<v Speaker 1>You would think that jealous people would kind of stay away. No,

<v Speaker 1>they involve themselves in your life. They need a front

<v Speaker 1>row seat to see what you're doing so they can

<v Speaker 1>siphon your energy. It's a spiritual parasite, that's what it is.

<v Speaker 1>It's spiritually parasitic. They're probably, of course having fake profiles

<v Speaker 1>looking at yourself looking to be offended.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I feel like what she said was about me, all.

<v Speaker 1>These different things, so they can continue to fuel whatever

<v Speaker 1>they started in their heads. Hey babe, it's Asia Christina.

<v Speaker 2>This is quality, clean control. What is happening hate Angel?

<v Speaker 1>So today we're going to be talking about one of

<v Speaker 1>the most dangerous people that you'll ever encounter. This is

<v Speaker 1>not going to be your obvious enemy, but it's going

<v Speaker 1>to be the person who calls themselves your friend, the

<v Speaker 1>one who smiles in your face. They celebrate your wins,

<v Speaker 1>but just enough to stay close to you, but they

<v Speaker 1>secretly resent your success. But before we move on, I

<v Speaker 1>want you guys to make sure that you rate this

<v Speaker 1>podcast five stars, that you hype this video.

<v Speaker 2>If you're seeing it on YouTube, make.

<v Speaker 1>Sure that you hype the video so when you go

<v Speaker 1>to the description, you should see that option Also, if

<v Speaker 1>you like the video, I think it automatically enables the

<v Speaker 1>hype feature to be available.

<v Speaker 2>So that's not even I like the video. Okay, now

<v Speaker 2>moving along here.

<v Speaker 1>Sometimes the betrayal that hurts the most, it doesn't necessarily

<v Speaker 1>come from strangers, right, It's going to come from people

<v Speaker 1>who had a front seat to your life. We all

<v Speaker 1>know this. Our biggest haters are never strangers. They are

<v Speaker 1>always the people that were the closest to us, which

<v Speaker 1>inevitably highlights the fact that it's the people that are

<v Speaker 1>closest to us that have the ability to hurt us

<v Speaker 1>the deepest and the most.

<v Speaker 2>So what exactly do we call this? Well, we're going

<v Speaker 2>to coin the term.

<v Speaker 1>Well, now we're not coining the term, but the term

<v Speaker 1>has been coined as front of me. What exactly is

<v Speaker 1>a front of me Someone that enjoys having access to

<v Speaker 1>your life, but they don't genuinely celebrate your growth.

<v Speaker 2>Right.

<v Speaker 1>A front of me is someone that is emotionally invested

<v Speaker 1>in staying close while they're quietly hoping that you stay

<v Speaker 1>beneath them. We've all heard that term that says you

<v Speaker 1>want your friends to do well, but never better than you.

<v Speaker 1>Or you have met someone who who feels they act

<v Speaker 1>on that sort of they use that as a central

<v Speaker 1>quote of their life. Put it like that, you want

<v Speaker 1>your friends to do good or well, but never better

<v Speaker 1>than you, and that's why they compete with you. So

<v Speaker 1>there's always going to be signs. And speaking of signs,

<v Speaker 1>the subtle signs look like they're downplaying your accomplishments, or

<v Speaker 1>every compliment comes with criticism, or they disappear whenever good

<v Speaker 1>things conveniently happen to you, or they become energized when

<v Speaker 1>you are struggling. And they also, of course compete with you.

<v Speaker 1>They're going to be copying your ideas, your style, your

<v Speaker 1>personality while they criticize yours.

<v Speaker 2>Isn't that quite hilarious?

<v Speaker 1>Under the guise of concern we all had a Honestly,

<v Speaker 1>I don't think I could deal with the term concern

<v Speaker 1>anymore because I have survived a friendship before where every

<v Speaker 1>single thing was like, hey, like, I'm concerned about you,

<v Speaker 1>or a girl like why are you doing this? Like

<v Speaker 1>I'm concerned like, and I remember thinking in my head,

<v Speaker 1>there's no way that I'm a cause for concern over

<v Speaker 1>yourself and the way your living life. Quite frankly, you

<v Speaker 1>can't be talking about me.

<v Speaker 2>But you know what the concern is.

<v Speaker 1>The projection of you actually looking at me and seeing

<v Speaker 1>your own face somehow. And it makes sense why you're concerned,

<v Speaker 1>because you are looking in the mirror and you are

<v Speaker 1>seeing my face. And that's what a lot of people

<v Speaker 1>are doing. They're looking in the mirror and they're seeing

<v Speaker 1>your face. So why is it that people become a frenemy. Well,

<v Speaker 1>it's envy, it is insecurity, it's competition, it's a scarcity mindset,

<v Speaker 1>and then it's also unhealed wounds.

<v Speaker 2>So it's important to remember that jealousy.

<v Speaker 1>Jealousy doesn't always make people leave your life.

<v Speaker 2>Sometimes it makes them stay.

<v Speaker 1>And the psychological damage that you experience when you're going

<v Speaker 1>through a situation like that is absolutely insane. I mean,

<v Speaker 1>of course, you're going to begin to doubt yourself. You're

<v Speaker 1>going to think that you're crazy. You're going to be

<v Speaker 1>gaslighting yourself because you may overshare with the wrong people. Right,

<v Speaker 1>you can shrink your success so that other people become comfortable.

<v Speaker 1>How many people have done that? And over time you're

<v Speaker 1>going to notice that your confidence is slowly eroding because

<v Speaker 1>every time you experience something, you find that you don't

<v Speaker 1>want to tell them that much, so you want to

<v Speaker 1>edit how you're bringing the message across to them, to

<v Speaker 1>try to make yourself see small so that hey, they

<v Speaker 1>kind of overlook it. But there are ways to protect yourself. Okay,

<v Speaker 1>how do you protect yourself? Well, one, you have to

<v Speaker 1>stop telling everyone your plans. You have to learn the

<v Speaker 1>gift of decernment. Okay, you have to watch their actions

<v Speaker 1>more than their words. You have to realize that sometimes

<v Speaker 1>you're gonna have to celebrate privately. Never ever, ever confuse

<v Speaker 1>history with loyalty.

<v Speaker 2>People need to earn access into your life.

<v Speaker 1>And I used to be the type of person where

<v Speaker 1>I would give access and then you have to earn

<v Speaker 1>my mistrust, so to speak. I was that type of

<v Speaker 1>person where I would just give out my trust to

<v Speaker 1>any and everyone and then feel like, okay, well if

<v Speaker 1>you show me that you're a bad person, because I

<v Speaker 1>didn't want to come across as jaded. But the older

<v Speaker 1>that I've become and the wisdom that I have incorporated

<v Speaker 1>the issue with having that sort of mentality of just

<v Speaker 1>get giving your trust to people and then them sort

<v Speaker 1>of it's working backwards. Put it like that, it's working

<v Speaker 1>backwards and that's what I was doing a lot of

<v Speaker 1>the times in my life. And then now with having

<v Speaker 1>more wisdom and discernment, I can desern who I should

<v Speaker 1>trust and who I should tell what. And you know what,

<v Speaker 1>the issue is that a lot of people have also

<v Speaker 1>an over sharing problem. You want to tell everybody everything,

<v Speaker 1>and you're really innocently hoping that people are going to

<v Speaker 1>be happy for you or whatever the case is, and

<v Speaker 1>you would be hard pressed to realize that not everyone's

<v Speaker 1>going to share that with you. That's why you have

<v Speaker 1>also front of me is I remember one time I

<v Speaker 1>was friends with this girl and I was talking to

<v Speaker 1>this guy at the time, and she was also talking

<v Speaker 1>to a guy at the time. Long story short, her

<v Speaker 1>relationship with that guy did not it just ended, It

<v Speaker 1>kind of didn't go anywhere. But I was still talking

<v Speaker 1>to the guy that I was talking to, and I'll

<v Speaker 1>never forget having this feeling intuitively that because my relationship

<v Speaker 1>dynamic was still continuing and hers wasn't, she started to

<v Speaker 1>shift her focus onto me and to nitpick at my

<v Speaker 1>own situation and tell me what she.

<v Speaker 2>Would and wouldn't do.

<v Speaker 1>Girl, what do you know your situation and that you're

<v Speaker 1>a whole bunch. You're a whole mess, and you just

<v Speaker 1>are a whole bunch of kaflum, you know so. And

<v Speaker 1>I'm not even gonna get into more detail, okay, because

<v Speaker 1>I'm just not even gonna do it. But the nerve

<v Speaker 1>and the gut and the gall the audacity, amongst many

<v Speaker 1>other things was just very, very bizarre to me. And

<v Speaker 1>that's when I think I made the decision too of

<v Speaker 1>I'm going to start filtering what I say to this person,

<v Speaker 1>but I also want to let you know that that's

<v Speaker 1>no way to live. I remember another incident with the

<v Speaker 1>same person where I went out for New Years and

<v Speaker 1>we were in the same place and she liked I

<v Speaker 1>guess we both thought that this guy was I guess

<v Speaker 1>somewhat attractive.

<v Speaker 2>But I'm never going to fight over a guy.

<v Speaker 1>Like It's just you can have them, okay, I'm missus,

<v Speaker 1>you can have him. And I remember he liked me,

<v Speaker 1>like immediately he liked me, and she was letting me know, girl,

<v Speaker 1>oh my gosh, you already have someone that you're talking to,

<v Speaker 1>so like, let me talk to him, like literally basically

<v Speaker 1>asking for my permission. Of yes, he staked his claim

<v Speaker 1>on you, but you need to give him to me.

<v Speaker 1>But and I'm like, now, this puts me in an

<v Speaker 1>awkward position because clearly this guy likes me, and I'm

<v Speaker 1>gonna go, hey, no, go to my friend that you

<v Speaker 1>clearly didn't choose. So then for the rest of the night,

<v Speaker 1>she did not speak to me, and she got drunk

<v Speaker 1>and was like kind of hazing because hazing seems to

<v Speaker 1>be like it was like her thing where she would

<v Speaker 1>haze people, and she was like being very like we

<v Speaker 1>the guy was a weirdo. So this is in no

<v Speaker 1>way in defense of that man, but it's out of

<v Speaker 1>respect for our friendship and what was. And I ended

<v Speaker 1>up having to be the one driving home that night.

<v Speaker 1>I had to drive her car home when she was

<v Speaker 1>the designated driver. And I, no matter how close I

<v Speaker 1>am with someone like, I don't want to drive anyone

<v Speaker 1>because it just is a liability just driving someone else's car.

<v Speaker 1>Like I'm sorry, like that you drive your own car,

<v Speaker 1>and also you should want to drive your own car,

<v Speaker 1>how about that? And so I just found myself feeling

<v Speaker 1>so uncomfortable at the situation because one she ignored me

<v Speaker 1>because I guess she was upset that him and I

<v Speaker 1>ended up talking and she felt like she didn't have anyone,

<v Speaker 1>and that seemed to be at certain points in my

<v Speaker 1>life a theme where you know someone has their own

<v Speaker 1>thing going on and then it stops, and then they

<v Speaker 1>sort of fixate on what I got going on and

<v Speaker 1>they want to start sharing all their opinions and all

<v Speaker 1>these different things.

<v Speaker 2>Girl, I don't know.

<v Speaker 1>It's just a bunch of aflum, but it just also

<v Speaker 1>went to show me that some people are so unhealthy

<v Speaker 1>they don't know how to have a proper friendship. Friendship

<v Speaker 1>requires elasticity, especially in your adulthood. Friendship is going to

<v Speaker 1>require flexibility. You have to understand people do have a

<v Speaker 1>life outside of you. Not everything is so personal. If

<v Speaker 1>someone can't make it for something, you should never fear

<v Speaker 1>monger your friends and make them feel like, oh my gosh,

<v Speaker 1>because I didn't show up for this one thing because

<v Speaker 1>I had something to do, or maybe I was really tired.

<v Speaker 1>That always she must not care about me all these

<v Speaker 1>different things. Don't be that type of person where people

<v Speaker 1>are they don't feel comfortable being.

<v Speaker 2>Honest with you.

<v Speaker 1>Obviously, if there's an excuse in their mouth every single

<v Speaker 1>time you have something going on, then obviously you desern

<v Speaker 1>as you need to. But you can tell when you

<v Speaker 1>have that type of friend where everything that they do

<v Speaker 1>is a very big deal, and if you miss it,

<v Speaker 1>they're very vocal about cutting people off and all these

<v Speaker 1>different things. It just creates this hostile and toxic like

<v Speaker 1>feel where you're scared to tell them I can't make

<v Speaker 1>it to this or I can't make it. I remember

<v Speaker 1>another time I had a friend, unfortunately the same friend.

<v Speaker 1>I have a million stories about this friend. And there

<v Speaker 1>was a storm and I was it was flooding in

<v Speaker 1>New York and I had to drive to the person's

<v Speaker 1>house and it was very unsafe. I mean, people like

<v Speaker 1>were I think some people like drowned in their cars

<v Speaker 1>and stuff because their cars got so like flooded in

<v Speaker 1>all the different things. I mean, what in the Noah's Ark,

<v Speaker 1>But this really happens, Like hello, remember, And I remember

<v Speaker 1>I packed my stuff and I was on my way

<v Speaker 1>to like begin to drive, and I remember I texted

<v Speaker 1>her saying, like, it's starting to rain really bad out

<v Speaker 1>here and it's flooding. And her response was, Oh, well,

<v Speaker 1>you'll be fine once you get here. It's not raining

<v Speaker 1>where I'm at, but I'm coming from where I'm at,

<v Speaker 1>so I'm gonna have to be concerned about if I

<v Speaker 1>can even make it there. Long story short, I'm the

<v Speaker 1>only one on the road. That's when I knew, Oh,

<v Speaker 1>there's no one on the road but me. This is

<v Speaker 1>very concerning. How far can I get before I get

<v Speaker 1>stuck and something happens? Sure enough, that's what happens. It's

<v Speaker 1>pitch black. I get off of the highway and my car.

<v Speaker 1>The reason I got off on the high because my

<v Speaker 1>car started hydroplaning. And I'm luckily I'm on the road alone.

<v Speaker 1>There's nobody on the on the road. And when I

<v Speaker 1>got off of the exit, of course, I get off

<v Speaker 1>on an exit where there were barely any lights. I

<v Speaker 1>think it was like in Westbury or something like that

<v Speaker 1>where I am in New York. And I remember thinking, God,

<v Speaker 1>if you please just get me home like I promise,

<v Speaker 1>like I will not I'm just gonna try and go

<v Speaker 1>another day or something like that.

<v Speaker 2>Please, I just want to go home.

<v Speaker 1>And I just remember thinking in that moment of how

<v Speaker 1>disgustingly and disturbingly selfish this person has to be for

<v Speaker 1>their response to be, well, we got over here, so

<v Speaker 1>as long as you get here? Was literally the vibe.

<v Speaker 1>Are you serious right now? Because all that mattered was

<v Speaker 1>what she wanted, and I found myself honestly sacrificing and

<v Speaker 1>a part and I take part accountability of that dynamic.

<v Speaker 1>It was partially my fault that I was allowing that

<v Speaker 1>to happen to me. But I've never encountered anything so demanding,

<v Speaker 1>I guess before, and so me being a very kind person,

<v Speaker 1>I was just struggling really to navigate through it. Now,

<v Speaker 1>needless to say, now, in hindsight, praise him. I know

<v Speaker 1>a lot more and a lot better. I've grown in

<v Speaker 1>wisdom and also desern it. So now something like that

<v Speaker 1>kaflum will never ever, ever ever happen again, do you

<v Speaker 1>understand me? So we're going to drop that right there.

<v Speaker 1>Next question. So I say all that to say, there

<v Speaker 1>are I'm sorry, there are stories we all can share

<v Speaker 1>for days, and if you have one, drop it in

<v Speaker 1>the comments.

<v Speaker 2>Yes we're going to be.

<v Speaker 1>Reading it, and yes we want to see how you

<v Speaker 1>traverse and survived through certain dynamics, because you would be

<v Speaker 1>shocked to hear the stories. I mean, this needs to

<v Speaker 1>be a Netflix show. Okay, some people are very lucky

<v Speaker 1>that I don't have. I don't hit up Netflix talking

<v Speaker 1>about surviving bleep, surviving.

<v Speaker 2>Hcause I very much can.

<v Speaker 1>And it's just so the wrong people will always have

<v Speaker 1>you feeling like you're crazy, like there's something wrong with

<v Speaker 1>you in the dynamic. And I just remember wanting to

<v Speaker 1>leave the friendship so much. I remember when I went

<v Speaker 1>down there one time, I had anxiety, like a full

<v Speaker 1>blown anxiety attack, and I was crying, and I told

<v Speaker 1>one of my best friends, like, I don't want to

<v Speaker 1>go there.

<v Speaker 2>I really don't.

<v Speaker 1>In the end, it ended up working well, but the

<v Speaker 1>second day that I was there, we ended up getting

<v Speaker 1>into a huge blowout and I had so much anxiety

<v Speaker 1>because I felt like she was just such a demanding

<v Speaker 1>person that I could barely unpack my things without her

<v Speaker 1>having some sort of activity or something else that she

<v Speaker 1>wanted me to do. So it almost felt like I

<v Speaker 1>had to like sneak around. This is again how I

<v Speaker 1>felt at the time, and I'm sure if you ask her,

<v Speaker 1>it's going to be different.

<v Speaker 2>Of course it is. I'm making it up, yeah, right, Okay,

<v Speaker 2>it just felt like odd.

<v Speaker 1>I remember another time I wanted to step aside so

<v Speaker 1>I can go do something for work, and I remember

<v Speaker 1>I was passing her and she was taking a nap

<v Speaker 1>and she wakes up, like you know that scary sound

<v Speaker 1>that's like hey, she wakes up.

<v Speaker 2>And she's like, where are you going?

<v Speaker 1>And I was like, oh, I was just gonna go

<v Speaker 1>do this thing for work, and she was like, no,

<v Speaker 1>you don't need to do that.

<v Speaker 2>We're about to leave soon. Oh okay, mom, Like I what?

<v Speaker 1>Like it just was this like jet honestly belic like

<v Speaker 1>spirit of just like control and manipulation. And it was

<v Speaker 1>just weird. And that's what these unhealthy individuals do. They're

<v Speaker 1>just weirdos. It's just the truth. And that's what happens

<v Speaker 1>when you have people that have so much unresolved trauma

<v Speaker 1>in their lives that they make it miserable when you

<v Speaker 1>enter into a friendship or anything with them, it becomes

<v Speaker 1>misery because you become everything to that person. You're their mom,

<v Speaker 1>their counselor their boyfriend, their best friend, their cousin, their everything.

<v Speaker 2>They're putting thing on to you.

<v Speaker 1>And yeah, there are frenemies that exist like that because

<v Speaker 1>the second that you start to do your own thing,

<v Speaker 1>they take it personal. And that's exactly what happened in

<v Speaker 1>that dynamic with me. You know where these types of people,

<v Speaker 1>they will consume so much of you so that you

<v Speaker 1>do not have time to do your own thing. And

<v Speaker 1>then of course they take it personal when you do

<v Speaker 1>do your own thing. Now, all of a sudden, they

<v Speaker 1>want to evaluate the friendship. They feel like they haven't

<v Speaker 1>heard from you, they feel like you've changed, they feel

<v Speaker 1>like they don't know anything about your life anymore. Monitoring spirits,

<v Speaker 1>monitoring spirits, and that's what frenemies are. If you want

<v Speaker 1>to wrap it up in a bow, hello, Like it's

<v Speaker 1>a monitoring spirit they have to beat. Like I said

<v Speaker 1>in the beginning, you would think that jealous people would

<v Speaker 1>kind of stay away.

<v Speaker 2>No, they involve themselves in your life.

<v Speaker 1>They need a front row seat to see what you're

<v Speaker 1>doing so they can siphon your energy. It's a spiritual parasite,

<v Speaker 1>that's what it is. It's spiritually parasitic, okay, And it's

<v Speaker 1>a monitoring spirit that they need to have eyes on you.

<v Speaker 1>They're probably of course having fake profiles looking at yourself

<v Speaker 1>looking to be offended. Yeah, I feel like what she

<v Speaker 1>said was about me. All these different things, so they

<v Speaker 1>can continue to fuel whatever they started in their heads.

<v Speaker 1>That's what a lot of these people do, I'm telling you,

<v Speaker 1>And to be in a friendship that is so toxic

<v Speaker 1>like that, I mean, who needs enemies with friends like

<v Speaker 1>that to be if it is not normal? Ladies, I'm

<v Speaker 1>telling you, because some of you have had a lot

<v Speaker 1>of toxic friendships, it is not normal to constantly be

<v Speaker 1>competing with your friends. It is not normal that the

<v Speaker 1>second you can't attend an event or something like that

<v Speaker 1>for a friend, that friend goes and calls a list

<v Speaker 1>of you guys, mutual friends to talk about how she

<v Speaker 1>thinks it's messed up that you didn't go to her event,

<v Speaker 1>and you go to this and you do that, all

<v Speaker 1>of a sudden your friendship is now in the crossfire

<v Speaker 1>and being cross examined. It just highlights that that's how

<v Speaker 1>they've always felt. They were just waiting for a moment

<v Speaker 1>they were already mad you were adding something to that,

<v Speaker 1>or the just a very controlling person where they have

<v Speaker 1>this spirit to them where it's a one and done.

<v Speaker 1>I am very one and done with some things, but

<v Speaker 1>not when it comes to stuff like that. Things happen.

<v Speaker 1>People's lives do not revolve around you, especially now in

<v Speaker 1>our thirties, like there are other things going on. People

<v Speaker 1>are married, people have children, engagements, baby showers, a lot people.

<v Speaker 1>Some people are on their third kid right now. For me,

<v Speaker 1>in my life, like things happen, and you're not going

<v Speaker 1>to be able to attend every birthday party and all

<v Speaker 1>the different things it happens. And this is where you

<v Speaker 1>should be able to differentiate your where your heart posture

<v Speaker 1>is and also differentiate your friend's intentions because a front

<v Speaker 1>of me is always going to misinterpret what your intentions are.

<v Speaker 1>They're quick to villainize you, quick to demonize you. Oh

<v Speaker 1>see I knew it or whatever, but yet they're still

<v Speaker 1>involved in your life. They want to just complain to

<v Speaker 1>end everybody but you and fake support you, but they

<v Speaker 1>don't want to leave your life. I'm sorry, I don't

<v Speaker 1>get it. If you don't like somebody, you don't like something,

<v Speaker 1>stop involving yourself with it. Just leave, just go. Why

<v Speaker 1>are you continuing to stick around when you do not

<v Speaker 1>like this person? And then I realize, oh wait, we

<v Speaker 1>have a whole culture of hate watchers, same friend.

<v Speaker 2>I have a lot of stories.

<v Speaker 1>I don't know what's coming up for me today, but

<v Speaker 1>I remember when I spent the night she would wake

<v Speaker 1>up on ten, Like, I am a very peaceful, quiet person.

<v Speaker 1>In the morning, I need celensio okay, quiet, I don't

<v Speaker 1>want loud, hey, how like you know, bring that energy

<v Speaker 1>a little bit later in the day, Like I just

<v Speaker 1>need peace and quiet. And the first thing she would

<v Speaker 1>do is wake up and she's scrolling on Instagram right

<v Speaker 1>hate watching Ugh what is Lee Jenner doing?

<v Speaker 2>Why would she even wear that? Girl? Like what?

<v Speaker 1>Like? And it was just so exhausting to be around that,

<v Speaker 1>and a part of you may justify it of oh well,

<v Speaker 1>I see the good in them all that I saw

<v Speaker 1>it too, but it only lasted but for so long

<v Speaker 1>they're just an unhealthy person. And I'm sure that the

<v Speaker 1>same exact thing that they would do with me talking

<v Speaker 1>about this person, talking about that person. I even remember

<v Speaker 1>one time she had a like a party of sorts, right,

<v Speaker 1>not going to get into the specifics, and she invited

<v Speaker 1>a couple people over and one of the girls brought

<v Speaker 1>her PR as a gift. Now we're all influencers, right,

<v Speaker 1>so whatever, Like it's not like we know PR when

<v Speaker 1>it's PR.

<v Speaker 2>And it wasn't like it was like, you know, for

<v Speaker 2>my birthday.

<v Speaker 1>She literally did the same thing after she talked about

<v Speaker 1>that to me, she went and also did the same thing.

<v Speaker 1>So I think, especially in that particular friendship dynamic, there

<v Speaker 1>was a lot of hypocrisy that was just I couldn't

<v Speaker 1>digest it anymore, Like it was very hard to digest,

<v Speaker 1>borderline impossible.

<v Speaker 2>So it was just like plastic.

<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't even know what other word to

<v Speaker 1>give it. I don't have the language. Okay, it was

<v Speaker 1>just so unbelievable, the jeckyl and hide and the straight hypocrisy,

<v Speaker 1>and the constant monitoring and studying of other people and

<v Speaker 1>positioning themselves as though they were so different but they

<v Speaker 1>weren't doing exactly those things. I mean, the level of

<v Speaker 1>blindness and spiritual blindness and lack of self awareness that

<v Speaker 1>you have to have to operate in such a way.

<v Speaker 1>May God have mercy on your life, truly, May God

<v Speaker 1>have mercy on your life, because at the end of

<v Speaker 1>the day, no friendship is worth your peace, No friendship

<v Speaker 1>is ever worth you having anxiety over trying to figure

<v Speaker 1>out Oh my gosh, like I'm so nervous to tell

<v Speaker 1>this person I can't go to their get together. They're

<v Speaker 1>you know, they're in town, and they want me to

<v Speaker 1>see them. You're interrupting my schedule. You came to my city.

<v Speaker 2>Huh.

<v Speaker 1>I just feel like if I really meant a lot

<v Speaker 1>to you, you would make time me. You would make time. Well,

<v Speaker 1>may the chips fall where they lay. Honey, if it's

<v Speaker 1>that fragile, let it break. I'm telling you this right now.

<v Speaker 1>If it is that's fragile, let it break, all right.

<v Speaker 1>The same goes for opposite you know, uh, gender friends

<v Speaker 1>or even your boyfriend, if they have that frenemy weird

<v Speaker 1>competitive energy with you where it's like you guys are

<v Speaker 1>butting heads for the attention, Like you can feel this

<v Speaker 1>like sassy like energy involved in the dynamic. You know,

<v Speaker 1>he has ego, You're you're having ego and he's competing

<v Speaker 1>with you. That's not a real man. Ladies, you don't

<v Speaker 1>want to be with a man who's gonna be matching

<v Speaker 1>your energy. Okay, sister, what's happening. You don't want someone

<v Speaker 1>that's gonna do that you don't want.

<v Speaker 2>You don't want.

<v Speaker 1>Uh, he's mad at you because you're mad at him. Okay, grawl,

<v Speaker 1>So what.

<v Speaker 2>Are we gonna do? Kat? Fine?

<v Speaker 1>You know, it's just it's very ridiculous, Like the lengths

<v Speaker 1>that people will go and also they're gonna go far

<v Speaker 1>when people lack awareness, and again, you don't know yourself,

<v Speaker 1>so you don't know what you're gonna do. You become

<v Speaker 1>susceptible to things like this. Also when you do not

<v Speaker 1>enforce boundaries within yourself for yourself and enforce them. I

<v Speaker 1>remember this story so vividly where Oprah Winfrey was talking

<v Speaker 1>about how she tried.

<v Speaker 2>Her first no on I believe it was Stevie Wonder.

<v Speaker 1>And everyone knows, as Oprah says, that she loves the kids,

<v Speaker 1>and they know her income is pretty public. We know

<v Speaker 1>she does exceptionally well for herself, so people are constantly

<v Speaker 1>going to be reaching out. I'm your cousin, Oh girl,

<v Speaker 1>I know you could help me and it wouldn't even

<v Speaker 1>make no difference to you all the different things, and

<v Speaker 1>they have this sense of entitlement that she had an

<v Speaker 1>obligation to helping them out because of.

<v Speaker 2>Her financial status.

<v Speaker 1>And she said that for the first time she tried

<v Speaker 1>her first know on Stevie Wonder when he asked for

<v Speaker 1>a donation for some sort of charity and she was

<v Speaker 1>like freaking out, and she said he simply responded and

<v Speaker 1>said okay, no problem, And she was really taken aback

<v Speaker 1>by his response because she thought, oh my gosh, like

<v Speaker 1>that was it. He didn't really like blow up. He

<v Speaker 1>didn't cancel her, he didn't stop speaking to her ever. Again,

<v Speaker 1>he was just like, Okay, no problem, And that's how

<v Speaker 1>your real friend should respond.

<v Speaker 2>Hearing you out. Okay, well what happened, Like, is everything

<v Speaker 2>okay with you? Like are you busy whatever?

<v Speaker 1>And you're not coming from a place of trying to

<v Speaker 1>source information so you can try and downplay it and

<v Speaker 1>downtalk it and make it seem like huh yeah, like

<v Speaker 1>you're trying to do the fake nice nasty thing okay,

<v Speaker 1>where you're like, hmm, I just want to pretend like

<v Speaker 1>I care about the reason you're not coming, but I'm

<v Speaker 1>going to go yap on about this to another friend

<v Speaker 1>of ours and make you look stupid.

<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

<v Speaker 1>She you know, she said to me that she couldn't

<v Speaker 1>make it because her cat she had to drop him

<v Speaker 1>off at the groomer. And by time this happened, whatever,

<v Speaker 1>Like girl, what like who cares?

<v Speaker 2>Right?

<v Speaker 1>But you want to fake be concerned to that person's face. Now,

<v Speaker 1>keep that same energy, keep that same energy. People have

<v Speaker 1>to be more realistic about what it is to have

<v Speaker 1>a healthy friendship in your life. But also, if you

<v Speaker 1>lack that awareness, you're simply not going to have that.

<v Speaker 1>But however, in the Bible and Proverbs twenty seven versus six,

<v Speaker 1>it says, faithful are the wounds of a friend, but

<v Speaker 1>the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Also in Proverbs

<v Speaker 1>four versus twenty three, it says, above all else, to

<v Speaker 1>guard your heart. Another scripture Matthew ten verse sixteen says

<v Speaker 1>be wise as serpents and harmless as doves, And this

<v Speaker 1>places a lot of emphasis on the fact that discernment

<v Speaker 1>is not paranoia. God never asks us to distrust everybody,

<v Speaker 1>but he certainly does ask us to be wise about

<v Speaker 1>who has access to us. And for a long time

<v Speaker 1>I struggled and battled with what exactly does forgiveness look

<v Speaker 1>like when it comes to trying to traverse through a

<v Speaker 1>betrayal or whatever, or me not wanting to be involved

<v Speaker 1>in someone's life anymore, Like I've had enough, the statue

<v Speaker 1>of limitations has passed. Anytime you find yourself feeling relief

<v Speaker 1>after not involving yourself with someone, distancing yourself from someone,

<v Speaker 1>it tells you everything you need to know. Now you

<v Speaker 1>can revoke access to yourself from certain people. Because that's

<v Speaker 1>about boundaries. It is important that we remember that just

<v Speaker 1>because you no longer speak to somebody anymore.

<v Speaker 2>First of all, it doesn't mean that there's beef. Please

<v Speaker 2>stop ladies.

<v Speaker 1>Like we are way too grown for there to be

<v Speaker 1>this like diffude, Please understand that two things can be

<v Speaker 1>true at once. Correct, I do not like you, But also,

<v Speaker 1>there is no beef. I mean, it's very possible, it's

<v Speaker 1>very plausible, and it takes us. You have to have

<v Speaker 1>high emotional intelligence and the bandwidth to be able to

<v Speaker 1>understand those two things you know to truths you know

<v Speaker 1>at once and understanding that dichotomy. I understand it's very polarizing,

<v Speaker 1>but at the end of the day, this is life.

<v Speaker 2>It happens. Things like this.

<v Speaker 1>Happen, and I think that needs to be more normalized

<v Speaker 1>in society where okay, like, yeah, we didn't get along

<v Speaker 1>after a while, we were great friends when it worked,

<v Speaker 1>it did not work anymore. Next question. Hello, So it's

<v Speaker 1>important that, especially as it pertains to forgiveness or all

<v Speaker 1>the different things, you don't have to continue for people

<v Speaker 1>to have access to you in the name of oh.

<v Speaker 1>That showcases that you really forgive them. You don't have

<v Speaker 1>to give them access to you, access denied me. Showcasing

<v Speaker 1>forgiveness also for me and my book doesn't mean that

<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna you know Leah Black you and.

<v Speaker 2>Say okay, hey, how were you doing?

<v Speaker 1>Like you know, I know I'm from New York baby, Okay,

<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna keep it very authentic. And if I do

<v Speaker 1>not like you, I do not care about coming up

<v Speaker 1>to you and doing the whole like shmooth.

<v Speaker 2>And like, oh, how are you? How is everything going?

<v Speaker 2>How were the kids?

<v Speaker 1>Like? I don't care, respectfully, I really don't care. I'm

<v Speaker 1>not invested in your life in any capacity. So if

<v Speaker 1>I see you and we're in the same you know environment, again,

<v Speaker 1>if it ended amicably, that's a different thing.

<v Speaker 2>How are you? How's everything all?

<v Speaker 1>Love? Like?

<v Speaker 2>Respect it?

<v Speaker 1>It was good to see you, right genuinely, But if

<v Speaker 1>it was like girl enough, you know what you did?

<v Speaker 1>I know I heard what you did all the different things,

<v Speaker 1>let's just not let's just not speak. I don't need

<v Speaker 1>to roll my eyes at you. I don't need to

<v Speaker 1>give you a nasty look. I'm gonna act like you

<v Speaker 1>don't exist. We need to normalize that, like it doesn't

<v Speaker 1>have to be you know. I remember there was this

<v Speaker 1>girl that, of course, like I fell out with. And

<v Speaker 1>what's interesting about this dynamic is it was not a

<v Speaker 1>like a bad ending of a friendship, like it really wasn't.

<v Speaker 2>So I was pleasantly surprised.

<v Speaker 1>I don't even know if that's the correct word to use, really,

<v Speaker 1>to be honest with you, I was very surprised when

<v Speaker 1>I saw her in person. It's been a couple months

<v Speaker 1>and change or whatever, I don't know a long time

<v Speaker 1>since we last spoke, and her demeanor towards me was horrible,

<v Speaker 1>and I was full and confused because I could tell

<v Speaker 1>that she has been definitely speaking ill of me, because

<v Speaker 1>when I went to an event, there was a girl

<v Speaker 1>that she became close to and I don't know who

<v Speaker 1>that person was or anything or is, and that person

<v Speaker 1>was like sneering up at me like very you know

<v Speaker 1>what I mean, just very nasty in her demeanor, And

<v Speaker 1>I remember thinking, I don't even know who this person is,

<v Speaker 1>why are they being so weird to me? And then

<v Speaker 1>I realized, oh, this is like the new friend or something,

<v Speaker 1>And I'm thinking, wait, but what could you have said

<v Speaker 1>about me that I did to you that you could

<v Speaker 1>convince someone else to dislike me this strongly like you?

<v Speaker 1>And I did not even end on a bad note,

<v Speaker 1>So like, what are you saying? And that's when I

<v Speaker 1>was like, all right, now, that upset me because I'm

<v Speaker 1>not doing that to you. I'm not doing that to

<v Speaker 1>you at all. I'm not walking around talking about you

<v Speaker 1>trying to slander your name. I literally am not reciprocating

<v Speaker 1>that energy to you. And so that is what did

<v Speaker 1>upset me about the dynamic. And then I saw her

<v Speaker 1>again and same thing, very nasty, very and I full

<v Speaker 1>send was just like what happened that you're actually this angry?

<v Speaker 1>When I didn't do anything whatsoever to you? You were

<v Speaker 1>the bad friend to me? What happened? What has happened here?

<v Speaker 1>So things like that, they do tend to happen. But

<v Speaker 1>the important thing to remember is that you have to

<v Speaker 1>stand on your boundaries. Let your yes b yes, you

<v Speaker 1>know me No. The more times you want to yes yes,

<v Speaker 1>yes someone all the time, you're going to feel like

<v Speaker 1>you are constantly stretching yourself too thin. Cause you are,

<v Speaker 1>cause you are, and you gotta stop babe, okay, because

<v Speaker 1>it's not looking good. That's why you're running yourself rampant.

<v Speaker 1>We've all been there. I am guilty of that too.

<v Speaker 1>You know you can't go to that event. You know

<v Speaker 1>that you have something to do that day, but you

<v Speaker 1>can't get yourself to just say hey, I'm not going

<v Speaker 1>to be able to make it and be honest about it.

<v Speaker 1>You got to start with your first know, Like what

<v Speaker 1>Auntie Oprah said, you have to start with your first

<v Speaker 1>know and start to practice that, and like a muscle,

<v Speaker 1>it will grow and you will be able to actually

<v Speaker 1>be honest and say, hey, I'm not going to be

<v Speaker 1>able to make it for this day, but I wish

<v Speaker 1>you the best. Blah blah blah, move on. That's what

<v Speaker 1>you'll be able to do. But some people also keep

<v Speaker 1>in mind, you're in front of me, is always going

<v Speaker 1>to find a way to villainize you or demonize you

<v Speaker 1>for something, very much something because they're very divisive in nature,

<v Speaker 1>and in order for them to succeed, they always have

<v Speaker 1>to utilize someone as an enemy, and that just happens

<v Speaker 1>to be you. So you have to learn how to

<v Speaker 1>starve these people and give them a bunch of dust

<v Speaker 1>and a bunch of nothing. So not everyone who supports

<v Speaker 1>you is necessarily for you, because access is a privilege.

<v Speaker 2>It is not a right, all right.

<v Speaker 1>And a jealous friend and an envious friend is more

<v Speaker 1>dangerous than any obvious enemy because they already know where

<v Speaker 1>you're vulnerable. And some people, yeah, they don't mind you

<v Speaker 1>succeeding as long as you never surpass them. And the

<v Speaker 1>loudest applause can come from the most sincere person in

<v Speaker 1>the room. But you have to pay attention to who

<v Speaker 1>celebrates your wins without making it about themselves. This week,

<v Speaker 1>don't ask yourself who likes me? Ask yourself who consistently

<v Speaker 1>brings peace, encouragement and honesty into my life. Real friends

<v Speaker 1>are not going to compete with your calling. They're going

<v Speaker 1>to protect it. And remember this that boundaries are not punishment,

<v Speaker 1>they are wisdom. Okay, you have to remember you have

<v Speaker 1>to exercise wisdom. So I want you to comment down

<v Speaker 1>a story that any one of us can you know,

<v Speaker 1>comment down a story to let us know how you

<v Speaker 1>survived a front of me type of dynamic. You never

<v Speaker 1>know who you can you know be helpings. Have you

<v Speaker 1>ever encountered someone that was a front of me and

<v Speaker 1>you didn't realize it obviously until you look, you know.

<v Speaker 2>Look back.

<v Speaker 1>What was the first red flag that you missed? I

<v Speaker 1>would love to hear your stories, and of course make

<v Speaker 1>sure that you hype this video up and that you

<v Speaker 1>like this video and that you.

<v Speaker 2>Rate the podcast five stars. With that being said, my loves,

<v Speaker 2>do not forget that I love you and God loves you.

<v Speaker 1>I'll speak to you, beautiful angels in my next podcast episode.

<v Speaker 1>H