All right. We're gonna get into vacations and the clauses that you need because it seems that summer is coming, and as it arrives, some panic sets in because the same fights that happened last year around summer vacation are gonna happen again this year. So today, we're gonna cover all the things about summer vacations, like when do I have to give notice, and who asks first, and how long can the vacation be, and whether the vacation overrides parenting time, which we've talked about in previous episode, and whether vacation has to happen during the summer or can it be year-round.

Most of these fights can be prevented with just some clear sentences located inside of your parenting plan. So the first question, does vacation have to be during the summer? Spoiler alert, I don't think so, but we're gonna get into some pros and cons. The pros of having a summer-only vacation seems as though it's easier with school scheduling, uh, it's more predictable planning because you know what exact months, and it matches other people's travel arrangements if you're going with other families.

The cons, though, let's be real, in this economy, price, price, cha-ching, cha-ching, um, very crowded destinations, and limits flexibility, right? So that's why I propose that a lot of us just think about having some year-round vacations. Now, that does have to mean you're a little bit more flexible with school, but it does allow tremendous flexibility.

It's cheaper on your travel. Um, you can take advantage of special events or family opportunities that maybe your family wants to go every October or every April, and allows the families to travel when life just happens, like maybe we finally figure out that we can travel during April, and maybe we got offered something or we won a trip.

But the cons can be that it might impact your school schedule and require a little bit more planning, right? But my perspective, like I said, is I want you to be planning constantly through this divorce for your future. Don't assume you will always have the same income. Your life is going to get grander and bigger and more.

So let's plan for that. Let's stop living small. And a lot of us, when we're going through divorce, it's one of a very financial impactful times in our life. We're like, "Oh, just give me a week and that's all I can afford. I, I don't have a lot of time with this job." Well, what if your job changes? What if you ha- marry up and over and somebody that's like, "Hey, I have three houses in three locations," and you're like, "Oh, my gosh, I wish I would've asked for more vacation time"?

I'd rather give you a lot of vacation time in your parenting plan than not give you enough But maybe right now you're just thinking that there's only staycations in the future. That's okay. You still deserve that. But maybe five years from now, you're on a cruise, right, for 10 days. Let's plan for the grander life instead of settling small inside of our parenting plan.

So again, like the first fight, "I asked first." "No, I asked first. I told you three years ago that we were on 2008, we were, 2028, we were going on this trip." Oh, goodness. This is a big mistake that I see a lot of parenting plans not mention is, who has the right to pick their vacations? You can say things like, "People will be able to submit their vacations by April 1st," if you're doing a summer one, or, "Parents with the first request receive priority, first come, first served."

But for me, I really like the idea of just saying somebody who gives 30 days notice, 60 days notice. I like that better because I don't know at April 1st what I want to do in August. I, I might have an idea, but maybe some of us aren't that big of planners. Maybe I am 30 days worth of plan. But it causes problems when you do this whole, "Well, I told you first, and I asked first," and then maybe you already bought your plane tickets, but you've been sitting on this like, "How do I tell them?

How do I request it? I don't know. This is weird." And then boom, now your plane tickets are not good because they got to it first. But there's no language saying just because they told you first that they get priority. And work schedules change, right? And things come up, and, and people... COVID happened. I mean, I don't want to talk it into existence again, but let's be real.

We had a whole big, huge, like, 30-person cruise planned, and then COVID happened. Guess what? Things changed. We weren't going on a boat. Stuff like that happens, and you need to be able to change plans and maybe reschedule said cruise again. But not everybody knows their vacation plans by January 1 or April 1.

So maybe we consider a 60-day, 30-day notice so that we allow someone to breathe a little bit, schedule, and then plan their vacation, right? Common two vacation fight is, how long can you be gone? Is it one week? Is it two? Should we be three? A whole summer? What, what are we doing here? I want you to think about clarifying in your parenting plan.

How many vacations do they get? One vacation, two vacations, two separate, two together, two weeks together, three weeks together? What makes sense for your particular situation? Now, don't ask, you know, Stacy, who you work with, because maybe she has no family abroad, but you do. So maybe three weeks consecutive makes sense for you because you need to travel across the big pond But Stacy's family doesn't, so she thinks when you say that, "Oh, three weeks?

That's ridiculous. I wouldn't do that." And then you're putting her judgment and situation onto yours. This is why it needs to be a custom build, right? So we need to think about how many vacation days, how many periods of time, can they be consecutive and not consecutive? The third fight that happens a lot is can the vacation be added to existing parenting time.

Now, I will tell you, high-conflict people will add it together. So if you give them seven day, seven days of vacation, they're gonna tack on their weekend before and then take your weekend, and then it's their weekend again, and now they have three weekends in a row. So if a parent already has a Friday through Sunday, does their vacation technically start on Monday, or when did they put in that their vacation starts, that Friday?

Most likely high-conflict people will say Monday, so they get their weekend plus that whole time. So you wanna make sure this is all spelled out clearly on when a vacation can start. Can it overlap? Are you introducing the three-week policy? These are fights that you're going to have if it's not clearly described inside of your parenting plan.

Common fight number four for the summer, or for vacations in general I should say, is do I owe this time back? And if you just listened to the episode before this, you're gonna know the order of priority, meaning vacation is only right above visitation time. So when one party takes a vacation, the other parent may say, "Well, I want my time back.

You're gonna be gone for a week. I'm gonna miss my Monday, Tuesday, my standard visitation. I want it back." And then you're like, "Hmm, no, because when you take vacation, I'll lose two days or three days or whatever it is, and I won't get that time back." But that'll be different for that high-conflict parent, won't it?

Don't they quickly just role reverse? However, they still get to stay the victim in every situation. So you need to clearly write out vacations supersede visitation time, and that visitation time is lost, not regained. There is no makeup time unless you want to give them makeup time, which is a custom build into your specific family's parenting time.

Now, my perspective would be to not do it, because then it just gets muddy, it gets watery, it gets soupy, and high-conflict people will try to add it to the days they already have and now it's like a mini vacation for them, 'cause they've taken back the days that they lost and tacked it on to time they already have, and now they have the children for seven days, and they get to go on another vacation without even calling it a vacation.

And I hope you kept up with that, 'cause I know it's super confusing. But that's how high-conflict people will run your life if the details are not included in that parenting plan. Common vacation fight number five: not enough information. Parent says, "Taking a vacation with the kids. Going to Florida." Okay, well, they're not asking, and they don't have to ask.

They just have to inform if your parenting plan is written clearly. I saw a parenting plan the other day... We're going off script here for a second. I saw a parenting plan the other day that said, "When mother or father wants to go on a vacation, they will request the time from the other parent. The other parent has 10 days to let them know if that works for them."

Now, I don't know if you can see my face right now, where you're listening, but gross. I have to ask the person that I divorced, who we probably don't see eye to eye on much of anything, and now I have to ask them to go spend money that they may or may not be giving me on a vacation and go hanging with people they may or may not like anymore and take their children away from their visitation schedule, so now they don't like me even more, and I have to ask them permission to go do all those things?

No, thank you When you talk to your ex about vacation, your parenting plan should be written so well that you're just informing them. Just informing, and that's it. Okay? But common questions are, where are you going? How long are you gonna be there? What hotel? And what's an emergency contact? And maybe what's your flight information?

I'm not giving an itinerary that we're going to Disney Springs in the morning, then we're going to Universal in the afternoon, and we'll be back at the beach by the... No, just here's our location, here's how we got there. Everybody can go check a flight for themselves to see if it landed appropriately.

Destination, dates, here's emergency contact, cellphone information, or hotel information if you really need to get a hold of us and our, we're not answering our phone. Common vacation fight number six, too much information. The opposite problem. Now we're getting into, uh, a parent wanting too much contact.

Well, I want the phone calls, and I wanna know itinerary, and what restaurants are you going to, and are you doing anything dangerous, and what's every activity, and are they able to go shopping, and when can I talk to them? No, no, no, no, no. No. You keep bare bones on what you give them, and it's the problem that I said before.

You just give them the info that's required in your parenting plan, and that's it. Safety information matters. Control does not. So don't forget, though, if you're, like, in a space, you're like, "Sam, I can't afford three vacations. Why you even put that in there?" Because your life won't always look this way.

Then let's not forget, we can plan a staycation. We can stay home. We can have a little mini Disney party at home for a week, and I mean, we're on a kick right now. When I'm recording this, we're watching all the story- Toy Stories. That could be a whole week of vacation right there. You can make something fun.

You can go visit grandparents. Go stay somewhere for just a couple days at an aunt's house or an uncle's house. But you need to remember that vacation time is your quality time to spend with children, and if your parenting plan is not written well, then you're gonna be arguing about said vacation right around the vacation time, and who plays the ultimate price in that?

Our children, our kiddos, and that's not cool. All right? So I wanna make sure that you understand that most vacation fights are just really based because there's not enough information inside of the parenting plan because the parenting plan was written vaguely. And there's more assumptions taking place than vacations.

And we gotta reduce that conflict. So if you're realizing that your parenting plan is just too vague for implementation, then you, and interpretation, I should say also, then let our team help you. Let us create something that will prevent fights around one of the most joyous times that you have with your kids.

Make sure that there's details around that passport and itineraries and notice and where are you going and how are you getting there. Let us take care of that for you. Because if those details are not included, you're gonna be fighting about it and arguing about it, and that's not what I want for you.

So let our team help you. Let us get those details down for you where it's a no-brainer