So this episode is coming to you because I literally just had one of my clients
who purchased my parenting plan write me and say, and I quote, " Why would you want
so many details in your parenting plan?
Let's just keep it loosey goosey." Now, I don't know how many years of
law school her attorney went to, but I would love to know what book and
chapter they got the terminology loosey goosey out of because that seems to be
just like something I really want my parenting plan to say and stand for.
This is one of the worst pieces of advice I have heard in a long time.
And it comes up sporadically as I'm helping people build their custom
parenting plans, but this seems to be the terminology used the most
frequently by attorneys who see the detail that we provide to their client.
We provide a detailed parenting plan that covers all said things, but yet these
attorneys are saying, "You know, no, no.
No, no, no.
I know divorce better.
Now, do they know family law better than me?
Maybe.
Probably.
Do they know custody and co-parenting and living this shit and actually
using the practical piece of paper that they're handing us the parenting plan?
No.
Most of these attorneys have not used the parenting plan that they are pushing out.
So while they're standing there saying, " I know best," they are not the ones
using these loosey, goosey plans because they're vague and they're undefined.
When you can't look at it and know exactly when your time starts and
stops, that's a fucking problem.
These loosey-goosey plans are open for interpretation.
And I don't know if you know anything about your ex like I know about
mine, but we think differently.
Okay?
Here's a shocker.
I think this, he thinks that.
Hence, why we're fucking not married anymore.
It's a constant back and forth when you keep it loose.
That's not a plan.
That's not a contract.
That's future conflict written on paper.
That's what loosey-goosey means.
And I wish attorneys would just say what it is.
I would have more respect for Larry the lawyer out there.
If he would just say, "You know what, Sam? I want to keep this shit really
loosey-goosey because I want you to have more disputes because I want
you to hire me I would have more just for Larry. I'd be like, "That a boy.
Say what you really mean, bud." If you just say the truth.
You want me to have disputes so that you get paid again in two years, in
three years, in fucking six months.
Vagueness creates disputes.
Between my ex and I, and when we can't figure it out, we got to
go, " Ring, ring motherfucker.
Hey, Larry.
Back in action we are with you.
Oh, you need another five to $10,000 retainer?
Sure, no problem.
Hold my beer." What the hell, Larry?
Loosey-goosey only benefits you financially.
You know what else I wish they'd say?
Is they just really don't live this life, so they really just don't know.
Because that has to be one of the only reasons that they would be giving me a
loosey-goosey plan, is if they really just don't know what this life is like.
And I'd rather them just say that.
"Hey, Sam, we really don't know how strict it needs to be, so we're
just gonna go with loosey-goosey.
We don't know how much detail would really help you.
We don't know.
So we don't live this life.
we've never been divorced, and if we did, it wasn't as messy as yours.
It wasn't as high conflict as yours.
So we really don't know what it's like to have to manage holidays or daily conflict.
Just say that.
Don't lead me down the road to believe that, " Oh, I know exactly
what this is gonna be like for you.
How the fuck do you know what this is gonna be like?
" You don't even have children, number one, so you've never even
been divorced with children.
You don't know what high conflict is like.
You don't live this life.
The only thing you do live is people calling you back to say the plan you
gave them the first time fucked them over and they need a different plan.
Now make that make sense real quick, by the way.
Those of you listening that have been divorced for more than five seconds,
you got a plan from your attorney.
It's shit.
It's causing you to fight and argue with your attorney and
you call them back to help you.
Why are you calling the person back that puts you in that spot to begin with?
Hello, let's get a new one, okay?
We're not hiring the same person back to fix the fuckery that they created to begin
with with this loosey-goosey bullshit.
And I know there's a lot of cussing in this episode, it'll all be
bleeped out, but here's the deal.
This is my pissed off level.
And this is what happens because this shit right here is what's
cost me six figures before.
This is what's killing my clients left and right is this whole having to make their
attorney understand why they want detail.
I want detail because I hate the motherfucker.
He hates me.
We don't get along.
We have children together.
We have 12 more years left.
And I wanna know who has Christmas.
I wanna know if I can make a decision without having to freaking pray to
Jesus that he'll answer the phone.
I wanna know if I can enroll the kids.
I wanna know if my kid has a rash.
Am I allowed to take them to fucking doctor or do I have
to wait for their permission?
I wanna know the answer to these very simple day-to-day fucking things, Larry.
But you've never lived this life, Larry.
So Larry makes these comments of like, "Don't worry when the ink
dries, you guys will get along."
Bullshit.
And if we do, Larry, you know where that plan's gonna go?
Up on a fucking shelf and we'll never need to fucking read it anyways.
So why not be up on the shelf with a shit ton of detail?
Instead of when we pull it down, it's like, "Oh, well, fuck.
That's not even included.
God, we don't know how sentenced, it tells us what time we can do this.
Oh, shit.
Here's another thing I wish attorneys would just own up to.
Just own it.
You don't know high conflict.
you present that you do, you advertise that you do, you set it in the consult,
but you have no fucking clue what it's like to deal with a high conflict person.
You have no idea what it's really like to try to co-parent with someone that truly,
not figuratively, not like, "Oh, bad day.
Oh, just having a problem." Fucking hates your guts.
Hates you.
Once you not here anymore, these attorneys have no idea.
They play it off like, "Oh, it's a season.
Oh, it's just a bad time.
Oh, it's just something you're going through.
Oh, it'll get better." No, it won't.
No, it won't for a lot of us out there.
The cooperation will never happen.
The flexibility will never happen.
The working together, uh-uh.
And these attorneys come across that like, " Don't worry.
I know.
It's going to get better for you.
Know what you know is I'm a good person and I'm going to reduce conflict as much
as humanly possible, which means I am going to bend more than fucking gumby to
make sure this doesn't fuck up my kids."
And your attorney knows that about you.
But I wish they'd just say, I wish they would just say, "I really
don't understand high conflict.
I don't know how to present it to the judge without sounding crazy.
And I sure as hell don't know how to write a parenting plan to help you.
I wish you'd lead with that.
I wish you'd be honest, that you just don't know how to fix the fuckery of
my Now, the other reason some attorneys may want you to keep it loosey-goosey
is that they're just stubborn and they're used to kicking out the same
parenting plan they've always kicked out and they're not up for change.
They don't want to use something different.
They don't want to try to talk a judge into something different.
They're just stubborn and their ego's so fricking large that they
can't even get it in the door.
And that's it.
And I think this is ridiculous for us parents to have to absorb this.
Now, I watched something and this is going to hit or miss with some of you,
but I am a huge reality TV show person.
Love me some housewives, love the Mormon wives.
And when I watched the two people on the Mormon wives who are going through
that custody dispute right now, and I watched the judges' orders in that,
and he was literally, he gave them both protective orders, but the bullshit that
spewed out of his mouth was what every judge I think hopes and wishes for all
of us, that everybody will grow up.
Everybody will realize we're in each other's lives forever and everybody
will do what's best for the kid's interest and put this shit aside.
He was … I mean, he said all those things to those two people.
And I love that he said that, but none of that is measurable.
None of that can be proven.
And so while that was a good speech, I love that for that judge.
Yay.
Get along.
Do better.
Raise your kids together.
Put this differences aside.
Fucking do it.
What judges and lawyers don't understand is some people are
just incapable, incapable.
There's always one parent most of the time that can put shit aside and still do it.
Yeah, I'll work with them.
No problem.
I'll call them.
No problem.
I'll … Yep.
Yep.
I can handle it.
I'll sit by him.
No problem.
He can even ride in the car with me.
I don't even care.
It's fucking 20 minutes.
Okay.
It's the other parent who comes unglued about the littlest two biggest thing that
loses their mind, that can't even see straight when they know I'm involved.
There is one person whose mental capacity, and again, I'm not a therapist, so I'm not
gonna claim to know what I'm talking about in this category, but hashtag kinda do.
They're physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically
incapable of getting along with you.
And so while those are great speeches by judges and lawyers to just do
what's best for kids and to put the differences aside and to get along and
blah, blah, blah, and power through, that takes two fucking people, okay?
It takes two people.
And it's really frustrating that people write parenting plans based on that theory
will happen, that we will just get along, that we will figure it out, that we will.
We won't.
And again, I beg to show you that if we do, if we're getting along that
well, then we don't even need a fucking parenting plan and we can put it on
the shelf and just call each other and kumbaya the shit and get along and show
up together and do the things together and put the kids first and it's easy.
And we wouldn't even need a parenting plan.
We wouldn't even need to look at it.
But in the season that we don't, which for most of us is forever, we need a plan.
We need a contract of when does your time start and when does it end?
Clear, measurable, enforceable, not vague, because that's not a contract.
That's words on paper, which is what a lot of you get handed.
It's just words on paper.
The same attorney that gave you the client, a contract says how much you
owe them, when it's due, and what will happen if you don't pay your attorney.
It doesn't say, "Hey, Sam, Larry here, your lawyer.
pay what you can, pay when you can.
And you know what?
It'll work out.
I'm sure I'll get my money at some point." Is that the contract
that you and your attorney have?
Loosey, goosey.
Pay when you want, pay whatever amount.
Fuck no, it doesn't.
My attorney sued me within 30 days because I didn't pay my bill fast enough.
Real quick on that shit, Because that was a contract I
signed, because it had details.
It had, "Sam, you need to have your bill paid in full within 30 days of the
dissolution agreement." Pretty clear.
But believe me, I went back and read it.
It was very clear contract.
So our attorneys have no problem giving us a clear fucking
contract with rules, regulations, details, timestamps, everything.
But when it comes to our plan that has to be sometimes for some of
us 16, 17, 10, nine years, they want it to be loosey, goosey.
Again, come back and tell me you just want my money later.
Come back and tell me you have no idea how to protect me.
Come back and tell me your ego's too big to make changes and let me have deed.
Come back and tell me you just really don't understand high comp.
Tell me that, but don't tell me loosey goosey is going to benefit
me because it's fucking not.
Because the whole time we've been getting divorced, we haven't
had a plan and we've been loosey goosey because there's no plan.
And how's that worked out?
Well, I'm pretty sure my bill is six figures.
I'm pretty sure we've been to court 32 times and nothing's been resolved.
So loosey goosey has already proven itself to not fucking work.
It's already proven itself not to work.
Mr. collecting evidence, here's one for you.
The past 16 months of trying to get divorced, nothing is fucking resolved in
the loosey-goosey method of just trying to work it out and do what's best for kids.
That's fucking evidence.
Timestamp date that bullshit.
I'm so over these attorneys getting away with talking you
into loosey-goosey vagueness.
And here's what, one of them will tell you.
They'll say, " Well, it'll benefit you.
" Motherfucker, it does not benefit me to not know when my
time starts and when it ends.
It doesn't not benefit me to not know what holiday is mine and whatnot.
It does not benefit me to know if I can make the decision
or not make the decision.
That does not benefit me.
And I know what they're trying to say in a long-winded fucking way.
And again, I deeply apologize about the cu- … Actually, I don't fucking
apologize about the cuss words because this is the kind of shit
that just livid, makes me so fucking livid, is that they think we're dumb.
They think we're stupid.
And that what they're trying to say is, Sam, by having it loosey-goosey,
you can kind of just break the rule that's not there and do what you want.
If you keep it vague, Sam, then you can kind of go in and do
whatever it is you wanna do.
That's what they're trying to tell you.
But here's the deal, fucking Larry.
You're not divorced from my ex- husband who is crazy and
will come at me for everything.
That's what they don't get.
My ex would come for me for crossing the street with the wrong socks on.
And you think a loosey-goosey plan is going to benefit me?
Go fuck yourself.
I'm so over this feeling of thinking that you know how to protect me.
You don't.
You know the law.
That's it.
Stay in your fucking lane.
Stay in your lane.
I know how to protect people in high conflict, which was my fucking life,
which is all of my followers' lives.
We have a different kind of crazy that you lawyers just don't understand.
These people eat, sleep, and breathe to fuck with us.
And you think Lucy Goosey is going to help us?
For the love of God, pay attention, take notes, follow, and subscribe for more.
You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, and you're getting
us to sign shit that only fucks our lives up more in the future and
cost us more fucking money with you.
Just say it's the scam.
Be honest about it.
You don't know how to protect or you just want our money.
Which is it?
' Cause I think it's probably both.
Okay.
I'm gonna calm down a little bit.
But this has me so amped up because I have seen my parenting plan work for people.
I've seen judges go, "Holy shit.
This is amazing." I have seen lawyers go, "Damn, I need to update my template."
Yes, you fucking do.
Wake up.
It's 2026 and there's people out there that are out to hurt you.
We need better protection.
We need measurable, tangible, enforceable, fucking policies in our parenting plan.
Not this will cooperate.
Thou shall talk.
Go, seriously, come on.
the gig is up.
We all woke up.
We're smart now.
We got people like me educating parents all over the world
about what's right for us.
And it is a detailed parenting plan.
So I hope every attorney out there that's following me and leaving me
notes and sending me fucking emails, take my masterclass, learn a little
something, help buy my parenting plan.
You're gonna make the money back tenfold in three clients and go ahead.
Use it.
Get better.
Do a better job.
But the idea that you're trying to talk people in to loosey-goosey, seriously.
Wow.
Loosey-goosey will help you.
And they truly believe, Sam, if we just put less in there, you'll
be able to do whatever you want.
No, sir. You don't know who my ex is.
Loosey-goosey won't help me anywhere, but six feet under probably.
So no, I don't want that.
I want detail.
I wanna know when my time starts, when it ends.
I need to know what I'm allowed to do, what I'm not allowed to do.
And I will stay in my lane, and I will follow, and I won't be in contempt.
But I can't handle loosey-goosey because that means I have to
engage with that person, and that person will control me forever.
And I don't want that.
Not for me, and that's not how I wanna show up for around my children.
Get it together, attorneys.
We're onto you, and I'm not gonna stop till we change it.
I'm already starting to talk and teach attorneys, and if
you need help, reach out.
I will teach you my ways.
I will help you build better parenting plans, but the shit you're throwing
out now isn't working for people.
The gig's up.
Loosey-goosies out.
Details in.
Get with it.
Okay.
Welcome back to my channel.
It's The Ugly Truth of Divorce, and I'm your host, Samantha.
And we're just gonna just say what you just witnessed in the intro.
It only gets heightened from here.
So this will be an episode that you do not want your children within the
house if you're listening to this, okay?
There is explicit words, and I'm just going to say that, and I don't apologize
because you're gonna hear the passion behind where they're coming from.
And we're gonna really dive into parenting plans and the term loosey
goosey, used by your attorney.
And I want you to just listen to this episode and be thinking about,
"Man, if I had a loosey, goosey parenting plan, how would my ex
treat me knowing that it was loosey
goosey?" All right, well, I don't know if you need deodorant like I do after
that one, but it got heated in here.
It was hot.
And I'm just here to tell you, we cannot keep allowing these lawyers
and attorneys and family law to take advantage of us and presume that we're
dumb and that we don't know better and that we don't have a different way.
And you do.
Education is number one and/or building your own parenting plan is number two,
and you demand that details be included.
You take those details, you listen to every episode, you go back and you
watch all of my social media, you go and buy the pa- masterclass, you go
and get us to build your parenting plan, but what you don't do is settle
on the idea that loosey-goosey will work in your future because it won't.
I've been doing this longer than you have, and I'm here to tell you as
your big sis, as your mother, and tell you don't settle on loosey-goosey.
Go after those details.
Your future depends upon it and your children want to know where they stand
with things and where they're supposed to be and how they're supposed to be
getting there and who's responsible.
They don't want to be put into a washing machine of turbulence between you and your
ex as you try to navigate loosey-goosey.
It's out.
Details are in.
Okay.
Welcome back to my channel.
It's The Ugly Truth of Divorce, and I'm your host, Samantha.
And we're just gonna just say what you just witnessed in the intro.
It only gets heightened from here.
So this will be an episode that you do not want your children within the
house if you're listening to this, okay?
There is explicit words, and I'm just going to say that, and I don't apologize
because you're gonna hear the passion behind where they're coming from.
And we're gonna really dive into parenting plans and the term loosey
goosey, used by your attorney.
And I want you to just listen to this episode and be thinking about,
"Man, if I had a loosey, goosey parenting plan, how would my ex
treat me knowing that it was loosey
goosey?" All right, well, I don't know if you need deodorant like I do after
that one, but it got heated in here.
It was hot.
And I'm just here to tell you, we cannot keep allowing these lawyers
and attorneys and family law to take advantage of us and presume that we're
dumb and that we don't know better and that we don't have a different way.
And you do.
Education is number one and/or building your own parenting plan is number two,
and you demand that details be included.
You take those details, you listen to every episode, you go back and you
watch all of my social media, you go and buy the pa- masterclass, you go
and get us to build your parenting plan, but what you don't do is settle
on the idea that loosey-goosey will work in your future because it won't.
I've been doing this longer than you have, and I'm here to tell you as
your big sis, as your mother, and tell you don't settle on loosey-goosey.
Go after those details.
Your future depends upon it and your children want to know where they stand
with things and where they're supposed to be and how they're supposed to be
getting there and who's responsible.
They don't want to be put into a washing machine of turbulence between you and your
ex as you try to navigate loosey-goosey.
It's out.
Details are in.