<v Speaker 1>This is how you know you are the love of

<v Speaker 1>a man's life. You will feel more secure, You're not

<v Speaker 1>going to feel anxious. You will feel like your life

<v Speaker 1>is improving being with him.

<v Speaker 2>This is effortless.

<v Speaker 1>Hey, babe, it's Asia Christina.

<v Speaker 2>As this is quality Queen Control. What is happening?

<v Speaker 1>Are you the love of that man's life or are

<v Speaker 1>you just simply convenient? Welcome back to another podcast episode

<v Speaker 1>of Quality Queen Control with your host Asha Christina.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, how is everyone feeling?

<v Speaker 1>I had a little bit of a little Breakiana, not

<v Speaker 1>that you guys would notice, because we're always prepared, We're

<v Speaker 1>always ahead here.

<v Speaker 2>Hello, Hello, Hi, So I've had a great birthday.

<v Speaker 1>Now that you guys are watching this, or by time

<v Speaker 1>you guys are watching this, I have celebrated my birthday.

<v Speaker 1>My birthday is April twenty first, woo whoop. And no,

<v Speaker 1>I don't believe in the signs, so you can't ask

<v Speaker 1>me what sign I am.

<v Speaker 2>I'm just a child.

<v Speaker 1>Of God, that's all that's messa. But my birthday is

<v Speaker 1>April twenty first. And yeah, guys, I don't know. I

<v Speaker 1>feel like every birthday. At first, I'm a little bit

<v Speaker 1>sad because I'm thinking of like, Okay, are you where

<v Speaker 1>you want to be by this age?

<v Speaker 2>I know that's a little.

<v Speaker 1>Pessimistic to think like that, but that's how I was

<v Speaker 1>thinking about it initially. But now it's just okay, in hindsight,

<v Speaker 1>it's a blessing. Now I want you to hype this

<v Speaker 1>video right now if you are watching this, and you

<v Speaker 1>should be watching this, because hello, why are you not

<v Speaker 1>looking at my fees?

<v Speaker 2>You should be watching and listening.

<v Speaker 1>How about that double whammy that shows real love, real

<v Speaker 1>support I have on my new garage set that I got.

<v Speaker 2>I just can't seem to get enough of this.

<v Speaker 1>And I did a color analysis so I realize I'm

<v Speaker 1>a true winter complexion, which means very bright colors look

<v Speaker 1>very flattering on me, such as this. This red is

<v Speaker 1>just it just eats down on my complexion. And to

<v Speaker 1>think I never even really used a light red, it's

<v Speaker 1>kind of crazy. So I actually made a video about this,

<v Speaker 1>I want to say, last year, and I was just

<v Speaker 1>simply talking about a conversation that my godsister and I

<v Speaker 1>had where we were talking about whether or not you

<v Speaker 1>are in fact the love of a man's life. And

<v Speaker 1>I don't know why, I don't think I've ever made

<v Speaker 1>a podcast episode about it, and I was really just

<v Speaker 1>speaking off the cuff there and we were having a conversation,

<v Speaker 1>just talking about what life is like pretty much if

<v Speaker 1>you are the love of a man's life versus not

<v Speaker 1>being the love of a man's life, and so this

<v Speaker 1>is going to differentiate whether you are the woman that

<v Speaker 1>is being settled with versus the woman that a man

<v Speaker 1>is actually choosing. Right, So being in a relationship does

<v Speaker 1>not automatically mean that you are the love of a

<v Speaker 1>man's life. Let's just leave that right there and back up.

<v Speaker 1>Did you hype the video yet? Hype the video?

<v Speaker 2>Thank you?

<v Speaker 1>There is a difference between comfort versus conviction. There's a

<v Speaker 1>difference between convenience versus intentionality, and there's also a difference

<v Speaker 1>between being loved and being prioritized. We should all be

<v Speaker 1>able to distinguish which side of the coin we fall on. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>so this is what most women probably feel but they're

<v Speaker 1>unable to articulate, is that some men are with women

<v Speaker 1>that they like, not with women that they are in

<v Speaker 1>awe of. Okay, some men are gonna stay because it's easy,

<v Speaker 1>but not because she's the one right time does not

<v Speaker 1>equate to the depths of love.

<v Speaker 2>Time does not equate to the.

<v Speaker 1>Depth of love, and a lot of the time people

<v Speaker 1>tend to think that this is interchangeable. They think, well,

<v Speaker 1>the more time that we spend together, the deeper you

<v Speaker 1>should fall in love. Or the more time that we

<v Speaker 1>spend together, it obviously means that our relationship is growing

<v Speaker 1>deeper and deeper, not necess necessarily, especially when the foundation

<v Speaker 1>of that was built off of you just being the

<v Speaker 1>choice that he made. But he could totally go for

<v Speaker 1>something else, you know, if there was another life or

<v Speaker 1>something like that. Because the thing is, a man can

<v Speaker 1>genuinely care about you and still not see you as

<v Speaker 1>the one. And I know that this is rare because

<v Speaker 1>oftentimes women are usually not in that position where they

<v Speaker 1>feel that way. Usually we are the ones that feel

<v Speaker 1>like in a relationship that maybe we sometimes can be

<v Speaker 1>the placeholders that we're used to being in situations where

<v Speaker 1>a man will be with us and not really see

<v Speaker 1>us as the one. Perhaps, but a man can love

<v Speaker 1>you here me very closely and still not love you

<v Speaker 1>in a way that transforms his behavior.

<v Speaker 2>Please hear me loud and clear.

<v Speaker 1>A man can love you and still not love you

<v Speaker 1>in a way that transforms his behavior. I know a

<v Speaker 1>lot of the times I make comments and I say

<v Speaker 1>that when it comes to certain very negative behavior patterns,

<v Speaker 1>and I still do stand on this. You're not different,

<v Speaker 1>You're next. If a man is a cheater, he's a cheater.

<v Speaker 1>He's not gonna just stop cheating just because he's madly

<v Speaker 1>in love with another person. There are deeper issues there

<v Speaker 1>that need resolution, and being with even a woman that

<v Speaker 1>he genuinely could actually want to be with, is not

<v Speaker 1>going to change it, because that's just who he is, right,

<v Speaker 1>because it's a character trait. Right, Loyalty is a character trait. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So if you find yourself in a situation where little

<v Speaker 1>things like maybe a man cleaning up behind himself or

<v Speaker 1>we all wish they would, you know, you guys are

<v Speaker 1>picking up when I'm laying down, Or maybe it's a

<v Speaker 1>situation where you kind of wish that he would put

<v Speaker 1>in more effort when it comes to going on dates

<v Speaker 1>and being consistent with dates, and you notice that your

<v Speaker 1>relationship feels like a stale marriage. Maybe you perhaps are

<v Speaker 1>in a stale marriage. It's very nuanced, but whatever, I'm

<v Speaker 1>speaking very stereotypically here, Or if you're in a dating

<v Speaker 1>dynamic where your long term boyfriend and girlfriend and things

<v Speaker 1>already feel stale. It does beg the question of one,

<v Speaker 1>how motivated is this guy to begin with? And how

<v Speaker 1>does he treat things that he's apparently so deeply in

<v Speaker 1>love with? And two, and more importantly that's relevant to

<v Speaker 1>today's topic, is well does he love you in a

<v Speaker 1>way that's going to transform his behavior? Because that is

<v Speaker 1>simply how men work. And I stand ten toes down

<v Speaker 1>on this. Men that really love you are always eager

<v Speaker 1>to try and change. Yes, even if they make mistakes again,

<v Speaker 1>but they want to fix it and they want to

<v Speaker 1>remedy the situation.

<v Speaker 2>They are very.

<v Speaker 1>Solution based as opposed to a man that may may

<v Speaker 1>feel dead different about you. He's going to be the

<v Speaker 1>type of guy that's gonna be all right, whatever, whatever,

<v Speaker 1>hear what you have to say, and make zero changes

<v Speaker 1>about it. Okay, what separates the love of his life

<v Speaker 1>kind of woman? Well, it's going to be clear traits,

<v Speaker 1>no fluff here, all right, It's going to be observable,

<v Speaker 1>observable behavior that is going to shift in him. So

<v Speaker 1>number one thing is he's going to move with urgency,

<v Speaker 1>all right, there's going to be no confusion about the

<v Speaker 1>commitment if ladies, Hello, Hi, I'm sure we all know

<v Speaker 1>this by now, that there's no such thing as a

<v Speaker 1>man being so serious about you and basically like bread,

<v Speaker 1>you know, breadcrumbing his way into your life. Or you

<v Speaker 1>are the one that has to meet him halfway because

<v Speaker 1>you know that he's been hurt in the past and

<v Speaker 1>you just want to be that security for him, and

<v Speaker 1>so you had to kind of initiate, uh to him

<v Speaker 1>the commitment. You had to give him an ultimatum in

<v Speaker 1>order for him to give you that commitment.

<v Speaker 2>Right. And I don't want to hear about the exceptions

<v Speaker 2>to the rule.

<v Speaker 1>I really don't, So you can save yourself from writing

<v Speaker 1>that comment because I don't want to hear it. Right.

<v Speaker 2>The exceptions never make the rule.

<v Speaker 1>And that's perhaps what some of you guys issue is

<v Speaker 1>is that you always think that you're an exception to

<v Speaker 1>the rule and you're not. I don't care how beautiful

<v Speaker 1>you are, You're just not, babe.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>Like I said, there is no such thing as figuring

<v Speaker 1>it out for years and years and years and years.

<v Speaker 1>Men know, men know before women do. So when you

<v Speaker 1>think about that, stop, right, there pause. When you think

<v Speaker 1>about the fact that men know before women do, think

<v Speaker 1>about all the times that you probably wasted your time.

<v Speaker 2>Think about that.

<v Speaker 1>You mean to tell me that all the men that

<v Speaker 1>you've been with, all of them knew immediately whether or

<v Speaker 1>not they were planning on being with you. But the

<v Speaker 1>difference is is that a man will still be with you,

<v Speaker 1>but not really choose you.

<v Speaker 2>You were not the love of his life.

<v Speaker 1>Like I said, this is gonna this is what's going

<v Speaker 1>to separate the love of his life type of woman.

<v Speaker 1>He will move with urgency. When a man is meeting

<v Speaker 1>the love of his life, right, clarity is what's going

<v Speaker 1>to replace that hesitation.

<v Speaker 2>He doesn't need time.

<v Speaker 1>He in fact, you're the one probably that's like, I'm

<v Speaker 1>not really sure, and I'm not talking about a man

<v Speaker 1>that's love bombing you. You guys really need to like, hello,

<v Speaker 1>understand what I'm trying to say, But I'm talking about

<v Speaker 1>you know that, Oh my gosh, Okay, this guy is

<v Speaker 1>actually serious about me, no games, no fluff. You can

<v Speaker 1>just feel intrinsically that, Okay, this is different. He is

<v Speaker 1>very certain, and he's very sure, and this doesn't seem

<v Speaker 1>like some sort of weird game that he's playing. It's

<v Speaker 1>gonna stand the test of time. As woman, you know, naturally,

<v Speaker 1>we may feel a little bit more suspicious and you

<v Speaker 1>know whatever, because he that finds a wife finds a

<v Speaker 1>good thing.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>But men, no, and they're going to move with clarity,

<v Speaker 1>all right, and they're going to stand the test of time.

<v Speaker 1>It's going to be consistent. When a man truly wants

<v Speaker 1>to be with you, he's not going to be leaving

<v Speaker 1>you on the market. Why because he wants you off

<v Speaker 1>the market. Because he doesn't want anyone to come and

<v Speaker 1>swipe you up.

<v Speaker 2>Swipe We're no swiping. He does not want that to

<v Speaker 2>happen to you.

<v Speaker 1>So you have to ask yourself if you're with a

<v Speaker 1>guy for a year even and he has no intention

<v Speaker 1>of marrying you, doesn't bring this up literally at all,

<v Speaker 1>and you're just you're the one. It's very obvious that

<v Speaker 1>you want to get married. You can also tell when

<v Speaker 1>he talks about things, he's only talking about things for himself.

<v Speaker 1>He's not including you in his future. He doesn't want

<v Speaker 1>to talk about the future. He's not doing any of

<v Speaker 1>this stuff. There's a clear indication here. Men are the

<v Speaker 1>ones that set the tone for the relationship. Whether women

<v Speaker 1>want to accept that or not. Argue with your mother.

<v Speaker 2>Two, a man is.

<v Speaker 1>Going to become protective of the relationship. But he's not

<v Speaker 1>if there is no relationship to even begin with. But

<v Speaker 1>in this case, if you are in a relationship, this

<v Speaker 1>is how you figure out whether or not you're the

<v Speaker 1>love of this man's life. If he's becoming protective of

<v Speaker 1>the relationship, this means that he will never risk losing you.

<v Speaker 2>He's not gonna risk losing you.

<v Speaker 1>Maybe never is a stretch, but he's not going to

<v Speaker 1>risk losing you. He's going to cut off distractions willingly.

<v Speaker 1>All right, listen, Like he used to go with his

<v Speaker 1>friends or whatever the case is. Now he's with you

<v Speaker 1>because listen, I'm not going to risk I want to

<v Speaker 1>genuinely spend time with this girl, like I don't want

<v Speaker 1>to risk losing her. I don't want to risk causing

<v Speaker 1>her any bit of confusion. See, when you're the love

<v Speaker 1>of a man's life, he's going to actually go out

<v Speaker 1>of his way to make sure that you're not confused.

<v Speaker 1>That should tell you a lot right then, and there,

<v Speaker 1>shouldn't it.

<v Speaker 2>Huh.

<v Speaker 1>Number Three, he's going to invest without being asked, without

<v Speaker 1>being given an ultimatum, without being.

<v Speaker 2>Coerced. He's going to invest in you.

<v Speaker 1>This means his time, his money, his energy, and his

<v Speaker 1>planning and his planning. He's going to make sure that

<v Speaker 1>you can't a man that's pursuing you. You can't stop

<v Speaker 1>that man from having plans with you.

<v Speaker 2>You just can't, all right, like planning with you, planning

<v Speaker 2>a future.

<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you, all right, he's going to invest without

<v Speaker 1>being asked. You do not need to hit him up

<v Speaker 1>to remind him of the date that he scheduled with you.

<v Speaker 1>The dates on Friday. The last time you spoke to

<v Speaker 1>him was Monday morning. Conversation barely wet anywhere. Here you are,

<v Speaker 1>it's Thursday night. You're trying to figure out, well, are

<v Speaker 1>we going on a date or not? Like, I haven't

<v Speaker 1>really heard from him. I don't want to like hit

<v Speaker 1>him up, right, We don't speak unless spoken to, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>So you're trying to figure out what's going on, and

<v Speaker 1>it's like so then here you do. Here you go

<v Speaker 1>shooting him a text, Hey, just checking in. Haven't heard

<v Speaker 1>from you. Just want to know, like if we're still

<v Speaker 1>on for tomorrow, Like no worries if you're not trying

<v Speaker 1>to give yourself an out, trying to make it seem

<v Speaker 1>like you're passive and you really don't care. And then he's, oh, shoot, dang, okay,

<v Speaker 1>oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're still on for tomorrow. And

<v Speaker 1>now you're like, okay, Like, I'm just glad that I

<v Speaker 1>had to check in, But in your heart, you know

<v Speaker 1>that you feel slight conviction over well, why did I

<v Speaker 1>have to remind him? If I didn't remind him, would

<v Speaker 1>he even have showed up? Are some of you not

<v Speaker 1>tired of like holding your relationship up by the bootstraps?

<v Speaker 2>You're not? Okay, good luck to you?

<v Speaker 1>And then you're not going to be begging for the effort,

<v Speaker 1>right A man that truly sees you as the love

<v Speaker 1>of his life is not going to have you begging

<v Speaker 1>for effort in the relationship. He's going to do You

<v Speaker 1>are the motivation, baby, You are the motivation, all right.

<v Speaker 1>And then he's going to privately, He's going to publicly

<v Speaker 1>end privately.

<v Speaker 2>Align what does this mean?

<v Speaker 1>There's no difference between how he treats you in public

<v Speaker 1>versus how he treats you in private, all right.

<v Speaker 2>There's no hiding, there's no ambiguity.

<v Speaker 1>A man that sees you as the love of his life,

<v Speaker 1>there is no ambiguity.

<v Speaker 2>He is staking his claim.

<v Speaker 1>This is my woman, this is who I'm with, And

<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying this in the scape of social media,

<v Speaker 1>where all he won't get with me on Facebook and

<v Speaker 1>show that we're in a relationship, or he's not posting

<v Speaker 1>me on his socials. I mean, it depends. That's a

<v Speaker 1>conversation that you guys need to have. Me personally, considering

<v Speaker 1>my line of work, I probably would never post my relationship.

<v Speaker 1>I don't even think I'm gonna post when I get

<v Speaker 1>married either. I might post like my wedding photos, but

<v Speaker 1>I'm probably not going to be ever showing my husband. Like,

<v Speaker 1>I don't think that that's something I would put on

<v Speaker 1>the internet. But I digress. That's something you two have

<v Speaker 1>to discuss. And again, it's best, in my personal opinion,

<v Speaker 1>to keep your relationships off of the internet. Okay, keep

<v Speaker 1>it off of the internet. You don't want to be

<v Speaker 1>those couples arguing on Facebook, breaking up, getting back together,

<v Speaker 1>and you're giving people a lot of things to speculate

<v Speaker 1>on and have public opinion because you've made it public,

<v Speaker 1>all right, Like I said, there will never be any

<v Speaker 1>hiding or any ambiguity when he is publicly and privately

<v Speaker 1>aligning with you. And the last thing I will say

<v Speaker 1>is that he also elevates you. This is how you

<v Speaker 1>know you are the love of a man's life. You

<v Speaker 1>will feel more secure, You're not going to feel anxious.

<v Speaker 1>You will feel like your life is improving being with him.

<v Speaker 2>This is effortless. Okay.

<v Speaker 1>I saw a video where a woman said so eloquently

<v Speaker 1>that getting with someone that is a provider and also

<v Speaker 1>someone that is you know, doing very well for himself

<v Speaker 1>financially is the quickest way for you to get rich

<v Speaker 1>yourself because not only does it actually increase you know,

<v Speaker 1>your lifestyle, it shows and how you do things, your

<v Speaker 1>experience is it ell of your lifestyle. I should actually say, right,

<v Speaker 1>but now all the things that you used to be

<v Speaker 1>spending money on, you now can save that money and

<v Speaker 1>keep that money in your pocket.

<v Speaker 2>Albeit your circumstances remain the same.

<v Speaker 1>You have the same job or what have you like,

<v Speaker 1>you can now save that and invest it and make

<v Speaker 1>more smarter financial decisions. And it's no burden on you

<v Speaker 1>financially because you decided to marry well, but that's a

<v Speaker 1>subject for another day, all right, So let's talk about

<v Speaker 1>the optics in a relationship, because at the end of

<v Speaker 1>the day, social media looks perfect, right, it does, it does,

<v Speaker 1>but real life can feel empty a lot of the

<v Speaker 1>times when social media looks perfect. This is why I say,

<v Speaker 1>do not put your relationship on social media. Do not

<v Speaker 1>make it the center of your relationship, because then, unfortunately, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>you will feel like you have to keep up with

<v Speaker 1>the Joneses, all right, And it's inevitable relationships go through

<v Speaker 1>highs and lows, even with men that you are very

<v Speaker 1>much in love with, and even with as men, you

<v Speaker 1>know the woman that you are very in love with, right,

<v Speaker 1>things just tend to happen. And so as a woman,

<v Speaker 1>if you always have to keep up the optics of something,

<v Speaker 1>you're in danger. You don't want to put yourself in

<v Speaker 1>a position where you have to constantly keep up with

<v Speaker 1>the optics. What do I mean by optics, Well, like

<v Speaker 1>I said, social media trying to look perfect.

<v Speaker 2>But also he is staying with you.

<v Speaker 1>But he's not choosing actively, right, He's not actively choosing

<v Speaker 1>to make your life better or improve your life in

<v Speaker 1>any way. Like, it's this neutral energy that you sort

<v Speaker 1>of feel on your behalf and you have the title,

<v Speaker 1>but you don't have the treatment. Okay, you are this

<v Speaker 1>guy's girlfriend. And this is gonna hit hard for some

<v Speaker 1>of you because some of you don't even realize that

<v Speaker 1>you have manufactured your way into men's lives. But you

<v Speaker 1>don't notice because all you care about is the optics

<v Speaker 1>that at least I got the guy that I wanted.

<v Speaker 1>At least I actually am married. Yeah, but you're married

<v Speaker 1>and miserable. Okay. And one thing that we've learned as

<v Speaker 1>adults is two things can be true at once.

<v Speaker 2>You're married and you're miserable.

<v Speaker 1>And that's one thing that I will never be in life,

<v Speaker 1>is married and miserable, because I strongly believe in the

<v Speaker 1>quote I can do bad all by myself.

<v Speaker 2>Okay, period.

<v Speaker 1>So for some people, they just feel like, well, at

<v Speaker 1>least I'm married, and at least I have a husband,

<v Speaker 1>and at least I have the kids. And it's like,

<v Speaker 1>but girl, you're not living the life that you really

<v Speaker 1>really want. Girl, you're just living the optics of the

<v Speaker 1>life that you claim that you want, but you're not

<v Speaker 1>really living that life. Girl, be so for real, and

<v Speaker 1>let me tell you something relationships will really keep you honest, right,

<v Speaker 1>just like how pets keep you honest.

<v Speaker 2>Because the psyche must always be heard.

<v Speaker 1>And this means that when you are in a relationship

<v Speaker 1>that you're actually not genuinely happy in and then it's

<v Speaker 1>not really what you want, it can actually turn you

<v Speaker 1>into an old bitter Karen.

<v Speaker 2>I strongly believe in it, Yes I do.

<v Speaker 1>This is why now you're looking at the girls that

<v Speaker 1>are younger than you and feeling like, oh, like, who

<v Speaker 1>do they think they are? You become like this critic.

<v Speaker 1>You become everyone that you hate because you're just not

<v Speaker 1>truly happy. You start observing things and picking apart things

<v Speaker 1>in other people and their relationships because they're missing in yours.

<v Speaker 1>And so you're trying to prove something to yourself because

<v Speaker 1>maybe your man uh doesn't make that much money or

<v Speaker 1>it isn't generous with you, but you're married, and now

<v Speaker 1>you're always trying to explain to people how, oh, that's

<v Speaker 1>a waste of money and I would never spend money

<v Speaker 1>on this and this girl. It's because you can't. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>it's because you can, and that's why you won't. So

<v Speaker 1>that's why you don't. End of story Okay, so you

<v Speaker 1>if you have the title of wife, girlfriend, but not

<v Speaker 1>the treatment, that's the optics of a relationship. You are

<v Speaker 1>his girlfriend, but you're not his priority. That's the optics.

<v Speaker 1>Some women have the ring, the pictures, the title, but

<v Speaker 1>not the experience of being deeply chosen. But what would

<v Speaker 1>you know, right if you are in this position, what

<v Speaker 1>would you know because at least you kind of got

<v Speaker 1>what you wanted. I know quite a few people, let's

<v Speaker 1>just say that that are married and i'mlnger. I would

<v Speaker 1>never want to switch place as I wanted suspaces with

<v Speaker 1>anyone really, to be honest, like, I don't believe in that.

<v Speaker 1>But you guys are picking up what I'm laying down.

<v Speaker 1>I'm like, dang noted for how I do not want

<v Speaker 1>to live.

<v Speaker 2>Let's just put it like that, do not want to

<v Speaker 2>live like that.

<v Speaker 1>Because just because you have this thing does not mean

<v Speaker 1>that it is everything that you've wanted. And that's just

<v Speaker 1>maturity is realizing that. That's just the cold tart truth.

<v Speaker 2>All right.

<v Speaker 1>Now, let's talk about the privileges of being that woman.

<v Speaker 1>There are privileges to being that woman, and that means

<v Speaker 1>that when you are the love of his life, when

<v Speaker 1>you are the love of that man's life, all right,

<v Speaker 1>you're going to experience a different level of ease and privilege.

<v Speaker 1>Let me tell you how many time studies have been done.

<v Speaker 1>There have been people, you know, those people that walk

<v Speaker 1>around like their city, and they say, like.

<v Speaker 2>Would you go fifty to fifty with a woman? Okay?

<v Speaker 1>And men and women have both asked these questions, and

<v Speaker 1>a man will say some men will say, oh, well, yes,

<v Speaker 1>I feel like, you know, women should.

<v Speaker 2>Participate equally in a partnership.

<v Speaker 1>Times have changed now, you know, you can't just have

<v Speaker 1>a singular income anymore. And then they ask a follow

<v Speaker 1>up question that says, but what if it was your

<v Speaker 1>dream girl? All of a sudden, it's well, I mean,

<v Speaker 1>if she's my dream girl, I mean she shouldn't have

<v Speaker 1>to pay. I mean, you know, like right, all of

<v Speaker 1>a sudden, it switches. So how is it that men

<v Speaker 1>all across the board intrinsically have the understanding that if

<v Speaker 1>you are the love of their life, they want you

<v Speaker 1>to move with ease.

<v Speaker 2>They don't want you to have to do anything.

<v Speaker 1>So all those men over there that are sitting here

<v Speaker 1>spewing out this, yeah, well times have changed.

<v Speaker 2>Now you can't have.

<v Speaker 1>A singular salary anymore, and it doesn't matter because men will.

<v Speaker 2>Men have gone to war over woman.

<v Speaker 1>Hello, Men have done so many things to get to

<v Speaker 1>the woman that they want. Right, Ain't no mountain high,

<v Speaker 1>ain't no valley low all right to keep him from

<v Speaker 1>getting to you, babe, right if he really wanted to.

<v Speaker 2>It's so true that he would.

<v Speaker 1>Yes, I understand maturity says men are not mind readers.

<v Speaker 1>I do believe that that's a separate episode. We will

<v Speaker 1>talk about it and zip your mouth. However, in this context,

<v Speaker 1>right here, I'm telling you that there is a different

<v Speaker 1>level of ease and privilege that you will have in

<v Speaker 1>a man's life. If you are the love of his life,

<v Speaker 1>he will literally make your life easier. I'm telling you, ladies,

<v Speaker 1>take my advice on this. A man that really loves

<v Speaker 1>you will make your life easier. Okay, and it actually

<v Speaker 1>brings him joy to do so.

<v Speaker 2>All right.

<v Speaker 1>You will not have to convince him to show up.

<v Speaker 1>You will not have to compete for his attention. You

<v Speaker 1>will not have to overperform so that you can be valued.

<v Speaker 1>You will not have to be worried about whether or

<v Speaker 1>not you are going to be considered in his decisions.

<v Speaker 2>It will be natural.

<v Speaker 1>He will naturally consider you in all of his decisions.

<v Speaker 2>It's effortless. So the privilege isn't the.

<v Speaker 1>Material It's not the optics of making it seem like

<v Speaker 1>you have this and you have that. It's the emotional security,

<v Speaker 1>It's the consistency. It is the being deeply considered. For me, yeah,

<v Speaker 1>that's what it's about. The privilege of being the love

<v Speaker 1>of that man's life is the security, the emotional security.

<v Speaker 1>It is the consistency, and it is the being deeply considered.

<v Speaker 1>All right, wouldn't it feel great to not have to

<v Speaker 1>convince someone to show up for you in a certain capacity,

<v Speaker 1>to not have to compete for his attention, and to

<v Speaker 1>not feel like you have to resort to all these

<v Speaker 1>antics to whether or not he wants to be with you,

<v Speaker 1>to test whether or not he's he meant what he

<v Speaker 1>said to you know, feel like you're wondering when he's

<v Speaker 1>gonna pop the question and do this to test whether

<v Speaker 1>or not it's ever even really gonna happen.

<v Speaker 2>Hmmm.

<v Speaker 1>I'm not living a life like that, and you shouldn't either. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>And if you are already in a marriage, well, I'm

<v Speaker 1>not so I don't really know what else to sell you, guys.

<v Speaker 1>I hate to be so grim, but that's just the truth.

<v Speaker 1>I can only speak as someone just in a relationship

<v Speaker 1>and based off my previous experiences, in addition to the

<v Speaker 1>plethora of women that I've spoken to all around the

<v Speaker 1>world that share with me on a daily basis the

<v Speaker 1>things that they experience and go through in relationships.

<v Speaker 2>So that's my credibility right there.

<v Speaker 1>This is why woman will stay anyway though, right because

<v Speaker 1>there's a fear of starting over. Never have that fear.

<v Speaker 1>If you don't have kids, you're not married. I'm telling

<v Speaker 1>you right now, consider yourself blessed. And I'm not saying

<v Speaker 1>that as an insult in any capacity. You gotta grow up, Okay.

<v Speaker 1>What I'm saying is is there's nothing tying you to

<v Speaker 1>this guy.

<v Speaker 2>Please move on.

<v Speaker 1>There are women that wish that they had the ability

<v Speaker 1>and the liberty to walk away from something, and it's

<v Speaker 1>a lot harder for them because of the ties they

<v Speaker 1>have to that person. It's not easy to just get

<v Speaker 1>a divorce, right, It's not easy that they are They

<v Speaker 1>don't know what their life is going to look like

<v Speaker 1>outside of that divorce. Or now they have to try

<v Speaker 1>and figure out their co parenting situation, and the relationship

<v Speaker 1>feels it gets already contentious, so it feels easier to

<v Speaker 1>just put up and shut up, don't act like you guys,

<v Speaker 1>never heard of something like that before. Hello, So there's

<v Speaker 1>a fear of starting over, I can understand in that context.

<v Speaker 1>But if you are just in a boyfriend girlfriend situation, girl, girl,

<v Speaker 1>please do not ever have a fear of starting over,

<v Speaker 1>because I promise you, if you are a placeholder in

<v Speaker 1>a man's life, he has no problems starting over with

<v Speaker 1>somebody else. Just saying we are not hardwired to stay

<v Speaker 1>in situations that are truly not the best outcome for us,

<v Speaker 1>and especially men, because let's keep it a call it

<v Speaker 1>spade a spade, men are actually intrinsically more selfish than

<v Speaker 1>women are. We are just raised and I guess from

<v Speaker 1>birth like we naturally tend to be more nurturing and

<v Speaker 1>more caring.

<v Speaker 2>So we will be in a relationship with.

<v Speaker 1>A guy who's severely overweight and just like be like, oh,

<v Speaker 1>I see the potential in him. It's like a project.

<v Speaker 1>But a man is never going to turn around and

<v Speaker 1>look at you and say, dang, you know, I was

<v Speaker 1>with her because I just know that if she looks

<v Speaker 1>like this, eventually she can you know, definitely win over

<v Speaker 1>my heart, like she can grow on me. We as women,

<v Speaker 1>tend to make decisions based on those things in this

<v Speaker 1>context as opposed to men. Right, So, I do understand

<v Speaker 1>the fear of starting over. It's totally valid. But don't

<v Speaker 1>be afraid to especially if you don't you're not married

<v Speaker 1>and you have no children with this person. And then

<v Speaker 1>there's also the attachment to, like I said, the potential. Well,

<v Speaker 1>I know he can be a great guy. He has

<v Speaker 1>all these great attributes. It's like the best almost situation.

<v Speaker 1>But you know in your heart that there's conviction and

<v Speaker 1>that this is not quite the right situation. But what

<v Speaker 1>are you gonna do. You're in your thirties. You're really

<v Speaker 1>gonna throw with this situation away? You're really gonna start

<v Speaker 1>over in your life? What if you don't meet someone

<v Speaker 1>that comes remotely close to this, might as well just

<v Speaker 1>stay in the relationship that you have right now. At

<v Speaker 1>least you have somebody who wants to be single, all right,

<v Speaker 1>choice is yours or you are confusing history with destiny.

<v Speaker 1>People love doing things like this after all that we've

<v Speaker 1>been through. We've been together for ten years. Obviously we

<v Speaker 1>were together for all this time for a reason, not necessarily.

<v Speaker 1>History does not equate to depth. History does not equate

<v Speaker 1>to oh, man, we are meant to be. And then,

<v Speaker 1>of course there's the social pressure to keep a relationship.

<v Speaker 1>Like I said, it's giving very much. Well, at least

<v Speaker 1>I have a man. Nobody wants to be the girl

<v Speaker 1>that's single in her thirties, you know, But would you

<v Speaker 1>rather just have the optics of a relationship and never

<v Speaker 1>really truly get Let me tell you something.

<v Speaker 2>It's all fun in.

<v Speaker 1>Games when we're all in the same arena of life,

<v Speaker 1>of everyone's getting married, everyone's having kids, until you have

<v Speaker 1>to live those lives out. Thirty to fifty is twenty years.

<v Speaker 1>Twenty years you were with that person that you knew

<v Speaker 1>was not the one that you knew you you deserved

<v Speaker 1>better treatment from that. You realize you're not the love

<v Speaker 1>of that man's life. Because why does your life feel

<v Speaker 1>like it's harder? Why is it that when you ponder

<v Speaker 1>to yourself, you look back and you realize, would my

<v Speaker 1>life change if I wasn't with this man? And let's

<v Speaker 1>just say, you don't have kids. Let's move kids out

<v Speaker 1>of the equation. Right, would my life change much if

<v Speaker 1>I was not with this man? And when you realize

<v Speaker 1>the answer is no, that's kind of crazy because that

<v Speaker 1>person you're with should add to you, not take away,

<v Speaker 1>at the very least not take away.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>So the goal is never to force a man to

<v Speaker 1>see you as the love of his life. That's not

<v Speaker 1>what we're getting here. And if that's what you concluded,

<v Speaker 1>back it up and redo it and listen to this

<v Speaker 1>episode again and hype the video again while you're at it.

<v Speaker 2>The goal is to be with someone who.

<v Speaker 1>All ready does okay, and he already acts like you

<v Speaker 1>are the love of his life. We're not in the

<v Speaker 1>business of forced tactics, okay, because you're not going to

<v Speaker 1>become the love of a man's life by shrinking yourself,

<v Speaker 1>by chasing him, giving him ultimatums, by trying to test

<v Speaker 1>him all the time, or convince him that you are

<v Speaker 1>the girl for him and why doesn't he see it?

<v Speaker 1>And he doesn't see it because of his childhood and

<v Speaker 1>you just have to get him, girl, I've had enough.

<v Speaker 2>But you recognize that you.

<v Speaker 1>Are by seeing what he does without him having to

<v Speaker 1>be asked, Oh, Mike, drop and I'm going to leave

<v Speaker 1>that right then and there. I want you to send

<v Speaker 1>this episode to a friend that you think really could

<v Speaker 1>hear it. Ohshe no team, just a friend that you

<v Speaker 1>think could use the advice. And also tell your friend

<v Speaker 1>to hype the video. Okay, we're girls girls here.

<v Speaker 2>I hope that you.

<v Speaker 1>Guys have enjoyed this episode. Thank you so much for

<v Speaker 1>listening and watching and hyping. Make sure you give this

<v Speaker 1>podcast a five star rating while you're at it. Do

<v Speaker 1>not forget that I love you and God loves you.

<v Speaker 1>I'll speak to you, beautiful angels in my next podcast episode.

<v Speaker 1>M