa."

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Like, I took something away from it.

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Especially Brianna, she was more
recent, so I think that's why it's just,

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like, in my head a little bit more.

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I felt like it was a
full-on therapy session.

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I was going through kind of like
a challenging time with my toddler

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when I recorded that one, and
she gave such helpful advice.

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so we're gonna replay that, but
please stick around at the very

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end because I will be reacting
to a brand-new story submission.

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so I was pregnant in grad school.

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I had to do like my internship as a
therapist, like while I was pregnant.

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I also looked very, very young at
that point because I was like 23.

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I was a baby and I looked like a baby.

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So that threw another thing
that I was like, I already feel

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young seeing these clients.

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I dunno what the heck I'm doing.

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I'm pregnant.

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What is happening?

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So it was like kind of a crazy
time, but it all worked out.

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I had, our first.

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Son and then graduated three
days after that in grad school.

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Oh my gosh.

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It was crazy.

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And then a month before he was
born, we like moved into our house.

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So it all, worked out.

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But all that to say we were at
very different points in our

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life when we had our first baby.

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and while I think like in comparison to
a lot of like maybe evangelical people,

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we were a little bit more progressive.

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We still were on the conservative side.

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so I would say that's been one of
the biggest changes is my viewpoints

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from when I was a new mom till
now, just have changed a lot.

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and even just like becoming a
mom, knowing how hard it is.

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and like, wonderful of course.

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But I'm like, I really think you wanna
be able to choose this, you know?

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because there are hard days where
even if you wanted it, you're like.

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I wanna run away for a day, right?

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So I think everyone
should have that choice.

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So I think that's been super, super
impactful on me, is just seeing

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how hard it is even with all of
like the resources and support I

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have and not everyone has that.

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so I started, a therapist and I've,
always worked part-time 'cause we've

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always had a baby or toddler or both
at home and childcare is so expensive.

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So I opened my private
practice, did all of that.

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but I think as my political leanings
became more progressive, that

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really helped me as a therapist.

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there was never anyone I would've like
turned away as a client or anything.

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But I think at the beginning there
were times where I felt kind of like,

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I really don't know how to approach
this person because I haven't maybe

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interacted with a person from this
like, walk of life or this anything just

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different than what I had experienced.

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So I think it's helped me a lot as a
therapist to, It feels like now everything

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aligns really well, which is nice.

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Like I feel confident in who
I am as therapist and a mom.

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And it's just like, as a person, it
feels like it's all in alignment.

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but raising all boys is, it's really fun.

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And my boys are like very good.

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They're very good kids.

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Like my mom loves to remind me.

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She's like, you know, your
kids are like so good and easy.

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And I'm like, well, they're good,
but you know What kid is easy mom?

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they're very sweet kids.

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and you know, normal sibling
stuff, but they're very sweet.

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But I think one of the biggest things
is realizing that looking around the

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world, like a lot of the things that have
happened in our world and our country

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are because of powerful men usually
that are not using that power for good.

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And so I tell my boys
a lot, like, I'm like.

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Listen, it's not fair and it's
not right, but you are going to be

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afforded privileges that other people
aren't your boys and you're white.

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And that unfortunately is gonna put you
in a position even if you didn't earn it.

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So you have to do
something good with that.

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They are exposed to all different
types of people, different

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languages, different cultures.

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Like to them it's very much more
normal than it was for me at that age.

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And I think that helps a ton.

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Mm-hmm.

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but we really try to like
just be open with emotions

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and like, it's okay to be sad.

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being a boy doesn't mean you can't cry or.

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Like one of my kids, I won't say
which one, but he gets made fun

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of because he really likes pink.

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So silly.

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But still, still, which I was
like very shocked by that.

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people are mean to him at school
sometimes, I am thankful that like

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we've had conversations where he
most of the time feels confident

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that he's like, who cares?

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like what I like, girls can
like blue, I can like pink.

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But I think sometimes we forget as
much, progress as we've made as a

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society is that there are still a lot
of like stereotypes and, pushback.

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and obviously girls deal with, so much,
but I'm on the boy end of the spectrum,

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so I'm like, okay, I wanna just make sure
that we all the masculinity that we're

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modeling to you is not the toxic kind.

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Yeah.

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So we're trying our best.

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Yeah.

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It's so important with this
next generation, and I feel

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like that is something that I am
noticing with millennial parents

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that we are, it's very general.

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It's a very general thing,

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but we're trying to be
more intentional, I think.

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and this is not what you're saying,
just to, just to be clear, what

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I'm about to say is I think that
sometimes people feel judged by like.

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Millennial parents that were like,
oh, we're trying to do these things.

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And they're like, well, we tried our best.

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And I agree.

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But I think if you just trace, and this
is obviously painting with a really big

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paintbrush here, but if you just trace
back the generations of parents, I think

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most parents did the best they could,
but they were given very limited tools.

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Yeah.

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To do what they could in their
parenting like, my parents,

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I am not critical of them.

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They did the best they could, but they
were raised by parents who weren't even

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ever allowed to say how they felt ever.

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Mm-hmm.

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So when I had big emotions and maybe
I got, you know, sent to my room a lot

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or whatever, was that the best option?

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No, probably not.

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But the fact that I could say
how I felt that was progress.

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Right.

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So I think that it's
culminating more and more and.

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What's, what I think is really interesting
too is like millennials are the only,

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00:09:20,286 --> 00:09:25,100
thus far, the only generation that is
not becoming more conservative with age.

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And I think that translates to
our parenting that we're like, we

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will let you have these feelings.

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Like it's not just children need
to like be seen and not heard or

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whatever the thing is, so I think
it's all kind of coming together.

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the hard part is I think because
millennials are so in touch with this,

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we're always so worried about like, oh
my gosh, we're traumatizing our kids

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and we probably are like, we are okay.

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We are your kids gonna meet
their, we're learning something.

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00:09:46,434 --> 00:09:50,415
But I think the fact that you just said
that we're learning that is different

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than again, broad strokes, many previous
generations of parents, is that there

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00:09:55,989 --> 00:09:58,269
wasn't the openness to say I was wrong.

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And I think if we can start
from that place of like.

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00:10:00,647 --> 00:10:02,722
We are also learning to be parents.

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We're learning you individual, each
individual child, what you need.

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Then at least in the future, it's
not hopefully that our kids will just

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00:10:09,958 --> 00:10:11,355
hold it against us for our mistakes.

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00:10:11,522 --> 00:10:14,809
we get that you've always been
open and so that matters a lot.

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It matters a lot.

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00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:19,103
that was so well said because
I've had similar conversations

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00:10:19,103 --> 00:10:20,333
before with people about that.

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00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:24,984
It's just like coming up a parent myself
too has given me more sympathy for like

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00:10:25,110 --> 00:10:26,544
my parents and other generations too.

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00:10:26,544 --> 00:10:28,014
Because you made a great point.

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00:10:28,014 --> 00:10:30,734
Like even talking to my dad about
his parents' generation and his

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00:10:30,734 --> 00:10:32,617
grandparents, like it was so different.

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Yeah.

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It's like, so they kind of took those
tools and made it better and they

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00:10:35,887 --> 00:10:37,327
took those tools and made it better.

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00:10:37,602 --> 00:10:40,459
because yeah, like my, I remember my
dad being like, not to get too personal,

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00:10:40,459 --> 00:10:42,336
I don't share a lot of personal
stuff, you couldn't even like crack a

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00:10:42,336 --> 00:10:43,956
joke at the dinner table growing up.

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Like it was serious.

229
00:10:45,036 --> 00:10:45,906
Like you sit down.

230
00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:46,378
Yeah.

231
00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:47,758
We're not, if you like burp at the table.

232
00:10:48,393 --> 00:10:48,838
Yeah, yeah.

233
00:10:48,838 --> 00:10:51,388
If you burped or anything,
you were like punished.

234
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,018
You were off.

235
00:10:52,078 --> 00:10:52,403
Right, right.

236
00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:55,588
And so my dad's like, I never wanna
be that way with you guys 'cause like.

237
00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:58,059
Dinner should be follow, we should
be hanging out, you know, whatever.

238
00:10:58,207 --> 00:11:00,356
And so, just hearing them talk about that.

239
00:11:00,356 --> 00:11:02,606
I feel like we're always trying
to like see what our parents

240
00:11:02,606 --> 00:11:03,506
did and how we could be better.

241
00:11:03,506 --> 00:11:06,992
Not saying they were bad, just
saying, how can we take that

242
00:11:06,992 --> 00:11:08,642
and then apply those tools?

243
00:11:09,048 --> 00:11:09,461
exactly.

244
00:11:09,521 --> 00:11:11,081
I think that's what
everyone's trying to do.

245
00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:14,231
And that's, you know, that's the
goal in general, not just parenting.

246
00:11:14,231 --> 00:11:14,561
Right.

247
00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:15,461
But I think.

248
00:11:15,669 --> 00:11:18,146
Sometimes it can be hard 'cause
it feels like, other generations

249
00:11:18,146 --> 00:11:20,426
feel like, oh, like you're,
you guys are being so critical.

250
00:11:20,529 --> 00:11:24,400
And I think the criticism doesn't have to,
I mean, sometimes it is warranted if, you

251
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,570
know, it's like a really negative thing.

252
00:11:25,570 --> 00:11:29,639
But I think we can look and just say,
we know more now we have more resource.

253
00:11:29,669 --> 00:11:32,885
Like our generation of parents has
so many resources, which can be

254
00:11:32,885 --> 00:11:36,944
overwhelming, but like my mom couldn't
hop on Google and look and say like, what

255
00:11:36,944 --> 00:11:38,354
the heck do I do when my kid does this?

256
00:11:38,354 --> 00:11:42,742
Or like, she didn't have the community
besides her next door neighbors to,

257
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:46,040
figure out like, what happens when my
kid comes home and, says this thing.

258
00:11:46,261 --> 00:11:50,783
and while sometimes I envy that, I
think we just have more resources now.

259
00:11:50,783 --> 00:11:54,443
And so we're just trying to utilize
those and yeah, it's not everyone

260
00:11:54,473 --> 00:11:56,303
before us was bad by any means.

261
00:11:56,303 --> 00:11:59,003
I think it's just like we
would hope our kids become even

262
00:11:59,063 --> 00:12:00,203
better parents than we are.

263
00:12:00,323 --> 00:12:00,683
Right?

264
00:12:00,683 --> 00:12:00,693
Yeah.

265
00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:00,948
So,

266
00:12:01,403 --> 00:12:01,823
yeah.

267
00:12:01,983 --> 00:12:02,297
I know.

268
00:12:02,297 --> 00:12:02,447
Yeah.

269
00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:04,937
It's funny you said about like, too,
like talking to your kids and you're

270
00:12:04,937 --> 00:12:08,674
like, what am I doing right now to, you
know, 'cause like, already overthinker

271
00:12:08,674 --> 00:12:12,424
and then being like a parent, I'll be
like, I see myself in her sometimes

272
00:12:12,424 --> 00:12:13,924
and I'll be like, oh my gosh.

273
00:12:13,956 --> 00:12:15,598
and I'll be like, I'm
sorry I said it that way.

274
00:12:15,598 --> 00:12:16,828
And I'm like, I should say it like this.

275
00:12:16,828 --> 00:12:19,802
Or like, I dunno if you've ever seen
that S one L skit, think, I think it's

276
00:12:19,802 --> 00:12:24,152
Kristen Stewart and she's like trying
to compliment a kid other than like,

277
00:12:24,182 --> 00:12:25,532
oh, you look pretty in that dress.

278
00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:27,335
you're so smart.

279
00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:30,930
I try to like correct myself because I'll
be like, you're such a pretty princess.

280
00:12:30,930 --> 00:12:32,123
And I'm like, you, you're like,

281
00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:34,643
wait, no, but that's not the
only thing good about you.

282
00:12:34,643 --> 00:12:35,213
I know

283
00:12:35,218 --> 00:12:35,508
your brain.

284
00:12:35,508 --> 00:12:35,988
It's so hard.

285
00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:36,008
Your brain.

286
00:12:36,353 --> 00:12:36,833
Yes.

287
00:12:37,013 --> 00:12:39,743
Well, and I feel like for a while,
and there's obviously, there's nothing

288
00:12:39,743 --> 00:12:43,193
wrong with that, but I think for a
while the pendulum kind of swung so far.

289
00:12:43,193 --> 00:12:47,123
The other way that it felt like if you
praised your kids at all, it was negative.

290
00:12:47,153 --> 00:12:49,553
Like they were like, no, 'cause they
have to have like the growth mindset.

291
00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:50,988
All of that is true.

292
00:12:51,211 --> 00:12:52,998
But I think if you are.

293
00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:53,671
Which you are.

294
00:12:53,671 --> 00:12:56,761
I can just tell, even from talking to
you, if you're raising your kids and

295
00:12:56,761 --> 00:12:59,371
looking at them holistically, like
you're, they're an entire person,

296
00:12:59,484 --> 00:13:02,930
it's fine to tell your daughter, oh my
gosh, you're such a pretty princess.

297
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:03,710
Fine.

298
00:13:03,792 --> 00:13:07,392
But I think what happened with in some
people's, you know, childhoods, or

299
00:13:07,392 --> 00:13:11,065
especially like years and years ago,
decades ago, is that that was like the

300
00:13:11,065 --> 00:13:14,712
only thing that girls were praised for,
or, you know, eldest daughter syndrome.

301
00:13:14,712 --> 00:13:17,125
You only were like, you did well.

302
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:18,475
And so we praised your accomplishments.

303
00:13:18,475 --> 00:13:19,585
And so that's it.

304
00:13:19,615 --> 00:13:23,459
And I think if you're being
intentional, it's, it's pretty easy

305
00:13:23,459 --> 00:13:26,333
if you're just treating your kid
like a person, that you're gonna

306
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:27,563
recognize all those parts of them.

307
00:13:27,638 --> 00:13:28,058
But Right.

308
00:13:28,163 --> 00:13:30,293
But I get, you're like, oh
wait, that's bad, right?

309
00:13:30,293 --> 00:13:31,763
Did I just harm you for life?

310
00:13:31,763 --> 00:13:33,023
Are you gonna go to
therapy for this one day?

311
00:13:33,023 --> 00:13:33,113
Right.

312
00:13:34,493 --> 00:13:35,423
Disney movies or something.

313
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:38,373
And I'm like, I learned about Disney
movies, and I'm like, she had Stockholm

314
00:13:38,373 --> 00:13:40,023
Syndrome because he wants her up.

315
00:13:40,228 --> 00:13:41,283
So we'll watch Between the Beast.

316
00:13:41,283 --> 00:13:43,815
I'm like, yeah, it's a great movie,
but remember if a man acts this

317
00:13:43,815 --> 00:13:45,195
way towards you, that's not normal.

318
00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:46,672
It is not for real life.

319
00:13:46,672 --> 00:13:50,245
Well, and the thing that I tell my clients
and myself, honestly all the time, is

320
00:13:50,245 --> 00:13:54,445
that I get like with the awareness of
knowing how everyone, or like our kids

321
00:13:54,445 --> 00:13:57,732
are impacted by our behavior, we get
really worried about what's happening

322
00:13:57,732 --> 00:14:01,028
and we think sometimes it's like, oh no,
I yelled at my kid, or I said something

323
00:14:01,028 --> 00:14:03,125
wrong, or this is what I'm guilty of.

324
00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:06,362
Sometimes I send my kids to their
room and I'm like, oh, I probably

325
00:14:06,362 --> 00:14:09,032
should have talked to them, but I
got dysregulated in that moment.

326
00:14:09,032 --> 00:14:10,142
I like couldn't handle it.

327
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,188
and what I tell people is that when
that happens, when there's some sort

328
00:14:13,188 --> 00:14:16,015
of like, rupture of the connection,
that's what they call it in, like

329
00:14:16,015 --> 00:14:17,155
the relationship, there's a rupture.

330
00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:18,655
So it could be like yelling at your kid.

331
00:14:18,655 --> 00:14:21,688
It could be, not noticing
their bid for attention.

332
00:14:21,688 --> 00:14:24,538
It could be sending 'em through their room
when it should have been a conversation.

333
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,935
That part feels bad.

334
00:14:25,935 --> 00:14:27,615
And that's where we kind of
get stuck sometimes, right?

335
00:14:27,615 --> 00:14:29,175
We're like, oh my God, what did I just do?

336
00:14:29,175 --> 00:14:30,555
They're gonna carry
this with them forever.

337
00:14:30,872 --> 00:14:34,172
but what's actually more important, and
they're like a ton of different studies on

338
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:38,002
this, I won't get into all of it, what's
more important is the repair afterwards.

339
00:14:38,228 --> 00:14:41,645
And they've done all these different
research studies showing even with

340
00:14:41,645 --> 00:14:44,515
babies that it's like with a baby, it
looks like they're trying to get your

341
00:14:44,515 --> 00:14:45,775
attention and you're not paying attention.

342
00:14:45,775 --> 00:14:46,915
And they're like, what's going on?

343
00:14:46,915 --> 00:14:48,295
They'll pick up what on it quickly.

344
00:14:48,663 --> 00:14:50,125
What's more important is the repair.

345
00:14:50,186 --> 00:14:51,925
So it's connection basically.

346
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:54,442
So when you know you have that
moment with your daughter and you're

347
00:14:54,442 --> 00:14:55,462
like, I shouldn't have said that.

348
00:14:55,552 --> 00:15:00,422
The part that you went, go to her and
you, correct what you said, or you say,

349
00:15:00,422 --> 00:15:02,032
you know, for me it's usually like.

350
00:15:02,282 --> 00:15:03,482
I probably shouldn't have
sent you to your room.

351
00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,582
I should have talked to
you and I was overwhelmed.

352
00:15:05,852 --> 00:15:09,446
that part is the part that like
lasts in their brain and that's

353
00:15:09,446 --> 00:15:12,126
what like the neurons in their
brain are like, okay, this is okay

354
00:15:12,126 --> 00:15:13,956
now the relationship is okay now.

355
00:15:14,016 --> 00:15:18,079
And I think where some parents in
the past have maybe stopped is there,

356
00:15:18,139 --> 00:15:19,279
is they're like, oh, that feels bad.

357
00:15:19,279 --> 00:15:20,389
I don't wanna revisit it.

358
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:24,179
So they don't, and then the repair
never happens, if that makes sense.

359
00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:24,534
No,

360
00:15:24,534 --> 00:15:24,894
that was like,

361
00:15:25,069 --> 00:15:25,229
powerful.

362
00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:25,614
I know.

363
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:28,794
When I heard it for the first time, I was
like, oh, that's so, I mean, I think it's

364
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:32,791
so encouraging because we're trying our
best, but we're also only human and we're

365
00:15:32,791 --> 00:15:36,031
bringing, just like our parents brought
their stuff, we're bringing our stuff.

366
00:15:36,192 --> 00:15:40,175
when my kid freaks out and screams
is just being a kid is overwhelmed

367
00:15:40,175 --> 00:15:41,465
and I wanna shut them in their room.

368
00:15:41,676 --> 00:15:44,696
This is, maybe this is too
personal, but I'm like, I know that

369
00:15:44,696 --> 00:15:46,016
as a kid and I love my parents.

370
00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:48,056
If my parents watch this,
love you guys, you're great.

371
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:50,846
But, and they will
admit that they did not.

372
00:15:51,062 --> 00:15:52,462
Let me have those big emotions.

373
00:15:52,492 --> 00:15:54,532
So it's very hard for me to
sit with my kids when they're

374
00:15:54,532 --> 00:15:55,402
having those big emotions.

375
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:57,052
'cause someone didn't do
that for me at that age.

376
00:15:57,327 --> 00:15:57,382
Yeah.

377
00:15:57,412 --> 00:16:01,102
So I think you have to go, okay,
I'm getting triggered as a parent

378
00:16:01,312 --> 00:16:04,696
and now I just need to do the repair
I remember there was a moment you

379
00:16:04,696 --> 00:16:07,096
just said the same thing with about
your husband and your daughter.

380
00:16:07,372 --> 00:16:11,347
There was a moment where my husband,
he like was talking to one of my sons

381
00:16:11,769 --> 00:16:15,277
and my son was like, you know, really
nervous to like, tell something.

382
00:16:15,277 --> 00:16:15,997
It was like, no big deal.

383
00:16:15,997 --> 00:16:18,757
They're really little, but they
were like really nervous and he was

384
00:16:18,757 --> 00:16:23,137
like, there's literally nothing that
you could tell me that's not gonna

385
00:16:23,137 --> 00:16:24,637
make me love and care about you.

386
00:16:24,637 --> 00:16:27,059
And, there's no mistake that you
can make that's like too big.

387
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:30,429
And I'm in the corner
like choking, sobbing.

388
00:16:30,661 --> 00:16:31,719
And my husband's like, are you okay?

389
00:16:31,719 --> 00:16:32,139
And I'm like.

390
00:16:32,313 --> 00:16:33,539
Listen, I had an amazing dad.

391
00:16:33,599 --> 00:16:35,279
Like my dad is like, great.

392
00:16:35,334 --> 00:16:38,185
But I think when you witness
your partner doing that with

393
00:16:38,185 --> 00:16:40,465
your child, it's like, oh my God.

394
00:16:40,465 --> 00:16:43,487
I just know you just planted
such a good seed in your kid.

395
00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:43,877
So

396
00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:45,919
You like take those snapshot snapshots.

397
00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:46,279
Yes.

398
00:16:46,369 --> 00:16:46,999
And you're like, ah.

399
00:16:47,329 --> 00:16:48,919
You're like, oh, this is like core memory.

400
00:16:48,919 --> 00:16:49,579
Like in that movie.

401
00:16:49,579 --> 00:16:52,729
It's like that just got captured
and that just planted the seed of

402
00:16:52,729 --> 00:16:55,865
like acceptance in your kid and it's
like, it's really nice to watch.

403
00:16:56,225 --> 00:16:56,525
Yeah.

404
00:16:56,955 --> 00:17:00,239
And I flash forward to like the future
and I'm like, you have such a good dad

405
00:17:00,239 --> 00:17:03,359
that's gonna like, talk you up about
your emotions or like what's going

406
00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:06,152
on at school, who are your friend,
you know, like that kind of stuff.

407
00:17:06,452 --> 00:17:06,962
That's possible.

408
00:17:07,772 --> 00:17:08,162
Totally.

409
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:08,852
I love that.

410
00:17:08,852 --> 00:17:11,282
I feel like we just had a therapy
session, so thank you for that.

411
00:17:11,282 --> 00:17:11,342
I

412
00:17:11,582 --> 00:17:12,152
can't help it.

413
00:17:12,152 --> 00:17:12,692
I can't help it.

414
00:17:13,082 --> 00:17:14,132
No, I loved it.

415
00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:14,822
I loved it.

416
00:17:14,822 --> 00:17:17,672
I feel like I'm gonna really
remember those repair moments..

417
00:17:17,807 --> 00:17:20,023
I would say the thing that
most people know me for is.

418
00:17:20,033 --> 00:17:23,543
Speaking about the mental load
specifically as it relates to motherhood,

419
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,403
but I speak about it in general as well.

420
00:17:25,408 --> 00:17:25,598
Mm-hmm.

421
00:17:25,658 --> 00:17:25,778
And.

422
00:17:26,377 --> 00:17:32,133
My goal with that conversation is to help
women articulate what's happening in their

423
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:36,949
lives so they can better, process that
with their partner, find equity at home,

424
00:17:36,949 --> 00:17:38,329
and hopefully in the workplace as well.

425
00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:41,719
And as part of that mission, I
also talk about systemic things

426
00:17:41,719 --> 00:17:44,419
like lack of pay, parental leave,
lack of affordable childcare.

427
00:17:44,634 --> 00:17:46,228
the motherhood penalty in the workplace.

428
00:17:46,228 --> 00:17:50,631
So my overarching goal is to
help women advocate for gender

429
00:17:50,631 --> 00:17:52,221
equity in all facets of life.

430
00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:55,871
So not, being the default
parent by default, right?

431
00:17:55,871 --> 00:17:59,534
All of these things that I think as a
society have been very normal for very

432
00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:03,254
long, but are leading women to feel burnt
out and exhausted, and I do that through.

433
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:06,603
Sharing my own experience, but
also just thought leadership

434
00:18:06,603 --> 00:18:07,803
on these topics in general.

435
00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:08,713
Yeah, I love that.

436
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:12,220
It's so powerful and it's funny, I
mention it time and time again, but

437
00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:16,630
like before doing all of this, I worked
for a mommy brand and ironically it

438
00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:20,857
was before I had my daughter and but
with that, it was, I heard firsthand

439
00:18:20,857 --> 00:18:24,097
stories from moms, like struggling to
go back to work, having to go back to

440
00:18:24,097 --> 00:18:26,883
work after six weeks or unpaid leave.

441
00:18:26,883 --> 00:18:30,890
And when I started kinda like digging
into it, I was like, this is outrageous.

442
00:18:30,890 --> 00:18:33,727
Like it's, we're in a country
where they want us to have more

443
00:18:33,727 --> 00:18:37,680
kids, but then there's no support
when you do have those kids.

444
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,946
so what do you think are the biggest like.

445
00:18:39,946 --> 00:18:40,851
Things like work.

446
00:18:40,851 --> 00:18:42,441
I mean, workplaces is one thing.

447
00:18:42,471 --> 00:18:43,634
what can workplaces do?

448
00:18:43,634 --> 00:18:47,474
What can we do as a society to kind of
like raise awareness to all this stuff?

449
00:18:47,977 --> 00:18:50,617
I think talking about it first
and foremost is really important,

450
00:18:50,617 --> 00:18:51,697
bringing these topics up.

451
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,217
You know, the things I've mentioned,
childcare, paid parental leave.

452
00:18:54,453 --> 00:18:58,454
We often view these as women's issues,
when in reality they're a family issue.

453
00:18:58,484 --> 00:19:02,114
They should be impacting anyone who
is a parent, not just women, but women

454
00:19:02,366 --> 00:19:05,007
are the ones that disproportionately
take on this work, right?

455
00:19:05,007 --> 00:19:06,592
So if there's no
childcare, who stays home.

456
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:07,962
Typically mom

457
00:19:07,962 --> 00:19:08,802
who adjust their career,

458
00:19:08,802 --> 00:19:09,552
typically mom,

459
00:19:09,552 --> 00:19:09,792
right?

460
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:12,249
And so that's just a societal expectation.

461
00:19:12,249 --> 00:19:14,349
And then sometimes people will
point to the fact that, well,

462
00:19:14,349 --> 00:19:15,639
oh, the husband makes more money.

463
00:19:15,639 --> 00:19:17,759
And that just points the wage gap, right?

464
00:19:17,759 --> 00:19:20,282
It's just like, it's this kinda
like chicken and egg thing, right?

465
00:19:20,282 --> 00:19:22,742
We're struggling at home, we're
struggling in the workplace, and

466
00:19:22,933 --> 00:19:24,386
they're really tied together.

467
00:19:24,386 --> 00:19:25,911
And so I think on an individual level.

468
00:19:26,554 --> 00:19:28,114
I like to tell people
this is not a failure.

469
00:19:28,144 --> 00:19:31,361
Like if you've ended up in a position
where you're burnt out and exhausted

470
00:19:31,361 --> 00:19:34,817
and you're struggling with the mental
load and your career has taken a hit due

471
00:19:34,817 --> 00:19:37,007
to childcare or whatever it might be.

472
00:19:37,269 --> 00:19:38,061
You're not alone in that.

473
00:19:38,061 --> 00:19:41,241
That's not a personal failure, that's
a systemic failure across the board.

474
00:19:41,524 --> 00:19:45,674
But also there's certain things that
are within our control that we can do.

475
00:19:45,734 --> 00:19:49,514
And so we can't fix all the systems
at one time, but we can do some

476
00:19:49,514 --> 00:19:53,137
things, which is, for example, if your
husband has access to paid parental

477
00:19:53,137 --> 00:19:54,737
leave, he should be taking it.

478
00:19:54,947 --> 00:19:55,037
Mm-hmm.

479
00:19:55,157 --> 00:19:56,327
So many men don't.

480
00:19:56,481 --> 00:19:59,827
So many men have access and they
don't take it, and they don't take it.

481
00:20:00,044 --> 00:20:03,116
Because they're afraid it's gonna
hurt their career, which ultimately

482
00:20:03,116 --> 00:20:05,696
just hurts women's careers more
and hurts their partners and

483
00:20:05,696 --> 00:20:07,016
their baby and all of the things.

484
00:20:07,252 --> 00:20:09,189
And so, we need men to be doing that.

485
00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:12,291
We need, policies that support
parents in the workplace.

486
00:20:12,291 --> 00:20:16,051
So adequate sick time, adequate
paid leave, flexible work schedules.

487
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,488
we need to stop these return
to office mandates that

488
00:20:18,488 --> 00:20:19,778
disproportionately impact women, right?

489
00:20:19,783 --> 00:20:22,561
Like there's all these things,
but also within our homes.

490
00:20:22,771 --> 00:20:26,521
One of the reasons I suggest paid parental
leave not suggest I strongly encourage,

491
00:20:26,521 --> 00:20:30,831
is because when men take it, they're more
likely to carry that mental load with

492
00:20:30,831 --> 00:20:32,652
their partner from the beginning and.

493
00:20:33,206 --> 00:20:36,331
The mental load disparity happens
very, very early on, typically

494
00:20:36,331 --> 00:20:37,531
even before you have kids.

495
00:20:37,531 --> 00:20:40,251
I think about, when my husband and I were
in our twenties and we were going to a

496
00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:44,167
million weddings, I always bought the
gift and the card and booked the hotel

497
00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:49,707
and coordinated all the things, and he was
there, but I was coordinating it, right?

498
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:51,177
Like I carried that mental load.

499
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:55,616
It wasn't super heavy until we had
kids, and so being aware of these

500
00:20:55,616 --> 00:20:59,399
dynamics in advance and talking about
them with your partner, putting systems

501
00:20:59,399 --> 00:21:02,669
in place to avoid one person carrying
too much, that's something we can

502
00:21:02,669 --> 00:21:04,179
do, and there's tools to do that.

503
00:21:04,779 --> 00:21:05,469
I love that.

504
00:21:05,704 --> 00:21:05,922
Yeah.

505
00:21:05,922 --> 00:21:07,662
I feel like it's such an
important conversation

506
00:21:07,662 --> 00:21:11,116
that a lot of families either don't
have or don't know they should or

507
00:21:11,116 --> 00:21:14,916
can have them because it's just,
that's the way it was when I grew up.

508
00:21:14,916 --> 00:21:17,113
Or my dad went to work, my mom was home.

509
00:21:17,113 --> 00:21:19,539
So I just thought that's how it went.

510
00:21:19,729 --> 00:21:24,198
and I think, like I said, with working at
the mom brand, I was able to see like, ah.

511
00:21:24,439 --> 00:21:27,213
I don't want that when I go
through postpartum, I need my part.

512
00:21:27,213 --> 00:21:29,549
It was like, have your partner
support you, get your partner

513
00:21:29,549 --> 00:21:30,809
involved in the process.

514
00:21:30,997 --> 00:21:33,893
Because so many women would like
tell me like, oh, my husband wasn't

515
00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,063
even in the room when I gave birth.

516
00:21:35,063 --> 00:21:37,133
Or he went right back
to work the next day.

517
00:21:37,133 --> 00:21:37,193
Yeah.

518
00:21:37,402 --> 00:21:40,786
And even if they had a choice to stay
home, they're like, oh, well I gotta work.

519
00:21:40,816 --> 00:21:43,466
And it's just like, you don't
realize if you are setting

520
00:21:43,466 --> 00:21:44,846
your family up for failure.

521
00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:48,251
if you don't take that time as a partner,
to the one that gave birth, right?

522
00:21:48,471 --> 00:21:51,561
And so I feel like it's such an
interesting conversation because

523
00:21:51,808 --> 00:21:55,805
that push and pull between work and
sticking up for your family essentially.

524
00:21:56,171 --> 00:21:56,508
Yeah.

525
00:21:56,508 --> 00:21:57,921
And I think, know, it's
the narrative, right?

526
00:21:57,921 --> 00:22:00,951
We've put a real premium in our
country on men being providers

527
00:22:00,951 --> 00:22:04,191
and doing the paid work and women
doing the unpaid care work at home.

528
00:22:04,191 --> 00:22:07,478
And so even like the overnight
feedings I've said on social media,

529
00:22:07,478 --> 00:22:10,551
like, dad should be doing some of
those, even if they're partners

530
00:22:10,551 --> 00:22:13,491
breastfeeding, like they can change
the diaper, they can soothe the baby.

531
00:22:13,551 --> 00:22:13,641
Mm-hmm.

532
00:22:13,641 --> 00:22:15,140
And men are like, well,
I have work tomorrow.

533
00:22:15,620 --> 00:22:17,677
It's like, she's gonna be up tomorrow too.

534
00:22:17,827 --> 00:22:18,187
Okay.

535
00:22:18,187 --> 00:22:20,227
Like, and doing something
incredibly important, which

536
00:22:20,227 --> 00:22:21,187
is caring for your newborn.

537
00:22:21,187 --> 00:22:22,930
And we have this narrative of.

538
00:22:23,130 --> 00:22:26,232
This work that men do outside of
the home being really important,

539
00:22:26,232 --> 00:22:28,662
if not more important than the
work their partner does at home.

540
00:22:28,662 --> 00:22:30,705
And so I really think we
should push back on that.

541
00:22:30,705 --> 00:22:33,918
And I, do think most
men wanna be good dads.

542
00:22:34,098 --> 00:22:35,334
They wanna be good partners.

543
00:22:35,334 --> 00:22:38,912
But to your point, like as a society and,
kind of what's been modeled for us just

544
00:22:38,912 --> 00:22:40,232
doesn't show us what that looks like.

545
00:22:40,232 --> 00:22:40,982
Mm-hmm.

546
00:22:41,274 --> 00:22:43,194
I was talking to someone the other
day and they were asking like,

547
00:22:43,224 --> 00:22:45,144
oh, how was your, postpartum?

548
00:22:45,357 --> 00:22:46,204
And I realized, I'm like.

549
00:22:46,752 --> 00:22:51,029
Obviously I had a lot of challenges and
stuff, but I think because my husband

550
00:22:51,029 --> 00:22:54,119
at the time, like where he was working
at the time, he got like two weeks off.

551
00:22:54,323 --> 00:22:56,899
I was like, this is what it's
gonna be like when I'm, postpartum.

552
00:22:56,899 --> 00:22:57,978
Like, I'm gonna need
you to help with this.

553
00:22:57,978 --> 00:23:00,908
And like, I remember just being
responsible for like breastfeeding.

554
00:23:00,968 --> 00:23:03,525
I was like, other than that, he
did everything else or we were

555
00:23:03,525 --> 00:23:04,725
able to split other things.

556
00:23:05,336 --> 00:23:08,641
I would hear of all these moms like
having like postpartum depression

557
00:23:08,671 --> 00:23:10,091
and obviously that's so nuanced.

558
00:23:10,091 --> 00:23:12,221
There's so many reasons
why women go through that.

559
00:23:12,221 --> 00:23:12,431
Right?

560
00:23:12,461 --> 00:23:12,881
Totally.

561
00:23:13,127 --> 00:23:17,284
But I feel like a lot of it could be
helped with a supportive partner or

562
00:23:17,284 --> 00:23:21,277
supportive workplaces because a lot of
times these women are stressed about going

563
00:23:21,277 --> 00:23:24,731
back to work in a few weeks and they're
not getting paid and they have to get

564
00:23:24,731 --> 00:23:26,957
their child in daycare and, that's a lot.

565
00:23:27,238 --> 00:23:27,859
There's a lot.

566
00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:29,083
you even mentioned daycare.

567
00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:32,413
Women are typically the ones finding
childcare, and that's really hard to do.

568
00:23:32,671 --> 00:23:35,333
And so yeah, it's not as
simple as just being home,

569
00:23:35,393 --> 00:23:36,770
taking care of a sleeping baby.

570
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,116
it's pretty complex what's going on.

571
00:23:38,116 --> 00:23:40,473
I'm glad to hear that you had
the support that you need.

572
00:23:40,473 --> 00:23:41,793
I mean, similar to my husband had.

573
00:23:42,053 --> 00:23:44,093
Not a lot of time with
our first three kids.

574
00:23:44,093 --> 00:23:44,993
He had no time.

575
00:23:45,243 --> 00:23:47,799
and then with our fourth, he
had four weeks and it was night

576
00:23:47,799 --> 00:23:49,359
and day experience for us.

577
00:23:49,419 --> 00:23:49,689
Right.

578
00:23:49,689 --> 00:23:51,909
It was a vastly different
experience for me.

579
00:23:52,105 --> 00:23:53,599
and I think that's so important.

580
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:54,799
I wish everyone had that.

581
00:23:54,989 --> 00:23:55,289
I know.

582
00:23:55,289 --> 00:23:59,742
It's like, imagine how it would be
if men were like forced, like, you

583
00:23:59,742 --> 00:24:03,462
have to be home during these 2, 3,
4 weeks, whatever that looks like.

584
00:24:03,704 --> 00:24:04,679
And just support.

585
00:24:04,957 --> 00:24:05,202
Women.

586
00:24:05,232 --> 00:24:05,558
Yeah.

587
00:24:05,732 --> 00:24:07,052
I mean, some countries do that.

588
00:24:07,052 --> 00:24:10,142
They mandate it, that men have to
take it, and there's like specific

589
00:24:10,142 --> 00:24:11,462
rules around how that looks.

590
00:24:11,462 --> 00:24:14,495
And so yeah, I think unfortunately
in order to get men to do it,

591
00:24:14,495 --> 00:24:15,785
oftentimes it has to be mandated.

592
00:24:15,988 --> 00:24:20,028
but I do think, more and more men are
doing it, but we still need to see

593
00:24:20,028 --> 00:24:21,678
that improve across the board and.

594
00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:25,172
know, there's data to show that, the
work that women are doing and the mental,

595
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:29,462
they're caring it leads to real impact,
mental, emotional, physical tolls on

596
00:24:29,462 --> 00:24:33,319
women, and that has a long-term impact
on their, lives and their wellbeing.

597
00:24:33,319 --> 00:24:36,319
And so if we care about that, if we care
about mothers as much as we say we do,

598
00:24:36,319 --> 00:24:37,409
then we should prioritize their care.

599
00:24:37,968 --> 00:24:40,518
what's your message for
anyone listening that.

600
00:24:40,805 --> 00:24:44,021
Maybe is, struggling with the mental load
right now and doesn't kind of know the

601
00:24:44,021 --> 00:24:47,801
first steps to take either with their
partner or their family or their work.

602
00:24:48,142 --> 00:24:51,511
with the mental load in particular, I
often say the first thing you have to do

603
00:24:51,511 --> 00:24:53,131
is just start to understand what it is.

604
00:24:53,131 --> 00:24:56,641
I think oftentimes women feel incredibly
burnt out and exhausted and they feel

605
00:24:56,641 --> 00:24:59,221
like they're kind of on this hamster
wheel they can never get off of.

606
00:24:59,221 --> 00:25:03,521
They have this ongoing running to-do list
that's always there and never shorter.

607
00:25:03,571 --> 00:25:03,911
and.

608
00:25:04,144 --> 00:25:07,471
but They can't articulate that,
their partner says What's wrong,

609
00:25:07,471 --> 00:25:08,701
they're just like, I don't even know.

610
00:25:08,701 --> 00:25:09,891
There's a million things I could tell you.

611
00:25:09,891 --> 00:25:11,881
A million things that I'm
stressed out about right now.

612
00:25:12,121 --> 00:25:15,251
And so first and foremost, I suggest
people familiarize themselves

613
00:25:15,251 --> 00:25:18,484
with the terms and what's actually
playing into the mental load.

614
00:25:18,484 --> 00:25:20,314
And so one way to do that is to.

615
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,893
We say, make the invisible visible,
write things down every thought that pops

616
00:25:24,893 --> 00:25:29,389
into your brain, which is like, I have
to pay, the school for a raffle basket.

617
00:25:29,533 --> 00:25:31,993
my kids need cash 'cause they're
going to the beach tomorrow with camp.

618
00:25:31,993 --> 00:25:35,683
I have all these reminders on my phone
and I think a really important way to

619
00:25:35,683 --> 00:25:36,913
do this is just write everything down.

620
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:40,444
For a week, two weeks, just write
it all down and look at it and

621
00:25:40,444 --> 00:25:44,301
you'll see, you'll start to see
what that mental load looks like.

622
00:25:44,301 --> 00:25:46,091
What are the things that
are weighing you down?

623
00:25:46,091 --> 00:25:47,351
What's stressing you out the most?

624
00:25:47,351 --> 00:25:48,971
What's causing the most tension?

625
00:25:49,204 --> 00:25:51,224
where do you think your
partner can support you?

626
00:25:51,387 --> 00:25:52,654
Where do you feel like you're strong?

627
00:25:52,864 --> 00:25:55,398
being able to look at it
in a really concrete way.

628
00:25:55,398 --> 00:25:58,377
I use a spreadsheet, I offer this
to people, whoever wants it, it's

629
00:25:58,377 --> 00:26:00,910
part of my free guide, but I have
a spreadsheet and it just lists a

630
00:26:00,910 --> 00:26:02,650
bunch of tasks that most families do.

631
00:26:02,650 --> 00:26:03,700
It's from the book Fair Play.

632
00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:06,100
E Rodsky created this game, which
is a really great way to make

633
00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:07,330
that invisible labor visible.

634
00:26:07,475 --> 00:26:11,307
Doing that is so helpful just for you
as a person to be able to see it and

635
00:26:11,307 --> 00:26:14,517
say like, wow, okay, this is why I'm
tired, like this is why I'm stressed out.

636
00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:15,808
and then from there.

637
00:26:16,036 --> 00:26:18,622
You can think about having a conversation
with your partner, but I often tell

638
00:26:18,622 --> 00:26:21,232
women like, sometimes you're not
ready for a conversation with your

639
00:26:21,232 --> 00:26:24,292
partner and you just need to be able
to say it to your therapist or say

640
00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:27,988
it to your best friend and start
to articulate what you're feeling.

641
00:26:27,988 --> 00:26:31,062
And then once you've been able to do
that, then you can start to have the

642
00:26:31,062 --> 00:26:34,648
hard conversations of, okay, well what
does it look like for us to change this?

643
00:26:34,888 --> 00:26:35,308
Mm-hmm.

644
00:26:35,742 --> 00:26:36,332
I love that.

645
00:26:36,332 --> 00:26:37,202
Saying it out loud.

646
00:26:37,202 --> 00:26:41,228
'cause I feel like a lot of times, like as
women, we like keep things in until like,

647
00:26:41,228 --> 00:26:41,498
yeah.

648
00:26:41,697 --> 00:26:44,867
Kind of builds up a little bit and then
it's like you can't take it anymore.

649
00:26:44,867 --> 00:26:48,720
So, I love that, getting it outside,
saying it to a therapist, a friend,

650
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,813
and kind of piggybacking off of that.

651
00:26:51,097 --> 00:26:53,377
So people, sometimes people accuse me of.

652
00:26:53,787 --> 00:26:56,277
Oh, you built a whole page to complain
about your mother-in-law and like

653
00:26:56,277 --> 00:26:59,830
truthfully, I don't even talk about my
own mother-in-law and my own stories.

654
00:26:59,830 --> 00:27:03,010
It's mostly follower submissions,
but it's also more so like themes.

655
00:27:03,010 --> 00:27:07,023
That's why I've started integrating
more lifestyle and vlog style content,

656
00:27:07,260 --> 00:27:08,987
almost just like a metaphor to show like.

657
00:27:09,347 --> 00:27:11,357
Daughters-in-law that don't get
along with their mother-in-law,

658
00:27:11,357 --> 00:27:14,781
like they're literally just moms
and women living their life.

659
00:27:14,921 --> 00:27:17,990
they're not sitting at home scheming
and plotting to they didn't intend

660
00:27:17,990 --> 00:27:20,690
on ruining their mother-in-law's
life despite what she's told you

661
00:27:20,690 --> 00:27:22,373
at the store, at the church group.

662
00:27:22,373 --> 00:27:26,043
Like they're literally just
existing and the reasons why the

663
00:27:26,043 --> 00:27:27,543
relationship has fallen apart.

664
00:27:27,708 --> 00:27:32,325
is often a function of both parties, but
not in the way that you would expect.

665
00:27:32,451 --> 00:27:34,415
that's a key note that people love.

666
00:27:34,415 --> 00:27:37,205
I don't know if they've like, commented
that on your videos too necessarily,

667
00:27:37,205 --> 00:27:41,231
but always, if it's ever relationship
focused and the story or the skit or

668
00:27:41,321 --> 00:27:44,451
whatever really portrays one person
as the protagonist and one person

669
00:27:44,451 --> 00:27:45,918
is the antagonist you always get.

670
00:27:45,923 --> 00:27:49,299
Relationships are a two-way street
And my catchphrase response to that

671
00:27:49,329 --> 00:27:51,292
is, yes, but who broke the road?

672
00:27:51,394 --> 00:27:54,471
two people can't travel down a
two-way street if it's broken.

673
00:27:54,471 --> 00:27:58,433
And that's where I am trying to
bring  awareness and visibility.

674
00:27:58,433 --> 00:28:01,439
But also, yeah, it's cathartic for
people who have gone through it to

675
00:28:01,439 --> 00:28:03,359
watch my content and be like, yes.

676
00:28:03,569 --> 00:28:04,642
That's exactly how I feel.

677
00:28:04,642 --> 00:28:08,572
But yeah, the road doesn't always
come from stories that are portrayed

678
00:28:08,572 --> 00:28:10,562
in, say, your skits or of my skits.

679
00:28:10,562 --> 00:28:12,212
The broken road also comes from.

680
00:28:12,412 --> 00:28:15,002
More minor things that just
build up over time too, so.

681
00:28:15,032 --> 00:28:15,752
Oh, absolutely.

682
00:28:15,752 --> 00:28:15,812
Yeah.

683
00:28:15,872 --> 00:28:19,925
And I think that feeling of like wanting
to be seen that you're like not crazy.

684
00:28:20,142 --> 00:28:21,702
someone can like, relate to you.

685
00:28:21,912 --> 00:28:24,351
and that's the thing too, is
when I get those, I shouldn't

686
00:28:24,351 --> 00:28:25,671
even say like hate comments.

687
00:28:25,671 --> 00:28:28,341
They're not really hate comments, but
like there's some people that will comment

688
00:28:28,341 --> 00:28:32,725
and be like, this is just terrible that
you would portray a person this way when

689
00:28:32,875 --> 00:28:34,335
you don't understand the full story.

690
00:28:34,335 --> 00:28:34,905
And I'm like.

691
00:28:35,081 --> 00:28:39,461
someone sent me this story, so I'm only
able to portray what this person sent me

692
00:28:39,461 --> 00:28:43,825
in their own words, and I'm gonna do my
best to like get it out there if I can.

693
00:28:44,020 --> 00:28:48,033
And I think too, it's like people need
to see these conversations and I think,

694
00:28:48,033 --> 00:28:52,316
like we said earlier, it helps people
on both sides kind of see like, okay,

695
00:28:52,490 --> 00:28:55,088
here's where a boundary needs to be
set, or here's where I need to like.

696
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:59,176
Limit contact or here's where, okay, there
was miscommunication, let's work this out.

697
00:28:59,176 --> 00:29:00,466
Or whatever that looks like.

698
00:29:00,670 --> 00:29:02,980
I think it's good to have
these examples and of course,

699
00:29:03,010 --> 00:29:04,240
yeah, it's part entertainment.

700
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,160
I mean, so many people
follow for entertainment.

701
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,560
Like I know the reason I started doing
like content like this is because

702
00:29:09,615 --> 00:29:11,325
I loved seeing content like this.

703
00:29:11,325 --> 00:29:15,125
I love the conversations seeing how
things play out, and I think it helps us

704
00:29:15,125 --> 00:29:18,765
kind of see ourselves in conversations
and be like, oh, how would I react?

705
00:29:18,765 --> 00:29:20,135
Or, oh, that's really crazy.

706
00:29:20,135 --> 00:29:21,845
I've never seen something
like that before.

707
00:29:22,027 --> 00:29:23,137
That's how we roll.

708
00:29:23,894 --> 00:29:24,206
Okay.

709
00:29:24,264 --> 00:29:27,236
Let's get into, 'cause I feel like we
could talk about this stuff forever

710
00:29:27,236 --> 00:29:28,976
and we could, we could, we could.

711
00:29:29,216 --> 00:29:32,998
When we talk about weddings, does anything
come to mind for like a kind of crazy

712
00:29:32,998 --> 00:29:37,405
story or something that you either seen
at weddings or had at your own wedding?

713
00:29:37,568 --> 00:29:42,812
We invited my husband's cousin per
the request of certain people who

714
00:29:42,902 --> 00:29:44,642
generally doesn't come to stuff.

715
00:29:44,642 --> 00:29:46,442
He doesn't come to family
gatherings very often.

716
00:29:46,442 --> 00:29:48,992
I think I've seen him like in the
10 years my husband and I have

717
00:29:48,992 --> 00:29:50,882
been together maybe two times.

718
00:29:51,055 --> 00:29:51,742
We invited him.

719
00:29:51,772 --> 00:29:53,212
He, RSVPs Yes.

720
00:29:53,375 --> 00:29:54,552
Doesn't show up to the wedding.

721
00:29:54,802 --> 00:29:55,988
again, it's my wedding day.

722
00:29:55,988 --> 00:29:59,438
I had no idea that he didn't show up,
but in the meantime, my mother-in-law had

723
00:29:59,438 --> 00:30:03,018
invited her best friend from childhood
or something, which again, like.

724
00:30:03,180 --> 00:30:04,577
my parents invited friends too,

725
00:30:04,577 --> 00:30:05,327
like, okay.

726
00:30:05,493 --> 00:30:08,940
and didn't RSVP with a
guest, RSVPed for herself.

727
00:30:09,119 --> 00:30:12,855
Brought a guest, brought her
sister, I think it was, So

728
00:30:12,855 --> 00:30:14,402
the guest brought a sister.

729
00:30:14,820 --> 00:30:17,745
The guest brought an UNRSVPed Guest.

730
00:30:17,935 --> 00:30:20,345
and the cousin, RSVPed yes No.

731
00:30:20,405 --> 00:30:23,642
show So you do the math,
there are seats for everybody.

732
00:30:23,835 --> 00:30:25,265
But they weren't planned seats.

733
00:30:25,919 --> 00:30:26,555
So I guess

734
00:30:26,555 --> 00:30:30,151
what happened is my mother-in-law's
friend's, sister didn't have a seat at the

735
00:30:30,301 --> 00:30:34,644
friend's table or whatever, but there was
an extra seat, like I guess some adults

736
00:30:34,704 --> 00:30:36,424
put their heads together and found a chair

737
00:30:36,583 --> 00:30:37,575
for the friend's sister.

738
00:30:37,605 --> 00:30:38,625
So that's great and that's good.

739
00:30:38,625 --> 00:30:42,408
But apparently my mother-in-law was
deeply offended and obviously it

740
00:30:42,408 --> 00:30:45,902
was a, personal, I had done that
intentionally, was personal, and then

741
00:30:45,902 --> 00:30:47,642
spent my entire wedding reception.

742
00:30:47,842 --> 00:30:51,065
Complaining about me, complaining about
where their seat was in their wedding

743
00:30:51,205 --> 00:30:54,372
and how she didn't have a seat, and
how rude that was, and how none of my

744
00:30:54,372 --> 00:30:55,932
parents' friends didn't have seats.

745
00:30:55,932 --> 00:30:58,808
And um, because they probably all
are CPD the right way I guess.

746
00:30:59,038 --> 00:30:59,622
I don't know.

747
00:30:59,805 --> 00:31:01,515
so you could say, oh, maybe
you missed it, maybe whatever.

748
00:31:01,515 --> 00:31:05,745
Like understand, I've a project manager,
been a project manager for 10 years

749
00:31:05,810 --> 00:31:07,275
at this point, like a spreadsheet.

750
00:31:07,275 --> 00:31:08,325
And me, we are friends.

751
00:31:08,325 --> 00:31:10,525
So maybe I missed it, but.

752
00:31:10,708 --> 00:31:13,063
I'm saying it would be
unlikely to me   way.

753
00:31:13,283 --> 00:31:14,386
it didn't ruin my day.

754
00:31:14,386 --> 00:31:15,526
I had no idea.

755
00:31:15,664 --> 00:31:18,392
But after the fact, it still
sucks to hear that was like

756
00:31:18,616 --> 00:31:19,445
the thing that, the

757
00:31:19,445 --> 00:31:21,095
conversation that was going on.

758
00:31:21,155 --> 00:31:21,605
Yeah.

759
00:31:21,744 --> 00:31:27,174
I do think, though, I do think this story
is a perfect example of that kind of

760
00:31:27,174 --> 00:31:32,134
deeper level relationship building that
I talk about because yes, my mom, mom and

761
00:31:32,134 --> 00:31:35,644
daughter, people are gonna have a hard
time equating mother-in-law and future

762
00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:36,994
daughter-in-law with mom and daughter.

763
00:31:36,994 --> 00:31:39,754
But trust me, for my followers, there's
tons of people who are very close with

764
00:31:39,754 --> 00:31:41,704
their mother-in-law and were close
with their mother-in-law throughout

765
00:31:41,704 --> 00:31:42,754
the planning process of their wedding.

766
00:31:42,994 --> 00:31:46,794
Or their husband is very close with
his mom and they liaise and talk

767
00:31:46,794 --> 00:31:48,414
and discuss on a regular basis.

768
00:31:48,414 --> 00:31:50,838
Neither of those two
things are true in my case.

769
00:31:50,838 --> 00:31:55,788
And so where I'm going with this is
if either my husband or I had a like

770
00:31:55,848 --> 00:32:01,264
friendly chitchatting about regular stuff
on a regular basis, mutual exchange of

771
00:32:01,264 --> 00:32:06,114
information, not like the mom who calls
her son to talk Adam for two hours every.

772
00:32:06,296 --> 00:32:08,966
Once a month and thinks that that,
oh, I'm so close with my son.

773
00:32:08,966 --> 00:32:10,839
No, like have a real relationship.

774
00:32:10,923 --> 00:32:11,993
It probably would've got caught.

775
00:32:12,443 --> 00:32:15,839
It would've because there would've
been a casual conversation, oh, my

776
00:32:15,839 --> 00:32:18,476
friend so-and-so is bringing so and
so, and I would've been like, what?

777
00:32:18,476 --> 00:32:19,736
She didn't RSVP with someone.

778
00:32:19,766 --> 00:32:20,936
Oh, let's take a look at it.

779
00:32:20,996 --> 00:32:21,986
Oh, let's, we would've caught it.

780
00:32:22,130 --> 00:32:22,396
Right.

781
00:32:22,396 --> 00:32:26,061
Whereas like my mom, I knew who
all of her friends were bringing or

782
00:32:26,061 --> 00:32:27,711
like whatever was going on there.

783
00:32:27,711 --> 00:32:30,497
I think one of her friends
husbands couldn't come because

784
00:32:30,497 --> 00:32:33,829
something had come up, so then I
just went in and changed whatever.

785
00:32:33,829 --> 00:32:34,399
You know what I mean?

786
00:32:34,399 --> 00:32:34,489
Yeah.

787
00:32:34,489 --> 00:32:34,699
Like.

788
00:32:34,962 --> 00:32:37,105
And those kinds of things
get caught when you're having

789
00:32:37,105 --> 00:32:38,545
regular conversation with people.

790
00:32:38,732 --> 00:32:39,675
A hundred percent.

791
00:32:39,795 --> 00:32:42,405
So many times when I share
skits, people comment like, oh,

792
00:32:42,405 --> 00:32:44,085
I would've said no right away.

793
00:32:44,380 --> 00:32:46,150
it's like, it's so much easier.

794
00:32:46,150 --> 00:32:49,340
And I even, you know, myself, like,
you can look from the outside and I'm

795
00:32:49,340 --> 00:32:52,723
so great at telling other people how
to set boundaries and say no and like.

796
00:32:52,823 --> 00:32:56,187
But in your own life, it's so much more
difficult, so much more nuanced because

797
00:32:56,187 --> 00:32:59,717
it's you have a different relationship
with each person and you have other people

798
00:32:59,717 --> 00:33:04,180
involved and know, a history, and you're
always like, am I gonna be the bad person?

799
00:33:04,180 --> 00:33:08,140
You know, and there's all these different
things as opposed to just like saying no.

800
00:33:08,170 --> 00:33:10,337
And I think we should
ideally all get there.

801
00:33:10,337 --> 00:33:12,957
Like if someone's treating us
poorly, but we can't always see it.

802
00:33:12,957 --> 00:33:17,150
Sometimes it's a disguise, sometimes it's
like talked to nicely first and Totally.

803
00:33:17,150 --> 00:33:21,270
I actually feel like it's the people
who are saying, oh, just say no.

804
00:33:21,453 --> 00:33:24,385
I often think that maybe
they're coming from a place.

805
00:33:24,743 --> 00:33:29,135
Of like, they've had really fortunate
relationships with family in their life

806
00:33:29,270 --> 00:33:34,118
because I could see, had I not lived what
I've lived now with my in-laws, I would

807
00:33:34,508 --> 00:33:37,628
feel that way because if there's something
I don't wanna do that my mom asked me, I

808
00:33:37,628 --> 00:33:39,608
just say, no, mom, I don't wanna do that.

809
00:33:39,797 --> 00:33:42,426
And she doesn't think that my
husband forced me to say no.

810
00:33:42,581 --> 00:33:46,010
She doesn't think that it's unfair
that, oh well you said yes to

811
00:33:46,010 --> 00:33:48,500
so and so the other day, so why
are you saying no to me today?

812
00:33:48,685 --> 00:33:48,943
No.

813
00:33:48,943 --> 00:33:50,833
I literally say, no,
I don't wanna do that.

814
00:33:50,935 --> 00:33:51,660
And then if.

815
00:33:51,935 --> 00:33:54,211
whatever the situation is,
it doesn't happen very often.

816
00:33:54,211 --> 00:33:57,426
Again, this is like what I try to
dive into with my content, which

817
00:33:57,426 --> 00:34:01,220
is just the, like what goes into
relationships, which is my mom knows

818
00:34:01,220 --> 00:34:05,260
me, we've built a relationship, so
she generally doesn't ask me things.

819
00:34:05,545 --> 00:34:07,058
That she knows I'm gonna say no to.

820
00:34:07,058 --> 00:34:10,578
Like she knows me and my husband
is people, so it doesn't get to a

821
00:34:10,578 --> 00:34:12,138
point where we really need to say no.

822
00:34:12,138 --> 00:34:14,528
She reads the room or it's
not even, she reads the room.

823
00:34:14,528 --> 00:34:15,848
She's built relationships with us.

824
00:34:15,848 --> 00:34:19,391
And that is fundamentally, I think
often the root cause in a lot of these

825
00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:23,472
situations is they haven't taken the time,
energy, effort again, two-way street.

826
00:34:23,597 --> 00:34:25,007
I don't know who's gotta build the road.

827
00:34:25,198 --> 00:34:27,757
We can split hairs on that,
but, to cultivate and build

828
00:34:27,757 --> 00:34:30,820
a relationship with their
daughter-in-law or their adult child.

829
00:34:30,820 --> 00:34:34,687
Quite honestly, sometimes comparatively
to how the daughter-in-law's, parents

830
00:34:34,687 --> 00:34:38,217
have built a relationship with her, so
they're asking for things that like.

831
00:34:38,418 --> 00:34:40,657
Why are you asking for something
that you know is gonna put them in a

832
00:34:40,657 --> 00:34:42,697
position that they're not comfortable
with and different people are

833
00:34:42,697 --> 00:34:43,957
comfortable with different things.

834
00:34:44,131 --> 00:34:45,617
That's another huge source of comments.

835
00:34:45,617 --> 00:34:48,060
Like, good for you, that's
what you're comfortable with.

836
00:34:48,225 --> 00:34:49,617
Not everyone's comfortable with that.

837
00:34:49,617 --> 00:34:51,763
And that doesn't mean they're
entitled or wrong, or.

838
00:34:51,945 --> 00:34:54,008
Yeah, sometimes it does,
but not always, you know?

839
00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:54,098
Yes.

840
00:34:54,318 --> 00:34:55,059
people are people.

841
00:34:55,059 --> 00:34:57,465
We gotta meet people where they're
at, but people don't wanna meet

842
00:34:57,465 --> 00:35:00,279
you where you're at if you've
been habitually a jerk to them.

843
00:35:00,849 --> 00:35:01,299
Exactly.

844
00:35:02,030 --> 00:35:05,049
No, that's such a good point about
like, if you haven't had to really

845
00:35:05,049 --> 00:35:09,525
deal with those difficult things harder
saying no just comes off as easy.

846
00:35:09,735 --> 00:35:12,825
Yeah, because like I've never had,
like, they're not thinking that way.

847
00:35:12,825 --> 00:35:13,215
But yeah.

848
00:35:13,215 --> 00:35:15,795
If they haven't had a deal with that,
it's like, well, it's black and white.

849
00:35:16,016 --> 00:35:17,159
They do that then totally.

850
00:35:17,549 --> 00:35:17,639
No.

851
00:35:17,836 --> 00:35:21,052
But yeah, if you tend with the
teeter-totter of relationships

852
00:35:21,052 --> 00:35:22,399
and you're like, uh, I don't know.

853
00:35:22,399 --> 00:35:25,982
Is this one of those where I say
no, or how do I back down from this?

854
00:35:26,196 --> 00:35:27,139
Yeah, totally.

855
00:35:27,340 --> 00:35:27,642
Yeah.

856
00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:28,242
Completely.

857
00:35:28,242 --> 00:35:28,422
Yeah.

858
00:35:33,752 --> 00:35:36,482
what inspired you to
initially become an educator?

859
00:35:36,482 --> 00:35:39,345
You said Did you start with social work
and you were kind of in that field and

860
00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:40,553
then you kind of moved into teaching?

861
00:35:41,188 --> 00:35:45,624
Yeah, so, I kind of was always
in the school social work realm.

862
00:35:45,873 --> 00:35:51,088
And then just recently, a few years ago, I
kind of navigated more into the classroom

863
00:35:51,088 --> 00:35:53,578
and now I work at a Catholic school.

864
00:35:53,578 --> 00:35:57,141
So I'm a Catholic, English,
a second language director.

865
00:35:57,344 --> 00:36:02,398
And what I do is I ensure kiddos
that do not have English as a first

866
00:36:02,398 --> 00:36:05,088
language, have equitable education.

867
00:36:05,188 --> 00:36:06,718
now more than ever.

868
00:36:06,748 --> 00:36:08,638
That's extremely important.

869
00:36:08,973 --> 00:36:14,613
I feel so passionate about this because
I also grew up in an extremely, like

870
00:36:14,613 --> 00:36:16,773
poor environment, poor households.

871
00:36:17,004 --> 00:36:21,409
So I know what it took to
like claw my way to get here.

872
00:36:21,578 --> 00:36:24,993
And I know that if it's possible
for me, it's possible for other

873
00:36:24,993 --> 00:36:29,256
kids if I can just be that adult
that I needed when I was younger.

874
00:36:29,256 --> 00:36:34,086
So that's definitely what fuels me every
day that I get up and I go to school.

875
00:36:34,238 --> 00:36:38,509
I love that I've, heard that quote before
about like, need to almost think about

876
00:36:38,509 --> 00:36:42,719
who you needed as a child because that
should be kind of like who we are as

877
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:46,386
adults, because that's gonna kind of
put us back in that mind frame of like,

878
00:36:46,386 --> 00:36:48,096
okay, I really need an adult to hear me.

879
00:36:48,218 --> 00:36:51,583
I really needed an adult to
support me or understand me.

880
00:36:51,789 --> 00:36:53,733
to make you feel seen and valid.

881
00:36:53,826 --> 00:36:55,066
Yeah, absolutely.

882
00:36:55,066 --> 00:36:59,173
I feel like that's such a pivotal
thing to remember because we get

883
00:36:59,173 --> 00:37:00,733
kind of lost in the day to day.

884
00:37:00,926 --> 00:37:04,543
And then especially as educators,
you want someone to really care.

885
00:37:04,543 --> 00:37:08,526
Like, my daughter's too young for school
yet, but when she's in school, I'm like,

886
00:37:08,556 --> 00:37:11,899
you want a teacher like that that's gonna
really think like, okay, they're gonna

887
00:37:11,899 --> 00:37:15,499
hear everything I say or they're gonna
see me as a person, like even if I'm

888
00:37:15,499 --> 00:37:17,479
quiet or, you know, those kind of things.

889
00:37:17,689 --> 00:37:18,649
Absolutely.

890
00:37:18,709 --> 00:37:22,759
And see the parent too, because the
parent is an important part of all that.

891
00:37:22,944 --> 00:37:23,226
Yeah.

892
00:37:23,226 --> 00:37:23,346
Mm-hmm.

893
00:37:23,774 --> 00:37:28,519
So do you think, so I know you've kind of
posted before about your content changing,

894
00:37:28,757 --> 00:37:31,456
especially after the election, but I
think even before the election you were

895
00:37:31,456 --> 00:37:34,405
kind of, talking a little bit more about
what could happen, these kind of things.

896
00:37:34,631 --> 00:37:38,758
So with working at a Catholic
school, is it hard to kind of.

897
00:37:39,365 --> 00:37:42,575
Do you have to stay in line with
certain things or say certain things?

898
00:37:42,665 --> 00:37:44,465
I don't wanna like get you in
trouble either, so I wanna make sure

899
00:37:44,465 --> 00:37:46,168
you're saying things that are okay.

900
00:37:46,698 --> 00:37:46,818
Mm-hmm.

901
00:37:46,928 --> 00:37:50,941
are there guidelines like can you say
certain things online or where does

902
00:37:50,941 --> 00:37:52,644
that fall in line with your teaching?

903
00:37:52,873 --> 00:37:56,572
Well, I think in general that
is kind of just a teacher box

904
00:37:56,572 --> 00:37:58,222
that everyone has to stay in.

905
00:37:58,482 --> 00:38:03,461
when it comes to my Catholic faith
and where I align, at first was really

906
00:38:03,461 --> 00:38:07,361
nervous to kind of like go out in
those waters and let people know like,

907
00:38:07,361 --> 00:38:08,904
Hey, I'm not a public school teacher.

908
00:38:09,093 --> 00:38:10,601
I'm a Catholic school teacher.

909
00:38:10,783 --> 00:38:13,057
But once I showed people that.

910
00:38:13,243 --> 00:38:20,667
I am here for all kids regardless of
religion, race, background, culture.

911
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:26,454
People started to see my authentic,
views that I wanted to present and

912
00:38:26,454 --> 00:38:30,297
the information that I was giving
people and it was well received.

913
00:38:30,502 --> 00:38:34,971
There are definite lanes that you
have to stay in, as a teacher.

914
00:38:34,971 --> 00:38:38,991
And then I think my lane is just
a tad bit smaller being a Catholic

915
00:38:38,991 --> 00:38:43,094
school teacher, but the things
that I am bringing are fact-based.

916
00:38:43,599 --> 00:38:45,759
Educational laws to people.

917
00:38:45,759 --> 00:38:47,379
So I'm really proud of that.

918
00:38:47,409 --> 00:38:50,902
And I think as long as I
stay in my lane, I'm good.

919
00:38:50,902 --> 00:38:54,472
And I've had a lot of wonderful
support from my school community.

920
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:58,426
they have backed me up 110%.

921
00:38:58,552 --> 00:39:03,432
they believe that every child has the
right to a free and equitable education

922
00:39:03,432 --> 00:39:06,102
as I do regardless of race and religion.

923
00:39:06,102 --> 00:39:08,086
So it's been really good.

924
00:39:08,169 --> 00:39:11,176
but at the end of the day, I'm an
adult and I have to be able to control

925
00:39:11,176 --> 00:39:13,306
what I say to stay in that lane.

926
00:39:13,366 --> 00:39:14,566
Yeah, no, absolutely.

927
00:39:14,566 --> 00:39:15,076
No, I love it.

928
00:39:15,076 --> 00:39:16,342
I love that they're, behind you.

929
00:39:16,402 --> 00:39:20,622
'cause I mean, just in general with like
content creators, like just different

930
00:39:20,622 --> 00:39:23,442
jobs, I've heard different stories where
they're like, you can't say this, you

931
00:39:23,442 --> 00:39:25,492
can't post this, you can't do this.

932
00:39:25,706 --> 00:39:28,399
so it's really good to hear that
there's like supportive, schools

933
00:39:28,399 --> 00:39:29,569
and communities out there.

934
00:39:29,779 --> 00:39:32,737
chair, like a pivotal moment in
your life that kind of shaped

935
00:39:32,737 --> 00:39:34,147
how you approach teaching.

936
00:39:34,415 --> 00:39:41,635
I think one thing that changed my view
on how I view all kids in the classroom

937
00:39:41,635 --> 00:39:47,251
is my son was diagnosed with Tourette's
Syndrome when he was in kindergarten and.

938
00:39:47,477 --> 00:39:52,866
As a parent, just hearing that diagnosis,
not knowing what that looks like, in

939
00:39:52,866 --> 00:39:57,832
our lives, let alone in the classroom,
surrounded by, kids he does not know.

940
00:39:57,977 --> 00:40:04,213
it really made me like peel back my
eyelids and open my eyeballs to every

941
00:40:04,213 --> 00:40:08,873
single kid has something different
that's going on inside of them.

942
00:40:09,056 --> 00:40:13,813
Every single kid that is in front
of me is going to feel one way

943
00:40:13,813 --> 00:40:15,373
or another on a certain day.

944
00:40:15,403 --> 00:40:20,686
And my son deserved to have a teacher
that was like, okay, you are different

945
00:40:20,686 --> 00:40:23,026
and you're unique and that's wonderful.

946
00:40:23,146 --> 00:40:28,740
And how are we going to ensure that
you get the exact same care and

947
00:40:28,740 --> 00:40:32,310
attention as every single other kiddo.

948
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:33,310
In here.

949
00:40:33,583 --> 00:40:37,866
And I think as we're looking at things
today that are happening politically.

950
00:40:38,131 --> 00:40:42,785
We have to remember that we
are all just one diagnosis away

951
00:40:42,785 --> 00:40:44,705
from having a unique child.

952
00:40:44,901 --> 00:40:48,481
we're one car accident away from
having a child that might need to

953
00:40:48,481 --> 00:40:51,691
be in a wheelchair that is going
to need different accommodations

954
00:40:51,691 --> 00:40:55,908
and is going to need a teacher that
is, loving and caring and will do

955
00:40:55,908 --> 00:40:58,698
absolutely everything for your kid.

956
00:40:58,788 --> 00:41:04,098
Like they would for Susie Hugh, who
is always there 20 minutes early,

957
00:41:04,098 --> 00:41:06,348
raising our hand star reader.

958
00:41:06,498 --> 00:41:06,555
Mm-hmm.

959
00:41:06,722 --> 00:41:09,002
Like every single child is different.

960
00:41:09,244 --> 00:41:14,479
And I want my kid to have a
teacher that loves on him.

961
00:41:14,479 --> 00:41:18,709
Like I love on every single baby that I
see every single day of the school year.

962
00:41:18,709 --> 00:41:18,799
Mm-hmm.

963
00:41:19,039 --> 00:41:21,736
So, like his diagnosis,
it was rough for us.

964
00:41:21,736 --> 00:41:22,426
It was scary.

965
00:41:22,426 --> 00:41:24,556
We didn't know what that would look like.

966
00:41:24,556 --> 00:41:25,659
So that was hard.

967
00:41:26,079 --> 00:41:26,729
All right, guys.

968
00:41:26,769 --> 00:41:27,569
Welcome back.

969
00:41:27,569 --> 00:41:31,304
Hope you guys enjoyed a little, walk
down memory lane, or if it was your

970
00:41:31,304 --> 00:41:35,164
first time listening to them, we will
link all of the other full episodes, so

971
00:41:35,164 --> 00:41:39,132
you guys can go back and listen to the
full episode with each of, those guests.

972
00:41:39,382 --> 00:41:43,302
Let's react to this
week's story submission.

973
00:41:43,352 --> 00:41:48,471
Okay, I genuinely don't even know where
to begin with this because it's a very

974
00:41:48,471 --> 00:41:53,206
bumpy ride with his family from the
start, but the main event of everything

975
00:41:53,206 --> 00:41:56,266
started on Christmas Eve of 2024.

976
00:41:56,625 --> 00:42:01,984
My now husband and I had been together
for three years, and that Christmas we

977
00:42:01,984 --> 00:42:06,464
decided instead of buying presents, we
would make each other advent calendars

978
00:42:06,748 --> 00:42:09,544
and save the best gift for the last day.

979
00:42:09,924 --> 00:42:15,004
We had just gotten back into my car
after taking pictures in literal freezing

980
00:42:15,004 --> 00:42:19,274
weather because it was the last night
for Christmas lights at our town lake.

981
00:42:19,708 --> 00:42:24,488
Once we got in the car, we took a second
to breathe, set up his phone to record,

982
00:42:24,921 --> 00:42:29,481
not just to post online, just so we
could have the memory if we wanted it,

983
00:42:30,024 --> 00:42:35,024
And gave this sweet speech about how he
knew we couldn't get married right away.

984
00:42:35,614 --> 00:42:40,464
at the time, my VA benefits would have
been revoked if we got married, and

985
00:42:40,464 --> 00:42:42,424
we also hadn't lived together yet.

986
00:42:42,918 --> 00:42:45,724
But he said he didn't wanna
wait any longer to start the

987
00:42:45,724 --> 00:42:47,044
rest of our lives together.

988
00:42:47,509 --> 00:42:49,409
Then he proposed.

989
00:42:49,754 --> 00:42:51,424
Of course, I said yes.

990
00:42:51,774 --> 00:42:55,349
We immediately drove back to my
parents' house to tell my family.

991
00:42:55,772 --> 00:43:00,191
My mom, dad, little brother,
grandma, and grandpa, everyone

992
00:43:00,191 --> 00:43:02,151
was genuinely excited for us.

993
00:43:02,494 --> 00:43:06,436
There were hugs, tears, compliments
about the ring, the whole thing.

994
00:43:07,158 --> 00:43:10,900
We even called my sisters and
godparents afterward to share the news.

995
00:43:11,350 --> 00:43:12,990
My family was overjoyed.

996
00:43:13,439 --> 00:43:16,969
Then we went to his parents'
house to tell his family.

997
00:43:17,367 --> 00:43:18,874
Famous last words.

998
00:43:20,067 --> 00:43:26,737
His mom, dad, stepdad, sister,
her ex-husband/boyfriend, which

999
00:43:26,737 --> 00:43:30,266
becomes relevant later, and
their two kids were all there.

1000
00:43:30,732 --> 00:43:36,301
We walked in, and everyone just stared
at us like we interrupted something.

1001
00:43:36,743 --> 00:43:41,090
My husband said we had an announcement,
and his mom immediately gasped

1002
00:43:41,570 --> 00:43:43,490
and screamed, " You're pregnant?"

1003
00:43:44,548 --> 00:43:49,060
We very quickly said no, and honestly,
I was offended she even thought that.

1004
00:43:49,577 --> 00:43:51,019
What a weird thing to jump to.

1005
00:43:51,458 --> 00:43:55,508
I held up my hand to show the ring
and said we were getting married.

1006
00:43:55,952 --> 00:43:56,822
Silence.

1007
00:43:57,412 --> 00:44:01,892
No congratulations, nothing, just
everyone sitting there staring at us.

1008
00:44:01,892 --> 00:44:04,322
This is starting a lot
like the Brielle skit.

1009
00:44:04,322 --> 00:44:07,413
I promise you it's not, cause
I've never read this one before,

1010
00:44:07,413 --> 00:44:09,233
but it does sound a lot like it.

1011
00:44:09,659 --> 00:44:13,839
embarrassingly enough, this happens to
people all the time, embarrassing for

1012
00:44:13,839 --> 00:44:15,485
the family, not the bride and and groom.

1013
00:44:15,859 --> 00:44:17,929
This happens all the time.

1014
00:44:18,299 --> 00:44:21,964
I've had a lot of people when I've shared
the Brielle skit saying this exact thing

1015
00:44:21,964 --> 00:44:27,585
happened to me, so it's really sad..
Finally, his stepdad, who is honestly

1016
00:44:27,585 --> 00:44:32,985
not a nice person most of the time, stood
up, hugged us both, said congratulations,

1017
00:44:33,444 --> 00:44:35,405
and left for his own mother's house.

1018
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:40,130
After he left, my father-in-law
congratulated us, offered my husband

1019
00:44:40,130 --> 00:44:44,404
a beer, and took him into the kitchen
Meanwhile, I just stood there awkwardly

1020
00:44:44,404 --> 00:44:48,674
until his mom finally said, " Well,
are you gonna show us the ring?"

1021
00:44:50,466 --> 00:44:54,273
Like, yes, we wanna show the ring,
and yes, it's exciting, but when

1022
00:44:54,273 --> 00:44:57,273
they don't say anything, they're just
like, "Show us the ring," it's kind

1023
00:44:57,273 --> 00:45:02,471
of like they wanna see, like, how big
it is or, like, make comments on it.

1024
00:45:02,471 --> 00:45:05,401
So I sat down and showed
her and his sister the ring.

1025
00:45:05,856 --> 00:45:08,776
His sister kind of grimaced
and said, "It's pretty?"

1026
00:45:09,316 --> 00:45:10,591
like it was a question.

1027
00:45:11,145 --> 00:45:14,925
Then suddenly his mom started
rapid-firing wedding questions.

1028
00:45:15,307 --> 00:45:19,635
She was talking about how excited she
was to help plan, how her daughter and

1029
00:45:19,635 --> 00:45:24,505
granddaughter could help, and how excited
she was for the kids to be involved.

1030
00:45:25,010 --> 00:45:29,139
At that point, my husband and his dad
came back into the room, and my husband

1031
00:45:29,139 --> 00:45:33,119
said, "Well, we haven't figured out all
the details yet, but we should probably

1032
00:45:33,119 --> 00:45:38,043
head out soon." And honestly, it felt like
they were basically ushering us out so

1033
00:45:38,043 --> 00:45:39,853
they could talk about us after we left.

1034
00:45:40,221 --> 00:45:43,451
For the next couple of
weeks, nobody from his family

1035
00:45:43,451 --> 00:45:45,211
mentioned the engagement at all.

1036
00:45:45,481 --> 00:45:51,061
Then one night, we got invited over for
dinner, or technically I got invited over

1037
00:45:51,061 --> 00:45:54,761
for dinner because my husband was still
living with his parents at the time.

1038
00:45:55,260 --> 00:46:01,130
Apparently, his sister and her ex-husband
slash boyfriend had an announcement.

1039
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:03,530
They were getting remarried.

1040
00:46:04,020 --> 00:46:06,953
Oh, no.

1041
00:46:06,973 --> 00:46:08,170
Oh, gosh.

1042
00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:08,730
Okay.

1043
00:46:09,260 --> 00:46:14,284
According to them, they never
really broke up, and this time

1044
00:46:14,374 --> 00:46:16,494
they wanted a huge wedding.

1045
00:46:18,234 --> 00:46:19,344
You guys, I can't.

1046
00:46:19,817 --> 00:46:22,444
I'm reading this, I'm like, "This
is gonna be a skit. This has to be

1047
00:46:22,444 --> 00:46:26,118
a skit," instead of the courthouse
wedding they originally had.

1048
00:46:26,474 --> 00:46:30,743
Then they immediately started trying
to rope me into being maid of honor

1049
00:46:30,993 --> 00:46:33,063
and helping plan their wedding.

1050
00:46:33,063 --> 00:46:34,153
Stop.

1051
00:46:34,723 --> 00:46:35,853
No.

1052
00:46:36,458 --> 00:46:41,253
I just smiled politely and nodded through
the entire uncomfortable conversation.

1053
00:46:41,722 --> 00:46:46,102
After about 10 minutes of suffering
through it, I told them my husband

1054
00:46:46,102 --> 00:46:50,972
was needed at my house and we had
to leave, but congratulations.

1055
00:46:51,435 --> 00:46:52,716
Like, how do you even react to that?

1056
00:46:52,716 --> 00:46:56,066
Like, of course she's gonna say
congratulations and be kind, but they

1057
00:46:56,156 --> 00:46:59,778
purposely... You could tell, like,
after they left, they were like, "Oh

1058
00:46:59,778 --> 00:47:03,544
my God, they're gonna have this big
wedding before we even had ours. we need

1059
00:47:03,544 --> 00:47:06,074
to plan one right now." That is wild.

1060
00:47:06,114 --> 00:47:06,424
Oh my God.

1061
00:47:06,564 --> 00:47:06,764
Okay.

1062
00:47:07,208 --> 00:47:11,573
A few days later, I found out
they had supposedly decided to get

1063
00:47:11,573 --> 00:47:16,303
remarried because they didn't want
us having the spotlight anymore.

1064
00:47:16,413 --> 00:47:17,043
There you go.

1065
00:47:17,562 --> 00:47:20,197
And that honestly told me
everything I needed to know.

1066
00:47:20,447 --> 00:47:24,437
His mom had barely reacted to
her son getting engaged, but

1067
00:47:24,437 --> 00:47:28,577
suddenly she was over-the-top
excited for her daughter's wedding.

1068
00:47:29,097 --> 00:47:33,456
Fast-forward a few months, we
moved out together, something we'd

1069
00:47:33,456 --> 00:47:35,166
already planned on doing for years.

1070
00:47:35,528 --> 00:47:38,796
My family was the only one
who offered to help us move.

1071
00:47:39,215 --> 00:47:43,425
Once we got settled in, the apartment
was a disaster of boxes and unpacking.

1072
00:47:43,835 --> 00:47:47,705
We intentionally didn't tell his parents
our apartment number because we didn't

1073
00:47:47,705 --> 00:47:51,790
want surprise visits, which of course
they immediately tried to do anyway.

1074
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:58,950
I'm talking repeated calls between 11:00
PM and 3:00 AM asking if they could stop

1075
00:47:58,950 --> 00:48:00,910
by because they were in the neighborhood.

1076
00:48:01,221 --> 00:48:04,860
Who's just driving around
between 11:00 PM and 3:00 AM?

1077
00:48:05,379 --> 00:48:05,479
What?

1078
00:48:06,315 --> 00:48:10,329
The calls were always to my husband,
never me, because they knew I'd say no.

1079
00:48:10,578 --> 00:48:14,209
Well, I think most anyone in their
right mind would say no at 11:00 PM.

1080
00:48:15,306 --> 00:48:18,906
probably the fifth time, my husband told
them that if they wanted to come over,

1081
00:48:19,150 --> 00:48:23,246
they needed to ask me too, because I
was the one setting up the household.

1082
00:48:23,528 --> 00:48:28,221
See, that's where I don't like
it, because he needs to be

1083
00:48:28,221 --> 00:48:31,166
the one that says yes or no.

1084
00:48:31,478 --> 00:48:36,656
He can talk to you, but it's his family,
and if he does like, "Well, I think

1085
00:48:36,656 --> 00:48:40,700
it's okay, but like you need to talk
to her," that makes it kinda weird,

1086
00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:44,760
'cause that's like almost saying like
she's the one with this weird boundary.

1087
00:48:45,173 --> 00:48:47,385
Setting up the household
sounds like a weird excuse.

1088
00:48:47,435 --> 00:48:49,335
I think he needs to be the one to say it.

1089
00:48:49,804 --> 00:48:52,524
also, like turn your phone
on silent after 11:00 PM.

1090
00:48:52,998 --> 00:48:56,043
No one should be answering their
phone then . I'm a typical millennial

1091
00:48:56,043 --> 00:48:57,703
though, my phone's always on silent.

1092
00:48:58,318 --> 00:48:59,368
So that's me.

1093
00:49:00,107 --> 00:49:01,527
They never contacted me.

1094
00:49:01,879 --> 00:49:05,427
Instead, about three weeks after
we moved in, I got Facebook

1095
00:49:05,427 --> 00:49:09,467
messages from his mother calling
me manipulative and narcissistic.

1096
00:49:09,869 --> 00:49:12,757
She accused me of stealing her baby boy.

1097
00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:14,507
Famous words.

1098
00:49:14,597 --> 00:49:17,547
This kind of mom, this kind of
person will always say, "You're

1099
00:49:17,547 --> 00:49:20,767
stealing my baby boy." Come on.

1100
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:25,937
And claimed I was the reason he
never wanted to come over anymore,

1101
00:49:26,450 --> 00:49:28,107
which is completely untrue.

1102
00:49:28,526 --> 00:49:33,976
At that point, after the cold reaction
to our engagement, the complete 180

1103
00:49:33,976 --> 00:49:37,970
with his sister's wedding, wedding,
and the general treatment from his

1104
00:49:37,970 --> 00:49:40,820
family, I decided to go low contact.

1105
00:49:41,270 --> 00:49:45,585
Again, I don't know what's gonna happen
next, but I hope it's not just you going

1106
00:49:45,585 --> 00:49:48,995
low contact, because that will also
pull a strain in your relationship.

1107
00:49:49,025 --> 00:49:52,315
If they're like... If he's all in
with his family still, seeing them

1108
00:49:52,315 --> 00:49:55,959
all the time, and then you just
bow yourself out I feel like that's

1109
00:49:55,959 --> 00:50:00,079
gonna cause strain with not only you
two, but then you with his family.

1110
00:50:00,339 --> 00:50:01,589
I think it needs to be equal.

1111
00:50:01,996 --> 00:50:06,794
" Still, I encouraged my husband to maintain
whatever relationship he wanted with them,

1112
00:50:07,045 --> 00:50:11,468
but I stepped back completely." There you
go. " His mother is manipulative, rude,

1113
00:50:11,468 --> 00:50:16,318
and blames everyone else for her problems.
I haven't spoken to her in months now,

1114
00:50:16,713 --> 00:50:18,923
and at this point we're fully no contact."

1115
00:50:19,363 --> 00:50:22,853
Wait, so now she's no contact with
the mother-in-law, or soon-to-be

1116
00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:25,453
mother-in-law, but he still sees them?

1117
00:50:26,005 --> 00:50:29,322
That's... I don't wanna say weird, because
every relationship is different, every

1118
00:50:29,322 --> 00:50:31,352
situation is different, but that's hard.

1119
00:50:31,382 --> 00:50:35,161
I think he needs to be on the same
page as you, because it's gonna

1120
00:50:35,161 --> 00:50:36,761
be this constant push and pull.

1121
00:50:37,161 --> 00:50:40,256
good for you for keeping your boundary,
and if she's, you know, constantly

1122
00:50:40,256 --> 00:50:43,596
coming in and not being kind to you,
being rude, you need to have low or no

1123
00:50:43,596 --> 00:50:45,756
contact, but he needs to be the same.

1124
00:50:45,756 --> 00:50:47,076
He needs to stick by you.

1125
00:50:47,530 --> 00:50:50,900
" We also decided to elope because
we genuinely didn't trust her

1126
00:50:50,900 --> 00:50:52,360
not to create drama at a wedding.

1127
00:50:52,905 --> 00:50:57,104
And honestly, since January of
2025 when we stopped discussing

1128
00:50:57,134 --> 00:51:01,104
our wedding with them completely,
there has never been another mention

1129
00:51:01,104 --> 00:51:03,614
of his sister's wedding anywhere.

1130
00:51:03,890 --> 00:51:06,184
No updates, no planning, nothing.

1131
00:51:06,696 --> 00:51:09,599
Which tells me they were never
serious in the first place.

1132
00:51:10,047 --> 00:51:13,289
They just wanted to take attention
away from us and make us feel bad."

1133
00:51:13,359 --> 00:51:14,769
Yes, 100%.

1134
00:51:14,769 --> 00:51:18,759
The fact that they did that
is just so conniving, and

1135
00:51:18,759 --> 00:51:20,229
that's manipulative themselves.

1136
00:51:20,529 --> 00:51:23,919
Because they were like, "We can't
let them have this moment." I just

1137
00:51:23,919 --> 00:51:25,279
noticed my dying flowers behind me.

1138
00:51:25,319 --> 00:51:27,789
Anyway, they were like, we
can't let them have this moment.

1139
00:51:28,299 --> 00:51:30,879
need to pull it away from her to
show her that we just don't care."

1140
00:51:31,269 --> 00:51:32,519
And that  was intentional.

1141
00:51:33,052 --> 00:51:37,562
People always say you're not just
marrying him, you're marrying his family.

1142
00:51:38,121 --> 00:51:39,782
But honestly, I disagree.

1143
00:51:40,138 --> 00:51:44,352
Family is what we make of it, and I
get to choose who is part of mine.

1144
00:51:45,042 --> 00:51:47,951
Thankfully, my husband and
I are genuinely happy now.

1145
00:51:48,071 --> 00:51:51,441
We're living together, legally
married, and planning our elopement

1146
00:51:51,441 --> 00:51:54,891
and honeymoon surrounded by people
who actually love and support us."

1147
00:51:55,415 --> 00:51:57,105
Okay, I love how that ends.

1148
00:51:57,135 --> 00:51:59,175
I feel like this should
definitely be a skit coming up.

1149
00:51:59,594 --> 00:52:02,384
My only concern, which she doesn't
say anything about, so I don't

1150
00:52:02,384 --> 00:52:03,574
know, I could be making assumptions.

1151
00:52:03,574 --> 00:52:07,034
My only concern is that he's still
full contact with his family, and

1152
00:52:07,034 --> 00:52:08,154
that could make a little pull.

1153
00:52:08,154 --> 00:52:11,249
But she says, "We're genuinely
happy now." they're living together,

1154
00:52:11,249 --> 00:52:14,169
they're married, they did everything
they wanted for their wedding.

1155
00:52:14,602 --> 00:52:19,088
So I'm hoping that everything is
working out for them, and that his

1156
00:52:19,088 --> 00:52:23,168
family's not trying to meddle and
still trying to show up or, you know-

1157
00:52:23,568 --> 00:52:25,588
Trying to crash or do anything crazy.

1158
00:52:26,033 --> 00:52:27,388
So keep us posted.

1159
00:52:27,388 --> 00:52:31,548
I wish you guys nothing but the best,
and thanks for sending the story in.

1160
00:52:31,828 --> 00:52:34,677
All right, guys, that's
all I have for this week.

1161
00:52:34,997 --> 00:52:38,067
No confessions this week, but we
do weekly confessions on Instagram,

1162
00:52:38,067 --> 00:52:41,212
so if you ever wanna send in your
confession or if you wanna send in your

1163
00:52:41,212 --> 00:52:42,942
story, I'm always taking new stories.

1164
00:52:42,942 --> 00:52:45,052
Again, it does not have
to be wedding related.

1165
00:52:45,052 --> 00:52:48,542
It could be relationship,
roommates, college.

1166
00:52:48,542 --> 00:52:52,197
It could be random mom group
friend story, whatever you want.

1167
00:52:52,427 --> 00:52:53,487
I'm taking all of them.

1168
00:52:53,787 --> 00:52:57,312
I know a lot of times they revolve
around weddings or events just

1169
00:52:57,312 --> 00:53:00,092
because that's a lot of times
when the most drama comes out.

1170
00:53:00,868 --> 00:53:01,275
I don't know.

1171
00:53:01,305 --> 00:53:06,844
It's something about weddings, funerals,
like, those bring drama, so yeah.

1172
00:53:07,164 --> 00:53:10,184
And so the link is in the show notes if
you guys wanna submit your own story,

1173
00:53:10,696 --> 00:53:12,754
but thanks so much for hanging out
with me, and I will see you next time.

1174
00:53:12,794 --> 00:53:13,114
Bye now.