<v Speaker 1>Who wants to be within a relationship with a man

<v Speaker 1>where you're walking on eggshells. Everything you do you gotta

<v Speaker 1>worry about is he gonna like this, Is he gonna

<v Speaker 1>accept this?

<v Speaker 2>Does he approve of this?

<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't want to be embarrassed in front

<v Speaker 1>of this person like you. You're gonna get cortisol face, babe,

<v Speaker 1>because you're constantly in fight or flight trying to figure

<v Speaker 1>out if this person approves of this and that Hey, babe,

<v Speaker 1>it's Nasha Christina. This is Quality Queen Control.

<v Speaker 2>What is happening?

<v Speaker 1>Hello, angels, Welcome back to Quality Queen Control. We're back

<v Speaker 1>at it again with another solo episode, New setup.

<v Speaker 2>What do we think?

<v Speaker 1>Firstly, I do want to address some things because we

<v Speaker 1>are making some changes here on the pod. So one,

<v Speaker 1>the new setup, Okay, how are we liking that?

<v Speaker 2>Two?

<v Speaker 1>I also want you guys to tap in make sure

<v Speaker 1>that you are following the Quality Queen Control Podcast chant specifically,

<v Speaker 1>because that is now the only place that you will

<v Speaker 1>be finding the full episodes of the podcast. The podcast

<v Speaker 1>will no longer be uploaded on the Ashia Christina Foster

<v Speaker 1>YouTube channel. It will only be on the Quality Queen

<v Speaker 1>Control Podcast channel, just so that we have a clean

<v Speaker 1>distinction of what is going where, And honestly, I feel

<v Speaker 1>like it may be a little bit time for me

<v Speaker 1>to start over and focus on growing the podcast channel

<v Speaker 1>as opposed to continuing to put my energy in the

<v Speaker 1>main channel or what was the main channel. I want

<v Speaker 1>the podcast channel to become the main channel. We can

<v Speaker 1>grow it way more, you know, and past. Honestly, the

<v Speaker 1>two hundred thousand followers. I'd love to get this channel.

<v Speaker 2>To let's just start out.

<v Speaker 1>By saying a nice twenty k, right, ten twenty k,

<v Speaker 1>and then we'll grow from there. But it takes team effort,

<v Speaker 1>so I just wanted to clarify that before we get

<v Speaker 1>into the actual episode. I think that's it for the announcements,

<v Speaker 1>but hope your summer's going well, and thank you so

<v Speaker 1>much for spending time with me. So today we're going

<v Speaker 1>to be talking about the psychology of control and how

<v Speaker 1>to spot those red flags before it's too late, because

<v Speaker 1>one of the biggest misconceptions about manipulation is that it

<v Speaker 1>will always look obvious, and that's not necessarily the case,

<v Speaker 1>because some people that are controlling are charming, right, They

<v Speaker 1>are generous, they're even spiritual.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know.

<v Speaker 1>What actually, now that I'm thinking about it, just because

<v Speaker 1>someone is a spiritual person for so well spiritual and

<v Speaker 1>what because I'm not a spiritual person. I know in

<v Speaker 1>the past, old old old episodes, I did identify as

<v Speaker 1>that ignorantly because I didn't understand exactly what it meant.

<v Speaker 1>But I do identify as a Christian and my spirituality

<v Speaker 1>and faith I would like to say, I prefer to

<v Speaker 1>use the term faith is in Jesus Christ, nothing else, right,

<v Speaker 1>not crystals or anything like that. And I do find

<v Speaker 1>that oftentimes just because someone is or claims to be

<v Speaker 1>those things, it's not lost on me that that doesn't

<v Speaker 1>mean that they know everything, doesn't mean that they qualify

<v Speaker 1>to be a certain way that's negative, that's hurting someone,

<v Speaker 1>and they get a pass on it because of, you know,

<v Speaker 1>their role or their influence or anything being deemed as

<v Speaker 1>a spiritual type of person. So there's a little story

<v Speaker 1>time that I do have, but who knows, let me

<v Speaker 1>like marinate on it a little bit more before I

<v Speaker 1>think about getting into it next question. But these types

<v Speaker 1>of people, they don't necessarily force you to give up

<v Speaker 1>your power, but they gradually sort of convince you to

<v Speaker 1>hand it over.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>So in today's episode, we are going to be exploring

<v Speaker 1>how manipulation works and why people even fall for it

<v Speaker 1>in the first place, and how to recognize it before

<v Speaker 1>it is too late. Control is essentially about shaping how

<v Speaker 1>some body thinks, or feels or even sees themselves. Right,

<v Speaker 1>So healthy influence, there is such a thing, right, respects

<v Speaker 1>your freedom. But manipulation, it depends on that fear, and

<v Speaker 1>on that guilt, on the confusion, and also the dependency.

<v Speaker 2>Think about that.

<v Speaker 1>So the common tactics of trying to control someone is

<v Speaker 1>going to look like love bombing. It's going to look

<v Speaker 1>like gaslighting you. It's going to look like isolating you.

<v Speaker 1>It's going to look like guilt, manipulation, just fear, okay,

<v Speaker 1>constantly moving the gold posts, okay you ever. You know,

<v Speaker 1>especially this happens a lot of the times in romantic

<v Speaker 1>dynamics where you are dating a guy and every time

<v Speaker 1>you just convince yourself, Okay, if I just do this,

<v Speaker 1>or if I give him exactly what he wants in

<v Speaker 1>this aspect, Okay, he's going to be the man of

<v Speaker 1>my dreams. He's going to finally put a ring on it.

<v Speaker 1>He's going to do this, whatever it is. But every

<v Speaker 1>time you get closer to that goal, it moves. The

<v Speaker 1>target moves right. Then there's projection, there's triangulation, and then

<v Speaker 1>there's also identity erosion. All right, these are all the ways,

<v Speaker 1>the common tactics usually that can be used to control you.

<v Speaker 1>Because again we have to remember that if you can

<v Speaker 1>control how someone sees, feels, or thinks of themselves, that

<v Speaker 1>that is what matters. That's why, especially as it pertains

<v Speaker 1>to friendship dynamics, right, anytime you have a person that

<v Speaker 1>is trying to control the narrative of other people. I

<v Speaker 1>have unfortunately experienced this, and I'm not the only person

<v Speaker 1>in the world that has experienced it. I know that

<v Speaker 1>you guys have too, where people they are so bothered

<v Speaker 1>by your presence you might not even realize that you're

<v Speaker 1>a threat to them. And you have this light and

<v Speaker 1>this way about yourself, and you have people that are

<v Speaker 1>trying to control the narrative around you so that they

<v Speaker 1>can influence people's perception of you. Now you're looking at

<v Speaker 1>you yourself, and this is this also corresponds with the

<v Speaker 1>identity erosion, where all of a sudden you feel like

<v Speaker 1>man I don't know. You know, am I this way?

<v Speaker 1>Did I deserve what this person said to me? Did

<v Speaker 1>I deserve what this person did to me? All the

<v Speaker 1>different things?

<v Speaker 2>And I think it's weak. I think it's weak. You know,

<v Speaker 2>there's a time and.

<v Speaker 1>A place to express how you're feeling, so to speak, right,

<v Speaker 1>there is a time and a place for it.

<v Speaker 2>However, it is my belief that a lot of the.

<v Speaker 1>Times people are walking around talking about others and trying

<v Speaker 1>to influence the perception of others just because they're.

<v Speaker 2>The weaker party. That's what it is.

<v Speaker 1>If I could get to air out my grievances before

<v Speaker 1>this person does, I can control the narrative. And for

<v Speaker 1>some reason, when I spoke about this a couple months

<v Speaker 1>ago on an Instagram reel, people were misconstruing my message

<v Speaker 1>and basically essentially trying to accuse me of allowing abusive

<v Speaker 1>behavior to perpetuate. And I was like, wait, I was

<v Speaker 1>not even touching that. By no means what I ever

<v Speaker 1>hop on God's Internet and talk about promoting the silence

<v Speaker 1>of abuse victims and that was my message. That is asinine.

<v Speaker 1>That makes absolutely no sense. I would never advocate for

<v Speaker 1>any such thing. The problem probably is is that some

<v Speaker 1>people can't identify what anything is. They can't differentiate abuse

<v Speaker 1>versus a regular normal fight. Okay, they can't differentiate the

<v Speaker 1>you know, they have to use a buzzword and do

<v Speaker 1>all this stuff, so they're immediately jumping to defense, or

<v Speaker 1>maybe they have experienced that and they just see me

<v Speaker 1>through that lens that I'm someone that's trying to silence

<v Speaker 1>them as well, which will never ever ever be the case.

<v Speaker 1>I would never do such a thing. What I was

<v Speaker 1>talking about, and what I am talking about today is

<v Speaker 1>your typical run of the mill disagreement or fallout, and

<v Speaker 1>people will try to control you and control the perception

<v Speaker 1>of how you were seen so that eventually that becomes

<v Speaker 1>your identity. This directly correspond with jealousy and envy because

<v Speaker 1>people that are jealous of you, that are envious of you,

<v Speaker 1>there will be some control and manipulation tactics that are

<v Speaker 1>usually involved. Okay, And the thing is, you might think, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>getting manipulated is for stupid people. No, no, no, no, Manipulation

<v Speaker 1>happens gradually, all right. You know. It works off of empathy,

<v Speaker 1>it works off of optimism.

<v Speaker 2>Oh, it's going to get better.

<v Speaker 1>Things are going to change, and it also requires an

<v Speaker 1>emotional investment.

<v Speaker 2>Honestly, can make anybody vulnerable, you know.

<v Speaker 1>I remember there was a time where I fell out

<v Speaker 1>with someone and it wasn't even a bad falling out.

<v Speaker 1>That's what's even more bizarre about it. It was not

<v Speaker 1>a bad falling out. It was just clearly, we are

<v Speaker 1>just it's not working out. Let's just go our separate ways.

<v Speaker 1>And I ended up seeing that person in person, and

<v Speaker 1>she had a friend accompanying her, and the friend, who

<v Speaker 1>I've never met a day in my life, was giving

<v Speaker 1>me nasty looks. You know, as a woman, you can

<v Speaker 1>tell when someone one is just not vibing with you.

<v Speaker 1>And I was fully confused, and I think in the moment,

<v Speaker 1>what was so irritating about the situation and that realization

<v Speaker 1>was then it dawned on me, Oh, she must have

<v Speaker 1>been talking about me negatively to her friend. And now

<v Speaker 1>her friend feels like, mind you, it was a brand

<v Speaker 1>new friendship. They haven't even been friends for six months,

<v Speaker 1>okay at this point, and the girl is just blindly

<v Speaker 1>and idiotically taking this girl's side, never having met me

<v Speaker 1>or anything like that. Brand new friendship okay, and just

<v Speaker 1>blindly trying to act on and have a demeanor about

<v Speaker 1>herself based off of what the other individual had shared

<v Speaker 1>about me. So I even let it go because I

<v Speaker 1>was like, okay, whatever, like I'm not going to read

<v Speaker 1>into it. There was another incident where I not incident,

<v Speaker 1>but there was another time where I did see the

<v Speaker 1>individual again, and this I was fully shocked that she

<v Speaker 1>felt this strongly again, like in person, very very standoffish,

<v Speaker 1>very unfriendly like, and I was like, wait, what, Like

<v Speaker 1>I don't care so much. I didn't go to my friends, Hey,

<v Speaker 1>you better unfollow this girl. You better like it wasn't

<v Speaker 1>that deep to me.

<v Speaker 2>Do I follow her? No?

<v Speaker 1>But I wasn't going to my friends, Like, it wasn't

<v Speaker 1>that type of friendship ending. Do you understand what I'm

<v Speaker 1>saying that I felt like, okay, everybody all everyone that's

<v Speaker 1>rocking with Asia Christina. This was a huge betrayal. I'm

<v Speaker 1>gonna be offended if you follow this person or whatever.

<v Speaker 1>It wasn't even that. It wasn't even that, guys, it

<v Speaker 1>wasn't even that. And yet she did do the same

<v Speaker 1>thing to me, and I still did not do the

<v Speaker 1>same thing to her.

<v Speaker 2>You know.

<v Speaker 1>And the point is that I'm trying to make is

<v Speaker 1>that she's a weak person because she has to go

<v Speaker 1>She's one of many, though. She has to go around

<v Speaker 1>controlling the narrative because I got to get to.

<v Speaker 2>Them before you do. I got to control them before

<v Speaker 2>you do.

<v Speaker 1>Let's even talk about what happened to me really very

<v Speaker 1>early on in my YouTube career, where yeah, like now,

<v Speaker 1>looking back, oh my gosh, I wanted to I didn't

<v Speaker 1>even want to address anything or you know, speak about

<v Speaker 1>anything to do with a situation that not only confused me,

<v Speaker 1>but how somebody can continue to talk about me for

<v Speaker 1>years and years and years and years unprovoked. I never

<v Speaker 1>once said anything nasty, spirited or angry towards the individual.

<v Speaker 1>Still haven't done it at all, even though I have

<v Speaker 1>been more vocal about what has happened now and I

<v Speaker 1>paid the price for that, and I completely stayed silent

<v Speaker 1>in never even defending myself in any capacity. And that

<v Speaker 1>person is just mentally ill where she was obsessed.

<v Speaker 2>With trying to take me down.

<v Speaker 1>I have phone recordings, police reports, I have voice memos,

<v Speaker 1>full blown proof that is documented with the cops of

<v Speaker 1>this individual harassing me for years on end call telling

<v Speaker 1>my friends at their jobs to tell them to not

<v Speaker 1>be friends with me, like things that were just so

<v Speaker 1>egregious and so heavy and so dark spirited and evil

<v Speaker 1>and for what I don't know. She clearly feels like

<v Speaker 1>I took something from her but would never discuss it

<v Speaker 1>with me, which I find odd because if you have

<v Speaker 1>a problem with somebody, usually you want to confront that

<v Speaker 1>person about what it is that they've done. But for her,

<v Speaker 1>admittedly she felt better about talking about her lies and

<v Speaker 1>opinions on the internet instead of actually just speaking to

<v Speaker 1>me because that was her money maker at the time.

<v Speaker 2>Who knows what she's doing now. I mean, I don't

<v Speaker 2>keep up.

<v Speaker 1>But it was obvious that that was really the play,

<v Speaker 1>you know. And I think, to be honest, when I

<v Speaker 1>separated myself and I wanted to do my own thing,

<v Speaker 1>because I started to notice like something just is not right.

<v Speaker 1>Here is when I think she started getting upset because

<v Speaker 1>I think for her, she was projecting onto me that

<v Speaker 1>I took something from her.

<v Speaker 2>But I think what I.

<v Speaker 1>Took was my presence and because people she you know,

<v Speaker 1>because she lost access to me, then I saw the

<v Speaker 1>real her. Right she didn't have the same access to me,

<v Speaker 1>And I've said this before in another podcast. When people

<v Speaker 1>do not have the same access to you, watch how

<v Speaker 1>they treat you from then on out. And so because

<v Speaker 1>I simply wanted something called space, because she was very overbearing,

<v Speaker 1>very temperamental. Always I'm always having to chase her down

<v Speaker 1>and apologize to her for things, and for her, it's like, girl,

<v Speaker 1>we just don't click, and you want me to just

<v Speaker 1>like chase you and kiss your butt and all these

<v Speaker 1>different things. And you went on a smear campaign about

<v Speaker 1>me for four years unprovoked for absolutely no reason, Like

<v Speaker 1>do you feel good about yourself that you've done something

<v Speaker 1>like this to someone in the world who knows? Right,

<v Speaker 1>that's not for me to figure out, Like she has

<v Speaker 1>to work that out with herself, and who knows if

<v Speaker 1>she ever will.

<v Speaker 2>I don't really care.

<v Speaker 1>But the main point here is is that her biggest

<v Speaker 1>thing was she had to control the narrative, and so

<v Speaker 1>she used that as a time, the drama that she

<v Speaker 1>was manufacturing, as a time to spew out lies and

<v Speaker 1>try to control how her audience and the public saw

<v Speaker 1>me so that they can see me the way that

<v Speaker 1>she saw me. And it was obviously all a projection

<v Speaker 1>because she was just threatened by me and threatened by

<v Speaker 1>the fact that I was going to you know, surpass

<v Speaker 1>her or whatever the case is. Obviously, hindsight is twenty twenty,

<v Speaker 1>so I did not realize all of these things until

<v Speaker 1>way after because for the majority of the time that

<v Speaker 1>this was happening to me, I just felt sadness and

<v Speaker 1>just deep hurt of like what did I do? Like

<v Speaker 1>why can't why is this not a discussion? Why does

<v Speaker 1>it have to be the Internet? I'm getting DMD from

<v Speaker 1>like fake accounts, people cursing me out on a daily basis.

<v Speaker 1>I am getting threats to my life, you know, to

<v Speaker 1>leave my like just very crazy things that are being

<v Speaker 1>done to me and said about me, and all these

<v Speaker 1>different things. And I think also the number one thing

<v Speaker 1>that scared me in this extreme of a case was

<v Speaker 1>she knew everything about my life when I knew nothing

<v Speaker 1>about hers, Like she knew everything current about my life,

<v Speaker 1>who I was currently friends with, what I was doing,

<v Speaker 1>you know. I remember at the time one time my

<v Speaker 1>Instagram got deleted and she was like telling one of

<v Speaker 1>my friends because that's how she would hit up, and

<v Speaker 1>I was I remember thinking, how does she know that

<v Speaker 1>I'm even friends with this person? And she would say, like,

<v Speaker 1>and that's why her Instagram got deleted and all these

<v Speaker 1>different things.

<v Speaker 2>Whatever.

<v Speaker 1>You know, it just goes to show like how were

<v Speaker 1>you this updated on my life? Like, I don't understand

<v Speaker 1>how this is continuing to go on. But again, people

<v Speaker 1>that are miserable in life and people that are very

<v Speaker 1>weak minded, this is.

<v Speaker 2>Just the truth.

<v Speaker 1>They have a fear of losing something. So they have

<v Speaker 1>to result to these controlling tactics.

<v Speaker 2>All right.

<v Speaker 1>They have to result to making you feel doubtful about yourself.

<v Speaker 1>They have to result of planting seeds amongst other people

<v Speaker 1>so that they can have an ignorant band of loyal followers,

<v Speaker 1>like janis Ian said from Mean Girls, Okay, what else

<v Speaker 1>did she say? Regina would be nothing without her high

<v Speaker 1>status man candy, technically, good physique, and ignorant band of

<v Speaker 1>loyal followers. So that's in this case, ignorant band of

<v Speaker 1>loyal followers is what it is. And so I also

<v Speaker 1>say that to say this, I caution you guys to

<v Speaker 1>be more mindful and aware of who you're following on

<v Speaker 1>social media and decerning how that person may be weaponizing

<v Speaker 1>their audience. Right, Like remember when Demi Levado got upset

<v Speaker 1>because an ice cream place or something I'm paraphrasing, I

<v Speaker 1>don't know, said something about it being not fat free

<v Speaker 1>or sugar free, something along those lines, and her audience

<v Speaker 1>started on her behalf putting negative ratings on that place,

<v Speaker 1>and you can't delete negative ratings on a workplace, and

<v Speaker 1>you just have to be very responsible with how you

<v Speaker 1>utilize your following. But I also remember there was one

<v Speaker 1>there was one memory I had where I went to

<v Speaker 1>the nail slan with this individual that I was just

<v Speaker 1>discussing and referencing earlier, and the one that did the

<v Speaker 1>smear campaign against me online, not the one who did

<v Speaker 1>it in person. Okay, she went to the nail slan

<v Speaker 1>didn't like her nails, and I remember that she said

<v Speaker 1>she made a comment saying, I should I should like

<v Speaker 1>tell my followers and like have their business, you know,

<v Speaker 1>like shut down or something of that nature.

<v Speaker 2>I'm paraphrasing.

<v Speaker 1>That wasn't the exact sentence, And I remember thinking, wait, what,

<v Speaker 1>like why would you even think about doing something like that?

<v Speaker 1>That's so crazy, Like, okay, you don't like your nails,

<v Speaker 1>Next time, speak up for yourself that you don't like

<v Speaker 1>your nails. You know, I know, it's hard to do,

<v Speaker 1>but yeah, like don't Why is that your first thought

<v Speaker 1>to like weaponize your audience against the person?

<v Speaker 2>You know what I mean? So anytime you were.

<v Speaker 1>Able to control how someone feels about a situation, it

<v Speaker 1>tells you everything you need to know because now you're

<v Speaker 1>the head Han show. You're the one that people are

<v Speaker 1>dependent on. And then let's not forget romantic dynamics. Anytime

<v Speaker 1>you're in a controlling who wants to be within a

<v Speaker 1>relationship with a man where you're walking on eggshells everything

<v Speaker 1>you do, you gotta worry about is he gonna like this,

<v Speaker 1>is he gonna accept this?

<v Speaker 2>Does he approve of this?

<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't want to be embarrassed in front

<v Speaker 1>of this person, Like you're gonna get cortisol face, babe, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>you're definitely gonna get that, because you're constantly in fight

<v Speaker 1>or flight trying to figure out if this person approves

<v Speaker 1>of this and that all right, but this is why

<v Speaker 1>you have to be very careful who has access to

<v Speaker 1>you in your life, because if you are someone that's

<v Speaker 1>always easily accessible, of course people are gonna say, oh, well,

<v Speaker 1>you know, things are different now, like you're behaving different

<v Speaker 1>you're becoming less accessible.

<v Speaker 2>Let me tell you something.

<v Speaker 1>You will never benefit trying to be anyone else other

<v Speaker 1>than yourself. Okay, so always be yourself because there's no

<v Speaker 1>point in being someone else. The psyche must be heard,

<v Speaker 1>so eventually the real you is gonna show up. Everyone

<v Speaker 1>around you is confused and you're like, what does everyone

<v Speaker 1>have a problem with me?

<v Speaker 2>For? This really is me? But it's because if you

<v Speaker 2>allow people to think you're a certain way.

<v Speaker 1>What people don't realize is a part of manipulation is

<v Speaker 1>people pleasing. People pleasing is a form of manipulation. You

<v Speaker 1>are doing things in the hopes that you will be

<v Speaker 1>liked in the end. I mean, I don't know if

<v Speaker 1>you guys watch this show. I was just talking about

<v Speaker 1>it with my producer. I mean, I'm not trying to

<v Speaker 1>be like mean or anything or shady, but I think

<v Speaker 1>it's I don't think it's the most watched Real Housewives franchise,

<v Speaker 1>but the Real Housewives of Atlanta franchise. And currently right now,

<v Speaker 1>there's Porsha who's like a part of the OG cast.

<v Speaker 1>And we've always known that Porsha has had a best

<v Speaker 1>friend named Shemiah. The second, the first and only season

<v Speaker 1>so far that Shamiah gets on this show, their friendship

<v Speaker 1>tanked down the drain, and it almost feels like there's

<v Speaker 1>this perpetual competitive energy between them of Shemiah almost feeling

<v Speaker 1>like she's finally speaking up for herself after years of

<v Speaker 1>being in Porsha's shadow, and she wants to really showcase

<v Speaker 1>her talents of singing and being a very well connected person.

<v Speaker 1>She has a very wealthy husband, she's a mother as well,

<v Speaker 1>does well for herself, you know, and it's just a

<v Speaker 1>very connected person. But it seems like there's resentment between

<v Speaker 1>Shamia and Porsha because it's almost like Shemia feels like

<v Speaker 1>she's perpetually in Porsha's shadow. So I think unfortunately Shamiyah

<v Speaker 1>is perpetually looking for reasons to show Porsha, well, I'm

<v Speaker 1>going to be a star in front of you. So

<v Speaker 1>that's leaking out in unhealthy ways where all of a sudden,

<v Speaker 1>Porsha is feeling like, Okay, why is Shemia being very

<v Speaker 1>melodramatic about this? Why is she speaking to this person

<v Speaker 1>and not speaking directly to me about how it is

<v Speaker 1>that she's feeling all the different things. And Shamia probably

<v Speaker 1>feels that you know Porsha is, you know, always wanting

<v Speaker 1>her to be in her shadow, and we don't know

<v Speaker 1>what the truth is, okay, Where essentially Porsha is saying

<v Speaker 1>she's always advocated for Smia to be on the show.

<v Speaker 1>Shemiah is saying, no, you told me, I have my

<v Speaker 1>own things going for myself, and this is what you have,

<v Speaker 1>meaning Porsha has the show, this is her thing, this

<v Speaker 1>is her lane, Shamia, you thrive in your own lane.

<v Speaker 1>Who knows what the truth is, to be honest, But

<v Speaker 1>I will say, looking at it, it does look like

<v Speaker 1>Shemiah is very attention seeking and she's always kind of

<v Speaker 1>complaining because it probably is the truth. And that's the

<v Speaker 1>cost you pay for not being your real self, babe. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>the cost and the price you pay is too expensive

<v Speaker 1>to not be yourself.

<v Speaker 2>It's too expensive for you to be anyone else.

<v Speaker 1>It's too expensive for you to fake submit and agree

<v Speaker 1>and be agreeable to things that you don't necessarily want

<v Speaker 1>to agree to.

<v Speaker 2>It doesn't make sense.

<v Speaker 1>And yeah, there are times in life where you will

<v Speaker 1>be punished for choosing the truth, choosing to honor and

<v Speaker 1>respect your boundaries and how you feel. I remember when

<v Speaker 1>I was sixteen years old. I had a boyfriend and

<v Speaker 1>he was just a psychopath. Okay, I think I made

<v Speaker 1>a story time about this on my main channel, Like

<v Speaker 1>I think it might have been my fate, my first

<v Speaker 1>story time on my channel. And he was very unhealthy

<v Speaker 1>as an individual. And I remember my parents told me,

<v Speaker 1>you know, we don't think this is a good guy

<v Speaker 1>for you. I've always listened to my parents. I've always

<v Speaker 1>been I'm not like a rebel. I did not grow

<v Speaker 1>up being a rebel in any capacity. And I remember saying, hey, listen, like,

<v Speaker 1>I think it's best that we just become friends.

<v Speaker 2>We break up. You know. My parents also suggested, like

<v Speaker 2>this is the best thing for us, and he said.

<v Speaker 1>I don't like girls that listen to their parents. I

<v Speaker 1>will never forget that sentence. I will never forget that sentence.

<v Speaker 1>And I don't remember how I presented it. I don't

<v Speaker 1>think it's sixteen. I was like mommy, and Daddy said,

<v Speaker 1>I can't be with you. I think I automatically was like, okay, like,

<v Speaker 1>I think we should just be friends. And my naive

<v Speaker 1>mind thought that if I added, oh, my parents also

<v Speaker 1>feel the same way that I'm feeling, that it would

<v Speaker 1>kind of tear like on his heartstrings, and it would

<v Speaker 1>make him feel like, oh wow, even her parents feel

<v Speaker 1>this way too.

<v Speaker 2>No, no, no, no, when.

<v Speaker 1>You're dealing with the psycho, you're dealing with the psycho

<v Speaker 1>like end of story. And so I think that did

<v Speaker 1>not It only exasperated what was already there, and it

<v Speaker 1>brought it to the surface sooner. So he began to

<v Speaker 1>cyberbully me. It was just like a collaborative team effort,

<v Speaker 1>and I had to get the cops involved there as well.

<v Speaker 1>Like it just was absolutely ridiculous, and he just was

<v Speaker 1>it was not normal. The point is is sometimes you

<v Speaker 1>catch things early and you'll still deal with the consequence

<v Speaker 1>of it unfortunately. Like when I was done with the

<v Speaker 1>friendship where the girl did the smear campaign on me,

<v Speaker 1>and I just was like, Okay, I don't think this

<v Speaker 1>is gonna work. It wasn't really a discussion that we had.

<v Speaker 1>It was just me just naturally starting to distance myself

<v Speaker 1>because she gave me no space to just like simply

<v Speaker 1>exist as my own person, Like I had to exist

<v Speaker 1>as like an extension of her arm, you know what

<v Speaker 1>I mean. And she would get very a fended and

<v Speaker 1>defensive like you know, all the different things and just

<v Speaker 1>make up things in her head. But the point is

<v Speaker 1>is that I just I stood up for myself and

<v Speaker 1>for what I felt, and I honored it and I

<v Speaker 1>unfortunately ended up paying a price for that for four years.

<v Speaker 2>Of my life. That's just the truth, right.

<v Speaker 1>And also with that being said, you have to decern

<v Speaker 1>whether or not it is worth, you know, a fight.

<v Speaker 1>Some people that want to control you in life, they

<v Speaker 1>have nothing to lose. You need to be able to

<v Speaker 1>identify if somebody has crazy eyes. Okay, you need to

<v Speaker 1>be able to identify that. If you can't see that

<v Speaker 1>somebody looks off in their eyes and in their spirit,

<v Speaker 1>you can't sense that, you got to do some deep

<v Speaker 1>self reflection because some people their demeanor and their their

<v Speaker 1>aura automatically shows you like the type of person that

<v Speaker 1>they are to a certain degree. Or it could be

<v Speaker 1>incident based where you had a weird moment where you

<v Speaker 1>were like, that was a weird comment to make, or

<v Speaker 1>you know, one of the things that I noticed that

<v Speaker 1>people that are not meant to be in my life

<v Speaker 1>long term, they will say question, they will say make

<v Speaker 1>statements like yeah, like do you think we're going to

<v Speaker 1>be friends? Like for a long time, we're gonna who

<v Speaker 1>goes into a friendship with the intention of not being

<v Speaker 1>in that person's life, Like, well, I don't enter into

<v Speaker 1>friendships for intent for seasons intentionally, that's not what I do, right,

<v Speaker 1>But that's the thing with people like this, and also

<v Speaker 1>people that want to come across like they're always putting

<v Speaker 1>you onto something. These people are sometimes dangerous because they

<v Speaker 1>will inevitably end up leveraging these opportunities and whatever whatever

<v Speaker 1>over your head to make you feel like you're nothing

<v Speaker 1>without me. And actually that is what the girl that

<v Speaker 1>I should have named these people, but that is what

<v Speaker 1>the girl that talked about me to her friend, and

<v Speaker 1>her friend was being like not the friendliest to me

<v Speaker 1>as well, that's what she did. She was just trying

<v Speaker 1>to not to me specifically, at least to my knowledge.

<v Speaker 1>But there was another mutual friend that we had that

<v Speaker 1>she had a falling out with, and she legit was

<v Speaker 1>walking around town like gossiping about the girl twenty four

<v Speaker 1>to seven. So the girl was getting unfollowed, people were

<v Speaker 1>you know, it's just the energy just switched up and

<v Speaker 1>became different. So it's obvious that like she's the only

<v Speaker 1>independent variable in connection that people would be isolating her

<v Speaker 1>and doing all this stuff. It's because she was just

<v Speaker 1>doing what people that are weak do. They have to

<v Speaker 1>try and control the narrative, and you know, it really

<v Speaker 1>just eats me up. People that are always trying to

<v Speaker 1>act like they put you onto something.

<v Speaker 2>These types of people will.

<v Speaker 1>Inevitably always try to leverage what they feel they put

<v Speaker 1>you onto. That is something that I was grappling with

<v Speaker 1>in my life at one point because I didn't have

<v Speaker 1>the heart to tell this person I already know about

<v Speaker 1>that opportunity. I already got that opportunity, but I just

<v Speaker 1>let you think that you told me first, and that

<v Speaker 1>was on me.

<v Speaker 2>I should have said, oh.

<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know I heard about that too, which I've

<v Speaker 1>definitely improved on one hundred percent. But I think at first,

<v Speaker 1>for some reason, I wouldn't express that, and that's on me.

<v Speaker 1>I take radical accountability for that. Where I would people

<v Speaker 1>would just assume that because I am a humble person,

<v Speaker 1>I don't wear my followers and my achievements and all

<v Speaker 1>these different things on my head, that oh that means

<v Speaker 1>like stomp on her or something like that, which is

<v Speaker 1>interesting because I don't have a pushover personality in any capacity.

<v Speaker 1>But a lot of the times too, these people they

<v Speaker 1>try to project onto you exactly what they are doing.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>The liar is always gonna call you dishonest, Okay, A

<v Speaker 1>liar's gonna lie first and fast always. Yeah, the controlling

<v Speaker 1>person is always going to call you controlling, all right.

<v Speaker 1>And then the person that wants to triangulate you is

<v Speaker 1>always going to bring another person into the dynamic to

<v Speaker 1>create jealousy, to create competition, to create insecurity. Then project

<v Speaker 1>that onto you and say, what are you talking about?

<v Speaker 2>Why would I what?

<v Speaker 1>Like?

<v Speaker 2>Who even has time for that? Like? Who would you? Do?

<v Speaker 2>You very much?

<v Speaker 1>Do you very much have the time to triangulate in

<v Speaker 1>this situation?

<v Speaker 2>You very much do.

<v Speaker 1>And that's what these sick individuals do. They don't know

<v Speaker 1>how to take accountability for anything, right, So even in

<v Speaker 1>a romantic dynamic like I just explained, they can make

<v Speaker 1>comments like, well my ex was fine with this, everyone

<v Speaker 1>else agrees with me.

<v Speaker 2>That is like the number one thing.

<v Speaker 1>I was watching Real Housewives of Miami and I remember

<v Speaker 1>Adriana I think her name is. They're having an argument

<v Speaker 1>amongst themselves for a party that Gerty had curated to

<v Speaker 1>loom themed for Julia. Anyways, long story short, Adriana literally

<v Speaker 1>says to Gerty out of nowhere, you know what, nobody

<v Speaker 1>likes you anyway at this table, or like no one

<v Speaker 1>even likes you here.

<v Speaker 2>That's like okay.

<v Speaker 1>So then obviously Martina steps up and goes, I like

<v Speaker 1>you or I like her, and that shut it down,

<v Speaker 1>because why are you speaking on behalf of everyone else

<v Speaker 1>like it was?

<v Speaker 2>And I'm not gonna lie to you for me.

<v Speaker 1>I know some of you might not know watch these shows,

<v Speaker 1>but for those that do, you understand what I'm saying.

<v Speaker 1>It just gives me miserable energy. Now that I've been

<v Speaker 1>watching the seasons, I have been watching them backwards. I

<v Speaker 1>feel like Adriana is in a perpetual state of like

<v Speaker 1>hateration and hate hate. You know, hating is And I

<v Speaker 1>posted this on Instagram the other day. Let me see

<v Speaker 1>if it's still in my story. Okay I'm paraphrasing here,

<v Speaker 1>but on Instagram I posted something that basically said, hating

<v Speaker 1>is the biggest sign of personal failure.

<v Speaker 2>And that is exactly true.

<v Speaker 1>Anytime you were perpetually hating on somebody, it is a

<v Speaker 1>sign and indication of personal failure.

<v Speaker 2>Hello and that's what I think.

<v Speaker 1>After a Adriena's whatever, Adriana's divorce and all the different things,

<v Speaker 1>she's so lonely. That's why she perpetually put so much

<v Speaker 1>pressure onto Julia. This matters why because she did try

<v Speaker 1>to control Julia. She was a set that Julia then

<v Speaker 1>became friends with other people.

<v Speaker 2>And this is relevant to everyone.

<v Speaker 1>Across the board because we've all experienced friendships like this

<v Speaker 1>perhaps or people like this. Perhaps anytime somebody wants to

<v Speaker 1>isolate you, they want to put all their eggs in

<v Speaker 1>your basket. You got to be their mother, their father,

<v Speaker 1>their brother, their confidant, their everything. Like it's such a

<v Speaker 1>weird dynamic, and it's such a disproportionate and unrealistic way

<v Speaker 1>to view life and relationships because nobody should be your

<v Speaker 1>absolute everything, where you have no life outside of said person.

<v Speaker 2>That doesn't make any sense.

<v Speaker 1>And I think that is why uh Dedana perpetually fails

<v Speaker 1>in feeling disappointed and all these different things, because she

<v Speaker 1>has her personal failure of feeling like her marriage failed

<v Speaker 1>and all these different things. And so her next comfort

<v Speaker 1>thing to do, because she's unhealed so far at least,

<v Speaker 1>is put everything into Julia. The second that Julia starts

<v Speaker 1>to branch out and make make other friends, She's all

<v Speaker 1>of a sudden feeling like, well, I own you. I

<v Speaker 1>introduced you to this group. I'm the one that brought

<v Speaker 1>you around this group. How can you betray me by

<v Speaker 1>being friends with other women in the group that I've

<v Speaker 1>had problems with?

<v Speaker 2>Well, you've had problems.

<v Speaker 1>With everyone in the group. Did you forget that you've

<v Speaker 1>had problems with everyone in the group. You've said vile

<v Speaker 1>things to everyone in the group. Okay, I don't want

<v Speaker 1>to get into more detail for those that don't even

<v Speaker 1>watch the show, but that's what people like this do.

<v Speaker 1>That's just the principle that I'm trying to highlight here

<v Speaker 1>is that's what they do. Then there is the most

<v Speaker 1>dangerous of them all tactic, right, which is identity erosion.

<v Speaker 1>So after a while you start you stop asking like

<v Speaker 1>what do I really want to do?

<v Speaker 2>Do I really want to do this? Do I really

<v Speaker 2>want to go there?

<v Speaker 1>Why am I feeling anxiety over having a show up

<v Speaker 1>for this person for every single thing they do, even

<v Speaker 1>when I genuinely cannot justify making time for it. But

<v Speaker 1>you'll start asking yourself, what is going to make this

<v Speaker 1>person happy. What can I do to rent this person

<v Speaker 1>from being upset at me? How can I over explain

<v Speaker 1>more so that they don't feel away?

<v Speaker 2>Right?

<v Speaker 1>And that is when the manipulation has been shifted, influencing

<v Speaker 1>your behavior to reshaping your identity. Now you're a shadow

<v Speaker 1>of this person and you're always trying to consider what

<v Speaker 1>they want over anything that you want. Right, and that

<v Speaker 1>is not normal, Okay, And honestly, even if you want

<v Speaker 1>to tie this into faith, right John ten and ten

<v Speaker 1>talks about the thief only comes to still kill and destroy. Baby,

<v Speaker 1>that's demonic, Okay, some people are walking around with demonic spirits. Yes,

<v Speaker 1>it is that deep and yes, yes I said demonic. Okay, demonic, demonic, demonic,

<v Speaker 1>get over it. It is exactly that, because it's spirits

<v Speaker 1>that control. We are spirits. We are spiritual beings that

<v Speaker 1>can speak and that have a physical body, But we

<v Speaker 1>are spirits.

<v Speaker 2>That's what we are. At the end of the day.

<v Speaker 1>Anyways, we know that the enemy for all my believers

<v Speaker 1>comes to steal, kill and destroy. That is what people

<v Speaker 1>are doing to your peace. You have to protect it.

<v Speaker 1>People will come to steal you know, your joy, They

<v Speaker 1>will steal your peace. They will try to kill the

<v Speaker 1>essence of who you are. They will try to destroy

<v Speaker 1>you by discrediting you so that no one believes you

<v Speaker 1>whenever you try to speak up for yourself. And you

<v Speaker 1>have to remember that God has not given us a

<v Speaker 1>spirit of fear.

<v Speaker 2>That is the thing that you need to remember.

<v Speaker 1>Because fear opens up doors for the enemy to perpetuate

<v Speaker 1>whatever his whack agenda is. That is just the truth.

<v Speaker 1>If you learn about the courts of heaven, that's a

<v Speaker 1>story for another day. But I say all that to

<v Speaker 1>say the biggest thing that people benefit from is fear

<v Speaker 1>and also pity. Pity allows people to continue to manipulate people,

<v Speaker 1>and fear allows people to continue to control you. Never

<v Speaker 1>allow people to put fear in your heart. That is

<v Speaker 1>the second that they will continue to control you. Remember

<v Speaker 1>what I said, People that want to manipulate you are

<v Speaker 1>going to work off of pity because you're always going

<v Speaker 1>to justify why they feel this way. Oh, I know

<v Speaker 1>deep down they're a great person. Oh I know how

<v Speaker 1>they grew up when they were younger. Oh no, next question,

<v Speaker 1>because you should never allow people to manipulate you one

<v Speaker 1>period and also erode at your self identity, your boundaries

<v Speaker 1>and your self respect. And then lastly, you should never

<v Speaker 1>allow people to instill fear in you through that control,

<v Speaker 1>because that shows you're idolizing that person and who were

<v Speaker 1>they were all human beings on God's green earth.

<v Speaker 2>Okay.

<v Speaker 1>And in addition to that, that is how you allow

<v Speaker 1>people to continue to let their plan whatever that And

<v Speaker 1>that's a demonic spirit. I said what I said, it's

<v Speaker 1>a demonic spirit for people to be trying to control

<v Speaker 1>the outcomes of what you're doing and where you're going

<v Speaker 1>in all these different demonic next question. Okay, So the

<v Speaker 1>greatest weapon of a manipulative person, we're going to close

<v Speaker 1>on this note, is your self doubt. Right, if you're fearful,

<v Speaker 1>if they are, if you're pitying that person. Eventually you

<v Speaker 1>have to evaluate consistent patterns rather than their promises aka actions.

<v Speaker 1>Always speak loud than words, Okay. Healthy relationships are going

<v Speaker 1>to produce peace, self respect, and also freedom Okay, not

<v Speaker 1>fear or confusion.

<v Speaker 2>Hello.

<v Speaker 1>Confusion is a breeding ground for deception. So if this

<v Speaker 1>episode has resonated with you, or if you've identified any

<v Speaker 1>of these tactics or anything like that, let me know

<v Speaker 1>in the comment section now below. Make sure that you

<v Speaker 1>guys give this a five star rating anywhere that you

<v Speaker 1>were listening to it. It really helps out the show

<v Speaker 1>a lot. I want to have some guests on here

<v Speaker 1>as well, So let me know who you guys would

<v Speaker 1>like me to interview on the show to talk about

<v Speaker 1>how we can traverse through these experiences that we feel

<v Speaker 1>in life. I mean, wouldn't it be so cool to

<v Speaker 1>interview someone about a story that they've dealt with on

<v Speaker 1>envy and jealousy, or a story that they've dealt with

<v Speaker 1>and survived out of being controlled and all the different things.

<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear people's perspective on these things, and

<v Speaker 1>so let me know what guests you guys would like

<v Speaker 1>to have.

<v Speaker 2>But furthermore, make.

<v Speaker 1>Sure you guys are subscribed to Quality Queen Control podcast

<v Speaker 1>channel because this is the only way and the only

<v Speaker 1>place that you will see visual, full episodes of Quality

<v Speaker 1>Queen Control. With that being said, do not forget that

<v Speaker 1>I love you and God loves you. I'll speak to you,

<v Speaker 1>beautiful angels in my next video.

<v Speaker 2>Lah