Hello and welcome back to the Mother of Democracy, a sub series of the Civic Flame a podcast where we take a deep dive into Constitutional Democracy in all its sociolegal glory. IÕm your host Amber Vayo, professor of law and policy at Worcester State University. If youÕve followed my other podcast Birthzillas, you know that I specialize in maternal health and in particular reproductive politics. Mother of Democracy merges all that Constitutional Democracy stuff with the reproductive politics stuff and says: full democracy is not possible as long as misogyny is a national and global threat to women. Democracy and Misogyny Cannot Coexist Hatred of women is the number one cause of violence: institutional and interpersonal. If you canÕt handle that, this podcast is not for you. If you want to make an actual difference in the world, understand what the barriers are to living in actual freedom for all of us, and be part of the solution, then this is for you. Today, we take a look a bit out of my wheelhouse and go global. So grab your epistemic passports because weÕre heading to South Korea. (transition) What is the 4B Movement? South Korea is known for a lot of things, in particular lately, K Pop Demon hunters (which is amazing, and you should see it), not allowing a coup (the US should take some notes on this one), and of course its economic and technological prowess (which is considerable). Like the United States, over half of young women and more than ? of young men say they want to get married; however, as in both places, young women regularly say that no matter how much they want to find someone they could marry and have a family with, they canÕt. It is unsafe and due to the way society treats women is impossible. Enter South KoreaÕs 4 B movement. The 4 Bs are no sex, no giving birth, no dating men, and no marriage with men. The 4 B movement goes beyond marching in the streets and making a fuss and demanding rights and works quietly and collectively to simply divest from men. Where do separatist feminist movements come from? If youÕre the kind of person who wants to brush this off as angry feminists, you can stop listening now or you can grab your big boy thinking cap and try to do some actual work here. Because contrary to the Gamegate, incel, bro-ligarch brigade laying the pathway for self-radicalization for so many Americans, most women around the world donÕt want to divest from men. Check out Bell HooksÕ work for this, especially her The Will to Change. She outlines for those who donÕt understand and articulates for those of us who arenÕt as good at it as she is, that women divest from men like this because they are a danger to us. A week ago, a man in Louisiana murdered after killing 8 children, seven of whom were his in a shooting spree. And since he was going through divorce, there are plenty of people who are excusing his behavior. This violent, abusive, horrible man, couldnÕt handle the shame of getting divorced. This was ego, right? I mean, thatÕs what this is. He didnÕt want to lose his possession. It was not sad that heÕs getting divorced. ItÕs anger that what he feels belongs to him is being taken away. He doesnÕt kill his children because heÕs depressed or out of control. He does it because he IS in control. He has decided to punish their mothers for rejecting him. To punish them for refusing to give him what he thinks he deserves. And this is what other feminists and I canÕt seem to get through a lot of thick skulls: rape is about power, not sex. Abuse is about power, and control. These men donÕt lose control and hit women. Right? If it was just a loss of control when they were angry, theyÕd beat up their bosses or men who are bigger than them. But they donÕt. They wait until they are home. They wait until they can hide it (because they know it is wrong). They wait until they can punch down on someone they think is weaker than them. Men murder us. They rape us. They torture us. They beat us. They murder our children. They rape our children. They torture our children. They beat our children. The National Domestic Violence Hotline notes that 29% of women experience rape, physical violence, and stalking. One in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience ÒsevereÓ physical violence in relationships. Women are constantly told to pick better men. But when we do, weÕre told thereÕs a male loneliness epidemic and its our fault. So in response to us getting raped, murdered, or beaten, itÕs our fault for not picking better. When we opt our because so many of yÕall look the same, weÕre met with political and economic bros taking away our right to abortion and birth control, threatening to take away our right to vote, and techno-authoritarians funding trad wife bs. Because the reality is that they donÕt want us to chose better because that would mean they have to be better. They want us to choose them and not complain when they hurt and kill us and our kids. The male loneliness epidemic is because of male violence. The male loneliness epidemic is a myth, as weÕll talk about another time. Women are equally likely to be lonely as men. The difference is that men make it other peopleÕs problem. Women are lonely because men wonÕt step up. Men are lonely because men wonÕt step up. They become incels because thatÕs easier than de-programing themselves from patriarchy. And they blame women for that instead of the men who made money selling them patriarchy and the other men who made money selling them incel ideology. In the US, we keep trying to solve this through law and pink-washed marketing campaigns. In South Korea, in response to the widespread and graphic violence against women. The Korea Herald says 1 in 5 Korean women face intimate partner violence, The Korea Times in 2025 refers to Korea as having Òdeadly indifferenceÓ to violence against women, and the United Nations issued a 2025 report that includes statistics suggesting a high rate of femicide (murder of women) and intimate partner violence. The UN also noted that we donÕt truly understand the scope of the violence because there are not adequate statistics. In 2024 The Korean Herald writer Lee Jaeeun reported on a Òwave of murders targeting ex girlfriendsÓ and the lack of what is called Òsafe breakup.Ó Meaning that even if you leave the guy, you are at risk of violence, rape, and murder. She further reports over 26% of women in relationships report intimate partner violence. To put it in more start terms: Òin Korea, a woman is killed or almost killed by a man in a close relationship with her every 19 hours.Ó But intimate partner violence isnÕt the only part of the 4 B movement. The working conditions in South Korea areÑwell, intense would be a nice way to put it. Work culture is brutal. South Korea has the second longest working hours of all OECD countries, despite the official work hours being around 40 hours a week. There are hours upon hour s of overtime. In addition, women take a bulk of the house work and child care. And this is what results in South Korea having one of the lowest birth rates in the world. Women physically cannot afford to live without working, and cannot sacrifice their careers by having huge gaps for the time it take to raise children. But doing the school run, finding tutors and afterschool programs for children, doing the house work, all while working 40+ hours a week and no real help at home has put South Korean women in a space where theyÕve rejected the Òhave it allÓ myth by saying, no help no kids. Like so many other places, the men wouldnÕt rise to the occasion in the home and in relationships; the capitalists wouldnÕt rise to the occasion and adjust working hours and create a work life balance for women and children. So, sisters are getting it done. And theyÕre saying: if you donÕt do your part, then weÕre not doing ours anymore. IÕm not advocating the 4 B movement, and it is not without its criticisms, particularly homophobia and transphobia. But I think it is a good wake up call for people around the world. Women are opting out of these systems of oppression that are built on our backs. (transition) I said this was a podcast about democracy. And it is. Democracy does not work if only one half of society is carrying the load. It doesnÕt work economically when the working class and middle class are upholding the economic order while not reaping the benefits. It doesnÕt work when people who are Black and brown and Asian are getting targeted for their race despite how many times throughout history they have literally built our country. It doesnÕt work if gay folks and trans folks canÕt walk down the street without attack. Democracy means an equal future for all. And it doesnÕt work when the order of the day is misogyny and femicide is so socially acceptable that you can rape and murder with impunity. As long as these incel movements continue, these pick up artist and other nonsense bros online, as long as our young boys in K-12 are (globally) showing higher rates of misogyny than ever before, as long as members of the US government and economic order can call to restrict womenÕs rights to vote, to bodily autonomy, and to personhood democracy cannot function. ItÕs not just divesting from men and feminist separatist movements like 4 B: itÕs the fact that those movements are necessary because of how bad the situation has become for so many women and children. Separatism and divestment are symptoms of a disease that is devouring the heart of our democracy. What can you do about it? If you have men in your life, find ways to let them know the media content theyÕre watching is problematic. If you have men younger than 18 in your life, get in the game! The number of parents who fail their sons is catastrophic. Young boys should not be accessing anti-women and pro-broligharchy content online. Hating girls is not just a phase; itÕs a life style. And if you let young boys do it, then youÕre laying the groundwork for them to hate others and themselves. Young women are trained to handle young boys emotions. Whether that is in sexist dress codes that tell women they are responsible for male predatory behavior; or pairing girls up with boys in elementary school to help the boys regulate. Or telling girls ÒheÕs just jokingÓ or Òhe probably just likes you.Ó The scope of revenge porn and AI generated pornography in our elementary through high schools is horrifying in scope. Young boys are taking pictures of female classmates and female teachers and using AI programs to develop sex abuse material, including child sex abuse material. This is not something that can be solved with a policy (though, holding AI and social media to account will be a huge first step). It needs to be addressed person to person, in particular parent to son. WeÕve let the rot get so bad that we have to build back up from the very ground because the rot has gotten to our very roots. Democracy requires accountability from all of us. So letÕs fight the empire. (outro) Mother of Democracy is a Mother of Deomcracy podcast, formerly the Dr Fun Sponge Media Group, with writer Amber Vayo and sound producer Matt Munyon. Thanks for listening.