Jayne Ray: Hi, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Joyous Journeys Over 60. I'm Jane Ray, and today I am in Blairsville, Georgia, at my summer place, and in Florida is my podcast partner, Andreas Stein.

Andreas Stein: Jane, good to see you, even though you are, I don't know, 500, 600 miles away, it still feels like you're sitting right next to me.

Jayne Ray: Yeah, and a slight temperature difference between us. I'm in the mountains, and you're in very, very flat Florida, but how are you doing? Are you doing well?

Andreas Stein: I'm doing quite well. It starts to feel like summer in southwest Florida. 90s and high humidity afternoon, and storms in the afternoon, it feels just perfect.

Jayne Ray: And here in the mountains, when we first got here about, about 10 days ago, it was in the 40s in the mountains.

Andreas Stein: Way too cold.

Jayne Ray: Yeah, Flora… yeah, this Florida kid was really, struggling a little bit with sweatshirts and jackets and gloves.

Jayne Ray: I put a hat on today, so, it's… it's very different. But, you know, Andreas, I think it's a good segue, to… to talk about lifestyle, right?

Jayne Ray: You know, when you're retired, or when you're thinking about retirement, one of the choices you get to make

Jayne Ray: And some people think about it, some people don't think about it, but it is a choice in terms of how do you want to live the next 20, 30 years of your life?

Jayne Ray: not only where do you want to live, I mean, that, I think that's part of the choice, but how do you want to live, right? How do you want to live? You know, many people have lived in their primary home for a period of time, could be a very long period of time, could be more of a recent period of time.

Jayne Ray: And one of the choices are, do you stay in that community? Do you stay in that home? Or do you downsize? You know, the word downsize is used with retirees all the time. Do you look for a different location? You know, you know, I know, Florida is, you know, the number one retirement area, at least in the winter.

Jayne Ray: Because of our climate. And so those are choices, right? Those are choices that people make, whether they're on their own, whether they're, married. You know, one of the choices are, do you live near your kids, and your grandkids? And so, sometimes the choices can be daunting.

Jayne Ray: Particularly when…

Jayne Ray: we're not used to making that many choices, right? When we were working, you lived near where you worked.

Jayne Ray: Right? Yeah. So, if you had to commute, you didn't have as many choices. You lived in your home for however long you lived in it. So, I think, you know, having unlimited choices, or less limited choices.

Jayne Ray: is something that… a lot of people maybe aren't that comfortable with. What do you think?

Andreas Stein: you know, choices, but I love the word that you used at the very beginning. You said lifestyle, you know, and I think, you know, more than at any other stage in life, you know, lifestyle now becomes…

Andreas Stein: kind of a main factor in deciding where to live. As you mentioned, at age 40, if you relocate, chances are, because your job makes you relocate, so you have to move somewhere else, lifestyle is…

Andreas Stein: Not even a factor to consider.

Andreas Stein: Now, you can, alright, do I want to live kind of an outdoorsy hiking-style lifestyle as a retiree? Which means you would probably more year-round go to Blairsville, Georgia, or someplace in the mountains, you know, where you can just do the hiking, maybe the skiing in the winter, you know, the typical outdoors. You want to live more kind of a boating lifestyle, you know, which means, of course, you need to live somewhere close to where you can

Andreas Stein: and keep your boat? Do you want to live more the country club lifestyle, the golfing and the parties and the social life that comes visit?

Andreas Stein: But now, suddenly, lifestyle is no longer, alright, I need to find a lifestyle where I work, see what I can find.

Andreas Stein: now it becomes, alright, I would love to live the Broadway lifestyle, which means you need to live somewhere close where there's tons of theaters around, right? If that is a lifestyle you would like to live, or whatever that style is, but suddenly, alright, I've never even thought about the lifestyle I want to live, but now it becomes almost the number one factor.

Jayne Ray: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, part of our lifestyles, when we were working.

Jayne Ray: Also had to do with our families.

Jayne Ray: You know, you've had young children, you… your lifestyle may have revolved around activities. I mean, Lord knows my son played basketball, my daughter was in the band, I mean, she was in the Girl Scouts, so a lot of our lifestyle revolved around the lifestyle of our kids, which was great. I mean, it was amazing. It was an amazing time, but now your kids are grown and they have their own lives, but maybe there's grandchildren involved.

Jayne Ray: So, you're right, choosing a lifestyle could be as dramatic as, do I want to have a theater lifestyle, or a hiking lifestyle, or a more active lifestyle? Of course, financial considerations as well.

Andreas Stein: Obviously.

Jayne Ray: do I want to stay in my comfort zone and stay in the community that I've lived in for however long I've lived there, where my friends are and, you know, I know the people at the grocery store and all of that? There's a choice there as well.

Andreas Stein: Yes.

Jayne Ray: your friends may be moving away. I mean, there's, you know, there's the other part of it, you know, that other people may be moving away. But I think at the core of this is that there are choices.

Jayne Ray: And my choice and my choice may not be the right… the same choice, but there is no right or wrong, right?

Andreas Stein: There's no right or wrong, but each choice brings its own challenges. Now, if I stay

Andreas Stein: where I lived the last 40 years. Obviously, the benefit is I know everyone, relationships continue, friendships continue, you know, and there's really no challenge, you know, when it comes from these. If I decide to move somewhere else, wherever somewhere else is.

Andreas Stein: Yeah, you can have long-distant relationship, but existing relationships will change. They are not going to stay the same.

Andreas Stein: And that brings a certain amount of heartache. I sometimes think about it, you know, if I would ever, no plans, you know, move away from Florida, you know, what would I miss? The weather? Yeah, okay, fine. I can get used to any climate or any weather, anywhere, but I wouldn't miss relationships, I wouldn't miss people. I…

Andreas Stein: You know, so if you are 65 years old, retire, decide to relocate from New York City, New York, to who knows where, wherever you retire, then suddenly, alright, I need to make new friends, I need to get to know new people. Nothing is a given.

Andreas Stein: And that's kind of terrifying, isn't it?

Jayne Ray: It is. It very much is. I mean, moving into a new community…

Jayne Ray: I'm… I'm relatively friendly, I mean, I…

Andreas Stein: But relatively, you're very friendly, Jane.

Jayne Ray: But I also do have an introverted side. When we first moved to our community, you know, we intentionally chose a community where there were more retirees, right? So there were, people of our age. It's not a 55 and older community. A lot of people like a 55 and older community because you have contemporaries, right? You have people that… Right.

Jayne Ray: Kind of lived the same time that… That, that you did.

Jayne Ray: But, we got to know the staff.

Jayne Ray: Way before we got to know other people, right? It is scary.

Andreas Stein: It is scary.

Jayne Ray: Right? Or, you know, you meet people at work organically, because you see each other 40 hours a week, or however long you're there, and so you find the people that you like, and maybe there's some people you don't like, but it is organic. Suddenly, you move into a community, and depending on that community, you know, your next-door neighbor, you may not get to know your next-door neighbor for months.

Jayne Ray: Just because of the nature of having to make new friends. It's like, little kids are really good at making friends, senior citizens, maybe not so much.

Andreas Stein: So much.

Jayne Ray: Right, it's not so much. And, you know, the idea of joining something, right, a card club, a sport, or something like that, is also, you know, taking that first step, walking in that door.

Jayne Ray: Is… it… it…

Jayne Ray: your confidence is not necessarily there. It's like moving to a new high school when you were a teenager, right? You know, when you walk in the cafeteria and everybody knows everybody else, and suddenly you're the new kid on the block. And so, yeah, there is…

Andreas Stein: playing.

Jayne Ray: But stepping outside your comfort zone is also a choice, right? Is also a choice. Maybe there's an activity you always wanted to try, whatever it is, it could be a sport, it could be, I said, cards, it could be, you know, something else.

Jayne Ray: the bravery, and I'll use the word bravery intentionally, because there is a certain amount of… of… you think about the word bravery, bravado, that's involved in this, right? Yeah. That, that…

Jayne Ray: You know, getting to that point.

Jayne Ray: is, I don't know, requires, requires just taking that, that, that first step. But also choosing where.

Jayne Ray: Right? Where this is going to happen. Some people leave their primary home for financial reasons. They want to take out whatever gains they've made financially from their home, and use that to support their retirement and their lifestyle. That makes a lot of sense.

Jayne Ray: Hence the word downsizing, right? Some people want to stay where they've lived because it's their family home and it's their comfort zone,

Jayne Ray: And it's their community. And again, there's no right or wrong.

Jayne Ray: But the choice… Right? The choice is there, because

Jayne Ray: If not now, when? So if there's something you've always wanted to do, or someplace you've always wanted to live, or some lifestyle, whether it's a country club lifestyle, whether it's a small community or a small town.

Jayne Ray: This is that time, right? This is that time to be able to think about it.

Jayne Ray: Right? Envision it, and here's the hard part, Take the step.

Andreas Stein: Takes a stab, and then, you know.

Andreas Stein: So let's say you kind of know what you want lifestyle-wise, you know, country club, Broadway, boating, whatever, you know, you know this.

Andreas Stein: So you kind of, you know, map out, I would like to live there, not there.

Andreas Stein: But now you're there.

Andreas Stein: And now, you need to meet new people.

Andreas Stein: And, you know, in the past.

Andreas Stein: you know, when you find a new job, you know at least there's one area where you are an expert in your career, your job, so you know kind of how this works, you know, you kind of know what you need to do, and yes, if it's a new company, there's a learning curve, but the foundation, the bottom line is, you're kind of an expert, right? You were hired because they figure that you're really good at that stuff.

Andreas Stein: Now, you move to country club XYZ, You know no one.

Andreas Stein: You know, you're not a professional golfer, or professional tennis player, or professional whatever. You're kind of okay, you enjoy it, you wanna just enjoy it.

Andreas Stein: And you know no one.

Andreas Stein: And there is no area where you say, well, I'm the expert, there is the foundation there. So you start from scratch.

Andreas Stein: So, where's your confidence coming from? And to find that confidence and say, you know what, I'm no longer, you know, the CEO of company XYZ, and I know how this stuff is supposed to run. Now it's, you know, me looking for new friends.

Andreas Stein: And playing golf, or playing tennis, or whatever else you do in a country club.

Andreas Stein: All right, that's kind of an overwhelming task, or can be.

Jayne Ray: Yeah, it absolutely can be, you know, the term fake it till you make it.

Andreas Stein: Yeah.

Jayne Ray: kind of, you know, kind of comes into play. And, you know, and just a level set, you know, not everybody's in a position to join a country club, or buy a boat, or write whatever.

Jayne Ray: Whatever it is, whatever it is, whether it's just moving into a condo and selling your house, or choosing which of those communities, or choosing a 55 and older, or not.

Jayne Ray: There is always a fake it till you make it.

Andreas Stein: There is. There is. And, you know, and… To be comfortable.

Andreas Stein: With being uncomfortable for a while in your chosen lifestyle location.

Andreas Stein: You know, it's, yeah, it's not an easy thing to do.

Jayne Ray: It's not an easy thing. It's not an easy thing to do, but it's a choice.

Andreas Stein: a choice?

Jayne Ray: Yeah.

Andreas Stein: You are still married, you know, if you have a partner, at least you have somebody to bounce this off, you know, you're not traveling this journey alone.

Andreas Stein: But if For whatever reason, you're single, And you only have yourself.

Andreas Stein: Or a… It becomes even more challenging, possibly.

Jayne Ray: Absolutely. You know, where I live, several of the women that I play tennis with, are widowed or divorced.

Jayne Ray: And, and I know from them, being in a community.

Jayne Ray: Has helped them a lot, because there is, like work.

Jayne Ray: a little bit of that organic nature, right? There is a little bit of a, you know, you could… you could…

Jayne Ray: learn canaster, you know? Right. People that way. You could… again, it's that taking that first step, but there is still a community

Jayne Ray: that you don't feel alone. You don't feel, disconnected. Maybe if you're living in your house, and, and there isn't a community, or there isn't organic activities, that's, perhaps a little, difficult.

Jayne Ray: you know, I want to tell you a little bit about our choice, because, our choice was… is an interesting choice, and I won't tell you our choice is your choice, or anybody else's choice, but when we sold our house, we…

Jayne Ray: inadvertently and inadvertently decided we wanted to live smaller. So, we took one house and split it into two small

Jayne Ray: location. So, where I'm sitting in Blairsville now, we live in a tiny house. It's a one-bedroom, 600-square-foot cabin in an RV community, but we're in the Georgia mountains, and

Jayne Ray: The cost of doing that is a whole lot less than buying a house, but more importantly, we're in a community where they do have, you know, activities. Saturday, they're going to do a Memorial Day barbecue, you know, things like that. In Florida, we live in a 1,200 square foot

Jayne Ray: villa. So we took one house and split it into summer and winter, So that we could…

Jayne Ray: enjoy two different lifestyles, but… and I say I'm not telling you this is right for everyone else, but we could enjoy two different lifestyles.

Jayne Ray: And regardless of whatever happened in the world or whatever, we would be set with that.

Jayne Ray: Some of that happened intentionally, the choice. Some of it happened accidentally, like Blairsville, Georgia, who the heck knew where Blairsville, Georgia was. We ended up here, long story, but we ended up here

Jayne Ray: Purely on a weird fluke.

Jayne Ray: and, really liked the community and ended up, buying a lot. But the point I'm making is, is that

Jayne Ray: Your choice doesn't necessarily need to be

Jayne Ray: the final choice, right? Because people are afraid to make decisions because they're afraid it's the wrong decision.

Jayne Ray: Now, if you're going to invest in property, obviously that's a more difficult decision that, in case you figure out it isn't the right one. But there's lots of ways to explore, experiment with whatever your choice is going to be.

Jayne Ray: Without necessarily being concerned that whatever choice I'm making is gonna be wrong.

Jayne Ray: Right? Because, what do they call it? Analysis paralysis, where you analyze the situation forever, but you don't actually do anything.

Andreas Stein: Absolutely.

Jayne Ray: Sometimes you don't know until you take the step. So remembering that the choice is yours, but if you… if you do this with intention, with faith, with, you know, good… good… good spirits, or, or, you know, kind of a good vibe.

Jayne Ray: then… Taking the step, if you take the wrong one.

Jayne Ray: Right? Or you explore before you actually take, you know, a definitive step.

Jayne Ray: Gives you the freedom

Jayne Ray: to try, right? To try. If you do nothing, and this would be, you know, kind of my parting advice, if you do nothing.

Jayne Ray: If you choose to stay where you are, that's not doing nothing. But if you do nothing, and you wistfully…

Jayne Ray: regret. All the things you could have been doing, right, during this time, right? It's not like you have 50 years ahead of you, it's not like, right? I mean, it's not like you're 20, and you go, oh, well, 50 years from now, whatever. I mean, I don't mean to be morbid, but for all of us, the clock is ticking. So…

Andreas Stein: That's true at 20, though, too!

Jayne Ray: It is true, but let's put it this way, the ticking is louder, in fact.

Andreas Stein: That's true. That's a good point.

Jayne Ray: So, if you do nothing… oh, look, there's one of my cats came out.

Andreas Stein: There we go!

Jayne Ray: Well, that's Little B. If you do nothing.

Jayne Ray: and you choose to do nothing, that's fine. If you do nothing and you regret doing nothing.

Jayne Ray: Right? You're probably not going to be a lot healthier than you are today. So think about choice, right? Think about choice. Never before in your whole life did you have so many choices in front of you.

Jayne Ray: Regardless of what your financial situation looks like, you still have choice.

Jayne Ray: Does that make sense?

Andreas Stein: It absolutely makes sense, you know, and the one thing, I mean, you don't want a chapter, a season in your life, retirement, to be…

Andreas Stein: to be wasted, you know, just to be endured, just to be… just waiting it out, you know? There is… as you said, I mean, this is now an opportunity where you kind of can decide for yourself, this… I want to live there, I want to try this. And if you find out, well, that didn't work out the way I anticipated.

Andreas Stein: No harm, no foul. Yes, as you mentioned, financial investments are, you don't want to, you know, that's something to be considered, but absolutely, I mean, for me.

Andreas Stein: as I've shared this with you before, I'm 54, I'm so much looking forward to retiring.

Andreas Stein: You know, partly because, alright, then I can decide for myself. I would like to try more of this, more of that, and, you know, and at this stage, I would envision staying in Southwest Florida, simply because I love the area.

Andreas Stein: But I would like to, you know, definitely a different lifestyle, or the same location, you know, and…

Andreas Stein: I'm looking forward to that. It's exciting. It's it's terrifying because it's new, I don't know. It's exciting because it's something new. And I kind of like the tension between terrified and excited at the same time, you know, and

Andreas Stein: That's… I found in my own journey, this is often kind of a good place to be, you know? And so I'm looking forward to that, and if you are at that stage, and you know, retirement is something, you know, and within the next year, or you're looking back on it, it happened the last year, this is an opportunity to truly

Andreas Stein: you know, discern, I want this chapter, I want to live this lifestyle, and to go for it.

Jayne Ray: Exactly, if not now… if not now when. And you're right, it's… it's exciting and terrifying.

Andreas Stein: Same time.

Jayne Ray: Sometimes, right, sometimes that pushes you.

Andreas Stein: Yep.

Jayne Ray: pushes you forward. And so, you know, just to wrap up, Anything you choose.

Jayne Ray: two things. Anything you choose is not wrong, right? There is no wrong, right? There is no wrong, and nobody has the right to tell you that it's wrong. You may choose to live near your grandchildren, you may choose to have a different lifestyle and go visit your grandchildren when you can.

Jayne Ray: both of those are perfectly okay, right? I love my grandson more than anything else in the world, and I see him about 5-6 times a year, and we are really happy to be together. So no matter what choice you make, first of all, it's the right choice at that time.

Jayne Ray: But, if it turns out it didn't deliver what you were hoping for, then guess what? You get to make another choice.

Andreas Stein: Yes.

Jayne Ray: Right? And so, you know.

Jayne Ray: it's all about choice. I guess that'.

Andreas Stein: It's all about choice, and having…

Andreas Stein: You know, the… I don't know what's the right word, courage, faith, confidence…

Andreas Stein: just to go for it, you know, and and give it a try, you know, and see how it works out. And…

Andreas Stein: Not everything we try works out, but that's, that's fine.

Jayne Ray: So, in the words of Yoda…

Andreas Stein: There you go.

Jayne Ray: Go try. Do.

Andreas Stein: There we go.

Jayne Ray: All right, well, as always, Andreas, thank you. I hope you're listening. Your journey is completely joyous. We have so many more exciting episodes coming. Follow us on Facebook, and we'll talk to you soon.

Andreas Stein: Talk to you soon.

Jayne Ray: Alright.