00:00:00:04 - 00:00:22:15
Speaker 1
So you've heard of masking, but are you still masking at home? We are going to talk about ten ways that you might still be performing for your partner. If you're autistic, that might look like faking facial expressions. And if you're ADHD, it might look like saying I'll do it later when you know it's really hard to get started.

00:00:22:17 - 00:00:27:19
Speaker 2
Welcome to Late Bloomers, where we are getting our lives together.

00:00:27:21 - 00:00:33:24
Speaker 1
Eventually brought to you by our amazing sponsor, the wonderful Blue Earbuds.

00:00:34:00 - 00:00:47:12
Speaker 2
Okay, masking at home so everybody will probably understand what masking is, but they will very much probably be thinking that it's sort of in public, at work, at school.

00:00:47:14 - 00:01:15:16
Speaker 1
Anyone that doesn't know it's hiding or minimizing your neurodivergent traits because you've been socialized that way out of shame, basically pretending to be somebody else. And it can be useful out in the real world, but where you absolutely do not want to mask is at home with your family, with your trusted people. But of course, we've got so used to doing it that so many of us still do, don't we?

00:01:15:17 - 00:01:27:19
Speaker 2
Definitely. Like we've got ten things to go through, I reckon. A few of them we still do now, and most of them we definitely did at the start of our relationship, like all of them.

00:01:27:23 - 00:01:46:21
Speaker 1
Absolutely. So we're just going to kind of talk about the ways in which we both have and still mask at home. And it would be amazing for you to think about how are you masking in your like, safest space and ways that you could start to break down some of those barriers. So do you want to start us off, babes?

00:01:46:23 - 00:01:54:22
Speaker 2
Yeah, let's do it. Number one, saying I'm fine instead of saying what's wrong?

00:01:54:23 - 00:01:55:14
Speaker 1
Oh, Lord.

00:01:55:14 - 00:02:21:22
Speaker 2
Now I've given this some thought because that's obviously quite a natural human response, being like, I'm fine, but I think it's for me. I like I'll say I'm fine when I haven't got the words yet to sort of know what's wrong. Like, I know that there's something wrong. It's easier to just say I'm fine because if you ask me loads of questions about it, I'm not going to know any answers.

00:02:21:22 - 00:02:29:21
Speaker 2
So I think now I'm like, no, I'm not, but I just need to. I don't really know what's going on. I just need to be need some time.

00:02:29:23 - 00:03:02:07
Speaker 1
I think you still do this sometimes, and I've noticed I've actually I have to try hard to change my interpretation because you'll say I'm fine when you're quite clearly not fine. And historically and sometimes now, depending on mood, I then that can feel like I'm being lied to or not shared with. Because I can see really clearly when you're not fine.

00:03:02:08 - 00:03:23:02
Speaker 1
So recent example wasn't at home, but when we were on holiday, it was the last day of the holiday and you woke up and I just knew something was wrong. And Lily, your youngest, knew something was wrong and came and asked me, Is daddy okay? So the people that love you can see something's not right. Yeah. And then I was like, Bobby, are you okay?

00:03:23:06 - 00:03:30:16
Speaker 1
I'm fine. Out of interest. Why were you not aware something was wrong? Did you need the processing time?

00:03:30:17 - 00:03:36:11
Speaker 2
I, I don't think I did know what was wrong. I can't even remember now.

00:03:36:12 - 00:03:43:11
Speaker 1
It was the planning of the day, of the leaving and the travel. And it was overwhelming you a bit. But maybe you didn't know.

00:03:43:15 - 00:03:44:05
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:03:44:06 - 00:03:49:05
Speaker 1
So I think sometimes with autism, you're not aware of how you're actually feeling.

00:03:49:08 - 00:04:09:16
Speaker 2
Yeah. I think I was in a different world, which was the travel to the ferry port. Like all the pack in all the organization where things might be in the house, like what's the checkout procedure? Because I hadn't heard from them. So like, I wasn't in the real world. I was in that world. And that's obviously what you picked up on.

00:04:09:18 - 00:04:23:09
Speaker 2
But maybe I didn't know because like, when I hear, is you okay? I'm like, is anything bad? And I'm like, no, it's not bad. It's just I'm thinking about a lot of things.

00:04:23:09 - 00:04:39:03
Speaker 1
So interesting. What would be a better question to help you to share? Let's say a little. And I've noticed something. You're not okay or something's going on. What's a better question than are you okay.

00:04:39:05 - 00:04:43:04
Speaker 2
Like in that scenario maybe like what's on your mind?

00:04:43:06 - 00:04:44:22
Speaker 1
What's on your mind? I love that.

00:04:44:23 - 00:04:45:10
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:04:45:11 - 00:05:02:02
Speaker 1
I love that. Yeah. Look at us already. I'm masking. Okay. Over to me, number two. Oh, gosh. It's saying as an ADHD. I'll do it later.

00:05:02:04 - 00:05:06:17
Speaker 2
I reckon that is in the top three of things that you say the most.

00:05:06:18 - 00:05:13:21
Speaker 1
Get me some chocolate and I'm tired being the other two. Yeah.

00:05:13:23 - 00:05:30:24
Speaker 1
Yeah. And it is masking and this is something that I do now, because it's really difficult to tell the truth about what's happening. So I'll use, I'll do it later for, it might be. I just really don't want to do it now.

00:05:31:01 - 00:05:31:08
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:05:31:09 - 00:05:52:10
Speaker 1
Just please leave me alone. I don't wanna do it now. I'll do it later. It might be. I'm really struggling with how to get started, and I'm ashamed to say that, so I'll do it later. It might also be if you've asked me to do something. And that's annoyed me because you've asked me to do something I was going to do, and I'm doing it later now, like I'll do it later.

00:05:52:10 - 00:06:14:13
Speaker 1
Covers loads of different areas of of my masking because it doesn't feel okay. And I do sometimes say it now I'm like trying to say, no, I'm not doing that right now. I don't want to or I'm not doing that at all or I will do it tomorrow. It feels like that's not allowed, so I'll do it later.

00:06:14:13 - 00:06:17:05
Speaker 1
Just kind of gets it off my desk.

00:06:17:07 - 00:06:21:11
Speaker 2
Yeah, it sort of it ends the conversation that you don't want to have.

00:06:21:12 - 00:06:41:14
Speaker 1
It's also a way to stop you asking me any questions. And even if you're offering to help me. So if you're like, oh, can I help you do your where again show, I'm going to do it later. It's a way for me to refuse being helped, which is really strange. Why would you want to refuse help? Shame, probably.

00:06:41:16 - 00:07:01:04
Speaker 2
I guess maybe all the reasons are shame based, right? Like, all of those examples are probably rooted in the shame of whether you're struggling, whether you just don't want to do it, whether you're annoyed because you've been asked to do something like all of them are probably rooted in that.

00:07:01:05 - 00:07:02:22
Speaker 1
Oh yeah. Shame, maybe.

00:07:02:24 - 00:07:34:04
Speaker 2
Right. Number three, for me, the customer service act. So like this could be tone or facial expression. And when I was writing this out, it was like not really emotional, like tears, emotional, but like the reason that you do that is to make people believe that you're not miserable. And it doesn't happen now, but like, it made me think that it makes as an autistic or as me.

00:07:34:07 - 00:07:52:22
Speaker 2
My experience of autism is like, if you're just normal for you, that can be perceived as moody or grumpy or miserable, and so you don't want to be perceived as that because you're not. So you have to like act, which I think is quite sad. Sad.

00:07:52:24 - 00:07:55:04
Speaker 1
Why do you think it's sad?

00:07:55:06 - 00:08:21:14
Speaker 2
Well, because you're sort of hide in the real you. Like, you know, now that I'm fairly monotonous, whether I'm happy or grumpy, and I very much the way that I like to communicate, the way I receive information, the way I like to give information, is with words rather than body language or tone of voice and stuff like that.

00:08:21:14 - 00:08:38:16
Speaker 2
I'll just, I'll like, say, if I'm annoyed rather than subtle hints and stuff. So but, but it's been drummed into me that you have to pretend to smile or put a different voice in, or I still do it now, not with you, but you know, if someone.

00:08:38:16 - 00:09:00:02
Speaker 1
You do it with the kids sometimes, which I think is intentional if you're trying to show love or care, I can sort of see you like turning up the human act. But I think that's really important because you're teaching them like emotions and attunement, even though it's not easy for you. With me, I don't think you do it anymore.

00:09:00:03 - 00:09:07:21
Speaker 1
Like, I pretty much get the same version of you every day. I think you're doing really well, though. Yeah, actually.

00:09:07:22 - 00:09:08:19
Speaker 2
There you go. Win.

00:09:08:21 - 00:09:23:14
Speaker 1
So no more customer service act for the sticks. I love it. Okay. Number four. Is it so hard? I don't think I do this anymore okay. The rest apology.

00:09:23:16 - 00:09:24:21
Speaker 2
No, you don't do it anymore.

00:09:24:23 - 00:09:54:10
Speaker 1
So it would be noticing a change in your mood. By the way this is pre knowing you autistic and pre loads of psychoanalysis for me. So a couple of years ago. Yeah I'd notice a change in your mood lightly because you're overthinking a plan. Yeah I would read that as I've done something wrong. So I would like preemptively people pleasing fawn and be like, Bobby, I'm really sorry if I've upset you.

00:09:54:14 - 00:10:16:11
Speaker 1
Have I done something? Was it this? And it's an apology based purely from RSD, from anxiety, from people pleasing. It's not real. It makes my skin crawl a bit. The amount I used to apologize to you for making you angry. Yeah, he's just angry all the time. Sorry. Kidding is.

00:10:16:11 - 00:10:39:05
Speaker 2
So easy to see how the last couple of things that we've said really weave together, like especially in an autistic ADHD dynamic where one is fairly monotonous, one is really sensitive to tone and body language and RSD and then people pleasing. It's just it's just a minefield, isn't it?

00:10:39:07 - 00:10:55:04
Speaker 1
If you didn't know we didn't have this knowledge, you could end up hating each other or feeling very least feeling unloved, unknown. Because when you know, it's like, oh, right. Yeah. So I don't do that anymore.

00:10:55:09 - 00:10:56:09
Speaker 2
No.

00:10:56:11 - 00:11:06:15
Speaker 1
And I'm actually so, so happy that I, I don't and I don't do that outside of the house. I think kicking the apology is, is something really worth taking the time.

00:11:06:20 - 00:11:08:08
Speaker 2
In and out of the house.

00:11:08:09 - 00:11:09:07
Speaker 1
There you go.

00:11:09:09 - 00:11:38:24
Speaker 2
Number five. We're coming in with masking sensitivities. So this could be this happens a lot with sick as they like loud music playing in any room that they're in. And it completely destroys my brain. By the way, both of us are autistic. So obviously everyone's different. Yeah, but, like, I can't handle it. And I can't handle music on even in someone's company.

00:11:38:24 - 00:11:58:15
Speaker 2
Really? Unless you're dancing, the music needs to be at a level where I can fully hear the other person. So there is an option for dialog, whereas. But but just accepting that and just being uncomfortable, like, it's like putting yourself through torture rather than saying, guys, can we turn the music down, please?

00:11:58:16 - 00:12:25:17
Speaker 1
Historically, I think you might have ignored it. Yeah. When I think when we were first together and like, God, I was in blasting Elton John and dancing around, you were probably. But what would happen? It doesn't happen anymore because you do tell the truth. If you are feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed, which also you have to learn that language as a late diagnosed autistic person, what does that feel like?

00:12:25:19 - 00:12:35:13
Speaker 1
You could go so far that you would then get angry. You snack because you've kept it all in and then it comes out. It's like, turn that down. Like.

00:12:35:14 - 00:12:36:22
Speaker 2
Yeah, well, you're overwhelmed.

00:12:36:23 - 00:12:51:10
Speaker 1
You're overwhelmed, and then it bubbles over. Like, what? Can you try and describe it? Like if the music is too loud and it's affected, like what does it feel like that sensitivity.

00:12:51:12 - 00:13:04:23
Speaker 2
I just I don't know how to explain the sensitivity, but you just feel agitated. I certainly just feel agitated. It's like, oh, I can't concentrate. I can't hear myself, I can't hear myself. Think is a real phrase that rings true.

00:13:05:00 - 00:13:05:06
Speaker 1
Yeah.

00:13:05:07 - 00:13:29:14
Speaker 2
Okay. And and you know, I understand why people just put up with it. Because actually expressing your sensitivities, like whether that be light or music can feel a little bit like embarrassing. It's like, I can't handle that. Loud noises. Can we turn it down, please? It's almost like childlike. But for me, that's how it lands with me. So it's like.

00:13:29:15 - 00:13:30:03
Speaker 1
Yeah, okay.

00:13:30:04 - 00:13:31:12
Speaker 2
Quite a difficult thing to to.

00:13:31:17 - 00:13:32:18
Speaker 1
Say, man.

00:13:32:19 - 00:13:33:11
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:13:33:16 - 00:13:54:05
Speaker 1
You know, imagine that is harder. But you do really well on that now I think another one is temperature. Yeah. You used to put up with all kinds of things, but now, like you run very hot, you can't sleep if you're hot. So we need fans or an air con unit. Yeah. And no cover that you will always say if you're struggling with your feet or your temperature.

00:13:54:06 - 00:13:55:06
Speaker 1
I think that's really good.

00:13:55:07 - 00:14:02:14
Speaker 2
Oh, the feet. Anyway, talking about masking sensitivities, do you just want to talk about our sponsors quickly?

00:14:02:15 - 00:14:25:16
Speaker 1
Absolutely. Struggling with sound sensitivities can be a really big part of the neurodivergent experience. For Rich, that looks like when I drag him to a rock concert, kind of shaking in the back of the room, and for me, it might be traveling on a train or being out for dinner and not being able to hear what Rich is saying, because I can basically overhear the entire restaurant.

00:14:25:17 - 00:14:55:13
Speaker 1
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00:14:55:14 - 00:15:39:22
Speaker 1
Enjoy! Right on to number six. This is so sad and it's hiding your chaos. So for me, that might be panic cleaning before you would come home. Yeah, like actually hiding stuff or hiding unfinished projects out of shame. So like, when we were first together, I remember you were working in the bank, and I'd kind of lay in bed all day, or I'd be messy all day or doing some art project, and then I'd know you were coming home and I'd like, leave it till the last minute.

00:15:39:22 - 00:15:48:19
Speaker 1
And then I'd jump out of bed and panic clean and hide stuff. Because I wouldn't want you to think I'd been in all day in a messy house.

00:15:48:21 - 00:15:49:08
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:15:49:13 - 00:15:51:00
Speaker 1
Even now, I probably.

00:15:51:02 - 00:15:52:11
Speaker 2
Definitely do this now.

00:15:52:12 - 00:15:56:12
Speaker 1
Still, if you're coming home, I will get up and clean it all.

00:15:56:13 - 00:16:21:09
Speaker 2
But what's funny is, I say you do it now. It's like unwritten that we know what's going on. Because I guess I say I'm coming home from an airport. Oh, land. As soon as I've got signal, there will be a text on my phone. Guaranteed. Hi, Bubby. What time are you getting back? And I know that isn't because you want to know what time I'm getting back.

00:16:21:12 - 00:16:29:18
Speaker 2
It's because you want to know your work back from there and think, when do I need to start tidying up?

00:16:29:18 - 00:16:47:12
Speaker 1
So I don't think that's masking then, because we obviously know. I'd even say to you what I need to clean. It's a shit. Oh, I don't think that's masking the fact that we know. I think it was masking in the early years when I wouldn't share with you. I've just panic cleaned for 15 minutes.

00:16:47:12 - 00:17:04:11
Speaker 2
So I agree to an extent. I agree that it's not masking because we know. I feel like truly unmasking would be like Babel wouldn't tie the house up. I can't start now. What time do you get home? Because I need to clean it like rather then mask it around. I'm interested in what?

00:17:04:13 - 00:17:23:20
Speaker 1
So next time I'm going to look. It's pigsty. I can't be bothered. I need a deadline. When you get an answer. Yeah, I'll give it a go. You know, it takes me all the way back to, in my 20s and 30s, living in an actual pigsty. And if someone would come and knock on my door, I couldn't open the door.

00:17:23:22 - 00:17:40:14
Speaker 1
I'd have to clean like. Like crippling shame of the way that you're living and not wanting anyone to to see because their judgment was worse than actually living in it. Which is. Yeah. Like that's how little you think of yourself. Oh, I'll happily live in a pigsty, but I don't want you to.

00:17:40:14 - 00:17:41:13
Speaker 2
Yeah, that's why.

00:17:41:13 - 00:17:52:20
Speaker 1
I see me. Yeah, it's why it is sad. I'm. I think I'm doing a little bit better. There's still some work to do, and I'm ready to. I'm ready for the challenge.

00:17:53:01 - 00:18:18:07
Speaker 2
Number seven performing togetherness. So, like, not wanting to say, can I just be left alone for a bit that that's what I, what I need? I don't know. I'm on I'm on the fence with this. Like, I don't think that I do it because I do say, babe, I'm going to go do this, and then I'll take myself off to watch Marvel, whatever it is.

00:18:18:07 - 00:18:19:10
Speaker 1
Build a desk.

00:18:19:16 - 00:18:38:10
Speaker 2
But no, but that's the other side of the coin. Like, I remember when you were away for a couple of days and I did the your like dressing area and I was like, I loved it because from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed, it was all like going to being cute, spending Barr too much time in being cute.

00:18:38:10 - 00:18:56:09
Speaker 2
Like just like deciding what sort of paneling I was going to use and how I was going to do it. And I know I loved that, but I also knew then that you would hate that. So don't know, like whether I would even attain that if you were here. Do you know what I mean?

00:18:56:10 - 00:19:19:05
Speaker 1
That's interesting. I think you probably would spend more time on the garden, little projects, DIY obsessions without me here. So maybe it's something to work on. I think you're way better at when you need processing time. Like you'll be like, I'm going to go into the bedroom. I'll speak to you soon. I just need to process. Yeah, like no worries.

00:19:19:06 - 00:19:51:23
Speaker 1
Whereas historically you would force a conversation or force being around the family, and that would lead to overwhelm and what might be read as anger. But it was actually like an overwhelming reaction. I think you do really well. Yeah. There. Okay. Number eight, the. Yes. That you don't mean agreeing to plans, chores, work or socializing with absolutely no thought to your energy capability.

00:19:52:00 - 00:19:57:04
Speaker 2
How do you reckon you do with this one? What's your.

00:19:57:06 - 00:20:05:22
Speaker 1
Terrible like? This is the one I'm like doing pretty good at unmasking at home. But this one I'm not very good at.

00:20:05:23 - 00:20:14:22
Speaker 2
Why do you reckon you do it? Because you. I don't think you wouldn't be scared to say no. Like I think you genuinely believe the yes when you say.

00:20:14:23 - 00:20:32:11
Speaker 1
I don't want to look lazy. I don't want to be judged. I don't want to invite judgment or worry from you. Like, let's say, if it's work and in the morning you'll be like, right, Bubby? Got a week. Big work day today. We need to lock in. Are you ready? And I'll be like, yeah, of course. In my head I'm like, I want to go and jump off a cliff.

00:20:32:11 - 00:20:52:02
Speaker 1
Like, I'm not ready. I've got no energy. I don't know how I'm going to get through it. Yeah, okay. But I don't want to be perceived as someone that is not willing to try. And and sometimes the yes will work. I'll go. Yeah, I'm ready. And then by the time we've started and I've done a monster, I'm okay.

00:20:52:05 - 00:21:11:20
Speaker 1
Other times I say yes and I'm not okay, and I end up in a social situation or agreeing or doing something. And that's where I get overwhelmed by my own plans. And that's where I can probably skew what's seen as angry or rude. I don't want to do that. Why didn't you just say that?

00:21:11:22 - 00:21:43:12
Speaker 2
I feel like there's somewhere in the middle, right? Because the alternative to saying yes to everything doesn't need to be saying no to everything. Just like on that work day, for example, you could be like, I know we've got to do it. But like the thought of it is horrible. To be honest with you right now, like, or if someone says, oh, do you want to do this tomorrow and be like, right now I worked, but I like, can I see how interesting.

00:21:43:12 - 00:21:50:19
Speaker 1
So it's not a difference between yes or no. You're just trying to tell the truth. That might be a bit vague and buys you a bit of time.

00:21:50:20 - 00:21:51:10
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:21:51:15 - 00:22:09:06
Speaker 1
I really, really like that. So yeah. Let's do some examples. Do you want to go to the cinema tonight? I'm not sure. We've got quite a lot to do today. I might. Can we check in later? Yeah. So much better than saying yes, because the minute I say yes, that becomes an autistic plan.

00:22:09:07 - 00:22:15:15
Speaker 2
Or no or no, because you might double down and then actually want to go data shores.

00:22:15:17 - 00:22:38:06
Speaker 1
The answer to do you want to do a chore is never. Yet if I say yes I am masking. Yeah. To see you know. So that should be. Do you want to do it? No, but I will do it. Yeah. Or I'm psyching myself up but just a bit more honesty and then work. Yes. That same thing I'm going to really try.

00:22:38:08 - 00:22:48:01
Speaker 1
It's like almost a autopilot reaction. If I'm asked to do something I think I'm expected to do, I just want to say yes to avoid judgment. But let's unmask that.

00:22:48:03 - 00:23:20:06
Speaker 2
Sack it off. Number nine. This is quite funny or not or sad. However you want to look at the forced cuddle. So excepting cuddles, regardless of feeling or preference, I feel like this does bring me. Because when we were preparing for this episode, I got a bit of guilt because I'm not like a physical touch person. And it's not because I don't love you, it's because I get really hot.

00:23:20:06 - 00:23:40:18
Speaker 2
So if you try and cuddle me in bed within 30s, I'm like, I'm so hot and this human radiator is lying on me. But I know it's just your way of showing love. But you said like I just don't get cuddles anymore. And I know that's really important to you. So I do think there is something to work on that I don't think maybe we.

00:23:40:20 - 00:24:03:03
Speaker 1
Is there. I don't know. Right. Because if you've got to think if both people are unmasking, it's you going, I don't want to cuddle. I get hot and it's me going cool. I don't get cuddles anymore. Like I'll live with it. I'll get love in other ways. Maybe there doesn't have to be a perfect middle. Middle ground.

00:24:03:05 - 00:24:21:21
Speaker 2
Maybe there's more cuddles, shorter stints of cuddles, maybe like, not like outside of like normal life, like in a supermarket or out in a walk or whatever, like, so I wouldn't get too hot there. Okay, that could be something.

00:24:21:23 - 00:24:32:02
Speaker 1
I will always take a cuddle. Yeah, on the golf course, if I hit a bad shot and I feel ashamed, I would love a cuddle. Yeah, in that moment.

00:24:32:03 - 00:24:44:14
Speaker 2
And I could do better then. Because I am not going to be thinking it's a it's a squeeze, it's a love, it's a showing of love. I can do that, so I will it won't come naturally though, so you might have to start asking for it.

00:24:44:14 - 00:24:47:22
Speaker 1
That makes it even more sleep. I tell you, when you do cuddle me.

00:24:47:24 - 00:24:48:19
Speaker 2
When you're crying.

00:24:48:19 - 00:25:00:05
Speaker 1
When I'm crying, and you always have. From when we were first together. Private less nowadays, which is bloody lovely. But I was always weeping about something was and I.

00:25:00:07 - 00:25:15:15
Speaker 1
And I had a really strange relationship with crying. Yeah. Anyway, so I'd come in and I'd be like, well, we aren't going to cry and I'd start crying and you would always cover me like, no matter, I wouldn't even think that you were uncomfortable.

00:25:15:15 - 00:25:31:16
Speaker 2
But you could probably I just thinking it because I will work on this, but I think like maybe where you would like more cuddles isn't just in the sad moments, but it's also like maybe when you've come off stage of a big show or whatever, like to celebrate and stuff like that, or.

00:25:31:16 - 00:25:34:03
Speaker 1
The magic, that is one moment.

00:25:34:05 - 00:25:35:02
Speaker 2
You'd love a cuddle.

00:25:35:02 - 00:25:40:22
Speaker 1
I would, and it's historically has landed is a little bit sad.

00:25:40:23 - 00:25:41:23
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:25:42:00 - 00:26:02:19
Speaker 1
Not now, because what I do. There's this picture of me, this year I played the main stage, a download festival. It was a massive career highlight. I sort of came off stage and I hugged Charlie. Yeah, my guitarist, because he's very physically affectionate. And there's this picture of me hugging Charlie, and you're, you're sort of next to me.

00:26:02:24 - 00:26:12:06
Speaker 1
I'd have loved to come and hug you. Yeah. Not that don't love Chaz, I really do. But there probably are some moments where you're not hot.

00:26:12:08 - 00:26:13:21
Speaker 2
Yeah, I'm going to work on that.

00:26:13:22 - 00:26:34:01
Speaker 1
Extract a few more colors and I'll stop trying to cuddle in bed. Dun dun. Number ten. My last one. And it's perfect for talking about being in bed. It's hiding. So much money is hiding. Hiding recovery time.

00:26:34:03 - 00:26:36:22
Speaker 2
What do you mean?

00:26:36:24 - 00:26:50:18
Speaker 1
I don't do this with you anymore. Like you can quite easily walk into a room, right? And see me in bed in the afternoon. Or like on the sofa with blankets when I'm meant to be doing something else?

00:26:50:19 - 00:26:52:17
Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely. I can.

00:26:52:18 - 00:27:03:24
Speaker 1
In the past that wouldn't happen and it would be a really common experience. Say I'd be in bed and I'd hear keys in the door and I'd jump up.

00:27:04:00 - 00:27:05:13
Speaker 2
You'd like a candle, I remember this.

00:27:05:14 - 00:27:30:00
Speaker 1
And I'd. Pretend I'd do something and I'd be like, higher. What have you been up to? I was just a bit of work. I had to hide that. I've been in bed for a few hours because I felt so ashamed of how much downtime I needed. I guess there's probably some, like, kid reasons, like, were you called lazy as a kid?

00:27:30:00 - 00:27:40:23
Speaker 1
Or was there a lot of anxiety when a parent came home? But yeah, that's only kind of left me. Like seeing me as a big lazy potato.

00:27:41:00 - 00:27:42:06
Speaker 2
Big lazy potato.

00:27:42:11 - 00:27:45:03
Speaker 1
Laying there like a big, comfortable baked potato.

00:27:45:04 - 00:27:48:19
Speaker 2
Why are potatoes lazy though? Because they don't move.

00:27:48:20 - 00:28:09:02
Speaker 1
I don't know, just it just feels like the right description. I really feel it's lovely, like I feel no shame. I feel no urgency to jump up and look active, but I did. Yeah, jump up and light a candle and then. And then pretend that I'd been more productive. Yeah, than I'd be.

00:28:09:03 - 00:28:17:04
Speaker 2
It wouldn't just be key in the door. Like when I worked in the bank. You would text every day what time I arrive in home. It would be for the same sort of reason.

00:28:17:05 - 00:28:42:08
Speaker 1
Well, it's the panic clean as well as. So I can be out of bed or off the sofa, like cooking something so no one ever sees you. But now I see that as totally different. Like, nope, I don't. I'm not on my feet 9 to 5, but I work loads of different jobs, sometimes on weekends, sometimes late at night, sometimes in a hypothetical like it just comes differently.

00:28:42:08 - 00:28:46:01
Speaker 1
And that might mean I'm in bed at lunchtime.

00:28:46:01 - 00:28:47:14
Speaker 2
And you do not hide it.

00:28:47:15 - 00:29:06:23
Speaker 1
I don't. I'm going straight to bed after this episode. Guys, this has been late bloomers where we're talking about unmasking at home. We would love to hear from you. How do you think you're mastering at home? Where are the areas you could unmask? Did something we say strike a chord or did we not mention something that's important to you?

00:29:06:24 - 00:29:08:06
Speaker 1
Let us know in the comments!

00:29:08:07 - 00:29:14:02
Speaker 2
If you've enjoyed today, give us a like. Subscribe. Follow all of that jazz and we will see you next week.

00:29:14:03 - 00:29:15:05
Speaker 1
See you next week.