1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,752 Most people don't lose credibility on the stand because they're lying. 2 00:00:04,148 --> 00:00:07,254 They lose because they get too emotional, and they're 3 00:00:07,284 --> 00:00:09,404 unprepared, and they talk too much. 4 00:00:09,683 --> 00:00:14,753 So in today's episode, we're really going to dive into the six major things 5 00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:18,182 that I think are important that your attorney should be coaching you on. 6 00:00:18,387 --> 00:00:21,567 Your attorney should be saying, "Hey, here's how to come into this 7 00:00:21,567 --> 00:00:24,826 prepared." 'Cause for most of us listening, we've never been to court. 8 00:00:25,406 --> 00:00:26,526 We're rule followers. 9 00:00:26,796 --> 00:00:29,257 We maybe had a traffic ticket when we were 17, but we didn't 10 00:00:29,257 --> 00:00:30,157 have to go to court for it. 11 00:00:30,510 --> 00:00:37,711 So a lot of us, this is our first time ever walking into the building, let alone 12 00:00:37,846 --> 00:00:43,848 into a courtroom, let alone then standing up on the stand, or sitting I should say. 13 00:00:44,231 --> 00:00:48,965 So a lot of it is how to get yourself prepared will cut down your anxiety. 14 00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:51,937 Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, not gonna twist this up and make this 15 00:00:51,937 --> 00:00:53,357 sound like it's glorified or anything. 16 00:00:53,465 --> 00:00:56,834 This is one of the worst experiences ever in your life, is to have to go 17 00:00:56,834 --> 00:01:02,276 in front of a judge and openly talk about yourself, your past, your future 18 00:01:02,276 --> 00:01:06,373 I hope you're getting into, your kids, your ex, and your situation. 19 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,253 It's rather humiliating. 20 00:01:08,659 --> 00:01:11,439 And for a lot of us, we get so nervous. 21 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:12,903 Now, I'll just be honest. 22 00:01:13,243 --> 00:01:15,463 That's all I know how to do, give the ugly truth. 23 00:01:15,811 --> 00:01:18,271 I went to court a lot in my custody battle. 24 00:01:18,491 --> 00:01:19,055 A lot. 25 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,433 All hundreds of times, and that is not an exaggeration. 26 00:01:22,735 --> 00:01:28,400 And it was a long stint, but I can still remember the first time, and 27 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,294 here are just the things that I wish I would have done by preparing. 28 00:01:32,586 --> 00:01:32,996 Okay? 29 00:01:33,036 --> 00:01:35,786 I wish I would've went to the courthouse before my court date. 30 00:01:36,087 --> 00:01:39,650 I wish I would've figured out the parking lot, how to walk in, what am 31 00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:42,990 I allowed to wear, metal detectors, not to wear, can I bring drinks, can 32 00:01:42,990 --> 00:01:45,620 I bring food, where are the bathrooms out, what are the concessions, or what 33 00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:48,748 does the vending machines take, like, I needed to get a lay of the land 34 00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:53,559 because when you're walking in you're like you can feel your breath shaking. 35 00:01:53,709 --> 00:01:57,820 And then you're nervous about, "Am I gonna see my ex? Am Is he bringing his mom? is 36 00:01:57,820 --> 00:02:01,860 she walking in with her new boyfriend?" Like, you get really, really anxious about 37 00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:07,686 people around you that you kind of just, numb, And so court is very difficult. 38 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,710 So it's not just going up on the stand and speaking. 39 00:02:11,892 --> 00:02:15,015 It's just the whole showing up is really hard. 40 00:02:15,204 --> 00:02:18,524 So I highly recommend, as a taxpayer, go and listen to court 41 00:02:18,524 --> 00:02:20,104 a couple weeks before your trial. 42 00:02:20,365 --> 00:02:21,855 Get familiar with the lay of the land. 43 00:02:21,855 --> 00:02:23,778 Uh, go in and watch your judge work. 44 00:02:24,034 --> 00:02:26,604 You can go in and sit and listen to any court case you want. 45 00:02:26,874 --> 00:02:31,795 Make yourself more comfortable with the physical environment, and kind of watch 46 00:02:31,795 --> 00:02:34,496 a case- work itself out in front of you. 47 00:02:34,496 --> 00:02:36,516 So you kind of see, oh, that's how they do that. 48 00:02:36,546 --> 00:02:39,754 Oh, they call somebody up, and then they have to, swear to tell the truth, and 49 00:02:39,754 --> 00:02:43,056 then one person talks, and then that person goes, and then the judge does it. 50 00:02:43,381 --> 00:02:46,221 Get familiar with it, okay? 51 00:02:46,689 --> 00:02:51,487 Now, the first step besides the physical preparation is the mental preparation. 52 00:02:51,627 --> 00:02:52,787 I want you to write your story out. 53 00:02:52,857 --> 00:02:54,427 Now, here's where people get confused. 54 00:02:54,670 --> 00:02:57,310 too many of us think that, "Well, I don't wanna bore someone. I don't 55 00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,179 wanna, just waste someone's…" No. 56 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:02,339 This is how you get more comfortable with your story and 57 00:03:02,339 --> 00:03:04,222 your facts is you talk about it. 58 00:03:04,477 --> 00:03:09,111 So whether you hire a divorce coach or you get one of your friends to sit down 59 00:03:09,111 --> 00:03:12,227 with you, you talk about your case. 60 00:03:12,227 --> 00:03:13,347 You tell your story. 61 00:03:13,347 --> 00:03:15,537 You get feedback as you're telling your story. 62 00:03:15,806 --> 00:03:19,206 You need to know what points that you really wanna hit on, and for some of 63 00:03:19,206 --> 00:03:21,206 you, wanna word vomit your whole life. 64 00:03:21,236 --> 00:03:22,276 No, that's not what we're doing. 65 00:03:22,507 --> 00:03:23,997 We're breaking things down into segments. 66 00:03:23,997 --> 00:03:25,727 We're gonna break down money conversations. 67 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,437 We're gonna break down children conversations. 68 00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:28,697 We're gonna talk about communication. 69 00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:29,990 We're gonna talk about our future. 70 00:03:30,179 --> 00:03:35,693 You really need to lay it out in segments, and you need to know when is a good story 71 00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:37,483 that I need to hit on under this category. 72 00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:39,761 What's a good story I could hit on underneath, this category? 73 00:03:40,044 --> 00:03:42,201 But you need to practice all of that. 74 00:03:42,449 --> 00:03:46,059 You also need to write out what questions you would love to be asked about 75 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:50,140 specific things, whether that be the money, the conversations, the ex, the 76 00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:52,330 school, the medical, whatever parts. 77 00:03:52,662 --> 00:03:55,852 Or what questions are you hoping don't come up? 78 00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:59,601 And I would prepare for those, because those are the questions your 79 00:03:59,631 --> 00:04:01,571 ex's counsel is going to ask you. 80 00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:06,455 And what better tool than to already know what dirt they have on you or think 81 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:11,855 they have on you or things they know will rattle you, and you prepare your answers. 82 00:04:12,143 --> 00:04:17,164 If you don't prepare for answers, you are going to be an emotional 83 00:04:17,244 --> 00:04:19,306 wreck when you try to answer. 84 00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:24,226 You do not wanna have no preparation and then go up there, and when they 85 00:04:24,226 --> 00:04:26,776 ask you, "Well, why did you do this?" 86 00:04:26,776 --> 00:04:29,406 And you're like, "Oh, shit. I didn't know they were gonna ask me that." 87 00:04:29,742 --> 00:04:31,382 First off, where is your attorney? 88 00:04:31,462 --> 00:04:32,922 Why didn't your attorney prepare you? 89 00:04:32,922 --> 00:04:35,723 And I'm sorry that for some of you listening, this is the first time 90 00:04:35,723 --> 00:04:39,193 anybody's told you anything about court, which I think is sad and pathetic. 91 00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:42,686 Not you, but your attorney, that they're not helping you. 92 00:04:43,045 --> 00:04:48,522 For me personally, I have a whole court prep bundle that I have in my library 93 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,472 for people who buy my parenting plan, because inevitably, you're gonna be 94 00:04:51,472 --> 00:04:52,782 in court with high-conflict people. 95 00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,398 Better to know how to prepare yourself. 96 00:04:54,438 --> 00:04:57,992 And this episode right here is me sharing some of that, if 97 00:04:57,992 --> 00:04:59,412 not a little bit of all of it. 98 00:04:59,602 --> 00:04:59,962 Okay? 99 00:05:00,146 --> 00:05:00,636 Part two. 100 00:05:00,797 --> 00:05:05,303 So first part is get the physical part and the mental of, like, what am I saying? 101 00:05:05,303 --> 00:05:06,263 What are the questions? 102 00:05:06,263 --> 00:05:07,273 What's my answer to this? 103 00:05:07,273 --> 00:05:08,393 How am I approaching this? 104 00:05:08,393 --> 00:05:10,069 Like, really break that down. 105 00:05:10,069 --> 00:05:10,639 Segment two. 106 00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:12,705 How do I physically show up on the stand? 107 00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:16,759 First and foremost, if you are a fidgety person, not today. 108 00:05:17,096 --> 00:05:18,646 Not the day of court you're not. 109 00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:20,523 You will sit your ass still. 110 00:05:20,725 --> 00:05:22,325 You will not be tapping your leg. 111 00:05:22,465 --> 00:05:23,605 You will not be fidgeting. 112 00:05:23,605 --> 00:05:25,755 You will not be picking at your fingers. 113 00:05:26,017 --> 00:05:27,497 You will not be… I'm a hair twirler. 114 00:05:27,497 --> 00:05:32,399 Anybody hair twirlers out there listening, I can twirl my hair, tie it in 17 knots, 115 00:05:32,606 --> 00:05:35,746 and just keep sitting there and tying my hair in knots and tying my hair. 116 00:05:35,916 --> 00:05:37,113 I am a hair twirler. 117 00:05:37,408 --> 00:05:40,758 So what do you do when you're expected to sit still? 118 00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:43,681 But for court, your ass will be sitting still, okay? 119 00:05:43,681 --> 00:05:44,951 There's no if, ands, buts about it. 120 00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,464 I want you to bring tissues. 121 00:05:46,861 --> 00:05:48,921 I want you to tuck them in your sleeve, tuck them in your 122 00:05:48,921 --> 00:05:50,401 sweater, have them in your pocket. 123 00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:51,891 There will be tissues out there. 124 00:05:51,923 --> 00:05:54,474 there should be a box sitting somewhere. 125 00:05:54,692 --> 00:05:57,265 If not, bring some with you, ' cause you're gonna use them. 126 00:05:57,505 --> 00:06:01,607 Whether it be your hands get sweaty, or your upper lip starts to sweat, or 127 00:06:01,607 --> 00:06:05,300 you just cry, or you're one of those people that gather spit right here 128 00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:09,246 in the corners of your mouth, you need to be able to wipe that, okay? 129 00:06:09,527 --> 00:06:11,487 I want you to bring water or have access to water. 130 00:06:11,487 --> 00:06:14,087 So again, when you did the surveillance, when you went in on 131 00:06:14,087 --> 00:06:17,751 that pre-week and looked around, do they have open water containers 132 00:06:17,751 --> 00:06:19,131 in the courtroom, which most do. 133 00:06:19,402 --> 00:06:21,342 Where's the water fountain, out in the hallway? 134 00:06:21,342 --> 00:06:23,682 Are you allowed to bring an empty bottle of water? 135 00:06:23,885 --> 00:06:27,899 Please don't bring a whole bunch of pop and coffee and, Starbucks. 136 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:28,599 No. 137 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:29,766 We don't need judgment. 138 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,576 We just need water, okay? 139 00:06:31,964 --> 00:06:32,234 That's it. 140 00:06:32,234 --> 00:06:35,144 If you wanna bring a little packet of, something to put into, a little Crystal 141 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,462 Light or something, feel free to do that. 142 00:06:38,122 --> 00:06:41,472 But the other part of this is maybe bring pictures of your kids so that 143 00:06:41,472 --> 00:06:43,212 you can focus on why you're there. 144 00:06:43,414 --> 00:06:45,174 I brought 5x7 pictures. 145 00:06:45,184 --> 00:06:47,997 they were slid into the three-ring notebook that I had that had that 146 00:06:47,997 --> 00:06:49,457 plastic little clear covering. 147 00:06:49,487 --> 00:06:53,377 I slid pictures into those so that when the case got hairy or it was just 148 00:06:53,377 --> 00:06:56,949 a bad emotional moment, I would just stare at my kids and kept my focus. 149 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:01,459 Not to mention, the judge could see those 5x7 pictures on my table, okay? 150 00:07:01,459 --> 00:07:04,969 So he knew I came to play the game of seriousness, because I'm 151 00:07:04,969 --> 00:07:06,509 looking at my kids, all right? 152 00:07:06,772 --> 00:07:09,718 The other thing, uh, and this goes into down just how to 153 00:07:09,718 --> 00:07:11,498 approach yourself on the stand. 154 00:07:11,843 --> 00:07:14,703 Picture this, your attorney… We've all seen, cases on TV. 155 00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:19,682 The attorney's asking you questions, and the witness, typically on TV, is 156 00:07:19,682 --> 00:07:23,703 looking at the jury or is looking at the person asking the question 157 00:07:23,703 --> 00:07:25,023 when they give their response. 158 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:28,204 In family court, most of the time, there's no jury. 159 00:07:28,417 --> 00:07:29,867 So where would I want you looking? 160 00:07:30,185 --> 00:07:30,725 Think about it. 161 00:07:31,055 --> 00:07:32,265 I want you looking at the judge. 162 00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:36,669 I want you turned at a 45-degree angle with those knees at a 45 so you 163 00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:39,579 have your attorney or his attorney or her attorney in front of you. 164 00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:42,201 You have the judge over here on your left or your right, depending on the 165 00:07:42,201 --> 00:07:45,317 courtroom, and I want you splitting the difference between the two with 166 00:07:45,317 --> 00:07:48,830 your knees, and I want you looking at whoever's asking you the question. 167 00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:53,385 But when you answer, you're not answering for your attorney to keep notes, you're 168 00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,115 answering for the judge to keep notes. 169 00:07:55,115 --> 00:07:56,735 Now, why would I want you to do this? 170 00:07:57,178 --> 00:08:01,167 Number one, it screams, "I'm telling the truth. I'm making eye contact 171 00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:04,354 with the person that's making the determination." And I'm confident with 172 00:08:04,354 --> 00:08:08,587 my answer, and I don't need to look at my attorney for reassurance or guidance. 173 00:08:09,019 --> 00:08:10,139 I will look and answer. 174 00:08:10,275 --> 00:08:13,982 So when my attorney says, "Sam, tell me about your children." " Well, Judge, I 175 00:08:13,982 --> 00:08:16,082 have a three-year-old and a one-year-old. 176 00:08:16,112 --> 00:08:17,312 I have Walker is my three-year-old. 177 00:08:17,312 --> 00:08:20,762 He's the oldest, a very active kid, a early riser. 178 00:08:20,819 --> 00:08:23,699 my one-year…" And I would go into detail. But I'm looking at the judge. 179 00:08:23,729 --> 00:08:26,958 I'm addressing the, "Well, Judge, about my job, I'm a schoolteacher. 180 00:08:26,958 --> 00:08:30,056 I have been for 15 years." I'm answering the question to the judge. 181 00:08:30,116 --> 00:08:31,256 Why am I doing that? 182 00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:35,230 I wanna make sure the judge knows I'm talking to the person that's 183 00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:38,471 making the decision, and I want the judge to take good notes. 184 00:08:38,815 --> 00:08:40,964 if they're looking at me and I'm looking at them, I want 185 00:08:40,964 --> 00:08:42,014 to see you taking notes, sir. 186 00:08:42,392 --> 00:08:44,552 Here's what I've realized in a lot of cases I've observed. 187 00:08:44,662 --> 00:08:48,310 Been in a few myself, but I've also observed quite a few, is judges will 188 00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:49,640 sit down and write grocery lists. 189 00:08:49,855 --> 00:08:51,555 Judges will work on other cases. 190 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:55,324 Judges will open files from the next case or the case before and 191 00:08:55,324 --> 00:08:58,528 be putting their signature or stamping stuff while you're talking. 192 00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:00,665 It's absolute bullshit. 193 00:09:00,991 --> 00:09:04,001 But if I'm looking at them and they can feel my eyes looking at them, 194 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,171 they better be paying attention. 195 00:09:05,451 --> 00:09:07,251 And I'll keep saying, "Judge," before I speak. 196 00:09:07,471 --> 00:09:10,260 "Your Honor, Your Majesty," whatever it is where you're from. 197 00:09:10,597 --> 00:09:15,177 But make sure you're engaging with the person that's making 198 00:09:15,177 --> 00:09:17,305 the determination in your case. 199 00:09:17,498 --> 00:09:20,198 Now, should you look at your ex? I'm all for team yes. 200 00:09:20,490 --> 00:09:21,923 Yep, ' cause I'm confident. 201 00:09:22,151 --> 00:09:24,251 And here's what I'll just tell you, and I don't think it's in any of 202 00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:27,935 these segments, but I will just tell you from my own two cents. 203 00:09:28,246 --> 00:09:31,705 Before every court case, and again, hundreds, I was super nervous. 204 00:09:31,944 --> 00:09:38,376 Diarrhea, sweaty palms, cotton mouth, high anxiety, heart racing, throwing 205 00:09:38,376 --> 00:09:41,494 up, not wanting to eat, all the things. 206 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,724 Sleepless nights weeks before. 207 00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:49,583 All of that washes away the second your ass gets on the stand if you're 208 00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:52,829 the person telling the truth, if you're the good fit for the children. 209 00:09:53,208 --> 00:09:58,337 All that washes away, and there's some kind of super power that comes over you, 210 00:09:58,595 --> 00:10:00,435 and you're able to deliver your message. 211 00:10:00,711 --> 00:10:03,523 Now, you may be hearing that with court coming up on Monday and 212 00:10:03,523 --> 00:10:04,873 going, "Sam, there's no fucking way. 213 00:10:04,993 --> 00:10:07,785 There's no way I'm gonna be as confident as you." Just know that the person 214 00:10:07,785 --> 00:10:11,846 speaking to you now as Sam was not who I was back in those days, but who I 215 00:10:11,846 --> 00:10:13,686 showed up in court as was that person. 216 00:10:13,873 --> 00:10:15,083 I would be nervous walking in. 217 00:10:15,123 --> 00:10:16,663 I would be nervous sitting next to my attorney. 218 00:10:16,663 --> 00:10:20,779 But the second I got on the stand, it was just like my shoulders went back, my 219 00:10:20,779 --> 00:10:24,960 chest went out, my head got higher, I sat up straighter, and I just, " Yes, sir. 220 00:10:25,288 --> 00:10:28,636 Judge, here's what you need to know." And all of a sudden, I was giving a sermon. 221 00:10:28,893 --> 00:10:32,972 Now, when I would get off the stand and I would go back to the table, oh, and 222 00:10:32,972 --> 00:10:35,692 when I would get home, I'm in the fetal position, and I'm crying, and I'm shaking, 223 00:10:35,692 --> 00:10:40,200 and I'm like, "Ugh," you But there's something about when you get called to 224 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:45,983 testify about your best job in the world of being a parent, you show the fuck up. 225 00:10:46,273 --> 00:10:47,123 It just works that way. 226 00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:49,359 Now, for women, I kind of categorize it as this. 227 00:10:49,601 --> 00:10:54,093 There's just some magic that happens that we're able to push a child out of a hole. 228 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:55,463 That's fucking magical. 229 00:10:55,710 --> 00:10:59,380 my body does something I can't even comprehend to understand. 230 00:10:59,766 --> 00:11:01,106 I've had four of them come out of there. 231 00:11:01,463 --> 00:11:02,883 Still mesmerized by the idea. 232 00:11:03,317 --> 00:11:06,702 I think that's just as magical as how I performed on the stand of, I was 233 00:11:06,742 --> 00:11:11,482 able to overcome my fears and anxieties and still somehow speak sentences. 234 00:11:11,657 --> 00:11:13,907 Because if you saw me the night before court, there ain't no 235 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,217 way sentences were coming out. 236 00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:17,637 I went, "Bl- bl- bl- bl-," blubbering idiot. 237 00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:21,491 But then when I got into court, I was able to say what I needed to say. 238 00:11:21,823 --> 00:11:22,163 Okay? 239 00:11:22,193 --> 00:11:22,903 Segment three. 240 00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:24,303 How to answer questions. 241 00:11:24,611 --> 00:11:26,901 And again, your attorney should be coaching you on this. 242 00:11:27,268 --> 00:11:27,878 They should be. 243 00:11:28,138 --> 00:11:29,168 What are you paying for? 244 00:11:29,738 --> 00:11:30,288 Honestly. 245 00:11:30,537 --> 00:11:31,960 But let's break this into two parts. 246 00:11:32,238 --> 00:11:36,774 When your attorney is questioning you is one part of it, and then their 247 00:11:36,774 --> 00:11:38,324 attorney's going to question you. 248 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,420 That's another part. 249 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:44,076 So first, when your attorney is asking you questions, this is your time to 250 00:11:44,076 --> 00:11:47,896 explain, mostly because you should know the questions ahead of time if 251 00:11:47,896 --> 00:11:49,646 your attorney is really on their game. 252 00:11:49,907 --> 00:11:53,057 You know what details to give, you know what examples, and you're showing 253 00:11:53,057 --> 00:11:57,209 patterns of behavior, both for you, that you're amazing, and patterns 254 00:11:57,209 --> 00:11:58,979 that maybe the other parent is not. 255 00:11:59,265 --> 00:12:01,115 You're talking about your kids in depth. 256 00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:05,660 And again, you heard me start to tell my story of my children, of who they are. 257 00:12:05,870 --> 00:12:08,054 Please, go into detail. 258 00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:09,258 Be humorous. 259 00:12:09,258 --> 00:12:10,098 Be real. 260 00:12:10,138 --> 00:12:13,152 I wanna be able to close my eyes when you're talking about your kids, and 261 00:12:13,152 --> 00:12:15,062 I can physically put them together. 262 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:15,890 Walker. 263 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,161 He's a gorgeous little three-year-old. 264 00:12:18,161 --> 00:12:21,711 He's got blonde hair, blue eyes, active as all get out. 265 00:12:21,714 --> 00:12:24,614 The kid will wake up no matter what time of night he goes to bed. 266 00:12:24,970 --> 00:12:26,340 He's a picky eater. 267 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,870 He excuses himself to go to the bathroom in every restaurant we've ever been in. 268 00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:33,100 But if you created a sport today, he'd already be good at it at three. 269 00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:35,129 That's what I would say to the judge. 270 00:12:35,599 --> 00:12:36,349 or Josie. 271 00:12:36,939 --> 00:12:37,659 Josie's one. 272 00:12:37,659 --> 00:12:40,829 She's really into her pacifier right now, which we're trying to take away. 273 00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:42,787 You think she's gonna be an early potty trainer. 274 00:12:42,787 --> 00:12:44,257 She's one that likes to snuggle. 275 00:12:44,257 --> 00:12:49,981 Like, I am describing in detail, not like, "Oh, athletic, loves to read." 276 00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,820 What kind of books do they like to read? 277 00:12:51,989 --> 00:12:54,039 What position do they play in the sports they play? 278 00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:55,669 What kind of human being are they? 279 00:12:56,007 --> 00:12:57,317 are they annoying at bedtime? 280 00:12:57,317 --> 00:12:58,697 Do they love to do their chores? 281 00:12:58,915 --> 00:13:00,302 Are they a pet peeve person? 282 00:13:00,302 --> 00:13:01,542 Do they like their teachers? 283 00:13:01,839 --> 00:13:04,949 give some involvement, some needs that they have. 284 00:13:05,269 --> 00:13:08,805 Tell the judge who they really are, not this like, "Oh, they're great 285 00:13:08,805 --> 00:13:13,752 kids. They're amazing." Okay, well duh, but how amazing are they? 286 00:13:13,782 --> 00:13:14,862 What do they do? 287 00:13:15,102 --> 00:13:19,937 Show that you know your kids the best, and think about what will your ex say. 288 00:13:20,135 --> 00:13:23,734 Do they know your kids really well, or do they know that version of your child? 289 00:13:24,038 --> 00:13:25,328 So talk in detail. 290 00:13:25,577 --> 00:13:29,311 Again, when your attorney's asking you something, you should feel really 291 00:13:29,311 --> 00:13:33,074 comfortable because you know all the questions in advance, and so you have 292 00:13:33,074 --> 00:13:38,744 your responses practiced, Now, the difference is when their attorney, 293 00:13:38,854 --> 00:13:42,494 your ex's attorney, is asking you questions, you need to keep it factual. 294 00:13:42,494 --> 00:13:43,774 You need to keep it straight to the point. 295 00:13:43,774 --> 00:13:44,404 Keep it brief. 296 00:13:44,404 --> 00:13:45,194 Keep it direct. 297 00:13:45,427 --> 00:13:46,877 Do not over explain. 298 00:13:47,062 --> 00:13:48,362 Do not get tongue-tied. 299 00:13:48,544 --> 00:13:49,884 Do not get frazzled. 300 00:13:50,016 --> 00:13:51,816 Do not try to defend yourself. 301 00:13:52,076 --> 00:13:54,582 You give facts, asked and answered, okay? 302 00:13:54,612 --> 00:13:55,532 I do not recall. 303 00:13:55,862 --> 00:13:59,541 You need to work out something with your attorney for, like, a, " I 304 00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:02,321 don't know what that means," or, "I don't know what that is," and there's 305 00:14:02,321 --> 00:14:03,531 nothing wrong with saying that. 306 00:14:03,561 --> 00:14:05,741 "I'm sorry, can you repeat that question? 307 00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:07,971 I'm sorry, I don't understand the question. 308 00:14:08,319 --> 00:14:09,889 Can you show me where I said that? 309 00:14:10,079 --> 00:14:13,806 Do you have evidence that I can read?" Ask for clarity on 310 00:14:13,806 --> 00:14:15,436 what they're actually asking. 311 00:14:15,717 --> 00:14:18,207 You don't try to win your case. 312 00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:19,197 Listen to this. 313 00:14:19,481 --> 00:14:25,104 Do not try to win your case during cross-examination by the other side. 314 00:14:25,339 --> 00:14:28,839 When you get rattled, when you get frustrated, when you start 315 00:14:28,839 --> 00:14:32,309 lashing out, you start being extra defensive, you start crying, you start 316 00:14:32,427 --> 00:14:36,000 screaming, When they're asking you questions, you will lose your case. 317 00:14:36,452 --> 00:14:37,292 You will lose your case. 318 00:14:37,635 --> 00:14:41,483 Now, example in my case, when my attorney was interviewing me, 319 00:14:41,483 --> 00:14:42,823 obviously I was well put together. 320 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:47,265 When his attorney, my ex's attorney, interviewed me, shout out to Alan, 321 00:14:47,448 --> 00:14:49,558 He asked me a few questions and he's like, "I'm done," ' cause 322 00:14:49,558 --> 00:14:50,568 he knew he couldn't break me. 323 00:14:50,867 --> 00:14:53,406 I was a superhero that day, and all the days really. 324 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:58,126 But he never, ever in my whole case would put me on the stand and ask me questions 325 00:14:58,126 --> 00:15:00,543 because he knew I was not the fuck up. 326 00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,480 But role reverse this. 327 00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:05,421 When I would go up on the stand for my attorney, I was fine. 328 00:15:05,869 --> 00:15:10,949 When my ex got up on the stand, for his attorney, I mean, it wasn't a stellar 329 00:15:10,949 --> 00:15:13,989 Academy Award, but it was, decent, 'cause I think he knew the questions. 330 00:15:14,429 --> 00:15:19,019 But when my attorney would cross-examine my ex, woo, you talk 331 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,589 about hadn't been coached properly. 332 00:15:20,929 --> 00:15:25,044 Defensive, argumentative, sarcastic, demeaning. 333 00:15:25,264 --> 00:15:27,014 Would, question my attorney. 334 00:15:27,354 --> 00:15:30,735 he thought he was equal with her and would lash at her. 335 00:15:30,982 --> 00:15:36,535 That did not bar well with the judge, And so it's really important if you're 336 00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:41,172 worried about your ex's counsel, your ex's attorney, you need to really go 337 00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:44,662 through a bunch of questions that they could ask you and get you rattled and 338 00:15:44,662 --> 00:15:46,747 off-kilt- To where you're prepared. 339 00:15:46,937 --> 00:15:53,107 Put a bingo card together for anything that your ex thinks they wanna ask you 340 00:15:53,107 --> 00:15:55,077 on the stand through their attorney. 341 00:15:55,439 --> 00:15:59,556 Put it on a bingo card, talk about it with your team, your attorney, that's gonna 342 00:15:59,556 --> 00:16:03,036 be a costly conversation, but maybe with your mom, your sisters, your best friends, 343 00:16:03,036 --> 00:16:05,316 your dad, whoever is your support staff. 344 00:16:05,751 --> 00:16:06,761 Talk out those. 345 00:16:06,831 --> 00:16:08,191 What's the best way to answer this? 346 00:16:08,191 --> 00:16:09,641 What's the cleanest way to answer this? 347 00:16:09,641 --> 00:16:11,559 What's the way that'll, be less messy? 348 00:16:11,915 --> 00:16:15,415 Or remember, you've watched enough court TV, you know this, right? 349 00:16:15,925 --> 00:16:19,515 If you are the witness for your attorney, and then you have to be cross-examined 350 00:16:19,515 --> 00:16:25,135 by your ex's attorney, you will then get like an Oreo, two sides of it. 351 00:16:25,195 --> 00:16:28,864 Your side will interview you, your ex's side will interview you, and 352 00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:30,174 then your attorney will follow up. 353 00:16:30,394 --> 00:16:33,974 So if you get frazzled with your ex's counsel, don't sweat 354 00:16:33,974 --> 00:16:34,954 it, don't worry about it. 355 00:16:34,984 --> 00:16:35,524 It's okay. 356 00:16:35,844 --> 00:16:36,314 It's okay. 357 00:16:36,677 --> 00:16:39,527 Your attorney should do a good enough job to clean that mess up for you. 358 00:16:39,757 --> 00:16:42,893 "Hey, Sam, it seems as though we got a little in the weeds back there when we 359 00:16:42,893 --> 00:16:44,743 were talking about the daycare debacle. 360 00:16:45,064 --> 00:16:47,514 I want you to take a breath, Sam, and I want you to explain what 361 00:16:47,514 --> 00:16:49,749 really happened." Boom, open mic. 362 00:16:49,789 --> 00:16:53,549 I can now explain it with the comfort of knowing my attorney's the one asking. 363 00:16:53,819 --> 00:16:56,589 I'm looking at the judge and saying, "Well, Judge, I think I got 364 00:16:56,589 --> 00:16:59,909 confused when he was asking me that, but here's what really happened." 365 00:17:00,316 --> 00:17:00,966 Boom. 366 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,100 I can go into it. 367 00:17:02,683 --> 00:17:05,673 But you have to put together a bingo card. 368 00:17:05,673 --> 00:17:09,797 And again, a bingo card is taking a piece of paper, putting little boxes all over 369 00:17:09,797 --> 00:17:13,063 it just like if you were playing bingo, and you're gonna write down every possible 370 00:17:13,063 --> 00:17:16,783 question that could be asked of you that would piss you off, frazzle you, upset 371 00:17:16,783 --> 00:17:18,913 you, trigger you, bother you, whatever. 372 00:17:19,352 --> 00:17:24,392 That way, if it does happen, you're quietly on the stand going, "Hmm, 373 00:17:24,697 --> 00:17:27,764 I had that on the bingo card, and I'm prepared for that answer." But 374 00:17:27,764 --> 00:17:31,778 when you don't prepare for difficult questions, you will be one that will 375 00:17:31,778 --> 00:17:36,288 cry, get defensive, lash out, break down, hyperventilate, or all the above. 376 00:17:36,659 --> 00:17:37,939 So put that bingo card together. 377 00:17:37,939 --> 00:17:42,137 Segment four, again, this kind of types into or goes into it, is the 378 00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:47,352 emotional control, and this is where people lose their minds sometimes. 379 00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:51,122 Now again, I think a lot of people that lose their mind in court and get really, 380 00:17:51,122 --> 00:17:56,485 really emotional and really, down a rabbit hole are ones that don't prepare. 381 00:17:57,148 --> 00:17:59,698 So it's okay to have feelings on the stand. 382 00:17:59,698 --> 00:18:03,307 It's okay to to pull that tissue out of your shirt you're checking your 383 00:18:03,307 --> 00:18:06,067 tears and you're wiping your nose, 'cause, God, nobody wants to listen to 384 00:18:06,067 --> 00:18:09,577 somebody sling fucking snot up and down their nose, so please blow your nose. 385 00:18:09,577 --> 00:18:12,450 Pull away from the microphone, blow your nose and come back. 386 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:17,920 Excuse yourself, scoot away, blow your no- Stop sniffing your nose, by the way, okay? 387 00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:19,120 And you know who you are. 388 00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:22,134 Your family needs to tell you that you're a nose sniffer. 389 00:18:22,336 --> 00:18:22,886 Don't do that. 390 00:18:23,098 --> 00:18:24,738 ' Cause again, a judge is judging you. 391 00:18:24,965 --> 00:18:27,585 Everybody wants to say, "Well, a judge wouldn't judge you on…" 392 00:18:27,585 --> 00:18:28,295 Yes, they will. 393 00:18:28,742 --> 00:18:31,712 Bad hygiene, appearance, which we'll get into, sniffing your 394 00:18:31,712 --> 00:18:33,662 nose, being annoying, yes. 395 00:18:34,432 --> 00:18:35,882 Sorry, they will. 396 00:18:36,262 --> 00:18:36,552 Okay? 397 00:18:36,552 --> 00:18:37,282 That's the reality. 398 00:18:37,494 --> 00:18:39,694 But it's okay to have feelings, but here's the trick. 399 00:18:40,124 --> 00:18:44,624 If you start to cry in a spot that you don't wanna cry, for example, you 400 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:48,454 probably don't wanna cry when your ex's counsel is the one asking you 401 00:18:48,454 --> 00:18:51,776 questions, ' cause you're pissed off and you're getting so pissed off you're about 402 00:18:51,776 --> 00:18:53,516 ready to cry for an irrational reason. 403 00:18:53,875 --> 00:18:56,623 Now, there's a difference if my attorney asks me a question and I'm 404 00:18:56,623 --> 00:18:57,983 crying about a story that happened. 405 00:18:57,983 --> 00:18:59,103 I'm crying about my children. 406 00:18:59,103 --> 00:18:59,683 Okay, I'm gonna cry. 407 00:18:59,683 --> 00:19:00,483 I'm gonna cry. 408 00:19:00,665 --> 00:19:03,655 Now, I'm not gonna no, I'm not doing that shit. 409 00:19:03,655 --> 00:19:06,185 I don't know how ugly I just looked, but that's how ugly you will look. 410 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:06,705 Okay? 411 00:19:06,705 --> 00:19:08,247 I'm not gonna hyperventilate cry. 412 00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:10,357 I'm gonna have some tears rolling down my face. 413 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,377 I'm gonna ask to gather myself for a second, and I'm gonna keep 414 00:19:12,377 --> 00:19:14,357 fucking going, but here's the trick if you wanna stop crying. 415 00:19:14,635 --> 00:19:14,955 Drink. 416 00:19:15,766 --> 00:19:18,036 Take that water that we talked about with you up to the stand. 417 00:19:18,186 --> 00:19:18,816 Drink water. 418 00:19:19,276 --> 00:19:20,286 It stops crying. 419 00:19:20,756 --> 00:19:20,966 Okay? 420 00:19:20,966 --> 00:19:22,436 Keep drinking until you stop crying. 421 00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:25,811 so stop, breathe, regain control. 422 00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:29,482 Now, I don't care if you're down here tapping on your body to get 423 00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:33,466 yourself, do karate chop on your wrist to get yourself to stop crying, but 424 00:19:33,466 --> 00:19:35,676 you have to control your emotions. 425 00:19:35,676 --> 00:19:37,886 Now, again, when is a good time to cry? 426 00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:39,996 When you're writing out your questions, you can be like, "Oh, I'll 427 00:19:39,996 --> 00:19:41,426 probably cry when I tell that story. 428 00:19:41,936 --> 00:19:45,916 Oh, I'll probably cry." But if on your bingo card from your ex's side, where 429 00:19:45,916 --> 00:19:48,346 you're doing all of the questions, if you're like, "Oh, I'm probably gonna cry," 430 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:52,675 you gotta get yourself to where you can just talk and not be a crying, babbling 431 00:19:52,675 --> 00:19:54,095 idiot up on the stand the whole time. 432 00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:56,275 Now, again, I'm saying that with kid gloves, 'cause I know some of 433 00:19:56,275 --> 00:19:59,765 your cases are very, very intense, and there is a lot of abuse and a 434 00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,685 lot of drama and a lot of trauma. 435 00:20:02,084 --> 00:20:04,084 And crying is a natural response. 436 00:20:04,464 --> 00:20:07,494 But a judge has to be able to write down something you're saying. 437 00:20:07,990 --> 00:20:09,250 There has to be evidence. 438 00:20:09,390 --> 00:20:11,240 You being emotional is not evidence. 439 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,790 You have to be able to write down something that you're saying. 440 00:20:14,030 --> 00:20:14,480 Okay? 441 00:20:14,679 --> 00:20:19,432 So important distinction, emotions are okay, losing control is not. 442 00:20:20,164 --> 00:20:22,314 Now, I can cry and have a conversation still. 443 00:20:22,563 --> 00:20:24,793 I can watch a movie and be crying and still talking. 444 00:20:24,903 --> 00:20:26,433 That's the kind of cry that we're doing. 445 00:20:26,597 --> 00:20:29,477 We're not doing this like I s- we can't do that, guys. 446 00:20:30,057 --> 00:20:30,517 Okay? 447 00:20:30,547 --> 00:20:31,127 We can't do that. 448 00:20:31,488 --> 00:20:31,928 All right? 449 00:20:32,088 --> 00:20:36,736 'Cause again, if I'm that kind of upset, am I being taken seriously? 450 00:20:37,045 --> 00:20:40,295 Am I of a place that I can control myself to be a good co-parent? 451 00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:43,425 Am I in a healing place where I can be in charge of things? 452 00:20:43,814 --> 00:20:45,904 There's the other side of that coin, and I know some of you right 453 00:20:45,904 --> 00:20:48,447 now are saying, "But Sam, you don't know what I've been through." You're 454 00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:51,927 right, I don't, and neither does the judge, but being hysterical on the 455 00:20:51,927 --> 00:20:53,407 stand isn't gonna prove that point. 456 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:56,574 We need to be able to talk about it from a place that I'm in control, 457 00:20:56,604 --> 00:21:00,534 I have power over my emotions, over myself, and I'm on my path of getting 458 00:21:00,534 --> 00:21:03,514 better because I'm safe, because I'm not with this person anymore, and this 459 00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:05,134 is what I'm able to do as a parent. 460 00:21:05,894 --> 00:21:08,774 A judge has to be able to look at you and go, "You are well put-together." 461 00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:13,147 You conduct yourself well, you seem rational, you seem reasonable, you seem 462 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,817 like you have control over your emotions. 463 00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:18,447 Even when that counsel, that opposing counsel came at you, you stayed legit, 464 00:21:18,447 --> 00:21:20,909 you stayed control, you stayed normal. 465 00:21:21,312 --> 00:21:25,662 Because that's part of the game, I wanna be able to show that no matter how hard 466 00:21:25,662 --> 00:21:29,966 he comes for me, that attorney from the opposing side comes at me with a 467 00:21:29,966 --> 00:21:34,890 bingo card full of irrational questions, bullshit accusations, falsehoods, 468 00:21:34,890 --> 00:21:37,190 and everything, I stayed Eeyore. 469 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,330 Okay, no problem. 470 00:21:40,795 --> 00:21:46,583 But if I show rattled, emotional, reactive, fuck you behavior, and 471 00:21:46,583 --> 00:21:48,853 then my ex wants to get on the stand and be like, "You know what? 472 00:21:48,853 --> 00:21:54,388 She's irrational, she lashes out, she's unpredictable, she's moody. 473 00:21:54,418 --> 00:21:57,978 I think the kids are scared of her," and that's what I showed on the stand. 474 00:21:58,292 --> 00:21:59,212 One and one is two. 475 00:21:59,646 --> 00:22:00,626 One and one is two. 476 00:22:01,005 --> 00:22:04,405 So we have to be careful of how we present ourselves. 477 00:22:04,815 --> 00:22:07,412 Segment five, what do you say and how do you say it? 478 00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:11,932 All right, again, your attorney should be coaching you on this stuff, but here I am. 479 00:22:12,132 --> 00:22:12,842 I'm here to help you out. 480 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:16,533 We're not gonna label our ex. We're gonna show patterns. 481 00:22:16,723 --> 00:22:19,299 So again, we're not saying he or she is always late. 482 00:22:19,729 --> 00:22:23,719 We're gonna say, in the last 72 visit opportunities over the last seven 483 00:22:23,719 --> 00:22:26,081 months, they've been late 43 times. 484 00:22:26,131 --> 00:22:27,421 That is a percentage of this. 485 00:22:27,734 --> 00:22:31,844 We're gonna speak in facts and timelines and consistencies that have happened. 486 00:22:32,135 --> 00:22:34,265 One, a lot of you are telling this one-off story. 487 00:22:34,265 --> 00:22:36,835 Well, this one time, they were 45 minutes late. 488 00:22:37,274 --> 00:22:37,724 Cool. 489 00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,064 Maybe they had a fucking flat tire. 490 00:22:39,461 --> 00:22:41,791 but if they've shown a pattern of always being late, they've shown a 491 00:22:41,791 --> 00:22:44,941 pattern of never paying, they've shown a pattern of never communicating, 492 00:22:44,941 --> 00:22:47,874 they've shown a pattern of neglect, they've shown a pattern of harm, 493 00:22:47,874 --> 00:22:49,623 I'm gonna talk about those patterns. 494 00:22:50,103 --> 00:22:54,841 I am not here to label somebody as a psycho, a narcissist, a bitch, an asshole. 495 00:22:54,971 --> 00:22:55,531 That's not my job. 496 00:22:55,872 --> 00:22:59,802 But my job is to say, "Here's how my kids have come back out of the last seven 497 00:22:59,802 --> 00:23:05,441 times alone. They've come back disheveled, unclean, in the same underwear, uh, taking 498 00:23:05,441 --> 00:23:08,351 big, huge, massive poops 'cause they say they haven't pooped in three days." 499 00:23:08,351 --> 00:23:10,209 Like, I'm gonna talk about those things. 500 00:23:10,859 --> 00:23:16,488 I'm going to speak in facts that I can prove, not my theory that they're 501 00:23:16,488 --> 00:23:18,705 an asshole or a bitch or mean. 502 00:23:19,255 --> 00:23:21,505 Well, my level of mean could be different than your level of mean, 503 00:23:21,535 --> 00:23:22,845 or the judge's level of mean. 504 00:23:23,201 --> 00:23:27,031 You can think, well, this parent does X, Y, and Z. Maybe the judge does that. 505 00:23:27,471 --> 00:23:28,051 We don't know. 506 00:23:28,551 --> 00:23:29,491 You don't know. 507 00:23:29,879 --> 00:23:34,559 So you gotta be able to prove facts, not your opinion. 508 00:23:35,049 --> 00:23:38,756 So you stay calm, and you show your details, you have your evidence 509 00:23:38,756 --> 00:23:40,958 organized, and that makes you credible. 510 00:23:41,276 --> 00:23:44,566 You wanna be credible because ultimately, think about this, 511 00:23:44,566 --> 00:23:46,306 bird's-eye view of your case. 512 00:23:46,509 --> 00:23:50,076 A judge is trying to determine who's a better fit for the kids 513 00:23:50,076 --> 00:23:51,266 for the majority of the time. 514 00:23:51,635 --> 00:23:56,143 And or are these people good to do joint? 515 00:23:56,571 --> 00:23:58,590 That's where a lot of our cases are landing, right? 516 00:23:58,590 --> 00:24:00,660 Are these people okay to do joint? 517 00:24:01,090 --> 00:24:05,303 And if I'm trying to come across that I'm in control, well, I'm good for joint. 518 00:24:05,562 --> 00:24:09,442 I can rise above, I can deal with their ass, I can put that aside. 519 00:24:09,442 --> 00:24:10,712 I do that every day at my job. 520 00:24:10,712 --> 00:24:13,112 I put bitterness aside and I still perform for my job. 521 00:24:13,356 --> 00:24:15,726 I'll show you that by having three witnesses from my job come in and 522 00:24:15,726 --> 00:24:17,166 talk about how I don't hold precedent. 523 00:24:17,166 --> 00:24:17,666 I'm good. 524 00:24:17,964 --> 00:24:21,259 but can my ex? Can my ex show that they can work for me? 525 00:24:21,309 --> 00:24:26,831 One of the best questions I love for my attorney, my clients' attorneys to ask 526 00:24:26,861 --> 00:24:32,177 the other side, is to ask each parent to say something good about the other parent. 527 00:24:32,784 --> 00:24:36,533 " So Sam, could you tell me what you're good at?" " I'm good at making sure my home 528 00:24:36,533 --> 00:24:41,746 is safe, welcoming, and that my children can show up back to my house any way 529 00:24:41,746 --> 00:24:45,538 they need to, and I'm gonna fill their love tank." " Can you tell me something 530 00:24:45,538 --> 00:24:48,490 great about your ex?" " Absolutely. 531 00:24:48,717 --> 00:24:51,887 He has financially provided for them and made sure they've had insurance 532 00:24:52,137 --> 00:24:56,132 their whole lives and will continue to do that, and he teaches them that 533 00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:58,837 very hard routine is good for them." 534 00:24:59,173 --> 00:24:59,483 That's it. 535 00:24:59,727 --> 00:25:00,687 I gave them something. 536 00:25:00,717 --> 00:25:04,275 Now, I'm gonna later talk about how that routine is over the fucking top, 537 00:25:04,995 --> 00:25:06,215 but I'm gonna say something positive. 538 00:25:06,629 --> 00:25:07,729 He shows them a routine. 539 00:25:08,069 --> 00:25:11,212 Now, the routine is brutal and over the top, but that's my opinion, but 540 00:25:11,212 --> 00:25:13,352 I'll show facts to back that up later. 541 00:25:13,668 --> 00:25:16,638 So I think having your ex get on the stand and say something nice about you, 542 00:25:16,638 --> 00:25:18,478 and if they refuse, that speaks volumes, 543 00:25:18,702 --> 00:25:20,582 Last segment, then we'll kind of wrap this up, because I know this 544 00:25:20,582 --> 00:25:22,822 one's getting long, but this is just really important and I really feel 545 00:25:22,822 --> 00:25:26,001 like your attorney, again, should be helping you with a lot of this. 546 00:25:26,202 --> 00:25:28,097 What to wear and what to bring. 547 00:25:28,297 --> 00:25:30,297 Now, again, I've talked about bringing pictures of your children. 548 00:25:30,297 --> 00:25:31,307 I think that's really important. 549 00:25:31,307 --> 00:25:36,618 Bringing water, bringing tissues, all of your documents organized, all of them. 550 00:25:36,803 --> 00:25:39,813 And if you wanna do a solid, make an extra copy, if not three, because most of the 551 00:25:39,813 --> 00:25:43,563 time a copy goes to the other counsel and to the judge, and your team has one. 552 00:25:43,563 --> 00:25:45,073 So copies of three on everything. 553 00:25:45,073 --> 00:25:47,495 It'll save on your billing if she referred you to go to Kinko's to make 554 00:25:47,495 --> 00:25:50,021 a copy of three things, and it is your attorney, can tell you that right now. 555 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:51,596 but you wanna stay, bring that calm. 556 00:25:51,596 --> 00:25:54,560 So you wanna be tapping, in the courtroom or tapping down 557 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:55,820 in your car before you go up. 558 00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:59,240 Have some kind of, maybe something that you roll on your wrist, a bracelet 559 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,780 that you really love that you can just keep rolling or fidgeting with 560 00:26:01,860 --> 00:26:04,510 underneath the table where they can't see, 'cause again, we're sitting still. 561 00:26:04,786 --> 00:26:09,702 But when it comes to what to wear, I need you to think about this: a bird's-eye 562 00:26:09,702 --> 00:26:15,361 view of the courtroom, A judge is looking out and seeing two parents walk in. 563 00:26:15,621 --> 00:26:18,241 I don't care if it's man, woman, woman, man, woman, woman, man, 564 00:26:18,241 --> 00:26:19,704 man, they, them, I don't care. 565 00:26:19,964 --> 00:26:22,274 He's looking out at two people. 566 00:26:22,605 --> 00:26:29,663 And I think a lot of us in this decade have lost the idea that court Is a 567 00:26:29,663 --> 00:26:33,869 professional setting, and that we should be having our Sunday best on. 568 00:26:34,190 --> 00:26:36,420 And if you're of a certain age, you know what that means. 569 00:26:36,816 --> 00:26:39,686 But I don't need you dressing out of character. 570 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:41,899 I don't need you dressing out of character. 571 00:26:41,939 --> 00:26:47,477 I've seen guys that are worker bees, tatted up, look amazing in a T-shirt and 572 00:26:47,477 --> 00:26:51,187 jeans, but then they put on this suit that they haven't worn in three years. 573 00:26:51,187 --> 00:26:52,927 They look like stuffed sausage in it. 574 00:26:52,927 --> 00:26:53,987 They're uncomfortable. 575 00:26:54,224 --> 00:26:56,984 they're wearing white socks, and they're just miserable. 576 00:26:57,379 --> 00:27:01,169 Where if they would've just wore some nice dark jeans and a new button-down 577 00:27:01,169 --> 00:27:05,070 shirt or a polo and their work boots or even just boots that they cleaned 578 00:27:05,070 --> 00:27:06,740 up, they'd feel so much better. 579 00:27:06,740 --> 00:27:08,954 And when you feel better, you present better. 580 00:27:09,244 --> 00:27:11,004 I'm not saying you have to wear a suit. 581 00:27:11,374 --> 00:27:13,594 I'm not saying you have to wear dark colors. 582 00:27:13,917 --> 00:27:16,497 Wear what makes you look like a parent. 583 00:27:17,019 --> 00:27:18,529 Wear neutral colors. 584 00:27:18,629 --> 00:27:22,639 Enough with this black and dark and doom and gloom. 585 00:27:22,942 --> 00:27:27,302 If I wanna be presenting as somebody that's light and love, but I'm wearing 586 00:27:27,302 --> 00:27:30,562 a three-piece black suit, no, I'm not. 587 00:27:30,895 --> 00:27:32,285 I wanna look like a dad. 588 00:27:32,575 --> 00:27:34,873 And for the women out there, I'm just gonna tell you, we 589 00:27:34,873 --> 00:27:36,573 gotta look at these judges. 590 00:27:36,573 --> 00:27:40,303 If you're not looking to see who your judge is, what age bracket 591 00:27:40,333 --> 00:27:42,128 they're in, are you even trying? 592 00:27:42,761 --> 00:27:43,471 I mean, come on. 593 00:27:43,869 --> 00:27:47,575 There's no way I'm walking in with four-inch nails to 594 00:27:47,575 --> 00:27:49,145 a judge that has white hair. 595 00:27:49,473 --> 00:27:53,833 I'm probably not gonna show my tattoos if my judge is a boomer. 596 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,350 Let's be smart about this. 597 00:27:55,380 --> 00:27:58,240 I don't wanna get judged, and for those of you that are listening to this 598 00:27:58,240 --> 00:27:59,910 and not watching it, I have tattoos. 599 00:28:00,382 --> 00:28:05,532 I'm not gonna show those off even though I know that's who I am, but you guys, 600 00:28:05,532 --> 00:28:09,615 you gotta know who the audience you're looking at, So I'm wearing neutral colors. 601 00:28:09,615 --> 00:28:10,835 I'm wearing soft colors. 602 00:28:10,835 --> 00:28:12,005 I'm not gonna wear black. 603 00:28:12,045 --> 00:28:16,341 I might wear a navy with a khaki or a little blush pink with some navy, but 604 00:28:16,341 --> 00:28:18,131 I'm not gonna be doom and gloom dark. 605 00:28:18,291 --> 00:28:23,688 I wanna present as a loving parent, so nothing tacky, nothing distracting. 606 00:28:24,148 --> 00:28:25,128 Borrow clothes. 607 00:28:25,128 --> 00:28:26,568 Hell, I've been to the thrift store lately. 608 00:28:26,568 --> 00:28:27,848 There's some nice shit in there. 609 00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:30,519 Throw on a dress with a cami, with a little sweater. 610 00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:34,452 But you gotta think about if you're going in there, and this is just me being 611 00:28:34,452 --> 00:28:37,087 honest, and I don't know how to do it any other way, if you're going in there 612 00:28:37,087 --> 00:28:42,241 to say, " I'm broke," but you got new highlights in your hair, and you got fresh 613 00:28:42,241 --> 00:28:46,663 nails on and a brand-new really expensive outfit, I mean, we gotta know how to 614 00:28:46,663 --> 00:28:49,112 present ourselves, ladies and gentlemen. 615 00:28:49,535 --> 00:28:51,342 Look like a normal parent. 616 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,455 How do you present? 617 00:28:53,874 --> 00:28:56,494 I think it's just really important for you to do research on your judge. 618 00:28:56,872 --> 00:29:00,342 Younger judges, okay, maybe they're okay with all the tattoos and the 619 00:29:00,342 --> 00:29:02,807 piercings and the, bold makeup. 620 00:29:03,215 --> 00:29:05,035 But do I wanna take that chance? 621 00:29:05,463 --> 00:29:06,814 No, I don't. 622 00:29:07,149 --> 00:29:13,564 I wanna put my best foot forward with the best chances possible, so I'm going to try 623 00:29:13,564 --> 00:29:20,083 my hardest to look comfortable in my own skin while also being really aware that 624 00:29:20,083 --> 00:29:26,369 someone is judging me the second I walk in the room and the second I open my mouth. 625 00:29:26,700 --> 00:29:30,599 And if any of you think that evidence is the only thing in your 626 00:29:30,599 --> 00:29:34,826 case weighing on whether you get your kids or not, that's not true. 627 00:29:35,196 --> 00:29:39,721 I am friends with a lot of judges, and first impressions matter. 628 00:29:40,173 --> 00:29:41,033 They just do. 629 00:29:41,063 --> 00:29:44,713 When you're sitting over in the stand or on the table with your attorney 630 00:29:44,981 --> 00:29:50,018 and you have RBF, resting bitch face, so hard, it's a distraction. 631 00:29:50,266 --> 00:29:53,584 When you're glaring at your ex, that's a distraction. 632 00:29:53,915 --> 00:29:59,215 When you're going, "Ugh, gee, ugh," every time they lie on the stand, 633 00:29:59,545 --> 00:30:03,521 that is distraction, and a judge will judge you for it, as they should. 634 00:30:03,921 --> 00:30:06,876 Because, again, you should be showing up the best. 635 00:30:07,128 --> 00:30:08,308 You should look your best. 636 00:30:08,488 --> 00:30:09,778 You should feel your best. 637 00:30:10,088 --> 00:30:13,688 You should be trying your best, and you acting like a juvenile with, 638 00:30:13,688 --> 00:30:17,232 "Ugh, meh," fidgeting and tap… 639 00:30:17,612 --> 00:30:19,712 No, put your shit together. 640 00:30:20,054 --> 00:30:21,874 Show up for your kids. 641 00:30:22,203 --> 00:30:26,662 Try your fucking hardest because this makes or break how much you see your kids. 642 00:30:27,087 --> 00:30:28,227 So do better. 643 00:30:28,548 --> 00:30:32,178 Ask for your attorney to help you with these things that I've talked about today. 644 00:30:32,418 --> 00:30:35,988 They should already be doing this, but again, I probably 645 00:30:35,988 --> 00:30:37,308 wouldn't have a job if they were. 646 00:30:37,561 --> 00:30:40,682 So I wanna make sure you understand, being on the stand isn't about 647 00:30:40,682 --> 00:30:43,302 just telling your story perfectly. 648 00:30:43,661 --> 00:30:45,321 It's not just about that. 649 00:30:45,642 --> 00:30:51,290 It's about showing up to the court through your behavior of how you act, of being 650 00:30:51,290 --> 00:30:58,013 stable, and the reliable parent who hits the needs of your children, and then also 651 00:30:58,013 --> 00:30:59,043 proving that the other side does not. 652 00:30:59,456 --> 00:31:02,876 You have to make sure that you are presenting well. 653 00:31:03,506 --> 00:31:05,176 Practice makes perfect. 654 00:31:05,463 --> 00:31:08,983 and mark my words, if you wait till the day of court to be the first 655 00:31:08,983 --> 00:31:12,323 time you walk in the building, you're adding extra stress that is not needed. 656 00:31:12,454 --> 00:31:17,394 If you wait to practice what you're saying on the stand, you will fumble. 657 00:31:17,627 --> 00:31:18,517 You will fumble. 658 00:31:18,517 --> 00:31:20,407 There's very few of us that can be off-the-cuff. 659 00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:24,177 I'm a pretty off-the-cuff person, but back in those days, no way. 660 00:31:24,237 --> 00:31:25,557 I would never have tried that. 661 00:31:25,904 --> 00:31:26,814 Never have tried that. 662 00:31:27,104 --> 00:31:31,152 Practice, and you'll be able to tell how much effort your attorney 663 00:31:31,152 --> 00:31:36,148 practiced, and you'll definitely be able to tell how much your ex practiced. 664 00:31:36,390 --> 00:31:36,730 Good luck.