Jayne Ray: Hi, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Joyous Journeys Over 60. I'm Jane Ray, and I'm here with my fabulous podcast partner. Andrea Stein. Nice to meet you, Jane. And it's a lovely, hot.

Jayne Ray: day in Florida. Summer is definitely on its way. I'm on my way to Georgia, and to the mountains in a little bit, so that's where we spend the summer. You're gonna be here in the… I like the heat, I like the humidity, the only thing I don't like is hurricanes. Well, hopefully, we'll be blessed this year, and not get…

Jayne Ray: any hurricanes. So, today we want to talk about something that, I think for most…

Jayne Ray: People of an age.

Jayne Ray: We've started to develop or retain relationships by using social media. Yeah.

Jayne Ray: I mean, we call it the social media lifestyle. The social media lifestyle, indeed. And, you know, I find it very, very interesting, because, you know, before we started recording, you were talking about people that you've never met, but…

Jayne Ray: they feel like they're friends. You know, I…

Jayne Ray: I interact a lot on social media, and I love it, you know, and there's a good number of people I have never met in person. In all likelihood, I will never meet in person, but when they sent me a message, the message sounds like I've been their lifelong best friend. They assume I know everything about them, and it is interesting, these relationships on social media

Jayne Ray: are real. These are not imaginary constructs. This is a real place where relationships and friendships can be found, maintained, and even developed.

Jayne Ray: Yeah, absolutely. You know, I was saying, I have some connections on social media. Facebook. I mean, Facebook is social media for people of an age. But, you know, I have some friends there that I went to middle school with that I haven't seen probably since I'm 13 or 14 years old, but we've stayed connected through the years

Jayne Ray: through Facebook.

Jayne Ray: And so, I've had the pleasure of watching their families, or their travels, or, you know, wishing them happy birthday, but

Jayne Ray: we're still friends. Yeah. Right? Now, will I see them in person? I don't know. But if I never see them in person again.

Jayne Ray: We have a shared experience. We remember going to middle school together, high school together, college together, I mean, you know, different friends from different seasons. Yeah. But, you know, when you move on, you know, from a job, or you move on from, you move away when you were a kid.

Jayne Ray: you lose those friendships. But now with social media, you don't have to lose them.

Jayne Ray: I mean, there are people that post social media, you know, every opinion, every, you know, hey, here's what I ate today. But, you know, even that's interesting, if they post a recipe of something that, you know, I find… I find pretty fascinating. But for me.

Jayne Ray: The beauty about the social media lifestyle

Jayne Ray: is that I relate to people I would have never, ever had a chance to relate to without social media. I… there is people…

Jayne Ray: who I communicate to, who I relate to.

Jayne Ray: I… they live, who knows where in the US. I would have never met them in person, and still, they've… it feels like I have a real connection. They are a real friend. This is a real person. This is not imaginary, and I think this is a great opportunity. I love that.

Jayne Ray: Yeah, and I think it's something in recent years, particularly, I'll say for those of us of an age, but particularly people that have retired, where the social interaction that you might have had at work… I mean, I worked from home for many, many years, and so I was very comfortable communicating with people on my computer, because that was how I communicated with my team.

Jayne Ray: But, for those of us that are retired and we don't have that day-to-day interaction, and you don't get to talk about what was on TV last night, you know, this gives you a way to stay connected, to feel,

Jayne Ray: important, or still to feel like you matter because of the people that you get to share with, the people that you get to support or comfort. You know, there are people that comfort you. You know, again, I think there's a line where people share too much.

Jayne Ray: Or they decide that they're going to share opinions that, you know, particularly political opinions or things like that, that, you know, that, that kind of

Jayne Ray: support or don't support your friendship, but I think that from the purest perspective.

Jayne Ray: A social media lifestyle gives you that, that sense of…

Jayne Ray: being human. Being human, I think you hit the nail on the head, James. The danger of the social media lifestyle is that it moves from relationships to political opinions, or, you know, or some other agenda. But in essence, social media is a place where you can

Jayne Ray: find relationships, maintain relationships, develop friendships, interact with people you would never have a chance to interact with otherwise, and as long as the focus remains on there, you know, I think it can be a

Jayne Ray: powerfully

Jayne Ray: positive experience. I do know people, they've shared this with me, they refuse to be on social media, and they quote, they tell me, you know, the reason I'm not on there is because all people do there is to tear you down. And that's a reality. That stuff does happen, so you need to be…

Jayne Ray: intentional about, you know, the social media lifestyle. If it's being used to… for political campaigning, then you obviously cross into something where it's less about relationships, but about something else.

Jayne Ray: But the relationships are still real.

Jayne Ray: You know, it's interesting, because if you kind of took that same dynamic, IRL in real life… Yeah. And let's say you were in a group of people, and somebody started talking about something that you were uncomfortable with, or you were in a group that, that, again, just didn't fit your needs or fit your interests, you would leave it. Right? You would leave it. You would walk away from it, or if a friend, you know, started…

Jayne Ray: Just not being a good friend, you would leave that friend. Absolutely. You would end that friendship.

Jayne Ray: social media is the same way. You're not tethered to it, right? You're not stuck to it. And so, you know, if there is a group, or if there is a person, or whatever that's making you uncomfortable, then leave it. It's the same as if you were… actually, in some ways, it's easier, because you just click a button and it's done, as opposed to having to look somebody in the face and say, I don't think we should be friends anymore.

Jayne Ray: But, and you know, that is one of the risks of social media, that it is a lot easier to write

Jayne Ray: negative things, than to look somebody in the eye and say that to them. I would tell you that from my experience,

Jayne Ray: anyone that's posting things that are negative or tearing you down, or whatever, just walk away from that. Yes. Right? Just walk away from it, and avoid the opportunity for you to do that to somebody else. Nobody knows what struggles somebody's going through, and why somebody posted something. And so, there is a respect, even though you're not face-to-face, there is a respect that I think has to be maintained.

Jayne Ray: If you look at Facebook groups, for example, all of them have codes of conduct.

Jayne Ray: Right? That you won't, you know, be disrespectful, you won't bring in politics, you won't bring in, you know, opinions that are not related to what the topics are. But if you also look at groups like Facebook groups, I mean, I found a couple of Facebook groups that have really gotten me through some times that were very, very difficult. Whether it's, you know.

Jayne Ray: medical things, or, you know, I'm happy to tell you that, you know, I take a GLP-1 shot, and I've joined groups that share recipes, or side effects or experiences, and so it's also connecting with like-minded people in some of those groups, where most of those groups are private, very confidential.

Jayne Ray: you can feel comfortable sharing, but you can also feel comfortable asking for support when you're in that type of a… some type of a support group. Again, think about it if it was in real life, and you were in a support group, and you were meeting, you know, at a local place, hopefully you would feel that that's a confidential and safe environment

Jayne Ray: you need to feel the same on, social media groups as, as well. Absolutely. It's, you know…

Jayne Ray: If it is a relationship, there is relationship rules, whether it's in real life, in real person, or on social media. And you never, in a real life relationship or a social media relationship.

Jayne Ray: should allow anyone to harass you, to call you names, to offend you. There is no need for that, there is no space for that, and you mentioned it perfectly. Virtually walking away, you would walk away in real life, there is no place for that. But the power of social media lifestyle, there is, Jane, is also that

Jayne Ray: you know, once retirement comes, and maybe mobility becomes an issue, maybe you are no longer, you know, have the energy to be in all of those places where you want to be, the connections on social media, they are real connections, and they will stay with you. You know, so you can still communicate to people, and it gives you a feeling of connectedness.

Jayne Ray: That even mobility issues cannot do away.

Jayne Ray: Oh, yeah, absolutely. If, you know, if you were housebound, or you were having a temporary or permanent.

Jayne Ray: mobility issue or a medical issue, social media's a great way to stay connected. And again, I think that the positive side really outweighs any of the negative sides. Again, do you need to be astute? Yes. Do you need to self-protect if you're in a situation? Yes.

Jayne Ray: But… Connecting with people that

Jayne Ray: have similar interests, or you have a similar history with, or just seeing the joy, and sharing your joy. Yes. You know, sharing that you ate at a restaurant and you really loved what you had, and you took a picture of the menu, and, you know, first of all, the restaurant would love if you did that, but it is also a way to get people talking about

Jayne Ray: You know, what was the meal like? You know, what was the atmosphere like? It gets people a chance to talk to each other, and even in the groups, I mean, the groups will give you recommendations, the groups will share, you know, the good, the bad, and maybe a little bit of the ugly as well, in terms of, you know, the negative thing. But also, if you just need to be boosted.

Jayne Ray: your wife posts a lot of very motivational quotes, and I love that, because I don't know where she gets them from, you know, she doesn't write them, but she shares them every day, and when you read those, you may not have thought of that on your own. So there's a lot of, again, very positive reinforcement, there's a lot of feeling love, there's a lot of loving.

Jayne Ray: That goes into social media, if done responsibly. If done responsibly, and…

Jayne Ray: You know, the example you used, if you experience something beautiful.

Jayne Ray: powerful. A restaurant, and you love the meal. Something else, you go to a theater and love the play. Whatever it is, you want to share it.

Jayne Ray: If you experience something that's tough, That's frustrating.

Jayne Ray: you want to share it. It makes it easier, or it makes it more joyful.

Jayne Ray: But where do you share it? You know, once it becomes more challenging, because some of the friends that you had 20 years ago may no longer be around. Sharing on social media is real. You can share the highs, you can share the lows, and…

Jayne Ray: it helps.

Jayne Ray: It gives you strength. It gives you motivation. It's truly the power of sharing.

Jayne Ray: Yeah, one of our grandsons, his son was having a medical issue, and he had a little boy. And, you know, he went out on social media and shared it and said, you know, please, can you offer prayers for this little boy's recovery? And it was remarkable. I mean, you know, people just, like, you know, put up the hands, they…

Jayne Ray: it is a way to… sometimes it is easier to write than to say. Yes, absolutely. And so, I might not look at a whole group of people and say, hey, can you pray for my son? Yes. Can you pray for my grandson? Or, you know, hey, you know, we're moving, and we, you know.

Jayne Ray: Please, you know, help us, send us positive vibes, positive energy.

Jayne Ray: It's a lot easier to write it.

Jayne Ray: And in some ways, it's a lot easier to be a little bit vulnerable. Now, again, with responsibility, right? With responsibility. With responsibility, because, again, social media is mostly used for good, and occasionally… and those people that are afraid of social media, you don't have to share.

Jayne Ray: every aspect of your life. You don't have to share your deepest feelings. You don't have to, you know, you don't have to share anything. Right. You could just tell somebody, hey, I'm thinking about you, or hey, I took a walk today, and it was a beautiful day, and here's pictures of the birds that I saw. I mean, it can be as light or as deep as you want it to be. Yes.

Jayne Ray: And again, it, it, they are real relationships.

Jayne Ray: And real relationships have dynamics. They have dynamics, they have boundaries, there's… this is appropriate, this is not appropriate, so the same rules apply to…

Jayne Ray: social media relationships as they do to real-life relationships, because they are relationships. Because they are relationships, they're powerful. And this is one of the true challenges of retirement life, how to maintain, how to develop new relationships, and I think social media can be a very, very powerful entrance gate, you know, to develop new

Jayne Ray: relationships, real friendships, and I think both of us know many people, you know, who graduated from, if that's the right term, from social media relationships to real relationships in real life. You know, there seems to be at least a possibility of a progression or graduation, I don't know what term they're best to be used.

Jayne Ray: Well, you know, it's also interesting because, you know, when we're talking about social media, we're talking about Facebook, right? Right. But if you look at other social media platforms.

Jayne Ray: dating.

Jayne Ray: I mean, I'm happy to say I met my husband on Match.com. And you were a match. And we were a match. We lived 3 miles apart from each other, and our kids went to the same high school, but we had to go to Match.com to find each other. We joke that we're the poster kids for Match.com. There's a social media platform called Meetup. No, it's not Hookup. It is not a dating site.

Jayne Ray: But Meetup is for groups that are, are looking to grow their membership. So, for example, here in Fort Myers, there is a Meetup group

Jayne Ray: called Retired Ladies Over 60, and once a month, they go to lunch at different places, or they collectively buy theater tickets, or they go on walks together, and so it started out as social media, and they will post their events on Meetup. There are professional groups on Meetup, I said it, it is not hookup. But it is a great platform that if you're looking

Jayne Ray: to, you know, kind of find a group that you might be interested in, you can kind of check out

Jayne Ray: on Meetup, what they're doing, and the days they're doing things, and you can join different groups. Groups, I think, are a very powerful social media, part of the social media lifestyle, because again, you can find groups with like interests, whether it is a like interest that is maybe something going on in your life.

Jayne Ray: or it's a like interest, like, I'm looking to find other people that play pickleball. So there are lots of opportunities to kind of

Jayne Ray: observe, And then decide

Jayne Ray: how far into that relationship you want to get, or how far into that group that you want to get. Again, Facebook groups are private, most of them are private, but certainly you can, you know, if you don't like a group, you just click leave, and off you go. So, there's lots of opportunities to explore without committing.

Jayne Ray: But there's also a lot of opportunity to see what's out there. Yes. And how you may fit that into your retirement lifestyle. And so, in real life, online, digital relationships.

Jayne Ray: in real life relationships, all of those can start in social media. You know, I'm An introverted heart.

Jayne Ray: For me, it's scary, you know, to be out there. Joking. Well, most people think I am joking, but I really am an introvert at heart, but I'm comfortable acting like an extrovert. But meeting new people, new relationships in real life is scary. I mean, it's… you know, you feel insecure, what I'm gonna say, what if I make a fool of myself?

Jayne Ray: Which, I can be really good at that one, you know? So, it's scary to put yourself out there in real life. It's less scary. It's less intimidating on social media.

Jayne Ray: And so, in that way, it, you know, can very well be the opening door, you know, an open door for relationships that may

Jayne Ray: evolve into a real-life, you know, relationship, but even if it stays on social media, it's still real. It's just much less intimidating than it would be, you know, in wherever you find new people in real life. Yeah, I think for…

Jayne Ray: anyone, but particularly those of us that are out of the workplace, which would have been the organic way to make friends, or to have conversations, or to talk about, you know, last night's TV show. For those of us that

Jayne Ray: maybe feel disconnected. You're living in a new place, maybe.

Jayne Ray: You know, your routine is different. This is a really great way to kind of approach and explore.

Jayne Ray: But, like all relationships, if you were in a workplace, and you were new, and you were meeting new people, you would kind of assess

Jayne Ray: Right? You know, what's the dynamic here? What works for me? What doesn't? Or if you had joined a new group in real life. So, the same rules apply, right? The same rules apply where you figure out, where do I fit, where do I not fit in, and, you know, who do I kind of want to get closer to, and who do I want to stay away from? And you have the added benefit of connecting to people from a long time ago.

Jayne Ray: But still stay a part of their lives, and for them to be a part of your lives, and I think that's a huge, huge bonus. So the social media lifestyle is real. …is real. It's real. And if you, again, if you're… if you're active on social media, hopefully this conversation, has given you some more encouragement, and if you're not active on social media, start slowly.

Jayne Ray: Right? Start slowly. Start slowly. Set up a Facebook account, find some friends that you're… you've known for a long time, and connect with them. And one of my friends, all she posts are jokes. I mean, that's the only thing she posts. Well, you know…

Jayne Ray: Facebook, more for casual interaction, you know, Match.com obviously is a different intent, you know, for more, you know, intimate relationships, but social media is truly a place

Jayne Ray: where relationships are being born, and that is the power of social media. Yeah, and you don't need to be an extrovert, right? Which I'm not. No, I mean, that's the truth. You can go as far as you want.

Jayne Ray: But start slowly, explore, take advantage of what's available to you, and no, don't sign up to every single social media platform there is. But, you know, start with Facebook. I mean, that's the, you know, social media for old people. That's the social media for old people, that's what it is.

Jayne Ray: All right. So, anyhow, you know, the last few episodes, we've been talking a lot about lifestyle stuff. We've, we've talked about stereotypes, like, hey, don't put me in the rocking chair, I'm still rock and rolling. We talked about pickleball as a great social, and we're gonna continue doing some more of that. Lifestyle. Yes, it's, retirement is a lifestyle. So, follow us on Facebook, we do have a Facebook page.

Jayne Ray: And stay tuned for some more episodes. I'm looking forward to it. All right, as always, Andreas, a pleasure to talk to you, and wishing everybody joyous journeys.