<v Speaker 1>Most likely the people that have betrayed you out of envy,

<v Speaker 1>out of anything in general. They are hurt people to

<v Speaker 1>begin with, and that's why they are inflicting pain amongst

<v Speaker 1>other people. It is fundamentally a gift to yourself, and

<v Speaker 1>their freedom is just a side effect of it. Your

<v Speaker 1>freedom is the point.

<v Speaker 2>That's it.

<v Speaker 1>Hey, babe, it's Asia Christina.

<v Speaker 2>This is Quality Queen Control. What is happening? Hello? Everyone?

<v Speaker 1>How are you feeling? Welcome to Quality Queen Control. I

<v Speaker 1>am your host, Asia Christina Foster. If this is your

<v Speaker 1>first time hearing from me, welcome, and if it's not

<v Speaker 1>a you, a real one. I want to jump right

<v Speaker 1>into this, but not before you hype the video. Okay, no,

<v Speaker 1>not before you hype the video if you're watching this

<v Speaker 1>on YouTube. I also really am looking forward to hearing

<v Speaker 1>you guys feedback on whether or not I should be

<v Speaker 1>separating the podcast from the chain pannel. So I feel

<v Speaker 1>like where I'm processing in real time is I'm thinking

<v Speaker 1>of starting to do lives on the main channel because

<v Speaker 1>I feel like there does need to be a separation

<v Speaker 1>between Quality Queen Control and also Astera Christina, like those

<v Speaker 1>are two separate brands, even though it's one person, right,

<v Speaker 1>so I really would love to hear you guys feedback

<v Speaker 1>on that. I also just want to say thank you

<v Speaker 1>so much to those of you that have been really

<v Speaker 1>supporting me and following me on my podcast Instagram page.

<v Speaker 1>We have a current goal right now of ten thousand

<v Speaker 1>followers on the podcast. Teamwork makes the Dream work, and yeah,

<v Speaker 1>I'm very much looking forward to it. I know for

<v Speaker 1>a fact that we can do it, and I have

<v Speaker 1>so many exciting things in store for you guys. Thank

<v Speaker 1>you so much for supporting, commenting, engaging, all the things.

<v Speaker 1>It really genuinely helps me more than you know, which

<v Speaker 1>is why I always advocate for hyping the video leaving

<v Speaker 1>a five star review. All of these things really help

<v Speaker 1>us and they cost you absolutely nothing. So today's topic

<v Speaker 1>is going to be an interesting one. I want to

<v Speaker 1>talk about when envy becomes betrayal and how to forgive

<v Speaker 1>and move through it. Now, again, I'm drawing this from

<v Speaker 1>my own personal life experience and also just many women

<v Speaker 1>that I've spoken to really all around the world, and

<v Speaker 1>my consults and everything. So it's important that we learn

<v Speaker 1>how to navigate through this. I do have a guide

<v Speaker 1>called My Dignity playbook that I want you guys to

<v Speaker 1>download as a free resource, which is basically going to

<v Speaker 1>teach you how to navigate when you were experiencing pretty

<v Speaker 1>much a smear campaign about yourself and hello, mama knows

<v Speaker 1>a thing or two. So there is a particular kind

<v Speaker 1>of pain that maybe doesn't necessarily come from your enemies,

<v Speaker 1>but it comes from people that have become your enemies.

<v Speaker 1>It comes from people that you let into your world.

<v Speaker 1>You know, maybe it's the friend that knew your dreams

<v Speaker 1>and use them against you, or the person that sat

<v Speaker 1>at your table who you defended to others, who you've

<v Speaker 1>shown up for maybe at three am, and then you

<v Speaker 1>found out that they were the one doing the talking,

<v Speaker 1>They were the one doing the betraying. They were the

<v Speaker 1>one that was undermining you, or they were the one

<v Speaker 1>who when your back was turned, they were quietly hoping

<v Speaker 1>and praying and wishing on your downfall. Because at this

<v Speaker 1>point it's not necessarily about envy anymore.

<v Speaker 2>It is betrayal, and yes they are two different things.

<v Speaker 1>Betrayal from somebody that you loved fractures you. It doesn't

<v Speaker 1>just bruise you, It fractures you. Okay, because not only

<v Speaker 1>are you losing them, but you're losing a version of

<v Speaker 1>the story that you thought you were living in with them,

<v Speaker 1>where it feels so blind siding. Okay, this is just

<v Speaker 1>it's it's insane and honestly, as naive as it may

<v Speaker 1>have been for me to have said in the past,

<v Speaker 1>I don't think that I would have ever experienced betrayal, really,

<v Speaker 1>but unfortunately I have experienced betrayal, and it wasn't even

<v Speaker 1>in the context of a romantic dynamic. I would say

<v Speaker 1>it was more in the context of people that I

<v Speaker 1>genuinely loved and cared for that were in my life

<v Speaker 1>that have just completely betrayed me. And to be honest

<v Speaker 1>with you, even before moving forward, it's still fractured. Like

<v Speaker 1>I coexist in or around certain individuals, but for me,

<v Speaker 1>it just will never be the same, Like I can't

<v Speaker 1>open up that access, especially because I feel like it's

<v Speaker 1>one thing where all right, you did a little something

<v Speaker 1>to somebody, they found out, maybe they striked back or

<v Speaker 1>whatever the case is. It's like, okay, you can justify

<v Speaker 1>why you got to said, you know, conclusion, but it's

<v Speaker 1>so different when you actually did nothing and you were

<v Speaker 1>completely unsuspecting and someone just has such a negative perception

<v Speaker 1>in view of you, that they get you tied up

<v Speaker 1>into things and betray you. So today you are going

<v Speaker 1>to be talking about how you can move through that

<v Speaker 1>and how to forgive not necessarily for them, but genuinely

<v Speaker 1>for yourself, and how to walk forward without letting it.

<v Speaker 2>Close your heart off for good.

<v Speaker 1>And I know that's hard to believe, but stay with me,

<v Speaker 1>because if there's one thing that I can say in

<v Speaker 1>the time that I was betrayed and all the different

<v Speaker 1>things I didn't want to be around anyone like, it

<v Speaker 1>does make you feel isolated. It does make you want

<v Speaker 1>to isolate yourself. It does make you want to shut down.

<v Speaker 1>But I'm telling you, when you heal, you know and

<v Speaker 1>trust yourself now to decern to have the right people

<v Speaker 1>around you. So the last time we talked about the

<v Speaker 1>signs that someone envies you, and a lot of you

<v Speaker 1>have reached out and the theme has clearly come up

<v Speaker 1>over and over and over again. This seems to be

<v Speaker 1>a very relevant topic, which I just think all in all,

<v Speaker 1>God clearly has a sense of humor, because genuinely, this

<v Speaker 1>is like the main reason of why I felt like

<v Speaker 1>my career was kind of plateauing, and it kind of

<v Speaker 1>shook me to my core because I was dealing with

<v Speaker 1>so much intense envy at once, and it just kind

<v Speaker 1>of spirals and everything from there. So it wasn't even

<v Speaker 1>necessarily just that someone envied me. It was someone that

<v Speaker 1>I you know, let into my world and my life

<v Speaker 1>that envied me and hurt me with it. And again

<v Speaker 1>this is not a specific person. I'm speaking in this

<v Speaker 1>particular context, like multiple people, right, So the envy ended

<v Speaker 1>up turning into something sharper, right, which was gossip, it

<v Speaker 1>was sabotage, it was betrayal.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>So today is kind of like a part two where

<v Speaker 1>we're going to be talking about what to do after

<v Speaker 1>the wound has been created. How do you forgive someone

<v Speaker 1>who's envy cut you, and how do you actually navigate.

<v Speaker 2>Through the betrayal?

<v Speaker 1>Not the Instagram quote version, We're talking about the real, messy,

<v Speaker 1>middle of the night version. So firstly, let's acknowledge why

<v Speaker 1>betrayal hurts the way that it does, because I think

<v Speaker 1>a lot of the times we have been minimizing our

<v Speaker 1>own pain and telling ourselves that maybe we're being dramatic,

<v Speaker 1>we're reading into it. We know all the different things,

<v Speaker 1>but we're not. Because a stranger can't betray you. Betrayal

<v Speaker 1>requires access to you. A stranger cannot betray you. Betrayal

<v Speaker 1>requires access to you. So it requires access in the

<v Speaker 1>sense where at some point you opened the door and

<v Speaker 1>you said, okay, I trust you. So the depth of

<v Speaker 1>what portrayal is is actually the measure of how much

<v Speaker 1>you love someone and how you let them in. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>the pain is proportional to the trust, and so when

<v Speaker 1>it's rooted in envy, that's just an extra thing because

<v Speaker 1>there's a part of you that keeps asking yourself what

<v Speaker 1>did I do? And I will be the first person

<v Speaker 1>to say, as I was writing this, it was just

<v Speaker 1>really hit home because I did think that for so long,

<v Speaker 1>what did I do? I even asked those people what

<v Speaker 1>did I do? Not a single person had an answer,

<v Speaker 1>Not a single person. We're talking all unrelated people. None

<v Speaker 1>of them had an answer. So that I'm like, so

<v Speaker 1>I did nothing to you. You can't give me an

<v Speaker 1>overt immediate explanation for why we went down this path. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>The pain, like I said, it's proportional to the trust

<v Speaker 1>of how much you let that person in. And so

<v Speaker 1>what is also the freeing truth at the same time

<v Speaker 1>is that usually the answer is that you did nothing.

<v Speaker 1>You did nothing to deserve someone being envious of you. You

<v Speaker 1>didn't do anything except for have something, possess something that

<v Speaker 1>that person wanted. And your light is the very thing

<v Speaker 1>that they could not forgive you for. And why should

<v Speaker 1>you have to apologize? But yet here we are. Your

<v Speaker 1>light is the very thing that some people can't forgive

<v Speaker 1>you for. I even remember, like put it like this,

<v Speaker 1>there are certain people in your life that they'll come

<v Speaker 1>across as so encouraging all of the things. But the

<v Speaker 1>second that you start to really rise, your star is rising,

<v Speaker 1>you are really changing in a dynamic way, all of

<v Speaker 1>a sudden, they're upset about it. But these are the

<v Speaker 1>same people that seemed like they were encouraging of you

<v Speaker 1>because they liked you when you were in a different circumstance.

<v Speaker 1>They liked you when you were when they felt like

<v Speaker 1>they had more than you, when your self perception was

<v Speaker 1>not actualized. You didn't realize that you were really that girl.

<v Speaker 1>The entire time, they knew that, and they were pretending

<v Speaker 1>to be you know, they were pretending to be on

<v Speaker 1>board with that, but they're not. It was all performative.

<v Speaker 1>It was acting. That's what it was, and that's how

<v Speaker 1>it is for in some cases, right, And because of

<v Speaker 1>that weirdness, sometimes people want you around also just to

<v Speaker 1>possess you. And I've experienced that as well. They want

<v Speaker 1>to possess you, and that's why they genuinely feel like

<v Speaker 1>for some reason you owe them your life. As soon

<v Speaker 1>as you start to branch out and do your own thing,

<v Speaker 1>it's bizarre. And so because of that you experience a

<v Speaker 1>very strange grief, and it's being hurt for simply being blessed,

<v Speaker 1>being hurt for simply being blessed. I can't tell you

<v Speaker 1>how many times I've battled with these feelings of being

<v Speaker 1>hurt because I'm a blessed person, feeling like I have

<v Speaker 1>to really, you know, be extra down to earth so

<v Speaker 1>that I don't come across as in you know, intimidating,

<v Speaker 1>or like I think I'm better all these different things, and.

<v Speaker 2>Yet it was all still said and done about me. Interesting.

<v Speaker 1>So if you have been carrying the confusion of, you know,

<v Speaker 1>on top of being hurt, of why would this person

<v Speaker 1>do this to me? Or why would they do this

<v Speaker 1>after everything, I want to release you from the job

<v Speaker 1>of feeling like you have to actually solve that you

<v Speaker 1>may never ever get a satisfying answer. I still, like

<v Speaker 1>I said, do not have answers from anyone that has ever,

<v Speaker 1>you know, been envious of me or even betrayed me.

<v Speaker 1>I have never gotten answers I have, you know, at

<v Speaker 1>some point, because I am a communicative person, and out

<v Speaker 1>of respect for what once was, have reached out to

<v Speaker 1>certain individuals and said, hey, do you want to talk

<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah, no conversation. They have nothing to say.

<v Speaker 1>They enjoy doing things, throwing stones, hiding their hands. They

<v Speaker 1>enjoy the attention that they get from hating on me

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things, as opposed to being an

<v Speaker 1>adult and actually saying, well, what was actually done to

<v Speaker 1>you that made you feel this way? Okay, So people

<v Speaker 1>rarely ever betray you from a clear, explainable place, lesson learned.

<v Speaker 1>It comes from their wound, which we will get to

<v Speaker 1>that in a moment. So this is what forgiveness actually

<v Speaker 1>is versus what it is not.

<v Speaker 2>And this is a big one.

<v Speaker 1>Forgiveness is huge, and I need to clear some things

<v Speaker 1>up because I do think that there are bad definitions

<v Speaker 1>of forgiveness and have kept good people stuck in pain

<v Speaker 1>for years. So first, let me tell you what forgiveness

<v Speaker 1>is not. Forgiveness is not saying that what that person

<v Speaker 1>did to you was okay. It wasn't okay. Forgiveness is

<v Speaker 1>not rewriting the offense into something that's acceptable. Forgiveness is

<v Speaker 1>not forgetting. You are allowed to remember what was done

<v Speaker 1>to you. In fact, remembering is sometimes how we stay wise.

<v Speaker 1>Forgiveness is also not reconciliation. Write that one on your wall,

<v Speaker 1>because when I tell you, it took me years to

<v Speaker 1>figure out that forgiveness was not reconciliation. I somehow thought

<v Speaker 1>that I had to be involved, or I had to

<v Speaker 1>let these people still be involved in my life in

<v Speaker 1>order to showcase that I forgive them. I remember, like,

<v Speaker 1>growing up, there was this very strange dynamic that I

<v Speaker 1>had with a couple of friends of mine when I

<v Speaker 1>was growing up, and it's like we would speak to

<v Speaker 1>each other and then not speak to each other, and

<v Speaker 1>then for some reason, every January we would feel like, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>it's a new year, let's start over. And that started

<v Speaker 1>to become a very strange, weird pattern where I finally

<v Speaker 1>made up my mind one year and I said no,

<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to do this whole fake thing of us.

<v Speaker 1>This is what we do. Do we want to say

<v Speaker 1>our sories? Do we want to whatever? Like I'm tired

<v Speaker 1>of this, Like I'm out, Take me out, coach. All right,

<v Speaker 1>you can forgive someone completely and never ever let them

<v Speaker 1>back into your life. Forgiveness is something you give. Reconciliation

<v Speaker 1>is something that is rebuilt, and it takes people, It

<v Speaker 1>takes changed behavior, and you are not obligated to it.

<v Speaker 1>Please remember me saying this. All right, you do not

<v Speaker 1>have to let these people back into your life. And

<v Speaker 1>you also have to remember that forgiveness is something that

<v Speaker 1>you are giving when it comes to reconciliation. It is

<v Speaker 1>something that you build and it takes two people. And

<v Speaker 1>in order for you to rebuild something, that means you

<v Speaker 1>have to have changed behavior. Change behavior would then correspond

<v Speaker 1>to showing accountability. If someone never shows it accountability for

<v Speaker 1>how they are, they just want to rewrite things over

<v Speaker 1>and start over, that shows that it will happen again.

<v Speaker 2>It is not a matter of if it is.

<v Speaker 1>When I'm telling you that right now, if someone is

<v Speaker 1>completely incapable of acknowledging what they've done to cause the

<v Speaker 1>riff in the dynamic, they are going to revert back

<v Speaker 1>to those old ways because what it says is either one,

<v Speaker 1>I'm too embarrassed to admit what I did, or two

<v Speaker 1>I don't really I'm not sorry for what I did,

<v Speaker 1>so I don't really care. So if we want to

<v Speaker 1>move on, let's just move on. And none of those

<v Speaker 1>are okay. Forgiveness is also not a feeling that you

<v Speaker 1>sit around and wait to arrive. How many of us

<v Speaker 1>have also thought that as well, like, Okay, I'm going

<v Speaker 1>to wait until I forgive them. Now, if you wait

<v Speaker 1>until you feel like forgiving someone, you may actually wait forever.

<v Speaker 1>Forgiveness is a decision that you make, sometimes over and

<v Speaker 1>over again until the feeling eventually catches up. That was

<v Speaker 1>when I tell you I have that revelation, and I

<v Speaker 1>was like, wow, that was good, because if I'm going

<v Speaker 1>to be honest with you, there are certain times where

<v Speaker 1>I have been around certain individuals that I have to

<v Speaker 1>be around right, and I find myself starting from ground

<v Speaker 1>zero with them. When I see them, all I see

<v Speaker 1>is what happened. Meanwhile, I'm like, I release them into

<v Speaker 1>the freedom of my forgiveness. I let everything go. But

<v Speaker 1>it's like sometimes here we are back at square one,

<v Speaker 1>where it's like I just get this feeling of like

<v Speaker 1>I don't even want to be around you, I don't

<v Speaker 1>even want to look at you. So I have to

<v Speaker 1>remind myself over and over again. At certain points, I

<v Speaker 1>do forgive all these people. And again it is easier

<v Speaker 1>to do when you don't have proximity to certain people,

<v Speaker 1>like people that I have no contact, don't see, or

<v Speaker 1>what have you. It's easy to forgive, easier, I should say,

<v Speaker 1>to forgive those people because you don't see them, there's

<v Speaker 1>no communication.

<v Speaker 2>But when it comes to people.

<v Speaker 1>That you have to be around, whether that be a coworker,

<v Speaker 1>maybe that's a family member for you or what have you,

<v Speaker 1>it's it becomes a lot more difficult because you're seeing

<v Speaker 1>them on a consistent basis, so you're constantly reminded of

<v Speaker 1>what happened. So then what is forgiveness actually, and here's

<v Speaker 1>how I perceive it. Forgiveness is the moment that you

<v Speaker 1>decided to stop carrying the debt. It's like putting down

<v Speaker 1>a rock that you've been holding to throw at that

<v Speaker 1>other person. And mind you, it's the rock that has

<v Speaker 1>been weighing down your own arm. You know, somebody said

<v Speaker 1>that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the

<v Speaker 1>other person to die.

<v Speaker 2>That's exactly what it is, and that's it.

<v Speaker 1>Forgiveness is you finally letting down that cup because it

<v Speaker 1>does turn into bitterness and you start to wax cold

<v Speaker 1>towards unnecessary people at time, and most likely the people

<v Speaker 1>that have betrayed you out of envy, out of anything

<v Speaker 1>in general. They are hurt people to begin with, and

<v Speaker 1>that's why they are inflicting pain amongst other people. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So it is fundamentally a gift to yourself and their

<v Speaker 1>freedom is just a side effect of it. Okay, freedom

<v Speaker 1>is the point, that's it. So how do you actually

<v Speaker 1>walk through what forgiveness looks like after you've been betrayed

<v Speaker 1>by somebody? Because just forgive is useless advice, okay in

<v Speaker 1>my opinion, let me give you the real path here.

<v Speaker 1>There are about five elements to this. It's not steps

<v Speaker 1>that you finish necessarily, but it's more like waters that

<v Speaker 1>you have to pass through. And here's the first one.

<v Speaker 1>Feel it before you heal it, all right, Please do

<v Speaker 1>not spiritually bypass this, all right? And this is coming

<v Speaker 1>from I'm someone that is one hundred percent of Christian faith,

<v Speaker 1>and I don't want this to jump straight to I

<v Speaker 1>forgive them. I'm fine, that's it, because I at one

<v Speaker 1>point used to do that too, and I had to

<v Speaker 1>really sit down with myself and say, like, but I don't.

<v Speaker 1>And I'm really struggling with this, and I really spoke

<v Speaker 1>to God and I was like, but I don't because

<v Speaker 1>this was so unwarranted. It was so unwarranted, so unnecessary.

<v Speaker 1>And I understand, Yes, vengeance belongs to the Lord. I

<v Speaker 1>totally understand that, and I do agree with that. But

<v Speaker 1>while you're heat it up, you're on fire. Just saying

<v Speaker 1>God's got it is not necessarily going to feel the

<v Speaker 1>best right. That's not forgiveness. That's just you suppressing how

<v Speaker 1>it is that you feel. If we're gonna call a

<v Speaker 1>spade a spade, you have to let yourself be angry.

<v Speaker 1>This is the stuff that I feel like a lot

<v Speaker 1>of people are not really acknowledging. You do have to

<v Speaker 1>let yourself be angry because you will be angry, and

<v Speaker 1>you should be angry, and you should be letting yourself

<v Speaker 1>feel being angry, be hurt, grieve, name what is happening

<v Speaker 1>to you out loud, you know, talk to God about it,

<v Speaker 1>journal about it, you know, therapist, a trusted friend, whatever

<v Speaker 1>you have to do. But the feeling that you won't

<v Speaker 1>face will run your life from the basement.

<v Speaker 2>If you don't acknowledge it.

<v Speaker 1>You have to acknowledge it, and that is also radical

<v Speaker 1>accountability Number two. I will say, grieve the relationship that

<v Speaker 1>you thought you had. That is what betrayal is.

<v Speaker 2>I'm telling you.

<v Speaker 1>Once I was betrayed, I could not believe it, Like

<v Speaker 1>I was in denial, Like there's no way I'm coming

<v Speaker 1>up with every sort of justification for like or what

<v Speaker 1>I know to be fact, what I've witnessed to be fact,

<v Speaker 1>firsthand experience. But I'm still talking myself out of it

<v Speaker 1>because of the principle of who that person is supposed

<v Speaker 1>to be to me, or who those people are supposed

<v Speaker 1>to be to me. You are not mourning necessarily what

<v Speaker 1>they did, but you're mourning the person who, as it

<v Speaker 1>turns out, didn't even fully exist here. You thought you

<v Speaker 1>were so close with this person. You're letting them in,

<v Speaker 1>You're you know, on their team. You're like, you're we're

<v Speaker 1>really showing up genuinely and they are feeling completely opposite,

<v Speaker 1>so you feel like a fool.

<v Speaker 2>The loyal friend is in your head.

<v Speaker 1>Whatever relationship you had to that specific person, it's in

<v Speaker 1>your head.

<v Speaker 2>Let that version die.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, The grief is real, and it honestly deserves its

<v Speaker 1>own funeral.

<v Speaker 2>I'll tell you that much.

<v Speaker 1>It absolutely does, because you really have to let yourself

<v Speaker 1>sit and go through these processes, because there is no

<v Speaker 1>skipping it. You cannot skip a single one of these.

<v Speaker 1>Number three. Divorce their actions from your worth. The first

<v Speaker 1>question to ask your a lot of the times, aside

<v Speaker 1>from like what did I do? Is like what did

<v Speaker 1>I do to deserve this from said people? Am I

<v Speaker 1>a bad person? Why this why I'm experiencing this? Like

<v Speaker 1>what what lesson did I need to learn that this

<v Speaker 1>ended up happening to me?

<v Speaker 2>Like?

<v Speaker 1>How does this equate to my worth as a human being?

<v Speaker 1>Of you know that this was the outcome of an

<v Speaker 1>experience that I've had, Like I don't understand what the

<v Speaker 1>reason is?

<v Speaker 2>What was the reason? All? Right?

<v Speaker 1>Their betrayal alone is a statement about their character and

<v Speaker 1>their unhealed envy. In this particular context, it is not

<v Speaker 1>a verdict on your value. Your judgment or your loveability.

<v Speaker 1>It is not you did not deserve it by being

<v Speaker 1>too much, or being too successful, or being too blessed.

<v Speaker 1>Say it with me right their choice. Their wound is

<v Speaker 1>not my worth. That is how they feel. Hurt people

<v Speaker 1>hurt people. That is it is our responsibility to radically

<v Speaker 1>heal from the things that we experience. I'm telling you

<v Speaker 1>this right now, otherwise you become the person who hurt you.

<v Speaker 1>Times two, number four. Decide what forgiveness looks like for you,

<v Speaker 1>because for some of you, for forgiveness will include a

<v Speaker 1>conversation and a slow earned rebuild, which is reconciliation, which,

<v Speaker 1>like I said, it takes two to tango.

<v Speaker 2>That's up to you.

<v Speaker 1>But for most of you, honestly, it will look like

<v Speaker 1>releasing them from a distance, that is the route that

<v Speaker 1>I took, wishing them well in your heart and never

<v Speaker 1>handing them back the same access again, that's just it.

<v Speaker 1>Both of those are examples of forgiveness, because there is

<v Speaker 1>no version of forgiveness where you are required to walk

<v Speaker 1>back into the same fire that burned you.

<v Speaker 2>Absolutely not.

<v Speaker 1>And number five is rebuild trust on a different timeline

<v Speaker 1>than forgiveness. This is very important. You can forgive someone today.

<v Speaker 1>Trust is a separate currency, though, okay, and it is

<v Speaker 1>earned back slowly through consistent and changed behavior over time.

<v Speaker 1>If at all really to be honest, and how does

<v Speaker 1>that start? Through accountability? You have to acknowledge what you've

<v Speaker 1>done to hurt another individual in order to showcase change

<v Speaker 1>behavior consistently over time. Forgiveness is free. Trust is a wage.

<v Speaker 1>It will cost you something. Don't confuse the two and

<v Speaker 1>hand somebody your trust just because you extended your forgiveness.

<v Speaker 2>They're not interchangeable. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>Now, for those of you that are in the faith

<v Speaker 1>like myself, let's bring this home. Forgiveness is absolutely the

<v Speaker 1>center of our faith.

<v Speaker 2>You know.

<v Speaker 1>It even says in the Bible that we have to

<v Speaker 1>forgive seventy seventy seven times seven.

<v Speaker 2>It's something with seven. How am I forgoing? I don't remember,

<v Speaker 2>But the.

<v Speaker 1>Point is it's basically saying we have to forgive infinity.

<v Speaker 1>And what I really struggled with for so long is

<v Speaker 1>navigating what exactly that means to me? Because I was

<v Speaker 1>confusing it with allowing people to have access back into

<v Speaker 1>my life.

<v Speaker 2>I thought that's what forgiveness meant.

<v Speaker 1>Oh, things have to go exactly back to where they

<v Speaker 1>are where you're just completely unbothered by what just happened.

<v Speaker 1>And that showcase is real forgiveness, and that's not the case,

<v Speaker 1>all right. We are told to forgive as we have

<v Speaker 1>been forgiven, all right. And the truth is, when I

<v Speaker 1>sit with how many times I have been forgiven, it

<v Speaker 1>does humble me and the grip that I want to

<v Speaker 1>keep on someone else's offence, it really does. Like, truthfully,

<v Speaker 1>if you are a healthy individual, it doesn't feel good

<v Speaker 1>to have negative feelings around somebody. It's it doesn't feel

<v Speaker 1>good that your stomach is dropping when you're in the

<v Speaker 1>same you know, area as someone. It doesn't feel good

<v Speaker 1>that every time you're around someone your whole mood changes.

<v Speaker 1>It doesn't feel good to like feel so irritated by

<v Speaker 1>someone else's existence because they've trade you or they've done

<v Speaker 1>something to hurt you.

<v Speaker 2>Like, it doesn't feel good.

<v Speaker 1>That's not a place in space that anyone should be

<v Speaker 1>thriving in. It's just not It does not feel good

<v Speaker 1>in any capacity. But some people that are you know, vindictive,

<v Speaker 1>they're evil, they're they operate well in these types of spaces.

<v Speaker 1>Those are these are the people that you know need

<v Speaker 1>the most forgiveness really, to be quite frank with you,

<v Speaker 1>and they haven't healed. And that's why they can thrive

<v Speaker 1>in environments where you know they should have They should

<v Speaker 1>not be in. They should be healing themselves as opposed

<v Speaker 1>to thriving in uh, you know, being at odds. Some

<v Speaker 1>people really do thrive being at odds with people. Something

<v Speaker 1>about it is like motivating them. The adversity is motivating.

<v Speaker 2>Them, babe.

<v Speaker 1>At the core, it all boils down to the fact

<v Speaker 1>that you're not good enough for you. Okay, I'm talking

<v Speaker 1>about the people that betray you, the people that are

<v Speaker 1>envious of you, the people that betray you out of envy.

<v Speaker 2>They are not good enough for themselves.

<v Speaker 1>So what helps them is to create chaos and start

<v Speaker 1>issues with the people around them so that they can

<v Speaker 1>then use that as fuel and motivation to finally execute

<v Speaker 1>the life that they want. You know, they have to

<v Speaker 1>have an enemy in order for them to like thrive

<v Speaker 1>in something.

<v Speaker 2>It's ridiculous and it's pathetic.

<v Speaker 1>So holding unforgiveness while asking God for his grace is

<v Speaker 1>like trying to receive with a closed fist. You can't,

<v Speaker 1>you can't. You have to let go of those offenses.

<v Speaker 1>There's one thing that I learned a long time ago

<v Speaker 1>to is when you seek revenge, be prepared to dig

<v Speaker 1>two graves. Absolutely could not be truer because you will

<v Speaker 1>lose yourself trying to be like other people. I know

<v Speaker 1>we live in a culture now where people are like

<v Speaker 1>trying to get their lick back and all these different things,

<v Speaker 1>and I'm telling you this right now, it is never

<v Speaker 1>worth it because you have to go lower, get nastier,

<v Speaker 1>get dirtier than the people that have even done you

<v Speaker 1>wrong and.

<v Speaker 2>Did you dirty.

<v Speaker 1>You have to go lower than them in order to

<v Speaker 1>hurt them back, and then you become just like them,

<v Speaker 1>an unhealed person. And then it never ends because then

<v Speaker 1>that person wants to try and get lower than you

<v Speaker 1>so that they can get their look back, and then

<v Speaker 1>it's just this constant cycle. And that's why you also

<v Speaker 1>have to decern how to navigate through certain situations, which

<v Speaker 1>is once again why I want you guys to download

<v Speaker 1>my Dignity playbook about how to navigate through a smear campaign,

<v Speaker 1>because I remember when I was enduring a smear campaign

<v Speaker 1>about myself that lasted for so many years. I never

<v Speaker 1>ever said anything back in response to the person and

<v Speaker 1>that is one thing that I'm very proud of myself

<v Speaker 1>for doing, because I could tell that that particular individual

<v Speaker 1>they wanted a response so desperately. They wanted a back

<v Speaker 1>and forth, you know, dialogue. They wanted the drama, the chaos,

<v Speaker 1>all these different things whilst accusing me of clout chasing

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things. Yet I was not mentioning

<v Speaker 1>the individual whatsoever. But yet the individual was consistently mentioning me.

<v Speaker 1>And how did I know that. Well, it's certainly not

<v Speaker 1>because I was stocked them, I'll tell you that much.

<v Speaker 1>But it was the influx of hatred and vitriol that

<v Speaker 1>I would receive every other day, echoing the lies that

<v Speaker 1>that person was spewing out. And you know, like I said,

<v Speaker 1>in hindsight, now I do look at the situation with compassion.

<v Speaker 1>I think also, it was such a short relationship that

<v Speaker 1>I almost skipped the anger and it just went to

<v Speaker 1>just I just went to sadness and confusion and disappointment

<v Speaker 1>because I just didn't understand what was going on. So

<v Speaker 1>I was never really angry about it. I just felt

<v Speaker 1>like it was so unbelievable how deep it was for

<v Speaker 1>the other individual. I mean, I sorry for another day, guys.

<v Speaker 1>I mean, really, to be quite honest, I'm really drawing

<v Speaker 1>on this to give you the truth in all transparency,

<v Speaker 1>so that you guys understand that I'm not coming from

<v Speaker 1>a place.

<v Speaker 2>Of like just forget and like be done.

<v Speaker 1>Like I'm telling you, like I've gone through the ringer

<v Speaker 1>when it comes to smear campaigns, betrayal, people being envious

<v Speaker 1>of me really like trying to drag me down and

<v Speaker 1>creating this idea, false ideas about me, and false narratives

<v Speaker 1>about me, and really trying to remove me out of

<v Speaker 1>my purpose. I mean, really like people going out of

<v Speaker 1>their way to do that. And it's scary. It really

<v Speaker 1>is scary. And one of the things that has always

<v Speaker 1>helped keep me going one hundred percent is my faith

<v Speaker 1>and is the fact that I've been able to navigate

<v Speaker 1>through this situation that I was experiencing with grace. But

<v Speaker 1>I will tell you I did also have to get

<v Speaker 1>the cops involved in that particular situation. I absolutely did,

<v Speaker 1>because it just got very, very life threatening. However, I

<v Speaker 1>will say the thing that made everything stop was me

<v Speaker 1>praying and fasting. Nothing else was stopping the messages, the

<v Speaker 1>accounts I had to block like.

<v Speaker 2>It just went on for years and years and years, and.

<v Speaker 1>I'm so grateful that God has given me such wisdom

<v Speaker 1>on how I stewarded things. You know, in that dynamic,

<v Speaker 1>I wasn't fanning the flames and trying to go toe

<v Speaker 1>to toe because it's not representative of the character that

<v Speaker 1>I possess.

<v Speaker 2>I do not enjoy being in.

<v Speaker 1>Drama with anyone, especially bringing it onto the public Internet

<v Speaker 1>where everyone's going to have an opinion. It just doesn't

<v Speaker 1>make any sense. I'm always trying to come from a

<v Speaker 1>healed place, and so I can bring the lessons to

<v Speaker 1>learn that I've extracted through enduring through an experience. And

<v Speaker 1>at this point it's been so much time has a

<v Speaker 1>lapsed that I can truly come from an experience of

<v Speaker 1>having endured being in that place in my life and

<v Speaker 1>extracting all the lessons from that particular situation. So here's

<v Speaker 1>what I love and what I think maybe gets missed

<v Speaker 1>in a lot of you know, churchy sort of conversations

<v Speaker 1>about forgiveness is faith never asks you to be foolish. I,

<v Speaker 1>like I said, confused it because I thought that forgiveness

<v Speaker 1>and having faith meant that I completely involved certain individuals

<v Speaker 1>back into my life, and that represented forgiveness. But for

<v Speaker 1>giving someone is absolutely not the same as trusting the untrustworthy.

<v Speaker 1>You shouldn't confuse it. Some people are just untrustworthy and

<v Speaker 1>you can still forgive them with while knowing that they

<v Speaker 1>are untrustworthy. Okay, I know that in my particular situation,

<v Speaker 1>certain individuals that were involved with you know, the person

<v Speaker 1>that was doing a smear campaign on me, have reached

<v Speaker 1>out to me multiple times, and I want nothing to

<v Speaker 1>do with anyone connected to that individual because those particular

<v Speaker 1>individuals had every chance to tell the truth and say

<v Speaker 1>what happened and never once came forward and did it.

<v Speaker 1>But now they want to reach out to me years

<v Speaker 1>and years later, off and on, because it's been multiple

<v Speaker 1>attempts to try and reconcile build something with me, and

<v Speaker 1>I'm completely unwilling because I do not trust the untrustworthy.

<v Speaker 1>Let's get that lesson seared through people's heads now. Even

<v Speaker 1>in scripture, you see wise people forgive and keep their

<v Speaker 1>distance from people that have proved to be harmful. Grace

<v Speaker 1>and boundaries are not enemies. So you can release someone

<v Speaker 1>fully and still not give them keys to your house.

<v Speaker 2>All right, I'm not doing it.

<v Speaker 1>I forgive people, I move on from a distance, and

<v Speaker 1>that's it. I don't obsess over it, I don't think

<v Speaker 1>about it anymore.

<v Speaker 2>I literally just move on. That's it.

<v Speaker 1>And here's the thing that is freeing and handing it

<v Speaker 1>over is that the desire for them is to simply

<v Speaker 1>get what they deserve. That is a heavy thing to carry,

<v Speaker 1>because it's not yours to administer. Really, when I finally,

<v Speaker 1>like I said, release the betrayal that I've experienced, I said,

<v Speaker 1>you know what, I'm not even the judge here.

<v Speaker 2>I'm laying this down.

<v Speaker 1>And I realized forgiveness gave me me back, all right.

<v Speaker 2>And those people don't have to know. I know.

<v Speaker 1>It's so easy to hop on the internet and be like, oh, stunting,

<v Speaker 1>to make it seem like you're doing better and to

<v Speaker 1>show that you whatever. I don't feel the need to

<v Speaker 1>do that. I have nothing to prove. My life is

<v Speaker 1>my life. I'm so in my own lane. And I

<v Speaker 1>was so like bought like, I was so upset and

<v Speaker 1>sad by how disgusting those people's and you know, behaviors

<v Speaker 1>were that I just didn't want to I didn't want

<v Speaker 1>to align myself with anything at all. I wasn't trying

<v Speaker 1>to prove anything. I wasn't trying to show off anything

<v Speaker 1>like I don't care, I don't want anything to do

<v Speaker 1>with it. And this is the last thing and I'll

<v Speaker 1>let you guys go. The biggest danger after betrayal is

<v Speaker 1>not even only the betrayal itself, but it's who you

<v Speaker 1>become in response to it. Please hear me out. You

<v Speaker 1>cannot let this harden you. You cannot let betrayal harden you.

<v Speaker 1>Who you become after you experience betrayal is so important.

<v Speaker 1>This is what's gonna separate you from becoming that person

<v Speaker 1>two point zero versus a healed, wiser version of yourself.

<v Speaker 1>It is so tempting to armor up, it is. I'm

<v Speaker 1>so tempting to decide I'm never going to let anyone

<v Speaker 1>in again. And that comes from what not really trusting

<v Speaker 1>yourself because you felt like, well, how did this happen

<v Speaker 1>to me before? Right?

<v Speaker 2>Everyone is a potential trader. Hmm. I'm done being soft.

<v Speaker 1>And I understand having that instinct, I absolutely do, but

<v Speaker 1>it feels like protection, right, But it's not protection.

<v Speaker 2>It's a prison.

<v Speaker 1>When I was going through all the things I was

<v Speaker 1>going through for years and years and years I was.

<v Speaker 1>I felt so different than myself, and I know that

<v Speaker 1>also it was a spiritual thing. You know, God revealed

<v Speaker 1>to me what was going on in the spiritual realm

<v Speaker 1>and that that person was involved in witchcraft and everything.

<v Speaker 1>But the point is is like, not only did it

<v Speaker 1>lead me to the best place ever, which was rooting

<v Speaker 1>myself in and anchoring myself in faith, but it also

<v Speaker 1>just gave me extreme discernment because when I was going

<v Speaker 1>through that situation, I did not want to be.

<v Speaker 2>Friends with anybody anymore. Like I was very guarded.

<v Speaker 1>I didn't want to show that I was friends with

<v Speaker 1>certain people that I already knew, because I was geared

<v Speaker 1>that I was gonna feed into a narrative that was

<v Speaker 1>being you know, talked about me all the different things,

<v Speaker 1>Like it just felt so much bigger than me, but

<v Speaker 1>it was a prison. I didn't want to follow that

<v Speaker 1>many people on my page. Like I just felt like

<v Speaker 1>I was living like not even half of myself, like

<v Speaker 1>a quarter of myself.

<v Speaker 2>And if you let someone's.

<v Speaker 1>Betrayal turn you cold, then they didn't just take a

<v Speaker 1>season from you. They took your softness, and your softness

<v Speaker 1>was never even the problem here's the goal. You want

<v Speaker 1>to be wiser, not harder, more deserning, not closed off.

<v Speaker 1>So you have to keep your warmth right. You just

<v Speaker 1>have to get smarter about who you who gets to

<v Speaker 1>stand near you.

<v Speaker 2>And that's not being bitter. That is called growth.

<v Speaker 1>So what I will leave you guys with now is

<v Speaker 1>there's probably someone's name sitting on your mind right now,

<v Speaker 1>somebody that you've been holding a rock for, and it's

<v Speaker 1>weighing your arm down for a long time. And I'm

<v Speaker 1>gonna tell you I'm actually not gonna tell you to

<v Speaker 1>go call them right now.

<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to tell you to let them back in.

<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to you know, till you get over it.

<v Speaker 1>What I am gonna do is ask are you ready

<v Speaker 1>to set that rock down? Not for them, for your arm,

<v Speaker 1>for your piece, for the version of you that gets

<v Speaker 1>to be free. You can forgive and still walk away.

<v Speaker 1>You can release them and still lock the door. You

<v Speaker 1>can keep your heart open and also keep yourself safe

<v Speaker 1>at the same time. Those things will never conflict. So

<v Speaker 1>if this has touched you, share it with someone who's

<v Speaker 1>been carrying betrayal in silence, okay, and I know the feeling.

<v Speaker 1>I can definitely relate and tell me what did forgiveness

<v Speaker 1>end up looking like for you?

<v Speaker 2>Right?

<v Speaker 1>You guys can comment that down. You never know who's

<v Speaker 1>watching this. You never know who's watching that. You can

<v Speaker 1>genuinely help someone, or you can DM me. I read

<v Speaker 1>every message, so until next time, I want you guys

<v Speaker 1>to guard your piece.

<v Speaker 2>Stay in control.

<v Speaker 1>Okay, With that being said, do not forget that I

<v Speaker 1>love you and God loves you. I'll speak to you,

<v Speaker 1>beautiful angels in my next episode