00:00:00:04 - 00:00:12:10
Speaker 1
Hello dopamine is this week. I have deep dived Reddit to find the 20 most common ways that ADHD people find dopamine. I'm going to ask rocks which 20? She does, and we'd love to know yours too.

00:00:12:12 - 00:00:33:10
Speaker 2
Welcome to the Late Bloomers podcast, where we are getting our lives together eventually. What do you buy? Our gorgeous sponsor, the wonderful Luke earplugs. Oh my good God, I'm worried because I've seen you elbows deep in a Reddit hole for the last couple of days.

00:00:33:10 - 00:00:36:23
Speaker 1
It's a good platform, isn't it? Like to to research and stuff.

00:00:37:03 - 00:00:41:16
Speaker 2
Reddit is the place I trust the most on the internet because it's real people.

00:00:41:18 - 00:01:04:17
Speaker 1
Yeah. You must. Actually, that should be one of my 20 Reddit holes, but. Right. So I'm going to be steering the ship, so to speak, on this episode. I do need you. I'm going to have my watch out. Actually, I do need you to keep it quite punctual because there's 20 things, so we're talking less than two minutes per thing.

00:01:04:18 - 00:01:08:08
Speaker 1
Okay. Is that okay? So I'm just going to I'm just going to say.

00:01:08:10 - 00:01:11:17
Speaker 2
So are we kind of counting how many of these 20 I do.

00:01:11:19 - 00:01:12:04
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:01:12:05 - 00:01:20:06
Speaker 2
And then also maybe late bloomers. Listeners let us know in the comments how many you get basically.

00:01:20:07 - 00:01:31:11
Speaker 1
Yeah. So I'm going to say what they are. If you need clarity as to what they are and what I'm talking about, please ask. But I'm sure most of them will make complete sense to you. You're right there. Do you need to take a call or.

00:01:31:17 - 00:01:35:02
Speaker 2
You just say, right.

00:01:35:04 - 00:01:47:10
Speaker 1
Can I continue? Yeah, right. Number one new personality. Hobbies. So getting a new hobby and it becoming your entire personality.

00:01:47:11 - 00:02:09:04
Speaker 2
Would that count if I became obsessed with making resin? Bought all of the gear, industrial grade, started an Etsy shop or house of resin and bought the domain name and decided to dedicate my life and your life to resin.

00:02:09:07 - 00:02:23:11
Speaker 1
That would be one. Yeah, and you know what? Stuff like that used to used to surprise me. It used to be a big thing, but this. That's just one example of many. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it? So, like, whatever, you start.

00:02:23:15 - 00:02:26:01
Speaker 2
To repaint him face. That was lovely.

00:02:26:02 - 00:02:26:11
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:02:26:11 - 00:02:28:07
Speaker 2
You scared pottery painting every weekend.

00:02:28:08 - 00:02:31:14
Speaker 1
Surprisingly expensive though. Pottery painting, I would say.

00:02:31:18 - 00:02:33:04
Speaker 2
Resin was also.

00:02:33:06 - 00:02:34:12
Speaker 1
My God, resin.

00:02:34:13 - 00:02:43:15
Speaker 2
Soap making, bracelet making hobbies. Does that also include getting into different types of working out? Are they hobbies or is it?

00:02:43:18 - 00:02:45:01
Speaker 1
I would say so, yeah.

00:02:45:01 - 00:02:48:18
Speaker 2
We've had the hot yoga phase, the Pilates phase, the running phase.

00:02:48:23 - 00:02:56:04
Speaker 1
The roller blading phase. Yeah. Luckily, that personality didn't last long.

00:02:56:06 - 00:03:06:00
Speaker 2
I bought us really nice inline skates, and we were going rollerblading around our estate. God, what did the neighbors think? Anyway, that's a big yes from me.

00:03:06:04 - 00:03:11:20
Speaker 1
Okay. Number two. Research spirals.

00:03:11:22 - 00:03:14:13
Speaker 2
Yeah I mean big tech from me.

00:03:14:15 - 00:03:38:24
Speaker 1
You do this at the expense of what you're researching as well. So if we like are going on holiday or looking for a house, whatever it is, you will research every single hotel that's even possible to stay in. And you'll do it for so long that you're like, completely forget the idea and be overwhelmed and be like, no, we're not going now.

00:03:39:01 - 00:03:59:15
Speaker 2
So when I go into research mode, I start with one focus. Let's say I'm booking a hotel. I need to look at every single hotel that I could possibly stay in. Read it, research it, see all the pictures to, then make a short list to then make a decision. But what happens is obviously I read I'm trying to do it perfect.

00:03:59:15 - 00:04:19:08
Speaker 2
So I read everything, so I burn myself out. But also my memory is bad. So by the time I've done it all, I've forgotten and I just end up in a loop to have to go back to the beginning when I researched when we're going out for dinner, what vacuum cleaner to buy, like anything, lets me fall into a research hole of which it can be hard to come out of.

00:04:19:09 - 00:04:27:00
Speaker 2
But I do understand why it's chasing dopamine, because for the first hour it can be quite pleasurable.

00:04:27:01 - 00:04:32:04
Speaker 1
I understand why you would research the vacuums because of all the vacuuming that you do in the house.

00:04:32:05 - 00:04:34:14
Speaker 2
Number three.

00:04:34:16 - 00:04:55:18
Speaker 1
Wait, one more question about that. It's just popped into my mind, actually. So talk about hotel stays and the level of research that you would do to stay there. It must hit you so hard if the hotel then turns out to be not as nice as what you thought. Like for me, it's like, oh, bad luck took a swing and missed like I spent five minutes on it.

00:04:55:18 - 00:05:03:00
Speaker 1
But if you spend three hours researching for a hotel and you get there and it's not what you had in your head, that must be tragic.

00:05:03:02 - 00:05:22:11
Speaker 2
I mean, I have made us move hotels before because I got there and a dopamine reason why I've booked it. Let's say there's a a warm pool with a bar outside and it's closed, or the Jacuzzi doesn't work. It's like a knife to the heart for me. Yet it doesn't land great.

00:05:22:13 - 00:05:29:02
Speaker 1
Number three, a little treats.

00:05:29:04 - 00:05:39:12
Speaker 1
This is. I feel like my whole life is a negotiation. For if you do X, you get Y as a treat.

00:05:39:13 - 00:05:55:14
Speaker 2
I mean, with you, it's a negotiation for me. I just get myself the little treats. Like when I go to London on my own, I'm just like, I smash a latte donor. Little shopping, little new bag, little new ring. Just. Yeah.

00:05:55:15 - 00:05:58:10
Speaker 1
Wait, you have donuts when you go to London?

00:05:58:12 - 00:06:02:07
Speaker 2
Like, occasionally. Not when I'm, like, on a diet.

00:06:02:09 - 00:06:04:13
Speaker 1
You never suggest donuts when I'm with you.

00:06:04:17 - 00:06:09:24
Speaker 2
Because it's me. Little treats when I'm alone, right? How I like, keep myself going through the day. Starting.

00:06:10:02 - 00:06:11:11
Speaker 1
So that's a yes.

00:06:11:13 - 00:06:14:12
Speaker 2
Yes. Another yes. Well, I'm like 100% so far.

00:06:14:15 - 00:06:19:23
Speaker 1
Three out of three. Number four music obsessions.

00:06:20:00 - 00:06:28:13
Speaker 2
I mean, my entire life has been dedicated to music. Maybe that's not what it means. Maybe it means like.

00:06:28:19 - 00:06:30:05
Speaker 1
As a consumer, listening.

00:06:30:05 - 00:06:33:06
Speaker 2
As a consumer. Oh.

00:06:33:08 - 00:06:52:09
Speaker 1
Do you like, lock in on one particular track or one particular band? I mean, you when from my experience, when you get to a new band or whatever, not only do you, like, listen to their songs, you'll know all of the law, all of the fandom or everything about their whole history, where they've come from, everything.

00:06:52:10 - 00:07:06:16
Speaker 2
I'm very grateful that Sleep Token. I'm not releasing music at the moment. They have just released an instrumental album. That's okay, that didn't like trigger the same obsession in me, but that got that got pretty deep.

00:07:06:17 - 00:07:07:02
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:07:07:03 - 00:07:22:17
Speaker 2
That was like all of the merch, all of the law, discord, Reddit, going to the shows, playing it all the time, trying to get you into sleep token. Yeah. Which never quite. So I've got you a little bit into architects.

00:07:22:18 - 00:07:29:20
Speaker 1
But I need a simple for me. I need to like the music. So that's it. I don't care about anything.

00:07:29:22 - 00:07:32:18
Speaker 2
How can you not, like sleep?

00:07:32:19 - 00:07:43:22
Speaker 1
Take sensory stuff for me. I don't like it. Anyway. Moving on. Number five doom scrolling.

00:07:43:24 - 00:07:52:08
Speaker 2
If I had a full time job, it would be like my screen time is criminal, I doom scroll.

00:07:52:09 - 00:07:58:03
Speaker 1
No, go on, share it. But your screen time is. Are you going to have a look now?

00:07:58:08 - 00:08:04:02
Speaker 2
I don't want to. Like I tear my phone off. It's it's like nine hours.

00:08:04:03 - 00:08:05:19
Speaker 1
Nine hours a day.

00:08:05:21 - 00:08:08:10
Speaker 2
You know, my job is also kind of on the phone.

00:08:08:12 - 00:08:11:14
Speaker 1
So you're working all this time.

00:08:11:16 - 00:08:27:00
Speaker 2
Only working like an hour a day. So I'm getting eight hours. So, like, my full time job is doom scrolling. It's horrendous. I'm ashamed of it. But it's also something I enjoy. Like. And I'm doing a lot of doom scrolling on Twitter now.

00:08:27:02 - 00:08:52:11
Speaker 1
Right. So. So do you though. Like I'm just going to challenge. I'm happy to be wrong, right? But with doom scrolling, I if I think about you when you're like, really calm and at peace and stuff and like walking in nature or doing something away from the phone, you can be really happy. Doom scrolling. Does it actually bring you joy to that extent?

00:08:52:12 - 00:09:14:04
Speaker 2
Like ever ever. Like, it doesn't bring joy, but it does regulate stress and sadness. So if I've had like a really busy day, I love nothing more than getting on the sofa, cozy blanket and have a little catch up on Twitter. It just makes me feel like calm and cozy. So anyway, big yes.

00:09:14:06 - 00:09:28:07
Speaker 1
Okay, so we're five out of five so far. You're doing well babe. 100% in this test so far. Oh my God, I don't even know. Online shopping and impulse buys.

00:09:28:09 - 00:09:29:23
Speaker 1

00:09:30:00 - 00:09:34:01
Speaker 2
Yeah, I do that a lot.

00:09:34:03 - 00:10:00:11
Speaker 1
Do you want to know what my biggest pet peeve is for this? I don't mind you. Impulse shopping and or online shopping and impulse buys. What gets me is you do it a lot, and you don't want to answer the door if the door goes. So muggins here has to deal with a dog that goes crazy every time the doorbell rings.

00:10:00:13 - 00:10:09:22
Speaker 1
And to answer the door to all of your package. And I would say 95% of the time it's rocks pink and the address underneath.

00:10:09:22 - 00:10:35:15
Speaker 2
It cult beauty, drop dead clothing. Yeah, I just I love shopping, I love filling a basket. Sometimes I don't even press by babe. I'll fill a whole basket and it'll go up to like 500 pounds. And I know I can't buy it, but just the filling of the basket and the imagining brings me loads of dopamine, like I sometimes do that, but then sometimes I will need a product and if I need it, I've got to buy it.

00:10:35:15 - 00:10:37:11
Speaker 2
I've got to have next day delivery.

00:10:37:13 - 00:10:44:08
Speaker 1
And do you have the same level of research when it comes to buying a product, like if you need it, like.

00:10:44:10 - 00:11:00:21
Speaker 2
So that's really interesting. If it's skincare, I can I can go on like deep dives on skincare, but I'm also very easily manipulated. So if I see something going viral on TikTok shop, I just like need it on it now. Have to have it.

00:11:00:23 - 00:11:15:15
Speaker 1
Yeah, you. That's really interesting. So with a hotel you will look objectively at all the stuff inside, inside the hotel. Whereas with skincare and stuff like that, you can be a bit of a bit of a sucker for marketing.

00:11:15:21 - 00:11:19:08
Speaker 2
Yeah, I don't impulse book, but I do impulse buy.

00:11:19:10 - 00:11:28:01
Speaker 1
I like that you're slogan number seven, last minute panic. How does this give you dopamine?

00:11:28:01 - 00:11:52:12
Speaker 2
I don't know if that's correct. Someone in the comments, please let us know. Is that for dopamine? I've always understood it as the reason I leave things last minute is a way to self-medicate my own, stimulate my own stimulant via adrenaline and panic, which then helps me to get up from earlier mentioned doom scroll and actually clean or do the thing.

00:11:52:14 - 00:12:01:02
Speaker 2
I've always been like a last minute clean. I don't know if that's chasing day. Maybe it is. Maybe there's a little dopamine high coming from leaving things to the last minute.

00:12:01:03 - 00:12:15:07
Speaker 1
Well, what about like because you would typically get to a stage where you've left it so last minute that it's it feels probably impossible to achieve. And then is there dopamine when you achieve it?

00:12:15:09 - 00:12:31:16
Speaker 2
Interesting. Yes. If I've left it so late that I'm going to miss my train. But then I managed to, like, run so quick that I make another connecting flight and use my brain power and Google Maps to kind of find a plan B that gets me there. I'm feeling pretty good. So. And let's give that a yes.

00:12:31:16 - 00:12:56:14
Speaker 1
Something that comes to mind as well. It was your driving theory test. So you waited until the morning of your test before. Before like researching it and you achieved it. You like passed it because you spent four hours. I fixed it reading highway code. Okay, so seven out of seven. Number eight productive procrastination.

00:12:56:16 - 00:13:19:21
Speaker 2
Yeah, I always do this. The only time you'll find me cleaning is when I'm avoiding another task. I kind of see it as. And you use this with me. So if somebody needs to empty the dishwasher and somebody needs to fold the laundry, you'll offer me up both knowing that I'll choose the dish, the easier one. Yeah. So I can seem to work when I'm avoiding other work.

00:13:20:00 - 00:13:28:11
Speaker 2
Yeah. Does it give me dopamine? Yeah, probably. The avoidance of a horrible task would be. So that's another tick.

00:13:28:12 - 00:13:54:07
Speaker 1
One of the. I remember when we were first ever before we knew about ADHD. You actually explained described yourself as you always do things as long as it's not what you're meant to be doing. And like, I didn't really understand that until until living with you. Number nine fantasy self planning. So this is yeah, I guess. Well, you go on.

00:13:54:08 - 00:14:04:08
Speaker 2
The fact that I'm going to lose 20 pounds in four weeks and go to hot yoga five times a week.

00:14:04:14 - 00:14:07:01
Speaker 1
For the next ten years. Yeah.

00:14:07:02 - 00:14:14:06
Speaker 2
Or run a marathon or swim. The channel is like fantasizing.

00:14:14:08 - 00:14:22:20
Speaker 2
Is it like a fantasy version of you, like this perfect version of you that's like doing all this stuff and is organized and finally gets clean and.

00:14:22:21 - 00:14:40:03
Speaker 1
Yeah, but I can see why there would be dopamine. And that is like jumping into a fantasy of your own, of your own life. The only problem with it is obviously it comes with when you don't do any of this stuff. It's like maybe adds to a bit of shame and stuff like later down the line.

00:14:40:04 - 00:14:58:17
Speaker 2
Yeah, I think now I know I'm going to fantasize a level of success and perfection that I will never reach it or feel good at the moment. I know I'm never going to do it. When I was younger, I used to make all these commitments and then fail, and that led to that shame spiral. But now I'm just like, yeah, it's not going to happen.

00:14:58:17 - 00:15:01:22
Speaker 2
But it's nice to think about. So yeah. Big. Yes.

00:15:01:24 - 00:15:11:12
Speaker 1
Okay. Number ten I'm saying yes to this one before I've even said it. So don't even think about any other answer. Home improvements.

00:15:11:14 - 00:15:12:08
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:15:12:10 - 00:15:14:15
Speaker 1
What's your favorite thing to do at the moment?

00:15:14:16 - 00:15:19:02
Speaker 2
Go to home Sense and buy things for the house that we don't need.

00:15:19:04 - 00:15:20:06
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:15:20:08 - 00:15:47:17
Speaker 2
I love redecorating. Buying our new cushions. Don't even get me side. New cushions, candles everywhere. It could be as simple as that. A candle all the way up to repainting a room. Yeah, I love it. I love just escaping into the fantasy of living in the perfect house again. I'll never achieve it, but I like to think about it.

00:15:47:17 - 00:15:57:15
Speaker 1
The cushions were one for me. You were insistent on having a lovely, nice cushions and the dog used to eat them, so we were buying new cushions every other week.

00:15:57:16 - 00:15:58:09
Speaker 2
Brilliant.

00:15:58:15 - 00:16:04:17
Speaker 1
At least it was home sense. Right before I go into a number 11, we're going to have a quick word from our sponsors.

00:16:04:20 - 00:16:28:21
Speaker 2
We have the most amazing sponsor here at Late Bloomers and that is the amazing loop earplugs. Loop earplugs are so important in mine. Enriches day to day life whenever we leave the house, whether that is going to the pub for dinner or going to Tesco shopping, or I'm dragging him to a sleep token concert, this is what helps us leave the house.

00:16:28:21 - 00:16:53:10
Speaker 2
If you're neurodivergent, there's a high chance that you have sensory sensitivities, and that can mean that your brain has trouble focusing on the right sounds. You can take in everything in your environment, and you can actually be triggered by loud noise. So if you've ever been, for example, shopping and loads of people have been talking and it's made you overstimulated and a bit stressed, this is what you need.

00:16:53:11 - 00:17:16:14
Speaker 2
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00:17:16:14 - 00:17:27:10
Speaker 2
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00:17:27:14 - 00:17:31:19
Speaker 1
Number 11. Oh dear Asthetik, fun.

00:17:31:20 - 00:17:32:18
Speaker 2
What's that then?

00:17:32:19 - 00:17:38:09
Speaker 1
Well, you having half blue hair could be an example of this.

00:17:38:11 - 00:17:40:01
Speaker 2
Oh my nails!

00:17:40:02 - 00:17:41:23
Speaker 1
Oh, you're glow in the dark star now.

00:17:42:01 - 00:18:10:13
Speaker 2
Glow in the dark star nails with. Yeah, tortoiseshell and stars. Oh, all of my little dopamine tattoos. Yeah, like my ear tattoos. All my fingers. Oh, right. So, like, people doing, like, little things to their own bodies. I do notice in our followers who are obviously highly neurodivergent, there is a way higher proportion of, like, dyed hair and bright colored clothing.

00:18:10:14 - 00:18:18:07
Speaker 1
Yeah. Especially if you go to one of your gigs. There is you are not really seeing much natural hair color in that audience.

00:18:18:07 - 00:18:32:04
Speaker 2
Also piercings, tattoos. That's so. So we're all out here just going and getting little things on our body. Dopamine. Yeah. To try and make it through another day I love it.

00:18:32:05 - 00:18:32:21
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:18:33:02 - 00:18:33:21
Speaker 2
Another. Yes.

00:18:33:22 - 00:18:40:13
Speaker 1
Yeah okay. 13 fake productivity.

00:18:40:15 - 00:19:00:21
Speaker 2
Would that be for example vibe coding yourself an entire desktop organization system to stay on top of everything that you need to do every day, color coded with timers and alarms and then never actually using it.

00:19:00:23 - 00:19:16:08
Speaker 1
That could be one example. I mean, a simpler example would be you buying a notebook because that's going to make you productive and then never using. So that's just like an upgrade. That's the new notebook, isn't it? Building an app to achieve the same thing for you to never use.

00:19:16:09 - 00:19:44:10
Speaker 2
It's the new notebook. Yeah. I don't know why planning to do work is so much more fun than doing the work. And you trick if you're doing like a color coded to do list or like this elaborate like cleaning schedule. Really what you're doing is you're avoiding the work by thinking about, talking about, and planning the work. Yeah.

00:19:44:11 - 00:19:46:00
Speaker 2
It's another yes.

00:19:46:02 - 00:20:04:23
Speaker 1
I have just my my mind is just tripped out because I went from 11 esthetic fun to 13 fake productivity. So this is going to be a 19 point, which I'm finding very difficult to sit with at the moment. But it's okay.

00:20:04:23 - 00:20:07:02
Speaker 2
I'll find you. Point 20 by the end of this episode.

00:20:07:02 - 00:20:17:05
Speaker 1
Don't like. Okay, fine. Right. Next number 13 arguments.

00:20:17:07 - 00:20:22:15
Speaker 1
I wouldn't say arguments for you. And you love a good debate.

00:20:22:17 - 00:20:24:02
Speaker 1
Maybe you used to like.

00:20:24:04 - 00:20:30:22
Speaker 2
Yeah, I think if I go back to pre me, you know, at our wedding.

00:20:30:24 - 00:20:31:17
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:20:31:18 - 00:20:52:13
Speaker 2
So I had a best man at our wedding. Matt. I've known him for over 20 years. And he was doing his speech and he was talking about like me when I was young and me at uni and me and my 20s, and he was like, she's so feisty. She can be so angry. She loves to get in a fight.

00:20:52:16 - 00:21:17:23
Speaker 2
And there was sort of a few people sort of looking around like, what? Because modern me has chilled out. But when I was younger, I was known for getting in screaming matches over politics, getting in bar fights. If somebody was offensive to one of my friends or I heard something racist or homophobic like I would get in, I would get in fistfights.

00:21:18:01 - 00:21:23:23
Speaker 1
I've seen videos about this on the internet, actually, that there's a lot of dopamine in arguing. So.

00:21:24:00 - 00:21:47:09
Speaker 2
Yeah, well, is it the dopamine you just oh, you feel like you're doing the right thing. It makes you alive. Obviously, in today's context, I imagine a lot of people do that online. So if you kind of see injustice and then you get into arguments with people online and that's kind of bringing it's kind of like a sick, twisted dopamine.

00:21:47:10 - 00:22:00:04
Speaker 2
It engages because it enrages. I don't know if it feels good, but you certainly feel alive by kind of arguing, your point being, right. Getting into it with some idiot stranger.

00:22:00:05 - 00:22:02:00
Speaker 1
I would say that's that is dope mean.

00:22:02:01 - 00:22:08:24
Speaker 2
Yeah, I don't I don't do that anymore. I'm just like, you hate me. Awesome. Like move on baby.

00:22:09:02 - 00:22:09:16
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:22:09:17 - 00:22:11:06
Speaker 2
Anyway, that's. Yes.

00:22:11:08 - 00:22:20:17
Speaker 1
Okay. I think we know where this is going, don't we? Number 14 crushes and limericks.

00:22:20:19 - 00:22:22:03
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:22:22:05 - 00:22:23:24
Speaker 1
To want to say more than that.

00:22:23:24 - 00:22:46:07
Speaker 2
So my entire life, I thought I was just falling in love with people. I wasn't. I was just experiencing limericks, which is basically a total obsession with someone that is based in fantasy, not reality. It takes over your every thought. It's your first thought in the morning. You think about it throughout the day. You change what you wear, how you act, where you go.

00:22:46:11 - 00:22:51:08
Speaker 2
It's very kind of stalker and weird, actually. But I was like that my entire life.

00:22:51:11 - 00:22:56:14
Speaker 1
So how do you not do that anymore? Because presumably you're not sitting there thinking, no.

00:22:56:15 - 00:23:16:06
Speaker 2
Well, I went through it. And six years ago, like when we were first together. Yeah. And so I'd had a pattern of it my entire life, and then I'd been celibate for 18 months because I was like, I can't keep messing up every relationship I have. It's not cute anymore. I'm in my mid 30s to put myself on the bench, started therapy, and then I was like, oh, cool.

00:23:16:07 - 00:23:39:03
Speaker 2
Like I'm fixed and met you. And then it happened again. And at the time it was so destroying. So I was like, are you kidding? But now I know. Here's the thing with all this stuff, the minute you know, and you have awareness, you can just be like, oh, right. It's no need to think I'm in love or blow up a relationship.

00:23:39:04 - 00:24:03:06
Speaker 2
Just move on. It will pass. Yeah, it's no different to a new hobby. And I think sometimes it can get people in trouble. People could end up cheating or leaving a relationship. It's like, whoa, no, like this will pass to just like the resin, just like the soap making. It's it's no different. So yeah, I just have that awareness so it doesn't really happen.

00:24:03:06 - 00:24:07:17
Speaker 2
Also, years and years of therapy I think does help in that area.

00:24:07:19 - 00:24:15:06
Speaker 1
Yeah. Okay. Number 15 self destructive stimulation.

00:24:15:08 - 00:24:27:19
Speaker 2
So not so much now like there's little moments when my self destructive nature might peep out with overspending.

00:24:27:22 - 00:24:29:07
Speaker 1
Yeah, maybe.

00:24:29:12 - 00:24:33:14
Speaker 2
Or like being really impulsive like sack off work and go here.

00:24:33:16 - 00:24:34:14
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:24:34:16 - 00:24:52:05
Speaker 2
When I was in my 20s, early 30s, that was drink, drugs, risky behavior, sleeping on the street after parties with strangers. I just, I put myself in some awful situations because. Yeah, you're led by the excitement.

00:24:52:06 - 00:24:53:24
Speaker 1
Well, pure dope. Mean probably.

00:24:54:00 - 00:24:54:24
Speaker 2
Of the risk.

00:24:55:03 - 00:25:05:03
Speaker 1
Yeah. Okay. Number 16, spirituality. You've gone for a few phases of this, actually, haven't you?

00:25:05:05 - 00:25:07:10
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:25:07:12 - 00:25:11:21
Speaker 1
Talk us through quickly. Give us a brief rundown of your spirituality journey.

00:25:11:23 - 00:25:49:00
Speaker 2
I've never I've never made the link between spirituality and chasing day for me. So my world is just currently crashing around me. Yeah, yeah. I can't sum up a 20 year journey with different religions and spirituality and philosophical positions in the two minutes I've got, but let's just say I've been involved and I've taken it pretty far. Whether that was Christianity, New Age, spirituality, like tarot cards and Christianity did hit pretty hard.

00:25:49:02 - 00:25:53:19
Speaker 1
Like I remember the tarot card era yesterday.

00:25:53:21 - 00:26:14:10
Speaker 2
Well, that was like shopping and little treats. It really like played into that. The Christianity really played into the living in a fantasy world of like good and evil and me being on the side of good. It's, you had to take a little step back from that because of the psychosis, but that's probably a another episode. Anyway.

00:26:14:11 - 00:26:16:16
Speaker 2
Big tick from me.

00:26:16:18 - 00:26:22:04
Speaker 1
Number 17 hyper fixations.

00:26:22:06 - 00:26:27:18
Speaker 2
I mean, I am a walking hyper fixation.

00:26:27:20 - 00:26:29:13
Speaker 1
They just your latest one. Do you know.

00:26:29:14 - 00:26:32:18
Speaker 2
It's been the same for years? Do you know what it is?

00:26:32:20 - 00:26:35:00
Speaker 1
Psychoanalytic.

00:26:35:02 - 00:27:01:02
Speaker 2
Yeah. To psychoanalysis. It's the type of therapy that I'm in. And I'm completely obsessional and obsessed about it. And I read texts that are meant for clinicians, and I download, like, academic articles that I shouldn't be reading. I speak to my therapist about it, and we unpack what that means about me. Yeah. And there's some interesting stuff in there.

00:27:01:02 - 00:27:21:02
Speaker 2
But yeah, that's been there for years, I love it. I can always go on a deep dive. I can always talk about it. I have to try not to. I've learned to stop speaking to you and seer about it because you're not interested. And like, that's a skill I've had to develop. Just because I'm hyper fixated doesn't mean you are like you with the garden at the moment.

00:27:21:03 - 00:27:27:07
Speaker 2
Yeah. You know, I'm maybe not as interested in the the lawn and the. Yeah. The shoes.

00:27:27:07 - 00:27:30:22
Speaker 1
I'm happy with it. I don't I don't mind that though.

00:27:30:24 - 00:27:33:24
Speaker 2
Yeah. That's a, that's a big yes for me okay.

00:27:34:02 - 00:27:41:09
Speaker 1
Number 18 binging. So this could be food drink TV shows.

00:27:41:11 - 00:27:45:24
Speaker 2
Yeah I mean I binge.

00:27:46:01 - 00:28:14:08
Speaker 2
Drinking used to binge drugs, binge food, binge TV shows, binge doom scrolling like I'm a big binge. And what happens to me is, and I, I don't even want to try and fight it anymore because I'm 41. That's like, this is how I work. It's all or nothing. So I'm like, Benjamin binge, let's say food, make myself a sick, horrible and bloated.

00:28:14:08 - 00:28:30:00
Speaker 2
I've got no energy. I'm like, well, I'm done. Then I'll boom, the pendulum will swing the other way, and I'm on like a super strict low carb diet and going to CrossFit three times a week. Like, there is no there's no balance. There's no in between.

00:28:30:01 - 00:28:40:19
Speaker 1
I remember when we were first together, we binge watched a TV show until like five in the morning. Yeah. How to Get Away With Murder was the TV show to remember it. It was so good.

00:28:40:20 - 00:28:43:18
Speaker 2
But we were watching it back to back throughout the day.

00:28:43:20 - 00:28:44:03
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:28:44:04 - 00:28:45:12
Speaker 2
We had a binge day.

00:28:45:13 - 00:28:53:18
Speaker 1
Yeah, you can't do binging anymore because we watch TV at night and you're asleep before the end of the episode that's currently on. That might be an age thing, maybe.

00:28:53:19 - 00:29:09:18
Speaker 2
I think that's age because I used to be able to stay up so late, but now I do drift off. But yeah, I understand. Simple as you could get a bag of Haribo sweets. I can't moderate that. I'm going back and back and gobbling and eating.

00:29:09:20 - 00:29:10:12
Speaker 1
Until they're all.

00:29:10:12 - 00:29:14:22
Speaker 2
Gone, until it's all gone. And yes, there is doping in. And that's a big tick from me.

00:29:14:23 - 00:29:24:00
Speaker 1
Yeah. Okay. Number 19. And then we're over to you for number 20 starting new projects.

00:29:24:02 - 00:29:44:19
Speaker 2
I kind of feel like you said that. Did you really get these from Reddit? Are other people struggling with this because it feels slightly personal attack that like, every single one has been? Yeah. Like I'm not accusing you of anything.

00:29:44:21 - 00:29:50:03
Speaker 1
You accuse away. These are. This is on Reddit.

00:29:50:05 - 00:29:52:11
Speaker 2
Okay.

00:29:52:13 - 00:29:56:23
Speaker 1
Just in case there was any doubt that you do, in fact, have ADHD. Babe.

00:29:57:00 - 00:30:24:17
Speaker 2
I don't think this. Okay, starting new projects is a way to get dopamine. I mean, I just feel like ironic sitting here in the Late Bloomers podcast studio that was started a year and a half ago, and then we've got the Bodley Body doubling app that was started two and a half years ago, and then our ADHD love videos that was started four years ago.

00:30:24:18 - 00:30:28:16
Speaker 2
Five years ago was the resin business and.

00:30:28:21 - 00:30:32:00
Speaker 1
What different path we could have been on if that had taken off.

00:30:32:01 - 00:30:41:20
Speaker 2
If we'd been like resin influences. That was my dream. I really, really believed we were going to be like the next big thing in resin.

00:30:41:20 - 00:30:44:10
Speaker 1
You would have got bored of it so quickly.

00:30:44:16 - 00:31:08:19
Speaker 2
But then I would have just started the soap making it. That's the thing. It's. And by the way, this is such a toxic trait of ADHD that nobody ever talks about. One of our favorite ways to avoid the actual work of a new project is to start a new project. And by the way, it only works temporarily. So, like in the planning of it, the imagining, the fantasy, you feel great.

00:31:08:19 - 00:31:27:17
Speaker 2
You're avoiding the real work. You're living in full fantasy land. Incredible. But then that becomes real work. And then you've just got two things like, can we just for a second, like, I love my life, I love you, I love the work we do. It's so good. But can we just take a second to look at what I have done?

00:31:27:19 - 00:31:38:05
Speaker 2
Music career. Song songwriting career, online ADHD educator, app developer.

00:31:38:10 - 00:31:40:00
Speaker 1
All books written.

00:31:40:02 - 00:31:48:15
Speaker 2
Author, podcaster. Like I need to be stopped.

00:31:48:17 - 00:32:02:17
Speaker 1
Right? You heard it here first, ladies and gents. She needs to be stopped. So the next bright idea I'm going to remind you of that statement when you want to start something new.

00:32:02:19 - 00:32:11:14
Speaker 2
Sure. Number 20 is.

00:32:11:16 - 00:32:40:06
Speaker 2
Getting dopamine from oversharing, slash gossiping slash as a trauma bonding because that's not what it is. Trauma. Gossiping. Like if I'm with someone that's on my level and I can tell that they're like, you know, they I'm songwriting and somebody like, walks in late and flustered and they're like, oh my God, sorry. And I'm like, one of us.

00:32:40:11 - 00:32:47:08
Speaker 2
And then how are we going to like, bond and go from zero to hero really quick, get into the family trauma.

00:32:47:09 - 00:32:55:16
Speaker 1
It's what made you a quite a good songwriter when you were working with artists, because you would get into the crux of their lives within five minutes?

00:32:55:19 - 00:33:15:06
Speaker 2
Yeah, I think so. I think so because it. I don't want to do small talk. I want to do big talk. What's going on in your family? What disorders have you got? What are we dealing with. Like what are the long term patterns you need to resolve? Yeah. And so yeah I love that. So look I'm I'm 20 for 20.

00:33:15:06 - 00:33:16:03
Speaker 1
100%.

00:33:16:03 - 00:33:26:04
Speaker 2
I would absolutely love to know in the comments at any of you 2020. Do I need to speak to someone additional because that's made me feel.

00:33:26:06 - 00:33:27:03
Speaker 1
Don't start something new.

00:33:27:08 - 00:33:29:03
Speaker 2
Crazy. Do you know what's crazy?

00:33:29:04 - 00:33:32:08
Speaker 1
Tell me.

00:33:32:10 - 00:34:00:14
Speaker 2
About every single one of those things. So we're saying it's chasing day for me, right? They're there also. They're all a bit of a fantasy. They're all avoiding reality. This grand plan to avoid your work, this fantasy new business. To avoid the actual business that you need to work on. This new hobby that's going to build the answers to your prayers.

00:34:00:14 - 00:34:14:10
Speaker 2
But you're going to get bored of it. Limericks. The fantasy. It's almost like people with ADHD have difficulty living in the mundane real world, so we're always escaping into fantasy.

00:34:14:11 - 00:34:16:20
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:34:16:22 - 00:34:17:07
Speaker 2
Anyway.

00:34:17:11 - 00:34:18:16
Speaker 1
Live in the clouds, babe.

00:34:18:17 - 00:34:39:09
Speaker 2
Living in the clouds are daydreaming. I was always called that, my lord. Okay. Thank you so much for tuning in. Let us know how many did you get? This has been the Late Bloomers podcast and if you've loved it, liked it, give us a follow. Subscribe. Like share all of that jazz and we will hopefully see you next week.